Days of Our Mutant Lives
by Red Witch
Summary: Life's just one big soap opera if you're an XMan or a Misfit. Weddings, births, deaths, enemies, aliens, interdimensional trips, ninjas, monsters, mutant toasters and all sorts of secrets are just part of the norm for our favorite mutants.
1. Here We Go Again

**Let's see, X-Men Evolution characters…don't own 'em. GI Joe or Marvel characters…Nope, I don't own 'em either! I don't really own anything. Well maybe a few random characters but I can't make money off of them. Sad I know. Here we go again folks! Another fun fic from yours truly! This fic starts just hours after Interdimensional Dementia ended. It's the continuing saga of…**

**Days of Our Mutant Lives**

**Chapter 1: Here We Go Again**

"Let me see if I get this straight," Nick Fury, head of SHEILD pinched his nose and closed his good eye. "Some of the X-Men and Misfits went traipsing around several dimensions thanks to an invention Forge made. During this time not only did they cause a lot of chaos…Which is no big surprise really…They let loose Apocalypse back into this world?"

"Technically eleven Apocalypses," Hank coughed. Most of the X-Men and Misfits that had traveled were also in the room. "Into eleven different worlds actually. There used to be thirteen but…"

"Enough!" General Hawk, leader of GI Joe raised his hand. "I think we get the idea."

"To be fair we didn't really have any choice," Hank told him. "It was either release Apocalypse back into this world or have him mold all of reality in his image."

"Well you couldn't have released him right into a maximum security prison or something?" Fury snapped. "Just when I thought you mutant maniacs couldn't screw things up around here any more…"

"It wasn't our fault," Althea defended. "Well mostly. Technically it was Forge's fault for starting the whole mess in the first place."

"Okay I'll give you that," Fury agreed. "Where is he anyway?"

"He's probably still on the roof," Wanda said.

"Smart man," Hawk sighed.

"If he really was smart he'd have never made the stupid reality hopping thing in the first place," Wanda told him.

"Of course if he hadn't all of reality would turn into Apocalypse Land," Kurt pointed out. "Then we'd **really **have problems!"

"Like we don't have enough now?" Logan groaned.

"Obviously we can't let this information leak out," Fury groaned. "To say it could be disastrous would be an understatement."

"Especially if Magneto finds out," Xavier agreed. "Remember what happened the last time he tried to confront Apocalypse?"

"It hurts my head just thinking about it," Hawk groaned. "And we all know Apocalypse isn't just going to sit back and take a vacation."

"Great, just what I need," Fury groaned. "Another nutcase that wants to take over the world! Like SHIELD doesn't have enough problems going on!"

"Like what?" Xavier asked. "Something else is troubling you and I don't need my telepathy to see that."

Fury seemed to debate saying anything for a moment. "Oh why not just bottom this whole trip out?" He groaned. "There are quite a few things going on actually. Some I can't tell you about. Especially since you and everyone's brother seems to have a habit of trashing SHEILD Headquarters every other month!"

"Well what **can **you tell us?" Logan asked.

"First things first," Fury sighed. "There is some good news. Thanks to Sage we've managed to help close down a few Hellfire run 'businesses'. They've been dabbling in quite a few illegal operations, including some slave trading gangs."

"Slave trading?" Jean's jaw dropped. "You're kidding?"

"No," Fury's jaw was set. "And let me tell you this, the Hellfire Club's Inner Circle had no problems selling off their own kind."

"They were selling mutants as slaves?" Ororo gasped.

"How could they do that?" Wanda was shocked as well. "I thought the Hellfire Club was into mutants ruling the world?"

"As long as they're the ones doing the ruling," Fury told them. "We managed to rescue a half dozen mutants and found records of sales of at least fifteen more. Seven of them were bought by Cobra."

"Goddess no…" Ororo was horrified.

"If it will make you feel any better Storm I don't think your nephew even knew about this along with the other Hellions," Fury told her. "It seems only one member of the Inner Circle was responsible for that along with Shaw and that's his cyborg Pierce. The Hellfire Club usually divides certain responsibilities amongst themselves,each member never knowing exactly what the others are doing. According to Sage that's how Shaw set it up."

"What happened to the mutants that were rescued?" Xavier asked.

"That's…the tricky part," Fury sighed. "Most of them were from North Korea or Cuba. And most of them were sold by their own governments. There were two Chinese mutants which the government claims they were kidnapped and had to be returned since they refused to remain in SHIELD custody like the others."

"Wait a minute," Logan held up his hand. "SHEILD custody? I don't like the sound of that."

"I figured you wouldn't," Fury sighed. "And I'm afraid I have to tell you that both SHEILD and the United States Government have initiated Sentinel programs." This caused an upsetting murmur among the mutants. "And I guess it's safe to say that other countries are doing the same thing."

"Well this just really makes my day!" Logan threw up his hands.

"We are not planning on using them to hunt down every mutant we come across. We are only going to use the Sentinels for worst case scenarios," Fury told him.

"Like what happened last year in Chicago?" Scott snapped.

"That was a rogue agency and you know it," Fury told him.

"A rogue agency that had more than a few friends in both the Pentagon and Department H backing them!" Logan snapped. "And don't sell me any bull that there's no proof of that! Neverland practically stank of those guys!"

"Neverland stank period!" Jean agreed.

"I'm sorry if this upsets you but you have to understand my position," Fury said. "The world is in danger from several enemies and now Apocalypse. Certain…measures have to be taken for security reasons."

"What kind of measures do you need?" Jean asked. "You already have an operative in X-Factor and there's also Captain America's team you've been talking about."

"Project Avenger is only one aspect of our overall security plan," Fury told him.

"And what other aspects are you talking about?" Xavier asked.

"You're starting that damned Super Soldier program again aren't you?" Hawk glared at him. "Don't bother to deny it. I've been hearing rumors about it from the Jugglers themselves for months."

"Super Soldier?" Kurt asked. "You mean the same formula that created Captain America?"

"I thought that was lost years ago!" Logan shouted.

"It was," Fury sighed. "We're trying to create a better one. A more stable version."

"You are using the blood samples from Captain America," Hank realized. "And the effect's of Wolverine's healing factor in his system that Trinity implanted years ago."

"And if you can use other mutant sample to further it along so much the better," Pietro quipped sarcastically. "To think this day started off so well…"

"I knew you weren't going to handle this," Fury sighed.

"How do you **expect **us to react to both the government and SHIELD condoning mutant experimentation, military conscription and Sentinels?" Xavier asked. "I thought you were a better man than that Fury."

"It's not just rouge mutants that are a threat to the world Xavier," Fury glared at him. "Terrorists like Cobra and Hydra, dictators like Dr. Doom…Not to mention the alien menace that's threatening our world."

"Aliens? You mean like the Snarks?" Althea asked.

"Those pathetic excuses for space luggage?" Fury gave her a look. "Please. I'm talking **real **threats here. There are aliens we deal with that are twenty times as dangerous that you have no idea about and we'd like to keep it that way."

"Are you saying we're currently engaged in some kind of covert war with an alien race?" Xavier asked.

"No," Fury told him. "We're engaged in a few different wars of varying degrees with **seven **different alien races! And half of them we don't even know the true intentions of. As far as we can figure out they either want to take over the planet, blow up the planet or set up some kind of alien tourist trap to make a quick buck. So you can see why we're a little jumpy. Now I am sorry if the measures I am taking concerning mutants offends you but I have an entire planet to worry about. And I don't have the time or the energy to get into a debate about mutant rights. I have to do what's best for the planet as a whole."

"I hate to say this but Fury has a point," Hawk told the others. "Nations all around the world are recruiting mutant teams. Canada, Great Britain, Russia, Japan, China…All major contenders in the new version of the Cold War. Only they're using mutants instead of conventional weapons. There's even a rumor going around that Australia's got a secret mutant team going on."

"The more power we have on our side the better the odds," Fury nodded.

"Still don't like it," Logan grunted.

"I don't care," Fury told him. "You're damn lucky I went against my superiors to let X23 stay here!"

"If you even **think** about trying to recruit any of our kids…" Logan shot out his claws.

"Will you put those away?" Fury was unimpressed. "I've already got enough immature super powered idiots to worry about. I'm not looking for more! At least any under 21."

"Yeah well I'm still going to be watching you Fury," Logan sheathed his claws.

"The feeling's mutual," Fury grunted back.

"Gentlemen, and I do use the term loosely…" Hawk interrupted. "Let's calm down. We have enough enemies to fight. It's time to face facts, the world is rapidly changing and the more mutants there are in the world, the more dangerous things are going to be."

"Sorry General Hawk," Jean folded her arms. "I just don't want to wake up one morning to find Sentinels all over our front lawn trying to turn the Institute into a low grade concentration camp or worse!"

"And I don't want to have to hunt you people down because you can't control your powers or worse use them to infiltrate security buildings, steal or destroy sensitive documents or change all of reality as we know it," Fury snapped back at her. "Or join up with Magneto, Apocalypse or any other mutant nutcase dictator out there! I did pay attention to what you saw on your little trip. And what you wrecked!"

"Then maybe we should set some basic ground rules here and now," Hawk interrupted again. "Fury as head of GI Joe I am prepared to take full responsibility for policing the X-Men should they or any of their members get out of control."

"You think the Jugglers would go for that?" Fury asked.

"It was their idea," Hawk raised an eyebrow.

"Sounds like more inmates policing the asylum if you ask me," Fury groaned.

"But if you think about it what Hawk is saying makes sense," Althea spoke. "The Misfits are here practically every day anyway. And there's very little that goes on around here that we don't know about or can figure out. With the Joes occasionally checking up on the X-Men you'd never need to send out any Sentinels against them."

"There's another reason," Jean said. "Since we're in constant contact with the Joes and Misfits anyway and they're connected to a lot of people in the government there would be no need for the X-Men to break into any government building to find out information."

"Especially since we all know Trinity would happily do it for the fun of it!" Fury snapped.

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Brittany interrupted.

"You can't be seriously thinking of having the Misfits become our babysitters?" Scott asked. "And I thought Apocalypse escaping was the low point of my day!"

"Not exactly," Hawk corrected. "GI Joe would basically watch out for the X-Men and try to keep things from getting out of hand."

"Still…" Scott began.

"I know you don't like it Scott but if you think about it, it's the best solution," Jean told him. "I'd rather deal with General Hawk and the Misfits over Sentinels any day. Remember what we saw in the Nexus. Do you really want that to happen to us?"

"Considering the situation you really cannot blame SHIELD for being worried," Xavier admitted. "And working with GI Joe…As chaotic as it is sometimes, would stabilize our position with the government."

"And we are considered by many as rogue vigilantes at best," Hank pointed out. "Others consider us outright terrorists, no better than Magneto."

"It's called compromise Cyclops," Hawk told him. "I know you're worried about the Institute as well as mutant kind and I can't say I blame you. But you have to realize that there are not only mutant threats to the planet that have to be dealt with. Some kind of checks and balances system has to be established for the safety of both humans and mutants."

"I hear what you're saying General Hawk," Scott sighed. "But what about all the other mutants out there? What kind of measures are being done to protect them?"

"I've made it clear that SHEILD will not be recruiting any underage mutants," Fury said. "And I'd rather have mutants working for me voluntarily. I understand the X-Men's need for certain rescue missions like Neverland. However…"

"Why don't we just say we'll take things on a case by case basis for now?" Hawk interrupted. "And see how it goes?"

"I have no problem with that," Fury nodded.

"Then it's agreed," Xavier replied. "We should…"

RRRRUMMMBLEEEEEEEEE!

"**Now **what's going on in this madhouse?" Fury groaned as the earth shook for a moment.

"Lance are you…?" Althea looked around. "Hey where's Lance?"

"He was with us a while back," Todd looked around.

"I don't see Kitty either," Wanda remarked.

"The last I remember seeing them they were outside," Kurt spoke.

"Oh no…" Hank groaned slapping his hand over his face. "Here we go!"

"Looks like you're going to get a head start on that policing the X-Men Hawk," Fury said sarcastically. "Because there is no way in hell SHEILD is going to get involved in another Avalanche/Shadowcat/Colossus love triangle spat!"

"You know all about it huh?" Logan sighed.

"Know about it?" Fury gave him a look. "I've got a file on it **this big!"** He indicated the range with his hands. "It's one of the most popular reading materials we have!"

"Looks like you're going to get more material then," Hawk got up with the others to see what the commotion was all about.

Several of the others were watching the commotion out the window in the library. "All right who won the pool for the time Lance went nuts after breaking up with Kitty?" Roberto asked.

"It's a tie between Tabitha and Arcade," Jamie read off of a chart. "Then again Tabitha did cheat…"

"I did not cheat," Tabitha sniffed. "I merely informed Lance of all the facts. Since when is that cheating?"

"Since we were planning on having a pool of how long it was gonna take for him to find out what happened last night you…" Bobby began then noticed the others were there. "Oh hi guys? What's new?"

"Funny, we were going to ask you the same thing," Scott folded his arms. "Does anyone want to tell us why Lance is currently fighting on the lawn with Peter again?"

"Like they need a reason," Fury groaned.

"Lance and Kitty broke up," Jamie informed him.

"So?" Fury asked. "Don't they break up every other week?"

"For good this time!" Jamie said. "Angel and Forge heard them."

"He's right, we heard the whole thing," Warren said. "And get this, Lance was the one who dumped Kitty."

"Where is Forge anyway?" Wanda asked.

"Oh right, I left him on the roof," Warren remembered.

"You **left **him on the **roof?"** Xavier felt a headache coming on.

"Well I was in a hurry you see I was helping Jamie run the betting pool and…" Warren began. "What?"

"Warren, I know your family's cut you off but I had no idea you were so strapped for cash," Hank blinked.

"So much for the pure Angel," Logan snorted. "These kids have corrupted you!"

"Oh yeah like **I'm **the only one around here," Warren snapped pointing to the clipboard Jamie was carrying. He took it from Jamie and waved it under Logan's nose. "You're name's on this list too pal! You and Beast both owe fifty bucks to the pot!"

"Yeah pay up!" Tabitha agreed.

"You shouldn't get anything!" Ray snapped. "You cheated!"

"How can I cheat on a rule that you never even made up in the first place?" Tabitha yelled at him.

"Well we just assumed…" Ray began.

"Assumed?" Tabitha put her hands on her hips. "You know what they say about people who assume don't you?"

"Uh not really, no…" Ray gulped.

"It means you make an **ass** out of **U **and **Me!**" Tabitha poked him.

"How do you figure that?" Ray asked.

"And people call me dumb?" Bobby slapped his head.

"It's a play on words you idiot!" Sam snapped.

RRRRUMMMBLEEEEEEE!

"Excuse me!" Hank raised his voice. "I think we've all gotten off track for a moment…"

"He's right," Tabitha said. "You and Badger owe us money!"

"**Why **do I come here?" Fury moaned. "I always leave with a bigger headache than my aspirin can handle! Why do I come **here?"**

"No, I am referring to the brawl outside!" Hank pointed. "I'm confused…"

"You're not the only one…" Fury groaned.

"I mean if Lance was the one who broke up with Kitty why is he fighting with Peter?" Hank asked. "He doesn't seem to have any reason to fight with him now."

"Yeah what the Tin Can made some kind of stupid comment or something?" Logan asked.

"No, what's got him mad was two minutes ago after he broke up with Kitty **someone** told him that she and Peter were sneaking around behind his back," Rogue glared at Tabitha.

"I just thought Lance should know about that kiss last night," Tabitha shrugged.

"Kiss? What kiss?" Scott asked.

"Oh the kiss Petey and Kit-Cat shared in the kitchen around midnight," Tabitha shrugged. "I believe Ray has a copy of the tape for sale."

"You kids are better at intelligence gathering than the CIA," Fury blinked.

"That's not really saying much Fury," Logan sighed.

"Wait so Kitty and Peter were fooling around behind Lance's back before Lance and Kitty broke up?" Scott asked. "Well no wonder Alvers is going berserk!"

"I'm pretty sure it's not as cut and dried as that," Jean tried to defend Kitty. "We should hear her side of it."

"It sounds pretty cut and dried to me!" Kurt agreed.

"I'd never thought I'd say this but I gotta agree on Alvers with this one," Scott nodded.

"Scott you were against Lance and Kitty being together forever!" Rogue looked at him. "You fought tooth and nail against them. Kept pushing Pete and Kitty together every chance you got and now you're on **Lance's **side?"

"Yeah it's not as if they kissed behind Lance's back before," Ray agreed. "What's the difference?"

"The difference is when they did it before Kitty was with **both **Lance and Peter," Kurt explained. "They weren't mutually exclusive at the time."

"He's got a point there," Roberto shrugged. "Kitty should have dumped him before going on to Peter. And I wouldn't be out twenty bucks."

"I sense a new betting pool coming up," Jamie thought aloud.

"And I sense a lapse in sobriety coming up," Fury moaned. "And you people wonder why everybody gets so worked up about mutants?"

"RAAAARRRRRAAAAAAA!" A furry black streak raced through the room and nearly knocked over Fury and several other people.

"What in Sam Hill was that?" Fury yelled.

"Jean's cat," Tabitha told him.

"Since when does Jean have a cat?" Fury blinked.

"Since her evil grandmother died and willed it to her over Christmas," Jamie explained.

"She willed her an insane cat?" Fury asked.

"It wasn't always insane," Jean sighed.

"Well what the devil happened to it?" Fury asked.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!" Polly laughed maniacally as he and Lockheed flew through the room. "HIT THE KITTY! WIN A COOKIE! DIVE! DIVE!"

"Does **that **explain it?" Logan asked as the animals left.

"That explains **everything.** Have I ever told you people how much I **love **coming here?" Fury said sarcastically.

RUMBLE! RUMBLE! RRRRRUMMMBLEEEE!

"AAAAAAHHHH!" A scream was heard from outside. "SOMEBODY GET ME DOWN FROM HERE!"

"Oh right Forge is still on the roof," Warren remembered.

RUMMMBLE!

"Not for much longer," Danielle remarked. "The way Lance is going at it the roof might just cave in beneath him."

"So Forge may go splat after all," Xi said cheerfully.

"You wanna start a betting pool on that, Wings?" Logan asked sarcastically.

"I am not **that **hard up for money," Warren glared at him.

"Wait a minute," Fury held up his hand. "I thought you were a millionaire, didn't your father leave you any money when he died?"

"Yeah but the day after the funeral my Uncle Burt ran to the courts faster than Anna Nichole Smith's in laws to stop me from getting my inheritance," Warren sighed. "Long story short…"

"He's broke," Jamie interrupted.

"I am **not** broke," Warren said. "Technically that's for the courts to decide. Unfortunately most of the money I have left either covers court fees…"

RUMMMBLE! THUD!

"Or goes to repairs around here…" Warren sighed as small pieces of plaster fell from the ceiling. "If figure I should be completely broke by Christmas if I'm lucky."

RUMBLE! CRASH!

"There goes another tree," Ray called out. "I think it fell on our roof."

"I think Thanksgiving is more realistic," Logan told Warren.

CRASH! RUMMMBLE!

"SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE BEFORE I GET KILLED!" Forge was heard screaming. "THAT WAS CLOSE!"

"Warren…"Xavier sighed. "Could you **please…?"**

"I'll go get him," Warren held up his hand and left the room.

"I'd better help," Ororo sighed as she left with him. "And I'll try to calm down the situation outside as well."

"I'll help!" Shipwreck followed her.

"So much for calming down the situation outside," Ray remarked. "But at least Forge will get down from the roof."

"Yeah bring Forge in here so we can beat him up," Tim shouted.

"You are not going to beat him up," Xavier told him.

"He's right," Scott said. "**I **want first crack at him!"

"Yeah the people who actually suffered though his stupid device should get in the first shot," Pietro agreed.

RUMBLE! RUMBLE! THUD! CRASH!

"Go get 'em Lance!" Bobby shouted. "Man I never thought I'd say **that!"**

"And to think for us this reality is **normal,"** Jean groaned. "I'd better go help Storm." She started to leave.

"Jean are you sure you're up to…" Logan began.

"Wolverine I've just fought off ninjas, Sentinels, myself, angry mobs, zombies, insane mutant babies, Eleven Apocalypses, and some ticked off unicorns," Jean gave him a look. "I think I can handle Lance and Peter." She left the room.

"Did she just say **unicorns?**" Fury looked at Scott.

"Yeah she did," Scott sighed. "I much prefer the telepathic penguins myself. But I still wasn't crazy about the giant snails."

"Nobody was crazy about the giant snails," Wanda said.

"I didn't think they were that bad," Todd said. "A lot quieter than the old people."

"Don't get me **started **on the old people!" Scott threw up his hands. "Which reminds me I think I'd better get some of that hair growth serum, just in case."

"I think I'll just **pretend** I understand what you people are talking about," Fury groaned.

"I take it that you neglected to mention one or two stops in your little trip during the briefing?" Hawk looked at the Misfits and X-Men that had traveled through other dimensions.

"Yeah we kind of left out a few embarrassing ones," Hank coughed.

"Like what?" Hawk asked.

"Like the one where Storm was married to my pop and had to move in with the Misfits cause she was pregnant," Althea said.

"Okay…" Hawk blinked. "**That **I understand!"

"Yikes," Logan winced. "Good thing Storm didn't hear that one!"

"Let's put that under the classified section, shall we?" Fury sighed.

CRASH! SMASH! SHATTER! SMASH! CRASH!

"MEOWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Prometheus the cat fled through the room again.

"RARRR!" Penny was hot on it's heels, smashing into things. Her sharp hair was cutting into the furniture she hit.

"DIVE! DIVE! LET'S GO! DIVE!" Polly cackled as he and Lockheed flew through the room again. "TARGET AT FIVE O CLOCK! HA HA! FIRE! FIRE!"

"For crying out loud! Xavier can't you people control your animals?" Fury was nearly knocked over again. "Or whatever else that pink thing is!"

"Penny is a student Fury," Xavier told him.

CRASH! CRASH! SMASH!

"RARRR!"

"MEOW!"

CRASH!

"Who just happens to have a few socialization problems…" Xavier winced at the sound of more things breaking.

"No X-23 has a few socialization problems," Fury corrected. "That kid is just plain off the wall!"

RRRRUMMBLE!

"Was that thunder?" Ray asked.

"Odds are yes," Xavier sighed as the sky grew dark. "Oh what has Shipwreck done now?"

"Well Storm's flying so it can't be him groping her so it's got to be an inappropriate comment," Todd said.

"Yeah I'd bet on that," Roberto said. "Anybody want to take those odds?"

"We seriously need to have a discussion on gambling around here," Xavier groaned.

"Yeah I mean you'd lose your shirt on that kind of bet," Hank said before he thought. "I mean…"

"Let me rephrase that…" Xavier winced. "We seriously need an intervention of some kind for **both** the staff **and** the student population!"

Suddenly it began to snow outside. Both Lance and Peter were trying to run from Ororo. "COME BACK HERE!" She yelled. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT TO SHIPWRECK!"

"I'm okay…" Shipwreck wobbled by in a daze. "Oooh! Look at the birdies…"

"Well I'll be darned, she's not mad at Shipwreck," Althea said. "One of those idiots must have beaned him by mistake."

"I guess she's ticked off because someone besides her got to hit him," Danielle remarked.

"AAAAAHHHH!" The winds were so strong both Warren and Forge were being dragged around by the winds.

"PUT ME BACK ON THE ROOF!" Forge screamed.

"STORM KNOCK IT OFF!" Jean appeared in the sky with her Phoenix fire around her. "I MEAN IT!"

"She can do that now?" Fury's jaw dropped.

"Oh yeah," Scott gulped. "She's kind of now able to tap into the Phoenix Force a little more. I mean during the trip she seemed to get a lot better at it."

"Yeah she trashed three different Danger Rooms and two different groups of Sentinels," Todd nodded. "Not to mention knocked a couple of Apocalypses on their butts!"

"Well isn't that just **great!"** Logan threw up his hands. "Just what we need, **another** thing to worry about around here!"

"General Hawk if you want the job of watching the X-Men you can **have **it!" Fury told him.

"Thanks a lot," Hawk rolled his eyes. "Me and my big mouth!"

**Things are off to a great start aren't they? Next Lance moans and complains about his breakup with Kitty. Only to have his day interrupted by a rampaging monster and an evil sorceress who decides to play therapist. If it isn't one thing it's another is it? **


	2. Lament of an Avalanche

**Lament of An Avalanche**

The day after the big breakup…

"Cheer up Lance, a week of KP duty and two weeks of anger management therapy with Psyche-Out ain't so bad," Pietro told Lance as he lay on his bed. "So you're banned from going to Xavier's for a while. Compared to the Tin Man you got off easy. I heard he's gonna be stuck in Danger Room sessions with Logan for a **month!** Why don't they just shoot the guy? It would be easier!"

"That's **not **why I'm upset Pietro," Lance glared at him. "Quite frankly I couldn't care less if I ever go visit those X-Geeks again! At least I don't have to see a certain lying backstabbing Alley Cat!"

"Well," Pietro sighed. "I hate to say this but I saw the tape and it wasn't as bad as Tabitha made it out to be. Now I am not on Kitty's side but from what I saw it doesn't look like she planned the kiss."

"Of course you watched the tape," Lance mocked. "**Everyone** watched the tape! Probably thrilled at Kitty humiliating me!"

"Lance not even Summers was happy after seeing that tape and you know that's saying something," Pietro sighed. "I'll never understand what you saw in her anyway. You could have done a lot better than her. Yeah she's cute but if I were to give her a score it would be only a five. And she wasn't exactly the best girlfriend in the world, always making demands and putting her friends before you. And don't get me **started **on what a bad cook she is. Of course not as bad as her driving…"

"Pietro the last thing I need to hear right now is you rubbing it in on what a mistake I made with Kitty!" Lance snapped.

"You're right," Pietro waved. "I've got **years **to work with material like this. Why waste it now? Anyway after you got sent home and the snow melted Hawk and Xavier went ballistic! Okay, you going ape on the Russian Romeo didn't exactly make a good impression on Fury with the whole situation but between Forge's fiasco and Storm covering half of Bayville in a blizzard…And let's not forget Jean's little fire bird display really freaked Fury out."

"That's right I forgot," Lance remembered. "Hey did you tell Hawk about uh, you know, the **other stuff** that happened in the Nexus?"

"You mean with Toad digi-volving and that little insight into a possible showdown with the Phoenix?" Pietro nodded. "Yeah we told him and the other adults when we got back and the general took some aspirin. Well Wanda and I did after we made sure Althea and Toad weren't in the room. They were taking care of Shipwreck and the Triplets so we knew that would keep 'em busy for a while."

"And?"

"And what do you **think **happened? He's really starting to get worried now. And Wanda's a little freaked out too about the major power failure her other self caused," Pietro sighed. "But she's the least of Fury's worries. According to him at least we know what to watch out for as far as she's concerned."

"Hawk told Fury?"

"Uh huh and he's probably informing the Jugglers as we speak. Yeah this will convince them to halt any Sentinel Project," Pietro said sarcastically.

"Great Apocalypse, Phoenix and Tetsukaeru…" Lance groaned. "And maybe Al."

"Yeah makes you long for the days when all we had to worry about was Magneto and the X-Geeks," Pietro said. "And what kind of pudding to put inside Duncan Matthew's locker. I still say vanilla was the best. Chocolate was just too easy to eat and tapioca didn't have the right consistancy..."

"Is it just me or is it every year our lives seem to get more and more complicated?" Lance groaned.

"Well at least with Kitty out of the picture your life will be a lot easier," Pietro shrugged as he leaned against the wall. Lance just grunted. "Oh right, you're still in your angry sullen phase. Does that come before or **after **the crying phase?"

"I am not going to cry over Kitty!" Lance snapped. "I've never cried over her!"

"Please! Your pillow couldn't get more soaked if you threw it in the ocean," Pietro scoffed. "We all know you cried over her when you thought the rest of us didn't know about it!"

"I'm done crying over her," Lance said bitterly. "How could she do that to me?"

"Like I said it wasn't exactly planned," Pietro said.

"What did she do? Trip over one of her muffins and fell into Colossus' arms?" Lance asked sarcastically.

"I thought you said Lance didn't see the tape?" Wanda asked as she walked in.

"I was being sarcastic," Lance told her. "I mean not even Kitty…Wait…**That's **what really happened? You're kidding?"

"I wish. Somebody was using it as a doorstop but it got loose somehow. It was weird how she tripped and then ended up in a kiss with him. But you have to admit it does have kind of a poetic justice to it," Pietro said. "Well maybe justice isn't the right word. What is the right word? Karma? Bizarre circumstance?"

"Fine I'll watch the tape!" Lance threw up his arms. "Might as well see it, **everyone **else in the world has! Knowing you guys it's probably all over the internet!"

"It's not," Wanda told him as they left the room and went downstairs. "Rogue, Trinity and I 'convinced' Ray and Jamie not to do it and collected all copies of the tape."

"Oh well that's…" Lance began and sniffed the air. "Do I smell smoke?"

"Oh man they started without us!" Pietro snapped. He ran outside where they heard. "HEY! YOU PROMISED NOT TO START THE BONFIRE UNTIL I GOT HERE!"

"We lied, deal with it," Quinn was heard saying.

They went outside where the Misfits were having a huge bonfire. "Please tell me you didn't set all the tapes on fire!" Pietro whined.

"Okay we won't tell you," Althea quipped.

"Well we didn't think Lance would want to see it," Todd said.

"Actually we kind of felt like keeping our back yard in one piece," Angelica said. "It already has a swimming pool."

"I don't know whether to feel relieved or angry," Lance groaned.

"Don't Lance," Fred put on a tin foil hat. "We rehearsed the whole thing enough to remember all the lines."

"Rehearsed?" Lance asked.

"Allow us to demonstrate," Todd put on a director's cap. "I've directed a short little play. I call it Love Lost in Lanceville."

"I'm playing Colossus," Fred pointed to his hat. "That's why I'm wearing the hat. It's a silver tin foil hat and well you get the idea. Lina's Kitty. This rock over here is the muffin…."

"Perfect casting," Arcade grinned. "No wait, rocks are **softer **than Kitty's muffins."

"Let me get this straight," Lance winced. "You all **memorized **what was on the tape and wrote a **play** about it? I **definitely** know how I feel now!"

"I know it sounds weird," Todd said.

"**Sounds **weird?" Lance glared at him.

"Okay man I know this is nuts," Shane said. "Believe me I was a bit creeped out until I read the script."

"And we promised you could play Wolverine," Fred added.

Lance gave Shane a look. "What can I say man, it's a good part," Shane shrugged. "And Blob, Toad and Arcade are pretty damn good writers. They've been writing little plays about our lives and stuff and they're pretty good. Hell they could write a show for TV."

"That's not exactly much of a stretch of creativity these days," Pietro mocked.

"I don't know **why **I'm shocked," Lance groaned. "I've been around these maniacs for **years!** Why am I shocked? I assume I'm in this Off-Off-Off Broadway show?"

"Yup," Todd nodded. "I made you look real sympathetic. And that's not always an easy job let me tell ya."

"Do I dare ask who's playing me?" Lance looked at him. "Or should I wait until the movie version comes out?"

"Well…" Todd scratched his head.

"Okay I'm ready now," Kurt teleported in from another room in the Misfit House holding a script and wearing a leather vest similar to Lance's. "Hey you said you wouldn't start the bonfire without me!"

Lance looked at Toad. "I know it's playing against type but he does do a pretty good imitation of you," Todd shrugged.

"Why are **you **doing this?" Lance shouted at Kurt. "Why are you even here for that matter?"

"We brought him over," Daria said.

"I kind of figured **that!**" Lance snapped. "But why is he in this stupid play?"

"I was promised a good role and a chance to direct a future feature," Kurt shrugged. "And I have to admit your character does have a lot of range."

"Play your cards right and you could get an award," Todd told him.

"Life makes so much more sense when the two of you are trying to kill each other instead of getting along! You know that?" Lance snapped at them.

"It might come with a shock Lance but a few of the guys over at the Institute are kind of on your side," Kurt pointed out. "We may not have been crazy about you and Kitty together but we're not exactly proud of her on how she dealt with it."

"Oh that just makes my day!" Lance threw up his hands. "Now even the X-Men feel sorry for me! This week just gets better and better! I feel so **wonderful **I wanna dive off of a cliff onto a bed of nails!"

"We know how you can feel better," Daria said.

"You just let us take care of it," Brittany said.

"I don't really want to dive off of a cliff onto a bed of nails, Trinity," Lance groaned.

"Oh well in that case we can do something else to cheer you up," Brittany said.

"We can do Plan 9!" Quinn said. "You know the one you wouldn't let us do when you were dating her?"

"That's not the one where you shave her head, cover her with honey and tie her to an anthill is it?" Lance asked.

"That was Plan 49," Daria corrected him. "And we scrapped that."

"Not enough ants," Quinn quipped. She glared at Todd.

"I was hungry okay!" Todd yelled back.

"Weird. Usually that's **my** line," Fred blinked.

"I hate my life…" Lance moaned. "I **hate** my life!"

"So can we do Plan 9?" Quinn asked.

"No you can't," Lance glared at them.

"Why not?" Daria asked. "You don't even **like** Kitty anymore!"

"I never said that! I just…Forget about it!" Lance fumed.

"Girls it's kind of complicated," Althea explained. "Lance is kind of going through a tough time right now. It's like…How do I put this? Remember that whole week when Dad tried giving up alcohol? And he ended up locking himself in the bathroom for five hours because he tried to use cranberry juice as a substitute?"

"Oh yeah," Brittany nodded. "Who would have thought he would have been able to drink seventeen bottles of the stuff in one sitting?"

"Why did he do that?" Angelica asked. "Why would anyone drink all that cranberry juice for that matter?"

"For some reason he got it into his head that cranberry juice gave you the same high as alcohol without the hangover," Althea said. "I don't know where he got that idea."

"Oh yeah," Daria remembered. "That reminds me, Quinn. You owe me ten bucks. I told you he would buy it."

"And the mystery is solved," Lance said sarcastically. "Now if you'll all excuse me I am going to lock myself in my room until either my brain stops hurting from all this or the ceiling collapses on me. Whichever comes first. Hopefully the ceiling one…"

"No time for doubt," Roadblock walked outside. "Everyone move out! Aw kids you promised not to start the bonfire without me!"

"They didn't wait for me either," Pietro pouted.

"I really, **really** hate my life," Lance moaned.

"Well put out the fire and put on your uniforms because we have an emergency mission," Roadblock said. "We have to go help the X-Men in Bayville! Nightcrawler? What are you doing here? I thought the play was tomorrow night?"

"Yeah we were rehearsing," Kurt said. "What's this about a fight?"

"A huge monster is wrecking everything in sight," Roadblock said.

"But I'm banned from Bayville right?" Lance asked. "I can't believe I said that!"

"I'm afraid that ban's been lifted for now," Roadblock told him. "Move it!"

"Great! Just great!" Lance threw up his hands. "This day gets suckier and suckier!"

"Come on Lance it's just a monster," Todd said. "Not like we didn't just fight a whole bunch of them! How bad could it be?"

About twenty minutes later…

"I am so freaking cursed it's not funny," Lance grumbled as he looked up into the sky.

"Well that's definitely something you don't see in downtown Bayville every day," Pietro gulped.

"No, a giant fifty foot green Chinese dragon with six feet and two tails is definitely **not** one of the regular attractions this town has to offer," Wanda blinked as she saw the monster flying around the city, occasionally setting fire to a building.

"Like this town ever had anything to offer other than a thriving construction industry," Pietro remarked.

"And overworked insurance agents," Arcade quipped.

"It's like something out of Power Rangers," Shane said. "If they had a really good budget!"

"Are you guys gonna like just **stand** there or are you going to do something?" Kitty fumed as she and the other X-Men raced towards them.

"Why don't you just throw one of your muffins at it?" Lance snapped at her. "If that doesn't kill it I don't know **what **will!"

"Here we go," Althea sighed. "Hmm, which is easier? Fighting the dragon or listening to those two go at it again?"

"Dragon," Jean agreed with her. "Definitely the dragon."

"Hope Lockheed don't mind we're taking down his big brother," Rogue grunted as she flew to attack. The rest of the X-Men and Misfits went off to work.

Well most of them…

"Can't you act like a normal person for like two seconds?" Kitty was fuming as she and Lance were arguing.

"By **normal **person do you mean someone who trips over muffins as an excuse to kiss someone?" Lance countered back.

BOOM! ZAP! THUNDER! POW! RUMBLE!

"Watch the tail! Watch the tail!" Rogue shouted.

"Forget the tail! Watch the **fire!"** Kurt yelled at her.

"I do not need an excuse to kiss someone!" Kitty shouted back.

BOOM! KA BLAM! ZAP! SNIKT!

"I know **that!"** Lance snapped back. "You can go kiss a donkey for all I care! In fact you've already kissed an ass!"

"You mean **you?**" Kitty shot back.

ZAP! ZAP! POW! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"RARRRRRR!"

"Cyclops stop zapping it with your optic blasts!" Pietro yelled. "It's only making him madder!"

"Well what **else** do you want me to do?" Scott yelled back at him. "Sing to it?"

"Watch out for the tail!" Logan roared.

"That's what **I** said!" Rogue shouted. "YEOW! FORGET THE TAIL AND WATCH OUT FOR THE FIRE!"

"I SAID **THAT!"** Arcade yelled at her.

"I can't believe you could be so petty…" Kitty shouted.

"I never understood why just **once** you couldn't…" Lance shouted at the same time.

"AAAHHHHH!" Todd flew by them and hit a bush.

Neither Kitty nor Lance missed a beat and argued at the same time. "Do you have any idea what I have been going through? Do you even care?" Lance shouted.

"You are so insensitive!" Kitty retorted.

" And you are…" Lance shouted back.

"Owww…" Todd groaned as he got up and wobbled around. "I'm okay…"

"You're a thug and a hood Lance!" Kitty shouted.

"Yeah and you're an uptight spoiled little…" Lance yelled.

"Excuse me," Todd said sweetly, interrupting their fight. "I know you two are busy but if you don't mind could you SHUT YOUR YAPS FOR **FIVE MINUTES** AND GIVE US A HAND HERE?"

"Oh right," Kitty stopped. "We'll finish this later Lance!" She ran off with Todd.

"Fine I'll…" Lance decided to follow her. However a large black portal that suddenly popped up in front of him had other ideas. The next thing Lance knew he was in some kind of weird chamber with magic runes everywhere. "This week just gets better and better…Forge! You better not have made another one of those stupid dimension machines again!"

"No, he didn't," Selene walked out wearing a black dress and long sorceress robe with white inscriptions (Quite modest for her actually). "I brought you here."

"Oh wonderful," Lance stood up. "So instead of fighting a dragon I get to fight a dragon lady!"

"There's no need to be uncivil," Selene snorted.

"Considering the fact you kidnapped me for some kind of evil plot and sent an dragon to rampage Bayville how do you expect me to react?" Lance snapped.

"Before you start bringing down the house I'd like to point out that I've placed an anti-technology spell here so you can't use your teleporter to beam yourself out," Selene told him. "And we are several miles beneath the surface of the Earth where not even you can travel that far that fast with your powers. And furthermore I did not kidnap you for some evil plot!"

"But you did kidnap me and sent this monster didn't you?" Lance folded his arms. "Why don't you just admit it! I've kind of had enough of women playing games so…"

"Oh all right yes I did but only because I owed someone a favor," Selene told him.

"That someone wouldn't happen to be Apocalypse would it?" Lance asked.

"How did you…?" Selene was taken aback by Lance's insight.

"I'm not stupid, contrary to what some people believe," Lance growled. "I mean you're a centuries old mutant and so is Apocalypse. Odds are the two of you would have at least heard of each other sooner or later. Besides who else is there? You wouldn't do it yourself unless you had an agenda to destroy us. And even if you did you wouldn't just drop it in downtown Bayville without some kind of magical protection. You hate the Hellfire Club since they kicked you out. Magneto's not exactly on your Christmas Card list and I don't think Cobra has this type of connection. So why is there a fifty foot dragon terrorizing Bayville?"

"He wanted to test you," Selene shrugged. "That's another reason I kept you out of it. I wanted at least one surprise against him."

"Against him? What is he some kind of rival for you ruling the world or something?" Lance asked.

"Sort of," Selene sighed. "It's a very long story and it's complicated. Let's just say I met him when he was still a Pharaoh in Egypt and I was very young and stupid. Before I found out I was a mutant."

"So now you're worried that Apocalypse will beat you to the punch in ruling the world," Lance said.

"To be honest controlling an entire planet is too much work for my taste," Selene waved. "Just give me ultimate power and a nice corner of the world so I can have a vacation every now and then."

"**There's **a difference," Lance said. "Amara always said you were power hungry. What is this some sort of villain version of Atkins now? Take over only certain countries that begin with the letter B?"

"Oh I can **imagine **the stories she's told you," Selene rolled her eyes. "Probably said I held infant sacrifices every other Thursday or something like that."

"She did tell us a few stories about how you ruled through terror for centuries, yeah," Lance remarked.

"Did she also mention that during my reign there were also no wars or diseases?" Selene asked. "No poverty? Even the poorest of peasants lived extremely well. I detest squalor and wouldn't allow even the lowliest subject to live in it. It just doesn't look well to other people."

"Neither does eliminating free will."

"A small price to pay for comfort," Selene shrugged.

"I don't think **you'd **pay a price like that," Lance countered.

"No…Not now anyway," Selene sighed. "Actually there was a time I would have. All I wanted was to be with the man I loved but…" She stopped. "Anyway who are you to criticize? That harpy Pryde girl had you dangling on a string for years!"

"Don't remind me," Lance grumbled.

"At least you had the sense to break up with her."

"How do you know that?" Lance asked.

"I'm an all powerful mutant sorceress, it's my job to know things," Selene shrugged.

"So why am I here and why do **you** freaking care?" Lance asked.

"I would imagine you need to vent to someone and I'm guessing that your friends aren't exactly being the most sympathetic right now," Selene said. "Am I right?"

"What did you watch the play rehearsals too or something?" Lance snapped.

"Come again?" Selene blinked.

Meanwhile back in Bayville…

"Okay I think we've got it on the ropes," Logan snarled. His uniform was torn and his claws were out as he prepared to attack it.

"At least we got it out of the air," Scott nodded as he noticed the dragon's wings were torn thanks to Logan and it looked a bit singed. They had it cornered in the park.

"We could use a good tremor right now Avalanche!" Althea shouted. "Avalanche? Where is he? Kitty?"

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW WHERE THAT IDIOT IS?" Kitty snapped at her. "MAYBE HE RAN OFF!"

"Not from the dragon anyway," Pietro grumbled.

"Fine we don't need him to take it down!" Scott snapped.

"WOW! A DRAGON!" Trinity flew up to them. "LET'S PLAY WITH IT!"

"Uh oh…" Logan gulped. "This is not going to be good…"

"You got one thing right Summers," Todd blinked as the dragon already started to whimper. "We don't need Avalanche to take this dragon down."

"Trinity is another story," Jean said.

"I feel sorry for it already," Rogue gulped.

Back in Selene's secret chamber…

"Let me see if I get this straight," Selene tried to make sense of what Lance told her. "Your friends made up a **play** about Kitty two timing you and dumping you?"

"You got it," Lance told her.

"And people call **me** sadistic," Selene was shocked. "Wow I mean you live for a few dozen centuries and you think you've seen it all but…You've proven me wrong."

"Thank you so very much," Lance said sarcastically. "Can I go now?"

"I can't blame you for being snippy," Selene said. "I mean if my friends…If I had any friends…made up a play about my crappy love life…Not that it's crappy mind you…But if they had I would be so ticked off…And humiliated. Really humiliated.."

"I'm so glad we had this talk," Lance grumbled. "WHY AM I HERE?"

"I wanted to talk to you," Selene shrugged.

"Women like you don't talk to guys like me unless they want something," Lance pointed out. "Usually it's either sex or money or to use a guy for power. It can't be sex because you haven't thrown yourself at me. I know it's not money so what kind of scheme are you planning for me?"

"Normally you'd be right," Selene sighed. "You're going to find this hard to believe but…You remind me of someone I used to know. And…Well…"

"And what you were lonely or something?" Lance asked. "You're right, I don't believe it."

"Fine, don't believe me," Selene threw up her arms. "Can't say I blame you. But like you said I didn't throw myself at you, I don't need money from you and if I needed you for some plan, do you really think I would have wasted all this time and just have done it by now? Do you?"

Lance didn't have an answer for that. "Maybe I haven't thrown myself at you because I think you're different than other guys? Or hasn't that thought ever occurred to you?" Selene asked.

"No way," Lance paused. "Really? You don't think I'm a hood?"

"Oh please," Selene waved. "I used to hang around with Caligula on weekends. You wanna talk about hoods? And twisted as hell…But like I said. You're different."

"Well…I still don't trust you," Lance told her.

"I can accept that," Selene shrugged. "Come on, I'll take you back."

Before Lance knew it they had returned to Bayville. They were on top of a roof and saw that things were under control.

"BAD DRAGON! BAD DRAGON! BAD DRAGON!" Trinity cheered as they used their psychic lightning to chase the monster.

"YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!" The dragon screamed like a frightened puppy as it tried to flee the girls.

Well it was as under control as can be expected with Trinity around.

"I should have known that's all we had to do," Lance winced. "I actually feel sorry for the poor thing."

"So do I. You know I don't say this about anyone but I gotta admit those girls impress me," Selene said. "They may be unmannered maniacs but they've got potential."

"Wonderful," Lance rolled his eyes.

"Well I have to go now," Selene patted him on the shoulder. "If you ever need to talk to me, I'll be in touch."

"Please don't!" Lance said as she and the dragon disappeared.

"Hey where'd our new pet go?" Daria asked aloud.

"There is no way in hell we were going to take that home!" Althea roared.

"Speaking of things you should take home," Kitty looked up. "What is Lance doing on the roof over there?"

"How should I know?" Todd looked at her. "YO LANCE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE? HOW COME YOU DIDN'T JOIN THE FIGHT?"

"I thought I'd check out the view!" Lance snapped back.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

The next day in the Misfit Kitchen…

"Boy you should have heard Kitty rant after you left," Pietro filled Lance in on the details. "Especially after you told us about Selene."

"Which is why I used the teleportation watch as soon as I told you guys," Lance grumbled.

"Well I think Kitty's wrong," Daria told him. "You're not a spineless coward."

"Or a loser," Quinn told him.

"Or a jerk who falls for any girl he sees," Brittany added.

"Or…" Daria began.

"I GET THE MESSAGE!" Lance snapped. "So I take it all of Bayville's up in arms over a dragon showing up and wrecking half of downtown?"

"No, Lance they decided to throw a parade and wreck the **other** half of downtown," Fred said sarcastically. "What do you think?"

"Of course the Mayor blamed the X-Men for the whole thing," Pietro recounted. "Just because they have Lockheed he claimed they were starting some kind of dragon preservation program that went out of control. He said that they should shoot Kitty's dragon and that's when the Animal Activists got into the act."

"Now the X-Men have animal activists against them," Lance groaned.

"No, they're against the mayor," Pietro grinned. "Of course not everyone in town believed they actually saw a real dragon. Some of them are really in denial. Half of them believe that it was nothing more than mutant powers of illusions running amok."

"So basically nearly everyone in Bayville is ticked off at the X-Men," Todd said. "Which is nothing new."

"Don't worry they're not going to get sued this time," Althea put her two cents in. "We got Fury to deliver a statement from SHEILD that the whole event wasn't their fault and they were actually fighting off an alien life form."

"And people believed that?" Lance asked.

"Some do," Althea shrugged. "Now we have a whole group of new nuts over at Bayville's city hall demanding that Mayor Chandler pass some kind of anti alien legislation."

"Who just happened to show up at the same time as the pro dragon legislation people," Angelica added. "They're running footage of the mini riot all over TV and the web."

"Mini riot?" Lance asked.

"There was a bit of a disagreement between the two groups which ended up into a slap fight in City Hall," Pietro told him. "As well as a few drunken idiots who couldn't shoot straight."

"I don't think I want to know any more," Lance groaned. "Well at least one good thing came from this mess, nobody's talking about me and Kitty breaking up."

"Yeah the play's off," Todd sighed. "You know that expression 'break a leg'? Well that's what Kitty threatened to do to the Elf if he went on with it."

"So I've put together a sock puppet version!" Fred whipped out some sock puppets on his hands that looked like Lance and Kitty.

"I hate my life…" Lance groaned. "Maybe I should talk to Selene again?"


	3. The Angsttasy and the XTasy

**The Angst-Tasy and the X-Tasy**

"This week has been nothing but a disaster," Kitty groaned as she sat in the kitchen that night with Bobby and Jean. "First that whole jumping through dimensions craziness, I break up with Lance, Apocalypse escapes and then Selene sends us a huge dragon to trash Bayville giving the entire town another reason to hate us!"

"And to think it's only Tuesday," Bobby said cheerfully as he munched on an apple. "But to be fair you and Lance breaking up was the biggest disaster of all."

"Ha ha," Kitty glared at him.

"Kitty you have to admit it was a long time overdue," Jean pointed out.

"Way **past** overdue," Bobby said. "I mean for someone who's supposed to be so smart and mature about everything else you were hanging onto him like a little kid with a snow cone."

"Oh yeah, what about the rivalry you have with Shane Shooter over Jubilee?" Kitty retorted. "Isn't that childish?"

"Actually the three of us sat down and talked it out after Storm's little blizzard the other day," Bobby said. "I realized I wasn't really in love with Jubilee and although Shane may not end up being my best friend or anything like that…He likes Jubilee and she can kick his butt any day so…"

"So the three of you just put your differences aside just like that?" Kitty was shocked. "No more fighting or bickering?"

"Yeah to be honest none of us wanted to be as messed up as you, Lance and Peter," Bobby shrugged. "So we decided to give maturity a try."

"Wow," Jean was impressed.

"Thanks a lot!" Kitty groaned.

"Kitty you gotta admit that they handled it a lot better than you did!" Jean told her.

"Hmph, who would ever have thought Bobby would ever end up acting like a mature person around here?" Kitty rolled her eyes.

"It's not **that** unbelievable," Bobby said.

"Yes it is," Kitty remarked. "It's shocking."

"Will wonders never cease?" Jean smirked. "So now are you with Peter again?"

"Not exactly…" Kitty sighed. "This whole breakup with Lance has gotten me to think."

"It would have been better for everyone if you did that **before **you broke up with Lance," Bobby said. He withered under Jean's glare. "I know, I know Jean. Shut up."

"So much for maturity," Jean groaned.

"Maybe I'm just not ready for a serious relationship right now?" Kitty sighed.

"Have you told Peter about this?" Jean asked.

"Yeah I said that maybe we shouldn't date again right away and that it might be a long time before I date anyone again," Kitty said. "I think I need to take a break from my love life. Like maybe a year or so."

"Well that explains why Colossus has been banging his head against the Blackbird for the past twenty minutes," Hank walked in wearing a nice white suit and pants with a blue tie. "In his metal form."

"Must be a big dent by now," Jean said.

"Yes and Logan is not exactly thrilled by a long shot," Hank told them. "But I must say it's an inventive way of getting out of waxing the X-Jet."

"Whoa Beast you're all dressed up," Kitty remarked. "You look nice. What's the occasion?"

"Miss Candy Southern and Ms. Trish Tilby are coming over to spend an evening with Warren and myself," Hank told them. "It's a bit casual but since not that many restaurants in Bayville that don't have a drive through window will serve mutants it seemed like the most sensible solution."

"You're hanging around here for a date?" Kitty asked. "Are you like trying to tempt fate or something?"

"We figure if our prospective girlfriends can survive a night at the X-Mansion," Hank told them. "Then maybe the relationship has a chance."

"A double date at the X-Mansion," Bobby snorted. "Boy this ought to be good."

"Triple date actually," Jean said. "Scott and I will be with them too so I don't want anyone spying on us or else!"

"Believe it or not Jean nobody's interested in you and Scott dating any more," Kitty said.

"Kitty, how gullible do you think I am?" Jean asked. "Remember that cruise from Hell? You and Kurt followed us everywhere!"

"We were bored," Kitty shrugged.

"And people call **me **immature," Bobby snickered.

"That's because you **are **immature," Kitty stuck her tongue out at him. Bobby used his powers to blow a small chill toward her, putting a little ice on her tongue. "EY! NOF FAIFR!"

"Ha ha!" Bobby laughed as he ran away from an angry Kitty.

"BOBBY YOUFFF DEADF…" Kitty snapped as best she could with a frozen tongue.

"So much for maturity," Jean groaned.

"That does seem to be in small quantities around here," Hank agreed.

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Bobby ran upstairs being chased by an angry Kitty. "HELP! CRAZY GIRL ON THE LOOSE!"

They ran past Sam's room where he was hanging around with Roberto, Ray, and Everett. "Wonder what Bobby did this time?" Ray asked casually barely looking up from his motocross magazine.

"Who knows?" Sam shrugged.

"I can't believe Bobby was let back on the X-Men," Ray grumbled. "I mean the fact that they let him on the main team at all is pretty unbelievable. I mean why him and not me?"

"You have a few hours?" Roberto asked. "But I think the main reason is probably that Xavier doesn't think you're mature enough."

CRASH! THUD! SLAM! THUD! WHACK!

"PWEPAWE TO DIE DWAKE!" Kitty could be heard screaming.

"Oh come on Kitty it was just a joke!" Bobby was heard. "OW! THAT HURTS!"

CRASH! CRASH! SMASH! THUD! THUD!

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Kitty screamed as she ran past again, swinging a baseball bat as Bobby laughed.

"If those two are **mature,**" Ray said. "I'm Donald Freaking Trump!"

"I don't think the Professor can cite maturity as a qualification to be on the main team any more," Sam remarked.

"Why do you want to be on the main team anyway?" Roberto asked.

"You **don't?"** Ray was surprised.

"I dunno," Roberto shrugged. "It's just I'm pretty comfortable where I am now with you guys, you know?"

"I don't think I ever want to end up on the main team," Everett said honestly. "Look at all the crap they go through! I mean this week alone…"

"Yeah trouble does tend to follow 'em around like a lost puppy at a butcher's convention," Sam said.

"If that's a requirement to be on the main team then they can have it!" Roberto nodded.

"As long as I don't end up in therapy three times a week by the time I'm thirty I'll be happy," Everett said.

"They're drama freaks, all of 'em," Roberto grunted as he munched on some chips. "Every little bad thing in their life has to be agonized over and over again."

"To be fair they do have quite a bit of problems on their plate," Sam told him.

"So Rogue and Kurt have family issues? Whoop de do," Roberto groaned. "And now so does Gambit but they don't have to obsess over 'em! Who **doesn't** have family issues! I mean my dad is a freaking member of the Hellfire Club and tried to take over the planet. But do I mope about it all the time? No way!"

"Personally I think they're way into themselves," Ray waved. "I mean look at me, my parents threw me out of the house before anyone even knew what a mutant was. I lived in a sewer with the Morlocks for a while…"

"Not to mention a few disastrous relationships," Roberto pointed out. "The whole Tabitha/Amara thing? Dude you had them fighting like cats and dogs for weeks." **(1)**

"Yeah, but at least I didn't drag it out for years like Kitty did," Ray told him. "And Tabby forgot all about me once she started going out with you, Sam."

"Too bad Kitty didn't," Sam snickered.

"Tell me about it," Ray groaned. "It was weeks before she spoke to me again and then I realized how good I had it when she wasn't!"

"They do complain a lot don't they?" Sam asked.

"Yup," Ray nodded. "Like I always say, nine times out of ten if a kid complains about angst he doesn't have any real angst."

"Since when do you always say that?" Roberto asked.

"You know what I mean," Ray rolled his eyes.

"What about Rogue and Kurt?" Sam asked. "I mean if anybody's got a right to mope a bit..."

"Those two are in a catagory all their own," Ray groaned.

"Well at least tonight should be quiet," Everett said hopefully.

"With Scott, Jean, Beast and Angel on a triple date in the mansion?" Ray gave him a look. "Doubt it. They'll find some way to screw it up. And it will end up being a big deal. Trust me on this."

"Come on it can't happen **all **the time," Everett said.

"You haven't lived here that long," Roberto scoffed. "Five will get you ten it'll happen."

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Soon a very worried Hank was pacing back and forth in front of the doorway to the mansion. "Okay, okay, no reason to get nervous. It's just a date. Just a quiet little dinner and some coffee. Everything is going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. There is no reason to panic. There is **no** reason to panic. Students upstairs doing their homework, check. Storm, the Professor and Wolverine watching over the students so that they do their homework and don't spy on us, check. Misfits bribed not to come over and wreck our evening. Check."

"Beast having a nervous breakdown," Warren remarked. "Check." He was wearing a blue turtleneck (slots cut out for his wings of course) and jeans with stylish black shoes.

Hank ignored him. "Shipwreck bribed to not come over and wreck our evening, check. Misfit handlers bribed to lock Shipwreck in his room just in case, check. Lockheed locked in Kitty's room, check. Penny given bright shiny objects to play with in her room, check. The kids given new handheld games to keep them occupied after their homework, check. Forge's lab locked and boarded up for the next three days, **double check!"**

"Three days?" Warren asked. "Why not for life?"

"The kitchen and dining room table has been set," Hank went on. "The food is done and warming up in the oven. The chocolate pie and tiramisu are chilling in the fridge which is good. And Kitty has not cooked any of it which is **very good!"**

"She's too depressed over breaking up with Lance to cook," Warren pointed out.

"She should break up with Lance more often," Hank groaned. "Everything has been cleaned and scrubbed and taken care of so that there is no possibility of anything going wrong tonight! Unless Magneto attacks. Or Apocalypse attacks. Or **both **Magneto and Apocalypse attack at the same time. Or…"

"Beast, you're going to give yourself an **anxiety** attack," Scott walked in wearing a nice preppy red shirt and tan slacks with black shoes. "And people call **me** paranoid."

"It's going to be fine," Jean walked in wearing a light green dress with earrings and a necklace. "So relax nothing bad is going to happen."

"Unless **both** Magneto and Apocalypse decide to attack," Scott added. "Then we're in trouble."

"Scott!" Jean snapped.

"I'm just saying with our track record it could happen," Scott shrugged.

"Oh sweet stars and garters he's right!" Hank moaned.

"Well look at the bright side," Warren thought aloud. "If they do attack at the same time at least they'll fight each other first. You know Magneto would want a rematch."

"True," Scott nodded.

"Will you two knock it off!" Jean snapped. "The odds of those two attacking the mansion at the same time tonight is very slim."

"She's right," Hank said. "The odds of Cobra attacking us tonight are a lot better."

"Or Selene, the FOH and Purity," Warren added. "The Dreadnoks or the Snarks maybe?"

"The Snarks are a bit of a long shot," Hank told him. "Selene just attacked us so she might wait a day or so. The Hellfire Club on the other hand is definitely a contender."

"Don't forget Sinister," Scott continued.

"I think I'm starting to understand why the Professor keeps a bottle of scotch hidden in his desk drawer," Jean groaned. "Can we please try to forget about our enemies for one evening?"

"Yeah I think we have them all covered," Hank sighed. The bell for the school gate rang. "They're here!"

"Just be calm," Scott told Hank and patted him on the shoulder as he went to open the gate using he security system. "It'll be fine. Nothing is going to go wrong."

"Famous last words," Warren remarked.

Scott got the door and there were Trish and Candy. Trish was dressed in an elegant maroon pantsuit with matching shoes and cream colored camisole underneath, looking the picture of elegance. Candy was dressed in jeans, a sequined red and white tube top and high heeled boots. Definitely a clash in styles.

"Hi welcome to the Institute," Scott greeted them. "You both know Jean."

"Hi," Jean said. "You both look nice."

"Thanks," Candy said. "Trish gave me a ride in her car."

"Yes it was an…interesting discussion," Trish smiled sweetly. "Hank when you told me Candy was an actress you didn't mention what films she did."

"I've just finished my latest movie," Candy told them. "Kind of a low budget made for TV thing on the Sci Fi channel. Giant Earthworms Attack Washington DC 2! I played Congressman's Smith's secret girlfriend."

"So you had an oral part? I mean a speaking role," Hank covered up.

"Are you kidding? After the congressmen gets eaten I end up becoming the hero's girlfriend," Candy grinned. "I should be on in two weeks!"

"Great! We should have a movie night to celebrate," Warren grinned as he kissed her.

_"I think Trish is ticked off that she doesn't have an exclusive with a rising young star," _Jean sent telepathically to Scott.

_"You think?" _Scott inwardly chuckled at the joke. _"So what do you think of Candy?" _

_"I like her. Her mind is genuinely open and honest. Trish on the other hand, well…she's not exactly against mutants. That doesn't bother her. And she does like Hank…" _

_"But…" _

_"I think in the long run Trish will do what's best for Trish," _Jean admitted.

_"That's what I was afraid of…" _

_"Let's not tell Hank. There are some things people should find out on their own." _

_"Yeah we tried that with Lance, Kitty and Peter and look what happened." _

_"Exactly," _Jean nodded. Then she noticed everyone was looking at them. "What?"

"You were doing it again," Hank had a smirk on his face.

"Doing what?" Candy asked.

"Having a telepathic chat," Warren grinned. "Sometimes Jean and Scott go off into their own little world."

"Is it that obvious?" Scott asked.

"Oh yes," Hank snickered.

"Wait Scott's telepathic too?" Candy asked.

"No, it's just that Jean and I have this bond…" Scott began. "It's kind of hard to explain."

"Like you're soul mates or something and can tell what each other is feeling?" Candy asked.

"Well yeah…" Jean admitted.

"So what were you saying about us?" Candy raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing uh…" Jean began. "We don't mean to exclude anyone it just…"

"Sometimes thoughts happen," Scott covered. "We were kind of talking about Kitty and…"

"Say no more, we've heard enough about Kitty!" Warren held up his hand.

"What about Kitty?" Trish asked.

"She and Lance finally broke up for good the other day," Jean explained, relieved that Scott thought of a good cover. "It's like of one of those long soap opera teenage romances things that everyone over 21 hates."

"Sounds like half of the movies I work on," Candy rolled her eyes.

"Well I don't know about the rest of you but I am starving," Hank clapped his hands. "Who's up for a nice quiet dinner?"

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD COLOSSUS!" The sound of Logan screaming could be heard. "NOT THE VELOCITY TOO!"

"Logan's very passionate about his vehicles," Hank covered. "You know the type. Every little dent just gets him out of shape."

"Is it always this loud around here?" Candy was surprised.

"Actually it's kind of quiet tonight," Scott admitted as they walked into the kitchen.

"It is," Trish told her. "I've been here before. It can get pretty weird around here."

"Don't mind me…" Kitty was already in the kitchen. "Just getting more ice cream!" She opened the freezer. "OKAY WHO ATE ALL MY CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE DOUGH? WHOEVER DID IT IS DEAD! DEAD I TELL YOU!"

"Let me guess? Breakup?" Candy asked.

"However did you know?" Kitty rolled her eyes.

"Besides the fact that we just heard about it?" Trish asked.

"Tattletale," Candy remarked.

"I guess your tongue is unfrozen now huh?" Jean smirked.

"Unfrozen?" Candy asked.

"Sometimes Bobby likes to play practical jokes that are only funny to him," Kitty explained grabbing some more ice cream. "Don't worry I'll be out of here in a second."

"Fine, no more popping in and I mean that literally," Scott warned.

"Popping in?" Candy asked.

"That happens a lot," Trish said. "I remember the last time I set up for an interview here with the X-Men and the Misfits."

"I don't remember seeing that," Candy said.

"That's because the piece was cancelled when some demons popped up from another dimension during the interview," Trish groaned.

"Technically it was only **one** demon and Peter's sister," Kitty said. "People don't really just pop in here all the time."

At that exact moment a black hole opened underneath her feet. "WHOA!" Kitty screamed as she fell through it.

"KITTY!" Jean shouted. Suddenly another hole appeared behind her. A purple mutant with purple hair and a brown dress appeared and grabbed her from behind. A large hulking mutant grabbed Scott as well and dragged them in before they could react.

Instinctively Hank grabbed Trish and leapt towards the roof just as another portal opened up to swallow up Candy and Warren. He barely got out of the way of another portal where he saw the familiar face of Sunder of the Morlocks reach for him.

"Can't get him!" Sunder shouted.

"We've got enough of 'em!" Someone shouted. "Close it Portal!" The hole closed.

"Hank! What was that?" Trish yelled as she clung to Hank as they landed on the floor.

"Our nice peaceful dinner date going down the drain," Hank grumbled.

"What happened now?" Logan ran in with Everett, Roberto, Bobby and Sam. He sniffed the air. "Wait a minute…I know that stench…"

"We were all just standing here talking and then all of the sudden this…this hole opens up and then some mutants showed up and grabbed Warren, Kitty, Jean, Scott and Candy!" Trish babbled.

"Not just any mutants," Logan narrowed his eyes. "Morlocks. They were kidnapped by Morlocks."

"Morlocks," Hank groaned. "I **knew** I had forgotten someone!"

Roberto turned to Everett. "You owe me ten bucks."

**For those of you who don't remember, the little spat Ray was referring to started way back in The Misfit Chronicles and continued up to The Trouble With Teleportation. **

**Here's the quick version: Tabitha caught Ray looking at Kitty and Ray inferred that Kitty was flirting with him even though he wasn't. After dumping Ray Tabitha decided to get back at Kitty by jumping in a pool topless with a poor confused Peter. Kitty saw this and jumped to the wrong conclusion breaking up with Peter and then getting back together with Lance. Ray moved on to Amara which put a strain on Amara's and Tabitha's friendship as well as putting a strain on the repair costs for the mansion. Tabitha blamed this on Kitty as well so she chased after Peter in order to get back at Kitty. Of course Kitty went out with Lance to get back at Peter. And Peter spent several hours banging his head on the wall wondering how he got into this mess in the first place. **

**During a therapy session it all came out that Ray was the real cause of the problems when he was caught lusting after Althea. Both Tabitha and Amara made up by beating the snot out of Ray. Kitty forgave Tabitha because she was too distracted by her feelings for both Peter and Lance. Well that and because it was easier to blame Ray and take her frustrations out on him. Eventually Tabitha moved on to Sam. Amara moved on to Roberto. Ray moved out of the infirmary. Xavier moved to a stronger brand of aspirin. And the members of the construction industry moved to a higher tax bracket thanks to all the repair work they had to do to fix the mansion after all this. **

**Simple huh? **

**Next: What do the Morlocks want with the X-Men? You won't believe it…**


	4. Morlock Matrimonial Madness

**Morlock Matrimonial Madness**

"You have about **three seconds** to explain why you brought us here Callisto before I lose my temper and **fry** you all," Jean growled. "And trust me, I can do that!" She glared at the Morlock leader and the other Morlocks in their sewer home.

"There was no other way," Callisto sighed. "We need your help."

"Well here's a crazy idea lady," Warren huffed. "If you needed our help so badly why didn't you just **ask **us instead of kidnapping us?"

"Because we had to make it look good," Callisto told him. "Magneto has eyes everywhere."

"I thought you and he were getting to be friends," Scott mocked. "What with him giving you free blankets and stuff."

"With Magneto everything has a price," Callisto said.

"Tell us something we don't know," Warren grunted. "Let me guess, he's putting the squeeze on you to get more recruits and join his side? Am I right?"

"Actually he really wants Calliban," Calliban grumbled. "Magneto made that perfectly clear."

"Why you?" Candy asked.

"Because of my powers human," Calliban glared at her.

"Human?" Callisto blinked. "Did you say…?"

"Human," Calliban nodded.

"HUMAN?" Callisto yelled.

"Human," Calliban said in a bored voice.

"Are you sure?" Lucid asked.

"No, Calliban is making a joke to waste time because he needs something to do," Calliban glared at him. "Calliban would not say so if Calliban did not know for sure. And Calliban…"

"Always knows, yeah we get it! We get it!" Scaleface interrupted. "You **always **say that! It's annoying!"

"Forgive Calliban for not having a better catch phrase!" Calliban said sarcastically.

"You brought a human **here?**" Lucid yelled at Portal, the purple female mutant.

"I didn't know she was a human!" Portal snapped. "You just said grab whatever X-Men I could get and I just did! I just saw her in the kitchen and assumed she was someone new!"

"Well if she's human she's obviously not an X-Man!" Calliban snapped.

"Not **everyone** has a built in mutant radar detection system!" Portal shouted. "How was I supposed to know? I mean what human would be crazy enough to hang around mutants?"

"Besides the Joes?" Callisto asked. She turned to Candy. "You're not a Joe are you?"

"No, I'm an actress," Candy shook her head.

"What are you doing lady? Researching for a part?" Lucid folded his arms.

"Great now the X-Men bring a human to our sewers!" Scaleface grumbled.

"**YOU** KIDNAPPED **US**!" Kitty yelled.

"I told you it's not my fault!" Portal said hotly. "I mean what kind of mutants purposely allow humans to hang around them anyway?"

"All right we all agree that the X-Men are a few bricks shy of a full load," Façade held up his hand. "That's no reason to tear each other apart. Bottom line is we need these maniacs so stop arguing!"

"Nice way to ask for our help," Scott scoffed.

"Do you really want Magneto to get his hands on a mutant that can find any mutant anywhere in the world?" Callisto glared at him. "In other words a living Cerebro?"

"Especially now that Apocalypse has returned," Calliban nodded.

"You know?" Jean asked.

"Calliban always knows," He snorted, ignoring the rolling eyes of some of the Morlocks. "I could feel it. But I believe Magneto does not know yet."

"But it won't be long until he finds out," Callisto said. "Especially if he uses a telepath or other methods of persuasion on him."

"I see your point," Jean sighed. "Hold on, I'm going to mentally contact the Professor and tell him what's going on so Wolverine and the others don't tear the sewers apart looking for us."

"Good idea," Callisto nodded.

"Just out of curiosity why don't you guys sign up with Magneto?" Warren asked. "It's not like youMorlocks really like humans to begin with."

"We also don't like war, Pretty Bird," Callisto told him.

"Wouldn't know it after you practically started the Bayville Riots," Scott said.

"**They** came after **us!"** Callisto snapped. "And if you recall your friend Spyke was the real culprit for that!"

"He abandoned us for you," Scott told her. "Which now that I think about it may not have been such a bad thing."

"The point is that Morlocks will fight to survive and protect their home," Callisto informed him. "But not to serve as cannon fodder in Magneto's quest for power."

"Some Morlocks have already left with him," Lucid told them. "Most of them may have went willingly but…"

"Most of them?" Kitty interrupted.

Callisto sighed. "Two of our newcomers, a couple of kids really. They even looked human but they were so afraid of the outside world we had to take them in. For some reason Magneto took an interest in them but they didn't want to go. They went out to find food…Then they were gone. But Calliban definitely sensed some of Magneto's mutants in the same area where they were…and that's where we think they are now."

"You saying he kidnapped them?" Kitty was shocked. "Why didn't you try a rescue effort? Couldn't Portal…"

"One we don't know exactly where they are," Callisto said. "Magneto's cloaking technology affects Calliban as well. And second…Magneto's building an army. Our numbers may be large but they're not **that** large. And he won't stop with just them."

"So you need us for protection," Scott folded his arms.

"Morlocks need no one's protection!" Callisto snapped in his face.

"Not from where I'm standing!" Scott glared at her.

"Stop it! Both of you!" Jean shouted. "This is getting us nowhere. Scott, I'm not exactly the Morlocks' biggest fan but even I can see they don't deserve to get used by Magneto! And if he was able to get Calliban he'd have access to find dozens of mutants to add to his army."

"And the bigger his army the more likely he'd be to start a war," Warren pieced it together.

"Okay we all agree that's a bad thing," Candy gulped. "But if you don't want the X-Men's protection what do you want from them?"

"Well there is one idea…" Lucid coughed. "It's a long shot…"

"What?" Scott asked. "What is it?"

"If Magneto thought we had some kind of alliance with the X-Men he might just back off," Callisto said cautiously. "Specifically if Calliban was…married to one of you."

"Excuse me I didn't quite catch that," Scott held up his hand. "Did you just say…?"

"Married, yes," Callisto sighed.

"Are you out of your **minds?**" Jean yelled.

"Calliban is **not** exactly thrilled with this plan either," Calliban glared at Callisto. "Calliban is a confirmed bachelor!"

"You're a confirmed **something** I'll give you that," Lucid rolled his eyes.

"It's not even a real marriage," Callisto said. "All we have to do is put on a fake ceremony and say they're going to honeymoon at the X-Mansion. Calliban hides out for a few days or long enough for Magneto to take the hint and it's over."

"That's got to be the dumbest idea I have ever heard," Scott said. "And believe me after hanging around with the Misfits for a few years that's a pretty high standard to beat."

"The point is Cyclops if Magneto believes we have an alliance he won't try and recruit any more Morlocks," Callisto said.

"I'm not exactly sure that will work," Jean sighed. "I mean in the first place I don't think any of us will go through with it."

"I will," Kitty said. Everyone looked at her.

"What?" Scott asked.

"You heard me," Kitty said. "They need our help Scott. Besides my love life's in the toilet anyway and like Callisto said it's not exactly a real marriage so…"

"Kitty are you sure about this?" Jean asked.

"Well what else can we do?" Kitty asked. "I mean if this will get them to stop kidnapping Morlocks…"

"I dunno," Scott said. "I have a bad feeling about this."

"Calliban is not happy but would rather not go with Magneto," Calliban sighed. "Thank you Shadowcat."

"Maybe we should spend some time together first?" Kitty asked. "Just to make it look good. You know if you have some kind of kitchen I could make you something to eat."

"We do have some amenities down here thanks to an old military bunker we found," Callisto shrugged.

"Why not?" Calliban sighed. "What harm could it do?"

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"You have **got **to be kidding me," Lance blinked. "This is a joke right? No one in their right mind would agree to an idea **that **stupid! Even Kitty! You have got to be kidding me!"

The Misfits had teleported over on news of the abduction and were there when Jean informed Xavier via telepathy what was going on. Then he informed the others what was going on. The Misfits were having a confab in the kitchen eating the dinner Hank had prepared for their date.

"I agree," Wanda put her hands on her hips. "Of all the stunts Kitty's pulled this is the stupidest!"

"So she's actually going to pretend to marry a Morlock to keep him out of Magneto's hands?" Lance asked. "And she thinks **I'm** crazy?"

"Actually she thinks you're irresponsible," Xi counted his fingers. "A hood, that you have a temper…"

"I get the message!" Lance snapped. "And why are we going?"

"Because we think this might be some kind of trap and to give back up for the X-Men," Althea said. "Well that and to twist the knife into Kitty."

"Okay, I'm on board with that," Lance nodded. "When's the ceremony?"

"In a couple of hours," Althea said. "Apparently Kitty's talking to Calliban in order to get to know each other better."

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"So I totally thought that Lance would change," Kitty went on. "And I kept waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and all that time Peter told me he'd never change but I wouldn't listen. So I kept waiting some more and during that time I noticed how patient Peter was and how different he was compared to Lance but I couldn't stop wondering what it would be like if he was a little bit more like Lance, I mean have some of Lance's good qualities which now that I think about it weren't that many but now that I think about it Lance did know how to take things easy. Well when he wasn't going insane by his imaginary coyote."

"Calliban…feel sick…" Calliban looked very pale.

"Here have another cookie," Kitty gave him another one, not realizing that was part of the reason why he was sick in the first place. "I mean who knew that you could cook cookies using a campfire and a broken oven? So anyway as I was saying there was a lot of things about Peter I wished Lance had and vice versa. I mean I know I dragged it out a long time but it was like the two of them together would be the perfect boyfriend. Of course now I realize Lance is a perfect idiot! I mean I knew he tried very hard but nothing he ever did went right. There was this one time…"

"Worst idea ever…" Calliban moaned in agony. "Maybe Calliban going over to Magneto not such a bad thing after all…"

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An hour later…

"This is a stupid idea," Lucid grumbled in Callisto's ear in the main tunnel. "They'll never fall for it."

"They already have," Callisto snapped back. "All you and the others have to do is play along until they arrive."

"Fine…" Lucid grunted. "I just hope you know what you're doing!"

Meanwhile Candy was standing with a wilted bouquet. "I've heard of dates taking weird turns but this is ridiculous."

"We needed a bridesmaid," Danielle shrugged. She, Jean, Tabitha and Amara were also there. "Besides Rogue wouldn't do it."

"Smart girl," Amara groaned.

"Is it me or are there even more Morlocks down here than last time?" Jean looked around.

"I overheard one of them say since Stryker Sunday several of them took off to hide underground, even though there's a whole street full of mutants," Tabitha said. "They just feel safer down here."

"That's sad," Amara said. "That really is. I'm just glad this isn't for real. I'd just hate the thought of Kitty living down here in this depressing place."

Kitty was wearing an old white bride's dress and Calliban was wearing an old worn tuxedo. He looked very pale. "Calliban feels sick…" He moaned.

"I know you're nervous but it will be over soon," Kitty patted his hand.

"That is what Calliban is nervous about," He grumbled. He saw the large assembly of Morlocks, X-Men and Misfits that had made their way to the sewer. Even Xavier had managed to make it thanks to his hover chair and a little help from the Misfits' teleportation watch.

"Why are we allowing Kitty to do this?" Ororo grumbled under her breath. "This is insane!"

"I know something about this isn't right," Scott agreed as the 'couple' made their way down the makeshift aisle towards a raised platform where Callisto stood.

"No ya think?" Logan gave him a look.

"GOOD LUCK YOU POOR BASTARD!" Lance called out. "YOU'LL NEED IT!"

"SHUT UP LANCE!" Kitty shouted back at him.

"Why did we invite the Misfits?" Ororo groaned.

"Who invites the Misfits anywhere? They just showed up!" Scott told her. "We're just lucky Shipwreck didn't show up."

"Actually for once I wouldn't mind if he did," Ororo groaned. "Knowing him he could have wrecked this and I would have been very happy if he did!"

"We all would have been happy if he did," Kurt told her.

"Fellow Morlocks and honored guests," Callisto spoke to the crowd. "We are gathered here today to join our two tribes. Shadowcat the X-Man and Calliban the Morlock in holy matrimony."

"More like unholy matrimony if we're talking about Kitty," Pietro snickered. Kitty turned red because everyone heard him.

"It is a time of celebration, a time of rejoicing," Callisto went on.

"A time of placing your bets to see how long this is going to last," Todd piped up.

"Hey, better him than Lance," Fred pointed out.

"Amen to that!" Lance called out. "I am definitely rejoicing!"

"WILL YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP?" Kitty shouted at them.

"You shut up," Pietro snickered.

"Oh for crying out loud…" Callisto groaned.

"This is as good as its going to get lady, just hurry this farce along," Logan grunted. "And Toad put me down for a week."

"If this is any indication of what will happen when a real wedding takes place…" Xavier winced. "I'm not looking forward to it."

"Maybe I should wait a while before proposing to Jean?" Scott moaned. "About a month after the Misfits all die in a horrible explosion or something ought to do it!"

"All right, does anyone have any reason why these two should not be joined in marriage?" Callisto sighed. Several Misfits shot their hands up. "ANY ONE WHO IS NOT A MISFIT?"

"I DO!" Peter stood up.

"What are you doing?" Ororo hissed at him.

"Him? What are **we **doing?" Scott asked. "This is the worst idea ever!"

"You're telling Calliban this?" Calliban groaned.

"I can't do this! I can't just stand silently by and let this happen!" Peter stormed up to them.

"Dude you know this isn't real right?" Pietro called out.

"I don't care! It's still wrong!" Peter shouted. "I just can't let her do it!"

"THANK GOD!" Calliban fell to his knees and clung to Peter's knees. "YOU'VE COME TO SAVE CALLIBAN!"

"CALLIBAN!" Callisto yelled.

"Sorry Callisto but Calliban can't do it!" Calliban sobbed. "Just the idea of pretending to be married to this X-Man makes Calliban's skin crawl! You don't know what it's like being alone in the same room with her for hours! She goes on and on and she doesn't stop! And the cookies! The cookies! SHE TRIED TO POISON CALIBAN WITH COOKIES!"

"Tell me about it!" Lance shouted. "Run man! Run like the wind!"

"LANCE!" Kitty fumed.

"So you are Lance?" Calliban looked at him. "You have my deepest sympathy. You really know the meaning of suffering."

"Thank you!" Lance snorted.

"You just had to talk about Lance and Peter to him didn't you?" Scott glared at Kitty. "You couldn't keep your mouth shut for a few hours? No wonder the poor guy is freaked!"

"That's nothing compared to the cookies," Lucid held one up. "Snaps broke his teeth trying to bite into one and his teeth can bite through steel!"

"Owwwww…" A red mutant with a huge mouth and broken teeth moaned. There was a cloth tied around his jaw to the top of his head. "Anybody know a good dentist?"

"CALLIBAN CAN'T FAKE MARRYING THIS X-MAN!" Calliban sobbed. "SHE'S INSANE!"

"TESTIFY!" Lance shouted.

"You don't have to fake it any more Calliban," A familiar Scottish voice emerged from the shadows. "Now that we're here."

"What the hell took you so long?" Callisto folded her arms as Lucas appeared with Sabertooth, Scatty and several other Acolytes. "Do you know how hard it was to put up with these idiots in our sewers?"

"Callisto I knew if anyone could come up with a creative way of getting **both **the X-Men and the Misfits down here it would be you," Lucas snorted. "You even brought my dear old dad. I'm impressed."

"Save your praise. I fulfilled my part of the deal!" Callisto shouted. "The X-Men for Rusty and Skids!"

"WHAT?" Kitty yelled. "You mean this was a trap all along?"

"WHY DID YOU NOT TELL CALLIBAN THIS HOURS AGO?" Calliban yelled.

"Quite frankly you're not that good an actor," Lucid shrugged. "Sorry about this X-Men, Misfits but we had no choice. It was the only way we could think of to get our friends back."

"I knew it!" Scott snapped. "I knew the Morlocks would double cross us sooner or later!"

"Gee the one time Cyclops' paranoia was right," Lance got into a fighting stance. "Who'd have ever guessed?"

"Wait first where are Rusty and Skids?" Callisto looked around. "Scatty…"

"They're…not here," Scatty admitted.

"I can see that!" Callisto snapped. "Where are they? You're not getting any X-Man or Misfit until I see them!"

"Not getting us?" Todd blinked. "Are we prisoners or something?"

"News to me," Xi said. "But they will not get us without a fight."

"For once the little lizard has a point," Logan unsheathed his claws. Rina did the same.

"Fine with me! I've been itching for a rematch, Runt," Sabertooth snarled.

"Callisto, who do we fight? X-Men and Misfits or Acolytes?" Lucid asked.

"No one!" Callisto grabbed Candy and held a knife to her throat. "All right X-Men, Misfits stand down or the human gets it!"

"Candy!" Warren shouted. "Let her go!"

"Next time stay with your own kind Pet!" A Morlock shouted.

"Uh is this really necessary?" Candy gulped.

"Quiet flat scan! If you lot don't stand down and agree to be our prisoners the human dies!" Callisto shouted. "And Lucas, they're my prisoners until you return your prisoners! Got it?"

"This has gone on long enough," Xavier tried to concentrate but was shocked.

"Do you really think we don't have any telepaths down here?" Callisto snapped. "We were prepared for your coming Xavier and that includes you Lucas! So don't get any more funny ideas! I have the power here!"

"Maybe not. I challenge you Callisto for leadership of the Morlocks," Ororo said.

"You have got to be kidding me?" Callisto glared at her.

"Can she do that?" Lucas looked at Scatty, the one eyed mutant.

"According to our laws any mutant, even an outsider can challenge for leadership," Scatty the former Morlock told him.

"That's right!" Ray spoke up. "And Callisto has no choice but to accept the challenge!"

"Let me guess," Callisto sighed. "A helpful tit bit of information you picked up from your nephew?"

"We did discuss a few things while I visited him in prison when he was on trial," Ororo said. "He told me a lot about the Morlocks."

"And knowing…" Fred began. "Is really helpful in this case."

"Note to self, kill Evan when this is over," Callisto snarled. "But right now I'll settle for you Wind Rider! Hold on to her!" She shoved Candy into the arms of a very strong female Morlock with four arms.

"Definitely not the arms I was looking to end up in tonight," Candy sighed.

"This won't take long!" Callisto growled.

"No it won't," Ororo's eyes glowed.

"Uh, uh, uh…" Callisto wagged her finger. "No powers or you automatically lose the challenge!" She threw her a long stick and picked one up for herself. "The first one to submit loses!"

"Fine with me," Ororo growled.

"This should be fun to watch," Lucas snorted.

"Yeah, I could go for a chick fight," Sabertooth grinned.

"No wonder Magneto's so desperate for new recruits," Scatty groaned.

Callisto and Ororo charged at each other. The fight was fierce. "And thrust and parry and thrust and parry…" Fred remarked as they fought.

"Well it's a beautiful day down in the sewers as the first annual Mutant Maiden Bash gets underway," Pietro quipped doing his best Howard Cosell imitation. "And it starts with a smash, namely Storm smashing Callisto's head with her stick. But Callisto counters with a roundhouse kick that knocks Storm's weapon out of her hands. Storm returns the favor with a toss and throw. And Callisto throws some mud in Storm's face. At least I hope that's mud. These ladies are really giving it all getting down and dirty. And I do mean dirty. But Storm's under the strain of her claustrophobia and quite frankly it shows. The gambling odds are 3 to one in favor of Callisto."

"Dude, we want Storm to win," Arcade gave him a look.

"Oh yeah right," Pietro remembered. "Make that 3 to 5."

"I'll take those odds," Todd remarked. "Five on Storm yo!"

"Make mine ten on Storm," Lance called out.

"Okay any of you Morlocks wanna bet?" Shane asked. "Place your bets people! Place your bets!"

"I am definitely glad we made my Pop stay home," Althea remarked. "He'd go nuts at this."

"Yeah," Angelica held a video camera. "Good thing we're taping it."

"He'd pay big money for this," Wanda grinned.

"Oh yeah," Althea nodded.

"Let's do the wave!" Fred raised his hands quickly.

Calliban looked at Kitty. "Are they **always** like that?"

"You have **no **idea," Kitty rolled her eyes.

"Hey I wanna put some money on Storm too!" Bobby piped up.

"Yeah I want in on this!" Ray called out.

"On the other hand…" Kitty groaned.

"And you wonder **why **a lot of mutants choose to live underground rather than the mansion?" Calliban gave her a look.

Eventually Ororo managed to knock Callisto down and pin her with her weapon. "Yield Callisto!"

"Never! You'll have to kill me first!" Callisto snarled.

"You'd rather lose your **life** than lose a fight to me?" Ororo was shocked.

"Yes!" Callisto told her. "I will never surrender! Finish me if you can!"

"Suppose I did kill you Callisto, what would that solve? How would that help the Morlocks?" Ororo asked. "Would their lives be any better if you died? They need you Callisto."

"If I am no longer leader what good am I?" Callisto snarled.

"Will you put aside your pride and think of what's best for your people?" Ororo shouted. "If you yield I will make you second in command. You'll be leader in absentia. Very little will actually change."

"Except that I will be indebted to you," Callisto narrowed her eyes. "Morlocks don't like do depend on anyone but themselves."

"Well maybe it's time to change that way of thinking," Ororo said. "If things keep going on this way Magneto will force all Morlocks into his army! Do you really want that? Is your hatred and pride worth their suffering?"

Callisto debated for a full minute inside her mind. "I…Yield…" She growled.

Ororo stepped back and let Callisto go. "My first duty as leader is to make Callisto my second in command. And my second is to order you to release Candy and the others."

"Thank you!" Candy breathed a sigh of relief as the female Morlock let her go. "Don't think this hasn't been fun, because it hasn't."

"Well that was amusing," Lucas clapped. "Congratulations on your promotion Storm. But this changes nothing."

"It changes everything. Since I am leader of the Morlocks now you cannot touch them without incurring the wrath of the X-Men," Ororo glared at him. "And you know the Misfits will come to our aid as well. Do you really want to challenge me now?"

"I don't have a problem with that…" Lucas sneered.

"But I do…"

Magneto calmly floated into the room. "Magneto," Xavier glared at him. "Leave these people alone. You have no right to force them to join your army."

"You've won this day Storm," Magneto told them. "As long as you are leader of the Morlocks I will not bother them. But I will not return those that have joined me."

"They've all seen the light thanks to me," Lucas grinned.

"You bastard…" Callisto snarled.

"Consider this a truce," Magneto told them. "But do not think I will let other opportunities slip through my fingers, Charles. There are many other mutants out there who will come willingly to my side. This battle is far from over."

"And we'll be there to fight it, Magneto," Xavier frowned as the Acolytes left with their leader.

"All that for nothing," Callisto groaned.

"At least Magneto might leave us alone for a while," Lucid shrugged.

"I promise you this Callisto, we'll find a way to get them back," Ororo said gently.

"Promises mean very little to me Wind Rider," Callisto told her.

"Uh Storm far be it from me to tell you how to run things on your first day," Candy coughed. "But could we leave now while we have a chance?"

"That might not be a bad idea," Xavier sighed. "I think we've all had a long day."

"Too long…" Calliban moaned. "Calliban is a bachelor for **life!"**

"Ha ha!" Lance pointed at Kitty. "You got dumped **twice** this week!"

"DIE LANCE!" Kitty screamed and tackled him.

"Whoa! What a right hook!" Arcade said excitedly.

"Yeah Kitty's a regular firecracker once she gets lit up," Sam agreed.

"Hands off Kitty!" Wanda hexed her off Lance. "Nobody beats Lance up except us!"

This of course prompted Peter to grab Wanda's arms from behind. Pietro and Todd tackled Peter which in turn caused Logan to try and pry them apart. Soon several X-Men and Misfits were shouting and throwing mud at each other. At least they thought it was mud.

"I can't believe we're now stuck with **them!"** Callisto moaned in agony.

"I told you that your plan was the **worst idea ever!"** Calliban snapped. "Calliban knew…Calliban always..."

"OH SHUT UP CALLIBAN!" Several Morlock shouted back.

"Dude did this whole thing make any sense to you at all?" Shane asked Fred.

"Nothing around here makes any sense at all," Fred told him. "But you'll get used to it."

**Next: Some plotting, planning and scheming. Oh the fun we shall have…And yes I know it was a silly chapter here. I was in a silly mood. Then again I'm pretty much always in a silly mood. **


	5. Taking Stock of the Situation

**Taking Stock of the Situation**

"Well that was a fun evening," Candy said as the X-Men returned home. "As first dates go it was rather memorable. What happened to Trish?"

"Hank took her home. Candy, I'm so sorry you got mixed up in that whole mess," Warren groaned. "If you don't want to see me again I will completely understand…"

"I have to admit it's not every day a girl goes to her date's house and gets kidnapped by a tribe of sewer mutants," Candy said. "Ends up as a bridesmaid at a fake wedding, becomes a hostage for a second time and watches a near fight to the death."

"I am so sorry…" Warren sighed.

"Don't be too sorry," Candy kissed him. "It's been the most interesting date I've had in months."

"Months?" Warren asked.

"Well there was this guy from the props department of one of the movies where I was an extra on," Candy "We went out on our first date to go to Vegas but instead his van broke down. Actually it didn't break down it was sabotaged by his sister. Well she wasn't his sister but his wife, but when I met her on the set she claimed to be his sister. I guess that's because she and his other wives were tracking the jerk down."

"Wives?" Warren asked.

"Yeah three of them, counting the 'sister'," Candy said. "Turned out the guy was a bigamist. So we all talked it over then stripped the jerk down to his jockey shorts and hung him by his privates on a telephone pole. Called the cops to pick him up then we took whatever cash he had to Vegas where we all spent the night bonding over margaritas. We still e-mail each other. Of course it's hard not to bond when you spend the night in jail."

"Jail?" Warren blinked.

"Yeah Mandy got a little carried away when we went off to a Chippendale's review and kind of started a little riot," Candy remarked. "Well it wasn't really a riot. More like a skirmish with a few bouncers. Fortunately the charges were dropped and the cops were actually kind of nice. One of them even did a dance for us because he always wanted to be a dancer and since we were there in jail at the time…Warren why are you laughing? What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing," Warren controlled his laughter. "For a moment I was worried that you wouldn't fit in here. It's passed…But uh, just out of curiosity…You wouldn't happen to have any relatives named Dukes do you?"

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"Well that was a bloody waste of time," Lucas grunted as the Acolytes returned with Magneto to his headquarters. "Should have brought Pyro and barbecued the whole lot!"

"The one time he would be useful," Sabertooth agreed.

"It doesn't matter," Magneto shrugged. "In fact it's become rather interesting."

"Interesting?" Sabertooth looked at him. "I don't get it. I thought the whole point was to get the Morlocks on our side?"

"And they may still," Magneto told him. "In fact they may now be more inclined to join us."

"Hold on, you lost me," Lucas held up his hand. "Did you or did you not make a pact with Storm that as long as she was their leader, you wouldn't touch those bloody Morlocks?"

"I did," Magneto grinned.

"So how is this a **good **thing?" Lucas asked. "Way I see it the X-Geeks got more allies now!"

"Do they? For a telepath you have such a limited insight on the mutant nature," Magneto shook his head. "The Morlocks are a proud people."

"How proud can you be when you live in a sewer and eat garbage?" Sabertooth snorted.

"I said they were proud, not **intelligent**," Magneto told him. "A bit too proud for their own good. They already resented the X-Men before this incident. And with Storm playing absentee ruler…"

"They ain't going to like having to take orders from the X-Men,"Sabertooth put it together. "Especially if they live in that fancy mansion while the rest of the Morlocks sweat it out in the muck."

"Sooner or later Callisto or some other Morlock will reach their breaking point and challenge Storm to a duel for leadership," Magneto said. "Or even better they will simply revolt…"

"Turning against the X-Men and towards you…" Sabertooth grinned. "Smart but uh, how are we going to do that? Get more humans to attack them and start another riot?"

"One idea but there are other ways," Magneto grinned. "This is a game to be played delicately. But one I am going to enjoy playing."

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"I've got news," Pietro said to the other Misfits when they got home to Misfit Manor. "Big news! **Big big** news! I mean major gigantic humongous **news!** This is news to end all news!"

"You got news Pietro?" Todd raised an eyebrow.

"Guys I just found something out and you people are gonna **freak,"** Pietro said as the kids went into the kitchen. "I mean I nearly freaked when I found out! And if the X-Men find out they are gonna freak even more! And I don't mean your minor freak out! I am talking about the **freak out** to end all freak outs! The freak out of freak outs! The Tsunami of Freak Outs!"

"He's gonna be like this all night until he tells us isn't he?" Shane sighed.

"Uh uh," Fred nodded. "Might as well get it over with."

"Okay Pietro," Lance sighed as he got a soda and sat down. "What's got you into gossip hyper drive this time?"

"Okay brace yourselves," Pietro sat down. "It's big. **Big!** With a capital B-I-G! You remember Tommy? Evan's ex-girlfriend?"

"The Morlock, yeah," Althea nodded. "What about her?"

"Well after the whole Who Wants To Marry a Morlock turned into Mutant WWF Underground I thought I'd check the place out for a second," Pietro said. "You know see if there were any possible recruits or something and who do I find hiding in a corner? Tommy with a few other lady friends, and she had a baby girl."

"Yeah so what does that…" Realization hit Todd. His eyes grew wide. "No way!"

"Yeah way," Pietro nodded.

**"No way!"** Todd repeated.

"Way!" Pietro repeated in a high 'I know it all' voice.

"No way!" Fred gasped.

"Way!" Pietro crowed in triumph.

"Are you saying…?" Wanda's jaw dropped. "Are you **sure?"**

"Sure? Sure about what?" Shane asked.

"The stock market collapsing," Fred rolled his eyes. "And you all think **I'm** the dumb one?"

"The Idiot is dead," Pietro quipped. "Long live the Idiot."

"Wait a minute...Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Shane asked.

"That you're an idiot, yeah," Pietro remarked.

"And you're a close second," Lance snapped. "He means about the kid!"

"I got a good look at her," Pietro said. "She looks **exactly** like Evan. And I don't just mean the little bone scabs on her body."

"Bone scabs?" Lance asked. "That doesn't sound good."

"Nah they're harmless," Pietro said. "Doesn't even hurt the kid. I mean she probably won't be able to shoot 'em out until…"

"No, I mean for Evan," Lance interrupted. "I mean he probably…"

"He started fooling around with Feral the week Tommy told him she was pregnant," Pietro folded his arms. "I asked."

"Oh boy…" Todd slapped his hand on his head. "Oh boy."

"He **knew?"** Althea's jaw dropped.

"Yup," Pietro frowned.

"And he **still**…?" Angelica gasped in shock.

"Yup," Pietro nodded.

"Oh boy," Todd groaned.

"You mean while **she** was...?" Wanda began. "**He **was...?"

"You got it!" Pietro crowed.

"Holy crap that is big news!" Lance's jaw dropped.

"I **told** you!" Pietro nodded.

"Wait hold on," Shane held up his hand. "Back up. I came in late here. Evan? As in Evan 'Spyke' Daniels, the former X-Man on trial accused of killing that Spears dude?"

"More like Evan Daniels former X-Man who got away with killing that Spears dude," Todd corrected.

"You mean he really did bump off…?" Shane began.

"Uh huh," Todd said.

"Damn, way to go bro," Shane whistled.

"Not really since he used **both** X-Men and Misfits to pull it off," Althea glared at him. "He swiped one of the teleportation watches to pull off the job and get an alibi and got the X-Men involved in riots at Bayville over the whole mess."

"Oh yeah," Shane thought some more. "Using you guys and getting innocent people killed in riots, that's not cool."

"No it is **not,"** Althea told him. She smacked him on the head. "Idiot!"

"That's what I said!" Fred agreed with her.

"How was **I** supposed to know? Wait a minute what was all that about this Feral you were talking about?" Shane asked.

"Long story short Evan was with Thornn who later became a New Mutant for a while," Pietro explained. "Thornn wouldn't sleep with Evan so he slept with a few other dozen girls including Tommy who as soon as he got pregnant he went off with Thornn's insane sister Feral who had a little murder spree of her own. Magneto broke Feral out of prison and she went off with the Acolytes while Thornn went to Muir Island to be with her long lost **other** sister. She became part of Generation X, a smaller mutant team."

"They're run by Moira McTaggert," Althea continued. "Rahne's foster mother and Xavier's former lover."

"She had a kid who was a mutant too but he went nuts and went on a killing spree," Lance continued. "The X-Men had to bring him down but they lost one of their instructors when they took him out permanently. James Proudstar. He was the brother of Warpath."

"Wait, Warpath the Hellion?" Shane asked.

"**Former** Hellion," Xi told him. "He turned against them during the Phoenix episode remember?"

"Damn it is like a freaking Mutant Soap Opera around here," Shane was floored.

"Wait does Kitty know?" Wanda asked. "About the baby I mean. She was with Calliban for a while…"

"And talked about herself the whole time," Lance snorted. "Trust me he wouldn't have had a **chance** to tell her."

"Does Storm know?" Lina asked. "Or any of the other X-Men?"

"What do **you **think?" Pietro asked. "Of course nobody else knows **especially **Storm, and I'm not gonna be the one to tell her!"

"He's right," Lance said. "Remember when Storm found out about Evan's fooling around? She nearly blew the entire town of Bayville away! Imagine what would happen if she found out about this!"

"It would be a recreation of the movie The Day After Tomorrow," Althea groaned. "Only without the bad reviews."

"Not to mention the beginning of a very ugly custody battle if I know the X-Men," Lance pointed out.

"He's got a point," Angelica said. "The Morlocks really hate us now. Especially the X-Men and Storm. Imagine what would happen if Storm tried to take her great niece?"

"Exactly," Pietro agreed. "As much as I'd **love** to bring **any **news that would drive the X-Men nuts, I think I'll give this one a pass."

"Should we tell the adults?" Daria asked.

"I wouldn't," Althea shook her head. "Not until we need something from them anyway. Besides knowing my father he'd blab it to Storm first chance he got."

"What about Xavier?" Lina asked. "He might find out."

"Xavier didn't even know about his **own **kid," Todd pointed out.

"Okay that's Lucas right?" Shane asked. "The Scottish guy who mutant version of Sybill?"

"Yup that's him," Todd nodded.

"I have just thought of something," Xi thought. "Remember when I was captured with the others after Neverland? We were taken to the Hellfire Club's Inner Circle."

"Yeah and Jean held her big Welcome Phoenix Barbecue," Pietro said. "What's your point?"

"There was a discussion between Spyke and the leaders of the Hellfire Club as well as Sinister that we overheard," Xi explained. "Both Sinister and Shaw kept mentioning to Spyke that he should comply should anything happen to his **family.** At the time I thought he was referring to Spyke's parents. But now…"

"Oh man!" Todd's jaw dropped again. "This is just whack yo!"

"You saying Sinister and the Hellfire Club were blackmailing Spyke so he would stay on their side?" Wanda asked.

"Sounds like it to me," Althea said. "And I wouldn't put it past 'em!"

"If what you're saying is true then maybe this dude Spyke don't want to really hang with the Hellfire Club any more?" Shane thought aloud.

"Poor Spyke," Lina sighed.

"Don't feel **too** sorry for him," Lance pointed out. "Remember what he did to Spears and those FOH members. Okay bad example…"

"Here's a **better** one," Wanda added. "He skewered Tabitha. Here's another, he hurt Storm by betraying her."

"And **another**, he killed Spears using one of **our **teleportation watches," Althea went on.

"Oh yeah I'd almost forgotten about that," Pietro said.

"I'm surprised," Fred said. "Since **you** were the one who showed him the watches in the first place!"

"Thanks a lot!" Pietro grumbled. Then he brightened. "Wait a minute, that means **he** betrayed **me!** He took advantage of my trusting nature! Which means I have a real good reason to hate him! Yes!"

"Okay again I know I'm new here but what the hell is it with you and Daniels and this whole rivalry thing?" Shane asked.

"You've never met Evan," Todd told him. "Trust us on this. Most people when they mutate and are forced to live into a sewer it's not an improvement on their character. In his case…"

"He was a lame air headed jerk with a weird hair style that reminded me of a copy of someone else," Pietro snorted. "I don't know who…"

"In other words he's a black version of Quicksilver," Lance quipped. "Personality wise anyway. And you know what they say about like attracting like…"

"Oh **that** explains it," Shane nodded. "I'm hating him already."

"HEY!" Pietro frowned.

"So wait a second, if he is being forced to stay with the Hellfire Club shouldn't we tell somebody about this?" Angelica asked.

"I don't want to just run to the adults every time we have some information or a problem," Althea thought aloud. "Besides I still have a few questions about all this that I want answered before we do tell someone."

"Like how to tell Storm without starting the next major hurricane?" Fred asked.

"Yeah there's **that**," Althea said. "But I want to see if Spyke really is a victim first."

"How are we gonna do that?" Todd asked. "It ain't like he's next door or nothing."

"Oh we'll see him again," Althea narrowed her eyes. "I guarantee it. And next time we do we're gonna have a little chat."

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"I told you it would be a waste of time," Selene sighed.

The giant figure of Apocalypse said nothing as he stared at the monitors in his secret lair, replaying the battle with the dragon and watching them. Selene continued. "Go ahead, ignore me. We both know what happened the last time you did **that!"**

"After all these centuries you still harbor that grudge over that soldier?" Apocalypse finally spoke. "Even though I was not responsible for his death."

"You didn't exactly stop it either," Selene glared at him.

"And what would have happened if it was prevented somehow?" Apocalypse asked. "He was not one of us Selene. He would never have survived."

"He would have if I had had the **chance** to…" Selene stopped, frustrated. "Look I did what you wanted. As far as I'm concerned my debt to you is paid in full! Go ahead, conquer the whole planet if you want or just stand there and watch television all day! It's not my problem!"

"No, I suspect you have other problems on your mind," Apocalypse spoke. With a wave of his hand a picture of Lance appeared on the monitor. "The resemblance is uncanny isn't it?"

Selene said nothing. "Did you really think I would **not **notice?" Apocalypse asked.

"If this is going to be a lecture about infatuation and how it's a waste of time I suggest you **don't** go down that road," Selene snapped. "We both know you've traveled down it yourself more than once!"

"Yes, but unlike you I **learn** from my mistakes," Apocalypse said. He punched up several faces of the X-Men and Misfits on the monitors and studied them. "I underestimated them. I will not do so again. They've gotten stronger. More powerful. But then again…" He looked down at his glowing fist. "So have I."

"Oh yes, your time in the Nexus," Selene dismissed the notion with a wave. "Strength isn't everything you know? I don't care how powerful you get, not even you can match the Phoenix Force and you know it."

"But I have the time to become even more powerful. Mutants like us have all the time we need, " Apocalypse told her.

"You're not like me, Apocalypse," Selene told him. "You may be immortal like the Externals, but you are **not **one, And you never will be."

"A strange thing to say considering my bloodline practically founded the Externals," Apocalypse told her. "More than half the Externals are Children of Apocalypse."

"And that's why **more **than **half **of them are now **dead,** which is a great feat considering we're supposed to be immortal," Selene said. "Your offspring and descendents inherited your worst traits and over the centuries fought so much among themselves they **decimated** your bloodline! All this survival of the fittest crap you drilled into their empty heads did was make them fight each other to near extinction. And you know it!"

"Selene, you are the only person in the universe that I will allow to speak so freely to me," Apocalypse gave her a look. "But you should still watch your tongue. I will not always be in such a charitable mood."

"When are you **ever **in a charitable mood?" Selene grunted.

At this Apocalypse let out a dark laugh. Selene tensed. "I've never heard you laugh before," She remarked. "I don't think I like it."

"My experience within the Nexus has changed me in more ways than one," Apocalypse explained. "In a way, Rogue did me a favor when she banished me within the cracks of time and space. I've witnessed the thoughts and emotions of several versions of myself, their plans and plots and how they all failed. And I've been thinking about why they failed and it's come down to two simple reasons: The first one is failure to estimate the strength of their opponents…"

"And the other?" Selene raised an eyebrow, curious to where this was going.

"Their own anger and hubris," Apocalypse told her. "I admit, I myself am guilty of this. I did not imagine the possibility that other mutants were as strong or as clever enough to oppose me."

"And now you know," Selene quipped. "And knowing is half the battle."

"Very simplistic but yes. Wherever did you hear that?" Apocalypse raised an eyebrow.

"I have been watching GI Joe way too long," Selene sighed.

"Hmmm," Apocalypse nodded. "I too feel my anger and rage. But if I am to succeed in building a new age, a new strong world…I must control my anger. Temper my hatred. Focus it. It's no different than creating a sword in a way. It must be heated and cooled alternately. For now, I must stay in the moment, cool my temper and focus it for when the time is right, I will unleash my rage."

"I'll give you this," Selene remarked. "You seem to be a lot calmer than your usual impetuous self. Just don't plan on including me in your schemes."

Again Apocalypse laughed. "What's so funny now?" Selene asked bitterly.

"I know you Selene," Apocalypse made a sinister grin. "When you're not focused on your personal vendettas you can be quite cunning. No, I do not need to include you in my plan for you shall come to my side willingly and assist me."

"And what makes you think I will do that?" Selene retorted hotly.

"Your desire for power…" He began.

"I don't need you for that! I have my magic!" Selene snapped.

"Your fear of the Phoenix…" Apocalypse continued. Selene stiffened. He knew he had touched a nerve. "I thought so. But no matter. I don't really need you right now. Go ahead with your plans to seduce the boy. I take it you're going to start something trivial as infiltrating his dreams now? That was the real reason you took him out of the battle with your monster wasn't it? To implant some kind of magic charm when you touched him?"

"I really **hate** you sometimes…" Selene hissed.

"You need me Selene, sooner or later you will realize that," Apocalypse told her.

"Never again," Selene growled and disappeared.

"That was almost too easy," Apocalypse chuckled to himself.

He knew that Selene's efforts to seduce Avalanche would sooner or later expose the latest bearer of the Destiny Stone. Apocalypse was still angry at himself for not paying enough attention to see who it was back at the Nexus. Even with his powers it was impossible to fully pay attention to everything with all the chaos and insanity.

No matter, by keeping an eye on Selene and her plans for the Destiny Stone it would be one less loose end to tie up. Now for the others…

Despite being trapped for several centuries, Apocalypse had learned to send out his mind to a few select individuals. Those beings especially receptive to his mind were mutants with telepathic abilities. And he knew one in particular…

"_Hello Essex…" _

"What the…?" In his lab Sinister jerked his head as a familiar presence entered his mind. "Who..?"

"_For shame Essex, how you have forgotten me. The one who opened your mind all those years ago to the glories of Evolution…" _

A flash of a memory blazed across Sinister's mind. Sinister, back centuries ago when he was an English doctor named Essex on a trip across the world looking for exotic herbs to use in medicines. And he happened to end up in Tibet. The flash of a stone tablet. A large stone door. Essex touched the door and his body glowed brightly…

"_It was I who gave you the first keys to unlocking the secrets of human genetics. Giving you the knowledge necessary for you to start the process of evolving the human race…To create those who would one day set me free…" _

"I thought I was able to block my mind from yours decades ago," Sinister grunted.

"_You have grown complacent. Allowed your mental shields to grow lax." _

"Obviously," Sinister said. "What do you want?"

"_For you to continue the task I set you on all those years ago…" _

"Continue? I've done nothing **but **work on evolving the human race all these centuries!" Sinister snapped. "It's been a slow methodical process, infiltrating government lab after government lab…Finding the right specimens…manipulating breeding in some cases in order to get exactly the right genes and still **not** getting the right combination! In more than one case these genes have lain hidden, dormant for generations! But now…after all this time, so many new mutants are cropping up all over the world all my work is finally coming to fruition!"

"_So it would seem…However it is still not enough." _

"It's not like **your** plans have gone any better," Sinister growled. "What I find ironic is that Stryker succeeded where your plan **failed**. At least on a small level."

"_Luckily for you, I too find that ironic," _Apocalypse snorted. _"And now I need you and the others for a new plan." _

"I hope you're not counting on your little clan and External friends, what's left of them," Sinister countered. "Of the Externals there's only eight of them left counting our dear friend Selene."

"_You need not concern yourself with them. There is only one External that truly matters to me…" _

"Of course. You know I remember Selene once telling me that there was a time you would not have even considered giving him the leftovers from your dinner because you thought he was so weak. Another irony I find amusing," Sinister snorted.

"**_DO YOU FIND THIS AMUSING ESSEX?" _**Apocalypse sent out a massive mental assault on Sinister.

"AAGGHHH!" Sinister yelled and was in such agony he fell to his knees.

"_**Never **talk about my son in that manner again if you wish to live…" _Apocalypse snarled. _"Now this is what I need you to do…" _

Sinister's eyes widened as Apocalypse informed him. "That will take months!"

"_Perhaps maybe even a year. All the more reason for you to get to work." _

"But to do all those projects at the same time…" Sinister was shocked. "Even with my genius I can't do it all!"

"_Who said you were going to do it all? I need you to contact a few old friends of mine…And a few enemies," _Apocalypse told him who he needed to contact and for what purpose. _"Now does the work I have given you seem more…manageable?" _

"You seem, different…" Sinister realized. "More calculating."

"_Let's just say I have witnessed several possible outcomes for my future and the future of mutant kind. And I was not pleased by any of them," _Apocalypse told him. _"So I will create a new future where I will control the fate of the world before the Phoenix destroys it!" _

"As you wish," Sinister gulped. "I'll get started at once."

Apocalypse grinned. He knew Sinister to be an excellent actor given the right motivation. He would approach the parties and convey the messages he wished conveyed.

Now all he had to do was wait for the pieces to fall into place.

"The trick with dealing with pawns," Apocalypse spoke with a cruel grin. "Is to allow them to believe they are actually kings. Until of course you need to dispose of them…"

**Obviously I'm screwing around with External history here but isn't it fun? Next: More mindless fun. The X-Men actually have a normal school day! Well as normal as you can get at the Institute and with the Misfits running around. **


	6. School Daze

**School Daze**

It had taken a while but there was finally a set schedule for classes and training at the Xavier Institute for the Gifted. Since they had been banned from Bayville High School classes were sporadic at best for obvious reasons and Danger Room practice had often been overshadowing actual class work (also for obvious reasons.)

But recently Xavier had finally managed to set a routine for his students. Mondays through Thursdays would be classes in the morning and training in the afternoon. Fridays would be set aside as all day class day make up work for whenever regular classes were interrupted. Of course that happened every week so no student was ever able to slack off on Fridays. Saturdays had training in the mornings and indoor/outdoor activities in the afternoons depending on the weather (Or Ororo's moods). Sundays the kids were allowed to relax.

The ones with the most class work were Kitty, Rogue, Kurt, Peter, Betsy and Remy. Not just because most of them were on the main team but they were the older students and the ones closest to graduation. Remy had protested saying that he didn't need a high school diploma. What good does a high school diploma do for a thief and a fighter? Rogue countered this argument by suggesting that maybe he didn't need a girlfriend or some other parts of his anatomy if he refused.

Remy then decided to give high school education a try.

Although Jean was able to help out with teaching and trained like the other X-Men, she wasn't able to devote full time to teaching due to her studies. She spent most of her mornings either in class at New York University or studying. The afternoons she was able to schedule for training, tutoring and studying. As demanding as her college load was, thanks to many sessions with Professor Xavier, Hank and Lifeline with GI Joe, she was actually ahead of her studies. She had also managed to take several online courses of the basic college classes and get the credit for them which made it possible for her to focus on her more advanced medical classes.

And as much as she hated to admit it, her time studying with Sinister under the guise of Professor Sterisin had also advanced her knowledge. Thanks to her less than traditional method of study, she was already a year and a half ahead in her medical studies and would be able to reach her doctorate much earlier than she anticipated. Although according to her it wouldn't be soon enough.

The students preparing for graduation also had a full course load, although admittedly some of them were faring better than others (Actually by others I mean Remy who had never spent more than a few months in a regular school in his entire life.) Xavier had given them the necessary coursework and independent studies in order for them to finish school and take the final exams that year, hopefully before August. (The way they got interrupted nearly every day it was a wonder they had any time to prepare at all.)

Typical school days were actually rare. But that Thursday proved to be one of them. This is how a typical school day usually went…

THURSDAY MORNING:

7 AM: BREAKFAST AND ANNOUNCEMENTS:

"That's not funny, Bobby," Kitty grumbled obviously upset at his whistling 'Here Comes The Bride' when she entered the room.

"Well you gotta admit considering your love life…" Ray began.

"Listen Pikachu, at least I **have **a love life so knock it off!" Kitty snapped.

"Don't call me that! I **hate** that name!" Ray fumed.

"You gotta admit though it fits," Tabitha pointed out as she munched her Sugar Bombs cereal.

"It does not!" Ray challenged.

"Oh yes it does!" Both Kitty and Tabitha said at the same time.

"Anyway it's the last time I do someone a favor like that!" Kitty groaned as she poured some cereal. She took a look at Kurt. "Eww, Kurt you're pouring orange juice into your cereal!"

"I know," Kurt munched happily. "I like it this way."

"I've never liked cereal," Rogue munched on a muffin. "It reminds me too much of when I lived with the Brotherhood."

"I dunno," Tabitha thought. "The cereal fights were fun. And they made some very convincing arguments on the private lives of cereal characters."

"Like what?" Danielle asked.

"Oh like Toucan Sam was really gay and he should be considered a symbol of Gay Pride," Tabitha thought. "You know because of the rainbow beak."

"And that was one of their more **intelligent **conversations," Rogue groaned.

"No wonder you're not crazy about cereal," Roberto remarked. "I know that would turn me off."

"Has anyone ever wondered if any of those guys are mutants?" Tim thought. "Cereal box characters. I mean look at Tony the Tiger. He can talk and walk on his hind legs…"

"Oh no…" Rogue rolled her eyes. "Here we go!"

"Hey it beats some of the arguments we had at the Hellfire Academy," Doug pointed out. "Some of the Epsilons and the Gammas used to argue which breakfast cereal could make the best rocket fuel if mixed with the right ingredients."

"What?" Kitty blinked.

"Hey that's right I remember my brother used to write to me about that," Everett remembered. "He used to swear by Coco Puffs."

"He was wrong," Dead Girl snorted. "Obviously it's Rice Krispies. Think about it, snap, crackle and **pop?** Hello? Obvious winner here!"

"What about one of those granola cereals?" Ray thought.

"Oh you gotta be kidding me man," Jesse shook his head.

"Yeah even I know those would be totally lame," Jamie snorted.

"I think Dead Girl's right," Paige spoke.

"No way," Betsy snorted.

"Yes way," Dead Girl called back.

"You know that would be a great experiment," Forge thought.

"Great! Just great! Way to go guys!" Rogue threw up her hands. "Give Forge more ideas!"

"Yeah like your inventions haven't already caused **enough** trouble this week!" Kitty snapped. "I hate to think what would happen if you worked on this! Blow up the mansion again? Open up a dimensional portal to Kurt's Dad's home? Maybe end up cloning us or something? Oh… no offense Rina."

"None taken," Rina munched on her egg, sausage and biscuit breakfast.

"Hey turn up the MTV!" Tabitha called out to Jubilee who had turned on the television. "Let's get some music!"

"Turn on the news," Everett called out.

"Forget it man it's all a drag," Ray scoffed. "I don't feel like being depressed outside of class!"

"Turn on the cartoons!" Jamie shouted.

"Yeah cartoons!" Bobby yelled.

"No cartoons," Hank walked in and turned off the television. "Music or news. Listen up people! I've got a few announcements."

Everyone groaned. "Yes, I know you're all thrilled," Hank smirked. "First of all Individual Powers practice is going to be on Sub Level B today. For those of you not familiar with it, it's the level without all the tennis balls in them."

This caused a chuckle. "Yes, very amusing," Hank rolled his eyes. "Later on Professor X will have a talk with the guilty parties."

"It was the Misfits!" Ray shouted.

"No, it wasn't Ray," Hank said.

"Well it wasn't me!" Ray added.

"No one said it was you," Hank said.

"Well some people might have said it was me," Ray said.

"Nobody said it was you Ray," Hank sighed.

"I'm just saying it wasn't me," Ray told him.

"We believe you Ray," Hank rolled his eyes.

"I didn't do it man!" Ray said. "Have the Prof read my mind!"

"We know it wasn't you Ray!" Betsy snapped. "Everybody knows it was Forge and Jamie!"

"I was trying a new experiment," Forge shrugged.

"I don't want to know what you were doing," Hank groaned.

"Okay Jamie I get, he'll do anything," Tim said. "But Forge? Man you're really a glutton for punishment this week!"

"This from the man who made a hole in his bedroom closet yesterday," Hank folded his arms. "You will also have a little talk with Professor Xavier later."

"I thought there was a rat in there okay?" Tim snapped. "I hate rats!"

"Well maybe if you didn't make just a mess in your closet…" Ray snapped.

"Oh like **you're** a neat freak all of the sudden!" Tim snapped.

"Moving on…" Hank continued. "Those students who went on that unscheduled field trip the other day will spend their independent study catching up on practicing for the SAT's and Final Exam testing."

"Why do we have to take the SAT's?" Rogue grumbled. "Not all of us wanna go to college."

"I do," Kitty said.

"Yeah but not all of us do," Remy said. "That's what she's asking."

"One never knows what the future holds, that's why we need to be prepared for anything," Hank told them.

"MEOWWWWWWW!" Prometheus the cat screamed as he fled from Lockheed and ran through the breakfast table, knocking over food everywhere.

"LOCKHEED!" Kitty shouted, phasing through the table trying to get at her dragon. Her action startled the students even more, causing cereal, muffins and other utensils to go flying. "NO! BAD DRAGON!"

"Watch it!" Amara yelled as food flung all over.

"Aw man!" Ray groaned as his cereal splashed onto his shirt.

"Another reason why I don't eat cereal," Rogue chuckled.

"Just **once I**'d like to have a breakfast where food isn't flying all over the place," Hank moaned.

8 AM: ENGLISH LITERATURE AND WRITING: ALL STUDENTS

Teachers: Beast, Storm

"For crying out loud Storm!" Hank moaned. "How can you hate Tom Sawyer? It's a classic of American Literature!"

"Besides the obvious racism?" Ororo folded her arms in anger.

"For the fiftieth time Twain wrote it like that to make it realistic," Hank said. "Like it or not people did use…that word which is used a lot on The Boondocks to describe people of color."

"Way to politically correct it Beastie," Tabitha chuckled.

"It's no different than people calling us 'mutie'," Everett pointed out.

"Or 'freak'," Rogue spoke.

"Or 'gene joke'," Ray spoke.

"Demons," Bobby spoke up.

"Or my personal favorite, 'abominations in the sight of God,'" Kurt added.

"Or LW," Rina said.

"LW? I haven't heard **that** one," Rogue looked at her.

"It's short for Living Weapon," Rina explained. "It's military slang. Heard it a lot when I was with Hydra."

"It's not like we don't have names to call humans either," Tim piped up. "Flat scans, statics, norms, low genes, Dead Ends…"

"Morlocks used to call 'em Sun Skunks," Ray added. "Of course they call that to anyone who lives topside."

"See what this book inspires?" Ororo told Hank. "Name calling!"

"It was a realistic depiction of life back then," Hank defended. "A critique of American identity!"

"Pardon my language children, but realistic my ass!" Ororo snapped.

"Don't worry Storm we've heard a lot worse," Roberto said. "Remember, Mr. Proudstar used to teach this class."

"Hey is it me or has anyone noticed in a time of a male dominated society the women pretty much ran the show in this book?" Jesse asked. "Think about it, Aunt Polly and her friends were the authority figures, Becky Thatcher was the voice of reason…"

"Becky Thatcher was a wimp," Rogue scoffed.

"Yeah and all the guys in this book are either drunks, killers, crooks, or idiots!" Tim called out. "Except for Jim the slave."

"Big shock," Everett rolled his eyes. "Even back then we were smarter than white people."

"Two words as a rebuttal for that argument," Tim glared at Everett. "Bobby Brown."

"Oh come on that's just wrong!" Kurt stopped them. "Stop it! Besides it wouldn't matter what color Bobby Brown was he'd still be nuts!"

"Yeah and you guys got Anna Nichole Smith, Paris Hilton, Simon Cowell and Rush Limbaugh," Jesse said. "So don't throw down any stupid arguments."

"He's got a point," Rogue said.

"Yeah sorry man," Tim shrugged. "My bad."

"This book is dumb, let's burn it," Jamie said cheerfully.

"No one is burning any books here," Hank told him.

"It's not like it hasn't been done before," Tabitha pointed out.

"For once that doesn't sound like a bad idea," Ororo thought aloud.

"And I thought the book burning and the insane arguments would leave the classroom once Proudstar was gone," Hank sighed.

9:15 AM: MATHAMATICS/ALGEBRA/ TEST PREP: ALL STUDENTS

Teachers: Angel, Cyclops

"Whoever invented worksheets was a sadistic maniac that outta burn in hell," Rogue grumbled as she worked on her problems. The mutants were sitting at a large round table working on their problems.

"Giving us individual worksheets for different grade levels, yes that's effective," Everett agreed.

"Well you're the only one who's probably going to use this stuff in the future so…" Sam said.

"What are you talking about?" Kitty asked.

"We were just talking the other day about some of us wanting to join the X-Men and others don't," Ray said.

"I don't," Everett pointed out. "My life is warped enough as it is."

"Thanks a lot," Kurt groaned.

"Well why did you come here if you didn't want to be an X-Man?" Kitty asked Everett.

"I wanted to control my powers better," Everett said. "I didn't think that would automatically sign me up for some kind of mutant superhero team."

"Everett we're in the news all the time. How could you **not **know that?" Rogue asked.

"Correction, **you're** in the news all the time," Everett pointed out. "And can you honestly say you never thought twice about being an X-Man?"

"Well let's just say that ever since I got my powers my career options are pretty limited," Rogue told him. "Besides being an X-Man isn't all bad. I mean if I can use these powers for some good."

"Do you really mean what you said before?" Kitty asked. "About not wanting to go to college?"

"Why bother?" Rogue shrugged. "I mean why pay all that money to study for a diploma I don't need and an excuse to drink on the weekends. I can do that here for free."

"College isn't for everyone," Remy pointed out. "Look at Cyclops. He didn't go. He just took some online classes here after high school."

"Speaking of looking at Cyclops," Kitty blinked. "What is he doing?"

"Will you give me those?" Scott was trying to tug some papers out of Warren's hands. "I can't believe you're doing this now!"

"Look I just need to work on a few things…" Warren was trying to hold onto his papers.

"This is no time to be working on your bank statement and your finances!" Scott snapped. "And especially your standings in all the gambling pools around here! What kind of example are you setting for these kids?"

"Go right ahead," Kurt called out. "Think of this as a lesson in economics."

"You know he has a point," Scott pointed out to Warren. "Even Berserker manages his money better than you. And that's saying something!"

"Hey why are you picking on **me?**" Ray asked. "Why not Jamie? He's just a little kid!"

"A little kid that's already set up an IRA account and has a few stock options," Jamie glared at him.

"Why do you think he's got advanced algebra work and you're still on basic fractions?" Betsy asked. "I mean we all know out of all of us Jamie is the most knowledgeable about money matters."

"How can you say that?" Ray asked.

"Dude he runs all the betting pools around here," Bobby gave him a look.

"Not to mention I have loans out to half the class and you're late on your **last **payment," Jamie glared at Ray.

"Can we get back to Angel's problems?" Betsy asked. "They're much more interesting and relevant to this class."

"I agree," Scott said. "Now that Angel's broke like the rest of us…"

"Ahem," Jamie coughed.

"Except for Multiple," Scott amended. "He's gotta learn to manage his money better."

"For crying out loud Scott I am perfectly capable of managing my money! I mean I helped run my family's business pretty well and never went over budget!" Warren said.

"Yeah but it wasn't **your** money," Scott said. "When it comes to yourself you still tend to splurge. You need to cut some corners. Like your cars for example. You gotta give them up man."

"What do you mean give up my cars?" Warren yelled. "I need transportation!"

"**One** car is transportation," Scott told him. "**Twenty seven** is an **addiction!"**

"Twenty seven cars! Dude!" Ray's jaw dropped.

"Yeah and three of them are Rolls Royces," Scott said.

"Where are they?" Kitty asked. "Can we have a test ride before you sell them?"

"You are not getting anywhere near **any** of my cars!" Warren snapped. "They're all in storage. And Scott you're one to talk you have that Corvette."

"Yeah, **one **Corvette which the Professor gave me for my birthday years ago," Scott told him. "And it's hard enough paying for gas on my salary."

"Dude you get paid?" Ray asked.

"It's his allowance," Rogue explained.

"It is not my allowance, it's my salary!" Scott snapped. "There's a difference!"

"Yeah the Professor gave you thirty bucks more a week and changed the name to salary when you graduated," Rogue said. "And he volunteered to pay all insurance costs on it after your graduation was ruined because you were so depressed."

"And you have the gall to lecture **me **about my finances?" Warren snapped. "The Professor practically pays for everything you own around here!"

"I have **earned **every single cent I have ever gotten from him," Scott snapped.

"It's true," Tabitha agreed. "I mean look at all the times he's ended up in the infirmary after a Danger Room session."

"Or eating something Kitty cooked," Bobby said. "Or whenever he gave her a driving lesson…"

"WHAT IS THIS PICK ON KITTY WEEK?" Kitty snapped.

"Well we haven't officially scheduled a parade yet," Tabitha snickered.

"And to think Jean thinks I have it easy because I'm not taking college classes," Scott groaned.

10:55 AM: INDEPENDENT STUDY CLASSES: ALL STUDENTS

MECHANICS, COMPUTER SCIENCE, CHEMISTRY, ART, LOCK PICKING

Yes you read right, lock picking. It had been suggested by Remy that the students should learn how to pick locks seeing as they were almost always being thrown into prisons by their enemies. And for once Logan and Scott agreed with him. It was revealed that Ororo was a master at the craft thanks to her upbringing as a thief in Cairo and she too made an opinion that it might not be such a bad idea as long as the students were not encouraged to use their new skills to open Logan's liquor cabinet stash. Xavier decided that out of necessity this class would be taught to all students by Ororo assisted by Remy.

Today nearly everyone was practicing their locks. Even without their powers Rina, Tabitha and Jubilee were quite adept with Kitty and Rogue a close second.

Kitty and Kurt were working on homework from other classes due to their dimensional field trip. Peter was in a corner drawing while everyone else worked on lock picking.

"Done," Tim grinned as he opened his final of three locks. "This stuff is easy."

"Yeah I figured **you** wouldn't have any trouble with this Skullfire," Roberto snorted as he worked on his second lock.

"This from the guy whose dad is in the Hellfire Club?" Paige gave him a look.

"You have a point," Roberto grumbled as he continued.

"I tell you even at the Massachusetts Academy we never did this," Doug groaned as he fiddled with his first lock. "Taught how to blow the stupid things open yeah but…"

"These are standard issue security locks Hydra uses," Rina explained. She had finished hers long ago and was now watching the others. "Trust me, learning how to deactivate them without your powers is a good thing."

"Well if these are standard issue I'd hate to see the top of the line," Doug moaned.

"I know," Everett groaned as he finally finished his first one. "I hope I never have to use this information."

"Hey we never finished talking about that," Roberto looked at Everett. "What do you want to do with your life after school? I mean if you're not going to be an X-Man…"

"I dunno, I was thinking about teaching actually," Everett thought. "Well I was until our last class. I don't think I have the stamina to put up with kids all day. I can barely handle being a student sometimes."

"With your powers you could do practically anything," Jubilee pointed out.

"Yeah but I'd like to do something that doesn't involve my powers," Everett said. "I just don't know what yet."

"I wish I had that option," Doug groaned. "I don't think I could cut it as an X-Man either. With my luck I'd probably end up getting killed."

"So what would you do?" Kitty looked up from her work.

"I'd probably be a UN translator or something," Doug shrugged. "Or work for the government."

"Oh **there's** a smart career move," Ray said sarcastically.

"Kitty's going to be mayor of Chicago," Kurt snickered.

"What?" Danielle asked.

"In one of the realties we visited I turned out to be the first and probably last mutant mayor of Chicago," Kitty explained.

"Why the last?" Danielle asked.

"Because right before we left President Shipwreck accidentally started a nuclear war by bombing a few countries and New Jersey," Kitty rolled her eyes.

"**President **Shipwreck?" Rogue asked. "Oh I am so glad I did **not** go on that trip!"

"Trust me Rogue, you don't want to **know** about some of the situations we found," Kurt groaned. "They were just too weird!"

"Like what?" Remy had overheard the conversation. "Come on Elf, Remy is curious."

"Why?" Rogue asked.

"Remy just want to know what the future brings," Remy grinned.

"You mean when you cheated on Rogue with Warren?" Kurt snickered.

"WHAT?" Remy yelled. "YOU'RE JOKING!"

"He's joking," Kitty said. "You cheated on Rogue with both Warren **and **Betsy."

"Oh god now **I** feel sick…" Betsy winced.

"YOU FEEL SICK?" Remy yelled. "Me and Angel! Not possible?"

"I dunno Swamp Rat I think you two make a nice couple," Rogue snickered.

"I wouldn't talk Rogue," Kitty said. "You had a few weird romances yourself in those other dimensions."

"Like who?" Rogue asked.

"Logan," Kurt began. "Beast, Xavier…"

"Plus some other guy we never heard of," Kitty added.

"Okay I can see Logan and maybe Beast," Rogue held up her hand. "But the Professor? No way. I mean that is just plain **wrong.**"

"It gets worse," Kurt grinned. "In one dimension you were a **cheerleader.**"

"Now I am really going to be sick," Rogue made a face.

"A cheerleader that used semi automatic weapons," Kitty explained.

"That's still a cheerleader Kitty!" Rogue snapped. "I could never do that! Even with weapons!"

"I dunno, Chere," Remy grinned. "I can see you as a cheerleader in that cute little outfit with the pom poms…"

"And you with your arms around Warren's…" Rogue glared at him. Remy made a choking sound. "Yeah I figured you wouldn't like that!"

"What's going on over here?" Ororo walked over to them.

"Oh we're just telling them what happened when we were running around other dimensions," Kitty said.

"And it's making us ill," Betsy groaned.

"You and Storm made another nice couple," Kitty snickered.

"Oh lord…" Remy groaned. "Storm doesn't this bother you?"

"As long as I didn't end up with Shipwreck I find it interesting," Ororo shrugged. She looked at Kurt and Kitty who had strange looks on their faces. "I didn't end up with him did I?"

"Uh…" Kitty began.

"I plead the fifth," Kurt said quickly.

"No way…" Betsy was shocked.

"Wait you're saying that in one of those realties Storm ended up with Shipwreck?" Rogue asked.

"Technically no," Kitty said meekly.

"What do you mean by technically?" Ororo asked. Both teens hesitated. "I'm not going to be mad. I know it would never happen for real. I'm just curious."

"Well…"Kitty gulped. "You kind of ended up with him in two or three realties. And had a kid and…"

"I see…" Ororo held up her hand. "Excuse me please I don't feel well."

"It's contagious," Rogue quipped as Ororo calmly left the classroom.

"Wow," Kitty said. "She took that a lot better than I thought she would."

Just then it began to rumble outside. "AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" They heard Ororo scream.

"Then again…" Kurt winced as lightning flashed outside.

11:30 AM: CURRENT EVENTS/MUTANT HISTORY

Instructors on a rotating basis: Beast, Storm, Professor X, Cyclops.

"Well it looks like Storm's finally calmed down," Betsy looked at the weather outside.

"It's just not her day is it?" Xavier sighed. It was his turn to teach the class. "Kurt, Kitty did you **have **to tell her about the Shipwreck realties?"

"Kind of hard not to be honest with someone who can freeze you where you stand and fry you with lightning," Kurt remarked.

"Be that as it may," Xavier sighed. "I think we should get back to focusing on current events and how they pertain to mutants."

"We all know what's going on," Tabitha said. "Everybody hates our guts. What's to figure out? New names to call us?"

"We did that in history class," Roberto agreed. "I'd like to hear a little more about what went down in other dimensions."

"There is one thing we saw that kind of bothered me," Kitty pursed her lips. "In one dimension the Professor made the X-Men outlaws when they attacked a government building that had information on mutants. What I want to know is would you do that here?"

"That's a very loaded question, Kitty," Xavier frowned. "I have to admit there was a time that I had considered such a plan."

"Really?" Tabitha's ears perked up. "You saying that you would have had the X-Men break the law? Never would have guessed."

"You said you **had** considered it," Rogue spoke up. "What's changed?"

"Besides the fact that breaking federal law might not be a good idea?" Xavier raised an eyebrow. "Our exposure for starters. Even though the Mutant Legislation Law hasn't been passed, it doesn't need to be. There are already several lists of mutants and their powers that are owned not only by the government but some private companies."

"But they don't have info on all mutants do they?" Danielle asked.

"No mostly ourselves, the Misfits and the mutants exposed on Stryker Sunday," Xavier said. "There are probably a few more unable to hide their mutations. But from what I've gathered and compared with Cerebro's data base only twenty five percent of mutants have been exposed in the United States."

"Well that's a relief," Ray said. "Sort of."

"Also the fact that we are now in constant contact with GI Joe and the Misfits would also make things difficult," Xavier explained. "What I am doing is trying to keep track of those mutants that are listed. If only to make sure they won't endure a repeat of Neverland. General Hawk is also having people check up on them as well secretly."

"So basically what you're saying is that things are different here because of GI Joe?" Kitty remarked.

"You're just figuring this out **now?**" Kurt gave her a look.

"Pretty heavy stuff," Ray remarked. "So what else did you guys see?"

"Let's just say I think Beast is gonna give you a taste of what went down in the Danger Room today," Kurt grinned.

"Uh oh," Ray gulped. "That does not sound good."

12-12:45 PM: LUNCH PERIOD

"All right who started a food fight **this** time?" Xavier moaned as he looked at the mess in the dining room.

"Believe it or not, Cyclops and Storm against Forge," Logan told him. "Then everyone else joined in."

"Why?" Xavier sighed in resignation. "I'm assuming Storm did because she was upset about the Shipwreck situation in other dimensions."

"That and the fact that Forge made a very inappropriate and ill timed comment about it," Hank explained. "And then Forge remarked about what he heard about Cyclops having…well, relationships of a romantic nature with certain people in other dimensions."

"Such as?" Xavier asked.

"Quicksilver, Duncan Matthews and Avalanche," Logan explained.

"Oh dear," Xavier sighed. "It's a miracle the room is still standing."

"It'll be a miracle if Forge survives the week," Logan grinned. "Especially after our Danger Room session today."

1 PM: DANGER ROOM PRACTICE MAIN X-MEN TEAM

Supervising Instructors: Wolverine, Beast

NEW MUTANTS: INDIVIDUAL POWERS PRACTICE

Supervising Instructors: Professor X, Storm

"Guys! Come on!" Forge screamed as he ran around the Danger Room covered in paint ball marks. "OW! OW! That's hurts!"

"Since when was Forge transferred to the main team?" Logan asked.

"He wasn't," Hank grinned. "This is just a special exercise Scott suggested."

"OW! OW! OW! These paintball things hurt! OW!" Forge yelled.

"Sort of a payback thing huh?" Logan asked.

"However did you guess?" Hank chuckled.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT REALLY HURTS!"

"GOOD!" Kitty yelled.

"CHARGE!" Scott yelled as he lead the chase.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! JEAN! WATCH IT!" Forge screamed. "I thought you hated guns!"

"I do, but in this one case, this is very therapeutic!" Jean grinned as she telekinetically held Forge in place."

"Hey! No fair! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Forge yelled.

"THIS IS FOR CAUSING ME AND LANCE TO BREAK UP!" Kitty yelled as she fired. "AAAAHHHHHH!"

"OW! OW! OW! OW! PLEASE STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE STOP! OW! OWIE! OW! OW!" Forge pleaded.

"I must admit although I am not participating in this actual exercise, watching it is giving me a sense of serenity," Hank chuckled.

"And people call my Danger Room workouts sadistic," Logan laughed.

"OW! OW!OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OH THAT HURTS! COME ON GUYS! OW! OW! OW!"

"You know they've been at it for over an hour," Logan looked at his watch. "You think he's had enough?"

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Not really, no…" Hank shook his head. "Give it another twenty minutes. It's only paint and we made sure he put protective goggles on."

"OW! HEY JEAN DON'T HIT ME **THERE!** OW! OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THAT HAS TO BE AGAINST THE RULES! OWWWWWWW!"

"I don't think those goggles are working," Logan pointed out. "Specifically where the girls are aiming."

3 PM: DANGER ROOM PRACTICE: NEW MUTANTS

Supervising Instructors: Wolverine, Beast

INDIVIDUAL POWER PRACTICE: MAIN X-MEN TEAM

Supervising Instructors: Professor X, Storm

"Telepathic penguins and rampaging unicorns," Logan blinked as he looked down at the Danger Room. The creatures in question were attacking the New Mutants. "I take it this session was inspired by your little trip?"

"It did spark my creativity when I was programming this little exercise," Hank admitted.

"YIKES! WATCH OUT FOR THE HORNS!" Ray shouted.

"GET THIS PENGUIN OFF OF ME!" Roberto shouted.

"LOOK OUT FOR THE SNAIL!" Danielle screamed.

"Spreading the pain around huh?" Logan asked.

"Yes," Hank nodded. "Why should we be the only ones to suffer?"

"Well Charles always says to prepare the kids for anything," Logan admitted. "I think this qualifies."

4 PM: STUDENT HOMEWORK HOUR AND TEACHING PREPARATION

"We have a problem," Jean said as she walked into the study that served as the teacher's lounge, addressing Xavier, Scott, Logan and Ororo. She threw down a magazine on the table. "I caught Jamie reading **this **instead of doing his homework."

"Triple X Women?" Scott blinked. "What is this?"

"I believe this is an example of mutant porn," Xavier wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Another industry exploiting mutants."

"It was only a matter of time," Logan snorted as he leafed through it. "Oh come on, this one is just Paris Hilton painted blue! I'll bet half of these women aren't even real mutants! They probably just used Photoshop to make it look like they are."

"That's not the point Logan!" Ororo snapped as she grabbed the magazine from his hands.

"Ro, stuff like this has been going on ever since cave men figured out that it was pretty dull drawing buffalo all the time on the walls of their cave," Logan pointed out. "Why does this bother you now?"

"Yeah Jean this is kind of stuff guys look at," Scott said.

"You're not angry that Jamie is looking at this?" Jean was shocked.

"Actually Jean I'm kind of relieved," Logan said. "I mean between Trinity and that McGuffin device incident…"

"LOGAN!" Ororo snapped.

"Man you're really on a politically correct kick today aren't you?" Logan grunted. "Beast told me what went down in English today."

"That's nothing compared to what I am going to do with **you** if you don't…" Ororo was losing her temper.

"You wanted to see me Professor?" Jamie poked his head in.

"Yes, Jamie we wanted to talk to you about your choice of reading materials," Xavier pointed. "Why were you looking at that?"

"I dunno," Jamie blinked innocently.

"Oh I think we know **why **the kid was doing it," Logan gave Xavier a look. "Even I can figure that out!"

"Where did you get this trash?" Ororo asked.

"Beast's room," Jamie shrugged.

"I should be shocked but I'm not," Scott groaned. "And why did you take it out of Beast's room?"

"Because he told me to," Jamie said innocently.

"He told you to?" Logan raised an eyebrow. "Beast **told **you to take a mutant porno rag out of his room?"

"Well…not exactly," Jamie admitted.

"I didn't think so," Logan snorted. "Okay Squirt suppose you tell us what **did** happen?"

"Well Beast was cleaning out some of his stuff in his closet and he had a lot of boxes," Jamie fidgeted. "He said I could take anything I wanted. I guess he didn't realize the magazines were in there."

"**Magazines**, as in more than **one?"** Ororo's eyebrows raised.

"Yeah there were about a dozen of 'em," Jamie nodded.

"Jamie! Jamie!" Hank walked in quickly. "Do you remember those boxes you took from my room the other day? One of them was thrown out by mistake. It had some valuable research papers in them."

"Research papers?" Logan smirked. "What were you researching Hank? Miss Mutant September's bra size or her love of water sports?"

"Huh?" Hank blinked.

"The proverbial jig is up," Ororo held up the magazine.

"Oh dear," Hank gulped. "Uh, I was meaning to talk to all of you about this. I've recently discovered…"

"Don't even **think** about finishing that crack if you know what's good for you," Ororo glared at him.

"I have discovered that mutants are being exploited," Hank tried to cover.

"Don't even bother Beast they know," Jamie said.

"And knowing…" Scott began. "Oh man now the Joes have got **me **doing it!"

"No wonder I always end up sweating whenever the state board of education calls," Xavier moaned.

6 PM: DINNER

"Ohhhh…" Forge lay slumped at the dinner table, drooling. "When will the hurting stop?"

"Not for a long, long time Forge," Kurt gleefully munched down on his dinner.

"Well it was a relatively peaceful day," Hank sighed as he grabbed a roll. "By our standards anyway."

"Yeah I wonder why we can't have more days like this?" Kitty asked as she ate her salad.

BIOOOOOMMMMMMM!

"HI GUYS! WHAT'S FOR DINNER?" The Misfits (Minus Lance) teleported in and yelled loudly. Then proceeded to grab all the food they could stuff into their faces.

"You just **had **to ask didn't you Kitty?" Scott groaned.

**Don't you just love these chapters filled with random fun? What, you don't? Too bad! Well next chapter is going to be a little more plot oriented. Not much but a little. Let's just say some of you have been begging me for this for a long time. **

**Up next: The return of a certain Australian pyrokinetic and the impact he will have on both the X-Men and the Misfits! He he…**


	7. Guess Who's Staying Forever?

**Guess Who's Staying Forever?**

Somewhere in the Arctic Circle…

"What a freaking mess," Snow Job, the GI Joe snow trooper looked around. His scraggly red beard barely peeking out of his white hooded parka. He and several other Joes were looking into the destruction of an unmanned weather outpost put there by a team of scientists.

"We're just lucky that no one was here," Lt. Falcon grumbled as he tried to keep warm. "You think Cobra did this?"

"I don't think so," Scarlett called out. "Guys! Get over here! Get the medics!"

"What? What did you…?" Falcon ran towards her and stopped at the sight. "Oh man!"

"Well at least we know Cobra didn't have anything to do with this," Snow Job said.

"And I got a pretty good idea who…" Falcon growled.

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The Pit's Motor Pool…

_"Tiny Bubbles…" _Pietro sang as he scrubbed one of the many jeeps that needed to be washed. _"In the wine…Tiny bubbles…" _He was wearing a black sleeveless T-Shirt and shorts.

_"In your brain…" _Todd interrupted singing. He was wearing a white T-Shirt and jeans with sneakers. _"Tiny bubbles, prove you're quite insane!" _

"Stop singing and start scrubbing harder!" Wanda snapped. She was wearing a red halter top and shorts as she washed a jeep. All the Misfits were washing jeeps.

"Why are we doing this again?" Lance sighed as he wiped the sweat off his brow. He was shirtless and wearing his green army pants with brown boots. "I mean I can figure out why I'm being punished. They're still ticked off at me for what happened when we got back from those other dimensions.But what about you guys?"

"Who knows or remembers what we did?" Pietro shrugged. "I mean it could be anything! You know how picky they can be around here! One little shaving cream bomb or one little fire…"

"Or a joyride on a tank?" Wanda asked.

"Yeah like I'm the only one who does **that **around here!" Pietro snorted.

"You're the only one who got **caught,"** Angelica told him. "Which if you think about it is pretty ironic."

"It could have been for anything we've done the past few years and just now the punishments are catching up to us," Althea admitted.

"Or maybe it was the time we filled the commisary with pudding?" Daria asked.

"But that was a couple of weeks ago," Quinn pointed out. "About the same time we painted the men's lavatories pink."

"Why did we do that anyway?" Brittany asked.

"Because we were bored and out of explosives," Daria explained.

"Oh yeah," Brittany nodded. "Now I remember."

Suddenly there was a huge commotion. Several medics were running towards a few helicopters that were landing. "Hey what's going on?" Todd asked.

"Let's check it out," Lance said. They ran to see the commotion. "What's going on Lifeline?"

"There was an UN Arctic weather base that got trashed," Lifeline explained. "They sent a team out to investigate. They found a survivor…"

"Wait aren't those things usually unmanned?" Althea asked. "I mean all they are is a bunch of computers and some robots in a small building because it's cheaper and too cold to have people up there."

"Normally yes but they found someone," Lifeline told them. "You'll never believe it."

The medics brought in a battered figured on a stretcher. "PYRO?" Lance's jaw dropped.

"Oh man…" Todd winced. "What hit him?"

"He was wrapped in metal bars we had to cut him out of," Snow Job told them as he emerged. "Metal bars that had been manipulated into unnatural positions if you get my drift."

"Magneto…" Wanda growled.

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Later that day in General Hawk's office…

"He's got a concussion, two broken ribs, a broken leg, a fractured wrist, not to mention several cuts and hypothermia," Lifeline told General Hawk, Roadblock, Logan and Xavier. "And some possible brain damage. Although to be fair a lot of it looks like it could have happened earlier. The brain damage I mean."

"Knowing Pyro, that's not hard to believe," Logan snorted.

"I guess Magneto finally couldn't stomach him any more," Roadblock growled. "What a way to show someone the door!"

"Well at least we'll be able to find Magneto now," Logan said.

"I'm afraid it's not that easy Logan," Xavier sighed. "I've scanned his mind and Magneto had the foresight to have one of his telepaths wipe his memory of the exact location of his base."

"So we're back to square one in this race!" Roadblock snarled. "I just wanna bust up Magneto's face!"

"You're unusually bloodthirsty today," Logan looked at Roadblock. "Are you okay? Oh great now you got **me** doing it!"

"Sorry but this reminds me way too much of how Toad got here," Roadblock explained. "It took him a long time to recover from that."

"Not just him," Hawk pointed out. "He abandoned his own kids and the rest of the Brotherhood."

"I can't believe Erik would be so cold…" Xavier sighed.

"Yeah it's not like he's never done **anything** like this before," Logan said sarcastically. "I mean he's never abandoned his daughter in a mental institution. Performed genetic experimentation on several mutants. Forced mutants to fight against each other. Abandoned and beat up several other mutants working under him…Oh wait…HE HAS!"

"Sometimes Xavier I think you are way too tolerant of Magneto for your own good," Hawk gave him a look. "I know you two used to be close friends a long time ago but face reality. The man is a menace and has to be stopped!"

"Yeah even Snake Eyes used to fight harder against Storm Shadow back in the day," Roadblock explained. "And they're clan brothers!"

"I know. It's hard to reconcile the man I used to know to the man he's become sometimes," Xavier sighed.

"Then you should take another look at Pyro in the infirmary to help you remember," Roadblock told him.

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Logan grunted.

"Are you sure there's no trace of Magneto's location in Pyro's mind?" Hawk asked deciding to change the conversation. "Any way we can recover the information?"

"No, his mind is too twisted and filled with nightmare images," Xavier sighed. "There's a lot of pain in his mind and fear of humans…and pineapples."

"Pineapples?" Logan looked at Xavier.

"He has a very disturbed mind," Xavier shuddered. "Very disturbed."

"Disturbed is not the word," Roadblock groaned.

"Pineapples?" Logan was still confused. "Why...On second thought I **don't **want to know."

"So the question remains what do we do with Pyro?" Hawk asked. "I know Fury won't take him. And you know how I feel about handing mutants over to the government labs. Somehow the Australian Ambassador found out we had him. Of course five minutes after reading Pyro's psyche profile he said he was sorry for wasting our time."

"Oh boy…" Roadblock winced. "I can see it coming."

"Xavier? Do you…?" Hawk began.

"No," Xavier shook his head. "I don't think I have enough fire insurance."

"I think we'll let the Misfits have this one," Logan grinned.

"Thanks a lot!" Roadblock rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure it will be fine," Xavier said. "Just hide any pineapples you have in your house."

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"You were right," Pyro sniffed as he lay in his hospital bed. "I gave my all for Magneto and what thanks did I get? He used me! Just tossed me aside like a tissue when he was finished! A used bloody snotty tissue!"

The Misfits were visiting their new team mate in the Misfit Infirmary. "What happened Pyro?" Wanda asked gently.

"Old Bucket Head had enough with me and left me to die after we attacked the station!" Pyro snapped. "So I accidentally set his cape on fire? I put it right out! It's not like I haven't done it before! I mean I did it twice the day before with no problems! You believe me right?" He looked at Shane.

"Uh I guess so," Shane said.

"I know you understand me. You were always a very understanding person," Pyro sniffed as he looked at Shane. "Who are you again?"

"Oh yeah you haven't met some the new guys," Lance said. "This is Shane Shooter, energy bullets. Shooter for short."

"Hey," Shane waved.

"Arcade, our human mascot," Pietro introduced. "Who happened to beat up the X-Men and kick them out of their own home."

"Really?" Pyro raised up an eyebrow. "I'm liking him already. Maybe there are **some **good humans!"

"Spyder," Lance introduced. "Wall crawling, electric webs. I think you know Lina our medic. That's Larry over there…We call him Foresight." Lance pointed to Larry in his wheelchair.

"Oh yeah he's my roomie," Pyro nodded. "My hospital roomie! I suppose he knows all about me with that telepathy no shielding thing."

"Oh," Angelica looked at Larry who was now wearing his special helmet. "That explains why we heard you screaming earlier."

"When they brought him in I didn't have my helmet on…" Larry had a nervous twitch. "It was a full hour before I could get it on! One **full hour!"**

"Trinity was fixing it," Althea explained. "In a good way for a change."

"A full hour with **his** thoughts in **my** brain…" Larry was still twitching. "Haven't I been emotionally scarred for life enough?"

"Tough break about your old man scrambling your noodle with wiring," Pyro said. "And forced to live in the hospital wing. But look on the bright side, now you have me for company!"

"Apparently I **haven't** suffered enough," Larry moaned.

"And we all know about you love," Pyro winked at Angelica.

"And **this** is the No Means **No** Horn!" Angelica took out a bullhorn and pressed the very loud buzzer in Pyro's ear.

"BUUUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!"

"AAHHHHH!" Pyro winced in pain.

"I'm sure the two of you will be spending **lots **of time together," Angelica smirked.

"What was that? I have this ringing in my ears," Pyro tried to clean them out. "You want to spend lots of time together?"

Infuriated Angelica pressed the buzzer again. "BUUUUUUUZZZ!"

"You want to eat a lot of lox and thyme together?" Pyro blinked.

BUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

"You want to spend a lot of dimes together?"

BUUUZZZZZZZZ!

"Making lots of rhymes together?"

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! BUUUUUUZZZZZZ!

"What is this dude's problem?" Shooter asked Todd.

"Let's just say his lighter fluid has always been a little low if you know what I mean?" Todd whispered to him.

"Coming from you guys that's saying something," Shane blinked.

BUUUUUUUUUUUZZZ!

"Mend a lot of limes in a sweater?" Pyro looked a little woozy.

"Close enough," Angelica put the horn down.

"Pyro, Pyro!" Pietro waved at him until Pyro snapped out of it. "So why did Magneto toss you aside?"

"Besides the obvious reason," Angelica muttered underneath her breath.

"He found some other mutants that could actually create fire as well as control it," Pyro snorted. "Said I was obsolete! A total failure! Especially with his new golden boy Rusty. What the hell kind of name is Rusty anyway? Sounds like something you name a golden retriever! Here Rusty! Come Rusty!" He made whistling sounds. "Here boy! Come burn down a government building! That's a good boy! That used to be **my** job! My job! And I was so **good** at it!"

"Rusty? Wasn't that the name of one of the Morlocks that were taken against their will?" Lance asked.

"Yeah but thanks to Mastermind and Lucas he and others like him changed their minds pretty quick," Pyro grumbled. "Course his mind was already smaller than Kitty Pryde's bra size."

Pietro snickered. "You would know wouldn't you Pyro?"

"I think everyone in that movie theater in Massachusetts knows," Todd grinned. **(1)**

"Oh yeah I'd almost forgotten about that," Lance snickered. "You know that's actually funny now that I think about it!"

"They broke up for good," Fred explained to a confused Pyro.

"Well it's about bloody time," Pyro said.

"Yeah well…" Lance stiffened. He whirled around and yelled at open air. "WHO ASKED YOU ANYWAY!"

"Well I was only saying…" Pyro began.

"NOT YOU! HIM!" Lance pointed to someone who wasn't there.

"The wall?" Pyro blinked.

"Lance sometimes sees an imaginary talking Coyote that sounds exactly like Quicksilver," Wanda explained. "It annoys him which annoys us to no end."

"Oh," Pyro nodded. He looked at Lance. "Have you tried giving him a chew toy or something? Dingoes like chew toys!"

"He's a coyote not a dingo," Lance told him.

"Same difference," Pyro shrugged. "Both dumb mutts."

"HAH!" Lance laughed. He turned to the side. "Well I thought it was funny! So tough!"

"You should try setting him on fire," Pyro said.

"Pyro…"Wanda sighed. "We are not going to set Lance's imaginary friend on fire."

"I wish I **could **set him on fire," Lance grumbled.

"Well why can't you use an imaginary fire?" Pyro asked. "He's an imaginary coyote, why not use an imaginary fire?"

Lance stared at him. "Why the hell didn't I think of that in the **first **place?"

"Try concentrating real hard!" Pyro suggested. "I'll help you!" He concentrated real hard.

"Yeah, yeah…"Lance concentrated. "Think fire…Think about the stupid coyote burning into cinders!" He glared at the open space. "OH YES IT WILL WORK! YOU'RE SWEATING ALREADY! I CAN TELL!"

"Yeah and then we can burn him real good!" Pyro nodded.

"That's right!" Lance had a crazed look in his eye. "Burn the overgrown flea farm!"

"Al, it's **your** turn," Wanda sighed.

"Okay Lance it's time for your medication," Althea groaned as she gently took him by the arm and led him out of the room. "After we take our nice purple pills we'll have a good rest."

"Ooh! Can I have some too?" Pyro called out.

"Why not?" Althea sighed as she left.

"Well at least now Lance has a little friend," Fred shrugged.

"Those two would be perfect together in a rubber room," Pietro rolled his eyes.

"Please don't leave me in here alone with him," Larry grabbed Wanda's arm.

"Sorry Larry," Wanda sighed. "Until he's fully healed you're stuck with him."

"Well where the hell is Lifeline when you need him?" Larry snapped.

"Wow this is the most emotional Larry's been ever since he got his brain fried by his old man," Todd blinked.

"A Vulcan would be emotional if he was stuck with Pyro for a roommate," Arcade remarked. "Well based on what you guys told me."

"All right," Low Light walked in with some books. "I see by Lance's ranting at the walls it's about four o'clock and time for you kids to do some schoolwork. You can visit your little warped friend later. Here…" He gave Pyro some books. "Here's some stuff for you to read while you're recovering."

"Books?" Pyro blinked. "Books? With words and pictures and everything?"

"Try not to strain yourself," Low Light said sarcastically. "Now what?"

Tears welled in Pyro's eyes. "This is the new Martha Stewart Book, 'Perfect Entertaining in Prison'."

"Hey is that the one where it shows you how to make a shiv out of home made soap that smells like apples?" Todd asked.

"Yeah well the Blob said you liked Martha Stewart so…" Low Light sighed.

"A book! A real book! A nice book!" Pyro cried out with glee. "I never had a present like this before!"

"That's because people assume he'd burn them," Pietro whispered to Wanda.

"Normally I would but not Martha Stewart! She's a goddess! Nobody's ever been this nice to Pyro!" Pyro managed to grab him in a bear hug. "I LOVE YOU MAN!"

"Why do we get all the nutcases?" Low Light moaned. "Seriously, **why?"**

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Back at the Xavier Institute Xavier was informing the students of the latest Misfit recruit. Needless to say they were not very happy about it.

"Let me get this straight…" Bobby asked. "Magneto dumped Pyro and now he's with the Misfits?"

"That is correct," Xavier nodded.

This prompted groans and complaints from the entire student body. "That lunatic is **back?**" Remy shouted.

"There goes the neighborhood!" Bobby moaned. "And anything else that's flamable!"

"This is not happening!" Amara wailed.

"The Misfits were crazy enough before but now..." Kurt said.

"They're like insanity squared!" Kitty whined.

"I **knew** it!" Scott groaned. "I knew sooner or later he'd wind up at the Misfits! This has disaster written all over it!"

"You're telling me?" Amara yelled. "Now that creep is going to come over singing love songs at me and burning the lawn!"

"At least you don't have to live with him like Angelica," Rahne pointed out. "Poor lass must be out of her mind right now."

"Well with Pyro that's a perfect fit!" Remy said. "That boy is crazy! Crazy I tell you!"

"And that's **him **saying it," Bobby pointed at thumb at Remy.

"You not exactly a model of stability either Ice Boy," Remy glared at him.

"Yeah but I'm nowhere near as crazy as Pyro," Bobby said.

"Nobody is as **near **as crazy as Pyro," Amara piped up. "Not even Toad!"

"I'm amazed Magneto put up with him this long!" Peter nodded.

"And now **we** have to put up with him!" Scott groaned.

"Yes, which brings me to why we are having this little chat," Xavier coughed. "Now we all know sooner or later the Misfits will bring Pyro here."

"Of course they will!" Scott said. "They live to drive us crazy!"

"It's in their motto," Kurt added.

"They have a motto?" Bobby asked. "What is it?"

"Vedi, Vidi, Vexi X-Men," Kurt said.

"I came, I saw, I annoyed the X-Men," Hank translated.

"Which is why instead of doing our regular Danger Room sessions we are going to practice our fire drills today," Xavier sighed. "And afterwards we will be handing out extra fire extinguishers for each of you to keep in your rooms."

"Why do our lives have to change forever like every other day?" Kitty moaned. "Why? What kind of god would allow this?"

"I wouldn't say a god," Kurt groaned. "But a very sick and twisted being definitely!"

**(1) Way back in Evolution XMJ, thanks to a little body swapping by a mutant named Switch. Next: More Pyromania! Pyro is here to stay! Oh what fun shall we have! He he…**


	8. Putting Up With Pyro

**Putting Up With Pyro**

_"Everything is flammable! In it's own way…" _Pyro sang happily. He was wearing a red T-Shirt and black jeans and sneakers. His arm was still in a cast but he looked better. Lifeline had been healing him for the past three days, purposely slowing his recovery in order to give him time to adjust to life with the Misfits and the Joes.

Actually it was the Misfits and the Joes that needed the time to adjust.

"Oh how I have been looking forward to this," Lance rolled his eyes. "Our first therapy session with Pyro." The Misfits were all in Psyche-Out's office.

"This from someone who spent the past three days trying to start an imaginary fire," Wanda gave him a look.

"For your information I was trying to get the coyote that runs amok in my head to spontaneously combust," Lance looked back.

"Yeah **there's** a difference!" Shane groaned. "Not like every candle spontaneously combusted in our house!"

"To be fair that was Shipwreck and Roadblock's fault for lighting them in the first place," Fred pointed out. "At least they only got out with first degree burns."

"I was only playing Dungeons and Dragons with the fire," Pyro pouted. "Making cute little fire dragons and orcs and having them beat the stuffing out of each other!"

"Not to mention burning down half the living room furniture and the drapes," Althea gave him a look.

"Did you really have to use all that water to…" Pyro began.

"YES SHE DID!" Everyone shouted at him.

"Just asking…" Pyro shrunk. "I don't know why you're mad at me! I can't help myself! I love fire! I love the way it looks, the way it smells…The way it burns things. The way people scream as it burns things."

"If I have to room with him much longer I will be **screaming**," The usually reserved Larry winced in his wheelchair.

"Hello everyone," Psyche-Out walked in happily. "I see we're all here and have bright shiny faces today!"

"Of course we do! We have sunburn from Pyro's little flameouts," Angelica told him. Pyro sighed happily. "And will you stop sighing every time I talk?"

"I can't help it, my heart burns for you Sheila," Pyro grinned.

"Angelica," Xi said.

"What?" Pyro looked at him.

"Her name is Angelica not Sheila," Xi said.

"No mate, Sheila is what we call a girl down in Australia," Pyro explained.

"Mate? I thought you wanted either Angelica or Amara to be your mate?" Xi was confused.

"It's an expression, like dude or…" Pietro began. "Oh never mind! Can we get this over with?"

"All right," Psyche-Out looked at his file. "Now I see we had a little incident this morning."

"A little incident where the living room was nearly burnt to a crisp," Wanda groaned.

"Yes," Psyche-Out nodded. "Now why did Shipwreck and Roadblock light those candles in the first place?"

"My fault actually," Fred coughed. "You see I got one of those breakfast burritos from the Commissary."

"One?" Pyro blinked. "That doesn't sound like you, Freddy."

"Forty of them actually," Fred coughed.

"**That **sounds like you," Pyro nodded. "So that's what that smell was. And why everything seemed to burn a lot faster than usual."

"Obviously this is a period of adjustment for all of you," Psyche-Out said. "Let's start with Pyro."

"Start with me? What does he mean by that?" Pyro said.

"We need to work on your issues today," Psyche-Out began.

"Believe me there are a **lot** of them," Lance said.

"He who does not see singing invisible coyotes should cast the first stone," Pyro folded his arms as best he could.

"Anybody got a rock?" Angelica looked around.

"Why don't we start with the basics? Pyro we want to get at the root of why you hate humans," Psyche-Out said. "Maybe talking about your childhood will help?"

"Well…I dunno…" Pyro shifted uncomfortably.

"This is a safe place," Psyche-Out said calmly. "No one will judge you here. No smirking Quicksilver!"

"All right…" Pyro sighed. "Maybe I don't really hate, hate humans…Not like the way I hate broccoli and pineapples. I hate the way they treat mutants."

"That's certainly understandable," Psyche-Out.

"I mean I'm not an idiot," Pyro said. "I know people would kill mutants every chance they got or lock 'em up in cages or something. I have seen the news you know? I heard all about those Sentinels in Chicago!"

"Well then how do you explain the Joes?" Wanda pointed out. "You're not in a cage now."

"Why I have no idea," Angelica muttered under her breath.

"I'm not sure about that either," Pyro scratched his head. "I mean if this is a brainwashing thing it's either a very good one or a half hearted one."

"There's another theory regarding your brain," Angelica glared at him. "There's not that much of it to wash."

"You're still miffed about me accidentally burning your door down are you?" Pyro asked.

"Among other things!" Angelica snapped.

"Shortly after the fire dragon incident Pyro found one of Trinity's flame throwers and decided to serenade Angelica outside her door," Xi explained to Psyche-Out. "He also put on a little display but…"

"That hallway is a lot narrower than it looks," Pyro said.

"I see," Psyche-Out said carefully. "Why don't we go back to your earliest contact with normal humans. Let's talk about your parents."

"What's to talk about? They were jerks!" Pyro said. "All my life it's don't do this, or don't do that! Don't eat all that ice cream. Don't set those fires in the back yard!"

"Well your parents were probably looking out for you," Psyche-Out said gently. "Sometimes adults have to say no in order to protect kids from hurting themselves."

"They also told me never to wear my seat belt in the car and used to drive on the highway and stop really fast to try and get me to fly through the windshield," Pyro told him.

"Okay **that** one I'll give you," Psyche-Out blinked.

"My parents weren't really very affectionate towards me," Pyro sighed. "You see I was an accident. They never wanted me."

"Pyro how can you know that?" Lina asked.

"They told me, I was an accident," Pyro said. "Every year on my birthday. My parents would have put me up for adoption but then they found out they could write me off as a deductible so…"

"But didn't they feed and clothe you?" Psyche-Out said. "Send you to school?"

"Well no, not on the school bit," Pyro said. "I used to go at first but then they wouldn't let me go anymore. They gave this lame excuse on how I was expelled just because I set the principal's office on fire! I mean I was only eight years old at the time but still I knew a whopper when I heard one."

"Okay…" Psyche-Out made a notation in his book. "Just out of curiosity **why **did you set the principal's office on fire?"

"It was an accident! I never meant to do it!" Pyro said. "I just meant to set the hallway on fire. They had this wall paper I really hated. You know that really ugly brown that looks like someone had a bad case of diarrhea all over the wall?"

"Moving on, more about your home life," Psyche-Out interrupted. "Wasn't there any family member or friend who was kind to you?"

"Yes," Pyro nodded. "My Uncle Melvin. He was my mum's half brother on her father's side. Oh I liked Uncle Melvin. I would go over to his house down the block and live there for weeks! Actually now that I think about it my parents insisted that I get out of the house for a few weeks at a time."

"So you preferred living with your uncle then?" Psyche-Out asked.

"Well duh, at least at Uncle Melvin's I could watch television!" Pyro rolled his eyes.

"Your parents didn't let you watch television?" Todd asked. "Man talk about cruel and unusual punishment!"

"Why?" Althea asked, equally stunned.

"Oh because they were always watching soaps, violent movies or some kind of porn and they didn't want it to warp my mind or something," Pyro waved. "And it was easier to ban me from watching television than for them to change their viewing habits. So I ended up spending many an hour in the back yard shooting bottle rockets at the neighbors' homes and playing with matches. Even back then fire was my friend. My only friend. None of the other children's parents on the block would let them play with me. I mean you give one or two dozen mailmen a hotfoot and blow up one garage and suddenly you've got a reputation!"

"Imagine that," Lance said.

"The final straw was that they wanted to medicate me," Pyro grunted. "Me! A thirteen year old kid just because I was different! Well I wouldn't let them do it! I ran out of there lickety split and ran all the way to my Uncle Melvin's house. I told him what they were gonna do to me and he was mad! So mad that he called the sheriff and had him arrest my parents! Ha! Served 'em right!"

"He arrested your **parents?"** Angelica was shocked. "Just because they wanted to medicate you? That makes no sense!"

"Well it does when you consider that they wanted to medicate me with some of their heroin stash," Pyro snorted. "Didn't I mention that my parents made a living by being drug dealers and gambling?"

"No, you didn't," Psyche-Out sighed. "Just out of curiosity Pyro, were your parent's **users **as well as pushers?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Pyro blinked.

"Lucky guess," Psyche-Out moaned.

"I think part of the mystery is solved," Pietro rolled his eyes.

"Yeah this does explain a lot," Lance sighed.

"Oh I know what you're thinking but I never touched the stuff myself or sold it," Pyro explained. "Uh uh, first of all my parents yelled at me never to touch the stuff! They were so mad when I was eight and gave some ecstasy to the cat! It was funny though. Thought it was squirrel. Even up until the day he was run over by police car he used to collect nuts and hide them in a tree. He he he…"

"Okay…" Psyche-Out said. "So then your parents…uh…"

"Were sent up the river?" Pyro asked. "You got it. Then I went to live with Uncle Melvin. Oh I loved Uncle Melvin and my Aunts."

"Your aunts?" Lance asked.

"Yeah, well they weren't my real aunties because Uncle Melvin was a bachelor you see," Pyro explained. "But they told me to call them auntie and they treated me very nicely. Sometimes they'd take me out for ice cream or the zoo. Usually Uncle Melvin met up with three or four aunts a week."

"Uh huh," Psyche-Out nodded. "Go on…"

"Well life was pretty good with Uncle Melvin. We went fishing together with dynamite. Went to the dump and blew up garbage with dynamite. Actually we did a lot of things with dynamite. He was the one who taught me how to set the charges and how to start a ripping good fire. I was his assistant at work."

"Where did he work?" Pietro asked.

"He was a fireman," Pyro said. "Of course we lived in a very small town and there weren't many fires so he needed to drum up some business. So we'd go out and…"

"Start some fires for him to put out," Psyche-Out finished the sentence.

"Yup," Pyro sighed. "It was the best year of my life. Unfortunately one night we accidentally blew up the fire house and Uncle Melvin got a little careless. I told him it was the red wire but he just wouldn't listen. The next thing I know I'm being carted off to Juvie and they're picking up what was left of my uncle outta the trees."

"Oh boy…" Angelica blinked.

"I spent three weeks in that dump," Pyro grumbled. "But that was when I first was able to use my powers! You see there was this creep of a security guard that liked to smoke. He was so obnoxious. Well one day he made me mad. I mean really mad. And he had his cigarette in his mouth and he lit it. And for some reason I was thinking what it would be like if the fire just burned higher so it would burn up in front of his fat face. The next thing I knew he's running around with his tie on fire."

"And that's when you discovered your powers?" Psyche-Out said.

"Right, the next thing I knew I grabbed his lighter and started playing with it," Pyro pulled out a silver lighter and rubbed it against his face. "I found I could make the fire do the most interesting things. Well that very night me and Sandra Dee broke outta jail and went on the run and I never looked back."

"Sandra Dee?" Lance asked.

"How did he get **that?"** Althea asked.

"Oh don't worry I won't use the girl," Pyro grinned. "I just loves my baby! Out of all my ladies she's my favorite!"

"You have other lighters?" Wanda asked.

"Well not here, they're all back at the base…Wherever that is," Pyro said. "I miss my girls. There was Sally, Blaze, Matillda, Minnie Mo Mo, Ginger, Mary Ann, Lola, Bunny, Chickie Baby, Lucy…"

"I think I'll stop you right there Pyro," Psyche-Out held up his hand.

"Pyro…" Althea's eye twitched. "Hand over the lighter and nobody gets hurt."

"Please! Please don't take Sandra Dee from me," Pyro hugged it close to his chest. "I'll be good! Really! I'll be good!"

"It's not that we don't trust you Pyro," Angelica said. "Well actually we don't trust you. HAND IT OVER!."

"No Sandy!" The lighter flipped open. "DON'T!"

FLICK!

FOOOM!

A large fire dragon appeared. "NO SANDY! DON'T ATTACK FIRESTAR! THERE'S NO NEED TO BE JEALOUS!" Pyro shouted.

"PYRO!" Althea shouted.

"IT'S NOT ME! SANDY DID IT! SHE GETS JEALOUS OF OTHER WOMEN EASILY!" Pyro shouted as the fire dragon roared.

"Wanda…" Althea ordered.

"Got it!" Wanda used her powers to turn on the sprinkler system. Althea used hers to put out the fire and the guys tackled Pyro in order to get the lighter.

"GIVE IT!" Lance shouted.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Pyro pleaded. "Let me talk to her! I can reason with her!"

"You can't reason with a lighter you nut job!" Todd shouted.

"You know that's very true, lighters can be very stubborn," Pyro thought. "OW! GET OFF!"

"Get him!" Pietro yelled.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! WHY ARE YOU HITTING ME?" Pyro yelled.

"You nearly burned us alive you maniac!" Shane shouted.

"Guys, wait!" Angelica shouted. "I WANT TO HIT HIM!"

Psyche-Out watched the chaos unfold. He wrote on his pad: DIAGNOSIS: JUST PLAIN NUTS!

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Two days later the day the X-Men dreaded had finally arrived.

"Break out the fire extinguishers," Logan announced to the X-Men in the living room. "Pyro's back!"

"Man I'd never thought I'd ever be glad I did so many fire drills in one week," Ray groaned as he got up.

"Hey guys," Todd waved. Fred was standing next to him in the hallway. "You're missing the show."

"Pyro you jerk!" Angelica kicked him in the shin.

"OW!" Pyro yelled.

"Moron!" Amara kicked him in the other shin.

"OW!"

"Creep!" Angelica hit him on the head.

"OW!"

"Peasant!" Amara yelled. Then both girls started to hit him simultaneously.

"OW! OW!OW! OW!" Pyro screamed as he was getting walloped by Angelica and Amara. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Nine, ten, eleven…" Todd counted.

"What are you two doing?" Scott asked.

"We're counting how many times Pyro is getting hit," Fred told them.

"We've got a bet going on that He'll get hit over a hundred times by each of 'em," Todd said.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! BOY THAT SMARTS! OW! OWIE! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! COME ON LADIES I'M NOT KIDDING HERE! OW! OH OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT REALLY REALLY SMARTS! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Forty five," Todd counted. "Forty six, forty seven…"

"YEOW! OWWIE OW OW OW!" Pyro continued. "YIKES!"

"Hey Amara hair pulling doesn't count," Fred called out. "You have to hit him."

"Sorry," Amara apologized. She whacked Pyro on the head. "Better?"

"Much," Fred nodded.

"Hey!" Pyro protested. "OW! NOT THE FOOT! YIKES! OKAY MAYBE THE FOOT WASN'T SO BAD! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OWIE! THAT HURTS! THAT REALLY **REALLY** HURTS!"

"GOOD!" Both Amara and Angelica said as the hit him at the same time.

"AAAAAHHH!" Pyro flew into a wall. "I'm okay…So…Does that mean you ladies are available some other time?"

"KILL HIM!" Amara screamed as she leapt on him and started to beat the daylights out of him.

"SAVE SOME FOR ME!" Angelica shouted as she got in on the action.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OY THAT SMARTS! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! LADIES PLEASE I JUST WANT SOME LOVIN'! OW! OH GOD THE PAIN! THE PAIN!"

"Oh they are going to go over two hundred easy," Scott remarked. By now quite a small crowd had gathered to watch.

"Hey Toad, that bet you guys have," Kurt said. "Put me down for an even five hundred."

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"That looks like a good workout for your arms," Rina remarked.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Shouldn't we do something to stop this?" Jean asked.

"Uh, let me think about it," Wanda paused. "No."

"It's the only way he's ever going to learn," Logan shook his head.

"I dunno," Rogue said. "It never stopped Shipwreck."

"AAAHHHHH!" Shipwreck ran away from an angry Ororo. "I SAID I WAS SORRY! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THERE WAS A BEE IN THAT FLOWER! YEOW!"

"Flowers! You want flowers ladies? I can make flowers out of fire for you!" Pyro called out. "OWWWWW!"

"COME ON STORM!" Shipwreck cried out. "NOT THE LIGHTNING! OW!"

"OW!" Both Pyro and Shipwreck shouted at the same time. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Wow they're in stereo," Fred remarked.

"And to think we didn't know how we'd entertain ourselves when Lance and Kitty broke up," Pietro snickered.

**Next: More silly fun and crazy happenings! **


	9. Power Play

**Power Play**

A few days and a few repaired holes in the walls later the X-Men had another surprise. Which was getting to be quite a common occurance in their lives so it really wasn't that much of a surprise. It would have been more surprising if they didn't have **any **surprises. I mean if you get a surprise every other day when does it stop becoming a surprise and becomes a normal occurance?

If you know something is going to happen and it always does sooner or later, when does it stop becoming a surprise and just part of normal daily life? Or in this case abnormal daily life?

I know, I know. Get on with it. So I shall.

As I was saying it all started at breakfast that Saturday morning as theX-Men were being informed of yet another interruption to their training. Which again was getting to become very common.

"You mean we're not having a normal Saturday training session?" Bobby asked as the X-Men finished up breakfast. "Not that I'm complaining but why?"

"We've got a few visitors coming in for the day and the Professor wants to evaluate their powers," Logan told him as he sipped his coffee. "So only the main team gets to suit up today. The rest of ya can go do homework or something. And by something I don't mean fooling around and blowing stuff up!"

"All right!" Ray threw up his hands. Several New Mutants cheered with delight for the day off.

Well **almost** all of them. "Oh man, this blows! I love Saturday practice," Tim grumbled.

"Only because you get to blow stuff up," Betsy told him.

"You keep saying that like it's a bad thing," Tim huffed.

"And we keep **telling **you it is a bad thing!" Rogue snapped.

"Well it's a **rotten** thing that the main team has to suit up today while everyone else gets the day off!" Bobby grumbled.

"Them's the breaks Popsicle," Logan snorted. "Welcome to the real world."

"Yeah dude, you're the one that wanted more responsibilty," Ray said.

"Don't remind me," Bobby groaned again.

"Wait a second, if new people are coming today does that mean we are getting some new recruits?" Kurt asked.

"No, just friends of the Misfits," Logan sighed.

"Oh goody," Bobby said sarcastically. "Yeah this is going to go well."

"Let's just say I have a feeling they're going to be a bit more mature than the Misfits," Ororo raised an eyebrow as she walked into the kitchen in her uniform.

"The Misfits aren't coming are they?" Rogue asked. "Because I would like to spend at least one day with only **one** annoying half brother to make my day less annoying."

"Yeah," Kurt nodded then made a face. "HEY!"

"No, they're not coming today," Ororo shook her head.

"Then maybe today isn't a total loss after all," Bobby remarked.

"Hey guys," Jamie looked out the window. "There's a space ship landing in our back yard."

**"What?"** Bobby yelled. He went to the window with several others. A white space ship was landing. "He's right! There is a spaceship landing in our back yard."

"Yup that's a space ship all right," Tabitha nodded.

"A big white one," Roberto blinked.

"I thought we had anti-aircraft weapons installed?" Sam asked.

"We did for about a week," Logan grunted. "But we had to take 'em down. Remember a couple of years ago with the fried Santa incident?"

"I wasn't here," Sam pointed out.

"**I **was. Trust me you didn't miss much," Kurt groaned. "I still get chills remembering it!"

"Who cares about a stupid dead Santa when we have aliens invading our back yard?" Bobby groaned.

"Chill Iceman," Logan chuckled. "That's our company."

"They're called the Power Pack," Xavier explained as he entered the crowded kitchen. "They're here to have their powers evaluated in the Danger Room."

"Oh wait I remember now," Kurt said. "Toad told me about this. They're a group of kids who got their powers from an alien horse."

"An alien **horse?**" Bobby looked at him. "Our lives just get weirder and weirder."

"They're also the ones who usually fight the Snarks," Logan added. "Remember those loony outer space lizards we fought last Christmas?"

"How could **anybody **forget that?" Tim asked. "Not only was it all over the news we were picking up stray robot Santa parts from the trees for weeks!"

"**Again **with the Santa parts," Kurt grumbled. "What is it about the Institute and destroyed Santas?"

"Okay back to the topic at hand.So we took their bad guys huh?" Roberto asked.

"Something tells me they didn't mind much," Kurt quipped.

"Well the **whole town** minded when they learned aliens existed as well as mutants," Sam groaned.

"Everyone except the construction industry and the pharmacy because they could dispense more medication to calm people down. Let's greet our guests shall we?" Hank chuckled.

The door to the space ship opened and out came four familiar kids in rainbow colored uniforms and white moon boots. They were with a tall man with red hair and beard wearing a lab coat over his clothes. Underneath the lab coat he was wearing a blue vest and tie with a white shirt and black pants with black shoes.

"Geeze they're just kids!" Bobby gasped at how young the majority of the Power Pack was.

"Talk about the proverbial young pot calling the young kettle black," Hank chuckled.

"I like their uniforms," Tabitha remarked. "It works for them."

"All right everyone will get a chance to meet with the Power Pack later," Logan growled. "Beast, Xavier and I will meet our guests. Main team suit up. The rest of you clean up!" This elected a chorus of groans. "Move it!"

"Come on now," Ororo supervised the cleaning. "You'll all have a chance to meet with the Power Pack later. Right now we need to finish cleaning."

"Yeah just in time for us to make a bigger mess later," Tim quipped.

The three adults met up with the Powers. "Dr. Power, I presume," Xavier shook his hand. "I'm Charles Xavier. These are two of my instructors Logan and Dr. McCoy."

"It's nice to meet you," Dr. Power shook their hands. "Dr.McCoy I'm especially pleased to meet you. I read about your theories of quantum physics and how they pertain to human evolution in the Scientific America newsletter."

"Oh no…" Jack (the brown haired boy in blue and black) rolled his eyes. "Grown up talk! Snore alert!"

"Jack!" Julie (the red haired girl in pink and black) elbowed him. "Knock it off."

"Why? The kid has a point," Logan grunted. "Okay squirts, name rank and powers. Spit 'em out."

"I'm Katie, uh I mean Energizer," the little girl in yellow and black with blonde pigtails called out. "I'm eight and a half years old and I can shoot out these really cool blasts of energy. Wanna see?"

"Maybe later," Hank said. "I'm glad to see that you're not frightened by my appearance."

"Why would I be scared of you?" Katie asked. "You look just like Sully from Monsters Inc."

"I am really beginning to **loathe** that movie," Hank grumbled as Logan snickered. "And I haven't even **seen** it yet!"

"Everybody knows what you guys look like duh," Jack rolled his eyes. "I mean you've only been on TV like a million times."

"Besides the Misfits told us about the kids who live here," Alex, the blonde boy in the white and black costume spoke. "So we're prepared for anything."

"Oh **that's** reassuring," Logan rolled his eyes.

"You're furry too," Katie said innocently to Logan. "You wanna play tea later?"

"I really hate this job sometimes…" Logan growled as Hank laughed at him. "Can we get on with the introductions?"

"I'm Alex, Zero G," The boy introduced himself. "I'm fifteen. I can manipulate gravity."

"Call me Lightspeed, but my real name is Julie. I can fly really fast!" Juile spoke up. "And I'm fourteen."

"And she makes pretty rainbows when she does!" Katie piped up.

"You are such a dork," Jack rolled his eyes.

"No, **you** are!" Katie stuck her tongue out.

"No, you are," Jack said.

"You are!" Katie stomped her foot.

"You're both acting like dorks," Julie rolled her eyes.

"WE ARE NOT!" Both Jack and Katie shouted.

"Kids," Dr. Power warned. "Jack, remember we had a talk about behaving ourselves?"

"Yeah, yeah…" Jack grumbled. "I'm Mass Master! Eleven year old Jack Power in real life. I can make myself either really small or really gassy!"

"Mostly gassy," Katie quipped and held her nose. "P-EW!"

"You're asking for it, Rug Rat!" Jack snapped.

"Will you two **knock it off?"** Alex snapped.

"They're **always** fighting," Julie rolled her eyes.

"Gee and that **never** happens around here," Logan said sarcastically. "Something tells me you'll get along great with our kids."

"Come inside and we'll give you a brief tour before we start the evaluation," Xavier smiled. Then he remembered something. "About your ship…"

"That's okay, Friday will be okay," Alex said. "Right Friday?"

"I will be quite fine right here," a metallic voice spoke from the ship. "I will employ basic security measures until you get back."

"The space ship **talks?"** Logan's jaw dropped.

"It's called a smart ship," Katie took his hand. "Friday's really smart. Come on, I wanna see your house! It's so big!"

"That's because it's a mansion, doofus!" Jack groaned. "OW! Julie! Stop hitting me!"

"When you stop acting like a **jerk** I will stop hitting you!" Julie snapped.

"It's going to be a long day isn't it?" Hank asked Dr. Power.

"You have **no** idea," Dr. Power sighed.

"Wanna bet?" Logan asked.

They went into the mansion and the X-Men showed the Powers around. "So Mr. Xavier," Dr. Power looked around. "Exactly how many mutants live at this school?"

"Total? Combining staff and students I would stay about 32," Xavier told him.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Twelve Jamies thundered past them in the hall.

"Or more depending on circumstances," Xavier sighed.

"We've been working on some modifications and making plans to increase the size of our student living quarters," Beast added. "Currently we do have enough room to house about fifty mutants, if you count the basement levels."

"AAAHHHHH!" Fifteen Jamies ran by them this time.

"COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE MANIAC!" Ray shouted as he, Roberto and Sam ran after them. "YOU'RE GONNA PAY!"

"Which one is the real one?" Sam shouted.

"Just fry 'em all!" Roberto told him.

"Works for me!" Ray agreed as they chased the Multiple Clones.

"Of course this house does seem to get smaller every day," Xavier sighed as the sound of more things breaking was heard.

"We are making plans so that in the future the Xavier Institute would be able to house over a hundred mutants," Hank added.

BOOM! SMASH!

"CANNONBALL HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU **NOT** TO RUN IN THE HOUSE?" Jean was heard screaming. "EVERY TIME YOU DO YOU MAKE HOLES IN THE WALL!"

"And of course this time you **had **to make a hole in the boy's bathroom," Rogue was heard next. "Hi Scott! Nice shorts. Don't bother to get up."

"CANNONBALL!" Scott was heard screaming.

"It was Jamie's fault!" Sam pleaded.

"It's **always** Jamie's fault!" Jean shouted.

"Well that's because it **is!"** Sam shouted.

"What did he do this time?" Jean groaned.

"YOU CAN TELL US LATER AFTER I'M FINISHED!" Scott shouted. "GET OUT OF HERE! ALL OF YOU!"

"The **very **near future," Hank moaned.

"And you think **we're** not well behaved?" Jack gave his father a look.

"I stand corrected," Dr. Power blinked.

Just then Kurt teleported in with Kitty. They were both in their training uniforms. "Professor we're ready downstairs," Kitty told him. "The Danger Room is all set."

"Stinky," Katie coughed and waved her hand in front of her face.

"Sorry about the brimstone," Kurt apologized. "It's a side effect of my powers. You see I teleport through another dimension and the smell kind of carries over."

"Cool!" Jack was impressed. "Have you ever been in that dimension? I mean stayed there longer than a second?"

"Yah, but it's not something I like to think about," Kurt grumbled. "Let's just say it's not a vacation spot."

"In Kurt's case it's more like a family destination," Ray stuck his head out of a door in the hallway.

"Shut up, Ray!" Kitty snapped. Ray laughed and ran off.

"It's a long story," Hank sighed when Dr. Power gave him a confused look.

"Everything around here is a long story," Jack rolled his eyes.

"We're just waiting for Jean and Scott," Kitty changed the subject.

"Uh," Hank began. "They're a bit...Occupied."

"SCOTT CALM DOWN!" Sam was heard screaming. "I SAID IT WAS MULTIPLE'S FAULT! OW! THAT HURTS!"

"GOOD!" Scott was heard yelling.

CRASH! BANG! BOOM!

"Oh dear," Hank sighed. "There goes this month's budget."

"This place is cool," Jack said. "We gotta come here more often."

They made their way to the lower levels, right to Hank's lab right next to the Danger Room. "This room is my workspace, but we also analyze the readings from the Danger Room in here," Hank explained.

"Ooh! You have a kitty cat!" Katie squealed when she saw Prometheus in the lab. She made a beeline for it. One look at her and the cat ran off into a corner. "Here Kitty! Kitty! Kitty!"

"Technically he's Jean's kitty cat," Hank said wryly. "However he seems to have taken a shine to me and keeps me company in my lab."

"That's because he knows Lockheed won't go in here," Kurt chuckled.

"Who's Lockheed?" Jack asked.

"He's my dragon," Kitty told him.

"Seriously?" Jack's eyes widened. "Cool! This place rocks!"

"Kitty! Kitty! Kitty! Come on Kitty!" Katie ran after the cat. "I'm not gonna hurt you."

"I'm afraid Prometheus had a few traumatic experiences when he first arrived here," Hank sighed.

"That I believe," Dr. Power remarked.

"Yeah that cat runs from everyone except Beast and Wolverine," Kurt told them.

"Beast I get, I mean because of the fur and all but I have no idea why he likes Wolverine," Kitty shrugged.

"Aw!" Katie moaned as Prometheus ran out the door. "Kitty got away."

"Let's forget about the kitty for now okay?" Logan grunted.

"Okay," Katie looked at him. "You still wanna play tea party?"

"I **never** wanted to play tea party!" Logan snapped.

"You don't have to yell," Katie folded her arms.

"For cryin' out loud…" Logan groaned. "Charles can we get on with this before I get a headache?"

Soon the Power Pack was in the Danger Room running through an obstacle course. It was the same obstacle course on the alien planet with metal orbs attacking that the X-Men often used. **(Remember the episode Spykecam?)** Hank and Dr. Power were absent because they were discussing scientific matters in Beast's lab.

The main team was watching upstairs. "Are you sure it's a good idea to have the kids run this exercise?" Rogue asked. "I mean it's tough enough for us!"

"Yeah half the time we can't beat it," Kitty said.

"It's only at a regular setting," Jean said. "We just want to see how well they react and how they use their powers. Whether they beat the course or not doesn't really matter."

"Oh yeah!" Jack had gone gassy when the orbs attacked. "Can't touch this!"

"Lightspeed! Carry Energizer so she can blast a path for us!" Alex ordered as he used his gravity control powers to make the orbs heavy so they would fall down harmlessly.

"No problem!" Julie grabbed her sister. "Uggh, Katie you're putting on weight!"

"Hey I'm a growing girl!" Katie said as she blasted the orbs. "YEAH! THIS IS FUN!"

"Ta Da!" Julie deposited Katie on the platform. "I'll be right back!" She went back for her brothers. "Jack I got an idea! Go small!"

"Okay but…" Jack shrunk from his gas state and was scooped up by his sister. "HEY!"

"It's just easier to carry you this way!" Julie said as she flew back. "I'll be back for you Alex!"

"It's Zero G and thanks but no thanks," Alex flew behind her. Not as fast as she wasbut fast enough to evade the rest of the balls and land on the platform after her. "I've got it covered." He pulled the switch to end the session.

"Course completed," The computer's voice spoke, ending the session and the hologram of the alien planet disappeared. The Power Pack cheered loudly at their victory.

"We did it!" Alex whooped.

"All right!" Jack laughed as he regained full size. "No problem!"

"And I thought my science test was easy," Julie grinned.

"I couldn't believe how slow those metal balls were!" Katie said. "They were easy to shoot!"

The X-Men were stunned. "I don't believe it…" Scott gasped.

"They just beat our obstacle course record by a full **two minutes,"** Kurt was shocked. "And they're not even tired!"

"It took us **five times** to beat that simulation on this setting the first time we tried it!" Jean said. "And they just waltzed through it like it was **nothing!"**

"I thought you said it **doesn't** matter if they passed the obstacle course or not?" Kitty asked sarcastically.

"Oh shut up Kitty," Jean folded her arms.

"Not bad for a couple of rookies," Even Logan was impressed.

"They performed extremely well," Rina nodded. "Even Hydra would be impressed."

"Ladies and Gentlemen, meet the competition," Rogue quipped.

"That was fun!" Jack whooped. "Can we do it again?"

"Why do I suddenly feel very old?" Scott moaned as he put his hand to his head.

"Why don't we try some individual testing for now?" Xavier spoke. "X-Men report to the floor. Energizer we'll start with you."

"Why me?" Katie asked.

"Scared?" Jack taunted.

"I am not!" Katie yelled. "BRING IT ON!"

"Very well," Xavier said. "Energizer your opponent will be Wolverine."

"What? Why do I get the hard one?" Katie wailed.

"Ha ha…" Jack snickered.

"Shut up Jack!" Katie snapped.

"Don't worry kid, I'll go easy on you," Logan told her as he stood in front of him. "All you gotta do is try and get by me. I ain't gonna hurt you."

"Do I get to use my powers?" Katie asked nervously.

"Sure why not?" Logan grinned. "Now begin."

"Okay…" Katie began to glow very brightly. She created a very large ball of energy. "Here goes…"

"Uh oh…" Logan blinked as he noticed that her ball of energy looked even brighter and more powerful than the ones Tabitha usually made. "This was probably not a good idea..."

BOOOM!

"Whoa! The Wolverine just got blasted by a little girl!" Bobby's jaw dropped.

"A very powerful little girl," Xavier blinked as he looked at the monitor. "These readings are off the chart!"

"Worst day ever…" Logan moaned as he lay on the floor his uniform in tatters.

"Uh, did I do okay?" Katie walked up and poked Logan.

"Stop…**that**…" Logan growled in a very sharp tone. "**Quit poking me!"**

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!" Katie whimpered and ran off.

"Katie wait!" Julie said but she didn't listen and ran out of the Danger Room. "Nice work Mister! You scared her!"

"I…scared **her?**" Logan grunted as he sat up.

"You do tend to be a little grouchy sometimes," Kitty told him. "Remember she's still just a little kid."

"She's a baby that's what she is," Jack rolled his eyes.

"Shut up Jack!" Julie snapped. "You want me to pound you again?"

"Let me get her," Alex said.

"No Zero G you still need to do your test," Xavier said. "Wolverine why don't you retrieve her?"

"Me?" Logan snapped.

"**You're **the one who spooked her," Rogue said.

"You can assist him Rogue," Xavier said.

"**Me?** Why?" Rogue asked. "Wolverine did it!"

"Yes and he might scare her even more," Jean said. "You can go along to make sure she doesn't get too scared."

"Why me? Why not Kitty?" Rogue asked. "Or you?"

"Because you can take out Wolverine if he messes up again," Scott smirked.

"**She** nearly blasts **me **into next week and **I** get blamed?" Logan barked. "Sure blame the victim!"

"Come on," Rogue took Logan by the gloved hand. "Let's go find her."

"Why do we get all the stupid assignments?" Logan grumbled as they left. "Let me just get another shirt first okay?"

After Logan got a spare uniform they went off to find her. They walked through the halls and made their way outside. "She's in the tree over there," Logan said. "I can smell her. She's wearing this stupid cotton candy perfume for little girls and it's annoying my nose!"

"I'll get her, wait here," Rogue levitated up. "And behave yourself!"

"Behave yourself," Logan mocked quietly. "Who does she think she's…?"

"I **heard **that!" Rogue snapped. Logan shut up. Even he wasn't crazy enough to mess with Rogue.

Rogue flew up and saw Katie on a large branch holding Prometheus. "Katie? Honey are you okay? I see you've made a friend."

"Meow…" Prometheus mewed.

"Is Mr. Wolverine mad at me?" Katie sniffed.

"Nah hon, you just hurt his pride that's all," Rogue said. "Personally I think he's needed a good kick in the pants for some time."

"Do you think I'm a crybaby?" Katie asked. "Jack always says I'm a crybaby. But I can't help it sometimes. I get so scared or angry and all my feelings get unbottled and everything and…"

"Hold on kiddo," Rogue chuckled. "You're not a crybaby. Crybabies don't beat up the Wolverine."

"I didn't mean to," Katie said innocently.

"You just gotta learn how to handle your feelings," Rogue told her. "How to control your temper and all."

"**This** from someone who repeatedly throws the Cajun into a wall every other time he says something stupid?" Logan called from down below. "Not that I blame you…"

"Shut up!" Rogue glared at him. She turned back to Katie. "Don't worry about what your brother says, hon. Trust me I know how **annoying** they can be."

"You do?" Katie asked.

"You've met Quicksilver right?" Rogue asked.

"Oh yeah," Katie nodded. "You both have the same daddy but different mommies."

"That's one way to put it," Rogue grumbled.

"He's really annoying," Katie said. "Boy and I thought Jack was bad!"

"Thanks a lot!" Rogue groaned. "How'd you get up here anyway? You can't fly can you?"

"No I can climb really well," Katie said. She looked down."It's getting down that's the problem."

"Well I think I can fix that," Rogue grinned as she lifted her and the cat down. "Now Wolverine, don't you have something to say?"

"I'm…sorry I yelled at you," Logan grumbled.

"That's okay," Katie said as she held the cat. "Would you like to play with me?"

"I'm not **that** sorry," Logan growled.

"Come on," Rogue grabbed his arm. "Let's go and see how the others are doing."

Soon they went inside and met up with Beast and Dr. Power in his lab. "Hey how's it going?" Logan asked.

"Quite well," Hank said. He turned around his swivel chair with Prometheus on his lab. "We've been having a fascinating discussion…" He stopped and blinked. "Where did you get that cat?"

"What the…?" Rogue blinked. "Two of 'em? But which one's which?"

"Well we all know that Prometheus hates all the other mutants around here so…" Logan reached out for the cat on Beast's lap.

"RARRR!" The cat hissed and leapt off Beast's lap and snarled at Logan.

"Everyone except me that is," Logan grinned. He reached over and petted Prometheus who purred.

"Wait a minute, if she's got Prometheus…" Hank blinked. "Whose cat is this?"

"If it **is** a cat," Logan shot out his claws. "Something tells me it ain't!"

With a snarl Logan leapt at the cat. It leapt away and changed it's shape. "You know you people are really annoying," Mystique snarled.

"Look who's talking," Rogue balled up her hands into fists.

"Who is she?" Katie asked.

"Her name's Mystique, she's one mean mutant," Logan snarled. "But I'm a lot meaner!"

"Stay back!" Mystique grabbed Dr. Power and held him hostage. "If you value this human's life, and if I know you X-Men you do…"

"Just when I think you couldn't get any lower…" Rogue growled. "What do you want?"

"Why Rogue? Can't a mother visit her children?" Mystique asked coyly.

"Not when she just want's something from 'em," Rogue snapped. "You're no mama to me and you never were you selfish witch!"

"She's your mommy?" Katie asked. "But mommies aren't supposed to be mean and take people hostage! They're supposed to be nice and do stuff! Like bake cookies or do lawyer stuff."

"What a naive little idiot you are…" Mystique gave her a look. "I…What the?" Suddenly white smoke formed all around her. "What is this stuff?"

"That 'stuff' is **my son** you witch!" Dr. Power managed to break Mystique's grip for a moment, taking full advantage of her confusion.

"Nobody takes our Dad hostage and gets away with it!" Jack started to form his boy shape while still in cloud form.

"How…?" Katie asked.

"Easy, the Professor and Jean Grey heard Beast calling out to him telepathically the second Mystique changed shape," Jack explained. "I just made my way through the air vent and…"

Jack lost his concentration and reformed. Mystique tackled him and changed into Jack. The other members of Power Pack and the X-Men burst into the lab only to find two Jacks wrestling each other. "Jack? Is Dad okay?"

"Yeah thanks to me!" One Jack shouted.

"No you didn't!" The other Jack shouted. "I'm the real Jack!"

"No you're not!" The first Jack said. "I'm the real Jack, you jerk!"

"No I am!"

"I am!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!

"Are **too!"**

"Stop copying me!"

"**You **stop copying **me!"**

"You are such a liar!"

"I know **you **are but what am I?"

"Great now they're in stereo!" Julie groaned. "How do we tell them apart?"

"We could do this!" Katie powered up and shot her energy projectiles at them both. "I AM **NOT **AN IDIOT! OR WHATEVER ELSE THAT OTHER THING WAS YOU CALLED ME!"

"HEY!" Jack turned into a cloud. "Watch it!"

"AAAHHH!" Mystique changed back when she was hit. "That hurt!"

"Give it up Mystique! You can't get out of this one!" Jean shouted.

"We'll see…" Mystique changed her shape again into a small snake and managed to slither through the vents.

"Now we gotta track her down!" Rogue grunted.

"Rogue, X-23, Nightcrawler, Shadowcat try and stop her before she makes her way outside!" Scott ordered. "The rest of us will watch Dr. Powers and the Power Pack."

The others left quickly. "I don't think they're gonna catch her," Logan grumbled. "Mystique's the sneakiest mutant I've ever known. The fact that she got in here undetected proves it."

"I am afraid you are correct Logan. Energizer, however did you deduce that Mystique could only replicate a person's physical attributes and not mutant powers?" Hank asked.

"I didn't know," Katie shrugged. "I just like any excuse to blast Jack."

"Ha ha, very funny," Jack grumbled. He picked up a disk. "Hey, she dropped something. What is this and what the heck does Mystique want with it anyway?"

"Let me see that," Scott took it. "This disk came from Cerebro. I'll bet you anything it has information on other mutants and their powers all over the world."

"Magneto probably sent her so he'd have an idea where to recruit his next flunky," Logan growled. "You did good kids."

"Really?" Katie asked. "Good enough for a reward?"

"Huh?" Logan blinked. "What do you mean? What the heck could you want?"

"Well…" Katie grinned.

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"I must admit I am enjoying this," Rina grinned.

"Yeah even though Mystique got away by turning into a bird the second she got outside, I can live with that," Kurt smiled. "Especially after seeing this!"

In the living room Katie was playing tea party with Logan. Complete with a few dolls, a pink pretend tea set and a fancy hat Katie was wearing. The X-Men were in the doorway giggling at the sight. "One lump or two?" Katie asked Logan sweetly.

"I'll give someone some lumps…" He muttered underneath his breath.

"You know Rina, remember when the Professor once told you that to counter off one of your rages you should have a mental picture in your head to counteract it?" Kitty giggled.

"Yes I believe this will do very nicely," Rina grinned even wider.

Bobby couldn't resist as he walked up to them. "Would you care for some cold drinks or ice cream?" He snickered. "Or maybe Mr. Logan would like something stronger?"

"Not one word, Popsicle," Logan growled as he sat at the table with his pretend tea. "Not **one** word…"

"Don't have to," Bobby grinned as he took a picture with his digital camera. "You know what they say about a picture being worth a thousand words! This is the best Saturday of my life!"

**Ah the wonders of guest stars and fun fluff! Yes I love pointless insane fluff! Let the fluff flow! Fluff forever! All you need is fluff! Fluff, fluff, fluffity fluff, fluff! Fluff, fluff fluff. **

**Yes I know it's insane fluff. But that's what I feel like writing about now. The real world is too depressing enough so ya gotta go with fluff. **

**Okay, even I know that's a little over the top! I think I've been drinking too much coffee. Well I'm going on vacation for a week or so. So you're just going to have to make do with the fluff until I get back. But don't worry, I won't be gone long! **

**Next the X-Men get entangled up with a new story arc when an unlikely rescue plunges them into an unexpected conflict! And then they end up with another new house guest. So what else is new? **


	10. Woke Up This Morning

**Hello everyone! I'm back! And with another deranged chapter too! As if I write anything else. Now I don't watch the Sopranos but I have read about it and seen clips from TV. It gave me a few ideas and an alternate way of introducing an old lesser known Marvel canon supporting character into the Misfitverse. Yup it's time to introduce another human to the Institute! I hope you like…**

**Woke Up This Morning…**

A week passed since the incident with the Power Pack. And normal life (well normal for the X-Men and Misfits) went on more or less. It was Saturday again. All the students were outside in the woods near the Institute on a training session. They were separated into different teams and were already ten minutes into training.

"Okay since when is a scavenger hunt considered training?" Kurt asked as he looked at the list in his tri fingered hand. "Not that I'm complaining."

"Charles thought since all of you have been working so hard you deserved a fun session," Hank told him. In his group was Kitty, Kurt, Rahne, Doug, Danielle, Bobby, Amara and Tabitha. "Looking around for the various objects Logan and X-23 planted in the woods will help you practice your searching skills."

"Searching skills?" Kitty gave him a look.

"Or whatever it's called," Hank groaned. "I haven't had my morning coffee today, sue me!"

"You have to admit it is an interesting list," Kurt chuckled as he showed it to his team mates.

"Forge's socks?" Bobby looked at the list. "Forge's power tools? Forge's shoes? Forge's underwear? Do I see a pattern here?"

"Let me guess," Tabitha looked at Kitty. "You X-Guys made up the list?"

"Oh yeah," Kitty grinned.

"Scott and Jean had a few suggestions," Hank told her. "Some of us are still a bit miffed at Forge for what happened on our interdimensional field trip and it's consequences. Now let's…"

A scream interrupted him. Then the sound of a gunshot. "Holy crap! That sounded like a gun!" Bobby yelled.

"This way!" Hank tore off with his students towards the sound, deciding that the emergency took precedence over correcting Bobby's language.

Since Kurt had often spent time in the woods he was able to imagine where the gunshot might be and teleport there. He grabbed Kitty by the hand before he used his powers and they teleported there.

Just in time to see a stocky man in a jacket and jeans shoot a bullet into the leg of black woman on the ground. She screamed in agony as blood seeped through her jeans. She was wearing a white T-Shirt and a denim jacket that were quickly becoming covered in splatters of blood as well.

"Oh my god…" Kitty gasped.

Kitty's scream startled the gunman who hit his victim in the side instead of the heart like he intended to. He turned around and saw an angry Kurt tackle him. Kurt swore something in German before he managed to knock the gun out of his hand. The attacker kicked Kurt off just as the other X-Men happened on the scene.

"Freaking hell!" The gun man shouted. "What the hell are you?"

"He shot her!" Kitty yelled at Hank while she was trying to help the woman on the ground. "He shot her!"

With a roar Hank charged at the man.The intruder tried to escape but found his feet suddenly frozen solid. And a huge angry blue furry man beast was right behind him. Hank knocked him down, breaking the ice. The next thing the gunman knew he found himself surrounded by some very angry mutants.

"Go on, Pig," Tabitha snarled as Amara created some flames in her hands. "Give us a reason!"

The rubber faced man stared in horror as Rahne shifted into her wolf form and growled at him. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" The man shouted.

"We're asking the questions here dirtbag!" Tabitha created a large energy bomb. "Now shut up unless you want your insides scattered all over the forest!"

Hank quickly went to tend to the woman, now falling into unconsciousness. "She's losing a lot of blood! We have to get her back to the mansion for treatment fast!"

"So much for a normal training session," Bobby said before the woman passed out due to a combination of fear and loss of blood.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Luck had always played a big part of Stevie Hunter's life. Unfortunately a lot of times it was bad.

Her father was accidentally killed by a stray bullet after getting a new job when she was eight. Her mother ran off to Vegas to become a showgirl when she was sixteen and was killed in a plane crash before she got there. Not long after that a week after she was accepted into the top dance academy in Philadelphia she was hit by a drunk driver. She had no choice but to go to her aunt's in New York city for a long painful recovery.

But she didn't give up her dreams of dancing. They just took a slightly different turn after high school. After her aunt died she had to take up dancing in a club where sometimes wearing a top was optional.

It didn't bother her that much. Stevie found she could make more money doing that than working behind a counter. That was where she met Anthony.

Anthony was the owner of the club. He never directly came onto her or forced himself on her. He was a gentleman and a professional with all his employees. But Stevie had eyes, she knew what was going on in the back rooms. And it wasn't all completely legal. But she had her own problems and what he did was none of her business. Eventually Anthony made her a hostess, a position with a little more authority and a lot more clothes. She took care of seating the clients and helping make sure the bar was well stocked and everything ran smoothly and legitimately. She was good at her job and a stickler for keeping things clean. Maybe a little too good at it.

She didn't go looking for trouble, but it found her. It found her the night she was cleaning up after hours and saw her room mate get shot by her boss. It seemed her room mate had been stealing some money as well as sampling a few drugs on the side and he wasn't happy about it.

And he sure wasn't happy about Stevie seeing the whole thing. She barely got out of the club alive. She was just lucky that Anthony was a really bad shot at moving targets.

She had no choice but to go to the cops who sent her to the Feds who sent her to a safe house that turned out not to be so safe. Pit Bull was waiting there for her and dragged her off to the woods to kill her.

Only she wasn't dead.

"Ms. Hunter?"

Stevie cautiously opened up her eyes. She was in a hospital room somewhere. A young woman with red hair wearing a lab coat was in the room along with a bald man in a wheelchair and a suit. "Ms. Hunter please don't be afraid," The bald man said. "You're quite safe now."

"Ow…" Gingerly Stevie placed her hand to her temple to find a bandage. "Oh my God…I was shot…I was shot…"

"Twice actually," He said. "Once in your right leg and your left side. It would have been three times if it hadn't been for us. You were very lucky that we were able to get you to our medical facilities in time."

"Us?" Stevie blinked. "Who's us?"

"I am Charles Xavier," The man said. "Of the Xavier Institute for the Gifted. You were attacked on the edge of our school grounds."

"School? Wait a minute, I'm in a school hospital?" Stevie couldn't believe her luck. She looked around at the room that had a lot of state of the art equipment. "What kind of school hospital has equipment like this? Some of this stuff looks like it came out of ER."

"You don't know who we are do you?" The red head asked.

"Should I?" Stevie asked. "I don't exactly watch the news a lot. But that name's familiar…Wait a minute…" Her memory of the attack returned with a vengeance. "There was this big blue furry…" Her eyes widened. "Oh Jesus…"

"You know **now **don't you?" The red head winced. "I'm Jean Grey."

"Let me get this straight…" Stevie was in shock. "I was saved by mutants? I feel a little…" She then passed out. Her strange luck had definitely struck again.

"Well that went well," Jean remarked. "But why was that man trying to kill her in the first place?" She had not used her telepathy on the woman.

"I think we'd better call the authorities," Xavier sighed. He had used his telepathy to find out. "I'm afraid our guest has fallen in with a very dangerous crowd and is in a lot of trouble."

"Sounds like nearly everyone else we meet," Jean said.

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Three hours later…

"Unbelievable," Detective Nick Gaines of the FBI grumbled as he rode in the unmarked blue police car. "Un-freaking believable." He was about forty years old with a medium build, with a brown and gray hair and the makings of a beard around his lower jaw.

His partner Detective Anthony Altone sat in the back. The irony that his first name just happened to be the same as the Shark's was not lost upon his partner. He was in his mid thirties with dark black hair and a gray suit. Unlike his partner, he made it a point to shave regularly. "Tell me about it. For years we've been trying to get a break in the Denarmasino case and our one lead nearly gets bumped off. Only to be rescued by mutants at the last second. What a…"

"Yeah those mutants at the Xavier Institute do tend to pop up in investigations when you least expect 'em to," Detective Abrams of the Bayville Police department chuckled as he drove.

"Listen Abrams," Gaines gave him a look. "This is still an FBI investigation. The only reason you're along for the ride is because you have experience dealing with these mutants. That's all."

"What Detective Gaines means is that we do appreciate any assistance we can get on this case," Altone said quickly, being the more diplomatic of the two.

"Don't worry, I know **exactly** what Detective Gaines means," Abrams gave Gaines a look. "I mean I can understand your situation. Your bosses must really have read you the riot act for dropping the ball on this one."

Gaines made a growl as the car pulled up to the gates of the Institute and was let in. "Just try and keep out of our way."

"I'm the **least **of your problems," Detective Abrams told him as he parked the car. "Trust me, I have no intention of getting involved any more than I have to. The FBI can screw things up perfectly well on their own. I just wanna watch you fall flat on your ass."

"Listen you two bit…" Gaines began.

"Nick," Detective Altone warned. "We were supposed to be watching the Hunter woman. We blew it. But we lucked out. So let's try and not blow it okay? Watch your temper."

"Fine," Gaines grunted as he got out of the car. He looked around. "Hmm…Place looks like a normal school. Never know muties lived here."

"Little advice, Detective," Abrams gave him a look. "**Don't **call 'em muties. And this place is a lot more dangerous than it looks. Trust me, this is the calm before the storm."

"Do you have any other advice?" Altone asked as they walked up to the door.

"Yeah no matter how weird it gets, and believe me it's gonna get **plenty** weird," Abrams told him. "Act like nothing's out of the ordinary. Just stand there and nod and don't think too much. They got mind readers in there but they usually don't go into your head unless you obsess over something. Pretend you've seen it all before even if you've never seen anything like it."

"Okay," Gaines agreed.

"And uh, if you see something purple with wings flying around breathing fire," Abrams said. "Don't tease it. Dragons hate to be teased. A sergeant at the force found that out the hard way."

**"Dragons?"** Gaines stopped in his tracks. "Did you just say…?"

"Dragons yeah. They have a dragon," Abrams smirked. "It's about the size of a large house cat but yeah it's real. And watch out for an all pink girl with very sharp hair and claws."

"Pink?" Gaines asked.

"Sharp **hair **and **claws?**" Altone blinked. A shadow flew over him and he looked up in time to see Warren fly over him. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph…"

"Get it together Tony," Gaines grunted. "It's just that Warrington character. I've seen him on the news."

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"What the hell…?" Gaines prepared to take his gun out of his holster.

"Easy," Abrams stopped him. "Explosions happen every day around this joint. Probably one of the kids fooling around with his powers or something."

"Actually we have target practice going on right now," Betsy Braddock opened the door wearing her black andyellowX-Man training uniform. "I'm Betsy Braddock. Professor Xavier sent me to bring you to his office."

"Fine, Ms. Braddock this is Detective Gaines and Detective Altone from the FBI," Abrams introduced.

"Not from Mutant Affairs Division I take it," Betsy raised an eyebrow.

"No, we work with Vice, Bunko and other departments," Gaines told her.

"I figured that," Betsy said her voice very controlled. "A Mutant Affairs Detective would know better than to imagine S and M scenarios around a telepath. Don't you agree Detective Gaines?"

The other two detectives gave Gaines a look. Gaines was very embarrassed. "Hey I'm not the one running around in spandex here!" He protested.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, idiot," Abrams hissed in his ear.

"Serves her right for going into my head," Gaines grunted back.

"I'm not going into your mind," Betsy corrected. "You areprojecting. You're practically **screaming."**

"Projecting?" Gaines asked. "What's that?"

"Thought waves are very much like sound waves to a telepath," Betsy explained. "And some people's frequencies are **louder** than others."

"So he's not just a loud mouth he's a loud **brain,**" Abrams quipped. Gaines glared at him.

"Precisely," Betsy nodded. "Try to think of a wall or something. This way."

"I'd love to think of a wall…" Gaines grumbled out the side of his mouth as both Abrams and Altone chuckled.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"What the hell is that noise?" Gaines looked around. Then he saw what was making the noise. "Holy crap!"

The detectives noticed something going outside through a window and stared at the sight. They saw Scott directing a training exercise with Amara, Roberto, Tim, and Ray blasting sharp buzz saws coming straight at them. "What the hell is that?" Gaines' jaw dropped. "Did that girl just throw **fire?"**

"She did," Altone blinked. "And that one threw lighting. And the other two some kind of death rays..."

"Target practice," Betsy said simply. She pointed at the door. "The Professor will see you shortly. Wait here." She then walked away muttering underneath her breath. "I need a shower…"

"Geeze those kids out there have more firepower than some of the stuff I've confiscated off of weapons dealers," Altone remarked. "Do they do that stuff a lot?"

"All the time," Abrams nodded. "I even hear they have a special training room for it. Call it the Damage Room or something."

"And this doesn't **worry** you? I mean it don't freak you out that these kids have their own little army out here?" Gaines asked. "I mean what if they tried to do something?"

"That is the purpose of this school Detective Gaines," Jean said as she opened the door. "To train mutants to use their powers to help people. Come in, the Professor will see you now."

"How did you know what we were...?" Altone asked.

"Telepath," Jean grinned. "Like I was saying, this school is dedicated to teaching mutants to use their powers for good."

"How much good can they do when they're blowing stuff up?" Gaines grumbled.

"Better here than out in public," Xavier pointed out as he wheeled himself from behind his desk. "I'm Charles Xavier, headmaster of the Institute. I assume you are here to meet with our guests."

"Guests?" Altone asked.

"Ms. Hunter and her attacker," Xavier explained. "Mr. Paul Pantone."

"**Pit Bull** Pantone? The Shark's number one enforcer? You mean he's **here?"** Gaines yelled.

"He's in our holding facility," Xavier nodded. "One of my instructors and a few students witnessed his attack and prevented him from killing Ms. Hunter. I assumed you knew about this."

"Witnesses? We got **witnesses?"** Altone was shocked. "Do you know how long the FBI has been trying to get **anything** on the Pit Bull?"

"Mutant witnesses," Gaines pointed out. "Might not hold up in court."

"Last I checked the courts still count testimony from mutants as evidence," Abrams told him. "Remember the Stryker case?"

"Let's not jump the gun here," Altone interrupted. "This is a big break. Could you them up here so we can get their testimony?"

"Of course," Xavier nodded and sent a mental summons. "If you don't mind, Jean and I would like to stay while you interview them. They are minors after all."

"Why not?" Altone shrugged. "This office is as good as any."

"I gotta call headquarters and let 'em know about Pit Bull," Gaines nodded pulling out his cell phone. He went out in the hall for some privacy.

"Mr. Xavier you don't know how much you've done for this investigation," Altone told him. "Thanks to you we might have a chance of nailing this guy and his boss."

"I take it this is a rather dangerous individual," Xavier said.

"Maybe not by **your** standards but Anthony Denarmasino is one tough customer," Altone said. "He ain't called the Shark by his buddies for being cuddly and happy all the time."

Gaines walked in and looked a little pale. "You know you got a wolf here in this building?"

"That's one of the students," Jean explained with a smile. "She's also one of the students that witnessed the attack. Come in."

Hank, Doug, Kitty, Rahne and Kurt (without his image inducer on) walked in. Rahne walked in in wolf form but formed back into human form immediately to the amazement of the law enforcement officials. "And I thought I'd seen it all," Gaines blinked.

"Our apologies," Hank said. "Magma, Iceman and Boom Boom are at target practice and I believe Mirage is…"

"Boom Boom?" Gaines interrupted. "You have a student called **Boom Boom?"**

"She blows stuff up," Rahne explained. "A lot."

"Oh," Altone said simply. "I guess we can start with this group here. I need to take your names and statements about what happened this morning."

"Kurt Wagner," Kurt held up his hand. "We were having a training session...I mean a scavenger hunt when we heard screaming. I teleported over to the direction where..."

"Hold on," Gaines held up his hand. "Teleported? Like in Star Trek teleporting?"

"Yah, but I don't say beam me up Scotty in order to do it," Kurt grinned.

"May I ask a question? Why was that guy trying to shoot Ms. Hunter?" Kitty asked raising her hand.

"She's a witness in a case we're putting together against a certain someone," Gaines grunted. "Who are you and how do you know her name?"

"Kitty Pryde. And I heard The Professor say her name a when we brought her in," She told him.

"I had to read her thoughts in order to assess the situation,"Xavier explained.

"**Another** one," Gaines grumbled as he started to write on a pad. "Pryde…That name sounds familiar. Hold on, ain't you the one with the mother and the TV rock star?"

"Video DJ, yes," Kitty groaned. "Yes I'm related to them, unfortunately. Well my mother anyway."

"Now I remember you," Altone said. "You and the Reverend Stryker had a few tussles televised."

"I hope you socked the bastard a good one," Gaines grunted.

Everyone gave him a look. "My wife ran off with one of them Purists," Gaines explained. "As far as I'm concerned, they're just as nuts as you people."

"Well that's something I guess," Rahne shrugged.

"Excuse me, I have a question about the suspect. Was it a contract hit?" Kurt asked. "Who wanted to rub her out? What did she do to get whacked?"

"He watches a lot of television," Hank explained to the puzzled detectives.

"An individual named Tony Denarmasino," Abrams told them. He responded to Gaines' dirty look. "Like these kids wouldn't figure it out anyway."

"You mean the Shark don't you?" Doug asked. "You're trying to bring that mob boss down."

"Yeah, you've heard of him?" Gaines asked.

"His nephew went to my old school," Doug explained.

"The Hellfire Academy?" Jean asked. "What was his power?"

"Power? You saying the Shark's nephew is a mut-…I mean a mutant **too?"** Gaines yelped.

"Uh huh, he's a telepath who can also produce force beams from his hands," Doug said. "Kind of like Scott's brother only they aren't solar powered."

"You saying there's another mutant school around here?" Gaines asked.

"There was one," Xavier explained. "It's a long story. They were shut down by SHIELD. Their teaching philosophy was different than ours."

"Understatement of the year," Doug groaned. "They were training us to use our powers to take over the planet. When I found out the truth I barely got out of there with my life."

"Wait a minute," Altone dug deep in his pocket and pulled out a picture. "I heard about the Shark getting some new muscle in the family. Is this him?"

"Yeah and I recognize the guy standing next to him," Doug pointed. "That's Brian Kennedy. He and Tony were co-leaders of the Epsilons. That was a group of mutants that were being trained to take over business fields at my old school. He's also a telepath. They were real tight in school."

"Great just freaking great!" Gaines threw up his hands. "So now the Shark has **two** freaking mind readers in his pocket! No wonder we haven't been able to get anything on him the past couple of months!"

"It also means that the Shark probably has ties to the Hellfire Club," Kurt spoke up.

"The Hellfire Club?" Altone asked. "You mean those rich maniacs that nearly barbecued the city last year?"

"I'm afraid so," Xavier sighed. "The Hellfire Club is an organization of very powerful mutants that want to control the world through economic measures."

"But they're not exactly above strong arm tactics in order to get what they want," Hank added.

"Oh freaking hell!" Gaines threw up his hands. "Anthony this is way outta our league! Even **I** can see that!"

"Great now we gotta call in Mutant Affairs on this," Altone sighed.

"And I have a feeling SHIELD will want to know about this if they aren't aware already," Hank said.

"You mean that not so secret spy agency that you helped out a while back when Apocalypse tried to take over the planet?" Gaines looked at him. "This day just gets better and better! All right how about I interrogate the Pit Bull first! **That **kind of scum I can handle!"

"**I'll **handle the interrogation," Altone told him. "We've barley finished the lawsuit after you interrogated the last suspect! You call this in and then start taking statements."

"Told you I wasn't going to be your main problem," Abrams grinned.

"Jean why don't you show Detective Altone to the lower levels?" Xavier sighed. "I'm afraid I'm also going to have to make a phone call."

"You're going to call General Hawk huh?" Rahne asked.

"Exactly," Xavier nodded.

"General Hawk? Who's he?" Gaines asked as Jean showed Altone out.

"He's in charge of GI Joe," Kitty explained.

"GI JOE? WHY THE HELL TO WE HAVE TO CALL **THOSE** LUNATICS?" Gaines could be heard screaming as Jean and Altone left. A moment later he was heard shouting. "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?"

"You know a lot of interesting people don't you?" Altone asked as they entered the elevator.

"Interesting doesn't even **begin** to cover it," Jean rolled her eyes.

They went to the lower level and found Logan standing outside the door to the holding area. "Logan this is Detective Altone from the FBI. Detective this is Logan one of our instructors. Also known as Wolverine. Wait a minute, what's going on? Why are you out **here?"** Jean asked. "I thought you were watching over our 'guest'?"

"Let's just say I thought of an inventive training session for Mirage," Logan grinned. "Seeing as this guy likes to pick on girls…"

"Logan…" Jean moaned. "You didn't!"

"What? Why not?" Logan asked. "She ain't hurting him...technically."

"Logan," Jean's tone indicated she was not amused. "You left Mirage alone in there with him?"

"Technically, no," Logan shrugged.

"Who's Mirage?" Altone asked. "Why? What does she do?"

"She has the ability to make your worst nightmares come true," Logan grinned as he pushed the button on the sliding door and they went inside. "And she's getting to be very good at it."

Inside was a sight that Altone wouldn't believe. A purple dragon was yapping away at the cell and a young Native American girl in a New Mutants training uniform was glaring at the man inside it. One of the most vicious, cold hearted mob enforcers ever known was cringing in his cell like a little kid screaming and crying.

"Hey Pit Bull," Altone asked, pretending not to be surprised at the sight. "How's it going?"

"HOW'S IT GOING? DON'T YOU SEE ALL THE SNAKES EVERYWHERE? GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF!" Pit Bull screamed like a maniac. "GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF! I HATE SNAKES! I HATE SNAKES! THEY'VE GOT SLIMY SKIN AND THEY SMELL! AGGGGHH! NO! NO! THEY'RE EATING ME ALIVE! THEY'RE EATING ME! GET THEM OFF OF ME! HELP!"

"That's enough Mirage," Jean sighed. Danielle released her mental hold on the prisoner.

"Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap! Yap!" Lockheed snapped. "GRRRRRR!"

"That goes for you too Lockheed," Jean warned.

"Is that a...?" Detective Altone blinked.

"Dragon, yes," Logan nodded.

"He's just a baby," Danielle told him. "And he doesn't eat people or anything. At least we're pretty sure he doesn't."

"But I'm sure we can make an exception," Logan gave an evil glare at the prisoner.

"Get me out of here!" The hardened mob hit man was sobbing like a three year old. "Get me away from these crazy mutants! Especially **that** one!" He pointed to Logan.

"Some people can't take a joke," Logan snorted. "It's not like I used the claws on him."

"I don't want to know what you did **this** time," Jean sighed.

"You know this place is starting to grow on me," Altone chuckled. "Okay Pantone let's have a little chat shall we?"

"I'll talk! I'll talk! Anything you want to know! Just keep that **thing** away from me!" He pointed to Lockheed who was glaring at him. "Keep these freaks away from me!"

"BBLLLLPPPPP!" Lockheed made a raspberry and flicked his tongue at him.

"And I don't want to know what **you** did either," Jean gave a look at Lockheed.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Ms. Hunter?"

Stevie woke up. "Oooh, my head…My leg!" Then she remembered where she was. "Oh that's right..."

Detective Altone was there along with Xavier and Nick Fury. "You remember me, Detective Altone?"

"How could I forget?" Stevie groaned. "The guy who nearly got me killed. Ow! My leg…What..?"

"Your kneecap was shattered by the bullet," Xavier explained. "I'm afraid it will be a while before you walk again."

"My career as a dancer was ruined anyway," Stevie said bitterly. "Who's the guy pretending to be Captain Hook?"

"Nick Fury, head of SHEILD," He told her. "Ms. Hunter I'm not going to beat around the bush. Your life is in danger and it seems that your friend the Shark is in bed with a group of mutants that make the mob look like kindergarteners."

"Okay…" Stevie took the news in. "I'm in a hell of a lot of trouble aren't I?"

"Yeah," Altone sighed.

"How bad?" Stevie asked.

"Real bad," Fury sighed. "Bad enough that the FBI can't keep you safe anymore."

"They couldn't keep me safe to **begin** with," Stevie said bitterly. "So now what plan have you geniuses come up with?"

"Well I've been talking to Xavier and…" Altone hesitated. "He's agreed that right now the safest place for you would be at the Institute."

"You mean the Institute as in **here?**" Stevie asked. "This place?"

"Yeah," Altone said. "The truth is I don't think we have the resources right now to protect you against these guys. But the X-Men do."

"Okay…" Stevie took a deep breath.

"I realize this might be unsettling for you Ms. Hunter," Xavier began.

"No, when I got **shot** it was unsettling," Stevie interrupted. "Right now I'm still in shock. But then again it's not like I have anywhere else to go. Mr. Xavier…I'm sorry for the way I acted. I mean not that I appreciate you saving me or anything…"

"It's quite all right," Xavier held up his hand. "Considering what you've been through it's quite understandable. Actually you handled it better than we thought. I just hope we can make your stay somewhat pleasant."

"Can't be any worse than mobsters," Stevie groaned.

"Wanna bet?" Fury grumbled.

**Next: Fun when a human moves into the mansion. But it's not all fluff and games as forces conspire to make their lives miserable! And a new sinister plan is afoot. In other words just another typical day for the gang.**


	11. More Than Change is in The Air

**More Than Change is In The Air**

"Way to go Stevie," Stevie groaned to herself as she lay there in the hospital room. "Just when your luck coudln't get any weirder. Now you'e stuck on your back in a mutant school hiding out from other possible mutant mobsters."

She heard a small noise and saw something purple with wings fly in. "Boy I don't know what drugs they gave me but man do they pack a punch," Stevie blinked.

"Rrruff?" The dragon barked.

"You said it," Stevie rolled her eyes. "So this is what it's like to be crazy? It's not so bad."

"Lockheed come on now," Kitty walked in through the open door with Tabitha behind her. "Sorry about this."

"So that's a real dragon and I'm not hallucinating?" Stevie blinked.

"Sorry no," Kitty shook her head. "I'm Kitty. This is Lockheed."

"Don't worry the little guy's harmless," Tabitha said. Lockheed snorted at the insinuation. "Unless you're like a real jerk. I'm Tabitha and I hear you're going to stay here a while."

"How did you find out so fast?" Stevie asked.

"Word gets around in this place," Kitty shrugged. "How are you feeling?"

"Lousy," Stevie groaned.

"Yeah I know how that feels," Tabitha nodded. "I got stabbed three times last year."

"Stabbed?" Stevie was shocked. She didn't know why. She knew of kids younger than her to be shot and killed but still something about what she said unnerved her. "Three times?"

"Yeah an ex-friend of ours used his powers against us in a fight and I got the short end of it," Tabitha grumbled. "Long story. Don't ask."

"Oh I'm sorry..." Stevie blinked.

"It's okay," Tabitha waved. "Hey people take potshots at us all the time. It's no big deal."

"Well it is a big deal," Stevie said without thinking. These were just kids and they were being subjected to god only knew what kind of violence in their lives for being mutants. "And I was feeling sorry for myself."

"I think you kind of have a right to," Kitty said.

"Well there's no point in dwelling on the negative," Tabitha said. "My philosophy is that any day could be your last so why not live like it? And speaking of living it up, you look really down in the mouth."

"Tabitha she was shot and she's on the run from the mob and possibly the Hellfire Club," Kitty said. "What do you think?"

"Well then maybe we should cheer her up?" Tabitha asked. "Are you hungry?"

"Just a little," Stevie admitted.

"Good," Tabitha grinned. "Do you like pizza?"

"Yeah why?" Stevie asked.

"Let's just say this is the start of a beautiful friendship," Kitty grinned.

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"Let me get this straight," Logan said as he, Ororo and Hank went down to the infirmary an hour later. "The feds want us to baby sit this woman until they nail this Shark guy?"

"Under the circumstances it seems to be the most logical course of action," Hank shrugged.

"How does she feel about it?" Ororo asked.

"I'm not sure, the Federal Agents just spoke with her before they left and I wasn't privy to their conversation," Hank sighed. "I hope it was a positive one."

He opened the door to her room. "Oh my…"

Kitty, Stevie, Tabitha, Danielle, Dead Girl, Penny and Amara were in the room. There were multi colored ribbons in their hair. There was a pizza box on the table and the music was blaring from a portable CD player. Lockheed was there too but he didn't look thrilled with ribbons on his neck and tail.

"What's going on here?" Logan barked.

"Oh Hi Badger," Tabitha waved as she finished shoving some pizza in her mouth and turned off the CD player. "We just came by to cheer up Ms. Hunter."

"I am feeling a lot better even with a busted leg," Stevie protested.

"So you turned my infirmary into a party zone," Hank folded his arms.

"We were just trying to liven things up," Dead Girl said. "No pun intended."

"Let me see if I get this straight," Logan blinked. "Hunter, yesterday you were nearly shot to death and today you're partying with a group of mutant girls and a dragon? Eating pizza?"

"It does sound weird when you say it like that," Stevie admitted. "But I was just lying here and the girls came down to talk to me and I felt a little hungry and the next thing I knew..." She pointed at the boom box and the pizza.

"Girls as much as I appreciate your efforts to cheer up my patient…" Hank stopped when he saw Penny gnawing on a stethoscope. "Penance! No! Give me that!" He tried to yank it out of her mouth. "Bad girl! Bad girl!"

"You just got shot and you're eating pizza?" Ororo pointed to the box.

"It's got peppers on it," Amara defended. "They're healthy."

"I have a weakness for it," Stevie admitted.

"Out! Everyone out!" Hank ordered as he managed to yank the stethoscope from Penny. "Take your garbage and go!"

"Pizza is not garbage!" Dead Girl huffed. "I'm insulted."

"Geeze what a grouch," Tabitha grumbled as she cleaned up. "You sure know how to kill a party."

"Out!" Hank pointed to the door. All the girls grudgingly left. "You too!" He ordered Lockheed. Lockheed snorted a huff and flew out.

"It's not really their fault," Stevie protested. "After Altone told me that I had to stay here the girls just happened to come by and they saw I was a little blue so…"

"You don't have to explain," Ororo waved. "We know Tabitha. If there's anything she's good at, it's throwing an instant party. I'm just glad you're able to relax around us."

"To be honest I never really thought that much about mutants," Stevie shrugged. "I mean you guys seemed kind of far from reality. I mean I'd hear about you on the news but…"

"I'm sorry your introduction to mutants was so brutal," Hank apologized.

"Hey you saved my life, that's worth a lot in my book," Stevie said. "Works for me."

"Good all we have to do is save the life of every person in the world and we have the solution to the mutant problem," Hank grinned.

"Didn't you guys already save practically everyone in the world once?" Stevie asked.

"Twice actually," Hank said. "Or was it three times? I lost count after the Apocalypse incident."

"So what do I do now?" Stevie asked. "I hate just sitting around. Doing nothing drives me crazy."

"Well the Professor was thinking that you could help out around here," Ororo told her. "Once you are feeling better of course."

"What about my leg?" Stevie asked.

"Several ligaments have been torn and your kneecap was shattered," Hank sighed. "Even with a healer's help it will be a long time before you can walk without a cane again, if ever."

"A healer? You have a person like that here?" Stevie asked.

"No, but we know someone who can do that," Ororo explained. "Of course he's not a mutant. He's an Esper. That's a person who has extraordinary powers but does not have an X-Gene nor mutated by artificial means."

"There are people that can do things like that that aren't mutants?" Stevie asked.

"Yes, they used to be called sorcerers and witches," Hank explained. "Actually some **are **sorcerers and witches."

"Those people are real?" Stevie was surprised.

"Very real," Hank nodded.

"One of our kids is dating one," Logan snorted. "Anyway the Joes are sending him here tonight so at the very least you'll be able to wheel around by tomorrow."

"That fast?" Stevie blinked. "I mean I know I just got shot and I'm in some pain but right now…I think I should be feeling worse but I'm not."

"Thanks to a few mutant improvements to technology our medical facility is a bit more advanced than most hospitals," Hank explained. "For example those bandages on your body were made from a substance secreted by a friend of ours. Her spit spray can increase healing so we've come up with some bandages made from it that speed up the healing process."

"These bandages I have on are made from spit?" Stevie blinked.

"Well not exactly…" Hank said.

"Would you prefer it came from the **other** end?" Logan asked.

"This is a lot for one day. I can't believe that you'd want me to teach kids or something," Stevie sighed.

"Well the Misfits work with a lot of humans so it stands to reason that the X-Men should have at least one," Hank shrugged. "Our goal is co-operation and co-existance with the human race after all. What better time to put that theory into practice?"

"I mean…With my past and all," Stevie began.

"So you did a little topless dancing," Logan snorted. "Lady you wouldn't **believe **some of the stuff I've done. And I'm here."

"I used to be a thief in Cairo when I was young," Ororo admitted. "Some of our students have done their fair share of stealing as well."

"Let's just say we have a serious teaching shortage and we'll take whatever we can get," Logan nodded.

"As long as you don't set fires to any books there won't be a problem," Hank grinned. "We have enough students doing that already."

"Not to mention we had a few subs already doing that," Logan admitted.

"This is going to be some adjustment," Stevie sighed. "But I guess considering the alternative it's not that bad. At least I won't have to go into the Witness Protection Program as a nun or anything. This must all be a shock for you too, having a human around?"

"Not really no," Ororo shook her head. "We've had humans visit here before."

"They don't last very long but they do visit," Hank admitted. "Except of course GI Joe. They show up all the time."

"Lady our lives change forever around here about every other week," Logan grunted. "Trust me. This is nothing new."

How wrong he was.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! I DON'T F&&&&$$$! BELIVE THIS!"

Tony Denmarsario gave a bored look to his uncle and namesake. Unlike his uncle, affectionately nicknamed 'The Shark', the dark haired Tony preferred Armani suits and Italian shoes to his uncle's style of dress. The Shark was wearing a maroon sweatshirt with a white T-Shirt underneath with several gold chains. The Shark's head was nearly bald except for the few large black strands styled in a comb over. Tony's black hair was well groomed and short and his face was handsome. His uncle had a huge nose, a pot belly and fat thick hands covered with gold rings.

Not for the first time Tony reflected on how different he was from his uncle even though he had the same name as him.

"THAT F-&&&&&! FREAKING BACHAGALUPE! I'M SURROUNDED BY &&&&&&! &&&&&&&!"

"_Another difference is that you don't tend to swear like a Soprano over every little thing," _A telepathic thought strayed into his head. Tony looked over at his Boston raised business partner and former room mate from the Massachusetts Academy, Brian Kennedy (Rumored to be related to **The** Kennedys but there was no actual proof of which. Yet his family was just as wealthy.)

_"Isn't the phrase swearing like a sailor?" _Tony sent back a message to his fellow telepath.

_"Yes," _His red haired, equally well groomed friend casually inspected his manicured nails. _"But in this case Sopranos is more appropriate." _

When the Massachusetts Academy had been suddenly closed down, Tony was ordered to return to his Mob family in order for the dwindling Hellfire Club to have some extra resources. Tony's family which consisted mostly of his uncle and a half dozen aunts and cousins (other members of his family had died due to work related 'accidents') welcomed him with open arms. They had also welcomed Brian as well, treating him like a member of the family. (Both kinds of family. Even the CosaNostraknew the value of having a mutant or two on the payroll.)

It was another twist of irony that led Brian to follow Tony, seeing that his supposedly 'well bred' family quickly disowned him when they learned of his telepathic abilities. And yet he was welcomed by the Mob with open arms.

So the two close friends went into the 'Family Business'. Tony found his job unusually dull even though he soon became his uncle's right hand man. He was usually called upon to read the minds of business rivals, potential clients (some of which turned out to be undercover policemen) and other associates. True, there were the interesting secrets he uncovered, (Such as one particular rival of the Sharks who turned out to have an affinity for big burly men wearing leather even though he was married with three kids.)

But all in all, he wanted his share of the action.

"How could this freaking happen?" The Shark moaned as he threw a chair into the wall and sat down on another one. "Paulie…The one guy I thought I knew, the one guy I thought I could trust…We grew up together…I never saw him break down over anything! Anything! He even saw his own freaking father gunned down and run over by a garbage truck…Nothing! And **what happens?** Those damn freaks break him and now he's spilling the beans on everything! I was lucky to get out of the club before I got arrested!"

"You would have been if it wasn't for two 'freaks' watching your back," Brian pointed out.

"I didn't mean it like **that!"** The Shark snapped. "I meant those **other** freaks! Those X-Jerks!"

"Yes they do have a tendency to throw a wrench into a well oiled machine," Brian sighed. "They were the ones ultimately responsible for closing down the Hellfire Academy. Quite a nasty little bunch of inbreds."

"And now everybody's running scared because of the Feds!" The Shark threw up his hands. "All my partners want my head! And it's all because of that Hunter dame!"

"Is that all Uncle?" Tony sighed. "No problem."

"No problem? What do you mean no problem? Unless I'm missing something this is a **huge** F&&&&&& problem!" The Shark snapped.

"Really sir, it's not as bad as you think it is," Brian said.

"Oh it isn't is it? Us going to jail isn't a big problem? You're not **worried** about this?" The Shark yelled at him.

"Not really no," His nephew shook his head.

"Why the hell not?" The Shark shouted.

"Because as soon as we heard about what happened we made a call to some friends of ours," Brian explained. "This scenario actually works in our favor."

"Okay," The Shark huffed out some air from his mouth. "Explain to me exactly how having a witness that can testify against me being holed up in a mutant school and my best enforcer in jail and singing like a canary thanks to those same mutants and me being one step closer to being locked up for life be a **good thing!" **

"Because now the X-Men are involved," Someone spoke as people entered the room. "And knowing them they'll commit themselves to protecting her. We can use **her **to get at **them."**

"Why the hell do we wanna take on the X-Men?" The Shark yelled. "These guys tangled with bigger fish than me and blew 'em out of the water! And who the hell are you?"

"Just call us your new silent partners," Evan said as he stood in full Hellion uniform with his Hellions behind him. "And we've got a few scores to settle with them."

**Uh oh, you know this is not gonna be pretty! What do Evan and the Hellions have in store for Stevie Hunter and the X-Men? Find out next time! **


	12. The Past Comes Back to Bite You

**The Past Comes Back To Bite You**

Three days passed. Even with Lifeline helping her heal Stevie was still not fully ready to assume any teaching duties. But she was able to get to know the students a little better and spend some time with them. And she still didn't feel like running away screaming.

And she was slowly adjusting to daily life at the Xavier Institute. Of course there were a few surprises still in store for her.

"Well at least I'm out of the hospital bed," Stevie sighed as she sat in her wheelchair wearing some nice blue pajamas and a hospital robe. "And it's motorized. Nice."

"Charles always keeps five or six of 'em around as spares," Logan told her. He and Hank were visiting her room.

"You'd be amazed at how many he goes through in a year," Hank told him.

"Well I appreciate it," Stevie said. "It's easier to get around now."

"Here's something you'll also need," Logan handed her a large paper back book. "Beast cooked it up a while back."

"The Xavier Institute Employee Handbook?" Stevie looked it over. "A lot of this deals with medical coverage."

"Complete medical coverage," Hank told her. "Basically it boils down to the Professor pays and takes care of anything that happens to you during your tenure at the institute or even any injuries **prior** to joining the institute."

"This covers broken legs and arms, allergies, illnesses, gunshot wounds which is lucky for me," Stevie read on. "Stab wounds, injuries sustained while falling, electrocution, falling rocks, burns, frostbite, car crashes, plane crashes, helicopter crashes, Danger Room accidents, demonic possession…" She did a double take. **"Demonic possession?"**

"That's happened once or twice," Hank coughed.

"**Body switching**?" Stevie read on. "Poisoning? Magical accidents? Cooking accidents? Demon attacks? Ninja attacks? Sentinel Attacks? Terrorist attacks? Cobra Battle Android Trooper attacks? Mutated animal attacks? Clone attacks?"

"Why don't we skip ahead to page 24?" Hank coughed. "It deals with a few basic precautions."

"What to do in a Sentinel Attack?" Stevie blinked. "How to calm down a dragon without getting roasted alive. Why giving mutant children sugar and coffee is a **bad **idea. Why giving Pennance sugar is a **really** bad idea. What to do in case one of Forge's inventions goes haywire? How to survive Shadowcat's cooking?"

"That last one is the most lethal of all," Logan groaned. "**Trust **me on this."

"Know your enemies," Stevie read another chapter title. "Because knowing is half the battle, but it's the **other** half you have to survive."

"This chapter describes in detail some of our enemies and their weaknesses you can exploit," Hank went on.

"Magneto and the Acolytes, Bolivar Trask and the Sentinels, Mystique, The Juggernaut, Cobra, Zartan and the Dreadnoks, Apocalypse, Ninja Clans, FOH, Purity, The Hellfire Club, The Hellions, Selene, The Kingpin, Hydra, Alien Races…" Stevie's eyes widened. "**Some** of your enemies?"

"Well…" Hank fidgeted.

"Celebrities we have ticked off," Stevie kept reading. "Senator Kelly and other politicians we have ticked off. Normal people we have ticked off. Everybody **else **we **may have ticked off?** And I thought I was in trouble with the mob!"

"You have no idea lady," Logan groaned.

Stevie kept looking down the list. "Well I'm getting a pretty good idea right **now!** This list of enemies is huge!"

"Yeah and we've only been open for what? Six years?" Logan asked. "Of course it seems a lot longer to me."

Stevie kept reading, "The Shadow King. Lobo Technology and werewolves. **Werewolves?** There are real werewolves? Not just other mutants?"

"Afraid so," Hank nodded.

"And you ticked them off?" Stevie asked.

"Yup," Logan nodded. "Boy it's been a **long** six years..."

Stevie went on. "The Post Office. The Local Hotel and Restaurant Industry. The International Association of **Mimes?**"

"That last one's a long story," Hank coughed. "It happened a few years ago when Charles and I had a few Adventures in Washington DC."

"Lucky for us they're not a very vocal group," Logan quipped.

"I'd love to hear the story behind the American Emu Association," Stevie blinked.

"By all rights that one shouldn't even be **ours!**" Logan snapped.

"Which is as good as time as any to direct your attention to chapter four," Hank pointed to the book. "Probably the most **important **chapter of all."

"The Misfits," Stevie read the title. "With Allies Like These Who Needs Enemies?"

"HELLO!" Todd, Fred, Pietro, Pyro, Arcade and Xi poked their heads in at the same time.

"And here they are," Logan growled. "What are you idiots doing here?"

"You know how we love to meet new people," Pietro smoothed his hair. "And such pretty people as that." He zoomed over to her and batted his eyes. "I'll be eligible to date you in about three years. Maybe less if we go to another state."

"Quicksilver just because the woman once worked in house of burlesque…." Hank began.

"You saying she was a stripper?" Pietro blinked. He turned to the others. "You didn't tell me **that!" **

"We didn't want you to get your hopes up," Todd remarked.

"Or make any of your stupid remarks," Fred nodded. "The poor woman's been through enough."

"What kind of a guy do you think I am?" Pietro huffed. "On second thought don't answer that."

"Aww and I had such a good comeback too," Arcade snapped his fingers.

"Ignore him, we all do," Fred said indicating Pietro. "When we can. Hey have you got anything to eat around here?"

"I have some chocolate chip cookies," Xi held up a bag. "They are very good. Very, **very **good."

"Oh god no!" Hank's eyes widened. "PAGE 54 STEVIE! PAGE 54!"

"What to do when Xi eats chocolate chip cookies," Stevie read. "Hide unless Xi catches you in a bear hug. Then just go limp."

"I like you!" Xi hugged Logan.

"GET OFF OF ME!" Logan roared. Xi would not let go. "LET GO OF ME OR ELSE THE CLAWS COME OUT! STOP PURRING!"

"Xi tends to get a little happy when he eats chocolate chip cookies," Todd explained.

"I like you!" Xi purred.

"I HATE **YOU!"** Logan roared as he tried to get away from Xi without any success.

"A little happy?" Stevie blinked.

"You should see him when he gets into the Oreos," Fred remarked. "Then he goes really nuts!"

"So you're a human then," Pyro blinked at Stevie. "Are you a good human or a bad human?"

"I think I'm pretty good," Stevie blinked back.

"That's nice," Pyro said. "Do you like fire?"

"GET OFF ME YOU WHATEVER YOU ARE!" Logan tried to pull Xi off. "BEAST HELP ME HERE!"

" Logan just do what the handbook says and go limp!" Hank said before he went into the closet. "If anyone needs me I'll be counting the dust bunnies in here." He shut the door with a bang.

"Beast are you trying to play hide and go seek?" Pyro asked as he knocked on the closet door. "I found you!"

"XI! NO! DOWN! DOWN!" Logan was still trying to pull Xi off. "DOWN! GET OFF ME!"

"Beastie? Yo hoo! Come out come out! Olly olly oxen freeee!" Pyro kept knocking on the door.

"Yeah lady, it's **always **like this around here," Arcade noticed the look on Stevie's face. "Sometimes it's even **weirder."**

"Wait until you meet Avalanche," Pietro snickered. "He makes earthquakes and talks to an imaginary coyote."

"Oh yeah like **you're **normal," Fred rolled his eyes. "At least he doesn't wear makeup!"

"Only to accentuate my otherwise pefect features," Pietro huffed.

"The only thing perfect about you is that you're a perfect **nut,"** Todd nodded. "You are a macademia among nuts. That is the king of the nut kingdom."

"I always thought that was peanuts?" Fred scratched his head. "You know because you can make a lot of stuff from them?"

"SHIPWRECK! YOU TOOK FLOWERS FROM MY GARDEN AGAIN!" Ororo's angry voice could be heard.

"As a gift! For you!" Shipwreck pleaded.

"IT IS NOT A GIFT FOR ME IF YOU TAKE MY FLOWERS OUT OF MY GARDEN!" Ororo shouted.

"YEOW! NO LIGHTNING! NO LIGHTNING!" Shipwreck screamed.

"What the...?" Stevie blinked.

"Nobody told you about Shipwreck and Storm?" Todd asked. "Oh boy are you in for a treat!"

CRACK! BOOM!

"Was that thunder and lightning?" Stevie asked. "From **inside** the house?"

"Oh yeah," Pietro waved. "That happens a lot when those two get together."

ZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

"TRINITY GET ME OFF THIS CRAZY THING!" Jamie screamed as he sped by in one of Xavier's wheelchairs. "HELP!"

CRASH! SMASH! BOOM! CRASH!

"I'm okay..." Jamie said weakly.

"There goes another chair," Todd shook his head. "At least Xavier wasn't in it this time."

"Even when the triplets don't fool around with them it's amazing how many the man goes through," Arcade remarked. He looked at Stevie's chair. "Uh oh."

"What do you mean **uh oh?"** Stevie asked.

"Uh I wouldn't put that thing in reverse if I were you," Arcade said. "I recognize the triplets' handiwork."

"And here comes more of their handiwork," Todd remarked as the triplets ran by in cute pink nurses' outfits.

"Time for some medication!" Daria held a large needle in her hand.

"Gotta check his pulse!" Quinn shouted as she held a small electric shock device in her hand.

"Not to mention if he has any clean underwear," Brittany grinned.

"XI GET OFF ME!" Logan shouted. "I DON'T WANT TO CUDDLE!"

"NEITHER DO I!" Jamie screamed.

"Why do I have a feeling that I was better off with the Mob?" Stevie groaned.

But after a few more meetings with the Misfits and a few cookie detox sessions for Xi everything seemed to go well. But as we all know, nothing is ever what it seems.

And things were going to go from peaceful to explosive very quickly on the fifth day.

Not that far away from the mansion…

"I can't get into her mind," Monet hissed to her team mates Evan, Roulette and Bevatron. They were dressed in their battle uniforms. Evan was still in human form. "Not that it would do any good anyway. The little snitch is still in a wheelchair."

"So much for her just walking out the door and us grabbing her," Bevatron grunted.

"Should have known Xavier would have placed mental blocks on her," Evan grumbled. "Just in case Tony or someone else would do something like this. Now we have to go to Plan B."

"Fine with me," Roulette grinned. "That's the **fun** plan."

"Yeah I'm looking forward to a little payback for what they did to us," Bevatron agreed.

"Remember Monet, twenty seconds after we attack send the signal to Team Two," Evan instructed.

"I know, I know…" Monet sighed in a bored tone. "Now can we get on with it already? I have a manicure appointment later."

"All right, let's go," Evan armored up. "Monet, you're up!"

Monet took to the air. She flew hard and fast. Fast enough to use her strength to smash into the front gate and take it out. She used the gate itself to take out and smash the automatic weapons on the lawn. "So much for their toys!"

"Heads up!" Evan created a spike without fire. "It won't be long now!"

Indeed it wasn't. Several X-Men stormed outside to confront them. "Spyke," Scott growled. "I should have known you would show up sooner or later."

"Nice to see you too Cyclops," Evan grinned as he whirled his spike like a bo staff. "How about you and me one on one? Or is that too much for the big leader to **handle?"**

Scott tried to shoot him with his eye beams but Evan dodged it. "Come on Cyclops! You can't tell me that with all your fancy training all you can do is **shoot** at me? Where's the fun in that?"

"I'm gonna have plenty of fun beating you traitor!" Scott yelled as he tried to hit him again.

"Traitor, what an **original **name," Evan mocked as he easily dodged Scott's blasts. "Remember you **forced **me to join the X-Men when Quicksilver framed me!"

"You didn't exactly leave as soon as that was cleared up," Scott yelled trying to shoot him.

"No, I left when I realized this whole fighting for people who hate our guts and want to see us dead because we're different is insane!" Evan yelled back. "There are mutants suffering at the hands of humans all over the world and you want to make peace with 'em?"

"A few mutants have suffered at the hands of other mutants," Scott challenged. "Have you forgotten about Neverland? The Hellfire Club's little pet project?"

"No, but then again Magneto has done more than his fair share of experimentation and the Professor seems to forgive him pretty quickly. Is there really a difference?" Evan shouted as he hurled his fire spears.

They flew right over Scott. "You missed me Spyke," Scott snapped. "Again!"

"Wasn't aiming for you," Evan pointed. A few spikes had embedded into the roof of the mansion and already a small blaze had started. "You guys should get home insurance or something."

"I **hate **it when our enemies do that," Scott grumbled.

The other Hellions were also creating their own brand of havoc. Bevatron leapt around zapping whatever and whoever he could. Monet flew everywhere and destroyed statues and walls and threw them at the X-Men. Roulette used her powers to make some of the X-Men's powers go haywire. The Hellions seemed faster, more cordinated and focused in their attacks and it showed.

"This is **not **how things go in training," Kitty grumbled as she barely dodged Bevatron's electric blasts only to be hit by one of Roulette's black disks of bad luck. It caused her to trip and fall right on top of Bobby. "Yeow! That's cold!"

"Kitty have you gained weight?" Bobby groaned. "OW! KITTY DON'T HIT ME! HIT THE BAD GUYS!"

"YEOW!"Amara was nearly zapped by Bevatron. "How did these losers get so good so fast?"

"Revenge is a great motivator Magma," Evan snarled as he skidded behind her and whacked her hard with his staff, knocking her out cold.

"That's it!" Jean shouted as she used her telekinesis to grab Evan and lift him off the ground. "I have **had** it with you Evan!"

"Why are you **really** ticked off at me Jean?" Evan asked. "Is it really because I killed Spears or the fact that I lied to you? What you can't tell me you were willing to become an accomplice? I was trying to protect you as well as the Morlocks!"

"The only person you were trying to protect was **yourself!"** Scott snarled.

"Maybe but what would you have done if I had told you the truth? Turn me in?" Evan asked. "We all know what would have happened, not just to me but every **other mutant** out there! They would have used it as an excuse to hunt mutants!"

"Like you killing Spears wouldn't have already done that?" Jean yelled.

"Wake up Grey!" Evan yelled. "You would have just allowed Spears to make a formula to kill us all!"

"No, we had an antidote…" Jean began.

"That would have been only a short term solution and you know it," Evan said. "Spears or someone else like him would have just worked on it until they made a stronger batch. Or worse, like creating a virus of some kind. Like your friends in the government are doing."

"What?" Jean was shocked.

"You, the Misfits and the GI Jokers are so in the dark about the things going on it's pathetic," Bevatron leapt by and tried to shock Jean and Scott. "Neverland will look like a vacation spot by the time Gyrich, Trask and a few of his friends are through!"

"AAAAH!" Jean dropped Evan and barely got out of the way.

Sam and more X-Men ran out. "Enough!" Ororo flew outside and created some storm clouds in order to put out the fire."This fight is over!"

"Actually Auntie O," Evan grinned. "This party is just getting warmed up."

Meanwhile on the beach just below where the X-Jet hanger…

"Just where Spyke said it was," Jetstream pointed. "Right through that waterfall is our ticket into the X-Mansion."

"There's an easier way genius," Tarot told him. "The hidden secret passage underneath?"

"Hidden secret passage?" Beef scratched his head.

"Didn't you pay attention during the briefing at **all?"** Yvonne groaned. "Magma created it a while back before Mystique blew the mansion up."

"Pretty handy of her," Beef grinned. "And lucky for us."

"Remember the plan," Yvonne told the others. "Get in, get the target and get out. No unnecessary fighting."

"Relax Celandine we know the drill," Tarot gave her a look. She still hadn't gotten over Evan dumping her for Yvonne. "Just try not to kill too many of them will you? Not that I really care about it but…"

"Don't worry," Yvonne pointed to a silver headband on her head. "Thanks to the Hellfire Club's latest technology this will prevent me from giving them anything more than a massive headache."

"Why don't we just kill them again?" Beef asked. "I mean it would save us a lot of trouble in the long run."

"Because those higher up have ordered us **not** to," Yvonne glared at him.

"Good enough for me," Jetstream shrugged.

Meanwhile Logan and Xavier were monitoring the battle from inside the war room. "You should let me go out there," Logan growled. "Spyke and his little friends have gotten a lot better than last time."

"Not just yet…" Xavier focused on the monitors. Suddenly an alarm started. "It seems we have more guests." He pointed to scenes of the other Hellions wrecking the inside of the Institute.

"How did they get **inside?"** Logan roared. "Never mind! They're going right back out!" He flashed his claws and went after them.

_"They're headed for the classrooms,"_ Xavier instructed him via telepathy.

"Classrooms? Why are they…?" Realization hit Logan. "Hunter!"

He got to the classroom too late. He saw Tabitha, Danielle, Everett and several Jamies knocked down on the floor. The classroom was in shambles with broken desks and chairs all over the place. And he saw Stevie being carried off by Beef.

"This was too easy," Beef laughed.

"Put her down now meatball," Logan roared. "Before you end up shish kabob!"

"I don't think so. PORTAL CARD!" Tarot held up her card and a portal was created. "I believe we've worn out our welcome!"

"Ta, Ta!" Beef waved as he carried the unconscious Stevie through the portal with Jetstream and Tarot behind him.

"Get back here!" Logan charged after them but the portal closed and he was left standing there. "AAHHH!"

"Ooh, what hit us?" Everett sat up.

"Man I thought you only got hangovers when you drank," Tabitha groaned as she woke up.

"Is everyone okay?" Logan asked.

"No…" Tabitha moaned. "I just **said** I have a headache! I need an aspirin."

"You'll live," Logan said sarcastically.

"I don't know what happened," Danielle groaned as she sat up. "One minute we were talking to Ms. Hunter and the next…My head started to hurt. I couldn't think…"

"It was Celandine…" Everett said. "I could feel her power. But before I could do anything Tarot hit me with her stupid hammer card."

"Celandine, the toxic telepath?" Tabitha gasped. "That means we're probably poisoned!"

"No, we'd be dead or something by now," Everett thought. "I saw her wearing something silver on her head. It probably kept her from killing us."

"Well it doesn't feel like it," Jamie moaned.

"I should have **known **they'd do something like this," Logan growled. "Oldest trick in the book, distract us and then…"

"Wolverine," Hank called out. Scott and Rogue were behind him. "Spyke and the others got away. Is everyone all right?"

"No…" Tabitha groaned. "Why do people say that if people are lying around on the ground?"

"What happened?" Rogue asked.

"Celandine and the rest of the Hellions attacked us," Everett explained. "Hard and fast."

"They got Hunter," Logan grunted.

"Not for long," Scott said.

"Those FBI agents are going to love this!" Logan threw up his hands. "So much for this place being safe!"

"I just checked the security cameras," Hank told them. "They got in through the secret passage near the hangar."

"Three guesses how they knew about that!" Scott growled. "Spyke knew exactly how we'd react. No wonder it was so easy for them to waltz in and grab her."

"And then Spyke and the others ran off without warning did they?" Logan put it together.

"Yeah Monet threw out some kind of smoke bomb," Rogue grumbled. "But before she did I heard her yell out to Spyke to meet them by the warehouse on Pierpont Road."

"Everyone heard her yell out to Spyke where to meet," Scott grumbled. "They weren't exactly being subtle about it."

"How much you want to bet this 'clue' was deliberately planted?" Rogue snorted. "I may not have Wolverine's sense of smell but even I can smell a trap."

"Yeah but why?" Tabitha held her head. "If they were after Hunter and grabbed her why do they want us to follow?"

"I don't know," Scott sighed. "But if we don't something tells me Miss Hunter is in a world of trouble."

"Like she wasn't already?" Logan looked at him. "Come on, we gotta go after her."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Stevie came to groggily. She was tied up and on a crate. "What…?" She opened her eyes and found herself in a warehouse office with the Shark staring right at her. "Oh no…"

"Oh yes," The Shark grinned. "You gave me a lot of trouble Stevie. A whole lotta trouble. Good thing my nephew had some contacts. Well maybe not so good for you." He pulled out a pistol.

"Hold it Uncle," Tony stopped him.

"Let's hold off on the violence shall we?" Brian suggested.

"Why can't we shoot her now?" The Shark yelled. "Why the hell are we waiting for the X-Men?"

"Patience Uncle," Tony told him. "My apologies Ms. Hunter but you must know there's more going on than you realize." He pointed to some monitors. "As you can see."

"Oh goody," Brian grinned. "Dinner and a show."

The X-Men and Hellions were squaring off in the warehouse. "Why the hell do you Hellions care about a mob boss anyway?" Logan was yelling at them.

"Actually we don't give a damn about the Shark," Beef grunted. "Sooner or later Tony will take over the operation anyway."

"It's much better for the interests of the Hellfire club if he does," Monet agreed.

"If you want the Shark to be replaced why the hell are you after Stevie?" Jean asked.

"Because it's not **her** we want," Evan glared at her. "It's **you** Jean. You put our leader in a coma and we want her back. And if we can't have that…"

"We get revenge," Yvonne finished, her eyes glowing. "Any way possible."

"Not if we can help it!" Rina roared. The X-Men and Hellions started to fight. Crates were being broken and set on fire everywhere as the mutants fought fiercely.

"So very violent aren't they?" Brian grinned.

"Do you mean the Hellions or the X-Men?" Tony asked.

"Both actually," Brian shrugged.

"What the hell is all this?" The Shark snapped. "I thought these goons were working for the Hellfire Club."

"They are but the Hellfire Club had nothing to do with this operation," Tony said. "Seems the Hellions went behind Shaw's back."

"Of course they never considered the possibility we'd actually go behind **their** back and report in with Shaw," Brian grinned. "Who was very surprised at the news. He's not really happy with them."

"Look this is all fascinating," The Shark snapped. "But the main thing is that I have a loose end to tie up and I ain't gonna take any more chances!" He took out his weapon and pointed it at Stevie. "Say your prayers beautiful."

"How about, now I lay **you **down to sleep?"

"Huh?" Before the Shark knew it his gun was gone from his hand and it was flying out of the room. Then he was knocked backwards by some invisible force.

"Nice shot Xi," Pietro grinned as he zoomed back into the room.

Xi reappeared. "I think so."

"What in the…?" Brian gasped. The Misfits crashed in through the windows and the back door.

"Hey there!" Todd grinned. "Remember us?"

"The Misfits? What the hell are **you **doing here?" Tony yelled.

"It's kind of personal," Pietro said. "See nobody messes with the X-Geeks except us. We just don't like people poaching on our territory!"

"See the X-Men figured out that they were being set up," Lance said. "So they decided to call in some backup. The Hellions aren't the only ones who know how to use a distraction to their advantage."

"And they knew we'd **love** another chance to take the Hellions down!" Todd grinned.

"How come we didn't sense you?" Brian yelled.

Althea tapped her forehead. "Psychic scramblers. They're almost invisible with a little bit of makeup."

"So you can't hurt us either," Angelica said. "So you might as well surrender."

"It's not **you** that should worry," Tony narrowed his eyes.

"This is all your fault! You set me up you little…" The Shark snarled. Suddenly he grabbed his heart. "AAAAHHHHH!" He fell to the ground.

"What are you…?" Althea's eyes widened. "AVALANCHE! GET 'EM!"

"GOT IT!" Lance shouted as he sent out a tremor towards the telepaths. They flew backwards into the wall. Another shove and the wall broke open. They literally flew into the room where the Hellions and X-Men were fighting.

"What the…?" Evan stopped fighting. "Oh no…I should have known!"

"Yes it is I!" Pietro waved to his rival. "Da ta da!"

"Captain Ego," Todd rolled his eyes.

Kurt teleported with Kitty to Stevie's side. "Ms. Hunter, are you okay?"

"Yeah but he's not," Stevie said as Kitty phased her out of her ropes. She pointed to the mob boss on the floor.

Lina moved quickly to the fallen mob boss. "It's too late! He's dead!"

"Dead?" Rogue asked. The X-Men and Hellions stopped fighting.

"What do you mean **dead?"** Evan yelled. "How?"

"Ask your buddies here," Lance pointed to Brian and Tony who were struggling to stand up from the rubble. "More specifically **that **guy!"

"You gave your own uncle a heart attack…" Jean was shocked as she glanced at his mind.

"Prove it, Beautiful," Tony grinned. "Since dear uncle's gone…The Feds have no case. Ms. Hunter is no longer a problem. In fact, you can have her. My compliments."

"Hell no! Without her we don't have any leverage!" Beef yelled. "Even **I **know that!"

"Some plan this was!" Bevatron snapped. "Way to go Spyke!"

"Well what else were we supposed to do?" Evan snapped. "Just abandon Ms. Frost like the Hellfire Club did?"

"Abandon her?" Kitty asked. "What do you mean?"

"They couldn't revive her so…" Monet sighed. "Even I tried but…"

"They just stuck her in some second rate hospital," Yvonne snarled. "Believe me I know how it feels."

"It wasn't easy sneaking her out and setting her up at our new headquarters," Beef grumbled. "Catseye won't leave her side."

"**That's** what this was all about?" Scott was shocked.

"What? Are you surprised that we actually care about our teacher?" Evan glared at him.

"Well at least we got…" Wanda looked at Brian and Tony. Suddenly there was a flash.

"Hi kiddies!" Deadpool waved. "Hey the gang's all here! Ooh look at the dead guy!"

"Deadpool you maniac get us out of here!" Brian yelled.

"Okey-Dokey! All aboard the Deadpool express!" Deadpool called out as he grabbed both mutants. "Whoo! Whooo!"

"Oh no you…" Logan lunged but missed. Deadpool teleported away with them. "Not again! Twice in one day?"

"Who was **that?"** Stevie asked.

"Deadpool," Logan explained. "He's a mercenary who'll do anything if the price is right."

"He must still be on the Hellfire Club's pay," Remy grumbled.

"Well this worked," Beef said sarcastically to Evan. "Now we'll never wake Frost up! Let's get out of here!"

"Wait," Jean stopped them. "I'll do it."

"Do what?" Logan asked.

"Get Emma Frost out of her coma," Jean told him.

"You serious?" Evan looked at her.

"Very serious," Jean said.

"Jean we won," Rogue said. "You don't have to do this."

"Yes I do," Jean said bitterly. "No matter what Frost has done I can't justify using my powers to put her in a coma. If I just left her there I'd be no better than she was."

"You'd be **smart**, that's what you'd be!" Rogue told her.

"Is that what you want me to do, Rogue? Use my powers against people I don't like?" Jean retorted. "Just do whatever I want with them on anyone I want? You know where **that** would lead! No one would be safe! Not even you! I have to use the Phoenix Force responsively! The alternative is too dangerous!"

"Jean's right," Scott sighed. "We would be no better than the Hellions if we did."

"Nice to see you didn't mention the Misfits," Lance quipped.

"You maniacs are in a class by yourselves," Scott told him.

"Take me to her," Jean told Yvonne.

"Beast take Ms. Hunter back to the mansion," Scott ordered, giving in. "The rest of us will go with the Hellions."

"This is a temporary truce," Logan growled. "Emphasis on the **temporary,** got it?"

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Monet growled back.

**Next: Jean goes to revive Emma, but will she live to regret her decision? **


	13. Pick Up the Pieces

**Pick Up The Pieces**

Soon the X-Men and Misfits were at a small halfway decent house on the edge of Bayville that reminded them a lot of the old Brotherhood House. "Actually I think this place is a little cleaner," Lance remarked when Pietro made the comparison.

"Yeah and there's no dead animal cemetery in the back yard," Wanda remarked.

"I hope not," Jetstream muttered.

"You guys were this close all this time and we never knew it?" Scott was surprised as they walked into the seemingly normal home.

"Only for the past week or so," Yvonne admitted. "We have anti-detection shields, remember? They were built right into the house."

Catseye came out of one of the rooms. "You're back, you're…" She stiffened when she saw Jean and the others. "What are **they** doing here? If you've come to hurt Mother…"

"Easy Fur Ball," Logan held up his hand. "We're here to help."

"Help what? Make Mother even sicker?' Catseye snarled.

"Chill Sharon," Evan held up his hand. "Jean agreed to wake her up."

"And you **believed** her?" Catseye asked.

"It's the truth," Jean said. "I know you're angry at me for what I did…"

"Although I don't see why," Rogue folded her arms. "You ask me she got what she deserved."

"She **not **deserve this! Mother is a good person!" Catseye shouted.

"What kind of a good person brainwashes someone to be some kind of weapon?" Rina snarled.

"Just because **you're** a weapon and not a **real **mutant, Clone…" Monet hissed.

Both Rina and Logan responded by shooting out their claws. "I'd watch your mouth if I were you," Logan warned.

"You're not exactly that much better than your copy," Jetstream sneered. "A clone of an animal is still an animal!"

"Oooh look a **jackass** calling the Wolverine and X23 an **animal,"** Pietro quipped. "There's something you don't see every day."

"Enough!" Jean shouted. "Look obviously there's enough anger and blame to go around on **both **sides, but right now the important thing is to wake Emma up and I am going to need all the quiet I can get. So **knock it off!"**

"Catseye just wants Mother back," She sniffed.

"If you ask me Jean this is a mistake," Logan grunted.

"No one **asked **you, Logan," Jean whirled on him. She turned to Catseye. "Take me to her. The rest of you try not to kill each other at least until I'm finished!"

"Wolverine why don't you and X23 wait outside?" Scott sighed, deciding to try to keep the tension low as possible. "Check out the perimeter in case we fall under attack."

"Fine by me," Logan grunted. Rina followed him.

"Let's go," Jean indicated to Catseye. Yvonne followed her as well. "You both really do care about Emma don't you?"

"She rescued both of us from a living hell," Yvonne asked. "What do you think?"

"Catseye not even know she was human until Mother found her," Catseye said. "Catseye thought she was a cat."

"A cat?" Jean raised an eyebrow.

"Long story," Catseye shrugged. "But Mother found Catseye and taught Catseye to be human."

"Maybe Emma's not perfect but she's always protected her own," Yvonne said to Jean as they entered a room.

A very pale and thin Emma lay on a hospital bed hooked up to a machine. Jean was shocked at how sick Emma looked. _I did this to her…I hurt another human being…_Jean thought before she shook her head.

"I don't suppose you'd care to join me?" Jean asked Yvonne as she sat down in a chair next to Emma.

Yvonne shook her head and pointed to her headband. "Even with this thing I don't dare risk it. My telepathy is too toxic for anything more than a brief touch. And Monet…Well, she's not half as good as she **thinks** she is."

"I see," Jean took a deep breath and held Emma's hand. "Here I go…"

Soon Jean found herself falling inside Emma's mind. There were images flashing all around her too fast for her to process…Soon she was inside a very dark place with almost no light. "Emma? Emma? Where are you?"

"Well if it isn't little Miss Fire Bird," A familiar voice was heard. Jean looked and saw Emma in her Hellfire Club uniform. "Back to finish me off?"

"No," Jean said. "I've come to revive you."

"I see. And **why **exactly?" Emma asked. "Let's face it dear we're not exactly the best of friends. In fact, you're the one who trapped me in the first place. So either I have something you need or the Hellfire Club is blackmailing you to rescue me."

"The Hellfire Club abandoned you Emma," Jean informed her. "It was Spyke and the other Hellions that asked for my help."

"Really? They must be completely lost without me," Emma raised an eyebrow. "I thought I trained them better than that. I guess I was wrong."

"Don't you realize your students care about you? How can be such a cold hearted bitch?" Jean snapped at her.

"Breeding my dear," Emma sighed as they floated through an old memory. "As you are about to witness I come from a long line of hard hearted monsters."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile on the outside of the room while Jean was working through Emma's mind, the X-Men and Misfits were standing around with the Hellions, glaring at each other. "Well this is a fancy place," Pyro looked around. "Ooh! A moose head! So nice and flammable."

"You think **everything **is flammable!" Scott told him.

"Well actually nearly everything is," Pyro said. "Even so called flame retardants can go up pretty quick at the right temperature."

"That's right," Fred nodded. "Hey did I ever tell you people about the time my Uncle Bubba Jane tried to be a fire fighter?"

"Uncle Bubba **Jane?"** Roulette blinked.

"Let's just say a few members of Blob's family have gender issues," Wanda remarked. "Go on Fred, tell them."

"You're **encouraging **him to tell a story about his insane family?" Scott yelled.

"Well it's a good one," Wanda said. "Besides it makes me feel better about my own insane family."

"Believe us **that's** an accomplishment," Pietro nodded.

"Yeah it's got everything," Pyro spoke up. "Fires, romance, jealousy, exploding cows, a pile up on the freeway, a tractor on fire, a church on fire, a trailer park well you get the picture…"

"Exploding **cows?"** Beef asked. "Okay I gotta hear this one."

"Well it all started the day after Aunt Bubba Jane got fired from the Department of Motor Vehicles," Fred began. "On account with an ugly scene between her boss, his wife and his brother in law all of whom she'd been dating at the same time."

"I feel like I've just walked into a Jerry Springer episode," Monet groaned.

"Hey quiet down," Jetstream said. "I want to hear this."

"What the hell," Rogue shrugged. "We have nothing better to do but wait."

"And I can show pictures using fire!" Pyro grinned as he took out his lighter.

"NO YOU DON'T!" Scott shouted as he tried to take the lighter from him.

"YES I DO! GIVE IT BACK!" Pyro yelled.

"Unbelievable," Evan grumbled. Suddenly he was jerked back. "What gives?" He glared at Althea and Pietro who held him.

"Keep it down, Daniels," Pietro made a shushing motion. "We don't want the X-Men in on this."

"I think Pyro and Freddy will keep them occupied long enough for what we need to do," Althea nodded.

"What do you mean?" Evan asked.

"We need to have a little talk," Pietro said to him. "Someplace private."

"I don't have anything to say to you Maximoff," Evan glared at him.

"Oh I think you do," Pietro quipped. "We should catch up. Talk about what's new. What's going on with our **families**, that sort of thing if you get my drift."

Evan's eyes widened for a second. "Fine," He hissed. He moved into the hallway with Althea, Todd, Lance and Pietro. "Make it quick. How much do you know?"

"What, you mean about dumping your pregnant girlfriend to be with Feral? Running off and leaving her in the lurch with a kid? Pretty much everything," Pietro snapped. "The only reason we haven't told the X-Men is we don't want your aunt to send Bayville into the next ice age!"

"Look I admit I screwed up but I never meant to abandon Tommy!" Evan said. "When she told me she was pregnant I panicked. I went out to get some air…"

"And you apparently got more than that," Todd snorted.

"Feral convinced me to have some fun while I could," Evan groaned. "The next thing I knew Tommy caught us and broke up with me. And that whole Spears thing happened before I had a chance to make things right!"

"You fooling around with a girl as soon as you get another girl pregnant is **not** the way to make things right!" Althea snapped.

"I know **that!"** Evan said. "I wasn't thinking!"

"Obviously!" Lance snapped. "You know you and the other X-Men always used to call me a hood but I would have **never **done to Kitty what you did to Tommy!"

"Fine Avalanche, you're better than me," Evan said sarcastically. "Happy?"

"I'd be happier if you said **I **was better than you," Pietro scoffed. "Maybe we should tell Storm all about it? This afternoon is already shot."

"And the X-Men would love to take a shot at you," Althea glared at Evan. "Just one more reason for 'em."

"What the hell do you want from me?" Evan hissed. "I can't sell out the Hellfire Club!"

"No, but they have some friends you **can** sell out," Althea said. "A certain Mr. Sinister perhaps? Or Magneto?"

"Hey I have no idea where Magneto is! No one does, except maybe Shaw," Evan glared at him. "And I can't sell out Sinister even if I wanted to. And believe me I'd like to. Not only does he make the serum that keeps my powers under control he threatened the Morlocks if I told anyone! I can't take that chance!"

"So you **do** have an idea where Sinister is," Althea looked at him.

"Not exactly," Evan sighed. "I know where a few of his labs are."

"A **few** of his labs?" Lance asked.

"Quite the busy little mad scientist isn't he?" Todd quipped.

"If he found out I told you anything…" Evan warned.

"Well you could always say either Rogue or one of Xavier's telepaths plucked it out of your head," Althea pointed out. "And if your girlfriend has given you pretty good shields he'd never find out the truth will he?"

"It all boils down to this," Lance asked menacingly. "Who are you more afraid of? Sinister? Or **Storm?"**

Evan let out a breath. "I only know four locations. And some of them I only know the general area."

"We'll take it," Althea said snapping her fingers. Todd took out a sheet of paper. "Toddles, take notes. Start listing Spyke…"

Spike started talking. What none of them realized was that someone else was listening on the other side of the hallway.

Bevatron pursed his lips together and thought to himself. _This information might come in handy…Very handy…_

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"I don't believe this," Jean had just gone through some of Emma's old memories.

"What don't you believe? That my father was a cruel womanizing tyrant who treated his children like they were lower than the hired help?" Emma asked. "That he forced my mother to drink and medicate herself into a coma so she could get through the day. That my older sister never wasted an opportunity to try and humiliate me so she could try to get in Daddy's good graces? That my brother Christian was hounded and harangued by my father because he couldn't stand having a gay son? That Christian turned to drugs along with my other sister Cordeila as a way out? Oh and let's not forget high school where I was at the bottom of the food chain, until I got my powers that is. And even then it wasn't a perfect picture. That I ended up having an affair with my high school teacher and my father broke it up? Actually now that I think about it that was the one **good** thing he ever did for me. Even if I didn't know it at the time."

"No I can't believe **that** was **you**," Jean pointed to an image of a brown haired girl with a slightly crooked nose and a flat chest in a school uniform.

"I got a nose job when I turned sixteen!" Emma threw up her hands. "And a breast job when I turned seventeen!"

"Breast job?" Jean's jaw dropped.

"Oh like you didn't suspect a thing," Emma scoffed. "Let's just say Daddy wasn't into buying ponies for his girls. He expected us to look as well as act perfect in order to show off to his peers."

"Looks like we do have one thing in common," Jean admitted. "People expect us to be perfect and make fun of us when we try to live up to their expectations."

"Yes but the difference my dear is that you had it **easy,"** Emma said bitterly. "You were born with perfect genes, a loving family and a nice kindly professor to help you with your powers. What did I get? A pack of jackals, a flat chest, a crooked nose, cruel classmates and countless nights lying awake trying to keep myself from screaming! I didn't have a Professor X to help me with my powers, I had to train myself! I had to keep my powers a secret and teach myself how to create shields or else I would have ended up like…"

"Like…?" Jean asked. She turned around and found herself in a hospital room. To her horror she saw a figure hanging from the ceiling. "Christian?"

"My brother hanged himself a month after my father committed him to an institution," Emma told her. "I was the one who found him."

"Oh my God…" Jean gasped in horror.

"That was when I left my family for good," Emma said. "I couldn't take being around them any more. I grabbed a few clothes, some jewelry and whatever I could get out of my expense account and left the day of the funeral. And I never looked back."

She took a deep breath. "The one thing I am grateful for is that neither of my parents found out about my powers before they died, which wasn't that long after. It would have been even better if my sisters never found out but that's another story. My mother died three days after I left but I had no idea what happened. I didn't even know she was dead until two years later. I was too busy trying to survive."

She looked at Jean. "It took me a **year** before I could fully figure out my powers and how to use them to survive. I won't bore you with the details of how many jobs I was thrown out of or how many nights I went hungry. I was even nearly killed a few times but I learned. And I survived. Eventually I managed to make enough money to go to college…"

"Where you met Astrid Bloom," Jean put it together.

"Despite her obvious flaws she taught me a lot," Emma said. "But mostly she taught me the one important lesson, never trust anyone. Because everyone has an agenda."

"Not everyone," Jean told her.

"Oh yes they do, even if they don't know it," Emma gave her a bitter laugh. "Even my first love Ian. Yes I ran into him in college. Let's just say dear Astrid did a bit of manipulating in order to try and tear us apart. She didn't have to work so hard. It was a waste of time and effort because I did the job much better than she ever could."

They found themselves in a park. A younger blonde Emma was talking to a very handsome man in a brown suit. "In the end I was the one who destroyed whatever chance we had," Emma explained. "You know how? By telling the truth."

She pointed to the scene in front of them. "Watch you'll see what I mean."

"I can't believe this!" Ian stood up sharply. "What the hell are you?"

"Ian please," Young Emma begged. "You don't understand…"

"Understand what? That you manipulate people with your mind because it suits you? That there are others like you that do that?" Ian shouted. "No wonder your grades are always so perfect! That's how they improved so sharply in high school! You went from C's and B's to A's overnight! Those girls were right weren't they? You **did** cheat on your tests! You just took whatever answers you needed from the other students! From **me**!"

"Ian..." Young Emma pleaded.

"How could you do that to me Emma? I thought you loved me!" Ian shouted.

"Ian please listen," Young Emma begged. "I've been trying to deal with this for years. I didn't ask for the power to read other people's thoughts! It just happened! And I couldn't stop it! I've only been trying to…"

"To give yourself an unfair advantage!" Ian shouted. "You lied and decieved me! You lied and decieved **everyone** you ever met haven't you?"

"No I never meant to," Young Emma told him. "Ian please listen to me..."

"Why should I listen to **you?"** Ian shouted at her.

_Freak…_Jean could hear Ian's thoughts as if they were hers. _My god I was with a monster and I didn't even know it! _

"I'm not a monster!" Young Emma sobbed. "Please! You don't know what it's like, not knowing who to trust…"

"STAY OUT OF MY MIND! I'M NOT YOUR PLAY THING EMMA!" Ian yelled and walked away. "I'm a human being! Which is more than I can say about **you!** I'm just plain sick of you...you digusting...! Emma you make me **sick!"**

"Ian I love you!" Young Emma yelled.

_Gotta get out of here! Got to tell someone, but who would believe me?_ Young Emma's eyes widened as she heard his thoughts. _There's got to be someone, anyone who would know what to do. How to stop her! How to stop them! Someone that dangerous has to be locked up! _

"NO!" Young Emma shouted as she used her telepathy on Ian.

"I had no choice," Emma said as she watched her former self erase Ian's memories. "For my own protection I had to erase his mind. It was either him or me. And it wasn't going to be me."

Ian then stood there puzzled. _What was I so upset about? _He thought. _It was Christine that was acting crazy. Well I can't help it…That poor girl over there. She's crying…must have broken up with her boyfriend. Kind of cute but…I don't have time. I have to get to my next class._

"And that was it. Do you have any idea how painful it is to erase the memories of the man you love so that you don't even **exist **any more?" Emma asked bitterly. "Not even to be remembered? I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

The scene faded. "After that I stopped crying. Stopped caring," Emma said bitterly. "I knew then I could never trust another human being ever again. They only turn on you sooner or later."

"But you care about your students," Jean pointed out.

"Like I said, I never trusted another **human **again," Emma reiterated. "During my sophmore year at college I soon found myself a job with the Hellfire Club as a dancer. Not long after that I met Shaw, learned my father died and left me his company and the rest is history."

"So that's how you ended up as part of the Hellfire Club," Jean said.

"Yes, now are we finished with this version of 'This is Your Life' and get out of here or do we have to hold hands and sing songs down memory lane?" Emma asked.

"Fine," Jean sighed. She focused and the image of the Phoenix surrounded her. "Take my hand."

"Are you sure?" Emma was uneasy. "Because the last time you did this it didn't turn out so well."

"The last time I did this you were trying to brainwash me into killing my friends," Jean gave Emma a look.

"You have a point," Emma gulped and took her hand. She felt herself being pulled along and a bright light engulfed her. The next thing she knew she was weakly opening her eyes. "Hell my head hurts…"

"You're welcome," Jean said sarcastically.

"Mother!" Catseye eagerly embraced Emma. "You're awake!"

"Yes dear, and if you don't want to put me back into **another **coma please allow me to breathe," Emma gasped.

"Welcome back," Yvonne gently took her foster mother's hand.

"Aside from the splitting headache it's good to be back," Emma admitted.

They heard a rumble in the living room. "What's going on out there?" Emma asked.

"The X-Men and Misfits are here," Yvonne sighed. "Does that explain it?"

RRRRUMMMMBBLLEEEE!

"It explains **everything!** I suppose we should put a stop to whatever your friends are doing before the house collapses on us," Emma groaned. "Yvonne, hand me my bathrobe and help me up."

Meanwhile in the living room the X-Men, Misfits and Hellions were screaming at each other. "I told you that you can't believe a word any of these evolutinary throwbacks say!" Monet snapped.

"Are you questioning the veracity of Freddy's story?" Pyro snapped.

"I'm just saying I find it hard to believe that cow could drive a fire truck through a dairy queen and start a riot," Roulette shouted.

"You calling me a liar?" Fred shouted.

"If the hoof fits…" Rogue rolled her eyes.

"Shut up all of you!" Emma hobbled out, Yvonne and Catseye supporting her. "With all the noise you make it's hard to believe I was out for so long!"

"Emma! You're awake!" Evan said.

"Who could sleep with the racket you're making?" Emma glared at them. "Good God what is that **maniac **doing here?" She pointed at Pyro who was happily flicking a lighter.

"Magneto dumped him and now he's with us," Lance told her.

"You have my deepest sympathy," Emma said.

Logan and Rina walked in. "Great, you're up. Now we have one more villain to worry about."

"You call me a villain, I call myself a survivor," Emma told him.

"A survivor that sells her own kind into slavery," Jean retorted.

"What do you mean slavery?" Emma asked. "Shaw told me he did away with that!"

"Well it seems your telepathic intuition was on the fritz," Jean said sarcastically. "Sage told us how he had Pierce run his little operation."

"I see," Emma's eyes narrowed. "No wonder Shaw wasn't in any hurry to revive me. He knew if I caught him violating Hellfire Club policy…"

"Policy?" Scott interrupted. "What are you talking about? I don't get it."

"Of course not," Emma snorted. "You're not aware of all the intricacies of the Hellfire Club. Let's just say that Shaw isn't the real leader and leave it at that."

"Wait the real leader?" Kitty asked. "There's somebody over **him?"**

"Who?" Kurt asked.

"I think we've shared enough with you maniacs for one day," Monet told them.

"I think we should all **leave** period before we decide to lock all of you up," Rogue glared at Emma.

"You mean before **we** kick **your **asses?" Beef growled.

"How can you do that when we **already** kicked your asses?" Wanda glared.

"As weak as I am I will kick **all** of your asses if you do not stop shouting!" Emma snarled at them.

"You guys have two hours to get out of here before we come back," Scott warned her.

"That will be more than enough time for me to get up to speed," Emma glared. "Well I suppose I should thank you Jean considering…."

"I'd be more worried if you **did **thank me Emma," Jean said.

Jean then sent a telepathic message. _"Just do one thing for me…Stay away from Scott Summers!" _

"What?" Emma blinked. "O-kay…" _"All right Jean, where the hell did that come from?" _

"_Trust me Emma, you don't want to know," _Jean told her.

**If you haven't guessed this chapter was heavily inspired by the Emma Frost mini series comic! An interesting read too! Now that Emma's back things are going to get very interesting indeed! **

**But first some more random fluff and stuff. The gang goes to Washington DC for a mutant rights reception with another mutant group. And we all know their track record for events such as this! It's going to get crazy, that you can be sure about! **


	14. Mutant Friendship Day Goes Kaput

**Mutant Friendship Day Goes Kaput**

"I can't believe we actually **agreed **to this!" Scott grumbled. He was in his uniform along with most of the main X-Men team (Minus Rina and Remy for obvious reasons: They didn't want to come.). Forge, Logan, Hank (the only one who wore a tuxedo for the occasion), and Ororo were also waiting in the lobby of a large fancy hotel in Washington DC.

"Cyclops you know that it is important that mutants are shown in a positive light," Ororo told him. She was in her uniform as well. "This is an opportunity to show the public how many mutants are willing to work for the good of mankind. That the stereotype of mutants always fighting each other isn't true."

"Yeah because we all know **that** never happens," Lance scoffed. He and the other Misfits were in uniform as well.

"Shut up, Rocks for Brains," Kitty snapped.

"Bite me, Alley Cat," Lance retorted.

"Just shut up you walking Rictor Scale!" Kitty shouted.

"You shut up you airheaded maniac!" Lance snapped.

"Go play fetch with your invisible coyote!" Kitty snapped.

"At least he's a lot **saner **than you are!" Lance snapped back.

"And to think you two **mature** people broke up," Bobby snickered.

"A guy who still runs around in Spongebob Squarepants underwear is calling **them** immature?" Shane asked. He was wearing his new Misfits uniform. Black pants and a T-Shirt with a red jacket and a red bandana around his head. He was also wearing black combat boots and fingerless gloves.

"Enough!" Ororo snapped. "Will you all **stop it?** Stop fighting amongst yourselves!"

"She's right," Rogue piped up. "We should be fighting those X-Factor rejects instead."

"What do you have against X-Factor?" Ororo was surprised. "Dazzler is on that team."

"**Her,** I don't have a problem with," Rogue said. "It's the rest of those yahoos that drive me nuts."

"I can't understand why," Ororo asked. "They are mutants working for the government…"

"**Perfect looking** mutants that work for the government," Kurt spoke up. "And nine times out of ten they are working in front of a camera!"

"We're not exactly thrilled about the competition either," Pietro told him.

"This isn't a competition," Ororo said.

"The hell it isn't!" Althea spoke up.

"Wavedancer," Ororo admonished.

"The Little Mermaid has a point," Logan pointed out. He was there in uniform as well. "Good publicity is one thing but it's another if people start thinking there won't be a need for any other mutant groups."

"In other words our jobs are on the line," Pietro said.

"I wouldn't be looking at the want ads so soon, Quicksilver," Hank gave him a wry look.

"He's right," Lance said. "The army is always gonna need mutants to do the dirty work. It's the X-Men that's gotta worry."

"What do you mean by that?" Kitty asked.

"What do you **think** he means?" Wanda gave her a look. "Your team is barely legal as it is. All Congress or some big shot in charge has to do is decide that you guys are a threat and causing too much trouble to call in the law to shut down the school."

"They can't do that!" Kurt said. "Can they?"

"Technically…Yes," Hank sighed. "They can. If they find we are not complying with state and federal education guidelines."

"And last I checked setting books on fire and dodging lasers isn't part of 'em," Lance snickered.

"Not **all** of us set books on fire," Bobby gave him a look.

"No, some of you **freeze** them," Shane mocked.

"Speaking of freezing things…" Bobby made a fist.

**"Enough!"** Ororo said sharply. "I get the picture. But I'm pretty sure that no one will think that X-Factor will replace either of our two teams."

"Not as long as the Professor keeps paying those bribes," Todd nodded.

"The Professor does not bribe people!" Scott snapped.

"Besides the local cops?" Logan gave him a look.

"Well yeah…" Scott said with a little less certainty. "He just doesn't."

"Yeah and Donald Trump promoted Arby's on his show because he **loves **the sandwiches," Pietro rolled his eyes. "Most of which not even Blob will eat!"

"I'll eat 'em," Fred said indignantly. "If there isn't a McDonalds or a Wendy's I'll eat 'em."

"I like Subway myself," Kitty said. "They have good vegetarian sandwiches."

"Nah I'm a Papa Gino's girl all the way," Angelica shook her head.

"Bertucchi's," Althea piped up. "Don't forget about Bertucchi's!"

"Oh I love them!" Wanda said.

"Me too," Forge said. "They've got this one chicken sandwich with roasted peppers and field greens and…"

"Oh man we **are** in trouble!" Rogue winced and rubbed her forehead. "No wonder the federal government wouldn't let us help after Hurricane Katrina and gave X-Factor the go ahead! Yeah that would be great news, us debating about **sandwiches!"**

"Well that and the fact we had that minor incident or two in LA with the Chinese Crime Syndicate, Jubilee's Aunt Hope, a couple of teen gangsters, an exploding house and a few other fires we caused," Angelica pointed out.

"By the way Shooter any of your old gang mates keep in touch?" Pietro asked cheerfully.

"Just the ones that found Jesus," Shooter groaned.

"I found Jesus once," Fred piped up. "Well actually it was a potato chip shaped like Jesus."

"Do you see what I mean?" Rogue looked at Ororo.

"Calm down Rogue," Jean said. "It's not like X-Factor is any real competition for us. They may have had more positive press coverage but they haven't had half the training or combat experience we do."

"The US Marines don't have **half** the combat experience we do," Kurt quipped. "I mean how many fights did we have this morning **alone? **Three or four?"

"Five," Hank sighed. "If you count the little brew-ha-ha over the cleanup after you kids left."

"I told you before there is no way I am cleaning mashed donuts and egg splatter in the microwave," Logan snapped.

"You were the one who **put them** in there!" Hank snapped.

"How was I supposed to know that Pyrex glass tends to explode in the microwave?" Logan roared.

"Well now you know," Fred piped up. "And knowing…"

"OH SHUT UP BLOB!" Logan snapped.

"And people say **I **have anger issues," Fred snorted. "You should really see a therapist for that you know?"

"How about I make an appointment with Dr. Claws?" Logan shot them out.

"Yeah like **those** will work on me!" Fred scoffed. "Go for it! See what happens!"

"Here comes fight number six," Kurt remarked.

"Seven for us," Todd told him. "Pietro got into Wanda's makeup again this morning."

"Just her lip gloss!" Pietro rolled his eyes. "I don't see the problem!"

"The problem is that you keep touching my stuff!" Wanda snapped. "I don't want your germs on my lip gloss!"

"Please we shared a one room apartment on Mommy Street for **nine months**," Pietro waved. "Like me using your lip gloss is going to make any difference!"

"It will if I have to remove your **lips** in order to get the point!" Wanda yelled.

"Can we get back on track here?" Jean asked. "The point I was trying to make is that most of X-Factor has had very little battle experience. We all know the majority of them are media friendly mutants designed for the public eye."

"Yeah like that Medic, he looks like a rip off of George Clooney," Todd said. "Oh and he heals everyone too! How could the public **not **love a one mutant ER show?"

"The only ones with any decent skills are Karma, Dazzler and Willow," Logan grunted.

"Willow? Why **her?"** Jean gave him a look. "I mean Dazzler and Karma I understand. But Willow? She's an Eloi for crying out loud!"

"Oh come on Jean," Pietro said. "You remember that day you two had a fight on the lawn? She made you eat more grass than Elsie the Cow."

"She did **not **beat me!" Jean snapped. "I gave as good as I got!"

"You did," Todd nodded. "Up until the last moment when she had that vine grab you from behind and throw you headfirst into the bushes."

"No Toad, it was over the bushes and into the compost heap," Fred corrected. "It was right behind the bushes. That's what knocked her out."

"A compost heap can't knock a person out," Arcade said.

"It can if it's filled with Kitty's muffins," Kurt explained.

"Stupid things nearly gave me a concussion," Jean grumbled. "Thanks a lot Kitty!"

"Why does everyone blame me whenever things go wrong?" Kitty fumed.

"Because when things do go wrong it's either you or Forge at the bottom of it," Lance said.

"I hate to say it but Avalanche does have a point," Bobby said. "I mean nearly half the fights we had at the mansion were caused because of that stupid love triangle."

"There for the grace of God go us," Shane nodded.

"Well Iceman you should be glad that's over!" Kitty glared at him.

"**Everyone **is glad that's over!" Peter said.

"Amen to that!" Lance said. "I have seen the light!"

"You'll see **another** light if you don't shut up! I am so **over** you Lance," Kitty snarled.

"Right back at you," Lance snapped.

"See this is a fight right here," Bobby pointed out. "And guess who started it?"

"Shut up Bobby!" Kitty snapped. "Stop hassling me!"

"Yeah we weren't finished hassling Jean," Arcade said.

"That was one wild fight yo," Todd grinned. "The one Jean and Willow had. And after you got out of the compost heap…Oh man!"

"You had more weeds on you than Cheech and Chong combined," Pietro quipped. "I've been waiting to use that line for weeks!"

"Note to self, kill Quicksilver after the event!" Jean said aloud. "When the cameras are off!"

"There are cameras here?" Fred looked around.

"You've forgotten why we're here already didn't you?" Lance sighed.

"Uh yeah," Fred scratched his head. "I kind of got distracted at the meeting. See I was trying to decide whether to eat the strawberry glazed donuts first or the chocolate butter crunch ones and…"

"Okay," Scott interrupted with a sigh. "To recap, we are here in Washington DC at an impromptu 'Mutant Peace Conference' with some very influential politicians, scientists, billionaires and so on. X-Factor is putting this on in order to show the world that mutants can get along."

"Oh," Fred nodded. "So that's why we locked up Shipwreck, Spyder and the triplets in the bathroom before we left."

"Yes," Althea nodded. "And that's why all our adults are staying behind to make sure they don't escape. This is a very important event for mutant kind."

"It's also a great bit for their new reality series they're making," Pyro wheeled Larry Trask (AKA Foresight) into the room. "We get it. Good PR for the government to show they are doing something about the mutant problem." Pyro was wearing his old uniform that had been fixed up. Larry was wearing his helmet as well as a nice suit for the occasion.

"You brought **him** here?" Bobby yelled.

"Well yeah," Pyro said. "Foresight here is a Misfit and it would be good for people to see the tragic consequences of mutant experimentation."

"He was referring to **you**, Dingo Breath!" Larry snapped.

"They're still rooming together aren't they?" Kurt asked Todd.

"Yeah just for a few more days," Todd nodded. "Psyche says Foresight's making a ton of progress just by having Pyro in the room."

"Let's just say I am experiencing emotions I **never **thought I knew," Larry said.

"Uh, Wavedancer…" Logan gave Althea a look. "Are you sure this is a good idea? Flame Brain being here?"

"Don't worry," Althea waved. "We made Pyro promise not to set any fires or do anything extreme with candles before we came. And he doesn't have his flamethrowers or his lighter on him."

"If I'm real good they promised to take me to Epcot!" Pyro said cheerfully. "And I can set something educational on fire!"

"You foresee disaster don't you?" Scott looked at Larry.

"And I didn't even need my powers to do it," Larry told him.

"But bringing Pyro here? It doesn't make any sense!" Scott protested.

"**Nothing** the Misfits do makes any sense," Rogue gave him a look. "Haven't you been paying attention these past couple of years?"

"Well the adults thought it would be good for Pyro to meet some humans that didn't hate mutants," Althea explained.

"That and they didn't want Pyro to do the dishes again," Wanda said.

"So I burned one or two and a little bit of the curtains," Pyro grunted. "They already had some holes in them!"

"What the curtains?" Fred asked.

"No, **Pyro's head**!" Angelica groaned. "Let's just get through this night okay?"

"I agree. So just behave yourselves will ya?" Logan sighed. "Or in some cases do the best you can."

"Why is everyone looking at **me?"** Lance asked as he was surrounded by stares.

"You are the one with the temper," Kitty said.

"This from the girl who kept getting into fights with **herself,"** Althea gave her a look.

"Don't worry, now that I'm over Kitty I won't make a idiot of myself," Lance said sarcastically.

"**That** will be the day," Scott grumbled. Jean elbowed him.

"I have to admit Lance you recovered pretty well," Rogue said. "Other than the bitterness towards Kitty that is."

"Maybe I'm more **mature** than **some** people **think** I am," Lance said.

"That and the fact that Lance is gonna score with five other girls," Pietro said. "Remember the Gypsy Rogue on our dimensional field trip? She told him that."

"WHAT?" Kitty glared at Lance.

"Pietro that's not true," Lance said. "Technically it's supposed to be **six."**

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Kitty stomped off.

"**Technically** six?" Scott blinked.

"Well she said one of them wasn't really going to be my girlfriend or something like that," Lance shrugged.

"Let's just get through this with as little property damage as possible shall we?" Hank rolled his eyes. "No wonder Professor X decided to stay home."

A short while later the X-Men and Misfits were mingling with the crowd along with X-Factor. It seemed to go rather well. For about thirty minutes…

"Yo Iceman," Pyro called out to Bobby by the buffet table.

"What do you want Pyro?" Bobby sighed.

"Look, I think we need to get this out in the open, clear out the air so to speak," Pyro said to Bobby. "I'm not attracted to you. You're not my type."

"For the last time…" Bobby gritted his teeth. "That was **not** me. That was Angelica in **my** body making a pass at you!"

"I know this is difficult for you," Pyro kept going. "I mean you have all these strange budding feelings in you…"

"The only feeling **I** have is to be completely nauseated," Bobby groaned.

"I can understand why you would have a little crush on me," Pyro said. "Well who wouldn't?"

"I DO **NOT** HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU!" Bobby yelled. Everyone looked at him. "I DON'T!"

"He's in denial," Pyro said to everyone.

"I am **not **in denial!" Bobby said.

"Denial," Pyro said.

"I am not in denial!" Bobby protested.

"You are denying that you are in denial. Therefore you are in double denial," Pyro said.

"No I am denying that I am in denial because I am **not **in denial!" Bobby shouted. "Got it! I am **not** in denial about being gay because I'm not gay!"

"Oh he is so in denial," Pyro said to a well dressed woman. "Don't you think?"

"I am not in denial! I'm **not **gay!" Bobby said. He looked at two more well dressed people standing there. "I swear! He's got it all wrong!"

"I mean it's hard enough being a mutant," Pyro casually leaned against a well dressed man. "But imagine being a gay mutant?"

"I AM NOT A GAY MUTANT!" Bobby yelled. "THIS GUY IS NUTS!"

"Anyone know a good support group?" Pyro asked.

"Anybody know the number for an **ambulance?"** Bobby snapped. "Because you're gonna need it Pyro! Firestar! I see you snickering! You get over here and tell him it was **you** that made the pass at him! Firestar! Firestar come **back** here!"

"Oh dear," Hank sighed as he stood next to Dazzler. "I see Pyro has figured out how to make things combust **without **using fire."

"The Misfits causing trouble," Dazzler shook her longer blond hair. "Some things never change."

"No, they don't," Hank sighed. "How are you doing?"

"Pretty well actually," Dazzler shrugged. "X-Factor is a lot quieter than the X-Men. I mean we keep busy but…"

"No, I mean you," Hank said. "We haven't spoken much since you left."

"If you don't count the thirty e-mails you send me every week," Dazzler gave him a look.

"Well uh…" Hank scratched his head. "You know me."

"Yeah and that's what worries me," Dazzler sighed. "Hank you know I really care about you but you know it's over right?"

"Yes," Hank sighed. "Yes I do…"

"Then stop with all the stupid e-mail forwards!" Dazzler snapped. "I mean half of them you don't even send a note with them! Enough already!"

"But I thought…" Hank began.

"There they go…" Althea snickered as Dazzler tore into Hank. She was standing with Wanda, Angelica, Lina and Jean.

"And there goes Freddy," Angelica pointed. "Fighting with Senator Kennedy over that ham leg."

"YOU'VE ALREADY GOT A TON OF CHICKEN WINGS SMOTHERED IN BACON ON YOUR PLATE!" Fred was heard yelling. "I WANT THAT HAM LEG!"

"Hey is Congressman Shore going to be here?" Lina asked, referring to the mutant congressman.

"No he had a scheduling conflict," Jean told her. "At least that's what his office said."

"WILL YOU GET THE HINT AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" They heard Ororo shout.

"And speaking of conflict," Althea noted an angry Ororo storming up to them. "Trouble?"

"That X-Factor jerk Telek keeps hitting on me," Ororo grumbled.

"You're joking?" Lina asked.

"I wish, he keeps trying to use his telekinesis to grab my behind!" Ororo grumbled.

"That's **definitely **something I've never considered doing with my telekinesis," Jean blinked.

"If I wanted to be harassed at this event I would have brought Shipwreck!" Ororo snapped. "At least he's predictable!"

She stiffened. "HEY!" She whirled around. "TELEK! I KNOW THAT WAS YOU!" She stormed in his direction. "IF YOU DON'T **STOP **USING YOUR POWERS I WILL **START **USING MINE!"

"And to think I thought this was going to be dull," Wanda grinned.

"You know Storm never used to blow her top like that before," Jean remarked.

"She also never woke up to a half naked sailor singing Stormy outside her bedroom window three times a week before she met my father," Althea reminded her. "And it was this week."

"I must admit Shipwreck does have a tendency to bring out the worst in people," Wanda said.

"WHO HOOOOOO!" Something zoomed by them.

"QUICKSILVER GIVE THE SENATOR BACK HIS TOUPEE!" They heard Kitty screaming.

"Then again…" Wanda sighed.

Shane stood there watching with two well dressed people. "Which mutant team are you on young man?" One woman asked.

"PIETRO PUT IT DOWN! I MEAN IT!" Wanda shouted.

"Why are you in denial about your sexuality?" Pyro was heard asking.

"I AM NOT GAY YOU FREAKING LUNATIC!" Bobby shouted.

"I have never seen any of those people in my life," Shane said quickly. He grabbed a stray tray. "I'm a waiter. Care for a canape?"

On the other side of the room Scott and Logan were talking to Karma and Medic. Medic looked a lot like a young version of George Clooney with light brown wavy hair and a red and black uniform. "So…" Logan said in an uncharacteristically nice tone. "I'm sure you X-Factor guys see a lot of action."

"Well it's a bit dull…" Karma, the Vietnamese telepath admitted.

"It certainly is, I mean going to movie premiere after movie premiere week after week," Medic sighed as he sipped his drink. "But it's a small price to pay, I mean we have an obligation to our public."

"Yes, you do…" Logan gritted his teeth in a fake smile. "So…"

"I AM NOT GAY PYRO!" Bobby was heard shouting.

"Denial is not just a river in Egypt," Pyro called out.

"I AM NOT IN DENIAL! THERE IS NOTHING TO DENY!" Bobby shouted.

"SENATOR STOP BITING ME! I MEAN IT!" Fred was heard shouting. "AND YOU OTHER SENATORS CUT IT OUT TOO! THE HAM IS MINE! DEAL WITH IT!"

"AAAAHHHHH!" Someone screamed.

"Senator Mason's collapsed!" Someone shouted.

"You just **had **to tell him he was going to have a heart attack didn't you Foresight?" Arcade was heard speaking.

"Well to be fair he was right,"Todd was heard saying.

"Excuse me I think you have a patient Medic," Karma gave the healer a look.

"Oh all right," He sighed as Karma pushed him. "Why do people have to get sick at the most inappropriate times?"

"Can you believe that jerk?" Logan grunted when they were out of earshot.

"Not as much as I believe you. Wolverine why are you being so nice to them?" Scott asked. "It can't be because you are actually buying into this PR are you?"

"No, because if we keep buttering 'em up maybe they'll trade us one of their people for Forge!" Logan told him. "I've been trying to convince Karma to give us Willow."

"That's not going to happen Wolverine," Scott gave him a look. "We'd have a better shot at getting Dazzler back or maybe Medic."

"Nah I already tried her," Logan said. "She's still a bit skittish over the whole Beast breakup thing. And Medic wants too much to be a hero…"

"Yeah but we could still use a good doctor," Scott said.

"You have a good doctor," Hank walked over to them. "Me! What's all this I hear about you trying to recruit Medic? What are you trying to get rid of me?"

"No, we're trying to get rid of Forge," Logan told him.

"Oh, well in that case I think you're going about this all wrong," Hank said. "I have heard Strong Guy speak highly of the X-Men and he truly admires us. Perhaps if we give him an opportunity…"

"I dunno Hank we already got enough powerhouses on this team," Logan shook his head.

"AAAAAHHHH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" A scientist with wavy hair and some strange looking comb thing attached to it ran by.

"I told you not to set it on high!" Forge ran after him. "Once I get the bugs worked out the automatic hair comber will work! I swear!"

"On the other hand," Logan blinked. "Maybe one less brain around here might not be such a bad idea."

"I hate it when he brings his inventions to parties," Scott grumbled as he went after Forge.

Meanwhile Lance was talking to Willow who was wearing a long low cut black dress. "So Lance how are you doing since you broke up with Kitty?"

"Fine," Lance said.

"Are you sure?" Willow had a worried look on her face.

"I'm fine," Lance said. "I'm totally fine."

Ten minutes later in the cloak room…

"I'm a total mess!" Lance wailed, tears streaming from his eyes. "I can't believe I let that witch treat me like that!"

"Oh there, there…" Willow gently patted him on his shoulder.

"Every time I see her it takes all the strength I have not to get on my knees and beg her to come back to me," Lance choked, trying in vain to stop crying. "But then I remember what she said. That she never really loved me at all. I was just some guy to her!"

"She said **that?**" Willow raised her eyes.

"No, her exact words were being together was a mistake," Lance counted off. "That Peter was a better person than I was, and she liked me for my looks and the way I paid attention to her. That I had a temper, I was a hood…Do you want the whole list? Because we could be here all night!"

"Oh Lance," Willow hugged him.

"I feel like a complete and total idiot!" Lance moaned. "Running after Kitty like that. Making a complete fool of myself. And now…I still can't get past it."

"Oh poor baby," Willow held him close. "There, there…Maybe I can make it all better…"

"Nothing you could do or say…" Lance began before Willow kissed him. "Well if you think it'll help…"

About half an hour later…

"Quicksilver I can't believe what you did," Jean was dragging Pietro by the ear down the hallway. Kitty and Todd were behind them snickering. Well Todd was snickering.

"So I took a few pictures of a couple senators? Big deal," Pietro rolled his eyes as he dislodged himself from Jean.

"It is a big deal when you take pictures of them in the men's bathroom with some waitresses!" Jean rolled her eyes. "And you used one of the camera crewmen from X-Factor to do it!"

"Hey just think of it this way," Pietro said. "Now X-Factor's little show has some pizzazz."

"Come on Jean did you really think that Quicksilver would actually **behave **himself here?" Kitty asked.

"No but…" Jean noticed something on her hand. "Oh no…I broke a nail."

"Oh my goodness!" Todd mocked. "Jean Grey broke a nail! Call the Manicure Emergency Unit!"

"Very funny," Kitty said as they passed the coat room. "You know I think I have a nail file in my coat pocket. Let me check." She phased through the wall.

A loud scream was heard two seconds later. "Kitty!" Jean shouted. They burst into the room. "Oh my…"

"Whoa!" Todd's jaw dropped.

"And you were worried about **my **behavior?" Pietro snickered.

On the floor covered in a blanket of coats were Lance and Willow cuddling. It was apparent that neither of them had anything else on and had just finished 'talking'.

"Hello Kitty," Lance tried to show as much dignity as he could. "What's new?"

"LANCE!" Kitty shouted. "HOW COULD YOU?"

"Oh please! Deep down didn't we all know **that **was gonna happen?" Pietro snickered.

"Way to go big guy!" Todd cheered.

"I should have known you'd jump in the sack with the first floozy that came along!" Kitty snarled.

"Who are you calling a floozy you **bimbo?"** Willow snapped as she pulled her dress back on. "At least I don't go out with two guys at the same time!"

"She's got you there Kitty," Pietro pointed out. "She sleeps with them one at a time like a normal person."

"Shut up Quicksilver!" Both Kitty and Willow snapped.

"Come on Kitty even **you **can't blame Lance for **this!"** Jean snapped pointing at Willow.

"Just what is that supposed to mean?" Willow growled.

"I means you took advantage of him to satisfy your own selfish shallow needs!" Jean glared. "Everyone knows Lance was devastated by the breakup! For you it was probably like shooting a dead fish in a barrel!"

"Speaking of cold fish…" Willows eyes narrowed.

"Here it comes," Todd rolled his eyes.

"And cue the catfight," Pietro snickered.

Back outside in the hall…

"Storm! Storm cut it out!" Scott ordered as he tried to restrain her. She was creating a very large cold wind. "You can't just cover Telek in snow because he won't leave you alone! This guy isn't Shipwreck!"

"I'll say he isn't," Althea remarked. "He's running away already!"

"Watch it!" Pyro was dodging Bobby's ice blasts. "Cut it out! Just because I turned you down…"

"STOP SAYING THAT!" Bobby iced the floor and Pyro slid into a wall. "I AM NOT GAY! NOT GAY! NOT GAY! SO STOP SAYING THAT I AM!"

However the wall Pyro slid into was right near a table that had some candles. "All right, I didn't want to do this! But…" He created a knight made of flames. "En guard!"

"Stop it you yahoos!" Rogue yelled as she started to chase the both of them around.

"Well this party is starting to break up pretty quickly," Althea remarked to Wanda and Angelica as several people started to leave.

"Forget it Logan it's not going to happen!" Karma stormed away with Logan following her.

"Okay how about if Willow goes to the Misfits and you get Forge anyway!" Logan shouted. "Come on, give me a break here!"

"Forget it!" Karma snapped. "Not a single member of my team is going **near** any of you maniacs!"

"You really were trying to trade me weren't you?" Forge yelled. "I can't believe it!"

"Well why do you **think **we brought **you** here?" Logan snapped at him.

"AAAAHHH!" A man was screaming.

"Certainly not because of your stupid inventions," Logan groaned. "Forge is that stupid comb **still** loose?"

CRUNCH!

"Don't worry I got it!" Peter called out. He was in his armored form and he had stepped on the device.

"He broke my invention," Forge shouted.

"Next I'll have him break your **head** for bringing that stupid thing!" Logan snapped.

BOOOOOM!

"**Now** what's going on?" Scott groaned.

Pietro zoomed up to them. "Guess what guys? Lance is officially over Kitty! A couple of us just caught Lance and Willow in the coat room."

"They were making out in the coat room?" Scott's jaw dropped.

"Depends on your definition of making out…" Pietro snickered.

"HA!" Kitty ran by carrying Lance's uniform.

"Give me back my uniform you little…" Lance stormed after her wearing nothing but his boxer shorts.

"Serves you right you jerk!" Kitty snapped and threw the uniform into a large punch bowl.

"You know what we have to do now right?" Wanda looked at Angelica and Lina.

"Uh, take pictures with our cell phones?" Angelica asked.

"Besides that," Wanda charged up her powers. "We have to avenge Lance's honor or whatever he had that was closest to it."

"Just don't hurt her too much," Lina groaned.

"Kitty!" Wanda called out. Kitty looked at her. "Sorry Kitty but I gotta do this!"

"AAAHHH!" Kitty dodged the hex bolt by phasing. "Missed me! HA!"

"No she didn't…" Lance blinked.

"What? What do you…" Kitty looked down and saw that Wanda's hex had caused her uniform as well as most of her other clothes to phase off of her. She was wearing only her underwear. "AAAAAHHHH!" She screamed as she tried to cover herself with her hands.

"HA HA!" Lance pointed. "Serves you right!"

"FOOD FIGHT!" A yell could be heard by the buffet table. Fred, Xi and Shane were engaged in throwing food with three rather obese senators.

"Okay this is officially a disaster…" Scott groaned. "At least it can't get any…"

CREEEEAWWWWWWWWWWW!

"Worse…?" Scott gulped as he turned around. He saw Jean covered in Phoenix flames chasing Willow. "I don't believe this!"

"Something tells me Jean's going to win the rematch," Todd gulped as the remaining mutants watches as Jean telekinetically tossed Willow around.

"And something tells me we're gonna have to call in a few favors from Valerie Cooper to cover as much of this up as possible," Logan sighed. "If anything…"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & && & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Two hours later…

"Tonight on the six O'clock news," A handsome newscaster spoke on screen. "A small riot broke out at the Mutant Peace Conference in Washington DC…"

"Big shock," Rogue drawled as she and the other X-Men watched the news back at the Institute.

"Although the authorities are not saying **exactly** what caused the disturbance," The newscaster read. "Several sources claimed that a few separate fights broke out between the mutant groups X-Factor, The Misfits and the X-Men. All of which seemed to have to do with secret trysts and relationships between different members of the three groups."

"Here it comes," Jean grumbled as she folded her arms as she sat on the couch.

"One report is of a fight breaking out between the X-Men's Jean 'Phoenix' Grey and Willow of X-Factor," Pictures of the two women were on the screen. "Apparently Ms. Grey was upset over Willow stealing her ex-boyfriend, Lance 'Avalanche' Alvers."

**"WHAT?"** Both Jean and Scott yelled.

"According to reports the two women came to blows when Alvers indicated the relationship was over between him and Grey," A picture of Lance was shown.

"THAT IS SLANDER!" Jean shouted. "I'LL SUE!"

"Well Jean you were the one defending Lance in the first place!" Kitty snapped.

"Note to self," Jean groaned. "Never do **that** again!"

"Also in the altercation was another jilted girlfriend Kitty 'Shadowcat' Pryde," The Newscaster continued. "Although the Misfits had no comment on the fight between Grey and Willow, Alvers did release a statement saying and I quote: 'It's over between us Kitty, get a life! I dumped you for cheating on me, get over it.'"

"I'LL KILL HIM!" Kitty shot up off of the couch. "I'LL KILL HIM!"

"Just bake him some muffins," Bobby snickered. "That should do the trick."

"YOU'RE NEXT YOU KNOW?" Kitty pointed a finger at him.

"Also at the conference Dr. Hank 'Beast' McCoy was reportedly trying to get back together with former X-Man turned X-Factor Dazzler," The announcer read. "Who apparently is involved with Telek of X-Factor. A fight broke out when Telek rebuffed the advances of the X-Men's Ororo 'Storm' Monroe."

"WHAT?" Ororo shouted. "THAT LYING PIECE OF…"

"This just in," The newscaster read a piece of paper. "A statement has been released from the Misfits from an anonymous source that Ms. Monroe did not make any advances towards Telek…"

"That's a relief…" Ororo sighed.

"And that Ms. Monroe is currently dating Hector 'Shipwreck' Delgado one of the handlers of the Misfits," The newscaster continued. A shot of Shipwreck waving a bottle of beer was shown.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Ororo screamed. A flash of lightning lit up the sky.

"Also there is a statement from X-Factor," The Newscaster continued. "It says at this time there are no relationships between either members of the X-Men or X-Factor. In fact X-Factor emphatically states that they have no plans to even get near…and I quote…Those hyperactive lunatics if at all possible."

"Something tells me they're not going to call us for a while," Hank sighed.

"This just in Senators Jack Dewey, Bob Cheatem and Hank How were also arrested for starting a food fight in a public place," The announcer said. "Again...This is the third time the senators have been involved in creating a disturbance."

"Well at least we're not the only ones that got into trouble," Bobby said. "And it can't get any worse."

"And this also just in," The Newscaster spoke. "Apparently Bobby 'Iceman' Drake is carrying a torch for the Misfits' newest member…St. John 'Pyro' Alderyce." A picture of Pyro dancing around a fire was shown.

"Oh god no…" Bobby slunk into his seat.

"A statement was issued from Mr. Alderyce…" The newscaster began.

"No, please God no!" Bobby moaned.

"He states that he is completely straight but doesn't blame Iceman for…having the hots for him," The Newscaster blinked. "O-kay…."

"And I thought I hit rock bottom **last year** when my parents sold my story to Lifetime!" Bobby hid his face behind his hands. "I was wrong!"

"Up next: A special report," The Newscaster spoke. "Mutant Sex Drives. Are mutants more promiscuous than normal humans? I'm going to go with yes on this one."

"Great now the world thinks that mutants aren't just crazy violent maniacs, apparently we're a bunch of **nymphos **as well!" Rogue threw up her hands.

"No wonder the Professor is hiding in his office with a bottle of Scotch," Hank moaned.

"Yeah coming out of the closet on national TV does kind of…" Forge began.

"I AM NOT GAY FORGE!" Bobby yelled. "AND I AM GOING TO KILL PYRO! AND ANGELICA!"

"NOT BEFORE I KILL LANCE!" Kitty snapped.

"Let's just kill **all **the Misfits and get it over with," Ororo growled.


	15. The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of

**The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of**

_Everybody has dreams._

_Good dreams, bad dreams, dreams of success, dreams of disaster._

_Me? I used to dream about winning the Super Bowl as the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. _

_Talk about your pipe dreams._

_Oh who am I? Come on people, don't tell me you all forgot about me? John Thunderbird Proudstar? Does that ring a bell? _

_Yes, the dead guy. And yes this is a Desperate Housewives rip off. Like nobody else does it!_

_Being dead isn't all bad. There are some interesting things about it. For one thing you get to be able to see what's going on in the world. Like watching a TV with 100 billion reality channels. _

_But most of us focus on what's happening with the people we left behind. We can also find out what they are thinking and feeling. And we're able to peek into their dreams. _

_Let's see a few of them shall we? _

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**_Fire…Flames everywhere…The world was being consumed by a giant phoenix…And that Phoenix was Jean. She laughed as the flames consumed everything and everyone. She had just destroyed Xavier and now was finishing destroying Scott. The look of horror on his face as she obliterated him was the last thing she saw before more fire engulfed her._**

"AHHHH!" Jean startled as she woke up. Three feet over her bed. "Ahhh!" She fell back onto the bed.

"I **hate** it when that happens," Jean grumbled as she sat up and put her hand to her head.

"Jean!" Scott burst in wearing his pajamas. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," Jean let out a deep breath. "Did I scream too loud?"

"No," Scott tapped his head. "Psychic connection, remember?"

"Oh right…" Jean said softly, still not fully awake.

"You had that dream again didn't you?" Scott asked as he sat on the bed next to her.

"Yeah," She told him. "Did you see any of it?"

"No I just felt your fear and pain," Scott said. "Oh yeah and I got the image of fire everywhere. It's pretty disturbing."

"Scott I have a dangerous cosmic power inside of me," Jean gave him a look. "And just recently I went to a dimension where that cosmic power took over the entire world and killed many of my friends. I think it would be disturbing if I **didn't** have dreams like this."

"That's what? The third time this week you've had it?" Scott asked.

"I'm just under a lot of pressure, that's all," Jean told him. "I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm probably just tired."

"That's what you said the **last time** you had a power surge," Scott pointed out. "Remember what happened?"

"Yes Scott, I went completely out of control nearly killing everyone," Jean snapped. "Is **that **what you want me to say?"

"Whoa Jean don't bite my head off," Scott held up his hands. "I'm just saying maybe you should talk to the Professor that's all."

"I know, I know I should…" Jean sighed, running her hand through her hair. "But…"

"But?" Scott gave her a look.

"I don't know. I don't want to burden him," Jean said after a few seconds.

"That's **not** the real reason," Scott said. "Come on Jean what's really going on?"

"Do you really want to know?" Jean looked at him. "I think he's afraid of me."

"What? Jean how could you possibly think that?" Scott was shocked.

"He is Scott, I've seen it in his mind," Jean told him. "More accurately he's afraid of the Phoenix Force. And so am I. What if I can't control it? What if the Professor can't control it? We were barely able to suppress it the last time. What if he doesn't have a clue about what to do and there's nothing we can do to stop it?"

"Jean this isn't like you," Scott frowned. "You've never doubted the Professor before."

"Well let's just say these past few years have really opened my eyes," Jean said. "Let's face it Scott, Xavier is only human. I mean he's dropped the ball on a lot of things. Stryker, Cobra invading Bayville High, the whole Spears incident…"

"That could happen to anyone," Scott protested.

"He's also kept secrets from us. Look at Sage and the Hellfire Club. How many other operatives does he have that we have no clue about? Not to mention Sinister! And that's just the tip of the iceberg!" Jean pressed on.

"I know it's a bit heavy," Scott began to rub her shoulders. "But I'm sure the Professor only keeps these things secret to protect us."

"Or maybe he does it to protect himself," Jean said it before she realized it.

"You don't mean that," Scott asked.

"I don't know **what** I mean," Jean sighed. "You don't know the things I saw in Rachel's mind. And when I was in Neverland…It hit close to home. I'm just grateful we burned that place to the ground and those bastards got what they deserved. But Sinister and all those other creeps are still out there! And when I think of all the pain and suffering they caused…"

She threw up her hands. "I just get so tired sometimes. I mean no matter how hard we try and no matter how many times we save people and do good with our powers we're still feared and hated! And I don't understand **why!** And you can't blame it on the craziness the Misfits create! Of course now that I think about it we've done more than our fair share…"

"You're really worked up over this," Scott said. "All the more reason to talk to the Professor. I'm pretty sure it won't be half as bad as you think it will be. Maybe all you need is just a break from school? Spring break is coming up pretty soon. A vacation might do you some good."

"Maybe you're right," Jean thought. "I certainly could use a break from the University. And I don't just mean the class work."

"People still giving you a hard time?" Scott asked.

"Well they're not picketing my classrooms or forming any mobs like at Bayville University, but…" Jean sighed. "The emotions and stray thoughts I feel…The majority of the place is so hostile towards me. I have to work twice as hard to prove I'm just as good as everyone else. They make me take the tests the day before in an isolated room so I can't cheat. And even **then** they still accuse me of cheating."

"Now you know why I decided not to go to college," Scott said. "I'm sorry things are so rough for you."

"Sometimes I just feel like I can understand people like Magneto and Spyke," Jean sighed. "Why they hate humans the way they do. Is it any wonder mutants like them lash out? Even Emma Frost of all people. Her mind was such a painful mess…But I could see why she made the choices she's made. Actually she just didn't have a choice…"

"You sound like you actually feel sorry for her," Scott was surprised.

"I guess I do," Jean shrugged. "I think deep down she's not as evil as she pretends to be."

"Now I really am worried," Scott made a doubtful face.

"I'm serious Scott," Jean told him. "She really cares about her students. She just didn't have the advantages we had."

"Maybe not," Scott sighed. "But you can't ignore the fact the woman was willing to murder innocent people and enslave other mutants for the Hellfire Club. Even if she didn't know about the slave rings she knew enough about Neverland and just stood by while it happened."

"In her way of thinking it was survival of the fittest," Jean said. "And how best to protect her students. I'm not defending her actions. She's a dangerous woman. But so am I if I'm not careful."

"It's going to be okay," Scott held her.

"The Professor saw me go out of control," Jean said. "Apocalypse showed him that…"

"Which you **already** did," Scott pointed out. "For all you know it's already happened. Xavier also saw Magneto teaching the New Mutants, and it turned out to be completely different than what he thought."

"Logically I know you have a point," Jean sighed. "Scott…Could you promise me something?"

"Sure Jean," Scott nodded. "Anything. What is it?"

"I want you to promise that if I do lose myself, that I become too powerful…That I turn into some kind of Dark Phoenix…You'll stop me, " Jean said to him.

"You know I will," Scott told her.

"No matter what it takes," Jean gave him a dark look.

"What do you mean?" Scott looked at her.

"Exactly what you **think **I mean," Jean looked back. "If there's no other way…"

"Don't say things like that!" Scott told her.

"I have to, now while there's time," Jean said. "I may not be able to one day. But if it does happen…"

"It won't!" Scott was horrified.

"But if it does…I want you to promise me that you'll…You'll use lethal force if you have to," She had forced herself to say those awful words but they needed to be said.

"I'm not going to promise something like that!" Scott told her. "This is crazy!"

"No Scott, this is **reality,"** Jean told him. "If our positions were reversed, wouldn't you want me to do the same?"

Scott didn't say anything. "Scott I know this is difficult," Jean said. "But I trust you enough to do the right thing. I'd rather die than be a monster. To be as unfeeling as the Hellfire Club…Do you understand?"

"I…I can't…I won't lose you!" Scott said in a determined voice. "No matter what Jean we are going to beat this thing."

"I want to believe that Scott, more than anything," Jean said. "But if the worst happens…"

"It won't," Scott said stubbornly and he held her tightly. "I won't let it happen."

"I only hope you're right," Jean sighed as she held him back.

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_Pretty heavy stuff huh? _

_But Jean's not the only one having bad dreams at the Institute. And I don't mean the usual Logan and X23 kind. _

_Actually right now Logan's dreaming of Jinx and…Whoa! I can't tell you about this! Let's just say it's a bit too personal and it's got an M rating. _

_And X23 is having an unusual nightmare. Let's just say it has to do with pink bunnies. Kitty's been telling her stories. _

_No I'm talking about someone no one ever considered would be having a nightmare…Let's just say there's a bit of irony in this._

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It was happening again.

And he couldn't stop it.

Again he saw the nightmarish images in his mind. Images of fire and destruction. An entire planet burning.

But it wasn't Earth.

The world was different but it was still a charred ruin. Figures of people dying could be seen in the shadows.

Then a strange green spacecraft flies out of the fire.

And it is promptly attacked.

A terrifying battle between that one spaceship and dozens of others commenced, with explosions everywhere. But it was futile. The ship was hit.

Pain and agony tore into him. And it grew greater and greater.

A nameless, faceless being reached out to him.

_Help me…_

_Help me…_

_HELP ME! _

Xavier shot up in bed. It took all his self control to keep from screaming. "Not again…" He moaned. He lay back in bed. "What does this dream mean? I've been having it for the past three days."

He closed his eyes tightly and let out a breath of air. It was going to be another long sleepless night. "Well…At least it wasn't about the Phoenix. I think…If it is…I don't know what I'll do."

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_Didn't see that coming did ya? _

_Okay maybe **some** of you did. Spoilsports. _

_Other than that the dreams are pretty much the usual around the mansion. Kitty's obsessing over her love life again. Only this time she's dreaming about Lance, Peter, Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp. _

_That girl is crazy. _

_Rogue's dreaming about touching Remy. And Remy's dreaming about Rogue. No surprises there. _

_The rest of the Institute is having the usual teenage stuff dreams. Bobby's dreaming about speaking in front of the class in only his Spongebob Squarepants underwear. Ray is dreaming he's a rock star. Tim is dreaming he's beating up Ray the rock star. Apparently the two of them had some kind of argument that afternoon about who was the greatest rock band ever. _

_Peter's dreaming of showing Kitty his old home in Russia. Tabitha's dreaming about being an actress. Amara is dreaming about the day when she becomes queen of her people and having dozens of male attendants. That girl is **not** as innocent as she looks people. _

_Neither is Jubilee. She's dreaming of being a fashion model/star getting an Academy Award and then going on a double date with Shooter and Johnny Depp. _

_Danielle is dreaming about riding a winged horse. Betsy is dreaming of being a ninja and pounding Mystique. She still hasn't gotten over that whole Risty thing either. _

_Sam is dreaming about beinga race car driver. Doug is dreaming what it would be like to have a normal life. Dead Girl isn't really asleep because she doesn't need to be. She's having a chat with Jim Morrison again. You don't want to know what they are talking about. Let's just say it involves the city of Miami. _

_Penny is dreaming of being in a field full of apples and pink bunnies. And she's slicing up both of 'em pretty well. _

_Paige is dreaming of being a superhero. Roberto is dreaming of being rich. Everett is dreaming of being a spy. Jesse is dreaming of having a bigger part in this fic. (Be careful of what you wish for kids! Trust me on this one!)_

_Kurt's having an interesting dream…About his wedding day. Oh what the hell we have time! Let's take a peek!_

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Kurt was standing at the altar with Amanda. It looked like a beautiful church service. The preacher held the Bible in front of his face so Kurt couldn't see it. Normally this wasn't done but Kurt didn't question it. He was too happy.

"By the power invested in me I now pronounce you man and wife," The Preacher said. "By me, the Reverend Jerry Springer!" He dropped the Bible and it was Jerry Springer in a priest's outfit.

"Reverend? Wait a minute? I'm Catholic!" Kurt blinked. "What's going on?" The church transformed into the Jerry Springer show. "Oh no…"

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen to a special edition of the Jerry Springer Show!" Jerry took out a microphone. "Today's show is I Married a Mutant! You all know the bride and groom! Let's meet the family!"

"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" The crowd cheered. "Jerry! Jerry!"

"Now Kurt you have a few half brothers and sisters," Jerry read from a card. "Let's meet them shall we?"

"Let's not and say we did…" Kurt moaned.

"First it's your half sister Rogue and her husband Remy," Jerry introduced them. "Both of them were one time X-Men and now run the Thieves' Guild."

"Married? Thieves' Guild? When did **this** happen?" Kurt yelled.

"Kurt it's just a dream, go with it," Rogue told him. She was in a pink bridesmaid's outfit. "Besides its all **your **fault for imagining me in a **pink **dress!"

"On Rogue's side of the family she has two half siblings," Jerry continued. "Meet Pietro and Wanda." The crowd cheered as they entered. "And their father Magneto, a mutant megalomaniac who wants to rule the world."

Boos called out as Magneto walked in. "Now meet Kurt and Rogue's mom, Mystique!"

The audience jeered as Mystique sauntered out. "And her other son, who is get this… The founder of the FOH, Graydon Creed."

Creed walked in wearing a KKK robe minus the hood. Three hooded members followed him. "WHORE!" Creed shouted at Mystique.

"Why you little…" Mystique had to be restrained from hitting creed by several burly security guards.

"And here's Graydon's father Sabertooth and Mystique's current lover Zartan," Jerry announced. Both of them ran out and started to attack Creed and his followers.

"You little &&&!" Sabertooth yelled as he pummeled his son.

"Go to hell!" Graydon tried to fight back. "OW! MOMMY!"

"Don't you Mommy me you little…" Mystique shouted.

"Uh shouldn't you have some security guards stop this?" Kurt winced as Zartan broke one of Graydon's follower's arms.

"Nah nobody likes them much anyway," Jerry shrugged. "Besides the audience loves it!"

The crowd did whoop it up. "JERRY! JERRY! KICK HIS ASS! KICK HIS ASS!"

"Hey guys could you take it backstage?" Jerry called out. "You're getting blood all over the cameras."

Both Sabertooth and Zartan stopped fighting. Graydon and his followers were in a bloody mess on the floor. "Oh sure," Zartan nodded.

"No problem," Sabertooth dragged his son off the stage. "But we still get filmed right?"

"Oh yeah we'll put it on the DVD," Jerry said.

"And we still get paid?" Zartan asked.

"Yup," Jerry nodded.

"Sweet!" Sabertooth grinned as they dragged their victims away.

"Why is this happening?" Kurt blinked. He was in shock.

"Oh our producer booked you guys in advance months ago," Jerry pointed to the control room. "Right Producer Toad."

"You got it!" Todd appeared wearing headphones and a suit. He gave a thumbs up to the crowd.

"Why is **Toad** your show's producer?" Kurt yelled. "How did **that** happen?"

"Dude it's a dream," Fred called out. He was behind one of the cameras. "Subconsciously you always think Toad ruins your life so…"

"I'm sorry I **asked**…" Kurt hid his head into his hands.

"Kurt we have a special surprise for you," Jerry grinned. "Say hello to your father and half of your brothers and sisters from another dimension!"

"Give it up for AZAZEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL!" An announcer shouted. Azazel strode in triumphantly. Several other of his blue brethren appeared in the audience. In fact they became the audience.

"Greetings all!" Azazel crowed to his adoring audience.

"Jerk!" Mystique snapped.

"Whore!" Azazel sneered.

"Hey that's **my line**!" Sabertooth shouted from off stage.

"And this is your family Kurt," Jerry said.

"What Lorna's not here too?" Kurt asked sarcastically.

"No she just eloped with Lucas," Jerry said. "Professor X's insane son."

"WHAT?" Magneto shot out of his seat. "I'll kill him! I'll kill him!"

"Him and everyone **else** on the planet," Azazel scoffed.

"Oh so you actually **care** about what happens to one of your children?" Pietro asked sarcastically. "A little late for **that**, don't you think?"

"What are you complaining about?" Wanda yelled. "At least you weren't locked up in an asylum and had your memories scrambled more times than a pirated cable signal!"

"And last on the panel but certainly least…Destro," Jerry introduced Destro in a chair.

"Why am I here?" Destro looked around. "I have nothing to do with these people. Why am I here?"

"I dunno," Jerry shrugged. "I guess somebody thought you weren't being tortured enough."

"It figures," Destro moaned. He was then tackled by several security guards who started to pummel him. "OW! WHAT DID I DO? OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"No reason," Jerry shrugged. "The audience just wanted you to get beaten up."

"JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY!" The crowd whooped. "JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY!"

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Destro yelled as he was dragged out back. "I WILL SUE YOU PEOPLE!"

"That's what they **all **say," Jerry grinned.

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" The crowd continued to cheer until Jerry made a motion indicating he wanted to talk again.

"Let's get back to our topic here," Jerry walked over to Amanda. "Amanda how do you feel about this whole family situation?"

"Well to be honest Jerry," Amanda coughed. "I don't find this that weird. Kurt I have a confession to make. I'm a sorceress and so is my mother."

"Yeah I know that," Kurt nodded.

"Blue Boy you're supposed to act shocked!" Pietro rolled his eyes. "Even if you know it or not."

" Okay here's something you can be shocked about," Wanda told him. "I just married a robot."

"WHAT?" Pietro yelled.

**"WHAT?"** Magneto roared.

"And here he is! Let's give it up for…" Jerry looked at the list. "C-3P0? Huh go figure."

C-3P0 walked out to the cheers of a crowd. Then he was crunched like a tin can with Magneto's powers. "FATHER!" Wanda yelled.

"What?" Magneto whistled innocently. "It wasn't me."

"Like hell it wasn't!" Wanda powered up. "Now my babies won't have a father!"

"BABIES?" Magneto and Kurt yelled.

"I have an announcement," Mystique raised her hand. "I am having an affair with my daughter in law's father!"

"WHAT?" Margali yelled.

"I didn't know it was her!" Mr. Sefton screamed. "She's a shapeshifter remember!"

"That's right dear," Mystique grinned. "He thought I was a man."

"You skank!" Margali leapt at Mystique and they got into a catfight. They were also dragged off stage by several security guards.

"I have something to say too!" A blue demon riding a pink horse waved his hands. "I'm also in love!"

"Uh Gobo that's another show," Jerry interrupted. "You're on **tomorrow** night."

"Oh sorry," Gobo blinked. "Come on Twinkles, lets' go back to the hotel."

"Neigh!"

"Fine we'll go shopping for new horseshoes first!" Gobo said as he left. "Nag, nag, nag…"

"You killed my husband you jerk!" Wanda yelled at Magneto. "That's it you're **dead!"**

"Hey I get to kill him first!" Rogue shouted.

"Take a number!" Pietro shouted.

"How the hell can I rule the planet with such idiot offspring?" Magneto roared.

"You're not taking over the planet! **I am!"** Azazel shouted.

"Over my dead body!" Magneto shouted.

"That can be arranged!" Wanda yelled. Before Kurt knew it, Wanda, Magneto, Azazel, Pietro, Remy and Rogue were battling it out on the stage.

"JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" The crowd cheered as one of the bodyguards was set on fire while he tried to grab Azazel. "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!"

"AAHHHHHHHHH!" Kurt shot up out of the bed. He was back in the real world.

He lay back down and panted. "I'm starting to miss the dreams where I was being burned at the stake."

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_Actually with a family like Kurt's I would imagine the kid would have **worse** dreams! _

_Let's go off to the Misfits shall we? They've got a few disturbing dreams of their own…Yeah I'm not touching Trinity's with a ten foot pole. And Althea and Todd's are just as crazy. So is Pietro's actually. But if they ever have a triple X section on this site well...You get the idea. _

_Come to think of it most of the Misfit's dreams are pretty nuts. You're better off not knowing most of them, believe me! _

_We've just missed Wanda's dream but we can check out the aftermath._

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Wanda trudged downstairs into the kitchen. It was warm so she had no bathrobe over her pink pajamas with short sleeves. She found Shipwreck sitting at the counter drinking a glass of milk.

"Pink pajamas?" Shipwreck raised an eyebrow.

"They used to be red," Wanda shrugged. "Until Al got a hold of them when it was her turn to do the laundry. They're still pretty comfortable. And it's not like I let most people see them anyway."

"Thanks for not hexing me into a wall for seeing them," Shipwreck said.

"Well you don't exactly count and you didn't know I'd be down here. You're drinking milk?" Wanda blinked.

"Yeah but don't tell my girls," Shipwreck drank it down. "I have a reputation to uphold. So what's got you up at this time of night? As if I need to ask."

"It was another nightmare but his one was different," Wanda told him. "I dreamt I was turning every mutant's powers on and off like a light switch. Then a dozen androids were singing and dancing around me as I was carted off to the asylum. Then the asylum turned out to some kind of weird wedding chapel and the groom was that Bender character from the Nexus."

"That **is** different," Shipwreck blinked.

"When the reverend turned into Jerry Springer **that's **when I woke up," Wanda groaned.

"Ouch. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what's on **your** mind," Shipwreck nodded. "Have you had this dream before?"

"Something like it at least once a week ever since we had our little dimensional field trip," Wanda admitted. "I never realized how dangerous my powers were before. I mean I knew I could do a lot of damage with them, but to be able to change the fate of an entire **universe…**"

"That one wasn't you," Shipwreck held her hand. "That's **another** you. There's a difference."

"Yeah a mentally unstable Scarlet Witch with a temper and a vendetta against her father," Wanda snorted. "She's **real** different from me!"

"Kid you've had your mind scrambled more times than the Denny's morning special," Shipwreck said. "**Anyone **would feel crazy if that happened!"

"Yeah but sometimes I get **both** sets of memories at the same time," Wanda grumbled. "And I can't remember which are the real ones and which are the **fake.** Then I remember the **happy** ones are the ones that probably fake and then I get depressed."

"Hmmm…" Shipwreck nodded as he thought.

"In the night sometimes I can't stop thinking about it," Wanda said. "What that other Scarlet Witch did. All the suffering she caused. All the suffering I could cause if I ever let my powers get out of control even for a moment."

"That's not going to happen," Shipwreck told her. "Not to you."

"How do you know that?" Wanda asked.

"Because I know you and you won't **let **it happen," Shipwreck said. "You are a very determined person. You had to be in order to survive what you've been through."

"I don't know Shipwreck I mean after seeing what happened in that **other **world…" Wanda shook her head.

"As much as a cliché as it is, knowing **is** half the battle," Shipwreck told her. "Now that you know what to watch out for and what **not **to do, you'll be that much stronger for it."

"Yeah **don't **marry an android, **don't **use my powers to create fake kids and **never **say no more **you know** **what **while using my powers," Wanda rolled her eyes.

"I would think those would be pretty easy rules for **anyone** to remember," Shipwreck said.

"The Ten Commandments are pretty easy to follow to but a lot of people have trouble keeping them," Wanda pointed out. "Most people break at least one or two of those rules all the time. My father has probably broken every single **one** of them and then some!"

"My point is and I do have one," Shipwreck said. "Is that you are a very strong young lady who can do anything you put your mind to. And if you don't want to cause a disaster like that you **won't.** That Scarlet Witch yousawplayed God. You would **never **do that. I got faith in you. Besides, even if you do slip up a little bit you've got friends and family around you that will help you out. **Real **friends and a **real **family. Understand?"

"Yeah thanks Shipwreck," Wanda sighed.

"I mean it ain't like this is your **brother** we're talking about," Shipwreck went on.

"You have a point," Wanda smirked. "I have to admit it has helped me a little knowing that in a lot of other dimensions Pietro was the one locked up instead of me."

"It does kind of add balance to the universe doesn't it?" Shipwreck grinned.

"Yeah," Wanda grinned back.

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_Aww cute and fluffy isn't it?_

_I **hate** cute and fluffy. _

_Seriously I want to take cute and fluffy out to the back of the barn and shoot it **dead!** Deader than I am! _

_Let's see what Pyro's dreaming of._

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Pyro was happily dancing around in a forest wearing his uniform. Two giant silver lighters with legs, arms and happy faces were dancing with him.

Pyro began to sing. _"Brave the danger with Bic and Bac! Bac and Bic! We're the pick! Unafraid we give one big kick!" _

At this he promptly kicked Magneto in the behind. "AAAHHHH!"

_"Tra la la la!" _Pyro sang loudly as he and the lighters kept kicking Magneto. _"That's the way we should dance Flash-Bic! One big kick! Sludge-pickle! It's the jig of Arcadia! Tra la la la!" _

The lighters kicked Magneto again before setting him on fire. "AAAAHHHHH!" Magneto ran away trying to put the flames out.

_"We are inseparable always close together! We are irreparable when we are apart!"_ Pyro and the lighters danced around holding hands. They lit several trees on fire as they frolicked. _"Arcadia the top of the living heart! Holtera! Shine down on the day and night! Arcadia we dance to the burning flames! Holding hands and holding hands we're glad you came along! Oh dance with us! We're singing the dancing song! Join with us so nothing could ne'r go wrong!" Arcadia, the top of the living sun! Boys and girls and girls and boys we're here as one today!" _

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_Okay I gotta admit, that last one gave me the creeps. _

_But not as much as this one…_

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Lance found himself in the past again.

He was older and had longer hair. He was a Greek soldier returning to his private quarters. And there she was waiting for him. A sixteen black haired slave girl who looked very familiar. She raced to him and wrapped her arms around him, kissing him with passion.

Before the two lovers could go any further the slave girl startled. "Wait a moment darling…" Suddenly the scene froze. "We have company. Unwanted company."

_"Look who's talking," _Thunderbird scoffed.

Everything froze except for the girl. She removed herself from the frozen arms of her lover and shifted into Selene. "What the hell are you doing? This is private!"

_"Let she who does not tamper with another guy's dreams throw the first stone," _Thunderbird scoffed. _"Listen lady that kid's a friend of mine. Okay maybe not a close friend but still…" _

"Listen pal I don't care if you're his second cousin twice removed," Selene growled. "Butt out!"

_"It's not going to work you know. You'll never get Dominicus back." _

"Maybe not, but at least I'll have the next best thing! Now get out!" Selene powered up and threw the ghost out of the dream world with her powers. "OUT YOU STUPID CASPER REJECT!"

_"I'll bet Mary Alice on Desperate Housewives never goes through thiiiiiiiiiiiissss!" _Thunderbird screamed as he was kicked out.

"Nothing more annoying than a nosy ghost," Selene grumbled. "And I thought the talking coyote was bad enough!"

She looked back at the frozen Lance and shifted back into her slave girl form. "Now…Where were we?"

**Boy Selene really knows how to play dirty huh? **

**Little side note, the song Pyro was singing was from an old cartoon called Spartacus. It used to be on Nickelodeon a long time ago. I don't know why I liked the song, I just do. So that's why some of the words are a little bit weird. I think those were the words...Oh well. **

**Next: Just more weird random stuff. Like anything else happens in these fics! **


	16. Another Random Day

**Another Random Day**

It was just another day in the lives of the mutants. But like many other days there was a lot going on and things were about to change again. Which was a very common occurance in their lives but still...But first there were a few every day ordinary things.

Okay ordinary might be a stretch considering the X-Men are involved.

"All right why is the Danger Room on **fire?"** Scott groaned as he watched the situation from up in the control room. **"Again?" **

"We had a little mishap while training some of the New Mutants," Forge coughed. Jamie was in the control room with him.

"AAAAHHH! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Ray was heard screaming. "I HATE FIRE!"

"See we were trying out this new simulation and well…" Forge pointed to the room.

Ray, Roberto, Tim, Tabitha, Danielle, Doug, Rahne and Amara were running around trying to fight dozens of tiny metallic hamsters rather unsuccessfully. Some them had tiny flamethrowers shooting out of their mouths.

"GET THEM OFF OF ME!" Tabitha screamed as several metal hamsters clung to her legs and body. "HEY WATCH THE PAWS!"

"YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!" Rahne was in wolf form trying to get one hamster off her tail.

"DIE YOU METAL MANIACS!" Tim blasted at them. "DIE! DIE! DIE!"

"I DON'T WANNA DIE!" Doug screamed.

"STOP WHINING AND START FIGHTING YOU WIMP!" Danielle shouted at him.

"I'M A PRINCESS!" Amara yelled. "PRINCESSES SHOULD NOT HAVE TO FIGHT HAMSTERS!"

"Sentinel Hamsters…Attack," Tiny metallic voices chimed in as one as they went on a rampage. "BADABADABADABADABADA…"

"Sentinel…**hamsters?**" Scott blinked. "What maniac came up with **that** idea?"

"Uh…" Forge coughed. "Jamie…"

"LIAR!" Jamie shouted.

"I know I'm going to regret asking you Forge," Scott sighed. "But **why?** Why **this?**"

"Well I was thinking," Forge gulped. "You know how big regular Sentinels are?"

"I'm pretty much aware of it," Scott looked at him.

"I had a thought," Forge continued. "What if our enemies got smart or something and decided to make smaller Sentinels?"

"Ah I see where this is going," Scott winced.

"And I can see where **we're** going," Jamie said. "More Danger Room sessions with Wolverine?"

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Doug ran for his life. "WHY DO I STAY HERE IN THIS MADHOUSE? THIS PLACE IS GONNA KILL ME I KNOW IT!"

"Bingo! Now I know the **real** reason why the Professor insisted that I take over for this training session," Scott groaned.

"Yeah and now I know the real reason why sometimes the Professor locks the door to his study and cries," Jamie nodded.

"Well you know what they say," Forge gulped weakly. "Knowing is half…"

"**Half** of the reasons we should bar you from your lab for **life!"** Scott interrupted.

Far from the Danger Room peace and quiet prevailed as Hank casually prepared a few lesson plans in the teacher's lounge. Prometheus the cat was casually lying on his lap. Logan walked in seemingly in one of his usual bad moods. "Ah Logan I didn't expect you back so soon. How was your recruiting trip?"

"A total waste of time," Logan grumbled. "We were halfway to Nebraska when Charles told us to turn the Blackbird around. Magneto got to the kid before we could even land the plane."

"Again?" Hank asked. "That makes four now does it?"

"Yeah," Logan grunted as he stared out the window. "I know Charles wants to add more kids even though the ones we **already **have are tearing the place apart, but this is nuts. It's like Magneto has his very own Cerebro or something."

"Considering he helped design the very first Cerebro the odds of that are rather good," Hank mused. "What did this new mutant do?"

"The same as the last one, another telepath," Logan grunted. "A low level one but still."

"Magneto is assessing quite an army of psychics," Hank spoke causally cleaning his glasses. "And one doesn't have to **be** one to know he's planning something big."

"When is he **not** planning something big?" Logan grunted. "The last two weren't psychics though. One just had super strength and the other could turn into a raccoon."

"A **raccoon?"** Hank gave him a look as Prometheus hopped down from his lap.

"Hey there are werewolves, werecats and I've even heard of were **birds**," Logan shrugged. "Why not a were raccoon?"

"It is unusual I must admit," Hank said. "It also doesn't sound like Magneto to grab a mutant with such a seemingly minimal power."

"Sounds to me like whatever Bucket Head is planning he's not taking any chances," Logan agreed. He looked down and saw Prometheus purring against his leg. "Oh for crying out loud…Get off me!" But the cat didn't.

"Well at least we have one constant companion and stalwart friend," Hank laughed.

"I don't know why this stupid cat likes me," Logan grunted. "It's not like I encourage it."

"I suppose Prometheus is a typical example of the old adage," Hank grinned. "Cats only like people who can't stand them."

Stevie Hunter hobbled in on a pair of crutches. She was wearing a modest blue and black pants set and her long hair was in cornrows and a ponytail. She was struggling to hold onto a bag. "Here let me get that for ya, Hunter," Logan took the bag from her.

"Thanks," She sat down on a chair. "I'm still not used to getting around with this thing but it's easier than the wheelchair."

"All part of the Mutant Health Care System," Hank grinned. "So how was your first history class?"

"Considering I haven't been in one since I graduated high school, not too bad," Stevie told him. "Thanks for the notes and lesson plan."

"And thank you for taking over for me," Hank grinned. "The kids behave? And by behave I mean did anyone start a fight, create fires or freeze anything?"

"No they were really pretty good," Stevie shrugged. "There was one thing, one of the kids…The blue one…Kurt is it?"

"Kurt," Logan nodded. "It's hard to forget a kid like that."

"Yeah he asked the strangest question," Stevie thought. "He asked me if I was into book burnings or using books as target practice during class. What kind of question is **that?"**

"Actually…" Hank sighed. "Quite a valid one considering some of our former substitutes."

"Proudstar's the one who started **that **tradition," Logan pointed out. Prometheus purred. "Will you get out of here cat? Go on! Don't make me get out the claws!"

"Yes but you kept it alive didn't you?" Hank gave him a look.

"That was a necessary tactic for survival," Logan told him. "It was a cookbook. And Kitty was thinking about trying a new recipe."

"Ah well then my apologies, Logan," Hank grinned. "Your timely intervention probably saved all our lives."

"Who's Proudstar?" Stevie asked.

"He was a former instructor who was here for a time," Hank said diplomatically. "He's…moved on."

"He moved on to a casket **six feet under**," Logan said. "He died. Don't sugarcoat if for her. She'd find out anyway. I warned you cat!" He shot out his claws. Prometheus just looked at him and casually gave a brief lick to one of them. "Oh for crying out loud…Why does **everything else** scare you around here but me?"

"He died?" Stevie's eyes widened.

"On a mission," Logan grunted as he retracted his claws. He glared at Prometheus. "Will you stop staring at me?"

"So the kids didn't kill him huh?" Stevie asked.

"Uh…" Hank blinked. "Technically…"

"On second thought I don't want to know," Stevie held up her hands. "Sometimes I can't believe I'm working here."

"You're not the only one lady," Logan rolled his eyes. "Stop staring at me, cat!"

"You really didn't have to keep me on," Stevie said. "I mean I'm really grateful and everything…It helps me out, since I'm no longer in the Witness Protection Program."

"What?" This was news to Logan. "But what about…?"

"Our friend Pit Bull had a heart attack very similar to his employer not long after our escapade with the Hellions a week ago," Hank told him. "As well as a few other associates of the Shark."

"No Pit Bull or Shark, no reason to keep me on," Stevie sighed. "And since I can't dance for a long time or have any other means of employment Xavier suggested that I work here for a while. It's not so bad. I just can't believe the guy was nice enough to help me out."

"No, you are helping **us **out," Hank told her. "With all the antics the students get up to we need all the help we can get."

"It's certainly different I'll give you that," Stevie groaned as she leaned back in her chair. They heard a loud crash. "What was **that?"**

"Around here it could be anything," Logan grumbled. "And I mean **anything!"**

"Sentinel Hamsters Attack!" The tiny voices ringed through the halls.

They looked out the door and saw a dozen tiny robot hamsters racing down the hallway. "BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA…"

"I can't believe they got out!" Jamie shouted as he and a dozen of his clones followed them.

"I got a net!" Forge ran by with a net.

FOOOOM!

"And they've got **flamethrowers in their mouths!"** Jamie shouted.

"Great one of them just set a painting on fire!" Scott shouted as he ran by. "Forge someone should use a net on **you!"**

"Well how was I supposed to know they would develop an ability to climb walls?" Forge shouted back.

"You designed them you maniac!" Scott shouted back. "DUCK!"

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"There goes another hole in the wall," Jamie remarked. Tiny metallic laughter could be heard. "I think they're laughing at us."

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" The sound of tinny laughter was heard.

"LAUGH AT THIS!" Scott shouted. They heard the sounds of optic blasts in the halls. And more holes being made in the walls.

"And yet another hole in another wall," Jamie quipped.

One tiny Sentinel Hamster ran into the room and right up to the cat. "MEOWWW!" Prometheus hissed. The robot rodent opened it's mouth and sent out some tiny electric sparks, shocking the cat.

"MEOWWWWW!" Prometheus ran out of the room like a bat out of hell.

"BADABADBADABADA..." The Sentinel Hamster ran after it.

The three adults stood there in shock for a full minute. "Well you did say it could have been **anything,"** Stevie blinked. "That was...different."

"Different isn't the **word **for what goes on around here," Logan finally moaned. "FORGE! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE NOW?" He ran out after them.

Stevie gave Hank a look. "Is it always this crazy around here?"

"Actually this is a **good quiet **day around here," Hank moaned.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Sebastian Shaw was not having a good day. Or a quiet one for that matter.

And the news Leland was telling him didn't make it any better.

"They got Grobaniz yesterday," Leland sighed as he poured a glass of wine. The two Hellfire Club leaders were in one of their hideouts in Switzerland, an old mansion on the outskirts of a small village.

"Who SHEILD?" Shaw couldn't believe it.

"Believe it or not, no," Leland sighed. "Some bloody local New York cops in a prostitution sting operation. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"That's putting it mildly," Shaw groaned. "He always did have a problem with keeping his pants on after hours. But I'll bet SHEILD didn't waste any time picking him up."

"Got it in one," Leland sighed. "Well at least he's not a mutant or a high ranking member."

"No, just one of our major bankers!" Shaw grumbled. "As if we didn't have a hard enough time with funds thanks to SHIELD freezing most of our accounts."

"Right after they captured three of our spies in SHIELD," Leland groaned. "We should have killed Sage when we had the chance. But oh no, you had to be dramatic and include her in that stupid ceremony!"

"For the hundredth time and I am **not **exaggerating," Shaw groaned. "How the hell was I supposed to know Cobra Commander would screw it all up? I will personally kill that idiotic bastard with my bare hands!"

"We have bigger problems," Pierce stumbled into the room. His robotic arm was severely damaged and he had a black eye. "Frost is awake!"

"And why is that a problem?" Shaw asked. "Don't tell me she took our abandoning her in a hospital personally."

"No, but she did take it personally when she found out that I was in charge of the slave market and was selling mutants," Pierce groaned.

"Lesser mutants," Shaw informed Leland who gave him a look. "The weak and useless. Mostly malformed and not suited for the Hellfire Club."

"Be that as it may," Leland folded his arms. "I know business is business but in this case I can't say I blame her."

"Well since SHIELD broke up our little operation weeks ago it's pretty much a moot point," Pierce snapped. "And Frost and her Hellions made it perfectly clear that she will personally break **me** and you Shaw! I barely got away with my life. And I'm not so sure I lost them even with my anti-telepathy shielding. They'll probably be here any minute!"

"Wonderful," Shaw broke his glass against the wall. "Between SHEILD or Frost I'd be better off in jail!"

"She's probably already informed the heads of the European branch of the Hellfire Club," Leland said. "You know they're a stickler about that rule!"

"Please! The only reason Factor Three doesn't sell mutants in the slave trade is because they want to keep them all as slaves for themselves," Shaw grunted. "No matter how weak and deformed they are!"

"Nevertheless we all know how tight Frost is with Unicorn," Leland remarked. "Although why the two like each other I have **no** idea."

"Which means our stay in Europe has now been cut shorter than I anticipated!" Shaw hit the wall with his fist so hard it made a crack. "How many of us are left? The Inner Circle I mean."

"Well Mastermind and Mesmero are still hiding," Leland sighed. "Mastermind is with Magneto and who knows where Mesmero is."

"We can't count on them," Pierce snapped. "They'll jump ship any chance they'll get."

"Yes and something tells me Magneto would not welcome us with open arms," Shaw nodded. "So who's left? DeCosta the Elder, Hastings, Briggs…"

"Counting ourselves there's only ten of us left," Pierce said.

"Not even that many, Darlings…"

They turned around to see a woman's figure appear out of the shadows. She had long white hair that was put up in a pony-tail, pale skin that barely peaked out of the corners of a green and gold Japanese kimono type outfit. Her face betrayed a sinister smirk and there was a look of satisfaction in her green eyes. Her slightly pointed ears and a small white horn on her forehead indicated that she was truly a mutant. The giant circular weapon she carried indicated she wasn't there for a tea party.

"Unicorn…" Shaw's eyes narrowed as he looked at one of the leaders of Factor Three, the head of the European Branch of the Hellfire Club.

"The one and only my dear," Unicorn's Belgian accent flowed easily from her lips. "Tsk, Tsk Sebastian. What's this I hear about selling mutants? You should have at least given them to us if you didn't want them."

"Don't play that card with me, freak," Shaw hissed. "We all know that's not the real reason you're after us!"

"Well it's part of the reason," Unicorn casually toyed with her weapon that looked like a very sharp hula hoop. "It could be also how you treated my dear friend Emma so badly, or it could be that you've made such a mess with the whole Phoenix debacle? Or maybe it's because I don't like you? Wait, it's that last one."

"Listen you disgusting…" Pierce began. That was when several shuriken seemed to magically shoot out of Unicorn's kimono and hit the wall all around him. "Never mind…"

"Fortunately for you I am in a generous mood today," Unicorn grinned. "You see for some reason Factors Two and One think you're still valuable. That is why you are going to escape to Hong Kong."

"Hong Kong? But that's…" Shaw's eyes narrowed. "No."

"Yes," Unicorn said in a sing song voice.

"NO!" Shaw said vehemently. "I will not go crawling to that bastard asking for help!"

"Well he is your son," Unicorn quipped. "And the leader of the Asian Branch of the Hellfire Club."

"You have a son?" Pierce looked at Shaw. "I didn't know that!"

"I didn't want **anyone** to know that!" Shaw growled.

"They don't get along," Leland explained.

"It's all been arranged," Unicorn told him. "As we are speaking DeCosta Senior is making the call. Yes, I've kept him alive because he's still valuable as a bargaining chip. But everyone else is dead so don't expect any help to come calling."

"I will not…" Shaw began.

"**You** will do as you are told," Unicorn said her words very forcefully. "In case you haven't noticed, you're not exactly in the position you were last year. You're not even in the position you were **last week!** Your people and allies have either been sent to prison, died or abandoned you. All your little Massachusetts Academy students have been scattered to the wind. Your funds are all but spent. And you certainly can't stay here! Not if we want to stay on Emma's good side, and we do."

"I am the Black King of the North American Hellfire Club!" Shaw roared.

"A king with only four subjects is a pretty pathetic king," Unicorn snarled. "Besides, we've decided Emma will rebuild the American chapter as the White Queen and no others. Or would you like to take your case to Factor One **himself?"**

Shaw stiffened. "I'm not afraid of him, or **you."**

"Yeah, right," Unicorn snorted. She raised her sharp weapon under his nose. "Now pay attention Shaw and you might get some of your former glory back. You will go to Hong Kong. You will pretend to attempt to reconcile with your son. You will stay there **under **his command and do what he says until I contact you again. Got it?"

"And if we say no?" Pierce asked.

"Then I'll save Emma and her Hellions the trouble of tearing you into tiny piecesfor spare parts," Unicorn gave him a look. "You have twenty…" She looked at her watch. "No, **nineteen **minutes to leave before they get here. Don't dawdle." She sauntered away.

"That stuck up…" Shaw fumed.

"So that's the infamous Unicorn, the Weapons Master of Factor Three. What exactly is Unicorn's power anyway?" Leland asked.

"I don't know," Shaw grumbled. "No one knows for sure except the other two members of Factor Three. All I know is it's a terrible power and Unicorn never uses it unless…"

"Unless what?" Pierce asked.

"Unless Unicorn's **really** ticked off," Shaw said. "And if Unicorn's power is **half **as deadly as her skill with weapons…Come on, we have a plane for Hong Kong to catch!"

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That night outside of Bayville the stars were glittering brightly. Forge looked through his home made binoculars at the night sky. "So when do you think it will be safe for me to go back home?" He asked his companion.

"When they manage to put a muzzle on Rahne **and **Wolverine," Tim joked. "And even then I wouldn't hold my breath."

"I'm just glad you didn't hold the Danger Room incident against me," Forge sighed.

"What can I say? It was a fun workout," Tim shrugged. "Some people have no sense of humor."

"Yeah well…" Forge began. "What's that?"

A small glowing object fell from the sky and hit the ground not to far from them. "A meteor!" Forge shouted as he rushed towards it with his equipment. He looked at the small indentation in the ground with a magnifying scope. "What a find!"

"Let me get a look at it," Tim reached down.

"Careful! It's still hot from it's entry into the Earth's atmosphere!" Forge warned.

"Not for me," Tim made his hand glow with energy before he picked it up. "A little trick I picked up."

"Hmmm…" Forge grinned as he studied the meteor. It was only the size of a golf ball. "Interesting…I'm seeing some kind of metal imbedded in it. I wonder what it does? I can't wait to get back to the lab and study it!"

"If you can get the locks off the doors first," Tim reminded him.

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Meanwhile in another part of the world...Deep in the a jungle in the Rainforest. Somewhere in Brazil to be exact…

"For the last time Pyro, no you cannot burn the rainforest!" Roadblock groaned as he and Shipwreck lead the Misfits through the jungle.

"I never said I wanted to burn the rainforest, that would be wrong," Pyro pouted. "I want to burn the **people **who want to burn the rainforest! There's a difference!"

"You have to admit for Pyro that's progress," Angelica told Roadblock.

"There it is," Althea pointed through the trees. There was a small cabin in the forest.

"Doesn't look like much let alone one of Sinister's hideouts," Shipwreck snorted. "You sure this is the place?"

"Oh yeah," Althea nodded. "Without a doubt."

"Okay where exactly did you get this information?" Roadblock asked.

"From a reliable source," Althea told him. "That's all I'm going to say."

"Oh no," Shipwreck groaned. "It's not one of Trinity's weapon's suppliers is it?"

"Depends on your point of view," Pietro began. "I mean if you look at it one way…"

"Let's just get on with it," Roadblock sighed. "We'll do it by the book. Xi go invisible and do recon. Shooter, Firestar, Scarlet Witch you go around the back. Shipwreck, Toad, Blob, Wavedancer you come with me in the front. Watch out for traps. Arcade are you picking anything up?"

"Heat sensors are negative," Arcade had on a helmet and goggles and was working from a lap top. "But we all know they can be fooled."

"All right I want you, Avalanche, Dragonfly and Quicksilver to stay here for backup," Roadblock ordered. "Quicksilver? Quicksilver? Pietro where did you go?"

"Hey guys!" Pietro waved as he poked his head out the front door of the cabin. "There's nobody home!"

"Or for crying out…" Shipwreck slapped his face. He stormed up to the cabin. "Quicksilver what the hell are you playing at? You can't just walk up into a hostile situation! You could set off a…"

CLICK CLICK! ClICK CLICK!

"Booby trap," Shipwreck gulped as two very large laser cannons popped up and pointed at him.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOM!

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Pietro barley managed to grab Shipwreck out of the way in time before the weapons fired. "Firestar! Avalanche!" Althea ordered.

"I'm on it!" Lance used his powers to take out one cannon.

"And I've got the other!" Angelica flew into the air and destroyed the second one with her heat beams.

"Aww, I wanted to burn it," Pyro pouted.

"You'll get your chance, Pyro I promise," Todd patted him on the back.

"I'd better," Pyro folded his arms.

"Gee Shipwreck you should really be more careful," Pietro mocked as he put Shipwreck down.

"Quicksilver, remind me to have your sister kill you later," Shipwreck glared at him.

"I think that was it," Arcade said. "The defenses here are pretty mild."

"You call **that **mild?" Shooter pointed at the destroyed weapons.

"Well I took a look around but there was nothing in there," Pietro huffed. "Just a small dorky cabin with no notes or anything!"

"That's because you did not look hard enough," Xi said in a bored voice. He reappeared in the doorway of the cabin. "Come inside and I'll show you."

"Show me? Show me what? There's **nothing** in there!" Pietro threw up his hands as the others walked inside. It was a one room cabin with a small cot, wooden table, a chair, a candle stick on the table, some tin plates that hadn't been washed and a hanging electric lamp in the middle of the room. "See? Nothing! Nada! I mean if there was a lab in here I think I would have found it."

"Oh really?" Xi gave him a look. He casually moved the candlestick on the table. It activated a switch that made the entire table move to one side, revealing stairs and a large entrance below it.

"How did you do that?" Pietro was shocked. "I mean how did you…?"

"It's one of the oldest tricks in the book," Xi gave him a look.

"Cobra does it all the time," Roadblock admitted. "They use it so much it's practically a crime."

"Yeah it's almost as common as moving a book on a library shelf to find a secret passage," Fred nodded. "Even I knew that."

"Everyone knows that," Pyro said. "I even used it in a couple of novels once. Well actually both the library thing and the candlestick on the table thing…"

"Novels?" Shooter gave him a look.

"Oh yeah, I write gothic horror romance books for a hobby," Pyro told him. "Under the name Dame Gertrude Fallfire."

"Wait a minute…" Angelica looked at him. "**You're** Dame Gertrude? The same reclusive author that's been on the best seller lists for over two years?"

"The same person who wrote, 'The Vampire Hooker Diaries'?" Shipwreck's jaw dropped. "And 'Sex, Lies and Werewolves on Videotape'? That was **you?**"

"Yup," Pyro nodded proudly. "Which reminds me I really have to call my publisher."

"Wait a minute…" Shooter was confused. "How could you of all people write several best selling novels and no one knows about it?"

"It's a funny story actually," Pyro began. "You see it began a few years ago right before Magneto recruited me. I had just lost my job as a dishwasher at a hotel because I had an innovative new system for cleaning dishes using gasoline and a book of matches. Well before the final story of the hotel had burned to a crisp…"

"Never mind!" Shipwreck interrupted him. "Can we check this place out before we continue with Pyro the Lost Years?"

"Let's go," Roadblock sighed. They went in and found a huge lab. "Jackpot!"

"What the heck are these?" Fred pointed. There were several rows of pod like structures on the floor. Each was made out of purple metal and glass and looked like they could hold a person inside.

"I've never seen anything like 'em," Shooter whistled.

"I have," Todd said. "On Attack of the Pod People. You know these aliens were trying to clone everyone…"

"Toad!" Wanda winced. "Please not now!"

"Actually for once Toad is right on the mark," Roadblock told her. "Shipwreck remember about thirteen years back? Cobra was trying to clone copies of world leaders using synthoids?"

"Yeah but they all came out warped," Shipwreck nodded. "This machine looks a lot like 'em. Never seen a metal painted that purple before."

"This ain't metal," Lance poked at one. "It's too soft."

"He's right," Arcade scanned it. "It looks like it's made out of some kind of organic material as well as having some cyber technology."

"It is the Pod People," Todd's eyes widened. "Sinister is working for the Pod People!"

"You almost got it Toad," Wanda gave him a look.

"Blob you think you can pick it up?" Lance asked. "You know so we can take one of them with us?"

"Looks like it's rooted in the ground," Angelica said.

"Guys! Over here!" Lina called. She was at a desk filled with notes, books and documents. "There are a ton of medical notebooks here. Looks like Sinister has experimented with cloning before."

"Dragonfly, I want you, Scarlet Witch and Arcade to collect all the notes and data and take them back to the Pit for study," Roadblock ordered. "Even the stuff in the trash is cash."

"He means empty out the wastebaskets," Althea explained. "We might find something in there."

"Got it," Wanda nodded. They went to work.

"Toad I want you to take all the pictures you can," Roadblock gave him a camera. "Blob and I will try to break up one of these pods and study its parts and DNA. And then Pyro you can go play."

"But not before we get everything else, and I do mean **everything** else out of here," Althea warned him.

"Okay," Pyro nodded happily. "Finally I get to go play with dynamite!" He skipped off with a small sack of charges. _"Oh whistle while you work..." _

"The rest of you fan out and look for other clues," Roadblock ordered.

CLICK!

"Toad don't take pictures of me!" Roadblock groaned. "Take pictures of the room!"

"I am," Todd said. "You're in the room too right? Besides I need more group pictures for my scrapbook collection."

"One of these days..." Roadblock groaned. "I'm just gonna run off to Paris and open up a restaurant. Just take off and go. Change my name, maybe grow some hair..."

"Uh guys," Pyro called out as he stood before one pod. "I can't burn this one. It's occupied."

"Occupied?" Roadblock asked. "What do you mean **occupied?"**

"Occupied," Pyro said simply. "As in there is somebody in it. That this pod is being used. It is taken. Engaged. Full up. Unavailable for use. There is someone in there already using the facility. Someone's already paying room and board. Well maybe not **paying** room and board…"

"What are you babbling about?" Shipwreck groaned. He walked over to it. "Oh boy…"

"What?" Althea asked. She and the other Misfits went to investigate. "Dragonfly! I need your help over here."

"What is it?" Lina walked over with the others. Inside the pod was the shadow of a figure. "There is someone in there!"

"Or something in there," Roadblock said. "Have a care."

"Maybe we should just destroy it?" Lance asked.

"What if it's a person trapped in there?" Wanda asked.

"You don't know that," Lance said.

"We don't know **what** it is," Roadblock said. "So nobody touch it for now! I'll call for backup! We can get a team of scientists to look at it."

"Or we could just press some buttons and see if it opens up," Todd blinked at the device and saw some strange buttons. "Hey I wonder what this does?"

"TOAD NO!" Everyone yelled. But it was too late. He had pressed the button. Suddenly the pod shuddered and started to open. Green smoke and goo stared to pour out.

"WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN?" Roadblock grabbed Todd by the front of his shirt. "WHY CAN'T YOU EVER OBEY THE SIMPLEST…"

There was a huge shudder and the pod opened up. "It's gonna blow!" Lance screamed. They all ran for cover.

A small naked figure covered in green goo fell out. It fell to the ground. "Are we alive?" Pietro whimpered.

"No we're all dead you wimp," Wanda said sarcastically.

"She's alive," Lina bent over the figure that started to stir and cough. She wiped away the goo from her face. It was the face of a thirteen year old girl that looked like a familiar red haired friend of theirs.

"Oh boy…" Lance blinked. "Does she look like who I think she looks like?"

"She does," Angelica nodded.

"Congratulations," Pyro quipped. "It's a girl!"

"This…could be a problem," Althea said.

**Send in the clones people! Next let's see how X-Men react to this unexpected event! **


	17. New Clone in Town

**New Clone In Town**

"Well no one expected **this **to happen," Roadblock groaned as he passed his hand over his bald head. The Misfit handlers were standing outside the Infirmary at the Misfits discussing the latest developments. Lifeline, Lina and Xi were inside examining the girl.

"We knew we'd find **something** in one of those labs but not a thirteen year old clone of Jean," Cover Girl admitted.

"Technically I think she's only a day or so old, being she was in that chamber all this time," Spirit pointed out. "And we stopped the process before she reached full maturity."

"What the hell was Sinister planning on doing with her once she was full grown is what I want to know?" Low Light asked. "Use her as some kind of super soldier?"

"Not according to these," Roadblock showed him some papers. "Some of Sinister's personal notes."

"I'm sorry I asked," Low Light grumbled after he read them. "That Sinister is one sick bastard!"

"And you're just figuring this out **now?"** Shipwreck asked. "Okay you guys call **me **a pervert but I think Sinister is way ahead of me in the pervert category!"

"You're in a category on your own," Low Light quipped. "But even you're not **this **bad!"

"Well one good thing came from this, at least we got the kid out of there before any real damage was done," Cover Girl sighed. "And we destroyed those pods so he won't make any more. I hope. How did the kids find out about these labs Sinister has anyway?"

"If it's anything like how they found out about some of our military secrets and personal files I'd rather **not **know," The Blind Master groaned.

"Yeah who knew Afghanistan had it's own E-Bay account?" Cover Girl winced. "The only reason we didn't get in trouble was that they had info on the Jugglers even **we **didn't have!"

"I for one never knew that the Jugglers were such big fans of American Idol," Spirit shrugged.

"And knowing is..." Roadblock began. "We really have got to **stop** saying that!"

"So what do we do now?" Shipwreck asked. "Keep her here?"

"We can't do that," Low Light said. "Not without telling Jean. It just wouldn't be right."

"Yeah and the whole telepathy thing might be a dead giveaway too," Cover Girl added.

"And then we'd all be **dead**," Spirit nodded.

Lifeline walked out. "So what's up with the kid?" Shipwreck asked him.

"Well all my examinations proved that she is a seemingly normal, healthy 13 year old girl," Lifeline said. "I've even had Xi hold her hand and check her DNA. It's stable and she definitely has telepathic and telekinetic potential."

Just then a vase floated out the door. "Scratch the potential," Shipwreck blinked, catching the vase before it fell.

Althea and Spyder ran to them. "Guys every single piece of furniture is flying around in the living room upstairs!" Althea said.

"Yeah and for once it's not Wanda!" Spyder said.

"I think we have a pretty good idea what or should I say **who** it is," Roadblock groaned.

They went into the room. Anything that was not nailed down was flying all over the place. "I can't make it stop!" The girl sobbed. Her waist length red hair flew behind her and even the white hospital pajamas seemed to billow.

"Okay now what do we do?" Lina yelled as she ducked for cover from a flying bedpan.

"**You're** asking **us?"** Low Light yelled.

"They kind of didn't cover this in medic's class!" Lina snapped sarcastically. She barely ducked some flying medical equipment. "YIKES!"

"Praying sounds pretty good," Shipwreck gulped. "AAAHHH!" He barley ducked several scaples that sliced into the wall over his head. "This is starting to get serious."

"Lifeline! Try using your healing abilities to calm her down," Shipwreck thought. "It's worked before!"

"It's worth a try," Lifeline said just before he ducked from a flying chair. "If I can get close enough!"

As suddenly as it started everything stopped. The girl was panting, trying to catch her breath. "How…How did I do that? What was that?"

"It seems you're able to move things with your mind," Spirit told her.

"No kidding," Althea looked at a bedpan imbedded in the wall.

"Is that a bad thing?" The girl gulped.

"Well…" Althea looked at the bedpan again. "Depends…"

"You just need a little work on it," Cover Girl said. No one said anything for a full minute.

"Why are you all so quiet?" The girl asked. "I did something wrong didn't I?"

"No, but…Wait…Quiet? You can't hear anything?" Lifeline asked. "What we're thinking for example?"

"How can I hear **that?"** The girl gave him a look. "What are you people nuts or something?"

"No," Lina explained. "Some people can hear other people's thoughts. It's called telepathy. There are people with other powers. Like me and Xi. And a lot of the other kids here."

"Yeah I've been meaning to ask you about that," The girl gave her a look. "Okay I don't know why I'm not freaked out by the way you two look. But for some reason I know it's not normal."

"But it doesn't bother you," Xi observed.

"No," The girl thought. "It's like…I dunno. Cool I guess."

"Well that's because we're mutants," Lina said. "Like you."

"So I'm a mutant?" The girl asked. "That's why I can move stuff by just thinking about it?"

"Bingo," Spyder said. "I'm Spyder with a y. That's Althea. And you already know Xi and Lina. What's your name?"

"My name?" The girl blinked. "I don't…Wait, Madelyne. My name's Madelyne. And that has a y in it too."

"Are you sure?" Althea asked. "You remember that?"

"I don't remember anything but that…" She thought. "Not my parents or friends or anything… What happened to me? Was I sick? In an accident?"

"Not exactly," Althea fidgeted. "You're kind of a special case."

"You have amnesia," Shipwreck said quickly. "It's when you can't remember stuff."

"Oh…" Madelyne thought. "I knew that. I just wish I knew other things like my last name or something!"

"But don't worry kid it usually goes away after a while," Shipwreck said quickly, noting the worried look on the girl's face and not wanting a repeat of the incident.

"We'll get you to your family as soon as we can," Cover Girl jumped in.

"Okay…" Madelyne was still shaken but seemed a bit calmer. "So other than having no memory and the whole mutant thing, am I okay? I mean is there anything **else **wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with being a mutant," Althea told her.

"We just have to be careful with things that aren't nailed down for a while," Low Light remarked as he looked at a stethoscope implanted in a ceiling.

"I know you're scared honey but you're safe here," Lina took Madelyne's hand. "A lot of mutants have trouble with their powers when they first get them. I know I did."

"You did?" Madelyne asked. "You mean you couldn't fly?"

"Something like that," Lina said diplomatically.

"I wish I had wings instead of this," Madelyne said. "It's better to be able to fly."

"Actually with your powers you might be able to fly," Spyder pointed out. "You could just lift yourself up and fly around."

"Uh but don't try that right now," Cover Girl said quickly. "Please."

"I guess the last thing I need is to break my head open by flying into a wall," Madelyne sighed. "I just wish I could remember things. My family for one thing."

"Don't worry kid," Roadblock said. "We'll contact your family as soon as we can. But for right now you need to relax, that's the plan."

"He rhymes a lot," Spyder explained. "You get used to it."

"Can I get out of bed now?" Madelyne asked. "And where are my clothes?"

"Uh…" Shipwreck tried to think of something. "Well…"

"Spyder can lend you some clothes," Althea remarked. "Since you're about the same size."

"Can you walk?" Spyder asked.

"Sure I can walk," Madelyne got out of bed. "Why wouldn't I be able to walk?"

"Uh…Delayed reaction to your ordeal," Lina said quickly.

"Come on I'll show you my room," Spyder said leading Madelyne outside up the stairs.

The others waited until they were out of earshot. "You think that's a smart move just letting her get up and about?" Roadblock asked. "I mean that strategy makes me doubt."

"Physically she's fine," Lifeline shrugged. "Extremely healthy as a matter of fact."

"She won't be fine for long when she finds out the truth of what she is," Low Light pointed out.

"We have to tell her!" Althea said. "I mean she's gonna figure it out sooner or later!"

"Especially if her telepathic powers kick in," Xi pointed out.

"Oh sure kid we tell her she's a clone of somebody else," Shipwreck gave her a look. "That will **really** calm her down! Make her so calm the entire **house** might explode!"

"So how are we going to handle this Dr. Spock?" Althea asked sarcastically. "What do we tell her?"

"Simple, we'll talk to Jean and then we'll tell Madelyne that Jean's her long lost sister," Shipwreck thought of a plan. "That she was kidnapped by some maniac and we found her before anything bad happened."

"Which really isn't that much of a stretch of the truth if you think about it," Spirit agreed.

"I don't know," Xi shook his head. "Something about this does not seem right with me. The truth may be harsh but at least she will know who she really is."

"Yeah Dad I kind of have my doubts about it too," Althea thought.

"Oh really?" Shipwreck looked at her. "Since when are **you** such a big fan of the truth? Remind me **exactly** what you said to little Claudie when he wondered where his mom was?"

"I told him the truth," Althea said. "That she was gone to a better place and could never come back…Because she was run over by a bus."

"Oh yeah that was a good idea," Low Light groaned.

"That explains why the kid was screaming his head off the other day when I tried to sing to him 'The Wheels on the Bus'," Cover Girl said.

"Okay, okay I see your point," Althea conceded. "Maybe a harmless white lie would be better for the kid. Why don't we talk to Jean first and see what happens?"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"And this is my room," Spyder showed Madelyne. It was modestly decorated with some American Idol and wrestling posters as well as a huge Spider Man one. There were also a lot of Spider Man figurines on the desk with a computer.

"Who's that?" Madelyne asked pointing to the Spider Man poster.

"That's Spider Man! He's the coolest crime fighter ever! Even though he's not a mutant like us," Spyder explained. "He can climb walls and spin webs just like me. Only his webs aren't electric and he's a lot stronger than I am. The Misfits actually met him a few times! I've heard he's really nice! I so want to meet him! He is so super cool to me! I kind of named myself after him!"

"Wow," Madelyne blinked. "And who's that?" She pointed to a picture.

"That's some of the Misfits," Spyder explained. "That's Lance or Avalanche. He makes earthquakes. He's kind of like my big brother. Well almost all the guys around here are like my big brother, except for Pietro who acts like a big sister sometimes. And that's Spirit my foster dad. My real dad dumped me and the Misfits found me and took me in."

"I'm sorry," Madelyne said.

"Don't be, I'm not," Spyder shrugged. "My real dad is a loser. I'm better off without him. Besides I've got a cool family here. They're a lot of fun."

"And who's in this picture?" Madelyne poined to another one on her desk.

"That's Captain America. He's a real live superhero from World War II but he got sick and was frozen in suspended animation," Spyder explained looking through her closet. "Then Trinity, that's my friends that also live here...Althea's sisters actually...They unfroze him and cured him! Trinity are triplet sisters who are real smart and funny. They can breathe underwater and they know ninja stuff too like their big sister. And on top of that they're geniuses with psychic powers and the make up the **coolest** things! I'll introduce you to them later, you'll really like them! We playa lot of pranks on people and we go on trips and stuff. One time we went to this weird island in Scotland and we got to play with a real live dinosaur. Or was it a demon? Anyway we have lots of crazy adventures!"

"You sure know a lot of interesting people," Madelyne was impressed.

"You don't know the half of it. I'd have you meet the others but everybody else is either training outside or goofing around," She took out a green top, a pair of jeans, some socks and some slippers. "These should fit you."

"Good I didn't want anybody else to see me in these," Madelyne indicated the hospital pajamas. "I don't know what happened to my clothes."

"What do you remember?" Spyder asked. "You don't have to talk about it if it bothers you."

"No, it's okay. Uh…" Madelyne thought. "Nothing. Just waking up in that hospital bed." She looked upset.

"Are you okay?" Spyder asked.

"No. I'm not. Why can't I remember anything?" Madelyne asked her eyes close to tears. "What's wrong with me?"

"Uh…" Spyder was hesitant. "Well…"

"You know something don't you?" Madelyne asked.

"Yeah but I'm not sure I'm supposed to tell you," Spyder said. "I mean I heard the adults talking and…"

"And what?" Madelyne asked. "Spyder please tell me! What happened to my parents?"

"That's the thing…" Spyder said. "I don't think you actually have any parents. Not any real ones anyway…"

"What do you mean?" Madelyne asked.

"I think you'd better sit down," Spyder sighed. "It's pretty weird."

"I can move things with my mind Spyder," Madelyne said as she sat down. "I think things are **already **pretty weird!"

"Not like this," Spyder told her.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"I have a **what?**" Jean's jaw dropped. "Sinister did **what?"** She was sitting in a chair in the Misfit's meeting room. General Hawk was there along with Roadblock, Shipwreck, Althea, Xavier and Scott.

"Clone Jean," General Hawk sighed. "Sinister used the genetic material he stole from you to create a clone."

Jean looked around the room. "This is unbelievable," She said aloud.

"It's not that unbelievable Jean," Roadblock pointed out. "The same thing happened to Wolverine."

"And now **you** have a thirteen year old clone," Hawk said. "Well technically she's not really thirteen but you get the idea."

"And don't forget that other clones Mojo made," Scott remembered. "Okay bad example."

"I have a clone..." Jean put her head in her hands. "First the Phoenix Force and now **this?** I have a **clone?"**

"Yeah that's pretty much the same reaction everyone else had," Althea nodded.

"But why?" Jean asked. "Why would he **do** something like this?"

"Apparently from what few notes we managed to recover Sinister was planning to grow the clone to full maturity then somehow trick Cyclops into impregnating her," Hawk told them. "In order for him to create a super mutant."

"Okay that's just plain gross!"

They turned around and saw Madelyne standing there dressed in the clothes Spyder gave her. She had snuck in with Spyder and they had overheard the whole thing. "It's true isn't it? I'm just some kind of lab experiment?" She yelled, tears in her eyes. She looked at Jean. "And she's me or I'm her?"

"Technically you're a copy of her," Shipwreck gulped. Althea whacked him on the head. "OW!"

Madelyne sniffed and ran out the door. "Madelyne wait!" Althea yelled. "Way to go Spyder!"

"She kept asking! I had to tell her!" Spyder defended. "She wouldn't believe me so…"

"So much for a harmless white lie," Althea groaned. "I'd better go after her."

"No, I'll get her," Jean stopped her. She went after the girl.

"Man poor Jean," Scott sighed. "As if she didn't have enough to deal with medical school and the Phoenix Force."

"What is **that** starting to bother her?" Hawk asked.

"There have been…incidents," Scott admitted.

"Like the one at the Mutant Peace Conference?" Roadblock asked.

"Well that and…" Scott sighed. "She's been having dreams lately. Bad ones."

"She never told me about them," Xavier frowned.

"She promised me she would," Scott looked at him.

"Well she didn't," Xavier shook his head. "We **definitely** need to have a talk when we get back home."

"After you get Madelyne settled in," Althea reminded him. "And get her calmed down from finding out she's a clone."

"Not to mention answering all the questions the others students are going to have about her," Hawk said. "And you **know** there are going to be some."

"I think they may know already," Althea said. "I thought I saw Trinity e-mailing Multiple earlier."

"Then they **defintely **know by now," Roadblock rolled his eyes. "Three sure ways of communication, telephone, television, tell Trinity!"

"I thought that last one was tell Toad?" Scott asked.

"Depends on the situation," Roadblock shrugged.

"This is going to be a long day for you isn't it?" Shipwreck looked at Xavier.

"And it's getting longer," Xavier sighed.

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"Madelyne? Madelyne!" Jean shouted as she ran through the hallways. Suddenly dozens of objects started to fly around. Books, papers, pens, toys, even a chair were floating around.

"AHHHHH!" Pietro ran away from several flying books. "AND I DIDN'T EVEN **DO** ANYTHING THIS TIME!"

"I think I found her," Jean muttered. She ran to a room and found several things flying around but no Madelyne. There was an open window. Jean stuck her head out of it and saw the girl clinging to a tree. There had been a large, sturdy branch which she climbed to it from the window.

"Madelyne!" Jean called out. "Madelyne! Calm down!"

"I can't! I can't!" She screamed as the tree swayed violently. There was a surge her telekinetic power which caused the tree branch to break. "AHHHHHH!"

"Hang on!" Jean used her own powers to catch her. _"Madelyne! Calm down! Just focus on my thoughts! Don't resist! Just relax!" _

"What..?" Madelyne blinked as Jean levitated her towards the window.

_"Just breathe…" _

Madelyne took a deep breath and concentrated. By the time Jean levitated her back into the room everything stopped flying around. "Was that telepathy? Hearing your voice in my head?"

"Yeah," Jean nodded. "Are you okay?"

"Do I **look **okay?" Madelyne yelled. "I just found out that I'm not a real person! That I'm just a copy of you some nut job scientist made! How would you feel if something like that happened to you?"

"Listen Sinister may have created you but you're not under his control now," Jean held her arms. "You have a chance to be your own person. You have a choice. Don't throw it away."

"What choice do I have? I mean I don't know what to do! And why do you care what happens to me? Aren't you mad?" The girl sobbed.

"At Sinister, yes. At you, no," Jean said.

"So you don't hate me?" She asked.

"Why would I hate **you?"** Jean asked.

"I…I don't know," Madelyne threw up her hands. "Maybe because I was supposed to be some kind of replacement for you or something?"

"Do you really want to be a replacement for another person or would you rather be your **own **person?" Jean asked.

"The last one **duh!"** Madelyne rolled her eyes. "I don't know. I'm always going to wonder if everything I do…Everything I think is because of me or **you.** I don't know where to go or what to do!"

"You could always come home with me," Jean told her gently.

"Are you serious?" Madelyne asked. "Even though my powers are so out of control?"

"Well what do you think happened to me when I first got **my** powers?" Jean asked. "Trust me, I really hated them. Especially the telepathy. But you get used to it. And once you learn control you can even enjoy them and all the good they can do."

"So you really hear voices in your head?" She looked at Jean.

"Yup," Jean nodded. "Whether I want to or not. It can get really annoying sometimes."

"Wait if I'm a clone of you, and I have your powers how come I don't hear voices in my head like you do?" Madelyne asked.

"I don't know," Jean said. "I mean I got my telepathy first and my telekinesis came later. In your case it seems to be the other way around."

"So what? Does that mean I'm a failure or something?" The girl asked sniffing.

"No, just the opposite," Jean bent down to her level. "It means that you're your own person. Just because we have the same genes doesn't mean you're going to be **exactly **like me."

"I hope not, I don't mean that in a bad way…" Madelyne covered. "I don't really know you. It's just…"

"It's okay. I understand what you mean and I don't blame you. I know this is going to sound weird but I'd like to be your sister," Jean said. "Although technically I think you already are."

"Technically?" Madelyne gave her a look. "You were right, it does sound weird but…I don't know. You seem so nice. I can feel it. I guess I might as well give it a try. Not like I have a lot of options."

"Well if it will make you feel any better you're not exactly the only clone around here," Jean told her. "One of the instructors at the Institute Wolverine, he has a female clone about your age. Maybe not **exactly **your age…"

"Since I was literally just born yesterday," Madelyne groaned. "I mean I may not know much but even I know that this is too weird!"

"Hate to tell you this kid but weird is what we X-Men **specialize** in," Jean groaned. "We have one girl who was born out of an experiment and her half brother is technically half demon. Or quarter demon, I still can't fully figure that out."

"A quarter demon?" Madelyne gave her a look.

"We have another student who's sister rules a dimension full of demons," Jean continued. "We have another student that can turn into a wolf. Still **another** that's a one kid army. Another who used to be part of The Thieves' Guild, that's a clan of thieves…"

"I got **that** part…"The girl blinked.

"And who also is Sinister's son which he created in an experiment," Jean added.

"His **son?**" Madelyne yelped. "How many mutants did this Sinister guy create?"

"We're not exactly sure," Jean groaned. "But I have a feeling you're not the only clone he's made."

"Oh that's just perfect!" Madelyne threw up her hands. "Is there anything else I should know? I want to get all the bad news out of the way so I can have a nice quiet mental breakdown! If I can have a mental breakdown being only a day old or something."

Jean took a deep breath. "A few months ago, I was captured and ended up in the clutches of an organization called the Hellfire Club. Basically they wanted to use me as a pawn in their plans for world Domination. Sinister was helping them. Long story short…I got infused with this cosmic power. It's trapped inside of me. And it's very powerful."

"Do I have this power?" Madelyne asked.

"No, I don't think so," Jean shook her head. "Sinister got some of my DNA before…the incident. So I think you'll be okay."

"As okay as I can be," Madelyne sighed.

"I know," Jean put her arm around her shoulder. "It's going to be difficult dealing with your powers. Especially when your telepathy kicks in. But I'll be there to help you if you'll let me."

"Why not?" Madelyne shrugged as she let Jean hug her.

There was a slight knock at the door. Althea and Spyder were there. "Everything okay?" Althea asked.

"Yeah," Jean pulled away from her clone. "We're fine."

"I'm sorry I spilled the beans," Spyder apologized.

"It's okay," Madelyne waved. "At least I know the truth."

"And knowing is half the battle," Althea said. "I'm sorry. Occupational hazard. Even **I **can't stop saying it sometimes."

"You **too?"** Jean gave her a look. "It is pretty addictive to say isn't it?"

"Imagine growing up with it all your life," Althea rolled her eyes.

"So are you going back to the Institute with Jean?" Spyder asked Madelyne.

"I guess so. I mean she is my sister and all," Madelyne sighed. She looked at Jean. "Or are you my mother? I can't figure it out."

"Uh, let's just stick with the sister thing," Jean decided. "I'm not quite ready to be a mother just yet."

"Yeah and one kid from the future is more than enough," Spyder waved.

"What?" Madelyne gave Jean a look. "What does she mean by a kid from the future?"

"It's another one of those very long very weird stories," Jean sighed. "I think you've had enough shocks for one day."

"Wait until she gets home and sees what she's in for," Althea quipped. "Especially her first Danger Room session."

"The **what **session?" Madelyne blinked.

"It's what we call our training room," Jean said. "Which Logan won't go anywhere **near **with you inside it!"

"I guess you've learned **that** from experience," Althea chuckled.

"The hard way," Jean groaned. "That's **another** long story. Well I guess we'd better get going."

"Hey! A little help here!" Pietro called out to them as they passed him in the hallway. He was nailed to the wall by books imbedded in it. "Come on I'm getting paper cuts here!"

"Pay no attention to the artwork," Althea told them.

"But I…" Madelyne began to say.

"Don't worry about it," Jean gently tugged her arm and led her away. "Things like this happen to him all the time."

"NO THEY DON'T!" Pietro yelled.

"The important thing to remember is that this is not your fault," Jean said brightly.

"YES IT IS!" Pietro yelled.

"Spyder get my sisters," Althea said. "Tell them there's a mess on the wall over there they need to take care of."

"NO! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT **THAT!"** Pietro screamed. "DON'T DO THIS TO ME! COME ON! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO **YOU?** I MEAN **RECENTLY?"**

"I gave the list to my sisters," Althea said. "They'll be up shortly."

"Does it include the time he called me a slut?" Jean asked.

"Yeah all three times," Spyder said. "And when called you the Mattress Mutant."

"Really," Jean stopped. "You know something Madelyne I think we should have a quick little practice session with your powers right now."

"I'll get the sharp knives!" Spyder said cheerfully.

"WHAT?" Pietro yelled.

"Hey guys!" Althea yelled. "The new kid is gonna beat up Quicksilver!"

"NO!" Pietro yelled as the rest of the Misfits ran up. "WANDA HELP ME!"

"Aim for the head!" Wanda cheered. "There's nothing in it!"

"What's going on?" Scott walked up.

"We're gonna have Madelyne have her first target practice lesson," Althea said.

"Oh," Scott said. "Don't forget to aim for the head. There's nothing in it."

"WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP **SAYING** THAT?" Pietro shouted.

"Because it's true," Todd said.

"And since when are **you** a Rhodes Scholar?" Pietro yelled. Todd chucked a book at his head. "OW! HOW IS THAT USING YOUR POWERS?"

"It's my power of incredible aim," Todd told him.

"That is not a mutant power!" Pietro yelled. "Not a mutant power!"

"He's right Toad," Lance said. "Just throwing stuff isn't a mutant power."

"Thank you, Lance," Pietro said.

"Your slime on the other hand **is** a mutant power," Lance grinned.

"Oh yeah," Todd grinned. "I forgot."

"I **retract **the thank you, Lance!" Pietro yelled. "You hear me! I **retract **it!"

"You people are nuts you know that?" Madelyne blinked.

"Yeah people tell us this all the time," Fred nodded.

"If you think these guys are weird wait until you meet the X-Men," Althea said.

"I'm not going to have any problem fitting in am I?" Madelyne asked.

"Nope," Jean shook her head and put her arm around her. "For some reason I think you'll do just fine."

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Pietro screamed. "I'VE BEEN SLIMED!"

**Little note here for those who don't watch the news, the Afghanistan joke is based on news reports that they have recently found secret American intelligence documents up for sale in Afghan markets. Another little 'Whoopsie' by the guys who are trying to keep us safe from the bad guys! See it's fun to watch the news every now and then! **

**Well, there's a new clone in town...Everybody sing! _A new clone in town...Yeah a new clone in_ _town_...**

**How about this Weird Al tune? _I think I'm a clone now...That's my genetic twin always hanging around!_ **

**Sorry, went a little nuts there! Anyway just as another new mutant comes to the Insitute, they gang gets another surprise! What is it? Just wait and see! But you're going to have to wait a while because yes I am going on vacation! **

Althea walked out. "AGAIN? Didn't you just get **back** from vacation?"

Lance walked out. "She's going away again?"

The Coyote appeared with a party hat on his head. "Good! We can party! Margaritas over in Lance's room!"

"You are **not **drinking in my room!" Lance snapped at his imaginary tormentor. "And don't even think about making out with any imaginary girl coyotes in my closet again!"

"Again?" Althea looked at him. She looked at the author. "You just have to leave me with **this?" **

**So sue me for having a life! Anyway I'll be back before you know it with more craziness! **

Althea rolled her eyes. "**That's** what we're all worried about!"


	18. Another New Arrival Makes Life More

**Another New Arrival Makes Life Even More Bizarre**

"I tell ya, just when I think this place could not get any weirder…" Ray groaned as he sat in the kitchen for breakfast with several other students. "First Logan gets a clone and now **Jean?**"

"Technically most of us **already** have a clone or two dozen," Kitty sighed as she buttered her toast. "Depending on the circumstances."

"Yeah but those Mojo Baby Clones aren't living with us," Ray pointed out. "I mean who's next? Me?"

"God I hope not," Tabitha grumbled as she ate a donut.

Ray ignored her and continued. "Beast? Storm? Cyclops? Xavier? Any more and this place will be called 'Clone High' instead of Mutant High."

"Could you be even **more** insensitive?" Amara snapped. "I mean the poor kid. Who knows what that monster Sinister was planning for her?"

"I do," Jamie was calmly munching his corn flakes. "I heard 'em. Sinister was planning on breeding Scott with the clone."

"Okay that is just **sick,**" Ray nearly choked.

"She felt the same way," Jamie nodded.

"How did you know this?" Amara asked.

"How does the little squirt know **anything **that goes on around here?" Ray asked. "He uses one of **his **clones to spy on everyone! Duh!"

"You're just jealous because I have a cool and versatile power while all you can do is charge batteries," Jamie retorted.

"You want a charge?" Ray's fist glowed. "I'll give you a charge!"

"Ray power down!" Kitty ordered. "The last thing we need around here is another stupid pointless fight!"

"Like we have any **other** kind of fights around here," Rahne rolled her eyes.

"You have to admit they're a lot better than the 'save the world or we all get blown to kingdom come' fights," Sam snickered.

"Or the 'let's fight for our lives so we don't become lab rats or get killed' fights," Amara added. "Or any other stupid fight we have around here."

"Hmm," Roberto was thinking. "I hate to admit it, but for once the human Pikachu has a point."

"What about pointless fights?" Ray asked sharply. "Because if you keep calling me Pikachu.."

"No, no about the clone thing," Roberto interrupted. "Think about it, if people know how to make clones of us now, they could use them against us. Or worse."

"Worse?" Ray asked. "What do you mean **worse?** I don't follow you."

"Thanks to a lot of nutcases a lot of our DNA is floating around out there," Roberto told him. "You can bet Hydra probably has some more of Wolverine's DNA lying around. Who's to say they won't create a back up to X23? And I know deep down my father must have supplied the Hellfire Club with some of my DNA."

"Or they could have gotten some from the time you were captured by 'em," Rahne put her two cents in.

"Exactly," Roberto nodded. "And we all know Cobra's gotta have some of our DNA or other mutant DNA lying around. I mean any terrorist organization would kill to get a mutant DNA sample."

"Not just terrorists," Sam was thinking. "I'll bet you anything General Eddington would love to get his hands on more mutants."

"And if he has to grow 'em, so much the better," Tabitha stopped eating and started thinking. "He might even prefer it that way. Make it easier to train 'em and keep them under control."

"I have heard rumors about things like that done in Russia during the Soviet Union," Peter spoke up. "One story is that something went terribly wrong and the government was forced to close down their super soldier project. They even tried to kill or imprison some of the scientists for fear of their knowledge being used against them. It is said that some of the scientists managed to escape to a small island off the coast of Africa. There they are secretly funded by either another government or a powerful organized crime ring and are continuing their research to this very day."

"You think that's true?" Kitty asked.

"Anything's possible," Peter shrugged. "But I could see something like that happening if not now, then maybe in the near future."

"Someone like the Kingpin could set it up," Sam agreed. "If he hasn't already."

"Don't forget the black market," Jamie added. "Some people would pay a lot for mutants or mutant DNA."

"Like who?" Danielle asked.

"Cobra, Hydra, different governments, Magneto, Sinister, wealthy people who enjoy playing God for kicks," Tabitha said. "And that's just for starters. The list is pretty long."

"Well I know America wouldn't do that," Sam said.

"Oh please!" Ray gave him a look. "And people say **I'm **bad at history! Ever hear of the Tuskegee Syphilis Project? In 1932 the army purposely gave 200 African American men syphilis and never told them about it. To make matters worse they gave them no medicine to treat their disease and never told their families what they had. They just made them sick on purpose and watched them die like they were lab rats just to study how a disease killed people and why? Because they were black! They were considered expendable just because they were a different **color!"**

"You're kidding?" Danielle's jaw dropped. "That really happened? How do you know about this?"

"I've been doing some reading on the Internet," Ray admitted. "And that was only **one** of **hundreds** of medical experiments done to American citizens during the past 76 years! They've been doing secret testing on soldiers, prisoners, the mentally handicapped, you name it! You really think they wouldn't stoop to trying that on mutants? Think again."

"Think of what other governments must be doing now," Bobby said. "Those that are run by dictators that don't even let their normal citizens have civil rights! Can you imagine what they would do to create the ultimate weapon?"

"We all know stuff like that has already happened. Remember Neverland?" Roberto agreed. "Or what happened to Wolverine and X23."

"All of the sudden I feel very, very nervous," Rahne trembled.

"Yeah, like all of the sudden I've got a target mark on my back," Kitty agreed. "No wonder you're a little upset about Madelyne."

"Well at least this one didn't try to kill us first," Ray remarked as he got some milk from the fridge. He closed the door and came face to face with Rina. "Uh oh…"

"You were not talking about me behind my back were you Ray?" Rina's eyes narrowed.

"Uh…" Ray gulped. "Uh…" You could literally hear his knees knocking. "Please don't kill me..."

"Got you," Rina grinned. Ray nearly fell to the floor.

"Girl you are getting a wicked sense of humor," Tabitha grinned. "I like it."

"Thank you," Rina said as she used one of her claws to grab an apple from the table. "But for the record Berserker does have a valid point. I'm living proof of it."

"How does it feel, you know? Having another clone around?" Kitty asked.

"How does it feel having another **mutant **around?" Rina asked back.

"Touché," Tabitha nodded. "X has a point."

"At least this one was spared the nightmare I was put through," Rina sat down.

"Are you jealous of her?" Jamie asked. "You sound kind of sad about it."

"I used to be jealous of all of you," Rina told them. "I still am in a way. You had families and childhoods. I didn't."

"Yeah well it wasn't that great for **all **of us," Ray grumbled. "Trust me, my parents weren't exactly the nicest people to hang around even before I got my powers."

"At least Hydra didn't give you any mixed messages about what they wanted from you," Tabitha said. "I used to think my father loved me but he loved what I could steal for him more. Those Hydra jerks were honest about using you. At least you knew where you stood."

"I don't think Madelyne knows where she stands yet," Danielle said. "I mean can you imagine just being born and thrown into school with mutant powers and everything? That's gotta be scary for her."

"It is a little confusing because her smell is very much like Jean's," Rina said. "But already I am sensing a change."

"What people can change their scents?" Danielle asked. "I mean without perfume and stuff."

"Yes," Rina nodded. "Depending on their emotions and experiences it can vary."

"Well look at identical twins," Jamie said. "Or triplets. They genes may be identical but their personalites aren't."

"What about Trinity?" Sam asked."All three of themact exactly alike."

"I think those nuts are in a category all their own," Paige groaned.

"They do share some kind of telepathic bond between the three of them," Danielle said. "That might explain why they all act the same."

"Yeah but there are some differences in the three of them," Jamie said. "Daria tends to think more than the others. She's as close to rational as any of them could get. Quinn seems to have a little more heart and Brittany...Okay Brittany is just plain **nuts."**

"They're all nuts period," Kurt groaned. "Husk is right. Those three are in class by themselves."

"Hey guys," Forge walked in. "You will never believe what happened to me the other night! I was in the lab and…"

"Forge please," Kitty held up her hands. "Right now the **last **thing we all want to hear about are lab stories. Especially with Madelyne…Hey where is Madelyne anyway?"

"The Professor is testing her today," Kurt told her. "I heard she can already read at a ninth grade level."

"How is that possible? She was just born?" Danielle asked.

"Apparently Sinister had some kind of telepathic learning tool installed in the pods or something," Kurt said as he went up to make some more toast.

"I guess Sinister wants his clones with some smarts huh?" Tabitha asked.

"Hey wait a minute, I just thought of something," Ray said.

"Congratulations," Roberto said sarcastically.

"I'm serious," Ray said. "Sinister's a telepath. If he could implant stuff in Madelyne's head like how to read, maybe he could put in other stuff as well. Like a secret code or something to make her turn on us."

"Wow," Amara blinked. "Ray had **two **intelligent thoughts in the same morning! That's got to be a new record!"

"Don't worry. The Professor's checking that out too," Kurt said. "Just to be safe. I don't think she was fully…" Kurt looked at the toast. "Hey, this isn't cooked!" He put it in again and turned it on.

The toaster made some strange noises, Then it burped. "I think it ate my toast!" Kurt said.

"That wasn't supposed to happen," Forge said.

"Wasn't this the toaster that kept burning stuff?" Jamie asked.

"It was until I fixed it," Forge said. "I think I fixed it."

"BLURRP! BLURRP!" The toaster rocked back and forth. "BLLURRRRP!"

"I think the evidence points to the opposite," Peter said.

The toaster than began to jump up and down. It's cord pulled out of the wall and it fell off the counter. It began to shudder violently. "That toaster is definitely not fixed!" Sam said.

"Forge…" Kitty blinked. "What did you do to the toaster?"

"I was trying to tell you guys," Forge explained as the toaster sputtered. "You see there was this meteor shower the other night and one of them landed outside of Bayville. They weren't big meteors, just tiny little ones smaller than a golf ball. To make a long story short…"

"You put a rock in the toaster to see what it would do?" Sam asked.

"I did **not** put a rock in the toaster," Forge said. "I found a sliver of weird metal in the meteor. So I took it out and it looked malleable enough to use so…"

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!" Tabitha held up her hand. "Are you telling us that you found a weird metal in a meteorite, and instead of I dunno, doing tests on it, you just decided to melt it down to make a spare part for the **toaster?" **

"Basically…yeah," Forge gulped as the toaster turned black with lines of gold all over it. "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea?"

"MAYBE! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" Ray shouted.

"I just wanted to try something new," Forge gulped.

"YOU WANT TO TRY SOMETHING NEW?" Ray shouted. "HOW ABOUT MAKING AN INVENTION THAT **WORKS **AND DOESN'T KILL US? IS THAT NEW ENOUGH FOR YOU?"

"**Three** good ideas in a day," Roberto quipped. "A new world record!"

"Shut up!" Ray shouted.

"Is it me or is it getting bigger?" Peter asked.

The toaster started to move around on four little legs. To their shock it managed to jump on the table and started to gobble on the silverware. At it absorbed the metal it grew bigger. "Okay this is definitely **not **what I expected it to do," Forge gulped.

"When do **any **of your inventions do what you expect them to do?" Kitty shouted.

"We'd better do **something **before it eats the entire kitchen!" Rahne said.

"Get it!" Sam shouted. The students tried to catch it but it just kept leaping out of the way.

"What the hell is going on now?" Logan yelled as he saw the kids chasing the toaster around the kitchen and making a mess.

"Let's just say there's a disaster in the kitchen and for once Kitty's **not **responsible for it," Sam said.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile in the library blissfully oblivious to the chaos unfolding in the kitchen, Jean was staring at the phone in her hand. Scott walked in. "Hey Jean, what's up?"

"Oh just wondering how to tell my parents that they now have another daughter," Jean told him. "Hi Mom, hi Dad! Guess what? You know how you always wanted another kid? Well…"

"Are you sure telling your family about Madelyne is such a good idea?" Scott asked.

"Scott they were going to come up and visit in a week anyway," Jean said. "It's not like I can just hide her in her room. Might as well tell them and get it over with."

"Okay but I still think you should wait a bit…" Scott sighed. "I'll get out of your hair."

"No I want you to stay, I need all the support I am going to get. Here goes," Jean gulped as she dialed the phone. She waited a moment and then spoke into it. "Sarah? Hey its Jean! Great. Just great. Uh, no reason. Just wanted to call. Okay I do have a reason. Are Mom and Dad home? Okay, look I have some news to tell you guys. It's pretty big and I'm not sure how to say it. No, I'm not pregnant. No, we're not getting married. Not yet anyway."

"Is that a hint?" Scott joked.

Jean gave him a look. "Look could you get Mom and Dad? Better yet, does Dad still have his speakerphone? Well I just want to tell all of you something and I'm not sure…No I'm sure I'm not pregnant. Okay. I'll wait."

"She's going to get everyone together so I don't have to repeat myself," Jean explained.

"It would be hard to repeat **that,**" Scott agreed. "I think hearing it once is hard enough."

"Hi everyone," Jean said into the phone. "It's Jean. I've got some big news. No I am **not **pregnant! But we do have a new addition to the family…No Dad, Scott and I didn't elope. Dad…Dad please stop screaming. This has nothing to do with Scott. Yes, I'm sure!"

Jean paused for a moment before continuing. "Okay are you all calm now? Because this is really big. No, I said I was **not**…Fine, do you remember when I told you about Mr. Logan and how this evil terrorist organization made a clone of him? Yeah…uh…uh huh, well I'm getting to that. Well you see…Uh, do you remember also I told you about my science professor that was insane? No, not the one who turned into a giant lizard. The **other **one."

"You told your parents about **that?"** Scott asked.

Jean put her hand on the receiver. "They saw an article on the news that showed me and Spider Man fighting the lizard together on campus! I didn't have a choice!"

She turned back to the phone. "Okay now listen…Actually they have a lot to do with my news. Uh, okay. I'll just come out and say it. Uh, uh…Well, the thing is…That scientist…That's right Sinister…Well…Sinister made a thirteen year old clone of me and Misfits found her and her name is Madelyne and she's living here."

There was silence for a full minute. "Yes, I did say clone. Just like Logan's only she doesn't have claws…She's a clone of **me** dad, of course she doesn't look like Logan or have his claws! Yes I checked!"

Jean waited again. "Madelyne yeah. No, no this isn't a joke. I wasn't **lying** when I said I wasn't pregnant! Technically she's more like my sister! Well I don't know why Logan's clone is considered his daughter and mine isn't! I guess it's the age and gender difference. Look its not like I am pregnant or anything! That's gotta be some good news! Oh…What was that noise? Oh boy…"

Jean turned to Scott. "Mom fainted."

"That's not good is it?" Scott asked.

"Oh no, my Mom only faints when she's **happy!"** Jean said sarcastically. "Dad? Dad are you there? Sarah? Is Mom okay? Oh she's recovered now…Just fell on the couch…Mom, Mom please calm down! But…But…I didn't **ask **Sinister to make a clone of me you know? How should I know **why **he did it? Because he's a **maniac** that's why!"

Jean winced as she listened. "Okay maybe I do have some idea…Well let's just say he wanted to use her against us. But it's okay because the Misfits rescued her and…How? Uh, that's not really important Dad, what's important is…But Dad…Dad…Dad you really don't want to know. But, but…OKAY HE WAS GOING TO USE HER TO MAKE A BABY WITH SCOTT AS PART OF HIS SICK EXPERIMENTS! IS **THAT** WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?"

Jean winced again. "Now my father's fainted."

"Ouch," Scott winced.

A few more minutes passed. "Daddy? Are you okay?" Jean asked. "You don't have to yell. Dad. Dad please! Mom, Mom…Mom! Mom! Listen to me Mom! Mom! Could you let me explain? I don't know **how** he did it! But she's here and…Yes Daddy, I blame the Misfits too…But not as much as Sinister…Mom, no you can't sue the college. Well for one thing he no longer works there…No, I wouldn't recommend trying to sue Xavier either because he had nothing to do with…Mom my life has not been crazy ever since I came here!"

"That is the biggest lie you have ever said," Scott gave her a look.

"Well it's not like she's my future daughter from an alternate timeline that showed up on my doorstep!" Jean yelled. "What do you mean why did I say **that?** It was…just an example I thought of. **Why** would I think of that particular example? Uh…I dunno, it just came to me I guess."

Jean stiffened. "I don't know **what** you're talking about Sarah! Well maybe I just said it as an example of something that **could** happen. Well things like this **do** happen around here! Wait, I didn't mean it like…Yeah it happened to someone at the mansion…Who? Uh…me…But don't worry she's gone off to another timeline and she's not living here and…Hello? Hello?"

Jean put down the phone. "I think they've all fainted."

"That didn't go well did it?" Scott asked.

"Understatement of the year," Jean rubbed her forehead with her hands and slumped forward.

"I'm sorry," Scott rubbed her shoulders.

"Don't be, you warned me and I didn't listen," Jean sighed. "It's just right now I have a lot on my plate. What with Med School and my duties as an X-Man and worrying about the Phoenix force, Apocalypse and now I have to be a surrogate mother to Madelyne. It's starting to get to me."

"Come on, Jean it's going to be all right," Scott massaged her gently. "I'll help you."

"I know you will," Jean said. "It just feels like with all the stuff going on…I'm starting to crack up Scott. I don't know how much more I can take!"

"Maybe you need a break from it all?" Scott asked. "You know a vacation?"

"Scott I can't just up and leave…" Jean began.

Just then a black and gold object ran by the room. It had a familiar shape and it seemed to be making strange noises. "BADABP BADAP! GRREEE! GRREE!"

"Was that our toaster?" Scott asked.

"On the other hand…" Jean's mouth hung open. "Maybe getting away isn't such a bad idea."

Logan ran by with a few X-Men behind him. "Where did it go?" He growled. "Scott! Jean! You see the toaster?"

"It's black and gold and it sounds like R2D2 with a hernia," Betsy told them.

"That way," Jean pointed. "You were right Scott it was the toaster."

"How…?" Scott began.

"Forge mutated it," Logan said before running off after it with the mini mob.

"Mutant toasters…" Scott blinked. "Now I have seen **everything."**

"Oh well," Jean threw up her hands. "Sanity's overrated anyway."

"AAAAHHHH!" Stevie was heard shouting. "What is that?"

"BADAP! GREEE! GREEE! GREEEEEEEEEE!"

"SOMEBODY BLOW THAT DAMN THING UP BEFORE IT DOES SOMETHING!" Logan was heard shouting.

BOOM!

"SUNSPOT YOU MISSED!" Logan roared. "NOW THE FRIGGIN COUCH IS ON FIRE!"

"What's left of the couch," Bobby was heard saying.

"Don't blame me! That thing is faster than it looks!" Roberto protested.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Jean got up and with Scott they ran after the others.

"Okay where did it go?" Logan looked around the ruined living room. "It was here a second ago!"

"Can't you get a scent?" Roberto asked.

"No, it's too faint and smells like every other damn appliance in the house," Logan snapped. "Spread out! It's gotta be here somewhere!"

"Okay to recap for those of us just coming in," Scott rubbed his forehead. "Forge made a mutant toaster and you're trying to kill it **why?"**

"Because when it eats anything metal it gets bigger," Sam explained. "And I don't wanna think about what it will do when it's full."

"Okay, now I'm all caught up," Scott sighed. "X-23 take a small group and search upstairs. Jean alert the Professor of the situation and try to put the Institute on Lockdown. The rest of us will search down here…"

He grabbed Forge by the collar. "Except for you Forge because you will be repeatedly hit on the head with a newspaper by Magma."

"Wait a minute," Tabitha said. "I thought it was my turn to beat him up?"

"We'll do it together," Amara said.

"Fair enough," Tabitha grabbed a newspaper.

"Uh wouldn't it make more sense if I came up with a solution instead of getting hit?" Forge gulped.

"Maybe but on the other hand you could also make things worse and we're not taking any chances," Tabitha said. Then she whacked him on the head. "BAD INVENTOR!"

Amara grabbed another newspaper and hit him on the head. "REALLY BAD INVENTOR!"

Soon the other X-Men were searching the mansion. "I can't believe we have to clean up another one of Forge's stupid…" Rahne muttered to herself as she looked around. Suddenly she saw something. "DOUG!"

"Hey Rahne," Doug was holding the strange machine in his arms. "Look what I found. I wonder what it is."

"I don't know but it used to be our toaster," Rahne said. "Doug be careful!"

"Don't worry it seems to be harmless," Doug said. "In fact I think I can make out something…"

"Doug just hold it right there," Rahne told him. "I FOUND IT!"

"Great!" Ray ran in. "Now let me zap the thing!"

"No way! You're scaring it!" Doug protested as he held the strange machine. It was making strange noises.

"**We're** scaring **it?**" Ray asked.

Several X-Men ran to the room. "You found it!" Scott said.

"Yeah but Cypher won't let me blast it!" Ray said.

"Guys I think I can make out what it's saying to me," Doug said. The toaster was making some strange sounds.

"The toaster is **talking?**" Jean asked.

"What's it saying?" Kitty quipped. "I make toast, therefore I am?"

"You've been hitting those Red Dwarf DVD's pretty hard haven't you?" Rogue looked at her.

"Actually they're pretty funny," Kitty said.

"Well **this** isn't!" Jean snapped.

"It doesn't mean us any harm," Doug said. "It's hungry. It needs to eat in order to survive."

"Yeah that's what we're worried about Doug," Scott said. "Doug! What are you doing?"

"Giving it something to eat," Doug unplugged his Game Cube from the wall. "I was gonna trade this in anyway."

"Doug wait!" Scott warned. Too late. The toaster absorbed the Game Cube by touching it. Then it turned into a mass of machine that began to stretch and bend. Eventually it started to take a human shape.

"Don't blast it!" Doug stood in their way. "It doesn't want to hurt us!"

"How do you know that?" Logan snapped.

"Because it said so!" Doug said.

"Oh yeah that makes **all **the difference!" Logan rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows toasters don't lie!"

It stopped forming. It was black and gold in a humanoid shape, sort of. It looked like an escapee from a modern art sculpture exhibit with the left eye larger and wider than the right. One arm longer than the other, one leg ended in a foot and the other ended in a wheel. It had strange wild fibers growing out from his elongated head that resembled a wild mass of hair.

"It looks like a black and gold robot version of Lyle Lovett," Sam remarked.

"Greetings…Greetings…" The strange alien blinked. "Self is 675001 to 333 you. Self is 2387796 10001 12000…585857—ZZZZARRK—7!"

"Uh his language system is part binary part advanced calculus," Doug explained. "Roughly translated I think his name is Warlock…"

"Warlock! Warlock!" The alien said happily. "Affirmative! 2-5-4—2-5-4!"

"It appears that it has a rudimentary language translation system of some sort," Doug said. "Guys I think he's an alien!"

"What was your **first **clue?" Logan asked. "Charles is going to **love** this!"

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Meanwhile in a mall about two towns away…

"I'm glad you let me come with you Storm," Betsy said as she carried her shopping bag. "I needed to pick up a few supplies." She was wearing a breezy purple dress with a gold necklace.

"You mean the latest American Idol CD and two new pairs of sandals?" Ororo gave her a look. She was wearing a brown and orange dress with a headscarf.

"Woman does not live on bread alone," Betsy told her.

"Well I did need your help on getting some supplies for Madelyne," Ororo indicated her bags. "I've gotten her some underwear, trainer bras, a pair of jeans that should fit her."

"I wasn't crazy about the tops in the store but there's this one place that…" Betsy began to say something but the sight before her made her stop in her tracks.

"Betsy?" Ororo asked. Then she saw it too.

There was a growing crowd of people in the middle of the mall's food court surrounding a stage. A stage filled with FOH slogans and propaganda. A woman was speaking. "We have to take measures now to protect our children from these dangerous monsters!" She shouted. "We don't have to live our lives in fear! In unity there is strength!"

A rousing cheer went up. Ororo noticed several young people lining up to a booth. There was a sign on it saying FOH JUNIOR MEMBERSHIP: SIGN UP TODAY. And quite a few were. "Goddess…" Ororo was shocked. She then realized they could be recognized.

"Don't worry Storm," Betsy whispered. "I'm already on it. I just put up a telepathic projection so no one will recognize us."

"Is this…this travesty even **legal?"** Ororo's voice was hard.

"I don't know and I don't want to stick around to find out," Betsy told her. "I tell you one thing I'm not shopping here anymore."

"We'd better get back to the mansion and make sure all other shopping trips are cancelled," Ororo agreed as the two woman beat a hasty retreat.

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"Fascinating," Hank looked at a sample of Warlock's DNA under a microscope in his lab. "This life form is techno-organic."

"Techno-what?" Logan asked. The X-Men were in the lab as well watching. There was quite a crowd to welcome the new arrival.

"It has similar qualities to both machines and organic life," Hank explained. "However like single cell organisms it absorbs it's nutrients by osmosis and…"

"Query Friend Beast, is Friend Beast done with Self's part?" Warlock asked. Just then the small sample moved.

"Uh, yes…" Hank blinked. He raised an eyebrow in surprise as Warlock assimilated the sample into his finger. "Fascinating."

"So, Warlock where do you come from?" Xavier asked.

"Warlock part of Technarchy," Warlock explained. "Or at least Self was until Self was forced to flee."

"Why?" Doug asked.

"Warlock was attacked by his people because Self would not fight," Warlock told them. "Technarchy lives to fight. Warlock does not like to fight. Technarchy blew Self up. Self barely survived by hiding what was left of Self on floating space rock."

"And the asteroid fell to earth where Forge found him," Hank finished.

"Self cannot go back home," Warlock looked sad. "Self would be destroyed. Self has nowhere to go."

"Can we keep him Professor? Please?" Doug asked. "He and I can be room mates!"

"Yeah he's neat!" Madelyne said. "And I won't be the only new person here!"

"You gotta be kidding me?" Logan groaned. "Charles…"

"I can't see the harm in it," Xavier said. "I can sense his thoughts to a degree and Warlock means us no ill will."

"That's what you said about Forge and look what happened!" Logan snapped.

"Looks like you can stay Warlock," Doug said.

"Joy!" Warlock threw his arms around Doug. "Self happy! Happy!"

"I'm glad **somebody's** happy," Logan grumbled.

"You were right Ray," Roberto said. "This place does get weirder and weirder!"

"So in two days Jean's clone and a runaway alien move in," Ray said. "Who else is going to show up? Apocalypse?"

"Don't say that," Scott groaned. "Because with our luck it might happen!"

"It has happened in one dimension," Jean reminded him.

"Well not in **this **one!" Scott snapped. "I hope…"

**Hello all! I'm back from vacation! Hope you had fun like I did! Next: Everyone adjusts to the new residents. And then they have to adjust to the Misfits. Oh boy…**


	19. Just Adjusting

**Just Adjusting**

"Well Madelyne I have your test results," Hank looked at some papers in Xavier's office. Jean and Xavier were there as well. "Omitting yesterday's unorthodox arrival of our newest resident which interrupted the procedure they show you did quite well. Even though your body is that of a pubescent your mind is much more advanced."

"How advanced?" Jean asked.

"According to these test results her knowledge of mathematics, science, history and English grammar and reading comprehension are that of a tenth grade student," Hank told her. "I realize that's normally not saying much but if you were placed in a regular school Madelyne you would easily be in the top four percent of your class. Actually you could even be in the top four percent of **this **school."

"I have also learned through my telepathic screening that Madelyne is capable of speaking other languages," Xavier added. "French, Spanish and some Japanese."

"I could have told you that," Madelyne gave him a strange look. "I can speak French, Spanish and Japanese." She then spoke in perfect French _"All you had to do was ask and I would have said something."_ **(Obviously translated from French because I can't speak French myself. In high school my French teacher only knew Spanish but no other teachers were available and she kept mispronoucing the words and...Okay long story...Just pretend Madelyne spoke French okay?) **

"Impressive," Hank raised an eyebrow. "Very impressive."

"How is that even **possible?"** Jean asked.

"There is a process that can transmit information through subliminal messages that researchers have been working on," Hank thought. "My guess is that our friend Sinister has not only accomplished this feat but perfected it."

"I guess Sinister doesn't like stupid clones," Madelyne grumbled as she absently played with her hair. Her red hair had been cut shorter, slightly above her shoulders. She was wearing a green shirt and some jeans with sneakers.

"Look at it this way," Hank told her. "You have at least skipped several grades and could probably achieve your high school diploma in less than two years."

"But what's the rush?" Jean asked. "I mean academically you're saying she's fine but…"

"But what?" Madelyne asked. "What's wrong with me?"

"It's your social skills and development we are concerned about," Xavier explained. "Like any parent would be. You are in a unique situation. Like X23 you were robbed of a normal childhood. We want to help you to have a chance at a normal life."

"As normal as it can get being a mutant I guess," Madelyne shrugged. "So what now?"

"You can sit in with the New Mutants and take some classes but I fear you might be bored," Hank shrugged. "Even some of the X-Men high school graduation prep classes might not be a challenge for you."

"She's **that** far ahead?" Jean was shocked.

"Intellectually yes. It's socially which is the gray area, no pun intended," Hank told her.

"I think it might be best that Madelyne be tutored and have separate lesson plans from most of the other students for now," Xavier said. "And her focus should not be on academics but her mutant abilities."

"Okay…So can I go now?" Madelyne asked. "I'd like to get some new clothes. Maybe go shopping?"

"Ah a definite sign that you are truly becoming a teenager," Hank chuckled. "I also take it that is the reason for your new hairstyle?"

"Well I asked Jean to cut it for me," She shrugged. "I just wanted to stand out a little."

"It looks very becoming on you," Hank said.

"Thanks, so can I go now?" Madelyne asked.

"Uh, Madelyne maybe going shopping right now isn't the best idea?" Jean said diplomatically. "We have a lot of clothes around the mansion."

"Kitty alone has enough to fill up several department stores," Xavier said wryly.

"Why can't I have my own clothes?" Madelyne asked. "I mean Storm went to the store and bought me my own underwear and a pair of jeans? You can't seriously believe there's a cash flow problem around here!"

"No it's just…" Xavier paused.

"Fine! It's no big deal!" Madelyne blew out some air. "I mean I have hand me down DNA. Why not hand me down clothes?"

"That's **not** the reason!" Jean said. "We have to tell her."

"Jean…" Xavier began.

"She has a right to know," Jean looked at him defiantly.

"Know what?" Madelyne asked.

"There have been some…incidents lately," Hank sighed, realizing that Jean's policy of honesty might be the best choice. "And not just in Bayville."

"Do you know who the FOH are?" Jean asked.

"No," Madelyne shook her head.

"They're called the Friends of Humanity," Jean told her. "They are a very popular anti-mutant group."

"The great irony is that their founder is the son of two mutants," Hank scoffed. "Two criminal mutants. Which explains his unstable mind. And why he's now in a mental health facility."

"Beast," Jean gave him a look. She continued. "You know how Ororo and Betsy went shopping yesterday to pick up a few things a few towns over? They were going to get you more clothes but…"

"But?" The girl asked a little afraid of the answer.

"There were some demonstrations going on," Jean sighed. "Anti-mutant ones. Lately the FOH have been holding recruitment drives in the malls around America. Fortunately Betsy was able to use her telepathy to hide their appearance so they wouldn't be recognized."

"But they decided better safe than sorry," Hank filled her in. "They came home as soon as they could. It was just sheer luck they got away without attracting a crowd or lawsuits. Which is extremely rare for us on any given day!"

"Oh…" Madelyne felt a little foolish. "I didn't know. I thought that…Well never mind."

"You thought we might consider you to be not worthy of a new wardrobe?" Hank raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," She admitted. "Look I know you say this isn't a big deal and all but this clone thing still kind of bothers me."

"That's quite understandable, my dear," Xavier nodded. "But no one here considers you less than human."

"We already get enough of that from the **rest** of the world," Jean said bitterly. "I mean how could they get away with that? Most malls won't even allow the Salvation Army or the Girl Scouts to set up booths in them nowadays for legal reasons. But it's okay to hold a anti-mutant rally inside of them?"

"I fear the world is neither a safe nor tolerant place for mutants," Hank sighed. "So you can see Madelyne why we must take some precautionary measures for now."

"So until we can find a mall that doesn't hold Nazi rallies we're just going to have to make do," Jean sighed. "It's not that bad. A lot of clothes we have here are practically new and we can alter them to fit you. And there's always online shopping."

"I guess so," Madelyne sighed.

BOOOM!

"Of course it's not exactly a safe place **inside** the Institute walls either," Hank groaned as some plaster fell from the ceiling. "Please tell me we are under attack."

"I'm afraid not," Xavier sighed. "It's our **other** new guest that's having a bit of trouble adjusting."

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The Friends of Humanity Office Headquarters in New York gleamed in the sunlight. For years the building had belonged to Extensive Enterprises and was one of the Buisness World's most prominent offices. At one time Extensive Enterprises rivaled Donald Trump in buying real estate. Their commercials were always on television with the catch phrase 'Morgage the Future for the Present' which many a late night commedian made fun of. Everyone knew and respected the buisness powerhouse. Until it was discovered that the terrorist group Cobra was secretly running Extensive Enterprises and they were forced to shut down.

This past history of the building seemed more than ironic to the opponents of the new inhabitants of the building.

Today the many supporters and office workers seemed to have a special zeal in their work, not because of some mutant attack or atrocity, but for a very different reason. Their leader and founder was finally returning after a long...vacation. Some of the FOH thought he had been gone far too long, while others though he hadn't been gone long enough.

But there was no mistaking it. He was back.

Graydon Creed strode into the office of the headquarters of the Friends of Humanity. "Thank you. Thank you! It's good to be back," He grinned getting polite yet enhusiastic applause from the many people working there.

He walked to where his personal office was and opened the door. But to his shock the room had changed. "What is this? That's not my chair or my desk! What happened to my office?"

"I'm afraid it's not your office anymore sir," Duncan Matthews walked behind him with a burly man in a brown suit, a bald head and a groomed red beard walked in. "There's been a few changes since you…Went away."

"I'll handle this Matthews," The man raised his hand. "I'm Harrison Foley. The new President and leader of the FOH."

"President? Leader?" Creed asked. "Where's Jack? He was supposed to be running things. And Mr. Stapleton? And…"

"They were all transferred Mr. Creed," Duncan tried to explain. "To other cities."

"There's been quite a few changes since you left Creed," Foley told him. "A lot of them for the better."

"Well you can fill me in on them," Creed said. "Now that I have come to resume my duties…"

"Your duties have changed," Foley explained. "Let's just say you will have a lot more time for personal appearances and speeches from now on."

"Just what are you saying?" Creed asked.

"Creed after that fiasco at Daniel's trial this organization was nearly ruined!" Foley explained. "It took us a long time to get back to where we were and we can't make any more mistakes."

"Meaning what?" Creed said angrily.

"Meaning we can't have a lunatic with a polluted bloodline running the FOH!" Foley snapped. "It's bad for our image!"

"But that's not his fault!" Duncan stood up for Creed.

"No one said it was," Foley told him. "But while you were drooling in a straightjacket this past year and a half we've been rebuilding and restructuring the FOH. Particularly it's leadership which you can't be trusted with anymore."

"Are you serious?" Creed snarled in anger. "I **founded **this organization! I created it from the ground up when most people didn't have a clue what a mutant **was!"**

"And that is the **only** reason we are allowing you back into the organization," Foley said. "Basically to put it in simple terms you are going to be a figurehead. Your job is to make speeches, go on talk shows and rally the troops."

"But I have no real power," Creed put it together.

"Like the Queen of England," Foley told him handing him some papers. "Don't bother getting the lawyers in on this. As you can see from these papers it's all perfectly legal. Here's your itinerary for the next month on the bottom. You'll be traveling from state to state for the cause. If I were you, I'd get my speechwriters working."

"How dare you?" Creed got close to Foley's face. "You think you can just waltz in here and take over like…"

"I already have!" Foley said sternly. "You have a choice Creed. You can either play ball or go back to your padded cell. Which is it?"

Creed glared at him, then nodded in agreement. "Smart choice," Foley said. "Don't worry Creed. We'll continue where you left off. But this time we'll actually succeed. Now please leave my office."

Creed did so with Duncan following him. They went into the hallway. "Mr. Creed I'm sorry! I really am!" Duncan apologized. "I mean I tried to do something but they had all these lawyers. And then I've got my own career to think about. I mean they say I've got a good chance of…"

"SHUT UP!" Creed turned on him, rage in his face. Then he calmed down. "No, it's not your fault Duncan. You did what you had to do. But if Foley thinks I'm just going to let him waltz in and take what I created, he can think again!"

"But what can you do sir?" Duncan asked.

"Despite what Foley thinks I didn't spend **all **my time drooling in a padded cell," Creed said in an icy voice. "I've planning, plotting, making contacts to rid the world of mutants once and for all!"

"How?" Duncan asked.

"All in good time," Creed smiled a sinister grin. "You see mutants are a disease. And I know someone who finally may have the cure. And when the world sees what I've done they'll be begging me to not only lead the FOH, but the country as well!"

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"WHOHOOO!" Warlock was literally bouncing from the ceiling to the floor in the hallways.

"What's going on here?" Jean asked Scott who was standing with Jubilee, Bobby, Doug and Paige.

"Tell them," Scott glared at the others.

"We had no idea he would react this way," Jubilee confessed. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"**What **seemed like a good idea at the time?" Hank asked.

"Well we thought we'd introduce Warlock to some human food," Paige said.

"He was doing fine until he got into the coffee," Doug admitted.

"COFFEE?" Jean yelled. "YOU GAVE COFFEE TO AN ALIEN?"

"Well it wasn't BA's coffee," Jubilee said. "Just regular stuff."

"Selffeelsgood!" Warlock said quickly as if he was doing a Quicksilver imitation. "Reallygood! Reallyreallyreallyreallyreallygood! Has Self mentioned that it was **good? Because it is! It is! It is! It is!" **

"You couldn't have introduced him to **decaf?**" Scott moaned.

"It's good! It's good! Good! Good!" Warlock squealed. "Goodie good good goodie good!"

"It **was **decaf," Bobby told him.

"Zelda! Zelda! Zelda!" Warlock started bouncing around. "Harvest Moon! Tales of Symphonia! Mario! Mario!"

"Now what is he babbling about?" Scott asked.

"Find the gold mushroom! Save Princess Peach! Save Princess Zelda!" Warlock sputtered. "Pokemon! Gotta catch 'em all! Gotta catch 'em all! Watch out for the Goombas! Koops! Koops! Lloyd Irving! Lloyd Irving!"

"Uh remember how I fed him a Game Cube?" Doug asked. "I must have left a memory stick in it and it had a few games on it."

"This year's best cow is the Avalon cow!" Warlock kept bouncing around. "I made squid sashimi! Yum! Yum! To excecute a unison attack, the unison attack gauge must be full! Use the Power Bounce! The Quake Hammer! Espeon I choose **you!"**

"How **many **games?" Bobby asked.

"Go Goombella! We need more badges!" Warlock was getting even more hyper. "More badges! Try some of Zess T's home cooking! Compound special attack pow blade! Use the force Luke! Vroom! Vroom!"

"About fifteen," Doug gulped.

"VRRRRRR!" Warlock started to bounce around even more, actually making a few holes in the walls. "VRROOOOOM!" With a huge leap he crashed through the ceiling. "HELLO FRIEND LOGAN!"

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Logan roared from above. "CAN'T A GUY TAKE A SHOWER IN PEACE?"

"Oh dear…" Xavier sighed as water trickled down from above. "There goes the repairs budget."

"Having a alien live here is going to be more of a challenge than I thought," Hank said.

"You think?" Scott gave him a look. "And I thought our students were already weird!"

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The next day proved to be equally chaotic. And it all started with something as simple as trying to teach Warlock a little something about Earth culture.

"Query," Warlock blinked as he looked at a teen magazine. "What is the importance of pictures showing girls with different clothes on?"

"It's nothing compared to the ones with girls **without** clothes on," Ray snickered. Rahne hit him. "OW!"

"Ignore him," Rogue told the alien. "We all do."

"To answer your question girls like to look good," Betsy explained. "Especially in things that are pretty and comfortable."

"Pretty and comfortable is good?" Warlock blinked.

"Very good," Betsy said. "I mean you can't just walk about naked now can you?"

"Naked?" Warlock looked down at himself. "Warlock is naked!"

"Uh in your case it's okay," Doug told him. "I mean you don't have any…parts."

"Parts?" Warlock blinked. "But Warlock does have parts! Lots of parts!"

"No that's not what I meant…" Doug said. "Help me out guys."

"Sorry luv, you're on your own for this one!" Betsy said as she, Rogue and Rahne left the room.

"I swear this place gets loonier every day," Rahne said. "Then again Muir Island wasn't exactly that normal either. Remind me to tell you about the time we once had a real dog made completely out of ice cream."

"Sounds like one of Blob's stories," Rogue rolled her eyes. "Please tell me it didn' t get eaten."

"No, it just melted from staying in the sun too long," Rahne told her. "I knew it was a mistake to take it to the beach to play frisbee with it!"

"Definitely loonier ever day," Betsy groaned.

Jean walked by them in the hallway. "Hey Jean," Betsy waved. "How's it going with Madelyne?"

"Not too bad," Jean said. "Kitty and Jubilee are trying to pick out some outfits for her from their wardrobe."

"Nice choice. Those two have more clothes than a lot of department stores," Rahne rolled her eyes.

"Yeah but is it really a good idea to leave her alone with 'em?" Rogue asked.

"Well the Professor said it was important for Madelyne to establish her own identity as much as possible," Jean said.

"And you think having Kitty and Jubilee try to turn her into one of their fashion dolls will make her an individual?" Rogue gave her a look.

"It's worth a shot," Jean shrugged.

"Where is she?" Kitty shouted as she and Jubilee ran through the halls. "When I get my hands on her…"

"Where's who?" Betsy asked.

"Madelyne," Jubilee gulped. "We kind of…lost her."

"What do you mean you **lost **her?" Jean shouted.

"We just turned our backs for like a second and she took off!" Kitty explained.

"Gee I wonder **why?**" Rogue gave her a look.

"I guess we'd better go look for her," Rahne sighed.

"Yeah let's try our room," Betsy gave Rogue a look.

"She wouldn't be in there," Kitty said.

"Exactly," Betsy said as she and Rogue left them.

"Let the poor girl hide a bit," Rogue said. "She could use a break after dealing with the fashion club."

They opened the door to their room and found a surprise. Madelyne was rummaging through Rogue's closet. "Well what do you know? Kitty was wrong. Again," Betsy quipped.

"Hey!" Rogue walked in. "Get out of there! What do you think you're doing?"

"I just wanted to check out your closet," Madelyne said holding up one of Rogue's shirts. "You have such cool outfits."

"You actually **like** my clothes?" Rogue asked.

"Yeah they're really neat," Madelyne said.

"Really?" Rogue raised an eyebrow.

"Rogue?" Betsy looked at her. "I know what you're thinking…"

"Yeah?" Rogue looked at her.

"And I think it's a **ripping** good idea," Betsy grinned.

"What's a good idea?" Madelyne asked.

"Well, since you like my clothes so much…" Rogue grinned. "How about we give you a few fashion pointers?"

Twenty five minutes later…

"Well she's not in the Danger Room or the kitchen," Tabitha told Jean. Some of the girls had formed a search party and had come together in Jean's room to discuss their next plan of attack.

"Jean can't you find her using telepathy?" Jubilee asked.

"Normally I would but Madelyne's still nervous about it," Jean said. "I don't want to push it with her just yet. Besides I can sense she's somewhere in the Institute so she can't be in any real danger."

"I could have found her by now if somebody hadn't clogged up my nose with her bloody perfume!" Rahne glared at Kitty.

"I said I was sorry for squirting you! It was an accident!" Kitty said. "It's Tiffany Weapons' latest: Train Wreck. It was inspired by her husband."

"By any chance did you squirt Madelyne with it as well?" Jean asked folding her arms.

"How did you know?" Jubilee asked.

"Now we know **why** she ran off," Tabitha waved the air at her nose. "And knowing is…"

"Tabitha!" Jean interrupted.

"Hey Jean! Look at me!"

Jean and the other girls turned around. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Kitty screamed at what she saw.

"OH MY GOD NO!" Jean screamed in terror. "IT'S MY FOURTH WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE!"

There was Madelyne dressed in the same exact green outfit as Rouge. She even had a white streak dyed in her hair. "Isn't this the coolest?" She said excitedly.

"Now **this** is a makeover," Betsy said proudly. Rogue stood next to her looking very satisfied.

**"ROGUE!"** Jean yelled in her loudest voice. Her eyes changed color to bright gold and seemed to emit tiny flames of fire.

"Well you said she shouldn't dress like you," Rogue couldn't resist pointing it out.

"Mission accomplished," Tabitha quipped.

"She even helped me with this," Madelyne indicated the streak. "It's Halloween spray. It washes right out but can I get a streak that's permanent? Maybe even a purple one? So my hair looks like Betsy's?"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY!" Jean roared.

Neither Rogue nor Betsy could stop laughing. But both knew it was probably not a good idea to stay in the room. "Well that's our fashion tip for the day!" Rogue waved.

"Toodles!" Betsy giggled as they ran from the room.

"ROGUE!" Jean shouted as she leaned out the doorway. "THAT'S **NOT** FUNNY ROGUE! IF YOU EVER GET A CLONE THE FIRST THING I AM GOING TO DO IS BRING HER TO THE **GAP!** YOU HEAR ME? NO! MAKE THAT TOMMY HILLFINGER!"

"Query," Warlock walked up to her wearing a pink dress. "Does this garment make Self appear to have more mass than Self should have?"

"THAT'S **MY** DRESS!" Kitty yelled. "WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?"

"Friend Rogue suggested that Self try some outfits while they were helping Friend Madelyne," Warlock told her.

"**PINK** ROGUE!" Kitty screamed. "**THAT'S** WHAT YOUR CLONE IS GONNA WEAR! LITTLE PINK DRESSES AND PINK RIBBONS IN HER HAIR AND PINK SOCKS AND **ANYTHING ELSE** PINK AND FROOFY I CAN FIND!"

"Friend Rogue is getting a clone as well?" Warlock blinked.

"She's going to get **a body cast** if she keeps it up!" Kitty shouted.

"Hell-oooo everyone!" Pietro suddenly zipped up to them. "Kitty you look so thin in that dress! And your boobs are bigger! Oh wait, you're not Kitty. You must be the alien."

"DIE QUICKSILVER!" Kitty screamed as she charged at Pietro. "YOU'RE JUST AS CRAZY AS YOUR SISTER!"

"**Which** sister?" Pietro quipped as he zoomed away.

"AAAHHHH!" Kitty screamed as she ran after him.

"I take it things aren't going well?" Althea asked as she walked up with Trinity. She looked at Madelyne. "That's an interesting look for you."

"Well she's not keeping it!" Jean said.

"Why not?" Madelyne challenged. "You said I could look however I wanted!"

"She's got you there," Quinn pointed out.

"You're so headstrong and stubborn," Jean groaned at her clone.

"Yeah she's **nothing **like you," Althea remarked.

"Very funny," Jean glared at her.

"Hey it could be worse," Althea pointed at her sisters. "You could have **three** of 'em!"

"Oh boy…" Jean blinked as she looked at the identical triplets from Hell. "You do have a point there."

"Hey!" Quinn pouted.

"Well technically we are clones of each other," Daria pointed out.

"Which one of us was the original?" Brittany asked.

"I was," Daria said.

"No you're not!" Quinn snapped.

"Well how would you know?" Daria glared at her.

"How do you know **you **are?" Brittany challenged.

"Because I came out first!" Daria said. "I'm the oldest!"

"By two minutes!" Quinn yelled. "Four minutes for Brittany but still…"

"Look it's a well known fact that out of identicals the one that comes out first is the original so **there**," Daria said haughtily.

"That is such a lie!" Brittany said.

"Yeah!" Quinn said. "Liar!"

"It's the last one that's the original!" Brittany said smugly.

"It is not!" Quinn yelled.

"Well we know for sure it's not **you!"** Daria said to Quinn.

"You got that right," Brittany said.

"WHAT?" Quinn yelled.

"Middle kid never wins," Brittany shook her head.

"Wanna bet?" Quinn made a fist.

"Yeah!" Both Daria and Brittany shouted.

"DIE!" Quinn leapt at them. Soon all three girls were fighting ninja style in the middle of the hallway screaming bloody murder at each other.

"Don't you feel better?" Althea asked Jean as they watched the fight.

"A **lot** better," Jean admitted. "Yikes!" She barely dodged a pair of throwing stars that imbedded themselves into the wall.

"HEY! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU GIRLS NO SHURIKEN IN THE HOUSE?" Althea yelled. "DON'T MAKE ME GET OUT THE HOSE ON YOU AGAIN!"

"Hey Jean can I have…" Madelyne began.

"NO MADEYLNE YOU CANNOT HAVE YOUR OWN NINJA WEAPONS!" Jean yelled.

"You're no fun you know that?" She looked at Jean and stuck out her tongue.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"I see the Misfits have arrived," Hank heard the commotion upstairs. He and Logan were sitting in the kitchen looking at some plans.

"And a hello from a GI Joe," Roadblock walked in with Todd and Fred. "We thought we'd pop in and see how things are going on."

"Let me see, explosions, holes in the walls, fighting, screaming to wake the dead…" Logan counted on his fingers. "The same as usual. Storm and Angel are getting some provisions out of town. Hunter's down in the Infirmary reorganizing the shelves. And if she's smart she'll stay there the rest of the day. The Professor's off to see his lawyers about making some kind of custody arrangements for both Little Red and the alien."

"Semi-legal documentation huh?" Roadblock asked.

"You could say that," Logan said. "We're calling Warlock an exchange student and trying to pass off Madelyne as Jean's sister. You know, just in case the local cops start sniffing around."

"We're also making plans to expand the Institute and make more room to house more students," Hank told them.

"You mean there are gonna be more X-Men here? Great that's just what we need!" Todd groaned. "Now we need to get more Misfits!"

"And we're all looking forward to **that,**" Logan grunted. "So what's going on with you guys?"

"Guess what?" Fred said excitedly. "We're all going to take our final exams this year too! So all the Misfits can all graduate! Well not Spyder and Trinity and not the babies but you get the idea."

"All of you?" Hank blinked. "Even Toad?"

"Even me," Todd grinned.

The X-Men looked at Roadblock. "Well," Roadblock explained. "Most of them are near graduation anyway. And Toad…Well we figure it's about as close as he's ever going to get."

"Yeah I'll buy that," Logan sipped his coffee.

"We're working really hard," Todd said. "Because after that Al and Xi and me are going to really work on our ninja skills and take the ninja test!"

"Ninja test?" Logan's eyes narrowed. "You mean the three of you are going to be inducted into the Arashikage clan?"

"That's right," Todd nodded.

"Kid do you have any idea how big a **commitment **that is?" Logan shouted. "Okay the Mermaid was trained from birth and Xi I can see, but you? And you're **allowing **this Roadblock?"

"We think it's for the best," Roadblock said. "He's really been working hard for this test."

"I know this is for life and I will be expected to serve my clan whenever I'm called upon to do so," Todd said proudly. "I'm not an idiot."

"That's debatable," Logan grunted. "Blob are any other of you Misfit maniacs doing this as well?"

"No just Toad, Al and Xi," Fred shook his head. "But we'll be honorary members so…"

"**Honorary** members?" Logan was shocked. "Kid even honorary members of a ninja clan have huge obligations."

"We've all discussed this and the kids are fully committed," Roadblock told him.

"Well you're the one who should be **committed **if you think…" Logan began when an explosion interrupted him. "**Now** what the hell are they doing?"

"Who?" Fred asked.

"The people voted off American Idol, Blob," Logan gave him a look. "THE KIDS UPSTAIRS!"

"Sounds like they're fighting to me," Fred scratched his head. "You couldn't tell that?"

"I can't win..." Logan moaned. "I just can't win..."

"Oh I can't wait to see this," Roadblock groaned as they ran upstairs. They saw Trinity having a brawl throwing ninja weapons around and emitting purple psychic lightning from their bodies. Jean and Madelyne were shouting at each other. Madelyne was dressed like Rogue and having a hissy fit. Several Misfits and X-Men were calmly watching the fight and some were placing bets.

"What is going on?" Logan roared.

"My sisters are fighting among themselves," Althea explained. "Wanna place a bet to see who wins?"

"I've got five on Quinn!" Ray shouted. "Which one is she again?"

"And no one thought of **stopping** this?" Logan roared.

"Well Scott tried," Amara pointed. Scott was lying down on the floor in shock. Lina was tending to him.

"He's going to be okay," Lina said. "He just got a little psychic lightning shock. This happens a lot at our house."

"That's why nobody tries to stop them when they fight," Roadblock explained. "Just stay out of the way and it will be all right."

"Well what about you Jean?" Logan asked.

"She's kind of busy right now with her own fight," Pietro snickered.

"I thought I was supposed to dress the way I want!" Madelyne yelled.

"Not if you want to be a Rogue clone!" Jean yelled.

"Is this some kind of ritual?" Warlock looked at the brawl. "May Self participate?"

"Why is the alien wearing a **dress?"** Logan asked.

"Warlock likes dresses! Pretty! Pretty! Pretty! Pretty!" Warlock chirped. "Self feels pretty! Oh so pretty!"

"For crying out loud he didn't get into the decaf again did he?" Logan groaned.

"Decaf?" Roadblock gave him a look.

"Apparently Warlock's system when it comes to caffeine runs the opposite gambit of ours," Hank explained. "Caffeine in coffee makes him calm. No caffeine winds him up like a proverbial tin soldier."

"You mean like in Futurama where booze makes Bender the Robot sober?" Todd asked.

"Interesting analogy but you are correct," Hank nodded.

"A cross dressing hyperactive alien," Logan groaned. "Just what we need around here!"

"But Althea lets her sisters have weapons!" Madelyne protested.

"I don't let my sisters have anything but the butt whoopings they deserve!" Althea yelled. "Those little maniacs make their own weapons behind my back!"

"Then I'll make my own weapons!" Madelyne said.

"OH NO YOU WON'T!" Jean yelled. "Don't you roll your eyes at me young lady!"

"I DON'T CARE!" Madelyne shouted. Suddenly several objects started to float in the air. "I WANT MY OWN NINJA WEAPONS!"

"Here we go again!" Hank gulped as the objects flew out of control.

"INCOMING!" Logan roared as he ducked for his life. "THIS KID NEEDS **WEAPONS?"**

"AAAAHHHHH!" Madelyne screamed as her telekinesis went out of control again. Several students were pelted with books, vases or whatever else was lying around. One table flew up and whacked Trinity as they were fighting. It splintered apart against their combined psychic powers but it also knocked them out cold. Consequently a small bat Daria was holding flew out of her hand and hit Madelyne also knocking her out cold.

"Are we alive?" Ray moaned as things went back to normal (whatever that was).

"Jean we gotta get these girls into some kind of anger management class," Althea groaned.

"Althea can I borrow one of your extra straightjackets?" Jean moaned. "Just in case?"

"Pretty stars…" Warlock chirped.

"Just when I thought life here couldn't get any more **fun,"** Logan muttered sarcastically.

"We are **definitely** going to have to enlarge the student dorms," Hank sighed. "As soon as we finish making repairs to the **existing** ones first."

**Next: Visiting day! What joy to see family and friends, even if some of them are trying to kill you…**


	20. Visiting Day Becomes a Blast

**Visiting Day Becomes a Blast**

"What if they hate me?" Madelyne asked as Jean brushed her hair. She was wearing a yellow top that had a pink and green flower design in the middle with green pants. She was also wearing a frown on her face as well as new sneakers and yellow socks. "I'm serious. What if they hate me the moment they look at me?"

"They won't hate you," Jean reassured her as she made the final touches. She was wearing a nice green shirt and a pair of tan pants and tan shoes.

"Then why are you freaking out?" The younger girl asked.

"I am **not **freaking out," Jean told her.

"Jean you've been brushing the same piece of hair for over twenty minutes," Madelyne told her. "And if you brush any harder I won't have any scalp left. I may not know much but believe me, even **I **can tell when someone is freaking out."

"Okay maybe I am a bit nervous," Jean stopped brushing. "It's just an unusual situation we're dealing with here. But once they meet you and get to know you it'll be fine."

"As long as they forget I'm a clone," Madelyne sighed.

"You are a person, never forget that," Jean told her.

"Rar! Rar! Rar!" Lockheed flew by the window.

"And there are **weirder** things to worry about in this house," Jean groaned. "Kitty!"

Kitty stuck her head through the door, half phased. "Yeah?"

"I thought I told you to keep that dragon of yours in your room," Jean said. "And could you please come all the way into the room when I'm talking to you?"

"I did put him in my room," Kitty walked into the room. "He got out."

"I can **see** that!" Jean pointed towards the window. Lockheed was flying around in loop-de-loos. "And more importantly so will my family!"

"I don't know what the big deal is," Kitty said as she went towards the window. "I mean your folks know about Lockheed. They've seen him before."

"Sarah has seen him before," Jean pointed out. "I'm sorry Kitty but…"

"They're already gonna be freaked out when they see me," Madelyne told her.

"It will be fine," Jean reassured her. "Look they'll be here any minute. Why don't you go wait in the library with the Professor? I'll get them ready and we'll meet you in there. Okay?"

"Okay…" Madelyne sighed. "Hey Kitty, guess what? I finally picked a code name!"

"Really?" Kitty asked. "That's great. What is it?"

"Goblyn, with a y," Madelyne told her. "I kind of got the idea from Spyder."

"That's a pretty interesting name," Kitty blinked. "But why that one?"

"I dunno, I just liked the sound of it for some reason," Madelyne shrugged. "I just hope that the Greys don't look at me like a real one."

"They won't. Just give them a chance," Jean told her.

"I'll try," Madelyne sighed. "Thanks Jean." She left the room.

"Goblyn," Kitty thought. "Wait a minute. That sounds familiar. Wasn't that the name of the...?"

"Other Madelyne we heard about in that other dimension, yes," Jean nodded. "But I figured since she was already on edge about meeting my parents I decided to let her have it."

"She's really nervous isn't she?" Kitty asked as she now held Lockheed.

"Yeah and she's not the only one," Jean sighed. "Please Kitty I know it's a lot to ask but…"

"I'll keep Lockheed in my room," Kitty nodded. "Don't worry Jean, I totally understand. But you shouldn't worry. I mean look how weird my family is. Or Rogue and Kurt's for that matter."

"Thanks a lot," Jean sighed as she left the room with Kitty. Kitty went off to put Lockheed away. Jean went in the other direction. She came across Hank in the foyer who was wearing a red shirt and jeans. "Hey Beast, how is it going with Warlock?"

"Well other than a few mishaps it's proceeding quite well," Hank sighed.

"Like what?" Scott asked as he walked up with Rogue.

"What are you two doing here?" Jean asked. "I thought you'd be in Danger Room practice with the others."

"We thought we'd give you a little moral support if you need any," Scott explained their presence. "So what kind of mishaps are we talking about?"

Hank hesitated. "Well...uh..."

Jamie ran by with two clones. "Nothing yet!" Jamie said. "We think he might be in the pool house!"

"Who might be in the pool house?" Jean asked.

"Warlock," Jamie said. "He's missing."

"He is not missing," Hank told them. "Well not technically. He's off with some of the other New Mutants fooling around somewhere."

"Tabitha said she was gonna teach him how to drive," Jamie told them as he reabsorbed his clones.

"Oh god that's **all **we need!" Rogue rolled her eyes. "She's almost as dangerous as Kitty is behind the wheel!"

"That's **definitely** a mishap," Jean groaned.

"How could you let them do that?" Scott yelled at Hank.

"For your information I did not **let **them do **anything,**" Hank snorted.

"He's right," Rogue said. "Ever since Warlock showed up the New Mutants have been trying to teach him about Earth. Like he's their science project or something."

"All they've done with him is watch television, movies and play video games," Hank snorted. "Hardly a well rounded education."

"You keep saying that like it's a bad thing," Todd snickered as he hopped up to them with most of the Misfits. (Minus Trinity, Spyder, the babies and Larry of course.)

"And here comes **another** mishap!" Rogue groaned.

"What are **you **people doing here?" Jean glared at them. "Did you have to come **today?** My parents are coming!"

"We know," Pietro grinned as he held up a camera. "That's why we're here! To catch this moment on film!"

"Look this is not a good time for a visit!" Jean emphasized. "This is going to be an awkward situation enough without you here! I mean, introducing my clone to my family. You can't get any more awkward than that."

"Oh yes you can," Fred told her. "I should know. It happened to my Uncle Burt. Imagine having to introduce your pregnant girlfriend to your Mama who invited your pregnant wife without you knowing? And then your **other** pregnant girlfriend shows up at the table with **your** female secretary and they announce they're gonna keep your baby and **they** are gonna get married? And then the cops show up to tell you in front of everybody your business partner who was also your **other **secret lover took off to Rio with your brother's mechanic Juan with all your money? And your brother was the one who **recommended **the mechanic to fix your car which was **never** fixed in the first place! And the cop who showed up to tell you this news not only has a warrant for your arrest but is secretly **dating **your Mama and got **her** pregnant! But it turns out the cop was married and his wife showed up being six months pregnant herself. Now **that** was an awkward Forth of July Picnic!"

"Whoa…" Angelica blinked.

"Unbelievable," Jean's jaw dropped.

"You tellin' me," Fred grumbled. "We spent half the day in the local jail. Fortunately at the time my Aunt Bubbles was dating the local judge so we all kind of had a small picnic and party in the hooscow. Until the judge's wife showed up and then the fireworks **really **began!"

"That really happened dude?" Arcade blinked. "That sounds insane!"

"That's nothing compared to what happened the following New Year's Eve," Fred told him. "Now **that **was a mess!"

"Just when you think your family is weird," Scott gave Jean a look. "You can always count on a Misfit to show you things could be a whole lot worse!"

"Hey I wouldn't be saying that. You guys have more than a few nuts on your family tree too," Todd pointed out.

"Oh god no…" Jean rolled her eyes as she sensed her parents approaching with her psychic abilities. "They're here. Just try to behave yourselves for **once** in your lives!"

SCREEEEE! SCREEEEECH! The screeching of tires startled them.

CRASH!

"For once I don't think **we're** your biggest problem, Jean," Lance told her as they ran outside. "Whoa!"

"Oh no…" Jean groaned. "This is **not **happening!"

In the driveway a Rolls Royce had rear ended with a gray Lexus. The back end of the Lexus was a mess as well as the front end of the Rolls Royce. Jean's parent's and family were out of their car and several New Mutants were climbing out of the Rolls Royce.

"That's the **Professor's **car!" Scott yelled.

"That's my **parents'** car!" Jean yelled at the same time.

"Jean!" Jean's sister Sarah called out.

"Are you okay?" Jean hugged her sister. "Is anyone hurt?"

"No, but no thanks to the maniac behind the wheel!" Dr. Grey pointed.

"Apologies!" Warlock stuck out his long neck from behind the wheel of the car. "Warlock still getting the hang of the brakes!"

"Yeah we kind of figured that," Lance snickered.

"It's not funny Avalanche!" Jean snapped. "My family could have been hurt!"

"But they're not," Althea pointed out. "Jean remember you guys get more injuries in the kitchen. Especially when Kitty cooks."

"Again Apologies…" Warlock literally poured himself through the broken window and reformed. "Again Warlock not used to brakes."

"What in the world?" Mrs. Grey was shocked.

"Uh Mom…" Jean gulped. "This is uh..."

"Let me get this one," Todd piped up. He turned to Jean's parents. "This is Warlock. He used to be the toaster and a game cube. Now he's one of the New Mutants."

"Greetings!" Warlock waved. Dr. and Mrs. Grey stood there in shock with their mouths open.

"Thank you, Toad," Jean said in a tone that indicated she truly didn't appreciate Todd's efforts to help.

Her sarcasm was wasted. "You're welcome," Todd said happily. "Ooh! Is that a fly over there? 'Scuse me!" He hopped after it.

"You remember the Misfits," Jean sighed. "Who will help the New Mutants clean up this **mess!"**

"Why? We didn't make it," Pietro said.

"She's trying to give us the slip so she can have some privacy you idiot!" Wanda whacked him on the head.

"You don't have to hit me!" Pietro grumbled.

"Yes I do!" Wanda hit him again. "In fact I am going to hit you again!" Which she did.

"OW! OW! OW!" Pietro ran off. "WANDA STOP IT! OWW! OW! OW! OW!

"What were you maniacs **thinking** taking the Professor's car?" Scott yelled at Tabitha, Ray, Roberto, Rahne, Tim and Amara.

"Well since your car was already trashed," Tim began.

"WHAT?" Scott yelled. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CAR?"

"We didn't do anything," Tabitha said. "Honest."

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Scott yelled before he ran off to see what happened.

"It wasn't us," Amara yelled.

"So Mr. and Mrs. Grey," Fred said clapping his hands together once. "How was your drive?"

"Aren't you the one that once kidnapped my daughter?" Mrs. Grey gave him a look.

"Boy you make **one **stupid mistake out of passion and nobody lets you forget it!" Fred groaned.

"Yeah you had a crush on Jean Grey?" Arcade asked. "What were you thinking dude?"

"Who are you?" Mrs. Grey asked.

"Arcade, the token human of the Misfits," Arcade grinned.

"He's the one who kicked your daughter out of the Institute along with all the other X-Men for a whole day," Pietro said happily.

"I have anger issues too," Arcade said. "But I'm much better now."

"Especially when he takes his medication," Shane snickered.

"Who are you?" Sarah asked.

"Shane Shooter," Shane told her. "I'm a transfer from Harvard University."

"And I'm Pyro!" Pyro called out. "I'm really a romance author!"

"Pyro!" Jean hissed. "Uh, let's go inside please?"

"MY CAR!" Scott yelled. "DRAKE! WHY DID YOU FREEZE MY CAR?"

"I told him we didn't do it," Tabitha shook his head. "Amara, Angelica you'd better come with me and help him thaw it out."

"I'll help too!" Pyro said cheerfully. "Anything to be with my two favorite ladies."

"Don't even think about touching me you creep!" Amara hissed as they went off to help Scott.

"Come near me and you will die a slow and painful death," Angelica added.

"MY CAR! MY BEAUTIFUL CAR!" Scott was heard crying out.

"Man it sounds like Summers is really cracking up," Lance said. "I gotta see this!"

"YOU'RE A DEAD MAN DRAKE! YOU HEAR ME! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!" Scott screamed. "COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DEAD! YOU'LL BE DEADER THAN DEAD GIRL!"

"Considering she's a walking talking zombie that's not really saying much," Todd called out.

"ZOMBIE?" Mr. Grey yelled. "I remember that girl! You told me that that girl just had a skin condition!"

"Okay we're going inside **right now,"** Jean guided her family into the mansion, leaving the others on the lawn.

Pietro grinned and tried to follow but Jean was able to use her telekinesis to hold him in place long enough for her to get her family inside. "HEY! WHAT GIVES?" Pietro yelled. When Jean let go he ran straight into the door she shut behind her. "OW! OH YEAH LIKE THIS IS GONNA KEEP ME OUT!"

"Okay we're inside," Jean took a deep breath.

"Jean…" Dr. Grey turned to her. "Why do you insist on living in this madhouse?"

"It's not **always **this crazy," Jean lied.

"That's right," Sarah smirked. "It gets a **lot **crazier sometimes."

"You are so **not **helping Sarah," Jean groaned.

"Well you have to admit Sis meeting a clone of you is a pretty weird situation even for this place," Sarah pointed out.

"Look Madelyne is a little self conscious about the whole clone thing," Jean sighed. "So try to see her as a separate person."

"She **knows** she a clone?" Dr. Grey asked.

"The Misfits spilled the beans," Jean sighed.

"Oh well that explains it," Dr. Grey said.

"Come on," Jean guided them. "She's waiting in the Library."

Jean held her breath when she opened the door and the Greys went in. Mrs. Grey held her hand to her mouth in surprise. "Oh! She looks exactly like you did Jean when you were…" She teared up.

"Um, hello," Madelyne gulped.

"Oh hello there," Mrs. Grey said. "Welcome to the family."

Jean teared up when the Greys hugged Madelyne. "Wow! I got a new little sister!" Sarah hugged Madelyne next. "And the best part is Mom didn't have to go through nine months of pregnancy."

"Ha ha," Mrs. Grey grinned.

_"See Jean," _Xavier sent telepathically. _"Everything worked out fine. Your family has accepted Madelyne." _

_"It's wonderful Professor, maybe things will finally settle down?" _Jean replied.

"What's that noise?" Madelyne asked. She looked out the window. "Cool an army helicopter!"

"Oh no…" Jean groaned as she recognized it's design.

"We have visitors," Logan walked in and pointed to the SHEILD helicopter that had landed on the lawn. Two familiar figures came out.

"Who is that?" Dr. Grey asked.

"Nick Fury, the head of SHEILD," Jean explained.

"And who is **that?**" Sarah pointed.

"It looks like Captain America," Jean blinked in surprise.

"You **know** Captain America?" Sarah was impressed.

"Yeah we've met from time to time," Jean coughed.

"Who's Captain America?" Madelyne asked.

"He's a very important super hero," Jean said.

"Bleeep," Doop floated out of the helicopter. "Bleep bloop bloop."

"And **what** is **that?"** Mrs. Grey gasped at the sight of Doop.

"That's Doop," Jean said. "He's a mutant too. Remember? You saw him one Christmas."

"This place has more characters than a Russian novel," Dr. Grey grumbled. "It's hard to keep anything straight around here!"

"Why don't you guys stay here while the Professor and I check this out?" Jean said. "I'm sure it's just a routine visit."

"You mean SHEILD visits here often?" Mrs. Grey was surprised.

"Almost as often as GI Joe and the Misfits from what I've heard," Madelyne said.

"**Thank you** Madelyne," Jean rolled her eyes. "Just sit tight and relax and I'll be right back."

Jean closed the door and said quietly. "One of these days I am going to **kill** Fury! Couldn't he call on the **phone** like **everyone else?"**

"Now Jean, let's hear what he has to say," Xavier told him as they made their way to the foyer.

"Then we can kill him," Logan smirked.

"I mean it's not like the Joes or the Misfits," Jean kept on. "My family knows they're nuts. So it's no big deal but SHIELD…"

"Jean focus," Xavier said as they met up with Fury and Captain America. "Fury, Mr. Rodgers. It's nice to see you. To what do we owe this unexpected pleasure?"

"Cut the crap Xavier. We need to have a talk right **now,**" Fury said. "About your illegal alien you've got hiding out here."

"Gentlemen now is not exactly a good time to talk," Xavier said.

"It's **never** a good time to talk about anything that goes on around here!" Fury snapped. He glared at Roadblock who was walking up to them with some of the Misfits. "And you GI Joes are supposed to alert me to things like this!"

"I take it this is about Warlock?" Roadblock sighed.

"Yes this is about your alien friend!" Fury snapped.

"Fury has some…concerns," Captain America told him.

"Well we got the two cars pulled apart," Rogue walked in with several more X-Men and Misfits including Warlock.

"And Amara and Angelica are taking Pyro apart," Scott said. "Don't ask why. What's going on?"

"Is that it?" Fury pointed at Warlock. "Is that the Technarch?"

"You know of Self's people?" Warlock blinked.

"Oh yes," Fury growled. "I want you to turn him over to me right now!"

"Why?" Doug asked. "Warlock's harmless. Well unless he's behind the wheel of a car."

"Maybe he's harmless but the Phalanx isn't!" Fury said. "And he's the key to it!"

"The what?" Logan asked. Warlock coughed nervously. "There something you forgot to tell us ET?"

"Uh…" Warlock stammered. "Well remember when Self told you he was running from his people because he did not like to fight?"

"Yeah," Logan folded his arms. "Go on."

"What Self forgot to mention is that his people like to fight and conquer other planets," Warlock fidgeted. "A lot."

"What's the Phalanx?" Sam asked.

"Pretty much the collective mind of the Technarchy," Captain America told them. "Think of them as the army whose job is to conquer other worlds by absorbing them and turning organic material into more Technarchs."

"Very simplistic but that is the general gist of what the Phalanx does," Warlock admitted. "But Self wants no part of them. Self…" Warlock stiffened. "Oh no…NO! IT CAN'T BE!"

"What?" Captain America asked.

"Something's going on," Logan bristled and shot out his claws. "I can feel it!"

"Jean!" Madelyne rushed down with the Greys. "There's something huge in the sky!"

"Oh no!" Warlock yelled. He rushed outside. Everyone followed him. "They found Self!"

"What is that?" Rogue yelled. In the sky was a huge black and gold structure that looked partially like a warship and partially like a city. It was over four hundred miles long and a thousand miles wide. It was so large it blacked out the sun and made everything dark.

"It's Self's predecessor," Warlock gulped. "What you might call a 'Father'."

"Father?" Kitty looked at him. "**That** is your **father?" **

**"**Well not **all **of it," Warlock told her. "ButSelf's father is the mind controlling it."

"And he knows you're here doesn't he?" Logan groaned.

"Correct," Warlock stiffened. "But that is immaterial. Observe!" He pointed to several pods coming out. "They are invading!"

"You **knew** about this?" Logan roared.

"Warlock did not know they would follow Self here!" Warlock pleaded.

"Jean…" Dr. Grey gulped. "What exactly is going on?"

"An alien invasion of Earth and its' starting right here in Bayville," Todd said. "**That's** what's going on!"

"Okay," Jean admitted to her parents. "Even I have to admit this is a little crazy."

"Jean we passed 'a little crazy' about an hour ago," Scott told her. "We are now smack dab in the center of downtown Complete Insanity!"

"At the corner of Total Disaster Street and Imminent Annihilation Avenue," Roadblock gulped. "Now what are we gonna do?"

"We do what we always do," Rogue told him. "Try and save the world for the idiots who fear and hate us!"

**Next: Alien Invasion time! Here we go! **

Jesse walked out. "Great, now maybe I might get more screen time in this fic!"

Todd hopped out. "How can you call it screen time if this is a story?"

"You know what I mean," Jesse snapped.

Tim walked out. "Yeah it's hard for us second string characters to get more face time!"

Rahne walked out as well. "Tell me about it! Why doesn't she write more stuff about us?"

**Guys I'm doing the best I can all right? I've been a little busy! I do have a life you know?**

"Since when?" Todd asked.

The Coyote walked in. "Hey guys! I found the extra strong cappuchino! Drinks on me!"

"All right!" Rahne said. "Party time!"

"I loves me my cappuchino!" Todd crowed. "Nice and foamy!"

**Stay away from the cappuchino! That's my cappuchino! Sorry folks! I gotta go deal with my runaway imagination! Now where did I put my mallet? **


	21. Invasion Insanity

**Invasion Insanity**

"Okay here we go again!" Bobby yelled as he iced up and slid on his ice toboggan towards the first invaders. "Boy this town gets invaded more times than Florida during spring break!"

"WHAT?" Mrs. Grey shouted. "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"THIS HAS HAPPENED **BEFORE?"** Mr. Grey shouted.

"Guys it was on the news last year," Sarah gave them a look. "How could you forget **that?"**

"Mom, Dad not now," Jean groaned. "Go inside the mansion, I need to go to work and I mean **now!"**

"Dr. and Mrs. Grey come with me," Roadblock escorted the humans and Madelyne into the mansion as the others prepared to fight. "You too girls! They ain't going to have tea!"

"Synch! Husk! Wolfsbane, Psylocke!" Xavier ordered. "Take Penance and Forge as well into the lower levels and defend them in case they get in! And get Ms. Hunter too."

"Got it!" Betsy nodded as she grabbed Xavier's chair handles. "You can direct the battle from inside Professor. Don't think our psychic energy will work too well with this lot anyway!"

"Yeah and what am I going to do? Bark at the machines?" Rahne grumbled as they went inside.

Penny whined. She wanted to fight. "Not this time," Forge grumbled as he dragged the energetic pink mutant away. "OW! PENNY THAT HURTS!"

"Let's go!" Althea shouted conjuring up a huge tower of water from the pool. She blasted it at several invading ships dousing them. "I hosed 'em down Iceman!"

"And this will cool them off!" Bobby yelled as he froze them. Three of them fell to the ground with a loud crash.

"For the finishing touch..." Peter armored up and hit them with all his might. Fred hit them too and they shattered to pieces.

"I call that the Siberian Slam," Peter grinned.

"All right!" Fred whooped. "This is gonna be fun!"

"Yeah it's gonna be a **ball!"** Shane groaned as he fired on the machines. "GET OFF MY PLANET ALIEN SCUM!"

"See you're getting into the spirit of things," Pyro told him. "We'll barbecue these aliens in no time!"

"Hit 'em hard and hit 'em fast and don't get cocky!" Fury shouted as he loaded his laser rifle. "I'm calling for backup!"

"Looks like they're calling out the land troops too!" Captain America noticed that some of the ships configured to land vehicles with long legs.

"Then we take 'em down!" Logan shot out his claws.

"How about this?" Lance focused and created a huge tremor that knocked back several land rover machnines several feet. "Oh yeah! Let's rock!"

"Again with the rock puns," Wanda rolled her eyes.

"Good Avalanche," Logan snapped as he dodged some lasers. "Now can somebody do something about the freaking jets or **whatever** the hell those flying things are?"

"I'm on it!" Rogue flew up and used her super strength to tear one apart.

"Yeah let's take these aliens to school!" Roberto shouted as Firestar flew with him.

"But this is a school," Fred blinked.

"Just shut up and fight Blob!" Logan roared.

Off in the distance the alien attack was not unobserved. Mayor Chandler looked out the window and saw people screaming, giant explosions going off and huge alien ships zooming around the area where he knew the Xavier Institute was. "Not again!" He moaned. "Why do aliens have to attack **my** town? Wait, that's a stupid question! Here's a better one! Why did a group of mutant nuts **have** to move to my town! And here's an even **better** question...Where the hell is my scotch when I **need **it!"

Another pair of observers were Officers Toody and Muldoon from a safe distance in their squad car. "Another alien invasion huh Muldoon?" Toody blinked.

"Yup," Muldoon blinked.

"And it's at the Xavier place again, isn't it?" Toody asked.

"Yup," Muldoon nodded. "It is."

"That's what? The second or third one these past three years?" Toody asked.

"Fourth I think," Muldoon said. "I lost track a while ago."

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

"You uh, think we should do something?" Toody asked.

"Did you call it in?" Muldoon asked.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! **BOOOOOOOOM!**

"Well...I would think they kind of know by now," Toody said. "It's pretty loud."

BOOOM! KABLAMMMMMM! BOOOOOOOOOM!

"Yeah kind of hard to miss **that**," Muldoon said. "Lot of explosions aren't there?"

BOOM! BOOM! POW! KAPOW! BANG!

"Yeah," Toody nodded. "Lot of explosions. So did you put in for a transfer yet?"

"To Miami? Yeah I finished the paperwork this morning," Muldoon said backing the car away. "No mutants or aliens there. Well aliens from outer space anyway."

BOOM! BOOM! BLAM! ZOOM! ZOOOOOOOM!

"Drug dealers, spring break party animals, drunk drivers, protestors, crazy old people..." Muldoon listed. "But no mutants. Sounds like paradise."

BOOOM! POW! BLAM! POW! BLAM! KAPOWWWWW!

"You know if we start driving now, we might make it there by oh...Tomorrow night?" Toody asked.

"Sooner if I use the siren all the way," Muldoon hit the siren and the squad car took off.

The mutants hit with all they had. Tabitha created dozens of time bombs and gave them to dozens of Multiple clones which used slingshots to hit them at the ships that landed on the ground. "Oh yeah! Just like a shooting gallery!" Tabitha whooped.

However her glee was short lived when suddenly the remaining ships created some kind of force field around them so that the time bombs exploded harmlessly. "You have got to be kidding me!" Tabitha yelled.

"No fair!" Jamie yelled.

"Bedlam! Use your powers!" Scott ordered. "They should work on these things!"

"All right!" Jesse shouted. "Finally I get to do some damage!" He concentrated and sent out a huge anti-energy wave that caused two ships to explode. "YES! Wait a minute..."

Just as instantly as the two ships exploded, the pulled themselves back together. "Come on!" Jesse tried again but the same thing happened. But this time it happened faster. "You gotta be kidding me! What gives?"

"Friend Beldam's powers only work on non organic material," Warlock explained. "Technarchy is made up of both organic and non organic. Both are equally combined in harmony so if one part fails, the other takes over."

"And that means **what **in English?" Jesse asked.

"Your powers will only slow them down not destroy them," Warlock explained. "Until they find a way to counter act your powers."

"In other words I'm uselsess again!" Jesse snapped. "I have **had **it! I mean it's bad enough I barely have enough control over my powers and people tend to over look me during all the other crazy stuff that happens here but **come on!" **

"Well my powers aren't exactly helpful in this situation either but you don't hear me whining about it!" Dead Girl snapped. "Wait a minute, if that's true then what the hell am I doing **out here? **"

"You're **already** dead! What more can happen to you?" Jesse snapped.

"I really don't want to find out," Dead Girl gulped as they dodged a laser.

"Bedlam keep trying anyway!" Scott ordered. "Dead Girl you can go inside the mansion with the others!"

"I am **out **of here!" Dead Girl ran for her afterlife to the mansion.

"Can I go too?" Pietro asked.

"Just keep running and fighting!" Althea snapped.

"All I can do is run!' Todd screamed as he hopped away from lasers. "HELP! HELP! I'M CALLING FOR HELP HERE!"

"You guys are such whiners it's pathetic!" Wanda snapped as she hexed two flying ships and made them crash into a land ship which resulted in a huge explosion. "Do we girls have to do **everything **around here?"

"If you wouldn't mind," Pietro gulped as he ran from more lasers.

Meanwhile Jean was flying around using the Phoenix Force to her advantage. "I don't believe it!" She snapped as she tore apart one ship using her telekinesis. "I don't believe it! Why is it that every single time we have a special occasion or something **close** to a normal day, some nutcase or alien menace has to **ruin it?"**

"Just one of those things I guess," Ray said as he tried to use his powers to blow up a land machine.

"Every **single** freaking time!" Jean was furious. "WHY IS THAT? HUH? CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHY STUFF LIKE THIS ALWAYS HAS TO HAPPEN? WHY CAN'T SOMEBODY ELSE GET INVADED FOR A CHANGE? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

"Hey Jean watch it!" Lance ducked as Jean tore into a ship near him. Parts rained down on him. "Blast the aliens! Not me!"

"Calm yourself Phoenix," Ororo said as she flew next to her. "We don't want another situation like New York City again."

"I AM CALM!" Jean snapped. "And I know, I know! I am trying to control it as best as I can! **Back off!" **

Jean saw the shocked expression on Ororo's face. "Storm I'm sorry," Jean sighed. "It's just…all I wanted was a nice quiet afternoon with my family. And what do I get? A recreation of 'War of the Worlds'? I mean it's enough to tick **anyone **off!"

"I know Jean," Ororo sighed.

"Is it really that much for me to want to spend one day with Madelyne and my family?" Jean growled as she saw an alien ship head toward her. "**One **day. One lousy day! Not even a **full **day! An afternoon! One **lousy afternoon!" **

"Uh…" Ororo gulped as she saw the Phoenix manifestation around Jean grow bigger and brighter. "Jean?"

"One stinking, rotten, **lousy** afternoon!" Jean roared. "With no craziness or maniacs or bigots or aliens attacking us! Is that **too much** to ask? **Is it?"**

"Uh oh," Lance gulped. "I don't like the looks of this."

"You just **had **to come invade us today didn't you?" Jean roared at the alien ships closest to her. "You had to ruin my afternoon didn't you? I get so few precious moments with my family as it is and you had to come here and **destroy us** didn't you? SO NOW I GET TO DESTROY **YOU!"**

With a scream she used the Phoenix Force to literally disintegrate three alien ships in the air. "DIDN'T ANYONE TELL YOU THAT WHEN YOU PLAY WITH FIRE YOU'RE GOING TO GET BURNED?" Jean screamed.

**"JEAN!"** Scott shouted.

"Whaaaa…?" Jean blinked, immediately regaining control over herself. She saw the tiny residue of the disintegrated ships in the air. "Sorry, I kind of lost it a little there."

"You think?" Ororo gave her a look.

"Don't be too sorry," Logan shouted to her. "We're still fighting for our lives here!"

"If that's a little out of control I'd hate to see **a lot!"** Kurt gulped.

"Okay everyone lay off of Phoenix for a while," Althea gulped. "She's got a lot on her plate today."

"Unfortunately so do we," Tabitha pointed as more alien ships appeared in the sky. "More big baddies at twelve o'clock!"

"Uh maybe I'd better hold back a little?" Jean gulped. "I don't want to run out of energy."

"Just a tad," Ororo told her. "Focus on your telekinesis and not the powers of the Phoenix Force."

"That way we might all have a chance of **surviving this!"** Lance yelled as he used his powers on another land machine.

"The good news is they seem to be focusing on us and not the town," Scott noticed as he kept blasting the invaders.

"How exactly is that **good** news?" Kurt yelled. "They're attacking us first because we're the biggest threat to them!"

"Yeah and once we go down the entire town will go down easier than Paris Hilton after she's had a few drinks," Tabitha groaned as she sent more time bombs at the alien machines. "OH COME ON! AT LEAST PRETEND THAT YOU'RE ANNOYED OR SOMETHING!"

"Cyclops," Althea gulped. "They're adapting to our powers pretty fast. A little **too **fast!"

"Maybe I can short circut them?" Kitty yelled. She tried to phase through one but was bounced back. "What the...I can't phase through!"

"Oh once the Technarchy encountered a planet filled with beings who could do what friend Kitty could do," Warlock explained. "They learned to adapt to that techinque."

"**NOW** YOU TELL ME!" Kitty yelled as she ran from several laser blasts. "HELP!"

"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!" Todd yelled. "HELP! HELP! I'M CALLING FOR HELP HERE!"

Amara, Roberto, Pyro and Angelica blasted the alien machines with their fire but found it did very little damage. "Burn you stupid machine! I order you to burn!" Amara yelled as he fire powers didn't even dent the land vehicle attacking her. "THIS IS TOTALLY NOT FAIR! BURN DAMN YOU!"

"Hey what gives?" Pyro snapped as a few land vehicles simply strolled through the firewall he put up. "That's a firewall! That's supposed to stop them! Why isn't it stopping them?"

"My electricity isn't working either!" Ray shouted as he tried to zap the machines without success.

Jubilee was having a hard time as well. "All our powers combined and all we can do is barely slow them down!"

ZZOOOOOMMMMMM! CRASH! SLAM! WHIIZZZ! PLOP!

Something crashed into one of the machines and bounced off it. That something was Sam. "Oooh...Lookie at the pretty ponies Ma..." Sam lay there in a daze. "And there's lions and tigers and bears and oh my unicorns and dragons all over the place."

"Cannonball!" Jean warned. One of the land machines looked like it was about to step on him. "WATCH OUT!"

_"One little, two little, three little dragons..."_ Sam was still dazed and confused. Jean used her telekinesis to knock the machine back and lift Sam out of harm's way. "Oooh! I'm flying! Look I'm Peter Pan!"

"Okay Canonnball you're out of the fight," Jean rolled her eyes. "Nightcrawler take him inside!"

"Good idea," Kurt teleported and grabbed onto Sam. Then he teleported back into the mansion with his injured friend.

"Come on! Come on!" Angelica flew around trying to use her powers. "Heat doesn't work on them!"

One ship simply headed straight for her. Angelica couldn't fly completely out of the way in time. "AAAHHH!" She was knocked to the side and lost her concentration. She fell to the ground.

Only to have someone in red and gold flying armor catch her. "Who are **you?"** Angelica asked.

"Iron Man," He replied. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah just got the wind knocked out of me," Angelica breathed and regained control. She managed to take flight again. "Thanks for the save. I don't get it! My heat rays should have worked!"

"Let's try good old fashioned missiles," Iron Man shot out some from his wrist. But they had no effect. "You have got to be **kidding** me!"

"You have any more ideas?" Angelica asked.

"Uh flying away sounds good right about now," Iron Man gulped.

The ship he fired on headed straight towards them. But it was knocked out of the sky by a giant hand. "Need a hand?" A huge man several stories tall in an orange and red uniform with gold goggles waved to them.

"Took your time getting here, Giant Man," Iron Man snapped.

"Hey the wife had to make herself pretty," Giant Man quipped.

"Sure blame me!" A tiny voice said. To Angelica's surprise a very small woman with short black hair, tiny wings and a black and gold uniform flew by her. "I'm not the one who spent two hours in the bathroom this morning!"

"Stop bickering and get 'em Wasp!" Iron Man shouted.

"What can she do?" Angelica asked.

"I'm stronger than I look!" Wasp told her as she sent out a powerful electric charge at one ship that downed it.

"Show off!" Carol Danvers a.k.a. Warbird flew by. She barley dodged a broken piece of spaceship. And got hit by another piece. "OW! Watch it!"

"Sorry!" Rogue was flying around trying to tear one ship apart. "Thing keeps patching itself up every time I tear a piece out!"

"Great! You again!" Carol grumbled as she tackled another ship. "Every time our paths cross I get hurt!"

"I said I was **sorry** about the last time!" Rogue snapped. "It ain't my fault Lucas messed with my mind!"

"I was knocked out for an entire day!" Carol snapped.

"And it was a nice **quiet **day too," A muscular African American man in a silver and red costume complete with red wings flew by. "Now shut up and fight the aliens instead of each other!"

"Bite me, Falcon!" Carol snapped as she attacked the ship she was fighting. "And stay out of my way Rogue!"

"You stay out of **my** way!" Rogue shouted back.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Carol tore a piece from the ship and tossed it at Rogue.

"HEY!" Rogue barley dodged it. "Don't you throw that crap at me!" She tore a piece from another ship and threw it at Carol.

"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Carol dodged it and furiously started to throw more ship pieces. "Take that you Southern Fried Chicken!"

Rogue responded in kind. "Take **that **you Yankee Bimbo!"

"I **had **to sign up for this crazy outfit," Falcon grumbled as he flew around trying to dodge the pieces of spaceship both Rogue and Carol were tossing at each other. "Couldn't have just stayed in the city where I was really needed. I was happy protecting the old neighborhood from drug dealers and other scum of the earth. But nooooooooooo! I had to listen to Captain America! I **had **to go on to bigger and better things."

The sky grew dark and stormy. "Keep it up Storm!" Logan roared as lightning flashed.

"It's not me," Ororo told him.

"It's him," Captain America pointed to another figure flying.

"Perish invaders!" Thor shouted as he used his hammer to summon a huge bolt of lightning. He threw the charged hammer at one machine and it split it in two. The hammer flew back to his hand.

"Show off!" Fury shot at one land vehicle. But it did nothing. "I really hate it when lasers don't do anything!"

Pietro grabbed him out of the way. "Thank you for riding Quicksilver Express!" Pietro quipped. "Please return all tray tables to the upright position!"

"That's not funny, Quicksilver!" Fury snapped.

"Yeah and neither is **that!"** Pietro pointed as the land vehicle sent out a strange tentacle to the rifle Fury dropped. It was turned into the same black and gold material as the machine and absorbed into it.

"What the…?" Fury asked. "AAH!" He was startled as Doug ran by in a strange black and gold uniform.

"Do not fear! It is only Self!" Warlock popped his head out, making it appear that Doug had two heads.

"New fashion statement?" Pietro asked.

"Self thought it was wise to protect friend Douglas," Warlock explained.

"And I appreciate it," Doug told him.

"What the hell is that?" Falcon landed next to them.

"One of the Technarchs," Fury explained. "But this one's on our side. I think."

"Hey!" Iron Man was in trouble. One of the air ships had shot out tentacles and grabbed him. It was trying to absorb his armor. "I could use some help here!"

"I got ya!" Rogue flew over and grabbed him.

"No, **I** have him!" Carol grabbed him as well. "He's my team mate! Let go!"

"**You** let go!" Rogue tugged at him.

"No you let go!" Carol yelled.

"**Somebody** better let go!" Iron Man yelled. "You're hurting me more than the alien! OW!"

The two women managed to yank him free but Iron Man had no choice but to let go his helmet. It got absorbed by the ship. He barely managed to make it to the ground. "That hurt…"

"Hey don't I know you?" Todd hopped over to him. "You look like that Tony Stark billionaire guy."

"I **am **that Tony Stark billionaire guy," He grumbled. "So much for secret identites."

"What the hell is going on?" Fury glared at Warlock. "You wanna explain why those ships seem to feed on a diet of metal?"

"The primary tactic is to absorb as much machinery and data as possible in order to incorporate it into the Phalanx," Warlock explained.

"So what you're saying is missiles and lasers and machines don't work on 'em?" Fred asked.

"Correct," Warlock nodded. "Observe." He pointed downtown where some alien machines had wandered off to. They saw dozens of cars, traffic lights and anything else made of metal was being absorbed. People fled for their lives from the chaos.

"Okay…" Pietro gulped. "This is bad. This is **really** bad!"

"Very bad for me," Peter instantly changed back into his human form. "Now what do I do?"

"Running's a good idea!" Todd yelled as he hopped past him.

"Captain I don't think it's a good idea for you to use your shield," Fury said.

"Or Wolverine and X23 to use their claws!" Todd thought.

"Oh great!" Logan grunted as he and Rina were surrounded by several machines. "**Now** you tell us!"

Suddenly they were surrounded by a force field just as the machines attacked. They were lifted up in the air. "Whoa!" Logan yelled.

"Don't worry!" Sue Storm of the Fantastic Four yelled as she used her invisible force field to take them to a safer location and let them down. The Fantastic Car landed next to them. "I've got you guys!"

"It's the Fantastic Four!" Lance shouted as they got out of the vehicle.

"Don't forget your friendly neighborhood Spider Man!" Spider Man waved his hand as he popped out of the back of the Fantastic Car.

"It's like a freaking super hero convention," Todd looked around.

"What are **you **doing here?" Angelica asked.

"Funny story," Spider Man said. "See Torchy and I were chasing after the same pair of crooks when…"

"We can chew the fat some other time, Wall Crawler!" Ben interrupted as he pointed to several space ships heading for them. "Right now it's Clobberin' Time!"

"Let's go!" Scott yelled. Everyone used whatever powers they could to blast them. Some of them could actually do some damage to the alien craft.

"It's not hard to blast them with my powers," Scott shouted.

"Yeah it's getting them to stay blasted that's the trick!" Bobby yelled as one of the blasted invading machines pulled itself together.

"Well this was a smart idea," Spider Man grumbled as he tried his webbing on the machines but it barley slowed them down. "Whoa!" He jumped out of the way of a laser blast. "Why did I show up here again?"

"Watch and learn how a real hero handles things Spidey!" Johnny flamed up and used his fireballs on the machines. Of course the fire balls bounced off the machines harmlessly. "Huh? What the...?"

"Uh heat and fire doesn't really work on them," Angelica explained as she flew by. "Our powers are usless on those things."

"NOW SHE TELLS ME!" Johnny screamed as he barely dodged a laser blast.

"Now what oh great and mighty hero?" Spider Man mocked.

"Shut up and let me think!" Johnny snapped.

"We're gonna be here **all night** if he has to think of a plan," The Thing grumbled as he threw a tree at the machines. It only knocked them back a little.

They used as much of their powers as they could but it didn't seem to be working. They had no choice but to retreat for a moment to the Institute lawn. Jean and Sue used their powers to create a force field around the mansion. "It's like nothing we do can stop 'em," Lance grumbled.

"Even we can't do anything," Trinity had flown in to help as well. "And we don't know what to do."

"They're adapting their attacks so that our powers are less effective," Jean yelled.

"Look at what they're doing to the lawn!" Sam yelled as several ships were absorbing trees and hedges.

"I did not mention the second tactic," Warlock explained. "The absorption and assimilation of all organic life form into the Phalanx."

"Uh when you say absorption and assimilation…" Pietro held up his hand.

"Exactly what is sounds like," Doug told him.

"O-kay…" Pietro gulped. "Definitely not good here!"

"Let me get this straight," Kurt said. "We can't touch them now or we'll get absorbed."

"Correct," Warlock nodded.

"And our energy based powers are pretty much next to useless against them as we've seen," Scott added.

"Also correct," Warlock nodded.

"So how do we beat them?" Lance asked.

"By stopping the lead mind," Warlock said as he slid off of Doug and into his humanoid form. "Self's Father."

"How do we do that?" Althea asked.

"You do not," Warlock said sadly. "Only Self can. Only by reprogramming his attack strategy will he stop. But he could reprogram Self first. That is the way of our people."

"Let me see if I get this straight," Lance held up his hands. "Basically your race's whole fighting style is to see who can reprogram the other first?"

"Essentially that is correct," Warlock nodded.

"WELL THEN WHY THE HELL DON'T YOU DO IT?" Logan roared.

"But how can Self fight Father?" Warlock asked. "How does one prepare to 'beat up' one's own parent?"

"It's **surprisingly** easy," Wanda told him.

"Listen Warlock, think of it like this," Althea held onto his misshapen shoulders. "You fight and stand up to him, we may all live and Earth has a chance to be saved. You don't fight, Earth is doomed and all your new friends are toast. And by toast I mean dead. You know as in no longer breathing? Not existing. Alien robot chow. Any of this getting through to you?"

"Self knows this but…" Warlock sighed. "It is still hard to even think of fighting Father for me."

"Okay try this," Althea sighed. "Besides the whole killing and taking over planets thing, what is the **one** thing your father has ever done to make you angry. I mean **really** angry! Did he ever say something completely stupid or destroy a favorite toy or something?"

"Well…" Warlock blinked.

"Come on there's got to be **something!**" Wanda said.

"When Self was young self had found a Rygerian hound youngling," Warlock said. "Self played with it for over an hour and cared for it…Before Father found me and assimilated it."

"He **ate** your dog yo?" Todd's jaw dropped.

"And I thought **my** father was strict," Pietro blinked.

"And how did that make you feel?" Fred asked.

"Upset," Warlock blinked. "Very upset."

"Just upset?" Althea asked.

"No…angry…" Warlock's eyes narrowed. "Very angry. Very, **very **angry! 468 was **Self's **hound youngling. Father had no **right** to assimilate it!"

"That's right," Wanda nodded. "Feel the burn! Embrace the dark impulses!"

"Trust me she knows what she's talking about," Pietro nodded.

"Warlock ready now," Warlock's eyes blazed red with anger.

"Here!" Daria gave him some hardware. "These might help you. They're complicated ciphering devices and codes we've been working on."

"Yeah by absorbing them into your system you might have an edge," Arcade nodded. He took off his own personal ciphering device from his belt. "Take mine too. I can always make another one."

"And last but not least take these," Todd gave Warlock a disk and some kind of memory card. "I was gonna give these to the Elf later but…"

"What are they?" Warlock blinked as he read the label. "Action Replay..?"

"It's a game cheat disk and memory codes," Todd said.

"WHAT?" Kitty yelled.

"Well they're useful!" Todd said. "Besides he's already got a game cube in his system. It couldn't hurt."

"You have **got** to be kidding me," Scott gave him a look.

"Well they work," Todd said.

"They do," Angelica agreed. "Especially when you're playing Harvest Moon Magical Melody."

"Oh yeah you gotta need them for **that** game. I mean each day is only ten freaking minutes? Please! It takes that long just to feed and milk the cows and water two or three plants. Let alone do any decent fishing, mining and gift giving," Bobby agreed. Everyone gave him a look. "I like the dating part of it okay? And I gotta admit the horse racing sim is pretty cool."

"Toad, Iceman, shut up," Scott snapped. "Before you make us look like bigger idiots!"

"Too late," Johnny quipped.

"I'm just saying…" Todd began.

"Just take the damn thing and go!" Logan groaned.

Warlock nodded. Jean and Sue let a small hole loose in the force field and he poured himself through. He took a breath and cried out a challenge. "CRREEEEEEEEEEEEE! CREEEE! SKRRAAAK! CRRRAKKKKK! CREEEE!"

The machines stopped advancing. Except one. It morphed into a huge three story robot killing machine. "Gulp…" Warlock blinked.

The machine let out a roar and morphed into a lava like form of black and gold metal liquid and poured itself over Warlock. "This is not good is it?" Todd gulped.

"No, I don't think it is," Fred gulped.

For many moments the liquid like metal writhed and formed. Lights blinked out from it's form as it twisted and turned. Finally Warlock kicked himself out of the metal monstrosity and it let out a huge screech. It started to reform into something. Soon it was gone.

And in it's place was a puppy. A black and gold metal puppy. But a puppy nevertheless. "BARK!"

"What just happened?" Kurt asked.

"I think we won," Scott blinked. "Or Warlock won."

"Well we're all alive," Bobby said. "And we're not alien chow. That's a good thing."

"This is without a doubt the weirdest alien invasion I have ever seen," Fury groaned. "And to think I thought nothing could top the time the Snarks invaded with those robot Santas last year!"

"Okay what just happened?" Jean asked as she let down her shields.

"Basically Self reprogrammed Father's mind," Warlock explained. "Old Father has been terminated. Now there is new father."

"Wow, talk about irony," Fred blinked at the barking metal puppy.

"Hold on, let me get this straight," Wanda said. "You brainwashed him. Am I right?"

"Correct," Warlock nodded.

"And **that's** your definition of killing?" Wanda yelled.

"Well that is how Technarchs normally terminate each other yes," Warlock blinked. "Did Self not explain this concept before?"

"No, I think we would have remembered if you **had,"** Scott gave him a look.

"How did you beat him?" Doug asked.

"Self had reason to beat Father," Warlock explained. "Friends to protect."

"Wow and that gave you the strength to beat him?" Kitty asked.

"That and the Action Replay codes Friend Toad gave me," Warlock said. "They really do work!"

"Told you," Todd grinned.

"I can't take this…" Fury groaned.

"So you mean you're the new king?" Todd asked.

"Yes, Warlock is now leader of the Technarchy," Warlock nodded. He looked at the small black and gold metal puppy. "Father and Self will have to have a long 'talk' before I restore him. Then together we will teach our people the error of their ways."

"You think they'll go for it?" Kitty asked.

"They already have," Warlock explained. "Warlock is now linked to the minds of all his people. All of the Techarchy was liked with Father during battle. Now that Self is how do you say the phrase? Large and in charge…They will bend to my will."

"But isn't that…" Kurt began.

"Dude, **shut up**," Ray looked at him. "Now isn't exactly the best time to be arguing about ethics!"

"Yeah we saved the planet and the Phalanx will become good guys," Todd remarked. "That's **enough **for one day!"

"Self will miss all Self's new friends," Warlock told them. "But Self now knows that staying on Earth is impossible. Self has a duty to fulfill. To help the Technarchy control the Phalanx."

"I'm gonna miss you Warlock," Doug said.

"I'm not," Logan grumbled. Rogue elbowed him. "OW!"

"Farewell my friends! Self shall never forget you!" Warlock waved as a ship moved close to him. He absorbed himself into it. The ship took off into the sky taking the rest of the fleet with it.

"Well that was definitely weird," Tabitha remarked.

"Hey at least we saved the world again," Bobby said. "You know using team work…"

"What team work?" Johnny the Human Torch spoke up. "The wall crawler here didn't do anything but jump out of the way!"

"Oh yeah and you did a lot Torchy?" Spider Man snapped. "Especially since you found out your fire couldn't affect it!"

"My flames can affect **you!** Wanna see?" Johnny snapped.

"Bring it on Matchstick Boy!" Spider Man challenged.

"Those two kind of have a rivalry going on," Sue explained to the others.

"Who **doesn't** have some kind of rivalry with the Human Torch?" Pietro snorted.

"Boys no! No fighting on the lawn!" Ororo snapped as both Spider Man and Johnny started to face off.

"Storm I don't think we even **have** a lawn left," Scott told her.

"Well we saved the world using our courage anyway," Bobby added sheepishly. "Even though half our guys were knocked out or ran away."

"Don't forget my cheat codes!" Todd called out.

"I need an aspirin," Scott groaned.

"You have any extra?" Fury asked.


	22. After The Invasion

**After the Invasion**

The next day things were much quieter at the Xavier Institute. Especially since there were no more alien ships or machines to be found. Most of the students and the Misfits were helping clean up after the previous day's invasion outside. Xavier, Logan, Hank and Ororo were meeting with Fury inside Xavier's office to discuss the aftermath. While Xavier was optimistic that the recent turn of events would help mutant/human relations, Fury was cautious.

"I still think you guys should be careful, considering some of the backlash from the public and how they think you are tied in with the alien invasion," Fury explained to them.

"Are you saying there are people who blame **us** for the invasion?" Ororo was shocked at Fury's statement.

"You're actually **surprised **by this?" Logan was even more shocked at that.

"Actually the only people blaming you are the FOH, Purity, and the ones that live in Bayville," Fury pointed out. "The rest of the world thinks you did good. Although technically you were harboring an alien here. But no need to let the public know that."

"They were gonna invade us anyway weren't they?" Logan asked.

"They were one of the alien races that had come up on our radar yes," Fury admitted. "But we didn't think they'd invade us so soon."

"I still say we lucked out," Logan snorted.

"I **know** you did," Fury said. "Now the important thing is to capitalize on it."

"Fury's right," Xavier nodded. "This may be the opportunity we need to promote mutant rights and peaceable relations with non-mutants."

"As long as nothing else happens to screw it up," Logan said. "Which will happen anyway."

"Logan I'm sure nothing..." Xavier began.

"Hey Guys!" Althea walked into the meeting with Todd. "Sorry to interrupt but have any of you seen my father? I've been looking for him all over the place after the fight yesterday but nothing."

"Yeah there's no hide or hair of him," Todd said.

"Last I saw him he was talking to Thor and Stark," Fury shrugged. "Something about a bar he knows."

"What?" Althea gave him a look. "When was this?"

"Last night," Fury said.

"Let me see if I get this straight," Althea looked at him. "You let my father go off to a bar with Thor and Iron Man, two of the most notorious **drunks** on your team?"

"Okay Thor is pretty obvious but how the hell did you know about Stark's drinking?" Fury asked. "I thought that was a secret?"

"Secret to anyone who doesn't watch Entertainment Tonight," Althea snorted. "Or any sort of news program for that matter. You do remember what he did with the Governor of New York four years ago?"

"Oh yeah," Todd piped up. "That thing with the aquarium and the prank they pulled on Donald Trump! That was a classic! You know that inspired a lot of our pranks back in the day."

"So what you're saying is that those three have been out carousing all night," Hank held up his hand. "Anyone else here have a foreboding sense of doom?"

"Now let's not jump to any conclusions," Xavier held up his hand. "I'm sure that…"

RRRRING! RING! The telephone on Xavier's desk rang.

"That everything is **not** going straight down the toilet?" Logan finished. "Doubt it!"

"Xavier Institute…" Xavier spoke as he answered the phone. "Hello Shipwreck…What did you do **now?"**

"Here it comes," Logan grumbled.

"Please tell me they are not in jail," Fury groaned.

"They're not in jail," Xavier said. "Not yet anyway."

"So where **are** they?" Althea asked.

"In Paris," Xavier said. "Atop the Eiffel Tower…Where Thor and Iron Man are doing an impromptu version of Singing in the Rain."

"And Thor is making it rain, am I right?" Fury groaned.

"You are correct sir," Xavier sighed. "Shipwreck…Shipwreck…Can you hear me now?"

"I'm starting to miss the Phalanx already," Logan grunted.

"Yeah that little alien Warlock wasn't **that** much trouble," Fury sighed.

"You did what?" Xavier yelled. "Well how on Earth could you land one of Donald Trump's yachts on top of the Louvre? And no I don't believe your piloting skills had anything to do with it. Yes I am pretty sure of that."

"Oh boy…" Fury groaned. "Here comes another three hour rant from the French Government! So much for good publicity."

"I dunno," Todd scratched his head. "This is France we're talking about. We might just go up in some people's estimation."

"And you did **what** in England?" Xavier roared. "You took **who** bowling? No you can't just grab the Queen when she's addressing Parliament to take her out for some fun! I don't care if she is a friend of Stark's and enjoyed it!"

"That is it!" Fury grunted. "Shipwreck and Thor may be lost causes but Stark is going straight into the Betty Ford Clinic as soon as he gets back!"

"AND YOU DID **WHAT** WITH TOILET PAPER AND PURPLE PAINT?" Xavier yelled. "AND YOU USED THEM **WHERE?"**

"Yeah we're dead," Todd nodded.

"I think next time we should let the Technarchs assimilate a couple of 'em!" Logan growled.

"That's not a bad idea," Fury agreed.

"Technically none of them are mutants," Althea told them. "We might just get out of this unscathed. It's just Fury and the Avengers that are in trouble. And my Pop but you know…"

"YOU AND STARK DID **WHAT **AT THE TOWER OF LONDON?" Xavier yelled. "OF COURSE THERE'S NO HOUSE OF RIBS THERE! YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN STARK WAS LYING!"

"I hate my life…" Fury groaned. "I really hate my life!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Well other than the alien invasion how was your visit with the Greys?" Stevie asked Madelyne. She was watching some of the New Mutants in an impromptu study hall where many of them were working on individual projects.

"Let me put it to you this way," Madelyne sighed. "I don't think that either Jean or me will be invited home for Thanksgiving."

"Ouch," Paige winced as she looked up from her book. "That bad?"

"They didn't exactly say they hated me," Madelyne said. "I mean Sarah wanted to stay. It was the way her parents dragged her into the car after the invasion and tore down the driveway that gave me a clue. That and the screaming and begging God **why **couldn't their daughter have a **normal **life with a **normal **boyfriend and **normal** friends."

"Face it kiddo, you inherited the DNA of a very unlucky individual," Tabitha snorted.

"You all seem to be taking this invasion thing pretty calmly," Stevie said. "I mean I'm still a bit shook up."

"It's not like we haven't been invaded by aliens before," Tabitha shrugged.

"It's not like we haven't been **invaded** before period," Ray pointed out. "I mean Sinister, Sentinels, Mystique, demons, Cobra…"

"Arcade before he joined the Misfits," Sam added. "Took over the whole freaking mansion and kicked us all out on our rear ends. Boy that was embarrassing."

"Insane Baby Avalanche Clones," Tabitha continued. "Baby Shadowcat clones. Baby Colossus Clones. I keep forgetting is the correct term Colossi or what?"

"Baby **what **clones?" Madelyne blinked.

"Oh this nut named Mojo kidnapped a lot of us so we could star in his deranged TV shows in another dimension," Sam explained. "Then he made a lot of copies of us that went outta control. Then a whole bunch of them invaded Bayville and caused a ton of damage."

"Speaking of clones don't forget X23," Ray said. "She totally trashed the place the first time she showed up here!"

"Hey," Jubilee pouted. "Give her a break! I mean if you'd been experimented on all your life and thought that Wolverine was responsible you'd want revenge too!"

"Half the people we run into want revenge on one of us or all of us for some reason," Jesse grumbled.

"Don't forget the ducks!" Roberto said.

**"Ducks?"** Madelyne and Stevie asked at the same time.

"Yeah Shipwreck tried to make a love potion that seriously backfired," Roberto explained. "Took us two days to shoo 'em off."

"It was a whole month before any of us dared to walk barefoot outside again," Sam nodded.

"I don't remember that," Rahne said.

"That's because you weren't here," Tabitha pointed out. "You were sent back to Muir Island, remember?"

"Oh right," Rahne nodded. "And then Muir Island got invaded by Trinity and Princess Fluffietta Tinkerbell!"

"Princess **WHO?"** Stevie yelled.

"Trust me, you **don't** want to know," Rahne grumbled.

"It was during Firestar's Day Off," Tabitha sighed. "It's a long story."

"A very long stupid story," Rahne groaned.

"So basically what you are telling me is that by being Jean's clone my life is pretty much screwed?" Madelyne asked. "That I have no chance for a normal life at all?"

"Bingo," Tabitha nodded.

"Okay," Madelyne sighed. "I think I am going to have a nice quiet mental breakdown later."

"I think that's a record for somebody your age," Paige said.

"I think I'd better start working on my resume," Stevie groaned.

"I think I understand why the adults drink so much," Rahne sighed.

"I think I should join them," Stevie agreed.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile at Magneto's secret fortress.

"Once again the X-Men and the Misfits save the day," Lucas quipped as he watched the news on the satellite television. There were images of the X-Men and the Misfits fighting the aliens and the alien ship leaving. There were also images of the Avengers, the Fantastic Four and Spider Man on the television as well. "Along with a group of other second rate human stooges. God they make me sick!"

"But what they did...They saved the world. That's a **good** thing right?" Lorna asked. She was watching the news as well. "I mean they saved the planet from an alien invasion. That has to count for something."

"The only good thing those fools are doing is keeping the competition from taking over the planet before we do!" Lucas snorted.

"Even so it has to do some good for mutant kind right?" Lorna asked.

"For about ten seconds," Lucas snorted. "Then humans will realize that mutants were capable of beating off an alien invasion and those old fears and prejudices will just show right up again. How much you want to bet that it won't even be a full **week **before the newspapers start calling us 'the Mutant Menace' again?"

"Still if there's a chance that humans might listen," Lorna began. "I think we should at least consider some kind of strategy for peace talks."

"Now you're starting to sound like my old man," Lucas banged his hand angrily on the table. "Listen Love and listen good, you really think those flatscans will actually be **grateful** for what they did? That all of the sudden all the hate they have for us will disappear overnight? What you think the FOH will just suddenly call a press conference and say, 'Oops, sorry! I guess mutants aren't spawns of the devil after all'?"

"Legion has a point Polaris," Magneto walked into the room with a regal air about him. "When it comes to gratitude, humanity's memories tend to wear a little thin, but the slightest grievance and it becomes all out war."

"Look at the bloody French," Lucas snorted. "There's an example of grateful humans."

"Legion," Lorna gave him a look. "That's not nice. I'm just saying that there has to be some humans who are willing to give mutants a chance and not exterminate us."

"Only so that they can use us as weapons," Lucas snorted. "The only good human is a dead human in my book."

"Wasn't your mother human?" Lorna challenged.

"**David's** mother was human," Lucas corrected. "Besides if it wasn't for her I wouldn't exist. That should tell you **something **about her parenting skills. We're all better off with 'em dead. All of 'em."

"Even I wouldn't go **that** far," Magneto said. "Yes Lorna there are one or two exceptions to the rule but the majority of humans would see our kind dead or enslaved first. Never forget that."

"Is this about that MacTaggart woman on Muir Island?" Lucas asked Magneto. "What you had a thing for her or something? Unbelievable. First my father now **you."**

"No, but she is…was a very good friend to me," Magneto told him. "She is one of the few humans I know that actually understands mutantkind. True she's a bit deluded into thinking that humans and mutants can actually co-exist in peace, but that's to be expected of her. Unlike Xavier she doesn't know any better. As brilliant as a scientist as she is, that does not exclude the fact that she is unfortunately at the lower end of the evolutionary chain."

"She's still a human no matter which way you look at it," Lucas said. "You can't possibly tell me you actually like her!"

"Just because she is not as evolved as mutants does not mean that I cannot have some…attachments to her," Magneto said. "She and Charles were both close collegues once. We worked together for quite a while before we parted ways."

"Oh please," Lucas rolled his eyes. "Spare me the soap opera."

"Don't think I haven't **forgotten** what you did to Muir Island," Magneto warned in a stern tone. "That is one of the few havens our people have and what did you do? You deliberately disobeyed my orders and attacked it!"

"Humph!" Lucas was still defiant. "Yeah I'm **real **sorry that I took out a place that studied mutants and set one loose. A mutant that not only helped distract SHIELD when we liberated the mutants from North Korea, but took out a lot of humans **and **an X-Man! Oh yes that was a **bad** thing!"

"**We **liberated the mutants from those North Korean concentration camps!" Lorna said to him. "You were nowhere to be found!"

"And I do not respect **anyone** who would attack a hospital where mutants were treated with kindness and compassion," Magneto snarled.

"Are you **sure **you don't have a thing for this Moria bird?" Lucas snorted. "Face it Magneto, the only reason Ms. MacTaggart likes mutants so much was that her own son was one. Well that and she got a little action from my old man on the side."

"You insolent little…" Magneto roared as he used his powers to throw a chair at Lucas.

Lucas was prepared for this and used his telekinesis to deflect it to the side. "Is that the **best** you can do old man?" He jeered as he created a fireball in his hand. "Throw a chair around like it was the bloody Jerry Springer show?"

"I will throw you out on your **ear** you…" Magneto prepared for an attack.

"Bring it on!" Lucas snarled making the fire even bigger. "I've been waiting for this!"

"LUCAS NO!" Lorna stood between them. "STOP THIS! THIS FIGHTING IS SENSELESS! FATHER PLEASE! DON'T FIGHT!"

"We wouldn't be fighting at **all** love if **you** hadn't started acting **weak!** Wanting to make nice with the humans!" Lucas spat at her.

"All I was saying was that the X-Men and Misfits saving the world was a **good **thing for us!" Lorna shouted. "Just please stop fighting!"

Lucas seemed to want to throw her aside for a moment then powered down. "Fine," He grumbled. "I'm sorry. Happy?"

"Wise choice," Magneto growled. "Legion just because you are one of my most powerful allies, it does not give you license to mock me or disobey my orders. Next time I will not overlook your insolent attitude because of my daughter's infatuation. Understand?"

"Yes Magneto," Lucas grunted. He walked past Lorna and left the room. "I need some air."

"As for you Lorna," Magneto said. "I understand that this recent turn of events does shed light in our favor, if only to buy us more time before humanity finally decides to crush us once and for all. But make no mistake, although there are some humans that are wise enough to recognize Homo Superior as a dominant species, the majority of the human race is not so complacent. Have you forgotten the lesson of North Korea? Or of Neverland?"

"No Father," Lorna said. "I haven't forgotten. I just wish there was another way besides all out war."

"As do I," Magneto said. "Avalon will be a haven for our kind but it even that will not be completely safe from Mankind's envy. We must be eternally vigilant. Do not allow your resolve to weaken."

"I won't father," Lorna said.

"See that you don't," Magneto told her. "I would hate for you to disappoint me like your brother and sisters."

Meanwhile Lucas had returned to his quarters in order to sulk and plot. He telekinetically threw a chair into the wall. "I'm getting **real** tired of putting up with this," Lucas hissed to the shadows. "When the hell are we actually going to do something about Magneto?"

His form changed to Blackjack, the dark haired British telekinetic and one of the more dominant personalities. "Patience Lucas," He grinned. "Good things come to those who wait."

Then his form changed to Cyndi, the blond female American fire starter. "Yeah but how much longer do we have to wait? I'm with Scotty here! I want some action!"

"**Don't** call me Scotty!" Lucas changed back. "I never would have gotten rid of David and Ian if I had known I'd have ended up with the **two **of you! At least Ian knew how to keep **quiet!"**

"You should learn how to keep quiet!" Blackjack returned. "You almost cost us everything with your temper!"

"We could have taken him!" Cyndi appeared next. "Magneto isn't half as **strong **as he thinks he is! And neither is that little simpering green haired brat of his!"

"They're both **strong enough!"** Blackjack snapped. "Remember Polaris is useful to us. We just have to bide our time and then with her help, we will take over the whole operation and run the show."

"But what if Little Miss Metal Mouth won't cooperate?" Cyndi returned.

"Oh she'll cooperate," Lucas grinned as he returned. "I'll make sure of **that!"**

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile in a secret laboratory far away…

"Well we're back," Arclight, the female Marauder grunted as she dropped a huge sack onto the ground. Her companion Blockbuster, a bald mutant in black spandex dropped some crates. "Next time one of you lot go out and pick up supplies from the Russian Mafia!"

"It wasn't all bad," Blockbuster pulled out a wallet. "I got this nice wallet and gold watch."

"One of those Russian Mafia blokes sell you them?" Riptide, a purple haired mutant in purple clothes asked.

"No," Blockbuster shook his head. He pulled out a severed hand with a gold watch attatched to it from the bag. "Oh and we got some extra DNA and body parts for the boss too. Where is he?"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH! THEY'LL PAY FOR THIS!" The sounds of Sinister screaming and several more things breaking could be heard. "THEY WILL **PAY!"**

"Another one of his labs got raided by the Misfits?" Blockbuster asked.

"I WILL KILL THEM! THEY WILL SUFFER! " Sinister screamed as the sound of even more things breaking could be heard.

"Worse," Tar snorted. He was completely black and made out of his namesake. Only a pair of glowing yellow eyes could be seen on his face. "The Feds got this one. The Misfits gave 'em the coordinates before the alien invasion."

CRASH! SMASH! SMASH! BASH! SNAP! SMASH! SMASH!

"That's not good is it?" Blockbuster gulped.

"What do **you **think?" Tar gave him a look.

"I WILL PERSONALLY SNAP THEIR NECKS!" Sinister screamed. "I HATE THE MISFITS! I REALLY HATE THE MISFITS! NOW I KNOW HOW THE X-MEN FEEL!"

"Which lab was it this time?" Arclight asked.

"The one in Seattle," Riptide said. He casually flipped his long pale purple hair. "You know the one underneath that Starbucks?"

"Which Starbucks?" Blockbuster asked.

"The one that had all those good cookies and cupcakes," Riptide said.

"Oh I liked that one," Blockbuster sighed.

CRASH! SMASH! CRUNCH! SMASH! SMASH! CRASH! SMASH!

"I think Sinister liked that one too," Riptide remarked.

"NEVERLAND WAS BAD ENOUGH! BUT THIS...! THIS IS **WAR!"** Sinster shouted. "YOU HEAR ME MISFITS! X-MEN! **WAR!"**

CRASH! SHATTER! CLANK! SMASH! CRASH! RIP! TEAR! SMASH!

"Boy is he **not** in a good mood," Hairbag, the mutant with the head of a man and the body of an ape grumbled.

Sinister slammed open the door into the room. "No, you **think?"** He had obviously overheard him.

"Uh Boss," Blockbuster gulped. "We got the…"

"Not **now!"** Sinister snapped. "I can see you got the supplies. And my nose tells me you brought extra. But what the hell good does it do when all my labs are being shut down!" He kicked over a table with some empty beakers. "TELL ME! WHAT GOOD IS IT WHEN I HAVE NO LABS TO DO MY EXPERIMENTS ON?"

"N-not all of them got trashed Sir," Arclight gulped. "This one is pretty secure."

"It won't be for long the way things are going! This is the **third** one this week!" Sinister snapped. "I don't know how the Misfits found out about those labs but when I get my hands on them…"

"This is about them finding that Jean Grey clone you were working on, isn't it Boss?" Hairbag asked.

"No Hairbag, I'm actually frustrated by the fact that Chris Daughtry was voted off of American Idol earlier than he should have been," Sinister told him.

"Really? I liked him too," Hairbag nodded. "I even voted for the guy and…"

"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC YOU MORON!" Sinister shouted.

"Oh," Hairbag gulped. "So you like Taylor Hicks better?"

"Note to self," Sinister rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Next time I create a mutant with the body of a man and the brain of an ape because it certainly doesn't work THE OTHER WAY AROUND!"

"Look Sinister…" Riptide began. Sinister gave him a glare. "I mean **Mr.** Sinister, just because the X-Idiots have your clone and the Misfits are wrecking your labs it don't mean it's the end of the world and all. I mean take the clone for instance…It can't be **that** hard to drag her back here."

"We can go get her if you like," Arclight said.

"No, the process was interrupted! She's missing several enhancements I was going to add in the final stage! Not to mention programming her mind to obey my every whim. She's **useless** now!" Sinister snapped. "USELESS! ALL THAT WORK FOR NOTHING!"

"Can't you just make another clone?" Hairbag asked.

"I used up nearly all the genetic material making **that** one!" Sinister told him making a fist. "AND THANKS TO THE MISFITS ALL MY CLONE PODS HAVE BEEN EITHER DESTROYED OR CONFISCATED! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TAKES TO MAKE ONE OF THOSE THINGS? DO YOU?"

"Uh, a week?" Hairbag scratched his head. Sinister glared at him. "Two weeks?"

"Hairbag, have you ever wondered what your insides look like?" Sinister asked, his hands ready to strangle his hapless henchman. "BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO ANSWER THAT PARTICULAR CURIOSITY!"

"Don't blame me boss!" Hairbag held his hands up. "It wasn't my fault!"

Sinister stopped mid strike. "No…You're right," He said carefully, as if thinking clearly for the first time in a long while. "It wasn't **your** fault. Which means it was **someone else's**. But who? **Who** would betray **me?**"

"Uh, someone really stupid?" Hairbag gulped. Sinister gave him a dark glare.

"Besides **you**?" Tar snorted.

"I mean, uh, wait a minute I can figure this out…" Hairbag held up his hands as Sinister advanced on him. "I mean it's not Apocalypse or Magneto well the latter because he don't know where you are or that much about you. I mean the only people who know are in that Hellfire Club and some of 'em are caught and maybe one of 'em blabbed?"

"Nobody really important in the Hellfire Club is in jail and the ones that are don't know anything about our labs," Arclight snorted.

"That's right," Sinister stopped and thought. "So it must have been someone **higher up** or **close **to them. But who and why? **That **is the question."

"Maybe we can get more DNA for you while you're thinking about that?" Riptide asked. "You know go out and tell the rest of the Marauders and we can invade the Institute again. Maybe hack up the clone into tiny bits and bring what's left of her carcass back here? Would you like that Boss?"

"Yeah boss we can do that," Hairbag nodded eagerly. "We'd go right now if you'd like!"

"Come on Boss it'll be fun," Blockbuster said. "You could even pretend to be one of the X-Geek's relatives or something and then...BAM! They'll never know what hit 'em!"

"Perhaps another day," Sinister sighed as he sat down on a chair. "To be quite honest…I'm not in the mood for that right now. I mean we've **done** that plan before. I don't want to repeat myself. Besides Apocalypse specifically ordered me not to kill the X-Men and Misfits so…"

"So what do you want us to do?" Arclight asked.

"Just keep a low profile for now," Sinister ordered. "I have no choice but to ask Apocalypse for another safe house so I can do the experiments he wanted me to do. And I am **not **looking forward to **that **conversation! But once I find out who betrayed me…And you **know** I will...I promise I will unleash a fury that will shatter that individual to pieces and **all **he or she holds dear!"

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Meanwhile in another secret lab somewhere…

"Did you get the specimen Hodge?" Bolivar Trask asked one of his secret partners.

"Yes and you have no idea how many favors I had to call in so I could sneak it out past SHIELD's nose," Cameron Hodge, a thin weasel of a man with thinning brown hair in brown suit and thin yellowish sunglasses sniffed.

"Just as long as no one suspects…" Trask began.

"No one suspects," Hodge told him as he removed the cover off the container. Inside the Plexiglas shield was a black and gold metal strip that moved. "If there's one thing I'm good at is covering my tracks. Not even that opportunist Eddington knows about this. And that's saying something. I just can't believe our luck that we were able to get a piece of the Phalanx left behind. As small as it is."

"It's enough. Remarkable," Trask took out a small microscopic lens and peered at the specimen through it. "This may be the breakthrough I've been looking for. A way to make my Sentinels invincible."

"Not **too** invincible," Hodge told him. "This thing nearly conquered the entire planet. The last thing we need is for this to backfire in our faces like the Chicago incident."

"That was Kincaid's fault," Trask told him. "Don't worry I've taken precautions. I've got the perfect lab environment set up to study it."

"Well take your time," Hodge said. "That **thing** reminds me too much of mutants as it is."

"Yes, but if I can crack it's secrets and figure out how to control it, or better yet create a version of it that can be controlled…" Trask grinned. "This is the break we have been looking for. I can feel it."

"So you think you can crack this thing?" Hodge asked.

"I know I can," Trask looked at it gleefully. "It may take me a year, it may take me fifteen years but I will crack it. And then I will finally have the perfect tool to eliminate the mutant menace once and for all!"

**Did you really think things would be that easy for the gang? Nope. Not a chance. **

**Next up more fluffy fun! Yes I love fluff and I will never stop! But first a public service announcement. See, this fic can have some educational value. You're up Shipwreck!**

Shipwreck walked out. "I can't believe you're making me do this!"

**Just read what's on the cue cards, sailor.**

"Fine, Fine," Shipwreck grumbled. "This author in no way advocates the use of alcohol or getting drunk to have a good time…Mostly because she's an uptight little…"

**Cool it with the ad libing and get on with it! **

"Alright already!" Shipwreck snapped. "Alcoholism is a serious illness and is not a laughing matter. Yeah right! I guess you've never heard of a little show called **Cheers!"**

**Shipwreck…**

"Or the Simpsons," Shipwreck went on. "Or every other TV show out there. Hell even in Mayberry they had at least one town drunk for laughs!"

**Shipwreck…You are getting close to sudden and painful death here!**

"Fine," Shipwreck threw up his hands. "Where was I? Oh right. Who wrote these cue cards? My kids? I can barely read this! Let me handle this…"

**I'd rather you didn't…**

"Look kids the point is that this is a story," Shipwreck said. "Just a story. Got it? And yes people get drunk in this story for comic purposes but you shouldn't do it in real life. Of course if you **need **to be **told **this you should seriously **get a life!" **

**Here we go. We're gonna get letters…**

"I mean come on this is just fan fiction people!" Shipwreck called out. "Which mean's it's written by a lunatic!"

**You are seriously treading on thin ice you know that? **

"Okay now most of you know what I'm talking about," Shipwreck said. "You people are somewhat normal. It's those fanatics that can't take a joke I'm talking about. Hello! Newsflash to all you downers out there! Drunks are idiots. Idiots are funny. Therefore drunks are funny. Don't be an idiot folks. Stay sober and leave the drinking to serious professionals."

**Like you.**

"Exactly."

**So you're saying you're a professional idiot.**

"You're damn right I…" Shipwreck stopped. "Hey!"

**Told you that you were treading on thin ice. Well that's all for now folks! Stay sober and don't drink. You get a video camera and tape the idiots that drink so you can blackmail them later! Now you know…**

"And knowing is half the battle," Shipwreck grinned. "Oh man I can't believe I said that!"

**I can't believe I wrote it...I need a drink...**

"Way to set an example," Shipwreck mocked.

**A Cappuchino you nut! **

"Oh yes there's a difference for **you,"** Shipwreck groaned.

**One of these days I really have to get my imagination under control.**


	23. A Day at the Beach

**A Day At The Beach**

It all started the way everything started at the Xavier Institute, with an innocent idea. And the Misfits showing up. "Hey gang!" Althea crowed. "It's my birthday! Time to celebrate!" She was wearing a blue two piece bathing suit covered with a white t-shirt and sandals. "Party time!"

"We're having a beach party!" Todd shouted. He was dressed in green swim trunks and a white sleeveless T-shirt. All the Misfits had some kind of beach gear on.

"And **we're** in the middle of History class," Ororo groaned as she sat at her desk. The students were all in history class at their desks.

"We don't mind the interruption," Jubilee said.

"Of course **you** don't," Ororo said. "But I do!"

"Hey look at what I got," Althea rolled up her sleeve on her right arm. Around her upper arm was a blue tattooed circular wave symbol. "Check out my birthday present."

"Awesome!" Ray whistled.

"You got a **tattoo **for your birthday?" Kitty's jaw dropped.

"Whoa! Way to do the teenage rebellion thing!" Tabitha was impressed.

"What do you mean?" Althea asked. "My Dad got me this. It was his idea."

"If it was anyone else I would be shocked," Ororo sighed.

"He even picked out the design," Althea nodded. "It's just what I wanted!"

"And that concludes another chapter in the book of Parenting By Shipwreck," Ororo remarked. "I'm not even going to ask where your chaperones are. Knowing them they are hiding out in a bar somewhere."

"Actually they're getting everything ready at the beach," Lance said. "There's this island Shipwreck knows…"

"Hold on," Rogue interrupted. "This ain't gonna be like the time he took us to the island with all those landmines is it?"

"Nah we had it checked, it's clean," Todd nodded. "Anyway we thought we'd invite you to the party!"

"That sounds like fun," Tim said.

"Maybe some other time," Ororo said diplomatically. "Right now we have work to do."

"Aw come on," Pietro said. "You guys drop all this class stuff at the drop of the hat whenever there's a disaster! For once you should act like regular kids and skip class because you're sick of it!"

"Quicksilver…" Ororo began.

"Actually for once Pietro has a point," Xavier wheeled in.

"Wait a minute," Pietro held up his hand. "Xavier is advocating goofing off? Okay are you a shape shifter? Or is this one of those alien possession things?"

"Professor Xavier?" Ororo raised an eyebrow. "Is that your **real** name?"

"Hear me out," Xavier held up his hand. "All of you have been working so hard and you did help save the world. So I suppose one day off won't do any harm."

"Are you serious?" Tabitha asked. She threw up her papers. "WHOO HOO!" The students flocked to their rooms to get changed.

"Professor I'm not so sure that this is a good idea," Ororo sighed.

"I know many of our field trips with the Misfits have been…less than satisfactory," Xavier said.

"You mean total disasters," Ororo pointed out.

"But I've been feeling the pressures several of our students are experiencing," Xavier continued. "And believe me schoolwork is the least of them."

"Part of this is about Jean isn't it?" Ororo asked. "I saw her coming out of her room late. Doesn't she have classes today?"

"I told her it would be a good idea to take a day off," Xavier said. "She's been having trouble sleeping."

"Nightmares about the Phoenix?" Ororo asked.

Xavier nodded. "Add to peer pressure on campus, it's not as bad as it was at Bayville University but still…"

"We save an entire planet from an alien invasion and the world **still **won't give us the benefit of the doubt!" Ororo growled.

"Things are slowly changing," Xavier told her. He rubbed his head. "But I admit it is too slowly even for me sometimes."

"You don't look so good," Ororo looked at him. "Are you all right?"

"I admit I've been having a few sleepless nights myself," Xavier sighed. "Perhaps a day off is all we need? It would do us all good to relax for a little while."

"You must be tired if **you're **advocating a day off," Ororo said. "But I suppose you're right. What's the worst that can happen?"

"Storm," Xavier gave her a look. "I thought by now you would know better than to say **anything** like that."

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Meanwhile somewhere in another part of the world...

"I don't have time for this," Sinister sneered as he stood by the docks on a mysterious pier. "This is ridiculous! Why am I even here? I have better things to do than to wait like some kind of housewife that's on line for groceries."

"I'd love to see **you **in an apron," Unicorn did a back flip from the shadows. She seemed to glisten in the moonlight. "I'd think you'd look kind of cute."

"Unicorn! What the hell are **you** doing here you Memoirs of a Geisha wannabe?" Sinister snapped.

"Fashion critiques from a man dressed like he's an escapee from a bad Eighties vampire-science fiction movie?" Unicorn raised her eyebrows. "Oh how that **wounds **me!"

"You'll be more than wounded when I…" Sinister advanced.

"Now, now," Unicorn waved her finger. "Temper, temper. I'm here to deliver you a message from Factor One."

"I was supposed to meet him personally," Sinister said.

"Yes well something came up," Unicorn shrugged. "He had a manicurist appointment so he sent me. Of course you more than **anyone** should know how busy life can be. I mean look at all the work you're doing, and not just for Apocalypse. Let's see, pretending to be a doctor here, a scientist there, secretly helping out Magneto over there, doing experiments for the government over **there**, running a few other experiments on the side for the Hellfire Club…I've heard of having too many hands in the cookie jar but even for a mad scientist you're overdoing it."

"Yes I **am** busy," Sinister began. "All the more reason for you to get on with it. What the hell do you want?"

"And then there's that nasty business with Neverland and all your labs being broken into," Unicorn sighed, ignoring him. "Such a run of bad luck. Then again a name like Sinister isn't one to attract sunshine and rainbows is it? But fortunately for you Factor One knows you need help. Especially with your special project Apocalypse has got you working on. So he's decided to help you."

"Help me?" Sinister asked, not quite believing it. "How?"

"By doing some of the work for you," Unicorn said. "He's gotten the basics of the project all planned out. All you have to do is make a few improvements. You can handle that can't you?"

"And what makes you think I'll just take his assistance?" Sinister snapped.

"Because and these are his words verbatim," Unicorn quoted. "Sinister may be a genetic genius but when it comes to time management he's nothing more than an absent minded professor."

"How **dare** he…" Sinister fumed. "I **made** him! I gave him power beyond his wildest dreams and this is how he **rewards** me? By treating me like some inferior lackey! By insulting me! By…"

"By **not** killing you and allowing you to be part of his master plan? Yes," Unicorn said handing him a memory disk. "All the information you need is on this disk. I'm sure someone with your intelligence can figure it out."

"How generous," Sinister mocked as he took it. "And what does Factor One want in return for this good deed?"

"He wants you to help overthrow Apocalypse when the time is right," Unicorn explained.

"**Besides **that," Sinister gave her a look.

"That's it," Unicorn shrugged.

"That's **it?** That's not it and you **know** it!" Sinister snapped.

"What are **you **complaining about? You've got a win, win situation here," Unicorn scoffed. "Your research time has been cut down by half, the plans for mutant advancement are now underway and once Apocalypse has served his purpose you can be rid of him for good. Just go along with Apocalypse until Factor One gives you the order. As if you weren't planning on dumping him somehow already!"

"He, orders **me?**" Sinister sneered. "**Factor One** orders me? I am the one who made **him!"**

"Yes and Apocalypse made **you,"** Unicorn pointed out. "And you are more than willing to do away with him. You really don't see the **irony** there?"

"Then why not just take Apocalypse out now?" Sinister asked.

"And do all the hard work ourselves? Please! Let him run around and do his evolving humanity thing until the time comes for Factor Three to step in. We all have the same goal," Unicorn shrugged. "Mutant Supremacy, a genetically superior breed of mutant ruling the Earth. Enslavement and or annihilation of the human race, yada, yada, yada...We just have different views on how to run the world after we've achieved our goal. Mind you, Apocalypse does have a good plan. It's just well…"

"He's not a member of Factor Three," Sinister sneered.

"It could be Factor **Four** if you play your cards right," Unicorn told him. She tossed him a card. "Here you go darling, a love letter from Factor One himself."

Sinister opened it and read it. "Is he **serious?**" Sinister's jaw dropped.

"Of course he is," Unicorn scoffed. "He has even less of a sense of humor than you do!"

"He wants me to be his apprentice…?" Sinister was enraged. "**His** apprentice?"

"Actually he wants to sponsor you so you can compete for the chance to be Factor Three's new junior member," Unicorn corrected. "For a learned man you do have trouble with reading comprehension don't you?"

"You…Ungrateful…" Sinister sneered. "Both of you! This is an **insult!** You were both nothing until I found the two of you! I remember the day I found you! You were nothing more than a sideshow freak! If it weren't for me you'd **still **be in that third rate carnival with a chain on your leg forced to prance around to amuse fat children! You were a nothing! You hear me? **Nothing!"**

Then Unicorn gave Sinister a very hard look. "I was **never** nothing, Sinister," She hissed. "Just a diamond in the rough waiting to break free. You're just sore because we outgrew you. We surpassed you and you still can't get over it."

"Be quiet," Sinister growled.

"You know it must have been really a shock for you, all those centuries of trying to create the perfect mutants and when you do so and find out that the perfect mutants are no longer willing to be your little play things well.." Unicorn shrugged. "That must really sting doesn't it?"

"I would not call either **you **nor Factor One perfect by a long shot!" Sinister snapped.

"Strong enough to overthrow your control and turn the tables on **you.** You're not the only one who can touch a nerve or two," Unicorn continued. "I can't believe after all these years you still haven't gotten over it. Talk about being petty."

"I should rip out your tongue for being so insolent," Sinister growled.

"Then why don't you try?" Unicorn produced two grey swords from her kimono. "I still have my special swords. Go ahead. Let's see what lessons you can teach me after all these years?"

Sinister didn't move. "I thought so," Unicorn scoffed. "Same old Sinister. Oh you act like you are the big bad boogeyman as long as nothing can hurt you, but the second you're vulnerable even slightly…You cower and whimper like frightened child. No wonder you haven't attacked the X-Men directly since the last time. Cyclops and Phoenix could kick your ass all over the planet and you **know** it!"

Unicorn took out a delicate finger and slid it down one of the sharp end's of the blade, a faint trickle of blood seeped out. "That's why you'll never be able to take me on. You fear pain. I **relish** it. I've learned to cherish it and savor it like a fine wine," She licked her blood. "Yes pain and I are friends. I welcome it for it gives me strength."

"You're insane," Sinister snarled.

"Praise from the master," Unicorn mocked. "Anyway it's not like you haven't moved on from us. You've gotten a new toy to play with. And I don't mean that little Jean Grey clone you lost."

"What are you babbling about **now?"** Sinister growled.

"Your new little protégé you've got stashed in Africa for training, you know the one that even Apocalypse doesn't know about," Unicorn grinned. "It's a good thing that you can hide some things from Apocalypse. If he knew you had a new personal bodyguard to help you…Oh he would **not **be happy!"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Sinister glared even though he knew **exactly **who Unicorn was talking about.

"Fine, be that way, it will make the Game all the more interesting," Unicorn grinned. "Be prepared Sinister, it is coming faster than you think. Each member of Factor Three has picked out a potential apprentice. I've already picked mine out and you **know** Factor Three will have an interesting one. You will know when it begins. Don't disappoint us."

"What makes you think I'll play your little game?" Sinister asked. "Whatever it is."

"Because Sinister playing games is what you **live** for," Unicorn laughed as she disappeared into the shadows.

"Insolent little…" Sinister growled as he crumpled the note in his hand. "All right Factor One…I'll play your little game. But when I'm through **I'll** be the only winner!"

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"I don't know where we are but I don't care!" Ray sighed as he lay back on a beach blanket and enjoyed the rays.

"As long as the sun is shining, the waves are chillin' and there's no schoolwork I am fine," Roberto grinned as he had sunglasses on. The Misfits and X-Men were enjoying their time in the sun.

"Are you still playing that video game?" Amara watched as Roberto fooled around with something in his hands. It looked like a game system device.

"What canI say? I'm addicted," Roberto told her.

"You're always playing with that stupid thing," Ray groaned. "You've had it ever since I can remember."

"No I haven't," Roberto told him.

"Yes you have," Ray said. "I remember the first night we roomed together, you kept me up playing with it all night!"

"It's a fun game, sue me," Roberto told him.

"Come on," Tabitha called out from the water. "Last one in is a Cyclops!"

"Hey!" Scott turned his head. He was wearing tan swim trunks and had a white and green Hawaiian shirt on.

"Oh relax, Scott," Jean snickered. Using her telekinesis she picked up one of the toddler's small buckets and got some water into it. Then promptly dumped it on him.

"Hey! That's cold!" Scott yelled. "Okay you asked for it!" He grabbed a small bucket of his own and got some water.

"Oh no you don't Scott," Jean giggled as she backed away.

"Oh yes," Scott grinned. He began to chase her with it. Jean was too happy to use her powers to block the water.

"AAAH! That's cold!" Jean squealed.

"Spash fight!" Kurt shouted as he teleported and dumped a bucket of water on Scott.

"Kurt!" Scott shouted. He looked at himself. "Is that blue hair on my water? Okay you're dead!"

"Let's get 'em," Jean grinned and both took off after Kurt.

"Ha, ha ha!" Kurt laughed as he teleported all around splashing people and dumping buckets of water on them.

"KURT! YEOW THAT'S COLD! YOU ARE SO DEAD ELF!" Several students yelled as Kurt played his pranks.

"Got ya! Ha ha! I am the Splash King! I am the King of the Water I am..."Kurt began then his eyes widened as he heard a certain familiar sound. He turned around. "Gulp!"

"You were saying something?" Althea rode a huge wave towering over him.

"Mommy!" Kurt felt too scared to teleport and the wave splashed over him. "AAAHHH!"

"Revenge!" Scott whooped and the mutants chased him around.

All along the beach the mutants and the Joes were having fun. Well most of them. "SOMEBODY HELP GAMBIT!" Remy yelled. He was buried up to his neck in sand.

The perpetrators, Trinity, Spyder and Madelyne laughed. "Look what I got girls!" Quinn waved a pair of swim trunks in her hand. "A souvenir!"

"How much you want for it?" Rogue asked mischievously. She was in a green swimsuit with a green fishnet top on.

"ROGUE!" Remy turned beet red.

"This is nice," Logan sighed as he lay back in a chair. He was wearing dark navy swim trunks and had a soda in his hand. "The kids are having fun. Roadblock is barbecuing."

"YEOW! OH COME ON STORM! IT WAS A COMPLEMENT!" Shipwreck screamed.

"Storm is having fun barbecuing Shipwreck," Logan added.

"It is rather nice isn't it?" Xavier sighed as he relaxed, wearing his orange Hawaiian swim trunks and shirt and sitting in a lounge chair.

"YE-OWWW!" Shipwreck screamed as he ran from Ororo. "NOT THE LIGHTNING! NOT THE LIGHTNING!"

"What the beach or Storm beating up Shipwreck?" Logan asked.

"YEOW! STORM! OWWWWWWW! OW! THAT REALLY HURTS!" Shipwreck screamed. "SERIOUSLY THAT COULD LEAVE A MARK YOU KNOW?"

"Both," Xavier admitted with a smile.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Pietro ran by screaming. Rina followed him with her claws out. "HELP SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME!"

"DIE!" Rina yelled as she chased after him.

"What did Quicksilver do to Rina?" Xavier asked.

"Nothing really," Logan admitted. "See the kid was bugging me as we were setting up. Kept singing some stupid song so I sic'ed X on him."

"Really?" Xavier sighed. "You know Logan I know X23 is your clone but there is such a thing as being **too** much alike!"

Meanwhile Doug was playing Frisbee with Rahne. Rahne changed from wolf form after she caught it. "That's cheating!" Doug said.

"No it 'tisn't," Rahne grinned. "You never said no powers. Besides, I catch things better in wolf form."

"Sometimes I wish I could turn into a wolf," Doug sighed as he sat down. "At least that's a cool power."

"Being a human translator has it's advantages too don't you know?" Rahne sat down next to him. "Don't put yourself down. Look at it this way, at least you don't have to worry about fleas."

"Don't be so sure," Doug groaned as he started to scratch his arm. "I think something bit me!"

Amara and Roberto ran by holding hands and laughing. "Those two are a cute couple," Doug remarked. Then he saw a strange look on Rahne's face. "Oh sorry, I forgot that you have a crush on him."

"Had a crush. Past tense. To be honest I thought he was cute but I just didn't have the guts to tell him how I felt," Rahne shrugged. "I guess Amara did."

"Sorry," Doug said.

"Ah don't be. I got over that a long time ago," Rahne waved. "Like I said it was only a puppy crush. Then Aiden came along and well…"

"Oh yeah," Doug nodded. "I remember. Well at least you had some kind of dating experience."

"Dougie, don't you be telling me there's no girl out there you like?" Rahne raised an eyebrow.

"Well uh," Doug gulped and blushed. Rahne blushed back. "Maybe one."

This didn't go unnoticed. "Okay when did **this** happen?" Logan growled as he watched the exchange from his beach chair. "First she likes Cannonball, then before I know it she's making googly eyes at Sunspot and now **this?"**

"You forgot Aiden," Spirit told him.

"No I didn't," Logan said. "That jerk don't count."

"They grow up so fast don't they?" A slightly singed Shipwreck walked up to the adults resting in the beach chairs. "It seems like just yesterday Althea was playing with her dolls. Playing Marie Antoinette and chopping off their heads."

"That was last week," Cover Girl corrected. "And it wasn't Althea. It was Trinity."

"Who do you think they learned that game from?" Shipwreck asked.

"Oh yeah," Low Light said. "I remember that. And when she was seven she tried to burn Sgt. Snuffles at the stake. She was playing Joan of Arc."

"Actually Lt. Falcon taught her **that** game," Shipwreck corrected. "As well as half the motor pool. Ah they grow up so fast."

"Not fast enough," Logan grunted as he saw the toddlers run by without their swimsuits.

"BOYS!" Shipwreck chased after them. He brought them back soon after and dressed them in their little swimmers. "Now stay in your play pen and play nice."

"Here you go boys," Althea brought up several stuffed Sesame Street dolls and play toys and put them in the pen. "Have fun."

"What are those?" Logan asked.

"Baby Sesame Street toys," Althea said. "The latest rage for infants and toddlers."

"You think that the kids should have all this? You know being exposed to all the commercialism?" Shipwreck asked.

Althea gave him a look. "Well it can't be any worse than that episode of the **Sopranos** they saw!"

"Oh right…" Shipwreck remembered. "Look in my defense I had no idea the kids had gotten out of their crib and were watching it right behind me. Besides they only saw half of it and it was months ago. They probably don't remember anything."

"Fugget abowt it," Claudius giggled.

Barney looked at the stuffed Baby Big Bird doll. "You not my bwodahh Fwedo. You not a bwodahh, you not a fwiend. I no care what you do or weh you go." He then whacked the doll with his bat. "Whack Fwedo! Whack!"

"Make him an offah he can't wefuse," Claudius nodded.

"You know that movie channel runs that same Godfather marathon every other month…" Shipwreck began.

"I never thought I would ever miss Barney the extremely annoying dinosaur," Althea groaned. "Should we do something about this?"

"Until they start cutting off the heads off of their toy ponies and sticking them in people's beds, I wouldn't worry about it," Logan waved.

Soon it was time to eat and the gang was all munching down on their food. "Barbecue chicken, hot dogs, tofu dogs, salad, macaroni salad, potato chips, soy chips, cheese doodles, fish sticks!" Fred grinned. "Boy this is a spread!"

"Pass the salad will you?" Jesse asked.

"Here you go," Fred handed it to him. "If you will pass the barbecue sauce!"

"Is it just me or are we all actually getting along?" Jean asked as she finished her barbecue chicken.

"We are," Althea said. "There's only one possible explanation for that. Somebody drugged the food."

"Well none of us are sick so it couldn't have been Kitty," Lance snorted.

"You know Lance I'm really sick of these stupid remarks," Kitty gave him a look.

"Sorry Pretty Kitty," Pietro told her. "You're gonna have to put up with them a long time. It's Breakup Law Number 5. The wronged party in the breakup has the right to say hostile to the wronger…that's you, for as long as the two have been going out. It's a fact. Look it up."

"**He** broke up with **me!**" Kitty snapped.

"After **you** strung him along and tried to get with Tin Man behind his back," Tabitha pointed out. "Sorry Kitty but Lance is in the right with this one."

"She's right Kitty," Scott shook his head. "It's the rule."

"Wait a minute, what about all that time Jean went out with Duncan?" Kitty asked. "You don't rub it in on her!"

"No, but **we **can rub it in," Tabitha explained.

"It's the special clause on Law Number Five," Rogue explained. "If the faulty party is an obvious bigoted egotistical dumb ass, the friends of the other party have the right…"

"No, the **duty,**" Betsy interrupted. "To remind her of the hideous mistake she made for the rest of her life!"

"So you're going to nag me about Lance the rest of my life?" Kitty yelled.

"Well technically Lance isn't a dumb ass," Wanda spoke up.

"Thank you," Lance said.

"He's a rock headed moron," Wanda finished.

"Thanks a lot!" Lance groaned.

"What's the difference?" Kitty asked.

"Comparing Lance to Duncan is like comparing people who like American Idol to that show on VHI, But Can They Sing," Althea said. "I mean they're both guilty pleasures but one is clearly a **lot **better than the other."

"Yeah we get it Althea," Kitty grumbled.

"I mean come on," Althea continued. "That Can They Sing was just plain ear torture."

"Oh yeah," Todd nodded. "I mean Bai Ling? What was **that** about?"

"I know," Althea said. "Were they purposely getting people that were off key or what?"

"Yeah I mean I only saw like half of one episode," Fred added. "And clips I saw on the Soup but even then…I mean that was more than enough!"

"You watch The Soup?" Kurt asked.

"Well we tape it," Todd said. "And then of course it's on Sunday afternoons."

"Really? What time?" Kurt asked.

"What the bloody hell are you people talking about?" Betsy exploded. "What's the Soup?"

"Oh it's this show on the E channel that tells you what you missed on television all week," Fred explained. "I have a cousin who was on it."

"Your cousin was on the Soup?" Todd asked.

"Well sort of," Fred said. "You see I have this cousin Carlos who was on this Spanish Soap Opera. He played a transvestite cop and his evil twin. And he also played his cousin who was circus acrobat that had amnesia and turned out he wasn't really an acrobat at all, but a billionaire."

"Really?" Jubilee asked.

"Yeah it was kind of based on his own life," Fred nodded. "Well the amnesia and the evil twin part. Not the billionaire part. See he used to have this twin brother and they used to rob toy stores together."

"Toy stores?" Scott asked.

"Oh yeah," Fred nodded. "See they had this Barbie Doll habit, you know those really expensive collectibles?"

"I don't think I want to hear any more," Paige held up her hand.

"But it's a really good story," Fred said. "Especially when I get to the part about the big high speed chase through Wal-Mart and the hummingbirds!"

"Now I **know** I don't want to hear any more," Paige groaned.

"And I know you'll love the part with the old lady, the beach balls and the manure..." Fred went on.

**"I said I know I don't want to hear any more Blob!"** Paige screamed.

"Sor-rry," Fred said sarcastically.

"You know the more I hear about Blob's family the more shocked I am that he's the only mutant in that bunch," Wanda remarked.

"Depends on your definition of mutant," Rogue snorted. "If you look at it one way the Blob is the only **normal** one of the bunch!"

"Yeah I could see that," Scott thought.

"You could?" Betsy asked.

"You forget I **met** some of the Blob's relatives," Scott pointed out. "Now that I think about it Blob, you're a lot thinner than some of them too."

"It's all diet and exercise," Fred shrugged.

"I swear we have the strangest conversations on the planet," Betsy shook her head.

"At least we're not killing each other over something stupid," Roberto told her. "Like why the Brady Bunch house didn't have any bathrooms."

"You know I've always wondered about that," Pyro spoke.

"Maybe Mr. Brady designed the Clue board game?" Todd asked. "It didn't have any bathrooms either."

"You know that explains a lot," Bobby said.

"No, no, no, no…" Scott moaned. "Not **this** argument again!"

"I have a better idea. Everybody gather for a group picture!" Kurt called out as he grabbed a camera.

"What?" Amara asked.

"Let's take it," Tabitha said. "It's the proof we need to show we actually had a normal day for once!"

"COLD! COLD! COLD!" Shipwreck ran by covered in icicles. Ororo was chasing him creating a mini snowstorm. "COLD! REALLY COLD!"

"Well as close to normal as we can get anyway," Tabitha blinked. "Get the camera Kurt!"

Not long after the gang returned to the Xavier Institute. "You know that was actually fun," Scott admitted. "And the best part is that there were no major disasters."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "I don't know why we don't have more days like this."

POW! POW! POW! POW! POW!

"What was that?" Wanda asked.

"The laser cannons on the front lawn," Jamie said casually.

"WHAT?" Logan roared as he looked outside. "FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! WHAT TRIPPED THEM OFF THIS TIME?"

"I'm guessing that guy in the tree there," Sam pointed to someone clinging to life on a branch in a tree in the front yard.

"Oh no," Warren took a look. "It **can't **be! Wolverine! Deactivate the security system!"

"What?" Logan asked.

"Just do it!" Warren said. "I think I recognize the idiot out there! And I do mean idiot!" He flew out to pick up the man and flew him back to the house. He dropped him off in an unceremonious manner.

"Owie!" The young balding black haired man with thick glasses, a blue sweater and tan slacks moaned. He looked suspiciously like the actor Tony Hale in a well known yet canceled FOX comedy.

"You know this guy?" Scott asked.

"Unfortunately," Warren sighed.

"Hey cousin," The man waved. "Long time no see."

"Buster…" Warren groaned. "What are **you **doing here?"

"Hiding," Buster gulped.

"Hiding from what?" Warren asked.

"Oh my Dad…" Buster gulped. "Can I stay here? I don't wanna go to work tomorrow."

"Is this the son of your uncle who kicked you out of your family fortune?" Sam asked.

"The one and the same," Warren sighed. "Buster stop crying! I won't turn you into your father!"

"Well it was nice day while it lasted," Jean sighed.

"Now I remember **why** we don't have more days like this," Sam sighed.

"I don't know how these people find us, but they find us," Logan groaned.

**Next: Angel's life takes another bizarre and tragic turn! And yes I do watch a lot of Arrested Development on DVD! He he...I love Buster. He should be in every show.**

Todd grumbled, "Here we go again with the characters from other shows. Although I don't mind if the people from Arrested Development show up. It'll be nice to see people weirder than us for a change!"


	24. Angst of an Angel

**Angst of an Angel**

"Buster why are you here?" Warren groaned. "Why did you show up at the Institute?"

"I just thought I'd visit…" Buster gulped as he looked around the living room and the mutants around him. "Wow there are a lot of mutants here aren't they?"

"Buster you almost never leave your apartment," Warren gave him a look. "You're afraid of muggers!"

"Well there are a lot of them but I did bring some mace and a rape horn," Buster took a small object out of his pocket. He pressed it but ended up macing himself. "AAAAHHH! OWW! MY EYES! I THOUGHT IT WAS THE HORN! OWWWW!"

"I'll get the eye wash equipment," Hank rolled his eyes.

Logan gave Warren a look. "**This** is the guy who took over your job?"

"More or less," Warred sighed.

"I don't wanna run the company," Buster whined as he wiped his eyes. "People expect me to do stuff and to think of things. Do you have any idea how **hard** that is?"

"Toad you wanna answer this question?" Kurt quipped. "Since you seem to be the most qualified."

"I mean it was hard enough to do stuff with people asking me things and showing me charts but now with the wedding and all I am under a lot of pressure," Buster kept going.

"Wedding? What wedding?" Warren asked.

"Didn't you get an invitation?" Buster asked. "I mean it is your mom marrying my Dad after all."

"WHAT?" Warren shot up. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"

"Dad is marrying your mom," Buster blinked. "I mean I know that Dad wanted to keep it low key since she's so sick but I thought you knew about it."

"I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS SICK, MUCH LESS GETTING MARRIED!" Warren shouted.

"Calm down Warren," Jean put a hand on his shoulder. "Buster maybe you should start at the beginning?"

"The beginning of what?" Buster blinked.

"THE BEGINNING OF WHEN MY UNCLE STARTED TRYING TO GET IN BED WITH MY SICK MOTHER!" Warren yelled.

"Oh," Buster said. "Well I guess it started at your Dad's funeral after you left. Mom wasn't feeling well so Dad moved in to help out. I moved into the upstairs guest bedroom, you know the one near that big tree with all the birds in them that squawk all the time? I mean I like birds and all but it's really annoying when they wake you up at five in the morning and then you can't go to sleep and…"

"Buster can we get back on track here?" Warren interrupted him.

"And to think people call **you **a birdbrain," Pietro quipped. Everyone looked at him. "Well somebody had to say it!"

"No one calls me a birdbrain," Warren glared.

"Well actually…" Todd pointed a thumb at Logan and Hank who was tending to Buster's eyes.

"Okay Wolverine I get because he pretty much hates everyone," Warren said. "But what did I ever do to you, Beast?"

"Besides complaining about your room being small every chance you get?" Hank asked.

"Well it is a small room especially for my wings," Warren said. "I mean seriously Professor you should really think about designing some more space when we remodel. Wait a minute now **I'm** doing it!"

"Doing what?" Buster asked. "What are you talking about?"

"We were talking about why my mother is marrying your father!" Warren snapped, losing what little patience he had.

"I've been wondering that too since she's so sick," Buster scratched his head. "I would have thought they'd wait until she got better."

"I can't take it…" Warren groaned.

"And people say my family is insane," Fred spoke.

"Wait a minute, something's not right here," Todd said. "First your old man gets ill and dies. Then your uncle starts putting the moves on your mom and now **she's **sick? I smell a rat!"

"What do you mean?" Warren asked.

"Oh come on Wings you don't think that this is all a little too much of a coincidence?" Logan folded his arms. "I'm with Wart Boy here, something stinks and for once it's not Toad."

"What you're saying my uncle had something to do with my father's death? That's crazy!" Warren said.

"It's one of the oldest tricks in the book yo," Todd grunted. "Even that Shakespeare guy used it. You know in that story about the guy named after meat"

"Meat?" Hank blinked and then realization came to him. "You mean **Hamlet?**"

"Yeah that's the one," Todd nodded. "Rich guy has all the power and a fancy wife. Rich guy's brother knocks him off and grabs his power and his wife. Not to mention keeping that Hamlet guy from his inheritance! It's the same thing!"

"As much as I cringe at the thought of Toad discussing Shakespeare you must admit there are a few interesting parallels to your situation," Hank told Warren.

"Look my Uncle Burt may be a world class jerk but he's not a cold blooded killer," Warren said.

"He kicked you out of the family and started making moves on his dead brother's wife the day of the funeral," Todd pointed out. "Sounds pretty cold to me."

"Hey wait I just thought of something…" Buster blinked. "Before I ran away her doctor called and left me a message to tell my father. If I remember correctly his exact words were…I can't do it again. Warren deserved it, she doesn't…You can't blackmail me to commit murder again. Which I thought at the time was really weird since you're still alive Warren."

"He meant my father you idiot!" Warren said. "Oh my god…"

"What you're saying Dad killed…?" Buster blinked. "Oh I need to go lie down. This has been a very stressful day."

"Tell me about it!" Warren groaned.

"You know something, I think we need to have a little talk with the good doctor and find out exactly what's going on around here before we jump to any conclusions," Hank spoke.

"Now you're talking," Logan grinned.

"Can I use the little boy's room first?" Buster asked.

"Yeah," Logan rolled his eyes. "Down the hall to the right."

Buster then promptly fainted on the floor. "Uh maybe your cousin ought to stay here?" Scott suggested to Warren.

"Yeah that's probably for the best," Warren said as he stepped over him in order to leave the room.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Is this where your family doctor lives?" Scott asked as he drove the Rolls Royce. It wasn't far from Bayville, only two towns over. Warren was also in the car along with Logan, Ororo and Xavier.

"Dr. Lambert's house is right over this hill," Warren said. "I used to go there a lot when I was a kid."

"Please tell me it's not the one that's on fire," Logan blinked.

"WHAT?" Warren yelled.

Before them a large house was on fire. "There's someone inside!" Xavier focused. "And he's severely injured! Storm put out the fire!"

"Just tell me where he is and I'll get 'em!" Logan got out of the car.

_Strange I have the feeling something like this has happened before_, Ororo thought as she used her powers to rain on the fire.

Scott used his optic blasts to blast open the door. Logan rushed in. Soon he stumbled out carrying a bloody figure. "Logan!" Ororo gasped

Logan sank to his knees. His clothes were singed and he was suffering from slight smoke inhalation. Dr. Lambert however was suffering from a bullet wound to the shoulder. "Dr. Lambert!" Warren yelled. "What happened?"

"Warren…I'm so sorry…" Dr. Lambert coughed. "I never thought he would go this far…"

"Who?" Warren asked.

"Your uncle…He…He blackmailed me into poisoning your father," Dr. Lambert coughed.

"Oh god no…" Warren face went pale.

"I was heavy in debt and your father wouldn't help me, but Burt did, for a price," Dr. Lambert sputtered. "But then he kept making more demands. Forced me to give him some of the poison. I didn't realize what he was doing until I examined your mother's blood tests."

"I don't believe it," Warren gasped.

"Neither did your mother at first. She knows now…" The doctor coughed. "I brought her here under the pretense of a private physical before the wedding. But your uncle interrupted…He took her. I think to his cabin upstate…"

"My Uncle Burt always was a lousy shot," Warren's face grew hard. Sirens indicated the fire department and the police were there. "Actually he was always a lousy…"

"Professor can you locate Angel's mother?" Ororo asked.

"It will be difficult but not impossible. I'll need my portable Cerebro," Xavier said.

"And we'll also need some other portable things," Scott told him. "Call the Misfits! We're going to need their Mass Device! Now!"

"Hurry!" Warren said. "My mom's life is at stake!"

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In a cabin somewhere in upstate New York...

"You know this really should not have ended like this," Burt Worthington said as he readied a needle. "It would have been so much easier if we had gotten married first. But now I have to fake a power of attorney document and a few extra medical papers and now that Lambert is gone…It's going to cost me just as much as an acutal wedding. Maybe even more."

"Why Burt?" Mrs. Worthington asked. She was tied to a chair in the cabin. "Why are you doing this? You're a wealthy man in your own right? I don't understand."

"Simple my dear," He said. "Revenge. My brother always took everything from me! He was first in everything! He got the company! The lion's share of the family fortune! The best cars for his birthday! He even stole you from me while I ended up with that nitwit that produced Buster."

"Stole me?" Mrs. Worthington blinked. "But we never even went on a date."

"Well we would have if my brother hadn't asked you out before I did!" He snapped. "Basically I hated his guts. And I wanted to hurt him any way I could. The fact that I got him to kick out his own son from the company was just icing on the cake. And I'm sure I can pay off a motivated FOH member to assassinate him. Shouldn't be that expensive, since they're more than willing to kill mutants for free."

"You monster!" Mrs. Worthington yelled.

"This from a woman who gave birth to a mutant freak," Burt sneered as he prepared to give her the needle.

CRASH!

The window shattered as Warren flew through it. "KEEP AWAY FROM HER!"

"How the hell…?" Burt yelled.

That one second distraction was all Warren needed to advance towards him and punch him hard. "You stay away from my mother you murderer!" The needle fell to the floor.

"Warren!" Mrs. Worthington gasped.

"Dr. Lambert told me **everything**," Warren's eyes narrowed as he advanced on him. "Everything!"

Despite his age Burt Worthington was faster and hardier than he appeared to be. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a gun. "Not **everything,"** He aimed it at Warren. "Apparently he forgot to mention I still had a gun."

"How could you do this?" Warren yelled. "To your own family?"

"Revenge, money, power. Take your pick," Burt kept the weapon steady. He backed up towards the window. "Oh who am I kidding? It was the revenge. Looks like I won't have to pay someone to take care of you after all. And it will be very satisfiying!"

A red beam broke through it and knocked the weapon out of his hand. "What the…?" Burt yelled.

Warren attacked again, but his uncle managed to grab onto his arm and try to pull him. "FREAK!" Burt snarled.

"You're more of a freak than I could ever be!" Warren shouted back.

Soon the two men were on the floor. Mrs. Worthington screamed. Logan and Scott burst into the room just as Burt kicked Warren off of him. He picked up a log of wood nearby. "Drop it!" Logan shot out his claws. "NOW!"

"I worked too long and too hard to lose it all without a fight," Burt foamed at the mouth. "You damned dirty…" Suddenly he dropped the log. He felt a very strange sensation. Then he looked down at his side where it originated from. The poisoned syringe was stuck in his side. "Oh crap…" He fell to the floor.

"Well he's dead," Logan grunted. "Good riddance."

"Mom!" Warren yelled as Mrs. Worthington started to heave and convulse. He rushed to her side and tried to untie her. "Hang on!"

She tried to speak but then passed out. "BEAST!" Warren yelled.

Hank ran in with Lina following. They had used her teleportation watch to arrive. They went to work on her but they could do nothing. "She's gone," Hank sank back.

"NO!" Warren yelled. "Don't say that! Do something!"

"There's nothing I can do," Hank said gently. "Her health was poor to begin with and the poison your uncle was feeding her made it worse. We won't know for sure until an autopsy has been done."

"I guess her heart gave out due to a combination of drugs in her system and the excitement," Lina sighed. "I'm sorry Warren."

"NO!" Warren grabbed his mother and cradled her in his arms. He let loose a pitiful howl that echoed through the woods. "NOOOOOO!"

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It was all anyone could talk about. Especially the television news programs...

"Our top news story, scandal rocks the buisness world as Burt Worthington of Worthington Industries died. But it is how he died among alligations of murdering his brother..."

"The police have evidence that Dr. Lambert supplied poison to kill not only his brother, but his soon to be bride. There is no comment from Worthington Industries."

"Another scandal connected to the Xavier Institute has been uncovered today. Warren Worthington the Third AKA Angel is in the middle of a deadly murder plot..."

"An investigation into the finances of Burt Worthington has been called on behalf of the surviving members of the Worthington family. They are also investigating probable cause of Warren Worthington the Third, AKA Angel and his involvement in his parent's murders."

"Shocking stories of murder, lust, betrayal and mutant powers among the rich! We have the story in great detail!"

"Police are questioning the death of Burt Worthington. Was he murdered or was it an accident? Police are not saying but do call Mr. Worthington and his associates in the X-Men 'persons of interest'. Also being questioned for his involvement is Professor Charles Xavier, the head of the Xavier Institue..."

"Were these murders committed out of jealousy or hate because of Warren Worthington the Third, also known as Angel of the X-Men? Some people are suggesting that these events may have been the result of some kind of mind control..."

"Is Warren Worthington The Third a suspect? As police question his involvement, the shareholders of Worthington Industries scramble to..."

"The IRS is launching an intense investigation into Worthington Industries and all it's shareholders. Warren Worthington the Third and Burt Worthington's son, Buster Worthington, are also being investigated."

"And I'll tell you this much," A burly stockholder spoke to a reporter. "I've been working for Worthington Industries for fifteen years. Worthington Senior was a fine man and I'll be damned if the company he's worked so hard for will be turned over to that flying freak of a son of his. **He's **the one responsible and the world knows it!"

"Warren Worthington the Third: Angel or Demon? Some people call the man the Angel of Death considering the tragic fate of his family..."

"Stock prices for Worthington Industries plummeted even further today. How will these events shape the buisness world in the future? Are mutants capable of running buisnesses or...?"

"I'm just saying how can we allow Warren Worthington the Third to run Worthington Industries when he's clearly not capable of running his own life?" A lawyer for one of the stockholders spoke on television. "Or let him run the lives of decent hard working normal people!"

"Officials report suspicious activity and an account in Buster Worthington's name in the Cayman Islands. An attorney denies that Buster had any knowledge of this account..."

"In additional news Buster Worthington, son of Burt Worthington was admited to a psychiatric institution after a breakdown following the news of his father's death. Apparently he was found wandering around Bayville naked whacking people with a fish screaming 'How could you do this to me Daddy'..."

"He did this to him!" A young woman identified as Cynthia Worthington, a cousin of Warren's said to a reporter. "Okay Buster's well has always been a little dry but even he was never **that** crazy before! Not until he got involved with Warrnen and his sleazy freak friends! Wouldn't have been **that** hard for Xavier to push him over the edge with his mind powers! I can't allow this to happen! That is why I am suing for control of Worthington Industries and..."

An wealthy elderly woman spoke. "My dear brother Warren Worthington the Second deserved better treatment than what he recieved. And his company deserves better too! Therefore since my daughter Cynthia is a bit too immature to take the reins of Worthington Industries, I have no choice but to take legal action..."

"My sister Wilma is not exactly capable of handling a multi-million dollar company," A woman identified as Ariel Worthington sniffed. "She can barely balance the checkbook of that lazy daughter of hers. Now my daughter Gabriella is another story. She runs my company like a well oiled machine. That is why we are both suing for control of Worthington Industries. Together we will bring Worthington Industries back to greatness."

"Drama outside the courtroom today as both Gabrielle Worthington and Cynthia Worthington were arrested for disturbing the peace. Both were suing for control of Worthington Industries and petitioning the court when tempers flared and..."

Another elderly gentleman was also shown on television. "Yes I am petitoning the courts to take control of Worthington Industires. My cousin Warren Worthington the Second was a good man but clearly there is **no one** **else **in the family capable of running a buisness such as this."

"Let's face it, the whole **family** is nuts," A stockholder with a Texas accent spoke. "They've already nearly torn this company apart! And I'm not letting my life savings be destroyed by them. That is why I am suing for legal control of Worthington Industries."

"Currently there are now twenty five separate lawsuit suing for control of Worthington Industries. Excuse me, I need to make a correction...twenty seven! Two more lawsuits have just been filed. One of them is from a woman claiming to be Burt Worthington's lover. You heard me, Burt Worthington's lover. Who is now holding a press conference in from her hotel room..."

"Yes I was Burt Worthington's secret lover," A young woman spoke to the press. "We were passionately in love. We told each other everything. Well only legal things mind you. He never said anything about murder stuff. And as you can see from this document which my lawyer has told me is perfectly legal I am entitled to **twenty five percent** of Worthington Industries which is about ten million dollars! Oh did I mention I'm also starting a singing career?"

"Next on Hollywood News, Dr. Lambert the Doctor of Death. What drove him to his crimes? Was he really plotting with Burt Worthington, or Warren Worthington the Third?"

"Next on Inside Edition, the nurse who loved Dr. Lambert speaks! Stella Hayden speaks in an exclusive interview with Inside Edition. What secrets did they share? Did she help Warren Worthington the Third try to conceal his mutation from the world? Find out next!"

"Hollywood is buzzing over two possible scripts about the Worthington Murders! It's rumored George Clooney and Brad Pitt are rivals for the role of Warren Worthington the Third..."

"More legal news, Paramoney and Liar's Gate Produtctions are now suing each other for the rights of the Warren Worthington story. Both movie studios claim..."

"Next on Court TV, an in depth discussion of the implications the Worthington Murders will have bearing on not only future corporate cases, but cases involving the rights of mutants and property for years to come."

"Next on the History Channel: The Rise and Fall of Worthington Industries. The story behind the story of the scandal that has rocked the world."

"Next on Entertainment Now: Candy Southern, the woman behind the Angel. Even though the D list actress has refused comment on this situation, everyone wants to talk to her. Including the police."

"Miss Southern says that she will **not** capitalize on the infamy of her boyfriend Warren Worthington the Third but come on now...Who's she kidding?"

"Next on MTV: The latest new release from MutantHatez, 'Angel of MegaDeath'!"

"Questions surround the Worthington Murders. Was Charles Xavier actually the one responsible? Was he playing god with his telepathy only to have it backfire on him?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if Xavier **did** have something to do with this whole sortid affair," Graydon Creed spoke to a reporter. "Look at the facts, for years he's been building a secret army and now he has a mutant with millions of dollars in his pocket in order to finance it! Pretty convenient that the entire Worthington family all went insane and **died** isn't it? First they killed off Spears and now **this?** No finanical power is safe as long as mutants are allowed any control in America's finances!"

"Two more financial companies have made genetic testing manditory today..."

And so it went. The Worthington Murders as they were now called were the talk of every news and televison show in the world for days. Already several people were planning made for television movies about the whole sortid affair. Reporters camped outside of the Xavier Institute trying to get a comment or a picture.

The funeral was a quiet and somber affair, apart from the horde of reporters camping outside the church gates. Very few Worthington family members showed up. Upon learning about his father's death and the murders he committed, Buster himself was committed after having a nervous breakdown. At the service the few members of the remaining Worthington family that arrived refused to interact with Warren and made a point of sitting as far away from him as possible.

But Candy and Warren's other family showed up in attendance. Even the Misfits showed up without any of their usual boisterous actions as a sign of respect. The funeral and burial service went off without any explosions or inappropriate displays of mutant powers.

The reporters outside were another story. "Vultures," Betsy glared at one photographer who had somehow managed to breach security but was now being led away. She was dressed in a tasteful black outfit. "Nothing but vultures. The lot of them."

"And they say **we** don't know how to behave," Pietro huffed. It was just after the service and the mutants were waiting a ways apart from the grave so Warren could have a private moment alone.

"You usually **don't **know how to behave," Kurt reminded him.

"True," Pietro nodded. Then a grin crept up on his face. "I think I'm going to go give some wedgies to the reporters outside."

"I should stop him but my heart just isn't in it," Cover Girl sighed as Pietro zoomed off.

"Yeah if **anyone** deserves it…" Scott made a smirk as he heard the first painful yelp in the distance.

"Speaking of just desserts what happened to Dr. Landon?" Candy asked. She was in the same tasteful black dress she wore to Warren's father's funeral.

"Dr. Lambert died shortly after confessing to the police," Scott explained. "The autopsy on Warren's mother confirmed it. She was already very weak due to what Worthington did to her. He'd been poisoning her slowly for months."

Warren walked towards them in his black suit. His long dark coat hid his wings. "Warren…" Rogue gave him a careful hug. "How are you holding up?"

"I've been better," Angel sighed. "Thanks all of you for coming."

"Don't be too much in a hurry to thank us," Wanda said. "My brother Pietro is out there tormenting the reporters outside."

"YEOWCH! MY PANTS!" Some reporter screamed in the distance.

"Actually that does make me feel better," Warren smirked. "Nice to see the media on the **receiving **end of a scandal for a change."

"Hell of a way to get your company back," Shipwreck shook his head.

"I don't have it back," Warren frowned. "It's still not mine."

"What do you mean?" Rogue asked.

"My uncle was a lot of things but unfortunately being an idiot wasn't one of them," Warren sighed. "He made a lot of special provisions in his will as well as some deals with some shareholders. Which means the company and the estate is supposedly being divided up between a few dozen people, some of them relatives."

"You mean after all **that** you're **still** broke?" Todd asked.

"I will be getting a lot of money from my mom's will," Warren sighed. "She never changed it. But as for the company…It could be years before I can even walk into the building let alone own it. And I'm not so sure I want to."

"Warren you don't mean that," Jean was surprised.

"Well what the hell good did it do?" Warren asked. "My parents are dead. My uncle tore my life apart. One of the few people I trusted growing up betrayed me. The few relatives I have left still want nothing to do with me because I'm a mutant and are probably going to contest any will out of spite!"

"Kid let me give you some advice," Shipwreck patted him on the shoulder.

**"You?"** Scott gave him a look. "Oh boy…"

"Just shut up and let me talk," Shipwreck told him. Turning back to Warren he said. "Look, it's a fact of life. Money always brings out the worst in people, but that don't mean you can't use it for the best."

"What do you mean?" Warren asked.

"You gotta use that money in the best way possible," Shipwreck said. "In ways that would make your parent's proud. Use it to help other people. It's the only way to fully exorcise the evil of what your uncle and that damn doctor did. For example, mutants like yourself. Establish some kind of scholarship fund. Buy a bunch of toys for an orphanage or something. And if you get the company back, use it for good. To give mutants a positive input into the economy."

"You know for once what Shipwreck is saying makes a lot of sense," Roadblock said. "Which proves he's not always so dense."

"Of course it makes sense," Shipwreck snorted. "You have to fight for what's yours and what's right! And one of the right things to do is to make sure you pay your debts. Like remember that hundred bucks you owe me from the last time we went out for a drink?"

"You were saying?" Logan gave Roadblock a look. Roadblock shrugged in a sign of giving up.

"What? It's not like he can't afford it now!" Shipwreck said.

"See if you can afford a new **brain **transplant!" Althea snapped as she grabbed her father by the ear and dragged him away.

"OW! OW! OW! WATCH THE EAR! WATCH THE EAR!" Shipwreck yelped in agony. "THIS IS PARENT ABUSE!"

"Putting Shipwreck's personal bias aside," Xavier gave Shipwreck a look before turning to Warren. "He does bring up a good point. Mutants need all the help they can get and having a positive economic backer…"

"Other than the Hellfire Club," Todd jumped in.

"He said **positive**," Wanda gave him a look.

"YEOW!" A reporter could be heard screaming. "GOD THAT HURTS!"

"Okay I think I really need to be alone now," Warren sighed he walked away.

"Warren wait!" Candy followed him. "I'm sorry but if you need to talk…"

"I don't think I can right now," Warren said.

"Then why didn't you just fly away instead of walking?" Candy asked.

He stopped. "I hate it when you use logic."

"To be fair it does throw a lot of people for a loop," She admitted. "But what Shipwreck said was right. You have to keep fighting Warren. Even if it's only to stop people from using your family fortune to hurt you and other people even more."

"The more people say it the more it makes sense," Warren sighed. "I know there's more than a few shareholders that hate mutants. I overheard one of them saying they should use the money to invest in a cure for mutations. As if we were sick or something! But I'm just so tired…And I've lost so much…"

"You don't have to do it right now," Candy said, putting her arm around him. "You can even take a vacation from the X-Men if you want. I'm sure Xavier…"

"No," Warren shook his head. "Right now that's the only thing keeping me going. Well maybe not the only thing," He took her hand. "Candy…I don't know how to thank you. You've been with me through all this…"

"Hey, it's not a problem," Candy told him. "We'll get through this. You're not alone."

"That's not how I feel right now," Warren sighed as he looked back at the gravesite. "Do you think they were ever proud of me?"

"Of course they were proud of you, I'm sure of it," Candy said.

"I wish I was," Warren sighed. "I never even got a chance to tell them how I felt."

"That was your uncle's doing," Candy pointed out. "He poisoned your parents' minds as well as their bodies."

"No, if I wasn't such a coward…" Warren sighed. "I would have just gone up to talk to them, despite my uncle. Now I'll never know. I'll never…No matter what money I have…I'd give it all back just to spend a few more minutes with them."

They stood there silently, looking at the graves and wondering what the future would bring. But Warren knew one thing for sure, his fight had only just begun.

**Next: Yup more problems and trouble is coming to our favorite mutants and their crazy friends as enemies from the past plot to destroy them. So what else is new? Wait and see. **


	25. Rumblings of a Plot or Two

**Rumblings of a Plot or Two**

"So how's Warren holding up?" Stevie asked Ororo three days after the funeral.

"As well as can be expected, considering what he's been through," Ororo said. The two women were in the greenhouse tending to the garden. "He is still extremely depressed."

"Losing one's family will do that to you. And I don't just mean his parents' and his uncle's deaths. I can't believe his own family turned on each other like that," Stevie shook her head. "Mutant powers or no."

"I fear it was money that was the real motivation, not mutant powers," Ororo said. "I fear the Institute has become embroiled in yet another scandal. As if the public distrusts us enough..."

"Yeah but that whole Spyke thing wasn't your fault," Stevie said. "Your nephew was innocent." She noticed Ororo's silence. "Wasn't he?"

"I..." Ororo began then stopped. She saw Kitty run into the greenhouse with Amara. "Girls? What's wrong?"

"Storm! Come quick! You gotta see this!" Amara yelled breathlessly.

"What's going on?" Ororo asked.

"You won't believe it! Come on!" Kitty grabbed her arm.

"Kitty!" Ororo yelled breathlessly as she was dragged through a wall thanks to Kitty's powers. "I will never get used to that!"

Stevie hobbled behind them on her crutches. "So what's going on?" There was a large group of X-Men watching the nearest television.

"This **garbage** is what's going on!" Rogue pointed. "Guess who's back?"

There was a press conference going on. A very familiar figure was making a speech. "I'm grateful for all the prayers of everyone who supported me," Graydon Creed spoke. "Your cards and words of encouragement got me through a very difficult time."

"When the hell did that jerk get out of the nuthouse?" Tabitha yelled. "Petey I thought your sister spooked him good last Christmas!"

"Apparently she did not scare him **enough,**" Peter grumbled.

"Wait a minute," Stevie said. "Isn't that Graydon Creed?"

"Yup, America's Number One FOH SOB," Logan growled.

"Not to mention my **loving **mother's son," Kurt said sarcastically.

"Oh that's right," Stevie said. "I remember watching that on television last year!"

"You and everyone else in America," Rogue rolled her eyes. "And probably half of Europe."

"Now that I have recovered I can return to devoting myself to my life's work!" Graydon yelled. "The complete and total eradication of the mutant menace!" The crowd on screen cheered.

"Here we go..." Scott grumbled.

"And the biggest menace of all are the X-Men! Look what happened to Worthington Industries! Charles Xavier a mutant with telepathic powers manipulated the minds of decent American men so that they would die and commit heinous crimes in order to fufill Xavier's greed!"

"Is he saying that **we're **responsible for what happened to Worthington's family?" Scott yelled.

"He's been saying it for the past day and a half," Warren growled. "My Uncle Burt was responsible but no one wants to hear the truth! They'd rather play Blame the Mutant than do that!"

"And unfortunately a lot of people would rather do that as well," Xavier sighed.

"I know things have been difficult in the past, but with your help we will find a way to stop the X-Men and rid the world of the mutant menace once and for all!" Creed shouted to his massive following.

The crowd at the Institute booed. "Oh man now we have to put up with that jerk again!" Bobby snapped. "Now the FOH will be an even bigger problem than ever!"

"The police don't believe we were responsible do they?" Amara asked. "For Warren's family I mean?"

"No, but they seem to be the only ones who do," Scott said. "You know how the Media loves to play the mutant card for ratings. And with Creed back in the picture..."

"I get the message," Amara groaned.

"I'm amazed the FOH forgave him for having mutants in the family," Jubilee said.

"Not all of them did," Logan sighed. "And that's the real problem."

"**Real** problem?" Ray asked. "Like we didn't have **enough** of those?"

"Haven't you been watching the news?" Logan gave him a look. "A lot of those FOH guys were real nut jobs. It didn't matter that Creed himself was human. To them anyone with **any** trace of an X-Gene in the family is a threat to the human race."

"You mean like the Purists?" Kitty asked.

"No most Purists are pretty lenient when it comes to human members of a mutant's family as long as they disown 'em," Scott explained. "These people are a totally **different** kind of fanatic."

"The news about them has been downplayed but from what we've been able to figure out, this splinter group of the FOH has been responsible for at least seven deaths," Xavier explained. "One mutant and the rest were his family members."

"This is a joke right?" Tabitha asked.

"I'm afraid not Kitty," Xavier sighed. "This group of extremists has no real name yet, but they are very real. And very dangerous."

"What about our families?" Kitty asked. "Are they in danger?"

"That is a very real possibility," Xavier sighed. "So we are going to have to remain on the alert and be very careful."

"Great, just when I thought life here wasn't stressful enough," Doug groaned. "Things are just going to get worse aren't they?"

"Yeah they are," Logan told him. "It's **how** much **worse** they're gonna get we don't know about."

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Juggernaut always hated traveling by train. Of course it didn't help that he had to ride in the cattle car. And this time there were actual cattle in it. "Dumb animals," He brushed off some hay as he left the car.

He looked around at the train depot. There were a few startled looking derelicts that saw him. "WHAT? YOU GOT A PROBLEM?" They ran off screaming. "Didn't think so."

He put on his helmet and started to walk away, not caring if he accidentally knocked over a train car or two. "I should have stayed with Tom after our last heist in Ireland. But no, I had to go get bored. He's right, I do need a hobby."

A thought came to him. "Oh wait, I do. Clobbering my half brother and his X-Brats. Hmmm…A tussle with 'em might be fun."

He looked at a nearby sign. "Canada? Crap! I'm in the wrong country! It'll take me days to get to Bayville. Ah well, not like I have anything better to do."

He walked along the back roads of a run down area near the tracks. It was a poor suburban area so there was very little chance that he would run into the police. Not that Juggernaut really cared about that but he felt like a little peace and quiet.

A scream jarred him out of that. But he saw no one around. Then he heard another yell behind a run down fence. Out of curiosity he decided to take a look. He stopped in his tracks.

A man was screaming, using a stick to hit a small orange figure. It was a kid with a fish like face, blue eyes and some kind of fin/crest on his head. He had a red T-shirt and jean jacket and pants and sneakers. His small webbed hands tried to protect himself against the onslaught.

"A MUTANT! A STINKING WORTHLESS MUTANT!" The man yelled. "THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL A FREAK LIKE YOU IS MINE!"

"Dad…please…I'm sorry…" The boy sniffed, trying not to cry despite the beating.

"YOU USELESS…WORHTLESS…" The man shouted as he hit harder and harder.

Now the Juggernaut was not exactly the world's most compassionate person. He had seen and done a lot of things in his life that would make most people ashamed of themselves. Violence was no stranger to him. Hell, he had simply watched or walked away from men doing worse things to other men and sometimes women. But this…

This jarred a very unpleasant memory.

_"CAIN YOU WORHTLESS PIECE OF TRASH! YOU WERE A MISTAKE! AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU JEPORDIZE ALL THAT I'VE BUILT! YOU HEAR ME BOY?" _

"YOU WORHTLESS MUTIE TRASH! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A MISTAKE! A USLESS…"

CRASH!

The next thing the man knew his feet were off the ground and he could not breathe. The Juggernaut stood there, slowly crushing his windpipe. "So you like picking on your kid huh?" Juggernaut snarled into the terrified man's face. "Sounds like you have some anger management problems. So do I."

The man couldn't speak or scream. His eyes merely bugged out, half in terror the other from a lack of air. "I can't make up my mind what to do with you," Juggernaut enjoyed this. "Tear off your limbs one by one? Throw you against the wall until you break? Hey maybe I should beat you with a stick too? A really **big** stick…"

He eyed a nearby tree. "That tree over there would make a real good bat? What do you think?"

"Please mister…don't hurt him," The boy sniffed as he stood up.

"You're not actually going to let this jerk off the hook are you? Even if he is your old man he's gotta learn his lesson!" Juggernaut snarled.

"He…He didn't hurt me that much," The boy said. "It's no big deal."

"I don't have time for this," Juggernaut grumbled. He glared at the man. "You were lucky today little man. Next time you feel like turning your kid into sushi, remember **he's** the one that saved **your** worthless life! Now get out of my face!"

He shoved the man hard into the wall of the house. He smirked when he heard at least one bone break. The man staggered up and ran into the house in fear.

The boy stood there in awe of Juggernaut. "Wow, you're strong."

"Nothing gets by you huh kid?" Juggernaut snorted.

"Is that your mutant power?" The fish boy asked.

"Bingo, nothing can stop me," Juggernaut snorted. He looked at the kid. "And what do you do, besides doing a Nemo impersonation?"

"I just breathe underwater," The boy shrugged. "Thank you Mister."

"The name's Cain Marko," Juggernaut told him. "But most people call me the Juggernaut. What do they call you? Squid Boy?"

"Pretty much," Sammy shrugged. "Thank you Mr. Marko."

"Knock it off with the Mr. Stuff," Juggernaut snorted. "Just Juggernaut. Don't get any ideas. I didn't do that for you. I was just bored. You gotta learn to fight your own battles kid."

"I'm eleven," Sammy told him.

"So?" Juggernaut grunted. "Well see ya!" He waved and walked away.

Sammy stood there a moment and looked at the house. Then he followed him. "Mr. Juggernaut! Mr. Juggernaut!"

"What do you want **now?**" Juggernaut groaned.

"Can I come with you?" Sammy asked. "Please?"

He stood still in his tracks and looked at the boy. "You gotta be kidding me!" Juggernaut snapped. "Why the hell should I have a shrimp like you tag along?"

"I don't think I can stay here any more," Sammy said. "And **he** won't miss me." He made a motion with his thumb back at the house.

"Listen you…" Juggernaut growled. He looked at the boy's eyes. They were silent and pleading. They reminded him of something long ago.

"Fine! You can come with me for a little bit!" Juggernaut threw up his hands. "Can't stand looking at those…fish eyes. But don't expect me to baby sit you!"

"Okay," Sammy nodded as he followed him.

"And if you can't keep up that's **your **problem, not **mine!** Got it?" Juggernaut snapped.

"Yes sir!" Sammy ran beside him, trying to keep up the pace.

"And if I want quiet, I want **quiet!** No yelling or screaming or asking stupid questions at me all the time! You hear me?" Juggernaut snapped. When he didn't hear anything he rolled his eyes. "You **can** answer me you know?"

"Yes sir," Sammy nodded.

"And don't call me **sir! **I'm not in the freaking army anymore!" He grumbled. "I must be out of my mind! That's the only explanation! I've gone freaking out of my freaking mind!"

He walked for a moment, fuming. Then looked behind him to see Sammy struggling to keep up. While Juggernaut was not the fastest person around, he could move quickly when it suited him. He stopped. "Oh for crying out loud!" He picked up the boy with one hand and sat him on his massive shoulder. "Don't get too used to this, kid! This is a **one time** deal! I just don't feel like waiting for the cops!"

"Okay," Sammy said. "Uh, Juggernaut?"

**"What?"**

"There's a police station further ahead. You might want to go **that** way," Sammy pointed on the road.

Juggernaut stopped. "Okay…" He let out a breath. "Good to know."

So he turned and walked the other way. They made an interesting pair. Little did either of them know how much **more** interesting life was going to get for them.

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"So why aren't we training at the obstacle course today?" Angelica asked at breakfast the following day. Most of the Misfit kids were chowing down without Lance.

"Because Flint forgot Lady Jaye's birthday," Althea said matter of factly.

"Who's Flint and Lady Jaye again?" Pyro asked as he munched on some toast.

"They're married GI Joes," Wanda explained. "Flint's like third in command or something."

"Oh so he forgot his wife's birthday was yesterday?" Pyro asked.

"No, he forgot his wife's birthday was **next **week," Pietro said.

"And she was mad because…?" Shane blinked.

"She was mad because he was stupid enough to try and defend himself," Todd said. "And he showed her his personal schedule."

"And?" Lina asked.

"And he had one of his **old girlfriend's** birthdays in it from years ago which he forgot to remove," Daria explained.

"He never really looked at that schedule much anyway," Quinn shrugged.

"But he still remained friends with her even though they both got married to different people," Brittany said. "But Lady Jaye was always a little jealous of her."

"So because of **that** they got into a huge fight," Althea said.

"Wait a minute, back up," Pyro held up his hands. "We get out of training at the obstacle course because **they **had a fight?"

"That doesn't make sense," Shane agreed.

"It does when they have one of their fights **on **the obstacle course last night," Althea explained.

"So that's what those tanks were doing last night," Angelica thought aloud.

"Tanks?" Shane dropped his fork. "Those guys fight with **tanks? **Do they always do that?"

"Nah," Todd shook his head. "Only when their rocket launchers are in the shop."

"Oh," Lance grumbled as he trudged into the room. He looked drained. "My aching head. I can still hear the sound of cannons ringing in my ears."

"I can't believe you heard that," Pietro said. "Over the sound of your own noises!"

"Whoa Lance you must have had a wild dream last night," Todd said as he munched his cereal. "I could hear you moaning from down the hall."

"We could all hear you moaning and shaking through the **whole house**," Wanda remarked. "Emphasis on the **shaking!** You have another nightmare?"

"No," Lance said. "It was definitely not a nightmare. At least I'm pretty sure it wasn't."

"Well it either was or it wasn't," Fred said. "Which was it?"

"Mostly not," Lance admitted. "Okay it was a good dream."

"If it was such a good dream why were you making such a racket?" Xi asked.

"Uh…" Lance stalled.

"Oh," Todd grinned. "I get it now. It was one of **those** dreams."

"What kind of dreams?" Xi asked.

"Forget about it Xi," Lance snapped. "We'll tell you later."

"Sex dreams," Todd continued. The guys chucked. The girls rolled their eyes and Xi was simply confused.

"Sex dreams?" Xi asked. "Why would he have dreams about sex?"

"It's mostly a guy thing Xi," Pietro said. "I'll explain it to you later."

"It's not just a guy thing," Althea was offended.

"True but most girls have more self control than others," Wanda smirked.

"Yeah, HEY!" Althea whirled around. "Is that a crack about me?"

"Who else around here tries to take naked pictures of Toad in the shower?" Wanda rolled her eyes.

"That is so disgusting," Pietro winced. "If anyone should have their picture taken in the shower it should be me!"

"Okay now I have officially lost my appetite," Shane threw down his toast.

"I wish you wouldn't treat me like a sex object," Todd pouted.

"I can't help it if you're a sex god," Althea said.

"Now **I **have lost my appetite!" Angelica groaned. "For the next **year!"**

"So what was it about Lance?" Pietro wanted all the details. "Please tell us to get the visions of Hell out of our brains!"

"Please tell me it was not about Kitty," Todd said.

"No! I'm pretty sure she was definitely not in the dream," Lance said. "I think."

"What do you mean you **think?"** Pyro asked.

"I don't know," Lance threw up his hands. "All I know is lately…I've been having these dreams and they make no sense! I mean it's as if I know her from another time and place!"

"Her? Her **who?**" Todd's eyes narrowed.

"Selene," Lance sighed. "I think…"

"SELENE!" Everyone at the table shouted.

"I think I speak for everyone here when I say ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR ROCK HEADED MIND?" Pietro shouted. He ran over to Lance, rapped him on the head and zoomed back to his seat. "HELLO? WE'RE TALKING ABOUT AN EVIL WITCH THAT WANTS TO RULE THE PLANET HERE?"

"You don't know that for sure!" Lance snapped. "She's helped us a couple of times!"

"More like helped herself," Pietro said.

"Just shut up Pietro!" Lance stormed from the table. "Just shut up! You don't know what you're talking about!"

Lance brushed past Cover Girl who was walking into the kitchen. "What's going on?" She asked. "Lance?"

"He's mooning over Selene the Wicked Witch of the West," Pietro folded his arms.

"What?" Cover Girl yelped.

"I don't believe it either," Fred said. "Man I thought his crush on Kitty was bad!"

"Something tells me this will make that little infatuation look like a picnic," Angelica groaned.

"Maybe some time off will help?" Cover Girl asked. "We've all been under a lot of stress lately. General Hawk suggested that we take a few days off for a vacation."

"Really?" Wanda asked. "Are we going with the X-Men?"

"No Xavier was the one that suggested to Hawk for us to go on a vacation," Cover Girl sighed. "Besides they need time to repair the obstacle course…"

BOOOM!

"As well as a few other areas of the Pit," She sighed. "One of Lady Jaye's old boyfriends just left a message on their answering machine."

BOOOOM!

"I think we'd better pack while there's something left of the Pit," Althea groaned.

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Far away, hidden from prying eyes a group of shadowy individuals were plotting. In the middle of the group was a crystal of some kind. It showed images of Jean using her power of the Phoenix.

"Such power...Soon it will be ours. We must be patient," A sultry voice spoke quietly. "When the time is right we will capture the Phoenix and use her power to annihilate the human race once and for all! And then this pitiful planet will be ours again."

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In an ironic twist there was someone who was more than aware of the shadowy figures' plans. Apocalypse scoffed as he telepathically observed their plotting. "Fools! As if the Phoenix Force was a toy to play with. They have no idea what they are up against."

Apocalypse began to consider a strategy. "Now should I assist the X-Men or should I let them face this on their own? It would be an interesting test to see if they are truly fit."

He thought some more. "In the past I would have relied solely on the creed of survival of the fittest. But I fear this strategy may not be prudent as far as a power such as the Phoenix is concerned. Perhaps I shall assist them in a small way. Give them a slight nudge in the right direction?"

He used his tactician's mind to create a solution. "Yes I shall send them an emissary to assist them. Of course they must not know of this. They would surely reject my help and I admit I would do the same in their position. But how can they object to something they do not know about? And the X-Men know very little. About a lot of things actually."

"I wonder what Xavier would say if he realized he had not only one, but **two** spies already living right under his nose?" Apocalypse allowed himself a smile. "One for Magneto and the other for the Hellfire Club? Oh yes, things are going to get very interesting. Very interesting indeed."

**Huh? What's Ol' Pocky up to? Who are those shadowy figures? And what do they want with Jean? What will happen with Sammy and Juggernaut? And what's all this about spies in the X-Mansion? Gonna have to wait and see what happens next as the Misfits go on vacation! **

Pietro zoomed in. "You know folks while we're waiting, why don't we take this time to learn about some of the characters of this fic. Namely me!"

He changed into a white tuxedo and held a rose in his hand. "Ladies, are you lonesome tonight? Do you want a date with a **real** man? Do you like virgin pina coladas and getting caught in the rain? Are you into health food?"

"And do you think Quicksilver is a **pain?**" Rahne walked out. "Pietro what on earth are you doing?"

"Just letting the ladies know that there's a hero out there to save them from their long lonely boring nights," Pietro preened.

"And what?" Rahne asked. "You're going to give them his **phone number** or something?"

"Ha ha ha," Pietro said deadpanned. "I just thought the readers would like to know a little more about me."

"Listen you egomaniac there **are** other mutants on this site other than you!" Rahne shouted. "And some of us don't get nearly **enough** screen time as it is without you hogging the spotlight!"

"Yeah everybody writes about Toad or Lance or Jean or Rogue and Kurt," Roberto walked in. "Even Tabitha and Evan get more of the spotlight than we do. And don't get me **started **on Jamie!"

"Yeah everyone's so sympathetic to him because they think he's so cute and we make his life a living hell because he's the youngest," Jesse agreed as he walked in. "That little maniac makes **our lives** a living hell and gets away with **murder!"**

"You know the little creep once **electrocuted **me?" Roberto told him.

"He didn't," Jesse asked.

"He did," Roberto said. "Said he had this stereo that wouldn't work and he asked me to help him fix it. Boy **that** was a mistake! As I was looking at the wires he plugged it in! I felt like Storm zapped me herself! I swear my heart stopped beating for a minute and my hair looked like Don King's! Then he ran off crying to Scott saying that **I **nearly electrocuted **him!** And I was the one who ended up doing extra laundry shifts for a month! Me! He's evil I tell you! Evil! Like Damien in the Omen."

"Was that the original or the remake?" Jesse asked. "Because I think the remake didn't have the punch of the original and…"

"Who cares? The point is the kid is evil!" Roberto interrupted. "Pure evil!"

"No, the point is that this is **my spot** so why don't all of you buzz off!" Pietro waved.

"What's he complaining about this time?" Shane walked in.

"Oh he's just hogging the spotlight as usual," Rahne told him. "You know it wouldn't kill you Pietro to let some of us New Mutants take the stage every now and then."

"Yes it would," Pietro made a face.

"Then by all means let's do it," Roberto shoved him aside.

"Do it **somewhere else!"** Pietro shoved him back. "I got here first!"

"Why don't you make us?" Rahne growled.

"Why don't you go eat some kibble or something?" Pietro shot back. "Maybe if you ate something you could fill out that bra of yours?"

"Okay you are dead!" Rahne changed into a wolf and started to chase Pietro around.

"AAAAHHH! RABID WOLF GIRL! RABID NO SEX APPEAL WOLF GIRL!" Pietro ran away. Rahne chased after him off camera.

"Oh he is such a dead man," Roberto remarked.

"Yup," Jesse nodded. "He is."

"Yeah and how is she going to catch me?" Pietro shouted as he zipped by.

"Easy," Shane said. "Hey Wanda! Could you get Pietro for us, please?"

"Got it!" Wanda shouted off camera.

ZZZZAAAAP!

"HEY! WANDA! LET ME GO! LET ME GO!" Pietro screamed. "LET ME GO!"

"Grrrrrr!" Rahne charged towards him.

"Ahhh…Nice doggy!" Pietro gulped. "YEOW! MY BUTT!"

"Well that was pretty predictable," Shane remarked.

"Okay now we can focus on **me,"** Roberto turned around and addressed the readers.

"**That **wasn't," Jesse rolled his eyes.

"I like soccer, tennis and all kinds of sports," Roberto began. "I also enjoy videogames and…"

"DaCosta put a sock in it," Shane groaned. "You're starting to sound like Quicksilver!"

"Oh right…" Roberto said. "Way to kill the mood."

"Everybody knows the Misfits are the **real stars** of this fic," Shane turned around. "So if you want **nice** things to happen to me for a change…"

"Who wants to know more about you? You're not **that** interesting!" Roberto snapped.

"Oh forgive me," Shane snapped. "Just because I don't set fires and give them **names** I'm not interesting enough for people?"

"Just so we're clear, you were talking about Pyro just now right?" Roberto asked.

"Well who else do you know gives names to inanimate objects?" Shane asked.

"Besides Toad," Roberto remembered.

"No, he just gives names to **animals**," Shane corrected.

"Oh that's right," Roberto thought. "I guess there really is no one else then."

"Ahh I love you coffee…" Sabertooth walked by enjoying his coffee. "Good old coffee." They looked at him. "What? I'm on break here?"

"Sorry it's just weird seeing you like this," Jesse blinked.

"Hey even I can't be completely psychotic twenty four seven," Sabertooth snapped. "Can't a guy have a coffee break every now and then?"

"Where did you get the coffee?" Roberto asked.

"You're asking the **bad guy**?" Shane asked.

"He said he was on break," Roberto told him.

"Oh right," Shane said. "So where did you get the coffee?"

"Some guy named BA was handing them out," Sabertooth took a sip. "Hmmm, that's **good** coffee!"

"BA? Oh boy…" Jesse winced. "We all know what's coming folks."

"Ohhhhhhhh!" Pyro skidded by and started to dance around with a cup of coffee in his hand. _"Bongo, bongo bongo I don't wanna leave the Congo oh no, no, no, no, no! Bingle, Bangle, Bungle I'm so happy in the jungle I refuse to go! Don't want no penthouse, discos, taxis, noise in my ear! So no matter how they coax me! I'll stay right here!" _

"Cue the nut job!" Roberto groaned. "Somebody's been watching the Muppets again."

**Well I like the Muppets. Besides you know what it's like when you get a song stuck in your head? **

"We figured **that!**" Shane snapped.

"Oh this is goooooood coffee!" Pyro grinned. "Oh _coffee, coffee, coffee I love my coffee oh yes, yes, yes, yes! Bingle, bangle, bungle I'm in a coffee jungle and I love it so!..._Wait that doesn't rhyme."

"Who cares?" Sabertooth shrugged as he took another swig of coffee. "Good song though."

"HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME BEFORE MY BUTT BECOMES A CHEW TOY!" Pietro had somehow broken free and was running from Rahne again. "OWWWWW! TOO LATE!"

"Go get 'em girl!" Sabertooth cheered as he dowsed his final gulp and threw away the coffee cup. "Hey lemme join you! I'll go left you go right!" He ran off after them. "I'll cut him off at the pass!"

"AAAAHHH! HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY GET A BALL OF YARN OR SOMETHING FOR SABERTOOTH!" Pietro shouted. "WHERE'S WOLVERINE WHEN YOU NEED HIM!"

"Right here with the video camera," Logan walked by with one. "Go long Sabertooth! Go long!"

"How did this happen?" Jesse asked himself. "How do these things get out of control like this?" He looked at the author. "Oh wait…Ask a stupid question!"

**Okay just because I happen to have had three different coffees in a row is no reason to take it out on me. **

"If **only** I could take it out on you!" Jesse groaned. "And you wonder **why** your imagination gets so out of control? Right guys? Right guys?"

"You know this really is good coffee," Roberto said. He and Shane were drinking coffee.

"Whoa that really packs a punch doesn't it?" Shane blinked. "Is it me or is the room spinning?"

"What a stupid question," Pyro groaned. "Of course it's the **room** spinning."

"Listen to the man," Roberto said as he took another sip. "He makes a lot of sense."

"Boy that's a sentence that only comes along once in a blue moon," Jesse groaned.

_"Blue mooooon! You saw me standing alooooooooonneeeee!" _Pyro sang.

"Pyro put a sock in it!" Jesse snapped. "Man I hate being the **normal** one around here!"

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Pietro ran as fast as he could by them with Rahne clamped on his leg. Sabertooth chased after him as well.

"Are you going to do something about this?" Jesse asked Logan.

"You're right," Logan gave him the video camera. "I might as well get in on the action too! Hey guys! Wait for me!" He ran after them.

"No way we're getting left behind!" Roberto said. He and Shane chased after Quicksilver as well.

"And people wonder why I spend so much time in my room?" Jesse groaned. "Pyro…Pyro?"

"_Oh coffee, coffee, coffee I don't wanna give up coffee oh no no no no no!" _Pyro danced around. _"Bingle, bangle bungle I'm in a coffee jungle and I refuse to go! Don't want no milkshake, orange juice, sports drink, root beer, soda pop, water, wine cooler, apple cider…" _

_**Grapefruit juice…**_

"Oh no now **she's** doing it!" Jesse groaned. "I swear we have got to find an AA program for coffee drinkers. That's it! I am going into my room and I am not coming out until this place hits some level of sanity!"

_"We make it clear! That no matter how you coax us! We'll stay right here!" _The author and Pyro started singing. _"You can't blame us! We'll stay right heeeeerrreeeeeee!" _

"Which is probably not going to happen until oh I guess about March!" Jesse stormed off. "2010!"

**Sorry, I can't stop the random insanity in my head sometimes. Hopefully it will amuse you half as much as it amuses me. **

"A quarter is more like it!" Jesse grumbled.


	26. The Return of the Heart Faries

**The Return of the Heart Faires**

"Oh man this is **awesome!"** Todd crowed as he leaned on the railing and took in the cool breeze. The Misfits were looking at the view of a beautiful blue ocean at a well hidden luxury hotel in the Greek islands. They were standing in front of the hotel with their bags getting ready to check in but had stopped to take a look at the majestic view.

"I've never seen a view like this before," Angelica was in awe. "It's like something out of a movie!"

"I've always wanted to go to a place like this," Lina said. "Ever since I saw that old movie Evil Under the Sun. The characters were racist jerks but the place was beautiful!"

"I gotta admit this is great," Shane said. "How did you guys manage to get us into one of these exclusive hotels that caters only to the rich and famous?"

"Thank Shipwreck," Cover Girl said. "He made the arrangements."

"I just know someone who knows someone," Shipwreck told them has he held a cocktail in his hand.

"Well I can't wait to check in and hit the beach," Althea said. "For once Pop you actually did a good job!"

"Too bad Foresight wasn't feeling well enough to join us," Pyro sighed.

"I dunno, something tells me he's probably feeling a **lot** better now," Pietro quipped.

"But we were going to have such fun," Pyro pouted. "We were going to share rooms and I was going to sing him even more Australian drinking songs I made up!"

"You mean the same ones you did last night?" Lina asked.

"The ones about the vampire, the kangaroo and the dead koala?" Angelica added.

"And the fire dances that goes with them?" Arcade added.

"Yeah," Pyro said. "How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess," Todd rolled his eyes. "No wonder Larry was laughing with glee when we left."

"Too bad the babies couldn't be here either," Daria said.

"They have the chicken pox," Shipwreck told them. "But don't worry, Lifeline and Bree are taking good care of them."

"Good thing it's not mutant pox," Roadblock sighed. "I do not want to go through **that **again!"

"What's mutant pox?" Shane asked.

"You don't want to know," Pietro groaned. "Actually you **can't** know."

"Why?" Shane asked.

"Because it's classified information," Low Light explained. "It was **that **bad."

"O-kay," Shane blinked. He looked at Lance who was staring out into space. "Hey Lance? Lance?"

"Wake up Lance!" Spyder lightly hit him on the arm. Lance seemed startled. "Pay attention here!"

"Whatever," Lance sighed and put his hands in his pockets. He moved over to the side away from the group for some privacy. "Just leave me alone."

"Lance…" Spyder blinked but didn't follow him.

"I'm really worried about Lance," Pietro sobered up. "I mean the past few days he hasn't been himself. He's moping around, staring into space. A bit absent minded."

"You still think he's hung up over Kitty?" Spirit asked.

"No, I think it's something else," Pietro said. "He's been talking a lot about Selene."

"He's been **dreaming** about her," Todd added. "It sounds pretty fishy to me."

"No accounting for taste," Fred shook his head.

"I don't think so," Todd said. "I got this gut feeling that's telling me there's more to these dreams than we know about. I mean this Selene is a sorceress right? What if she was manipulating them or something?"

"That is possible," Spirit frowned. "We'd better keep an eye on him."

"Don't worry," Althea waved. "We'll knock some sense into him."

"OW! OW! OW!" Suddenly something small and glittery hit Lance on the head and knocked him down.

"Looks like we don't have to," Angelica pointed. "Something **already** knocked into him."

"Hey watch where you're flying Sweet!" A tiny, familiar female with pink hair and a white and pink dress fluttered around. Her little wings beating fast.

"Me? Sugar you were the one with the lousy sense of directions!" A little fairy with turquoise hair and a similar turquoise and white dress snapped.

"Well Syracuse is the one who said to go through the tear in Applex system in the first place!" Sugar pointed.

"That's right! Blame me for **your **lousy sense of direction!" A purple haired fairy in a purple and white dress snapped. Then she noticed they weren't alone. "Hey look! It's our friends the Misfits!"

"What are you doing back here?" Lance moaned as he got up. "Didn't you girls cause enough trouble the last time?" **(1)**

"Who are they? **What** are they?" Shane asked.

"They're the little fairies that live in Pixieland!" Pyro said joyfully clapping his hands. "I get a wish! I get a wish!"

"We're not **that** kind of fairy," Sweet told him. "We help with matters of love!"

"You **serious?"** Shane's jaw dropped.

"I'm afraid so," Althea said.

"You guys know the **weirdest** people," Shane shook his head.

"Well we do know **you,**" Arcade quipped. Shane gave him a dirty look.

"Guys this is Sugar, Sweet and Syracuse," Wanda introduced. "The Heart Fairies. Heart fairies this is Angelica 'Firestar' Jones, Arcade, Pyro, Spyder, Shane Shooter and Lina 'Dragonfly' Chakram."

"Syracuse?" Shane blinked. **"Syracuse?" **

"You got a problem with **my** name, baldy?" Syracuse got in Shane's face and growled. "Do ya?"

"No…" Shane blinked.

"Ooh! You have pretty wings!" Sweet twittered as she flew around Lina. "Are you the Fairy Queen?"

"Uh no…" Lina blinked. She turned to Fred. "How **exactly** do you know them?"

"Or is that information classified too?" Shane asked.

"Oh you gotta hear **this** story," Pietro snickered. "It involves a couple of demon dragons, a bumbling sorcerer's apprentice by the name of Benny Barumpbump, a few state inspectors, mind wiping gone wrong, an evil lady named Ms. March getting what was coming to her and Wolverine being turned into a unicorn."

"A unicorn?" Angelica's jaw dropped. "They turned Wolverine into a cutesy unicorn?"

"No," Todd shook his head. "Benny turned Wolverine into a black heavy metal type unicorn. You know with a big metal horn and everything."

"**That **I can see," Angelica added.

"Oh I have **got** to hear this story!" Shane grinned.

"Well you might as well hang with us for a while," Shipwreck said to the fairies.

"Are you sure that's such a good idea?" Sweet asked.

"Well I'm sure we can sneak you into the hotel if…" Cover Girl began.

"No I mean this is a bad place with dark magic," Sweet shuddered. "I can feel it."

"What do you mean a bad place?" Lina asked. "It looks fine to me."

"Never judge a book by it's cover," Sweet told her. "Or in this case a hotel by it's lobby!"

"This building is not what it seems," Syracuse said. "I sense evil in there!"

"Yes! There's definitely an illusion spell in place!" Sugar nodded. She raised a wand along with her sisters and they waved it.

"Illusion spell?" Arcade asked.

"You mean this isn't a hotel?" Shane asked. "Now they've got me rhyming again!"

"Expectia illiusia nonmine expirata!" The Heart Faries shouted cancelling the spell.

"It's a castle!" Wanda yelled as the illusion fell before them. In it's place was an ancient Greek palace. A very large ancient Greek palace.

"A dump of an old castle," Pietro sniffed. "Still has some nice gold statues however."

"Well this is a bit inconvenient…."

They turned around and saw Selene hovering in the air before them. "I was hoping to lure you inside first **before** I disposed of you."

"Dad," Althea calmly turned to her father. "I'm going to take a wild guess on this. This 'friend of a friend' that helped you book this trip? Was it really just some dame you hit on in a sleazy bar?"

"I resent that implication that the only deals I do are in sleazy bars or hotel rooms!" Shipwreck bristled.

"Or back alleys," The Blind Master said.

"Only one or two times did I do **that,**" Shipwreck protested.

"Dad…" Althea said.

"It was in a Chili's bar," Shipwreck admitted. "Those are classy."

"I'm going to take another wild guess," Althea put her hand on her head, indicating she was getting a migraine. "Selene you posed as some kind of sexy travel agent and drugged him didn't you?"

"I didn't have to drug him. He was already pretty blotto," Selene said. "Actually all I had to do was just drop the tickets in front of him and…"

"I get the picture…" Althea stopped her. "Figures."

"Thanks a **lot **Shipwreck!" Pietro snapped.

"You did it **again **Daddy!" Trinity shouted.

"This isn't all Shipwreck's fault," Roadblock sighed. "It's **my** fault! I should have known by now that any plans Shipwreck made would run afoul."

"Yeah that's right it is **your** fault," Daria gave him a look.

"You think he would have learned by now?" Quinn said.

"Especially after the time he said he won this great trip to Aspen but it turned out to be one of those condominium time share sales pitches?" Brittany said.

"Oh yeah I remember that," Cover Girl said. "And even worse it was run by Extensive Enterprises!"

"The next thing we knew we were dodging Cobra troopers, giant robots and a very persistent sales man with a bazooka," Spirit groaned.

"Oh like you guys could do any better?" Shipwreck snapped. "Roadblock what about the time you took some of the guys to meet your aunt and uncle at their diner and we ended up uncovering a Cobra plot?"

"They had no idea that Cobra owned the Red Rocket franchise and was making their diners into missile bases so they could blow up the country!" Roadblock defended. "Besides it's not half as bad as the time you took us all to this water park which turned out to be an abandoned sewage system plant!"

"Look I paid good money for those tickets! How was I supposed to know they were fake?" Shipwreck snapped.

"The fact that you bought them in an alley from a guy named Guido the Snake at three in the morning should have been your **first clue!"** Cover Girl snapped.

"Oh yeah?" Shipwreck yelled back. "Well what about the time you said we were all going out for pizza and then we ended up locked in a hotel room with nearly the entire GI Joe team?"

"THAT WAS AN **INTERVENTION** YOU IDIOT!" Cover Girl yelled. "WE WERE TRYING TO GET YOU TO STOP DRINKING!"

"For all the good that it did," Althea groaned.

"Yeah we all ended up drunk that night instead," Spirit nodded. "He's not only an alchoholic, he's a carrier of the disease!"

"Uh guys…" Low Light noticed something. "I hate to break up the latest round of Let's Blame Each Other but…Selene is taking Lance away."

"WHAT?" Everyone shouted and turned around. Lance was walking next to Selene as they were going into the castle.

"Lance what are you doing?" Angelica asked.

"Lance! Lance get back here!" Pietro yelled. "Where are you going? Yoo Hoo! Over here!"

"Evil, evil!" Sugar repeated. "She's an evil lady!"

"Yeah I think we figured it out Miss Obvious!" Sweet snapped.

"Well excuuuuussseee me!" Sugar snapped at her sister.

"Lance!" Spirit ran after him only to be repelled by a force field Selene casually threw up. "UHHH!"

Lance made no indication that he had heard anything. "What did you **do** to him?" Wanda yelled preparing her fists. "What do you want?"

"Just taking what's mine," Selene grinned. "Oh and don't think of calling for any help." She waved her arm.

Suddenly all their teleportation watches began to frizzle. "My Blackberry!" Arcade yelled as his small personal computer device fizzled. "My baby! Nooooooo! Speak to me!"

"This anti-technology spell will keep you isolated from your friends," Selene grinned. "Long enough for **my **friends to deal with you!"

"Friends? What friends?" Shipwreck asked. Suddenly several stone gargoyles came to life. They had stone swords and maces as weapons. Appearing out of the sky were several bat like demons also armed with weapons heading towards them. "Oh…**Those** friends!"

"Consider yourselves fortunate," Selene grinned as she stood with her hand on a spell bound Lance's shoulder. "Normally I would just drain your life force…But I don't want to take any chances to catch what **you **have!" She then disappeared in a flash.

"Lance!" Althea shouted. A stone demon got in her way.

"Oh no you don't!" Wanda revved up her powers and hexed it to pieces.

"All right! Let's fight!" Roadblock shouted. Soon the Misfits were fighting for their lives. Trinity used their psychic powers to blast apart several gargoyles. Pyro and Angelica used their powers to set some of the bat demons on fire.

"Nnnayh! Nnnayh! Can't catch me!" Pietro shouted. He sped around and caused several demons and gargoyles to accidentally hit each other.

Shane blasted one gargoyle apart with his powers. Althea washed another one away with the water from the sea. Then she used them to create a jet stream to blast one from the sky. Lina flew rings around one gargoyle then led it to Fred who smashed it. Todd slimed a flying demon that got too close. Arcade pummeled one with a stick before Xi attacked it. The Blind Master was using his martial arts to attack several demons and the other Joes were using their guns to shoot down other demons.

"Good thing that anti-technology spell doesn't apply to our rifles for some reason," Cover Girl said as she blasted one.

"Good thing we never go anywhere without our guns **period!"** Low Light grunted as he blasted another.

"That's a great idea!" Sweet twittered. Suddenly she conjured up a huge pink bazooka and aimed it at the demons attacking the Joes. "MAGIC MISSLE SLEEP ATTACK!"

"DAD! DUCK!" Althea shouted when she saw what Sweet was about to do.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Huh?" Shipwreck turned around and was instantly covered in pink fairy dust. The demons attacking them had flown out of the way just in time.

Unfortunately the adults were not so lucky. "Ooohhhh! Pretty sparkles…" Roadblock blinked before he fell fast asleep.

"Boy do I feel tired..." Spirit yawned.

"I think I'll take a nap now..." Low Light yawned. Soon all the adults were asleep.

"Way to go Pinky!" Shooter snapped.

"So my aim was off a little!" Sugar snapped. "Sue me!"

"OKAY THAT'S IT!" Althea called upon her powers to wash away the remaining gargoyles and blast off the remaining demons in a mighty blast of water. She sent them out to sea. "That ought to take care of 'em!"

"Dad! Daddy! Wake up!" Daria yelled in her sleeping father's ear. "Girls! Get the tasers!"

"No electric stuff! Remember?" Quinn said.

"Then let's get some very sharp sticks!" Brittany said.

"That won't work. They're gonna be out for a while," Sugar said. "Sorry."

"Okay, **no more** Magic Missile!" Syracuse snapped as she took the bazooka away from her sister. "At least until you take some target practice."

"Well at least we dealt with the monsters," Angelica said. "But what does Selene want with Lance?"

"She's been after him for some reason since day one," Todd grumbled. "I knew it. I knew she was the reason he's been acting screwy lately!"

"But what could an all powerful sorceress want with Lance?" Wanda asked.

"Well it's not his brain **that's** for sure," Pietro grunted.

"Trinity, Spyder you four stay here and guard the adults," Althea said. "Somebody's gotta watch out for them."

"Aww we never get in on the fun stuff!" Spyder pouted.

"Think of yourselves as the cavalry," Lina told them.

"Come on," Althea said. "We gotta go save Lance!" They ran inside the palace to find their friend.

"Wait for us!" The Heart Fairies flew after them.

"If **they're **going with the others, maybe we **are** better off staying behind?" Spyder groaned.

"So what do we do now?" Brittany asked. "I'm bored looking after the adults already!"

"We can go through their wallets and steal their cash," Quinn said.

"I'm in," Daria started rifling through Roadblock's pockets. "Hey there's candy in here!"

"That's just a cough drop," Spyder said. "Oh look here are some hundred dollar bills!"

"Now you're talkin'," Quinn nodded.

**(1) See the fic 'I've Put A Spell on You' for the whole story. So what happens next? Will the gang save Lance? Find out next time! **

Althea walked out. "Excuse me please. I'd just like to say something. I know a lot of people out there think that these fics are getting unrealstic and silly well...It is fan **fiction **people! Emphasis on **fiction**. As in not real or **made up!** If you don't like reading about insane impossible situations that no one would ever expect the characters to do...WELL JUST DON'T READ THE FICS THEN!"

Spyder hopped out. "Yeah I mean if you don't like our stuff and don't like the way we do things then fine. Go ahead and write your own fics. Everybody has the right to their opinion. No need for hate."

"Constructive criticisim is one thing," Althea said. "But come on..."

"Not that you know who ever listens to it," Spyder said.

"She doesn't listen to **anything** except the little voices in her head when they tell her it's time to go out and get some cappuchino," Althea grumbled. "But I'm getting off topic here."

"And to all those who do like our fics and want to use us as characters we say fine," Xi told them. "We're happy to be with anyone frankly. We're not picky."

"We love you," Spyder said. "Really. We love you. We love **anyone **who will get us away from RW's insanity for a while. Even if it is more insanity."

"She's **nuts** people," Althea said. "She takes all the coffee for herself and doesn't leave us any."

"Maybe that is not such a bad thing?" Xi mused.

"So to all those who do love insanity and craziness," Lina said while walking out with the rest of the X-Men, Misfits and assorted villains. "Thanks for sticking with us. If you don't want the craziness there are plenty of other fics you can read that will make you happy."

"Or depressed," Daria said. "Or miserable. Or whatever else you feel like feeling."

"Honestly we're just happy to be here at all," Quinn said. "So please take this strange little fic for what it is, the demented amusement of a demented maniac. So until next week! Thank you!"

"I'm not happy to be here," Kelly grumbled. "I hate that woman. She's a no talent hack!"

"Well then go somewhere else then," Wanda snapped. "Forge..."

"I'm on it," Forge took out the Middleverse device and made a portal. Wanda kicked Kelly into it. "AAAHHH! NO! NOT THE LIZARDS!" He screamed. "OW! OH MAN THAT SMARTS! OW! OW! OW! OW! NOT THE TEETH! NOT THE SHARP TEETH!"

"Have fun with Princess Fluffietta Tinkerbell!" Daria said happily as the portal closed behind him.

"Anybody **else** have a problem?" Wanda glared at the villians.

"No not really..." Selene gulped.

"Uh I'm good thanks..." Cobra Commander gulped. "Let's just go rehearse our lines for next week."

"Those of us who **have **lines for next week!" Jesse complained.

"It's not our fault you have a lousy agent," Roberto told him.

Sweet, Sugar and Syracuse flew out. "You know while we're waiting we might as well tell you more about ourselves!" Sugar said.

"We are known as the Heart Fairies of Love but we have other hobbies too!" Sweet said.

"We like romance books, romance movies, scrap booking, collecting unicorn figurines and target practice," Syracuse said.

"Like this!" Sweet took out her bazooka again and fired. "MAGIC MISSLE OF DANCING!"

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"Aahhhhhhh!" Dozens of characters ran around screaming as the missiles fired.

One bomb hit Apocalypse. He immediately started to do a river dance. "This is degrading..." The Egyptian mutant growled.

"Tell me about it," Destro had been hit with the same missile as well. He was doing the tango with Cobra Commander.

"At least let me lead!" Cobra Commander shouted at him.

"What the hey! This is fun!" Syracuse took out her own bazooka. "BOMBS AWAY!"

"AAAHHH! AAAHHH!" Everyone screamed.

"Crazy fairies on the loose! Crazy fairies on the loose!" Todd yelled as he hopped around.

"Who gives a fairy a **bazooka** anyway?" Lance shouted as he ran.

"Who **else?** The crazy caffeine freak author!" Selene snapped as she ran around dodging the missiles.

"I love target practice don't you?" Syracuse grinned as they stopped.

**"NO!"** Everyone else shouted.

"Can't you talk about something else we don't know about?" Scott asked. "Since we all know you girls are **psychotic!" **

"We also have two hundred and eighty sisters," Sugar said. "Well actually it's two hundred and seventy seven, that is if you don't count the three of us. There are two hundred and eighty of us total."

"And here are some of them," Sweet snapped her fingers and a small portal opened up. Many fairies with colorful hair and wings flew out. "There's Sunny, Strawberry, Sunflower, Silver, Silver, Suzibelle, Slyph, Solaria, Sparkles, Spindella, Spearmint, Spice, Sunberry, Sunlight, Swift, Songflower, Saffron, Safflower, Sage…"

"Not related to the X-Man Sage," A fairy with purple hair and a purple dress explained. "Although we do have a lot in common."

"Starlight, Starwing, Starshine, Starfire," Sugar kept introducing her sisters. "Stormy…"

"Also **not** related to an X-Man," A white haired fairy spoke

"Sandalwood, Sasha, Satin, Sapphire, Seastar, Seawing, Seamist, Shampoo…" Sugar kept going and the fairies kept coming. "Susie Q, Sashay, Sanguine, Sassafras, Sassy, September, Shade..."

"All right we **get the picture!"** Lance snapped.

"What's with all the S names?" Kitty asked.

"It's fairy tradition," Sugar explained. "You see we were all born at the same time from fairy dust eggs and each generation has to have the same letter in the name so that they can tell who was born when and in what family."

"Our Grandmother's name is Arabella, Queen of the Fairies," Sweet went on. "She had twenty six daughters so…"

"So each daughter starts with a certain letter and we have the same letter as our mother," Syracuse grumbled. "Our mom's name is Sarabella. Which is why I ended up with a stupid name by the time she got to me."

"Still better than **my** name," A plump fairy with blue hair grumbled. "She called me Stout!"

"Try having a name like Shampoo sometime," A purple haired fairy grumbled. "I'm sick of all those Head and Shoulders jokes! And if one more idiot makes a Ranma One Half remark…"

"Wanna trade for a Teen Titans remark?" Starfire, an orange haired fairy remarked.

"Hey it could be a **lot** worse," Sweet remarked. "You guys could have had a name like S over there!"

"Yeah she's got the worst name of us all," Stout admitted.

"That's what happens when you're born last," Stormy nodded.

"S? What's your full name?" Althea asked a green haired sour looking fairy.

"Syphilis," She grumbled. "To be fair Mom thought she was naming me after the Greek hero, not the venereal disease."

"Actually it works for her either way," Syracuse snickered.

"Shut your mouth!" S shouted.

"Hey we're not the ones who went on a date with two satyrs and a leprechaun on the **same **night," Fairy Sage chuckled.

"And didn't get home until the next afternoon wearing the **same dress**," Sweet snickered.

"That doesn't prove anything! We always wear the same dress!" S shouted. "We got whole closets full of the same thing!"

"Yeah but ours don't have grass stains all over them!" Sugar sneered.

"Okay! It's on now!" S took out a bazooka of her own. "DIE!"

"YOU DIE!" Sugar took out her bazooka.

"YOU ALL DIE!" All the fairies took out bazookas of their own and started to fire on each other. "MAGIC MISSLE OF DEATH!"

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"AAAAHHHH!" Pietro ran around. "WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MAGIC WANDS?"

"Bazookas! Why did it **have **to be bazookas?" Althea screamed as she jumped for her life.

"**This** is why I **hate** fairies!" Selene shouted. "I HATE FAIRIES!"

**Okay this is going to take a while to clean up. In the meantime have a good time. **

"I'M GLAD **SOMEONE **IS HAVING A GOOD TIME!" Selene screamed as she dodged the missiles.

"Actually I **am **having a good time," Cobra Commander danced by. "Destro is a surprisingly good dancer. You know we could win a prize or something on Dancing with the Stars."

"You think?" Destro asked.

"HOW COME YOU NEVER TAKE ME DANCING?" The Baroness screamed. "Somebody get me a bazooka too!"

"This is why I prefer to work alone," Apocalypse muttered as he riverdanced away.


	27. Past Memories and Present Danger

**Past Memories and Present Danger**

"Okay let's recap," Shane grumbled as they traveled the labyrinthine corridors of the castle. "Selene tricked us to coming to her private island so she could not only get rid of us, but kidnap Avalanche for some reason. But we don't know what that reason is."

"Right," Fred nodded.

"The adults are all unconscious, we can't use our teleportation watches to get help," Shane continued. "No way to contact anyone else and we're already lost in a castle filled with about a dozen monsters and one mean sorceress mutant who can drain our life force and who knows **what **else. Is that **all?"**

"You forgot the fairies," Pyro pointed out as they flew around.

"Of course," Shane sighed. "How could **anybody** forget the fairies?"

"Hey!" Syracuse said. "Just cause we're small and cute it doesn't mean we're useless!"

"We can help you!" Sweet twittered.

"You mean like that fairy that helps Link in those Zelda games?" Pyro blinked. "Ripping!"

"Yeah they've been a **great **help so far," Wanda said sarcastically.

"Hey! We're not the ones who knocked out the others," Syracuse snapped.

"Yeah at least two of us are helpful," Sweet said.

"Oh sure, blame it all on the fairy with the bad aim," Sugar snapped.

"THAT'S THE POINT YOU TWIT!" Syracuse snapped.

"YOU WANT MY WAND STUCK UP WHERE THE FAIRY DUST DOESN'T SHINE?" Sugar shouted.

"OH LIKE YOU HAVE THE GUTS!" Syracuse shouted.

"OH I'VE GOT THE GUTS, SISTER!" Sugar rolled up her sleeves. "AND THEN SOME!"

"Oh yeah right!" Syracuse rolled her eyes. "I'm sooooooooo scared! NOT!"

"You saying I can't do it? I'll do it!" Sugar snapped. "I promise you I will do it!"

"That'll be the day!" Syracuse told her.

"WELL TODAY **IS** THE DAY SO WATCH IT SISTER!" Sugar screamed.

"BRING IT ON!" Syracuse snapped.

"OH IT'S BEEN BROUGHT ON!" Sugar snarled.

"WILL YOU TWO IDIOTS KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL CLOBBER THE BOTH OF YOU!" Sweet shouted.

"MAKE US!" Both Syracuse and Sugar yelled. Soon all three fairies were in a three way fight with fairy dust flying all over the place. The Misfits just stood there watching the scene.

"DIE! YOU DIE! OW! OW! OW! OW! JERK! WITCH! HAG! WHO ARE YOU CALLING A HAG? OW! OW! UGH! OOF! LEGGO MY HAIR! YOU GET OFF MY BACK! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU **MORE!** I HATE THE **BOTH** OF YOU! AND WE HATE **YOU!** DON'T YOU DARE BITE ME! YEOW! YOU BIT ME! I NEED A RABIES SHOT! OW! DON'T YOU DARE TEAR MY DRESS OR I'LL TEAR YOUR **HEAD** OFF YOU LITTLE…" The fairies screamed at each other as they fought. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

"Wow," Arcade blinked. "This never happened in any of the Zelda games."

"I've heard of fairy fights but **this**…" Shane watched the girls go at it.

"I knew we should have brought the camera," Todd remarked. "Why didn't we bring the camera?"

"Yeah we could have sold the footage," Pietro agreed. "Fairies Gone Wild. Really Wild."

"Okay this situation is officially **out **of control," Althea groaned as she put her head in her hands. "Even more than usual."

"They never taught us about this in ninja class that's for sure," Todd remarked.

RRRRRUMMMMMBBLEEEEE!

"What was that?" Lina asked.

The three fairies stopped fighting and looked up. "Uh oh…" They gulped in unison.

"Uh oh?" Lina gulped. "That's not good when a fairy says 'uh oh!'"

The Misfits turned around and saw a very large boulder come crashing at them. And then it occurred to them that they were standing in a very narrow corridor. "RUN!" Pietro screamed, zipping past them with his super speed.

"WAY TO SHOW TEAMWORK YOU JERK!" Wanda yelled as she ran after him.

"We have all definitely been hanging around Roadblock too long!" Angelica groaned.

"We're gonna get squashed!" Arcade yelled.

"NO WE AIN'T!" Fred brushed past the others and took a stance. The bolder rushed at him with incredible speed.

"FREDDY!" Lina yelled.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Fred yelled as he stretched out his arms and grabbed at the bolder the instant it hit his body. It rolled against him but neither moved. Fred grunted and strained until the bolder stopped moving.

"Whew, that was close…" Arcade panted.

"Freddy are you okay?" Lina rushed over to him.

"Hey! I'm the Un-Movable Blob!" Fred said proudly. "No sweat!"

"Good thing," Todd nodded. "Otherwise we'd be Misfit Pancake right about now."

"Yeah he was a lot more help than you were Pietro! Pietro?" Wanda looked around. "Pietro where are you, you creep? Oh great he's run off again."

"Are you really shocked at this?" Todd asked.

"Not at all," Wanda growled.

"Come on, we'll find Pietro. Then we'll find Lance and rescue him," Althea said. "Then we'll **all** beat up Pietro. Okay?"

"Works for me," Todd nodded. "Hey what's that?"

Sweet flew up. "More demons straight ahead! Right over the bolder!"

"Oh is **that** all?" Fred grunted. He used his massive strength to roll the bolder right over them, knocking them flat out. "Did I get 'em?"

"You got 'em," Sweet nodded.

"Ow...Mommy..." One of the demons moaned. "I got a big boo boo.."

"Let's backtrack and see if we can find Quicksilver," Althea sighed. "Come on."

They turned around and went down another corridor. Wanda was in the lead. "Where did that idiot brother of mine run off to **this** time?" Wanda grunted as she put her hands on her hips. "I swear I am going to…"

"DUCK!" Althea shoved her down to the ground. Just as something whizzed right past where their heads were.

"What the…?" Wanda blinked. She assumed that arrows had come out of the walls but it wasn't arrows that surrounded her. "Sticks with bandages?"

"Those aren't sticks," Althea told her. The 'sticks' began to hiss.

"They look like mummies," Arcade said.

"Snake mummies," Althea's eyes went wide. They were surrounded by snake mummies hissing at them.

"**Snake** mummies?" Pyro shouted. "Seriously, who makes snake mummies? I've heard of dog mummies and cat mummies and once in third grade I made a hamster mummy…Well it wasn't really a mummy. I just wrapped in toilet paper. Of course it was still alive and it kept squealing and…"

"JUST BURN THE DAMN THINGS!" Althea ordered.

"Oh, right-o!" Pyro said as he took out his trusty lighter. "Time to go to work Sandra Dee!"

He and Angelica used their powers on the snakes before they struck Wanda and Althea. With a shriek they turned to ashes. "And that's how you do Snakes on the Barbie, Mutant style," Pyro cackled.

"Guys we gotta be really careful," Althea brushed herself off as she and Wanda stood up. "This place is crawling with booby traps."

"Really?" Shane asked sarcastically. "Whatever gave you **that **idea?"

"Just keep your eyes open," Althea told him. She heard a rattling sound. "Oh great, **now what?"**

"Sorry," Fred munched on some candy in his pocket. "That bolder took a lot out of me." He offered some candy in his hand. "M&M's?"

"Oh thank you very much!" Pyro grinned as he reached out for some. "Don't mind if I…"

Wanda hit him on the head. "HEY!" Pyro winced and rubbed his head. "What? I'm supposed to say **no** to free candy?"

"Idiots," Wanda growled.

They made their way down another corridor. "Man this place goes on forever," Todd grumbled.

"Looks like we're not the only ones to get lost in here," Angelica pointed to a dozen skeletons wearing flimsy armor and had swords in their hands.

"Yeah and if you don't want to end up like them, I suggest we keep quiet and not drop our guard," Althea said. She heard a rattling. "Blob will you put the candy away? You can have a snack later!"

"Wasn't me," Fred blinked.

"It was them," Xi pointed to the skeletons rising up and circling around them.

"Skeleton warriors," Arcade rolled his eyes. "Yeah, **that's** original."

One skeleton leapt at Fred who simply crushed it's skull with one swift motion. However the body still kept attacking. "Boy dead guys sure are stubborn aren't they?"

"Aim for the spine!" Arcade yelled as he picked up a discarded sword and hacked at one of them. Of course the skeleton was slightly better at fighting. "AND HURRY!"

"Okay," Shane shot at them. Instantly several of his bullets found the targets and the skeletons disintegrated with a shriek. Soon they were all dust. "Well that was easy."

"How did you know that would take them out?" Angelica asked Arcade.

"Hey you don't play every Zelda, Final Fantasy and any other kind of RPG game known to man without learning a **few **tricks," Arcade shrugged.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" A girlish scream was heard.

"That sounded like Pietro," Todd said.

"Sounded like a girl baboon caught in a car door," Shane blinked.

"Yup, that's Pietro," Fred nodded.

They ran down the hallway and turned a corner. Pietro was stuck face first in a huge spider web. "Help me!" He shouted. "Somebody help me!"

"What happened to you?" Todd asked.

"Well funny you should ask," Pietro remarked. "I was sitting in a café when in comes Regis and Kelly who said that they wanted to interview me for their TV show. The next thing I know I am talking to Donald Trump about being on the Apprentice and…AND WHAT DO YOU **THINK** HAPPENED TO ME YOU MORON? I'M STUCK ON A GIANT SPIDERWEB! I RAN INTO AND GOT STUCK ON A GIANT SPIDERWEB!"

"Hey I was just asking," Todd pouted.

"Do you ever get the feeling that your life has just turned into a real weird version of Dungeons and Dragons?" Angelica asked.

"Oh yeah," Pyro nodded. "All the time."

"Just checking," Angelica groaned.

"HELP ME!" Pietro yelled. "I have spider webs in my mouth! Blech! Mouthwash! I need **mouthwash** to kill the spider germs!"

"Calm down you big baby," Shooter readied his fingers. "I'll get you out!"

"Don't shoot me!" Pietro yelled.

"I'll try," Shooter said sarcastically.

"Of course if you 'accidentally' wing him we'll understand," Wanda said sarcastically.

"Uh Shooter, did you ever see any of the Lord of the Rings' movies?" Fred gulped. "Particularly the scene with the giant spider?"

"No," Shane said.

"Well I think you're about to see what happened!" Fred pointed. Coming towards them was a huge spider. And then two more giant spiders. "In stereo."

"AAHHHHHH!" Pietro made a large shrill scream and tried to untangle himself from the web. "GETMEOUTGETMEOUTGETMEOUT!"

"I am in Dungeons and Dragons!" Angelica readied her powers.

"Cool!" Pyro said. "I **love** that cartoon! Ooh! You think there's a cute little unicorn like Uni running around?"

"JUST SHUT UP AND BLAST THOSE THINGS!" Wanda yelled as the Misfits prepared to fire at their attackers.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

_Dominicus looked out over the railings of the ship and marveled at the glorious buildings and temples of Egypt. Their splendor truly rivaled that of even his home city of Athens. "I knew Egypt was impressive but never this impressive!"_

_"Pharaoh En Saba Nur has been busy since I saw him last two years ago," Denamanos the Athenian Ambassador to Egypt spoke to his personal guard. "There's at least ten different buildings added to the capital's skyline." _

_"Do you think he'll be in a good mood to receive us?" Dominicus asked._

_"Once he sees the size of our tribute," Denamanos grinned as he looked down at a young dark haired slave girl, no older than fourteen. "Not to mention a few extras thrown in." _

_She looked at Dominicus with sad eyes. He felt sorry for this girl, destined to spend the rest of her life in a foreign land as a servant to a foreign king. _

Selene continued to chant and weave her spell around Lance, making him see what she wanted him to see. "If you cannot remember our past I shall have to **make **you remember…" She spoke.

Another memory flashed in Lance's mind. A memory that wasn't his. A memory of Ancient Egypt…

_"You have the Pharaoh's gratitude for helping Egypt in this dark time," En Saba Nur spoke. His gray skin was framed by glittering gold of his clothes and jewels. They were in the throne room. _

_"By your leave my lord, it was the queen's personal attendant who alerted me to the presence of the assassins," Dominicus bowed. He gave a fleeting look at an older Selene, about seventeen years old. _

_"Ah yes," En Saba Nur grinned. "The Queen has told me how much our little Selene favors you. Very well, for your loyalty I give you our Selene to be your own." _

_"Thank you my lord," Selene cried happily as she ran to embrace her secret lover. Perhaps not so secret. _

_"In addition I need you to guard something for me," The Pharaoh held out a small box. "In case the Phoenix returns, this may be the only thing capable of fighting it."_

_"The Destiny Stone? Yes I will guard it with my life," Dominicus nodded. _

_In the shadows was Dominicus, clearly not happy at the favors his subordinate was receiving over him…But he also knew how to remedy that. _

"That's right my beloved," Selene whispered in Lance's ear. "Remember…Remember…"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Well…" Pietro staggered around the corner covered in spider cobwebs and green goo. "**That **was fun!"

"Ewww…" Angelica moaned. She was covered in green goop as well. "I need to take a shower!"

"I feel like a fly that's escaped a spider web," Sugar moaned. "Only to be thrown up on by the spider!"

"Spider guts…" Sweet's eye twitched. "It **had** to be spider guts! Now I am going to have nightmares for years!"

"I'm **already** having nightmares for years," Wanda told her as she tried to clean off the goo from her uniform.

"At least it's not blood," Xi said. "At least I think it's not blood."

"This is even more disgusting than the time my Pop gave the babies chili for breakfast," Althea grumbled.

"I hate bugs!" Angelica groaned. "Oh sorry Lina."

"In the first place, spiders are arachnids, not bugs," Lina gave her a look. Then she groaned. "And I hate them **too!**"

"That was the most disgusting thing I ever saw," Wanda agreed.

"I don't know what you're all complaining about," Todd licked his lips as he licked the last bit of goo off his clothes. "Hmmmm, spider guts. Yummy!"

"Correction…" Wanda winced. "**That **is the most disgusting thing I ever saw!"

"Have I ever thanked you guys for how much more interesting you have made my life since I joined up with this outfit?" Shane asked as he removed a spider web from his clothes.

"No," Fred shook his head.

**"Good!"** Shane snapped.

"Hey anybody want me to lick off…?" Todd began to ask.

**"NO!"** Everyone shouted at him.

"Just asking," Todd shrugged. "I mean it'd be a shame to let all that good stuff go to waste."

"You are the most disgusting individual I have ever met," Pyro said. "And for once I don't mean that in a **good** way."

"At least I don't need to take a bath," Todd grinned as he leaned against a wall.

In doing so he accidentally pressed against a panel. A huge wad of mud crashed all over him. "AAAHHH!"

"You were saying?" Wanda grinned as she folded her arms.

"Aw man…" Todd groaned.

"Take a look at this," Xi pointed. A small opening had also appeared. "It appears to be a secret passageway."

"Well at least Toad's clothes didn't get soiled in vain," Arcade remarked.

"Yeah but it's too small for me to fit in," Fred looked at it. It was only about three feet tall and barely a foot wide.

"It's too small for most of us to fit in," Angelica said. She looked at the Fairies. "Unless…"

"We got this one," Syracuse nodded. "Come on girls!"

"Charge!" Sugar shouted as the fairies flew in. They could hear the girls shouting through the walls.

"OOF!"

"UGH!"

"Sorry!"

"OW! Cut it out!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"Well I can't see where I'm going!"

"What you think I can?"

"Just watch what you're doing!"

"How can I watch what I'm doing if I can't **see** anything?"

"OW! Watch the wings!"

"You watch **your** wings!"

"Quit shoving!"

"**You** quit shoving!"

"Both of you quit shoving! Come on let's find out where this goes!" Sweet could be heard shouting.

"Will you stop bossing us around Sweet?" Sugar snapped.

"When you two stop acting like one hundred year olds I'll stop treating you like them!" Sweet snarled.

"Look who's talking!" Syracuse snarled.

"Hey! As much as I'd **love** to stand here and listen to you fairies bicker all day," Wanda yelled. "Do you see anything that might help us?"

"No, wait there's a room up ahead," Syracuse said. "I see a lever."

"Pull it!" Pyro shouted.

"Wait a minute, maybe that's not such a good ideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaa!" Angelica screamed as suddenly the floor sloped downwards and the Misfits went straight down a long chute. The next thing they knew they landed in a heap in a huge dungeon like area.

"Good call, Pyro," Todd said sarcastically as he untangled himself.

"Great we're in a dungeon," Shane looked around. "Just where I wanted to spend my vacation."

"This reminds me of one of the settings in Pyro's books," Fred told them.

"Yeah I see it," Pyro looked around. "This does look like the scene in Vampire Hooker Diaries where Cassandra is held captive by her evil twin Massandra and is forced to participate in an orgy with her two lovers, the police captain that's pursing them, a vampire hunter named Sven the Muscular…"

"Uh if you don't mind I think I'll read the book myself," Wanda interrupted.

"I **definitely **will read that book when we get out of this," Todd nodded excitedly.

"Me too!" Fred nodded.

"Better yet, I can get it on tape," Arcade said.

"Is it out on DVD yet?" Shane asked.

"Okay where is a rampaging monster when you **need **it?" Angelica groaned.

"RRRRARRRRR!"

"Oh there it is," Angelica sighed.

A huge Minotaur wearing a white and gold loincloth and carrying a huge ax stood at the doorway. It made a mighty roar and raised his ax, rushing towards them. Shane raised an eyebrow and used his powers to shoot off energy bullets at the hooves of the Minotaur.

"YEOW!" The Minotaur screamed as it tried to dance around the energy bullets. Pyro grinned and joined in the fun shooting fire at it's hooves. "HOT! HOT! HOT!"

Angelica used her powers to make the axe it was holding very hot. "YEOW TOO HOT!" The beast cried.

Then Wanda used her hex powers to blast the Minotaur into the wall and chained it up with manacles hanging from it. "Hey!" It tried to get loose. "I **hate **Mondays!"

"You wouldn't happen to know where Selene is do you?" Althea asked taking out a small knife from her boot. She held it menacingly in front of the creature's face.

"Please say something like 'I'll never tell'," Fred cracked his knuckles. Xi bared his claws.

"Are you kidding?" The creature gave them a look. "I don't get paid enough drachma for this abuse! She's probably in her personal chamber which is a floor below this one."

"You saying her bedroom is **below** the dungeon?" Wanda asked.

"She likes to hear the sounds of her victims screaming before she goes to sleep," The Minotaur told her. "What can I say? She's a sicko."

"Yeah we figured that," Arcade folded his arms. "So where is it?"

"When you walk outside the dungeon take a left, then take another left until you get to a dead end," The Minotaur told him. "There's a mosaic of a three headed dog on the wall. Poke the eyes of the head in the middle and that will activate the secret passageway. You can't miss it."

"Thanks," Fred nodded. He saw the door to the dungeon. "Time for a jailbreak!"

"Wait a minute, the door's…" The creature tried to say before Fred broke it. "Already open…"

"Oh," Fred said. "Sorry."

"Yeah well the lock broke about a decade ago and I've been meaning to get it fixed but there wasn't enough room in the budget," The Minotaur said. "You know how it is."

"Well thanks for being such a good sport," Pietro waved as they left.

"Yeah well, thanks for not trying to cut my head off," The Minotaur sighed. "That's it, I gotta get me a new job."

They traveled down the corridor. "Boy security in this place isn't that good is it?" Pyro remarked.

"Where the hell have you been the past hour and a half?" Shane asked. "La La Land?"

"No he's been right here with us," Fred told him. "Unless he's been replaced by a shape shifter."

"Oh I hope not," Pyro put on a worried face. "I hate it when that happens. At least I think I do. Do I? Am I me?"

"I swear there are days when I wish I had stayed in jail," Shane moaned. "I should have stayed in jail. It was safer! Not to mention **saner!"**

"Here we are," Xi pointed to the mosaic and pressed it. There was a clunking sound. The wall opened to reveal a large drop. Then the floor titled and the Misfits found themselves once again down a spiral slope.

"Not another sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddddddeeeeeee!" Angelica screamed.

"WHEEEEE!" Pyro shouted. "This is fun!"

"I HATE MY LIFE!" Shane screamed. "I HATE MY LIFE!"

FLOOOM!

They landed on a huge bed with a ton of pillows. The bed collapsed in a heap under the huge weight. "Well," Pietro spat out a feather. "At least we had a soft landing this time."

"You think this is her bedroom?" Wanda looked around at the gold covered lavish room.

"Hey look," Pyro pointed to the side of one wall. "Whips, chains…It's like the dungeon we just left only with gold and pillows."

"Then this is **definitely** her bedroom," Althea looked around. "But she's not here. And neither is Lance."

"I guess that's gotta be a good thing," Angelica said.

"Hey guys! I found something!" Pietro called out. "Over here."

The Misfits walked over to Pietro. He was standing near a huge wall. "What is it Quicksilver?" Xi asked.

"Take a look at this," Pietro pointed to the wall. It was an ancient picture of a Greek soldier with long hair. "Notice anything?"

"That guy looks almost exactly like Lance," Fred said.

"Yeah and take a look at **this **one," Pietro pointed to another scene. It was the same soldier with his arms around Selene. "There's a bit of writing in ancient Greek but I can't figure out what it says."

"Anybody know Ancient Greek?" Wanda asked.

"Sorry," Fred shrugged. "I know a little modern Greek. Well just enough to order from a menu but…"

"Really Blob? That is a **complete** and total **shock,"** Pietro said sarcastically.

"How about a translation spell?" Lina asked the fairies. "I mean you fairies do know magic."

"Good idea, Dragonfly," Althea said. "Well how about it?"

"It's been a while since we did something like that," Syracuse scratched her head.

"About a couple hundred years," Sweet said.

"Let's try it at least!" Sugar said.

The three fairies nodded and held out their wands. "Inya, Uyeana, Arela, Avatara...Lingua Explaina English!" They pointed the wands at the wall and hit it with a strange beam of light.

The writing on the wall seemed to shift and contort and then it changed into English. "Hey I can read it!" Angelica said.

"Well what does it say?" Todd hopped up in down. He was in the back row.

"It says," Angelica read. "My beloved Dominicus, soldier and protector of my heart. Torn away by betrayal, our love will reunite us. May we meet again across time and space."

"Well at least now we know what Selene wants with Lance," Wanda said.

"Yeah," Pyro nodded energetically. Then he stopped. "**What** does she want with Lance?"

"She thinks Lance must be the reincarnation of her old boyfriend!" Fred told him. "Even **I** got that!"

"Wait are you telling me that this Selene chick thinks that our Avalanche is her old sweetheart?" Pyro asked. "This chick is crazy!"

"I think we already established **that **with the whole dungeon thing and the snake mummies and all that stuff before now," Shane gave him a look.

"At least we know one thing," Althea said. "Selene doesn't want to kill him."

"Yeah just sleep with him. If that isn't a fate worse than death I don't know **what **is!" Pietro said.

"HALT!" Twelve silver armored women ran in with swords drawn. "Prepare to die intruders!"

"I don't think so!" Wanda hexed one into the wall.

"HYYYYA!" Althea used her martial arts to send two others flying. "If it isn't just one thing it's another isn't it?"

Xi used his fighting skills to knock a few more out. Lina used her spit spray to tie one up while Fred took two of them by the helmets and knocked their heads together. Todd slimed two more of them. Shane, Pyro and Angelica used their powers to chase the others out. And Pietro disarmed as many as he could by running around.

And Arcade was whacking one unarmed female warrior with a really big pillow. "BACK! GET BACK! BACK I TELL YOU!" He whacked her several times. "BAD LADY WARRIOR! BAD! THAT'S NOT NICE! NOT NICE AT ALL!"

"She can attack me anytime, rarrr!" Pietro ran from behind and pounced on the warrior.

"GET OFF ME YOU PERVERT!" The female warrior got out of his grasp.

"Hey! It's not like I touched your personal parts!" Pietro pouted.

"No, but my Pop would be proud," Althea said as the female warriors fled for the hills.

"Yeah! We're awesome!" Todd crowed. He leaned against a wall and suddenly fell backwards down another secret passageway. "AAHHHHHH!"

"Awesomely stupid," Wanda groaned. "Hang on Toad we're…"

"Hey what does this do?" Pyro touched an odd looking candle. Suddenly the floor gave out beneath the Misfits and they were sent downwards to another chamber. The next thing they knew they were in a huge golden room filled with coins, jewels, crowns and other treasure.

"Way to go Pyro!" Wanda snapped.

"What are you talking about?" Pietro zipped around and tried on several jewels and a crown. "For once Flame for Brains did something good!"

"I second that!" Shane started filling his pockets with gold. "I never had a score like this back in LA!"

"There's only one treasure **I **care about! My golden tongued honey! Todd!" Althea called out. "Great now **he's** missing!"

"This place just keeps getting better and better," Angelica grumbled.

"Oh yeah it's **awesome!"** Arcade said cheerfully. "It's like living in a real RPG game! Oh wait, you were being sarcastic weren't you?"

"Excuse me but not **everyone** is a Dungeons and Dragons fan!" Wanda snapped.

"I dunno," Shane admired a very large diamond ring on his finger. "I could get used to this."

"Well let's see we've had the demons, the gargoyles, the giant boulder, the snakes, the skeletons, the giant spiders, the trap doors and hidden chambers," Pyro counted off. "Dungeons, the minotaur, fairy fights, hot chicks in hot armor, a treasure room, a dude in distress, a lost Toad prince and a wicked Sorceress who likes to have her way with her captives. You're right Arcade, this **is** fun!"

"All the typical fun of a medieval maniac," Pietro added. "All that's missing is the **two headed dragon!"**

"RRRRAHHHHRRRRRRRRRR!"

"Blob, please tell me that's your stomach," Arcade moaned.

"I'm afraid not," Fred said. "Do we have to turn around and look?"

"That might be a good idea," Angelica quipped. They did so. "Ohhhh goody..."

"You just **had **to open your big mouth didn't you?" Wanda gave Pietro a look.

"It's not a two headed dragon, Wanda," Pietro gulped.

"No…" Wanda said. "It's a **three** **headed dragon!"**

"RARRRRRRRHHHH!" A huge three headed golden beast howled and breathed fire into the air.

"This…could be a problem," Althea gulped.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Again Lance was seeing into the past.

_"Please my lord," Selene was begging the Pharaoh. "You know Dominicus is innocent! He's not a traitor to his people!" _

_"I cannot get involved in the affairs of others," En Saba Nur told her. "Denamanos is too powerful politically among his people…" _

_"But what about the Destiny Stone? How can he protect it if…?" Selene tried again._

_"Dominicus has given that responsibility to another," En Saba Nur informed her. "One that even I do not know about. It is the only way to truly protect it. I am sorry." _

_"No! Won't let him die!" Selene shouted as she ran out of the throne room. She ran to their quarters where she saw her beloved lying in a pool of blood. "NOOOO!" _

_Denamanos snorted with laughter, surrounded by his two guards. Their swords were covered in blood. "Why? You said no harm would come to him until he was to be judged by his peers?" Selene shouted as she knelt beside the body of her beloved. _

_"Peers? That low born fool?" Denamanos laughed. "I am a noble! I am more than capable of passing judgment. What difference does it make if I kill him now or if he's killed later? He gave away the only thing that would have kept him alive! He should have remembered his place, a lesson you should take to heart **slave!"** _

_"You monster!" Selene screamed and leapt at the Greek Ambassador. She grabbed him by the shoulders. Suddenly a jolt filled her. Energy, pure energy and power started to seep into her body, fueled by her rage._

_"What are you doing to me you little…" All the strength left her victim as he started to shrivel and wither under her touch. _

_The two guards went to kill her but she was filled with a rage and strength she never knew. Her hands glowed and suddenly the guards stopped in their tracks, powerless as she attacked. Soon they were nothing more than withered shells like their master. _

_But that meant nothing to Selene, she lay on the ground by her lover, sobbing. Then a shadow fell over her. "I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you that you and I were very much alike," A familiar voice said. _

_Selene looked upwards. "Do not despair child," En Saba Nur stood over her. "It seems you have gained much more than you have lost. I know from experience these words are little comfort to you now, but in time…You will understand." _

"I didn't understand then," Selene spoke softly. "But I do now."

They were standing in an underground chamber. There was a huge waterfall, a huge pool and a Greek patio complete with columns and a bed on one side. Lance stood there still in a trance. Selene kept talking. "The last few years of his reign En Saba Nur trained me himself. When he was overthrown I fled to Italy where I helped the fledging Roman nation conquer not only the Greeks who enslaved me, but the Egyptians who betrayed Apocalypse."

Lance didn't speak. He was too entranced. "Destiny tore us apart once, but now we're together," Selene took him in her arms. She gave him a passionate kiss. "And now nothing can tear us apart."

"Nothing…" Lance spoke as if in a dream. He kissed her back.

"Come my darling," Selene pulled him closer and slowly began to undress him. "Your bath awaits."

**Will Selene have her way with Lance? Will Toad find the others? Will the three headed dragon roast the rest of the Misfits alive? Will the Minotaur get out of the dungeon? **

The Minoutaur stepped out. "I'm fine actually. You see I've been accidentally handcuffed to the wall a lot of times before and I know how to use my horns as a key so..."

**Never mind. Will the Heart Faries ever stop fighting? Doubt it. But the other questions will be answered next time! **


	28. Showdown With Selene

**Showdown with Selene**

"AHHHHHH! AAHHHHHH!" Todd screamed as he slid downwards. "What is it with this crazy witch lady and **slides**? AAAHHH! Although I gotta admit this is kind of fun…AAAHHHHHH! AAAHHHH! It's like a ride at Disney! AAAAAHHHH! A really demented ride at Disney!"

Downward and downwards he slid. Right into a huge pool. "BLECH!" Todd gasped as he stuck his head out. "Great another bath! At least it got the mud out!"

"WHAT THE…?" A white bikini clad Selene whirled on him. She was right next to him in the shallow end of the giant pool. Lance was standing in the water as well, wearing only a pair of white boxer shorts. He seemed to be in a daze. "DO YOU MIND?"

"YES!" Todd yelled. Instinctively he shot out a wad of slime that hit her square in the face.

"YEARRRRRRRHHHH!" Selene tried to pull it off. "GEFF IFF OFFF!"

"LANCE!" Todd splashed his way towards Lance, kicking Selene aside. He was in a daze. "Lance! Buddy! I'm here to save you!"

Lance didn't respond. "Lance! Come on! Earth to Lance! Calling all Avalanches! YO WAKE UP!" Todd yelled in his ear. Still nothing. "Come on pal this isn't funny! You're in real trouble here! We gotta go!"

"You little…" Selene growled as she removed the slime from her face. "And right when I was getting to the good part too!"

"Lance! Snap out of it! Come on Lance!" Todd shook his shoulders. "Wake up! It's not real! This crazy dame is messing with your head! Wake up!"

"Try all you like insignificant creature," Selene laughed. "He is mine now!"

"Lance wake UUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH!" Todd screamed as Selene zapped him in the back with a powerful bolt of energy.

At that cry of pain something stirred in Lance. "Toad?" He blinked as Todd fell forward into his arms, unconscious. "Toad? What? What's going on…?"

"Nothing of any consequence," Selene raised a glowing hand then stopped. "What…?"

Todd's back began to glow brightly. "It can't be…?" Selene gasped. "I'd know that energy anywhere! It's…"

"Toad? Toad what's going on?" Lance struggled to break out of his trance as he held Todd. "Toad! TOAD!"

Todd's eyes opened. They were glowing a bright gold. "Don't let her win…" He spoke in an odd voice, a voice too powerful and noble than his regular voice. "Fight her…Fight…"

Todd gasped as Selene focused her magic on his back. His shirt tore open in the back. The image of a crystal like shape could be seen. "To think the Destiny Stone was hidden inside this creature all along!" Selene laughed. "And now it will be mine…"

"Toad? Toad!" The clouds were now lifting from Lance's mind. "Stop it! Stop!" He instinctively sent out a huge shockwave straight at Selene.

"Ahhh!" She fell backwards into the water. "Aggh! Dominicus! Stop! What are you doing?"

"I am **not** Dominicus!" Lance snapped. "I'm **Avalanche!" **

To prove his point he created another large tremor and hit her again. "AAHHHH!" She fell backwards again a few feet. But she managed to get up on her own quickly enough.

"You would fight me?" Selene asked. "I can give you anything you want! You could live a long and happy life with me! No more fighting. No more pain. No more dealing with humanity's hatred day after day! I can even give you power to take down your enemies and destroy them all! Do you really wish to throw it all away?"

"Let's just say I think we should see other people," Lance growled as he sent a huge tremor right at Selene.

This time she was ready for it. She hovered into the air at the last second. "Lance," Her tone was grave. "You don't know what you're doing."

"Yes I do!" Lance snapped. "I'm protecting my friend who tried to protect me from **you!"**

"Your friend has a power he neither deserves nor can control," Selene told him. "I need it to destroy the Phoenix!"

"If you think I'm just gonna stand here and let you kill him," Lance snarled, feeling a strength within him. "Think **again!"**

Suddenly two huge towers of earth rose out of the ground at an alarming speed. Fast enough to hit Selene and knock her down. "Wow, I didn't know I could do that," Lance blinked.

"Ow…" Selene had landed into the shallow end of the pool and rubbed her chin. "That…HURT ME!"

"Your magic's weak against Earth isn't it?" Lance realized.

"True," Selene's eyes glowed. With a wave of her hands the water around her moved away. Soon the pool was dry but the water had formed into two giant water dragons. Then with another wave of her hands two ground golems formed from out of the ground. "But over the years I've learned a trick or two."

"Oh boy," Lance blinked. "This is a problem."

With a thunderous roar the water and stone beings attacked. Lance shot a tremor at the ground golems and broke one of them but it reformed. Lance yelled and grabbed Todd, running from them as fast as he could.

"You rejected my offer? My generous offer?" Selene roared. "Big mistake! Very **big mistake!"**

"Okay Lance," He said to himself. "Think! Think! Think! You've always been beaten up by the X-Men. Well and Althea. Magneto. Mystique. Wanda. Even Toad once. And the babies…technically…But you **can't** lose now. There's gotta be a way to beat her. I just gotta think it through!"

"AHH!" Lance barely dodged a water spray from one of the dragons.

"Great even **I** know that thinking things through isn't my strong suit!" Lance groaned as he found himself cornered. Then he noticed the cracks in the walls and ceilings. "Then again…Maybe it's not Selene's **either…"**

He put Todd down and faced the monsters. "Well," Selene asked as she hovered over her monsters. "Care to surrender?"

"I WON'T LET YOU HURT MY FRIEND!" Lance roared.

"Oh for crying out loud, kid you're outnumbered and outgunned here!" Selene rolled her eyes. "Now don't get me wrong, I think it's kind of cute you're being loyal to your little friend here but let's be realistic! I am a very powerful sorceress! And what can you do? You make earthquakes! Like **that's** going to stop me?"

"Maybe not, but **this** might!" Lance focused all his powers to make the room tremble.

"Oh yeah **that** will work!" Selene snapped. "The only thing this shaking is going to accomplish is to bring the ceiling down on our heads!" She then realized that was his plan. She looked up and saw the cracks. "Uh oh…"

"Yeah, uh oh," Lance grinned as he increased the shaking.

"You idiot!" Selene used her powers to keep the ceiling from crashing down. "Your tremors are going to kill us all! Your powers will destroy the whole palace!"

"No, just distract you long enough for me to do this!" Lance focused on is powers to send a tremor at both earth golems. This sent them straight into the water dragons. When they collided they turned into mud. In fact the entire pool became one huge pile of mud.

"Great you made a big mud pile! What good is that going to…?" Selene began. Lance sent out a strong tremor, a tremor that caused a huge amount of mud to go upwards towards her. "Oh…"

"Good bye Selene," Lance grinned.

"AHHHHGGGH!" She screamed as she was covered in mud. Lance focused on his earth powers to create a large chamber underground. Then he managed to suck Selene downwards into it. "You little…" She tried to escape but the mud held her tightly. "I'll get you for this! Once I get my hands free I'll…"

A wad of mud slapped her right on the mouth preventing her from doing anything but make muffled protests. She was dragged down into the earth. Then covered up by it.

"AND **STAY** IN THERE!" Lance shouted as he used his tremors to move a large boulder over the chamber. Then he ran to Todd.

"Toad, Toad I'm sorry," Lance shook him. "Please wake up! Please! I didn't mean it! Come on wake up! Come on stupid wake up!"

CRASH!

"I **told** you we should have turned left!" Fred shouted as he, the Heart Fairies and the rest of the Misfits made their way through the wall. "Good thing I'm able to crash through these walls."

"Lance!" Pietro shouted. He stopped at the sight of a nearly naked Lance cradling an unconscious half naked Todd. "Have we come at a bad time?"

"Guys! Help me! Toad's hurt!" Lance told them. "I think."

"Toddles!" Althea screamed as she rushed towards him. She knocked Lance away and grabbed Todd. "Baby! Baby can you hear me!"

"Let me see," Lina went to examine him. "He doesn't appear to have any wounds."

"Selene hit him with some magic ray," Lance told them as he got up. "I'm **fine** by the way! No need to worry."

"What happened to your clothes?" Pietro asked.

"That bitch Selene tried to rape me!" Lance snapped as he grabbed his clothes on the floor. "And Toad stopped her. Then she zapped him. Is he okay?"

"I think he's just unconscious," Lina said.

"Where's Selene?" Wanda asked.

"Buried under a mile of mud and rock," Lance jabbed a thumb at the huge rock. "But I don't think that will hold her forever!"

"Then I think it's time we get outta here!" Pietro said. "Before…"

CRASH!

"Before what?" Lance was afraid to ask.

"RARRRRR!" The wall crumbled revealing a giant golden three headed and very angry dragon. "RARRRR!"

"The three headed dragon shows up," Pietro finished.

"The **what **shows up…?" Lance's jaw dropped.

"Uh we made a little stop and found this lovely treasure trove," Arcade chuckled nervously. "Complete with it's own fire breathing dragon guardian."

"So that's where you got those gold and diamond necklaces," Lance noticed. All the other Misfits were wearing a lot of jewelry and gems.

"You like?" Pietro showed them off. "I know it's a little flashy but I think it really brings out my eyes!"

"RRARRRR!" All three heads of the Dragon roared.

"Stop talking and run!" Wanda shouted as they scattered. The dragon started to breathe fire at them. "Move it!"

"I'm moving I'm moving!" Lance struggled to put his pants on as he ran. He tripped and fell. He barley escaped a blast but he had to lose his pants to do so. "Oh great!"

Then he saw that he had dropped the rest of his clothes. And they were on fire. "You gotta be kidding me!" Lance groaned.

"As much as I appreciate the view we really need to get out of here!" Althea snapped. "And there's not enough water here to put the fire out! It's too caked with mud!"

"Sorry," Lance gulped.

"Hey Pyro you can control flames," Fred looked at him. "Can't you just do something with that fire it breathes out?"

"Now why didn't **I **think of that?" Pyro hit himself on the head.

"Forget you, what about **us?**" Althea groaned.

"Well to be fair we were kind of busy running for our lives," Fred pointed out.

"Do it Pyro!" Wanda yelled.

"You got it!" Pyro concentrated when the dragon shot out flames from all three of it's mouths. Pyro used his own powers to create a very large five headed dragon from the flames. It towered over the three headed dragon and made a very large roar.

"YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!" The three headed dragon immediately turned tail and ran through another wall. "YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!"

"Well **that **was unexpected," Shane blinked.

"You're nothing but a big scaled fraidy cat!" Pyro whooped. "Ah your mother was a handbag!" He blew out a raspberry.

"Now that **that's** over with we can catch a breather," Lance sighed as he looked at his burnt clothing. Then he felt a pebble fall on his face. He looked up and saw the ceiling was about to collapse. "Uh guys…"

"Lance," Wanda asked. "Did you…?"

"Yeah," Lance said. "During the fight."

"And that means…?" Shane asked as he saw the cracks in the ceiling widen.

"It means the break's over!" Pietro yelled as the palace shook. "This whole place is gonna crash down around us!"

"Okay everybody time to go!" Althea shouted.

"Which way do we go?" Lina asked.

"That way!" Althea pointed.

"Isn't that the way the **dragon** went?" Fred asked as he picked up Todd.

"You see an elevator or **another way** out of here?" Althea challenged him.

"Good point," Fred said. "Let's move it people!"

Soon they were running down a corridor. Of course Pietro, being the thoughtful considerate person that he was, was running far ahead of them.

"Watch out for the arrows!" Pietro screamed. "WATCH OUT FOR THE ARROWS!" Arrows flew from the wall at superhuman speeds. "SHARP POINTY ARROWS!"

Wanda took care of them, stopping them with her hex bolts. "No problem!"

"SPEARS! BIG SHARP SPEARS COMING OUT OF THE WALLS!" Pietro screamed as he ran for his life. The spears were whizzing by and nearly hitting him. "HELP!"

"Got them too," Wanda used her hex bolts to stop the spears.

"ROCKS! GIANT ROCKS!" Pietro screamed as a giant rock appeared and headed toward him.

"Avalanche," Althea rolled her eyes.

"Got it!" Lance used his powers to roll the rock back into a wall and break it apart before it hit the others. "Piece of cake."

"And he's off again," Shane groaned as Pietro didn't stop running.

"AAAHH! ARROWS! MORE ARROWS SHOOTING OUT OF THE WALLS!" Pietro screamed as the arrows zoomed by.

"Once again that's me," Wanda rolled her eyes as she hexed them.

"AAAAH! WALL OF FIRE!" Pietro skidded to a halt as a huge flame wall burst in front of him. "BIG WALL OF FIRE GONNA BURN ME ALIVE!"

"Ooh! That sounds like fun!" Pyro grinned.

"Pyro," Althea said in an angry tone.

"Oh all right! Spoilsport," Pyro used his powers to create a safe passage for them to cross between the fire. Pietro of course ran ahead of them.

"ALLIGTORS! ALLIGATORS!" Pietro screamed as he used his powers to run over a watery section of the tunnels, barely missing the beast's snapping jaws.

"Actually mate I think they're crocodiles," Pyro said as Althea used her powers to move the water and send the animals flying into the air.

"How can you tell?" Fred asked as he ran carrying Todd.

"The snouts for one thing," Pyro said. "Besides Alligators are more indigenous to the North and South American continents while crocodiles…"

"Can we can the zoology lesson until we get out of here?" Shane snapped as he ran. "Or we're gonna get canned!"

"AHHH! BIG GIANT METAL THINGS!" Pietro screamed as he barley dodged several maces that came out of the wall and swung at him. "BIG METAL SHARP THINGS! WHY IS IT **ALWAYS **BIG METAL SHARP THINGS? WHY CAN'T IT BE BIG SOFT **FLUFFY **THINGS FOR A CHANGE?"

"Boy this Selene really has an interesting home security system doesn't she?" Pyro called out.

"Why do you think we're letting my brother go first?" Wanda gave him a look.

"Wait a minute!" Pietro stopped. He glared at them as they caught up to him. "Are you saying you're using me as a decoy? You're letting me go ahead and get nearly killed so **you** can be **safe?"**

"Yeah that's pretty much about it," Althea said. "Well it's not as if you weren't gonna run off and try and save **yourself** anyway. WHICH YOU DID!"

"Well uh," Pietro gulped. "That was the plan. Yes part of my brilliant plan. An example of leadership that…"

"Save it you albino creep!" Shane snapped as he shoved past him.

"Hey! I am not an albino!" Pietro snapped. "I have some pigmentation! I just happen to have delicate skin that's all!"

"You're gonna have a delicate…AAAAHHHHH!" Shane yelled as he accidentally tripped a hidden switch and barely ducked a swinging pendulum with a sharp ax attached to it. "BIG SHARP METAL THING!"

"Got it!" Wanda used her hex powers to slam it into the wall.

"Good work Shooter," Althea said. "Picking up Quicksilver's slack."

"I should have stayed in jail," Shane moaned. "**Why** didn't I stay in jail where it was nice and safe and all I had to worry about was dropping the soap in the shower?"

"Don't remind me..." Lance shuddered. "When I think of what Selene almost **did **to me..."

"You? Did you **not **just see me nearly get killed a couple dozen times here?" Pietro shouted.

"Just shut up and run!" Fred snapped as the tremors grew more violent. "Man Lance you really know how to bring down the house!"

Meanwhile back on the surface. "It sounds really bad in there," Spyder frowned. "That's like the fifteenth tremor and it's getting worse! Lance could be in real trouble! I gotta go check it out!"

"No way," Quinn blocked her. "They told us to wait here with the adults." The adults were still unconscious. And covered with decorative magic marker drawings and sparkles.

"Since **when** do we do what we're told?" Spyder challenged.

"Well when it's really important, and in this case it is," Daria said. She was drawing a happy face on Roadblock's head with a washable magic marker. "We can't leave the grown ups helpless. Besides we haven't finished decorating them yet."

"Yeah and I've only just now copied down all their credit card numbers," Brittany nodded as she put back Low Light's wallet. "There were a lot more than we thought!"

There was a large rumble. The front door exploded as a huge three headed dragon burst out and flew over their heads. "What was that?" Daria yelled.

"A gold three headed dragon flying away in pure terror, duh," Quinn gave her a look.

"Yeah but we didn't do anything to it," Spyder said.

"Wow that is weird," Brittany blinked. "It's definitely something you don't see every day."

"Well we did see that dragon flying over Bayville a few weeks ago," Daria pointed out. "And don't forget Lockheed."

"Yeah but three heads?" Brittany asked.

"She has a point," Quinn nodded.

Suddenly the Misfits ran out of the front door. "Run! Run! Run!" Pietro screamed. "Run, run, run, run, run, run!"

"Go go go!" Angelica flew out. "Go! Go! Go! Go!"

"AHHHHHHH!" Behind them the Minotaur ran out (he had somehow gotten himself freed from the dungeon wall). He screamed and jumped off the balcony and swam away in the ocean. "AAAHHH!"

"Who was **that?"** Spyder asked.

"Friend of ours," Pietro said. The island shook violently. "We gotta get off this island! It's gonna fall apart."

"The watches are still down!" Brittany said.

"The spell must still be in effect," Wanda said. "Now what do we do?"

"Heart Fairies!" Althea shouted. "Use your magic to make a boat!"

"Ooh! How about a yacht?" Pyro said excitedly. "With pretty blue and white curtains in the cabins and…"

"Fine whatever! Just make it happen!" Althea interrupted.

"Here we go!" Sweet and the other fairies raised their wands. "Floatillius Crossidicus!"

A large yacht appeared. Right on dry land. "Okay not a problem," Althea said. "Get on board! And bring the adults!"

"Can I take this with us?" Pietro zipped over and picked up a small gold statue of a mermaid that was on one of the sides of the palace. "I think it's real gold!"

"Yeah Quicksilver never mind our family, go right ahead and get stuff for your room!" Angelica rolled her eyes.

"Okay!" Pietro zipped on the yacht and then zipped back to get something else.

"I WAS BEING SARCASTIC YOU MORON!" Angelica shouted.

"And you expected him to understand it?" Wanda gave her a look.

"Actually there is this nice deck chair over there…" Fred motioned as he picked up Roadblock with one hand while carrying Todd in the other. "I think it would look good in Arcade's room."

"You know he's right that would be perfect for…" Arcade began.

"JUST GET THEM ON THE BOAT!" Althea shouted as she helped her sisters drag their father into the yacht. Soon all of them were aboard. "Is everyone accounted for?"

"Hold on!" Pietro zoomed back with a nice deck chair. "All set!"

"Hey thanks Pietro," Arcade grinned.

"If we've all finished our **shopping**, can we go now before we sink with the rest of the island?" Shane screamed as the tremors grew even stronger.

"Not a problem," Althea concentrated and drew the water up to the yacht. With her powers they were soon out to sea. "We should have done this in the **first **place!"

_"Sailing, sailing over the bounty main!"_ Pyro called out cheerfully. _"We're all sailing off to sea again and I don't know all the words! Sailing! Sailing…" _

"Nutcases…" Shane moaned. "I'm living with nutcases!"

RRRRRUMMMBLEEEE!

Everyone watched as the palace crumbled and then the entire island began to sink into the ocean, sending out huge waves towards them. "HANG ON!" Althea called out as she used her navigation skills as well as her powers to pilot the ship through the waves.

"Boy I hope Selene has palace insurance," Fred blinked. "Or flood insurance."

"I don't," Lance growled as he looked back at the ruins.

"Unbelievable," Pietro looked at Todd. "He slept through all **that."**

"So did the adults," Brittany said.

The sea soon calmed down. Althea piloted the boat. "Everyone okay?" She called out.

"If you call being emotionally and mentally scarred for **years** okay then yes," Lance groaned as he lay on the deck.

"Well that was fun," Wanda rolled her eyes and sat down. She looked at the Heart Fairies. "You fairies want to hang with us some more?"

"Actually after today I think we should go back to our own realm for a while," Sugar said.

"You can keep the yacht," Syracuse waved as the fairies flew away. "Bye now!"

"Wait up!" Lina said. "What about the adults?"

"It figures," Pyro huffed. "Oh well, at least they made us a nice boat."

"Yeah too bad they didn't stock it with Dramamine," Lance moaned, he was starting to feel a little seasick.

"Hey they're finally waking up," Spyder said pointing to the adults as they stirred.

"Ohh…" Roadblock groaned as he and the other adults sat up. "What happened?"

"Oh…" Fred gulped as he looked behind at what was left of the island in ruins. "Not much."

"We don't really want to know do we?" Roadblock asked as he saw the smoldering island behind him.

"Except for the part where Selene nearly got us killed, no," Angelica shook her head.

"Guys the next time we go on vacation can we pick somewhere a bit more **peaceful?**" Shane asked. "Like downtown Beirut?"

"Lance where are your clothes?" Cover Girl blinked. Lance was wearing only his boxer shorts which were covered in mud.

"A three headed golden dragon burnt them," Lance moaned. "After the dragon lady stripped me!"

"I definitely want to hear the story then," Spirit groaned.

"And the story of how you got a ponytail with glitter on it," Cover Girl pointed to Spirit.

"Roadblock what happened to your head?" Low Light asked. "Why are there drawings all over it?"

"Why are there little pink bows in your hair?" Roadblock pointed. True enough, Low Light had several tiny pink bows in his curly blond hair.

"The fairies did it," Brittany said quickly.

"Yeah bad fairies," Quinn added. "Evil fairies."

"Well they're telling **half** the truth," Althea glared at her sisters. "The **evil **part anyway. Everyone, thank my father for a **wonderful **trip."

"THANKS A LOT SHIPWRECK!" Everyone shouted.

"We are more stressed than when we started this mess!" Roadblock snapped. Todd snored. "Well **most** of us anyway."

"Come on guys," Shipwreck protested. There were rainbow drawings on his face and his beard had glitter in it. "How was I supposed to know? You know what they say, knowing…"

"Is **not **your **strong suit!"** Althea snapped.

"There is one thing I want to know. Pietro, where did you get all that jewelry on you?" Cover Girl asked. "In fact where did all of you get your jewelry?"

"And that mermaid statue?" Shipwreck added.

"And those deck chairs?" Roadblock asked.

"And that little patio table with the umbrella?" Cover Girl asked.

"And the **yacht?**" Low Light looked at the boat they were on. "How did you kids get a yacht?"

"Would you believe Selene had a garage sale going on?" Pietro asked.

"Excuse me!" A voice called out. "HEY!"

They all looked overboard. It was the Minotaur swimming in the ocean. "Uh are you guys going to Crete and if you are, can I hitch a ride?"

"Why not?" Pyro shrugged.

"Why do I have the feeling that I do not want to know **all **the details of this story?" Spirit groaned.

"Why do all our vacations leave me with a bigger headache than if we just stayed home and watched TV?" Low Light groaned.

**Once again the Misfits save the day! But back home at the Xavier Institute more plots are brewing! And I mean brewing! And if that isn't bad enough there's a new old enemy in town and he's got his sights on the Xavier Institute. The gang is going to have their work cut out for them! Stay tuned next time to find out what happens next! **

The Minotaur walked out. "In the meantime I'm out of work and I'd like to ask if anyone out there is willing to hire a half man half bull?"

"Well that depends," Sinister walked out. "What are your qualifications?"

"Well I've spent many decades overseeing a dungeon," The Minotaur told him. "I've cut costs on gruel by about thirty percent. And I have spearheaded many projects to make torture more efficient."

"Go on," Mr. Sinister wrote something on his notes.

"Yes I'd find this interesting myself," The High Evolutionary walked out.

**Hey! What are you doing? **

"Conducting a job interview, what does it look like?" Sinister gave her a look.

**Not in the middle of the fic! High Evolutionary you're not even in the story yet until around Chapter 45!**

"I know **that!"** The High Evolutionary sniffed. "I could always use an extra hand or two."

"As could I," Sinister said. "Please continue Minotaur. What are your other qualifications?"

"Let's see," The Minotaur thought. "For starters I was also in charge of the Hiring Magical Henchmen Department for Selene. My department saw a twenty five percent increase in production and labor and a thirty percent decrease in costs and wastes. I also took some weapons making and swords making classes to upgrade my skills. I was Torturer of the Month several times. And before I came to work for Selene I apprenticed with my brother in his Labyrinth business as well as spending several years in the public school system as a substitute teacher. Well, technically substitute creature but you get the idea."

"Yikes," Sinister winced. "Well you are certainly qualified."

"Very qualified," The High Evolutionary nodded. "You certainly have a place within my organization."

"Why **yours?**" Sinister gave him a look.

"Hello? Half man, half bull?" The High Evolutionary gave him a look. "What do you think?"

"I think you are out of your mind if you believe I am going to let him go to **you!"** Sinister snapped. "He is a magnificent specimen!"

"Thanks. I think," The Minotaur blinked.

"The only reason you want him is to dissect him for your experiments!" The High Evolutionary snapped.

"Not right away," Sinister shrugged.

"Okay this is definitely getting weird," The Minotaur blinked.

**Tell me about it. Story of my life. Why do my stories always end up out of my control? **

"I am just saying that he would be happier with me," The High Evolutionary snapped.

"Depends on what kind of dental plan we're talking about here," The Minotaur spoke.

**How does this keep happening? I swear I only go away for a minute to drink a triple mocha latte and ate some double chocolate cookies and…Oh wait, now I remember….I'm just surprised none of the other villains showed up.**

"Sorry I'm late!" Cobra Commander ran in. "I got caught up in a meeting. Had to fire someone. Always hard to do. Especially when the laser cannon isn't working properly. And the person I had to fire was in charge of **fixing** the laser cannon! Needless to say, he did a **lousy** job!"

Sinister gave the author a look. "You just had to open your big mouth didn't you? Who's next? Magneto? Apocalypse?"

"I hope not Apocalypse," The Minotaur shuddered. "Who do you think I left to go work for Selene?"

"I certainly do not want him," Magneto sniffed. "I have enough bull headed fools working under me!"

"Then what are you doing **here?"** Cobra Commander snapped. "Shove off!"

"Yes you're taking up space," The High Evolutionary waved at him. "Speaking of space did I mention that this position comes with an apartment with a view? Certainly a nice change from a damp dungeon."

"It certainly is," The Minotaur blinked.

"I can do that too!" Cobra Commander snapped. "And we have a great dental plan!"

"We have a dental plan?" Torch walked in. "Since when?"

"Shut up," Cobra Commander hissed.

"No seriously I need a dental plan," Torch opened his mouth and pointed at a tooth. "I think I have a cavity or something. See my back tooth feels kind of funny. Not when I chew but when I'm not chewing it feels weird, almost hollow. And when I jump up and down…"

"Torch shut it!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"I'm just saying…" Torch began. Cobra Commander whirled around and punched him in the jaw. "OW! My tooth! You punched out my tooth and…Hey I feel better already!"

"You're welcome Torch! Go away!" Cobra Commander shoved him. He shoved him right into Sinister.

"Don't push your lackeys onto me!" Sinister shoved Torch away onto The High Evolutionary.

"Get this greasy whatever it is off me!" The High Evolutionary shoved him onto Cobra Commander. Soon there was a shoving match between the villains with Torch as the unwilling ball.

Except for Magneto. "I really should stop hanging around with these idiots!" He walked away.

**And I should really cut down on the cappuccino and lattes! But they are just so good and yummy! Oh well until next time enjoy the insanity! **


	29. One Disaster Ends, Another Begins

**One Disaster Ends Another Begins**

"I feel so stupid," Lance sighed as he put his head in his hands as he sat in the chair. He was in Roadblock's private office in Misfit Manor. Roadblock, Low Light and Spirit were in there with him. It was a day after the battle with Selene. "How could I have been so stupid to think for a minute she actually **cared** about me!"

"Lance it's okay," Spirit comforted him. "The important thing is that you're all right."

"I feel so freaking **stupid!**" Lance said again, this time a bit harsher. "Kitty was bad enough but this is ten times worse! How could I have been so stupid to think she actually…I'm so **stupid!"**

"Lance it's not your fault," Spirit shook his head. "Selene went into your mind and manipulated you."

"Those feelings you felt weren't real," Low Light said. "They were the result of her magic and mind tampering. You're not to blame here."

"With you she would have had her way if Toad didn't save the day," Roadblock nodded. "But he's fine now. All she did was tire him out and he's back to his normal hyper self."

"But it's still **my fault!"** Lance said. "Because of me, Selene now knows about the Destiny Stone and Toad!"

"You're also the one who locked her up in that underground chamber," Low Light pointed out. "And you helped bring down her palace on top of her as well."

"At least she won't be bothering us for a while," Roadblock sighed.

"But we all know she'll be back," Lance groaned. "She's a powerful sorceress. We all know she'll break out sooner or later! And now she knows about Toad. What are we going to do? We can't just keep hiding Tetsukaeru! Sooner or later Toad is gonna figure out what happens to him! Even he's not **that** clueless!"

"HEY GUYS!" Todd burst in with some small nets. "I've just figured out how to catch the little man in the refrigerator!"

"Toad we've been over this a **dozen times**," Low Light groaned. "There is no little man that turns the light on and off."

"I know **that,"** Todd said. "I mean the little guy in there that's making the funny noises! You know when the fridge goes BRRR! BRR! BRRRR! And SKKRRRRR! KRREEE! It never used to do that before! It only used to go HMMMMM! HMMMM! And occasionally a SKREEEEEE! I think Cobra must have shrunk a guy in there using a shrink ray to spy on us! It's the only explanation! And I'm gonna catch him!"

"Yeah Toad you do that…" Spirit sighed as Todd hopped off. He gave Lance a look. "**Sooner** or later?"

"**Definitely** later," Lance sighed. "But even he's gotta figure it out sometime! Maybe in a year or so…"

CRASH! SNAP! SPLORT! SPLORT!

"Whoa look at all the ice!" Todd whooped. "I wonder what this does?"

SPLORT! FIZZLE! SPLORT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

"Or more…" Lance added.

CRUNK! CRUNK! CRUNK! SPLORT! SPLAT!

"Maybe I shouldn't have cut that wire?" Todd remarked. "I wonder what happens when I cut **this** one?"

"Definitely **more,**" Roadblock sighed.

SPLORT! SPLORT! SPLORRRT!

"Yeow! That's cold!" Todd could be heard yelling.

"I think we've got at least **two** years," Low Light thought. "More or less."

SPROING! BONK! SPLONK! SKRREEEEE!

"Maybe three," Low Light added.

BOOOM!

"Okay, **that **shouldn't happen," Todd was heard saying as the smoke alarm went off. "Yeow! That's hot!"

"Wow look at the pretty flames!" Pyro was heard saying. "Great job Toad!"

"Yeah I think we can safely lean towards the **more** side," Roadblock moaned. "Lord this is gonna be one bumpy ride!"

"So we're definitely more concerned about Selene here?" Lance asked. "Just to make sure we're all on the same page?"

The fire alarm sounded. "Yeah **that** and keeping Toad and Pyro from burning the house down," Roadblock groaned.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Hey! Bartender! Another root beer float for my friend and keep 'em coming!" Juggernaut ordered. "And make it snappy!"

Juggernaut and Sammy were in the bar of a minor hotel in upstate New York. It was the kind of place that was far away from the regular cities and towns and was often frequented by people who had no interest in attracting the attention of the local police. The owners of the place catered to the less law abiding members of society and the Juggernaut was one of their newest clients.

Of course the Juggernaut was not exactly paying for his room and board. Not that the owners were foolish enough to call him out on this. Or report him to the police. They vauled their health and buisness too much.

"Are you sure this is okay?" Sammy asked as he finished his hot dog.

"It's fine," Juggernaut snorted. "Remember kid, you have to take what you want in this world because no one's gonna actually give it to you."

"You're right Juggernaut," Sammy nodded.

Juggernaut actually enjoyed Sammy's company. The kid idolized him and was eager to please. And he had to admit that the kid had a past similar to his own troubled youth. It felt good to have someone know where he was coming from for a change.

He noticed that Sammy was a bit uncomfortable and he saw why. "You got a problem with us?" Juggernaut snarled at two men that reminded him of characters in Goodfellas that were sitting at another table.

"Uh no, Paulie you got a problem?" One man gulped.

"No, no I don't see anything that's funny or nothin'," The other man gulped.

"Good," Juggernaut sneered.

Two other men also saw him as they walked in. "There he is," A tall Irishman with black hair and a well groomed pointed beard pointed. He wore a black outfit and had a black cloak and carried a black cane with a ruby on top of it. "I told you I could find him. Cain! Cain you big lug! Over here!"

"Black Tom! You old devil!" Juggernaut grinned and waved his friend over. "Thought you were back in Ireland!"

"I was my old friend," Black Tom snorted as he sat down with his companion, a very burly yet well dressed young man with long bleached blond hair tied back in a ponytail. "But then my friend here showed up and suggested that we pull a little job together."

"Call me Amadeus," The young man in the black Armani suit stuck out his hand.

Juggernaut ignored it. If Amadeus was offended he gave no sign. He turned to Sammy. "And who might this be?"

"This is Sammy," Juggernaut said. "He's with me."

"Hi!" Sammy waved.

"Hello there," Amadeus said politely. "Good to meet you."

"Hey Kid," Juggernaut turned to him. "I gotta talk shop with my friend here. Why don't you go to our room and play with that new portable game thing I got ya?"

"Okay," Sammy hopped down. "Nice meeting with you." He went off happily.

"Well that is I sight I never thought I'd see," Black Tom shook his head. "I mean you with a kid? What's **that** all about?"

"Kid's all right," Juggernaut shrugged. "Picked 'em up in Southern Canada. Kind of like a traveling companion. Hell if my brother can have a ton of brats following him why can't I have at least **one?**"

"The man has a point," Amadeus nodded. "I've never met this Charles Xavier but from what I've heard, he sounds like a pathetic spoiled idiot who's always had things handed to him."

"You know I'm starting to like this guy **already**," Juggernaut snorted. "So what's the deal here? If Black Tom's recommending my services to you it must be something big."

"It definitely is. What would you say to an offer to that would not only make you a lot of money, but a chance to destroy an entire city and maybe take a shot at the X-Men?" Amadeus asked.

"I say, keep talking," Juggernaut grinned. "Sounds kind of interesting."

"Believe me Juggernaut," Amadeus grinned. "Interesting doesn't even **begin** to cover it."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & && & & & & & &

"All right can we get this meeting over with?" Lucas (aka Legion) asked in a bored tone.

Magneto had called a meeting with his lieutenants. There was Lucas, his daughter Lorna (also known as Polaris), her aunt Mender the healer, Cortez the energy giver, Sabertooth, Winters Magneto's loyal butler with a mind like a computer's and Mastermind. They were in a large room with a large metal table and chairs.

"Just as soon as that loser Blackjack shows up," Cortez snorted.

"He's…not coming," Lucas said. Actually Blackjack was one of a few personalities in Legion's mind. But the only one who knew of that was Mastermind and he was not about to tell Magneto anything unless he had to. "He has other affairs to attend to."

"Fine," Magneto waved. "We can get down to business and discuss our future plans!"

"Such as when are you actually going to use the Bio Pulse?" Cortez asked. "We need to activate as many dormant X-Genes as possible!"

"The Bio Pulse is not just a switch to turn mutant DNA on and off," Magneto warned. "Used incorrectly it can **kill **mutants!"

"It can also kill humans," Cortez said. "Why not just do that?"

"A mindless slaughter is pointless at this stage," Magneto told him. "And some of our telepaths are still perfecting their skills to use it properly."

"Why not give me a shot at it?" Lucas asked. "I'm more than powerful enough to handle it."

"Yeah like we'd trust **you** to use it," Sabertooth scoffed. "What about those three test subjects Solitaire and I brought back?"

"I'm afraid only one of them survived the initial experiments," Winters told him. "As Magneto has stated before we are still working on the correct mental frequency for activating an X-Gene."

"Well one survived so use **that** frequency," Cortez snorted.

"Impossible," Winters shook his head. "I said he **survived.** I did not specify his condition."

"He's in a coma in the medical center," Medic explained. "But we are making progress."

"I don't like it," Lorna fidgeted. "I mean experimenting on people."

"We're just doing it to **them** before they do it to us," Cortez snapped. "And they've **already** started! I say the flat scans should pay for their crimes!"

"I'm with Cortez on this. Why don't we just kill off as many humans as we can?" Lucas asked. "The fewer the better."

"Because we still need to acquire more troops before we can begin any assault on humanity," Winters explained. "We must be at full strength before this war can begin."

"But we now have nearly a thousand mutants on our side," Lucas snorted. "What's the problem?"

"Actually we have eight hundred and forty nine mutants," Winters corrected. "And out of those 45 percent are Class One and Two, and fifty percent are Class Three. Leaving the remaining five percent at Class Four, including Magneto."

"Class what?" Cortez blinked.

"Don't you know **anything?"** Lucas distained. "Class One mutants are those that only have a physical mutation **or **a very weak one."

"Like someone who only has three eyes or claws or a tail. Or someone who has advanced hearing or can only see in the dark," Mender explained.

"A Class Two has **both **a physical and a separate minor power," Lucas said. "Both Class one and Two are also known as Gamma Mutants."

"Oh you mean like that Nightcrawler X-Man?' Cortez asked.

"No technically he's a Class Three," Mastermind explained. "A Beta Mutant."

"How can he be a Class Three?" Cortez asked.

"Class Three are usually mutants with two or **more** separate mutations," Winters explained. "In addition to his teleportation, Nightcrawler has a prehensile tail, the ability to climb walls, and of course blue fur as well as unusual fingers and toes."

"That's **four** right there," Lucas said.

"Five if you consider his limited night vision. And teleportation by itself is a categorized Class Three ability," Mender explained.

"Also a mutant with a useful, powerful and versatile mutation is a Class Three," Winters added. "Like phasing, optic blasts, flight…"

"Flight? Okay the phasing I get but how can **flight** be considered a Class Three Power?" Cortez asked. "Take that Angel for instance. All he does is fly around. How can **that **be considered Class Three?"

"Class Three is average," Mender explained. "Well as average as a mutant can get. It's not a bad thing. Sabertooth is a Class Three! You have a problem with that?"

"Uh no…" Cortez gulped as Sabertooth growled at him. "So what's considered a Class Four?"

"Class Fours or Alphas are mutants with highly advanced powerful mutations," Magneto went on. "Such as myself, Charles Xavier and Wolverine."

**"Wolverine?"** Sabertooth yelled. "Hold on! How the hell did that runt make it to Class **Four** while I'm stuck in Class **Three?** We both have the same mutant powers! Both of us have a healing factor, animal senses and strength, berserker rage…"

"But he also as the adamantium skeleton as well as the claws," Mastermind explained. "And his healing factor is **twice** as strong as yours as a result of it."

"I have claws!" Sabertooth showed him.

"Yeah but they're not metal," Lucas snorted.

"Well if that's all it takes to be a Class Four then maybe I should get some metal bones myself!" Sabertooth grunted.

"Uh, Sabertooth?" Mastermind shifted closer and whispered. "Do you really think that's a wise course of action, considering who you are currently working for?"

Sabertooth looked at Magneto. "On the other hand…" Sabertooth said realizing the implications of what he had just said. "I'm already pretty advanced."

"I thought you might say that," Magneto narrowed his eyes.

"Wait by that calculation that means X23 is also a Class Four," Cortez thought aloud.

"Correct. As well as Jean Grey and Rogue," Magneto added. "And if Ms. Grey's little clone develops like the original…"

"Don't forget Trinity," Sabertooth grunted. "If those little maniacs aren't a Class Four I don't know **what **is!"

"And their elder sister as well," Magneto said. "Her manipulation of water is almost as skilled as my powers over metal. And her ninja training makes Wavedancer a very dangerous opponent."

"So is Solitaire's little brother Xi," Sabertooth told him.

"Don't forget the Scarlet Witch and lately Avalanche's powers are nothing to shake at," Mender added. "And don't forget the reports we have on Firestar, Magma, Sunspot, Iceman, Boom Boom and Multiple."

"That little Toad has gotten better at fighting too," Sabertooth added. "As well as Blob, Berserker and a few other kids the X-Idiots have."

"In other words **both** the X-Men and Misfits have better fighters and mutants that outclass nearly all of our troops," Cortez finally put it together.

"Yes! He **can** be taught!" Mastermind rolled his eyes.

"That is not good for us is it?" Cortez realized.

"Ya think?" Sabertooth snapped.

"Which is why we have to be patient!" Magneto added. "Fortunately we have been quite successful in recruiting lately. Thanks to Cerebi."

"Who's Cerebi?" Cortez asked.

"How could someone so **stupid** become a lieutenant?" Lucas snapped. "Cerebi is a miniature Cerebro. It's not as powerful and can only focus on one area at a time but it's very effective."

"Actually I have purposely **not** told Cortez and most of the non-telepaths," Magneto explained. "Except for Polaris and Mender."

"Why?" Sabertooth asked. "Afraid Xavier will get jealous?"

"Let's just say the less he knows the better," Magneto told him. "But at least it's able to be used by a lower level telepath than Xavier."

"More accessible to us and our purposes," Mender nodded. "But I do agree with Winters. We need more mutants on our side."

"And we can't wait forever for Cobra to help us grow 'em," Lucas grunted.

"Maybe we should try and free more mutants from detention centers? Like when we hit North Korea last year?" Lorna suggested.

"That was a good haul," Sabertooth nodded. "Not to mention a lot of fun. I must have killed at least thirteen humans that day."

"Remember those two mutants we picked up that told us about Neverland?" Mender reminded them. "There has to be more camps like that in the world."

"I have been looking into…" Magneto began when the door opened. "What now?"

"Magneto," A female mutant with red skin, long red hair and horns wearing a blue uniform entered the room. "We had another transmission from our spy at the Xavier Institute."

"Not now," Magneto waved. "We are in the middle of a meeting. I can read the report later."

"Begging your pardon sir," She handed him a sheet of paper. "But I think you'd better read this now. It's extremely important information."

"Oh very well," Magneto sighed and took a look at it. His eyes instantly turned cold with rage. "Is this **accurate?" **

"I'm afraid so, sir," She nodded.

"What is it Father?" Lorna asked.

"It's Apocalypse," Magneto snarled, crumpling the paper into a ball. "He's **free!** And those fools the X-Men and Misfits let him **loose!" **

**"They did what?" **Everyone at the table shouted.

The metal table started to shudder violently and began to crumple under Magneto's rage. "Oh boy…" Even Lucas was getting very nervous. "Meeting adjourned people!"

"CHARLES WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" Magneto roared. "YOU AND THOSE FOOLS ARE GOING TO PAY DEARLY FOR THIS!"

"So much for patience," Mastermind grumbled as he and the others fled the room.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Back at the Institute life went on as usual. Which meant of course there were a lot of explosions and other disasters. And one was about to happen in the kitchen.

"What are you doing Beast?" Scott asked as he walked into the kitchen with Rogue.

"I am trying to teach Penny some simple words," Hank had a few fruits on the table. Penny was at the other end looking at them with wide eyes. "I believe we are on the verge of a breakthrough!"

"Give it up Beast," Rogue said. "Penny can't talk. Not even the Professor can help her."

"Just because her mind has abnormal shields that no telepath can completely penetrate does not mean the power of speech is out of the child's reach," Hank said.

"Taking a page from Roadblock?" Scott asked.

"Well you must admit it is quite appropriate," Hank chuckled. "Besides, there appears to be nothing wrong or abnormal with her vocal cords. I have the scars and the bite marks to prove it."

"So you're saying that she has the ability to talk but she doesn't know how," Scott put it together.

"Precisely," Hank nodded. "And I will be the one to teach her!"

"I dunno Beast," Rogue said. "I like Penny but personally I think she's about as bright as mud. It took us six months to toilet train her. And even now I still have to check the plants and the carpet around here for any extra moisture."

"Rogue there is no such thing as a child that cannot be taught," Hank held up a finger.

"You've never had Toad in one of your classes," Rogue contradicted him.

"Here at the Xavier Institute we believe that **nothing** is impossible," Hank went on.

"Except having a nice quiet normal day," Scott smirked.

"Look the point is that no child is beyond help as long as the teacher is patient and **willing** enough to work with him or her," Hank gave them a look. "If Anne Sullivan could teach Helen Keller, a blind and deaf child how to communicate with the world and become an international celebrity **I **can get Penny to talk!"

"Oh this I have **got **to see," Rogue sat back on a chair.

"Certainly beats what's on cable," Scott agreed leaning back on a counter. "Go ahead Ms. Sullivan."

"Ha ha," Hank gave him a look. He turned his attention back to Penny. "All right Penny. Now…" He picked up an apple. "This is an apple. Penny. Say apple."

Penny jumped up and down and tried to reach for the apple with her hands. "No, no…First we have to **say** the word," Hank held it out of her reach. "Apple. Come on. Like this. Aaaaaa-pull…"

"Aahhh?" Penny squeaked.

"Yes, that's a good start!" Hank said enthusiastically. "Aahhhhhhh!"

"AAAHHHHH!" Penny opened her mouth wide.

"AAAAHHHHH!" Hank said. "Yes you're getting it! AAHHHHH!"

"AAHHHHHH!" Penny mimicked.

"Now the ple part," Hank said. "Puh-ulllllllll."

"Uhhhhhhhh," Penny mouthed.

"No not uhhhhh, puuuuuuuuuullllllll," Hank exaggerated the word. "Pulllllll."

"Uuuuuuuullllllllll," Penny rolled her tongue.

"Good! Good! Now we put the sounds together! Aaahhhhhh…Pulllllllllll," Hank said.

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Penny rolled her tongue.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh," Hank said. "Aahhh…OWWWWW!" He yelped in pain as Penny leapt on the table and grabbed for the apple, accidentally grazing him with her sharp hair and claws. "PENNY!"

"Okay I saw **that **coming, anyone else?" Scott asked. "Besides Beast that is?"

"Yeah you're making **real** progress Beast," Rogue chuckled.

"No! No! NO!" Hank managed to keep the apple away from the whining pink girl knife. "Down! Down! Girl! Off the table! Down now!" Penny hopped down. "No! No! We don't **grab** for the apple! We **ask **for it! Now say the word! I know you can do it."

Penny whined. "I know you are hungry Penny but we have to ask for what we want. Not grab it like a monkey hungry for a banana. And no! You **can't **have the banana either!" Hank said as he pulled the banana out of reach. "Now I will give you this apple when you say 'apple' and not a moment before. Apple. Aaaa…"

"Beast give it up," Rogue said. "You're just torturing the poor thing. Not to mention yourself."

"Rogue please!" Hank turned to her. "I feel I am on the verge of a breakthrough. Now if Penny learns that she will get things if she asks for them, it will encourage her to talk. The **only **way Penance will get this apple is if she **asks** for it! There is no other way!"

"Actually there is," Scott made a slight grin. He pointed behind Hank. "She could just do **that."**

"What?" Hank turned around. Only to see that Penny had opened the refrigerator and was now stuffing her face with apples from the fruit bin. "PENNY!"

"Aahhhhh!" Penny made a sound with her mouth full. Then went back to eating.

"I take it back," Rogue smirked. "Penny **is **smart."

"Quite the miracle worker aren't you?" Scott quipped.

"Oh shut up," Hank grumbled as he bit into the apple.

Meanwhile another teacher was having problems with his student.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Madelyne shouted as she accidentally shattered a vase with her telekinesis. "I told you I couldn't do it!"

"You're rushing things," Jean said patiently. She and Xavier were in the living room with her supervising her training with her powers.

"No **you're **rushing **me!"** Madelyne snapped. "So I can't balance a stupid vase in the air longer than a few minutes? What's the big deal?"

"We're just trying to teach you control," Jean said. "Which you certainly need a lot of practice in."

"Newsflash, just doing **pointless** stuff isn't helping me!" Madelyne snapped. "How about a real lesson like how not to destroy stuff or change the television channels without blowing the TV up? At least that's useful! I'm going to my room!" She turned and left.

"Madelyne!" Jean shouted.

"Let her go Jean," Xavier said patiently. "The girl is tired. We have been doing this for an hour."

"Only an hour," Jean grumbled as she picked up the pieces of the vase with her telepathy. "And she throws a temper tantrum because she think's that's too long."

"I remember a certain young lady who had a very similar attitude when she first arrived here," Xavier chuckled, stroking his chin.

"Please tell me you are talking about Rogue," Jean gave him a look as she finished picking them up. "I was **not** that bad."

"No, you were **worse**," Xavier pointed out. "Remember the first time we **did** try a lesson in changing the channels on the television? How long did **that l**ast? Five minutes before you got frustrated and…"

"And blew it up. I get it, I get it," Jean said. She concentrated. The pieces of the vase formed together. Then they fused back into a perfect shape, as if it hadn't been broken at all. "But you have to admit, I've gotten better at it."

"More than better," Xavier raised an eyebrow at her handiwork. "Phenomenal. When did you learn to do **that?"**

"I dunno," Jean realized what she had done. "I just…did it."

"Amazing," Xavier wheeled over and examined the vase. "Not even a crack. It's like it was never broken."

"My powers have been progressing," Jean said. "And I have been training a lot. I mean it's probably got nothing to do with the Phoenix Force."

"I didn't say anything about that." Xavier said.

"You didn't have to, I could hear your thoughts," Jean told him.

"I thought I had shielded them," Xavier frowned.

"Well you must have slipped," Jean grumbled. "I mean not everything I do is about it you know?"

"Perhaps," Xavier nodded.

"What do you mean, **perhaps?**" Jean snapped. "Don't patronize me Professor. I know you're obsessing over the Phoenix Force, but I've got it under control. And having you doubt me every time I learn something new is **not **helping! I'm not a kid like Madelyne you know!"

SHATTER!

Jean blinked as she realized she had telekinetically shattered the vase she had just reassembled. "No, but your resemblance to her is quite starting," Xavier said wryly.

"I can't believe I **did **that," Jean groaned as she used her powers to put the vase back together again. "I'm sorry Professor, I've been under a lot of pressure lately. With school and the X-Men and now training my clone kid sister…"

"You have been working rather hard," Xavier interrupted her. "And I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm only concerned about your well being. You know that, don't you?"

"Of course you are," Jean sighed as she finished. "There, good as new. I'm getting pretty good at this."

BOOM!

"Now if only you could do that with the **walls **of the Institute we could cut down on our repair bills," Xavier groaned as the mansion shuddered.

"I wonder who it was **this time?"** Jean asked.

"I'm afraid we'll find out soon enough," Xavier sighed as they went to investigate.

Unfortunately for them, they did find out. But it wasn't one of the X-Men or the Misfits. It was an invader that heralded the beginning of trouble.

**Looks like the mansion's under attack again! But who or what is responsible? And who is this Amadeus character and what does he want with Juggernaut? Tune in next time to find out! **

"I like that song!" Pyro said.

"What song?" Lance asked him.

"You know that song!" Pyro said. _"Amadeus, Amadeus…Who-ahh Amadeus! Yeah rock me Amadeus!" _

"Oh that song," Lance nodded. "I like the Dr. Zaius parody better myself."

Scott walked out. "Are we going on another one of those weird tangents again?"

"What kind of weird tangent?" Pyro asked.

"The kind that has nothing to do with the story and is just a bunch of nonsense that jumps out of Red Witch's brain whenever she has too much coffee," Scott folded his arms.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Pyro scratched his head. "I think they are kind of fun."

"Why do I even **bother?"** Scott groaned. "Seriously? Why do I even try? She's making me as nuts as she is!"

"I've finished going through my clothes for the fall," Kitty walked out with a small pile of clothes in her arms. "I couldn't believe there were so many outfits I had to get rid of!"

"Kitty...You're only holding three outfits," Lance said.

"Well yes," Kitty said. "One has a slight rip and the other two are out of style. You seriously can't expect me to wear last year's fashion trend now can you?"

"You know that's a question I would expect Quicksilver to say," Pyro remarked.

"You thought that too?" Scott asked.

"Will you guys be serious for a minute?" Kitty gave them a look. "Twice a year I go through my clothes to see what I can get rid of to make room for more clothes. Well that and change over my summer clothes to fall ones. And vice versa."

"You actually do that?" Lance was stunned.

**A lot of girls do that. I do that. **

"There's a shock," Lance rolled his eyes. "You would do something that crazy!"

"This from the guy who just shoves everything into his closet and keeps it there," Scott gave him a look.

"Oh and you don't?" Lance looked at him back. "You actually go through your clothes twice a year?"

"Well no," Scott admitted. "But then again I'm not a girl."

"All right I have finally narrowed down my closet," Pietro appeared with a large bag. "I just had to get rid of these clothes! They are so last month!"

"I've gotten quite a bit of a turnover as well," Hank walked out with a bag.

"Okay Quicksilver is a given, but you Beast?" Pyro's jaw dropped.

"You try having blue fur that sheds a lot at certain times of the year and see how long your clothes last!" Hank gave him a look. "Especially if you have to wash them twice or three times a day!"

"Way too much information here!" Kitty groaned.

"How did we get on this subject?" Scott asked. "Seriously how?"

"I think it's because Red has closet cleaning on the brain," Lance pointed his thumb upwards. "She just threw out three bags of stuff."

**Hey it's a personal record for me! I'm proud of it! **

"Good for you!" Scott said sarcastically. "How do we attract crazy authors like this?"

"Oooh! This is nice," Hank was pawing a hat from Pietro's bag. "Is this cashmere?"

"Yeah you want it?" Pietro asked. "It's one size fits all."

"I'll take it," Hank said. "I'll give you this vest in exchange. I had it when I was not my furry self so it's a little small on me."

"I think I can take it in," Pietro took it. "Once I get it dry cleaned."

"As long as we're exchanging stuff Pietro can I have this shirt?" Kitty asked.

"Why not?" Pietro said.

"Oh yeah, that's why..." Scott groaned.


	30. Another Blast From the Past

**Another Blast From the Past**

"Aw come on Sammy," Tabitha pouted as her boyfriend tried to drag her back inside the mansion. "Just a few more minutes! Pleeeeeeeeease?"

"Tabby no," Sam groaned as he half heartedly tried to talk some sense into his girlfriend.

"Pleeaaaaaaaaaaase?" Tabby begged. "Just five more minutes! It's not like we're going to the mall or anything! We're not even leaving the mansion grounds! Just five little minutes? No one's gonna miss us anyway!"

"Tabby you know we got curfew," Sam groaned. "And it's getting pretty dark."

"All the better to…" Tabitha leaned in for a kiss. Then she saw something in the trees. "Sammy…Don't move."

"No Tabitha, I am not falling for that **again,"** Sam groaned.

"There's someone behind us and I don't think it's Wolverine," Tabitha whispered nervously.

"I ain't falling for **that** one **again **either you…" Sam began before something zoomed out of the trees and knocked him down, right out of Tabitha's embrace.

It also inadvertently activated Sam's powers and the two figures found themselves rocketing through one of the Institute's windows. The next thing he knew he was halfway through the library and crashed into the nearest wall.

"Ow…" Sam groaned. "That kind of hurt…" He passed out.

Ray, Paige, Jubilee, Jamie, Jesse and Rahne were in the library at the time looking at the sight. Sam was a bit shaken and unconcious but his assailant wasn't. "What the bloody…" Rahne's jaw dropped.

There was a huge eight foot tall man standing before them with huge gray bat like wings. His wingspan was even larger than Warren's. He was wearing some kind of red body armor with white short sleeves. He had red boots that seemed to meld into his armor. His head was mostly covered in some kind of red helmet that exposed only his face. And his face was pale and cold, devoid of any emotion.

"Holy freaking Christ what the hell is **that?**" Ray shouted as he pointed at the huge creature.

"Watch your mouth Ray!" Paige shouted. She turned to the intruder. "Who are you?"

The intruder responded by taking something out of a hidden pocket and throwing it to the ground. It seemed to be several tiny brown scaled balls. Tiny brown balls that grew bigger and unrolled themselves into giant centipedes. The centipedes immediately attacked, spitting out some green goop.

"AHH!" Jesse barely jumped out of the way as the goop hit a chair and it dissolved immediately. "Not good! Not good!"

"Acid? These things spit out **acid?"** Paige shouted. "What kind of bugs spit out acid?"

"The very creepy and dangerous kind," Ray gulped.

"AAAHHHH!" Jesse screamed as he dodged another acid blast.

Immediately the lights started to go haywire due to Jesse's powers. The intruder didn't stop for a second as he threw more centipede balls. Some of them stuck to the wall where they immediately used their goop to burn a huge hole in it. "He's wrecking the joint!" Ray shot out some lightning. Jubilee joined in the attack.

The intruder used his wings to cover himself, protecting him from the barrage of Ray's assault and Jubilee's assault. Then he used his massive wings to knock them back. Rahne changed into wolf form but the intruder pulled out something squirming and purple and threw it at her. It hit her muzzle, making her unable to open her mouth.

"Okay time for plan B!" Paige used her powers and tugged at her skin, revealing a hard metal shell underneath. "Multiple! Pile drive him!"

"You got it!" Jamie created as many clones of himself as he could and they all charged at the intruder. Several of them got knocked back but some of them managed to attach themselves to his arms, legs and back. Multiple created more and more clones of himself and soon the intruder was hidden underneath a huge mass of Multiples.

"That's right! Hold him down so I can…" Paige made a fist. Suddenly every clone went flying as the intruder threw them off. "Knock him out?"

"AAAAAHHH!" One clone whacked right into Paige and knocked her down.

The intruder started to leave but then was smacked from behind by a huge energy bomb. He fell to his knees and glared at Tabitha. "Nobody interrupts my alone time with my main squeeze Creep!" Tabitha started to make another huge time bomb. "NOBODY!"

The intruder threw something else at Tabitha. It was an olive green octopus like thing that clamped over her hands. "HEY! GET IT OFF!" Tabitha shouted. "EWWW! IT'S SUCKING MY HANDS!"

"HELP! HELP!" Jesse ran from the centipedes as they spit acid goo all over the place.

"Die you damn &&&&!" Ray began to swear as he got up.

"Ray! Watch your mouth!" Jubilee snapped. "AAAHH!" She barley dodged some more centipedes the intruder threw.

"We're getting creamed by a crazy bat guy with bugs and you're complaining about **my **language?" Ray shouted at her.

"GET OFF ME YOU…" Tabitha yelled. Her hands glowed beneath the octopus covering them. Suddenly…

BOOOM!

"Gross…" Tabitha winced as guts and goop were splattered all over her hands and clothes as well as the wall.

Meanwhile the intruder had already made his way out of the library and was running through the halls. He was also throwing several different bug type weapons at anyone who was in his way. "Where is he **hiding** this stuff?" Ray yelled as he zapped a flying spider type insect.

"Something tells me we **don't **want to know," Jubilee grumbled. "And **not **knowing makes life a lot easier!"

"AAHHHH!" Stevie Hunter ran from several acid spouting centipedes. "THIS WAS NOT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION!"

"Seems like it's time to call an exterminator, no?" Remy said as he charged his cards. He aimed them at the bugs that were chasing Stevie and they exploded on contact. He glared at the intruder headed for him. "You gotta get by Gambit before…"

Suddenly out of the intruder's forearms grew two very large white bones that were curved inward and seemed very sharp. He leapt in the air and crossed his arms so that the bones would be intended as weapons. Remy held out his bo-staff to deflect but the bone weapons easily broke his staff.

Remy barely managed to roll out of the way as the intruder came down hard on him. He threw several charged cards at him but was shocked as the wings deflected his cards. "Gambit definitely not liking where this is going!"

With inhuman speed the intruder grabbed Remy by the scruff of his collar and threw him against the wall. Then he made his way towards his prey in another section of the institute.

"What the…" Jean was shocked as she and the Professor were confronted by the intruder.

"My telepathy has no affect on him!" Xavier yelled before the intruder picked him up out of his wheelchair and threw him against the wall.

"Then maybe it's time to go Phoenix…" Jean began.

But she couldn't focus. For a brief moment her powers failed her. And that moment was all the intruder needed to knock her out with a quick punch. He picked her up and was about to leave when the snikt of sharp claws behind him grabbed his attention.

"I don't know who you are, bub," Logan flashed his claws. "But you got about **two seconds** to put her down! One…" Then he charged right at him.

Downstairs the X-Men were fighting furiously. "Fascinating," Hank said as he dodged some acidic goop from a centipede. "This species of insect is completely foreign to me. It would be interesting to study it."

"You can study whatever's left of 'em after we get out of this alive!" Scott snapped as he blasted away a spider like insect.

"**If **we get out of this alive," Amara said as she set another centipede on fire.

"I'm saying this now, I am **not **cleaning this up!" Tabitha shouted as she blew up another insect. "I'm serious here! Not cleaning it up!"

"What hit me?" Sam grumbled as he staggered into the hallway. "Oh yeah that weird bat guy!"

"Watch your back!" Rina snapped at Sam as she shoved him aside and sliced open another insect attacker.

"This is just not my day," Sam groaned as he saw acid burn a hole inches from where his face was.

"I never thought I would say this but we could certainly use Toad's help right about now," Scott grumbled as he blasted another centipede.

"Not to mention a dozen exterminators!" Jubilee zapped another insect with her fireworks. "I am going to have nightmares for years!"

"Like that hasn't happened to most of us **already,**" Rogue snorted as she stepped on another slightly smaller insect. "Dang things are worse than cockroaches!"

"MEOW! MEOW!" Prometheus ran for it's life from a huge bug. Lockheed dove down and set the insect on fire.

"BAD BUG! BAD BUG!" Madelyne whacked a bug with a coffee table using her telekinesis. Then she held her head and started to scream. "JEAN!"

"Something's wrong," Betsy shouted. "Jean and the Professor are in trouble!"

"**They're** in trouble?" Doug shouted as he barely dodged more acid spit from a particularly stubborn centipede. "WHAT ABOUT **US?" **

"I'm serious Cypher!" Betsy snapped.

"So am I!" Doug yelled as the acid got closer. It barely grazed his sleeve and burned away some of the fabric but not his skin. "HELP ME!"

FFFOOOM!

"That good enough for you?" Bobby asked as he froze the insect chasing his friend.

"Yeah I'm good," Doug gulped. "Let me just find a guts free place to pass out. Oh there's one…" He fell down unconscious.

By now the population of the infestation was significantly lowered. "Come on! Let's go!" Scott ordered. Several more X-Men followed.

Ray tried to follow but he slipped in bug guts. "AAHH! THIS IS DISGUSTING!"

"I dunno, I think that's a good look on you," Roberto snickered as he ran by him.

"You know you're getting zapped right?" Ray yelled after him. He wrinkled his nose. "After I take a shower that is."

"Iceman and I will stay here and cool these creatures off," Ororo shouted as the two used their powers to freeze the remaining insects.

"We could always sell these to Toad as some kind of insect popsicles," Bobby snickered.

"I am so going to have nightmares for **years **about this," Jubilee winced at the mental image.

The X-Men turned a corner to find Xavier on the ground unconscious, Logan writhing on the ground and the intruder carrying Jean. "Don't let him get away!" Logan roared holding his hands over his eyes in pain.

The intruder ran and broke through a window, taking off into the air, beating his huge bat like wings. "Who the hell is that?" Roberto shouted.

"A very dead man," Logan shook his head. "Threw some kind of dust in my face that blinded me. My healing factor is taking care of it."

"Good now we'll take care of **him!"** Rogue flew through the window after the intruder. "Come back here you varmint!"

"Angel! Sunspot! Cannonball! You follow!" Scott ordered.

Warren and Sam flew after but Roberto didn't. "Can't! It's after dark and I used up all my juice on those bugs downstairs," Roberto grumbled.

"Fine then you look after the Professor," Logan said as he got up. He shook off the remainder of the effects from the dust. "Now that I can see let's get the bastard and get Jean back!"

The intruder was already soaring over the end of the grounds of the Institute when Rogue caught up to him. "Oh no you **don't!"** Rogue shouted as she grabbed him with her bare hands. A familiar flash of life force ran through her system telling her that her powers had been activated. However this time it was different.

"AAAIIIIEEEE!" Rogue screamed as huge bat like wings protruded from her back and bone sabers appeared on her arms. But she could not use them for she had blacked out immediately upon contact.

Now all three of them, Jean, Rogue and the mysterious intruder were plummeting towards the ground. "ROGUE!" Remy shouted as he raced to catch her.

Warren and Sam were able to get there just in time. Warren grabbed Rogue while Sam grabbed Jean. They let the intruder plummet to the ground. He landed with a whump!

"Rogue! Rogue!" Warren said as he landed, careful not to touch her exposed skin. "She's out cold!"

"He's still alive," Logan snarled at Nemesis Enforcer as the other X-Men caught up to them.

"Not for long," Rina bared her claws.

Logan stopped her. "No, we need answers and he's gonna give 'em to us. One way or another."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & && & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"I can't believe you guys were attacked again so soon," Roadblock said as he entered the X-Men's War Room. Xavier, Hank and Logan were in there. "So what happened this time?"

"Last night we apprehended a mutant trying to abduct Jean," Xavier explained. "Unfortunately Rogue is still unconscious after the incident. She used her powers to stop him but for some reason they affected her differently."

"Our 'guest' is awake though but he ain't talkin'," Logan pointed his thumb at one of the security camera screens in the war room. It was focused on one of the cells in the detention area. "Litterally. Even Charles can't figure out what's in his head."

"He seems to be immune to my telepathy," Xavier explained. "Fortunately no one other than Rogue was seriously injured during the attack."

"He's quite a formidable opponent," Hank nodded as he looked at the intruder.

"I don't **believe** it!" Roadblock shouted as he looked at the screen. "I thought that overgrown bat was deader than a dodo!"

"You know this mutant?" Hank asked.

"That's **not** a mutant," Roadblock said venomously. "That's Nemesis Enforcer from Cobra La."

"**Who** from **where?**" Logan asked.

"He's a mean soulless dude with nothing but attitude," Roadblock explained. "I thought Sgt. Slaughter killed him when he broke his wings and threw him off a cliff years ago. Should have known that cockroach wouldn't have been **that** easy to kill!"

"Are you sure this is the same individual?" Hank asked.

"He blinded me, fed my buddies to some killer plants and turned Cobra Commander into a snake," Roadblock said. "Kind of hard to forget a guy like that."

"Okay I gotta hear **this** story," Logan folded his arms.

"I'd rather hear his," Roadblock snarled. "Like what the hell he's doing **here?"**

"And more importantly, what does he want with Jean?" Xavier's eyes narrowed.

"Well if I remember Cobra La correctly, its not to invite her to a tea party!" Roadblock snapped. "Probably some damn plot to get revenge on all humanity!"

"Oh is **that** all?" Hank rolled his eyes.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile in the war room inside one of Cobra's many secret headquarters…

"Nuclear weapons?" Destro asked in a very bored tone.

"We've **done** that," Cobra Commander groaned as he leaned back in his chair. "We've done it over and over and **over!** Again! Come on people! Work with me! I want **new **ideas! "

"Certainly not going to get them with **this **lot," The Baroness motioned to the Dreadnoks sitting at the other end of the war table. "This meeting is for the Cobra High Command only, why are **they** here?"

"I couldn't get a sitter," Zartan grumbled. "My daughter, Zandar and Zarana are on a mission."

"To get us a new headquarters," Road Pig the muscular Dreadnok with a pink and white mohawk and a split personality spoke up using his Donald personality. Then he switched over to his less intelligent side. "Yeah the last one blowed up real good!"

"Oh what the hell," Cobra Commander sighed. "I might as well ask. The day's shot anyway. Zartan **why** did your latest headquarters blow up?"

"Do I have to tell you?" Zartan asked.

"Yes," Cobra Commander said. "This I have **got **to hear. So what happened?"

"Road Pig got into a disagreement with himself on who is the most talented member of the Desperate Housewives cast," Zartan hung his head in shame.

"And I take it this important discussion involved grape soda, donuts and a few explosives?" Destro asked in an amused tone.

"Yeah how'd you know?" Torch asked.

"Lucky guess," Destro remarked.

"I still say that Marcia Cross is the most talented and sophisticated of the ladies," Road Pig sniffed. Then he snorted in his other personality. "Yeah but that Eva Longoria is real hot!"

"Here we go," Destro groaned. "Another meeting, another dozen brain cells destroyed."

"No Road Pig, Marcia Cross is a better actress." Road Pig continued the one man debate. "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! That's all I hears is Marcia! Eva's better!"

"Actually I've always preferred Felicity Huffman myself," Cobra Commander mused.

"Are you nuts dude? She's a dog," Monkeywrench the bearded Dreadnok snorted.

"She is **not** a dog," Dr. Mindbender stiffened. "She is a very attractive and talented woman."

"Not to mention an Oscar nominated actress," Cobra Commander said. "Which she **should **have won!"

"No freaking way," Road Pig grunted. "I concur! The Performance Marcia Cross gave in Melrose Place transcends time."

"I never liked her in that," Ripper said. "Too crazy for me."

"I thought that was your **type,**" Mindbender said.

"Yeah but not the psychotic kill the cheating doctor while having a crazy scar on your head type," Ripper said. "Besides you're all wrong."

"Ripper's right," Torch said. "It's obviously Teri Hatcher. She's got more Golden Globes than any of them!"

"Any bloke with half a brain knows that the Golden Globes are nothing more than a popularity contest," Monkeywrench snapped. "You're **all **wrong! It's Nicolette Sheridan by a mile!"

"The woman who's dating **Michael Bolton?** Are you out of your mind?" Cobra Commander yelled. "Oh wait you **are!"**

"Oh what I wouldn't **give** for a nice peaceful assassination attempt right about now…" Destro banged his head on the desk. "Anything other than this mind numbing conversation!"

"We could always talk about **our **relationship and where it's going," The Baroness gave him a look.

"On the other hand," Destro sat up. "I don't think any of you have fully considered the talented **male **actors of the cast."

"Nice try Destro," Torch gave him a look. "Even **I **wouldn't buy that one!"

"You know you two have been going at it for quite some time," Monkeywrench agreed. "I mean I know the Baroness isn't much to look at but you're no Aston Kutcher yourself mate."

"How would you like a **grenade** shoved right up your…" The Baroness made a fist. She was interrupted by the sounds of an alarm.

"Saved by the proverbial bell," Destro breathed a sigh of relief.

"It's an alarm Destro not a bell," Torch corrected.

"I **know **that you twit! I was…" Destro made a fist and was about to strike Torch when **something** broke through the doors. That something was a giant purple and red twelve legged spider with very large fangs and a crystal dome on it's back.

"SPIDERS!" Monkeywrench screamed like a little girl and hid under the table. "KILLER GIANT SPIDERS! SAVE ME!"

"I have **got** to check the references I get when I hire new people more closely," Zartan hid his head in his hands in shame.

"It's not a spider you fool! It's a Terranax!" Cobra Commander screamed. "But that means…"

"Yes Cobra Commander…" The crystal dome melted away and a figure emerged. It was a tall pale woman in purple armor, a long black robe and a mostly bald head with a long black ponytail. She had dark serpentine eyes as well as two purple tattoos of some kind of bird in profile on her face next to each eye. Her ears had long tusk earrings and she had purple lipstick on. "I'm **back…"**

"Pythona?" Cobra Commander gasped. "You're **alive?"**

"Yes," Pythona said as she leapt from her spider ride. "Thanks to Nemesis Enforcer."

"I should have known you being thrown off into the Pit of Oblivion wouldn't get rid of you," Cobra Commander snarled.

"And I should have known that you could escape anything as slimy as you are," Pythona sneered. "Even being turned into a snake!"

"Who's she?" Road Pig asked. "W-What's g-going on?"

"That's right you weren't with us back then mate," Torch whispered. "That's Pythona from Cobra La. Old Snake Breaths' home town."

"Cobra Commander lived in a town called Cobra La?" Road Pig blinked. "T-That's dumb! What kinda dumb name is that?"

"It's not a town you morons," Zartan groaned. "It's the name of an ancient civilization that used to rule the planet until it got wrecked during the ice age."

"Actually the full name of our civilization is Co-oobrrrrrrr-kaallalananalaki-la-la-lala-lalia-la-lalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa," Cobra Commander said including whistles and clicks in his pronunciation. "But we just say Cobra La for short." **(1)**

"You're from an ancient civilization of snake people?" Road Pig was shocked.

"No Road Pig, I used to be a used car salesman until I decided I had enough of my job when my brother was killed in a car crash," Cobra Commander said sarcastically. "**Then** I decided to take over the world." **(2)**

"Really?" Road Pig asked.

"No," Cobra Commander snapped. He turned to Pythona. "So how is Golobuluos these days? Not that I care about that tyrannical old fool."

"He's dead," Pythona told him. "I rule Cobra La now."

"Really? Dead you say?" Cobra Commander perked up. "Then I was wrong. I **do **care! So how did he bite the big one? Finally choke to death on his huge ego?"

"If that were possible I would have been dancing on your grave for **years,**" Destro muttered under his breath.

"He died of a virus he got when he suffered an eye infection," Pythona hissed. "Remember when Lt. Falcon of GI Joe stabbed him in the eye at our last battle?"

"Not really. My memory's a little scrambled during the time I was a snake but hey," Cobra Commander shrugged. "Just proves that even Joes have their uses!"

"You disgusting…" Pythona shouted with rage. "He was our glorious leader!"

"He condemned me to life as a snake!" Cobra Commander yelled. "Forgive me for not being as sentimental as you are!"

"You always were heartless," Pythona snarled.

"Oh if **that** isn't the pot calling the kettle black…" Cobra Commander threw up his hands. "Since when did **you** have a heart for anything except yourself? Don't go acting all sentimental on me! I know you too well! The only reason **you're** sorry he's dead is the fact that you **weren't **the one who killed him! I mean it's not as if **your **fortunes dwindled now that he's dead now is it?"

"No, but Cobra La is suffering and has suffered greatly since his death," Pythona frowned.

"No surprise since GI Joe blew up the entire **city **the last time we all met," Cobra Commander grunted.

"And that is the **only **reason I am coming to you for help," Pythona said. "Nearly half our population died because of GI Joe and I want revenge!"

"Who **doesn't **want revenge on GI Joe?" Cobra Commander agreed.

"Let me get to the point," Pythona said. "I know of the Phoenix Force inside the mutant human named Jean Grey. I wish to acquire it so that Cobra La may once again rule the world. Help me and not only will we get our revenge, we can rule the world together!"

"Yeah I've heard **that** song and dance before, woman!" Cobra Commander snorted.

"Yes but this time I actually **mean it,"** Pythona gave him a look.

"You know I meant to ask you," Destro looked at Cobra Commander. "Back when we first met years ago you two seemed to have a history together."

"You could say that," Cobra Commander snarled. "She's my ex-wife!"

"WHAT?" Everyone in the room shouted in shock.

"**You **were married to **him?**" The Baroness pointed at Cobra Commander as she addressed Pythona.

"Unfortunately," Pythona folded her arms. "It was an arranged marriage."

"Well **that **explains a lot," The Baroness shrugged and looked at Cobra Commander. **(3) **"No wonder you were so eager to kill Serpentor."

"WHAT?" Pythona yelled.

"You mean you haven't heard?" Cobra Commander blinked. "You knew about the Phoenix Force but you haven't kept up with your former boyfriend?"

"I've been a little busy trying to run an entire civilization and keeping my species from becoming extinct!" Pythona yelled. "How the hell could a weasel like **you** kill him? And how did you turn back into a man from a snake?"

"It's a long story," Destro sighed. "A long stupid story."

"Short version," Pythona gave him a look.

"One of his loyal lackeys made a device to turn him back into a man and then Cobra Commander used it on Serpentor to turn him into a snake," Destro admitted.

"Then what happened?" Pythona asked.

"Let's just say that my subordinates couldn't **stomach **him any more," Cobra Commander said in a sickeningly sweet voice.

"Cobra Commander turned him into a casserole and ate him," The Baroness explained. **(4)**

"YOU DID **WHAT?"** Pythona roared. She leapt at Cobra Commander and started to beat the stuffing out of him. "YOU BASTARD!"

"HEY! OW! OW! GET OFF ME!" Cobra Commander tried to defend himself but couldn't. "OW!"

"Well this is turning out to be quite the entertaining evening," Destro chuckled at the sight.

"I'm glad I didn't miss this," Buzzer snickered.

"I don't believe it," The Baroness fumed. "Even **Cobra Commander** got married before us!"

"Not **this** again," Destro moaned.

"Oh yes this again! And again! And again! And **again!"** The Baroness snapped.

"How long are you going to harp on this woman?" Destro shouted.

"How long are you going to make me **wait **for a ring?" The Baroness shouted back.

"OW! OW! NO BITING! NO BITING!" Cobra Commander screamed in agony. "THIS IS MY WEDDING NIGHT ALL OVER AGAIN!"

"AT LEAST YOU **HAD **A WEDDING NIGHT!" The Baroness shouted. "AT LEAST YOU HAVEN'T BEEN WAITING **DECADES** FOR A PROPOSAL FROM A SPINELESS…"

"All right! That's enough!" Destro decided to take charge of the situation before **he** was the one getting beaten up. He motioned for Road Pig to help him remove Pythona. "Calm down Pythona! As satisfying as it is seeing you beat up Cobra Commander this is not helping your cause or your people!"

"HE KILLED MY LOVE!" Pythona hissed. "HE MUST PAY!"

"Love? You knew each other for what? A week?" Cobra Commander snapped. "Which is probably a **record** for you! You've gone through more men than the United States Army!"

"At least Serpentor did not sleep with the chamber maid after our honeymoon!" Pythona yelled.

"If you tell me you married Serpentor the First secretly I will seriously start considering homicide," The Baroness twitched.

"Please say you didn't," Destro felt very nervous.

"No we didn't. but we did love each other," Pythona said. "And he turned him into a snake and killed him!"

"To be fair it turned out a GI Joe in disguise named Low Light was the one who beat him up in the first place," Cobra Commander panted. "**Then** I turned him into a snake and killed him!"

"Fine I'll kill **him** after I kill** you!"** Pythona screeched but was held back by Destro and Road Pig.

"Pythona please!" Road Pig said. "Y-yeah, lady cool it! I agree such manners do not behoove a woman of your position. Yeah and you being rich and all ya gotta show some class!"

Pythona stopped struggling and realized that one of the men holding him had two different voices coming out of him. "Is there something **wrong **with him?" She asked Destro.

"He's a Dreadnok, odds are yes," The Baroness quipped.

"My associate here has a split personality," Zartan explained. "Donald and Road Pig meet Pythona. Pythona meet Donald and Road Pig, two tiny minds in one huge body."

"Greetings," The Donald persona spoke first. "I am Donald. I enjoy the finer things in life."

"Me too!" Road Pig then spoke. "Like monster truck races!"

Pythona looked at Destro. "We find them amusing," He shrugged. "And he is cheaper than cable."

"So wait," The Donald persona spoke. "Is she the mother of Billy, Cobra Commander's wayward son?"

"No, she is **not,"** Cobra Commander grumbled. "Billy's mother was a lot less psychotic and had better taste in men!"

"At least Serpentor **was **a man, you freak!" Pythona glared at him.

"He was a second rate tin plated dictator!" Cobra Commander sneered. "But surprisingly a first rate brunch dish!"

"Let me kill him..." Pythona snarled and had to be held back by Destro again. "Just **one **twist of the knife..."

"Yeah just like our honeymoon!" Cobra Commander had to be held back by Mindbender.

"Well it's not as if there isn't **another **incarnation of Serpentor," Donald spoke.

Then Road Pig. "That's right! There's Serpentor II!"

"Serpentor II?" Pythona was stunned. "Then perhaps he remembers our love!"

"Uh yeah," The Baroness coughed. "I uh, wouldn't hold your breath on that."

"Let's just say he has **other **interests now," Destro told her.

"Do I really want to know?" Pythona asked.

"No," Both The Baroness and Mindbender said at the same time.

"But I would like to point out that it was all the **Dreadnoks fault!"** Mindbender added.

"So he's totally gay now and likes to wear dresses and sing show tunes," Torch waved his hand. "Big deal!"

"WHAT?" Pythona screamed. She turned back to Cobra Commander. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?"

"IT WASN'T ME! IT'S ALL DR. MINDBENDER'S FAULT!" Cobra Commander pointed at Mindbender.

"Don't point the finger of blame at me!" Mindbender snapped. "It was those stupid Dreadnoks bringing me the wrong genetic samples!"

"WHAT?" Pythona screeched.

"This is getting us **nowhere**," Destro said. "Look do you want our help in trying to take over the world using the Phoenix Force or not?"

"Not especially but I have no choice," Pythona folded her arms.

"Fine why don't we use Nemesis Enforcer to infiltrate the Xavier Institute and capture Jean Grey?" Cobra Commander asked.

"I've already **tried **that," Pythona sighed. "He's been captured. The X-Men are more formidable than I imagined."

"No really?" Cobra Commander said sarcastically. "I never would have guessed."

"Do you have a **better** suggestion?" Pythona asked.

"What **you **don't have an idea?" Cobra Commander sneered.

"I do!" Torch raised his hand. "Why don't we use all those big Cobra La bugs to invade Bayville? Then while the X-Men are fighting them, we sneak in and grab Jean Grey during the chaos and rescue Nemesis Enforcer?"

"Congratulations Torch you have just had the smartest and **only** idea of your life," Cobra Commander said. "Pythona! Get your troops ready! Soon we will take over Bayville and then the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!"

"How about this," Destro whispered to Pythona. "After we take over the world I'll help you kill Cobra Commander. That way **everyone **will be happy. Deal or no deal?"

"Deal," Pythona's eyes narrowed.

**1. My explanation of the lame name. It just the only thing that makes sense.**

**2. This is actually Cobra Commander's origin in the comics. What makes it really interesting is that his brother killed Snake Eye's twin sister while driving drunk. For some reason Hasbro decided on the ancient non human civilization thing in the cartoon version. Didn't really work. But I kind of decided to play with it. **

**3. I noticed the hostility the two had for each other in GI Joe the Movie and I figured this was the only rational explanation for their hatred of each other. Then again just about anyone could hate Cobra Commander but this gives them a little back story. That's how my crazy mind works! Besides I never liked Golobulous much so I killed him off and put Pythona in charge. **

**4. Okay in the cartoons following GI Joe The Movie (which were not as good as the original series) the one good thing they did was have Cobra Commander regain control of Cobra. I just hated Serpentor so I thought of an appropriate demise after he was turned into a snake in the cartoon. A la the Rocky Horror Picture show. **

**Next: Things go from bad to worse as everyone starts fighting each other. And then the real enemy strikes! Find out what happens next time! **


	31. And Of Course Things Go Downhill

**And Of Course Things Go Downhill**

"What do you mean **no?"** Roadblock shouted at Xavier. "In a situation like this you don't have a say so!"

"I'm saying you can't take Nemesis Enforcer," Xavier stood his ground. He was with Logan, Scott and Hank in the War Room. Roadblock, General Hawk, Spirit, Low Light and Cover Girl were there as well.

"Xavier besides the obvious fact that GI Joe has some authority over the X-Men now," General Hawk maintained a civil tone. "We have every right to take Nemesis Enforcer into our custody. Besides his ties with Cobra and Cobra La he is an extremely dangerous individual. Do you want to put your students in even **more** danger?"

"Our holding facility is more than equipped to handle him," Xavier said.

"Can it handle Sgt. Slaughter?" Spirit asked. "Because once he finds out Nemesis Enforcer is alive you know nothing short of a **nuclear warhead** will stop him."

"Why does he hate him again?" Scott asked. "I didn't get that."

"He tends to take any Joes getting injured and people trying to dehumanize the entire world kind of seriously," Roadblock explained.

"Oh," Scott blinked. "That would do it."

"Yeah that **would **do it," Low Light said sarcastically.

"So to recap, this Cobra La place is the orignial home of Cobra Commander," Hank thought. "An ancient civilization of snake people who once ruled the world until the Ice Age. Over a decade ago GI Joe fought them and stopped them from trying to reclaim the earth by mutating all humans into mindless beasts using mutating spores."

"That's right," General Hawk said. "So we have the most experience dealing with creeps like this and that's why we have to take custody of Nemesis Enforcer! To find out what kind of sick and twisted plan Cobra La is up to now!"

"You think **Sentinels** are a problem?" Roadblock raised an eyebrow. "Try fighting a forty story high centepede that spits acid. Now try fighting a whole **mess **of them. And then there will **be** a mess. A **big one!"**

"Forty stories **high?"** Scott asked. "They have creatures **that** big?"

"Some of 'em even **bigger,"** Cover Girl told her. "And a lot nastier. That little infestation you had earlier is **nothing **compared to what these creeps are able to throw at you."

"Charles why the hell are you fighting **this?"** Logan snapped. "If they want this creep so bad they can **have him!"**

"I agree," Scott said. "Besides he's not even a real mutant."

"Would you consider X23 to not be a real mutant because she was also created in a lab?" Xavier asked.

"That is a totally different thing and you know it!" Low Light snapped. "X23 was created from Wolverine's DNA in a Hydra lab and Hydra members are human. Mostly."

"Yeah Nemesis Enforcer was made from a completely different **species!"** Cover Girl said. "Parts of a **few** different species from what we've heard! Why the hell do you want to get involved in that?"

"Like it or not, we're already involved," Xavier said.

"Oh no, this isn't going to be one of your 'Let's Save All the Lost Souls We Can', projects isn't it?" General Hawk groaned.

"No General Hawk, this has nothing to do with **that,**" Xavier said crossly. "The reason we need him here is because Rogue has not yet awakened. Somehow by absorbing him it's hurt her and we need to know why!"

"Here's a suggestion," Low Light folded his arms. "We take him to the Pit, run some tests and we find out **for you!** Or you can come along and work with us? Is **that **an acceptable solution for you? Because you sure as hell can't keep him here for long!"

"You know sooner or later those Cobra La creeps will come after him," Spirit said. Just then the perimeter alarm blared. "Apparently sooner."

"No, it's not them," Xavier concentrated. "I'm afraid this time it's a more familiar foe."

"Familiar?" General Hawk asked. "Who is it?"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"CHARLES!" Magneto shouted as he created a magnetic bubble around him that deflected Amara's fire. "CHARLES WHERE ARE YOU?"

"He's busy Bucket Head!" Tabitha threw several time bombs at him. "CHEW ON THIS!"

"Please," Magneto deflected them with his magnetic bubble. He used his powers on the metal gates of the Institute and used them to capture Tabitha and several other New Mutants, wrapping the bars around them. "CHARLES! ARE YOU COMING OUT OR ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE MORE OF YOUR CHILDREN FIGHT ME?"

"Magneto what are you doing here?" Xavier asked as he and the others from the War Room came out with the rest of the X-Men. "Why have you attacked us?"

"Why did you and your students release **Apocalypse?**" Magneto asked.

"Uh oh," Roadblock gulped.

"This is not good," Spirit gulped. "We definitely should have brought the Misfits with us."

"Yeah the **one** time they would have been useful," Scott grumbled.

"Did you really think that you could **hide** this information from me?" Magneto yelled. "How could you be so irresponsible as to let that menace free into this world again?"

"Hey you don't know the whole story," Scott snapped. "You weren't there! We didn't have any choice!"

"Really? By any chance were any of your human friends there as well?" Magneto scoffed.

"No, but there were a few Misfits," Hank said.

"Beast," Hawk gave him a look. "That **doesn't **help."

"Magneto I understand more than anyone else about your concerns," Xavier said calmly. "I was also a pawn of Apocalypse as well. I know his dark mind. But this is not the way to go about defeating him."

"We would not have to worry about defeating him if your students and those **_Misfits_ **did not set him free in the first place!" Magneto snapped.

"We didn't have a choice!" Scott shouted. "If we didn't all of reality would have been destroyed! Actually a lot of realities would have been destroyed."

"Apocalypse had been sent to the center of all realties," Hank tried to explain. "Actually there were **eleven **Apocalypses we had to send back to their realties. It was originally thirteen but…"

Magneto let out an enraged roar. "Beast…" General Hawk gave him a look. "**Not helping! Repeat, not helping!" **

"Magneto we need to work together…" Xavier tried to be calm.

"Work together with that **manic?"** Roadblock shouted.

"As if I would work with **you**, human," Magneto sneered. "Working with lower life forms is distasteful at best."

"You're calling **us** low, you scumbag?" General Hawk was angry.

"We're not the ones who beat up their own people and leave them for dead!" Roadblock challenged. "How about you take on someone who can fight back instead?"

"If this is about that idiot Pyro I **had** to make an example of him," Magneto shouted. "He burned down two of my bases because he was bored! And he set my cape on fire three times, in **one day!**"

"I guess even Pyro's not **all **bad," Logan snorted.

"I'm not surprised Pyro ended up with all the other Misfit rejects," Magneto snarled. "Obviously I can't count on your help Charles or that of your X-Men. Not only are you under the thumb of GI Joe but you obviously would make the situation **worse!** I am warning you now…Stay out of my way. Or else."

"Like he did last time when Apocalypse beat your ass?" Low Light sneered. "Yeah that will be worth seeing again!"

"That will not happen again," Magneto growled. "Apocalypse will rue the day he tried to enslave me! And heaven help anyone who gets in my way!"

He floated away and got into a metal orb parked just outside the walls. The orb flew away. "This day just gets better and better," Logan grumbled.

"I think he took that well," Low Light quipped.

"Hey could somebody get us loose please?" Ray shouted as he struggled to free himself from the metal bars wrapped around him.

"Once again we're going to have to stretch the budget and get a new gate," Hank sighed.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"And I thought our so called 'vacation' was stressful enough," Shane groaned as the Misfits finished teleporting over the Xavier Institute. It was an hour after Magneto had arrived.

"WHERE IS HE?" Pyro shouted running around with his flame throwers out. "WHERE IS BUCKET BRAIN? I WANNA FLAMBE HIM!"

"Vacation? What happened?" Jubilee asked Shane. A few of the X-Men were in the hallway when the Misfits showed up.

"Long story short, my father is a **lousy** travel agent," Althea told her.

"WHERE'S MAGNETO! I WANNA KILL HIM! I WANNA KILL HIM!" Pyro ran around screaming. "TELL ME WHERE HE IS SO I CAN KILL HIM!"

"This hotel in Greece we went to turned out to be Selene's private palace," Pietro told them. "Complete with giant spiders, big boulders, snake mummies, trap doors and skeleton warriors."

"Don't forget the three headed dragon," Wanda reminded him.

"WHERE IS HE? I WANNA PIECE OF HIM!" Pyro screamed as he ran around the hallway, looking for Magneto. "COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE MAGGY!"

"A three headed **dragon?"** Amara was shocked. "You just said a three headed **dragon** right?"

"Yup," Pietro nodded.

"I WANNA BURN HIM! I WANNA BURN HIM!" Pyro kept running around. "I WANNA BURN HIM GOOD!"

"And did you say snake **mummies?"** Roberto asked.

"Uh huh," Pietro nodded again. "That's what I said all right."

"BURN! FLAMES! I WANNA SEE HIM COVERED IN **FLAMES!"** Pyro screamed as he kept running around. "MAKE HIM CRISPY CRITTERS!"

"Okay the dragon I get but **snake mummies?"** Roberto asked. "That is just plain weird."

"It came as a shock to us too," Althea agreed.

"DIE MAGGIE! DIE! DIE!" Pyro ran around wildly. "TIME TO PUT A MAGNETO ON THE BARBIE!"

"Somebody's nice and hyper today," Bobby groaned as he and Jubilee came up to them.

"When he found out about Magneto being here he kind of got a little excited," Fred explained. "Can't say I blame him."

"DEAD! I WANNA SEE HIM DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! DEADY DEAD DEAD!" Pyro screamed as he ran around, flicking his flames. "DID I MENTION THAT I WANTED TO SEE HIM DEAD?"

"TAKE A NUMBER AND WAIT IN LINE BEHIND THE **REST **OF US!" Wanda shouted at him. "AND STOP FLICKING YOUR BIC IN THE MANSION!"

"Yeah Pyro, no fires or you won't get to burn Magneto," Althea said.

"I'll be good," Pyro stopped with the fire. "I'll be good. THEN MAGNETO WILL BE AS GOOD AS DEAD! DEAD I TELL YOU! DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!"

"Wait, if you were in Selene's palace…" Amara said. "Then that means…?"

"We fought Selene," Pietro nodded.

"YOU?" Lance snapped. "**Toad** and **I** fought Selene! You were still running from the dragon!"

"Dragon?" Jubilee blinked.

"Yeah and he was a lot bigger than Lockheed," Shane told her. "And it had three heads!"

"A three headed dragon?" Jubilee asked.

"Yes we've been over that part," Althea told her.

"Wait you two fought Selene and survived?" Amara was shocked.

"Well Lance mostly," Todd scratched his head. "I helped!"

"You fought Selene and won?" Amara gasped. "That's impossible!"

"It's not **that **impossible!" Lance said. "I beat that witch but barely."

"I thought you liked Selene?" Jubilee mocked.

"DON'T EVER SAY **THAT** AGAIN!" Lance shouted. "I HATE THAT WITCH!"

"BURN THE WITCH! BURN HER I SAY!" Pyro shouted. "AND BURN MAGNETO TOO!"

"Yeah burn the **both** of them!" Lance snapped.

"BURN! BURN! BURN!" Pyro yelled.

"For once you have the **right** idea!" Lance agreed. "I'm with you, pal! Burn **both** Magneto and Selene! You light the fire, I'll get the wood!"

"Burn them both to the ground!" Pyro shouted. "BURN! BURN! BURN! BURN! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA HAAAAA!"

"What's with the change in attitude dude?" Roberto asked.

"You really don't want to know," Todd told him. "**Trust** me on this." He looked at the wall. "Whoa! Is that a smashed centipede? It looks like it's the size of a cat!"

"Yeah there's a whole bunch of creepy bug parts that are now in Beast's lab," Kitty shuddered. "This ultra creepy Nemesis Enforcer guy used them like weapons!"

"Not surprising," Althea looked at the mess. "From what I've heard these Cobra La creeps are big into organics. Everything they use is alive including their clothes."

"You mean they **wear bugs?"** Amara's jaw dropped.

"They do that is true," Althea nodded. "Great now Roadblock's got **me** rhyming."

"EWWWWWWWW!" Kitty, Amara and Jubilee let out a collective shudder.

"Gotta admit, that would be an interesting shopping experience," Tabitha blinked.

Todd took his finger and dipped it in the goo on the wall. He looked at the dripping mess before putting it in his mouth. "Hmmm…Tasty," He licked his lips.

"EWWWWWWWWW!" Kitty, Amara, Jubilee and Tabitha screamed that time.

"Toad!" Tabitha yelled.

"What?" Todd asked. "It's tastes good!"

"I think I am going to be sick," Kitty felt her stomach turning.

"Hey Toad there's some more stuff on this wall here," Lance couldn't resist. "You should try some more."

"URR!" Kitty held her hand over her mouth and phased her way to the nearest bathroom.

"WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE?" They heard Rogue's voice shouting. Kitty phased right back out.

"ROGUE!" Kurt shouted. He teleported inside. "You're awake! You're all right! You're…sitting on the toilet…Oops!"

"CAN'T A GIRL GET AT LEAST **THREE MINUTES** ALONE IN THE JOHN WITHOUT PEOPLE POPPING IN!" Rogue was heard screaming.

Kurt teleported out. "Yah, she's fine," He shuddered.

"Well I'm not…" Kitty was still a little green.

"Neither am I," Kurt moaned. "That's an image I could have gone without seeing for the rest of my life!"

"I'm pretty sure Rogue feels the same way," Lance smirked.

There was a flush and Rogue stomped out still wearing her torn uniform but her wings and sabers were gone. "Rogue when did you get up?" Pietro said cheerfully.

"Stuff it Quicksilver!" Rogue snapped. "Kitty if you really need…" Kitty phased through. "Okay I guess you do."

"Are you okay?" Scott asked. "You were out for a long time."

"Besides a splitting headache and being embarrassed I'm fine," Rogue shuddered. "That Nemesis Enforcer has a lot of weird psychic backwash in him. It kind of overwhelmed me but I'm okay now. WHICH IS MORE THAN WHAT I CAN SAY FOR MY PEEPING TOM BROTHER!"

"Rogue…Rogue…" Kurt held up his hands. "I love you sister…"

"Prepare to die!" Rogue started to chase him around. "IF **THIS** DOESN'T TEACH YOU TO WATCH WHERE YOU'RE PORTING I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL!"

"Well she's back to normal," Todd said cheerfully.

"OW! ROGUE! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! NOT THE TAIL! NOT THE TAIL!" Kurt screamed. OW! OW! OW! PLEASE STOP WITH THE HURTING! OW!"

"You know I was going to suggest to Rogue that she go back to the infirmary," Scott gulped. "But I think I'll let it pass."

"OW! ROGUE NO! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Nightcrawler screamed. "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! BOY AM I SORRY! AND MY TAIL IS SORRY TOO! AAAAHH! OWWWWWW!"

"Yeah I think Nightcrawler needs it a **lot **more than she does," Lance chuckled.

"And Magneto will need a hospital too! The Burn Ward!" Pyro screamed.

"Quite the one track mind Pyro has, doesn't he?" Shane quipped.

"His train pulled out of the station **years** ago," Wanda groaned.

Meanwhile Shipwreck was wandering the halls looking for Ororo. He found her talking to Jean. "Jean I really think you should rest now," Ororo told the younger girl.

"Ororo I'm fine," Jean told her. "Nemesis Enforcer just got lucky that's all. He surprised me and I was too shocked to react."

"Your powers shouldn't have failed you like that Jean," Ororo said. "It's not like you. I'm just concerned."

"What do you mean her powers failed her?" Shipwreck asked.

"Oh hey Shipwreck," Jean said. "It's nothing. For a second I just couldn't use my powers while Nemesis Enforcer attacked."

"Jean you should be able to call on your powers at a moment's notice," Ororo said.

"I can! Usually," Jean grumbled.

"Maybe you're just a little stressed?" Shipwreck said.

"A **little** stressed?" Jean gave him a look. "I'm extremely stressed! I've got a dozen papers to work on, my duties as an X-Man…And being the only known mutant on campus is not easy."

"Hmmm…" Shipwreck thought. "You have been working hard lately."

"Exactly," Jean floated a few books around. "See I've got it under control."

"Now but what about later?" Ororo asked.

"I can handle it," Jean said.

"But what if you can't?" Ororo asked.

"Well I have a suggestion. You're not gonna like what I have to say," Shipwreck mused.

"When does **anybody** like what you have to say?" Ororo scoffed.

"Seriously though," Shipwreck sobered up. "Look Jean you're already stressed out enough with the X-Men and this whole Phoenix thing. And let's not forget Madelyne. She needs you. And all this pressure you're putting on yourself with your studies is not helping matters."

"So what exactly are you saying Shipwreck?" Jean asked, folding her arms.

"I'm saying maybe you shouldn't go back to Empire State University for a while," Shipwreck said. "Not until you have your powers under more control."

"You have got to be kidding," Jean gave him a look. "After everything I've been through you just want me to **quit?"**

"Not quit. Just take a year off," Shipwreck suggested. "Focus on your powers and Madelyne. Do some training. You said yourself you were ahead in your studies. What harm would taking a little break do? In fact it might be the best thing you can do for yourself."

"You're right Shipwreck, I **don't** like what you have to say," Jean snapped. "So just butt out!" She gave him a telekinetic shove out of the room and slammed the door in his face.

Ororo gave her a disapproving look. "What? Like you haven't used your powers on him when he's being annoying?" Jean snapped. "He was completely out of line to suggest that."

"He's also right about you leaving school," Ororo told her.

"What?" Jean was shocked. "You can't be serious? You actually **agree** with him?"

"On this subject, yes," Ororo folded her arms. "Jean you know we're only saying this because we're worried about you. You're trying to concentrate on too many things at the same time. And it's taking it's toll on you."

"I can handle it, Storm," Jean told her.

"I've heard **that **before," Ororo reminded her. "Remember when you went to try out for the track team?"

"Why do people always keep reminding me about **that** episode?" Jean shouted.

"Because apparently you **haven't **learned your lesson from that day!" Ororo shouted back.

"I'm not some weak high school student who has trouble with her powers!" Jean snapped. "I am in control!"

"Really?" Ororo peeked out of the corner of her eye. "Does **this **look like control to you?"

Jean looked around. Books, lamps, vases, paperweights…everything and anything that wasn't bolted down were floating all over the room. "So I'm a bit stressed and slipped," Jean concentrated and allowed everything to go back into it's proper place without a scratch. "You can't tell me **you **haven't allowed your powers to slip whenever you get annoyed."

"I try to keep my emotions under control," Ororo said evenly.

"Yes and you were controlling them so **well **back at the Mutant Peace Conference with X-Factor!" Jean retorted.

"I am not the one who turned into a full fire phoenix that day and went out of control throwing Willow around like a rag doll!" Ororo pointed out.

"I may have gone Phoenix and tossed that slut Willow around a bit but I didn't hurt her," Jean retorted. "Much…At least I didn't zap her with lightning!"

"This is not about me and Shipwreck," Ororo told her.

"Of course it **isn't,**" Jean said. "Because you know I'm right. Face it Storm **you** of all people have no business telling me how to control my emotions! I'm in control! I know my responsibilities! Who do you **think** I am? **Evan?"**

Ororo reeled as if she had been struck in the face. "What…?"

"It's time you let go of all that guilt you've been carrying around," Jean continued. "You did everything and I mean **everything** to get through to him and help him. And what did he do the **second** things got a little tougher for him? He **ran** away! He knew damn well how he looked and what he was changing into didn't matter around here. But he didn't care. He didn't **care** about the **team**, he didn't care about **us** and he didn't even care about **you **enough to stay!"

"That's not true…" Ororo grew angrier.

"It **is** true and you **know** it!" Jean kept going. "Evan has been an irresponsible, reckless, self absorbed jerk since day **one! **Looking back on it now I'm not surprised he turned bad."

"If I were you I would check my attitude…" Ororo growled.

"And if I were **you,** I'd check the **window!"** Jean indicated. A thunderstorm was now raging outside. "It was supposed to be sunny today, remember? Don't you dare lecture me on my powers until you get some control of your **own!"**

Jean stormed out of the room, nearly knocking Shipwreck over who was listening at the door. "Whoa…" Shipwreck blinked as he walked in. "And I thought **I **ticked you off. I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," Ororo shook her head. "For once your big mouth was saying the right thing. It's Jean's **big head** that refuses to listen."

"She didn't mean that," Shipwreck said. "I mean she's tired, she's stressed. She was almost kidnapped last night. That would make anybody jumpy."

"That's not an excuse Shipwreck," Ororo gave him a look.

"Well uh, neither is **that**…" Shipwreck pointed at the thunderstorm out the window. "I hate to say it but she did have a point too."

Ororo took a breath and concentrated. The skies cleared up and it became sunny again. "Sorry. I can't believe I lost control like that."

"Come on Storm, Jean did hit you below the belt, so to speak," Shipwreck told her.

"Still I can't lecture her about her loss of control when I lost **mine**," Ororo sighed.

"She didn't mean it, she's just stressed," Shipwreck said. "You should hear some of the things my kids have done to me when they lost their temper!"

"I can believe it," Ororo smirked. "And were they justified?"

"That's not the point," Shipwreck said.

"Uh huh," Ororo nodded.

"Uh… Storm," Sam poked his head in the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Sam," Ororo took a deep breath.

"Well that's good," Sam sighed. "Cause uh…Well…"

"I wasn't the one who got her mad this time!" Shipwreck groaned.

"I kind of figured that cause you're still standing," Sam said. "But you see the New Mutants were having a talk with the Professor about Magneto's attack at the time. Sort of last minute, and we were in his study. And then the phone rang and…Well let's just say you ain't the only one a bit riled up."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Xavier! I warn you time and time again!" Mayor Chandler fumed on the phone as he stood in his office wearing his best suit, which was soaking wet. "I warn you that you are stretching my patience to the limit! That you and all those freaks at your Institute are on **thin ice!** Which by the way I have told you before in those **exact words!** When a **normal** person hears that he's on thin ice, do you know what he does? HE GETS OFF THE ICE!"

"But do **you** get **off **the ice? No! You **don't!** You jump up and down on the ice like some deranged lunatic! Then you take an **ice pick** and chip **holes** in the ice to make it **thinner!** Then you jump up and down some more! And if that weren't enough then you go and drive a **ten ton semi** over the thin ice!" The mayor screamed into the phone.

Mayor Chandler paused. "Yes I am bit **miffed** about something! What did you use your powerful telepathy to figure it out?"

"I am **angry** about the impromptu thunderstorm one of your instructors created! You know the one that can change the weather whenever she likes? It was supposed to be **sunny **today! Understand? **Sunny!** Indicating that there is supposed to be **sunshine!** As in **no** clouds! **No** rain! And definitely no **lightning!** I checked with every weather reporter I could find in the state! And do you know **why** I did that? I did it because today was a very important day!"

"Well I'm glad you **asked** me what today is," Mayor Chandler continued. "Today was the one hundred and fiftieth anniversary of the Bayville Garden Society. Now I know that doesn't sound like much to **you.** But you see this is an event that has been eagerly awaited by not only the wealthiest, most prominent families in town, it was also a gathering of some of the most respected horticulturalists in the world. You see years ago before you mutants came along and **ruined our lives**, Bayville was famous all over the world for it's advancements in the scientific study of plant life."

"Oh I **know** you know about it," Mayor Chandler continued. "Your own mother was on the Chairwoman's Committee. Boy she'd be really **proud** of you **today!" **

**"What happened?" **Mayor Chandler yelled. "You want to know what happened? You **really want to know** what happened! I'll tell you what happened! You ruined the entire **ceremony **that's what happened! Oh it was a beautiful affair when it started. Even the Governor and his wife were here. As well as several scientists and investors from other countries. You see I was trying to salvage this city's economy and to pay for all **damage** you mutants caused after the alien invasion! It was a gala affair. And it was going rather well right up to the moment that first thunderclap hit! Just as I was about to give my speech!"

Mayor Chandler stood there and listened for a minute. "OF COURSE I KNOW IT WAS YOU! OR SPECIFICALLY THAT WEATHER WITCH YOU'VE GOT ON YOUR STAFF! AND I THOUGHT THAT NEPHEW OF HERS WAS TROUBLE!"

Mayor Chandler stopped a moment. "I am **perfectly **calm! As calm as a man can be expected to be when the **hopes and dreams** of an entire community have been flushed down the **sewer!** Yes Xavier, the investors and the scientists got scared off. But that's not the worst of it, oh no. You know where the ceremony took place? Yes the Bayville Garden Park. Or should I say now the Bayville Garden **Parking Lot!**"

Chandler continued to rant. "Everyone got soaked to the bone. The winds blew most of the flowers off the plants, half the plants out by the roots. There's mud all over the place…Oh and you remember the John Baystone Memorial Tree? That magnificent two hundred and fifty eight year old giant oak that was supposedly planted as a sapling by John Baystone, the founder of Bayville? You know that big tree that's on the town crest? The subject of several **well known** poems such as 'The Mighty Tree of Bayville'? You know what happened to it? IT WAS HIT BY LIGHTING! **THAT'S** WHAT HAPPENED TO IT! IT WAS ZAPPED BY A BOLT OF LIGHTING! **TWICE!** AND GUESS WHO WAS **STANDING **RIGHT UNDER IT WHEN IT HAPPENED! I'M LUCKY I WASN'T KILLED!"

Mayor Chandler fumed for a minute. "I don't care if you know a mutant that can grow an **entire rainforest!** There's nothing to save! It's nothing but **charcoal** now! That tree survived wars, hurricanes, nor'easters, every kind of disaster imaginable for two hundred and fifty eight years! And in exactly **two minutes and fifty eight seconds** it was reduced to a pile of **ashes!"**

"I just want to ask you something Xavier, it's a very simple question. **Why** did you destroy that tree? What did it ever do to **you**? Oh yeah me I get, fine take your potshots at me! Yeah and wreck every building in town! Fine! Cause all the property damage you want with your alien invasions and your riots! Go right ahead! Turn the school to rubble again! Why **not?** BUT WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DESTROY THE HEART AND SOUL OF BAYVILLE? WHY? I PROPOSED TO MY WIFE UNDER THAT TREE! Okay, **that** turned out to be a mistake but **still…"**

Chandler stood there yet another minute and listened. "Not as sorry as you are **going** to be mister! Well that is it! I have **had** it! You've had it! I have had **having it** and **taking it** and I am not going to take any **more!** You hear that sound? You know what it is? Can you hear it? It's the sound of **ice breaking!** The ice is cracking under your feet and it's about to break wide open and you are about to drop into it's freezing waters and die of **hypothermia!** You hear me Xavier! THIS IS WAR! YOU HEARD ME! OUT AND OUT **WAR!"**

"Oh no Xavier we are past talking! We are **through** talking! Because obviously it **doesn't work!"** Mayor Chandler screamed. "I have asked you, ordered you, begged you to keep that insane asylum you call a school under control! I have tried to reason with you but did you listen? No! You just go on your merry way with all your drills and invasions and **property damage** and you don't **even care! **You don't want to listen to me? Fine! Maybe you will listen to what my **lawyers **have to say!"

"Don't over react? I am **not **overreacting!" Mayor Chandler screamed. "I am standing in my office **soaking wet** and my new Armani suit is covered in mud after barely escaping with my **life **from Hurricane Storm! I think I have the **right** to react any way I damn well please!"

"I don't care what it **takes**, or what I have to do but some how, some way I will get **rid** of you freaks once and for all before **another** disaster befalls this town! You hear that Xavier? It's either **you** or **me!** And it's **not **going to be **me! You got that you bald mind reading freak? You are not going to terrorize Bayville any more! This is the last disaster you will ever…" **

RRRRRRUMMMMMMMMMBLE! RRRRRRUUMMMLE!

"WHAT THE HELL?" Mayor Chandler shouted. He looked out the window of his office. His jaw dropped when he saw a giant centipede break out of the ground. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! XAVIER WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU MUTANTS DONE **NOW?**"

"Mayor Chandler?" Xavier asked on the other end of the phone. "What's…Oh no."

Outside the window huge insects were emerging from out of the ground and out of the clouds. On television dozens of the huge monsters appeared. "This just in! Downtown Bayville has just been attacked by dozens of mutated alien insects!" Trish Tilby reported.

A giant mosquito like creature started to chase her. "AHHHHH!"

"Holy…" Scott gasped. "What are those things? I've never seen anything like it!"

"I have," Roadblock's face darkened. "I knew it!"

"Looks like Cobra La has just invaded Bayville," Shipwreck groaned.

"First the dragon, then the aliens, and now **this!"** Kurt threw his hands up in the air. "Bayville is not having a very good year is it?"

"Bayville is not having a good **decade**," Logan told him.

"No, but the **lawyers** of Bayville are having the time of their lives," Xavier groaned.

**Next: Cobra La invades! Things are destroyed! Chaos reigns! The mayor has a hissy fit! And the X-Men and Misfits find their backs against the wall again in a dangerous and desperate battle for their very lives! In other words, another typical day for them! See you next time! **


	32. Cobra La Has Landed

**Cobra La Has Landed**

"Never a dull moment around here is there?" Tim shouted as thousands of giant insects invaded the entire city of Bayville. The X-Men and Misfits ran out on the lawn to see several of them already at the mansion.

"No, but I wish there **was** one," Dead Girl groaned. "Just **one!** Would it kill the universe if things **did **get a little dull around here?"

"Knowing our luck it probably would," Scott told her.

"Not again!" Jesse moaned. "Not more bugs! **Why** did it have to be **bugs?" **

"Great just what we needed," Kitty grumbled. "More creepy enemies."

"What the **hell **are those things?" Roberto pointed to several giant insects that resembled mosquitoes in the air.

"Target practice," Shooter snarled as he readied his hands.

"You called it," Roberto powered up and followed suit. "Let's lock and load!"

"Ready, aim..." Tim readied his powers. "FIRE!"

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

"Direct hit!" Shane whooped as several of them fell from the sky.

"Yeah but there's a bazillion more left!" Kitty shouted.

"Take 'em down!" Scott blasted at several with his eye beams.

"There are reports of these monsters all over the city," Arcade shouted as the mutants started to fight.

"Yeah but I'll bet **this** is their main target," Lance growled as he sent a tremor towards a huge centipede.

"You mean **who's** their main target," Jean narrowed her eyes. She lifted herself into the air. A Phoenix manifestation formed around her. With a scream she used her powers to knock back and set on fire dozens of attacking insects.

"Whoa," Tabitha blinked. "Jean's really getting the hang of that Phoenix Force isn't she?"

"You should have seen her in the Nexus," Kurt told her.

More insects appeared. "You want me? Come and **get **me!" Jean began to fly away from the Institute.

"Jean wait!" Scott shouted but it was too late. She flew off. "What does she think she's doing?"

"Trying to lead them away from us," Althea grumbled as she whacked a few small insects with a short katana blade. "Nice plan. But something tells me she's not the **only **target. How much you wanna bet they also want your guest in Cell Block D?"

"She's right," Tabitha pointed. Several insects flew after Jean but many ground based ones remained. "Take that bug brains!" She blew up a huge worm.

"There are a lot less of these bugs but they're still coming," Logan grunted as he sliced several beetles the size of cats open.

"And they're also all over Bayville!" Forge shouted. His arm had changed to a large cannon and he was blasting insects as well. "What are we going to do?"

"Quicksilver! Give everyone one of these!" Roadblock took out a bag.

"Okay," Pietro grabbed the bag and handed every person on the field a small personal headset zipping around like a demented hummingbird. "Here's one for you! And you! And you! And you! And you! And you! You, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, and there's one for the fuzz ball! One for my darling sister! Toad don't **eat **yours! And that goes for you too Blob!"

"**One time** that happened!" Fred snapped. "And that was because Trinity hid that in my sandwich!"

"We wanted to see the insides of his stomach," Quinn said putting her headset on. "Put a camera in there too."

"It was fascinating," Brittany nodded. "Right up until his stomach acid destroyed it."

"Yeah his stomach is a lot more potent than you think," Daria nodded.

Pietro was still handing the headsets out. "And one for you. And one for you! And you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you and…" He stopped. "Multiple!"

"What?" Jamie and all his clones had headsets.

"We're all connected," Scott put his on. "Now what?"

"Okay X-Men and Misfits I want you to go into the city and stop the invasion," General Hawk ordered. "And find the Phoenix before she gets herself into trouble!"

"A bit late for that," Rogue grumbled.

General Hawk continued. "The New Mutants and some of the Joes will stay here and guard the Mansion! Spyder! Trinity! Assist the New Mutants any way you can!"

"Can we use explosives?" Quinn held up her hand.

"Yeah fine! Why **not?"** Hawk groaned. "Arcade, I want you Cypher and Forge to get back inside the X-Mansion's war room with Xavier! First call in the rest of the GI Joe team! Then I want you to use your computer expertise to help us out and guide us via our communicators. Move out!"

"Since when does he give us orders?" Roberto snorted putting his hands on his hips.

"Dude, just shut up and fight!" Tim shouted as he blasted apart a huge moth like creature.

"But what do I do?" Jesse shouted. "My power only affects electrical stuff!"

"Oh yeah I forgot about you," Brittany blinked. "Wait a second!" She teleported away for a moment then came back with a strange looking weapon. "You can use my flame thrower! I made it myself!"

"Thanks, I think…" Jesse blinked as he took it.

"Just don't hit the volcano setting and you'll be fine," Brittany grinned.

"This is so weird," Jubilee fought and knocked back a large insect. "Of all the things we practice in the Danger Room, giant bugs invading us is definitely something we've never done before!"

"Are you sure?" Tabitha asked as she blew a bug up. "Didn't we do that last week?"

"That was dinosaurs Tabby," Amara said as she set another bug on fire. "Or was it demons?"

"Anyway if we ever did fight giant bugs in the Danger Room I think we would remember it!" Jubilee rolled her eyes.

"We're certainly going to remember **this!"** Shane grumbled as he blasted another bug.

"Technically the Misfits blew up a big bug just the other day," Fred called out as he wrestled a giant purple spider. He picked it up and threw it into a tree. "Oh wait, spiders aren't really bugs are they?"

"Who **cares?"** Logan snapped. "Just shut up and fight!"

"There's something I don't get," Pyro scratched his head. "We're being invaded by an ancient race of snake people right?"

"Yeah," Althea said as she fought a huge walking stick insect and chopped it to pieces with a small sword.

"Well then why are they attacking us with **insects?**" Pyro asked. "That doesn't make sense. I mean if anything they should be attacking us with giant **snakes**. Not giant bugs."

"I think snakes eat insects," Todd said.

"I thought snakes ate mammals and other amphibians," Pyro said.

"Snakes are not amphibians, they're **reptiles**," Lance corrected.

"Still I don't think snakes eat insects," Pyro shrugged.

"I think some snakes do," Todd said.

"Are you sure about that?" Lance looked at him.

"I'm pretty sure," Todd said. "We could look it up on the Internet."

"COULD YOU DO IT ON YOUR OWN TIME?" Scott shouted as he was tackled by a large sized beetle from behind and tried to fight it off. He wasn't able to reach his visor with his hands holding onto the insect. "IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED WE'RE KIND OF BUSY HERE?"

"Geeze what bug crawled up **your** shorts?" Todd snorted. "Oh right…"

"Yeah so could somebody give me a **hand** here?" Scott snapped.

"Here!" Tim shot out a blast that knocked the bug off him. "Happy?"

"Yes!" Scott grumbled. "Very happy that I haven't been eaten yet. Can we please go make sure that Jean and the rest of the **city **haven't either?"

"Let's go! Yo Joe!" Roadblock shouted.

"X-Men move out!" Scott shouted.

"Misfits, try not to blow too many buildings up," Althea groaned as they left.

"Great they left us alone with the kiddie squad," Ray grumbled as they took off to help the town.

"RRRARRRR!" Penny gleefully tore apart every insect she came across.

"DIE YOU STINKING BUGS, DIE!" Madelyne used her telekinesis to smash several more bugs together.

Spyder made an electric web that caught a few centipedes. They screamed in agony. "This is a piece of cake!" She laughed.

"Time to blow up the bugs!" Trinity laughed as they flew around destroying every airborne insect in sight and quite a few on the ground with their psychic lightning. "BANG! BOOM! TRINITY KILLS BUGS DEAD!"

"Ride 'em cowboy!" Jamie whooped as he and his clones rode several large beetles.

"Not bad for the Kiddie Squad huh, Berserker?" Tabitha said proudly. "Berserker?"

"AAAAAHHHHH! PUT ME DOWN! PUT ME DOWN!" Ray shouted as a huge red ant like creature picked him up with his powerful jaws. It seemed immune to Ray's electric shocks. "WHERE'S A CAN OF RAID WHEN YOU NEED ONE?"

"RARRRRRR!" Lockheed dive bombed the ant's head breathing fire. The creature's antennas caught fire and it let Ray go. It scampered away in pain.

"Weird," Amara noticed. "Electricity didn't bother it but fire **did?"**

"I will never step on another ant as long as I live," Ray moaned.

Meanwhile the Battle in Bayville with the Big Bugs breaking buildings (try saying **that **five times fast!) was fierce. The X-Men and Misfits tore into the insects as best they could. "It's not that hard to blow 'em up," Shooter grumbled. "It's the fact that there are **so many** to blow up that's the problem!"

"They're all over Bayville," Angelica flew everywhere. "They're everywhere!"

"There is one good thing about this," Shipwreck grumbled as he shot down a moth. He was one of the few Joes that had accompanied the mutant teams into the city. "At least only the insects are invading the city and not the Cobra La soldiers!"

"**Only **the giant Bugs invading a town is a **good thing?"** Bobby asked as he iced up several centipedes.

"You never fought a Cobra La soldier," Shipwreck explained. "They're twice as strong and twice as tough. Even us Joes had trouble fighting 'em!"

"That's because they're genetically engineered and made up of different types of insects as well as genetic material of Cobra La citizens," Rogue told them as she bashed a worm's head in. "In fact when the physically strongest citizens die, some of their organs and DNA are transplanted into new strains of soldiers. It's considered a huge honor."

"I did not know that," Shipwreck blinked. "Now I know."

"And knowing is…" Rogue began. "Now they've got **me** doing it!"

The insects were causing havoc all over the city of Bayville. People were fleeing the streets and their homes in terror. "AHHH! MUTANT BUGS!" Duncan Matthews fled from a giant beetle. "MUTANT BUGS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD! HELP!"

"If only Senator Kelly was in town," Lance chuckled. Then he turned around. "Oh look he is."

"I HATE MUTANTS!" Kelly was fleeing for his life from some giant ants. "I HATE ANTS AND I HATE THIS TOWN!"

"What's he doing here?" Kurt asked.

"Looks like he's about to be the main course at a picnic," Scott blasted one of the ants.

"I will get him," Kurt teleported. He grabbed Kelly out of the way. "Here you go Herr Kelly. Safe and sound." He teleported him to another location.

"AAAAHHHH!" Kelly pointed as a huge shadow loomed over them. It was a giant worm coming down on them fast.

"Oh boy..." Kurt gulped. He could not teleport in time and the monster clamped it's jaws over them. Kurt was able to teleport from inside the monster outside. "Uhgggh...Gross..." He winced as he and Kelly were covered in insect goop.

"YOU CALL THIS SAFE YOU FREAK?" Kelly pushed him aside and fled for his life. "I AM NEVER COMING BACK TO THIS TOWN AGAIN!"

"Oh then that really makes my day," Lance chuckled. "You okay Nightcrawler?"

"DO I **LOOK** OKAY TO YOU?" Kurt snapped. "I was nearly food for a giant worm!"

"A Nightcrawler nearly eaten by a nightcrawler," Xi quipped. "What are the odds?"

"Maybe I should leave town too?" Kurt groaned.

Over a laundromat that doubled as a dry cleaners there was a banner that read GRAND OPENING! There was also a flock of fire breathing giant moths landing on it. "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" The owner screamed as they descended.

"And to think I moved from Louisiana to get **away** from natural disasters!" Another business owner shouted. "The floods were safer!"

"THAT'S IT!" A third business owner shouted. "I'M MOVING TO NEW JERSEY!"

"Burn buggy! Burn!" Pyro cackled as he used his powers to create a flaming flying dragon. The dragon then incinerated several flying insects. "YEAH! YEAH! WHOO HOO! I **LOVE **MY JOB! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT!"

"I have a feeling the sanitation department is gonna **hate **their job before this week is over," Rogue grumbled as she bashed another insect, green goo and guts flying everywhere onto the street.

"If they haven't already from the **last **alien invasion," Wanda agreed as she hexed two giant moths into crashing into each other and then bursting into flames.

"Technically this is **not** an alien invasion," Hank corrected as he swung from a lamppost and kicked back a mutated walking stick insect. "Since this is merely a lesser known life form that already shares this planet with us."

"An invasion is still an invasion no matter **where **it comes from!" Wanda told him as she hexed another moth.

"But it's not a true alien invasion," Hank said. "They are a life form indigenous to Earth. Not a well known life form but still…"

"Hank they ain't like us so they're alien **enough!"** Rogue snapped. "Trust me on this! I got a crash course in Cobra La after touching Nemesis Enforcer! You know even their clothes are alive? Even their buildings! And you **don't **want to know what they use for a toilet!"

"It's something that's totally going to gross me out isn't it?" Kitty moaned. "I don't wanna hear it!"

"WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP ARGUING AND KEEP FIGHTING!" Scott shouted. "WHY CAN'T YOU ACT LIKE PYRO?"

He stopped for a full three seconds. "I can't believe I actually **said **that!" He hit his head with his hand.

"Neither can I," Rogue blinked.

"I'm losing it," Scott grumbled as he returned to blasting bugs with his optic blasts. "I'm **definitely** losing it!"

"Some of us think you've **lost it** years ago!" Lance snickered as he used a tremor to cause some insects to fall on their backs.

"GO PLAY WITH YOUR STUPID IMAGINARY COYOTE!" Scott shouted.

"CYCLOPS STOP FIGHTING AVALANCHE AND KEEP FIGHTING THE INSECTS!" Rogue shouted. "WHY CAN'T **YOU **BE MORE LIKE **PYRO?"**

Then she stopped for three seconds. "Now **I'm **saying it! Insanity is contagious!"

"And **there's** the carrier," Wanda pointed at Pyro.

_"Burn buggy burn!"_ Pyro sang as he set more insects on fire. _"Disco inferno! Burn buggy burn! Disco inferno! Burn buggy burn! Burn! Burn! Burn!" _

"Glad to see **somebody's** happy," Logan grunted as he sliced apart a large stick insect.

"He's not the only one," Kurt pointed.

"ALLEZ CUSINE!" Todd yelled before he bit the neck of a huge ant like creature the size of a large sofa. The creature squealed and squirmed like a gazelle caught in the jaws of a powerful lion before it went down. Todd gleefully chowed down on the carcass.

"Toad save room for dessert!" Logan shouted. "You don't want to fill up too fast!"

"Right!" Todd shot up. He had a huge grin covered with green goop. "I can save the rest for leftovers!" He charged after another insect. "WHOO HOO! I LOVE MY JOB!"

"I think I am going to be sick **again,"** Kitty groaned. "Who misses fighting Sentinels? Anybody?"

"They do tend to be a bit less sticky than our present combatants," Hank agreed as he looked at the goop on his fur. "Yuck. This is going to take quite a few showers and several bottles of shampoo to get out."

"You think **you** have problems? Look at me!" Kurt snapped at him. "I have goop in places I don't even want to think about!"

"You know how the folks of Cobra La get clean?" Rogue asked. "They use spider spit. Specially engineered spider spit that's ten times more antiseptic than water."

"EWW!" Kitty screamed. "Way too much information here!"

"Why would you even **tell **us something like **this?**" Pietro squirmed.

"I can't help it! I've got all this knowledge about a society of snake people running around my head!" Rogue snapped. "Do you have any idea how weird it is to have the knowledge and memories of about… a hundred different Cobra La creeps…male, female and **other **all in your head at the **same time?** It's no picnic!"

"A hundred?" Hank's jaw dropped.

"Male, female and **other?**" Bobby gasped.

"Nemesis Enforcer was made of the parts and genetics of **all** those people?" Shipwreck asked.

"And a few pets," Rogue muttered. "**Don't **ask!"

"Geeze Rogue even for a mutant your life is way too weird," Shane said.

"Tell me something I **don't **know!" Rogue snapped. "Come on let's get back to beating these bugs!"

In one apartment building an elderly man looked out the window to get some fresh air. His eyes widened as he saw the battle with the giant bugs going on.

"Doris!" The man shut the window. "Call the exterminator! And a real estate agent! We're moving to Florida!"

"I thought you said we shouldn't move there because there were too many bugs?" His wife called out from another room.

A giant mosquito smacked right into the window. "I've changed my mind!" The man snapped.

Meanwhile in a building across town…

"Lobo Real Estate, please hold," A harried female secretary that just happened to be secretly a werewolf spoke on several phones. "Lobo Real Estate, please hold. Lobo Real Estate, please hold. We'll get an agent for you sir as soon as we can. Yes they're all with other clients but as soon as we have an opening. Thank you for your patience sir. Lobo Real Estate please hold…Lobo Real Estate…Yes we can find homes in Florida for you sir."

"This is unbelievable," Maximus Lobo spoke to his subordinate Maxwell. The two werewolves looked at all their agents running around frantically trying to swiftly respond to the incoming calls. "What the hell have the X-Men done **this **time?"

"What makes you so sure it's them?" Maxwell asked.

"**Who else** is capable of causing an entire city to panic?" Lobo gave him a look. "They've done **something,** I'll bet my fangs on it."

"Lobo Real Estate please hold...Yes sir, I'm getting to you as fast as I can. Thank you for your patience," The Secretary answered the phones. "Lobo Real Estate...Sir...Sir please stop screaming. Yes, we are prepared to pay top dollar for your home as is without...Sir I told you to **stop screaming**. Someone will be with you shortly."

"**Whatever** it is it's good for us," Maxwell told him. "People are willing to sell their homes right and left. In the past half hour we've already bought three over the phone."

"Lobo Real Estate please hold," The Secretary kept working. "Yes, we do own Bayville Heights Realtors now. The previous owners had…a camping accident. But we are more than willing to buy your house for you. Just please hold on until an agent is available. Thank you. Lobo Real Estate please hold. Lobo Real Estate...please stop screaming and hold...Lobo Real Estate…please hold. I promise **someone** will get to you **soon!"**

"Something tells me we'll hit our monthly quota by the end of the day," Lobo grinned.

"We already hit our quota for **the year** during the **last** alien invasion," Maxwell snorted.

"At this rate more than half the city will be ours by the end of the year," Lobo chuckled.

"Lobo Real Estate please hold…Yes, I am able to transfer you now to Agent Fuzzfur…I mean Agent Fuzz," The secretary struggled to keep control. "Lobo Real Estate…Yes please hold on a second please…Yes I know I said that **twenty minutes** ago please hold, Lobo Real Estate…I NEED SOME HELP ON THE PHONES HERE!"

"Maxwell give Laura a paw will you?" Lobo asked. "I need to call Magneto and tell him that Operation Manifest Destiny is ahead of schedule and he can start sending the first wave of…" He stiffened. "What's that noise?"

"If I didn't know better I'd say it sounded like…" Maxwell blinked. "Fleas?"

Suddenly giant fleas the size of Doberman Pinchers broke through the windows. "AAAHHHHH!" Lobo yelled as they infested the building. "THEY ARE FLEAS!"

"NO! NOT FLEAS! **ANYTHING **BUT FLEAS!" Maxwell screamed.

"NOT AGAIN!" Aiden screamed as several of them chased him down a hallway. "IT'S MY WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE!"

"IT'S **ANY **CANINE'S WORST NIGHTMARE COME TRUE!" Lobo shouted. "Well that and cats taking over the planet."

"THAT'S IT! I'M GOING ON VACATION!" Laura the secretary dropped the phones, turned into a wolf and fled down the hall.

"YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!" Another wolf screamed as one giant flea attached itself to it's back. "YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!"

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Another werewolf that was still in human form screamed as he was also tackled by a giant flea. "GET IT OFF!"

"IT'S SUCKING MY BLOOD! IT'S SUCKING MY BLOOD!" Another one shouted. "AND BOY DOES IT ITCH!"

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" A female werewolf screamed. Pandemonium raged as wolves, half wolves and werewolves still in human form ran like maniacs while being chased by fleas.

"RUN! RUN! FLEE FROM THE FLEAS! MOMMY! AWOOOOO!" Several wolves screamed and panicked. "RUN! HIDE! GET THE BUG SPRAY! GET **A LOT** OF BUG SPRAY!"

"THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO PANIC!" Lobo tried to rally the pack as he hit one giant flea with a large chair.

"OH YES IT IS!" Another werewolf fled past him being chased by several more fleas.

"Stand your ground!" Lobo shouted as he tried to fend off the giant flea. "ARE YOU WOLVES OR ARE YOU SHEEP?"

"BAAAAHHHHHHH!" The same werewolf ran by him screaming, still being chased by the same giant fleas. "BAHHHHH! BAHHHH!"

"Oh **shut up** Fang!" Lobo snarled. He whacked the giant flea again. "BACK! BACK YOU BLOODSUCKER!"

"Hey!" Another wolf shouted. "Just because I'm a lawyer doesn't mean I don't have feelings!"

"I WASN'T TALKING TO **YOU** KIBA!" Lobo screamed. "I'M SURROUNDED BY MORONS!"

"AND FLEAS! DON'T FORGET THE FLEAS!" Fang screamed like a little girl as he ran from them.

"FANG GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!" Lobo yelled.

"I'M TRYING NOT TO LET THEM GET A HOLD OF **ME!"** Fang whimpered.

"By the moon…" Lobo snarled to himself. "Now I **know** the X-Men had something to do with this!"

Kiba popped up. "And knowing is…"

"SHUT UP YOU IDIOT AND HELP ME FIGHT!" Lobo roared. "Where the hell is the flea powder when you **need** it?"

"Hello?" A voice carried over one of the abandoned telephones at the front desk. "Hello? Am I still on hold? Doris I think they hung up on me!"

"RUN! RUN! GET THEM OFF ME! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!" The werewolves were still panicking. "GET THEM OFF! HELP! SOMEBODY HELP! AND I JUST HAD A FLEA BATH LAST WEEK! I'M NOT GETTING PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS! **NONE **OF US ARE GETTING PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS! YIPE! YIPE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! HELP ME!" Aiden screamed as a giant flea was on top of him. "IT'S SUCKING MY BLOOD! FOR THE LOVE OF THE MOON SOMEONE **HELP ME**!"

"WHO'S GOING TO HELP **ME?"** Fang screamed as he ran from the giant fleas. "SERIOUSLY, SOMEONE HELP ME!"

"I am **not** looking forward to filling out the medical forms for this I'm telling you that much," Another werewolf grumbled as he hid under a desk.

"THIS WAS **NOT** IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION!" Laura was heard screaming. "OW MY TAIL!"

"Maybe taking over Bayville isn't exactly the **smartest** plan we've ever come up with," Lobo grumbled as more giant fleas broke into the building.

And the battle in Bayville continued onward. Kurt saw giant termites destroy a pest control office building. "Talk about irony."

"FIGHT MEN FIGHT!" An exterminator shouted as he squirted bug spray on a giant ant. Three other exterminators fought back as well against three other ants.

Logan and Rina sliced up the remaining ants. "You get out of here to safety!" Logan ordered.

"Hell no! We are professional bug exterminators!" One man told them raising his hand. "We took a sacred oath…"

"Sacred oath? Are you kidding George?" Another man asked. "Have you been sniffing the bug spray again?"

"We will fight them on the beaches! We will fight them on the picnic tables!" George shouted.

"Oh yeah he's been into the spray all right," A third man nodded.

"I always knew it would come down to this!" George yelled as he shot bug spray at a giant termite. "AL GORE WAS RIGHT!"

"Oh what the hell we're getting paid overtime for this anyway," The second man shrugged. The exterminators went back to attacking the bugs.

"Okay…" Scott blinked. "That was weirder than usual. At least there aren't that many bugs left in this neighborhood."

"By the scorch marks I'd say Jean went this way too," Althea noticed the marks on the ground.

"What makes you say it was her?" Bobby asked.

She looked at a large burned image of a phoenix on a nearby lawn. "Just a hunch."

Ororo created huge winds that blew several airborne insects hard and away. Several of them crashed into each other. "Let the deepest cold freeze these monsters!" Ororo shouted as she created a huge blinding snowstorm and freezing winds.

"Now why didn't we think of that in the first place?" Bobby asked as he used his powers to freeze the entire street. Soon everything was covered in ice.

For about five seconds. Several giant beetles the size of busses broke out. "No freaking way!" Lance shouted.

"That should have worked right?" Bobby asked. "I mean cold freezes bugs! That **should **have worked!"

"It worked on some of them," Kurt said. "But not the beetles."

"That's because those war beetles were specially bred to fight in cold environments," Rogue told him. "Cobra La's holed up in the Himalayas."

"More of those memories huh?" Kurt asked.

"Do any of them tell us how to beat them!" Scott shot off another optic blast that was deflected by their shells.

"Yeah flip 'em over!" Rogue told them as she used her super strength to knock one down.

"Sounds like a plan to me," Lance grinned as he created a huge tremor that knocked the insects off of their feet and onto their backs.

"Now it's my turn to heat things up," Angelica used her powers to set the beetles on fire. "It worked!"

"Yeah but we're not done by a long shot," Scott told them.

"Guys we've been triangulating the invasion's positions using satellite feedback and discovered something," Arcade's voice crackled over their communicators. "We found out that the majority of them are coming from one area! We're sending the coordinates now. You won't believe it. It's on 1313 Claremont Street."

"1313 Claremont Street?" Todd blinked. "Why does that sound so familiar?"

"Have we been there before?" Fred asked.

"Yeah dummies, Claremont Street? **Remember?"** Lance gave them a look.

"Wait a minute…" Kurt realized. "Isn't that where…?"

"Yup," Lance nodded.

"You mean the bugs are coming out of…?" Todd's eyes widened.

"It looks that way," Arcade told them.

"I don't believe it," Todd gasped.

"I told you," Arcade said.

"It figures!" Scott groaned as he blasted another bug. "It's **figures!** I should have known!"

"Oh great! Just great!" Rogue rolled her eyes. "Just when I thought we were through with that dump forever!"

"What? Wait a minute!" Rina shouted as she blasted a bug and ran over to them. "What the hell are all of you talking about? **What's **at Claremont Street?"

"You don't know?" Kurt asked.

"X23 didn't go there with us, remember?" Bobby told him.

"Oh that's right," Kurt remembered.

"Go **where?"** Rina asked.

"Bayville High School," Scott told her.

"I don't believe it," Rina blinked. "How…?"

"Who knows how?" Scott groaned. "We gotta find Jean!"

"I think Jean figured it out by herself where the bugs are," Althea remarked.

"How did you know that?" Bobby asked.

Althea pointed to a huge Phoenix fire raptor image in the air. It was right over Bayville High. "Call it another hunch."

Meanwhile back at the Institute the fighting seemed to be mostly over. "We're winning! We're winning!" Roberto whooped as he set another worm on fire.

"Just keep those hits coming kids!" Cover Girl shouted as she and the other Joes finished up destroying the insects in the air.

"Yeah these bugs are toast!" Ray yelled as the last of the insects were zapped and set on fire. "Nothing's gonna get by us!"

RRRRRRUMMMMMBBBBBLLLEEEEE!

"What was that?" Danielle asked.

RRRRUMMMMMMBBBBBBBLLLEEEE!

"The ground's shaking!" Jubilee shouted.

"Please tell me that's Avalanche doing it," Ray cringed.

"This is bad! This is **really **bad!" Daria frowned. "Xavier and the others are calling us! Girls! Teleportation rescue plan 23!"

Trinity and Spyder teleported into the mansion. They came out with Xavier, Forge, Doug, Stevie and Arcade. Two seconds after they came out, three giant Sentinel sized worm like creatures with horns on the side of their heads and one on top crashed out of the roof with a huge roar.

"AAAAHHHH!" Stevie screamed then fainted. Roberto caught her.

"HOLY CRAP!" Jesse shouted as the beings literally destroyed the Institute from the Inside out. "WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS?"

"Apparently friends of Nemesis Enforcer!" Paige pointed at the figure of the Cobra La trooper soaring out of the huge hole of what was left of the roof.

"Those dirty sneaks couldn't get past our air defenses so they came at us from underground!" Cover Girl snarled.

The creatures made a huge leap and turned in the air so that they landed face first right into the Institute with a huge thud. The ground shook again as more pieces of the Institute crumbled down. Then all was quiet.

"Oh man what a mess," Sam's jaw dropped.

"Our home…" Danielle gasped. "It's completely destroyed!"

"And I just finished repairs on the south wing," Xavier groaned.

"Well this just plain **sucks,**" Ray grumbled as he looked at the wreckage.

Back at Bayville High things were not going well either. "Of course all these bugs would come out of a hole in the ground on the football field!" Rogue groaned.

"And of course Jean would be in the thick of it," Wanda said. Jean was flying around, blowing up as many bugs as she could handle. She was also dealing with a woman in purple armor and a long black ponytail riding a strange winged purple and red insect that resembled a digimon character.

"Who is that?" Pietro asked. "She's hot!"

"She's Pythona…" Rogue remembered. "I remember now…She's the Queen of Cobra La…Former lover of the first Serpentor…And Cobra Commander's ex wife! Yuck!"

"Ewww…" Kitty shuddered. "There is so much about this day that is making me **sick! **I am going to be in therapy for **years!**"

"**You're** going to be in therapy for years? I'm stuck with therapy for **life!**" Rogue shouted.

"X-Men, Misfits! Take them down!" Shipwreck ordered.

"Wait a minute, I just thought of something…" Kurt stopped for a second. "Is school still in session at Bayville High?"

"AAAHHHH!" The screams of several students and teachers running for their lives could be heard. They turned and saw insects menacing Bayville High.

"Does that answer your question?" Shipwreck groaned.

"It's déjà vu all over again!" Todd groaned. "Looks like this meal is going into the third course!"

"Our first priority is the civilians," Scott said. "Once we get them to safety then we can help Jean."

"Yeah it looks like she's got it under control," Kitty winced as Jean splattered several more bugs.

In fact it looked like Jean had it more than under control. "You really have a lot of nerve whoever you are," Jean snapped as she flew to confront Pythona. "Attacking my home not once but **twice** in as many days!"

"I am Pythona, Ruler of Cobra La and future ruler of this pitiful world," Pythona told her as she flew on her beast. She took out a hand sized purple gem and it shot out a ray at Jean.

"Yeah right!" Jean dodged it. "I've heard **that **song and dance before!"

"You may be familiar with the tune but this player has a new interpretation of it," Pythona laughed as Jean destroyed another flying insect that tried to capture her.

"Really? What's so funny?" Jean snapped. "My friends and I are squashing your bug army!"

"Then I should call out more troops," Pythona grinned. She took out a small whistle and blew on it. Thousands more insects streamed out of the huge hole in the ground.

"If that's how you want to play it!" Jean used her powers at full force. "Bring it on!"

"All right everybody please run for your lives in a nice orderly fashion!" Pietro called out to the escaping students and teachers as the Misfits and X-Men evacuated from the school. "Move it! Move it! Move it! If you have any injuries see the nice girl with the white hair and wings. Okay apparently everyone's fine."

"This is all your fault muties!" One jock screamed like a little girl as he ran.

"Yes, yes we're to blame for **everything!**" Pietro rolled his eyes. "Have a nice day! Buh bye! Buh bye! Buh bye!"

Kurt teleported out with two female students who ran away as soon as he put them down. "Yeah chicks dig the fuzzy one," Kurt said sarcastically.

Scott and Angelica were inside blasting away insects inside the school that were threatening the students. "I've heard of bookworms but book **beetles?**" Angelica asked as she blasted another insect.

"Just keep them away from the students!" Scott ordered.

Another huge centipede broke through a wall behind him. Fred knocked it down. "And I always thought the bugs were in the **cafeteria!"**

"They're wrecking the school!" A teacher screamed. "The mutants are wrecking the school!"

"Us? It's the bugs that are doing that!" Kitty shouted. A huge purple and green caterpillar the size of a car crashed through another wall. "Okay I can see how you can make a mistake like that."

Outside Jean had blasted thousands more insects. Green and purple goo was all over the ground and trees for miles. "Is this all you've got?" Jean shouted. "Is this…" Suddenly she felt weak. Her Phoenix raptor faded and she started to fall to the ground. "My powers! What…what's happening?"

"Your power may be cosmic but your body is still **mortal**," Pythona hissed. "It still needs to rest after using the Phoenix Force after a prolonged period of time."

"**Now** someone tells me…" Jean grumbled as she managed to use what's left of her strength to safely land. She fell to her knees. An insect shot out some kind of purple fluid behind her. She couldn't get out of the way. "SCOTT!"

"Jean!" Scott heard her psychic summons. He ran blasting out of the school, even knocking a wall or two down. He emerged just in time to see Pythona carrying Jean away using the giant monster she was riding. Jean was encased in some kind of purple stasis similar to the green goop the Sentinels made. "JEAN!"

"We got 'em all out!" Althea ran up to him. "Crap! They got Jean!"

"Not for long!" Rogue snapped. "Firestar give me a hand here!" They flew after Pythona.

"There's still more insects coming!" Kurt pointed to the hole. "What do we do?"

"There's only one thing we **can** do," Scott groaned. "Alvers I can't believe I'm going to say this but…Well you know what we gotta do."

"No, I don't," Lance said.

"Yes you do! Don't make me **say it!"** Scott snapped.

"You gotta say it," Lance grinned.

"Fine!" Scott snapped. "We gotta close up that hole by any means necessary!"

"Which means?" Lance asked. He just couldn't resist making Scott squirm.

"We have to use what's left of Bayville High to plug up the hole," Scott grumbled.

"**Now **you're talking!" Lance whooped as he focused his powers. The rest of Bayville High crumbled as Lance created a huge tremor and made the land buckle and wave. The earth rose like a tidal wave and the building covered the huge hole.

Amara and Bobby used their powers to seal up the cracks around the base. "And stay in there you disgusting **bugs!"** Amara yelled. She looked at Lina behind her. "Uh no offense Dragonfly."

"None taken," Lina shook her head. "I hate bugs too!"

"You destroyed the school!" A jock screamed. "You mutants **destroyed** the school!"

"Dude this is a bad thing **why?**" A slacker teen asked.

"Yeah at least we got out of an Algebra test," Another stoned teenager grunted.

"With the hole plugged up and Pythona gone I think that's the last of them," Wanda hexed a worm into a tree which exploded on contact.

Rogue and Angelica landed next to them. "They got away!" Angelica said.

"They were just too fast, even for us!" Rogue grumbled.

"Well at least all the bugs are dead," Shipwreck looked at the mess.

"I love the smell of bug spray in the morning!" George yelled as he stood on top of a pile of dead giant insects. "It smells like victory!"

"Some victory!" Scott grumbled. "We lost Jean!"

"We'll get her back," Althea said. "We always do."

"Remember what happened to the **last **idiots who kidnapped her?" Remy reminded him. "Gambit almost feels sorry for them. Almost."

"Let's get back to the Institute so we can figure out what to do next," Rogue told him.

Unfortunately that plan didn't turn out so well. "What the hell happened here?" Rogue shouted as she looked at the wreckage.

"I thought you guys were supposed to protect the Institute! Not turn it into rubble!" Scott shouted at General Hawk.

"Scott it's not their fault," Xavier sighed.

"Yeah Cobra La sent these giant mutant worms bigger than Sentinels underground where we couldn't get at 'em!" Sam told him.

"We were lucky Trinity and Spyder managed to get us all out in time," Forge grumbled. "All my inventions are destroyed!"

"Well at least it wasn't a **total **loss," Tabitha quipped.

"This isn't funny Tabitha," Xavier frowned.

"Really?" General Hawk gave him a look. "You don't see the irony in this?"

"Here we go…" Xavier groaned.

"We did tell you so," Roadblock said. "But you just **had **to say no."

"They're right Chuck!" Logan snapped. "You just had to protect our foe. Now they've got **me** rhyming!"

"Look at it this way Professor," Pietro grinned. "If you had listened to General Hawk and let him take Nemesis Enforcer it would be Misfit Manor that would be rubble right about now."

"Let me guess, Nemesis Enforcer is gone too. Am I right?" Shipwreck asked.

"Too?" Ray asked.

"They got Jean," Rogue explained. "But we know where they've gone."

"We do?" Remy asked.

"Hello! She's got like Cobra La on the brain there!" Kitty said. "Rogue's practically a walking encyclopedia on them."

"How much you want to bet their headed toward Tibet?" Roadblock grunted.

"Looks like we got more company," Logan pointed to the SHIELD helicopters landing on the lawn. "**Now** they show up!"

"What happened?" Nick Fury asked as he walked up with a few agents. "As if I have to ask!"

"We had an incident," Xavier sighed.

"Cobra La," Hawk said. "Ancient race of snake people that use mutated insects to do their dirty work. Where were you?"

"Sorry the Avengers had to deal with an alien attack in Africa," Fury shrugged. "Long story."

"Aren't they all?" Hawk asked.

"If they're snake people why did they attack you guys with insects?" One SHEILD agent asked.

"That's just what **I **said!" Pyro agreed.

"We need to go rescue Jean Grey and save the world again," Hawk said. "You mind cleaning things up until we get back?"

"Okay you guys go after them," Fury said. "SHIELD will hold down the fort here. Or what's left of your fort. The official story is that we were invaded by aliens, **again!" **

"Not all of us," Lina shook her head. "I'm afraid we had one casualty. Toad can't go."

"Is it a serious injury?" Hawk asked.

"No, it's a serious case of indigestion," Lina told him.

"OOOOOOHHH!" Todd moaned as he lay on a stretcher, his stomach bloated. "I knew I shouldn't have had that last grasshopper leg! At least I think it was a grasshopper leg…But it just looked so **tasty**…Ohhhhh!"

"Get the Pepto Bismol!" Lina called out.

"Maybe a case of it!" Todd moaned. "OHHHHH!"

"Cypher's out of it too," Forge pointed with his thumb. "Case of the nerves."

"Big bugs, big bugs," Doug rocked back and forth, sitting on the ground with a blanket over his shoulder. "Really big bugs!"

"And you might need some temporary lodgings for Ms. Hunter," Hank thought of Stevie who was walking over to them.

"Professor…" Stevie looked very shaken. "There's one more little thing…"

"You wish to quit your job don't you?" Xavier sighed.

"Don't get me wrong, working with the kids is a blast," Stevie held up her hands. " I like them. But since I've been here there has been an alien invasion, sentinel hamsters, tons of explosions, deranged animals flying around and now **this!** I hate bugs!"

"I quite understand Ms. Hunter…" Xavier began.

"I mean I **really** hate bugs!" She went on. "I **hate **them! They're crawly, evil and they **smell…**"

"Okay Ms. Hunter why don't we have a nice lie down now?" Lina put her hands on Stevie.

"I don't mean **you **Lina! You look like Tinkerbell and you take baths but bugs don't **take **baths!" Stevie's voice was high pitched as Lina led her away. "Did I mention that bugs smell? That's why they have so many **germs** on them…"

"Looks like you lost another one Xavier," Fury remarked.

"Actually according to the pool she lasted a lot longer than most of us thought she would," Xavier sighed.

"Looks like I'm back on study hall patrol," Hank sighed.

"We can put an ad in the paper after we get Jean back and squash some snakes!" Logan snapped. "X-Men move out! New Mutants stay at the mansion!"

"**What** mansion?" Madelyne folded her arms. The mansion was in ruins.

"Kid's got a point," Lance said.

"All right you kids can come! But this is no field trip! It's on the job training! Move out!" Logan started to run off. "To the Blackbird and the Velocity!"

"Uh Logan," Ray coughed. "They kind of got trashed too."

"What?" Logan looked at him.

"The hangar kind of collapsed in on itself when the big bugs broke out of the basement," Daria explained. "And the garage where all the other vehicles are…Well…"

"My car?" Scott asked.

"Toast," Spyder said.

"The Rolls Royce?" Kitty asked.

"Flattened," Xavier sighed.

"My motorcycle? Jean's SUV?" Rogue asked.

"Also pretty flattened," Quinn said.

"**My **motorcycle?" Logan growled.

"Uh you don't wanna know the answer to that," Jubilee gulped.

Logan brushed past her and ran to where the garage used to be. "MY MOTORCYCLE!"

"I told him," Jubilee winced.

"Now it's **personal!"** Logan snarled. "THIS IS WAR!"

"Oh man," Kurt gulped. "Cobra La kidnapped Jean **and **wrecked Wolverine's bike?"

"Dude," Bobby shook his head. "Those guys don't have a prayer."

**Next: The gang heads off to Cobra La to save the world. Again. Watch for all the fun! **


	33. Feels Like the End of the World Again

**Feels Like the End of The World Again**

"Whoa," Kitty looked around the huge cavern they had teleported into. "This place is seriously creepy."

"Creepy with a capital creep," Tabitha agreed. "We should have at least brought the rest of the Joe team with us."

"They were needed to deal with the cleanup in Bayville," Roadblock told them. "Now keep together and stay frosty."

"Not a problem for me," Bobby said.

The cavern the X-Men and the Misfits traveled in was enormous. It was covered in luminous purple moss on the walls and ceiling. There were strange vines on the side as well. "Don't touch those," Rogue warned. "They're poisonous. And don't touch the moss, it's also poisonous."

"Then why are we walking **through** here?" Kurt gulped.

"Because this is the fastest safest way through to Cobra La," Rogue said. "It bypasses most of the defense systems. Oh watch out for the scorpions on the ground. They're poisonous too."

"**This** is **safe?**" Ray gulped as he saw one blue and gray scorpion skitter away. "How do you **know** this stuff?"

"How do you survive without any **brain cells?"** Tabitha hit him on the head. "Hello! She was zonked out in a coma for nearly a day with all those evil Nemesis La Cobra Enforcer creep thoughts in her head or whatever!"

"I experienced a few hundred lifetimes in that short span," Rogue moaned. "Believe me it was no picnic. And several of them were going on at the same time."

"With all that psychic static in your mind no wonder the Professor couldn't revive you," Betsy said. "Iceman watch out for the scorpion."

"Yikes!" Bobby froze the creature near his foot. "Thanks Psylocke."

"Certainly could have used you the first time we encountered these Cobra La creeps," Shipwreck grumbled. "Would have saved us a **lot **of trouble!"

"Face it Pop, trouble is practically our specialty," Althea told him. "In fact it's our signature dish."

"So what else can we expect from Cobra La?" Scott asked. "Besides an extremely stupid name of a city?"

"Bugs as big as buildings, an air force uglier than the Miss Ugly World Pageant and every creepy crawly from your nightmares and **then **some," Roadblock told him.

"Oh is **that** all?" Roberto drawled. "Shadowcat, scorpion."

"EWW!" Kitty winced as she moved out of it's way. "Did that thing have two heads on it?"

"Yeah it did," Danielle said. "And three tails."

"You know I used to hate bugs," Amara bristled. "And now I **loathe** them! Uh no offense Dragonfly."

"Don't worry I know you don't mean me," Lina waved. "And I really hate bugs too! Avalanche! Scorpion!" She spat out a shot of webbing that stuck one scorpion near his foot.

"Well that was only **mildly** disturbing," Lance moaned.

"You're welcome," Lina said sarcastically.

"I didn't mean it like **that **I just…" Lance sputtered. "I wasn't thinking okay?"

"Gee **there's** a surprise," Kitty snapped.

"Oh like **you're **any better?" Lance snapped back. "At least I don't go 'EWWWWW Gross a bug'!" He mimicked her voice.

"I do **not **sound like that!" Kitty stomped her foot.

"She's right," Pietro said. "You sound more like **this:** EEEEWW! That is like totally gross!"

"**That's** Kitty," Fred nodded.

"Yeah Quicksilver you got her dead on," Ray remarked.

"He does not!" Kitty snapped.

"Yeah it's more like this," Paige said. "Ewww! I hate bugs! I so do not sound like that!"

"What are you ragging on **me **for?" Kitty whirled on her. "Is this about the sweater I borrowed?"

"No it's about the sweater you didn't return!" Paige snapped.

"Well since it's been blown to bits that's pretty much a moot point now isn't it?" Sam asked.

"SHUT UP SAM!" Both Kitty and Paige snapped.

"Hey don't yell at the guy just because you two are acting like idiots," Arcade said.

"Who are **you** calling an idiot, **idiot?"** Paige snapped at him.

"Don't call him an idiot! Only **we** can call him an idiot!" Pyro snapped back.

"This from the Head Idiot!" Bobby snapped.

"No I'm the Head Psycho!" Pyro snapped. "Quicksilver is the Head Idiot! Pay attention will ya?"

"Why am I the Head Idiot?" Pietro shouted. "Why not Toad? Or Blob?"

"Because they're **smarter** than you!" Wanda smacked the back of his head. "Idiot!"

"And to think you didn't want to bring us younger kids along because you thought **we **were too immature?" Spyder gave Ororo a look.

"Point taken, Spyder," Ororo sighed. "All of you stop fighting each other right now!"

"Yeah save it for our enemies," Bobby said. "By the way Kitty another scorpion ten o clock!"

"Ahhh!" Kitty leapt as Bobby froze it. "**Another** two headed three tailed scorpion?"

"Actually that one's a **three** headed two tailed scorpion," Cover Girl told her.

"You know we should really bring one of these little guys back for Airtight," Shipwreck said. "He might like it for his scorpion collection."

"Not to mention I promised Toad I'd bring him back some snacks," Althea nodded.

"I think I am going to be sick again…" Kitty groaned.

"I think I'll join you," Doug groaned. He, Jesse, Arcade, Forge as well as a few Joes were carrying modified flamethrowers and/or electric tasers for their own protection. Of course the Joes also had laser rifles as well. Somehow he had managed to pull himself together enough to go fight. But that was looking to be a big mistake on his part.

"I knew I should have stayed behind," Doug moaned.

"Calm down Cypher," Tabitha said. "By the way watch out for the two headed one tailed scorpion by your foot."

"AAHHHH!" Doug leapt out of the way.

"Are **all **missions like this?" Madelyne asked Jamie.

"Nah, some of them are **really** weird," Jamie told her.

"You rookies stay close," Logan ordered them. "Especially you Little Red. By all rights you shouldn't even be here! Should have left you back with Xavier and the Blind Master. If Jean finds out what we've done…"

"Just tell her I snuck aboard and you couldn't stop me," Madelyne told him. "She'll believe it."

"Don't worry Wolverine," Daria said.

"She'll be with us," Brittany said.

"We'll watch out for her," Quinn said.

"Oh yeah **that** sets my mind at ease!" Logan rolled his eyes. "How much further do we have to go Rogue?"

"Not really sure," Rogue said. "Could be less than a click."

"A click? How much is a click?" Fred asked.

"You're in the army! You should know!" Bobby said.

"You don't know either so stop hassling me!" Fred told him.

"Quicksilver go scout ahead," Roadblock ordered. "And try not to get captured or set off any traps this time okay?"

"Will do!" Pietro saluted and ran ahead.

"So Roadblock you were telling us about the last time you battled these bug uglies," Tabitha decided to change the subject.

"Yeah we thought we blew up Cobra La to Kingdom Come years ago and got them out of our hair," Roadblock told her. "I guess they're harder to kill than some of the cockroaches they wear."

"Wait a minute, you destroyed their city?" Kurt asked. "You killed some of them?"

"Well mostly the bugs but…" Shipwreck shrugged.

"I don't suppose there's any way of talking to these people is there?" Kitty asked.

"They hate us Kitty," Rogue said. "Pure and simple. See these Cobra La folks ruled the entire planet until the ice age came along and wrecked the place. They couldn't adapt to the environment, but humans could."

"And when humans took over the planet…" Bobby began.

"Needless to say these folks didn't take it too well," Roadblock said. "They've been barely surviving for centuries. But that didn't stop 'em from trying to bring the human race to their knees."

"Yeah did you know these folks were responsible for creating and distributing the Black Plague?" Rogue said. "I got a memory of one of their scientists creating it. They tried to wipe us out that way."

"According to history it almost worked," Althea frowned.

"It also backfired on them," Rogue said. "Apparently one solider got careless and some of the same plague infected Cobra La. More than half their population died. But to their way of thinking it was worth it to get rid of humans."

"That's crazy!" Kurt said. "Can't we just try and talk to these people?"

"There's **nothing** to talk about," Rogue told her brother. "They think our way of life is a 'travesty'. A fake copy of how they live their lives. Just because we use machines instead of living beings…"

"Just because their way of life is different than us doesn't mean we shouldn't try to understand them," Kurt protested. "It's no different than humans and mutants trying to exist on the same planet."

"Nightcrawler this is completely different," Roadblock told him. "In the first place, mutants and non-mutants are human. These people **aren't.** In the second place they don't want us to exist **period!** They want to control the world and wipe us **all** out. It's either us or them pure and simple. And there's **no way** it's going to be us!"

"In other words another evolutionary war?" Kurt gave him a look.

"Kurt trust me on this," Rogue said. "The Joes are right on this one. I've got enough of their poison in my head to know these Cobra La creeps are up to no good."

"I agree," Logan nodded. "These jokers don't fool around. Besides they trashed our home! I say we return the favor!"

"Not to mention your motorcycle," Scott pointed out.

"They also trashed your car," Logan told him.

"Yeah they're toast," Scott nodded.

"But isn't that why we were put together as a team?" Kurt asked. "To prevent war? To find ways of different species to live together?"

"Well not us," Arcade said. "The Misfits anyway."

"Yeah it was either this or jail," Lance agreed.

"Well that and we like annoying the X-Men," Fred added.

"Oh yeah well that goes without saying," Lance nodded.

"I gotta admit annoying these guys is kind of fun," Shane agreed.

"And sometimes it's so **easy,**" Fred nodded.

"All right all right but…" Kurt said. "To try and destroy them?"

"Actually we're trying to save Jean and stop whatever evil plan they've got cooked up this time," Cover Girl told him.

"Yeah blowing up the place is only a bonus," Low Light agreed.

"Nightcrawler what is with you? We trash people's homes and different places all the **time!** Why the hell are you making such a fuss **now?"** Lance asked.

"Yeah but we don't try to wipe out an entire species," Kurt said.

"What about the time we went to the zoo to return the giraffe and Toad ate all those rare butterflies?" Fred asked.

"Again a completely **different** scenario," Kurt groaned.

"We're not trying to wipe the people of Cobra La out, we're trying to prevent them from wiping **us** out," Shipwreck groaned. "There is a difference you know?"

"I know it's just…" Kurt sighed. "Am I the only one who thinks this all sounds a little too close to home?"

"Yes," Lance told him.

"Avalanche," Spirit gave him a look. He looked at Kurt. "No one here wants to destroy Cobra La. But it may come to that if they want to destroy the world."

"Yeah it's not that we don't get what you're saying. Normally I would agree with you Kurt but…" Kitty sighed.

"But what?" Kurt asked.

"They destroyed my **closet**," Kitty had a dangerous look in her eye. "They wrecked all my clothes. These were outfits I had looked for **forever** and waited for them to go on sale! I had just completed the perfect wardrobe and they ruined it! Nobody, and I mean **nobody** wrecks my outfits and **lives** to tell about it!"

"Oh yeah **there's** a priority!" Kurt rolled his eyes. "I don't know if I want any part of this!"

"Kurt…" Rogue rolled her eyes.

"Let Gambit handle this. Nightcrawler let's look at it this way," Remy sighed. "Because of Cobra La the mansion was destroyed. That means we have no home. And because we have no home, we have only one place to go. We may have to go live with the Misfits."

"You could end up sharing a room with Toad and Xi again," Kitty said. **"Permanently."**

"We could eat cookies all night and talk about the mysteries of the universe. Such as why there is no bathroom in Clue," Xi said helpfully.

Kurt stood there blinking for a full two seconds. "Okay I'm on board now," He said. "Let's go kick their butts!"

"Yeah Gambit **thought **that would do it," Remy nodded as they made their way into Cobra La.

"I admit I didn't think of that," Scott said. "Now I want to beat them **even more!"**

"That goes **double** for me!" Lance agreed.

"I don't know," Shipwreck said. "It would be kind of fun if me and Stormy…"

"Don't even **think** about finishing that sentence Shipwreck!" Ororo snapped. Her eyes glowed.

"Good job Shipwreck," Rogue grinned. "If these Cobra La folks thought the **last **ice age was bad, wait until they run into Storm!"

"Hey guys! There's something weird over here," Pietro ran back to them.

"Something weirder than what we've **already **seen?" Kitty asked.

"Oh yeah," Pietro nodded. "Really weird! It's just up ahead. Come on the entrance is this way!"

"Okay…" Warren said as they headed outside. "What could be so…Oh boy…"

"Are those…Plants?" Scott's jaw dropped. In the snow was a huge forest filled with giant golden brown stalks of some kind of plant. The plants were taller than redwood trees and they had strange orange brown leaves on the side and an unsightly bulge just under the flower. It looked like they were about to go to seed any day now. The oddest thing was at the base of each plant it looked like there were several steps leading to some kind of door inside them.

"I don't know what these Cobra La folks put in their garden but I'd love to know where you can get some," Sam whistled.

"How many of these things are there?" Kurt asked. "There must be hundreds of them!"

"One hundred and fifty seven," Pietro said proudly. "I counted. And it gets weirder! Look at these steps on the outside, well there are a lot more steps on the inside of these things! I climbed up one of 'em! There's little tiny holes on top you can look out like windows right below that bulb thingy. It's like a little mini tower to nowhere!"

"Like a hundred plant versions of the Space Needle," Shane blinked.

"A hundred and fifty seven," Arcade corrected.

"Do the people of Cobra La live in them?" Rina asked sniffing around. "They smell odd."

"No…" Rogue said. "I'm not sure but I think they're some kind of weapons!"

"Fascinating," Hank looked at the giant plants. "I have never witnessed plant growth quite like this."

"I have," Roadblock's jaw was grim. "It's those damn spores again!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"The time has now come for us to reclaim the earth!" Pythona called out to her soldiers. There were thousands of the genetically bred creatures standing before her. They were wearing red and tan armor and their heads were covered in a strange insect like mask complete with it's own gas mask built in. Each was carrying a giant gold extra wide scimitar and they knew how to use them.

"Soldiers of Cobra La!" Pythona spoke from her podium. "For generations you have kept us from the outside world. Now it is time for all of you to **conquer it!"**

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" The Cobra La Soldiers cried out in high pitched voices. " LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAALALALAAAA!"

"God I'd forgotten how **annoying** that is," Cobra Commander muttered under his breath. He, Nemesis Enforcer and the rest of Cobra Command were also on the raised platform overlooking the troops.

"It is time for the Earth to be returned to it's rightful masters!" Pythona spoke. "A new and glorious age of Cobra La will once again grace this planet! This will…"

"This will be a reign that lasts a thousand years yada, yada, yada!" Cobra Commander interrupted. "Yeah, yeah we've all heard **that **before! Just let us in on the plan already!"

"Still impatient with speeches aren't you?" Pythona gave him a withering look.

"Only when I'm not the one speaking them," Cobra Commander huffed. "So get on with the plan. What do we do?"

"The same thing you did on our honeymoon, **nothing!"** Pythona snapped.

"OOOOOOOOHHHHH!" The Dreadnoks hooted.

"Can we get past your bitterness and get on with the plan?" Cobra Commander folded his arms.

"It's simple enough," Pythona raised her hand. In the center of a huge crystal Jean floated inside of it. "By using the Crystal of Power I will activate the Phoenix Force within Jean Grey."

"How did you get her inside it?" Mindbender asked.

"It's a standard mystic crystal only a lot bigger," Cobra Commander told him. "It just absorbed her body into it. Go on."

"The Phoenix Force will activate and launch special mutated spores," Pythona said. "The spores when activated in the atmosphere will mutate the majority of the human population and change their genetics so that they will become baseline Cobra La citizens. In other words, the servant class of Cobra La is going to become much larger overnight. Leaving us, the ruling class to rule the world."

"And this big dome we're under will protect us like last time right?" Zartan asked looking at the huge domed ceiling.

"That's the plan yes," Pythona said.

"Let me see if I get this straight," Cobra Commander gave her a look. "Instead of the **old plan** of using the Broadcast Energy Transmitter to power the spores to mutate the human race into primitive beasts, you're going for a **new plan** to use the Phoenix Force to power the spores to mutate humans into **Cobra La Citizens?** Oh yeah, **that's** original!"

"Silence," Pythona hissed.

"You realize you're doing the same exact thing you did last time right?" Cobra Commander told her.

"Oh and **your** plans are so complicated?" Pythona snapped. "You make some stupid machine and it either breaks apart in three pieces or it's powered by some bizarre power source that's made of three different components! Of course they end up scattered all over the planet in remote and dangerous locations! And then you fight GI Joe for said pieces in stupid and violent battles. And you always end up with one piece and the Joes end up with another piece! And the third piece is usually stolen by Zartan and the Dreadnoks because they want more money."

"Of course if you paid us more that wouldn't happen in the **first** place," Torch piped up. The Baroness responded by hitting him on the head.

"And then you fight some more and end up with all three pieces but it doesn't matter because you then end up with a huge failure!" Pythona continued. "Does any of that sound **familiar** to you?"

"I haven't done much of that since the eighties and you **know **it!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"You haven't done much of **anything** since the eighties period!" Pythona yelled.

"He's not the **only **one sister," The Baroness glared at Destro.

"Can we talk about this later?" Destro hissed.

"And when is that?" The Baroness snapped. "You have been putting off the talk about our relationship for later for the past **fifteen years!"**

"Is that all?" Pythona gave her a look and pointed to Cobra Commander. "You should have seen how long this lizard tried to weasel out of **our **marriage! The Ice Age was faster!"

"Considering how it turned out can you really blame me?" Cobra Commander snapped.

"If you put only **half **the amount of time into our marriage as you did towards yourself…" Pythona snapped.

"Don't you dare throw that in my face!" Cobra Commander snapped. "I'm not the one who ran off with my personal bodyguard for a whole year!"

"It was **six months** into it before you even realized I was **gone!"** Pythona snapped. "And when you did you threw a party! What the hell did you care?"

"I was working at my lab!" Cobra Commander snapped.

"You were working on your **lab assistant!"** Pythona snapped.

"Oh really? What about the list of all the men you've slept with during our so called sham of a marriage?" Cobra Commander put his hands on his hips. "Or better yet, all the men you **didn't** sleep with! It's a lot **shorter!"**

"Speaking of short…" Pythona hissed. "Let's talk about your performance in the bedroom!"

"Why you little…" Cobra Commander hissed.

"RARRR! RRRARRR!" A seven winged bat like creature interrupted the fight.

"Aww," Torch snapped his fingers. "Just when it was getting **good **too!"

The creature landed on Pythona's outstretched arm. "It seems we have intruders," Pythona hissed. "The X-Men and the Misfits are at the spores. Soldiers of Cobra La! Dispose of them at once!"

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" The creatures chanted as they went off to fight.

"I wish someone would **dispose **of that battle cry," Cobra Commander grunted.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Back at Spore Central…

"Wait a minute," Scott asked. "Are you telling me that Cobra La is planning on using these spores to mutate every living thing on this planet?"

"That's what they did the last time around," Roadblock grunted. "So I'm guessing yes that's what they're doing **this **time!"

"Not very original isn't it?" Fred scratched his head.

"Yeah it is kind of lame," Pietro said. "Doing the same plan that failed before."

"Ironic too, if you think about it," Forge said. "I mean this is a society that shuns human technology and humans period and yet they had to rely on that same technology they hated in order to try and complete their goal of world domination in the **first** place."

"And now they're probably planning on using Jean, a mutant human to do the same thing," Roadblock shook his head. "That does have a familiar ring."

"So what do we do?" Paige asked. "How did you beat them the last time?"

"Well when they released the spores in space we just fried them with the Broadcast Energy Transmitter," Shipwreck scratched his head. "I guess we could somehow destroy them again when they release."

"Or we could just burn them **now** and save everybody the trouble," Pyro shrugged.

"For once Pyro you have the **right idea**," Logan said. He shot out his claws. "Let's trash this dump!"

He tore into the nearest plant but he barely made a scratch on it after several cuts. "These things are a lot more durable than they look," Logan grumbled.

"Even for plants they're not pushovers," Bobby agreed.

"Let's see what a little fire can do?" Angelica took to the air and used her powers to ignite the top of it. "I'm not having any trouble!"

"One down, a hundred and fifty six to go," Roadblock began. "Let's keep at it Yo…" The ground began to crumble under his feet. "Joe?"

"Whoa!" Rogue managed to catch Roadblock before he fell in the hole that appeared under his feet. She flew him away. "What's going on?"

"LA LAA LA LA LA LALALAAAAAAA!" Hundreds of Cobra La soldiers leapt out of the hole, scimitars raised high attacking the mutants. "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAA!"

"What the hell are these things?" Warren shouted.

"Cobra La soldiers!" Shipwreck shouted as he shot at the creatures. "Careful! They're more dangerous than they look!"

"Pyro! Firestar! Magma! Concentrate your powers on the spores!" Scott ordered. "The rest of us will deal with these creeps!"

"Will do! Yahooo!" Pyro yelled as he used his powers and set another stalk on fire.

Two soldiers had tackled Rogue but she was able to shake them off. "These guys are just as strong as Sabertooth and just as nasty!" Rogue told them.

"My ice blasts aren't doing anything!" Bobby yelled as the soldiers broke through. One knocked Bobby down and swung at him with his sword. "AAHHH!"

"Back off!" Scott blasted the soldier away. Another one came at him and was able to deflect his blasts with his sword. "These guys are good!"

"A little too good!" Althea grumbled as she parried with her sword.

Amara, Pyro and Angelica were making some progress as the others fought. _"Ninety nine giant plants in the ground! Ninety nine giant plants! Burn one down! Down to the ground! Ninety eight giant plants on the_…YEOW!" Pyro sang. Suddenly a huge Cobra La soldier came at him from behind and cut the line to his flamethrowers. "NO FAIR!"

"Need a hand?" Amara created a huge fire blast, knocking the soldier away from Pyro. Then creating more fire.

"Oh yeah! Magma baby my heart burns for you!" Pyro whooped. He created a heart shaped fire that took out three more spore stalks.

"I knew I was going to **regret** that," Amara groaned.

"These warriors are genetically enhanced," Xi called out to Rina. "They were born to fight and kill."

"So are we," Rina growled as she used her claws on another soldier. Xi nodded and they fought fiercely.

Doug was knocked backwards only to be rescued by Rahne in her wolf form. Dead Girl was torn apart once but pulled herself together, making enough of a distraction for Tim to blast them with his powers. Danielle couldn't use her fear powers on the soldiers making her vulnerable, even thought she tried to fight back using the skills she learned in Logan's self defense course. But they weren't enough as one soldier grabbed her. That same soldier was quickly zapped by Ororo.

Madelyne was holding her own with her telekinesis, she knocked out three soldiers advancing on her. "Kid takes after Jean all right," Logan grunted as he watched the performance.

Another soldier tried to grab Lina only to be knocked back by Fred's massive form. Another tried to sneak up on Scott but was blasted from the air by Angelica. "Firestar! Concentrate on the spores!" Scott shouted. "We'll handle things down here!"

"You're welcome," Angelica grumbled as she set another plant on fire. "Well at least there aren't any of these guys in the air to distract me."

Suddenly some kind of weird brown plants floated into the air. "What the…?" Angelica blinked. Suddenly they shot out some strange vines that hit Angelica. "AAHHH!" She was caught up in them and the next thing she knew she fell from the sky.

"Hello love!" Pyro grinned as he caught her. "I can't believe it! I caught an angel!" He put her down.

"**You **can't believe it?" Angelica snapped as she burned off the remaining restraints from her body. "I was just shot down by a **salad!"**

The strange plants shot at them from the sky. "Run for cover!" Roadblock shouted as they scattered.

"How many of the plants did we get so far?" Logan asked as he and several others took cover behind some rocks.

"Most of them," Wanda said as she managed to hex one plant into attacking some soldiers and tying them up with it's vines. "There's about five left."

"We've come this far now we gotta…" Roadblock shouted before the sound of a distant horn interrupted him.

At the sound of the horn the Cobra La soldiers and the flying plants stopped. They turned around and ran back into a huge cave like structure with a dome. "They're retreating!" Kitty shouted.

"Why'd they just run off like that?" Paige asked.

"I haven't a clue," Shipwreck said.

"There's a shock," Althea rolled her eyes. "You not having a clue. Wow. Who would have ever **expected **that!"

"Oh yeah like you or **anyone else** knows what's going on either!" Shipwreck retorted.

"I do," Betsy pointed. "Take a gander over there!"

In the distance they saw a huge chunk of the domed area explode. They could see inside it now. A familiar figure was crashing through stone structures in the alien like city. "The Juggernaut?" Kitty shouted. "What's he doing **here?"**

"The same thing we are," Lance blinked. "Trashing Cobra La."

"Why?" Kurt blinked.

"Who cares?" Logan snarled. "For once the destruction he's causing is working in our favor!"

"Agreed," Scott nodded. "Whatever the reason, the Juggernaut is creating a distraction. Let's not waste this opportunity. We can deal with him later, after we get Jean back." He started to move. "Let's move out!"

"Uh Cyclops," Cover Girl pointed to the remaining spores. "Can we save all of humanity **first **before we save your girlfriend?"

"Oh," Scott stopped. "Yeah right. Stand back." He waited until everyone got out of the way before he opened his visor and allowed his optic beams to blast out at maximum level. The powerful ray obliterated every remaining spore stalk instantly.

"Whoa," Pyro blinked. "I am **impressed." **

"I didn't know he could do **that,**" Shane's jaw dropped. "Did you know he could do that?"

"Uh well yeah," Lance shrugged. It was obvious that he didn't.

"Then why the hell didn't he do it in the **first place?"** Shane yelled.

"Just shut up and let's rescue Jean already?" Bobby groaned.

Meanwhile Juggernaut and Black Tom were terrorizing the center of Cobra La with glee. Hundreds of serpentine citizens fled from their wrath. Thousands of insects and Cobra La soldiers swarmed to fight off the two invaders, but their power was far too great. The Juggernaut simply smashed and pounded everything and anything that got in his way. Insects, soldiers, buildings, they all fell to his wrath.

Black Tom was no slouch in the power department himself. His mutant powers enabled him to not only generate huge blasts of concussive force or heat (depending on his mood) but also gave him some superhuman strength as well. He was able to easily swat away several soldiers at a time and burn every bug he found with his blasts.

"You know this reminds me of when I was a lad," Black Tom laughed as he blew up one large insect with his blasts. "I used to take a magnifying glass and burn up some ants when I was bored."

"Really? I was more into **stomping** them myself!" Juggernaut snorted with pride as he slammed his foot down hard, creating a huge crack and then a hole which engulfed several soldiers.

"That sounds like fun," Black Tom grinned. He also had one more little trick up his sleeve. He willed himself to grow his entire body to nearly two stories tall. "Look at me! I'm Godzilla!" He laughed as he destroyed every building he could with his bare hands.

"Since when have you been able to do **that?"** Juggernaut asked as he punched a giant moth.

"Past couple of weeks or so, right after you left," Black Tom opened up a building. "Hello! Jackpot!" He grabbed thousands of huge jewels and gems the size of a small dog with his monstrous hands.

"They for real?" Juggernaut snorted as he kept fighting.

"They're real all right," Black Tom grinned. "Hang on. I'll take some of these to the chopper. Something tells me we might be in a rush! Think you can hold on until I get back?"

Juggernaut snorted and slammed a giant beetle the size of a bus into a wall. It smashed instantly on contact. "Yeah I got it."

"Good, **what the?"** Black Tom felt a punch to his face. He saw Nemesis Enforcer flying around his head. "Annoying pest!" He flicked his free hand and knocked the Cobra La warrior to the ground.

With a growl Nemesis Enforcer got to his feet and took off again. "Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Black Tom tried to fend him off. "I've had mosquitoes that gave me less trouble!" He knocked him down again. "Hey Cain! Do me a favor and squash that gnat for me will you?"

"No problem!" Juggernaut grinned as he grabbed Nemesis Enforcer from behind. To his surprise Nemesis Enforcer managed to escape the hold and throw him against a huge bug, squashing it.

"Oh yeah," Juggernaut spat out bug juice as he got up and glowered at his opponent. "It's **go **time!"

Meanwhile the Cobra Command as well as Pythona was watching from the platform looking at the monitors made of some kind of crystals and spider silk. "HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN? HOW DID THEY FIND US SO FAST?"

"Who? The mutants or those other guys?" Monkeywrench asked as he picked his nose.

"Pick one of them and **not **your nose!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Oh this is just typical! Not only are all the spores destroyed but so is the city again! This can not get any worse!"

CRRRACCCKKKK

They turned and saw Jean awaken inside the stasis crystal. Her eyes had turned fire red and a flame was all around her body. The stasis crystal was cracking and breaking apart.

_"PYTHONA!" _A telepathic scream of rage could be heard as the crystal shattered open freeing Jean from it's prison.

"It just got worse didn't it?" Cobra Commander gulped.

"Yes it did," Destro told him.

"I AM SICK OF PEOPLE TRYING TO USE ME IN ORDER TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Jean roared as she hovered into the air.

"Guards! Restrain her!" Pythona pointed. Several Cobra La guards rushed in as well as several insects.

"Do you really think that insignificant **insects **such as you can hold me prisoner?" Jean roared as she used her telekinetic powers to knock them back. "I AM THE PHOENIX! AND YOU SHALL SUFFER MY WRATH!"

Jean screamed and a raptor image surrounded her. With a wave of her hand the building shook and the walls started to fall apart. "You seek to conquer a world but **you **are the ones who will be conquered!" Jean shouted allowing her rage to take over.

"Uh oh," Cobra Commander gulped. "Let's see…Juggernaut is destroying half of Cobra La over **there!** The Phoenix is trashing the **other half** of Cobra La over here. The X-Men and Misfits are trashing another part of Cobra La way over **there.**"

"Where does that leave us?" Torch asked.

"Ideally the Bahamas," Cobra Commander said. "But **anywhere** but here stuck in the middle of these violent maniacs will suffice. COBRA! RETREAT! RE-.." He turned around and found that his Cobra Comrades had already done so. "WAIT FOR ME!"

Meanwhile the mutants and Joes had gotten into the heart of Cobra La encountering very little resistance. Of course that was due to most of the city was destroyed. "Holy…" Ray whistled. "And I thought Bayville was a mess."

"Bayville didn't have the Juggernaut tearing though it," Sam winced as he saw Nemesis Enforcer getting tossed like a rag doll in the distance. Despite the pounding he was taking the Cobra La warrior kept getting up. And he kept getting beaten up and thrown into buildings that quickly crumbled.

"Should we do something about that?" Kurt asked.

"That, no," Roadblock pointed. "**That** yes!"

They saw Jean as the Phoenix using her powers to telekinetically destroy buildings, toss insects around splattering them, and literally tearing Cobra La soldiers to shreds. "She's killing them!" Kurt yelled.

"Cobra La soldiers are basically hybrids of bugs and snakes with two legs," Rogue told him. "Technically they're not people."

"Yah but they are!" Kurt pointed as some Cobra La civilians about to be crushed under a huge bolder. He teleported and grabbed them. Then teleported them to a safer location. They screamed and fled for their lives.

"Seems like the People of Cobra La feel the same about the Fuzzy One as they do in Bayville," Kurt groaned. Then a huge shadow loomed over him. "AAAHHHH!"

A giant worm like creature with very large teeth crashed down on Kurt. He barely teleported out of it's mouth in time. "AND AGAIN I WAS ALMOST EATEN!"

"Twice in about one day, what are the odds?" Arcade said.

Several more structures began to move. They appeared to be buildings at first but were then revealed to be giant snails that were used as housing. The tenants fled as their houses prepared to attack. "Are those buildings alive?" Kitty yelled.

"Yes I believe they are," Roadblock blinked. "I believe we should run from them."

"This place is defintitely the creepiest and weirdest place we have ever been!" Rogue groaned as they fled the living buildings and went to try and rescue Jean. "And with our luck that's saying something!"

Meanwhile Pythona was desperately trying to capture Jean using the same flying monster she did before. "That won't work a **second** time!" Jean snarled as she literally destroyed the creature from under Pythona, then held her captive in the air with her telekinesis.

Jean brought Pythona close to her face and hissed. **_"You pathetic creature…Did you really believe you could control me? You seek power but I AM power!" _**

"AAAAHHHH!" Pythona screamed as parts of her seemed to disintegrate.

"JEAN! NO! LET HER GO!" Scott screamed as he raced to her.

**_"Suffer mortal…"_** Jean's flaming eyes took delight in slowly killing Pythona. **_"Prepare for oblivion!"_**

Scott screamed as loud as he could. "JEAN! NO DON'T DO THIS! YOU'RE NOT A KILLER! JEAN LISTEN TO ME!"

**"Who…?"** The Phoenix shook her head. She stopped what she was doing.

"Jean please!" Scott begged. "I know you can hear me! Don't do this! Don't let the Phoenix make you into something you're not! Come back to me! Please! She's not worth it! JEAN!"

"Scott…" Jean blinked. That seemed to bring her out of it. "What…What am I **doing?**"

She loosened her hold on Pythona just enough to allow her to move her arms. "ARRAHHHH!" Pythona hissed and struck out at Jean, venom dripping from her claws. She ripped at her shoulder.

"AHHHH!" Jean shouted instinctively throwing Pythona hard to the ground. She landed like a broken toy. She fell to the ground herself but was caught by Lina.

"Jean!" Scott and the others rushed to her. Jean was already unconscious. "Is she…?"

"It's poison all right," Lina carefully checked Jean's wound. "But I think it's treatable."

"We have some anti venom formulas made from the last time Cobra La attacked back at the Pit," Cover Girl told her.

"And if not…" Tabitha looked at the Pythona. "I'll bet there's plenty of venom still in the body."

"Not a body," Rina sniffed. "She's still alive. Unconscious and her body is broken but alive."

"Low Light, Cover Girl use the Mass Device and take her back to the Pit," Roadblock ordered. "We got a nice hospital cell ready and waiting for her. Lina take Jean back as well."

"I…" Scott began when Roadblock put his hand on his shoulder.

"She'll be fine, Cyclops but we still have Juggernaut and Nemesis Enforcer to take down," Roadblock told him as the others teleported away.

"You're right," Scott sighed.

"Well not really," Lance pointed as the Juggernaut clobbered Nemesis Enforcer unconscious. "Looks like Juggernaut did half of our job for us!"

Just then a helicopter lowered down through the open dome. "Juggernaut!" Amadeus shouted from the helicopter he was piloting. "The mission is finished! It's time to return to base!"

"It ain't done until I say so!" Juggernaut told him as he kept pounding Nemesis Enforcer.

"Come on Cain," Black Tom called from the helicopter. He had returned to normal size. "We trashed the place, got a ton of jewels to make us rich several times over…What more do you want?"

"I still wanna bash his brains out then take out some X-Babies!" Cain shouted back and stopped pummeling Nemesis Enforcer.

"You can pound him later then!" Amadeus called out. "Bring him with us! It's time to go!"

"But I haven't completely leveled the city to the ground yet!" Juggernaut snapped.

"I think you've leveled it enough," Amadeus looked at the devastation.

"Don't worry about it old sport!" Black Tom shouted. "You can always come back later!"

"Juggernaut come on!" Sammy said. "We have to go now! You can always fight the X-Men some other time!"

"Oh all right," Juggernaut grumbled as he picked up Nemesis Enforcer and left. "See ya around kiddies!"

"Wait a minute…"Bobby began to run after him.

"Let him go," Logan grunted as he stopped him. "We've got enough problems."

"Looks like the Juggernaut made some new friends," Roadblock's eyes narrowed as the Juggernaut got into the helicopter and it left. "I wonder who they are?"

"I know one of them," Rahne spoke up as she transformed back into human form. "The one with the beard, his name's Black Tom Cassidy. A real rotter if there ever was one. You remember Teresa from Generation X back at Muir Island? He's her father's cousin."

"You're kidding?" Angelica asked her.

"Nope," Rahne shook her head. "There's been bad blood between the two of them for years. He even tried to turn Teresa against her own father by secretly raising her without Banshee's knowledge. It's a long story."

"They usually are," Lance rolled his eyes.

"How do you know him?" Logan asked.

"He showed up to make trouble once or twice at Muir Island before Moira allowed me to come back to the X-Men," Rahne told him. "What? Did you think only the X-Men had a monopoly on mutant's enemies that tend to attack people's homes?"

"What about the other two?" Roadblock asked.

"Never seen nor smelt them before," Rahne shook her head. "But that orange one looks a bit wee to be running around with the likes of Juggernaut."

"I got a bad feeling that Juggernaut has gotten involved in something we are not going to be happy about in the future," Logan grumbled.

"Right now it's our present I'm more concerned with," Ororo told him as she looked at Scott. "I just hope Jean will be okay."

"She'll be fine, it'll take more than poison to bring her down," Lance said. "And we do have the antidote so…"

"That's **not **what I meant Avalanche," Ororo sighed.

"Oh the whole Phoenix thing huh?" Lance realized.

"Yeah Lance," Scott sighed. **"That!"**

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"I should have **known **this plan would fail," Cobra Commander grumbled as he rode in the Cobra helicopter. "Just like every other one of her stupid plans!"

"And yet you went along with it anyway," Zartan said as he piloted the helicopter.

"Well there's always that one and a million chance that one of her plans would work," Cobra Commander shrugged. "Even though she was a complete loser."

"So you two had something in common during your marriage after all," Zartan grumbled.

"Destro lend me your gun so I can **shoot** Zartan!" Cobra Commander yelled. "I dropped mine when we were running from Juggernaut! Destro? Destro?"

"He's rather busy at the moment," Mindbender told him. "He and the Baroness are having a little heartfelt talk."

"Baroness let me in!" Destro screamed as he hung on for dear life on the rim of the helicopter.

"Why **should** I?" The Baroness shouted from the open door.

"BARONESS PLEASE!" Destro felt his grip slipping.

"For years I've wanted to know exactly where our relationship was going," The Baroness smirked. "Now I know. It's going five hundred feet **straight down** unless you do something about it!"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE BARONESS WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" Destro yelled.

"One of two things," The Baroness snapped. "I'll give you a hint. If you don't give me the **one** thing I want, I'll settle for your **death!"**

"You can't be serious," Destro's eyes widened.

"**Deadly** serious, darling," The Baroness calmly pulled out her laser pistol.

"You wouldn't," Destro blinked.

The Baroness fired a warning shot near his arm. "Wouldn't I?"

"You can't seriously expect me to give you a proposal of marriage under these circumstances!" Destro yelled.

"Considering after all these years you haven't given me a proposal under every **other **sets of circumstances," The Baroness glared. "I will take what I can get!"

"Baroness!" Destro shouted. "Forcing someone to marry you is no basis for a stable relationship!"

"One our relationship has been **anything** but **stable,**" The Baroness told him as she aimed her weapon. "Two, you can't tell me you have never heard of a **shotgun wedding? **And **three…"**

She fired another shot that nearly hit Destro. "For nearly twenty years I have been your doormat! **Twenty years** of promises and midnight romance and mornings where you **sneak out** the back door! I have been with you through fires, floods, earthquakes, plagues and every kind of natural and unnatural disaster known to man! I even stayed with you after you impregnated another woman! And what thanks do I get after all my loyalty? WHAT?" She fired another shot.

"Destro!" Cobra Commander snapped at the door. "Either **propose** or **jump** before the Baroness takes out the fuel tank!"

"Commander I need some assistance here!" Destro yelled.

"You are going to need a tombstone and a very flat casket if you don't just get on with it, propose to her and put us **all **out of our misery!" Cobra Commander yelled. "Why the hell should I help you weasel out of marriage when the rest of us had to suffer though it!"

"Hear! Hear!" Zartan was heard shouting.

"I was never married," Dr. Mindbender said.

"Yeah big shock," The Baroness rolled her eyes. "Well?"

"Baroness you can't…" Destro began.

ZZZAP!

"You can't imagine how **happy** I would be if you would do me the honor of being my wife," Destro winced in agony. And not just from the minor flesh wound on his arm.

"Oh Destro this is so sudden!" The Baroness squealed. "Yes I will marry you! And you are all witnesses!" She pointed her weapon at the other passengers.

"Yeah, yeah we get it already!" Cobra Commander grumbled as he helped Destro into the helicopter. "Just tell us where you two are going to register all right?"

"Oh Destro! We will be so happy together!" The Baroness grabbed him and kissed him. "Soon we will be husband and wife **forever!"**

"I should have jumped," Destro moaned under his breath.

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"Wow you really wrecked that place Juggernaut," Sammy whistled as they flew away from the ruins of Cobra La.

"'Fraid I can't take **all **the credit kid," Juggernaut snorted. "That Grey chick did a lot of damage as well."

"But did you have to wreck so much stuff?" Sammy said. "I know you told me they were bad but…"

"Oh they were very bad Sammy," Black Tom explained. "They were going to hurt people all over the world. And we couldn't let that happen. They were trying to take over the world and we had to stop them."

"Well I guess that's why the X-Men and Misfits were there too," Sammy shrugged. "They were bad and had to be stomped. I get it."

"And we stomped 'em good kid. That was actually fun," Juggernaut smiled as he looked at some of the jewels they had stolen. "Too bad I didn't get much of a chance to take down the X-Babies!"

"Well how would you like another chance then?" Amadeus asked as he piloted the helicopter. "For even more money?"

"I'd do it for free but keep talking," Juggernaut grinned.

"First we have to make a delivery," Amadeus told him as he glanced at the unconscious and broken Nemesis Enforcer. "And then you'll discuss terms with my lord."

"**Your **lord? You mean you ain't the boss?" Juggernaut asked.

"No but I think you might like mine," Amadeus grinned. "He's a very powerful and interesting man who might offer you more money and power than you can dream of."

"I dunno, I can dream up a lot," Juggernaut snorted. "But I've gone this far with you and it's been worth it. Why not?"

"Why not indeed?" Black Tom nodded. "But why did you want us to take this piece of refuse with us?" He pointed at Nemesis Enforcer.

"Let's just say my lord might find an **appropriate **use for him," Amadeus grinned.

**Oh boy this is not going to be good for Nemesis Enforcer. But then again he's a sucky bad guy so it doesn't really matter. But it will be fun for us!**

**Next: The X-Men returns to what's left of their home, only to find themselves in even more trouble! If that's possible which it turns out to be so. And the madness keeps going on and on and on…**


	34. Stormy on the Home Front

**Stormy on the Home Front**

"Home again, home again jiggity jig," Dead Girl grumbled as the X-Men and Misfits landed on the Institute lawn.

"What's left of it," Betsy sighed looking at the ruins. "What a mess!"

Rogue grunted. "Lousy creeps! While we were off fighting the bad guys in Bayville they used some giant worms the size of the Empire State building to wreck our home and break out Nemesis Enforcer."

"All of the sudden I don't feel so bad about what we did at Cobra La," Kurt said, anger apparent in his voice.

"If it will make you feel any better I think Juggernaut, Black Tom and Jean did their fair share of damage too," Althea said.

"Told you we did the right thing," Rogue nodded. "We're just lucky nobody got killed."

"This is awful," Kitty looked at the devastation. "I can't believe all our stuff is wrecked, **again!"**

"Material possessions can always be replaced Kitty," Xavier told her as he wheeled up with Fury. "And the Institute can be rebuilt."

"What counts is that you guys saved the world again," Fury said. "And there were no civilian casualties when the bugs invaded Bayville."

"So I guess we're living underground for a while again huh?" Rogue blew a piece of hair out of her face in annoyance.

"Afraid not," Fury shook his head. "We've been doing a once over of the mansion and it doesn't look good. Even the foundation has been wrecked. And several underground facilities have either been trashed or the roof's caved in."

"You mean…We can't **live** here? We don't even have a **home** anymore?" Kitty asked.

"HA! SERVES YOU RIGHT!"

"Now what's going on?" Logan asked as he turned around.

Mayor Chandler was there with Detective Abrams and a few police officers. "Who let you people in here?" Fury said.

"Detective Abrams? What's going on?" Ororo asked.

"I'm sorry to bother you after you guys just saved the planet again from bug aliens and all," Detective Abrams sighed. "But Ms. Ororo Monroe, I kind of need you to come down to the station. You're under arrest."

"Arrest?" Scott shouted. "For **what?"**

"For what? For **what?"** Mayor Chandler shouted. "I'll tell you what! For jumping up and down on the ice **one too many times** that's **what!"**

"Huh?" Fury blinked. "Could you run that by me again one more time?"

"She jumped up and down too many times on the ice!" Mayor Chandler snapped. "What's so difficult to understand about that?"

"Okay..." Fury blinked again.

"I **told** you this would happen Xavier!" Mayor Chandler shouted, his thin balding head glistening with sweat. "I told you what would happen if you kept jumping up and down on the ice! But did you listen to me!? Noooooooo! You jumped up and down! Up and down!" The mayor then jumped up and down rapidly. "Up and down! Up and down! Up and down! Up and down!"

"Who is this nut?" Fury asked.

"He's the town's mayor," Logan explained.

"This explains a lot," Fury grumbled.

"You hear that sound? That is the sound of the ice **cracking!"** Mayor Chandler shouted gleefully. "Crack! Crack! **Crrrrrrraaaaaaaaaccccck!"**

"That's not the **only** thing that's **cracked **around here," Remy snorted.

"Mayor please," Detective Abrams sighed. "Ms. Monroe I have a warrant for your arrest for the willful destruction of a city landmark."

"What landmark?" Ororo challenged. "That's **outrageous!** I never did such a thing!"

"Uh," Xavier cleared his throat. "Technically you did, Storm. Remember that little outburst right before Bayville was invaded?"

"That's right Xavier! You can't deny she did it this time!" Mayor Chandler shouted. "Don't deny your involvement! I have weather reports to back me up!"

The mayor took out several charts from his back pocket. "Charts! I have **charts!** These charts back me up all the way that she's the only one who could have done **it!"**

"Done **what?** Back **what up?"** Ororo asked. "What did I do?"

"A huge bolt of lightning struck down and destroyed the John Baystone Memorial Tree," Detective Abrams explained.

"Well what does **that** have to do with…?" Bobby began before he realized what he was saying. "Oh…"

"Yeah **oh!"** Mayor Chandler said with glee. "I've got you now Xavier! We may not have been able to put Daniels behind bars but we can do it to his **aunt!** And there's nothing you can do to stop us! You hear me! Nothing! **Nothing!** Not a thing! Zippo! Nada! Zilch! Naught! And these weather charts…these beautiful glorious weather charts show that there was no storm system anywhere near Bayville at the time of the incident! Ha! What do you say to **that?"**

"Yeah well that doesn't prove **anything!"** Pietro snorted. "I mean just because she happened to be fighting with Jean at the time and let off a little thunder and…And I have a really big mouth sometimes don't I?"

"Oh yeah," Wanda said as everyone glared at him.

"As big as the Grand Canyon," Fred glared at his friend.

"I guess it's not just your nephew Quicksilver gets in trouble with the law is it?" Xi asked Ororo.

"Well that **still** doesn't prove anything!" Todd said quickly. "Maybe there were giant bugs hiding **inside** the tree? Did you ever think of that?"

"Uh…Yeah!" Fred nodded quickly. "There were alien bugs inside the tree and they were going to destroy the town."

"Even if that were true…WHICH IT OBVIOUSLY ISN'T!" Mayor Chandler shouted. "IT DIDN'T REALLY STOP THE INVASION DID IT?"

"But do you actually have any **proof** no bugs weren't inside it either do you?" Todd challenged.

"Well…Detective Abrams scratched his head. "When you put it **that** way…"

"OH COME ON!" Mayor Chandler snapped. "We finally got **something **on these freaks and you're going to just let them go! No way!"

"Listen Mayor I'm Nick Fury of…" Fury began.

"I know who **you** are flyboy!" Mayor Chandler interrupted. "And I also know this is a **local** affair! One that you have no **jurisdiction** over! So **shove off!" **

"But sir…" One of the policemen spoke. "They do kind of have a point."

"WHAT POINT?" Mayor Chandler shouted. "THEY WRECKED THE ENTIRE TOWN AND YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LET THEM GET AWAY WITH IT?"

"But…" The policeman gulped. "Technically the **bugs** did that. And they did destroy the bugs..."

"I DON'T CARE! That mutant destroyed a public landmark and I want her **arrested!**" Mayor Chandler shouted as he jumped up and down. "NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!"

"Mayor," Abrams groaned.

"PUT THE CUFFS ON HER! BOOK HER DANNO!" Mayor Chandler screamed.

"But we just saved the world!" Kitty shouted. "And now you want to throw her in jail?"

"YES!" Mayor Chandler shouted. "I want that **freak **locked up in chains where she belongs!"

"Who are **you **calling a **freak?"** Shipwreck snarled as he let loose one of his fists and socked the mayor in the jaw.

"SHIPWRECK!" Ororo gasped. "NO!"

The Mayor was surprisingly resilient. "WHY YOU FREAK LOVING…" He lunged at Shipwreck.

"OH YOU WANNA PLAY IT LIKE THAT? IT'S GO TIME PAL!" Shipwreck shouted as he and the Mayor fought.

"I'LL GET ALL OF YOU! AND YOUR STUPID LITTLE DRAGON TOO!" The Mayor screamed. "EVEN IF I HAVE TO DO IT MYSELF ONE AT A TIME!"

"YOU GOTTA GET THROUGH ME FIRST!" Shipwreck matched him blow for blow.

"WITH PLEASURE!" Mayor Chandler shouted as he showed surprising toughness for a political weasel.

"This is so embarrassing…" Kitty covered her eyes, realizing that there were news cameras filming this from across the lawn.

"Really, this doesn't even make it to the top **ten** in my book," Althea shrugged.

"BREAK IT UP! BREAK IT UP!" Detective Abrams and the policemen got into the middle of the fight. "I SAID **BREAK IT UP!** MAYOR STOP IT! STOP IT! HEY WATCH IT! HEY! LEGGO MY GUN! LET GO OF MY…"

BANG! A shot rang out. And then things **really** started to go downhill.

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"Whoa this place is **huge**," Sammy whistled as he walked in the gigantic palace decorated with ancient Egyptian artifacts. He was with Black Tom, Juggernaut and Amadeus.

"It's like we're in a freaking museum," Juggernaut grumbled as he carried the unconscious Nemesis Enforcer on his back. "What kind of nut lives in a place like this anyway?"

"Uh, old chap," Black Tom gulped and pointed. "I fear that was a poor choice of words?"

"I see you have completed your mission successfully," Apocalypse strode into the room. "Well done, Holocaust."

"Father I haven't gone by that dreary name in **decades,"** Amadeus sighed. "One, the History books have taken it and two it just doesn't suit me. I prefer to be called Amadeus now for I consider myself a genius of many talents."

"Wait, **father?**" Black Tom blinked. "That's your father? **Your** father is **Apocalypse? **You didn't say anything about that!"

"Would you have helped me if I had?" Amadeus gave him a look.

"Well…Perhaps," Black Tom shrugged.

"Hold on a second I'm confused about something," Juggernaut threw Nemesis Enforcer on the ground and held up his hand. "If you're his son where the hell have you **been **all this time? I mean how come you just let your old man stay locked up in that Tibetan hole in the wall."

"That's right. I've heard stories about how Mesmero was recruited and how he recruited others to free Apocalypse. Why didn't you help him then?" Black Tom asked.

"Simple there was a magic spell in place on the tomb as well," Amadeus shrugged. "It barred anyone who shared Apocalypse's bloodline from either opening it or helping someone open it. Besides I wasn't in any hurry to open it even if I could do so. My father and I had some…issues."

"Sheesh does **everybody** in this business have issues with their old man?" Juggernaut grumbled.

"Wait if he's your father and he's been imprisoned for centuries that means…" Sammy looked at Amadeus. "You're a mutant as well?"

"Not just any mutant," Amadeus grinned. "I'm an External. A member of an exclusive group of immortal mutants. Think of us as Homo Superior Plus."

"Much to my surprise," Apocalypse folded his arms. "Especially with your lack of ambition."

"**Must** we argue about this **now?**" Amadeus let out a breath of exasperation. "I have told you over and over again world domination is just **not my thing!** I'm just not interested in investing so much time and energy into something like that when I could be on **vacation!** I'll leave global conquest to you and the Republicans thank you very much."

"None of your brothers and sisters felt as you do," Apocalypse snarled. "**They** had ambition! **They** had the desire to rule! **They **had the makings of **greatness!"**

"Yes and **they** are all **dead **now!" Amadeus snapped. "Doesn't **that** tell you something?"

"Uh excuse me," Black Tom coughed. "I'd hate to interrupt this warm family moment but uh, do you need us for something or can we go now?"

"Yeah as much as I'd love to watch somebody who has bigger problems with his old man than I do go at it," Juggernaut agreed. "I've got this whole revenge thing I really need to get cracking on. You know I was supposed to have beaten up the X-Men and turn their fancy pants mansion into rubble a couple of weeks ago."

"I'm afraid your vengeance will have to wait for a while," Apocalypse made a motion with his hand. Several screens turned on and they showed the damage done to the Institute. "As you can witness for yourself, the Xavier Institute is already destroyed and the X-Men themselves are having some…problems with the local authorities."

"Really?" Juggernaut smiled as he saw footage of Ororo and Shipwreck being taken into custody by the police. "Humph. Maybe those Cobra La freaks weren't so bad after all. It almost makes me feel sorry that I wrecked the place. **Almost.**"

"Hmm," Apocalypse gave a slight glimmer of a smile. "You impress me Juggernaut. You remind me of myself in my younger days. The days when all that mattered was survival and destruction. You survived by destroying your enemy without mercy. And anyone who stood in your way was your enemy."

"And are you **my** enemy?" Juggernaut gave him a look.

"It depends, are you **mine?**" Apocalypse asked.

"You both hate Xavier and his X-Men," Black Tom pointed out to his friend. "And you know the old saying, the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So why not be Apocalypse's friend?"

"Your friend gives you wise counsel," Apocalypse nodded. "Tell me Juggernaut, apart from your obvious desire for vengeance on your half brother and his charges, what do you desire? What is the one thing in this world you want?"

"Well I've always wanted money and power," Juggernaut flexed his muscles. "I've already got the **power** part taken care of. But I could use a lot more money."

"Is that all?" Apocalypse raised an eyebrow.

"No," Juggernaut said. "I want to fight. The who, what and where don't really matter to me. I just wanna show any chump that gets in my way who the strongest man on earth really is! And then I want to beat the loser to a pulp. As long as I can prove that I'm the best, I don't really care who I go up against or how hard he fights back. I'll keep fighting until one of us is dead, and it ain't gonna be me."

"And what do you want young one?" Apocalypse took a look at Sammy.

"Well…" Sammy scratched his head. "All I know is that the Juggernaut helped me when he didn't have to. I learned the hard way that the strong always take advantage of the weak. And I don't want to be weak anymore. I guess I want the Juggernaut to teach me how to be strong even though my powers are pathetic."

"I would not dismiss your gifts just yet," Apocalypse thought. "You are after all still just a boy. And you have much to learn. But I think the Juggernaut and I can teach you what you need to know in order to survive."

"So what do you want us for?" Black Tom asked. "I just want to know the terms of what you're asking. Fair is fair and all."

"Very well, I ask you to destroy or steal something for me, you do so," Apocalypse told him. "I tell you to fight someone, you fight and win. Serve me well and you will be rewarded."

"But screw up and it's our asses right?" Juggernaut finished. "Yeah, yeah I've heard that before. But you know, what I really want is some action. And if you can give me that, I'm your man."

"Well then I guess we've…" Black Tom was about to speak when suddenly he was grabbed from behind. "AAAAKK!"

Nemesis Enforcer was awake and his wings seemed to heal before their eyes. With an animal grunt he tossed Black Tom to the side and took a fighting stance. "Aww, don't tell me I gotta break you up **again?"** Juggernaut sneered. "Fine with me!"

He leapt at Nemesis Enforcer who managed to dodge his attack. He took to the air. "Fight fair Bat Boy!" Juggernaut shook his fists at the airborne assailant. "Okay if **that's** the way you wanna play…"

Juggernaut leapt up into the air right at Nemesis Enforcer. "Two can play this little game!" He roared as he crashed into his opponent. He prepared to hit him with an uppercut on the way down.

The problem was he wasn't going down. He just stayed in the air. "Huh? What's going on?"

Nemesis Enforcer seemed to be having the exact same problem as he struggled to escape some kind of telekinetic hold. "My apologies gentlemen, and I do use that term loosely," Apocalypse held up his hands. "But I have just finished restoring this palace and I do not wish it to be reduced to rubble so quickly."

He dropped Juggernaut with one motion while knocking out Nemesis Enforcer with the wall with another. "Well that was anti-climatic," Black Tom rubbed his head.

"Are you okay Mr. Black Tom sir?" Sammy asked.

"Nothing a good drink won't cure," Black Tom grumbled as he got up.

"Sorry to disappoint your fun but as I said, I'd like to keep my headquarters in one piece," Apocalypse said to Juggernaut. He telekinetically retrieved some manacles and put them on Nemesis Enforcer. "Not to mention to study our friend here."

"No skin off of my nose," Juggernaut shrugged. "I already beat this loser before. He ain't worth another go round."

"Well then I say what's next on the plan?" Black Tom clapped his hands.

"You may rest and relax for now," Apocalypse made a motion. Several lights on the roof turned on in a long corridor. "Follow the lights. You will find a repast and some accommodations at the end."

"Now that's what I'm talking about," Juggernaut clapped his hands. "Come on kid, let's eat!"

"I know I could use a stiff drink," Black Tom staggered after them.

Amadeus and Apocalypse remained behind. "So what do you think of our new associates?" Amadeus asked his father.

"The Juggernaut impresses me," Apocalypse folded his arms. "I admit you have done well. The other two show potential. Yes now that Cobra La has been destroyed and it's people decimated they are no longer a threat to mutant kind and my plans."

"An actual compliment. See that wasn't so hard was it?" Amadeus snorted. "Let's not forget we've found a weakness in the Phoenix."

"I am not so certain," Apocalypse folded his arms.

"What do you mean? Jean Grey is mortal!" His son told him. "All we have to do is kill her and the Phoenix Force will leave her body. It's simple."

"Nothing is quite as simple as it appears," Apocalypse sighed with disappointment. "But that can wait another day. For now let us be content with our prize."

"Such spirit," Amadeus noted at the prisoner before them. "And he even has some kind of healing factor in his body. I did not know that before."

"Yes this was a good choice," Apocalypse grinned at the unconscious Nemesis Enforcer. "I believe you will serve me well…My new horseman."

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Meanwhile at the Bayville Police Department…

"Way to go Shipwreck," Ororo grumbled as she sat in the cell. "Now we're **both **in jail!"

"Is that the thanks I get for defending your honor?" Shipwreck asked. He was in the adjacent cell.

"SINCE WHEN DO YOU MUTANTS HAVE ANY HONOR?" Mayor Chandler shouted. He was in a third cell and had a black eye. "YOU HIT ME! WHY AM I IN JAIL?"

"Because you were stupid enough to fight back," Shipwreck snickered. "Well actually you crossed the stupid line when you tried to grab Detective Abrams' gun away from him and accidentally shot him in the foot."

"While trying to shoot me, I might add," Ororo snapped.

"No, I was actually trying to shoot the **sailor **first!" Mayor Chandler yelled. "If I had any bullets left over **then **I would have shot you!"

"Either way it's still funny if you think about it," Shipwreck snickered.

"Shipwreck there is **nothing **funny about this situation," Ororo snapped. "Well at least my situation! You may be used to a jail cell but this is starting to activate my claustrophobia!"

"Claustrophobia?" Mayor Chandler asked.

"That's a fear of enclosed spaces," Shipwreck asked.

"I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS YOU IDIOT!" The Mayor shouted.

"It also means that if she gets really bad this whole building will do an impersonation of Dorothy's farmhouse from the Wizard of Oz," Shipwreck went on. "You know when it got caught in that tornado? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do! Do, do, do, do, do, do, do…"

"What? Is that true?" Mayor Chandler shouted.

"Uh…" Ororo said nervously. "A little…"

"A LITTLE?" Mayor Chandler shouted.

"Do, do, do, do, do, do!" Shipwreck went on with his impersonation of the witch's theme from the Wizard of Oz. "Do, do, do, do, do, do!"

"Shut up!" Mayor Chandler snapped.

"Do, do, do, do, do, do!" Shipwreck went on. "Do, do, do, do, do, do!"

"I told you to **shut up!"** Mayor Chandler shouted even louder.

"Like he will listen to **you?"** Ororo asked. "Or anyone else for that matter?"

"Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do…" Shipwreck continued to annoy the mayor. "Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do…"

"WHY DON'T YOU **SHUT UP!"** Mayor Chandler jumped up and down. "I AM THE MAYOR! I AM TELLING YOU TO SHUT UP! WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP WHEN I TELL YOU TO SHUT UP!"

"Try and **make me!"** Shipwreck shouted. "Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do…"

"OH I'LL MAKE YOU ALL RIGHT!" Mayor Chandler shouted. "I'LL MAKE YOU SHUT UP IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO!"

"YOU SHUT UP HORSE FACE!" Shipwreck shouted. "Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do..."

"WHY DON'T **BOTH **OF YOU **SHUT UP** BEFORE I LOSE MY TEMPER?" Ororo stood screaming.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" The police guard snapped as he ran into the cell block. "WHAT'S ALL THE YELLING ABOUT?"

"**HE **STARTED IT!" Both Shipwreck and the Mayor pointed to each other.

"Well if you two don't knock it off I'll stop it! Got it?" The guard snapped.

"Officer! You have to **do** something!" The Mayor shouted. "You can't keep me here in the same room with **that!"** He pointed to Ororo. "That's a dangerous mutant!"

"Really?" The guard folded his arms.

"Yes!" Mayor Chandler snapped. "You have to do something!"

"We have," The guard said. "See those cell bars there?"

"BESIDES THAT?" Mayor Chandler shouted. "You and I both know that a cell door means **nothing** to someone like her! Can't you just shut off her powers or something before she kills us all?"

"Do, do, do, do, do, do…" Shipwreck mocked. "Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do…"

"Will you **stop** that?" Mayor Chandler screamed at Shipwreck. Turning back to the guard he said. "Wait, I have an idea!"

"That will be a first," Shipwreck mocked.

Mayor Chandler ignored him. "Collars! Mutant suppression collars! You could put one of those things on her! Actually those things should be **mandatory **on all mutants! Just snap one of them on her!"

"Yeah well there's one little flaw in your plan," The guard said. "We don't have any mutant suppression collars."

"No collars?" The mayor blinked.

"Nope," The guard shook his head.

"Not even **one?"** Mayor Chandler asked.

"Nope," The guard told him. "Not a single one."

"Are you telling me that in a town with one of the highest mutant populations in the world there are **no** mutant suppression collars?" Mayor Chandler shouted.

"Bingo," The guard said. "They're too expensive."

"Too **expensive?** What **idiot **said **that!**" Mayor Chandler shouted.

**"You** did," The guard gave him a look.

"WHAT?" Mayor Chandler shouted.

"Remember those budget cuts you made to the department a few weeks ago? All that new equipment you said the police department **couldn't have?"** The guard sneered. "Guess what was at the **top** of the list?"

"No…" Mayor Chandler's jaw dropped.

"We were supposed to get them but you said they were too expensive," The guard grinned. "Remember? You slashed the department's budget in half to pay for some of the repairs to city hall after the **last** alien attack."

"But you have to do **something!"** Mayor Chandler shouted. "She destroyed a monument!"

"Who cares about a freaking tree?" The Guard snorted. "They just saved the freaking planet for what? The third time this **year?"**

"Right on brother!" Shipwreck called out.

"You mean you don't hate us for what happened?" Ororo was surprised.

"Not everybody in town blames you guys for the alien invasions," The guard shrugged.

"Yeah only **half** the town blames you," Shipwreck remarked.

"AND I'M PART OF THAT NUMBER!" Mayor Chandler shouted. "YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING! SHE'S A MENACE!"

"**She's** a menace?" The guard looked at him. "At least she doesn't go around **shooting **cops!"

"That was an accident and you know it!" Mayor Chandler snapped.

"Right he was going to shoot **us,"** Shipwreck said.

"I am not dangerous!" Mayor Chandler snapped. "Not like her! I am ordering you to do something about her!"

"Fine," The guard sighed. He turned to Ororo. "No zapping any more trees." He turned to the Mayor. "There I **did **something."

"This is insubordination! I'll have your **badge** for this!" Mayor Chandler threatened. "I am the mayor of this town!"

"I didn't vote for you anyway," The guard snorted as he left.

"I **hate** this town so much," Mayor Chandler groaned as he sunk his head into his hands.

"I could always take over the job," Shipwreck grinned. "Mayor Shipwreck Delgado. Has a nice ring to it."

"With your luck if you ever became mayor the town would **blow up!"** Ororo snapped.

"Maybe that's not such a bad thing," Mayor Chandler's eye twitched.

"You got visitors," The guard opened the door. Xavier, Roadblock, Althea, Rogue, Kitty and Todd walked in.

"Thank goodness," Ororo breathed a sigh of relief. "How's Jean?"

"There wasn't as much poison in her as we thought," Althea said. "She's resting now. She should be better by the morning thanks to Lifeline."

"Well that's **one **good piece of news," Ororo sighed.

"Do, do, do, do, do, do! Do, do, do, do, do, do…" Shipwreck was still taunting the Mayor.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Mayor Chandler screamed.

"Do, do, do, do, do, do," Shipwreck was obviously not going to shut up. "Do, do, do, do, do, do..."

"Please tell me you have made bail," Ororo gave them a pained look.

"Not exactly…" Xavier sighed.

"What do you mean **not exactly?"** Ororo asked, her voice getting higher.

"Well you see since the entire mansion kind of got trashed…" Kitty began. "And the banks are kind of all closed so the Professor can't cash a check..."

"Yeah and the police are saying something about a flight risk," Todd told them. "Although to be fair they could have been talking about him." He pointed to the mayor.

"I think I see the problem," Ororo groaned.

"Don't worry Storm," Todd waved. "If worse comes to worse thanks to the army's new policy you could always serve your time by joining the Misfits."

"I'd rather be locked in **solitary confinement!"** Ororo snapped. Then she had a thought. "Charles, we're not living with the Misfits while our home is being rebuilt are we? Please say no!"

"You mean are we going to live at the Pit for a while? No we are not," Xavier said diplomatically.

"That didn't answer her question," Shipwreck picked up on it. "Which means the Misfits are going to be with you guys!"

"WHAT? CHARLES!" Ororo snapped. "WHAT STUPID IDEA DID YOU COME UP WITH NOW?"

"Storm hear me out," Xavier held up his hands.

"Oh I can't **wait **to hear this," Mayor Chandler grumbled.

"Things are a little…stressful right now," Xavier said. "Perhaps a short time away from Bayville while the Institute is being rebuilt is the best solution?"

"No, the best solution is if that Institute is never **rebuilt **at all!" Mayor Chandler shouted. "And where the hell is my lawyer?"

"Maybe he's off reading Tom Sawyer?" Todd asked.

"What?" The Mayor gave him a look.

"We tend to rhyme from time to time," Roadblock explained. "Not like it's a crime."

"The rhyming is kind of contagious," Todd said.

Althea added, "Even though it sounds a little bit outrageous."

"I can't take this," Mayor Chandler slunk down on his cot. "I can't take this!"

"Long story short we're gonna be holed up at Misfit Manor until the morning," Rogue groaned.

"But what about us?" Shipwreck asked.

"We tried to get bail for you but we couldn't contact a judge or anything," Rogue sighed.

"I'm afraid you guys are stuck here for the night," Roadblock said. "But just sit tight. In the morning everything will be all right."

"Yeah we won't let them lock you up without a fight," Todd nodded.

"I just want you people out of my sight!" Mayor Chandler shouted. "I can't believe I said that!"

"I told you it was contagious," Todd said.

"This is outrageous," Mayor Chandler snapped. "Now you've got **me** doing it!"

"Sorry you're stuck here tonight Storm," Kitty sighed.

"Actually I'm sorry **you're** stuck with the Misfits for the night," Ororo said.

"Do, do, do, do, do, do!" Shipwreck taunted Mayor Chandler. "Do, do, do, do, do, do, do..."

"YOU WANT A FAT LIP SAILOR?" Mayor Chandler shouted. "DO YOU?"

"On the other hand…" Ororo groaned.

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Morning didn't come fast enough for anyone at the Bayville High Police Department, including the guard who had to deal with Shipwreck and the Mayor's bickering all night. Eventually they were sent to the courthouse and were soon in a judge's court room. Detective Abrams was there with his foot in a cast on a pair of crutches. Jack White, the albino mutant attorney with the power of a photographic memory was there to represent both Ororo and Shipwreck.

"I admit it doesn't look good," Jack sighed. "Maybe we can plea bargain? Try to get community service."

"I hate to say this but I deserve to go to jail," Ororo sighed. "I can't believe I lost control like that. I could have done worse than destroy a tree."

"Don't worry too much Storm," Althea told her. "Something tells me things are not as bad as you think."

"Why?" Jack gave her a look.

"Let's just say we took care of a few things," Todd grinned.

"Oh no I'm going to be in prison for **years,**" Ororo groaned.

The mayor's attorney was there as well. "Deeds where the hell were you?" Mayor Chandler snapped. "I was stuck in a cell with those freaks all night!"

"I'm sorry but I had a little trouble," Mr. Deeds, the Mayor's attorney said. "A lot of the roads were closed due to the invasion incident cleanup. I couldn't get through to any judge in Bayville. I've been working on your case all night. It's just…"

"Oh never mind," Mayor Chandler snorted. "This is an open and shut case. A little discomfort was worth it to see one of Xavier's freaks being put behind bars where she belongs!"

"All rise," The Bailiff spoke. "Judge Marvin Malone now presiding." In walked in a kindly gray haired man with glasses a judge's robe and a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"Oh no! Not 'Marbles' Malone," Deeds groaned.

"Who?" Ororo asked.

"He's called Marbles because apparently he lost them years ago," Jack whispered to her.

"Why the hell did we get **this** judge?" Mayor Chandler shouted.

"He was the only judge we had that wasn't out of town," The bailiff shrugged. "Or left town."

"All right then true believers of justice! Let's get this show on the road!" Judge Malone clapped his hands and banged the gavel. "What's the first case?"

"The People Vs. Ororo 'Storm' Monroe," The town prosecutor. "On the charge of willful destruction of a town monument, The John Baystone Memorial Tree. On May…"

"Excuse me," Judge Malone held up his hand. "Hold on a second. Do you mean the John Baystone Memorial Tree is **gone?"**

"Yes sir," The prosecutor nodded. "As I was saying…"

"Hold it," The Judge interrupted again. "Gone as in, not there anymore?"

"That's usually what gone means, Sir," The prosecutor coughed. "To continue what I was saying…"

"When did **this** happen?" The Judge asked.

"About two days ago," The Prosecutor said. "The afternoon before the alien bugs invaded."

"You're saying it was missing two days **yesterday**?" The Judge asked.

"Yes and it is still missing **today,"** The Prosecutor said patiently. "All because of the willful and destructive behavior of…"

"Are you **sure?"** The Judge asked again.

"Yes Sir, we're very sure," The Prosecutor sighed. "As I was saying…"

"The John Baystone Memorial Tree? The one that's in the Bayville Memorial Gardens? Are you sure **that's** the tree we are talking about?" The Judge asked.

"Yes sir, I know you are a bit confused by the concept but…" The Prosecutor was beginning to lose his patience.

"I believe it is **you** who are confused Mr. Prosecutor," The Judge huffed. "Because I pass the Bayville Memorial Gardens every morning on my way to work. And I always see that tree as I turn the corner of Lee Drive. It's a lovely tree. Don't you think so Mr. Prosecutor?"

"Well it **was **a lovely tree Sir until…" The Prosecutor began again.

"No it **is** a lovely tree," The Judge corrected him. "Because I passed that very **same tree** on my way to work **this morning!"**

"WHAT?" Mayor Chandler shot up in his seat. "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE! IT CAN'T BE THERE! IT JUST CAN'T!"

"Call it what you want but it's there," The Judge said.

"No, no," Mayor Chandler stood up in his seat. "No, no, no, no, no. No! NO! NO! THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL THAT TREE IS STILL THERE! I WAS NEARLY KILLED WHEN THE DAMN THING WAS DESTROYED!"

"Mr. Mayor watch your language!" The Judge ordered.

"But it was **gone!** Kaput! I saw it hit by lightning by my own eyes!" Mayor Chandler shouted. "Trees that size don't just grow back **overnight!** They just **don't!" **

"Unless Lance called in a favor from Willow," Althea explained softly to Ororo.

"I kind of **figured** that," Ororo rolled her eyes.

"It's a trick! It's a mutant trick!" Mayor Chandler snapped.

"Well we could always call the Bayville Gardens and find out if it's really there or not," Jack spoke up.

"IT'S NOT THERE! IT CAN'T BE THERE!" Mayor Chandler shouted.

"Quiet Mr. Mayor!" The Judge spoke. "I won't tolerate any more of these outbursts! Mr. White I believe that is an excellent idea. I'll use my cell phone. Bailiff…"

"I don't believe this…" The Mayor slouched in his seat.

"Hello? Bayville Gardens?" The Judge called. "Can you hear me now? Yes this is Judge Malone speaking. I have a few questions. Is the Memorial Tree there? It is? Can you see it from where you're standing? Uh huh. Are you sure? I see. Was it ever missing? Really? Hit by lightning?"

"I TOLD YOU!" Mayor Chandler snapped. "SHE DID IT! SHE DID IT!"

"I am on the phone here!" The Judge snapped. "Sorry about that. I see. It just grew back overnight. Oh well I guess it was just one of those things. Thank you for your time." He hung up. "It was hit by lightning but it grew back."

"It grew back thanks to mutant powers!" Mayor Chandler snapped.

"Oh well that's handy," Judge Malone grinned. "Well Mr. Prosecutor since the charges against Mrs. Monroe are that she destroyed at tree that's obviously still standing, I say the case against her is dismissed!" He banged his gavel.

"WHAT? YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Mayor Chandler stood up.

"I can do that Mr. Mayor and since I banged my little gavel I just did," Judge Malone. "Another outburst like that and I will find you in contempt of this court! Now what's next on the docket?"

"Your honor the Mayor is pressing charges against Mr. Hector 'Shipwreck' Delgado," Deeds stood up. "Mr. Delgado attacked the Mayor."

"Really? Does your client have anything to say?" The Judge asked.

"Yeah your honor I was provoked!" Shipwreck stood up. "He was saying horrible things about Storm here. Things I'd rather not repeat in this courtroom if you don't mind. I was only defending her honor, your honor."

"All I did was call that woman the **freak** that she is!" Mayor Chandler snapped.

"That sir is **more** than enough to land you in contempt of court!" The Judge banged his gavel. "Well this is a clear cut case!"

"Yes sir," Deeds coughed.

"Obviously Mr. Delgado was trying to defend the woman!" Judge Malone said.

"WHAT?" Mayor Chandler shot up. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

"He also said he was going to shoot her your honor!" Shipwreck went on. "I heard him!"

"I said I was going to shoot her after I **shot **you!" Mayor Chandler snapped, quickly losing his temper.

"That's quite enough Mr. Mayor!" Judge Malone slammed his gavel down. "This is a clear cut case of defense! The charges against Mr. Delgado are dropped! Furthermore I am adding a charge of assault on Ms. Monroe to the already mounting charges against you Mr. Mayor!"

"WHAT? YOU CALL THAT JUSTICE!?" Mayor Chandler shouted. "I DIDN'T EVEN SHOOT HER!"

"But you did shoot Detective Abrams," Shipwreck called out.

"SHUT UP YOU!" Mayor Chandler snapped.

"BE QUIET!" Judge Malone pounded his gavel. "Detective are you pressing charges against the Mayor?"

"And **how** your honor!" Detective Abrams nodded.

"Then it is my judgment that Mayor Chandler be held without bail until trial," Judge Malone said. "And in accordance with the town's by laws, any public official either convicted of a crime or awaiting trial of a serious crime…and last I checked assault and shooting a police officer are serious crimes…can be removed from office immediately."

"WHAT?" Mayor Chandler shot up in his seat. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!"

"I just did," Judge Malone told him flippantly. He opened up a book. "Hmm…Now according to this…until the special election is held the new mayor is…The Deputy Mayor if he is not intoxicated."

"Uh…The Deputy Mayor went into rehab yesterday," The Prosecutor coughed. "He couldn't take the stress of the job."

"Gee I wonder **why?"** Mayor Chandler said sarcastically.

"All right then according to the by laws next in line is the highest ranking judge," Judge Malone looked at the book. "Uh who is that?"

"That's you sir," The Bailiff spoke.

"Oh lucky me," Judge Malone said cheerfully. "Well I guess I'm the new mayor."

"WHAT? NO! NO! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" Mayor Chandler shouted.

"Take him away!" The new Mayor Malone ordered. "Gee I'm going to like this job!"

"NOO! NO! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT MUTANTS!" Ex-Mayor Chandler screamed as he was dragged off by the guards kicking and screaming. "I'LL GET YOU! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL! DEEDS DO SOMETHING YOU IDIOT!"

"Fine! I quit!" Deeds snapped at his former client and stormed out of the courtroom.

"Okay this court is adjourned! Time for me to break for lunch!" Mayor Malone clapped his hands.

"Uh sir, it's only 9:30," The bailiff spoke.

"Brunch then," Malone shrugged as he left the room.

"Way to go guys!" Todd cheered as the X-Men and Misfits congratulated their friends.

"I am so relieved that's over," Ororo breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well I guess it's back to Misfit Manor for us!" Shipwreck grinned.

"Not exactly," Althea groaned.

"What do you mean?" Shipwreck asked.

"Misfit Manor got wrecked too," Althea told him. "In fact it needs repairs and a new roof before it's able to be inhabitable again. As well as a wall or two."

"What happened?" Ororo asked.

"Don't ask," Lance groaned. "But fortunately General Hawk came up with a solution. The busses are outside waiting for us."

"Busses?" Ororo asked.

"To take us out of Bayville for a while. We knew you'd get off," Althea said.

"Larry said so," Wanda explained.

"Yeah and the best part is you and Shipwreck will be able to go camping with us!" Fred nodded.

"What?" Ororo asked.

"General Hawk and I decided that perhaps a brief camping trip would be a good idea for both teams," Xavier coughed. "While the Mansion is being rebuilt of course."

"And how long will **that** take?" Ororo asked.

"Well repairs and renovations will be a while but we estimate the basics for it to be habitable will take about a month," Xavier said. "If the building crews we hire work around the clock."

"Camping…" Ororo said. "With the Misfits…And Shipwreck…For a whole month?"

"Yes," Xavier nodded.

She turned to Jack. "Is it too late for me to plead guilty and go to jail?"

**Next: So what exactly happened at Misfit Manor that night Storm and Shipwreck were in jail? How did the X-Men and Misfits wreck the place? Who's really to blame? You won't believe it! **


	35. Another Night at Misfit Manor

**Another Night At Misfit Manor**

Now how do you ask did Misfit Manor managed to get trashed? Well even more trashed than normal.

Go ahead. Ask. I know you're dying to do it!

Really. Ask away. You know you want to.

Come on ask! ASK ALREADY!

Well since you really want to know what happened…

It all began shortly after Xavier and the others returned from visiting Ororo and Shipwreck in jail. The gang were sitting around eating and commiserating on the recent events.

"I can't believe it," Kitty sunk in her seat at the Misfit kitchen. "I can't believe Storm's in jail."

"Shipwreck's in jail too," Todd pointed out.

"**That** I can believe," Kitty told him.

"Not exactly a big stretch of the imagination for me either," Althea admitted. "At least they got the Mayor too. So it's not a total loss."

"That was pretty funny I gotta admit," Ray nodded.

"But still, Storm in jail," Amara shuddered. "Gives me the chills just thinking about it."

"She's at the Bayville County Jail and it's in the police department," Althea calmed her down. "It's not exactly GRSO Headquarters you know?"

"Yeah those goons don't even have any mutant inhibitor collars," Tabitha patted her best friend's hand. "Cheer up Amara, it's going to be okay. She'll be fine."

"Well as fine as you can get locked up with Shipwreck and a half crazy mutant hating mayor for an entire night," Lance remarked. "And knowing Shipwreck, Chandler will be **completely** crazy by the end of the night."

"That's what I was **worried **about!" Amara told them. "And you know Storm has awful claustrophobia."

"Oh yeah I forgot," Tabitha said. "Still, Storm's one tough lady. How bad could it be? I mean she's been through a lot worse right?"

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A quick cut to the Bayville High Jail…

"YOU'RE DEAD! DEAD! DEAD!! YOU'RE GOING TO BE DEAD! FRENCH FRIED DEAD!" Shipwreck sang as loud as he could. "DEADY DEAD DEAD DEAD! OH WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DEAD DRUNK MAYOR…?"

"I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU! HEAR ME MUTANT FREAK LOVER! YOU CAN'T INTIMIDATE ME ANY MORE!" Mayor Chandler screamed in the cell next to his.

"WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DEAD DRUNK MAYOR?" Shipwreck bellowed even louder. "SET HIM ON FIRE WHILE HE'S AT THE TAILOR!"

"I'M NOT LISTENING ANY MORE! DO DAH! DO DAH!" Mayor Chandler sang right back with his hands over his ears. "I'M NOT LISTENING ANY MORE! OH THE DO DAH DAY! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!"

"SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" The guard screamed. "YOU WANT ME TO GET MY TASER OUT?"

"I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!" Ororo shouted. "I'M SERIOUS! I'LL FRY THEM FOR **FREE!" **

"OH WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A DEAD DRUNK MAYOR?" Shipwreck screamed loudly. "PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE AND STICK HIS HEAD IN THE TOILET!"

"I'M NOT LISTENING! I'M NOT LISTENING! DO DAH! DO DA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU ANY MORE! OH THE DO DAY!" Mayor Chandler screamed putting his hands over his ears. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I'M NOT LISTENING! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAA!"

"Seriously, how much time would I get if I **did** zap them?" Ororo asked the guard. "I think I can take it! A fine maybe? Because it will be worth **every penny!"**

"It's tempting…" The guard groaned. "I could always tell the Sarge you had an accident."

"That can be arranged," Ororo growled.

"I'M NOT LISTENING! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA LA LA!!" Mayor Chandler screamed. "LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! I'M PUTTING YOU ON HOLD!"

"YOU CAN'T PUT ME ON HOLD! I'M PUTTING **YOU** ON HOLD!" Shipwreck shouted back. "LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA LA LA LA! LA!"

"YOU CAN'T PUT ME ON HOLD BECAUSE I PUT **YOU** ON HOLD **FIRST!"** Mayor Chandler screamed. "I AM THE HOLD PUT-ER! YOU ARE THE HOLD PUT-EE! SO YOU CAN'T PUT ME ON HOLD! IT'S THE LAW! STOP THAT! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"WATCH ME!" Shipwreck shouted. "IT'S MAYOR CHANDLER IN A DRESS! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! AND HE LOOKS FAT IN IT!"

"You're going to get a **fat lip** if you two don't shut up right now!" The guard warned. "Lady are they always like this?"

"You have **no** idea," Ororo groaned.

"I'm Mayor Chandler! And I'm a big fat wuss!" Shipwreck spoke in a funny voice and pranced around in his cell. "And I like to wear leather pants and get spanked by big boys in chaps and…"

"I AM NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO THIS TYPE OF SLANDER!" Mayor Chandler shouted.

"What kind of slander do you **usually** listen to?" Shipwreck sneered.

"You just walked right into that one didn't you?" Ororo asked.

"That certainly is true," The guard said. "How did I start talking in rhyme? Not that it's a crime...Oh man I think I caught whatever it is you maniacs have!"

"That's it! I refuse to listen to either of you!" Mayor Chandler covered his ears before. "I am not here! I am somewhere else far away!"

"How about Fire Island where you go and meet all your **other** boyfriends?" Shipwreck taunted.

"LA! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA LA LA! LA!" Mayor Chandler screamed back. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"I wish I couldn't hear **them!"** Ororo moaned. "They're going to be at this all night!"

"MAYOR CHANDLER STINKS! MAYOR CHANDLER STINKS!" Shipwreck continued. "AND HE'S GOT A TINY DINK!"

"THAT'S IT! I HEARD THAT!" Mayor Chandler snapped. He grabbed one of his shoes and threw it at Shipwreck. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

"Missed me! Missed me! Now you gotta kiss me!" Shipwreck taunted. "Boy that really turns you on doesn't it?"

"Shut up! Just shut up you freak loving freakazoid!" Mayor Chandler yelled.

"Small feet huh? No wonder your wife left!" Shipwreck sneered as he held up the thrown shoe and waved it.

"Oh yeah and I'll bet **your **wife…" Mayor Chandler threw the other shoe.

"HE'S THROWING SHOES AT ME!" Shipwreck pointed. "GUARD THE BIG CRYBABY IS THROWING SHOES AT ME!"

"I'LL DO MORE THAN THAT WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS CELL! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU!" Mayor Chandler threw himself at the bars.

"COME AND GET ME LANDLUBBER!" Shipwreck shouted back.

"I'LL GET YOU ALL RIGHT! I'LL GET YOU! I'LL GET YOU GOOD!" Mayor Chandler was foaming at the mouth.

"I AM GETTING OUT MY GUN NOW!" The guard shouted. "THE ONE WITH THE RUBBER BULLETS!"

"This is **definitely **worse than the time I was brainwashed by Apocalypse!" Ororo groaned. "And definitely lot more **painful** as well!"

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Let's go back to Misfit Manor shall we? I think we all got the idea of how Storm spent her night.

"I just wish there was something more we can do," Rogue sighed as she poked at her ice cream.

"Well we could always go to the jail and get some ropes, a gallon of gasoline, two jars of peanut butter, some dynamite…" Pyro began.

"I meant a **legal** way to help Storm," Rogue gave him a look.

"Sure if you want to take all the **fun** out of it," Pyro pouted.

"There's nothing we can do until tomorrow," Hank said. "The Professor is working with our lawyer as we speak. Like Wavedancer said, we're lucky she's not in a GRSO base."

"We haven't heard a peep out of those losers since we trashed Neverland," Pietro scoffed. "Face it, we busted those creeps good."

"Don't be so sure Pietro," Lance said. "We may have wrecked their main base and exposed Sinister but Kincaid is still out there."

"And if not him, I'm sure the army can find **another** general or some other mutant hating jerk to replace him," Wanda agreed. "Mark my words they're just biding their time."

"Roadblock, have you or General Hawk heard anything about the GRSO?" Scott asked Roadblock as he came in.

"The GRSO is lying low," Roadblock frowned. "But last we heard Kincaid is still at large and in charge."

"Wonderful," Tabitha rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry, the important thing is that they don't have Storm and she'll be safe and sound," Roadblock said. "We've got one of the best lawyers around."

"Somehow I don't think that will be enough," Althea frowned. "Hey Lance come on, I think the two of us need to make a phone call."

"Phone call?" Lance blinked. "For what?"

"We're gonna get some insurance," Althea said grabbing his arm. "Come on." They left the room.

"Where are they going?" Amara asked.

Larry wheeled into the room. "Don't worry, they will make sure that Storm gets out of jail. Shipwreck will get off too. It's the Mayor that's in real trouble."

"How can you be so sure?" Ray asked.

"Hello? Guy can see into the future here!" Todd said.

"Can he see where we're going to live now?" Kurt groaned.

"Why don't you kids just relax?" Roadblock told them. "We've got a ton of extra pajamas upstairs and you kids can use the washing machines to wash your uniforms. Scott you can sleep in Shipwreck's room tonight since he won't be using it. The rest of you will have to double up a little."

"It'll be just one big sleepover from Hell," Wanda mocked. "Which come to think of it is like every **other** night around here."

"Hey Scott. How's Jean doing?" Kitty asked as Scott walked into the room.

"She's resting in the infirmary," He said. "How are all of you holding up?"

"Other than the fact that Storm's in jail and we lost our home and nearly all our possessions?" Ray gave him a look. "Just **peachy."**

"Maybe you guys should hit the sack early?" Roadblock suggested.

"I'm too wound up to sleep," Rogue admitted. "Maybe I'll watch TV for a bit."

"Hey kids! Gather around the TV! Goodfellas is on again!" Low Light shouted.

"All right!" Todd whooped as he raced to the TV with several Misfits and a few X-Men. "I love that movie!"

"On the other hand…" Rogue remarked as she walked in.

"Goodfellas? Isn't that a little violent for some of these kids?" Hank asked pointing to Jamie, Spyder, Madelyne and Trinity.

"It's the TBS edited version," Spyder rolled her eyes. "We see worse stuff on CSI!"

"And we just saw a ton of gross bugs and stuff exploding today," Madelyne said. "As well as an entire snake city being destroyed. You really think a fake mob hit is gonna scare us?"

"We see dead bodies all the time," Brittany nodded. "Like that one Cobra La person we saw in the road."

"You said he was sleeping!" Bobby gasped.

"We lied, deal with it," Spyder rolled her eyes.

"You're probably lying now," Bobby snorted. "I mean how could you know he was dead? We just saw him for like three seconds."

"We also noticed the large pool of blood around his head," Daria said.

"That's usually a good clue," Jamie agreed.

"That was **blood?**" Ray asked. "But it was green!"

"So? What's your point?" Brittany asked.

"Green blood? Ewwww…" Kitty winced.

"Putting our daily lives aside," Hank sighed. "I still don't think Goodfellas is an appropriate movie."

"It's educational," Low Light said. "It gives the kids an insight into the criminal mind. And it's history too. This really happened."

"And it teaches you a very important lesson," Pyro nodded. "If you are going to deal drugs **don't** use them! Something my parents should have learned."

"We **all **agree on that," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"Uh maybe we'll watch the movie some other time," Danielle said as she Ray, and Forge got up.

"We're going to go do some laundry and wash what's left of our clothes," Forge told them as they left.

"Your loss," Todd nodded. "Anybody else?"

"No I think we'll all go back in the kitchen and drink some more," Hank sighed. Most of the Misfits remained behind along with Jamie, Madelyne, Tabitha, Tim and Penny to watch the movie.

Only Fred went into the kitchen with them. "You're not going to watch the mob fest in there?" Rogue asked.

"Nah, I've already seen it three times this week. Besides, I'm more of a Godfather kind of guy," Fred told them. "You know, I've never told anyone this but…I've always felt that me and Marlon Brando had a lot in common."

"Can't argue with that," Remy agreed.

"You know I had a dog named Brando when I was a kid?" Fred sighed wistfully. "I loved that dog."

"Oh god I feel my brain cells slipping already!" Rogue moaned. "Not the Brando story **again!"**

"You've heard this?" Remy asked her.

"Hello? I lived with the Brotherhood for four months remember?" Rogue gave him a look. "Four **long** months. Four long horrifying **lousy **months. And at least **once **a month I heard the Brando story! So zip it Blob! No one and I mean **no one** wants to hear the Brando story!"

"I want to hear the Brando story," Rahne said. Rogue gave her a dark look. "I like dog stories! Sue me!"

"So do I," Sam said.

"Fine! Don't say I didn't warn you! Just let me get out of the room first!" Rogue got up and left. "All of the sudden mob guys blowing each other up and dismembered corpses became a lot more **appealing!"**

"Okay Blob I'll bite," Logan sighed. "Tell us about your damn dog."

"I got him for Christmas when I was just a little tyke," Fred sighed happily. "Grandma rescued him from a racetrack, he was a greyhound. Well actually he wasn't exactly gray, he was brown. But that's beside the point. We did everything together. We played in the snow, went hunting rabbits together, went fishing, did chores, swam in the town's water supply and a few giant milk vats, chased foxes and mailmen, collected candy from the other kids in the neighborhood…"

"We get the point Blob," Sam interrupted.

"Those were wonderful days," Fred sighed. "But then…When he got older things changed. He turned on me and my family."

"You mean he got rabies and bit you?" Sam asked.

"No, he got rich and screwed us out of money," Fred told them. "A few years before he saved the life of Mr. McGreevy, the town's most prominent landowner and wealthiest man. When Mr. McGreevy died he willed his entire estate to Brando. To this day I don't know how Brando found that lawyer but the next thing we knew Brando took off in a limo to live the high life at McGreevy Hall and we were left out without a dime!"

"Uh Blob, don't you think there's a good possibility that the lawyer used your dog and that Brando had no choice in the matter?" Hank asked.

"Trust me Beast! I know what happened! I was there!" Fred told him. "When your own dog snarls at you even when you're holding bacon in your hand and runs over and licks a sixty five year old lawyer that smells like codfish you **know** something's wrong!"

"Oh yes something is **very wrong** all right…" Logan groaned.

"And what made matters worse was he owned the rights to the local watering hole so we had to pay him in order to get a drink!" Fred snapped.

"Just so we're clear, when you say watering hole you're referring to a bar aren't you?" Hank asked.

"Actually it was a bar **in** the church we went to," Fred explained. "You see the Reverend Henderson was trying to think of a way to boost sagging attendance and went to read his Bible for answers. When he got to the passage about Jesus turning the water into wine…"

"I think we can surmise the rest," Hank held up his hand.

"It worked," Fred nodded. "From that day on no one in town ever missed a service. Heck we had folks dropping in from **other denominations** to come to our sermons! Once we had a whole busload of atheists come in. After one sermon they all **converted **to our church! And they were all baptized then and there between the pulpit and the beer kegs."

"Didn't **anyone** think it was sacrilegious to have a bar in a church?" Kurt's jaw dropped.

"No," Fred looked puzzled.

"This is the Blob's home town," Logan gave Kurt a look. "The whole town once voted to make it legal for a pig to **marry** a goat. What do **you **think?"

"But wouldn't the women in the town have minded?" Kurt asked.

"Well there was a little fuss until the Reverend decided that women could only pay half price," Fred told him. "Then they were more than happy. They even knitted little coasters so everyone could put their glasses on 'em. Of course that also led a few men in the town to do some cross dressing so they could save on beer money. But most of them that did had been doing it their whole lives anyway so…"

"Can we please finish this story while some of us have our hearing **left?"** Logan snapped. "Get to the point already!"

"Anyway it got to the point where the entire town was in an uproar," Fred continued. "When all of the sudden it happened! Just as everyone in the town hall was planning a lynch mob a huge storm hit! A bolt of lightning hit the town hall roof and the next thing we knew it had caught on fire! Most of us managed to stampede to safety but a few elderly folks were trapped inside! Then from out of the blue, Brando rushed out and dragged them to safety!"

"Wow," Amara blinked.

"Yeah he would have made it out himself but he just had to go back for that beer keg the mayor kept under the podium," Fred sighed. "Brando liked his beer too."

"There's a shock," Logan remarked.

"Well the whole town forgave Brando and decided to forgive him, and made him a hero," Fred said. "Gave him a hero's funeral."

"Wow what happy ending…" Sam began.

"Until they read Brando's will the following day," Fred finished up. "He left everything to Nancy, a prize cow. Including the deed to the church and everything. I'll never forget the trial and how long it lasted. But in the end the town ended up with the church and we all celebrated with a big barbecue. Nice big juicy steak. Right on Brando's grave. You know in a pinch a burned dog body makes quite a pretty good kindling."

"Oh boy…" Hank winced in pain just as Roadblock and Tabitha walked into the room.

"He told you the Brando story didn't he?" Tabitha asked.

"How did you…?" Sam asked.

"Recognized the look on your faces," Tabitha nodded.

"Certainly wasn't like any Lassie story I've ever heard," Jesse groaned.

"I had a dog too," Roadblock said. "He was a special dog."

"Everyone thinks their dogs are special," Logan grunted.

"No he really was special," Roadblock explained. "He got run over by a car and lost his back legs when he was a puppy. But the vet we got him from managed to put together a little cart so he could move around. Wheels was a great dog. He could do anything any other dog could do and better. He was the fastest dog on our block, especially going downhill."

"You had a handicapped **dog?**" Logan gave him a look.

"The Brando story's looking better now isn't it?" Fred remarked.

"Wheels was a fun dog but he only lived a few years," Roadblock sighed.

"What happened?" Logan asked. "He challenged a car to a drag race or something?"

"Close," Roadblock sighed. "He was chasing a car, grabbed it by the bumper just before it got onto the freeway and…"

"And I think I'm starting to get tired of dog stories," Rahne sighed.

"That reminds me, have you seen Penny?" Tabitha looked around.

"Wasn't she with you watching the movie?" Sam asked.

"She was but then she took off," Tabitha said. "I think the movie was too tame for her and she got bored."

"Oh goody!" Logan threw up his hands. "Just what we need right now!"

"Maybe she's just out mauling squirrels again?" Doug suggested.

"Or digging up dynamite in the back yard," Roadblock suggested.

"Who buries **dynamite**…?" Hank began and then stopped.

"Shipwreck," Half the room said at the same time.

"Ask a stupid question," Warren groaned.

"All right Beast, Cyclops you're with me on ground patrol," Logan got up. "Angel take to the skies, the rest of you search the house."

"Lovely, we get to play a round of Let's Find Penny Before She Shreds Someone," Tabitha quipped as they went out to look.

"What's going on?" Spirit asked as they started to disperse. "You're missing the movie."

"So is Penny, She's nowhere to be found, so we gotta track her like a wayward hound," Roadblock said.

"Hmph! Reminds me of my dog Biscuit," Spirit nodded. "Always running away."

"Your dog always ran away? What a shock," Warren rolled his eyes.

"Not **another** dog story…" Sam groaned.

"I never expected you to have a weird pet story," Logan said.

"How did you know it would be a weird pet story?" Spirit asked.

"You're a GI Joe as well as a Misfit Handler, the only stories you people **have** are **weird ones,**" Logan said.

"Let me tell you about my dog Biscuit…" Spirit began. Some of the mutants were able to make a run for it, like Kitty and Kurt. Logan tried to squeeze out but he the rest of the mutants were trapped and they knew it.

"Some friends…" Doug grumbled as he saw Kurt teleport off. "THANKS A LOT PAL! YOU'LL GET YOURS!"

"Biscuit was short for Dog Who Loves Biscuits, in his Native American name. We just called him Biscuit because it was easier. He was a good old dog," Spirit grinned. "My Grandfather taught him how to fetch. He'd throw a stick, Biscuit would come back with a newspaper. Then he came back with a beer can. Grandfather really loved that dog."

"Ah so having alcoholic pets is a **family **tradition around here," Hank remarked.

"Freedom my Bald Eagle, does **not **drink," Spirit pointed out. "He just flies away for months because Polly drinks so much it disturbs his nesting season."

"You should have seen how happy Bubbles our pet goldfish was," Quinn nodded as she walked in to get a soda from the refrigerator. "He may have only lived a couple of weeks but those were the happiest weeks a goldfish ever had."

"I'll bet," Warren said.

Spirit went on. "Anyway Biscuit was always running off but every night he came back with the strangest things. Tennis rackets, golf balls, baseballs, magazines, golf clubs, a Rolex watch…of course it was attached to an arm at the time. Turns out somehow he sniffed out where some local mobsters buried the body of one Timmy the Red Hawk, a local bookie. They put his picture in the local paper and everything. He was famous."

"Wait a minute," Logan interrupted. "I think I remember reading about that happening on an Indian Reservation somewhere. That was **your** dog? The one that swallowed the finger?"

"That's him," Spirit nodded. "You should have seen the cops chase him around. You see the finger had a ring on it that provided a vital clue or something. They chased him all over the neighborhood and couldn't catch him."

"No wonder you people think mobster movies are normal family fare," Hank moaned. "These animal stories are the strangest I've ever heard!"

"You think that's strange remind me to tell you about Pickles the farm cat, who turned out to be the mastermind behind the biggest jewel heist our town ever saw," Fred nodded. "He stole half the jewels in town, including the Hope Cubic Zirconium."

"Blob please…" Hank winced in pain. "Could you wait until we finish **this insane** dog story first? It **is** finished isn't it?"

"No there's more," Logan sighed. "I just remembered that news story…"

"Yeah they finally got the ring," Spirit nodded. "After Biscuit did his business. Which turned out to be the dead guy's ex-wife's place! And get this, she was having a hot and heavy fling with his old partner, Bobby the Bear, a well known gangster. Well he wasn't really a gangster, just a known hood who watched the Godfather movies one too many times."

"This is the point in the story where it gets violent doesn't it?" Hank sighed.

"Yeah," Spirit nodded. "I guess I can't really tell you kids the details but let's just say it involves a shoot out, a chain saw, a three day standoff, a lot of pepper gas, knife throwing, a few dead cops and an exploding garage."

"And you think the movie Goodfellas wasn't appropriate for us?" Doug gave Hank a look. "**This** is what's going to give us nightmares for months!"

"Please tell me Biscuit died in the firefight," Warren asked. "So this story will be over!"

"No such luck," Logan said.

"Well after that Biscuit did a little wandering," Spirit sighed. "The we learned that Bobby the Bear sent a hit man after him from the prison infirmary. So when Biscuit ran off, we didn't have the heart to stop him."

"Anyone, animal or person would run from **you** if they had half a chance," Hank muttered under his breath.

"The last I saw him he was on the back of a truck bound for New York," Spirit sighed. "Wagging what was left of his tail…"

"All right that's **enough!"** Hank interrupted. "How ironic. Hemmingway shot himself because he ran out of stories. We could shoot at the Misfits and they still wouldn't stop telling them!"

"These stories are more exhausting than the battles we fought against those Cobra La creeps," Amara groaned.

Althea and Lance walked in. "Okay problem solved," Althea grinned. "My Dad and Storm are as good as freed. What happened to all of you?"

"Don't ask…" Amara groaned.

"Let me guess," Lance looked at them. "You got a Brando story topped off with a Wheels and Biscuit story didn't you?"

"Was the look on our faces **that **obvious?" Sam groaned.

"Can I tell you guys about Pickles now?" Fred asked.

"NO!" Everyone in the room shouted.

"Why don't you save it for a special occasion?" Lance told him.

"So this is what we have to look forward to for the rest of our lives?" Remy groaned. "Mob movies and stories about insane handicapped animals with legal problems."

"And I thought Hydra was good with torture," Rina groaned. "They are amateurs compared to you people!"

"That reminds me, why is Penny digging up the front lawn?" Lance asked.

"You found her?" Logan asked.

"Hey guys!" Kitty and Kurt teleported in. Kitty spoke. "We found Penny. She's…"

"On the front lawn we know," Warren interrupted her. "What is she digging up?"

"I dunno, it looked like a wire of some kind," Kurt shrugged.

"A wire?" Roadblock blinked. "Was it a big red wire or a big green wire?"

"Red why?" Kitty asked.

"OH NO!" Spirit shouted. "That's connected to the…"

BOOOOOM! KA-BLAM!

"Outside defenses…" Spirit finished. "HIT THE DECK!"

Everyone fell to the floor just as some kind of missile sailed through the room, taking out a wall. "TRINITY! SHUT OFF THE SYSTEM!" Althea screamed.

"WE'RE ON IT!" She heard them yell.

"We'd better help!" Kitty shouted as she and Kurt went after them.

The sound of explosions rocked the house for nearly a minute. "Penny! Penny's out there! She could get hurt!" Amara yelled.

"**She** could get hurt?" Rahne screamed. "A bloody missile nearly **killed **us!"

The firing stopped. "Thank goodness," Paige sighed.

Penny happily scampered into the room carrying what looked like part of a weapons system in her teeth. "Oh yes **you're** happy," Betsy said sarcastically.

"She could get hurt huh?" Rahne glared at Amara. "You're right! She could! After we **kill** her!"

"Oh man we lost a wall yo!" Todd wailed. The others ran into the room where everyone was watching television.

"OH MY GOD!" Pyro screamed, kneeling on the floor. "MY NACHOS! MY BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL NACHOS!"

"Is everyone all right?" Spirit asked.

"No!" Low Light snapped. "The cable's out!"

"Other than the television we're all okay," Cover Girl gave him a look.

"Why? Oh why did my nachos have to perish?" Pyro wept. "They never hurt anyone! They were filled with love and cheesy goodness! Oh why, why, why is there such awful suffering in the world?'

"Yeah we're all fine," Althea groaned. Trinity came up with Jean, Kitty, Kurt and the babies. "Jean are you okay?"

"As well as can be expected when the entire infirmary goes on the fritz yes," Jean groaned. "Where's your wall?"

"As Penny!" Roadblock pointed to the happy pink mutant girl.

"Well at least we stopped the defense systems," Althea said.

"Yes and no," Daria gave Kitty a look.

"What do you mean?" Pietro asked.

"Well uh I accidentally phased through part of the machinery," Kitty gulped. "And you know how sometimes that screws up machines sometimes?"

"What does that have to do with…" Lance began. Then he saw something. "Oh no…"

"Oh yes!" The Coyote cried out and appeared before them. "Everybody mambo!"

"What the hell is that crazy Coyote doing here?" Logan yelled as the Coyote danced around.

"We had a back up program of the McGuffin device installed in our computer," Brittany said. "A lot of our programs are in there."

"When Kitty phased it short circuited and…" Quinn began.

There was a loud rumbled. "It's not our fault!" Ray screamed as he, Danielle and Forge ran upstairs. "Forge did it!"

"Did what?" Roadblock yelled.

"I may have tweaked the power on the washing machines just a tad," Forge gulped.

"A tad?" Low Light yelled. "What do you mean by 'a tad'?"

CRAAAAACCCK!

The floor buckled. Everyone barely got out of the way as the washing machines broke through the floor. "**That'**s a tad?" Roadblock shouted. "That you did not do a major overhaul I am **glad!"**

The washing machines roared through the roof, taking most of the roof with it. "Oh man!" Todd yelled. "Look at them go!"

"Okay am I hallucinating or something?" Jean blinked.

"No, no you're not," Scott sighed.

"And I thought Al was the only one who could screw up the laundry," Todd blinked.

"Wow look at those things go," Tabitha blinked as she looked upwards. "I bet they've already gone into orbit."

"Washing machines in outer space," Kitty looked upward. "Just when I though I'd seen **everything** these past couple of days."

"Pretty," Barney cooed happily.

"Yeah real pretty. You can see the entire sky where our roof once was," Lance quipped.

"At least it's not raining," Kurt remarked.

"And you call **us **destructive?" Pietro snapped at Scott. "You blew up our roof!"

"Oh like **that's **never happened around here before," Tim said sarcastically.

"Well not this efficiently," Fred said.

"You guys just couldn't just sit and watch TV for one night could you?" Todd asked.

"You had wreck our place too didn't you?" Lance asked.

"A perfect ending to a perfect day," Rogue groaned.

**Next: We're going camping! Yay! Join in on the fun as the gang goes camping and runs into a few familiar faces! Some of them a little too familiar! Oh what fun shall we have in the forest! **


	36. The Switch is Back

**The Switch Is Back**

_"There was a mutant who liked to set fires and Pyro was his name O!" _Pyro sang joyfully on the bus. _"P-R-Y-O! P-R-Y-O! P-R-Y-O! And Pyro was his name O!" _

"When will the hurting stop?" Larry groaned. He was sitting in a special wheelchair holder on the bus and wearing his special helmet. "When will the hurting **stop?" **

It had only been a few hours after the entire court drama and the X-Men and Misfits were headed off to their new temporary home in two large busses. The Misfits and their handlers on one and the X-Men and their adults on another larger bus for the sake of sanity. A commodity that was in short supply on the Misfit bus.

"Are we there yet?" Shipwreck whined. He was sitting with the toddlers who were in special seats and were enjoying the ride much more than he was.

"We dere yet?" Barney laughed.

"We dere yet?" Claudius laughed as well.

"For the twenty seventh time this **hour**… **No!**" Cover Girl snapped. She was driving the bus. "NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME DRIVE!"

"We dere yet! We dere yet!" The toddlers cheered. "We dere yet!"

"This is going to be a loooooooooonng month," Cover Girl groaned.

"Why did we have to go by bus?" Shipwreck kept pressing.

"Stop making such a fuss," Roadblock rolled his eyes. "You don't hear whining from the rest of us."

"None of the adults anyway," Spirit muttered.

"Why are we going by bus?" Lance asked. "Why not just teleport there using the Mass Device?"

"One the Mass Device is down for repairs," Daria said. "Remember our house got wrecked?"

"How can it be repaired if you guys are here with us?" Angelica said.

"That's the other thing," Daria rolled her eyes. "General Hawk was complaining on how we depend on it too much. Says we need a break from it."

"Did you teleport him to Disney while he was asleep and put him in the It's A Small World attraction again?" Low Light asked.

"That was Beach Head," Quinn corrected him. "We would never do that to General Hawk."

"We took him to Miami Beach!" Brittany grinned. "He needed to relax and get a tan!"

"Of course we had to remove most of his clothes so he could get a tan," Quinn shrugged.

"You know for an old guy he's got a really hot bod!" Brittany nodded his head.

"I thought he looked kind of red when he was yelling at us," Althea said. "I just thought he was madder than usual."

"And the mystery is solved," Lance groaned. "Oh well at least it won't be that bad!"

"Camping! Camping!" Todd, Pyro and Xi were bouncing in their seats. "We're going camping!"

"You were saying Lance?" Angelica gave him a look.

"We're going camping! Everybody sing!" Todd bounced up and down in his seat.

"Let's not and say we did!" Pietro snapped. "You people are making me miss quality TV time you know that?"

"_We're going camping! Come along we're going camping!"_ Todd sang aloud. _"Camping in the woods!"_

"Why can't we go camping in **Beverly Hills?"** Pietro asked. "In a nice four star hotel with a spa service and a pool?"

"Stop being such a wuss Pietro!" Lance snapped. "Camping isn't that bad!"

"Oh yeah maybe not for **you** Mister Earth Shaker here," Pietro snapped. "Or the frog boy who likes to eat bugs!"

"I **love** that part!" Todd crowed.

"Ugh," Wanda folded her arms and rolled her eyes. "Disgusting! Hanging out with a group of animals in the forest is not my idea of a good time. And I am **not **talking about raccoons and skunks!"

"I've always found camping to be kind of fun," Angelica shrugged. "Well I only went camping once and it was in my back yard. And I was seven. How about you Shooter?"

"I wouldn't know. I've never been camping in my life," Shane told him. "I've lived in downtown LA most of my life! Not exactly a lot of forest area. The closest I've been to it was that weekend I was locked out of my house and had to sleep on the beach!"

"Oh then this will be such **fun!"** Pyro squealed. "We'll make fire pits and barbecue our dinner on them and make smores. We can sing songs about making campfires! We'll go canoeing and burn the boats when we're done! We'll swat blood sucking mosquitoes on our arms and tell scary stories!"

"Hmmmm…." Todd licked his lips, "Mosquitoes…"

"I guess they'll be in for a shock when they find someone biting back," Arcade snickered.

"I really don't wanna go now," Shane moaned.

"Think of this as a new experience Shooter," Spirit said. "To interact with nature."

"Don't you think we've already interacted **enough** with nature over the past couple of days?" Shane asked. "I've swatted enough bugs to last me a lifetime!"

"I find it hard to believe that the X-Men are willingly going along with this after the last experience at this place," Xi said.

"Well there's a reason for that," Roadblock told him. "Xavier thought the kids had enough to deal with, what with losing their home and all. They just needed some time to adjust and…"

"In other words Xavier didn't tell them where they were going," Lance snickered.

"Bingo," Roadblock sighed.

"Well this is going to be a lot of fun," Fred grinned.

"I can't **wait **to see their faces when they find out where we're going," Wanda grinned.

"We dere yet? We dere yet? We dere yet?" The toddlers yelled happily.

"Are we there yet? Squawk! Are we there yet?" Polly laughed as he flew around the bus.

_"P-R-Y-O! P-R-Y-O!"_ Pyro sang. _"And Pyro was his name-o!"_

"And **I **can't **wait **until we get off this **bus!**" Cover Girl groaned.

Meanwhile in the X-Man bus behind the Misfits' bus…

"Is it me or is Cover Girl speeding awfully fast?" Logan wondered as he drove the bus. "It looks like she's doing over ninety."

"Here's a clue," Warren rolled his eyes. "It's probably not you."

"Man we've **all **been hanging around Roadblock too long," Scott groaned.

"We've **all **been hanging around the Misfits too long!" Ororo groaned. "I hate Shipwreck!"

"I take it your night in jail wasn't exactly peaceful?" Warren asked.

"A night being attacked by **Sentinels** would be more peaceful! And **quieter!"** Ororo groaned. "I hate Shipwreck!"

"I **hate** camping!" Ray moaned.

"I'm not thrilled about spending a lot of time in places that aren't air conditioned either!" Bobby agreed.

"And I'm not thrilled about spending my time baby sitting all of you and putting up with your whining every time you get spooked by a squirrel so **zip it!"** Logan barked.

"Squirrels? Penny will probably kill 'em all," Tim moaned. "How much you want to bet the campsite will be covered in squirrel corpses by the end of the week?"

"EWWWWW!" Kitty winced. "I hate camping!"

"It's only until the Institute is rebuilt again," Hank told them. "In fact it's going to be bigger than before so many of you will be able to get your own rooms."

"Come on this is going to be fun," Danielle said. "I've gone camping lots of times."

"Not with the Misfits or their crazy chaperones," Rogue grumbled. "Remember the time we caught them skinny dipping in the pond?"

"I wish I could forget," Kurt moaned.

"Who the Misfits?" Betsy asked.

"No the **adults!"** Rogue told her. "I still get chills thinking about it!"

"Was that the weekend we all got arrested or was it the one where we just set fire to the mountain?" Bobby asked.

"I think both happened that weekend," Kitty remarked. Lockheed was in a pet carrier next to her.

"Really?" Madelyne asked, she had Prometheus in a pet carrier on her lap. "Camping sounds cool!"

"Professor we're not rooming with the Misfits again are we?" Rogue asked. Xavier was also in a special wheelchair holder like Larry was. "Please say no!"

"Don't worry Rogue," Xavier said. "Most of the X-Men will have separate cabins from the Misfits. We'd like to **avoid** setting any forest fires this time if we can help it."

"Fat chance with Pyro around," Amara folded her arms.

"**Most** of us?" Scott asked Xavier. "What do you mean by that?"

"Well Scott you, Jean and the rest of the Institute instructors will be sharing a cabin with the Misfit handlers," Xavier explained. "One for men and one for women of course. We've decided the toddlers will live with the men, since they are Shipwreck's after all."

"Oh **that's** going to be a fun arrangement!" Logan groaned, not really thrilled to share his living quarters with two rambunctious toddlers.

"I don't know," Ororo said. "Barney and Claudius are a lot more mature than Shipwreck any day!"

"A bucket full of **hyperactive weasels** is more mature than Shipwreck any day," Hank groaned.

Xavier continued. "And Madelyne will be sharing a cabin with Penance, Spyder and Trinity."

"Oh goody," Ray drawled. "Putting the six of them in one place. Yeah **that **makes me feel secure!"

"Speaking of secure…" Kurt nervously eyed Penny who was gnawing at her seat restraints. "Forge are you **sure** she can't get out of that?"

"Yeah the last thing we need is Penny bouncing around and slicing us to ribbons," Jesse gulped.

"Don't worry," Forge waved. "She won't get out. I'm positive. Well maybe. I think. No, I'm pretty sure she can't. I hope."

"Logan you think you can pass the other bus or something?" Warren asked.

"No wonder Ms. Hunter left us," Sam groaned.

"I wonder where she's going to go?" Everett asked.

"She's opening up a dance studio in Mutant Town in New York City," Ororo explained. "She's using the money she saved up while working for the Professor."

"I hope you gave the lady double hazard pay," Warren commented.

"Triple," Xavier confirmed.

"Well at least the lady didn't leave the place hating mutants," Tabitha said. "That's gotta be worth something."

"Yeah all it proves is that we're a **lot weirder** than **other** mutants," Everett groaned.

Scott made his way from his seat to the one behind him where Jean was sitting. "How are you holding up?" Scott asked her.

"A lot better than I thought I would be," Jean admitted. "My home and most of my personal things were destroyed, I nearly lose control of the Phoenix Force and wipe out an entire species, I was poisoned and all I can worry about now is what trouble Madelyne will get into with Trinity and Spyder. Is that normal?"

"Is **anything **we do normal?" Scott groaned.

"YEOW! BOBBY!" Kitty yelled. "Professor Bobby threw a snowball at me!"

"Well she's been poking at me through the seat!" Bobby yelled back.

"Tabitha if you throw one of those stupid time bombs at me I'll zap all of you!" Ray shouted.

"Do you want nightmares for the next ten years?" Danielle snapped. "I'll do it! I swear I'll do it!"

"Kurt stop shedding on me!" Amara yelled.

"I'm a little warm! Sue me!" Kurt snapped back.

RRRRRRRRIIPPPPPP! RIPPPP!

"Squeeeee! Squeeeeee!" Penny squealed with joy.

"Oh great! Penny's **loose!**" Tim yelled.

"Nice going Forge!" Remy shouted. "OW! PENNY CALM DOWN!"

"I will get her," Peter sighed as he armored up and tried to grab Penny. "Penance! No! Down girl! Down!"

"OW!" Xavier yelled. "Penance! I know you're happy but I can't play with you right nooooooooooooooowwwww!"

Penny happily bounded along the bus accidentally knocking the pet carriers in her excitement. Of course they both opened. "Lockheed no! Get back in your cage!" Kitty yelled.

"Prometheus! No you get back in your cage!" Madelyne shouted. "Here, kitty, kitty…"

"What?" Kitty asked.

"Not you," Madelyne said. "The cat!"

"RARRRRRR!" Lockheed growled.

"MEOWWWWWW!" The cat cried as he tore through the seats like a bat out of hell. Lockheed was right on his tail.

"Lockheed quit chasing the cat on the bus!" Sam shouted.

"All of you will stop this nonsense and settle down right now!" Ororo snapped. "OW! PENNY NO! NO HUGS! COLOSSUS!"

"Come back here!" Peter was still trying to catch Penny.

"Logan **step **on it!" Hank yelled.

"Does **that** answer your question?" Jean rolled her eyes as the back of the bus became a place of pure pandemonium.

"Unfortunately, yes," Scott groaned. "But this little break is what we all needed. Just to get away from Bayville is making me feel better."

"I have to admit, it makes me feel better too. This route looks familiar," Jean thought aloud as she looked out the window. "I mean I feel like we've been this way before."

"That must be the camp site," Danielle pointed. "I can see the sign right over there."

"Whispering Pines Wellness Retreat for Teens?" Jean read. "NOW I REMEMBER!"

"Oh god no! I remember **this place!"** Scott shot up in his seat. "This is **Psycho Camp!" **

"Psycho Camp?" Rina asked.

"A while before you joined some of us and some of the Misfits went on this little camp outing," Tabitha explained. "Sort of a new age stress reduction thing."

"I hate it already," Rina frowned.

"No you would have liked **this** camp," Tabitha told her. "There were friendly lake monsters, a flying spaceship and counselors to drive insane. Well the ones that weren't already insane."

"Don't forget that this is where we first met the Hellions," Jean rolled her eyes.

"A place Of Psychos and Sea Serpents," Scott groaned. "Professor why didn't you **tell** us about this?"

"Probably because he knew you'd try and make a break for it like last time," Tabitha snickered.

"**This **is supposed to de-stress me?" Jean asked.

"I knew it!" Scott moaned. "I knew this was going to be a **disaster!" **

**"Professor!" **Jean shouted. "Please tell me that coming back to this campsite of doom was **not** your idea!"

"Uh," Xavier gulped. "Well…"

"Never mind!" Jean moaned. "Scott now do you believe me that the Professor keeps too many secrets from us?"

"Yes," Scott said, already getting a nervous tic in his body. "**Now** I do!"

"RRARRRR!" Penny bounded by them

"Penny! No! Down girl! Down!" Scott screamed.

Both busses pulled in and the campers filed out. Penny was the first one out of the X-Bus. Followed by Prometheus and Lockheed. All three of them were yapping. "Penny!" Pyro called out as the Misfits disembarked. "And the little critters!"

All three ran over to him happily. Penny carefully hugged Pyro. Lockheed happily yapped and landed on Pyro's shoulder and Prometheus purred and rubbed on his leg. "My friends! My furry feathered friends!" Pyro called out happily.

"Of all the people in the world…" Logan twitched as he got out of the bus, his clothes torn. "They have to like **him? WHY HIM GOD? WHY HIM?" **

**"To annoy us! That's why!" **Scott snapped as he staggered out of the bus with torn clothes. "It's official! God hates mutants!"

"God does **not **hate mutants," Kurt staggered out of the building also looking a little worse for wear. "Just **us!"**

Most of the other X-Men staggered out of the bus. Many of them had torn clothes and some minor cuts. All of them except for Rogue. "Why didn't **you **get cut?" Remy yelled at his girlfriend.

"I guess it's cause she knows if she gets too close to me, she gets zapped," Rogue shrugged.

"I always said that little pink maniac was smarter than she looked," Betsy frowned looking at her ripped dress.

"Had her under control huh?" Tabitha glared at Forge. Her makeup was smudged, her clothes were torn and she had some cuts on her arm. "Pretty sure she couldn't get out huh? DOES **THIS **LOOK LIKE SHE WAS UNDER CONTROL TO YOU PAL? DOES IT?"

"All those in favor of locking Forge up in an outhouse with Penny and the Triplets for the night raise your hands!" Hank snapped, his shirt and pants were torn too.

"AYE!" Nearly all the X-Men did so.

"Anyone opposed?" Forge asked weakly.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Tabitha snapped.

"And I thought our ride was nuts," Lance chuckled as the Misfits had departed the bus.

"Are you guys okay?" Wanda looked them over.

"We will be once we get some bandages," Kurt sighed.

"Our wounds aren't that serious," Forge said.

"No the bandages are to tie **you** up," Kurt gave him a look.

"I think I'm going to go hide in the woods now," Forge gulped.

"Good idea," Scott hissed.

"I take it the Delgado Family lifetime ban has been lifted," Tabitha said to Althea.

"Oh yeah," Althea nodded. "Once the guy who lodged the complaint left for a better place. I believe it was Bellevue Hospital."

"I can't believe you sent us all to Psycho Camp again," Scott said to Xavier as he had been finally unloaded from the bus. He then glared at Lance. "When we know there are other people who **deserve** to be here **full time!"**

"At least **I** didn't have to be dragged onto the bus **kicking and screaming **the last time we were here**,"** Lance retorted.

"Can we please all put the bickering behind us for **once **in our lives?" Ororo groaned as she held her head.

"I'm with you Stormy," Shipwreck put his arm around her. "Let bygones be bygones, that's my motto!"

"Take your hands off of me before I break them off!" Ororo snapped as she twisted his arm behind his back.

"OW, OW!" Shipwreck whined. "Watch the elbow! Watch the elbow!"

"Speaking of watching things where's the parrot and the Diaper Brigade?" Logan asked.

"Oh yeah," Shipwreck blinked. "I think we left them…"

HONK! HONK!

"On the bus!" Shipwreck turned around quickly. He started to run after the slow moving bus. "POLLY! COME BACK HERE! POLLY YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DRIVE DRUNK!"

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!" Polly was heard cackling. "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

"That's a risk I'll **gladly** take!" Shipwreck shouted as he ran after him.

"How…" Scott's jaw dropped. "HOW?"

"The boys are probably working the pedals like they did the last time," Xi remarked casually.

"But…But…" Scott was still shocked.

"Don't ask," Wanda shook her head. "Just don't ask."

"The best thing to do when stuff like this happens is just let it ride," Lance sighed as he took out some pills. "And take your medication."

"It's not like they ever get very far," Todd shrugged.

"Low Light," Roadblock held his head.

"I'm on it," Low Light calmly took out a pistol and shot out two of the tires.

"I'm starting to see why you all call this place **Psycho Camp,"** Jubilee blinked.

"Doesn't seem so bad to me," Tim shrugged.

"Greetings campers!" A very large round man with long blond hair and a colorful Hawaiian shirt and blue denim overalls skipped their way. "Joyous salutations to all! And welcome to Camp Whispering Pines! I'm your facilitator Harvey Laffruff!"

"On the other hand," Tim blinked.

"Somebody please shoot me," Ray rolled his eyes. "Not this nut **again!" **

"It's so wonderful to see you all back here! And many new faces as well!" Harvey beamed. Then he noticed the state of the X-Men. "My goodness! What happened to some of you? Was there an accident?"

"You could say that," Logan glared at Forge.

"It's nothing serious," Ororo sighed. "Actually it looks worse than it is."

"Speak for yourself," Peter was in his armored form but his clothes were definitely the most shredded. "I am just grateful Penance cannot harm me in this form…much."

"Okay then let me welcome you all to Camp Whispering Pines," Harvey beamed. "This camp is specially designed to deal with all the stresses young people such as yourself face."

"You mean like fighting aliens, giant insects that want to take over the world and running from bigots with big guns that want to blow us up into itty bitty bits?" Tabitha asked.

"You forgot to mention the interdimensional idiots we come across every now and then," Rogue reminded her.

"We will have such fun in our Haiku classes," Harvey went on happily.

"Our **what?**" Tim blinked.

"Haiku classes," Harvey said. "All campers and instructors are required to attend. Its very relaxing."

"Wait a minute…" Logan began.

"We will have such fun with our many classes and games," Harvey went on, obviously oblivious to the stunned looks he continued. "Experimental Theater for the Soul, Express Yourself with Dance, Fishing off the Bridge of Good Intentions, The Healing Power of Crystals…"

"If he expects me to dance around reciting freaking poetry I will need the healing power of **beer,"** Logan grumbled under his breath.

"It will be such a memorable experience! Full of joy and self discovery!" Harvey squealed.

"Is he for **real?"** Shane gave Lance a look.

"Oh yeah," Lance nodded.

"Here you can relax, be yourselves, be the you that you were meant to be!" Harvey grinned. "You can also do traditional camp activities like swimming, hiking…"

"Feeding the lake monsters," Jamie spoke up. "How's Howie and his mom?"

"Oh they're doing very well," Harvey nodded. "I see them every day. Since I am the one and only counselor here."

"They all headed for the hills the day the spaceship showed up didn't they?" Scott groaned.

"How did you ever know that?" Harvey blinked. "Well I'll let you get settled into your cabins. The men and women's counselor cabins are on the left. The students are on the right and each has their own names on them! Oh this will be such fun! Now if you'll excuse me I must go finish watering my garden!" He went on his merry way.

"Is that guy **skipping?"** Roberto asked.

"Yes he is," Ray sighed.

"So this is camping mutant style huh?" Shane asked. "I hate it already!"

"Just give it a chance," Roadblock said.

"You know this is going to be a disaster right?" Rogue asked.

"It will not be a disaster," Xavier told her. "Nothing bad will happen here."

Shipwreck gave him a look. "And you call **me **a liar?"

"Well its not like the Hellions are here again," Wanda said as they grabbed their gear and headed for the cabins.

"Don't be so sure," A shadowy figure watching them from the trees snickered. "OW! Stupid mosquitoes!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Oh man this place is a dump," Scott groaned as he got a look in the large Male counselor's cabin. It also had a wheelchair ramp instead of stairs on the outside.

"Well I'm sure this isn't…" Xavier began before he took a good look at the room. There was a small tree growing out of a hole in the floor. Beer bottles everywhere and the words RED RUM scribbled all over the walls. "Oh dear…"

"Not quite the Hilton isn't it?" Low Light quipped.

"I've slept in worse," Shipwreck shrugged.

"There's a shock," Hank said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh dear, I knew I forgot something," Harvey walked over with the women. "You see this used to be Mr. Pendleton's place before well…Let's just say the doctor's say he's making an excellent recovery."

"On the upside at least it has a wheelchair ramp for the Professor," Jean said.

"Mr. Pendleton didn't believe in stairs," Harvey said. "He said they were out to get him. Is there anything I can get you?"

"How about some hotel reservations?" Scott asked.

"He's kidding," Jean said. "I'm sure we can have this place clean in no time."

"I know I am going to regret asking this but what's with the tree in the floor?" Low Light asked. "What the guy was growing his own Christmas tree or something?"

"Considering that's an oak sapling it's a pretty far fetched idea," Hank said.

"I think he was trying an experiment or something," Harvey shrugged.

"Or something," Roadblock. "How about we clean up and you can get back to what you were doing Harvey?"

"All right," Harvey nodded. "I'd better check our dinner first. I can't wait until you taste my Vegetable Medley ala Harvey!" He bounced away.

"I swear I have no idea how we find these people," Logan shook his head. "Well should we help clean the ladies' cabin first?"

"Actually our cabin is immaculate," Ororo told him. "Not even a speck of dust."

"Our cabin it is then," Shipwreck said as he tried to hold the two squirming toddlers. "But somebody's gotta give me a hand with the rug rats here."

"WEEE! We dere yet?" Barney squealed.

"We're here, silly," Jean picked him up and held him.

"I'm going into town to get some beers," Logan left. "We're gonna need it."

Some time later the Adults were finishing up cleaning the cabin. "I've put the boys down for a nap in the playpen," Jean sighed coming out of the back room. "It's a little less cluttered back there."

"The students have taken off to the lake for a swim," Ororo told them. "I said we'd join them after we finished unpacking."

"That's good," Scott breathed a sigh of relief. "Now we can have a nice quiet afternoon."

FLAAAASSSSHHHH!

Suddenly the entire room was bathed in a bright familiar pink light. They felt dizzy and disoriented for a moment. Hank staggered backwards nearly knocking his wings into something.

"Wings?" Hank blinked. Suddenly he felt less…hairy. He looked down and saw that his arms were no longer blue, but Caucasian. Realization hit him. These were not his arms. "Oh no…"

"So much for that idea," Warren groaned. "AAHHH!" He screamed when he realized he was in Cover Girls' body.

"Oh dear," Xavier looked down and found himself in Jean's body. "This is very odd for me on more than one level!"

"I can't see anything!" Jean yelled. She felt her body and realized she was inside the Blind Master. "Oh god…"

"Don't be such a baby," The Blind Master snapped. He was inside Scott's body. "It's only temporary. And I admit seeing red is better than not seeing anything ever again."

"Scott! Scott where are you?" Jean yelled.

"In here," Scott told her. He was in Shipwreck's body. "And for some reason I have the strangest urge for a drink."

"You're not the only one," Roadblock looked down and saw himself in Xavier's wheelchair. "This is definitely not fun!"

"Hey guess where **I **am!" Shipwreck waved. He was in Ororo's body.

"DON'T EVEN THINK OF TOUCHING **ANYTHING **SAILOR!" Ororo yelled. She was in Hank's body.

"I **think** you're shedding on the carpet," Shipwreck noticed.

"Annoying isn't it?" Hank grinned. He was enjoying Warren's body.

"Switch," Cover Girl moaned. She was in Roadblock's body. "It's gotta be Switch."

"The Hellions must be attacking us again," Low Light groaned. "Hey wait a minute, I'm still in my own body."

"So am I," Spirit observed.

"HOW DID **YOU** TWO END UP IN YOUR OWN BODIES?" Scott yelled.

"Just lucky I guess," Spirit shrugged.

"What the hell happened?" Logan ran in. "I was coming back with the beer and I thought I smelled…"

"I'm too sexy for myself! Too sexy for myself!" Shipwreck danced around in Ororo's body. "I'm so sexy it hurrrrrrttttsss!"

"**You** are going to **hurt** if you don't stop fooling around in **my **body!" Ororo roared.

"So sexy-eeeeeeeeee!" Shipwreck hugged 'his' body.

"That's it! You're dead!" Ororo leapt on top of Shipwreck. Of course now that Ororo was a few hundred pounds heavier she and Shipwreck nearly crashed all the way through the flimsy floor. Shipwreck responded instinctively by creating a blast of strong wind. Strong enough to send Ororo right through the wall and outside.

"Oops," Shipwreck blinked, still stuck in the floor.

"Switch," Logan finished the sentence. "Oh boy."

"Ooohh!" Roadblock held his hands over his head. "Too many crazy thoughts…Ow!"

"I'd better help him," Xavier sighed.

"Hey how do these wings work again?" Hank cautiously flapped 'his' wings. He accidentally knocked Warren down onto the wall.

"OW! Watch it with my wings!" Warren snapped.

"Forget the wings! Watch what you're doing with **my** body!" Cover Girl yelled.

"Well let's see we've only been here less than four hours and **already** we're in trouble," Scott groaned. "Oh no the kids! They're got to be in danger too!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Whee!" Todd yelled as he swung on the rope and let go, landing in the lake. The gang was happily swimming and having fun.

"Cannonball!" Fred ran to the edge of the lake and jumped.

"OH GOD EVERYBODY SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!" Lance screamed as he tried to swim away with the other mutants.

FOOOM!

"Ahhh!" Everyone in the lake screamed as a huge wave threatened to crash down on them. Suddenly it stopped in mid air.

"Guys," Althea held it with her powers. "Relax, I got it."

"Phew, that was close," Pietro breathed a sigh of relief as he stood in the water. "Not that I was ever scared or anything."

Althea raised an eyebrow at Wanda. She nodded. Althea directed the wave just so it would hit only Pietro. "AAHHHHHH!" Pietro screamed as it washed him away.

"Okay that was worth the two hour ride," Rogue chuckled as she sat on the side of the lake. She was wearing her green swimsuit with the fishnet top and the waterproof gloves.

"At least we didn't get lost this time and make it a three hour ride," Tabitha grinned. "Yo Pyro! You going in or what?"

"But the water," Pyro blinked as he stuck his toe in the water. "It's so…wet. And non flammable…In fact it's so not good for fire at all! It's just not conducive to water at all! In fact water puts fire out!"

"That's pretty much what water is and does," Wanda rolled her eyes.

"It's so unnatural," Pyro shuddered. "And…wet."

"Don't tell me you can't swim," Lance said.

"Okay I won't tell you," Pyro quipped. "Oh I can swim all right. It's just that…Swimming brings back bad memories for me. See I nearly drowned when I was a tot."

"Oh Pyro," Amara blinked. "I had no idea. Swimming pool or ocean?"

"Toilet," Pyro corrected her. "It was one of my old man's half baked ideas. Actually he was fully baked at the time and had watched this old Dragnet episode. You know the one where the marijuana smoking parents accidentally drown their kid in the tub? Well let's just say for once I was actually grateful for the security guards at the local store. It was after that I decided I'd better learn to swim real fast!"

"You know that's a lot similar to how I learned to swim," Fred said. "Only it was when the farm got flooded because my Uncle Carl blew up the local dam, He was trying to get my grandparents to sell the farm and he thought he could get the farm dirt cheap if we couldn't get any crops that year! But my old Granny and Grandpa fooled him. See my Grandpa had a feeling old Uncle Carl would try a trick like that."

"What did he do? Get the police?" Tabitha asked.

"No, he planted rice," Fred said. "We made a fortune cause we were the only farm with rice paddies growing. Actually our farm was the only one growing **anything** except mold. But it turned out to be a lucrative business for the other farmers in the valley because they were able to sell the mold to these medicine companies."

"Why do we set them up like that?" Amara asked Tabitha.

"I don't know," Tabitha groaned.

"Well other than weird stories and Blob's cannonballs this is kind of fun," Kurt said as he swam by.

"Even with the weird stories and Blob's cannonballs this is fun," Jesse admitted.

"Reminds us of back home," Paige said.

"Yeah we used to go swimming in the lake all the time," Sam said.

"I used to swim in a lake a lot too," Fred piped up. "I even once swam in a lake made of milk! You see I was visiting my cousins in Minnesota…"

"Blob! Pace yourself!" Lance rolled his eyes. "You don't want to run out of stories!"

"And that would be a **bad** thing?" Kurt quipped.

"Hey consider yourself lucky that it's the **only** bad thing to happen to us since we got here," Sam said. He saw Penny splashing around out of the corner of his eye. "Except for the bus ride I mean."

"Yeah who'd have thought the adults were **right** about something for once?" Angelica said. "Nothing's going to happen here!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

BOOOOOOMMMM!

"YOU BLEW UP OUR CABIN!" Ororo screamed as she watched the cabin go up in flames. Hank's body fur was wild and out of control.

"Sorry," The Blind Master said. "I confess I've always wanted to do that since I used to read Eye Man comics as a kid."

"BUT DID YOU HAVE TO DO IT TO OUR CABIN?" Ororo screamed.

"At least our stuff wasn't in it," Cover Girl said. "It's still on the bus."

"**Your **stuff is still on the bus!" Jean corrected. "Ours was in there!"

"It was?" Ororo blinked. "I didn't take mine out of the bus."

"You were supposed to unload our things from the bus," Jean said.

"Nobody told me **that,"** Ororo snapped.

"Well I assumed…" Jean began.

"Why would you assume I would take the things out of the bus?" Ororo's voice rose.

"Because you're the one who was making such a big deal out of packing everything!" Hank said.

"Can we stop fighting each other and start concentrating on helping the kids?" Spirit groaned.

"Well excuse us Mister I'm Still in My Own Body!" Cover Girl shouted.

"Hold it," Logan heard laughter. "She's here!"

"That's right," A purple haired punk girl waltzed out behind a tree. "I'm baa-ack!"

"Put us back in our bodies right now!" Jean ordered.

"But I'm having such **fun!"** Switch giggled.

"Well fun's over you little…" Logan lunged at her.

FLASSSSHHHHH!

A ball of pink engulfed all of them. Suddenly Logan's body fell down. Logan couldn't move at all. Then he realized why. "Great I'm in **Chuck's** body!" Then he was assaulted by a dozen thoughts. "AAHHHH!"

"Ooh, I feel really weird," Whoever was in Logan's body moaned. "Awwwk!"

"He sounds like a parrot," Hank said. He was in Roadblock's body.

"Polly feels really weird…" Logan's body squawked.

"It is a parrot!" Scott shouted. He was in Polly's body. "That stupid bird must have flown around just as Switch set off her attack."

"Okay now who's in where?" Shipwreck called out. "For example where the hell am I? I can't see a thing!"

"Then you're in my body genius!" The Blind Master snapped. He was in Hank's.

"We're all mixed up again!" Ororo yelled. She was in Low Light's body. "And I thought the low point of this day was when I woke up in jail and went to court!"

"I kind of like this," Low Light was in Warren's. "Whose body did you get Spirit?"

"Uh, I'm still in my own," Spirit waved.

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT AGAIN?" Logan shouted.

"Ororo, where are you?" Shipwreck felt around. "Ooh soft!"

"Shipwreck…" Roadblock was in Ororo's body which Shipwreck was feeling up. "KNOCK IT OFF!" Roadblock couldn't control his powers and created dark clouds and zapped Shipwreck.

"Oh boy," Blind Master blinked. "I will **definitely **feel that in the morning."

"YOU ARE A DEAD MAN!" Ororo tackled Shipwreck.

"STOP BEATING UP MY BODY!" The Blind Master tackled her. "AT LEAST WAIT UNTIL SHIPWRECK'S OUT OF IT BEFORE YOU DO!"

"Oh this is just pathetic," Logan winced as nearly all the adults ended up in a free for all trying to stop the fight. "This is just plain pathetic!"

"Awk! I'm Wolverine!" Polly strutted around. "I'm the Big Bad Wolverine! I am so freaking cooooooolll!"

"Now this is just insane," Logan moaned. "No wonder Charles lost all his hair!"

By now the students had run in and saw the commotion. "What the hell is going on?" Ray blinked. "Are the adults into the booze **already?"**

"I wouldn't put it past our guys but **yours?"** Lance blinked.

"I don't think that's the problem," Xi pointed. "Look!"

"HA HA HA HA HA!" Switch was holding her sides laughing. "I haven't had this much fun in months! You guys are a laugh riot!"

"You wanna riot?" Tabitha started to make a time bomb.

"Oh please," Switch grinned as she prepared to activate her own powers. "Like you could do anything to me. This should be good!"

"No, but **this** will be," Harvey hit Switch from behind with a shovel.

"AAHHH!" Switch fell forward and hit the ground.

Everyone gasped. "You killed her!" Ororo yelled. "What are you a maniac!"

"From what I'm sensing, you're not that far off," Logan growled.

"Emma? Is that you?" Xavier asked. He was in Cover Girl's body.

"Pardon me Xavier," Emma told him. She was definitely in Harvey's body. "But I'm after a wayward pupil of mine. I believe you're run into her?"

"Let me take a wild guess," Logan said. "You were going to attack us am I right?"

"We were until she decided to start the attack early," Emma groaned. "That is the **last time** I let her on the team!"

"Did you get her yet?" Monet stormed up.

"Yes Beef I did," Emma said. "Don't worry she's not dead. It'll take something a little bit harder than a shovel to the head to kill **that** idiot."

"Good because your other half is driving us crazy!" Beef snapped.

"Oh I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!" Harvey danced around in Emma's body.

"Oh god no…" Ororo blanched.

"Compared to what I was before this is an upgrade," Emma groaned. "Don't ask."

A skunk wandered into the campsite. It chattered. "Yes Evan she's not dead!" Emma groaned.

"That's Evan! HA!" Pietro laughed. "HA HA HA HA! OH THIS IS PRICELESS!"

"Uh Quicksilver you might wanna move right about now," Pyro gulped.

"AAHHH!" Pietro saw Evan was preparing to spray. He ran off through the woods.

"That was **you** before wasn't it?" Logan grinned. "I thought I smelled something weird. Even in this body!"

"All right how about we make a deal?" Emma groaned. "After we get our real bodies back the Hellions promise not to attack you for at **least **three months. As long as you tell no one this **ever** happened!"

"LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!" Harvey danced around. "I'm so pretty! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"

"Make it **five **months," Xavier grinned.

"Deal," Emma groaned.

**Next: The gang has some camp style fun. Unfortunately a lot of the bad guys are having some fun of their own, plotting, planning and generally getting ready to make our favorite mutants' lives miserable! **

Althea walked out. "Finally getting on with the plot I see? Took you long enough!"


	37. Are You Ready For The Summer?

**Are You Ready For The Summer?**

"So this is camping?" Shane looked around the cabin where the Misfit boys were staying. "No computers, no technology and an outhouse in the back. Okay everyone who thinks this **sucks **raise their hands!" He raised his.

"No computer…" Arcade twitched as he lay on his bed. "No computer…The horror...The horror..."

"What's wrong with him?" Pietro asked.

"He's just going through a little withdrawal," Todd waved. He patted Arcade on the shoulder. "Come on Arcade, cheer up! There's lots of fun stuff to do at this camp. You still have your digital camera right?"

"Yeah," Arcade blinked. "And about a gazillion batteries."

"Who needs all those batteries when we have the human battery charger living in the next cabin?" Pietro snorted. "I get what Toad's saying. You can take pictures of nature's natural beauty and put them on the web or make scrap books."

"I guess that's not so bad," Arcade thought. "It would be nice to take pictures of birds and sunsets and…"

"No when I said 'nature's beauty' I meant **me!"** Pietro said impatiently. He took out a mirror and gazed into it. "I mean even in the woods I look fabulous!"

"You were right Shooter, this **does **suck," Lance groaned. "Hey where's Larry Boy?"

"He's got his own special bed in the hospital cabin," Todd said. "They brought in all this machinery so he camp with the rest of us during the day. I love camping!"

"Not to mention all the bugs you eat while camping," Lance quipped.

"You got it! And the best part is that we're away from that spy that's been sneaking around us," Todd nodded.

"Toad for the last time there was **no spy** at either Misfit Manor or at the Institute!" Lance groaned. "And even if there was one at the Institute, it's rubble now! There's no way he could have survived!"

"He could have if he was very small," Todd told him. "And he could have captured one of those Sentinel Hamsters and used it like a horse. He's probably there now, searching for intelligence…"

"Good thing he's not looking over **here**," Shane gave him a look. "He'd never find it."

"No I mean information! Papers!" Todd kept going. "Then he'll probably sell them to our enemies for the highest bidder. So he can buy a fancy condo somewhere in the Bahamas and run his own elephant plantation or something."

"Where do you **get** this stuff?" Pietro asked. "Does **anybody **know where he gets these ideas from?"

"Creepy isn't it?" Lance asked. "Like he's channeling dead crazy people."

"Or the Venture Brothers," Pyro remarked. "Actually that's weird even for me! Elephant plantation? Come on Toad!"

"Listen to Pyro, Toad," Lance nodded.

"It's probably a killer pineapple plantation," Pyro went on. "Where he'll grow experimental mutant pineapples with huge mouths and six arms and laser eyes!"

"**Don't** listen to Pyro, Toad," Lance put his head into his hands.

"Well which is it?" Todd mocked. "Make up my mind!"

"I wouldn't touch your mind with a **ten foot pole,**" Lance gave him a look.

"They do make eleven foot poles," Xi said.

"Why do I always feel like I'm the straight man in a dumb comedy movie?" Lance groaned.

"Speaking of straight, did you hear that the women moved into Harvey's cabin since theirs got blown up?" Pietro remarked as he organized his moisturizing kit. "And then he moved into the men's cabin and started knitting doilies! How much you wanna bet Logan loses it within a week?"

"You're one to talk," Pyro said. "I swear you are the only guy I know that organizes his skin moisturizing kit every night!"

"I do not organize it every night! I organize it every **week!**" Pietro huffed.

"Oh I am sooooo sorry," Pyro mocked. "I mean that's **a huge** difference! I mean how could I have made such a **horrible** mistake?"

"Pyro **how could you?**" Lance over dramatized his words. "How could you **not** recognize the difference between a weekly skin moisturizing organization and a daily skin moisturizing organization? I am shocked! **Shocked **I tell you! Shame! Shame on you!"

"This is a disturbing turn of events," Shane shook his head. "Disturbing I say!"

"Oh! Oh! I think I feel faint!" Arcade dramatically put his arm to his forehead. "Someone catch be before I fall! Oh I'm falling!" He fell back on his bed. "I've fallen and I can't get up!"

"Oh the **shame** of it all!" Fred hammed it up. "Are there no more morals any more? Has society sunk so low that no one even cares about moisturizing kit maintenance any more? What's next? Going lax on lip gloss? Missing mascara? Or heaven forbid…neglecting **nail polish!** What is this world coming to? Truly the barbarians are at the gate and the fall of western civilization has begun! Run! Run! Run to your bomb shelters and grab your curling irons to protect your families from the horrors of the evils of split ends! The horror! The horror!"

"You guys are mocking me aren't you?" Pietro gave them a look.

"Oh yes," Fred nodded energetically.

"As if you couldn't tell," Shane rolled his eyes.

"Yes," Xi nodded. He looked at Lance "We were, weren't we?"

"Oh the next month is just going to **fly **by," Lance groaned. "Come on it's getting late."

"Why what time is it?" Xi asked.

"It's time for Burt Reynold's mustache!" Pyro chimed. "It's time for Burt Reynold's mustache!"

"We have got to get him off the I Love The Decade series," Lance groaned. "It's time for the campfire. We have to meet the others."

"Campfire! I love a good campfire!" Pyro clapped his hands excitedly. "Well what are we waiting for? Come on! Come on! Come on!" He rushed out the door. "COME ON!"

Then he stuck his head back in. "Well **come on** already! That fire isn't going to just burn itself you know? Are you coming or what? Come on! OH I CAN'T WAIT!" He ran off. "WHOO HOO!"

"Okay who wants to start a pool for how long it will be before the forest burns down?" Lance sighed. "Anybody? Put me down for two weeks. Max!"

"I don't think it will even last **that **long," Pietro remarked.

Soon the gang were all outside. The students were sitting around the campfire. Rahne and Doug were laughing and roasting marshmallows. So were Amara and Roberto. Everyone was laughing and having a good time.

"Hey where's Shipwreck and the other Misfit adults?" Lance looked around as the Misfit boys finally made it to the fire pit.

"Some kind of meeting," Althea shrugged. "No big deal."

"Yeah but the rest of us are here," Logan gave Rogue and Remy a look. Rogue was wearing a black and green suit but no gloves. Her bare hand was on Remy's. "So watch it Gumbo."

"Wolverine, you wound me," Remy mocked.

"I will if you don't watch your step!" Logan snapped.

"Hey!" Pyro blinked as he noticed Rogue and Remy were touching. "Since when could Rogue touch someone?"

"The one time you **don't **notice anything but a fire," Remy grumbled.

"Rogue you have your suit on!" Kitty remarked. "I thought it got destroyed in the mansion?"

"Well most of it was," Rogue said. "This is a back up Lifeline kept at the Pit."

"Her suit?" Pyro blinked.

"That's right you were still with Bucket Head when it all went down," Rogue remembered. "Long story short Trinity and the Joes were able to come up with something that I could wear so my body would learn how to control my powers."

"Well that's pretty cool," Pyro blinked.

"Yeah but I can only wear it a couple of times a week for short periods of time," Rogue groaned. "It'll be years before I can do it on my own. Still it's better than nothing."

"If anyone deserves happiness it's you Rogue," Pyro said. "You've been screwed over more times than Paris Hilton."

"I will **not **kill him…" Rogue closed her eyes and tried to focus on her anger. "I will not kill him. I don't know **why **I should not kill him but I will not kill him."

"Isn't this wonderful?" Harvey clapped his hands. "Everyone should be so happy and grateful for a night like this!"

"Happy and grateful that our home and most of our possessions were destroyed by giant insects controlled by a race of snake people who wanted to take over the world?" Roberto raised an eyebrow.

"To be stuck in this camp with the Misfits for a month?" Ray asked.

"To be stuck in this camp with the **X-Men** for a month?" Todd gave him a look.

"Don't forget about the world still hating our guts and a lot of people blaming us for the recent alien invasions," Kitty added.

"There are a lot of troubles in the world," Harvey sighed. "And you know what I do when life gets me down?"

"Please say it involves a shot of bourbon," Logan groaned. Ororo hit him in the gut with her elbow. "OW! What was **that **for?"

"For acting like Shipwreck," Ororo gave him a look.

"Please! I could do a better imitation of Shipwreck in my sleep," Fred overheard the conversation. "You wanna see it?"

"NO!" Both Ororo and Logan told him.

"Getting back to the subject at hand," Harvey said. "I always find singing cheers me up in no time!"

"Now **I'm** starting to wish for that shot of bourbon," Warren groaned.

"Singing songs by the campfire is a great experience!" Harvey said cheerfully. "Any requests?"

"How about Michael Buble's 'Home'?" Rogue quipped.

"I have a song!" Pyro raised his hand. "I made it up myself. Well not completely. I kind of took that song from that show Salute Your Shorts and made a parody. Would you like to hear it?"

"Would you track us down if we tried to make a break for it?" Ray asked.

"Yes," Pyro gave him a look.

"Then sing away," Ray sighed, resigning himself to his fate.

"Ooooohhhh!" Pyro cleared his throat and stood up. _"Camp Mutant-Wana we're so happy to be here! Camp Mutant-Wana watch out for the killer deer!" _

"Killer deer?" Rogue blinked.

_"Camp Mutant-Wana, we hold you in our hearts! But when we think about you it_ _makes me want to fart!"_ Pyro sang.

"Isn't it supposed to be 'I hope we never part'?" Kitty asked.

"No, Pyro's version makes a **lot** more sense," Scott told her.

"You really want to stay with these people **forever?**" Bobby asked.

"Point taken," Kitty groaned.

_"Now we will share a lifetime of fond memories," _Pyro went on. _"Setting the lake on fire! And scratching all our fleas!" _

"The scary part is with our luck that will **actually** happen," Bobby groaned.

"Half right anyway," Kurt scratched at his fur. "I think it's **already** happening!"

_"Camp Mutant-Wana! Where mutants love to play! Camp Mutant-Wanaaaaa! Where's there's explosions every day! And fires, and fights, and more fires and fights…and did I say there were explosions? And…" _Pyro went on.

"Thank you Pyro," Hank stopped him. "And by thank you I mean please **stop **singing!"

"Does **anybody else** have a song they'd like to sing?" Ororo asked.

"Or better yet does anybody have some alcohol around here?" Logan looked around.

"Shipwreck-itis is contagious isn't it?" Scott asked Althea.

"How did you ever **guess?"** Althea asked sarcastically.

"Most of us don't know any campfire songs," Tabitha said.

"I know some!" Fred raised his hand. "I can teach you!"

"You can?" Remy gave him a look.

"What songs do you know?" Peter asked.

"Oh a lot of them," Fred said enthusiastically. "My family used to sing them all the time around the campfire, or the barbecue or if someone's house burned down. There's 'The Night of the Cow', 'I Never Knew I Could Grow a Hair There', 'There's a Bunny Stuck to My Butt', 'Vampires Don't Square Dance', 'The Farmer in the Well..'"

"Fred don't you mean the Farmer in the Dell?" Jean interrupted.

"No the Farmer in the **Well,**" Fred corrected. "It's about this lady who marries a lot of men and goes through all their different occupations. You know, farmer, doctor, milkman, judge…"

"Are you kidding?" Harvey asked. "I thought **I **was the only one who knew that song?"

"What?" Jean blinked.

"Well my Aunt Mabel Mae taught me that song," Fred told him. "It was a big hit in the town she lived in. A place called Apamatachobie."

"You gotta be kidding me!" Harvey said. "I **grew up** in Apamatachobie!"

"No!" Fred said.

"Yes!" Harvey said excitedly. "Down on Drummond Lane. My house was two doors down from the house of the lady that song was inspired by! I remember going to the weddings and being the ring bearer twice!"

"Well I'll be hog tied and feathered," Fred said. "Then you must have known my Aunt Mabel and my cousins Jethro and Tull. She used to work down at the library!"

"Was that before or after the incident with the Mayor, the donkey and the town seal?" Harvey asked.

"After," Fred nodded.

"Oh that's right! Now I remember! She was the one that got the town seal off the donkey," Harvey said.

"How did she get it off anyway?" Fred asked. "Did she have to use a hose or something?"

"Nah it didn't work," Harvey shook his head. "In the end she had to lure him off with some catfish! That did the trick!"

"Wait a minute, you're talking about an actual seal?" Peter blinked.

"He was very popular," Harvey said. "His name was Sam. He could balance a little ball on his nose and play 'This Old Man' on the horns."

"You're lucky," Fred shook his head. "All ours could do was stand on his flippers and dance around. And even then only when he got drunk on pickled herring."

"What the hell is going on?" Logan's jaw dropped. "Could somebody please tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Even with my powers I have **no **idea," Xavier was stunned.

"It's like an episode of the Twilight Zone," Hank blinked. "Somehow we took a detour and ended up in the Blob's brain."

"You really thought this was a good idea huh?" Scott gave Xavier a look. "Spending a month camping with these people? A whole **month.** Alone. With **them?"**

"It seemed so at the time," Xavier admitted.

"I have a good idea," Logan grumbled. "We get some alcohol and drink it! Fast!"

"All right Logan you have convinced me," Ororo nodded in agreement. "Maybe a little shot of bourbon wouldn't hurt."

Just then Penny scampered by with at dead squirrel in her mouth. "Well I see Penny's not wasting any time making sure the squirrel population is under control," Hank observed.

"GET THAT DEAD SQUIRREL AWAY FROM ME!" Kitty screamed. "I MEAN IT PENNY!"

"Wanna see what I can make with fire?" Pyro got a gleam in his eye and started to make shapes.

"NO!" Everyone shouted. Various people tackled Pyro in order to get him to stop using his powers.

"Yeah bring Pyro to a campfire, **great idea!"** Logan said sarcastically.

"And to think we have a whole month of **this!"** Rogue groaned. "Listening to insane stories, having crazy people come after us, dealing wtih the Misfits, trying to keep the forest from burning down..."

SQUEEEEEK!

"Listening to the sounds of squirrels being decapitated all night," Rogue groaned. "I hate camping!"

"At least the adults are stuck with us too," Jamie shrugged. "So it can't be that bad."

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Meanwhile at the Adult living quarters…

"What do you mean you're **leaving?"** Shipwreck shouted at the Blind Master. The Misfit Handlers were having a private meeting in the living room.

"I've already told Xavier and the others that I will return as soon as possible," The Blind Master calmly informed them.

"But why the hell are you going to Japan **now** of all times?" Shipwreck asked. "You can't just leave us in the lurch like this!"

"You are so clueless," Low Light glared at him.

"What? What do you mean?" Shipwreck looked around.

"Now is an excellent time to consult the Ancient Masters," Storm Shadow the white clad spoke as he and Jinx stepped out of the shadows. Jinx was wearing a black and gold ninja outfit and her face was uncovered. Her normally short hair had grown slightly longer and was now in a ponytail.

"Huh? Storm Shadow? Jinx? When the hell did you guys get here?" Shipwreck asked. "And who the hell are the Ancient Masters?"

"For crying out loud Shipwreck we must have told you about them **ten times** over the years," Jinx groaned.

"Uhhh…" Shipwreck scratched his head, trying to remember.

"As if the idiot would actually listen to **anything** you say," Cover Girl rolled her eyes. "Why don't you fill him in **again?"**

"The Ancient Masters are a group of skilled ninja masters who work outside their clan in order to oversee and in some cases govern all the ninja clans," Storm Shadow sighed. "They also teach and advise ninjas in extreme cases and unusual circumstances. And I would say that the possessors of both the Destiny Stone **and** the Phoenix Force becoming **more powerful** qualify don't you?"

"Oh," Shipwreck blinked. "But Storm Shadow why don't you go see these guys? You're a master too aren't you?"

"I **am **going," Storm Shadow explained. "I'm accompanying the Blind Master."

"I may be a skilled ninja master but even I can't drive blind," The Blind Master shrugged. "Well technically I can but the police and pedestrians tend to get a bit nervous when I do."

"Can't you just use the Mass Device and teleport there?" Roadblock asked. "I know for a fact Trinity finally fixed it."

"How could they fix it when the machine is back at the Pit and we're over here?" Low Light asked.

"The problem was in the watches not the machine itself," Roadblock explained.

"What? Did they get bubble gum in them or something?" Low Light asked.

"Let's just say that orange juice fights are not as safe as you would think they would be," Shipwreck said. "But that is a good point. Why are you **not** using the Mass device?"

"We're using it to teleport to Japan but the rest of the way we have to go by more conventional means," The Blind Master explained. "It's a protocol thing."

"So what exactly do you expect these all knowing ninja guys to do?" Cover Girl asked.

"These 'all knowing ninja guys' are going to help us contain the Phoenix Force and keep it under control," The Blind Master told her. "Not to mention teach us techniques to assist certain holders of the Destiny Stone on how to hone their own skills."

"Teach you? Aren't you guys already like the top in your field?" Shipwreck was stunned.

"Life is a continuous lesson unto itself," Spirit told him. "There are no true masters, only students."

"Huh?" Shipwreck blinked. "I don't get it."

"I did not expect a man who flunked **every **lesson except how to drink himself into oblivion to understand it," Spirit gave him a look.

"There is one thing **I** don't understand though," Low Light said. "I mean Xavier already bound the Phoenix Force into Jean. Couldn't he just keep changing the mental locks or whatever?"

"He could but it would not be as effective," Storm Shadow shook his head. "Xavier may be a master of the mind, but the Phoenix is a creature of the heart. It is ruled by passions not logic. Psychic dampeners and techniques are effective to a degree, but they are not always the strongest or most powerful when dealing with cosmic forces."

"To put it in terms even **Shipwreck **can understand," Jinx said. "Think of the psychic barriers as a powerful dam. Now think of the Phoenix Force as the ocean during Hurricane Katrina. Now think of the Destiny Stone as **another **powerful hurricane coming right on the heels of Katrina. All it takes is just the right situation and…"

"Okay I get the picture," Shipwreck interrupted. "So you're saying that these all knowing ninja masters know how to handle stuff like this?"

"Oh yes," Jinx nodded. "Stuff like this is pretty common for them."

"Some of them have even raised people from the **dead,"** Storm Shadow agreed.

"That would be helpful," Shipwreck blinked.

"So try to hold down the fort and prevent the end of the world just long enough until we return," The Blind Master sighed. "We'll be back within a week."

"Until then I'll be taking the Blind Master's place," Jinx explained.

"No wonder Wolverine took it so well," Roadblock laughed. "The plan sounds more than okay. For once maybe things will go our way."

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Meanwhile at on a certain Greek island…

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Bursting from the ground, covered in mud and dirt was Selene. She staggered out from her underground prison. Her eye twitched as she saw the destruction around her. Her beautiful palace was gone. Her cherished works of art were gone. There was nothing but rubble left and she knew **exactly** who was responsible.

"Avalanche…" She growled. "I am going to… KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU AND YOUR LITTLE TOAD TOO!"

Thunder and lightning cracked and roared in the sky as Selene screamed to the heavens. "I WILL DESTROY EVERY SINGLE MISFIT AND ANYONE CONNECTED WITH THE MISFITS IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! THEY WILL RUE THE DAY THEY CROSSED THE MISTRESS OF MAGIC! THE QUEEN OF DARKNESS! THE BLACK QUEEN OF HELLFIRE AND DESPAIR! THEY WILL ALL PERISH BEFORE ME!"

Selene then sniffed. "But first…" She grumbled. "I am going to my nearest palace and take a very, very long **shower!"**

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The sound of the guard's neck snapping in his hands was music to Sabertooth's ears. He roared with pure fury as his claws sliced through the jugular of another one.

"And another human bites the dust," Solitaire decapitated another guard. "Fools."

"Tell me about it," Sabertooth grunted. "Not only are these FOH idiots stupid enough to have a Mutant Research lab without even bothering to cover it up, but my idiot son practically brags about it in the newspaper!"

"You would think he would have learned **some** discretion," Solitaire cleaned his blade on the clothes of a dead guard. "And not to tell the Fox network that he had a team of researchers working night and day on curing the mutant problem right in the middle of Denver, Colorado!"

"Brains was never that boy's strong suit," Sabertooth grunted. "I got a scent. Mutant. This one's definitely alive. Down that way."

"And more prey to play with," Solitaire grinned as three more guards appeared.

"Save some for me," Sabertooth went down the hall. "I'll be right back."

He found only one cell at the end and the room was dark. He broke down the door and turned on the light. Of all the sights he expected he didn't count on what he saw.

Sabertooth was stunned. Inside was a little girl, about eight years old with pink hair, lavender skin and pure green eyes clutching a battered teddy bear. She had a torn green dress on. She had a chain around her bare right leg and it was clearly cutting into her skin.

"You won't make me cry no more," The little girl sniffed as her eyes adjusted to the light. Then she saw Sabertooth. "Hello. Are you a mutant like me?"

Sabertooth was stunned. "Yeah kid I am."

"Be careful, the bad people could hurt you too," She said.

"Yeah but I can hurt **them!**" Sabertooth snapped the chain off of her leg with his strength. "What's your name kid?"

"Clarice," She said. "This is Bonkers," She indicated the bear. "I've been down here a long time."

"Looks like it," Sabertooth grunted. "Solitaire! Get in here!"

"I couldn't save one for you," Solitaire walked in. He looked at the girl and frowned. "This will not hurt little one," He touched her arm.

"Well, what can she do?" Sabertooth asked.

"Nothing yet. She's going to be a teleporter," Solitaire said. "And there's something else too. I'm not sure what."

"This is Solitaire and I'm Sabertooth," Sabertooth told her. "Among other things he can tell what kind of powers a mutant has."

"Have you seen any other mutants?" Solitaire asked.

"I'm the only one left," Clarice said softly. "My little brother died yesterday. He was seven. I'm eight."

Solitaire's face turned into one of cold rage. "I am sorry we could not save your brother. But we will save you."

"Yeah kid and those humans are gonna pay for what they did," Sabertooth told her. "That I promise!"

Both Sabertooth and Solitaire heard more guards coming. "Looks like there's more of them for me to play with after all," Sabertooth grinned.

"Let us go then," Solitaire turned invisible and went out to kill the remaining guards.

"You stay here kid, it's gonna get messy out there," Sabertooth told her. "I'll be right back when it's safe."

"Please Mister, don't leave me alone," Clarice whimpered.

"I'll be right back to get ya kid," Sabertooth growled as he heard the last of the security men and scientist panicking as Solitaire tore into them. "Me and my pal are just gotta take out the garbage. Then we can go."

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Graydon Creed sat down in front of the visitor's table in front of him. Next to him was a man in a white coat and red hair. The Reverend Stryker was brought out in shackles but allowed to sit down as well at the table.

"Reverend," Creed said briskly. "This is Dr. Baleful. He's the FOH's top geneticist." He nervously eyed the guard.

"Don't worry about Daniel," Stryker grinned at the guard who grinned back. "He's one of my many converts to the cause. We can speak freely. So?"

"Half an hour ago Lab Five was infiltrated and destroyed," Dr. Baleful told him. "We were able to identify that two mutants, Sabertooth and Solitaire were responsible."

"How many casualties?" Stryker asked.

"Human or mutant?" Dr. Baleful asked.

"Human obviously!" Creed snapped.

"There were twenty five people stationed at Lab Five," Dr. Baleful said. "Six of them were scientists. None of them survived."

"Bastards," Stryker snarled.

"And they got the girl," Dr. Baleful said.

"Alive? They took the pink girl?" Stryker asked.

"Yes," Dr. Baleful nodded.

"Excellent," Stryker grinned. "A pity it wasn't the X-Men who found her."

"We'll get them soon enough," Creed said. "Personally this turn of events suits me just fine. We all knew if we set out enough signals one of those mutie groups would find the girl. As far as I'm concerned Magneto and Sabertooth are perfect for the job!"

"I agree," Stryker said. "When will the virus activate?"

"Incubation is about three months," Dr. Baleful said. "But the girl and the other one we just let loose in Mutant Town will still be able to pass it along with minimal detection within one month before the first symptoms start. By the end of the year at least ninety percent of the mutant population of the world will be infected."

"And then humanity shall be cleansed once and for all," Stryker grinned.

"It's still not fast enough for me," Creed grumbled.

"You must have patience Creed," Stryker said. "That is the lesson I have learned during my incarceration. A pity you did not learn it during your experiences."

"And a pity **you **didn't learn how to follow through on your plans," Creed sneered. "You made more mutants than you ever killed!"

"It was my fault that I failed but it was God's will that…" Stryker began.

"God's will my **ass!"** Creed snapped. "It was your failure…"

"Gentlemen! Please!" Dr. Baleful stopped them. "This bickering is pointless! What's done is done. What we must focus on now is the future and what we need to do."

"He's right," Stryker coughed. "Forgive me for my outburst. We all want those demons destroyed. We should work together, not fight each other."

"Agreed," Creed grumbled.

"It's time to go sir," The guard said.

"Very well. Just out of curiosity," Stryker stopped before he left. "Who was the other mutant you infected with the virus? Anyone we know?"

"I don't believe so," Dr. Baleful loosened his collar. "It was an unusual young mutant named Lisa Lizer. She's quite unique for her powers inhibit telepathy."

"Inhibit, you mean…?" Stryker raised an eyebrow.

"No telepath can read minds while they are in her presence," Dr. Baleful grinned. "It took me a while to track her down but once I did I merely knocked her unconscious, infected her with the virus and then set her loose in front of the Mutant Town shelter. I have a contact that will make sure she stays in the area long enough for the virus to do it's job."

"All those mutants on that one block…" Stryker grinned.

"And more are flocking to that block every day from around the world," Dr. Baleful nodded. "New York is becoming quite the breeding ground for the mutant community."

"Which will soon become their graveyard," Stryker said.

"And the best part is Xavier can't find her," Creed put it together. "I gotta admit Doc, you're a genius."

"It was nothing, she was merely a piece of the puzzle I found," Dr. Baleful shrugged. "Thanks to a friend of a friend from Neverland."

"Excellent, until next time gentlemen," Stryker nodded as he was led back into his cell.

Creed and Dr. Baleful soon left the prison. "As much as I hate to admit it Stryker has been helpful to the FOH," Creed grumbled. "My name doesn't go as far as it used to."

"That's not exactly your fault," Dr. Baleful went to his limo with tinted shades.

"No, but he is right," Creed said. "We do have a common goal. You don't know what this means to me Doctor."

"Oh yes I do," Dr. Baleful told him. "Rest assured soon everyone will know **exactly **what the Legacy Virus will mean to the planet."

"Legacy Virus, interesting name," Creed snorted.

"I thought it had a poetic ring to it," Dr. Baleful said as he got into his limo. "Now if you'll excuse me I have to get back to work."

"Fine," Creed nodded. "I'll meet you at Headquarters next week. I know you're a busy man."

"You have no idea **how** busy," Dr. Baleful grinned. "See you later."

Creed waved and went into his own limo as the doctor went into his. Dr. Baleful turned on his cell phone as his limo pulled away. _"Report…" _The voice on the other end spoke.

"Everything has gone perfectly according to plan," Dr. Baleful's features began to shift. "They've all taken the bait, Apocalypse."

"Excellent work Sinister," Apocalypse told him. "They really believe this virus will destroy mutant kind?"

"Technically it will only kill **one or two** mutants," Sinister told him as he shapeshifted into his original form. "But it's a necessary sacrifice in order for the virus to develop to it's second and **true **purpose."

"And from one will come many," Apocalypse spoke. "Excellent work. Now here is what I need you to do next…"

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"Looks like you found her just in time," Mender told Sabertooth back at the base. She was giving Clarice a check up. "She's underfed but I've seen worse cases since the North Korea operation."

"Yeah well," Sabertooth grunted. He was stunned as Clarice grabbed his arm.

"Thank you Mister Sabertooth," Clarice grinned at him. "Bonkers says thank you too. You're very brave."

"Just doing my job kid," Sabertooth shrugged. Something about this girl was getting under his skin but for once not in a bad way. "She'll be okay then?"

"Don't worry," Mender nodded. "I'll send her to Orphan's Hollow." She was referring to the orphanage section of Magneto's base, where abandoned mutant children too young to fight were cared for. "She'll be fine."

"I still think you should do some more tests on her," Solitaire said. "There's something about her genes…I'm not sure."

Sabertooth saw Clarice's eyes widen. "No more tests!" He ordered. "The kid's been through enough. Besides we all know she's going to be a teleporter and you didn't sense anything dangerous did you?"

Solitaire decided to hold his tongue. "Not really no."

"Sabertooth, Solitaire," Mastermind walked in. "Good you're back. We need you in the conference room."

"Okay, okay," Sabertooth bent down to Clarice's level. "You be good now. You're gonna go to a nice room and meet a couple other kids your age. Got it."

Clarice nodded. She gave him a hug. "Bye Mr. Sabertooth! And Mr. Bonkers says good bye too!"

"Yeah uh," Sabertooth gulped and put the girl down and left. "Bye kid, by Bonkers."

"What was **that **about?" Mastermind asked as they walked out of the medical facility and into the long corridor. "Normally you'd slit someone's throat if they even look at you wrong!"

"She's just a freaking kid. Even I'm not **that** ruthless," Sabertooth grunted.

"Since when?" Mastermind snorted. "Magneto needs to see you and Solitaire right away."

"What does Bucket Head want us to do **this** time?" Sabertooth growled as he followed Mastermind with Solitaire. "I don't mind the action but I was hoping to get something to eat first."

"Chomping down on those FOH scientists didn't satisfy you?" Solitaire asked.

"The only way I'll be satisfied is if I get my hands on my so called son," Sabertooth growled. "Just when I thought I couldn't think up any **more** reasons to split Graydon's head open like a ripe watermelon…"

If Sabertooth wasn't shocked before, he was certainly was shocked when he saw the state of the conference room. There was metal everywhere in odd positions. Hanging upside down suspended by metal was Cortez. "Oooohh…Monkeys…" Cortez moaned.

"Magneto," Sabertooth looked around at all the oddly formed metal. "What the hell happened? Besides Cortez screwing up **again?"**

"We…had a little incident," Magneto sighed. "I'm afraid I need you two to get right back out in the field and track down a few people."

He then used his powers to release Cortez so that he dropped to the floor. "And could someone please take Cortez to the infirmary…**Again!"**

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Back at Camp Whispering Pines the day was relatively peaceful. "I can't believe we went a whole **day **without some alien or maniac attacking," Roberto groaned as he and the other X-Men Boys made their way back to camp from the lake at sunset. "It's like some kind of record."

"Unless you count the Blob attacking the breakfast buffet," Bobby joked. "Oh man I forgot my towel. You guys go ahead! I'll catch up."

"Don't be late," Ray waved as they went ahead.

Bobby ran back and found it on the beach. "I can't believe I forgot it," He picked it up. Then he heard a rustling in the bushes. "Who's there? Toad? Are you eating more bugs or something?"

Bobby felt he was being watched. He prepared to ice up and attack but to his shock he saw Lorna stumble out of the woods. Her green uniform was torn and there was a cut on her cheek. She looked frightened and dazed.  
"Polaris?" Bobby gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Help me," Lorna whimpered. "Help me…" She passed out in his arms.

"Oh boy," Bobby blinked. "This is…really getting weird here."

**You have no idea Bobby! Next: Find out what Polaris is doing at the camp and what happens next will really be a blast! **


	38. Polaris Interrupted

**Polaris Interrupted**

It's funny how things can change in twenty four hours.

Twenty four hours may not seem like much most days. But can be a lot on days that are either important or life changing.

And this was one of those days.

Twenty four hours ago life was perfect for Lorna Dane, also known as Polaris, daughter of Magneto. Well maybe not **perfect**. She still trained and worked with her father in order to create a mutant paradise for her people. And she admittedly had second thoughts sometimes about his methods not to mention some of the people he worked with. But still Magneto was her father and he loved her. And she did spend time with her aunt Mender as well as her boyfriend Legion.

However something was bothering her. Lately Legion hadn't been prone to spending a lot of time with her. He always seemed to be busy lately. Not that there was anything wrong with that. She was busy too, often training or going over the plans for Avalon or helping her father shape the metal within their future home.

But still she couldn't help but think it had something to do with the fact that she had told Legion, in the most polite terms that she wasn't yet ready for a physical relationship.

Oh Legion hadn't exactly thrown a tantrum about it. On the contrary, he was a perfect gentleman, saying that he understood her feelings and that it was better if they waited anyway. But still there was this nagging feeling she had that her boyfriend wasn't really happy with this development.

It was those paranoid doubts in her mind about Legion that started the whole chain reaction of events that turned her world upside down and spiraled out of control.

No, it was more than that. The exact cause was the fact that instead of going straight to her quarters to shower and rest up after training like she normally did, she decided to go to the commissary instead to get a bite to eat.

It was just a spur of the moment decision really. Her stomach was growling and she was more hungry than exhausted. The cafeteria was near the training rooms so she thought a little change in her routine might be a good idea.

_Good idea my ass,_ Lorna thought to herself as she replayed the episode again in her head. _If I just did what I normally did…If I didn't stray from my routine I never would have heard those witches. I'd be back there blissfully ignorant about the fact my whole life was a lie! How could I have been so stupid! Everyone in my life I cared about has lied to me! My father, my aunt, my so called boyfriend and friends…EVERYONE! _

_And when I found out...I couldn't stay. How could I stay? So I lost everything and became a fugitive. _

And all it took was a desire to get a snack.

She had walked into the commissary by the southern door and saw two familiar mutants sitting and gossiping. Shiva, the multi-armed sword mistress and Joanna Cargill, a former gang member who had been betrayed by her own gang. The two mutants had their backs to her and were talking so they didn't know she was there. Even though Polaris wasn't close to the young women she was friendly with them and decided to talk to them.

It was at that moment before she revealed herself to them that she heard Joanna say, "I can't believe Lucas has been sleeping around for months and Polaris still hasn't found out about it! I mean even **Magneto **knows about him and Scatty and she's still in the dark! I'm surprised the old man hasn't told her himself about him and that one eyed skank!"

"To be fair I'm not so sure Scatty is **completely** to blame," Shiva told her. "I think Legion **convinced **her if you know what I mean?"

"You saying he used his mind powers on her?" Joanna asked. "He actually brainwashed her to…?"

"Wouldn't be the **first** time he's tried it," Shiva grunted. "He once tried to do that with me. He doesn't overpower a person, he prefers to charm them subtly. Fortunately I've had experience with telepaths and I caught him at it. Told him if he ever tried that again I'd **personally** make sure he'd never be **interested **or **physically capable** of doing that again if you get my drift."

"Does Magneto know he's doing this?" Joanna asked.

"I don't think he knows Legion is using his powers to seduce women, but maybe he might suspect…" Shiva thought. "Of course Legion is a powerful ally and maybe he wants to drum up some more recruits the old fashioned way. Then again, he may not really know. That happened six months ago and I haven't exactly spread the word. You're the first person I've told about it."

"Really? But why didn't you say anything?" Joanna asked.

"Like I said, Legion may annoy Magneto but he's too powerful an ally to dismiss," Shiva shrugged. "I think I just got lucky by surprising him like that. He must prefer easier targets. I've heard it straight from Mender that sometimes Legion goes out and seeks out Purity or FOH members on his own and torments them just for fun. You heard about that gas leak that caused an explosion in the school back in his mother's town in Scotland?"

"No, I don't exactly watch much TV," Joanna told her. "Let me guess, not a gas leak but Lucas getting a little payback against some of his former schoolmates?"

"No, against **David's** former friends," Shiva corrected. "The original personality before Xavier goofed and turned him permanently into Legion. Lucas hated that guy so he decided to get back at him that way. Practically bragged about it to Mender. The only reasons Magneto turned a blind eye to it was that he was careful enough this time so that people would think it was only an accident and that the victims were all humans."

"But why don't somebody just **tell **Polaris about all this stuff Legion's doing?" Joanna asked. "That's what I wanna know! I mean I know she's not too bright or anything but geeze…Even that stuck up little nitwit deserves better than **that!"**

"Why don't **you** tell her then?" Shiva asked.

"And get on Daddy Dearest's bad side?" Joanna gave her a look. "No way. I guess it's her own fault though, if she's too dumb to figure it out on her own…"

Just then the silverware started to shake and levitate. "What the…?" Joanna gasped. Then she realized something. She and Shiva turned around to see a very angry Lorna glaring at them.

"**Dumb** am I?" Lorna hissed. "Stuck up little nitwit am I? You **witches** think I'm stuck up? I'll show you **stuck up!"**

Within a heartbeat both Shiva and Joanna found themselves pinned to the wall by half the metal in the cafeteria. Lorna wasted no time in turning around and rushing out. She heard Shiva grumbling. "Way to go moron!"

"How the hell was I supposed to know she was right behind us?" Joanna snapped.

Lorna raced down the hallways as fast as she could to Lucas' quarters. _It's not true! It **can't** be true! _She kept telling herself. _Those girls are just jealous! That's it! That's got to be it! Spreading rumors and lies! I'll find Lucas and he'll explain everything! There's no way my father and my aunt would keep a secret like this away from me! I'll tell them everything and then they'll punish those two hags for spreading awful vicious gossip! _

Lorna found herself at the door of Lucas' room. She was still wearing her head dress that had a built in psychic scrambler. She knew Lucas wouldn't lie to her or try to deceive her but it was reassuring anyway. She was about to knock on the door when she heard it.

The muffled sound of a female laughing.

"That better be a TV on in there," Lorna felt her blood boil. Without hesitation she used her powers to knock down the metal door. She didn't know who was more shocked at the result, her or Lucas and Scatty, caught in an obviously passionate embrace.

For once, Lucas' normally quick wit escaped him along with his modesty. "Uh…I can explain…"

"BASTARD!" Lorna screamed as she focused all the metal in the room to attack her now ex-boyfriend. "BASTARD! YOU EVIL ROTTEN TWO TIMING BASTARD!"

"LORNA! PLEASE! WAIT…" Lucas used his powers to create a telekinetic shield while trying to cover himself with his hands. "Look I can explain...Really!"

"Explain? You can explain being naked with that one eyed bimbo over there?" Lorna snapped. "Or are you going to try and cover it up and seduce me with your powers like you tried to to do Shiva?"

"How did you...?" Lucas' jaw dropped. "Did she tell you? Lorna I swear she's lying! She's..."

"SHUT UP! IT IS SO OVER BETWEEN THE TWO OF US!" Lorna screamed as she ran off and left him with a ruined room and no dignity.

She ran crying off to find her aunt. _I can't believe I trusted that jerk! I feel so used! And what's worse nearly everyone knew it! But I know my aunt and father didn't know! They'd never keep a secret like that from me! _

She managed to make it to her aunt's room. "Aunt Karen? Are you here? Hello?"

She was nowhere to be found. So Lorna decided to sit and wait for her. She started to cry, feeling ashamed and sorry for herself. Her nose was stuffed up so she looked for a tissue to blow her nose. She looked on her desk and took one when she noticed an old diary among the many books on it. Curious she picked it up.

"This is Aunt Karen's diary," Lorna realized. "When she was my age."

She skimmed the pages. But some of the passages puzzled her. "January tenth," She read aloud. "_I finally told my sister what I could do. I healed her broken arm and then she…screamed and yelled at me. She told my parents…They thought I was sick…so they took me to a hospital and they **left **me…I can't believe they **abandoned **me? I thought_ _they loved me_…Wait a minute…This can't be right. Both my mother and sister were mutants. This doesn't make sense!"

She read further. "_January eleventh…Thank god I found someone to get me out of here. There's this doctor, Erik Len something or other, I still can't pronounce his name. He told me I was a mutant. And he's one too. He can bend metal. He tried to get my family to understand but…They want nothing to do with me. So he's taking me to_…Hold on. This doesn't make any sense at all!"

She kept reading. "I hate my sister. That bleached blond bimbo…What? Aunt Karen told me my mother had green hair like I did and this doesn't make any sense…" She turned more pages. "This tells all about her life as a mutant…Wait what's this?"

She read more. "_Erik told me about his wife and how much he loved her_. WHAT? _He had to have her frozen so he could save his children_…WHAT? Hold on…" She kept skimming. "Hold it…What the hell is this? _I've been with Erik two years now. I know our affair was brief but it was wonderful while it lasted…What saddens me is that even though I can heal wounds I can never bear children. Oh what I wouldn't give to have his child. I told Erik this and he thinks he's come up with a way to help me. And get revenge on my sister. _MY AUNT SLEPT WITH MY FATHER?"

"Oh she did more than just sleep with him honey," Cyndi sauntered in. "I see you found her little diary. It's juicy stuff all right."

"Cyndi? What are you doing here?" Lorna asked.

"Heard about your little tiff with Lucas, it's already all over the station," Cyndi grinned. "Oh I see you just started to glance at your aunt's old diary. I can't believe she still keeps that old thing. But it is an interesting read. It was worth digging it out of all those old boxes she had in storage. I put it where I knew you would find it."

"This is **not **her diary!" Lorna threw it down. "This is all full of lies!"

"No dear, the lies are all in your head where your loving aunt and daddy put them," Cyndi mocked. "Did you get to the part where your real mother was in a car crash and put into a coma? Probably thanks to Magneto. Then your dad used her body and surgically impregnated her as part of an experiment."

"No…" Lorna looked at the book. "No my father fell in love with my mother and they had me."

"That's not true and you know it," Cyndi said.

"It's all a lie?" Lorna couldn't believe her ears. "No, no it **can't** be!"

"But it is," Cyndi sneered. "Think about it, Rogue was an experiment. So were you. And he had no problems working on his real kids."

"But why…Why did they lie to me?" Lorna still couldn't believe it.

"Why not? Your aunt wanted a child. Magneto wanted a backup heir in case his real ones couldn't cut it. Not to mention it's handy to have another metal manipulator in the family."

"I don't believe this…" Lorna fell to her knees, staring at the book.

"Believe it honey," Cyndi gloated. "And that's not the worst of it. Wanna know what else your **loving family** is hiding from you? Come with me."

Hesitantly Lorna followed her. They went thorough a secret passage. "Where are we going?" Lorna asked.

"You wanted to find your aunt," Cyndi opened up a panel. "This is her new pet project. Behold the latest model."

Floating in a giant cylinder was a dark haired female figure. "Who…who is she?" Lorna asked.

"Take a closer look," Cyndi said. "Doesn't she look familiar?"

"It's…It's me!" Lorna gasped. "But with dark hair! What's going on?"

"Lorna!" Mender walked in, her brown hair nearly falling out of a bun as she rushed in. "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be in here!"

"Well I'm not supposed to be in **there** either!" Lorna pointed to the nude figure inside the tank. "What is going on Aunt Karen? Or should I call you mom or something?"

"What are you talking about?" Mender asked. "Cyndi! What have you done?"

"Just told her the truth," Cyndi said in a sickeningly sweet voice. "About how you've lied to her all her life."

"Is it true?" Lorna glared at her aunt. "That I'm nothing more than some kind of sick experiment for you and Magneto? My real mother was nothing more than a surrogate?"

"What are you talking about?" Mender asked.

"I read your diary," Lorna said. "And Cyndi told me the rest. So what is this? Who or what is she?"

"Lorna please you have to understand…" Mender said. "I wanted a baby. Magneto's baby but I couldn't have one."

"So Magneto conveniently put my real mother in a coma and used her eggs to make me?" Lorna snapped. "Is my mother still alive?"

"No, she died after you were born," Mender admitted.

"Did Magneto kill her?" Lorna asked. "Did you?"

"NO!" Mender snapped. "Although I admit I would have wanted to after how she treated me."

"So she wasn't a mutant and she didn't have green hair," Lorna asked.

"No, your hair was a result of the genetic manipulation of your X-Gene," Mender admitted. "Lorna I know you're upset but you have to understand, we lied to you but only so you could have a normal life as much as possible."

"Oh please, spare me," Cyndi snorted. "Admit it! You wanted to keep her under your thumb!"

"And what's this?" Lorna asked pointing to the figure in the tank. "Is that supposed to be me or something?"

"Lorna you know we need more recruits," Mender sighed. "You knew we were working with Cobra and the plans we acquired from the Hellfire Club to create more."

"So what? You **cloned **me?" Lorna yelled. "What were you going to tell me? I had a long lost twin sister? Or cousin? Like they do on those bad television shows?"

The metal in the room began to buckle. The bolts holding the seams of the tank began to shake. "Lorna! Stop! Calm down!" Mender called out to her. "You're disrupting the…"

"The **experiment?** Oh yeah baby!" Cyndi cackled. "DO IT GIRL! DO IT! IF YOU DON'T THAT CLONE WILL REPLACE YOU!"

"NOOOOOO!" Lorna screamed. The metal exploded and twisted all around her. Lorna glared at the clone's tank with pure hatred.

The clone inside opened her eyes one second before Lorna used her powers to tear the tank to pieces. Water, metal and glass flew everywhere. Without thinking Lorna flew out of the room before the body hit the floor. She tore off to confront her father.

The next moments were all a blur of anger, rage, betrayal and metal flying around. Her father was completely shocked as she tore through his office. "FATHER! YOU BASTARD!" Lorna used her powers to the fullest to attack him.

Magneto never expected to be attacked by his own daughter in his own office using her powers against him. He was knocked on the head with a huge metal cylinder before he could defend himself. Cortez was tied up with metal and hung from the ceiling before he could do anything.

The next thing Lorna knew she was standing over her father's unconscious body. She was still in shock of what she had done. She heard clapping and turned around.

"Good job love," Cyndi grinned. "You know this actually worked in our favor. We never could have overpowered Magneto without you."

"We?" Lorna blinked.

"We," Cyndi morphed into Lucas. "I have to admit, Cyndi was right."

"Lucas…" Lorna's blood went cold. "You can change your shape to look like other people?"

"Close, I **am** other people from time to time," Lucas admitted.

"Lucas you're…Cyndi?" Lorna gasped. "Cyndi was **you?"**

"There's a reason we're called Legion Love," Blackjack took over. "You see turns out David had a lot more personalities than he thought."

"I don't understand…" Lorna gasped.

"Just relax," Blackjack used his telekinesis to rip the headband off of Lorna's head. "And let me into your mind."

She felt something powerful blast into her brain. Lorna screamed. "GET OUT OF MY MIND!"

"Just make it easy on yourself little girl and submit," Lucas took over. "You're no different than any of the other girls I've seduced. And with you under my control I'll take over this station in no…"

"NOBODY CONTROLS ME!" Lorna screamed sending out a blast of metal around her at Lucas. The metal sliced at Lucas' skin.

"AAHHH!" Lucas was temporarily thrown off balance. He used telekinesis and fire to attack her again.

Meanwhile Cortez hung from the ceiling watching the fight. Then he remembered his powers. "Magneto!" He concentrated his energy to flow into Magneto's body on the floor. "My lord…Wake up!"

"What…?" Magneto woke up and saw Lucas/Blackjack/Cyndi fighting Lorna. He couldn't believe his eyes as Legion changed personalities effortlessly. "ENOUGH!" He used his powers to knock down Legion from behind. "What the devil is going on here?"

"He…She…They used me," Lorna choked. "YOU ALL USED ME!"

"You stupid witch!" Lucas snarled. "You've ruined everything!"

"You're the one who couldn't keep your pants on you egotistical…" Lorna snapped.

"SILENCE!" Magneto roared. "There had better be a good explanation for this Polaris!"

"Or what? You'll make **another** clone of me?" Lorna shouted. "I was never a daughter to you was I? Just another experiment!"

"HOW DID YOU FIND OUT ABOUT **THAT?"** Magneto shouted.

"I think it's time for me to take my leave," Lucas grumbled as he got to his feet while Lorna was screaming at Magneto.

"Hold on!" Magneto snapped noticing Lucas trying to leave. "First things first!" He sent out his powers using a huge metal beam to attack Lucas from behind.

"UHHH!" Lucas groaned as he was hit before he could react. "Bloody hell...That hurts!"

"You have a lot of explaining to do Legion," Magneto growled.

Lucas shifted into Cyndi. "You wouldn't hit a lady now would you?" She played up the helpless female.

"What in the…" Magneto was stunned.

"Psyche!" Blackjack changed back and sent out a double combination of telekinetic and pyrokinetic blast at him. Magneto was able to make a magnetic barrier protecting him from the flames but not Blackjack's telekinesis. He was knocked backwards into the wall.

"I say girl, Lucas was right about one thing…" Blackjack snarled. "You **are** more trouble than you are worth! No wonder he had to cheat on you!"

"ENOUGH!" Magneto rose into the air. "I don't know who or **what **you really are Legion…But you will pay for your treachery!"

"Bring it on old man!" Lucas shifted back. "The others thought I couldn't take you." He created a powerful ring of fire around him. "They're right. But I think the three of us together could handle you just **fine!"**

"Three? You're a split personality," Magneto finally understood.

"Bingo! The man gets a prize!" Lucas laughed. "Come on! I took out my old man all by myself! The three of us against you…No chance!"

Suddenly the metal floor rose up and encased his legs. "AAAHH! HEY LEGGO!" Lucas shouted.

"How about the three of you against the **two **of **us?**" Lorna shouted as she caused the floor to encase Legion. Legion fought back using his telekinesis to keep the metal from completely encasing him.

"Hello? Am I **invisible?**" Cortez snapped. He concentrated and sent more energy to Magneto, supercharging him. "Take my strength my lord and kick **all **their pathetic butts!"

"See what happens when you challenge someone with **real **power?!" Magneto added his power to Lorna's.

"AAAAHHH!" Lucas screamed as the metal encased his body. It took one desperate burst of power using his telekinesis to throw it off. He raised himself into the air. "This is too hot for us! We gotta get out of here while we still can!"

"You'd better run!" Cortez shouted as Lucas flew out of the room.

"STOP HIM!" Magneto shouted. He pressed an intercom in the room. "ALL MUTANTS RESPOND! THIS IS A PRIORITY ALERT! APPREHEND LUCAS…CYNDI…AND BLACKJACK! JUST BRING THEM ALL IN! OR EVEN IF YOU JUST GET **ONE **OF THEM BRING HIM OR HER TO ME IMMEDIATELY!"

"Cyndi is Legion and Legion is Blackjack?" Cortez groaned as he hung upside down. "I am so confused…"

"Cortez shut up. Lorna…" Magneto began.

"SAVE IT!" Lorna screamed. "I'm sick of you and your lies!" She fled from the room taking what metal she could to create a sphere of her own and fled into the night.

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"And that's how I ended up here," Lorna finished telling her story to Bobby. They were sitting alone by the lake. "Weird story huh?"

"Whoa," Bobby blinked. "And I thought **my **parents were jerks."

"Tell me about it," Lorna put her hand to her head. "I just ran as fast and as far as I could. Just to get away from him. But what are you doing here in the middle of nowhere?"

"The X-Men and Misfits are at camp while our place is being remodeled," Bobby explained. "We kind of had a few pest problems."

"Pest problems?" Lorna blinked.

"Giant bugs from some weird snake society that wanted to take over the world," Bobby said. "Don't ask. It's an even weirder story."

"It must be. I feel like such an idiot. I don't know what to do or where to go," Lorna sighed.

"Come on, the Professor can help," Bobby said.

"Are you sure?" Lorna asked. "Won't the others get mad if you bring me to your camp?"

"Yeah probably," Bobby stood up. "But that's nothing new around here. Hang on."

Lorna put her arms around Bobby as he created an ice toboggan and took her to camp.

Two pairs of glowing eyes peered out through the forest. "I knew it," Sabertooth growled. "Running straight to the X-Men. Sheesh. Doesn't anyone think of anything more **original?**"

"It doesn't matter," Solitaire told him. "Magneto wants Polaris returned. He shall have her, no matter who stands in our way."

**Uh oh you know this is not gonna go well! Next comes a really big really wild battle and that's where the fun really starts! Really! **

**And to everyone out there! Happy Holidays! I hope all of you enjoy your time with friends and family as much as I do!**

"I know you'll all probably be enjoying it more than we do," Hank muttered as he walked in. "Every holiday the same thing. Fights, explosions, Shipwreck putting up those gaudy decorations complete with the barking dogs singing 'Jingle Bells', more fights and explosions, Lockheed and Polly trying to make a nest in the Christmas Tree and throw wild parites inside it...Even more fights and explosions, the annual holiday arguments about cartoon characters' sexual orientation...Bobby and Pyro getting stoned from whatever god awful food Kitty made and doing that Heat Miser Snow Miser song...More destruction and insanity..."

"Not to mention alcohol," Logan walked in. "And kids whining about not being with their real families during the holiday..."

"No wonder you always left to go hide in a bar," Hank nodded. "Not to mention..."

_"We three kings of Orient Are! Tried to smoke a rubber cigar!" _S'ym and the demons strode along singing. _"It was loaded and exploded and we traveled so far..." _

"Demon carolers," Hank sighed. "And of course the trip to Atlantic City to cause chaos in the casinos."

"Kind of makes your holiday look tame don't it?" Logan asked. "Come on Hank, let's go play the ponies..."

**Well however you celebrate it, Happy Holidays Everyone! **

**Red Witch**


	39. The Bad Guys Come Calling

**The Bad Guys Come Calling**

Far away in the Kingpin's private estate…

"I'm telling you man you gotta try this stuff," Steve, the burly four armed henchman of the Kingpin told his smaller human companion, a tough African American named Turk. They were on patrol through the halls of the huge mansion.

"Forget it man," Turk shook his head. "I don't do that stuff."

"But you gotta try it! It's great!" Steve pressured him. "It gives you a real high."

"If I said it **once **I've said it a **thousand times!"** Turk snapped. "I HATE SCRAPBOOKING!"

"But these stickers are great!" Steve said. "And you can stick them on photos and…"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I don't want to hear any more!" Turk groaned.

"Do you have a problem with mutants or something?" Steve asked.

"No, I have a problem with **crazy mutants** that push scrap booking on people!" Turk snapped.

"But scrap booking is so therapeutic! And calming! Are you sure you don't want to see the one I made celebrating my first armed robbery?" Steve asked.

"**Twenty eight mutants** on the Kingpin's payroll," Turk's eye twitched. "Twenty eight mutants and out of **all **of them I get paired with a **nut!"**

Steve jolted his head. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what? The rocks in your brain coming loose?" Turk asked.

"No," Steve looked at a large door behind him. "I thought I heard something coming from the Boss' study."

"The Boss is fine," Turk told him. "He's in there alone."

"I don't think so," Steve's eyes narrowed.

"Okay, Steve listen to me man," Turk sighed. "This place is surrounded by stone walls, adamantium and vibranium walls, barbed wire, guard dogs and guard crocodiles and a million sensors. There are cameras and security measures over every inch of this house. We got twenty guys alone patrolling the outside of the place and another twenty on the inside. There's a central control room that's linked to all of that as well as a hookup inside the Kingpin's office. If a squirrel drops his nuts on the grounds we know about it. You really think that just anyone could just waltz in here and get at the Boss Man without us knowing about it? Get real!"

"Just call it a hunch," Steve told him.

"Is this the same kind of hunch you had the other day when you thought there was a bomb in the kitchen?" Turk gave him a look.

"I didn't say there was a bomb in the kitchen," Steve corrected. "I said there were grenades about to explode!"

"They weren't grenades, Steve. They were two kiwis and a pineapple!" Turk snapped.

"Well they looked like grenades," Steve said.

"No they didn't!" Turk snapped.

"Did too!" Steve protested. "So I overreacted a little."

"A little?" Turk asked. "You tore the door off of the refrigerator, broke a table, made a few holes in the wall as well as wrecking everything perishable in there! Not to mention my old suit now smells like fruit even after five spins in the washing machine! All for two stupid kiwis and a stupid **pineapple!" **

"Well excuse me for not ever seeing a kiwi before!" Steve snapped. "And the only time I've ever seen a pineapple is in a can! It could have happened to anyone!"

"It could **not **have happened to anyone Steve," Turk corrected. "It happened to **you!"**

"Well, pineapples are dangerous anyway!" Steve said. "I'm going to take a look."

"Steve, did anyone ever tell you that even for a mutant you're **weird?**" Turk rolled his eyes. "There's nobody in there! Don't bother the boss!"

"I'm telling you there is someone in there!" Steve snapped. "I just know it!" He rushed to the office.

"If you get us in trouble because of one of your stupid hunches…" Turk grunted as he followed him.

"Boss? Are you okay?" Steve asked as he and Turk ran into the office. "I thought I heard something."

"Indeed you did," Sitting in a leather chair across from the Kingpin was a wiry old man with thin silver hair wearing a dapper gray suit. "I'm impressed Wilson, none of your other subordinates have ever heard me come and go before."

"It's all right men," Kingpin waved. "The Vanisher is an old friend of mine. He tends to enter rooms in other ways than through the door. I'm quite safe, you may leave us."

"Okay if you say so Boss," Turk gulped. He grabbed one of Steve's four arms and nearly dragged him outside.

"Geeze man you wanna leave me with only three arms?" Steve grumbled as they got outside. "I told you there was somebody in there with the boss! What's with you?"

"Don't you know **who** that **is** in there?" Turk whispered.

"Uh some guy the Kingpin knows called Vanisher?" Steve guessed.

"**The **Vanisher!" Turk snapped. "Don't you know **anything?** He's the greatest thief the underworld has ever known! Rumor has it he taught the Kingpin everything he knows about crime! The man is a criminal legend!"

"Wow," Steve blinked. "So should we go back and get his autograph?"

"Shut your face and get back to the kitchen," Turk groaned. "Why couldn't you have had four **brains? **Or even **one!"**

Back in the room The Vanisher and the Kingpin were exchanging pleasantries. "I must congratulate you on that jewel heist you pulled off in Paris," The Vanisher said. "You've come a long way from that scared young man I met in prison."

"Yes I have," The Kingpin remembered. It was not a fond memory.

He was only seventeen years old and working for his father, a small time petty thief. He had always been large and heavy and unlike now extremely slow and unskilled in fighting. It was supposed to be an easy robbery but his father had abandoned him to the mercy of the police and the legal system. Even though he was a minor, because he refused to name his accomplices he was sentenced like an adult to ten years in prison.

The next thing he knew he was sharing a cell with a very odd old man. A personable sort of gentleman doing time for a petty forgery. "You seem like a bright young lad," The old man grinned with a twinkle in his eye. "And I am planning to pull off a very big job soon and I need some help. So I think I'll teach you a few things about crime. Rule number one, always have a perfect alibi."

"That's why you're in **here?"** The young Kingpin asked.

"Exactly," The man grinned. "What better alibi can one have than by being in prison?"

"And how do we get out?" The young Kingpin asked.

"Leave that to me," The old man grinned.

That night after lights out Wilson Fisk discovered his cellmate's secret. He was a mutant who could teleport anywhere he wished. "Then why stay in jail?" He asked.

"Like I said, the perfect alibi is priceless," The old man grinned. "I could teach you a lot if you like."

And he did.

"That was a long time ago, old friend," The Kingpin sighed. "But tell me, you didn't just show up here to reminisce about the past. What are up to this time? You and your friends from Factor Three?"

"Let me get right to the point," The Vanisher leaned in with a smile. "How would you like to participate in a little game Factor Three is putting together?"

"Something tells me you don't mean a game of Monopoly," Kingpin raised an eyebrow.

"Well in a way I guess you could think of it like that," The Vanisher shrugged. "Only we're playing with real money, real people and real power and the playing ground is the entire world, not Atlantic City."

"In that case I am **definitely** interested," Kingpin leaned forward with a glint in his eye. "Tell me more."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Lorna was correct in assuming that her arrival at the camp would cause a commotion. It took ten minutes to get Scott, Rogue, Pietro and Wanda to stop screaming and in some cases physically restrain them from attacking her. It took another ten minutes and a few accidentally destroyed trees later to get everyone calmed down long enough for Lorna to give them an abridged version of the story she told Bobby. And it also took a few minutes for Xavier, Betsy and Jean to explain to everyone that Lorna was indeed telling the truth.

"So Magneto's making **another** clone?" Ray threw up his hands. "I knew it! I **knew **this was going to happen again! Didn't I say it? Didn't I **tell you** that some nutcase was going to make more clones of us?"

"Yes Ray, you did," Roberto groaned. "And you're never going to let us **forget **about it are you?"

"Certainly makes me feel better that there's a lot more of us out there," Madelyne said to Rina.

"Well it certainly blows the pool right out of the water," Jamie took out a notebook. "Polaris wasn't even **listed **as a possible candidate for the next clone!"

"Just when I think my father couldn't sink any lower," Wanda growled.

"Forget our old man, it's Lucas I'm disgusted by," Pietro bristled. "Imagine having to seduce girls by forcing them with telepathy."

"Instead of the old fashioned way with lame come-ons and annoying people," Angelica gave him a look.

"Exactly!" Pietro smugly folded his arms, oblivious to the sarcasm. "The man has no respect for tradition."

"I can believe it," Rogue said. "What I can't believe is that it took him this long to figure out that Legion was three different people. Well five if you still count David and Ian."

"Wait, you knew about Cyndi and Blackjack too?" Lorna's jaw dropped.

"We had some trouble about a year ago with 'em," Pietro told her. "Cyndi was practically humping Summers' leg."

"Please don't remind me!" Scott groaned. "There are nights I still wake up **screaming** from the mental image of her turning into Lucas and kissing me!"

"Are you telling me you all knew that Lucas was a one mutant version of the Crying Game for over a year?" Lorna was shocked. "And you never told Magneto?"

"Like he would have **believed** us!" Kitty rolled her eyes.

"You have a point," Lorna admitted. She was petting Prometheus the cat on her lap. "For once Pyro you were smart by running away."

"What do you mean, running away?" Pyro snapped. "Magneto lured me out to the Arctic Circle, beat the crap out of me and left me for **dead!"**

"HE WHAT?" Lorna gave him a look.

"It's true," Roadblock nodded. "You didn't know?"

"No," Lorna said. "Magneto just told us all that Pyro went insane and ran off to fight an invisible penguin army."

"And you believed that?" Rogue shouted. Then she looked at Pyro. "Okay, even I could believe **that one!"**

"Well I am insulted!" Pyro snapped. "Invisible penguin army! I would never go hunting after an invisible penguin army! That's just crazy! Now an **invisible mutant pineapple army**, that's another story…"

"Yeah and that story is titled One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest," Angelica gave him a look. "And you are the Head Cuckoo."

"Really?" Pyro blinked. "Sweet!"

"Let me take a wild guess," Scott looked at Lorna. "Not too many of Magneto's people missed Pyro when he left, did they?"

"Are you kidding?" Lorna gave him a look. "Magneto himself ordered us to take two days off of work to celebrate! I never saw so many drunks at the same time in my life!"

"Hang around here a while, **that'll **change," Low Light quipped.

"I feel so used," Lorna sniffed. "My entire past was a lie."

"Boy do I know **that** feeling," Wanda agreed.

"My own father used me. I was nothing more than an experiment for him and his insane quest for mutant power," Lorna went on.

"Yeah that's a real kick in the pants," Rogue agreed. "Does wonders for your self esteem doesn't it?"

"Even the way I look he designed," Lorna said looking at her long green hair.

"Preaching to the choir here," Kurt quipped.

"And the worst part of it was finding out how expendable I was," Lorna said angrily. "He had a back up to replace me!"

"At least I know it wasn't just **me** he did it to," Pietro grunted.

"And the woman I trusted the most betrayed me!" Lorna snapped. "I loved her like a surrogate mother! And she just used me!"

"Story of my life," Rogue agreed.

"You two do have a lot in common," Lance nodded.

**"Two?"** Todd gave him a look. "Look around here Lance, we could start our own international chapter of 'I Hate Magneto Anonymous Club'."

"Maybe not so anonymous," Scott grumbled.

"Tell me about it! The line of people Magneto screwed over goes around the block twice!" Pyro said.

"I volunteer to be Vice President of the Club!" Todd agreed.

"Why Vice President?" Pietro asked.

"Because Wanda's President," Todd gave him a look.

"Even I knew **that **one," Scott said.

"Why can't I be president?" Pietro was offended.

"Because you were running around free causing havoc while I was locked up!" Wanda snapped.

"She wins," Rogue agreed.

"You sure can pick your friends Chuck," Logan gave Xavier a look.

"His family isn't that much better either," Shipwreck pointed out. "Between Juggernaut and Legion I can see why the Xaviers don't have that many family reunions."

"You can't blame the Professor for his son," Cover Girl defended. "Blame the harpy ex-wife of his!"

"Yeah she must have done a real number on his kid to turn out like that," Lance nodded. "Even Mystique isn't that bad!"

"I wouldn't count her out of the Worst Mother of the Century award so fast," Rogue folded her arms.

"Yah, I think out of all of us what she did to Graydon wins the prize hands down!" Kurt nodded. "Then again he's not exactly the most beloved family member either."

"I'd rather spend time with your half brother Gobo than him," Arcade admitted. "Him and his special pony friend are a lot more sociable any day of the week."

"That horse is a **pet!"** Kurt snapped.

"Yeah Nightcrawler, keep telling yourself that," Fred rolled his eyes.

"I think we're getting off track here," Xavier held up his hand.

"Xavier's right. We are," Pietro nodded. He looked at Todd. "If anyone deserves to be Vice President of the I Hate Magneto Club it's **me!" **

"No Quicksilver, you're not eligible for Vice President," Fred pointed out. "Rogue, Nightcrawler, Avalanche, Polaris and Toad are but you aren't. Maybe Summers too."

"You can be third in line," Pyro said. "Speaker of the House or something."

"I don't want to be speaker of the house," Pietro frowned. "And how come they're more qualified than I am?"

"An **armadillo** is more qualified than you are to run things," Shane told him. "It's gotta be one of them."

"Not me," Rogue said. "It interferes with my duties as President for Life of the I Hate Mystique Club."

"I'll sign up for Vice President for **that,**" Scott volunteered. "I don't believe it, now they've got **me** doing it!"

"Scott we've been around these nuts so long it's rubbed off on us!" Betsy told him. "Besides if anyone is going to get **that** Vice President Job it'll be **me.** She stole my freaking identity!"

"She's right," Todd nodded. "She's got the lock on that one."

"Whose identity **hasn't** she stolen?" Jean remarked. "Based on that logic **I** should run!"

"Yeah but you gotta admit Betsy really got screwed on it," Arcade pointed out. "Not to mention she used her identity to use Rogue. Well her face not her name but still..."

"She's right! I second the nomination and I'm carrying the motion," Rogue threw up her hands. "It's official, Betsy Braddock you are now Vice President of the I Hate Mystique Club."

"Why do you get to decide?" Pietro snapped.

"Because I'm President for Life like Fidel Castro," Rogue snapped. "Anyways you have that I Hate Spyke Club you're in charge of."

"That's right!" Pietro beamed. "I am!"

"Only because nobody else really wants the job," Todd quipped.

"Okay I am forming an I Hate Toad Club? Anyone wanna join?" Pietro snapped. "Raise your hands."

"And get them broken off by the **Queen** of the I Love Toad Club?" Danielle pointed to Althea. "No thanks!"

"Yeah!" Althea glared at Pietro.

"Uh did I say I Hate Toad Club?" Pietro gulped. "I meant, I Hate **Toe Jam** Club!"

"Wanda take a memo," Althea said. "Beat up Pietro after our discussion on Why is Quicksilver a Pain on Tuesday!"

"And tomorrow's Tuesday," Todd grinned.

"Oh I want in on **this** discussion," Rogue agreed.

Polaris gave Xavier and the other adults a look. "Do you people **always** talk like this?"

"You should have heard some of the **other **conversations we've had," Hank groaned. "They make **this** sound like something you would hear on PBS."

"Look Polaris," Low Light said. "I know you've been through a lot in the past twenty four hours. You know the whole finding out your life was a lie, your ex-boyfriend's a cross gendered two timing power hungry jerk, finding a clone of yourself and all that but we really need to talk. You said something about work Magneto had you doing. What kind of work? What's Magneto planning?"

"Didn't Pyro already tell you?" Lorna asked.

"Thanks to Mastermind I can barely remember I was **with** Magneto, never mind what we were **doing **for him," Pyro grumbled.

"Okay here's what's going on," Lorna began. "Magneto's…"

"Hold it!" Logan sniffed the air and shot out his claws. "Ambush!"

"And right when the conversation started getting a semblance of sanity," Hank groaned. "It figures."

Sabertooth and Solitaire emerged boldly from the woods. "Oh yeah, I'm gonna enjoy this," Sabertooth grinned.

"As will I," Solitaire said.

"Solitaire?" Xi gasped. "What are you doing with Sabertooth? He works with..." Xi realized the truth. "I see..."

"What are you slime balls doing here? As if I didn't know," Logan growled.

"Magneto sent us to bring Polaris back," Sabertooth told him. "Come on princess, Daddy's waiting for you."

"So let him play with one of his stupid clones!" Lorna snapped. "I'll never go back!"

"Yeah!" Pietro snapped. "So why don't you two creeps go back to my father and tell him to buzz off! Or better yet, tell him that he failed yet **again** as a parent!"

"I don't think so," Solitaire said as he and Sabertooth prepared a fighting stance.

"You two are going to fight us all on your own?" Bobby asked. "Boy are you guys dumb!"

"Careful Iceman," Xi warned. "Solitaire alone is a much more formidable opponent than he appears to be."

"And thanks to Magneto's training and my years on the streets I am even more powerful!" Solitaire's yellow eyes glowed as he held up his hands. Huge black masses of darkness, like black holes emitted from them. The gang scattered before they could hit. The black holes destroyed everything they touched.

"Careful! If even a small part of those vortexes touch you they will tear you to pieces!" Xi shouted.

"INCOMING!" Kurt teleported out of the way of several more vortexes.

"You **knew** he could do that?" Scott yelled at Xi.

"Yes," Xi dodged another large black hole. "But I never saw him make so many of them before. Or so large."

"Cover Girl we gotta get the babies to safety! And the younger ones!" Lina grabbed Barney and flew off with him.

"But we can…" Daria protested.

"Go now!" Cover Girl snapped as she picked up Claudius. "You too Jamie!"

"Aw you never let me have any fun!" Jamie grumbled as he ran.

"You have a weird idea of fun," Madelyne said as she, Spyder and Trinity also followed them to safety.

"Come on Pop, I know you love a good brawl but this is a little out of your league," Daria said as she and her sisters grabbed Shipwreck.

"But Storm and Al…" Shipwreck protested.

"Will be just fine!" Roadblock agreed as most of the Joes took off. "This fight is on their time!"

"Oh great, leave me with them why don't you?" Low Light groaned as he stayed behind.

"I can't use my telepathy! They have mental blocks on them!" Jean shouted.

"Well I can use this to unblock them!" Tabitha threw her time bombs but they were swallowed up by the vortexes. "No way!"

"Hey Solitaire, I don't care how many of the others you bump off!" Sabertooth warned. "But Wolverine's mine!" He then tackled Logan and the two started fighting.

"Whoa!" Xavier yelled as Lorna used her powers to pull his wheelchair out of the way of another barrage of vortexes. "This is starting to get a bit more violent than usual!"

The mutants tried to fight and use their powers but Solitaire was much more effective with his vortexes than they anticipated. It took nearly everything they had just to keep out of their range. Even those who could fly could barely escape. Storm couldn't concentrate enough to create a storm and any lightning she made was sucked in by the vortexes.

"How is Solitaire **doing** this?" Xi gasped. "He's never been able to make so many of them before or so large!"

"Like I said before, Traitor," Solitaire jumped in front of him. "I have had more experience than you. And I have had more experiments done on me. But do not worry little brother, I will not use them on you. I will personally tear you to pieces with my claws!"

He kicked Xi back. Xi managed to somersault and land on his feet. Sam and Bobby tried to assist only to be scattered by the vortexes Solitaire threw.

"**They're** the **dumb** ones huh?" Sam gave Bobby a look.

"Okay, okay maybe I underestimated them," Bobby grumbled.

"**Maybe** you…?" Sam began when a loud rumble startled him. Lighting flashed in the sky. "Now what?"

"Storm, is that you?" Shipwreck panted.

"No," She turned around. "It's **her!"**

"AVALANCHE!" Selene flew like a wraith from hell out of the sky towards them. "TIME TO DIE!"

"Oh no…" Lance gulped. "The witch is back!"

"MISFITS!" Selene roared, her dark black dress and cloak flapping in the wind. "YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS WILL SUFFER MY WRATH! I WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!"

"Take a freaking number!" Sabertooth snarled at her. "We got here first!"

"I don't **care!**" Selene snapped. "Do you know what they **did **to me? They destroyed my palace! Stole my treasure! Chased off my dragon…That one…Avalanche buried me **alive** under a ton of mud! I spent an entire day in the shower cleaning mud out of places in my body I didn't even know **existed!"**

"Look Magneto sent us to grab Greenie over there and if that means taking out the X-Dorks and the Wicked Witch of the West, it's fine by me!" Sabertooth roared.

"Well then you can suffer with the rest of them!" Selene's hands glowed.

"Oh boy," Todd gulped. "When things go wrong for us they really go wrong!"

"Maybe coming here was a mistake," Lorna gulped.

"You **think?"** Ray asked sarcastically.

"I think joining this **group** is a mistake every day of my life!" Jesse groaned.

"Hold on. What the hell…?" Sabertooth sniffed. "Oh great! Now we also get to fight off a stinking army!"

"Army? What army?" Selene snarled. She turned around and saw a dozen heavily armed troopers in black and green surrounding them. "Oh, **that** army!"

"I love camping out in the woods," Shane said sarcastically. "You meet so many interesting people!"

"Aren't they with you?" Selene asked Sabertooth.

"No, I thought they came with **you**," Sabertooth told her. "Why the hell would we need a Cobra Army?"

**"Cobra?"** Scott yelled. "What are **they** doing here?"

"Probably the same thing these guys are doing," Remy sighed as several Cobra Troopers and Battle Android Troopers emerged from the forest. "Trying to beat us up for the hell of it."

"COBRA! ATTACK!" The lead Cobra Trooper shouted. "ATTACK!"

"Cobra?" Solitaire's eyes twitched. "AAAHHHHH!" He sent out a huge wave of vortexes at them. They hit several BATS and they exploded in a million pieces on contact.

Before everyone knew it, it turned into a free for all melee with everyone fighting each other. "What is this? Some kind of convention for everyone who hates our guts?" Lance snapped.

Xi noticed that Solitaire had stopped using his vortexes. "You're tired out aren't you?" Xi growled. "I knew you could keep doing that forever!"

"I don't need to you little…AAAHHH!" Solitaire barely dodged Lockheed's fire.

"OUT OF MY WAY! OUT OF MY WAY!" Selene was hexing Cobra soldiers right and left. "I SAID GET OUT OF MY WAY MORON! I AM TAKING DOWN THE MISFITS AND GETTING THAT DESTINY…"

She narrowly dodged a laser blast from the air. "Who **dares** attack me?" She roared.

"I Lady Ursa!" A huge brown bear woman riding a flying mechanical winged unicorn soared from the clouds. She had long blond hair and blue eyes (not to mention human female like breasts under her uniform) but her face and body were that of a bear. Her headgear that framed her face was blue and her uniform was blue and gold in the style of a Greek warrior. A red cape fluttered behind her and she held in her massive paw an energy axe of some kind.

"**Now** who's showing up?" Scott groaned.

"You have got to be **kidding me!"** Sabertooth stopped for a second from the fight with Logan.

Logan stopped too in shock. "Where did that overgrown Care Bear come from?"

"You don't know?" Sabertooth asked.

"Never seen her before in my life," Logan shook his head as the bear woman took on Selene, whacking back Selene's fireballs with her massive axe. "You?"

"Definitely not with Magneto that's for sure," Sabertooth grunted. "Hey! Looks like she's got some playmates!"

"Stand tall Lady Ursa!" A giant brown eyed ram man with golden horns on the side of his head and a goatee on his animal like face called out. He too had a red cape and a gold and blue uniform, but this one was in the style of a modern soldier. He rode a black metal unicorn and carried a golden staff. "Sir Ram shall come to your assistance!"

"As shall we, Lord Tyger and Lady Vermin!" A blue eyed tiger man flew on a gold metal unicorn. Lord Tyger wore a blue and gold uniform in the style of an Arthurian Knight with a long red cape. He carried a golden energy sword.

Lady Vermin was the most human looking of the group but that wasn't saying much. She had white skin and a very long gray ponytail sticking out of her green helmet. Her ears were pointed and her eyes were yellow with black irises on her thin face. She did not have a cape and her uniform was a blue and green ninja type outfit. She rode a gray metal unicorn and carried a green energy whip.

Sabertooth looked at Logan. "Let me guess, you've never met the New Zoo Review Crew either?"

"Nope," Logan blinked as he casually sliced apart a Cobra BAT.

"What did you guys do?" Sabertooth snapped. "Take out an ad in the paper calling all **nutcases** to show up tonight?"

"That's it! You're dead!" Logan leapt at him and the two began to fight again.

"Okay this is definitely weird," Bobby grunted as he iced up two more Cobra BATS and prepared to defend himself. "Even weirder than usual!"

"It's freaking **nuts!** That's what it is!" Lance sent out another earthquake as some BATS.

Tabitha and Amara simultaneously kicked a Cobra Trooper in the stomach. "Let me guess creep," Tabitha grabbed the trooper by the collar. "Cobra Commander sent you here to capture some mutants for revenge, am I right?"

"Yeah pretty much," The Cobra Trooper gasped. "Not to mention it's Sgt. Five's first mission since graduating the academy."

"SHOOT! SHOOT THE FLYING ANIMALS! SHOOT THE MUTANTS! SHOOT THE SORCERESS!" The panicked Cobra Troop leader screamed as he ran around shooting wildly. "SHOOT EVERYBODY!"

"DON'T SHOOT AT **US** FRANK!" A Cobra Trooper screamed as he barley missed a bullet.

"AHHHHHHH!" The terrified Cobra in charge ran around screaming, shooting everything he could from his weapon.

"HIT THE DECK!" Sabertooth fell down dodging the bullets.

"Did I mention that he had the lowest grades in his class?" The Cobra Trooper Tabitha captured moaned.

"Yeah we pretty much figured that," Tabitha said before she punched her prisoner out. "Somebody knock that guy out!"

"This is **ridiculous!"** Selene snapped amidst the gunfire and the attacks of the strange animal people. "I am **not **playing second fiddle to a bunch of freaks and terrorist wanna-bes! I'll just have to come back and destroy you all later when you're not **busy!**" She flew off. "BUT I WILL BE BACK! AND NEXT TIME I'D BETTER BE THE ONLY ONE ANHILLAING YOU OR THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY!"

"AAHHHHH!" Frank the crazed Cobra Trooper kept shooting wildly until Peter hit him on the head from behind. "Mommy..." He fell to the ground unconcious.

"Thank you!" One terrifed Cobra Trooper moaned. "Can you take us to a nice quiet jail cell now?"

Bobby froze one Battle Android Trooper when he saw the Sir Ram knock out Lorna from behind and grab her. "Come back here creep!" He tried to chase after him but was blocked by flames coming from a BAT. "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!"

Then the flames turned around and roasted the BAT. "You can thank me later!" Pyro called out as he fought. "But not with a kiss or anything Iceman. Although I do admit I wouldn't mind a nice dinner or something."

"SHUT UP AND SAVE POLARIS!" Bobby yelled. He tried to go after Sir Ram but he was too fast.

"MEOW!" Prometheus was getting into the spirit of the battle as well and bit into someone's leg.

"OW! Here Kitty, Kitty…" Lady Vermin grinned as she picked up Prometheus by the scruff of the neck and flew away on her metallic steed.

"MEOW!" Prometheus wailed desperately but could not escape.

"Knights of Wundergore! Withdraw!" Lord Tyger called out. "We have what we came for!" Soon all the animal people had flown away on their metallic steeds with Lorna and Prometheus.

"They've got Polaris," Solitaire told Sabertooth. "We have to go!"

"But I still haven't finished tearing Wolverine apart yet!" Sabertooth snapped.

"Some other time! We have a mission to complete!" Solitaire snapped.

Sabertooth grunted and ran off. "Another time Wolverine!"

"Do we chase after them?" Jubilee asked Logan.

"They flew off too fast," Logan said as the battle died down. "And we've got some prisoners for the Joes to deal with."

"And of course the entire camp is wrecked," Peter sighed. "Looks like we are sleeping under the stars tonight."

"We trash the mansion, the Misfit's place, the entire town of Bayville, Cobra La and now our camp," Scott groaned. "Some week we're having!"

"We didn't trash the entire camp," Jesse winced as another roof caved in on a cabin. "Just a couple of roofs…and a few dozen trees…and I know that outhouse will never be the same."

"I wonder if it's not too late for me to go to jail?" Shane moaned. "It's safer there. I'd have a roof over my head and everything."

"I must admit you do make some excellent points Shooter," Ororo groaned.

"Where's Prometheus?" Jean looked around.

"I saw one of those animal creeps grab him and take off with Lorna," Tabitha told her. "I think it was the Rat Lady. Talk about irony."

"They not only took Lorna they stole my **cat?**" Jean shouted. "WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY STEAL MY CAT?"

"FORGET YOUR STUPID CAT THEY GOT LORNA!" Bobby snapped.

"Lorna?" Tabitha gave him a look. "Iceman's got a crush."

"SHUT UP!" Bobby snapped.

"Who were those guys?" Lance asked. "And why would they go through the trouble of hunting down Polaris?"

"Don't know but I have a feeling we're going to find out sooner or later," Scott sighed.

"Don't forget Selene," Amara sighed. "You know she'll be back."

"So much for getting away from it all," Paige groaned.

"Yeah it's all coming here after us!" Althea agreed.

**Next: More fun at camp as the bad guys continue to plot and plan! **

**I hope everyone has a Happy New Year. Trust me this year there's gonna be more plots and craziness that will make your jaw drop! Enjoy! **


	40. And Life Goes On

**And Life Goes On**

"All right what the hell happened?" Magneto roared at Sabertooth and Solitaire in his study. "I send you on a simple retrieval mission and you come back **empty handed!"**

"We encountered some resistance," Solitaire told him. "Not only from your daughter, the X-Men and Misfits but there were other factors involved."

"What do you mean by, 'other factors'?" Magneto asked. "Explain yourselves."

"We had everything under control and had almost apprehended Polaris," Solitaire told him. "Even when a mutant sorceress named Selene appeared on the scene."

"Selene? I know of her. What was **she** doing there?" Magneto asked.

"Attacking the Misfits and the X-Men," Sabertooth grumbled. "Not to mention Cobra…"

"Say no more," Magneto groaned as he held up a hand to interrupt him. "Cobra? **Cobra **was there? No **wonder** your operation failed! There's a new phrase among the underworld community called the Cobra Clause. Basically it means if Cobra shows up during an operation it **automatically **gets screwed up!"

"Told you it wasn't our fault," Sabertooth snorted. "And on top of **that** if things weren't nuts enough they got worse when those weird animal people showed up."

"Animal people?" Magneto asked. "What animal people?"

"There was this crazy bear lady and rat girl that showed up along with a horn headed goat and a tiger man pop out of nowhere!" Sabertooth said. "They were all wearing armor and riding some kind of…"

"Robot unicorns?" Magneto raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah how did you know?" Sabertooth asked.

"I'm **familiar** with them," Magneto growled.

"They referred to themselves as the Knights of Wundergore," Solitaire spoke. "They captured Polaris."

Magneto slammed his fist on the metal desk. "This is **intolerable!**"

"Sir we can always go back out and…" Solitaire began.

"Never mind! I know exactly **who** has my daughter and **where** she is," Magneto snarled. "The problem is that I can't **get** to her! Not yet anyway…"

Magneto paused. "Considering the circumstances I will accept your excuses for failure, **this** time. Do **not** fail me the next. Now leave."

The two mutants wisely left quietly. "High Evolutionary…" Magneto growled. "Your time will come soon enough."

Mender walked in. "Is she…?"

"She was captured by the High Evolutionary," Magneto told her.

"The High Evolutionary? What does **he** want with Lorna?" Mender asked.

"I don't know," Magneto growled. "But I intend to find out. How is Experiment Z-A-1-A faring?"

"She's stable," Mender sighed. "But barely. Polaris nearly killed her before she was activated. But she's alive and in the Infirmary. Physically I think she will recover within a day, but I'm not sure about her mental condition. At least until she wakes up."

"It seems that we may have to accelerate the cloning program," Magneto sighed. "Experiment Z-A-1-A will be the first of many. Her powers will be of great use to us in the future."

"Do you want me to speed up Project Doppelganger sir?" Mender asked.

"Yes Mender," Magneto said. "As well as Project Darwin II. We will need our new recruits sooner than I had hoped for."

"Any word on that creep Legion?" Mender snarled.

"No, but I will personally tear him to **pieces **the next time our paths cross," Magneto snarled. "Don't worry, we'll find Polaris and bring her home. That is a promise."

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"AAHHHHHGGHHH!" Selene trashed the room in one of her palaces, throwing things, zapping objects. "I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM ALL!"

"Had a bad day didn't you?"

Selene whirled around and saw Amadeus smirking along with Apocalypse (who was wisely **not** smirking). "What the hell do **you** want?"

"What? Can't a fellow External come visit another one?" Amadeus asked smugly.

"There are only **three **reasons one External would visit another one," Selene told him. "One to try and kill her, two to take something from her and three if he wants to ask a favor! I don't have anything you want, and even **you **aren't stupid enough to try and kill me so what the hell do you want me to do for you?"

"Merely to wonder if you would reconsider my offer," Apocalypse told her. "I take it you are over your infatuation with Avalanche?"

"Damn right I am!" Selene snapped. "How dare that…that…"

"Trailer trash him-bo?" Amadeus suggested.

"YES!" Selene pointed. "That trailer trash himbo turn me down! ME? SELENE? HOW COULD HE DO THAT TO ME?"

"There's a mystery for the ages," Amadeus snorted sarcastically.

"Don't **start** with me Amadeus," Selene snarled. "I'm in the mood to blow someone up into a million pieces and quite frankly, if it were you I would **not **mind it one bit!"

"I'd like to see you **try, **witch," Amadeus gave her a look. "Remember what happened to the **last **fool that challenged me? And if I recall he had a few magic powers of his own."

"There's no need for violence," Apocalypse raised his hand. "I'm sure Selene realizes that it is in our best interests to work together."

"You know something, there **is **some important information that you might be interested in," Selene's eyes glimmered. "I know who has the Destiny Stone. You'll never believe it! Go ahead and guess you will never get it in a million years!"

"Toad," Apocalypse said simply.

"Okay that was a little **too **good," Selene's eyes narrowed. She darted her eyes around the room. "AH HA!" She zapped something on the wall. A tiny insect fell down. "THE OLD MAGICAL INSECT TRICK! YOU'VE BEEN SPYING ON ME HAVEN'T YOU?"

"Well of course I have," Apocalypse told her. "I knew if anyone could find out the location of the Destiny Stone it would be you."

"So you knew…?" Selene blinked. "You knew this whole time about Toad?"

"Yes," Apocalypse nodded.

"And you also knew about me being stuck in that…" Selene began.

"Yes," Apocalypse said.

"You **knew?"** Selene's jaw dropped again. "You knew I was trapped in there all this time and you did **nothing?"**

"Just as you did **nothing** to release me from my confinement for centuries," Apocalypse told her. "Now we are even."

Selene fumed silently for a moment. "Right," She finally said. "I suppose now this is the point where you tell me that we should work together to go grab the stone from that loathsome creature?"

"Actually, no," Apocalypse said. "We will not do **anything**. This is a very fortunate turn of events indeed."

"Okay," Selene felt a headache coming on. "Enlighten me oh Wise One, how **exactly **is the Destiny Stone in the possession of a pathetic Misfit a **good thing** for us?"

"Can't be that pathetic if the Destiny Stone chose him," Amadeus shrugged. "You know how it works, it picks any warrior with potential."

"Apparently technically **any **warrior **does** have potential!" Selene snapped. "What's your point? With the Phoenix on the X-Men's side and the holder of the Destiny Stone on the Misfit side how the hell do you expect to win this battle if those two forces fight together? Wait a minute…The Phoenix Force and the Destiny Stone are…"

"Polar opposites," Apocalypse finished her sentence. "Do you understand **now?"**

"Oh," Selene realized what Apocalypse meant. "**Now** I understand."

"Yes," Apocalypse grinned. "If we are careful, they will destroy each other as well as our enemies and leave the path clear to our ultimate goal of world domination. And **this** time I plan on being careful."

"As opposed to your last plan," Selene said. "All right Apocalypse. I'm in. I'll join you in your quest for world domination even if it is only a vehicle for me to get back at all the twerps who crossed my path!"

"As I knew you would," Apocalypse nodded. "I told you that you would join me willingly."

"Don't rub it in," Selene growled. "Fine, what's next on the agenda?"

"I've already taken steps for the next part of the plan," Amadeus told her.

"You? Since when are you capable of planning anything more complicated than a tea party?" Selene asked. "And as I recall you once had trouble with **that!"**

"**This **time I don't plan on inviting a certain sorceress who can't hold her liquor and shags everything in **pants,"** Amadeus folded his arms. "And I did rather well with Cobra La didn't I?"

"I must admit you do have a flair for unnatural disasters," Selene said. "So what are you doing? This I have **got** to hear!"

"Let's just say a little behind the scenes work with one of Father's colleagues," Amadeus grinned. "Trust me my dear, this will be **worth **the wait."

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"I don't believe it!" Graydon Creed read the paper in his hotel room. "These creatures must have nine lives like stray cats!"

"What's wrong?" Duncan Matthews asked. He had been assigned to work with Creed during his tours.

"Many of the politicians I've been trying to get to support our cause have done a flip flop and are now saying that the Xavier Institute is a good thing!" Creed shouted. "They cause not one but **two** alien invasions and people are accepting them because they dealt with them? Are they blind?"

"It's only temporary," Duncan scoffed. "Sooner or later people will realize the truth."

"I just hope it's not too late for us," Creed sneered as he threw down his paper in disgust.

"It won't," Duncan said. "I know these muties. Sooner or later they'll make some mistake. I mean come on, how long do you think it will be before Magneto or some other mutant terrorist will strike again?"

"You're right," Creed sighed. "We must be patient. Sooner or later Xavier and his deluded cult as well as his traitorous allies will make a mistake. And when they do, we'll be ready for them!"

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General Eddington read the same papers Graydon Creed did. And he was quite pleased with the results. "Yes…These Misfits and X-Men do excellent work, it's a shame that they aren't under my control. Oh well it doesn't matter. As long as they do the jobs I need them to do I am satisfied. And besides, it is rather amusing to see them manipulated."

"But soon I will need more mutants under my control," Eddington thought as he looked over some other papers. "Whether they come willingly or not it's all the same to me. I can't believe how many fools there are in the FOH. Imagine actually trying to destroy mutants? That's like trying to destroy a new system of energy or defense system. Preposterous."

"Mutants are a resource," He said to himself as he looked at one report. "And according to these latest intelligence reports some fool is trying to find a way to shut them down. A cure? Someone is trying to reverse mutations. And according to this report they may have a chance. No, controlling mutants is one thing but **curing** them…Well I suppose those mutants that are too dangerous to control might be necessary but really."

Eddington thought. "I'd better get this under GRSO control. Only one person must take charge of this 'cure' and it must be me. If some fool actually succeeds at this and it gets out of control, this will be disastrous to **all** my plans!"

"And what plans are those Eddington?" General Kincaid asked as he walked into his office.

"Some fool is trying to come up with a possible cure for mutations," Eddington gave him the report. "I need you to take control and transfer this project to the GRSO."

"You want me to use this information to help you destroy mutants?" Kincaid raised an eyebrow.

"No, we are going to use this information to develop a way to control mutants," Eddington told him. "Sooner or later the public perception of mutants will get very ugly again. We need to have a back up in place in order to protect our investments."

"What sort of back up do you have in mind?" Kincaid asked.

"Simple," Eddington told him. "I will propose…As a last resort mind you, that in addition to mutant registration all mutants must make a choice. To either work for the government or take the cure so that they will no longer be a threat."

"If I were a mutant I know what **I** would choose," Kincaid narrowed 'his' eyes. Eddington was engrossed in his reports. If he had he would have noticed that Kincaid's' eyes changed to bright yellow for a second. Kincaid was in fact Mystique who was impersonating the already expired general.

"Exactly," Eddington nodded. "But first we need this cure to cement our position. Do you think you can get the scientists on this project to cooperate with us?"

"I don't think they're going to be a problem General Eddington," Kincaid said. "In fact I can guarantee that one way or another they will either work for **me** or **not at all." **

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Far away in an abandoned Scottish cottage…

"FAILURES!" Blackjack raged at his other personalities. "ALL OF YOU! FAILURES!"

"Look who's **talking!"** Cyndi took over and smashed a chair into the wall. "But we all know who's **really** to blame!"

"Don't you dare blame this on **me!**" Lucas snapped.

"The hell I **won't!"** Cyndi returned with a vengeance. "Refresh my memory, **which** one of us was caught with his pants down? And which one of us had both Magneto and Polaris right where we wanted them and **failed?"**

Blackjack took over. "You have a point, Cyndi. It is all **Lucas'** fault!"

"OH SHUT THE HELL UP!" Lucas raged. "THIS IS MY BODY! AND I DON'T NEED ANY OF YOU!"

"Technically this is **David's** body!" Cyndi snapped as she took her turn. "Remember?"

"I never should have locked them away," Lucas snarled. "At least I could control those other two personalities! You two have been nothing but trouble!"

"Oh and what are you going to do about it?" Cyndi sneered as she reappeared. "Lock us away like you did those two?"

"Maybe I will!" Lucas snapped. "At least those two didn't stop me from having all the fun I liked! Okay David whined a lot but he didn't stop me!"

"You wouldn't dare!" Cyndi snapped. "We're stronger than you any day!"

"Oh wouldn't I?" Lucas snarled back.

"I wouldn't try that sonny boy," Blackjack took over. "It might be **you** that's put away for good!"

"Yeah we might bring back David or Ian just to have some peace and quiet around here!" Cyndi snapped. "You are always blabbing on how docile they were, well maybe we should **trade up?"**

"You don't have the power to do that!" Lucas said.

"Oh yes we **do!"** Cyndi snapped. "Do we?"

"Only **one** way to find out!" Blackjack told her.

"You want to take **me** on?" Lucas snarled.

"Oh yes we do!" Blackjack told him.

"You fools have no idea what you are about to unleash!" Lucas roared. "You're asking for it!"

"Oh I'm trembling in my boots!" Blackjack said sarcastically.

"Come and get us baby!" Cyndi taunted.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Legion changed from personality to personality as he fought for control. "GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! YOU GO AWAY! NO YOU GO AWAY! WE'RE TAKING OVER! THE HELL **YOU** ARE! YOU CAN'T STOP ME! I CAN TRY! SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP! I'M IN CHARGE NOW! NO WAY! I AM! I AM! **NO I AM**! I CREATED **BOTH** OF YOU AND I CAN DESTROY YOU! YOU DIDN'T CREATE US! DAVID DID! WELL I CAN MAKE YOU GO AWAY! NO YOU CAN'T! YES I CAN! NO YOU CAN'T! YES I CAN! NO YOU CAN'T! YES I…AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Suddenly Legion's body shrunk down to a ten year old boy's with blond hair. He blinked and didn't say anything. Then he changed back to Lucas. "IAN? **IAN?** WHO LET **YOU **OUT?"

"Seems like those barriers your old man put in are starting to crack," Cyndi shifted back. "Little Ian managed to squeeze through. And yes! He is with **us!"**

"And by us she means herself and I," Blackjack shifted back. "He's a bit miffed on how you betrayed him."

"Welcome to the party little guy!" Cyndi shifted. "Glad to have ya!"

"How the hell is this **happening?**" Lucas shifted back and clutched his head. "You and David were supposed to be locked away forever! How did you escape?"

"I think it's pretty obvious," Blackjack shifted back. "All that shifting from personality to personality we've been doing over all these years has had considerable wear and tear on our mind."

"Which means sooner or later David will break free!" Lucas realized.

"Aw we can take him," Cyndi snorted. "Hell even **Ian** can take him."

"He's not much of a challenge," Blackjack agreed. "You Lucas are another story. Sorry old boy but this is a hostile takeover."

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" Lucas changed back, he fell to his knees. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT! I CAN'T TAKE **ALL** OF YOU! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"

"YOU STOP IT!" Cyndi screamed. "It's three to one pal so knock it off!"

"**BOTH **OF YOU KNOCK IT OFF!" Blackjack shouted.

"STOP!" Ian screamed as he shifted.

"SINCE WHEN CAN **YOU** TALK?" Cyndi yelled in shock as she shifted.

Then she quickly shifted back to Lucas. "I WISH **NONE** OF YOU COULD TALK! SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! SHUT UP!"

A violent series of shifting began. Lucas to Ian, Ian to Cyndi, Cyndi to Blackjack, Blackjack to Lucas and then to Cyndi, then Ian, Blackjack, Lucas, Blackjack, Ian, Lucas, Cyndi, Blackjack, Lucas, Blackjack, Cyndi, Lucas, Blackjack, Lucas, Cyndi, Ian, Lucas…

And then finally with a scream…

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" Legion collapsed in a heap.

A new figure shifted into his place. He was wearing an expensive Italian suit and shoes but no tie. He had slick black hair and the features of a handsome Italian American young man. He had a gold necklace and gold rings on his fingers. "Okay, **that's it!** I've had it! You hear me! **Had it!** I'm taking over this meeting!" He muttered in a New Jersey accent. "Now listen up and listen good! None of us are gonna get **anywhere** if we keep fighting like this! The last thing we all want is for David to kick us out by staying in control long enough for Daddy Xavierbucks to wipe us all out! So sit down and shut up! Capice?"

"Oh great…" Lucas shifted back. "Just what I need. **Another** personality!"

"Hell yeah you do," The new personality shifted back. "And you know why? Reason number one, you need a new identity especially now that Magneto and his friends are onto you. Number two, you guys are more disorganized than the New Jersey Government trying to manage the state budget! You need a planner."

"That's **my** job!" Blackjack shot back.

"A **good** planner!" The new personality snapped back. "Call me Michael."

"After Michael Corlione of the Godfather Movies?" Cyndi warped in.

"You got it babe," Michael returned. "And three and this is the most important thing of all, you need a new set of powers."

"We've got shape shifting, telepathy, telekinesis, pyrokinesis as well as the ability to annoy people," Lucas shifted back. "What can **you** do?"

"Funny you should ask," Michael shifted back and grinned. With a turn he smashed his fist into the wall and created a huge hole. "Super strength comes in handy but wait there's more!"

He snapped his fingers and created a charge of lightning. "Bada Bing!" He grinned. "And finally…" He took out a small knife and cut himself on the wrist. He instantly healed. "A little healing power should do the trick!"

"Super strength, a fast healer and full of electricity and charming good looks," Cyndi changed back. "I like."

"**You** would," Blackjack snapped.

"Oh **bite me** you British sausage roll," Cyndi gave him a raspberry.

"Now listen up, my buddy Lucas here is the real leader of this bunch," Michael shifted back. "I'm just here to keep you mugs in line and give the man a little muscle you know what I mean? You wanna take over you gotta get through me first? Got it?"

"In other words you have just created for yourself **another** personality to help you control all your **other** personalities," Mastermind poked his head in the open wall. "Wonderful! Remind me to send a note to your mother congratulating her on her parenting skills."

"It's about bloody time you got here," Lucas changed back. "What took you so long!"

"Magneto is on the warpath," Mastermind grumbled. "You know I'm taking a risk even **talking **to you! **Any** of you! If he finds out…"

"He won't," Unicorn glided into the room. "Don't be such a worry wart."

"Who's this?" Blackjack took over.

"A friend," Mastermind said. "This is Unicorn, one of the heads of Factor Three."

"Good for you," Michael appeared. "What the hell is Factor Three?"

"A very powerful organization whose ultimate goal is the complete domination of the world by mutant kind," Unicorn said. "You know, the usual."

"Really? And what do you want from us?" Lucas asked as he shifted back.

"I need you to help me with a little game I'm going to play," Unicorn grinned. "A game where the humans will lose and your father will get what's coming to him."

"What makes you so sure we'll help you?" Blackjack challenged.

"What you got something better planned on your social calendar or something?" Michael took over. "Ignore him. You tell us your proposal."

"It's basically simple," Unicorn shrugged. "A lot of killing and destruction as well as a chance to gain a ton of power and money. Not to mention a chance to surpass Charles Xavier and his pupils as the most powerful mutant…Sorry, **mutants** the world has ever seen."

"Really?" Michael said raising an eyebrow.

"Oh my dear boys," Unicorn grinned. "And girl. You will become the greatest musicians in the symphony of destruction the world has ever known."

"I like her already," Cyndi grinned. "Let's do it."

"Sounds good to me," Michael shrugged. "I know Ian's curious."

"Not like we have many options left," Blackjack sighed.

"All right my dear Unicorn," Lucas took over. "We're in."

"This is going to get messy," Mastermind sighed. "What is **it** about me that keeps attracting lunatics and psychopaths?"

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"Well it didn't take us that long to fix up the camp," Scott sighed as he looked at their handiwork the afternoon after the battle. The campsite had been fixed and the cabins had been repaired. All the mutants and Joes were working on fixing it all day and were now finishing up with tidying the place.

"Yeah fixing the roofs wasn't even the **hard** part," Logan admitted. "The hard part was putting up with Harvey when he wanted to redecorate the place."

"Oh but I so wanted to wallpaper the walls Baby Blue and Happy Rainbow Pink," Harvey pouted.

"And I so wanted a bar put in our cabin but you can't have everything," Logan told him.

"We were lucky no one was seriously hurt," Jinx nodded. "At least physically."

"Iceman's been taking the whole thing pretty hard," Scott sighed. "I'm gonna go check on him."

"And I am going to go check on my scones!" Harvey twittered.

"And I am going to wonder what the hell happened to my **life?**" Low Light grumbled. "Seriously, what is it about us that keeps attracting all these weirdoes and psychopaths?"

"Maybe we should put in that bar?" Logan joked.

Bobby was sitting by the edge of the camp just looking out at the sky. Several of the gang were already trying to cheer him up. "Bobby it's been two days," Tabitha said. "You can't keep moping about Polaris. There was nothing you could do. It happened too fast."

"At least Magneto doesn't have her," Ray said.

"But we don't know **who** does!" Bobby snapped. "We don't know who took her or why! She could be in real danger by now! And without Cerebro to find her there's nothing we can do!"

"Nobody's saying that we just give up on her man," Todd told him.

"Well it sounds like it to me!" Bobby snapped.

"Then you need to get your hearing checked," Shane told him.

"And you need to butt out!" Bobby snapped.

"Hey man calm down," Roberto told him. "Believe me I know where you're coming from."

"Oh you do?" Bobby snapped. "Have you ever had the girl of your dreams kidnapped by some whack job?"

"Yes and she was killed by one, a team of them actually," Roberto told him.

"What?" Bobby blinked.

"I never told you how I came to the mansion did I?" Roberto sighed.

"Your powers erupted at a high school soccer game," Tabitha said. "And the Professor found you with Cerebro."

"Yeah but there's more to the story," Roberto said. "There was this girl, Julia. We've been dating secretly for a while because well her friends and family weren't crazy about me. She was white and I was black. Well technically half white and half black but you get the picture. Shortly before the soccer game they found out we were dating and when they saw my powers they really hit the roof and kidnapped Julia. I went after them to save her but…I was too late."

"Oh my god, Roberto…I'm sorry," Amara said softly. "I didn't know."

"Nobody knew except the Professor and Storm," Roberto said. "Not exactly something I wanted to tell the world."

"And that story is supposed to make me feel **better?**" Bobby yelled.

"No, the point of the story is that I rushed in without a plan, and because of it Julia paid the price," Roberto told him. "Don't let the same thing happen to you."

"Iceman, once Cerebro is fixed and the mansion is repaired we'll start looking for her," Scott told him putting his hand on his shoulder. "Until then all we can do is wait and train."

"You wouldn't be saying that if Jean was the one taken," Bobby pushed Scott's hand away. "I need some air." He walked off.

Everyone witnessed the blow up. "Don't take it too personally Scott," Tabitha said. "I think he's more mad at himself than everyone else."

"He's also right," Scott groaned. "I know if Jean got kidnapped I'd act the same way."

"Yeah we've seen that before," Todd nodded. "Every time that happens you freak out."

"Thank you Toad," Scott groaned.

"I mean you really freak out! It's like you're possessed man," Todd went on.

"Thank you Toad! And by thank you I mean **shut up!"** Scott snapped.

"Man Bobby's got it bad," Sam shook his head. "I've never seen him get this worked up over anyone before."

"But he only just met Polaris and all of the sudden she's like the girl of his dreams?" Amara asked.

"That how it happens sometimes," Scott shrugged.

"I know what he means," Lance said. "The first time I saw Kitty fall out of her locker I fell for her. Hard."

"Yeah and look what happened **there,"** Roberto scoffed.

"You think Magneto or Cobra will try another attack?" Shipwreck decided to change the subject quickly.

"Magneto? Not likely," Logan shook his head.

"Cobra might. I wouldn't put it past them to try another dumb move. But if they didn't bother to send in the big guns in last time, then that's a good sign," Cover Girl nodded. "We're obviously not their main focus. Knowing Cobra Commander, he probably just sent those troops to bother us for the hell of it."

"What about FOH? They might find out where we are," Spirit thought.

"Those losers couldn't find a hole in the ground where a bunch of meerkats live," Low Light scoffed. "In the Meerkat habitat of the local zoo!"

"I agree but we shouldn't take them lightly," Roadblock pointed out. "Especially with the Son of Sabertooth back in the picture."

"We just took on some of Magneto's toughest goons, a squad of Cobra Troopers, a ton of Battle Android Troopers, some crazy animal people in armor and an evil mutant sorceress in **one night,"** Low Light said. "I think we can handle any FOH losers that cross us."

"Agreed. What really worries me is Selene," Xavier sighed.

"Don't worry too much about that," Jinx grinned. "Thanks to our friends over there. Good thing we have cell phones."

Dr. Strange levitated over the ground in a lotus position. There were magic symbols all around the camp. "This magic barrier I am concocting around the camp will protect you from any further magical attacks from Selene."

"Magic barrier?" Kitty blinked. "How exactly does it work? Like a force field or something?"

"Something like that," Dr. Strange smirked. "You see every Esper or any being that can use magic has a very specific frequency in their life force."

"You mean like a sound frequency?" Jean asked.

"Yes only you can't hear it, but it can be sensed," Dr. Strange explained.

"Okay could you run by what exactly an Esper is again?" Shane scratched his head. "I'm a little confused on that."

"It's a non mutant human that is capable of extraordinary powers through some kind of extra sensory perception or a psychic connection to another plane of reality," Dr. Strange said. "Usually called witches or sorcerers and this special ability is downplayed to a very simplistic term that most people can understand, namely magic. And every magic user has a very specific frequency in his or her life force. Kind of like a fingerprint in a way. No two Espers have the same frequency. And fortunately for you I am familiar with Selene's frequency."

"So what you're doing now," Todd blinked as he looked around. "It's kind of like one of those invisible fence thingies for magic users?"

"It's a very crude description but an apt one," Dr. Strange nodded. "While you are in this camp Selene will not only be unable to get inside of it, but if she ever did manage somehow to get inside the camp, she would be unable to use her powers."

"Like those mutant power dampeners in those cells Cobra and Trask had that affected us," Jubilee said.

"Correct," Dr. Strange nodded.

"So we're protected as long as we stay inside the camp," Lance reasoned. "But if we leave the camp we're toast?"

"Great! That means we can't do any hiking or swimming or anything fun!" Roberto groaned.

"No, you misunderstand me," Dr. Strange told him. "When I said camp I meant the entire **park.** You'll be able to have all the fun you like in here. This is merely the center of the barrier where it will reach outward."

"Okay, now I am totally lost," Jubilee blinked. "How exactly does this work?"

"It's kind of like a net that explodes outward," Benny Barumpbump, Dr. Strange's apprentice told her as he carried a box of crystals. "Or for a better analogy imagine if William Hung, Rosanne and Bai Ling were giving a concert. No one with any taste in music for a thousand miles would go anywhere **near** that area!"

"Ah," Jubilee nodded. "**That** I get."

"We're also going to put the same kind of barriers around the new and improved Misfit Manor as well as the Xavier Institute," Amanda said. She had also come with Dr. Strange and Benny.

"We?" Kurt asked.

"It's part of my training," Amanda said. "Dr. Strange is taking me on full time."

"Yes I could use someone **mature** around the house for a change," Dr. Strange sighed as he looked over his shoulder. "Benny! Stop juggling those crystals!"

"But I need to work on my act!" Benny was juggling the crystals now.

"How about pretending to be an **actual **sorcerer? That enough of an act for you?" Dr. Strange snapped.

"So this means you're working on your magic full time now," Kurt said to Amanda.

"Unfortunately it also means I'll be out of Bayville for about a year," Amanda sighed. "In a way it's good because I'll be out of the house."

"Your mom and dad still having trouble?" Kitty asked.

"You could say that. My parents are kind of separated," Amanda sighed.

"**Kind** of separated?" Kurt asked.

"My mother's gone off to work with some other sorceresses for a few months an my dad has thrown himself into a new project out of town," Amanda admitted. "I think the whole magic thing is driving them crazy."

"Sorry," Kitty sympathized. "I know what it's like when your parents don't get along."

"At least they're not talking about a divorce, just some time away," Amanda shrugged. "But the downside is I won't be able to see Kurt as often."

"Not that we've exactly had a lot of time together anyway," Kurt grumbled. "What with my training and all too."

"Speaking of training," Logan moved closer to the adults so the students couldn't hear them. "Any word about those ninjas that are supposed to show up?"

"Yes," Jinx said. "They're coming in a day or two. But don't tell the kids just yet."

"Let me guess, this is going to be some kind of surprise test isn't it?" Hank groaned. "Oh dear, and we just got the roofs back on the cabins."

**Next up: Training begins when the ninja masters come to the camp! But not before some more insane stuff happens! And boy are things going to get weird again! Like they aren't already weird! **


	41. The Unicorn Continuum

**The Unicorn Continuum**

"It was nice of Dr. Strange to let you guys spend a few days with us," Kurt said to Amanda two days later. "Especially since he had to take off to investigate some kind of magical disturbance for the day."

"Since we're not going to be able to see each other for a while he figured it was the least he could do," Amanda shrugged as they held hands.

"The very least," Bobby grumbled as he walked past them. "Camping sucks!"

"Well somebody got out of his bed on the grumpy side today," Benny Barumpbump called out. He was rummaging through a large bag nearby. Several other New Mutants were with him.

"Our home has been trashed, our enemies keep finding us, Lorna was kidnapped, we're stuck out here with no TV…" Bobby grumbled. "Not that I care about TV anyway! I hate Family Guy!"

"What do you mean?" Jubilee asked. "You love that show."

"Not anymore! It's just stupid!" Bobby snapped.

"Since when is that a bad thing?" Tim asked.

"It's a lousy show!" Bobby snapped.

"Bobby you used to love that show," Jubilee said. "Now you hate it? Since when do you hate cartoons?"

"Since he saw them do a parody of himself," Ray explained. "It showed him being gay and frequenting gay porn houses."

"I AM NOT GAY! I AM NOT GAY!" Bobby screamed. "WHY DO PEOPLE NOT BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL THEM I AM NOT GAY?"

"Summer TV sucks anyway," Tim shrugged. "I just miss the Danger Room and blowing stuff up."

"You blew a tree up yesterday!" Ray snapped.

"It's not the same," Tim sighed. "You don't get that satisfying tinny reverb you get when metal stuff blows up."

"That is kind of fun isn't it?" Dead Girl nodded.

"Come on Kurt let's go for a walk somewhere else," Amanda dragged Kurt away. "Somewhere less psychotic!"

"So what are you guys doing?" Bobby asked.

"We're watching Benny go through his magic stuff," Ray told him.

"Actually I'm just cleaning out this old bag of the Doc's," Benny explained as he pulled out a seemingly endless variety of magical objects out of a bag. "He's still a little mad at me. But if I clean this up for him maybe he might calm down and forgive me for accidentally calling down a demon horde into his bedroom the other day."

"That's an interesting plan," Tim chuckled.

"Hey I wonder what this does?" Benny held up a red bar with a blue stone in the middle and shook it. "Hmmm, must be broken."

"Can we see it?" Doug asked.

"Sure help yourself," Benny absently threw it over his shoulder at the teens.

FLASH!

"Huh?" Benny blinked. He turned around and they were gone. And the rod was on the ground. "Where'd they go? Oh well must have run off someplace."

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"Okay where the hell are we?" Ray asked. Bobby, Sam, Doug, Roberto, Everett, Danielle, Amara, Jubilee, Tim, Dead Girl and Paige were with him in some strange cavern.

"Okay I'm gonna take wild guess here," Doug looked around. "That rod Benny threw at us must have transported us to another dimension. One with giant three eyed two headed trolls that probably eat people."

"What makes you say…?" Bobby turned around. "That?"

"RARRRR!" A very hairy fifty foot tall, two headed troll with three eyes (one eye on one head and two on the other) was behind them. It swung a club. "DINNER! ME HUNGRY! HAVE HUMAN PANCAKES!"

"Well that's a pretty good guess," Tim gulped. "Wouldn't you say Everett?"

"Yeah I think that's pretty much what happened," Everett agreed.

"RUN!" Bobby yelled as he and the New Mutants fled for their lives.

"Now I know why everyone always wants to kill Benny!" Danielle shouted.

"And knowing is…"Doug began.

"RARRRRRRRRRRR!" The Troll screamed as he ran after them. "COME BACK BREAKFAST!"

"Just shut up and run!" Sam shouted.

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Back on Earth…

"Have you seen Doug?" Rahne walked up to the Misfits who were lounging around. "I can't find him anywhere."

"What do we look like? His personal sectaries?" Pietro snapped while filing his nails. Fred was about to say something. "Not **one **word Blob!"

"I saw him hanging around with some of the other New Mutants a while ago," Lina said. "I think they went with Benny someplace."

"What's going on?" Jean asked as she walked up with Logan, Scott, Rogue and Remy.

"I was just wondering where Doug went," Rahne told them. "I didn't see the Professor or Storm either."

"They left on business along with all the other Misfit Handlers," Logan said.

"How much you wanna bet this business has to do with someone called Jack Daniels?" Wanda scoffed.

"I still wish we went with them," Pyro sighed. "I haven't watched TV in days! I'm missing all my favorite monkey cartoons!"

"Then why do we have to stay here?" Pietro whined. "There's no electricity for me to plug in my hair dryer and leg waxer!"

"You poor depraved child," Lance mocked.

"That's **deprived **child Lance," Jean corrected.

"No, **depraved**," Fred corrected her. "This is Quicksilver we're talking about."

"They have a point," Scott said.

"About Quicksilver?" Fred blinked.

"About everything actually!" Scott admitted. "I like camping as much as the next guy but being stuck here babysitting the Misfits, the New Mutants and Benny the Screw Up Sorcerer in the woods all day is not my idea of fun."

"Scott relax. A little nice quiet time in the country will do us all some good," Jean admitted.

"Jean you do remember that so far we've been attacked by at least **four** sets of enemies during this nice **quiet **time in the country?" Scott gave her a look. "And we haven't even been here for a week."

"So we had a few rough spots at first," Jean said optimistically. "Everything will get better."

"Yeah right," Logan snorted. "We just thought we'd warn you Misfits not to screw around too much today! I'm not in the mood!"

"You're probably not in the mood for Benny aren't you?" Lance pointed behind him.

"Great…" Logan groaned as Benny ran up to them with his wand out. "Barumpbump what are you doing now?"

"Hey guys!" Benny panted as he caught up to them. "Uh…Has any of you seen any of the New Mutants?"

"Just watch it with the wand will ya?" Logan snapped at him. "Last time you pointed that thing at me I ended up with four legs and horn!"

"Oh come on Wolverine! Give me some credit!" Benny absently waved his wand as he ran. "I think I have a little control over…WHOA!"

Then Benny tripped and fell.

ZZZZAAAAPPP! FLASH! A blinding light came out of his wand. "Oops," Benny gulped when he saw what he had done.

"Benny you…?" Rogue snapped then she turned around. "Oh my God!"

"Yeah you do have little control all right," Pietro gulped. "Very **little** control!"

"What?" Remy asked. "What happened? What are you all staring at Gambit for? Does Gambit have something on his…" He looked down at his hands but he couldn't find them. "Face…?

"Well yes…" Todd blinked. "Technically…"

Remy saw himself in a nearby puddle and he didn't like what he saw. "AAAHHH!"

What Remy saw was that he had legs, four of them. Four legs and a tail and a long red horn. His eyes were the same but his face had elongated. He also had a small red goatee on the end of his face. He was now an auburn unicorn with a reddish mane and tail, black hooves. "REMY DOES NOT BELIEVE THIS!"

"Oops," Benny gulped. "I did it again."

"Glad it wasn't me this time," Logan grumbled.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO GAMBIT?" Remy screamed, but it sounded more like an angry neigh.

"I always said you were a little horny," Pietro snickered.

"Shut up Pietro!" Remy whirled on him. Then he glared at Benny. "CHANGE ME BACK RIGHT NOW!"

"Oops…" Benny gulped as he looked at the broken wand in his hand. "Can't. My wand broke."

"YOU BROKE IT?" Remy screamed. His horn started to glow. "How about Remy breaks **you?"**

"Now, now…Gambit," Benny backed up. "There's no need to get excited."

"GAMBIT HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A FREAKING HORSE WITH A FREAKING HORN ON HIS HEAD! DON'T TELL GAMBIT NOT TO GET EXCITED! GAMBIT WILL GET JUST AS DAMN EXCITED AS HE WANTS TOO!" Remy screamed. His horn glowed brightly. He tapped a stray branch near Benny and it exploded.

"YIKES!" Benny jumped up. "Well look at the bright side…At least you still have your powers."

"Yeah and Gambit thinks he's gonna use them…ON YOU!" Remy charged.

"AAAHHHHHH!" Benny ran for his life.

"COME BACK HERE! GAMBIT WANTS TO SEE IF HE CAN MAKE YOU EXPLODE!" Remy chased after him. His horn glowing in anger.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"There go a couple of trees," Fred quipped.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"And there goes some **more** trees," Fred added.

"Wolverine you were saying something about **us** causing trouble?" Lance grinned.

"For the record I **also **mentioned the New Mutants and Doctor Stupid here," Logan pointed out.

"Where did they go anyway?" Angelica asked. "I haven't seen most of them or Bobby."

"They're probably goofing off somewhere," Jean fumed.

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"WORK! WORK YOU LAZY MAGGOTS!" The huge Blue Ogre screamed at his new kitchen staff.

Most of the New Mutants were in chains slaving away in the kitchen. "You just **had** to order the Deluxe Combo special didn't you Tim?" Sam snapped as he mopped the floor.

"I didn't see you skimping on the Giant Fries!" Tim shouted as he kneaded the bread.

"Why am I on dishes?" Doug moaned as he worked on a huge mountain of dishes.

"Just stop jawing and get back to work!" The Blue Ogre snapped.

"Hey uh, Boss," Jubilee walked in wearing a black medieval waitress uniform. "Table five is on fire again."

"Oh for crying out loud!" The Blue Ogre grunted as he left . "That's the last time I allow the Fire Demons to hold their chess tournaments in here!"

Bobby stuck his head in a window. "Guys we gotta get out of here!"

"Where have **you** been?" Ray snapped as he worked on a grill. "You're part of the reason we're here is because you had to have the Jumbo Dragon Shake!"

"I overheard these trolls or ogres or whatever they were with this wizard, and they're plotting to take over the whole realm of Asgard. That's what this place is called apparently. Anyway they're going to steal some kind of jewel that will enslave this realm if we don't stop them!"

"And how are we supposed to do **that?**" Doug showed them his chains.

"Oh right," Bobby froze them so they would break, soon all the mutants were free. "Let's get out of here! Wait a second, They also said something about meeting their boss here tonight. One of us has to stay here."

"I vote for Cypher," Tim said as he climbed out the window.

"I second," Roberto said.

"WHAT?" Doug shouted.

"Dude your powers are the weakest anyway," Ray shrugged. "It makes sense you stay here."

"Plus somebody's gotta help us work off our debt," Dead Girl said. "And I ain't getting dishpan hands that's a fact!"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" The Blue Ogre shouted. "GET BACK TO WORK! GET AAAHHHH!" Bobby froze his feet solid.

"Don't worry Doug we won't be gone for long," Bobby made an ice toboggan and the rest of the New Mutants took it to get away.

"We'll be back for you as soon as we get some cash!" Ray shouted as they fled.

"GUYS! COME BACK HERE YOU JERKS!" Doug screamed.

"Oh great! There goes the best kitchen staff I ever had! Well at least I still have **one **of them," The Blue Ogre grunted. "GET BACK TO DOING THE DISHES!"

"I'm right here! You don't have to yell!" Doug moaned as he looked at the dishes left behind. "Great! They left me with all the work, as usual!"

"Don't worry, you'll get your little friends back," The Blue Ogre whistled and two three headed dogs burst into the room. "GIRLS! FETCH!"

"IF YOU WANT TO BITE THEIR LEGS OFF BE MY GUEST!" Doug shouted as he did the dishes.

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"Whoa Gumbo! Whoa!" Logan was pulling on a rope that was around Remy's neck. "Killing Barumpbump won't change you back!"

Remy was pulling rather hard. "LET ME GO WOLVERINE!"

"Believe me I **know** how you feel," Logan grunted. "But you gotta calm down!"

"Gambit will calm down when he tramples this magical moron beneath his hooves!" Remy snorted.

"Oh this is worth it," Lance chuckled as he taped the scene with a video camera. "This is so worth getting stuck here."

"Okay Sugar, I hate to do this!" Rogue flew onto Remy's back and held on. "Now are you gonna calm down or do I have to ride it out?"

"Fine," Remy calmed down after a weak buck. "You can take the stupid rope off Remy now! Gambit won't kill him."

"That's better," Rogue patted him as she took the rope off.

"Who's a good unicorn? You're a good unicorn!" Pietro mocked and patted Remy on the nose.

"Can Remy kill **him?"** Remy asked glaring at Quicksilver.

"Maybe later if you're good," Rogue sighed. "Just relax until we get Benny to fix his wand and change you back."

"In the meantime can we get you something?" Pietro asked. "Some oats perhaps? A carrot? A sugar cube?"

"How do these things happen to Remy?" Remy moaned.

"I'll bet when you dreamed of Rogue riding you this isn't what you had in mind is it?" Pietro snickered at Remy.

"Okay Remy you can **definitely** kill him later," Rogue gave Pietro a look. "I might even **help** you!"

Just then Kitty, Harvey, Trinity, Madelyne, Spyder and the remaining mutants in camp showed up. "Unicorn!" Daria squealed.

"Unicorn!" Brittany squealed. "I wanna pony ride!"

"I wanna pony ride!" Quinn shouted.

"Me too!" Madelyne shouted.

"Me three!" Harvey squealed.

"Let's get him!" Spyder shouted.

"Gambit is not giving **anyone **a pony ride!" Remy shouted. He fled for his life.

"AAHHH! REMY SLOW DOWN!" Rogue shouted as she held on for dear life.

"Are you nuts? No way!" Remy shouted.

"Ride! Ride! We want a ride!" Trinity squealed as they chased him into the woods.

Right past Kurt and Amanda who were kissing. "Was that..?" Amanda blinked.

"Rogue riding a unicorn that looks and sounds like Gambit?" Kurt blinked. "Yes…"

"Unicorn ride! We want a unicorn ride!" Madelyne flew using her telekinesis with Spyder swinging from tree to tree using her electric webbing.

"Get the unicorn! Make him give us rides and wear pretty bows!" Spyder squealed.

"Why do I have the feeling Benny is responsible for this?" Amanda sighed.

"Because he **is,**" Scott said as the others ran up to them.

"Figures," Kurt grumbled.

"Okay we need a rescue party here," Logan sighed. "Amanda, Cyclops, Phoenix, Wavedancer and Toad…The five of you help Benny fix his wand."

"Why five of us?" Althea asked.

"Because that's how many of you it will take to keep him **alive** long enough before some of us snap and decide to kill him anyway!" Logan snapped. "The rest of us will go look for My Little Gambit and the Trinity of Terror. Bedlam I want you to look after the babies. Also inform the other New Mutants what's going on and spread the word. We'll meet back here in two hours. Go!"

"Great I get the **fun** job," Jesse sighed as everyone scattered. "Shouldn't be too hard to find the New Mutants. I wonder where they went?"

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"Okay I know you're happy I saved your life and everything," Bobby gulped. He was in his ice form in an ice cave. "But really this isn't necessary!"

"Nonsense my handsome snowball!" A thirty foot tall ice woman crooned. "Together we will rule the Ice Realm!"

"We will?" Bobby gulped.

"After we're married of course!" The Ice Woman grinned.

"M-married? Can't we just be friends?" Bobby whimpered. "Or date a while? How about a long engagement?"

"OH IT SHALL BE GLORIOUS!" The Ice Woman grabbed Bobby and hugged him close to her bosom.

"MMMPPHHHH!" Bobby tried to scream.

The others were hiding behind an ice block. "Should we rescue him?" Amara asked, shivering.

"From **what?**" Tim asked. "Damn that guy is lucky!" Dead Girl hit him on the head. "What?"

"Okay time to think of a plan," Jubilee rolled her eyes. Then she noticed a male frost giant moping in the corner. He was obviously smitten with the female frost giant. "Just thought of one…"

"AAAHHH!" Bobby was being swung around like a rag doll.

"Better hurry before the honeymoon," Everett blinked.

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"COME BACK PRETTY UNICORN!" Trinity squealed as they chased Rogue and Remy.

"Remy slow down!" Rogue shouted. "We're gonna get lost!"

"Good! Then we'll be safe from those maniacs!" Remy screamed as he ran.

"Excuse me!" Rogue shouted as they soared over a log and ran past a fisherman fishing at the edge of the lake.

"Tally ho!" Daria shouted as Trinity flew by after them.

"Wheeee!" Madelyne flew by. Spyder ran after her and jumped from tree to tree.

"Oh goody, goody gumdrops!" Harvey ran surprisingly fast for his size. Well actually he sort of did a combination of skipping and running. "Wait for me! Wait for me!"

They ran off leaving the stunned fisherman alone. Then another fisherman walked up to him. "What was that noise?"

"A unicorn," The first fisherman said. "It was a girl riding a unicorn. Then a bunch of other girls flew by followed by a fat fairy man."

"Bubba how many beers have you had?" His friend asked.

"Only seven," Bubba told him.

"Well that's strange," His friend said. "Usually you don't start seeing unicorns and dragons until your thirteenth beer."

"I know it's weird," Bubba said taking a sip.

"GET AWAY FROM US YOU LUNATICS!" Remy shouted as he ran by with Rogue again.

The entire party followed them squealing. "COME BACK! WE WANT UNICORN RIDES TOO!" Then they disappeared into the forest again.

"Beer?" Bubba took out an unopened beer can and handed it to his friend.

"Please!" The fisherman moaned.

BAMPH!

"When I get my hands on those lunatics for ruining my day with Amanda…" Kurt grumbled as he teleported onto a tree branch. Then he realized he had an audience. "Uh…Hello." He waved weakly.

"You looking for a unicorn?" Bubba drawled.

"Yah, I mean yes," Kurt nodded. "How did you…?"

"That a way," Bubba and his friend casually pointed in the direction Remy left.

"Oh, thanks," Kurt nodded before he teleported off again.

"Bubba you got any more beer?" The other fisherman gulped.

"Oh yeah right here in this…" Bubba pointed to a cooler.

Suddenly one of the giant lake monster (Howie's mom actually) stuck her head out of the water and saw the cooler. Without warning she bit into it and gulped it down in one fell stroke. Then she hiccupped and went back under water again.

"Cooler…" Bubby blinked.

"Bubba…Nobody's gonna believe **this** fish story," The Fisherman blinked.

Meanwhile Rogue and Remy somehow managed to stay ahead of Trinity. "This is crazy!" Rogue grumbled. "Remy slow down! I think we lost 'em but I can't figure out where we are!"

"I can! You have headed straight into my **destiny!** Muahahahahahaaaa!" Someone laughed a pathetically evil laugh above them.

"Now what?" Rogue moaned as she looked up. "You have got to be **kidding **me!"

Floating in the air with wild thinning brown hair was a sorcerer. He was thin and had a beak like nose, wire rimmed glasses and a robe with purple and turquoise coloring. His boots were purple as well and he was carrying a bizarre looking wooden wand. "Who the heck are you?" Rogue snapped.

"**What **the heck is he you mean?" Remy grumbled.

"I am the Master of Magic and Mystery…No wait, I am the Master of Mystery and Magic…Hmmm…I can't decide which **sounds** better," The weird sorcerer grumbled. "I am the Master of Magic, Misery…That's not right! Ohhhh! I **knew** I should have practiced my posturing this week! But there was so much to do and so many plans to make and on top of it all my furnace ran out of oil and I had to wait all day for the guy to come and then it turns out it had to be cleaned! Then I spent forever on the phone and I **hate **being put on hold! But who doesn't am I right? The music is bad enough but they didn't even have the consideration to put a **live** person on you can talk too! Just a stupid recording and…"

**"Excuse me,"** Rogue interrupted. "I hate to interrupt but is there a **point **you're trying to make here? Or are you just being a nut for no reason?"

"Oh right," The strange sorcerer coughed. "I really blew that introduction didn't I?"

"Yeah, you did," Remy sighed.

"Oh well," The sorcerer sighed. "I guess the only thing I can do is just get to it then." With that he shot a beam straight at Rogue, knocking her off Remy and into a tree.

"ROGUE!" Remy shouted. Suddenly vines grew out of the ground tying him up. "I CAN'T MOVE!"

"Well one unicorn takeout to go," The sorcerer mocked. "That was easy! KANDOBARRRA!"

The next thing Remy knew he was teleported to another area of the forest. "What is going on here?" Remy shouted. He was inside a crudely drawn circle filled with magical symbols.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" The sorcerer laughed. "Pitiful creature! You are now a prisoner of…Milford the Magnificent!"

"Milford?" Remy raised an eyebrow. "What kind of sorcerer has a name like **Milford?"**

"You have **not** heard of me? The great sorcerer Milford the Magnificent?" The odd man roared. Then he thought for a second. "Wait a minute, this is the past. **Of course** you haven't heard of me! Silly wizard! Well, sorcerer actually."

"The past?" Gambit asked. "What drugs are you on?"

"It's true! I have used magic to transport myself to the past, to a time of a real unicorn sighting!" Milford told him. "You see I need to take your horn…And a few other body parts in order to create a staff of ultimate power!"

"BUT GAMBIT IS NOT A REAL UNICORN!" Remy snapped. "Gambit was turned into a unicorn by accident!"

"You're a unicorn **now**, that's **all** that matters!" The deranged sorcerer shrugged.

"Do you really need Gambit's horn?" Remy tried to back away.

"Well I could always start with the other items I need, some hairs from your tail," Milford thought. "And blood from your uh…Neither regions."

"What?" Gambit blinked. "What do you mean by that?"

"It's nothing personal but uh, I gotta turn you into a gelding," Milford shrugged. "Not my idea but the Book of Darkness clearly states…"

"Take the horn **first!"** Gambit gulped. "Please! Take the horn first!"

"Yeah I thought you might say that," Milford readied his knife. Only to have it get shot out of his hands by a blast of electricity. "OW THAT HURTS!"

"GOOD! This is for getting us stuck in the past you jerk!" A blue haired Japanese girl in a white and gold uniform and strange silver gauntlets on her hands zapped him hard.

"OWWWW! OWW! MOMMY!" Milford screamed in agony. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Noriko! That was **not** part of the plan!" A dark haired teenage boy in a red and black uniform flew up to them.

"Neither was this, Julian!" A silver metal girl with red hair in a black and red uniform told him. She melted into a puddle, then reformed and kicked Milford in the groin.

"OWWWWWWW!" Milford screamed. "THAT REALLY HURTS!"

"Good aim! Good aim!" Remy called out.

"I know what I'm doing Cessily I **am** team leader after all!" Julian snapped at the metal girl.

"Big deal you're not **my** team leader," A golden skinned teenage boy in a white and gold uniform snapped.

"Or mine," A brown quill covered short boy with a blue and white uniform told him.

"Josh, Maxwell…" An African American teenage boy with green goggles and a white and gold uniform with a gold trench coat warned them.

"Oh lay off of 'em David," A huge gray rock mutant told them. "Hey Sooraya, wanna join in the fun?"

"Not particularly Santo," A black burka clad teenage girl spoke softly. Only her eyes were visible. "I abhor violence."

"Uh excuse me?" Remy coughed. "Could one of you please untie me please?"

"Of course noble creature," Sooraya nodded and proceeded to do so.

"Hey, this unicorn looks and sounds a lot like Gambit," Julian said.

"THAT'S BECAUSE I **AM** GAMBIT!" Gambit yelled. "SOME STUPID SORCERER TURNED GAMBIT INTO A FREAKING UNICORN!"

"What kind of sorcerer would be stupid enough to do that?" Cessily blinked. "Besides Milford over here?"

"Owie…" Milford lay on the ground.

"Hey if this is Gambit we just saved a real X-Man!" Julian said proudly. "Yes the Hellions so rule!"

"**Who** saved Gambit?" Noriko raised an eyebrow.

"We didn't see **you** do anything," Cessily agreed.

"I wouldn't brag about that if I were you. Remember during this time the Hellions were the **enemies** of the X-Men," David pointed out.

"Not much of a difference really," Josh grumbled

"So you are from the future?" Remy asked as Sooraya finished untying him.

"Yes it is a long story…" Sooraya said.

"Basically it's this guy's fault," Josh pointed at Milford.

"Well him and Josh over here," Julian pouted.

"What do you mean it's **my** fault?" Josh snapped.

"Well you're the one who had to chase him in the first place!" Julian snapped.

"I didn't see **you** telling anyone we should stay put, like the teachers told us too!" Josh shouted back.

"Here we go again," David sighed as the two boys started to bicker.

"Never fails," Maxwell agreed. "We could be in the middle of a fire and they'd fight on the best way to put it out!"

"I am so sick of those two," Cessily groaned.

"I agree," Sooraya sighed.

"They remind me a **lot** of two **other **mutant guys I know," Remy blinked.

"Your fault! Your fault! No it's **your** fault! No it's yours! It's **yours**!" Both boys shouted. Finally Josh shoved Julian and the other boy used his telekinesis to shove Josh back.

Right into Remy, knocking Remy out. "Oops," Julian gulped as he saw Gambit sprawled on the ground.

"Way to go oh fearless leader," Josh mocked. "You knocked him out!"

"YOU DID WHAT?" Rogue burst through the woods along with several Misfits and X-Men.

"Who are you people and what are you doing to Gambit?" Tabitha ordered.

"Uh oh…" David gulped. "Now let's not jump to conclusions."

"Yeah I mean so I accidentally knocked out Gambit," Julian said. "The important thing to remember is that the Hellions saved his life!"

"You're a **what?**" Kurt snapped.

"Uh oh…" Julian realized his mistake. "Uh wait a second…"

"Yeah those guys are Hellions!" Josh happily waved and pointed to Julian, Sooraya, Cessily and Santos. "We're **not** Hellions! **They** are! We're New Mutants! We're with Miss Moonstar!"

"No you're not!" Kitty snapped. "And what have you done with Danielle?"

"Way to go Josh," Noriko groaned. "We're all going to end up in a huge fight aren't we?"

"Looks like it," David groaned.

"Uh excuse me people," Maxwell held up his hand. "Technically I'm a Corsair. I have nothing to do with **either **of these two groups! So if you don't mind I'll just sit this one out…"

"I think you're gonna tell me what I want to know you…" Logan and Rina advanced on them with their claws out.

"NO!" Sooraya shouted. Instantly she turned to sand, her black burka dropping. She swirled around them in dust form.

"Hey! Get this sand out of my eye!" Logan growled as he sliced but couldn't stop Sooraya.

"Go get 'em Dust! These guys ain't so tough!" Santos cheered.

"Oh really! How's **this** for tough?" Rogue slammed a punch into him. The rest of the fractured teams joined into a fierce fight.

"What is going on here?" Remy woke up a minute into the fight. He hadn't been knocked out long. "Hey…hold it! Guys! WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF?"

Everyone stopped fighting and looked at Remy. "Gambit! You're okay!" Kitty said.

"Yeah no thanks to that crazy sorcerer over there!" Remy motioned with his snout. "He tried to make Gambit Shish Kabob before these kids saved him!"

"Hold on!" Rogue noticed Milford staggering to his feet. "That's the guy who knocked me out and took Gambit! So if you knocked him out…"

"It means we're on the same side!" Santo snapped rubbing his head. "And people say I have **rocks for brains!"**

"Please," Sooraya returned inside her burka and her human form. "We do not wish to fight!"

"Speak for yourself girl!" Milford had regained his stamina as well as his wand. "Milford the Majestic will seize the ultimate power!"

"The Majestic? I thought it was the Magnificent?" Noriko asked.

"Before that he called himself Milford the Mighty," Santo agreed.

"Some pathetic villain he is!" Julian scoffed. "He can't even make up his mind on his **own name!" **

"Well I can certainly make up my mind about this! I hate you people! I should turn you all into toads! Or rats! Or…or…Unicorns? Oh for crying **out loud!** Why didn't I think of this in the **first place?"** Milford took out his own wand. "Would have saved me a trip to the dismal past!"

"The past?" Rogue realized what he was saying. "You mean you guys…?"

"Are from the future, yes," David said. "That's what we've been trying to tell you people! We were chasing this creep at a school picnic when the idiot accidentally zapped us all into the past!"

"So basically this whole mess is because of an idiot sorcerer?" Logan asked. He glared at Benny. "Yeah I believe that."

"Hey for once I didn't…" Another Benny Barumpbump floated into the clearing. He was wearing a purple and black sorcerer's robe. "Oh wait…**Now** I remember this."

"Oh no…" Scott groaned. "No, no, no! Not **two** of them!"

"This is even worse than Remy's wedding day where he almost married Belladonna," Remy moaned. "And a lot more dangerous!"

"Oh this is just perfect!" Milford sneered. "I can turn both versions of my enemy into unicorn chow! Past and Present…Well Future technically…"

"Oh no you don't!" Sorcerer Benny snapped. "Hey Past Me! Grab him!"

"Will do!" Benny nodded . Both of them grabbed for his wand at the same time and were soon in a quick tug of war.

"Leggo! Let go! Right now or…" Milford warned. Suddenly the wand slipped from their grasp and floated into the sky. It started to glow. "Uh oh…"

ZZZAAAAPPPPPP!

"I **knew** it…" Logan groaned as he looked at his unicorn body. "I knew this would happen **again!"**

**"RUN!" **Everyone screamed as the magical apparatus went out of control, randomly zapping people and turning them into unicorns. "IT'S OUT OF CONTROL!"

Ironically Milford was next. He was a scrawny gray unicorn. "This is so not right."

"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Tabitha yelled as she was turned into a golden unicorn. "I grew out of the unicorn phase when I was nine!"

"Oh no!" Kurt teleported behind a tree. "I have enough trouble being the fuzzy one thank you very much!"

"Well this is a fine kettle of fish," Hank had been turned into a blue shaggy unicorn.

"How do you think I feel?" Santo had turned into a rock unicorn.

"I feel pretty weird myself," Warren had turned into a white winged unicorn.

"Whoopee!" Harvey skipped around, looking like the biggest fattest unicorn anyone had ever seen. "I'm a unicorn! I'm a unicorn!"

"Ooh! I'm a fire unicorn too!" A red unicorn that was Pyro pranced around. "Let me use my horn to set that tree on fire!"

"I should have just stayed in jail," A dark brown bald unicorn moaned. "Shane Shooter next time someone offers you joining a crazy team or jail, pick **jail!**"

"Is it always this **screwed up** around here?" David asked Kurt as they hid behind the same tree.

"Pretty much yah," Kurt sighed.

"No **wonder** the teachers never like to talk about their pasts," David groaned.

"Well this is our lives we're talking about," Lance was a tan unicorn with a brown mane.

"What's going on around…?" Jean ran up with Althea, Scott and Todd. And was promptly zapped by a ray turning her into a red haired unicorn. "Here…?"

"Jean you know that unicorn from Dungeons and Dragons?" Todd blinked. "You look like her all grown up."

"You want me to run you through with my horn?" Jean snapped. Then Todd was turned into a green unicorn. "Oh never mind…"

"Look at us! We're unicorns!" Trinity cheered. They had all been turned into blue unicorns with gills and mermaid tails instead of regular tails and back legs.

"Technically you guys are what is known as a Campchurch, a sea unicorn," Benny said before he was tuned into a white unicorn with a curly black mane and tail. "Neato!"

"Stop that wand!" Peter shouted. He was now a metal unicorn.

"I'll…" Kitty tried to grab it but was turned into a pink unicorn. "Get it?"

"I'll blast it!" Scott used his powers to hit it.

"Don't…" Sorcerer Benny the Unicorn Sorcerer warned.

BOOM!

"Blast it…" Benny sighed as the wand was destroyed but it turned everyone on the field into a unicorn. "Yeah now how do we change back without hands or a wand?"

"Oops," Scott the red eyed unicorn with glasses (That had also magically changed to cover his eyes) realized his mistake. "I thought if I blew it up it would break the spell."

"Well it didn't!" Logan snapped.

"This is not the date I had in mind," Amanda had turned into a dark brown unicorn as well.

"Tell me about it," Kurt groaned. He was now a blue unicorn. "Well at least this one beats out those montsters at the school dance."

"I'm not so sure about that," Scott grumbled as he absently pounded one hoof on the ground.

"And I thought the experiments done at Hydra were cruel and insane," Rina grumbled. She too was a black unicorn with metal hooves and a metal horn.

"WHAT HAVE YOU MANIACS DONE NOW?"

Everyone turned around and they were shocked. "Barney?" Althea gasped.

Standing before them was a seventeen year old version of Barney. He had jeans, a red Van Halen T-shirt on, a black leather jacket with some chains on the lapels, leather studs on his wrists and combat boots on his feet. "Yeah it's me Beak," He groaned. "Hi Sis. This is gonna sound weird here…"

"Oh I'll **bet,"** Althea remarked. "Okay let me take a wild guess here, you guys are all from the future aren't you?"

"Bingo," Beak sighed. "We're all from Xavier's. Well except for Milford the Moron over there."

"Xavier's? But you're a Misfit!" Todd exclaimed.

"I'm an exchange student," Beak told them. "The Misfits and the X-Men came up with a program that one X-Man and one Misfit would switch places for a year or two. I was voted least likely to torch the school down so…"

"Oh yeah I can see it," Todd thought. "That does make sense."

"Who did we get?" Pietro asked.

"A total nutcase," Beak told him.

"Yeah **that** narrows it down," Lance rolled his eyes. "But who did we end up with? And what happens to us in the future?"

"Well…" Josh began.

"NO! NOBODY SAY ANYTHING!" Doctor Strange floated in with Ororo and Xavier. "Not a thing! The time stream has been polluted enough!"

"Doc! Are we glad to see you!" Both Benny's spoke at the same time.

"A pity **we** can't say the same," Xavier frowned when he saw what was going on.

"We can't leave you people alone for a day without something going wrong can we?" Ororo groaned.

"Uh let me see," Pietro, now a silver unicorn looked around. "No."

"I can see by just glancing around at least **seven** magical laws of time and space have been broken here," Doctor Strange sighed. "**Eight** if you count Barumpbump being granted status as a sorcerer. Now before anyone does anything, and before I release anyone from their magic spells…I want to hear the whole sad pathetic story! And with **two** Barumpbumps I know it will be very pathetic!"

"Not to mention weird," Ororo blinked. "Even for us."

"I can't think of **any **story that would be **weirder** than this one," Logan agreed.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Back in Asgard…

"ATTACK! ATTACK!" Danielle whooped as she rode a giant winged horse with several other Valkeries. "VALKERIES ATTACK!"

"That's it! You gods are all going down!" A green and gold clad sorcerer in charge of a huge army of trolls and monsters advanced on the battlefield.

"You shall not triumph this day Loki!" A huge red bearded Asguardian Viking shouted along with his other Viking warrior friends. The New Mutants attacked as well.

"Let's get 'em girls!" Bobby shouted to a pack of frost giant women.

"NICE DOGGY! NICE DOGGY!" Doug screamed as he rode one of the giant three headed dogs. "I HATE MY LIFE!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Back on Earth, at the campsite about an hour and several magical transformations later…

"So to recap," Scott sighed. "In your time the Institute is a larger school with the student population divided into squads. Prodigy, Surge, Elixir are New Mutants. Quill is a Corsair, one of my students…or future student. And Hellion, Dust, Mercury and Rockslide are the Hellion squad."

"Wait your name is Hellion and the squad is called the Hellions?" Pietro asked. "Hellion and the Hellions? You guys are **Hellion **and the **Hellions?**"

"Unfortunately," Santo moaned.

"Don't rub it in," Cessily moaned. "Julian does **enough** of that!"

"And you people thought **I** was an egomaniac the time I led the Brotherhood?" Pietro looked at his team mates.

"You **were** an egomaniac when you led the Brotherhood!" Lance snapped. "Hold on, if you guys are Hellions then that means your teacher must be…"

"Emma Frost," Noriko nodded. "The Queen of Sluts herself."

"Watch it Surge!" Julian bristled.

"He's right Noriko," Jean said. "You really shouldn't call your teacher a slut. Even if she is one. And we all know she **is **one!"

"You got that right," Althea nodded.

"Hey!" Julian snapped.

"What? We're not her students," Althea pointed out. "We're not even on the same side!"

"Although joy of joys **that** will change in the future apparently," Kitty groaned.

"So until then it's open season for us," Pietro quipped. "She's a slut."

"A slutty slut," Rogue added.

"A real slutty slut," Jean added.

"A really slutty slutty slut," Todd said happily.

"A slut, slut, slutty slut," Pyro added.

"The ultimate in sluts," Kitty added. "Ultimate Slut."

"This from a girl who dated **two guys** at the same time?" Lance gave her a look. "Well three if you count that incident with the actor."

"What?" Noriko gave her a look. "What did he mean by that?"

"Nothing, its not important," Kitty told her.

"Come on the stories of how Lance and Peter fought over you must be **legendary **by now!" Pietro rolled his eyes. "There are probably **rock operas** devoted to the topic!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa and I mean **whoa!"** Julian held up his hand. "Are you saying that Shadowcat once dated Avalanche at the **same time** she went out with Colossus? I thought you said that Colossus was your **one** true love?"

"Oh that really takes the cake!" Lance glared at Kitty.

"Actually she was dating Lance way before she even met Peter," Tabitha informed the future travelers. "I'm surprised you don't remember Future Beaky."

"Well actually I **do** know the story but the Misfits kind of promised not to tell the younger students about that," Beak coughed. "It was one of those mutual things…"

"Oh no, I gotta hear **this** story!" Julian held up his hands.

"Professor please do me a favor and erase their minds or something?" Kitty groaned.

"No Kitty, I think our minds have been messed with **enough** already," Xavier rubbed his forehead, indicating that he had one mother of a headache.

"Let's backtrack to what happened shall we?" Doctor Strange sighed. "Now apparently in the future…In the very **dark** future…In the very dark and **frightening **future…Benny Barumpbump became a full fledged sorcerer…"

"Yes and I was giving a talk to the students on the annual Career Day Picnic," Future Benny nodded. "When our arch rival Milton here snuck onto the school and grabbed some of my stuff!"

"We have an arch rival?" Benny was surprised.

"Oh yeah," Future Benny nodded. "See a couple years from now you're going to win first prize at this comedy festival. Milton came in second…as **usual** and he never got over it! So he did what any frustrated magician slash comic would do. He went nuts and turned to the dark arts!"

"I AM NOT NUTS! YOU STOLE THAT PRIZE! **STOLE **IT!" The still unicorn sorcerer screamed. He was tied up by his hooves and laying on the ground.

"Oh shut up and eat some grass!" Future Benny snapped.

"Long story short horn head here stole an object that allowed him to go back in time to go hunt unicorns," David continued. "Benny…Our Benny followed him. And we all kind of got caught up in it by accident."

"And then things got weird and that's how we all ended up in this mess," Logan finished. "So now what?"

"Now we have to send them all back to their own time," Doctor Strange said. "Even though their presence here has already tinted the future in a small way."

"I thought you said there was no such thing as tinting the future in a **small** way?" Benny scratched his head.

"I think he meant window panes," Sorcerer Benny told his younger self. "It's hard to get someone to tint window panes these days. You know so that fewer UV rays get through."

"Quite…" Doctor Strange sighed. "Perhaps I should do a memory erasing spell?"

"No way," Wanda held up her hands. "No offense Doctor Strange but I've had enough of my memories erased and rearranged to last a lifetime!"

"Actually I was referring to my **own **memory," Doctor Strange corrected. "A Sorcerer Benny is terrifying enough to give me nightmares for years!"

"And to think my mother thinks that a human like me dating a mutant like Kurt is dangerous," Amanda shook her head in agreement.

"Human?" Santo looked at Amanda. "What do you mean you're **human?" **

"Oh that's right," Cessily said. "This was only a few months before first outbreak of the Lega-…"

"NO! NO! DON'T TELL US! DO **NOT **TELL US ABOUT THE FUTURE!" Doctor Strange shouted.

"But they already told us stuff about the future," Fred said.

"Blob just…" Logan rolled his eyes. "Just don't be **you **for a minute will you?"

"Who should I be?" Fred asked.

"Oooh! You could be that fat guy on Lost!" Pyro suggested. "We all know Lina would **love** that!"

"What? What? What do you mean?" Lina gulped.

"Oh come on Lina, we all know about your little secret pin up folder you hide under your bed," Pyro waved.

"How do you know **that?** I mean I don't have anything like that!" Lina blushed furiously.

"Everybody in the Misfits knows about it," Shane said.

"I **didn't!"** Fred shouted. "Who's she got in there?"

"Nobody!" Lina was bright red now.

"I wouldn't worry about it **too much** if I were you Blob," Pietro snickered. "She's got pictures of the fat guy from Lost, James Gandolfini from the Sopranos, a couple of models taken from the Huge and Hefty Man catalog…"

"You mean she has a hunk folder?" Fred was flabbergasted.

"Wait, are you telling me that Lina likes guys that are…?" Kitty blinked.

"A little more than meaty, yeah," Althea snickered. "Lina's a chubby chaser."

"This is so **embarrassing**," Lina moaned.

"Why? Compared to the pictures Kitty and the other girls have in their secret folders, yours is pretty **tame**," Pietro remarked.

"What?" Kitty yelled.

"You have secret folders too?" Scott shouted.

"Thanks a lot Quicksilver!" Jean snapped.

"Do you guys always get off the subject like this?" David asked Kurt.

"Oh yeah," Kurt nodded. "All the time."

"Okay I think it's time for us to go back home," Sorcerer Benny said.

"Way **past** time if you ask me," Logan grunted. He indicated Milford with his thumb. "What are you going to do with horn head over here?"

"Oh don't worry," Benny grinned. "I'm sure there's a petting zoo somewhere that will take him in."

"You wouldn't!" Milford shouted.

"I **will **if you don't start behaving yourself!" Sorcerer Benny told him. He waved his wand and a magical portal opened. "Okay time for the field trip to end!"

"Pity," Tabitha winked at Josh. "Some of you guys are kind of cute."

"Aye, Golden Boy is easy on the eyes," Rahne grinned.

Josh turned red. "Not **again**…" Noriko moaned.

"What is it with you and teachers man?" Santo asked Josh.

"You just can't help yourself can you?" Julian snapped.

"What?" Tabitha asked. "What are they talking about?"

"NEVER MIND!" Beak snapped as he grabbed Josh and threw him headfirst into the portal. "See you guys in about fourteen years or so!"

Soon all the future visitors were gone. "Well that was an interesting afternoon," Todd quipped.

"If Remy has any more **interesting** afternoons like that he will need to spend time in a mental hospital," Remy groaned.

"Weirdest Summer **Ever,**" Kurt shook his head.

"At least we don't have to worry about any more weird magical horses," Lance shrugged.

FLASH!

There were Bobby and the New Mutants and a white winged horse with black spots on it's hindquarters standing there. "I spoke too soon," Lance groaned.

"Where the hell have you guys been?" Althea asked. "And what's with Pegasus over there?"

"Brightwind's my horse," Danielle said happily. "The Valkeries gave him to me."

"The **who** gave you **what?**" Scott asked.

"I don't know where you got him but I know you are **not** keeping him!" Logan groaned.

"Why not?" Danielle asked.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO THAT'S WHY!" Logan shouted. "He can stay here with the lake monsters! He'll love it!"

"Yeah the last thing we need is a memento of the day we spent **horsing** around," Kurt quipped.

"Speaking of which, where were you guys?" Rahne asked. "And why do you smell like you've been in a battle?"

"Because we just **came** from one," Tim told her. "We got zapped to Asgard!"

"Thanks a **lot** Benny!" Doug shouted.

"This is going to be a weird story isn't it?" Jesse groaned. "One I'm **not** in!"

"Trust us, you were **lucky!**" Doug snapped. "Very lucky!"

"You're still sore about us leaving you behind at that restaurant aren't you?" Bobby sighed.

"YES!" Doug snapped.

"But if it wasn't for you Odin and the other gods wouldn't have known about Loki's attempted coup," Paige reasoned.

"You also got Employee of the Month and a nice medal," Everett pointed out.

"I also got dishpan hands for a year!" Doug yelled.

"At least you weren't almost married to a Frost Giant Queen," Bobby shuddered.

"Okay I'll ask," Logan sighed. "What the hell happened to you people?"

"Well it all started when…" Sam began.

"Rrarrrr! Rarrrr!" A very weird sound was coming from the lake. They turned around and saw the lake monster happily splashing around, obviously intoxicated.

"Is that lake monster **drunk?**" Jean gasped.

"Yes, yes she is," Logan blinked.

"Okay new question," Ororo blinked. "How on Earth did a lake monster manage to get **drunk**?"

"I have **anothe**r question," Ray groaned. "When is camp going to be over so we can go back to school and **relax?"**

"Nice quiet time in the country my ass," Logan groaned. "I need a beer!"

"Why don't you ask the lake monster where she got some?" Pietro asked.

**Well there goes that bit of random insanity out of my mind! Next the Ninja Masters finally arrive and then there's more random insanity to be found! Oh like you were expecting anything else! **


	42. Ninja Masters of Death and Sleep

**Ninja Masters of Death and Sleep**

"I can't believe they let us sleep in," Althea yawned as the mutants went down to the lake the following day. "I wonder why?"

"Well we did have a late night last night," Jean sighed. "Not to mention that whole unicorn mess."

"And those kids from the future," Kitty agreed. "Geeze I'd hate to be one of their babysitters."

"Tell me about it," Danielle nodded. "Sounds like those kids were a handful."

"Not to mention that idiot Milford," Scott agreed.

"Worst of all Amanda's gone with Doctor Strange and Benny," Kurt sighed. "We spent our last day chasing unicorns and lunatics. Life is so unfair!"

"Do **not **talk to Remy about life not being fair!" Remy glared at him. "Remy was nearly turned into a gelding!"

"At least you weren't running around all of Asgard trying to stay alive," Ray told them.

"Or not being married to a Frost Giant," Bobby shuddered.

"Or working in Viking Hell's Kitchen," Doug snapped. "WHERE YOU ALL LEFT ME!"

"Doug we said we were sorry man," Ray said.

"SORRY? SORRY! I AM GOING TO HAVE DISHPAN HANDS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND YOU'RE ONLY **SORRY **ABOUT IT?" Doug shouted.

"Do we really want to know this story?" Kitty gave him a look.

"Not really," Doug moaned. "It's too humiliating."

"More humiliating than Remy being turned into a unicorn?" Remy asked. "And being kidnapped?"

"Did I mention that I was nearly **forced** into unholy matrimony to a fifty foot tall woman made of **ice?"** Bobby yelled. "I don't even want to **think **about the honeymoon I almost had! BRRRRR!"

"How did you get out of it?" Pyro asked. "Did you tell them you were gay?"

"No!" Bobby snapped. "Well yeah…But only as a last resort!"

"Still in denial I see," Pyro shook his head.

"SHUT UP PYRO!" Bobby yelled. "Just shut up before I turn you into a glacier!"

"You know how we thought that **nothing **could top the unicorn fiasco yesterday?" Rogue asked. "We were wrong. So, so wrong."

"Hey at least we can relax now," Pietro said. "No more magic, no more enemies attacking us. No more Benny screwing things up. The only thing we have to worry about now is getting a sunburn."

Suddenly a dozen leaves spun around and attacked him. "AAAAHHH! AAAHH! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF!" Pietro screamed trying to brush them off. "GET THESE LEAVES OFF ME!"

"Okay I've heard of people who are allergic to trees…" Sam blinked. "But I've never seen a tree allergic to Quicksilver."

"Maybe they just want him to **leaf,**" Todd punned. Several pine cones whacked him on the head. "OW!"

"That's what you get for making such bad puns," Kurt snickered. Then several leaves and pinecones attacked him. "OW! HE SAID IT NOT ME! OW!"

"AAAHHH!" Rogue stepped back as several leaves attacked the mutants. "Now what? What? Now trees hate mutants too? Like we don't have **enough **enemies?"

"Oh no! The trees! They've **finally** done it! They've finally evolved and now they're revolting!" Pyro screamed as several leaves and sticks attacked him. "They're rising up against the human race in order to take over the world! They're tired of being used for paper and cheap flammable houses! They want to rule the world!"

"Pyro that is so stupid…" Lance snapped. Several leaves attacked him. "HEY! GET HIM! NOT ME! GET HIM! THE GUY IN RED! **HE'S** THE ONE WHO SETS FOREST FIRES! GET HIM!"

"Oh sure! Go over to **their** side!" Pyro yelled. "TREE HUGGING TRAITOR!"

"Like I said I'm **not **the one who sets **forest fires!"** Lance shouted.

"But you do knock them down with your earthquakes don't you?" Scott snapped.

"And how many trees have you murdered with your optic blasts?" Lance shouted back. "You heard me! Murderer! Tree murderer!"

"And you commit herb homicide all the time!" Scott shouted. "HEAR THAT! HE'S A PLANT KILLER! **HE'S** A PLANT KILLER! HE'S…OH GOD THEY'VE GOT **ME** DOING IT!"

"That's it! We've all finally **snapped!**" Kitty shouted as she tried to protect herself from the rampaging foliage.

"What the…?" Jean gasped as she was knocked over by leaves. She nearly fell into the water but managed to catch herself with her powers.

"Telekinetic shove," Althea's eyes narrowed. "We're being watched."

"I know," Jean's eyes narrowed.

Instantly both Althea and Jean whirled around and used their powers, both water and telekinesis to attack the area behind them. A figure leapt out among the bushes and flew over their heads, landing before them. Right on top of the water. But she didn't sink.

"Who is **she?"** Bobby gasped.

The Japanese woman appeared no older than twenty but her eyes and bearing gave her the unmistakable impression that she was wise beyond her years. She had long black hair held back by a red and silver headband. A long white and red cloak seemed to cover her entire body, only showing her bare feet and the tips of red pants underneath.

"Is she standing on the water?" Kurt asked.

"Big deal," Althea readied her knife. "She's not the only one who can do that trick!"

"Enough!" Storm Shadow emerged from the shadows with the Blind Master and one other man. "I think you've tested them enough Master."

"Test? More like tease," The Blind Master snorted. "All right you've had your fun."

"Master?" Althea blinked.

"Test?" Jean asked. She looked at the Professor and the other adults. "Professor what's going on here?"

"I think the Blind Master can explain better than I," Xavier told her.

The Blind Master walked up to them with a Japanese man wearing a green and black ninja outfit. However his face was not covered and he had a short bushy mustache as well as the appearance of plumpness. In fact he didn't look like a ninja at all, but more like a comic book aficionado dressed like a ninja.

"I have brought to the camp two ninja masters in order to help train you students," The Blind Master said. "Coincidentally both are from the Arashikage Clan."

"Ninja Masters? Why?" Jean asked.

"To help you with your training of your skills, as which I can tell are barely adequate," The Woman said as she walked on the water towards them. "If you idiots are the world's next generation of protectors we are all doomed."

"Who says we need help from ninjas?" Roberto asked.

"Dude the lady walks on water," Ray gave him a look. "Shut up."

"This is Seiji Sakugo," The Blind Master introduced the man. "The Sleep Master."

"Hello," He yawned. "Don't mind me I'm going to take a nap…"

That being said he promptly fell flat on his face and did so. "Uh, is he going to be okay?" Scott blinked.

"He does that all the time," The Woman said. "Pay no attention to him."

"But shouldn't we…?" Sam began.

"No," The Woman told him. "Leave him."

"Are you his student or something?" Kitty asked her.

"No I am Shima, also a Master," She told her.

"Shima, that's a pretty name," Ray grinned obviously smitten by her beauty.

"It means the Zone of the Dead," Logan gave him a look. "Her name literally means Death!"

"Oh," Ray blinked.

"I am also much older than I look," She replied. "And I am also a mutant. A telekinetic to be precise."

"You don't have a healing factor or anything do ya?" Logan asked. "Because you smell a lot older than you look."

"No, I use my telekinesis and my chi skills to not only make repairs on my body if I am injured, but to keep my appearance youthful," Shima explained.

"You can do **that** with telekinesis?" Jean gasped.

"Telekinesis is more than simply moving an object across the room with your mind or changing a television channel without using a remote control," Shima explained. "It is literally mind over matter. The body is composed mostly of matter. It's logical that if you are skilled enough with your telekinesis you can accomplish practically anything."

"Whoa," Kitty blinked. "I had no idea that telekinesis was so powerful."

"Neither did I," Jean realized this.

"Wavedancer," Shima said. "The human body is over ninety percent water. You can also accomplish the same techniques if you put your mind to it."

"Really," Althea asked. "I…I never knew that."

"There is a lot all of you don't know about your powers. Actually you are all in for a treat," She grinned. "We have decided to include all of you, Misfit and X-Man, ninja and non-ninja alike in our training."

"Lucky us," Lance groaned.

"Well yeah!" Todd snapped. "They're real ninja masters dummy! This is a chance of a lifetime!"

"Especially for you Jean Grey," Shima turned to her. "I am here to assist you with your containment of the Phoenix Force."

"Containment?" Bobby asked. "Isn't it **already** inside her?"

"Yes, but it has to be stabilized," Shima explained. "Come with me Jean. We have some work to do."

"Wait a minute, I…" Jean protested.

"You go ahead," Althea patted her back. "Here's a little tip, when a Ninja Master wants to talk to you, it's **not** a good idea to keep her waiting if you know what I mean?"

"Okay," Jean walked off with her.

"Nice lady," Pietro mocked. "And has such a **charming** personality."

"Better get used to it, you're going to be seeing a lot of her for a while," The Blind Master said. "Since the rest of us are all here, I guess now is as good as time as any to have an impromptu training session."

"What fun," Lance mocked.

"To recap," Bobby said. "We're all going to be taught by a Blind Ninja, a psycho chick ninja and a guy who's always **asleep?"**

"Three guesses who's class **I **want?" Ray said.

"Okay let's start with an easy one," The Blind Master said. "First one to pin the Sleep Master to the ground has a while week off from training."

"You're kidding?" Pietro looked at the Sleep Master peacefully snoozing on the ground.

"Let me get this straight? All we gotta do is just pin that guy on the ground and we get out of training?" Lance grinned. "Sweet!"

"It's a trap," Todd stopped him and shook his head.

"What do you mean?" Lance asked.

"Haven't you learned a **thing** from those old ninja movie and cartoons?" Todd asked. "Or all that other training stuff we've done."

"Yeah even I know the guy least likely to fight is the most dangerous," Fred nodded.

"You mean he's playing possum?" Lance blinked realizing that this might be too easy. "He's not really asleep?"

"Actually he **is **asleep," The Blind Master grinned.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Pietro zoomed up next to the Sleep Master. "Week of fun in the sun here I come!"

"I wouldn't do it Quickie," Todd called after him.

"Oh please this is going to be so easy…" Pietro reached out for the Sleep Master.

And promptly found himself thrown right into a tree. "OW!"

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?" Ray shouted.

"Told you," Todd snickered.

"Okay, that was just a lucky strike," Pietro shook his head and looked at the sleeping ninja master on the ground. "Must have slipped! I'll go faster this time." He rushed at him with his super speed. And again found himself grabbed by the ninja and thrown down to have his face in the mud.

"Love that look on you Quicksilver!" Scott snickered.

"Okay! Now I'm ready!" Pietro got up and tried to tackle him at his fastest speed only to be thrown into another tree. "Mind if I just lie down for a while?" He passed out cold.

"Okay if he's asleep how did he do that?" Kurt blinked.

"The Sleep Master is a master of the unconscious and subconscious," Storm Shadow explained. "His technique is similar to the Ear That Sees technique the Blind Master uses only it is ten times more advanced."

"How advanced?" Peter asked.

"The Sleep Master's entire body is so attuned to the world, he does not need to be awake in order to fight," Storm Shadow told him. "In fact when his is unconscious, he is at his most dangerous."

"Told you it was a trick," Todd grinned.

"Yeah but I'll bet he's not prepared for mutant powers," Bobby grinned as he readied an ice blast.

Which the Sleep Master quickly dodged and before Bobby knew it, he was knocked into the lake. "You'd be surprised," Storm Shadow said in an amused tone.

"Whoa," Kitty blinked. "This guy is good."

"Well are you going to just stand there or are you going to attack?" Storm Shadow asked. "You can use your mutant powers if you like."

"Are you nuts?" Lance asked. "Not a single one of us could beat him!"

"So we'll just have to gang up on him!" Althea snapped. "Get him guys!"

"AAAAHHH! OW! OW! OW! YOW! YEOWCH! OOF! AAAAH! WATCH OUT! WHOA!" Many of the students tried to attack and were instantly repelled, even with their mutant powers. The Sleep Master merely dodged them and beat them easily. "OW! THAT HURT! YEOW! THAT REALLY HURTS! OW! OW! MOMMY!"

"Do we really have to attack him?" Lina gulped looking at the Blind Master and Storm Shadow. She, Todd, Rahne, Penny and Doug were the only ones not attacking.

"Yeah couldn't we just accept the training?" Doug asked.

"YEOW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Roberto screamed loudly. "THE PAIN! THE PAIN!"

"And not be killed?" Todd gulped.

"Ah young ones, you have just learned an important lesson," The Blind Master said. "Sometimes it is far easier to do what is expected of you, than to go looking for a shortcut."

"YEOWWWWWWW!" Shane screamed in pain. "I HATE MY LIFE! OWWW!"

"Not to mention a lot **healthier,**" Rahne winced.

"And to think everyone always tells me that you can't learn anything from watching ninja movies," Todd shook his head.

RRRRUMMMBLE!

"ALVERS YOUR TREMOR NEARLY KILLED ME!" Scott yelled.

"AND THAT'S A **BAD **THING?" Lance quipped. "OW!"

"CYCLOPS SHOOT AT THE SLEEP MASTER! NOT AVALANCHE!" Kurt yelled. "OW! MY TAIL!"

"Brings back memories doesn't it Storm Shadow?" The Blind Master grinned.

"**Painful** memories," Storm Shadow sighed.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Ray whined. "I THINK HE BROKE MY ARM!"

"Uh do you think we should we **do something?"** Hank asked as the other adult instructors watched.

"We could get a camcorder and sell the tape to FOX," Logan shrugged.

"Way ahead of you," Spirit had a hand held camera running.

"I don't think this is very productive training," Ororo folded her arms.

"Hey this teaches the kids not to underestimate your opponent, that humans are tougher fighters than they think," Roadblock counted off the list on his fingers. "How to go up against an opponent that is stronger than they are…"

"OH MOMMY THAT HURTS!" Fred screamed in a high voice.

"That just because you have mutant powers don't mean you can't get hurt," Roadblock went on.

"AAAHHHHH! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD NO!" Pyro screamed like a girl who wet her pants. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! THE PAIN! THE AGONIZING **PAIN!"**

"That trying to set a ninja master on fire is a really **bad **idea," Roadblock winced.

"OH MY GOD! HELP ME! SOMEONE HELP ME!" Tim screamed in a very high voice. "JESUS! BUDDAH! SATAN! SANTA CLAUS! **ANYBODY! OW! OW! OW! OW!" **

"And that trying to kick a ninja master in the crotch is a really**, really** bad idea," Roadblock looked a little green.

"I know I'm learning a lesson watching **this,**" Logan blinked.

"Do you ever wonder if we're screwing these kids up completely?" Cover Girl asked.

"That's a **bad** thing?" Low Light asked.

"I'll take that as a no," Cover Girl groaned.

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An hour later Jean was panting, nearly out of breath as she tried to deflect Shima's telekinetic attacks. "Keep focused!" Shima warned her as she tossed a huge tree trunk at her. She had been doing this ever since they moved apart from the group.

"I **am **focused!" Jean made a motion with her hands as if to break a twig and the log broke into two pieces, falling harmlessly beside her.

"You use your hands and arms far too much," Shima said disapprovingly. "In a split second an opponent can see what you are doing and anticipate your strategy. That may be the difference in a life or death battle."

Jean gritted her teeth and tried to attack her again. She stretched her hands outward and tried to fling Shima back but as soon as she did so a powerful force batted her hands aside. She was so shocked she couldn't use her telekinesis. Her arms felt a soreness as if they had been hit by something heavy as she fell backwards onto the ground.

"OW!" Jean groaned rubbing her arms. "That hurts!"

"**That** is what happens when you use your arms too much against a skilled telekinetic," Shima told her. "Your arm could have been broken or worse, ripped off at the socket had I truly fought you."

"How did you do that?" Jean asked as she stood up.

"Telekinesis is merely a force," Shima said. "I merely used my telekinesis to counter it. Just like a fighter uses his hands to punch, defend or grab, telekinesis can be used the same way."

"I know how telekinesis works! I'm not new at this!" Jean said furiously. She focused and made several logs and stones float around her in a defensive move. "I have worked hard with the Professor and Wolverine! They trained me how to use my powers!"

"They only trained you in the basics, they're not telekinetic," Shima sighed.

With a blink suddenly every single log and stone around Jean shattered. Jean found herself surrounded by sharp splinters of wood and stone. "If I were an enemy you would be dead," Shima explained. "Get my point?"

"Okay so you're a little older than I am and more experienced!" Jean snapped as the splinters fell to the ground. "That's no reason to dismiss my training!"

"Jean listen to me," Shima softened. "You have a strong will and a noble spirit. But even that is not enough to contain the Phoenix Force within you. For the power you have inside of you is connected to the powers of the entire universe."

"I … I knew that already," Jean blinked.

"But this is something you do **not** know," Shima said. "The greatest power of the Phoenix Force is that is becomes a conduit to the powers of the universe. Like a pipe that is able to take the water from a lake, you can draw from the powers of the universe. In time you will be able to mold the very elements themselves."

"Oh," Jean said.

"And there is a greater danger to not only you, but to your loved ones," Shima went on. "Like a lake the powers of the universe can be used by **more** than **one** person at the same time. The Phoenix Force has bonded to your body, so your children and your children's children will inherit this power and use it as well. Therefore your family will be targeted by not only those who wish to control this power, but by those who fear it."

"But Madelyne doesn't have this power inside of her," Jean said. "I mean she was cloned from my genetics before I got the Phoenix Force. She's safe right?"

"No, she may not have the power of the Phoenix Force but she does have the **potential **for becoming a user," Shima warned. "There are ways to transfer just enough of it from your body so that she and her descendants will become conduits as well. And the rest of your family could be potential hosts as well."

"Potential hosts?" Jean's jaw dropped.

"Do you know the story of the M'kraynn Crystal?" Shima asked. "And the Oracles of the Phoenix?"

"I knew Apocalypse knew about it and feared it," Jean said. "Because it housed the Phoenix Force. And I remember something about oracles but…"

"The crystal's true origins are unknown," Shima told her. "There are legends that the gods themselves created it to house the dangerous being inside of it. Then they threw it to the Earth so that it could not harm them. Even before the pyramids were created, small tribes worshiped and learned to harness its power."

"I didn't know that," Jean said.

"There's more to the story," Shima told her. "Eventually it was discovered that mostly females could only use the crystal. There were one or two exceptions but during the great Egyptian Empire…it became a rule that only the Oracles of Light, a society of female oracles could use it. And the Pharaohs of old used them."

"Until Apocalypse," Jean frowned.

"Yes, he feared the Phoenix Force so much that he had his most trusted advisor steal the crystal and hide it," Shima continued the tale.

"Selene," Jean added the puzzle together. "She threw it in that volcano in Italy."

"There is more," Shima went on. "To ensure that no one would be able to use the power against him, Apocalypse ruthlessly slaughtered every single oracle and their entire family bloodlines so no one could try and revive it. Thousands died so that he thought he would be safe."

"In other words Madelyne and my family…" Jean's eyes widened.

"Are in danger," Shima nodded. "Fortunately Apocalypse knows that you will not pass on this power to Madelyne for it is too strong for the young one. And he knows better than to anger you to the point of rage…And slaughtering your family will certainly do that. That is how he rose to power all those centuries ago. No, he will go after you first. And when you fall **then**…"

"**Then** he'll go after Madelyne and the rest of my family," Jean realized. She put her hand to her head. "I knew…I knew this power was dangerous but I had no idea I could bring such destruction to everyone I cared about!"

"Forgive me if my words seem harsh," The Ninja Master told her. "But it is a heavy responsibility you have been given. You and generations after you will have to work on dealing with it for your entire lives. You must always be prepared for anything."

"Wonderful," Jean groaned as she sat down. "It was hard enough being the first generation of mutants exposed to the public…Trying to set an example for the world, trying to keep mutant kind safe and from enslaving the human race…But **this!"**

Jean sighed. "You know when I first got my powers I hated them. I thought I was a freak. I kept wishing I was normal. Then the Professor taught me that I was normal despite my gifts. But over the years…There's been more than enough evidence to prove he was wrong. It's like I'm learning who I am all over again. It's just a lot for me to deal with."

"Let's try something else," Shima sat down on the grass. "We're going to work on our meditation. You are going to learn how to use your telekinesis to heal your wounds as well as keep your skin youthful and rejuvenated."

"That can be done?" Jean sat down. "I mean the healing part I can understand but the skin thing…"

"Trust me, Firebird," Shima gave her a look. "When you turn thirty five you will be **thankful **I taught you this technique."

"Is that how old **you** are?" Jean smirked.

"A bit older than that actually," Shima smirked back. "Have you ever seen the anime show Rurouni Kenshin?"

"I've heard of it," Jean said. "Wasn't that about some swordsman during the Meiji Era of Japan, around the Eighteen Hundreds?"

"I was a teenager during that time," Shima gave her a look. "I witnessed the birth of the Meiji Era."

"Whoa," Jean blinked. "Okay…Maybe you **do **know what you're talking about."

"You think?" Shima asked. "Now pay attention and take a deep breath..."

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"OOOOOH," Ray moaned as he lay on the ground. "My bruises have bruises…"

It was several hours later and nearly all the mutants, save those smart enough not to attack were sitting on the sidelines. "It's like that scene in Gone With the Wind," Rahne blinked. "You know where all the dead soldiers are scattered all over the place?"

"Or when Conrad Birdie came to town in Bye Bye Birdie," Todd made the connection.

"Bye bye birdies…" Kurt moaned as he lay on the ground. "Bye, bye…Bye, bye…"

"Oooh," Althea moaned. "I knew I should have listened to my sweetie…"

"Oh stop complaining," Shima walked in with Jean behind her. "None of you are seriously hurt."

"Oooh," Tim moaned in a fetal position.

"Well maybe **that** guy," Shima raised an eyebrow. "Looking at the time it looks like it's time to have lunch."

"LUNCH?" The Sleep Master sat up like a rocket. "OH BOY LUNCH! I LOVE LUNCH!" He jumped to his feet. "When do we eat?"

"Figures, he's only awake when he eats," The Blind Master grumbled.

"Oh yeah lunch!" Fred sat up quickly and clapped his hands. "Time to eat!"

"And **another** one," Rahne sighed. "Not that it's really that much of a shock."

"Lunch? Did someone say lunch?" Kurt sat up quickly.

"My stomach's growling!" Bobby nodded. Most of the other students got up as well.

"Funny how the very **mention **of food restores their energy," Hank shook his head. "Well…Most of them."

"I'm coming…I'm coming," Tim got to his feet. "Food…Need food…"

"I thought you were hurt?" Althea looked at him.

"I'll walk it off," Tim made his way to the picnic tables laden with food in the center of the camp.

"Come and get it!" Harvey called out wearing a white apron saying KISS THE COOK. "We've got salad, fruit salad, macaroni salad, potato salad, potato chips, soy chips, vegetable chips, corn chips, trail mix, hamburgers, hot dogs, soy hamburgers, soy hot dogs, barbecue chicken, barbecue ribs, corn on the cob, green beans, baked beans, refried beans, corn bread, garlic bread, applesauce, watermelon, lemonade, iced tea, raspberry iced tea, water and three different kinds of soda."

"You think that's enough?" Scott asked jokingly.

"It'll do," Fred grinned as he made his way to the table.

"And whatever's left over we can have for lunch tomorrow," Harvey grinned.

"Left over?" Todd blinked. "What does he mean by 'left over'?"

"Beats me," Fred shrugged as he grabbed a huge stack of ribs.

"You don't know this group that well do you Harvey?" Cover Girl asked.

"I have heard of these things called 'leftovers'," Lance mused mockingly. "Apparently they are food that has not been eaten, that is left over when everyone else has finished their meal. Hench the name, leftover."

"Food not eaten after a meal?" Fred shook his head, not getting the sarcasm. "What will people think of next? Pass the salad will you?"

"Blob we made you your own bowl," Roadblock placed a giant salad in front of him.

"Oh goody!" Fred rubbed his hands. "Gotta have my greens!"

"I take it your friend here is a member of the Clean Plate Society?" Shima made a small grin and looked at Roadblock.

"Member?" He gave her a look. "That boy is President for Life!"

"YUM! YUM! This is good!" The students tore into their meals ravenously. "Great job Harvey! Yum!"

"Not that he doesn't have any competition," Roadblock winced.

"Yeah some of these kids are bottomless pits," Shipwreck agreed.

"Speaking of which…" Shima groaned.

"IT'S MY CHICKEN!" Fred was tugging on a full roasted chicken with the Sleep Master.

"NO IT'S MY CHICKEN! GET YOUR OWN!" The Sleep Master tried to pull it away in a demented game of tug of war.

"YOU GET YOUR OWN!" Fred snapped.

"MINE!" The Sleep Master screamed.

"MINE!" Fred screamed back.

"Those two sound more like the babies," Angelica covered her ears.

"Nuh, uh…" Claudius covered his ears with his flippers.

"No, we not dat bad!" Barney agreed.

"For once they're right," Shipwreck snickered.

"GRRR! GRRRR!" Both Fred and the Sleep Master had their teeth on the chicken and were trying to pull it apart like a couple of rabid dogs.

"I can't take him anywhere," Shima sighed as she telekinetically levitated her fork with some salad on it to her mouth and took a dainty bite.

"Uh do you have to eat like that?" Bobby asked, noticing her table manners.

"Yes," Shima said. She telekinetically removed her cape. It revealed her slim frame, but it also showed she had no arms.

"Whoa…" Ray blinked.

"I was born without arms," She explained. "But even when I was a baby I was able to use telekinesis."

"Really?" Hank asked. "I've never heard of such a case."

"It wasn't really documented in a hospital or anything," Shima made a wry grin.

"Interesting," Xavier thought. "I still wonder why Cerebro never picked your mutant signature up before."

"Because as I have said, I have learned there are many ways of getting around technology," Shima told him. There was a blue crystal around her neck that was hidden by the cape earlier. "This crystal for example covers my bio signature extremely well."

"And that's important?" Kitty asked.

"It is for a ninja," Shima said. "It is one of the many lessons you will learn during your time here."

"So we all get ninja lessons huh?" Shane asked. "Great…Now I really need health insurance."

"I will also personally have one private training session with each and every one of you," Shima told them. "Maybe you might learn something that will help you survive."

"Some of us already know how to survive," Rina grunted giving Shima a look.

"You are X23 right?" Shima looked at her. "You may have been trained by Hydra but not even they knew everything about fighting. They way you crippled them that organization is proof of what I am saying. It's an attitude like that that will guarantee your demise if you are not careful."

"I know more than anyone what it means to be careful," Rina gave her a look.

Shima let out a breath. "Let me ask you something, do you just hate everyone or is it the fact that I am a ninja master that's making you so uncomfortable?"

"I am not afraid of you," Rina glared at her.

"I didn't say you were," Shima gave her a look. "Especially since you probably killed a ninja or two yourself in your training. Perhaps even one as a master. Am I right?"

Everyone was shocked. Rina's eyes widened. "How…?"

"I know a lot about Hydra and organizations like that and how they work," Shima told her. "Often they work with a rogue ninja organization called the Hand. The Hand often uses techniques and training so dangerous, so blatantly unnecessarily violent that even the Ninja Council has forbidden them. And one of their favorite little tricks is that they force their students to kill their masters as a test of their skills at the end of their training."

Shima went on. "Let me guess, they doused both of you with some strange smelling powder or chemical that made you both forget everything except you wanted to kill each other and you ended up killing your teacher. Am I right?"

Rina looked away in shock. "Don't blame yourself girl," Shima said. "That technique is uncommon among ninjas but it's not exactly unheard of. For you there was no choice. At that point it was either you or him. And it wasn't going to be you. So stop blaming yourself and get over it."

Rina didn't say anything but got up and left the table. "Was that really necessary?" Ororo gave Shima a harsh look.

"Well yes," Shima said. "Best to get all those ugly memories out in the open as early as possible. She'll be hurt now but she will train better."

"You couldn't have just pulled her aside and…" Hank began.

"No," Shima gave him a look. "You all need to understand just how dangerous the world can be for people like us. And just how easily your enemy can turn you into a weapon if you aren't strong enough. No one is a hundred percent invulnerable, not even me. At least without being prepared. And that's what I am here to do. To prepare you for the worst that can happen. And believe me, it will."

"Let's not forget that this time should not just be used for training," Xavier said diplomatically. "The students need a little rest and relaxation. I think after saving the world and losing their homes they have earned a little."

"How about this for a solution?" Shima compromised. "In the morning I will supervise the training. After lunch everyone can do what they like and relax."

"Sounds reasonable," Xavier agreed.

"Why do I have the feeling this is going to be very painful for us?" Scott groaned.

"Scott they're here to help, be positive," Jean chided.

"Okay," Scott said. "I'm **positive** this is going to be very painful for us."

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Five fifty nine in the morning and everything was quiet and peaceful. The light of the dawn was first breaking over the horizon. And the birds were chirping along with the insects they were trying to catch for breakfast. Everyone was peacefully sleeping in their cabins.

Then Six O'clock arrived.

"WAKE UP YOU LAZY MAGGOTS!" Shima screamed at the X-Men boys in their cabin. "MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!"

"Whhhhaaaaaa…?" Remy muttered sleepily as he woke up.

"I SAID **WAKE UP!"** Shima telekinetically tossed several small explosives on their beds.

"AAHHH! GRENADES!" Kurt yelled as he barely teleported out of the way.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"MOVE IT! MOVE IT! GET DRESSED AND OUTSIDE IN FIVE MINUTES!" Shima roared. Then she left. A loud series of explosions indicated she was doing the same thing at the girl's cabins. "UP! UP! UP! GO! GO! GO!"

"She's nuts…" Bobby whimpered as he pulled his pants on. "She's totally nuts!"

"Scary lady," Jesse shook. "Very scary…"

"Note to self…" Kurt panted as he put his clothes on. "Never…Ever make fun of ninjas!"

"Yeah anybody who goes through this kind of training and survives deserves respect!" Remy groaned. "And Remy always thought the Thieves' Guild training was rough!"

"YOU'RE SLACKING BEHIND!" Shima shouted as she telekinetically tossed more grenades at them.

"AAHHHHH!" Everyone screamed as they ran from the explosions and outside.

"Jean Luc may have been a jerk…" Remy moaned. "But at least he never used **grenades **on Gambit!"

"ALL RIGHT YOU SLACKERS! SEE ALL THOSE ARM AND LEGBANDS OVER THERE! PUT 'EM ON AND RUN THIRTY LAPS AROUND THE CAMPUS! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!" Shima shouted. No one dared question her.

"What's going on?" Ororo moaned as she got looked at the chaos outside. "Shima what are you…?"

"ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME SOLDIER?" Shima flew over to her and roared. She telekinetically shoved Ororo outside and confronted the adults shoving them from their cabins.

"WHO SAID **YOU** COULD SPEND THE DAY IN BED?" Shima roared. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE X-MEN RIGHT? AND YOU GI JOES ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SOLDIERS? WELL YOU'RE A PITIFUL GROUP OF WARRIORS IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR BUTTS OUT OF BED! NOW MOVE IT! GET YOUR CLOTHES ON AND PUT ON THOSE WEIGHTS AND RUN!"

"Hold on…" Logan began.

"MOVE IT!" Shima roared in his face.

"Do it Logan! Trust me!" Jinx said nervously. "Come on!"

"Uh…The Babies…" Shipwreck stammered.

"BLIND MASTER! STORM SHADOW! WATCH THE LITTLE KIDS!" Shima ordered. "AND FEED AND CHANGE 'EM TOO!"

"This is most humiliating…" Storm Shadow groaned as he went inside with the Blind Master to watch the toddlers.

"You wanna tell her **no?"** The Blind Master asked.

"Are you **insane?**" Storm Shadow asked. "I remember when I was a young apprentice and what she did to the **last** poor fool who said no to her! It **still** gives me nightmares!"

"What is going on?" Xavier was still in his bed hearing the commotion when Shiva flew in. "Shiva what are you…?"

"WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR XAVIER? AN INGRAVED INVITATION?" Shima roared. "YOU DON'T REALLY EXPECT **ME **TO BELIEVE JUST BECAUSE YOUR LEGS ARE PARALIZED YOU CAN GET OUT OF TRAINING CAN YOU? GET IN THAT WHEELCHAIR AND MOVE IT! I WANNA SEE YOU DO THIRTY LAPS AROUND THE CAMP! ON THE DOUBLE! **NOW** MISTER!"

"But…" Xavier gulped. "But…"

"DID I STUTTER? GET MOVING!" Shima shouted telekinetically lifting him out of the bed and shoving him in his wheelchair. "MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!"

Soon nearly everyone was running around the camp with weights on. "Oh my," Harvey blinked as he made breakfast. "I'd better make some of my famous aspirin pancakes just to be safe. Glad I'm not a ninja."

"**This** is going to help me control the Phoenix?" Jean gritted her teeth as she ran.

"Look she's even got the adults doing this," Amara gasped. "Even the Professor! That's horrible!"

"I don't know, for some reason I feel a whole lot **better** seeing him like this," Rogue panted.

"Payback," Kitty agreed.

"YOU'RE ALL SLACKING BEHIND! SO MAYBE I OUGHT TO GIVE YOU SOME INCENTIVE!" Shiva shouted as she telekinetically tossed some explosives behind them.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"It's official! Our lives are in the hands of a **maniac!"** Ray screamed as he tried not to get blown up into tiny bits.

"And it's not **me!**" Logan shouted.

"I can't believe…" Xavier panted. "That woman…Is **making **me **do** this!"

"The woman doesn't have any arms," Shipwreck pointed out. "You'd think she'd show **you** any sympathy?"

"I'm having a flashback," Xavier grunted. "Basic training for the army! I HATED IT!"

"What nightmare have we gotten ourselves into?" Hank groaned.

"ZZZZZZZZZZ…" The Sleep Master moaned as he ran by sound asleep.

"You can sleep this afternoon!" Shima snapped at the Sleep Master. "MOVE IT!"

"Okay I've heard of sleepwalking but sleep **running?**" Amara blinked.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! More grenades exploded behind them.

"With **that** lunatic I'm not surprised he learned **that** skill!" Jean panted as she ran for her life.

"I never thought I'd say this but I miss Wolverine's training sessions," Kurt moaned.

"Yeah when's the Danger Room gonna get rebuilt again?" Sam asked.

"Not soon enough for me," Kitty grumbled.

"MOVE IT! MOVE IT! MOVE IT!"

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"I no longer **regret **killing my ninja master!" Rina grunted. "In fact I am now inspired to kill **this one!"**

"Not if I kill her **first,**" Rogue grunted.

"Get in line," Jean grumbled.

**Shima's a fun gal isn't she? I made her up along with the Sleep Master. You're going to see a bit of them in the future. **

**Next: More fun at camp! Oh goody! Don't you just love it? **

Xavier wheeled out. "You are a sick, deranged…**maniac!** You know that?"


	43. More Crazy Camp Life

**More Crazy Camp Life**

_Dear Ma, Pa and Everybody Else,_

_Hey there! It's me, Sam! It's been three weeks since we saved the world from the big bugs and camp is a lot of fun. Most of the time, when we're not training. The food isn't bad since most of us take turns cooking. Everyone except Kitty who has been banned from the kitchen as well as making smores for life. (Don't ask! I swear that girl is the only person I know who could burn ice!) _

_But there's a lot of interesting things to do here. The man who run this camp is real nice and has no problem with mutants. Course that could be that he's a lot like Cousin Earl if you get my drift. But he's a nice feller. We also have two new counselors, on a foreign exchange program from Japan. _

"Who just happen to be ninja masters," Sam added out loud. There was no way he was going to put **that** in the letter he was writing to his family.

_We do lots of things at camp that normal kids do. Hiking, nature walks..._

"Yeah **those** are fun with Penny," Sam remembered what happened the other day.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Penny loves the woods. They are filled with squirrels and rabbits and birds and other creatures she likes to shred.

Every day Penny likes to explore the woods and share what she finds with her friends. Sometimes she gives them fun things like pinecones, rocks and squirrel heads and puts them on their beds so they will wake up to a surprise in the morning.

One day Penny saw a funny looking squirrel. It was black with a long white stripe on it's body. Maybe Rogue would like this squirrel?

"NO PENNY THAT'S **NOT **A SQUIRREL!" Jean screamed as she saw what Penny was going to do. "PENNY! PENNY! DON'T GO NEAR IT! PENNY!"

SLICE!

"Oh no **Penny!"** Jean groaned.

Ooh! Stinky! But still it might be a nice present for Rogue.

"I DON'T WANT IT!" Rogue backed away. "GET IT AWAY FROM ME!"

Why don't her friends want the funny looking squirrel? Maybe it's the funny smell? Maybe Mr. Wolverine would like it.

"AAAHHHH! PENNY GET THAT STINKING CORPSE AWAY FROM ME!" Logan shouted.

Why is everyone running away? Maybe they are playing a game with Penny? Oh that must be why and Penny is it! Let's chase after everyone Mister Funny Squirrel!

"OH GOD NO!" Hank shouted. "PENNY WHAT HAVE YOU DONE NOW?"

"Run for your lives!" Pietro screamed.

"Ewwww!" Kitty held her nose. "That is just gross!"

"Reason why I hate camping number **fifty four!"** Shane shouted.

"I ain't giving her a bath that's for damn sure!" Althea held her nose.

"Don't look at me!" Rahne snapped. "I am not getting **near her!"**

"I've got enough problems with animals being attracted to my scent here!" Dead Girl agreed. "I sure as hell am not going near her either!"

"Jean use your telekinesis to throw what's left of the skunk into the **lake!**" Shima shouted. "Xavier what kind of animals do you **have **here? And I am referring to the two legged ones!"

"Shima, Penny is a special child who..." Xavier began. Then his face turned pale. "No Penny! I don't want the skunk! Get it **away** from me! JEAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!"

"Yes she is **special **all right," Shima smirked.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"I can still smell the skunk on both Penny and Xavier after using a gallon of tomato sauce, perfume and cold cream," Sam groaned before he went back to writing.

_We also go swimming in the lake. _

"Course it would be a lot easier to swim if that crazy no armed ninja lady didn't keep telekinetically throw **grenades** into the lake while we're doing it," Sam moaned. He was not going to put that in the letter either.

_We do archery and some skeet shooting under Mr. Spirit and Mr. Low Light's guidance…_

"Okay so it's weapons practice," Sam grumbled to himself. "But I can't tell my parents **that!** Technically it ain't lying. That **is** what we're doing. Of course we're skeet shooting using automatic weapons. Well we were until Scott threw a hissy fit."

_We're also learning how to do first aid and CPR._

**"Lots** of first aid and CPR," Sam moaned. He looked at his bandaged foot. "Note to self, **never** stand near Bobby again when he's trying to use a bow and arrow!"

_And we also do a lot of telling stories around the campfire._

"Actually we spend most of the time putting **out **the campfire thanks to that nut job Pyro," Sam sighed to himself. "When is that guy gonna learn that nobody wants to see a fire version of stories based on a crossover of characters from Desperate Housewives and Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"

_Of course Logan and the other adults make sure we keep up with our training. It's interesting…I can honestly say it's like nothing I have ever experienced before. I'm certainly getting stronger and faster._

"I have to if I have any chance of survival," Sam groaned. "And I thought the Sentinels and aliens were tough! They're pussycats compared to those Ninja Masters, especially after today's training! I mean throwing all those shuriken at us? And those vicious dogs were completely unnecessary."

Sam then thought back to his individual training session with Shima. It was interesting after all. He had learned a few martial arts stances and then demonstrated his powers in front of her.

"Interesting," Shima had narrowed her eyes. "I sense great potential in you young Cannonball. There may be more to your powers than you realize. Now let me teach you a few tricks you can use with mediation."

"Meditation? What good is that?" Sam remembered asking.

"You'd be surprised at what you can do with your powers if you concentrate," Shima grinned.

"I tell you I can't wait until I spar against one of the guys," Sam grinned at the memory. "Shima may be crazy but she's good at teaching new tricks."

Sam went back to writing his letter. _But it's not all training here. We do have a lot of good times. In fact we had a few guest speakers that happened to be professional travelers come to the camp and tell us about their adventures. It was interesting._

"Well I guess that's the most diplomatic way to put it," Sam scratched his head with his pencil. "I mean how **do** you tell your parents you spent the day meeting up with interdimensional tourists?"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

It was a relaxing warm afternoon, and most of the students were just enjoying some time off. Wanda was returning from a relaxing swim when she noticed Lance sitting by himself under the shade. He had a pensive look on his face. It wasn't hard to figure out why he was upset. Peter and Kitty were laughing and having fun together over by a picnic table.

"Hey," Wanda put her hand on his shoulder. "If you want I can hex them for you."

"As much as I'd enjoy seeing that I really don't feel like getting into a fight with Kitty right now," Lance told her.

"Well the offer is there if you need it," Wanda said.

"It still hurts you know," Lance sighed. "I see them together and…"

"It's okay Lance," Wanda patted him on the shoulder. "You were with Kitty a long time. No one expects you to get over her just like that."

Pietro zoomed over. "You are **still** moping over Pretty Kitty? What is **wrong **with you? You have got to get a **life!"**

"Let me rephrase that," Wanda gave her twin a dirty look. "No one **sane** expects you to get over her right away."

"Well at least I've got enough of my marbles **not** to pine over the Queen of the Drama Freaks," Pietro huffed. "Lance I am telling you this for your own good, don't even **think **of crawling back to Pryde. Dumping her was one of the **smartest** things you ever did. And that list is **short** enough as it is!"

"You've been listening to him all day haven't you?" Wanda asked Lance who nodded an affirmative reply. "No wonder you looked so upset."

"Look I know Kitty and I were a bigger disaster than movie night on the Titanic but what do you want from me?" Lance snapped.

"We want you to **keep** your pride not **lose it** going **after **Pryde!" Pietro snapped.

"I'm not going **after** her I'm just…" Lance threw up his hands.

FFFLLOOOOOOMMMMM!

A bright light engulfed the campsite. "What the heck is that?" Todd yelled.

In the middle of the campsite was a pile of familiarly furry visitors with very distinctive noses. "Nice going Michigan Wolverine!" Brogue snapped.

"Well I didn't see any of you coming up with any other plays!" Michigan Wolverine snapped. "It was like the Super De Duper Game VI! The Melmackian Mudsharks against…"

"Oh put a sock in it you football statistics spouting weirdo!" Shadow Catcall snapped.

"A woman who spends all her time with cats is calling **me **a weirdo?" Michigan Wolverine snapped.

"That's because you are all weirdoes!" Magmeato shouted.

"At least my students aren't maniacs bent on world domination by controlling the entire meat supply of the planet," Professor Xylophone told him.

"Michigan Wolverine?" Logan blinked. "Is that one guy called **Michigan Wolverine?" **

"Oh god no…" Scott moaned. "Not these morons again!"

"They look like Alf version of the X-Men," Rahne blinked.

"There **are **Alf versions of the X-Men," Kurt groaned. "Oh suddenly I have a big headache!"

"Oh really?" Nightcaller created a cell phone. "Do you wish for me to call your doctor for you?"

"What the…?" Tabitha blinked.

"These are the X-Melmen," Scott sighed. "They're melmutants, that is mutant versions of Alf. We've run into them before."

"Wait, you guys ended up in the ALF universe and you never told us?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah well there's a reason for that," Kurt sighed.

"Hey! Look!" Psyche Major got up and ran over to Scott and hugged him tightly. "Oh glorious friends! It's so good to see you!" He sobbed, tears flowing very freely out of his visor covered eyes. "To come to the brink of death only to be found in the bosom of good friends…"

"Speaking of bosoms, Snott we wouldn't be in this mess if you hadn't taken your eyes off the star road and **on **Emma's chest!" Dark Kleenex snapped.

"It's not my fault the boy likes what he sees," Emma DeFrost grinned.

"Oh go put a sweater on or something!" Juju Bees snapped.

"Preferably in your **mouth!"** Brogue agreed.

"_Snott?_" Tabitha snickered. "Did she just say his name was…?"

"Yes. Proof God hates me Number 62," Scott moaned. "Psyche Major could you let me go! You're getting me all wet!"

"Jean who are these people?" Xavier blinked.

"Okay quick rundown here," Jean interrupted. "Everyone these are the X-Melmen. Which are basically Alf versions of us. That's Professor Xylophone, Dark Kleenex, Psyche Major, Nightcaller, Juju Bees, Hagen Dazzler, Brogue, Michigan Wolverine, Pole-Laris, Shadow Catcall, Molasses, Emma Defrost, Magmeato…"

"Mag-**meato?**" Ray asked in disbelief.

"Emma **De-Frost**?" Rogue nearly gagged.

"We are **not** X-Melmen!" Magmeato snapped. "We just got stuck with these losers after dear Emma melted the polar ice caps in our dimension!"

"Oh sure, blame **me!**" Emma snapped.

"I DO!" Magmeato snapped.

"YOU ORDERED ME TO DO IT!" Emma snapped.

"I ORDERED YOU TO DESTROY THE X-MELMORONS!" Magmeato snapped at her.

"And how did you expect me to do **that?**" Emma snapped. "My power is defrosting things. You wanted your meat defrosted. I defrosted them! You're the one who **had **to store all the meat in the walls of your castle!"

"Well how else was I supposed to store all the meat in the world?" Magmeato snapped.

"I don't know, how about this new invention called a **refrigerator?**" Emma snapped.

"It's still all your fault!" Magmeato shouted at her.

"No it's your fault!" She shouted back.

"Your fault!" Magmeato snapped.

"Your fault!" Emma Defrost retorted.

"Your fault!"

"Your fault!"

"Your fault!"

"Your fault!"

"No it's **your** fault and that is **final**! End of subject!" Magmeato folded his arms and turned his back on her.

"Oh real mature! Yeah that's right! Turn away whenever you're **losing!"** Emma yelled at him. "LOSER!"

"I'm not listening! I'm not listening!" Magmeato covered his ears and started to sing. _"I'm not listening anymore! Do dah! Do dah!"_

"Two can play that game mister!" Emma shouted and covered her hands over her furry ears. _"Magmeato is a big fat dope! Do Dah! Do dah!" _

"Oh," Xavier nodded at Scott. "So **that's** why you never told us about them."

"Bingo," Scott groaned.

"Ignore those two hooligans," Brogue sighed. "We do."

"And these guys?" Kurt pointed to four different melmutants he had never seen before. "They weren't here the last time we met."

"Oh these are our new companions, also melmutants and survivors of our exploded planet," Nightcaller explained. "This is Ice Cube, he's our bartender. Can make any drink you want at any temperature you want."

"You want it shaken not stirred I'm your melmutant," Ice Cube winked. He was a blond Alf clone in a bartender's uniform and magically created a martini shaker.

"Then there is Psy-Lock. She can open any lock or lock anything up," Nightcaller continued. She was a purple haired Alf clone in a purple leotard and high heels and had a sword.

"Hi boys!" She waved her hand. "I know you want me."

"I know I feel ill," Betsy groaned.

"This is the Boast," Professor Xylophone introduced a blue Alf clone dressed in a brown professor's outfit. "He's basically the group's walking encyclopedia and major know it all."

"Greetings and salutations!" Boast said smugly with a voice that sounded exactly like Fraiser Crane. "While the traditional definition of hello is an expression of greeting used interjectionally…"

"His main power is to bore people to death with his smugness," Dark Kleenex groaned. "Boast don't make us have Psy-Lock shut your trap again!"

"And this is Avalanche," Psyche-Major pointed to a muscular mullet haired Alf clone in a red uniform. "He's not really one of us but he kind of hitched a ride."

"I'm the only one left of the Brotherhood of Annoyed Melmutants," Avalanche Alf sighed.

"Don't you mean 'Evil' Melmutants?" Pietro blinked.

"No I mean **Annoyed** Melmutants," Avalanche Alf pointed at the bickering Emma DeFrost and Magmeato who were making faces at each other. "Three guesses **how** we ended up so annoyed."

"What happened? Did they all get blown up along with your home planet?" Lance asked.

"No, they just took off to another planet and got jobs as network television executives," Avalanche Alf shrugged.

"So they really did become evil after all," Kurt quipped.

"Why aren't you with them?" Scott asked.

"There was a little incident in the mail room," Avalanche Alf groaned. "That's all I'm gonna say."

"Big deal just what we need," Peter grumbled. "Another nut who causes earthquakes."

"Uh that's not why he is called Avalanche," Molossus told him. "His power is a little different."

"How different? What exactly is his power?" Kitty asked.

"Here's a demonstration," Avalanche Alf grinned as he waved his hands. From out of nowhere a huge red truck appeared and ran right towards Peter. Peter barely managed to dodge out of the way of the oncoming vehicle.

"What the…?" Peter gasped.

"He has the power to create Avalanche trucks out of thin air and make them do whatever he wants," Brogue explained.

"Okay that is definitely weird," Kitty blinked.

"So how did you people get here and when are you leaving?" Scott asked.

"Oh it's a tragic story," Psyche Major sobbed. "Full of loss and woe and heartache and…"

"Short version, Snotty here got distracted by Emma DeFrost's bazongas and flew our space ship into a meteor shower," Michigan Wolverine interrupted.

"Why does everyone blame me when things go wrong?" Emma snapped.

"Because you usually **are **to blame when things go wrong!" Shadow Catcall snapped.

"That's what I've been saying for years!" Magmeato shouted.

"SHUT UP!" Emma DeFrost yelled.

"MAKE ME!" Magmeato shouted back.

"Agh, not again," Brogue moaned.

"Okay getting back to the subject here," Scott interrupted. "How did you end up in our dimension?"

"Well as we were saying," Dark Kleenex shot both her boyfriend and her rival dark looks. "When we flew into the asteroid system someone **panicked **and accidentally hit the ship's transdimensional transporter."

"Asteroid systems give me hives!" Psyche Major whined.

"EVERYTHING GIVES **YOU** HIVES!" Avalanche Alf snapped.

"I CAN'T HELP HAVING A WEAK IMMUNE SYSTEM!" Psyche Major snapped.

"Any-who," Nightcaller interrupted. "We ended up in your dimension and were making repairs…Or should I say about to make repairs when uh, we had a little incident and the group transporter button got hit. And that's how we got here."

"What kind of incident?" Xavier raised an eyebrow.

"You really don't want to know," Brogue moaned.

"So what exactly are your powers?" Ray asked the other melmutants he hadn't met. "I'm Ray, they call me Berserker because my powers have to do with electricity."

"Well Pole-Laris can create any kind of pole," Haagen Dazzler told him. "Shadow Catcall can create an army of cats from thin air. I can make ice cream appear from thin air."

"Making ice cream? What kind of lame power is that?" Logan yelled.

"How can you say that's a lame power?" Tabitha whirled on him. "That's the **greatest** power I have ever heard of!"

"Who could possibly hate a power like making ice cream out of thin air?" Hank scratched his head. "Well other than the lactose intolerant."

"I can make candy appear out of thin air," Juju Bees waved.

"I take it back," Tabitha's eyes widened. "**That's** the greatest power I have ever heard of!"

"And I am the Master of Meat," Magmeato huffed. "The greatest meat manipulator ever known to the universe!"

"The **only** meat manipulator known to the universe," Professor Xylophone grunted.

"At least I have hair!" Magmeato snapped. "And I don't play with a stupid xylophone!"

"There is nothing wrong with my xylophone!" Professor Xylophone snapped. "My father gave it to me! It's a family heirloom!"

"It's a sign your whole family is **nuts** that's what it is!" Emma Defrost told him.

"Oh and traipsing around in yer underwear all day like a Mevictoria's Secret Super Melmodel is a sign of sanity?" Brogue quipped.

"Uh getting back to the subject of you guys **leaving,**" Scott interrupted again. "Can't you just transport yourselves back to your ship?"

"Uh well we would but the reverse thingy kind of got wrecked during the incident," Brogue told them.

"Reverse thingy?" Kitty blinked.

"I'm not a technical person, sue me!" Brogue said. "Our mechanic Fudge went on vacation before we ended up here."

"Fudge?" Forge blinked. **"Fudge?" **

"Does he make candy too?" Rina asked.

"No he screws up every machine he's ever made," Nightcaller told her. "And we all end up saying 'Oh Fudge' each time he does it. Of course some of us say **other** things not suitable for children…"

"Yeah that makes sense," Tabitha remarked.

"Well maybe we can fix it?" Trinity suggested. "I'm sure our Mass Device is ready by now so we can transport you all up there."

"Good idea! Go ahead and take them **now!**" Scott said. "Before something else happens!"

"Scott! Don't rush them off," Ororo chided. "We should be hospitable to our guests!"

"How come you're never hospitable to me?" Shipwreck blinked.

"Because you're an idiot," Ororo folded her arms.

"So what exactly was the incident that started this whole mess?" Rahne asked.

"It was **his** fault!" Both Molossus and Avalanche Alf pointed to each other.

"It was your fault! No your fault! No you! YOU! YOUR FAULT!" Both shouted at each other. "Your fault! Your fault! You want a knuckle sandwich?"

"Actually it was **her** fault," Brogue pointed to Shadow Catcall. "If she'd only choose between the two of them…"

"Oh I get it," Scott nodded.

"Yup it's crystal clear what happened," Bobby agreed.

"So it was her fault," Kitty blinked.

"HEY! WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE?" Shadow Catcall snapped at her.

"Boy you have no idea how **ironic **those words are!" Tabitha snickered.

"Shut up Tabitha!" Kitty snapped at her.

"Please people, and everyone else…" Xavier held up his hand. "I'm sure we can spend our time here acting like mature rational individuals."

Ten minutes later…

"Why do I even **try?"** Xavier groaned as he put his head in his hands. "Why do I even **try?**"

It was chaos on the campground. Molasses and Avalanche Alf were using their powers to fight. The trucks were tearing up the ground and ramming into trees. Brogue and Michigan Wolverine were having an argument along with Magmeato and Emma DeFrost. Kitty and Shadow Catcall were screaming at each other and there were cats running all over the place clawing people. Psyche-Major was bawling in a fetal position and Dark Kleenex was trying to comfort him. Nightcaller was talking to his therapist on the phone.

"You want some Melmac Scotch?" Professor Xylophone pulled out a flask.

"Please!" Xavier groaned.

Juju Bees and Haagen Dazzler were using their powers attacking Wolverine. And the remaining students and Melmacian mutants were eating the food left behind. "This is totally nuts," Lance said. "Even more than usual."

"It kind of reminds me of the good old days when you and Tin Man went at it," Todd remarked.

"Please tell me we were not **that** bad!" Lance winced as one of the trucks ran into a tree and it crashed on top of a cabin. "And don't tell me we were worse!"

"You **were** worse," Wanda grinned.

"I told you not to tell me!" Lance said.

"Couldn't resist," Wanda shrugged. "Speaking of not being able to resist these bon bons Juju Bees made are great!"

"You are **definitely** related to Pietro you know that?" Lance glared at her.

"It's not all bad," Jamie scarfed down as much candy and ice cream as he could.

"I told you we should have made them leave!" Scott glared at Ororo.

"Yes Scott you did," Ororo looked like she was definitely getting a headache. "I should have listened to you."

"OW! OW! OW! YOU COPYCAT!" Both Kitty and Shadow Catcall were fighting each other screaming.

"Kitty's fighting herself," Pietro scoffed. "Gee what are the odds of that happening **again?"**

Shima and the Sleep Master were standing to the side watching the chaos. "These people have the strangest acquaintances I have ever seen," Shima mused.

"ZZZZZZ…_Down dooby doo down down…"_ The Sleep Master snored. _"Dooby_ _dooby do wahhhh_…"

"On the other hand who am **I **to talk?" Shima narrowed her eyes in frustration.

"And just when we think things are getting **close** to normal," Jean groaned.

"Wanda remember when I said I was having trouble getting over Kitty?" Lance asked.

"Yeah?" Wanda looked at him.

"AAAHHH! CALL ANIMAL CONTROL! ANIMAL CONTROL!" Pietro screamed as several cats chased him. "WHO KNEW THESE THINGS COULD BE AS FAST AS ME? CALL ANIMAL CONTROL!"

"Forget animal control! I am calling 911!" Nightcaller shouted as he created a phone.

"MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!" The cats screeched.

"I think I'm over her now," Lance blinked.

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Sam chuckled to himself. "I never was so glad to see Trinity in my life. What a mess! Although it was pretty tasty to clean up."

He continued writing his letter. _Nature hikes around the lake are a lot of fun and a real camp favorite around here. _

"Of course the fact that we get to feed and watch the lake monsters also helps," Sam said to himself. "Except that one day with Penny and the skunk but most of the time they're fun."

_Our camp counselors are also teaching us some interesting meditation techniques to help us focus on our studies. _

"Mister Logan found out about that the **hard** way," Sam chuckled.

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"Gentlemen relax and roll your shoulders," The Sleep Master instructed the boys. They were all in karate uniforms and sitting cross legged before him. "This meditation will strengthen your focus and….zzzzzzzzzzzz."

"Did he fall asleep again?" Pietro blinked.

"Zzzzzzzzzzz," The Sleep Master snored. It appeared that a little bit of drool was dribbling from his mouth.

"Yup, he's out cold," Fred blinked.

"Should we do something?" Roberto asked.

"No, I think it's part of the technique," Todd blinked.

"Are you sure?" Lance asked.

"Of course I'm sure," Todd said. "What else could it be?"

"Zzzzzzzzz…Say what? Bo bo bo bo bo…" The Sleep Master snored. "Say what? Bo bo bo bo…bo…bo…"

"I think it could be he's dreaming about anime cartoons," Doug said.

"Uhhh…hungry…steak…food…Hello Mister Sea Monkey…" The Sleep Master muttered. "Would you like a banana?"

"Are you sure he's dreaming about cartoons?" Bobby asked.

"Dude have you ever **seen** some of those anime cartoons?" Ray asked. "They are really nuts!"

"Well what do we do?" Shane asked.

"I'm not waking him up that's for sure!" Sam groaned.

"Maybe we should go to sleep too?" Fred asked.

"What is going on here?" Logan walked over to them. "What is this guy doing now?"

"I think he's trying to teach us how to meditate," Jesse said.

"Zzzzzzzz…Oh I love my happy slappy pants," The Sleep Master muttered. "My happy, slappy, sassy pants…"

"Or he's in the Twilight Zone," Tim blinked. "We're not sure which."

"You like sea monkeys? I like sea monkeys!" The Sleep Master snored. "Wouldn't you like to be a sea monkey too?"

"I don't know what medication this guy is on but man I want some," Arcade blinked.

"What are you talking about?" Pyro blinked. "Those dreams sound perfectly normal to me. I dream about sea monkeys in pants all the time."

"Okay Mr. Logan when you told us that going to camp was a good opportunity for us to learn new things," Roberto raised his hand. "This is **not **what I had in mind!"

"Remy knew he should have run off to New Orleans," Remy groaned.

"All right," Logan growled. "Listen you…"

"Uh Wolverine I wouldn't wake him up if I were you," Fred gulped.

"Shut up. The day I take advice from the **Blob** is the day…" Logan put his hand on the Sleep Master's shoulder.

Suddenly the Sleep Master grabbed his arm and threw Logan with such force he literally crashed through a tree and ended up stuck in the middle of a trunk. "AAAHHH!"

"Whoa!" Ray dropped his jaw.

"Told you," Fred said.

"Yeah **thanks** Blob," Logan grumbled. "Great I got splinters in my teeth."

"Okay everybody go to sleep now!" Remy yelled. Soon all the boys' eyes were closed and enthusiastic snoring could be heard.

"I **hate** ninja masters…" Logan muttered.

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_Paige is really having a lot of fun bonding with the girls. Our lady counselor from Japan is teaching the girls a lot of…Japanese girl stuff._

"Like how to use makeup as a lethal weapon and ninja magic techniques," Sam sighed, remembering what his sister told him the other day.

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"Why can't we learn crafts like other campers?" Tabitha groaned.

"Quiet, this is important stuff," Jubilee said.

"This is **weird** stuff that's what it is," Danielle folded her arms.

"How do you think **I** feel?" Jean told them. She was wearing a green bikini and her hair was up in a high ponytail. She was also covered in red Japanese marks all over her body. Jinx and Althea were finishing up putting them on. "Is this really **necessary?"**

"Extremely necessary if you don't want the Phoenix to take control of your body completely," Shima said. "I can't believe you lasted **this **long. It's a miracle the Phoenix hasn't burned down half the planet by now!"

"Well the Professor…" Jean began.

"Did a half assed job of sealing the Phoenix Force inside your body," Shima snapped. "Because of that even if we wanted to remove it from you and put it in another crystal it's impossible."

"You saying the Professor messed up?" Tabitha asked.

"That's **exactly** what I'm saying," Shima told her. "You can't just use psychic powers on a cosmic force like you can't use duct tape on the space shuttle's engines."

"You can't blame him for this," Ororo defended. "I mean there isn't exactly a manual for sealing an all powerful cosmic force inside someone's body!"

"Actually Storm…" Jinx pointed to an old book on a nearby table. "There is. That's a translation of the ancient text to English done in the sixties."

"Oh…" Ororo blinked as she looked at it. "The title's in Japanese? What does it mean?"

"The literal translation is Explaining the Basics and Higher Functions of Sorcery and It's Applications to Uninformed Novices," Jinx told her.

"In other words Magic for Dummies," Ororo gave her a look.

"Hey the Japanese were always a very advanced people," Jinx shrugged. "This was a best seller in the 1300's."

"So what's with all the paint marks?" Tabitha asked.

"It's not real paint," Shima explained.

"Please tell me it's not blood," Jean blanched.

"Ewww…" Kitty winced.

"No this is a special blend of plant extract, oils and solid chakra, or chi," Shima explained. "Sometimes you Westerners call it life force."

"Wait a minute…Chi…Chakra…Life Force…It can be **solid?"** Althea blinked. "How is that possible?"

"It's a very ancient secret technique but it can be done," Shima said.

"How does it work?" Jubilee asked.

"I just said it was a **secret** technique," Shima gave her a look. "Do you have a hearing problem or something?"

"Well sorr-rry," Jubilee frowned. "So why are we here anyway if this is supposed to be a super secret ritual?"

"I need Jinx and Wavedancer to use their hands in order to perform the proper sealing techniques," Shima explained. "Even as advanced as my telekinesis is, it cannot completely substitute for the human hand."

"Oh," Kitty blinked.

"You girls also need to see this because one day you may have to perform this yourselves," Shima said. "You won't always have a ninja master around and with the Phoenix Force in the world…You're going to need any advantage you can get!"

"But don't you have to be a ninja master or something to know techniques like this?" Amara asked.

"No you merely need to have permission to learn these techniques," Shima said. "Most forbidden techniques are only forbidden until a Master allows a student to learn them. And since I **am** a master…"

"We get it, so what are we supposed to do?" Rogue asked.

"I've already taught the techniques to Jinx and Wavedancer," Shima explained. "I want you girls to watch the ritual and later go over the hand signs and pressure points. The ritual itself will probably go too fast for you to see all of it but you will get the basics. Are you ready Jean?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," Jean grumbled, bracing herself.

"This is going to hurt a bit," Jinx prepared herself.

Both Jinx and Althea made several quick complicated hand signs. "They're going so fast…" Ororo whispered underneath her breath. "I can hardly see…"

Suddenly both women quickly hit Jean on several spots on her body with their fingers. Jean stifled a cry. Then both women hit one spot on her chest right above her breasts and suddenly the paint marks on Jean's body began to move. The marks seemed to be drawn to that spot like a vortex and disappeared into that spot. Jean screamed in agony for a minute then stopped, slowly able to take the pain.

Finally they stopped. The paint was gone but in it's place was a gold glowing phoenix symbol. "What is that?" Ororo asked, concerned about Jean.

"That is the symbol of the seal. Listen to me," Shima said. "This seal will only last as long as you allow it to. That means if you completely give into your dark impulses, even for a second. Well I think you can figure out the rest."

"In other words you can't ever let your will weaken," Althea told Jean. "You must combine your will with the Phoenix's passion completely."

"Exactly," Shima nodded.

"Wonderful," Jean groaned. "I feel really tired…"

"You need to rest for the next few days as your body readjusts itself," Shima said. "The rest of you practice working on this sealing technique."

"Oh goody," Tabitha said with a mock cheerfulness. "And to think, most campers get to learn about making crafts or paint pictures. What do we learn? Magic ninja spells you only find in Japanese cartoons!"

"Still beats the four hour 'Pirate verses Ninja' debate between Kurt of the Carribean and Naru-Toad," Wanda rolled her eyes. "Complete with dueling fruit."

"More like throwing fruit all over the place," Angelica groaned.

"Like that doesn't happen every other day around here," Paige said.

"Personally I thought the dueling bananas routine was quite **appealing**," Tabitha quipped.

"I'd find it appealing if you girls concentrated on what you are supposed to be doing for a change!" Shima roared sending them back to work.

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Sam thought again on what Paige told him. "I sure feel better that now we know how to deal with this stuff but man, it seems like we have a lot of strange stuff going on. Well at least my folks know nothing about it."

"Hey Sam," Roberto poked his head in. "Mail call. You got a letter from your family."

"Good, I was just writing to 'em myself," Sam opened it up to read it.

_Sam this is your Mother, _

_Just what in tarnation is going on at that crazy camp of yours? Lake monsters? Girls throwing skunks around? Food fights? Weirdoes from another dimension that look like TV characters? Ninja masters throwing grenades? Your sister's been writing telling all of us about all the weird stuff going on there and I want an explanation. It's not the weird stuff that bothers me so much as the fact that you haven't told us about it! Now listen young man next time we meet you and me are going to have a talk by the woodshed…_

"Oh god no…" Sam groaned. "Busted. Note to self: Kill Paige. Second note: Don't go home for a long**, long** time!"

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Weeks flew by quickly. The X-Men and Misfits progressed in their training but still managed to have some fun. They were all watching Jean, Madelyne and Althea use their powers creating tiny water droplets in neat, orderly rows in the air.

"So what's the point of this game?" Tabitha blinked.

"To see who can make the smallest rows of water droplets the fastest," Madelyne concentrated. Hers were much bigger than Jean's and Althea's. "It's a lot harder than it looks!"

"Shima taught us this game," Althea said.

"And you learned it well," Shima walked up with the Sleep Master, Storm Shadow and Jinx. "Don't mind us, keep playing."

"What's going on?" Scott asked them.

"It's time for us to return to Japan," Shima told them. "Storm Shadow and Jinx will take us back."

"Shima thank you for all your training," Jean said.

"Yeah believe it or not it helped," Althea said. "Now I feel ready for anything!"

"In our line of work that's a pretty ambitious statement," Logan grunted.

"We'll miss you!" Trinity called out.

"Yeah like I miss getting blown up every morning," Pietro grumbled underneath his breath.

"Do not worry," Shima said. "You will see us again. Especially when it comes time for the three of you to take your final tests in order to become ninjas." She looked at Althea, Todd and Xi.

"Aren't **you** lucky?" Pietro mocked at Todd. Suddenly a pine cone hit him on the head. "OW!"

"I am going to miss watching that," Althea grinned.

"I am going to miss **doing** that," Shima grinned. "Come on Wool For Brains it's time to go!"

"Yawn! Can't we take a nap first?" The Sleep Master yawned.

"We'll see you around," Jinx rolled her eyes as they used the teleportation watches to leave.

"I admit I will miss them," Hank sighed as he spoke with the adults. "With ninja masters around camp certainly was not dull."

"I think the kids learned a lot from the whole experience," Scott agreed.

"We've **all **learned a lot," Low Light told him. "We had to. Or else Shima the Insane would have **killed **us!"

"And I thought I was in reasonably good shape **before **we came here," Xavier smirked. "I hate to admit it, but my body does feel stronger. Even though some parts still don't work."

"Still can't go home soon enough for me," Logan grunted.

"Well then you'll enjoy this piece of good news," Hank grinned. "The Professor and I spoke with the builders and General Hawk. Both the Institute and the New Misfit Manor are nearly completed. Within a few more days we will all be able to move in."

"That is good news," Ororo admitted stretching a bit. "It will be good to sleep **alone **in my own bed again."

"That crack can't be directed at me," Shipwreck blinked.

"No at Cover Girl," Ororo folded her arms.

"Me? What did I do?" Cover Girl asked.

"You snore like a bulldozer **that's** what you do," Ororo told her.

"I do **not!**" Cover Girl protested.

"Please, we could hear you all the way over to our cabin," Low Light mocked.

"I hope our new rooms are soundproofed," Spirit nodded.

"Will you guys shut up?" Cover Girl was getting annoyed. "I do **not **sound like a bulldozer!"

"She's right," Shipwreck folded his arms and nodded. "Cover Girl doesn't sound like a bulldozer. She sounds like **ten** bulldozers."

"Why you…" Cover Girl grabbed his ear and twisted it.

"OWWWW! OWWW!" Shipwreck screamed in agony.

"And **you **scream like a **little girl!"** Cover Girl kept torturing him.

"OWWW! OWWW! OWWWWWW!" Shipwreck whined. "AL! SHE'S HURTING ME! OWWW! AAAAAALLLLL!"

"Hey now he sounds like Peg Bundy," Warren said cheerfully. "Do it again Cover Girl."

"ALLLLLLLL!" Shipwreck howled in a high voice. Then he noticed a SHIELD helicopter. "Huh?"

"Oh great," Scott groaned as the helicopter landed. "I should have known it was too good to last."

"SHIELD's back again," Althea remarked as she put the water back in her bucket. "I wonder what they want **this** time?"

"It's been a while and there's only one helicopter," Jean remarked as she did the same. "Maybe it's good news?"

"Yeah and maybe Magneto will get knighted by the Queen of England and get nominated for an Academy Award," Lance mocked. "Fat chance."

"Hey Fury," Roadblock waved as the head of the super secret spy agency approached. "What's new with you?"

"Oh look the camp is still standing," Fury remarked. "Looks like you guys have been actually taking it easy for once."

"If you only knew," Logan rolled his eyes. "So what's the problem **this **time?"

"We need you to go on a little mission for us," Fury said. "One we're a little busy with some other things and two this is about Cobra and since Cobra is kind of a Joe thing…"

"What's the mission?" Scott asked enthusiastically.

"I can't wait to hear **this** one!" Hank nodded.

"You're pretty enthusiastic this morning," Fury blinked.

"We're getting a little bit of cabin fever," Shipwreck rubbed his ear. "Not to mention the kids want to try out some of the things they've learned in training."

"Plus it's Cobra," Fred agreed.

"Yeah we'd jump at **any** chance to take on those creeps," Jubilee agreed. "So what's the mission? What are they planning this time?"

"We don't know," Fury told her. "One of our satellites intercepted a secret transmission inviting several powerful underworld figures to some big event Cobra's throwing in Scotland."

"Scotland? My neck of the woods?" Rahne perked up her ears.

"Yes but it's nowhere near Muir Isle," Fury explained. "We don't know what Cobra's planning but we figure you and the Joes can check it out and make sure whatever it is doesn't happen. If you want to that is."

"Are you kidding? Cobra's wrecked so many of our plans I say we return the favor," Rogue agreed.

**Yes more random pointless insanity and fun! Just the way I like it! I couldn't resist bringing back the Alf version of the X-Men. What can I say, I liked that comic! It's always good for a laugh. He he…**

**Next: What is Cobra's huge plan that the gang is off to wreck? You won't believe it! **

Lance walked out. "What I can't believe is that we're **finally **getting back to the plot!"

"This story has a **plot**?" Todd asked. "News to me. I thought she just wrote whatever popped up in her deranged mind?"

"She does," Lorna told him. "I wish she'd hurry up and get to me already."

"Hey do you have any idea how many **other** characters there are in these fics she has to juggle?" Spyder came out. "Wait your turn."

"AAAHHHHHH!" Dead Girl ran by being chased by seagulls. "Stupid seagulls! Get away! Get away!"

Penny then bounded out with a squalling skunk in her teeth. "Oh no! Not again!" Lance shouted.

"She's got a live one this time!" Todd shrieked. "Head for the hills!"

"Get away from me! Go! Get away Penny!" Spyder shouted as Penny chased her with the skunk. "No I don't want to pet it! Get away!"

"Don't give it to **me!"** Dead Girl shouted. "First birds and now skunks? How unlucky can a corpse get?"

"Run away! Run far **far** away!" Lance shouted as Penny started chasing him with the skunk. "Give it to Kitty! She likes pets!"

"On the other hand..." Lorna blinked. "Maybe it's just as well they **didn't** find me sooner? Something tells me being the High Evolutionary's captive is a lot quieter than hanging out at camp with those nuts!"

**Oh goody, my brain has turned to mush again! Time to get more coffee! See you next week for more fun and madness! **


	44. The Wedding Disaster of the Century

**The Wedding Disaster of the Century**

Doyle Castle of Loch Lomand in Northern Scotland is rarely a sight of festivities. For centuries the small hamlet below Doyle Castle lived in terror of the horrors hidden within. And rightly so for the castle had a dark and sinister past.

Centuries ago the lord of the castle was wrongly convicted of the crime of witchcraft and sentenced to wear an iron mask for the rest of his days. While a few members of the family fled the country in shame and fear, the majority of the clan remained defiant and not only vowed to oppose the forces of law and order for eternity, they also took up the trait of wearing masks over their faces as well. Only the male leaders of the clan were allowed to wear metal masks like their shamed ancestor while the rest wore masks made of leather, wood, ivory or other materials.

Legend had it the disgraced lord's granddaughter, Lady Jezebel (Named of course after the infamous evil queen in the Bible.) became the first female leader of the clan and the first female to wear a metal mask. It was said that she single-handedly beat back the English from her land, instilling the fear of god in them by riding a steed that had it's head partially encased in a metal mask.

If the original lord of Loch Lomand did not practice witchcraft, his descendants surely did. They gleefully delved into practicing the dark arts, even creating a octopus like demon that occasionally required a human sacrifice over the centuries. Then in the Eighties the castle and the creature were destroyed by GI Joe and Cobra over a series of bizarre events. **(See the classic GI Joe episodes Skeletons in the Closet and Sins of the Fathers for the whole story.) **

For years the castle lay in ruins. However in the late nineties Destro finally managed to accumulate enough wealth and manpower and rebuilt the castle to it's former glory. He even added several new rooms and trap doors as well as modern conveniences such as electricity and plumbing. However unlike the original castle, it did not have a man eating demon in the dungeon.

_But it would soon have one in the lord's bedchamber_, Destro mused to himself as he reminisced on his family history as the final preparations for the wedding.

The castle was decorated with hundreds of white roses and carnations. There were tables filled with the finest food and champagne. Nearly a thousand guests were milling about the courtyard, sampling some of the exotic appetizers and other culinary delights as they awaited the ceremony that was about to begin.

Near the altar stood Destro, Zartan, Cobra Commander, Dr. Mindbender and Torch in their finest uniforms. Actually Zartan had a tuxedo on and Torch had a tuxedo with no sleeves on. "I must admit this is impressive," Mindbender looked out at the display. "How did you manage to get this set up so fast?"

"Are you joking? We all know the Baroness has been planning the wedding since 1984," Zartan chuckled.

"Cor blimey looks like anybody who's anybody is here," Torch whistled. "Oi, isn't that the Alliance of Evil over there?"

"Where?" Zartan looked.

"By the buffet table," Torch pointed. "All those old blokes in wheelchairs. I read in a book once that they supplied arms to Germany, Japan and England in World War Two. They were supposed to deliver the secrets of the atomic bomb to Germany before the States got it but somebody in the Nazi High Command bounced a check so…"

"Amazing," Dr. Mindbender said. "You actually read a **book?"**

"I've been working on some self improvement," Torch said proudly.

"Fill in your own jokes people this one is way **too **easy for me," Cobra Commander grumbled. He sipped his martini through a straw in a hole built into his helmet.

"Nevertheless Cobra Commander it does seem to be **the** event of the season among the ethically challenged," Dr. Mindbender remarked.

"Most of these people are clients," Destro explained. Along with his mask he was wearing his Highland Clan outfit complete with a kilt and tartan.

"You mean you actually **work **with all these people?" Cobra Commander was shocked. "There must be over a thousand here!"

"How do you think I made my fortune?" Destro snorted. "If I only supplied arms exclusively to Cobra I'd have been violently ejected from the poorhouse decades ago!"

"But how…?" Cobra Commander was shocked.

"Well it helps to have good people working under me," Destro explained. "And I do a lot of work online. You know how it goes."

"Not really," Cobra Commander said.

"Take a phone call here," Destro continued. "Have lunch with a client there. Shoot a few accountants to make sure no one is stupid enough to steal from me. All I basically do is write the checks and do some networking."

"I am impressed," Zartan whistled.

"Yes with world wide wars, fears about mutants, natural disasters and the lack of effectiveness of the UN Peacekeeping forces it's a very good time to be in the arms business," Destro grinned.

"UN Peacekeeping force," Mindbender snorted. "They'd be better off sending a bunch of girl scouts!"

"Hey look over there!" Torch pointed. "There's that dictator from North Korea! And those guys are representatives from the Guild of Albino Assassins!"

"More like the Guild of Albino Alcoholics Anonymous!" Cobra Commander snorted. "All those losers have done since the seventies is drink, listen to old disco music and complain about how they blister in the sun!"

"That's Baron Zemo over there," Mindbender said. "Georges Bartroc and his Batroc Brigade."

"We go golfing every now and then," Destro told them. "They're very interesting individuals but lousy golfers. I always make a couple thousand in bets from them."

"The Femme Fatales," Zartan looked at more people. "Representatives from the Yazuka. Guys from the Russian mob. Over there is the Prince of Madripoor! He's a big time crime lord over there!"

"Who's the nut in the bull costume?" Torch asked.

"That's Cornelius Van Luit the Second," Destro explained. "Calls himself Taurus, leader of the Zodiac. An international criminal organization that also wants to rule the world."

"You mean competition?" Mindbender blinked.

"Only technically," Cobra Commander scoffed. "His father the first Taurus and his Zodiac were real big in the fifties and sixties. Huge rivals with SHEILD. They had a rivalry then that was similar to ours and GI Joe."

"Really?" Zartan asked. "What happened?"

"The father died and his idiot gay son took over," Cobra Commander told him. The others gave him a look. "Well he is! I mean you know that character Jack from Will and Grace? This guy makes Jack look butch!"

"Let's just say they've changed the focus of their operations," Destro said diplomatically.

"Yeah instead of trying to take over the world they're now trying to take over the fashion industry!" Cobra Commander scoffed. "I mean look at the high heels that guy is wearing! How can you fight in those?"

"They were only invited because they helped the Baroness design her wedding dress," Destro admitted.

"Yeah and they are all total nutcases," Cobra Commander snorted. "This organization has the most bizarre rules. Wait until you hear **this!** I swear this is the truth. There's twelve of them right? Well each month a different one of them takes turns being the leader! It's all based on their zodiac sign! Like in August Leo takes charge and then whoever's next takes charge!"

"So the Zodiac has **twelve **leaders?" Zartan asked.

"Yes. And none of them could lead a girl scout troop!" Cobra Commander snorted. "You know what their **last **big job was? To steal a consignment of new jean shorts from Old Navy? But they got mixed up or something and ended up stealing a bunch of Barbie dolls from a Toys R' Us!"

"Oh that is pathetic," Mindbender chuckled. "And I thought we were bad! Uh I mean…We **are** bad, I mean bad as in **evil.** Really evil. We're the baddest, most evil villains around."

"That is debatable," Dr. Doom walked up to them.

"What's Dr. Doom doing **here?**" Cobra Commander asked.

"He's…My best man," Destro coughed.

"Not that I care about the so called honor about being your best man, because I **don't **consider it to be," Cobra Commander gave him a look. "But why him? Is he a friend of yours or something?"

"Close he's…My cousin," Destro sighed.

"Your **cousin?"** Cobra Commander, Mindbender and Zartan yelled.

"Some of my ancestors were exiled noblemen from Scotland," Dr. Doom explained. "Over the centuries our families became intertwined even more. Many Lavertians can trace their ancestry to Scotland as far back as the Fifteen Hundreds."

"You know I do see the family resemblance," Torch remarked.

"Shut up Torch," Destro snapped.

"Well as fascinating as I find the topic of royal inbreeding…" Cobra Commander began. "When are we going to get this show on the road?"

"Just as soon as the Baroness squeezes into her wedding gown," Destro sighed.

"I see even **you **couldn't put off that woman forever," Dr. Doom chuckled.

"He gave it a good run you gotta admit," Zartan snickered.

"I do not expect a man who willingly married Mystique to comment on another man's taste in women," Destro glared at him.

"Hey! That's not fair! Zartan only married the Blue Bitch of the West because he knocked her up," Torch defended his boss.

"That's not exactly a reasonable excuse in our circle," Dr. Doom snorted. "Right Destro? Is Junior going to be a ring bearer at the ceremony?"

"No Alexander is still locked up in his **room,**" Destro bristled. "Besides **you're **one to talk! Have you been **playing the ponies** recently?"

"What? Dr. Doom likes to gamble?" Torch blinked.

"Apparently I'm not the **only** one," Dr. Doom glared at Destro.

"At least I make sure I don't make a **mistake.** You can be sure that I never bet on the wrong **horse**," Destro sneered back.

"If you'll excuse me I think I'll go see what's keeping the **bride**," Dr. Doom growled. "I know you can't see her Destro. It is bad luck after all if you do before the ceremony. And believe me, you're going to need all the **luck** you can get!"

"Egotistical snob…" Destro snarled as Dr. Doom left.

"Yes he's **nothing** like **you**," Cobra Commander snickered as he put away his drink.

"Who's that over there?" Torch asked pointing to an elderly silver haired mobster.

"That's Silvermane," Zartan explained. "One of the most powerful crime bosses around."

"Isn't he a big rival with the Kingpin?" Mindbender asked.

"Yes they hate each other," Cobra Commander said.

"Oh I guess that's why they're sitting at different places huh?" Torch pointed. There was the Kingpin and some of his henchmen on one side of the aisle glaring at Silvermane and his henchmen on the other side of the aisle.

"The Kingpin? You invited the **Kingpin?**" Cobra Commander yelled.

"He's one of my best clients in arms dealing," Destro explained. "I **had **to invite him."

"Well why did you invite Silvermane then?" Cobra Commander yelled.

"I didn't," Destro corrected him. "The Baroness did!"

"Why?" Zartan asked.

"Because she's Silvermane's daughter's godmother," Destro rolled his eyes. "Her mother and the Baroness went to the same assassin school for girls. They were roommates! The girl is in the wedding party! How could I say no?"

"Is that Madame Viper from Hydra?" Mindbender pointed.

"Yes," Destro nodded. "That reminds me Cobra Commander she asked me to tell you to thank her for something about a stasis coil."

"Oh that," Cobra Commander waved. "I sold her a useful compartment for her mutant cloning experiments."

"I know what that is. Wait was this before or **after** you told Magneto that we didn't have any stasis coils for his mutant cloning experiments?" Mindbender asked.

"Before," Cobra Commander said. "I got a good deal on them too. I even got a little bit of original Wolverine DNA and a few disks thrown in. They were copies of some of Hydra's experiments. You know, the same plans they used to create X23. The only catch was that I couldn't give them to anyone else."

"Didn't you just **give** something like that to Magneto the other day?" Zartan asked.

"**Sold**, not give," Cobra Commander corrected.

"You actually sold components needed to create a Wolverine Clone army to Magneto and Hydra?" Destro was shocked. "Instead of keeping all those components for yourself? I don't believe it!"

"You shouldn't because that's not what they got," Cobra Commander chuckled. "Those coils I sold Hydra were a decade out of date just gathering moss in storage. And as for the Wolverine DNA it wasn't really Wolverine DNA. Well most of it anyway."

"What was it?" Mindbender asked.

"Wolverine Synthoid DNA," Cobra Commander told them. "It's basically just a copy of his DNA. Almost impossible to tell the difference. You really didn't think I would actually sell off the **good** stuff without keeping any for myself didn't you?"

"But Synthoid DNA is unstable!" Mindbender gasped.

"So is Magneto," Cobra Commander shrugged. "It's a perfect match. Besides there's no way he could ever find out what really happened. If anything goes wrong he could just blame it on the equipment or something. That's the best thing about Synthoid DNA, it's almost perfect. There's no way anyone could tell the difference even at a glance under the microscope! You have to have a very special test done to do it and Magneto doesn't have it."

"No but he does have that guy over there that looks an awful lot like Xi," Torch saw someone in the distance.

Mindbender turned around and spat out his drink. "WHAT? NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONE IS **ALIVE?"**

"Number One?" Cobra Commander turned around. "Hold on…I recognize that creature! That's one of the genetically created assassins Cobra created and rebelled against us! What the devil is that thing doing here?"

"I do not know but I do know what it will do if it catches me," Mindbender whimpered. "Excuse me I have to go hide in the ladies room!" He ran off quickly.

"Aren't these creatures able to read DNA codes as well as turn invisible?" Destro asked.

"Yes, yes they are," Cobra Commander said.

"Commander," Zartan blinked. "Please tell me you did not teach these genetically engineered assassins to recognize Synthoid DNA."

"All right," Cobra Commander gulped. "I won't tell you."

"Hey Zartan," Torch said. "Isn't that bloke Gauntlet? I hear he's working with Hydra now?"

"Yes Torch he is," Zartan rolled his eyes. "Everyone but **you **knew that a long time ago."

"Oh," Torch scratched his head. "Hey remember that job we pulled together about ten years ago? When we took off and raided this genetic research lab and he double crossed us leaving us with these weird metal gizmos that weren't good for nothin'? They looked like purple mattress coils with green metal stuff on the end? And we stuffed 'em in one of Cobra's old storage facilities. Remember that?"

"Yes Torch I…" Realization hit Zartan. "Remember…" He looked at Cobra Commander. "Commander, what color were those stasis coils you sold?"

"Purple and green…ish," Cobra Commander gulped.

"You **didn't,**" Destro said.

"Well that explains where they came from," Cobra Commander groaned. "I just couldn't remember where I got them."

"Got what?" Torch asked. "Oh those stasis coils like the broken ones we stole?"

"They **are** the broken stasis coils we stole!" Zartan snapped.

"Oh, that ain't good is it?" Torch blinked.

"No it is not," Destro groaned. "To recap for you Torch Cobra Commander not only double crossed both Magneto and Viper he also gave them **defective merchandise!"**

"Well they obviously haven't figured it out yet otherwise they'd be after me with guns blazing! Wait a minute," Cobra Commander looked around. "If Viper is here **and **Magneto is here…And if they talk and find out that I've double crossed **both** of them...This could be a **disaster!" **

"Yes…" Destro thought. "Especially if they talk **before** the ceremony. It could ruin the whole thing. Hmmm…I'd better go and talk to Magneto. Uh, to make sure it **doesn't **happen." He went off.

"Uh, perhaps I **should **join Mindbender in the ladies' restroom?" Cobra Commander gulped. "Just to see if he needs any company."

Meanwhile Destro had made his way to Magneto. "Magneto so glad you could make it," He said in his most charming voice. "Listen there's something I want to talk to you about."

"I would suspect **any **man that would marry the Baroness would want to talk about a lot of things," Magneto gave him a look.

"Well it's just that I want you know that I had nothing to do with…" Destro began.

"Hold on!" Magneto pointed to a man in pink and silver armor. The arms and legs were silver, everything else, including the mask was a dark almost maroon colored pink. "Is that…?"

"That's just one of my clients," Destro waved. "A Mr. Wyndham. No one important. He's a rather eccentric geneticist. What I wanted to talk to you about was…"

"That is no mere **client,**" Magneto was visibly angry. "That is the High Evolutionary!"

"Oh you've heard of him?" Destro was taken aback.

"We're… acquainted," Magneto growled.

"Well before you go say hello there's something I need to tell you about Cobra Commander…" Destro began. But before he could finish, Magneto stormed off. "Damn! All right, well try it the **other **way!"

Destro made his way to Viper and Gauntlet who were standing by the buffet table. "Madame Viper and Gauntlet, how good to see the both of you on this happy occasion!" He smiled.

"Considering the state of Hydra over the past year any day that something of ours isn't **destroyed** is a happy occasion," Viper grumbled. She was wearing a long green gown that complemented her green hair and the emerald she wore on her neck.

"Well its good to see that you've gotten past what Cobra Commander did to you," Destro decided there was very little time for subtlety.

"What are you talking about?" Gauntlet gave him a look.

"You haven't told her?" Destro asked.

"Told me what?" Viper asked.

"Well I assumed you had Gauntlet check out those stasis coils Cobra Commander sold you," Destro said. "I mean it really…"

"**What **stasis coils?" Gauntlet asked, getting a little annoyed.

"Oh those," Viper waved her hand. "Nothing important. I immediately sold them to someone else as soon as I got them. Made a good profit too."

"Oh, well no harm no foul then," Destro blinked. "Actually I was referring to the other thing Cobra Commander did, you know blabbing those secrets about the X23 project to…"

"He wasn't the one who put those stupid plans on the internet!" Gauntlet interrupted him.

"On the what?" Destro blinked.

"I'm surprised you haven't heard about it," Viper said coolly. "Then again you have been a bit preoccupied with the wedding haven't you? One of our former employees was a bit miffed that we tried to kill him so he managed to get **half **of our research put on the web on several dozen websites for everyone to see!"

"You're joking?" Destro blinked.

"I wish," Viper groaned. "Hydra was once a mighty and feared organization. Now we are the internet joke of the criminal world! The only good thing about this is that I was able to sell some of those same plans to Cobra Commander!"

"Really?" Destro felt all hope for a last minute rescue sink into oblivion.

"Yeah it is kind of funny selling that dope the same information you can get for free!" Gauntlet laughed.

"What's the name of the website?"

"What the?" Destro looked around. He then lifted the tablecloth underneath the buffet table. "Mindbender?"

"What are you doing down there you ridiculous little man?" Viper asked in an annoyed tone.

"I am hiding from one of my former creations," Mindbender gulped. "If he saw me here he'd slice me to ribbons!"

"You have my utmost sympathy," Viper sighed.

"Yes we know what **that's** like!" Gauntlet nodded. "Which one?"

"The one that came with Magneto," Mindbender said. "The one that's covered in scales and has a topknot. And a very sharp sword."

"Oh **that** one," Gauntlet said. He took down a small tray of turnovers to Mindbender. "Munch on these. I'll sneak you some cake later."

"I thought you were going to hide in the ladies' room with Cobra Commander?" Destro sneered.

"I was until we **both** got chased out by Bridezilla!" Mindbender snapped. "Quick! Pull down the tablecloth, I think he's coming this way!"

"Oh for the love of…" Destro rolled his eyes as Gauntlet and Viper walked away. "I need a drink."

"Hey Zartan!" Road Pig walked up in a tuxedo similar to Torch's. "You g-got any more grub!" Then his other personality took over. "What my companion means to say is…oh wait there they are!" He moved over to nibble on more food.

"I'm glad you're **both** enjoying the food," Destro said sarcastically.

"Yeah it's good!" Road Pig snorted. "Indeed Destro, weddings are a wonderful family affair…"

"This one's more like the Manson family affair," Destro grumbled. "All it needs is a gun wielding maniac with a grudge to…"He stopped and blinked. "Donald, Road Pig I have a very important job for you."

"Oooh! Are we gonna be the f-f-flower guys or what?" Road Pig squealed. "Road Pig I do believe those positions are filled. What assistance do you require Destro?"

"I think I'd like my son to share in this moment," Destro grinned. "Now you know where the dungeon is? Go to the third cell and open it. And give him this." He handed him a laser gun hidden underneath his kilt.

"I am not going to ask **where** you hid that," Road Pig blinked.

"Now listen to me, this is very important," Destro said. "Go right down and free him, saying that you're a friend of Lillian's and she wants his help in getting revenge on the Baroness by disrupting the wedding. Got it?"

"Wait wasn't that young Alexander's former paramour?" Road Pig blinked. "Y-y-yeah and a-aint she dead? I mean didn't old s-snake face bump her off?"

"Yes, but there's no need to tell **him **that," Destro said. "Now move it! The ceremony is about to begin! Oh if there's a God in heaven please, please, please let **something **go wrong with this wedding today!"

God must have been listening for once in Destro's life because not far from the castle were the combined teams of GI Joe, the Misfits and the X-Men getting ready to attack. "Looks like quite a party," Flint the dark haired, beret wearing, GI Joe mission leader looked through his binoculars.

"Party is an understatement," Lady Jaye, his wife and partner looked through her own binoculars. "It looks like the bash of the year down there."

"There's the Kingpin, Cobra…**Magneto?"** Kitty yelped as she took a peek herself. "Is that **Dr. Doom?"**

"Magneto is down there?" Wanda yelled.

"Yeah and there's Solitaire, your big brother Xi," Lance commented as he grabbed them.

"I can smell a few familiar stenches as well," Logan growled.

"Madame Viper," Rina hissed. "Hydra!"

"Looks like X has already picked her targets," Tabitha grinned.

"Who are the nuts dressed up like Zodiac characters?" Bobby asked, grabbing the binoculars from Lance. "And how can a guy walk in heels **that **high?"

"What the heck is going on here?" Todd asked. "It's looks like a who's who of bad guys!"

"Looks like your cousin is throwing quite a bash," Flint grunted to Lady Jaye.

**"Cousin?"** Scott gave Lady Jaye a look. "**Destro** is your cousin?"

"Not exactly," Lady Jaye sighed. "It turns out we have an ancestor in common. It's a long story. I just hope there isn't **another** man eating octopus monster in the dungeon hungry for another human sacrifice."

"I don't know why but that little tidbit of information doesn't shock me," Jean groaned.

"Looks like I'm not the only one that has a weird family tree," Kurt agreed.

"Phoenix can you scan their thoughts and find out what's going on?" Lady Jaye asked. "It looks like there's a wedding going on down there."

"You won't believe it," Jean concentrated. "There is a wedding going on. Destro and the Baroness are getting married."

"Seriously Jean, what's going on?" Lady Jaye gave her a look. Jean looked at her back. "You have **got **to be kidding me?"

"I wish," Jean shook her head.

"Oh I almost feel sorry for Destro," Flint chuckled.

"Okay which would be **worse** for them?" Lance asked. "That we interrupt the ceremony **during** or **after** it?"

"Depends on who we want to **tick off** more," Pietro snickered. "Destro or the Baroness!"

Meanwhile the ceremony had just begun. The orchestra was playing. The Baroness was happily walking down the aisle wearing an expensive white designer wedding dress. Everything was picture perfect.

Well maybe it would have been picture perfect if the picture was crooked and on fire.

"Okay people place your bets," Cobra Commander called out. "Who wants to start a pool on how long this will last?"

"Put us down for…" Xamot called out.

"Four months," His twin Tomax added.

"I'd like to get in on that!" Steve, the four armed mutant bodyguard to the Kingpin waved. "Boss you want in on this?"

"Perhaps later Steve," The Kingpin rolled his eyes. He turned to his wife Vanessa, a regal woman in a blue dress that had long black hair with a white streak in it. "And you wonder **why **I don't like to take my henchmen out with us when we go anywhere?"

"And you had the nerve to criticize **me** for wearing white at my wedding?" Mystique shouted out to the Baroness. She was in the rows and couldn't resist.

"Actually that was me," Buzzer corrected. "And the Baroness of all people wearing white is…"

"SHUT UP!" The Baroness screamed at them. "I HAVE WAITED TWENTY YEARS FOR THIS DAY AND IF YOU THINK I AM GOING TO HAVE ANY ONE OF YOU **FREAKS** RUIN IT YOU ARE SADLY MISTAKEN! BRIDESMAIDS!"

The bridesmaids pulled out weapons from their pink dresses. "NEXT PERSON WHO MAKES A SMART REMARK OR SIMILAR CRACK GETS A HOLE IN THE HEAD! GOT IT?" The Baroness screamed. "SHOOT TO KILL GIRLS! SHOOT TO KILL!"

"That's my baby girl second to the right," Silvermane said proudly to someone in the aisles dressed like a crab. "She's a crack shot! Just like her old man."

"Now where were we?" The Baroness grinned. The orchestra once again started playing 'Here Comes The Bride'. But for Destro it might as well have been a funeral dirge. Then the ceremony began.

"Wadies and gentwemen," The preacher spoke with a lisp. "Hewe we awwe to witness the union of Wowwd Destwo and the Bawwoness."

"You couldn't find anyone **without** a speech impediment to perform this ceremony." Dr. Doom gave Destro a look.

"I don't care if he only speaks **Klingon!** Shut up and get on with it!" The Baroness snapped.

"Mawwage is a sacwed instiution," The preacher continued despite the snickering in the audience. "Not to be entewed wighwee."

"And I thought the **last **wedding I went to was hilarious," Sabertooth snorted.

"That was **my** wedding," Mystique glared at him. "There was **nothing** funny about that."

"I know **I** did a lot of crying that day," Zartan groaned.

"That reminds me," His sister Zarana asked. "Did you finalize your divorce yet?"

"I'm not even sure our marriage was **legal,** much less that aspect of it!" Zartan told her.

"Now," The preacher said. "If thewe is anyone who objects to the union between these two people, wet him speak now oww foweveww howd his peace. If thewe awe no objections.."

"**Hold **on a second!" Destro interrupted. "I thought I saw someone's hand go up! **You** in the back! Explain yourself! No? What about you? Didn't your hand go up? No? How about you? You? You? Are you sure? Somebody? **Anybody?** Going once…Going twice…"

"Stop stalling Destro no one is going to save you!" The Baroness snapped.

"Oh I wouldn't be too sure about that," A tall bald black man in armor and a big gun waltzed into the courtyard with Road Pig right behind him.

"Alexander!" Destro never felt so relieved to have a gun pointing at him in his life. "Look honey it's my **son**, Alexander. Oh darn, he's **escaped.** And you **know** how he **hates** you and would do **anything **to prevent you from becoming his stepmother."

"Oh no Father," Alexander sneered. "I wouldn't **dream** of interrupting your happy day. Especially after I had a little talk with Road Pig."

"H-he bribed me Destro," Road Pig gulped. "He had a b-big shiny ruby hidden in his cell. That's right, we're only human! What else could we do under such circumstances?"

"I've done a lot of thinking Father," Alexander leveled his weapon at Destro. "And I suppose it's time I let go of the past. Let bygones be bygones so to speak. I don't mind that you want to marry the Baroness anymore. In fact, I **insist **on it!"

"Put that down! You're not going to shoot me and you know it!" Destro snapped. "I don't believe it! The **one **time I want you to do something for me…"

"Destro," The Baroness folded her arms and tapped her foot in annoyance. "One would think that you do not **want **to marry me? **Why** is that?"

"Cough (Bitch) cough!" a blond young woman sitting with the Crimson Guard twins snorted.

"WATCH YOURSELF CADET DEMMING!" The Baroness whirled on her. "At least I am not a whore like you! Sleeping with the Crimson Guard Commanders in order to get to the top."

"Yes, that's something…" Xamot bristled.

**"You'd** never do!" Tomax finished.

"Cough! (Hypocrite) Cough! Cough!" They both said.

"Do you wish for a few more holes in your heads as well?" The Baroness pointed her finger at them.

"Like you're the **only one** with a weapon here!" Cadet Demming pulled out her weapon and pointed it at her.

"Oh man where is the Boss?" Sabertooth was enjoying himself as the ceremony evolved into a screaming match. "This is getting **good!"**

"Magneto went to have a talk with one who calls himself the High Evolutionary," Solitaire informed him.

"Wait isn't that the guy who…?" Sabertooth began.

"Apparently has Polaris prisoner? Yes," Mastermind sighed.

"This is going to get **real **violent real **fast **isn't it?" Sabertooth blinked.

"I'm afraid so," Mastermind groaned.

"Good," Sabertooth grinned. "And to think I **almost** didn't come to this!"

"I can't believe you Destro!" The Baroness threw her bouquet at his chest. "After everything we've been through! After all the years and heartache we've shared! How could you just try and weasel out of marrying me? How could you propose to me if you didn't even **love** me?"

"You were holding a gun to my head and threatening to shoot me off the helicopter!" Destro snapped. "What choice did I have you **psychotic**…?"

At this the Baroness whipped out a laser gun from underneath her dress. "Charming **lovely** woman…" Destro finished. "Who is the light of my life and I am very lucky that you consent to be my bride."

"Okay how do all these people hide all these weapons under their clothes?" Road Pig blinked. "D-dunno Donald. Maybe they all go to the same stores?"

"I have **got **to meet new people," Cobra Commander sighed. "It's always the same whenever I go to any party or celebration nowadays. Someobody pulls out the gun or has a hissy fit or shoots somebody..."

All of the sudden nearly every piece of metal started to fly around. Some of the chairs were made of metal instead of wood and they were being flung everywhere. And some people were still managing to sit on them. "AAAHHH! HELP ME!" Buzzer hung on for dear life.

"YOU?" Doctor Doom shouted as he flew around. "WHAT ABOUT ME?"

"Or some mutant goes berserk..." Cobra Commander sighed.

"NOW WHAT?" The Baroness screamed. "WHO IS SCREWING UP MY WEDDING NOW?"

"Do you really have to **ask?**" Destro moaned as he was slowly being pulled into the metal fray thanks to his mask.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY DAUGHTER YOU BASTARD?" Magneto snapped as he chased the High Evolutionary with whatever metal objects he could get his powers on.

"Which **one?**" Cobra Commander chortled. "You've got quite a few of them running around. And they're all nuts!"

"Do not speak that way about my children!" Magneto snapped. "Well two of them at least."

"Why? You have two that we **don't **know about?" Torch called out. A stray metal chair hit him on the head. "OW!"

"Tell me what you have done with Polaris or pay the price!" Magneto roared. "I could crush your armor with a single stroke!"

"If I was wearing metal armor I would be worried," The High Evolutionary scoffed. "But this armor is made out of a special kind of coral I developed myself. It is almost as hard as adamantium, fire resistant yet light as cotton."

"AAARRRHHHH!" Magneto used his powers to make more metal things move to try and attack him.

"Oh please," The High Evolutionary created a personal force field around him. "Like **that** would work on me."

One of the tables Mindbender was hiding under was torn away by Magneto. And Solitaire happened to be standing near at the same time. "YOU!" Solitaire hissed.

"Oh crap," Mindbender gulped. "RUN AWAY!" He fled for his life. "RUN FAR FAR AWAY!"

"PREPARE TO DIE!" Solitaire roared as he drew out his sword and chased him.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!" The Baroness screamed. "YOU ARE RUINING MY WEDDING!"

"It was already ruined the second you stuffed your fat body into that dress!" Cadet Demming shouted.

"You're **next **you know?" The Baroness pointed her weapon at her.

"Bring it on bitch!" Cadet Demmning pointed her weapon back at the Baroness.

"Great, if Magneto and the Animal Act don't destroy the castle with their fighting the Gun Toting Bride of Destro will shoot the entire wedding party into tiny chunks!" Cobra Commander groaned as he slunk away to find a safe haven. "I **hate **weddings!"

"You will not harm our master!" Lady Ursa roared at Magneto. She seemed to appear out of nowhere with the other Knights of Wundergore. They started to battle with Magneto. He hovered in the air throwing everything metal at them while they battled with laser swords made out of non-metallic substances.

"I NEED SOME ASSISTANCE HERE!" Magneto shouted.

"AAAHHHHH!" Mindbender screamed as he ran from Solitaire. "SO DO I! HELP! THIS IS A CRY FOR HELP HERE!"

"Solitaire's a bit busy," Sabertooth chuckled. "But I think I can spare a moment!" He roared and attacked Lady Ursa from behind.

"My wedding! My beautiful dream wedding has turned into a **nightmare!** This can not get any…" The Baroness moaned. Then an explosion startled her. "Of **course** it can!"

"YO JOE!" Flint called out as the Joes, X-Men and Misfits attacked. Soon the entire courtyard was a battlefield. Hundreds of criminals were in a fight for their lives.

"Oh crap!" Madame Viper spat as she was nearly cornered by Rina. She barely managed to stay ahead of her former genetically programed assassin.

"DIE!" Rina roared as she chased after Madame Viper.

"Can't you try to kill **someone else** for a change?" Viper screamed in an act of desperation. "GAUNTLET WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU?"

"I am having a little problem myself here!" Gauntlet snapped as he ran from Logan.

"OW! NICE DOGGY! GO AWAY!" Cadet Demming screamed as Rahne chased her in wolf form. "OW MY BUTT!"

"WE JUST PAID FOR THAT!" The Crimson Guard shouted. Then they screamed as Tabitha threw some energy bombs in their pants and made them drop. Rahne then turned her attention to them. "AAAHHHH! OWWW!"

"Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my!" A thin man dressed like a fish in sparkly scales ran around screaming. His tail was on fire. "MY COSTUME'S ON FIRE!"

"Let's have ourselves a little fish fry!" Pyro laughed manically as he chased him. All the crimminals, thieves and other less than ethical people were desperate to escape the insanity.

But the most desperate one of all was Destro. "TIME TO RETREAT!" Destro ran for his life.

"COME BACK HERE!" The Baroness screamed as she grabbed a bazooka from someone. She aimed it at the running Destro. "I VOW TO STAY WITH YOU UNTIL DEATH DO US PART! AND I AM MORE THAN WILLING TO OBLIGE!"

"AAAHHHH!" Destro screamed as he dodged bazooka fire. "AAAH!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO YOU WITCH?" Kingpin screamed as he dragged his wife from the line of fire. "KILL US **ALL?** THIS IS WHY I **HATE** WEDDINGS! ESPECIALLY WITH PEOPLE IN MY LINE OF WORK!"

A strong blast from the bazooka hit some debris which hit both Wanda and Bobby from behind, knocking them out. The High Evolutionary took note of this. "Lord Tyger…Take them!"

"As you wish," The tiger man grabbed them amidst the chaos.

"NO!" Magneto saw this and tried to grab them, but the Baroness's gunfire got in his way. "ARE YOU INSANE WOMAN?"

"Do you really have to **ask** that question?" Cobra Commander snapped at him. "AAH! NO BARONESS! DON'T SHOOT ME! DESTRO IS THE ONE THAT DUMPED YOU! SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM!"

"THANKS A LOT COBRA COMMANDER!" Destro screamed as he ran for his life.

"This is **nuts!"** Lance yelled ducking a flying chair.

"Yeah and that's **you **saying that," The Coyote flew by. "Whee! Auntie Em! Auntie Em! The twister is coming! The twister is coming!"

"Now? Did you have to show up **now?"** Lance shouted.

"Uh, look out," The Coyote said.

"What?" Lance turned around and was knocked out by a flying chair.

"DESTRO COME BACK HERE YOU COWARD AND DIE LIKE A MAN!" The Baroness screamed as she chased her runaway groom through the madness, shooting from her bazooka all the way. Any guest that **wasn't **fighting someone was now running for his or her life from her.

"AAHHHH! RUN! RUN! BRIDEZILLA IS ON THE LOOSE!" Destro yelled. He managed to turn a corner and bumped into Zartan. "Zartan! Help me!"

"Why should I?" Zartan snapped as he started to run away.

"Yeah Chrome Dome," Torch agreed. He and the other Dreadnoks were fleeing as well. "You're on your own!"

"I will pay you **ten million dollars** if you can get me away from the Baroness!" Destro resorted to desperation.

"Well come on lads! Let's get Destro out of here!" Zartan yelled. He and the Dreadnoks grabbed Destro and ran to their jet they had on a nearby landing pad where all the other guest's transportation were.

"COME BACK YOU LOSERS! YOU SHALL ALL PAY FOR YOUR TREACHERY!" The Baroness chased them, still shooting. Suddenly Destro's kilt flew into her face. "MMMPPHH!"

"Okay so that rumor about what Scotsmen wear…or **don't **wear under their kilts is true," Buzzer winced as he ran.

"Could have gone a lifetime without knowing **that!"** Torch shouted.

"SHUT UP AND KEEP RUNNING!" Zartan yelled. "THE JET IS JUST AHEAD! GO! GO! GO! GO!"

"YOU COWARD!" The Baroness screamed as she finally saw the jet fly away. "I DON'T CARE WHAT IT TAKES! I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH DESTRO! NOBODY DUMPS THE BARONESS! **NOBODY!"**

"Looks like Destro's real name is Nobody then," Mystique snorted as she came up behind her.

"All right! Desperate times call for desperate measures!" The Baroness had a crazed look in her eye. "Mystique! I need you to help me get Destro for humiliating me like this!"

"I've got a very busy schedule," Mystique snorted. "Why **should** I?"

"I will pay you twenty million dollars if you help me track him down," The Baroness told her. "And as a bonus I will help you get revenge on Zartan when you wish it."

"Let's roll," Mystique said as they went after Destro.

Meanwhile the criminals were fleeing but still the battle between Magneto and the High Evolutionary raged on. "Enough of this," The High Evolutionary snorted. He sent out a bolt of energy that knocked off Sabertooth from Lady Ursa.

He saw Tyger had Wanda, Bobby and Lance. "These mutants might serve you."

"The only ones that truly interest me are the twins and we have half of them," The High Evolutionary said. "But we might as well take the other two. Waste not want not."

"I don't think so!" Pietro had overhead this and had run up to them.

Lady Vermin tossed a bolo and managed to trip Pietro. "OWWW!" Pietro moaned. "No fair!"

"I got the speedster my Lord," Lady Vermin said grabbing Pietro.

"Hey! Hands off you Minnie Mouse Wannabe!" Pietro snapped.

"Then let us depart," The High Evolutionary motioned and all the knights moved to him with their prisoners. He created a huge force field bubble around them and levitated away.

"NO!" Magneto shouted as he chased after them. The force Field was surprisingly fast.

"Looks like this party's over!" Sabertooth grunted. "Come on Solitaire we gotta go after the boss!"

"I haven't killed Mindbender yet," Solitaire looked around the battle for him.

"You can get him another time! Let's go!" Sabertooth grunted. They took off amidst the destruction.

Soon nothing was left but ruin and a few unlucky criminals. The heroes took note of the situation. "This is not good," Logan growled. "So much for a clean sweep!"

"We only caught a handful of bad guys," Flint grumbled. "A bunch of idiots in zodiac costumes and a group of the Guild of Albino Assassins. Of course most of them were drunk and unconscious at the time."

"Madame Viper got away," Rina held something in her hand. "She and her lackey made it to their private jet and flew off in it. On the up side I did get a good chunk of her hair."

"Who was that nutcase in the pink and silver armor?" Todd asked.

"Whoever he was he just kidnapped Quicksilver, Avalanche, Iceman and the Scarlet Witch," Althea grumbled. "And he's leading that trained circus that attacked us earlier and took Polaris."

"Don't forget my cat!" Jean snapped. "Why would anyone want my cat?"

"You didn't even want your cat," Althea gave her a look.

"That's not the point," Jean told her.

"How are we going to get them back?" Kurt asked.

"Simple, we follow Magneto," Rogue told him. "Odds are he knows where they're going!"

"And knowing is…" Fred began.

"Blob shut up and get in the jet!" Logan snapped.

"Uh guys we lost Magneto," Ray said. "He's not on any scanner."

"Don't worry," Daria said. "We've taken a few precautionary measures ourselves in case something like this happened."

"We can find out exactly where they are headed," Quinn nodded.

"What kind of precautionary measures?" Althea asked. "I know you helped build another portable Cerebro but that's not fully powered enough. Is it?"

"No, we meant something else," Brittany whistled.

"Do I want to know what it is?" Scott asked. "Or should we just take your word for it and follow them?"

"Take our word for it," Quinn said.

"You'd have fewer headaches that way," Daria said.

"Like that's possible," Scott groaned.

**Next: A big ol' battle where Quicksilver and Wanda's past is revealed! We finally find out what happened to Lorna. And what does the High Evolutionary want with them? And what did happen to Jean's cat? Find out next chapter! **


	45. Wundergore No More

**Wundergore No More**

"Ugh, where the hell are we?" Lance groaned as he woke up. He was lying on a bed in a lavish room with several huge soft beds and fancy furniture.

"Did someone bring us to Donald Trump's place?" Pietro groaned as he sat up. "Hey what are these?" On his wrists and legs were some strange gold bands with green gems. "Our teleportation watches are gone too!"

"They're some kind of power inhibitors," Lorna told them. She was wearing a simple green dress with the same kind of devices on her arms and legs as well as a green necklace. "At least they're a lot more comfortable than a collar. And a lot more dignified."

"Lorna!" Bobby sat up and went over to her. He hugged her. "You're here! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did this creep do anything to you?"

"I'm fine," Lorna told him. "I've been treated pretty well considering I'm a prisoner."

"Looks like you're a prisoner in the Hilton," Wanda looked around. "And our shackles were made by LaCroix. Where are we?"

"Some place called Wundergore," Lorna told her sister. "This guy called the High Evolutionary has been keeping me here since he had his knights capture me."

"What does he want with you? Or us for that matter?" Lance rubbed his head.

"I don't know," Lorna sighed. "He put me in this chamber a couple of times to scan my body and has me practice my powers every other day but other than that…"

She was interrupted by the door opening. Entering the room was a woman with the head of a brown cow wearing a long green dress and robe. She was carrying a tray of food. "I've brought you some food and…Pietro?"

"Huh?" Pietro blinked.

"Pietro! I can't believe it! It's you! It's really you!" The cow woman dropped the tray and ran to him, crushing him in a huge hug. "OH PIETRO!"

"AAAHHHH!" Pietro tried but couldn't get away. "HELP!"

"One of your old girlfriends Pietro?" Lance raised an eyebrow.

"I've never seen her in my life!" Pietro screamed. "Honest! Never! Never!"

"Oh Pietro it's been so long, you've forgotten old Bova," The cow woman sighed as she let go. "But then again you were so young."

"Wait a minute…" Wanda blinked. "I do know you…Moo Moo?"

"Moo Moo?" Lance blinked. He looked at Bobby. "Did she just call the cow lady Moo Moo?"

"She did did," Bobby blinked.

"Moo Moo?" Pietro blinked. "Wait…Moo Moo was **real?** I just thought we made her up!"

"No I'm real all right," Bova chuckled. "Oh Wanda, Pietro it's so good to see you after all these years."

"Uh, Wanda? Pietro? You two want to fill us in here?" Bobby asked. "You **know **this…lady?"

"Yeah Moo Moo…I mean Bova was our nanny," Wanda said. "When we were very little."

"Nanny?" Bobby blinked. "And I thought only **goats** were nannies!"

"I was more than their nanny," Bova explained. "I am also a midwife. I delivered Wanda and Pietro when they were born."

"You were delivered by a **cow?**" Lance's jaw dropped as he looked at Pietro then Wanda. "And I thought my life **sucked!"**

"It does put a certain perspective on your own problems doesn't it?" Bobby grinned at Lance.

"I was also their nanny until they were four," Bova told them.

"Your nanny Moo Moo," Bobby could barely hold back the laughter. "Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch had a nanny named Moo Moo. Well at least you always had plenty of fresh milk."

"You're going to be ragging me about this for weeks aren't you?" Pietro glared.

"Are you kidding? We're talking **years** here!" Lance snorted with laughed.

"Can we put this on hold for a second?" Wanda asked. "Bova…You knew our mother right?"

"Yes," Bova sighed.

"Could you…Tell us about her?" Wanda asked. "Please."

Bobby could sense something in her voice. He and Lance looked at each other. Pietro grew silent and pensive. Lorna finally spoke. "Go ahead Bova, please tell us."

"It is a long and very tragic tale," Bova sighed. She sat down on a chair. "Very well. Gather around and I will tell you the story. It takes place many years ago, shortly after the Second World War. That was when Wundergore was still in it's early days. I was one of the Master's first children."

"You're over seventy years old?" Pietro was surprised.

"The Master has not only granted his children intelligence and skill but long lives as well," Bova explained. "I was still but a young maiden and I was gathering herbs for the infirmary to help the sick and those in childbirth. When suddenly I came across a frightened and sick young gypsy woman, heavily pregnant with twins. Her name was Magda and she was your mother. I helped her and took her back to the Master for treatment for her wounds and illness."

"Hold on a second," Lance held up his hands. "You said this happened shortly after World War Two right? That was over seventy years ago. And if she was carrying both Pietro and Wanda **then…**"

"I'm getting to that," Bova interrupted him. "Her travels had made her gravely ill and sick. So sick that the Master placed her in suspended animation in order to save the children. Not long after he did that, her husband appeared on Wundergore's doorsteps looking for her."

"Magneto," Pietro nodded.

"Yes," Bova told them. "Normally the Master shuns any strangers, but he soon found a strange kinship in Magneto. You see the Master turned away from human society because it was cruel to him and destroyed his family. So the Master devoted his life to making a new society, with a new family of children. The New Men of Wundergore. My people."

"So this High Evolutionary created an entire race of animal people?" Bobby asked.

"Yes, we were given the gift of evolution from our original animal forms to our half human forms," Bova said. "We were given the gifts of strength, intelligence and reason but we were free of evil and cruelty that you humans were born with."

"Makes sense if you think about it," Lance thought. "Animals have no concept of hate or revenge like humans do. Instead of evolving people, this High Evolutionary evolved animals."

"Dude that's sick!" Bobby exclaimed.

"Why? Do you honestly believe that only human beings should be blessed with evolution? Not to go beyond the limits of what they are and become a more perfect being?" Bova asked.

"Well…Not at the end of some psycho's experiments," Bobby said. "I mean, doesn't this evolution process hurt or something?"

"The pain is minimal," Bova said. "It is no different for us than the pangs a mother gives while giving birth. Our father gives us new life and we are grateful for it."

"I dunno, sounds a lot like Magneto to me," Bobby folded his arms.

"Indeed, they do have much in common," Bova nodded. "Magneto lost his family during the Holocaust. He was branded like an animal…excuse the expression…and was the victim of terrible medical experimentation. When the war ended and he was finally able to settle down to a simple life and raise a wife and daughter…He lost them in a horrible tragedy."

"What do you mean?" Lance asked. Wanda said nothing even though she knew part of the story.

"Somehow the villagers discovered your father's mutant abilities and branded him as a sorcerer," Bova sighed. "Even though he had committed no crime the villagers bound him in chains and set fire to his home, with his wife and young daughter, Anya inside."

"No way…" Bobby blinked.

"Oh..."Wanda was shocked. Pietro said nothing.

"Magda somehow managed to escape the flames, but Anya…." Bova sighed. "She was not so fortunate. And Magneto could not contain his pain, or his rage."

"Man…" Lance gasped. "They burned his own daughter **alive?** That's sick!"

"No wonder my father hates humans so much," Lorna said sadly.

"Yeah as much as my family hates me if anything happened to them…" Bobby admitted. "Disowned or not they're still my family."

"Yes, in his rage Magneto managed to destroy the entire village," Bova told them. "Other than his wife there were no survivors."

"He killed an entire village?" Lance asked in shock. Then he sobered up.

"Because they killed his family," Bobby sighed. "I hate to admit it, but I'd be more than tempted to do the same thing. Actually…I probably **would** do the same thing."

"Funny you of all people should be saying **that,**" Pietro sneered.

"Pietro…" Wanda sternly warned.

"No, he's right," Bobby stopped her. "I've done some pretty destructive things myself. And judged some people a little too harshly."

There was silence for a moment. "Bova can you tell us the rest of the story?" Lance asked.

Bova nodded. "When Magda saw what her husband had done she was horrified. She fled for her life. She was also pregnant with twins at the time. Her injuries from the fire and her constantly being on the run from Magneto worsened her condition. The High Evolutionary took pity on her and Magneto and vowed to find a way to bring them together. So for decades Magda lay in suspended animation with her unborn children until the Master and Magneto's medical knowledge and their skill had progressed to a point where they could all be safely revived."

"So instead of you two being together in the womb for nine months you two were stuck together for about what? **Nine hundred months?"** Lance looked at Pietro and Wanda.

"Any wonder I have a constant urge to **kill **my brother?" Wanda gave him a look.

"Yeah that explains it," Bobby nodded. "Also explains why Quicksilver is so nuts."

"Hey!" Pietro glared at him.

"After many decades we were able to revive Magda and soon Wanda and Pietro were born," Bova continued. "However Magda's mind was still shattered and terrified for her husband. Somehow she managed to escape the palace during a blizzard. By the time we found her…"

"Oh…" Lorna gasped. She looked at Wanda and Pietro. "Wanda, Pietro…I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"None of us did," Wanda said softly.

"Magneto then buried himself in his work," Bova sighed. "And I took care of the twins. Despite Magda's death Magneto and the High Evolutionary worked together for many years until…"

"Until…" Pietro raised an eyebrow.

"Until Magneto discovered that the Master…Had been secretly doing some experiments of his own," Bova sighed. "Not only taking blood samples from Wanda and Pietro…But also using the body of his late wife as well."

"What did he do?" Bobby asked.

"I don't think we want to know the answer to that Iceman. Medical experiments on your partner's kids and dead wife's **body?** That is just plain **sick,"** Lance winced.

"And that was the end of their partnership huh?" Pietro folded his arms.

"Yes," Bova fished something out of her robe. "Here is a picture of Magda and Anya. And one I have kept of the twins when they were younger."

"Aww," Lance mocked as he looked at the twin's picture. "Look at the little duckie outfits."

"That's not funny Lance," Pietro frowned.

"Oh yes it is," Lance snickered.

"Oh my God…" Lorna gasped. "Magda…She looks like…Like **me!"**

"You're right," Bobby studied the picture. "Only she has black hair. And take a good look at the girl…I could swear that was picture of Rogue as a little kid without her white streak."

"Our family just gets weirder and sicker every time I turn around," Wanda grumbled.

"Okay now I'm really confused," Pietro scratched his head. "Magneto has the grudge against the High Evolutionary. That I get. So what does the High Evolutionary want with us?"

"Because I have need of your powers," The High Evolutionary walked in with the Knights and a few extra animal soldiers as guards. "You will bring in a new dawn of evolution to the world."

"Here we go again," Pietro rolled his eyes. "Where have I heard **this **before?"

"Master please," Bova pleaded. "You promised you wouldn't hurt them!"

"Their discomfort will be minimal Bova," The High Evolutionary told her. "Provided they cooperate."

"What makes you think…?" Wanda growled.

"Wanda wait," Pietro stopped her. "Listen this guys got all the cards, not to mention some very big guys with very **sharp** swords. Just play along for now all right?"

"Wise counsel," The High Evolutionary said. "Take them."

"Hey, watch the paws!" Lorna snapped as they were escorted out of the room.

"What do you want with us?" Lance asked.

"**You**? Nothing," The High Evolutionary told him. "It is the children of Magneto that interest me."

"Okay so what do you want with **us**?" Pietro asked.

"I need your powers to save the world from itself," The High Evolutionary told them. "Your abilities will fuel a machine that will change the world."

"Oh no," Pietro said. "You want to take away our powers permanently don't you? You want to take away the powers of every mutant on Earth and make them human!"

"Why the hell would I waste time doing something as **stupid** as that?" The High Evolutionary asked.

"No reason," Lance gulped. "Pietro do **not** give the crazy man ideas!"

"So what **do** you want us for?" Lorna asked.

"Humanity is a disease that has spread across this planet like a cancer," The High Evolutionary told them. "Ravaging the world and enslaving its fellow creatures on the assumption that might makes right and it's own twisted perversion of survival of the fittest. Behold…The **true** meaning of evolution!"

Before them they saw a huge city made of gold, gems and white gleaming marble. Among it were dozens of different kinds of animal species that had been evolved to human form, peacefully working and living in it. "Whoa! I've heard of Planet of the Apes but Planet of the Chipmunks, Dogs and…Penguins?" Pietro blinked.

"As well as lions, tigers and bears oh my," Lorna added.

"Oh yeah there's some **original **comments," Lady Ursa groaned.

"Behold the city of Wundergore," The High Evolutionary raised his hands. "The perfect symbol of animal harmony and co-existence."

"Hold on, don't some of these guys **eat **each other?" Wanda asked pointing to a Lion Man and a Zebra woman happily chatting to each other in a restaurant.

"Yeah that date's gonna go downhill **fast,**" Pietro blinked.

"That's why I have purposely **not **evolved certain species so that the carnivores can live in harmony with the herbivores," The High Evolutionary told them. "It goes against nature to force everyone to eat the same."

"Oh and we'd **never **want to do that in a city of **mutant animal people**," Pietro quipped.

"We have buffalo, antelope, chicken, mice, insect and fish farms," Bova told them. She had accompanied the group.

"Insect farms huh?" Wanda rolled her eyes. "Toad would **love** this place."

"Mice farms?" Lance asked. "Okay it's official, this is the **weirdest **place we have ever been to."

"I don't know," Pietro remarked. "I think those dimensions with the giant snails and telepathic penguins come pretty close."

"Soon the entire world will look like this," The High Evolutionary said.

"I hope you have a lot of pooper scoopers in stock," Bobby quipped.

"Quiet you little…" Lady Vermin hissed.

"Careful lady, or you might find yourself on the menu like your mousy cousins," Pietro taunted.

"I am a rat! Not a mouse! A **rat!"** Lady Vermin snapped.

"You certainly are," Pietro snickered.

They entered a large building that housed a strange large contraption. "So what is your really weird and evil plan that can't be done unless it's at the expense of our lives?" Pietro asked. "Not that I'm not saying you're crazy but…Well you **are."**

"The Master is **not **insane!" A black cat warrior wearing red armor carrying a flame sword snarled.

"Oh if you say so Mister Cat man," Pietro rolled his eyes. Then he blinked. "You look familiar. Have we met before?"

"Oh yes," The cat man snarled. "We've **met**…"

"Was it at this party at Sheldon Falls three years ago, on Halloween?" Pietro asked. "I was Count Sexy and you were the jealous guy who's girlfriend I stole."

"No, I'm the guy who's going to cut you in **half!**" The cat man snarled.

"Not now Blackfire," Lord Tyger sighed. "Master perhaps you should tell them now?"

"Yes before we get sidetracked **again,**" The High Evolutionary sighed. "With the combined powers of Quicksilver, the Scarlett Witch and Polaris I will send out special evolutionary waves that will evolve every animal on the planet! Then my creations will rise up and overthrow the human race and restore the planet to it's former glory!"

"Yeah **nothing** crazy about **that** plan," Pietro mocked. "Boy was I **wrong!"**

"So you're going to evolve all the animals on the planet to take over the Earth and enslave the human race?" Lance asked. "Is it me or does that sound like a lame cartoon show that never really resolved any plot lines?"

A meerkat woman wearing a white dress was there along with several ape technicians. "Everything is ready my Lord."

"Thank you Lady Flower," The High Evolutionary nodded.

"Somebody watches a lot of Animal Planet," Pietro remarked.

"Put them in the machine," The High Evolutionary ordered. "And keep the extra ones under control!"

"Hey what are you doing?" Lance yelled as he and Bobby were bound. The others were strapped to slabs in the chamber and connected by wires to the machine.

"Lorna!" Bobby struggled to get free. "LORNA!"

"What are you going to do to us?" Lorna yelled.

"This machine will use your unique powers and mutant energies to advance the mutations," The High Evolutionary explained. "Your chances of survival are probably good."

"**Probably** good?" Pietro yelled. "I don't like that **probably **part!"

"Master please! You promised you would not harm them!" Bova shouted.

"He isn't," Sir Ram snorted. "The machine will do all the work."

"Where the hell are the X-Men when you need them?" Pietro whined.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! RRRUMMBBBBLLLEEE! CRASH!

"Oh there they are," Pietro remarked as the building shook so violently pieces of the ceiling fell down. A familiar optic blast shattered through the walls as the X-Men and Misfits raced inside the room. "WHAT KEPT YOU PEOPLE?"

"Guys you would not believe how long it took us to **find** this place," Todd said. "Even with the trackers we have on you."

"But I made sure those teleportation watches were deactivated completely!" The High Evolutionary shouted.

"Yeah but uh, we put a couple more trackers in Lance and Pietro the other day," Daria said as Trinity flew in. "You see we came up with these microscopic trackers and we wanted to try them out so…"

"Is that why you threw a dart at my butt the other day?" Lance shouted.

"It's not like we only did it to you!" Quinn huffed.

"We did it to you, Pietro, Bobby, Scott, Gambit…" Brittany counted off.

"You do not want to know where they hit Gambit," Remy groaned.

"HOLD ON!" The High Evolutionary screamed. "How did you manage to break through Wundergore's energy barrier? Not even Magneto can get through that!"

"Well my sisters did," Althea pointed. "Of course they are a lot smarter than he is."

"It was easy really," Quinn held up a strange looking device in her hand. "You see all we had to do was find the right frequency with our Thermostatic Electrochemical Harmonic Modulator, attach the device to a hair dryer and…"

"Never mind! Stop them!" The High Evolutionary ordered. Several more animal warriors attacked as they ran in from an open door.

"With pleasure Master!" Blackfire swung his fire sword at them. "I will take special delight in destroying you Jean Grey!"

"You know me?" Jean asked dodging out of the way. "Wait, you look familiar."

"You know I had the same feeling too," Pietro called out. "Are you sure we haven't met at a party somewhere?"

"Being with you maniacs was **never** a party!" Blackfire roared. "You made my life a living hell! Especially the stupid parrot and dragon!"

"**Prometheus?**" Jean gasped. "Is that you?"

"Prometheus your cat?" Althea yelped. "That's your **cat?"**

"That's right! The Knights took Prometheus too when they snatched Lorna," Kurt remembered.

"The High Evolutionary must have evolved him like all these other animals," Hank realized.

"Prometheus was my slave name," Jean's former cat snarled. "I am called Blackfire now! Loyal squire to my Lord Tyger!"

"Prometheus don't you remember me?" Jean asked. Blackfire responded with a snarl and a swing of his fire sword. Jean barely dodged out of the way of it.

"I guess he **does** remember you," Althea said.

"I **still** have nightmares about the stupid parrot and the stupid dragon!" Blackfire howled as he attacked. "I will have my revenge for all the indignities you and your kind have heaped on me!"

"Prometheus!" Jean was shocked as she jumped out of the way.

"Jean he's not your kitty anymore," Rogue snapped. "Good riddance! I hate cats!"

"We don't like **you** either!" Lord Tyger leapt at her.

"Time to put the kitty out!" Rogue grabbed the knight mid leap and threw him against the wall.

"This shouldn't take long," Logan effortlessly knocked down Sir Ram.

"Yeah my family wrestled bears all the time," Fred easily knocked back Lady Ursa. As many animal warriors attacked the X-Men and Misfits, it was clear that the creatures were no match for the mutants.

"RAARRRRR!" Blackfire leapt at Jean again.

"I'm sorry Prometheus," Jean said as she knocked him aside with her telekinesis.

"THE NAME IS BLACKFIRE! **BLACKFIRE!"** The cat man screamed.

"Oooh! Fire!" Pyro's eyes widened as he saw Blackfire's sword. He used his powers to manipulate the fire on it. "Here Kitty! Kitty!"

"Don't call me…" Blackfire's eyes widened as the flame from his sword turned into a giant dog.

WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Prometheus fled for his life.

"Evolved or not, that guy's **still** a **scaredy cat,"** Todd grinned.

"Yeah now can someone help us please?" Pietro shouted. "Hello! Still tied up to the machine here!"

"Let 'em go!" Kitty phased Lance free of his ropes and his restraints.

"All right! Now we're talking!" Lance whooped as Kitty helped him.

A large tremor shook the building. "Avalanche!" Scott snapped. "Not so much with the tremors!"

"That wasn't me," Lance blinked as Kitty had removed the last restraint.

"Well then who…?" Althea realized that the tremors were caused by the metal girders shaking. "Oh no…"

"**Now** what's going on?" Pietro shouted. Just then Magneto burst in through the ceiling. "I **had **to ask…"

"HIGH EVOLUTIONARY!" Magneto roared as he attacked, using various metal objects in the room and turning them into sharp projectiles. The High Evolutionary used some kind of lasers to fight back.

"Magneto must have followed us somehow," Kurt said. "But how did he do it?"

"Besides seeing the trail of destruction we left?" Rina gave him a look and pointed with her claws to all the debris around them.

"Oh right," Kurt realized.

"Let's just get the others out of that contraption!" Scott said.

Kitty and Kurt teleported and used their powers to free them from their restraints. "Get us out of these things so we can use our powers!" Pietro ordered.

"You are like totally bossy, Quicksilver!" Kitty snapped as she phased Pietro out of his power inhibitors.

"Magneto! You shall pay for destroying my plans!" The High Evolutionary raged. He sent out a blast towards Lorna and Wanda.

"NOOOOO!" Bova jumped in front of the blast taking the brunt.

"BOVA!" Wanda yelled. Kitty had her powers free quickly. She used them against the High Evolutionary to slam him through a window.

"Bova!" Lorna ran to Bova, still wearing the inhibitors. "Bova! Are you all right?"

"Yes…I think so…" Bova grunted in pain.

Before anyone could do anything all the metal from the High Evolutionary's machine warped into a giant orb and surrounded Lorna and Bova. "It is time I took back what is rightfully mine," Magneto said. He took the orb with it's captives and flew into the sky.

"Knights! Retreat! Help our Master!" Sir Tyger grunted. The animals fled.

"No!" Bobby yelled. "We have to save Lorna!"

"Guys let's get out of here," Althea said.

"But we can't leave without Lorna!" Bobby shouted.

"She's gone Iceman!" Wanda shouted. "She and Magneto got away. The High Evolutionary's plans are toast. And Wundergore is wrecked. There's no sense staying around here any longer. We gotta get out of here before the animals regroup and attack again."

"You're right," Bobby sighed as he looked at the devastation around them. "Let's go."

"Boy we really **do** trash every place we go don't we?" Lance groaned. "This is getting to be a habit with us."

"Habit? It's practically our **signature,"** Rogue told him.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Back at the cabins a few hours later…

"I can't believe we lost her!" Bobby yelled as he punched the wall. "We had Lorna again and now that creep Magneto just took her!"

"We're **fine**, thank you very much," Pietro said sarcastically. Most of the students and instructors managed to hang around the Adult Men's cabin for a meeting. "Don't worry about us."

"At least we now know why Magneto's so messed up," Kurt sighed.

"Well so am **I** but I don't go experimenting on people!" Lance snapped.

"What about the time you wanted to see how much popcorn you could stuff in my room with me sleeping in it?" Fred asked. "And to see how long I would last in there without eating it!"

"You **asked** us to do that for your birthday," Pietro gave him a look.

"Oh yeah," Fred nodded. "I forgot. That was a fun day!"

"Who cares! Lorna's still in trouble and we have to save her!" Bobby snapped.

"Bobby's little crush aside," Wanda said. "We can't leave Polaris or Bova in the hands of Magneto. Who knows what he'll do to them."

"He'll probably try to warp Lorna's mind like he did you," Pietro nodded.

"Yeah but even the portable Cerebro we have won't find her," Scott said. "Magneto is just too well shielded. We'll never find where he is."

"But there's got to be a way! There just has to be!" Bobby shouted. He went up to Pyro and shook him by the shoulders. "Think Pyro! Think! Can't you remember anything?"

"Sorry, my brain's been pretty wiped clean on the location," Pyro said. "And I know you're upset and looking for comfort but please remember that I'm not really that attracted to you and…"

"I AM **NOT **GAY YOU MANIAC!" Bobby screamed. It took all of his self control not to strangle him. He did however shake him hard a few times.

"You did go right to Pyro when you started to fall apart," Pietro decided to have some fun with this. "That's sounds pretty…"

"Not **one** word Quicksilver!" Bobby snarled. "Not one word or I'll personally freeze your lower intestine!"

"Bobby you gotta admit that was a pretty stupid idea," Rogue gave him a look.

"You're right. I don't know what possessed me to think Pyro would know **anything**," Bobby sighed. "NOT ONE WORD QUICKSILVER!"

"What? I have no idea what you're talking about," Pietro said in a sickenly sweet voice. "I can't help it if your subconscious gives you ideas."

"I am not gay! I'm in love with Lorna!" Bobby snapped.

"Only because you can't have me," Pyro shrugged.

"Yeah I can see him swinging both ways," Pietro admitted pointing a thumb at Bobby.

"Look who's **talking **you…" Bobby snapped.

"Iceman chill out!" Rogue restrained him.

"Okay Rogue, okay," Bobby sighed. Then he got another idea. "Rogue! Maybe you can find them! If you absorb Pyro's memories…"

"If you think that for one second that **I **would willingly put that maniac's mind in **my head** you better think **twice** Snow Ball For Brains!" Rogue got in his face. "And if you ever suggest that again I will **personally **pick out the wedding china for your marriage to Pyro!"

"Oooh! Can we register at Crate and Barrel?" Pyro waved his hand.

"It's official, Polaris is doomed," Shane groaned.

"Not if I can help it!" Todd was fiddling with something in the corner.

"And what great plan do **you** have for rescuing Polaris?" Ray asked.

"This!" Todd held up a tiny robot hamster.

"That looks like one of Forge's stupid little Sentinel Hamsters from the Danger Room," Ray blinked.

"It **is **one of Forge's stupid little Sentinel Hamsters from the Danger Room," Todd grinned. "I swiped it a while back and reprogrammed it so it's now a smart little Sentinel Hamster!"

"Hooray! We're saved!" Pietro mocked. "Look everyone, Toad has come to our rescue with a three inch defective piece of **crap!**"

"Okay I'll say it because **someone** has to," Lance sighed. "Toad how exactly are you going to use a reprogrammed Sentinel Hamster to find Lorna?"

"This I gotta hear," Kurt folded his arms.

"I'm not gonna use it to find Polaris, but I am gonna use it to find the next best thing!" Todd said proudly. "Someone who **knows** exactly where Magneto is stashing her!"

"Here he goes..." Spirit sighed.

"Not **this** again," Roadblock hid his head in his hands. "Not **again!"**

"Break out the Scotch," Low Light groaned. "We're gonna need it."

"Toad you **still **don't think there's a little man hiding in our house spying on us for Magneto do you?" Lance groaned.

"No, I was completely wrong about that," Todd shook his head.

"Thank God," Lance breathed a sigh of relief.

"There's a little man hiding in the X-Mansion spying on the **X-Men!"** Todd piped up. "Well actually there **was** someone in there until it blew up. Now he's hiding here in the cabins! If we can catch him, he'll tell us where Magneto took Polaris!"

"Yeah, **great** plan Toad!" Logan rolled his eyes. "Why don't you go smoke him out and catch him?"

"Okay!" Todd nodded and put the robot rodent down. "Go fetch Skippy! Go fetch!"

"Oh God he's **named** it!" Pietro rolled his eyes.

"That's not a good sign," Fred sighed.

"The Toad naming a sentinel robot hamster is the **least **distrubing sign right now," Remy groaned.

"Skippy…" Scott said in a deadpan voice. "Skippy the Sentinel Robot Hamster. That's great. Just **great."**

"Okay," Logan sighed as the robot rodent scampered all over the room. "Obviously we are going to need a plan. A **good** plan if we're going to rescue Polaris!"

"As much as I hate to admit it Logan," Hank sighed. "Toad's plan is the closest thing we have to finding Magneto."

"Come on Skippy! That a boy!" Todd cheered as the hamster robot ran around. "That a boy! Go on! Go get him! Go get him!"

"Cerebro is useless because of Magneto's shielding technology," Xavier sighed. "Even if we had the fully powered version of it. And even you can't track him with your senses."

"That's it! Go on! Go get the spy!" Todd shouted as the hamster ran inside a small hole in the wall. "Go get the spy!"

"Shooter's right, Polaris is **doomed**," Bobby groaned. "There's no way on earth we can track Magneto. And Toad's plan is **never** going to work **that's** for sure!"

CHHHHEEEEEEE! CHEEEEEEEEEEEE!

"AAAAHHHHHH!"

A screech could be heard inside the walls. "What the…?" Bobby blinked.

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" A tiny man ran out of the hole screaming. "GET AWAY! GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"BADA BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA!" Skippy the Sentinel Hamster chased him. "BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! CHEEE! CHEEEEE!"

"Help me! Somebody help me! I can't take this anymore! Magneto isn't paying me nearly **enough** for this!" The man yelled as he ran for his life. "HELP ME!"

Everyone stood still and stared at the sight for a full ten seconds. "Oh my…" Hank's jaw dropped.

"I don't believe it…" Scott was in shock. "Toad was actually **right **about something!"

"He was right about **two **things if you count the hamster," Lance pointed out.

"And the students wonder why we instructors consume more and more alcoholic beverages every year…" Hank moaned.

"Well what are you waiting for?" Rogue shouted. "Get him!"

"The hamster?" Pyro blinked.

"THE SPY YOU IDIOT!" Rogue yelled at him. "GET THE SPY!"

"You don't have to yell," Pyro pouted.

"YES I DO!" Rogue shouted. "GRAB HIM!"

"I got him," Jean used her telekinesis to grab the tiny man. He had pale skin and short brown hair and was wearing miniature sweats, a windbreaker jacket and sneakers.

"Good work Skippy!" Todd picked up his robot hamster. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy!?" He looked triumphantly at Logan. "I told you people it would work."

"I have a headache," Logan groaned. "A real **big **one!"

"Put me down! Put me down!" The little man screamed as he floated in mid air.

"All right you, who are you and what are you doing **here?" **Jean ordered. "Unless you want me to read your mind you'd better talk!"

"The name's Shortpack sweet stuff and I'm a telepath too!" He snapped. "So don't bother trying to read my mind!"

"How come you're so small? Is your power shrinking?" Kurt blinked.

"Uh not exactly," Shortpack coughed. "I started to shrink when I got my powers and I couldn't stop. Magneto helped me stabilize them and said he could help me get back to full size if I worked for him."

"So you've been on his payroll all this time?" Lance said. "How long have you been spying on us!"

"I know!" Bobby said. "Remember when Mystique infiltrated the mansion the day the Power Pack showed up? She must have just dropped him off into an air vent before she went after the files!"

"And he's been keeping tabs on us ever since!" Logan snarled. "No wonder Magneto was able to track Polaris down so easily!"

"Lucky guess," Shortpack snorted. "My body may be small but my mind is a steel trap! Don't even try breaking through my defenses! And I wouldn't even think about having Vampira over there touch me!"

"He's right," Rogue said. "If I did touch him not only would I get a **disease** I might shrink too."

"Face it there's no way **no how** I will ever talk," Shortpack huffed.

"Oh really?" Althea whispered something in Todd's ear. Todd then shot out his tongue and caught Shortpack in it. He sucked him in his mouth, swished him around and then stuck out his tongue again.

"I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" Shortpack screamed. He was covered in slime. "I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW! ANYTHING!"

"Yeah I thought **that** would do it," Althea nodded. "Now where is he?"

"Antarctica…" Shortpack coughed. "In a place called the Savage Land."

"The Savage Land?" Kitty thought. "I've heard of that before."

"Yeah didn't one of the guys from the other dimensions tell us about that place?" Fred asked.

"I've heard of it, as well," Xavier nodded. "It's a secret prehistoric preserve. The only place on earth where dinosaurs still exist."

"Second actually," Cover Girl told him. "Cobra grew a few dinosaurs a few years back and…Okay that's not important right now. But we do know it's a top secret location."

"And the perfect place for Magneto to train and build his little army," Logan nodded. "Okay Short Stuff…"

"That's Shortpack!" Shortpack snapped.

"Do you want to go into Toad's mouth again?" Logan asked. "Now you are going to tell us any secret entrances and codes and anything else you can think of. Cause if you don't…"

"You have a choice," Rina grinned an evil grin. She stuck out her claws. "Spend your days in a very small cage or in very small **pieces **in Toad's stomach!"

"I think I'll take the cage," Shortpack gulped as Todd released him and dropped him on a table. "And a shower…"

**Next: Will the Perils of Polaris ever end? Probably not. The gang goes to the Savage Land to rescue Lorna and Bova. But will they be too late? Find out next time! **


	46. A Savage Land Reunion

**A Savage Land Reunion**

"Are you sure there's gonna be a jungle when we get there?" Roberto gulped when they prepared to leave. "This is Antarctica remember? Because if we mess up and end up on a giant ice cube…"

"Trust me, it's there," Roadblock put the final coordinates ready on his teleportation watch. "I'm just glad we're able to use these watches now."

"How do you know about the Savage Land?" Scott asked.

"Oh the Military has known about it for years," Shipwreck told him. "That and where Atlantis is. Yeah, **that** was helpful information!"

Madelyne looked confused. "Our mommy is a slut," Brittany said cheerfully.

"She ran off with some Atlantean rich guy," Quinn quipped.

"Girls! I've told you before not to call your mother a slut," Shipwreck said. "You call the heart stomping sea hag an **adulteress." **

"As you can imagine, Thanksgiving is a **magical** time of year at our house," Althea groaned.

"Are you gonna be okay Wanda?" Angelica asked her friend. "I know you've been through a lot."

"I'll have an emotional crisis **after** we rescue Lorna and beat the crap out of my father," Wanda told her.

"Then Wanda and I will have a nice long angst session with self loathing, rage, hatred..." Pietro counted off. "And maybe some fudge sundaes to wash it down."

"Come on let's get this over with!" Bobby said impatiently. "The sooner we get there the sooner we can save Lorna!"

"Just hang onto your boxer shorts," Althea told him. "Dad I know you love a good fight but…"

"I know, it's my turn to watch the kids," Shipwreck sighed, holding Baby Beak and Little C. "I'll stay put."

"Nice to see I don't have to use the duct tape this time," Althea said.

"I'll stay with him," Cover Girl agreed. "I'll watch Larry too."

"Fine then, the rest of us will go," Roadblock nodded picking up his rifle. "I say YO JOE!"

"Here we go again," Pietro quipped as Rogue and Remy held onto him. "Welcome to Disaster Teleportation Services, where your destination is **guaranteed **to be a disaster! Please keep your arms and legs and other body parts in at all times or else they will be scattered to teeny tiny bits. If any of your body parts such as your brain or extremities are **already** teeny tiny bits, we are not responsible. Our lawyer told us we can't be held accountable for God's failures."

"Why are you still alive?" Rogue gave him a look. "Seriously why hasn't someone **killed** you by now?"

"If you don't wanna do it Remy knows some people Remy can call," Remy told her.

"Why **pay** someone when there are plenty of **volunteers** who will do it for **free?"** Lance asked.

"Man has a point," Pyro nodded.

"Here's **another** one," Jean looked at Madelyne. "Madelyne you are staying behind!"

"What? Why?" Madelyne asked.

"Why? Because you're too young and you're too inexperienced with your powers. **That's** why!" Jean snapped.

"I'm getting better with them," Madelyne snapped. "I did pretty well in Cobra La! I kicked butt then!"

"And I'm still not exactly thrilled about that little episode!" Jean glared at Logan.

"Why are you blaming **me** and not your **boyfriend?"** Logan backed away from Jean's frightening glare.

"Good point," Jean turned around. "You're **both** to blame!"

"Thanks a **lot**, Wolverine!" Scott gulped.

"It was bad enough you both **deliberately** put Madelyne in danger but encouraging her to go on missions when she's not ready? You two are **unbelievable!"** Jean's eyes started to glow. "What were you **thinking?**"

"Uh oh," Todd gulped. "I've seen **that** look before…"

"Scary…" Fred gulped. "Very scary."

"I repeat, **what were you thinking?"** Jean shouted.

"I know what they're thinking of **now,**" Pietro remarked.

"It wasn't **all** our fault!" Scott wildly pointed at Xavier. "The Professor is the one who let her go!"

"Scott!" Xavier shouted. Then he shrunk when he saw himself in the direct path of Jean's angry glare. "Jean…Please calm down."

"I AM CALM!" Small flames shot out of Jean's eyes. "PROFESSOR **YOU** ARE THE ONE ULTIMATELY RESPONSBILE HERE! WHAT WERE YOU **THINKING?"**

"Jean please remember that I am **already** in a wheelchair," Xavier gulped. He was afraid. **Very **afraid. "You know I think I will stay behind…"

"Me too!" The Blind Master volunteered.

"Anything to escape the wrath of Hurricane Jean huh?" Logan quipped.

**"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"** Jean roared, a phoenix raptor manifesting around her.

"I said…Maybe Goblyn should stay behind…" Logan gulped.

"Or maybe we can show a certain ninja film on movie night," Daria suggested.

"Ninja Smack Down of Love in the Woods," Quinn got an evil look.

"Starring Ninja Hot to Trot and…" Brittany grinned.

"On the other hand Jean…" Logan wavered. "She could use the field experience."

"Okay I don't know what the Triplets have on you…"Jean groaned as she calmed down a little. "And I don't **want** to know. But there is **no way** I am going to allow my little sister along on a life and death mission!"

"You really think of me as your little sister?" Madelyne blinked.

"Yes because you are!" Jean snapped. "And you're **not** coming!"

"I wonder if any **other **hero team has to go through this?" Scott groaned. "Arguing over baby sitting or not?"

"Nope it's just us," Lance sighed. "Lucky us."

"Jean how about this?" Althea suggested. "Have her stay close to Multiple, Spyder and Trinity. They have a lot of experience and will look out for her. It's not like she hasn't been training lately. Think of it as a test for those skills the ninja masters taught her. Besides you never know when we'll need another telekinetic."

"We can help her if she runs into any trouble! Honest!" Spyder nodded.

"All right, all right! Fine!" Jean relented. "But if anything happens…"

"We get it, we're all fried," Pietro said.

"Jean is scary," Xi gulped. "Very scary."

"Yeah almost as scary as **you** after a dozen Mrs. Fields' cookies," Pietro rolled his eyes.

"I like cookies," Xi shrugged.

"Me too!" Pyro nodded. "Have you ever had orange creamsicle cookies? They're so yummy and mouth melting and they taste so orangey…"

"And can we get on with it?" Bobby snapped.

"No need for a lover's tiff with me," Pyro sniffed.

"I'm almost tempted to stay **behind**…" Bobby moaned.

"Let's get on board and go! Yo Joe!" Roadblock shouted. He pushed the button on the teleportation watch. Soon they all found themselves in the middle of a huge jungle near a lake.

"Are you sure this is the place?" Rina asked looking around.

"Uh let's see," Pietro looked around. "Hot muggy jungle, big insects…"

SLURRRRP!

Todd downed a huge fist sized dragonfly. "Yum!"

"Toad making everyone lose their lunch…" Pietro moaned.

"I would have thought he would have learned his lesson after getting indigestion after the Cobra La attack?" Kurt turned slightly green.

"If I got indigestion after every little pig out I'd never eat again," Fred shrugged.

"RRARRRRRR!"

"And last but not least big giant extinct lizards all over the place," Pietro remarked as they saw dozens of different species of dinosaur. "Yeah I think we're in the right place. Unless we've somehow landed on the set of Jurassic Park Four."

"This is unbelievable! Rahne gasped. "So many different animals! So many different scents! It's a whole different world!"

"And the perfect place for Mag-not-so-neato to create **another** one," Low Light remarked.

"Yeah but you gotta admit all these dinosaurs are pretty cool," Doug blinked.

"Amazing," Hank whistled. "I see a herd of montanoceratops! They were found in the Late Cretaceous period which was approximately sixty five to seventy two million years ago! And in the lake is an elasmosaurus, the largest member of the Plesiosaur family. And on the beach…Those look like ammonite shells! Fascinating!"

"Looks like we dropped into a Discovery Channel special," Bobby looked around.

"You gotta admit this is new for us," Jamie said. "We've never trashed a dinosaur habitat before."

"Wow, look at all these different dinosaurs from all the different eras!" Arcade whistled. "Over there is a dimeotrodon! And that's a brontosaurus! A herd of triceratops over there! That's a couple of rhamphorhynchus flying up there! That little lizard on that rock is an araeoscelis! And look! Close enough to touch are three or four examples of allosauruses! Or is it…Darn it what **do** you call more than **one **allosaurus? I used to **know** this!"

"Aren't those things **meat eaters?"** Scott asked.

"Yeah, why?" Arcade asked. "Oh wait…" He then noticed they had very sharp teeth. "RUN!"

The creatures attacked. "Here comes a dino attack! Run if you don't want to be a snack!" Roadblock shouted as he ran. Most of the mutant human force ran.

"It sucks to be a herbivore doesn't it?" Althea asked.

"Actually it sucks to be us **period!"** Todd snapped as the dinosaurs started to chase them. "AAAHHH!"

"You **still** think dinosaurs are cool, Cypher?" Ray snapped as he ran.

"You gotta be kidding me?" Logan stood his ground as the others ran. "Why the hell are we **running?** We've faced tougher enemies in the kitchen! Kids!"

"We got it! BAD DINOS!" Trinity flew up and hit them with their psychic lighting. "BAD DINOS!"

"Yeah it's not nice to eat people!" Spyder zapped one with her electric webs.

"GO AWAY!" Madelyne shouted as she telekinetically threw branches and stones at the dinosaurs. Some of them were very big and very heavy.

"YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP! YAP!" Penny was biting at the tail of one very frightened predator.

"Yeah get outta here! Get outta here!" Jamie made several copies of himself and they threw stones and sticks at the creatures. Faced with such a vicious onslaught the animals fled for their lives.

"**Still** think it was a mistake for me to come?" Madelyne whirled on Jean.

"Notice it was the little kids saving your butts!" Spyder scoffed.

"Okay maybe we panicked just a little there," Pietro gulped.

"Maybe you panicked like a little boy who wet his pants!" Daria snapped.

"Yeah you think you guys would know better by now than to freak out by some stupid dinosaurs," Jamie gave them a look.

"Okay so we panicked! We're only human!" Doug said. "So to speak…"

"Well you'd better not panic any more," Spyder said.

"Yeah we gotta slog through miles of dinosaur infested territory," Quinn nodded. "Fighting off giant Tyrannosaurs Rexes!"

"Trying to escape quicksand and poisonous insect bites," Brittany added.

"Maybe escaping the jaws of a vicious Sabertooth tiger…" Daria added.

"There's only **one** Sabertooth **I'm** worried about," Logan grunted.

"The girls are right! We have a long and dangerous haul ahead of us," Todd said, getting further and further into his imagination. "I mean we could spend weeks combing the jungle, dodging dinosaurs, fighting giant fire ants, fleeing erupting volcanoes, dealing with a tribe of lost cavemen who want us to become human sacrifices, trying not to become dinner for giant snakes who want to swallow us alive…"

"Or we could just go over that hill over there," Rina pointed with her thumb. "Where Magneto's army **actually** is!"

"Huh?" Todd blinked.

"Just like she said Warts for Brains. One mutant army **that **a way," Logan pointed. "I can smell 'em from here."

"Oh," Todd blinked. "Well that will save us a lot of time."

"How **you** ever got to be a ninja in training I will **never** understand," Kurt moaned as they went to check out what they were up against.

"It does boggle the mind doesn't it?" Remy asked. "Gambit admits he's been trying to figure it out too. Only thing that makes sense is that Toad did something so insanely stupid or got himself into some kind of situation that they **had** to make him a ninja!"

**"What?"** Lance, Roadblock, Pietro, Fred, and Spirit said at the same time.

"T-that's crazy right? Right guys?" Pietro stammered. "Totally crazy! Right? Right?"

"Yeah that's totally lame," Lance agreed. "Toad was chosen because of his skills."

"Hey has skills," Fred nodded quickly. "Lots of skills."

"He **does?"** Pyro blinked. Fred hit him on the head. "OW! Oh I guess he does. I don't know what they are right now but he's got them."

"He's very talented," Spirit agreed. "Really."

"He's a very talented boy. He's my pride and joy," Roadblock agreed.

Rina and Logan shot each other knowing looks. "Do we **really** want to know about this?" She whispered to him so low that only they could hear each other.

"No," Logan sighed. "Whatever they're hiding can't be that important right now. I mean it is **Toad** we're talking about."

"Thanks for sticking by me guys!" Todd as usual was totally oblivious to the undertones. "I'm a ninja because I got the skills! I got the moves! Hy-aaaa!" He hopped around showing off his kicks and stances.

"He's got **something** all right," Bobby groaned. "What I have **no **idea."

"Hyaaahhh! Hoo ha!" Todd jumped around. He tripped and tumbled into the jungle growth. "Ahhhhh!"

"Great choice for a ninja," Logan groaned.

"Hey guys you gotta see this!" Todd shouted.

"Toad you don't have to shout, we can all hear you!" Scott went after him. "You might give away our position to the…Enemy?"

"Whoa!" Kitty gasped as she saw what Todd saw.

"This is Magneto's base?" Jean was surprised as well.

Before them about a mile away was a huge gleaming silver and gold futuristic city. There were small futuristic looking flying machines darting to and fro all around the base as well as what appeared to be a complex monorail system. There was a giant silver tower in the center that gleamed in the light. On the ground they could see a huge fountain and near it a large troop of mutant soldiers doing their exercises. Winged mutants were flying around patrolling the skies and carrying deliveries. The entire city seemed to be filled with mutants.

"It looks like something out of a movie," Jubilee was impressed.

"Magneto's not just building an army," Logan whistled. "Looks like he's building a whole **city** in there!"

"I can smell **hundreds** of different mutant scents," Rina sniffed the breeze.

"I can sense them too," Betsy nodded. "Nearly a thousand of them! But it's a little fuzzy."

"See those towers there?" Althea pointed to several strange looking towers all along the perimeter. "They must be mutant signature cloaking devices. That's why the Professor couldn't find them."

"And there are a **lot **of them to hide," Pietro whistled.

"How do we find Lorna in all that mess?" Bobby asked.

"You call **that** a mess?" Todd pointed at the gleaming city. "Man buddy you have issues!"

"I mean that place is huge," Bobby told him. "How are we going to find her?"

"We need a plan," Scott said. "Jean can you use your telepathy to locate Polaris?"

"I can try but since Magneto's shielded and he's probably got a few telepaths running around the place…" Jean sighed. "Our chances aren't that good."

"Try it anyway on some of the non telepaths nearest the headquarters," Kitty suggested. "Maybe they're not shielded?"

"Or we could just **ask **someone," Althea pointed to the gates. Three mutants were going out on foot patrol. "Anybody recognize any of 'em?"

"That's Joanna Cargill over there," Angelica pointed using her binoculars. "And Spoor…" She pointed to the hairy brown mutant.

"And that's Shiva," Rogue remembered the multi armed mutant carrying a sword.

"Good, not a telepath in the group," Althea nodded.

"But they could still have a link so be careful," Logan warned.

"Not to worry," Pietro grinned. "I think my sisters and I have got this covered."

Two minutes later in the jungle…

"This is so boring," Joanna grumbled as she walked with her team. "Why do we have to do foot patrol anyway? Can't those stupid telepaths just scan the perimeter?"

"Telepaths are not infallible," Shiva grunted. "Checking out the perimeter by foot is necessary. Suppose someone sends a robot to spy on us?"

"Aw who's going to do that? Nobody even knows we're out here! Much less **spy **on us!" Joanna yawned. "I'd like to see the fool that would get the drop on us, right Spoor? Spoor?" She turned around. "Where did he go?"

"I don't know he was right here a second ago," Shiva looked around. She turned away for a second. And that was all it took for Pietro to rush up and quickly stab Joanna with a knock out dart and grab her.

WHOOOSH!

"What was that?" Shiva turned around. Now she was alone. "Frenzy? Spoor? Are you two trying to ditch again?"

She turned around again and saw Rogue. "Remember me sugar?" Rogue growled and punched Shiva out. "Last time I just broke your swords. This time I'll break your jaw."

"Enough with the quotes," Althea said as the others emerged form hiding. "Phoenix, Psylocke you got anything?"

"A basic layout of the complex however there are strong mental blocks so I can't get anything else," Betsy said as she knelt over Spoor.

"Same thing here," Jean nodded. "But I do know where they're keeping Polaris. In **that** tower." She pointed to the largest one.

"Of course it would be in **that** one," Lance groaned. "Any suggestions?"

"Phoenix you could always transmit the information and location telepathically to Nightcrawler and he could take someone to pick up Polaris," Spirit said. "Nightcrawler we know you have to have some basic knowledge of where you are teleporting to. Do you think Phoenix could do that?"

"Yeah we've done that before," Kurt nodded. "Just show me where and we're good to go!"

"I'll go too! And don't say no!" Bobby snapped.

"I want to go too," Pietro said. "I'm the fastest and I…Well she is my sister after all. I guess I should try and help one of **them** out."

"We'd better have a back up plan," Scott thought. He heard a dinosaur roar in the distance and an idea came to him. He looked at Trinity, Spyder, Jamie and Madelyne. "And I think I know just the mutants to do it."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Young lady listen to reason!" Mender was exasperated with her niece.

"Reason? Reason?" Lorna snapped from behind a mutant power dampening field. She and Bova were inside a cell that had two beds, a sink and a toilet. Bova was laying down on one of the beds. "You used me and lied to me all my life for your so called cause and you call **that **a reason?"

"I don't expect you to understand right away," Mender sighed.

"Good, just don't expect me to understand at **all!**" Lorna yelled. "Because that is **never** going to happen!"

"You ungrateful little brat," Fabian Cortez was also in the room. "Lord Magneto has given you **everything.** Favored you over all his other children…"

"Oh yeah **that'**s saying something," Lorna interrupted.

Cortez went on. "He even allowed Mender to heal that walking hamburger over there and how do you **repay **him?"

"Oh stuff it Cortez, you freaking suck up!" Lorna sneered. "Save the fake outrage! My father isn't here."

"Yes Cortez, please," Mender sighed. "This is difficult enough as it is without **you **helping!"

"I was just trying to say…" Cortez began.

"I know what you were trying to say," Mender said. "You were trying to say that you think Magneto will favor you over Lorna now! Well that's **not** going to happen so shut up and let me work here!"

"It could happen," Cortez snapped. "I'm loyal."

"Yeah so was Pyro and look what happened to him!" Lorna snapped. "I know the truth! Magneto beat him and left him to die! How could anyone follow a man who would try to kill Pyro because…Okay **bad **example there. But you see where I was going with this!"

"Pyro was annoying," Cortez pointed out.

"Yes, Pyro was slightly less annoying than **you,**" Mender glared at Cortez.

"The one thing we **do** agree on," Lorna said. "So to recap the truth, my mother hated mutants and I was nothing more than an experiment."

"Hey at least he didn't lock you up in an asylum or hand you over to Mystique to raise!" Cortez shot back.

"He's got a point **there,**" Mender looked at Lorna.

"Oh so you're saying my father loved me because he only lied and used me to be his secret weapon and didn't **abuse** me worse than his other kids?" Lorna yelled.

"Now you're getting it," Cortez nodded.

Both Mender and Lorna looked at him. "Cortez, **shut up!**" Both of them said at the same time.

"Good idea!" Pietro zoomed into the room and slammed his fist into Cortez, knocking him down. "And people say I'm annoying!"

"You **are** annoying," Kurt teleported in with Bobby. He turned off the barrier.

"Bobby!" Lorna embraced Bobby. "You came for me!"

"Of course I did!" Bobby said. "Never turn down a chance to rescue a damsel in distress."

"Is Bova okay?" Pietro asked.

"I am fine," Bova nodded as she sat up. "Just a bit stunned."

"Mender healed her," Lorna explained. She saw Mender try to move away. "Stop her before she…"

"Warns someone?" A figure stepped out of the shadows. She looked exactly like Lorna except for her black hair. She wore a hospital gown and she looked angry and deranged.

"Experiment Z…How did **you** get out?" Mender gasped. The clone moved her hands and several metal objects in the room attacked her. "Okay, **that **explains a lot!"

"Is that…" Pietro gasped.

"You…" The clone gasped and glared at Lorna. "You tried to kill me…NOW I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"Experiment Z-A-1-A! No! Don't…" Mender began.

"I am not an experiment! I am Zala…Zaladane!" The clone shrieked as she made the metal objects turn into restraints on Mender, clamping her tight against the wall.

"My whole life has just turned into an insane Jerry Springer episode," Lorna rolled her eyes and moaned.

"Welcome to the club," Kurt grumbled.

"You…" Zaladane hissed at Lorna. "I remember you…You tried to steal my life you…you **copy!"**

"Copy? **You're **the copy!" Lorna shouted.

"LIES!" Zalandane's hands glowed and strange glowing lights emit from her hands. Bobby and Lorna barely dodged them.

"They look like Wanda's hex bolts!" Pietro gasped.

"They are," Mender called out. "Some of the Scarlet Witch's DNA was implanted in her as well.

"Well isn't that **great!"** Kurt moaned as he dodged the blasts.

"How about this?" Bobby made an ice shield which deflected Zaladane's blasts back at her. She screamed as she was thrown backwards against the wall. Her metal manipulating powers activated due to the hex bolts and the metal tower shook and started to change form.

"I…I can't control my powers!" Zaladane screamed.

"Aaah!" Cortez woke up and saw what was happening. "I don't wanna die!" He fled for his life out the door.

"For once he's got the right idea! This place is gonna explode!" Kurt said. "We gotta get out of here!"

"Wait…" Lorna looked at Mender still trapped against the wall. She used her powers to release her. "Get out of here."

"Lorna…" Mender said pleading.

"Aunt Karen…" Lorna turned away from her. "This is goodbye. I never want to see you again!"

They ran out the door. Kurt grabbed Bova and teleported away. Pietro ran out with his super speed. Lorna took a piece of metal from the wall and made a metal flat sphere large enough for two people to stand on.

"Hang on!" Lorna grabbed Bobby's hand and they flew out riding the sphere. Soon the tower crumbled behind them.

RRRUMMMMBLEEEE! Buildings were being shaken and crumbling around them. "I see Avalanche is putting his powers to good use," Lorna remarked.

"That's not Avalanche," Bobby pointed. "Look!"

"Are those what I think they are?" Lorna yelled.

"Yup they are," Bobby nodded.

"RARRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

"Holy crap look at all the freaking dinosaurs!" One mutant screamed as a huge herd made up of dozens of different dinosaurs crashed through the city. Considering many of them were made up of species over fifty feet tall they were doing quite a bit of damage.

This shocked and confused several mutants that ran around. This gave the X-Men and Misfits a perfect chance to invade. "Don't forget us! Let's go! Yo Joe!" Roadblock shouted as he fired his machine gun at the buildings.

RRRRRUMMMBBBBLLEE!

"That sounds like Avalanche," Bobby said.

"But how did they get those dinosaurs to rampage in the first place?" Lorna asked.

"Never underestimate the power of annoying children," Bobby snickered.

"WHEEEE! GIT ALONG LITTLE DINOS!" Trinity squealed as they flew along, herding the dinosaurs with their psychic lightning. "DA DA DA DA DA DA BONANZA! DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAA!"

"YAP! YAP! YAP! GRRRRRR!" Penny held onto the tail of a huge Tyrannosaurus Rex with her teeth. It cried out in pain and screamed in terror before it shook her off. Penny merely landed on her feet and chased after it again.

"Giddy yap! Yah! Yah!" Jamie whooped as he, Madelyne, Spyder and his clones rode a few dazed and confused dinosaurs.

"Holy cow…" Lorna blinked as they landed near a group of X-Men and Misfits.

"That's an interesting choice of words," Scott blinked as he saw Bova for the first time.

"I gotta admit Summers this was one of your **better** ideas," Lance grinned as the dinosaurs caused devastation within the city. "You're starting to think like a Misfit!"

"I'll take that as a complement," Scott groaned.

"I always did tell Magneto he should have a dinosaur wall or something," Lorna shook her head. "I wonder why he never…"

"AAAAAARRRRARAAAAAA!" Zaladane burst out of the ruined tower and hovered in the air. "YOU! YOU SHALL ALL PAY FOR THE PAIN YOU HAVE GIVEN ME!"

"Is that your…" Jubilee began.

"She calls herself Zaladane," Lorna explained. "Watch out!"

Zaladane used her metal warping powers to use every piece of metal at her disposal to attack the teams. Considering nearly all the ruined buildings were made of metal she was not in short supply. She created giant metal spears and boulders and tossed them at the teams.

"Wolverine! X23 and Colossus! Keep back!" Roadblock warned. He readied his plastic rifle only to have it zapped with a hex bolt. The rifle fired on it's own and the laser hit Logan. "What the…?"

"Hey watch where you're aiming that thing?" Logan snapped.

"It wasn't me!" Roadblock dodged as the rifle spun into the air and shot at everyone thanks to Zaladane. "How is she doing that? There's no metal in that rifle!"

"She's using hex bolts," Pietro explained. "Magneto put some of Wanda's DNA in her too!"

"Let me see if I get this straight," Rogue looked at Lorna. "This girl has **both** your magnetic powers **and** some of Wanda's hex powers?"

"Afraid so," Lorna sighed.

"This is so not good," Scott gulped.

"AAAAAHHHHH!" Zaladane screamed as she used both her powers at the same time. However this did not have the effect she desired for everything spun out of control. Metal objects were also attacking Magneto's army as well. They were fighting for their lives more from the dinosaurs and Zaladane rather than the X-Men and the Misfits.

"Looks like she has problems with controlling her powers," Scott grunted.

"Considering she was born only a month ago I'm not surprised," Jean remarked.

"So was I but I'm pretty much in control," Madelyne snorted. "Well most of the time."

"YOU WILL DIE! I WANT YOU TO DIE!" Zaladane screamed as she saw Lorna and focused her powers to attack Lorna. Suddenly she was knocked from behind by a small metal obelisk.

"Stay away from her," Magneto snarled as he floated over her.

"Father…" Zaladane reached out towards Magneto. "Why?"

"You will not harm my daughter, clone!" Magneto snapped as he used metal to restrain her.

"Oh boy…" Logan groaned. "Here comes the main event!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Zaladane screamed as she was flung backwards. She could not focus on her powers due to her inexperience, so Magneto was easily able to encase her in a metal sphere and throw it away from the city.

"Things just got crazier didn't they?" Arcade gulped.

"Come on! Let's get out of here!" Rogue shouted.

"Easier said than done," Scott said. "Here comes the cavalry!" More mutants ran towards to attack them. The Misfits and X-Men went to fight them. Despite their numbers the X-Men and Misfits easily managed to hold their own.

Cortez managed to sneak behind Wanda and Lorna as they fought. "Die you little traitors…" He pulled out a gun and shot at them from behind.

But this did not go unnoticed. "NO!" Bova saw this and threw her body in front of them, taking the full blast of the laser. "UUUHHHHGGGGHH!"

"BOVA!" Wanda screamed. She hex bolted Cortez backwards. He ran and screamed in fear.

"She's hurt badly!" Lorna called out.

"Dragonfly!" Wanda yelled. Lina maneuvered her way across the field to attend to her.

"I'm going to need some cover!" Lina said as she got to work.

"You got it!" Lorna used her powers to grab some metal to make a shield around them.

"Where's Magneto?" Scott looked around and saw him in the distance. Suddenly a huge explosion and flames hid him from sight. Then more explosions all around them. The mutant army stopped fighting and started to flee.

"I smell gas! We must have tripped a line or something! This place is gonna blow!" Logan roared.

"Come on!" Fred grabbed Bova. "We gotta go!"

"GO! GO! GO! MOVE IT!" Roadblock ordered. The two teams fled the city as fast as they could just before a huge explosion rocked the ground.

"Is everyone okay?" Scott asked when the smoke cleared.

"We're all alive, sort of," Kitty coughed.

"Scratch one mutant city," Ray remarked as he looked at the rubble. "Look at them run!" He pointed to several flying ships filled with mutants taking off to directions unknown, scattering to the sky.

"I dunno," Logan thought. "All this…It just seems too easy."

"You call that nightmare we went through **easy**?" Ray shouted.

"Speaking of which," Remy noticed something. "That cow lady don't look so good." Bova was on the ground attended by Lina, Wanda and Lorna.

"Bova!" Pietro shouted as he rushed to the cow woman's side. "What happened?"

"Cortez shot at us from behind but she…" Lorna sniffled. "She saved us."

"Hang on Bova," Wanda held her hand. "Pietro and I will get you to a hospital. Just hang on!"

"It's all right my dear ones," Bova gasped. "I have lived a full and happy life. I'm just glad I was able to help you one last time…" She closed her eyes.

"No…" Wanda turned pale as she realized what happened. "She's…gone."

"Bova," Pietro gasped. The others were stunned. Pietro held his sobbing sister.

"Pietro, Wanda…I'm sorry. There was nothing I could do," Lina said softly. "Her internal injuries were too extensive. I'm sorry…"

"It's not your fault Lina. Cortez will **pay** for what he did…" Wanda sobbed. "I promise!"

"Heads up!" Logan barked. "We've got company!"

"Them again!" Bobby prepared to fight as he saw five familiar figures riding metal unicorns land near them. "I ought to…"

"Wait," Scott stopped him. "I want to find out why they're here."

"Isn't it obvious? To take Lorna back!" Bobby snapped.

"Let him try!" Lorna growled.

"It is not **you **we came for!" The High Evolutionary growled. His Knights of Wundergore were behind him. He saw Bova's body. "Bova! No! What have you **done** with her?"

"We didn't…A mutant named Fabian Cortez killed her," Wanda choked. "Trying to protect Lorna and me."

"I see," The High Evolutionary said. "Faithful to her charges to the end."

"You really came to save Bova?" Roberto was surprised.

"Bova was like a mother to us **all** human," Sir Ram snarled. "Did you really think we would abandon her?"

"She raised us when we were cubs," Lady Ursa growled, pain obvious in her voice.

"She cared for us all as if we were her own," Lord Tyger told them, tears leaking down his eyes.

"As well as **all** the children of Wundergore," Lady Vermin's face was filled with sorrow.

"Even though she went against you helping us?" Lorna was surprised.

"The fault was mine and mine alone," The High Evolutionary knelt next to Bova's body. "She was bred to be a nurturer. A kind heart dedicated to protecting and caring for anyone in her charge. Prisoner or Noble…It did not matter to her. I never should have allowed her into…She was merely following her prime calling, since technically the three of you were never fully discharged from her care. She was one of my first children, and one of my most beloved. And she will be missed."

"This is a blow greater than the destruction of any building in Wundergore," Sir Ram shook his head. "All our people will miss her. Please, let us take her back home. To rest with her people who loved her so much."

Pietro looked at Roadblock who nodded. He and Wanda stepped back. The High Evolutionary picked up her body. "Make no mistake, I only do not attack you **now** because it would insult Bova's memory," The High Evolutionary growled.

"But one day we will meet again. And on that day the Knights of Wundergore and the race of New Men will prove truly superior," Lord Tyger growled.

"We will **not** attack them first," The High Evolutionary ordered. "That is the **human** way. Besides, Bova would not have wished that. But be warned, never interfere in Wundergore's devices again, or else you will truly learn what it means to suffer!"

They watched as the Knights flew away. "Pietro, Wanda…I'm sorry," Lance said.

"It's all right," Wanda sighed. "Like I said before it was Cortez's fault."

"So what happens now?" Danielle asked. "I mean what will happen to Lorna?"

"Well she can come back with the X-Men if she wants," Bobby said. He turned to her. "That is what you want isn't it?"

"That may not be up to her Iceman," Low Light said. "Technically she was working for Magneto and could be under Misfit jurisdiction."

"You mean she may not have any choice but to go to the Misfits?" Bobby asked.

"Don't say it like it's a bad thing," Althea gave him a look. "It's not like you'd never see her again."

"That is true," Hank said. "But perhaps we can work something out so that the Professor can have custody of Lorna?"

"Is that what you really want Lorna?" Pietro asked. "Don't get me wrong, we'd love to have you as a Misfit but if you really would rather be with the X-Men we'd understand."

"We would?" Todd blinked.

"Think Wart Brain," Wanda groaned. "She's got family on **both **teams. So it's not like she'd be abandoned!"

"That's right," Rogue said. "Lorna I know what it's like to be used and treated like a weapon by my own parents. If you'd like…We could start over."

"We could **all** start over," Pietro said. "And you can see how wonderful I am!"

"Oh brother," Bobby groaned. "If that doesn't make the choice clear for Lorna I don't know **what** will!"

"I think we should let the X-Men **have** this one," Roadblock told the others.

"Yeah one sister living under the same roof with Pietro is **bad enough**," Wanda rolled her eyes. "Why inflict **anyone else** to that nightmare?"

"Well okay then we can talk to General Hawk and he can make the arrangements then," Roadblock nodded.

"You'd really do that?" Kitty was surprised. "I mean give her up just like that?"

"It's amazing how little you know us Kitty," Lance gave her a look. "Even after all this time. The only ones that were hard driving us for recruits were Magneto and Mystique in the old days."

"Polaris probably has had more than **enough** of people holding her prisoner against her will. We don't wanna force her to come with us if she really doesn't want to go," Arcade said.

"You forced **me** with a court order," Shane gave them a look.

"Yeah like **you** were looking forward to the Prison Rodeo," Pyro gave him a look.

"Besides it is as Wanda said, she has family on both teams," Xi remarked. "And she will see them every day."

"Most likely around dinnertime," Fred grinned. "And maybe breakfast too. Oh and lunch every now and then."

"Snack time is also an option," Pyro added. "And don't forget tea time! I love tea time!"

"Oh man so there really is **no difference** where she lives after all is there?" Scott groaned.

Meanwhile Logan was looking at the wreckage behind them. "What is it?" Low Light asked him.

"I just have a feeling," Logan frowned his eyes. "Something about all this…The rescue…The way we trashed this place…It was too easy."

"Yeah my gut tells me Magneto's playing possum too," Low Light looked at the wreckage. "But at the very least we wrecked his little operation here."

"You're right," Logan said. "Whatever he's up to at least we know Magneto won't be back here for a **long **time. Let's go."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Unknown to all eyes were watching them under the ground…

"I have just been contacted by each squad," Solitaire spoke to Magneto as they stared at the monitor in the underground bunker. Dozens of other mutants were working around them. "They pretended to scatter like we practiced and will return back in one hour."

"Excellent. The plan worked brilliantly," Magneto told him. "We knew sooner or later the X-Men and Misfits would interfere and try to destroy us. Allowing them to believe we've either died or scattered to the winds will make them complacent."

"I can't believe Mastermind and the other illusionists' tactic worked," Solitaire scoffed. "Not to mention a few well placed demolition charges. They really believe the entire base was destroyed instead of the outer shell."

"Of course it did," Magneto nodded. "By having Polaris' memories altered as soon as we returned furthered the illusion. She remembers nothing about Avalon but only thinks that we were merely making an army. It's fortunate that Xavier and his allies did not have time to truly interrogate her before she was recaptured."

"Not to mention purposely sending out those three mutants with that specific information where she was. And placing her in that tower away from the main section of the base where Avalon is being constructed was also a wise move," Solitaire agreed.

"It was worth it destroying the upper city. Besides it's not like I can't create **another** one. Now we can continue our work **without** any interference," Magneto nodded. "Not only on Avalon but our other projects as well. Such as recruiting and evolving some of the primitive tribes in the Savage Land."

"Sir, about your daughter…" Solitaire spoke.

"It was another necessary sacrifice," Magneto interrupted. "Besides she will return to me in time. Once her delusions have been shattered."

"Actually I was referring to the **other **one," Solitaire coughed. "The clone."

"What about her?" Magneto asked.

"She's…Missing," Solitaire told him.

"What do you mean, **missing?**" Magneto asked.

"Missing as in we cannot find her," Solitaire told him. "I looked for her but her tracks disappeared in the city's explosion."

"Considering I threw her away in a metal sphere I am not suprised. Odds are she probably perished," Magneto sighed. "Well she was a bit unstable anyway. It doesn't matter. We can easily create more where she came from. Now we have all the data we need on the prototype. But I'll send out some trackers, if she did survive which is unlikely…We'll find her. Or what's left of her. She's outlived her usefulness anyway."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Zaladane coughed as she stumbled through the jungle. She had used her powers to break free of her metal prison. Her medical gown was torn to shreds, barely covering her. "Where…Where am I?" She whimpered.

_Come to me…_A voice called out to her.

"Who's there?" She looked around.

_Come…Follow the sound of my voice…Come and I will be your salvation! _

Without hesitation she obeyed and soon found herself at the opening of a huge cave. She stumbled in and fumbled her way into the dark, going deeper and deeper inside. Then she came upon a bright glow.

"W-what is it?" She looked and saw a gleaming temple of gold inside the cavern. She walked up the steps in amazement. In the middle of the temple was a huge gray rock with red eyes and a face carved into it. "Who's calling me?"

_"I did my child…I am He Who Sleeps…" _A voice came from the rock. _"He who shall be awakened…I am the true God of the Savage Land…I am Garrok!" _

"Gar-rok…" Zaladane swayed a little on her feet, mesmerized by the powerful force within.

_"You who have been abandoned and betrayed…You who hold immense power…I choose you to be my servant and by doing so…You shall get your vengeance…" _The stone figure sent a powerful psychic wave at her.

She fell under it's spell, allowing herself to become wrapped up in the anger, hate and power. "Yes…Yes…I see what I must do now…" She knelt before the stone figure. "I must give myself to you and only you…For you shall be my salvation and my retribution!"

_"Do you swear to be my servant and follow my commandments?"_

"Yes…" Zaladane whispered.

_"Do you swear to interpret my laws as I see fit and carry out my will?"_

"Yes…" Zaladane said more strongly now.

_"Do you swear on your life's blood to restore me so that the non believers will be destroyed along with your enemies?" _Garrok sent out a burst of light energy at her.

"YES!" Zaladane screamed. A streak of her hair turned white as the energy from the rock statue coursed through her veins.

_"Then take this scepter my High Priestess…" _A stone staff emerged from the figure. _"Take it and use it's power wisely to begin the new age…The Second Age of Garrok!" _

"I shall my lord! I shall be your instrument!" Zaladane held aloft the scepter. "I am Zaladane! High Priestess of Garrok! And one day the Savage Land shall be cleansed and you will walk the Earth again!"

**Oh boy, looks like the gang may have accidentally made things worse rather than better! But don't expect a trip to the Savage Land any time soon. Because the gang will finally get to go home! And what else will they get? New house mates! That's right more new mutants are going to show up! Find out what will happen in this new phase in the lives of the X-Men and the Misfits! **

"Oh goody," Rogue groaned. "Just what we need."

**Who will the New 'New Mutants' be? How will the gang react to them? How will Lorna settle in at the Institute? How will Wanda cope with the death of Bova?**

"DIE!" Wanda was heard screaming. Several things could be heard being broken.

**Okay maybe that last one was a bit obvious. **

"You **think?"** Rogue gave the author a look.

"Boy she really is upset isn't she?" Pyro remarked as he walked out. "Maybe we should do something especially nice for her? Throw her a party or something? Oh! I know! We can throw her a barbecue! Hey Wanda! How do you like your steaks? Well done or medium rare?"

"DIE!" Wanda screamed as she threw herself at Pyro, instantly strangling him. "DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!"

"AAAHHHHH!" Pyro started to turn blue.

"I'm getting out of here..." Rogue muttered as she walked away. "One of these days I swear I am going to **leave **these lunatics and get a nice quiet job in Iraq detonating bombs or something."

**So until next week, take care! We'll be back!**

"AAAHH! Can't...breathe..." Pyro gasped for breath.

**Well most of us will be. **


	47. A New Start

**A New Start**

"Professor it's beautiful," Kitty stared at the building in awe. "It looks bigger and better than it did before."

"It's not completed yet Kitty," Xavier told her, proud of the rebuilt and improved Xavier Institute. "There's still the matter of some redecorating."

Indeed the Xavier Institute was larger than ever. It's windows were bigger and gleamed in the sun. Even from the outside where the X-Men stood they could tell it had even more rooms than before. "Oh man did you see the pool in the back?" Bobby called out. "It's huge! I can't wait to move in!"

"I almost wish the Misfits could see this," Scott said. "We need their help moving in."

"They'd probably wreck the place," Rogue teased.

"I prefer to think of it as them giving the place a test run," Hank grinned. "Besides they have their own building to work on. Misfit Manor has been rebuilt as well."

"After **we** wrecked it," Logan pointed out. "So don't you get on your high horses."

"It's a good day for new beginnings," Ororo nodded. She pointed to several boxes. "Well we might as well start moving in. And the best part is you all get your own rooms since we've expanded both the student dorms and the instructor's dorms."

"Elf, Stripes, Gumbo, Pete, Half Pint, 'Locke and X," Logan grunted. "Since your graduation is less than a month away we assigned your rooms in the instructor's wing. Just to save time."

"Really?" Rogue gasped. "Whoa. Now even I can't wait to move in!"

"Much as I hate to admit it, the mansion getting destroyed was a good thing for us," Scott said. "The place is not only bigger, but stronger and has more defenses."

"Not to mention more updated technology and secret passages," Hank nodded.

"Secret passages?" Kurt asked. "Why?"

"Let's just say we want to be prepared in case the worst happens," Hank told him.

"Define 'Worst'?" Jubilee asked.

"The government declares war on mutants and sends soldiers and Sentinels to round us up and kill us all," Rina gave her a look.

"Yeah that's a good definition of a worst case scenario," Amara gulped.

"You know that famous Mel Brooks line," Hank said. "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst…"

"I've never heard **that** before," Bobby blinked.

"Oh the ignorance of youth," Hank sighed a disappointing sigh. "How it stabs at my soul like a rusted knife."

"Maybe you just have heartburn?" Ray asked.

"And there it goes again," Hank groaned.

"Let's all go on in and get unpacked shall we?" Xavier made a wry grin. "Before Beast has a breakdown."

Soon the students were busy decorating their rooms and helping redecorate the mansion. Rogue found herself helping Lorna put her bed into her room. "Thanks Rogue," Lorna said as Rogue picked up the wooden bed with her super strength.

"Hey what's family for?" Rogue shrugged as she put the bed down. "If not to use 'em to move furniture around."

"This is so strange," Lorna shook her head. "I mean I've been thinking of all of you as the enemy for so long. And now I'm moving in with you. It's just weird."

"I know what you mean," Rogue said. "I was with the Brotherhood once, remember?"

"Then you know what it's like," Lorna sighed. "To go against your own father."

"Actually I didn't even see Magneto, let alone work with him during my time with the Brotherhood," Rogue confessed. "It was Mystique calling the shots. When I found out about him I'd already been fighting him for quite a while."

"So it was harder going against your mother then?" Lorna asked.

"Complicated actually," Rogue sighed. "That woman is just plain twisted. Hell I think she's even more nuts than Magneto."

"If that's even possible," Lorna sat on the bed. "I thought he loved me. I thought he cared about me. But it was all a lie. The only thing he cares about is his stupid cause. I was nothing more than a **pawn** to him he could use."

"Yeah sometimes I think that we should **let** Wanda kill him or something," Rogue grumbled. "I think that would make **everyone** happy."

"How is she doing anyway?" Lorna asked. "I mean about Bova?"

"A little better," Rogue told her. "She stopped strangling Pyro and blowing up random objects after a few hours and is now down to ranting. Pietro however is still sobbing. Not about Bova but just general stuff. You know why Daddy Never Loved Me, that sort of thing. Needless to say I wouldn't want to be **either** Magneto or Cortez when the two of them catch up to them."

"How do you do it?" Lorna asked her. "How do you put it behind you to get on with your life?"

"To tell you the truth I don't always," Rogue said. "But living around here tends to **distract** you long enough from yourself. I mean plenty distracted…Between our enemies and the Misfits it's a wonder I can think at all sometimes!"

"I used to think the Misfits were made of traitors," Lorna told her. "You were traitors to your own race too. But now I think Magneto is the biggest traitor of all."

"Second biggest next to Mystique," Rogue added. "Let me ask you something, how do you feel about humans?"

"Magneto and Mender always told me how much humans lie and turn on their own kind," Lorna said. "So obviously I can't take their word for it, but…"

"But?" Rogue asked.

"I've seen what happens to mutants in concentration camps," Lorna's face grew dark. "I helped rescue those mutants from North Korea. Rogue…You have no idea the horrors they had to endure."

"I can imagine," Rogue sighed. "We blew up Neverland. Didn't look like an amusement park either."

"To be honest I don't really know much about humans any more," Lorna said. "From what I've seen mutants are just as bigoted and self righteous as they are. My father blasted humans for all the experimentation they did on mutants while all the time he was running the very same experiments himself!"

"Sorry Lorna, your dad's a hypocrite," Bobby walked in. "Plain and simple."

"Don't be sorry. You're right," Lorna nodded. "But I'm not so sure about Xavier's dream either. I have to admit talking out our problems and trying peaceful ways to get along with them is better than Magneto's ideas."

"Let me guess, negotiating with humans wasn't that popular an idea with your father?" Bobby frowned.

"It wasn't encouraged if that's what you mean," Lorna admitted. "How do you stand it? I mean…The Joes are mostly human but they're soldiers. And they know all your powers and secrets! Aren't you afraid that one day they'll turn on you and try to destroy you?"

"We're more afraid they'll show up in the middle of the night, steal all our food and have a party," Rogue barked. "And they **have** done that. Too many times to count."

"I know what you mean Lorna," Bobby said. "But not all humans are jerks. Look at me, my family disowned me because they couldn't take having a mutant in the family. And then they sold their life story movie rights to Lifetime. They made a movie about my life depicting me as a bad guy to **Lifetime!** A movie where I was friends with Pyro! I mean what's up with that? How can people even think that? We were never on the same team let alone **friends!**"

"Uh Bobby…" Rogue began.

"He's a total psycho! A complete and total **psycho **and that movie made people think I'm **friends** with him!" Bobby ranted on. "He's fire, I'm ice! I'm normal, he's **nuts!** How the hell can we be friends? And to make matters worse he's convinced that I'm gay, which I'm not…Not that there's anything wrong with that but I am **not gay**! Definitely, Absolutely not gay! **Not gay!** I'm **straight!** I've had girlfriends for crying out loud! But he doesn't believe me!"

"Bobby…" Rogue began again.

"I don't know why he doesn't believe me," Bobby went on. "I've explained it to him again and again and again that I'm straight! I've even used charts and he still won't get it! What is wrong with him? Wait you could fill up a twelve hundred page report to answer **that** question!"

"Bobby..." Rogue tried again but Bobby ignored her.

"And he **had **to tell the entire world that I was gay and had a crush on him!," Bobby went on. "Actually that's mostly **Firestar's fault,** another nut who plays with fire but I'm getting ahead of myself."

"Bobby…" Rogue sighed. "Planet Earth to Bobby. Come in Bobby…"

"Thanks to those two I'll never be able to watch Family Guy again!" Bobby moaned. "I used to **love** that show! Until I became the butt of a very cruel joke! And it wouldn't surprise me one bit if Pyro gave them that idea! He ruined it for me! Ruined it I tell you!"

"Bobby! Here Bobby..." Rogue whistled. "Come back Bobby. Here boy! Come back."

"You know I'm not gay right?" Bobby asked Lorna. "I mean I hope you know I'm not gay! I just want to set the record straight! Which I am I'm straight that's all…What were we talking about again?"

"I think I'm starting to see what you mean about getting distracted," Lorna looked at Rogue.

"We were talking about us being friends with the GI Joes," Rogue reminded him. **"Remember?"**

"Oh yeah right," Bobby nodded. "Got it. Don't worry about them Lorna. I mean I admit we kind of didn't trust them at first. Actually we still can't trust them. Especially Pyro. He's a **nut!"**

"Could you stop ranting about Pyro for **one minute** here?" Rogue snapped. "And stay on subject?"

"Sorry," Bobby apologized. "Actually Shane Shooter isn't that trustworthy either. Or Avalanche. Or Toad. Definitely not Pietro and Wanda. Firestar you have to watch your back…And don't get me **started** on Trinity!"

"**Forget** the Misfits!" Rogue snapped. "We're talking about the **Joes!** The adults! "The Fight For Freedom Wherever There's Trouble Gang! The guys who have been taking on Cobra for years? Remember them? Although I gotta admit more than half of them aren't playing with a full deck either."

"Oh yeah, they're pretty nuts too," Bobby said. "Wait until you meet Psyche-Out the shrink. No wonder they're all so nuts if he's their counselor."

"He's our counselor **too** Bobby," Rogue reminded him. "Anyway the Joes have helped us out a lot from time to time. Even if they do give us a lot of headaches."

"This is a lot for me," Lorna said. "I don't know this is all so new…Especially me being the new girl here. What if everyone hates me and blames me for the stuff my father did?"

"You should have a talk with Kurt about **his **Dad sometime," Rogue remarked. "Or Remy for that matter."

"Don't worry too much," Bobby said. "Around this place, new people don't stay new for very long. Sooner or later there's another new guy or girl popping up."

BAMPH!

"See what I mean?" Bobby coughed. "Geeze Kurt!"

"Sorry," Kurt apologized. "I just thought I'd see how you were doing Lorna."

"Well…" Lorna began.

"There you are," Kitty peeked her head through the floor and floated upwards into the room. "How's it going Lorna?"

"Fine…I guess," Lorna blinked.

"See what I mean about people popping up all over the place?" Bobby pointed his thumb at Kurt and Kitty.

"This is definitely not like Magneto's base that's for sure," Lorna admitted. "Most people didn't even come near my quarters, much less pop in to check on me."

"Didn't you have any friends among the Acolytes?" Kitty was shocked.

"Now that I think about it, **no,**" Lorna sighed. "Then again my father didn't exactly encourage me to have many. Said I needed to keep myself separate from the others since I was a future leader in training and that most of the other mutants were not as evolved as I was."

"You're kidding?" Kitty was shocked. "You never hung out or played video games or shopped or watched movies or **anything?"**

"Where would we go shopping Kitty? We were in the middle of the Savage Land," Lorna gave her a look.

"Not exactly too many malls there," Rogue agreed. "But what about just hanging out and watching television and stuff?"

"Not really a lot of that, unless it was monitoring the mutant situation around the world," Lorna said. "Most mutants only fraternized with their own squads among their own classes. The more powerful ones stayed together and the weaker ones just stayed away in their own section."

"That's awful," Kitty said. "So you didn't have any friends at all you could talk to or count on?"

"Among the Acolytes you were expected to hold your own," Lorna explained. "Working with a team was one thing but in your personal life if you couldn't hold your own, it was just too darn bad."

"Unbelievable," Kurt shook his head. "Even the Misfits aren't like **that. **Even with us. Except for the occasional prank war, but that's a different story."

"What my dear brother is saying is that the X-Men are nothing like that," Rogue finished. "We all help each other out and take care of each other in and out of training. Whether we want it or not."

"We all work together not just to make the world a better place for everyone, but to make a real home for ourselves," Bobby nodded.

"It sounds a little…corny," Lorna thought.

"Corny as it sounds that's what the Institute is about," Kitty shrugged. "Finding a place for us to be accepted. We're all family here."

"With the Misfits as the annoying second cousins," Rogue rolled her eyes. "Who come over to mooch off of us way too often."

"Yeah but you gotta admit as annoying as they are, they've helped us pull our butts out of the fire often enough," Kurt admitted. "And we did kind of trash their place last time when they were trying to help us out."

"Normally they trash our place for **no reason!"** Bobby said.

"True but usually they leave the **roof** intact," Kitty gave him a look.

"Look who's talking! The girl who let the talking Quicksilver Coyote loose," Bobby pointed out.

"The what?" Lorna blinked.

"Oh you will hear all about it sooner or later," Rogue told her. "We've had some pretty screwy adventures around here."

"Come on how about we all take a break and get something to eat?" Kurt asked. "I'm starving!"

"You're always starving," Kitty gave him a look.

"I have a high metabolism, I can't help it," Kurt shrugged. "Hey Lorna, want a ride to the kitchen on the Nightcrawler Express?"

"Uh okay," Lorna said nervously as she held Kurt's hand.

"I'll go with ya," Rogue said holding Kurt's hand. They teleported to the kitchen where a few more students were eating ice cream.

"Hey! Come on in!" Tabitha waved. "The more the merrier! Yo! Green Wonder! Glad you could join the party!"

"Green Wonder?" Lorna blinked.

"Tabitha nicknames **everyone** around here," Rogue rolled her eyes. "She's just as bad as Wolverine."

"Boom Boom's the name, having fun is my game!" Tabitha grinned. "Pull up some rocky road and hot fudge!"

"You really don't mind me being here?" Lorna asked. "Even though I used to fight against you?"

"Please, half the people we **know** used to fight against us," Roberto rolled his eyes.

"Pete and Remy used to be in the Acolytes and Remy's dad is Sinister," Ray counted off. "I used to be a Morlock, Roberto's dad is in the Hellfire Club, Tabitha ran with the Brotherhood for a while and used to pull pranks on us. X over here used to be a Hydra **assassin** and kicked our tails the first time we met."

"To be fair it was Wolverine I was **really** after," Rina pointed out.

"Who **doesn't** have a grudge against Badger?" Tabitha asked. "But that's another discussion."

"My brother was a member of the Massachussets Academy," Everett told them. "Okay he never really fought the X-Men before he died but you get the picture."

"The first time I met the X-Men I kind of bit Scott," Rahne admitted. "I was still unused to my powers and being around people."

"Actually that made a lot of people instantly like her even more when we heard about that," Tabitha snickered. "The point is nobody at this table is exactly an angel. Take Dead Girl over there."

"I killed the man who murdered me and lived in a graveyard," Dead Girl nodded. "Tim blew up a few cop cars. Actually I think nearly everyone here has either blown up a car or wrecked it at one point or another."

"Kitty holds the all time record at thirty seven and counting," Roberto snickered.

"It's not **that** many!" Kitty protested as she and Bobby walked into the room.

"Yes it is," Roberto said.

"No it isn't!" Kitty protested.

"Yes it is," Roberto said.

"I beg to differ," Kitty folded her arms. "It is not that high!"

"Oh come on Kitty who are you fooling?" Rogue said as she got herself some ice cream. "For starters there were the five Driver's Ed cars you wrecked at Bayville High."

"The teachers made me nervous," Kitty told her.

"You went through at least fifteen cars here," Rogue continued.

"**Seventeen**," Peter corrected.

"That's right, seventeen," Rogue recalled. "There was the time you drove Lance's jeep and wrecked it. The time you drove Jean's SUV and got it stuck in the lake."

"Don't forget the time she drove the Professor around and got into a crash with Quicksilver," Ray added.

"Oh and remember what Pietro once told us? About how she was driving Shipwreck's boat at the Pit and crashed **that?"** Rahne added.

"That does not count! That was a boat!" Kitty snapped. "You don't drive a boat! You pilot it! It doesn't count."

"It does if you drive it on land," Rahne gave her a look.

"Yeah she not only wrecked the boat she trashed two tanks and took out an entire motor pool," Tabitha pointed out. "That's how you got to thirty seven."

"Don't forget when we were kids and you were playing around with my Dad's car and we ended up in the pool," Doug added. "I was grounded for a whole two months for that!"

"That's **thirty eight**," Rogue said. "Kitty face it, you're a bigger disaster on the highway than Lindsey Lohan during rush hour."

"The evidence speaks for itself," Jesse shrugged. "Pass the marshmallow fluff will ya?"

"Rule Number Two of survival here Lorna," Bobby said. "Don't ever get in a car Kitty's driving."

"Number one is **never** eat her **cooking**," Ray chuckled.

"Okay Ray you are a **dead man**," Kitty grabbed a squirt bottle of caramel sauce and started to chase him around.

Several other students grabbed some food and started a food fight. "Come on Lorna join in!" Tabitha laughed grabbing the girl by the arm and giving her some ice cream to fling.

Lorna found herself joining the madness and laughing. She couldn't believe how different the X-Men were from the Acolytes. _Maybe I did make the right choice after all! I think I'm going to fit in here just fine._

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Meanwhile Xavier and Ororo were instructing Scott and Jean, "Now we're placing you in charge so we expect the Institute to still be standing," Ororo smirked. "After all it can't get destroyed on it's first day."

"Storm please don't tempt fate by giving it a **challenge,"** Scott groaned.

"Where's Logan and Warren?" Jean asked.

"Logan's having some kind of meeting with Nick Fury," Ororo said. "Warren is meeting with his lawyers. They should be back before nightfall. And you know Beast, he'll be organizing his lab all day."

"We just have to take care of a few things with **our** lawyers," Xavier said. "I trust you can keep the Institute from burning down for a few hours?"

"No problem," Scott said confidently.

"We'll take care of things Professor," Jean said confidently. "You go do what you have to do."

Both Xavier and Ororo left. "Well we're in charge again," Scott said, trying to be confident as the limo pulled away.

"Don't worry Scott," Jean rubbed his back and gave him a kiss. "Everything will be fine."

Then the phone in the office ran. "You were saying?" Scott gave her a look.

"Me and my big mouth," Jean rolled her eyes.

"Xavier Institute," Scott picked up the phone and answered it. "Scott Summers speaking. No, Professor Xavier is at a conference. I'm in charge until he returns. Can I help you? I see. Uh huh…No you were right to call," Scott wrote something down on a piece of paper. "Thank you for calling. We'll see you in a few hours."

"Trouble?" Jean asked as Scott put down the phone.

"That was St. Vincent's Hospital in the town of Sheldon Falls," Scott said. "They've just received an abandoned mutant at their facility."

"Abandoned? Is he injured?" Jean asked.

"Not exactly," Scott sighed. He saw Rogue walking by with Remy carrying boxes having ice cream stains on their clothes. "Rogue! Gambit! Could you two do us a favor and watch the Institute for a few hours?"

"Uh sure, Scott," Rogue blinked. "Why?"

"We gotta go pick up a mutant at the hospital in Sheldon Falls," Scott said. "Why are you covered in ice cream and…Hot fudge?"

"Chocolate sauce," Rogue said. "Just a little food fight in the kitchen. No biggie. We already cleaned it up. Lorna's a pretty good shot with an ice cream scoop."

"And to think I was worried about her fitting in here," Scott groaned.

"Hospital? Was the mutant hurt in an attack?" Remy frowned.

"No," Scott sighed. "It's an abandoned baby."

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"I'm glad you were able to get here so fast," Dr. Hogan, the chief resident of the hospital told them as Scott and Jean walked into his office. He motioned to a stoic woman in a gray suit. "This is Mrs. McArthur with Social Services. She suggested that I call you."

"Yes," The social worker made no effort to shake their hands. "Two days ago this hospital found a mutant newborn on it's doorstep."

"What progress have they made to find the mother?" Jean asked.

"The mother? Why would anyone waste their time with that?' Mrs. McArthur said chilly. "She was obviously ashamed of having a deformed mutant child. Why make her private shame public?"

"What Mrs. McArthur means is…" Dr. Hogan gave her a look and tried to put a more diplomatic spin on it. "The police will not get involved because the child was placed in the custody of the hospital."

"You mean they can just abandon a baby and get away with it?" Scott was in shock.

"The state of New York has a safe haven law. If a baby is left at the hospital, a police station or a fire station the chances of prosecution are slim to none," Dr. Hogan told him. "And since the infant in question is a mutant…Well to be quite honest I'm amazed the parent actually cared enough about it's survival. We've had reports from the police indicating otherwise."

"What kind of reports?" Jean asked.

"Not long after the Reverend Stryker's attack there have been at least seven bodies of mutant infants in the state of New York found either in garbage cans or in alleys," Dr. Hogan informed her. "The bodies are then confiscated by the government for research."

"My God…" Jean felt the color drain from her face.

"There's more," Dr. Hogan hesitated. "I've heard from some of my colleagues that some babies born with obvious mutations have been euthanized due to the parents' consent. Not that it has ever happened in this hospital mind you…"

"I get the picture," Scott felt enraged at this news. "They can do that?"

"In some states there are little known laws that allow it if the child is well…disfigured or deformed enough," Mrs. McArthur said crisply. "Normally there are long legal procedures but in the case of mutants…It's quite fortunate that Dr. Hogan was able to contact you. Quite frankly, Social Services isn't really equipped to handle the needs of mutant children. We have enough problems with normal babies let alone…Well I think we all agree that it would be for the best if the infant was placed with it's own kind."

"May we see the baby now?" Jean unsuccessfully tried not to let her irritation with the woman show in her voice.

"Of course," Dr. Hogan nodded and they went to the maternity ward.

They were soon at the hospital basinet. The infant was green with little red spots on his hands and feet, wrapped up in a tiny blue blanket and had a tiny blue hat on. "We believe the infant has some amphibian traits," Dr. Hogan said.

"He's so tiny Scott," Jean picked up and held the baby in her arms. "He can't be more than a few days old."

"Can we take him home?" Scott asked.

"I have no problem with that, I just need you to finish the paperwork," Dr. Hogan said.

"Yes the sooner you take it out of her the sooner the hospital can begin the decontamination process," Mrs. McArthur sniffed.

Jean bit her tongue but couldn't stop glaring at the woman. Scott however couldn't resist. "It's nice to see that Social Services has such **compassionate **people on it's staff. Come on Jean, let's take him home."

Soon they were in the car. "It was nice of Dr. Hogan to lend us a car seat for the baby," Scott said as he drove. "How's he doing back there?"

"We're fine," Jean had insisted on sitting in the back seat with the baby. "How could some people be so cruel to a little baby? His mind is so innocent. He doesn't understand where his mother is or why he's alone."

"It's okay Jean, he's with us now," Scott told her. "We'll take good care of him. The Professor and the others will know what to do."

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"What the hell are we supposed to do with **this?**" Logan asked folding his arms. "Are you two out of your minds?"

Nearly everyone in the mansion was crowding around the newest arrival in the living room. Logan had come home early and Hank had emerged from his lab to see what the fuss was all about.

"I think he likes my fur," Hank smiled as the baby he held cooed. "It's nice and warm."

"Great, just what we need around here," Logan groaned. "Another yammering mouth that won't shut up!"

"Thanks, I didn't know you cared," Shipwreck said sarcastically as he walked in carrying some baby supplies with the rest of the Misfits and their handlers.

"Here's some of the baby supplies you need," Roadblock said. The baby started to squall. "Maybe it's time the little guy had a feed?"

"What's going on here?" Ororo asked as she and Xavier entered the room. "Is that a baby?"

"No Storm, it's a car alarm," Low Light said sarcastically. "We thought you might need one in your limo."

"Scott," Xavier raised an eyebrow.

"Look there was a call from this hospital and well," Scott said. "The baby was abandoned by his parents. We had to take him in."

"I understand your concerns Scott but perhaps you may have not fully thought out the consequences of your actions," Xavier said diplomatically.

"What was he supposed to do Xavier? Leave him in foster care?" Lance bristled. "Believe me I know how that works! For once, Summers did the right thing."

"Lance is right. I couldn't do it," Scott shook his head.

"What you have just witnessed Lorna is a momentous occasion," Pietro said. "Avalanche and Cyclops being on the same side of something!"

"They would have killed him Professor," Jean told him. "I could sense the hate in that social worker a mile away. Did you know people are killing mutant babies?"

"I have heard some disturbing reports about that subject," Xavier admitted.

"Then how can you say what Scott and Jean did was a bad thing?" Rogue snapped.

"I didn't," Xavier said. "I understand how you feel. I'm just saying a baby is a huge responsibility. It has different needs than the rest of you students. As you can see," He pointed to the squalling baby.

"Oh let me see!" Shipwreck elbowed his way to the baby. "Hello there little guy! Coochie coochie cooo!" He took him from Hank. "Coochie coo! Hello there!"

"You're not freaked out that he's green?" Lorna blinked.

"I love babies," Shipwreck grinned, He glared at Althea. "It's when they start to **talk back** I have problems with 'em!"

"You mean when they start to realize what a **loon** you are," Althea glared back.

"But why would humans care about a mutant baby?" Lorna was confused.

"Why wouldn't we?" Cover Girl asked.

"Not all humans are into hate," Roadblock told her. "Some of us think being different is something you should appreciate."

"It's true, many humans fear and don't understand things that are different," Spirit nodded. "Even though they know it is wrong but can't help themselves."

"And some people are just plain jerks," Low Light grumbled.

"All people have the potential for good and evil in their heart," Roadblock said. "You just gotta be the one to start."

"What Roadblock is trying to say is that it takes time but sooner or later people may one day accept mutant kind in general," Cover Girl said. "It's just someone has to go first. So it might as well be us."

"WAAAHHHHH! WAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"And what that **kid **is saying is **feed me!"** Logan covered his ears.

"I've got the formula," Angelica concentrated and heated it up with her hands. "I think it's ready."

"Hold on! You gotta test it first," Todd took it from her. Then his eyes widened. "YEOW! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT!" He hopped around with the bottle in his hand.

"I think you warmed it up a little too much Firestar," Roadblock took another bottle of formula out of a bag. "Here we are."

"What's that?" Scott asked pointing to the bag.

"It's a formula warmer the Triplets rigged up a while back," Roadblock said as he gave the formula to Shipwreck who started to feed him. "Beaky and Little C were always hungry."

"Beaky and Little C?" Lorna asked.

"My baby brothers," Althea said. "Well Beaky is adopted. Dad found him and took him in. Well after he burned the bar to the ground where they were mistreating the little guy."

"I didn't know that," Lorna's eyes widened.

"I can't stand people who hurt little kids or babies," Shipwreck fed the baby.

"And yet you have no problems psychologically warping their little minds," Low Light said sarcastically.

"It's called parenting, deal with it," Shipwreck gave him a look. Then he finished feeding the baby. "Oh you finished already! What a good boy you are!"

"I'll take him," Scott took him and held him.

"Uh Cyclops the kid has to be…" Cover Girl began.

"URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPP!" The infant made a loud belch and spewed a large splatter of drool all over Scott's shirt.

"Burped," Cover Girl blinked.

"Hey he's a prodigy!" Shipwreck grinned.

"Wonderful," Scott moaned.

"Well that's why we have little spit up cloths we put over our clothes when we burp them," Shipwreck gave him a look.

"Babies spit up like that?" Kitty asked.

"No Kitty, normally they use a spit up bag," Lance gave her a look.

"I'll bet you also didn't know that infants need to be fed every **two hours** around the clock," Logan said. "And **changed **every hour around the clock!"

"Changed?" Tabitha gulped. "Uh I don't really do diaper duty."

"While I understand the baby needs a home I'm not sure the Institute is it," Xavier said. "We're not exactly equipped to properly care for a baby."

"But the **Misfits** are!" Todd said, he had finally stopped hopping.

"Yeah we still got all that baby stuff from Beaky and Claudius," Fred nodded.

"They're right! The boys may have outgrown a lot of that stuff but this little guy can use it," Shipwreck nodded. "And we've got a ton of formula and diapers back at the base. Thanks to Trinity's little online shopping adventures."

"Don't ask," Angelica rolled her eyes.

"I don't know…" Xavier thought.

"It does seem to be the most sensible solution Professor," Ororo told him. "As much as I'd hate to admit it."

"Aw let me have him!" Shipwreck pleaded. "My biological clock is still ticking!"

"Too bad the expiration date on your **brain** has long passed," Althea grumbled.

"On the other hand can you really allow Shipwreck the chance to warp another child?" Ororo groaned.

"So why can't we do it?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah if the Misfits can do it why can't we?" Scott asked. "All we need is some supplies and we're good to go."

"You need more than **that** to take care of a baby!" Todd told him. "You need know how!"

"And you've got it?" Scott gave him a look.

"You bet I do!" Todd said proudly. "I'm a good babysitter!"

"It's true," Althea shrugged. "He's really good with my brothers."

"So we can take him!" Todd reached for the baby.

"Forget it! You can't have him! He's ours!" Scott wouldn't let Todd hold him.

"No he's ours!" Todd said defiantly.

"He's ours so forget it Toad!" Scott snapped.

"He's ours!" Todd snapped back.

"Well **this** is **mature,**" Logan grumbled as the two boys fought over the baby.

"He's ours!" Scott said.

"No he's ours!" Todd said.

"Guys quit it!" Kitty tried to get near enough to hold the baby. "I want to hold him!"

"He's **ours!"** Todd said firmly.

"He's ours and that's **final!"** Scott snapped.

Without warning the baby shot out a small red tongue and grabbed Kitty's arm. "AAAHHH!" Kitty phased out of the tongue's grasp. "He got slime on me!"

"What the…?" Scott's jaw dropped. "Did he just…?"

"Yup," Lance blinked. "He did."

"Ewww! Gross! That's all we need!" Kitty winced. "A baby Toad!"

"He's **yours,**" Scott groaned handing the baby to Todd.

"Yayyyy!" Todd cheered. "I have a new baby brother!"

"He's not **your** brother! He's going to end up being **my** brother!" Althea snapped.

"You've already got two baby brothers and three little sisters!" Todd snapped.

"The Triplets don't count! They're **defective **and you know it!" Althea snapped.

"HEY!" Daria, Quinn and Brittany snapped.

"The truth hurts girls," Althea said. "Live with it."

"He's gonna be my little brother," Todd grabbed the baby and held him. "And he shall be called Tadpole. And I will cuddle him and play with him and teach him to spit on things…"

"We are **not** naming him Tadpole!" Roadblock snapped.

"And he **already** knows how to spit on things," Scott tried to wipe the goo off his shoulder with a tissue.

"I think Roadblock would be an excellent parent indeed," Xavier grinned.

"Why me?" Roadblock asked.

"One because you already have Toad who has a lot in common with him. And two…because there is no way on earth I will be **responsible** for Shipwreck in charge of another child," Xavier told him.

"Our baby! Our baby! La la la la la la!" Shipwreck danced around. "We got a baby! La la la la la la la!"

"You have a point," Roadblock groaned.

"Are these people always this weird?" Lorna asked.

"Are you kidding? This is tame for them!" Kitty rolled her eyes.

**Next: The little tadpole is just the beginning! More new mutants show up and are brought to the Institute. **

Jesse walked in. "Just what we need, **more** mutants coming in and shoving me to the side. I hardly get any screen time in these fics!"

Senator Kelly walked in. "Speak for **yourself**, mutant! Personally I'm glad she's not focusing on me for a while!"

Duncan Matthews walked in. "Yeah I could use a break from dog attacks or whatever stupid thing she does to me!"

**Okay how about flying sharks with lasers on their heads? **

"Me and my big mouth," Duncan groaned as several laser blasting sharks flew after him and Kelly. "STOP THIS CRAZY FIC! I WANT TO GET OFF!"

"Oh goody," Jesse remarked as he watched the sharks go at it. "Red's into the cappuchino again."

Pyro walked out. "Didn't you already do the flying sharks with lasers on their heads thing? What about something original?"

**Good point. How about giant robot kolalas that maul people and are covered in fake fur that gives people real bad static shock?**

"Great! Oh and have them shoot rockets out of their noses!" Pyro said happily.

"DON'T GIVE HER IDEAS!" Kelly screamed as he, Cortez, Duncan and Destro were now being chased by the offending mechanical animals.

"WHY ARE THESE THINGS ATTACKING **ME?"** Destro yelled. "I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING!"

"WANNA BET?" The Baroness ran out holding the controls for the mechanical marsupials. "SICK 'EM BOYS! KILL! KILL!"

"YEOW!" Cortez screamed like a little girl. "I HATE STATIC ELECTRICITY!"

BOOM!

"AND I REALLY HATE ROCKETS!" Cortez screamed.

"On the other hand..." Jesse blinked. "There are **some** advantages in being a secondary character."

"Yeah I bet the premiums on your life insurance policy are real low," Pyro nodded.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! ZAP! ZAP! SLICE! SLICE!

"YEOW! THOSE CLAWS ARE SHARP!" Duncan screamed.

BOOM! BOOM! SLICE! ZAP! BOOM! SLICE! ZAP! BOOM!

"MOMMY HELP ME!" Duncan screamed like a little girl. "OWWWWIEEEEE!"

"Look Tadpole," Todd hopped out with the new baby holding him so he could see. "See the funny people and all the bright shiny explosions?"

"Gah!" The baby giggled with glee.

"And the torch is passed to a new generation of lunatics," Jesse groaned. "I don't know **what **Red puts in those coffees she drinks but whatever it is she's gotta start cutting back!"


	48. Just What We Need More New Mutants

**And now what everyone loves. More new characters! Hooray! Everyone dance with glee! You know you want to! Come on everyone dance! **

**In case you haven't figured it out, Tadpole was inspired by a character from Eileen's fanfictions. Only my little guy is not Todd's natural brother. And a little more warped.**

**Yeah I know there's a lot of characters I keep throwing in. And I will start thining the herd sooner or later. ****Trust me, some of them will be very important later down the line. And others well...I just needed some new people to torture. You'll see what I mean.**

Jesse walked out. "Did she just say 'thin the herd'? Oh boy...**That's** not good...Help!"

**Just What We Need, More New Mutants**

Starla Vandermer was the undisputed Social Queen of Silver Springs High School. She and her family were well known in the town of Silver Springs, a small wealthy suburb community not far from Austin, Texas. She was featured in every commercial for her father's car dealerships since the age of two. She had won more than her fair share of beauty pageants since the age of three. Since eighth grade she had been voted the most popular girl in school every year. She was the head cheerleader, President of the school's Young Republican's Club, Fashion Editor of the School Newspaper and an anchor on the school's news channel.

She was sixteen with a flawless complexion, long blonde hair, dazzling blue eyes and the perfect body that her boyfriend the football quarterback worshiped. Along with nearly all of the male population. And maybe secretly one or two members of the female population as well.

Every day at school for her was like a day at a social club with occasional bouts of boring classwork. Everyone wanted to be her friend. Everyone wanted to get into her good graces. Every boy wanted to kiss her and take her out but officially only one could.

Unofficially she did let a different boy have a kiss or allow him to spend money on her for some food or gifts. As long as they were very discreet and didn't tell her current boyfriend.

Starla was having the perfect life. She was the perfect teenager to every adult who saw her, the perfect girl to every boy that lusted after her and the perfect pain in the butt rival to every girl that envied her.

The key word of course was: **Was.** Past tense.

It all changed that one night at the big football game. Starla was getting ready for her routine. She was wearing her usual cheerleader uniform, a blue and silver outfit with a short skirt, halter top and special panties underneath (so that her real underwear wouldn't show when she did her back flips, which she was famous for.) But she was also wearing her brand new diamond star necklace which she could not wait to show off to her friends.

"Oooh! Starla that is so amazing!" Her best friend Debbie squealed. She was also a cheerleader.

"I know," Starla grinned. "Isn't it **fabulous?" **

"Tad actually gave you that?" Her other best friend Donna gasped. (And yes she was also a cheerleader. Big surprise huh?) "Wasn't it expensive?"

"Oh yes it cost him his whole allowance for two weeks," Starla nodded. "And he had to give up detailing his car until next month."

"You are **so** lucky," Her other, **other** best friend Diane tittered. (Three guesses what she was?)

"I know," Starla preened.

"Quarterback of the football team, the most popular and richest boy in school and a big spender to boot!" Debbie said. "How do you do it?"

"Laying on her back usually does the trick," Pamela, Starla's younger sister and also a cheerleader remarked. Pamela was every bit as beautiful as her year older sister, only she was a brunette. She was also her biggest rival.

"Oh look Pammy," Starla called her the name she knew her sister **hated.** "As usual you come in **second** after me during the program. Pretty much like **everything else** in life."

"Enjoy the spotlight while you can," Pamela glared at her sister before she moved away from her. "You won't have it forever! Of course it does show your **wrinkles** off rather well!"

"What a bitch! How do you **live** with her?" Debbie rolled her eyes.

"She is soooo jealous of you," Diane snorted.

"I'd be jealous of me too if I wasn't me," Starla grinned, enjoying the moment. "Think of how mad she'll get when I become a world famous journalist!"

"I thought you wanted to be like Katie Couric?" Donna asked.

"How do you think she got her start, dummy?" Diane gave her a look.

"Hey Starla, there's your mom," Debbie pointed.

In the stands were Starla's parents and thirteen year old brother, Taylor. Starla's mother had perfectly styled blond hair, diamond earrings and necklace, a blue dress, a fancy silver coat and fancy shoes. Her father had brown hair with a touch of gray, a blue sweater vest with a white shirt, tan pants and shoes and a paunch belly. Her brother Taylor had glasses, messy light brown short hair, blue shirt, sneakers and jeans. He was far more interested in playing his Game Boy Advance than watching his sister perform.

"Oh look!" Mrs. Vandermer waved a silver pom pom. "There's Starla! Hello Baby! And Pamela looks so pretty! Taylor! Taylor are you watching?"

"Uh huh," Taylor was engrossed playing the his game without touching the buttons.

"Taylor! Put that thing down boy and watch the game!" Mr. Vandermer told his son without even looking at him. "This a real man's sport!"

"Uh huh," Taylor didn't even bother to look. Neither did his father. Both were too involved in what they were doing.

Soon it was time for Starla and the other cheerleaders to perform. _All right Starla, Showtime! _She mentally told herself as she went through her routine. _Kick one two three! And kick and swizzle! And turn arms out shake that thing! Jazz! Jazz! Jazz! Kick one two thee and kick one two three and **again** one two…Now back flip! And back flip! Again! Yes! I **love** this! Kick! And Kick! And show that leg! Now this is it! The top of the pyramid! Remember to 'accidentally' step on Pamela's hand when coming down…And now! _

The other cheerleaders had formed a human pyramid and Starla prepared to back flip to the top. She ran up and did so to the amazement of the crowd. They roared in appreciation.

At that moment Starla never felt more alive as she raised her arms and took in the cheers. _Yes! Hello spotlight! Everyone **look** at me! I'm gonna be a star some day! These lights are really bright! I don't remember them putting in new night lights on the field. Oh well! They still make me look like I'm glowing! Why is everyone suddenly so quiet? They shouldn't have stopped cheering by now? And why are the lights getting **brighter? **_

Then she realized that it wasn't the lights shining on her. It was **her** shining a light on everyone else. "Wh-what?"

"Starla…" Debbie's jaw dropped. "You're…You're glowing!"

"Cool special effects," Taylor said.

"I don't remember **this **part of the routine," Mrs. Vandermer blinked.

"Jeeze Starla what did you do?" Diane yelled.

"Nothing…I…I…" Starla was shocked. "I gotta get down."

"Get away from me!" Debbie screamed. Unfortunately she had forgotten that she was in the middle of the human pyramid directly **under** Starla. The entire group was soon flat on their faces and cheerleaders were sprawled everywhere.

Starla was flat on her face, still glowing and her uniform was covered in mud. "What is going on here?" She yelled. "If this is someone's idea of a joke it's **not funny!** Hear me? NOT FUNNY!"

"My hair! There's mud in my hair!" Debbie screamed.

"My ankle!" Donna cried out, her leg in an odd position. "That freak broke my ankle!"

"What freak?" Starla got up and looked around.

"YOU SEE ANY **OTHER** GLOWING FREAK AROUND HERE?" Donna wailed. "MUTANT! YOU'RE A MUTANT!"

"Donna that's not true!" Starla stomped her foot. "One you fell on your fat butt all by yourself! Two I am **not **a mutant! Debbie! Tell Donna I'm not…"

"Don't touch me you freak!" Debbie shirked away.

"What the hell is going on down there?" Mrs. Vandermer gasped.

"I dunno but something tells me I gotta do something **fast!"** Mr. Vandermer's parental instincts kicked in and he got out of the bleachers.

Starla looked around as all her admirers were quickly turning into a sea of hostile faces. "Come on! This isn't funny! I'm **not** a mutant! I'm not! Pamela this is one of your pranks isn't it?"

"Don't put the blame on **me** for this!" Pamela shouted.

"You're a freak!" Diane shouted. "A freak!"

"I always knew she was a fake!" Debbie snorted.

"Yeah she's **always** been a fake! Look at what that spiteful little witch **did **to me!" Donna wailed.

"Why you little…" Starla felt betrayed and was about to rip her former friend's roots out when she felt her father grab her from behind.

"Come on Starla! We're getting all that weird paint off you and getting you home!" Her father dragged her away. "Nothing to see people! Nothing to see!"

"You wanna see something? See me tear the **bleached roots** off those little…" Starla yelled as she was dragged away. "Let me go! I wanna teach those bimbos a lesson! I'm not a freak! They did this to me! Let me at them!"

"Looks like that spotlight finally got a little too bright for you after all," Pamela smirked to herself.

Half an hour later back at the Vandermer home the family was trying to figure out what to do next.

"I don't think anyone's followed us," Taylor looked out on the lawn through the window blinds.

"That's cause I made a call," Mr. Vandermer told him. "Told the sheriff my daughter was the victim of a prank. Good thing he owes me money from our last poker game."

"Fat lot of good that does us if she doesn't shut off the **lights!**" Pamela fumed. Even though her sister had taken a quick shower and cleaned off the mud, she was still glowing brightly.

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" Starla yelled glowing brighter than ever. "What's wrong with me?"

"Honey calm down," Her mother said. "Look all women should have a healthy glow. Yours just happens to be a bit healthier than most. You know they have all sorts of chemicals and things in these beauty products and I was reading about how they sometimes make your skin break out. Maybe this is one of **those** cases? I'm sure it's just an allergic reaction of some kind and it will go away."

"And if not we could always save on our electric bill and use her for a lamp," Pamela remarked.

**"Shut up!"** Starla shouted. "You're right, Mother. It's just an allergic reaction. It's **got** to be only an allergic reaction. I have been using a few new product and so naturally…OW!"

"What is it honey?" Her father asked.

"My…My back hurts!" Starla winced in pain. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! It really hurts!"

"Maybe you should lie down?" Mrs. Vandermer attended to her eldest daughter.

"No…No…I don't want to lie...OW! OW! OW! OW! OWWWWWWWWW!" Starla screamed. She felt like her back was on fire. Then it stopped. "OW! I think something **popped!" **

"Something **popped **all right," Taylor's jaw dropped. "You've got wings!"

"What?" Starla looked in one of the many mirrors in the house and saw that indeed she had a huge pair of glowing fairy like wings. "Those **can't **be real!"

"Unlike your nose, they are," Taylor remarked.

"Great, my sister just turned into Tinkerbell," Pamela groaned.

"Oh god no! No! No! No! No!" Mr. Vandermer shouted. "This is **not **happening! This **can't** be happening! Not at the beginning of **Cadillac Season!"**

"Okay let's not panic," Mrs. Vandermer said more to herself than to everyone else. "Let's **not **panic! Nobody panic! NOBODY PANIC!"

"Oh no! Just because my sister just grew a pair of wings **everything's **all right!" Pamela said.

"Yeah I'm **peachy** keen!" Starla yelled.

"What are we going to do? What are we going to do now that our little baby girl has turned into…Into a…a…I can't even **say **the word!" Mr. Vandermer yelled.

"**What** word?" Mrs. Vandermer asked.

"**I'll** say it!" Pamela said. She turned onto her sister. "Mutant! Freak! Mutant freak!"

"NO! DADDY SHE'S CALLING ME NAMES AGAIN!" Starla yelled. "The jealous bitch is calling me names again!"

"I'm only calling you what you **are!"** Pamela shouted.

"Pamela! Don't say those **horrible** words! You're sister **can't be**…She isn't…One of **those** people!" Mrs. Vandermer shuddered. "She's just **not!"**

"Oh really? I think the evidence speaks for **itself!**" Pamela shouted and pointed at Starla. "If it glows like a mutant and has wings like a mutant, guess what? IT'S A MUTANT!"

"STOP CALLING HER **THAT!**" Mrs. Vandermer shouted.

"Well that's what she is!" Pamela snapped. "What **else **could she be with those wings? A dental hygenist?"

"She looks like the Tooth Fairy," Taylor remarked.

"I AM NOT THE TOOTH FAIRY!" Starla snapped.

"Well you look like her," Taylor shrugged.

"She does **not!"** His mother shouted at him. "Don't even **say** such things!"

"People will be saying a lot **worse** if this gets out! Darla face it, she's turned into a freak!" Her father snapped at his wife.

"What's the big deal? I've known she was a freak for **years,**" Taylor remarked.

"SHUT UP TALYOR!" Starla yelled.

"Roy, we have got to **do **something," Mrs. Vandermer said. "We can always say the glowing was some kind of make up reaction but we can't explain the wings!"

"You won't have to explain them if somebody gets me a very sharp **knife!**" Starla yelled. "I'll cut them off!"

"Don't you **dare!"** Mrs. Vandermer snapped. "I just paid over a hundred and twenty dollars to clean this carpet!"

"Besides remember what happened to Aunt Marie when she tried to inject herself with Botox?" Pamela asked.

"Or cousin Willy when he tried to become a doctor," Mrs. Vandermer sighed. "Face it hon, surgeon's genes do **not** run in our family."

"Oh so you're saying the **freak** gene does?" Pamela asked.

"Now that is not true! Nobody in our family was ever a freak!" Mrs. Vandermer said. She gave her husband a look. "Your **father's** side is a whole other story."

"Now don't you be laying this on **my** doorstep!" Mr. Vandermer snapped.

"Well what about your cousin Maynard, you know the one who worked in the carnival? In the **freak** tents?" Mrs. Vandermer snapped.

"You know very well that the claw on his hand was a **fake** and his droopy face was the result of a stroke and medical malpractice!" Mr. Vandermer growled. "And he ain't even a **blood** cousin! Just a second cousin on my Aunt Shirley's third husband's side!"

"Your aunt wasn't exactly on the **normal **side of the fence either!" Mrs. Vandermer snarled. "She had that mole on her neck that was way too big! I swear people thought she was growing a second head!"

"At least none of my relatives were born with a **tail!**" Mr. Vandermer snapped at his wife.

"That is a vicious lie and you **know it!"** Mrs. Vandermer yelled back. "Cousin George had an extra bone in his spine that had to be removed when he was a baby!"

"A bone that went down to the floor and had a **tuff of hair on it!"** Mr. Vandermer yelled.

"THAT WAS NEVER PROVEN!" Mrs. Vandermer screamed at the top of her lungs.

"ONLY BECAUSE YOUR FAMILY PAID OFF THE DOCTORS AND NURSES!" Mr. Vandermer screamed back even louder.

"Will you people stop yelling and do **something!"** Starla yelled. "Call a doctor or somebody! Anything! Just get me back to **normal** again before I get replaced as head cheerleader!"

"She's right, now is **not **the time to be laying blame," Mrs. Vandermer sighed. "We have got to think of a way to get out of this mess. You know what will happen once the neighbors get wind of this! That story you gave the sheriff won't last forever!"

"I know! I know!" Mr. Vandermer snapped. "Nobody wants to do business with a family that has a mutant in it! There goes the business, the country club membership, my position in the Chamber of Commerce…Everything!"

"I know I could never show my face at my Bridge Club again if they ever found out," Mrs. Vandermer moaned as she sank down on the couch. "What are we gonna do?"

"Too bad you couldn't send her off East to that mutant school in New York," Pamela groaned. "That would solve **all **our problems!"

"Wait a minute," Mrs. Vandermer said sitting up straight. "That's not a bad idea."

"What?" Starla yelled. "I'm not going to any freak school!"

"Hush," Mr. Vandermer snapped. "Go on."

"Think about it, we send her off and tell everyone that she had an allergic reaction," Mrs. Vandermer said. "Dr. Fontaine owes me a favor so I can count on him to tell his nurse that Starla had some kind of allergic reaction to some body glitter. And everybody knows Debbie Sue not only treats every word he says like gospel, but that she's the biggest gossip in the county!"

"That's right," Her husband nodded. "Nobody knows about the wings or anything. It'd be easy to lie. Say she had to go to some fancy hospital Back East for some tests. Say she's got a rare form of cancer or something."

"Can I shave her head?" Pamela asked maliciously.

"Don't even **think **about that!" Starla yelled. "I can't believe you're thinking of shipping me off like I was pregnant or something!"

"Hey your life is **over,**" Pamela said. "Ours isn't. Why should we suffer because of you?"

"Honey you know we love you but you just can't live here anymore," Mrs. Vandermer said. "Not like this! It's just not safe. For any of us. Plus what if it turns out you can do **other** things? I hear this place deals with people like you and helps 'em."

"You think it could really do that?" Taylor asked.

"Well it's worth a shot," Mrs. Vandermer shrugged.

"You can't send me off to some freak school!" Starla pouted. "You just can't! What about my friends?"

**"What** friends?" Pamela could not resist saying that.

"Honey we have no choice! People in your…condition just can't function the way normal people do," Mrs. Vandermer said. "At least not without serious help."

"Maybe they could help me," Taylor shrugged.

"Boy what are you talking…" Mr. Taylor began when suddenly the television turned on. "About? Did the remote control finally get fixed."

"Not exactly," Taylor said. "Look what I can do." He raised his hands and various appliances turned on and off. "Neat huh?"

There was silence in the room for a full minute as the implication of what happened settled in. "Oh my…God…" Starla was shocked.

"And how long have you been able to do **this?**" Mr. Vandermer yelled.

"Uh…About a week," Taylor admitted.

"Oh sweet Jesus no…" Mrs. Vandermer gasped. "NO! NOT MY BABY BOY TOO!"

"Two freaks…" Pamela was shocked. "I'm related to **two** freaks!"

"As if you were **ever **normal!" Starla snapped at Pamela.

"At least I don't glow in the **dark!"** Pamela shouted back at her.

"Oh lord where the hell is my cell phone?" Mr. Vandermer yelled searching his pockets wildly.

"Use mine Daddy!" Pamela gave him hers. "It's an emergency!"

"Fine! Let me call information," Mr. Vandermer did so. He glared at his wife as he was waiting for the number. "No freaks in your family huh? No proof huh? WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?"

"A COINCIDENCE!" Mrs. Vandermer shouted.

"Yeah like it was a **coincidence** Dr. Manville just happened to be able to afford a house by the lake the week **after** your creep of a cousin was born!" Mr. Vandermer snapped at her. "And it was a coincidence that both of his nurses were able to buy matching diamond earring and necklace sets too!"

"Doctors make a lot of money and he was probably having an affair with them!" Mrs. Vandermer snapped. "Besides he had that affair with Mrs. Paxton, he probably slept with those nurses too! He always was rather odd."

"One nurse was **sixty eight** and the other one was over **two hundred pounds!"** Mr. Vandermer snapped. "He wasn't **that** odd! Yes Operator you can dial directly please!"

"You want to see what I can do with a cell phone?" Taylor grinned a he reached out to Pamela.

"Don't come **near **me!" Pamela backed away. "What if this thing's contagious?"

"You can't catch mutant powers like it's the common cold stupid," Taylor gave her a look.

"Maybe not but I'm not taking **any **chances!" Pamela snapped back. "Quarantine them! Lock 'em up in their rooms!"

"Why don't we lock you up in **your room?"** Starla snarled. "Or better yet a **closet?**"

"Hello? This the Xavier Institute?" Mr. Vandermer spoke on the phone. "Look my name is Roy Vandermer and you gotta help us! We got a mutant epidemic on our hands! You've got to come! There's nobody that needs your help more than **us!" **

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"God damn it Autumn, what the hell is **wrong** with you?" Mrs. Rolfson snapped at her daughter at the dinner table. Unlike her daughter Mrs. Rolfson was what she referred to herself as 'pleasingly plump' and her brown hair was coiffed in a fashionable style. Mrs. Rolfson saw her self as high class even though her checkbook and the trailer home she lived in stated she was clearly lower middle class.

"Do you know that this is the **second** time your school called because you're too damn thin?" Mr. Rolfson snapped. He had wavy reddish brown hair and plump physique as well. The sweatshirt and sweat pants he wore also proclaimed his blue collar roots.

Their daughter Autumn was not built like they were. Her reddish brown hair hung limply at her shoulders. She had brown eyes and she was clearly anorexic, her bones just starting to show through her skin like a Hollywood celebrity that had downed one too many pills. She wore a green shirt and a pair of jeans with sneakers.

"I know a girl has to keep her figure and everything but you go too far!" Mrs. Rolfson snapped. "Can't you even be thin right? What kind of mental problems do you have?"

"Mental problems, scmental problems," Her father snapped. "Just give her a couple of donuts and she'll be fine. Of course it doesn't help that **you **make crap like this for dinner! Maybe if you made a decent meal every now and then…"

"You knew I couldn't cook when you married me!" Mrs. Rolfson snapped. "You didn't seem to care at the time!"

"I was a freaking kid, what the hell did I know back then?" Mr. Rolfson snapped.

"Well I know one thing, I am not taking the blame for **this!"** Mrs. Rolfson pointed to Autumn. "If I get a call from Child Services again and miss **another** hair appointment…"

"Why didn't you just let them take me the **last **time?" Autumn finally spoke in a raspy, but determined voice. "It would have saved you a lot of trouble."

"Don't talk to your mother like that!" Her father snapped. "Although you have to admit Alice she has a point."

"I don't want people looking at me like I'm a bad mother! They might think I don't treat Fizzy right!" Her mother snorted. She picked up a small Pomeranian. "Yes Fizzy I know you're upset. Poor baby, who's a good dog! Who's a good dog?"

"You always did love that stupid dog more than me," Autumn spoke.

"At least the dog knows how to be obedient and knows it's place," Mrs. Rolfson snorted. "And he's actually won prizes which is more than you ever did! Now shut up and eat your chicken!"

"I don't want it," Autumn said.

"If I have to eat this crap so do you! So shut your yap before I shut it for you!" Mr. Rolfson snapped at her.

Autumn casually picked up a piece of chicken. Immediately Fizz the dog leapt out of Mrs. Roflson's lap and grabbed it as usual. However this time something very unusual happened. Instantly not only did the chicken piece turn to dust but the dog withered and turned to dust as well with a loud painful whine.

"FIZZY!" Mrs. Rolfson shouted. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY?"

"ANSWER YOUR MOTHER YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE PIECE OF…" Mr. Rolfson stood up and prepared to hit her.

"If I were you I'd never touch me again," Autumn said in a cold voice.

"Don't tell me what I can or can't do you little…" He smacked his flat palm against her cheek. Almost instantly he felt a sharp pain. "What…?" He looked in horror as his hand withered in front of his eyes. "AAHHHHH!"

Autumn had a wicked gleam in her eye as she stood up and grabbed her father's other arm. With a scream he disintegrated into a pile of dust.

"AHHHHH! WHAT DID YOU DO?" Mrs. Rolfson screamed in horror.

"I told him not to touch me," Autumn said. "Why didn't he listen? Then again neither of you **ever** listened to me!" She glared at her mother. "You **never** listened to me."

"What did you just do?" Her mother gasped as she jumped out of her seat, her eyes glued to the pile of dust that was her husband. "What did you just do? You're one of them muties ain't you?"

Autumn said nothing but slowly advanced on her mother. "You are aren't you?" Mrs. Rolfson's voice got higher. "You keep away from me you freak! I knew I should have had that abortion! I knew I should've…'

"Shut up," Autumn snapped. "Just shut up! I hate you! I **hate** you! You never cared about me! So why the hell should I care about you?"

"Just stay away from me," Her mother whimpered as she was backed into a wall.

"For sixteen years I've put up with you," Autumn growled. "Sixteen years you've never **once **said you loved me. Why? Why did you hate me so much? What did I ever do to you? You didn't have to have me! You could have given me away or had an abortion! So why couldn't you try to love me?"

"Because you're a worthless freak," Mrs. Rolfson told her in a hoarse voice. "You ruined my life."

"So you had to return the favor and ruin mine," Autumn snapped. She grabbed her mother. "I hate you!"

"AAHHHHH!" Mrs. Rolfson screamed as she disintegrated.

Autumn stood there seemingly in shock for a moment. Then she very calmly got down on her knees to inspect the pile of dust that had been her mother. She reached out her hand and touched it. To her surprise the dust decomposed even more until there was nothing left. Then she did the same to her father's ashes.

She turned to the dog's and did the same. She thought very hard for a moment what to do then shrugged. Then she stood up straight and went to the phone and dialed a number. "Hello Police? I'd like to report a crime. I've just murdered my parents. Oh and the family dog too."

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_Flap…flap, flap…Flap, flap, flap…Flap, flap, flap, flap…flap, flap, flap, flap..._

Daniel struggled to keep moving. He wasn't sure if he was going the right way but he had no choice but to keep moving. It was too dark to for him to be certain but he knew if he stopped someone would see him.

_Flap, flap, flap…flap, flap, flap…Flap, flap, flap…flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap..._

He was exhausted but he couldn't stop. He saw a lit sign showing that Bayville wasn't far off. He kept going. He knew if he could only move a little bit further he would be safe.

_Flap, flap, flap…Flap, flap, flap…Flap, flap, flap…flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap..._

A very important lawyer was driving home in his convertible with the top down and talking on the cell phone. "No I haven't seen the papers yet. Yes I'm sure they got in. No…No I can't meet you tomorrow. I'm having lunch at Nobu tomorrow. With a client so it's deductible. Yeah I…AAAAHHHHH!"

_Flap, flap, flap...Flap, flap, flap...Flap, flap...Flap...Flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap..._

He swerved off the road and nearly crashed into a tree. "CRAP! Holy…No I'm not all right! I was nearly killed because some stupid bird crapped…" He touched his face. "Geeze…This isn't…It's blood. I got **blood **on my face!"

He looked up and saw a large feathered figure in the sky barely seen against the lights of the city. "A bird?" He blinked. "But it's too big.."

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"Well it seems we have **three** new mutants on our hands within the span of an hour," Xavier put down the phone in his office. He looked at Ororo, Logan, Scott, and Jean.

"Three? The other sister in Texas?" Jean asked.

"No, this last one was from the police," Xavier explained. "In Vermont."

"What happened?" Ororo asked.

"They're not quite sure," Xavier thought. "They got a call from a disturbed young woman who claimed to have killed her parents. But when they got there it appeared that nothing had happened. There was no body or anything. However…"

"However?" Logan raised an eyebrow.

"There have been reports that the girl has been severely abused," Xavier sighed. "And when the police came to the house she warned them that she was a mutant and requested that she be locked up immediately. But she refused to say what her powers were."

"They don't know?" Jean asked.

"It could be a hoax but I'd like to make sure just in case," Xavier said. "Follow me to Cerebro."

"How can Cerebro help?" Scott asked. "I thought it could only pick up current mutant signatures?"

"The new protocols allow Cerebro to scan for mutant activity nearly anywhere on the globe that has happened within six hours," Xavier put on the helmet and activated Cerebro. "Now I will punch in the coordinates and…."

On the large screen an image of Autumn was shown. "Well the kid was definitely being abused…" Logan growled seeing how thin she was.

"Perhaps," Xavier narrowed his eyes. "According to this her name is Autumn Rolfson and she has the ability to drain natural fluids from organic material. This process allows her to turn any organic matter she touches into dust. And she used it at least seven times within an hour."

"Whoa," Scott blinked. "That's…"

"Frightening," Ororo finished his sentence. "Think of how she must feel."

"Well at least this one's honest," Logan shrugged. "I mean she could have just walked away scott free."

"She may still," Jean said. "If there's no bodies to be found…"

"One thing's for sure we can't let Magneto get his hands on this one," Scott said. "Think of the damage he could do!"

"Scott, you Jean and Ororo take the Blackbird and go to Texas to pick up the Vandermers," Xavier said. "Jean also bring a blood test kit to see if the middle child tests positive for an X-Gene. I'll have Rogue come with me to…"

BLANNNG! BLAANNNG! BLANNNNG!

"That's the perimeter alarm!" Logan shot out his claws. He ran to investigate.

Rina was already at the front door. It was wide open and she was just standing there. However her claws were not out as they would be if they were being attacked. In fact, she looked rather perplexed. "Kid why aren't you…?" Logan began. In a second his highly advanced sense of smell told him why.

"You smell it too?" Rina looked ahead at a floundering figure in the air, barley a few feet off of the ground but high enough to clear the walls of the Institute.

"Yeah," His eyes narrowed. "Blood…And fear. A lot of **both** of 'em." He noticed that whatever it was could barely fly and it was headed for the ground fast. He burst out the door to try and catch it.

"What's going on?" Bobby ran up with some other X-Men just as Logan ran out. "Are we under attack?"

"I don't think so," Rina's eyes narrowed. "Something's wrong. Very wrong."

The figure had fallen straight to the ground just before Logan could reach it. Immediately Logan could discern a small but rapidly growing puddle of blood. He reached for it. It was a lean figure covered almost completely in dark blue feathers. His arms were slightly longer than a normal person's had wings attached to them. His hands still had the five fingers but they were withered slightly and had small sharp nails, like bird claws.

He was wearing torn tan cargo pants. Feathers covered his legs which ended in four birdlike talons. The face was still human and uncovered with feathers. It appeared to be some kind of Caucasian male. But it was the wounds that concerned Logan the most.

"GET BEAST!" Logan roared. "The kid's been **shot!" **

**Obviously I'm fooling around with some lesser known characters. My version of Gossamyr is not going to be an alien and her brother is going to be that kid that stays awake watching TV all night in the X-Men movies. The bird kid is based on another character from the New Mutants and Autumn is actually a cannon character. **

**Well we learn more about our new New Mutants in the next chapter, while some old New Mutants wonder about a few things! Like where the hell do they get these people? **

Scott stormed out. "WE GET THEM FROM YOUR DERANGED MIND YOU MANIAC!"

"Scott yelling at her is **not** going to help," Jean walked out with a sigh.

"You're right," Scott remarked. "We need to take away her coffee and use her mallet on **her!"**


	49. Welcome To The Institute

**Welcome to the Institute**

"What's going on?" Jubilee asked as she ran down the flight of stairs along with several other New Mutants. They had heard the perimeter alarm and were rushing to see what was going on.

"CALL BEAST! THE KID'S BEEN SHOT!" Logan was heard yelling.

"Shot? Who was shot?" Rahne yelled. "I smell blood!"

"Out of the way! Out of the way!" Logan burst into the room carrying the bloodied bird boy in his arms. "Get out of the way here! Beast!"

"Oh my God! He's been shot! What's going on? Look at the blood!" Several students began chatting at once. "What happened? The kid was **shot!** Who was shot? He's getting feathers everywhere! He's bleeding! My God he's bleeding! He's bleeding! He's actually **bleeding!** He's been shot! Someone shot him! Who would **do** something like this? Are we under attack? Is it an attack! What happened? What's going on?"

"Will all of you **knock it off?"** Tim yelled as he shoved several mutants aside. "Get out of his way! Geeze you'd think you'd never see a kid get **shot** before! Move it!"

"For once the Skeleton's right! **Move it!"** Logan roared as he made his way to the infirmary.

"Oh my god!" Jubilee shouted. "Are we under attack?" Several students made similar comments among themselves.

"Get in your rooms! **NOW!"** Jean ordered as she came up. The New Mutants scattered in fear of her rage. "Get him to the infirmary!"

Half an hour later Jean was waiting outside the operating room with Logan and Xavier. "I should be in there with Beast, Lifeline and Dragonfly," She sighed. "I could help."

"No Jean," Xavier said. "You go with Scott and Ororo to Texas. The Vandermers are also a priority. We can handle things here and keep you updated."

"Come on," Ororo said. "There's nothing we can do here. We have a mission to go on." Jean reluctantly left for the Blackbird.

Rina entered the room. "No sign of intruders outside the perimeter," She reported. "Whoever attacked him is nowhere near the Institute."

Xavier did a quick telepathic scan of the boy. "His name is Daniel Winger. Age 15. He recently developed his mutation two days ago. His own father shot him. He barely managed to escape."

Logan let out a sharp breath and instinctively shot out his claws. "My sentiments exactly," Xavier said picking up Logan's stray thoughts. "Obviously the boy has been through severe trauma. He'll have to be monitored closely. Which means he is also a priority now along with the other mutants we've just come in contact with."

"When it rains it pours huh Charles?" Logan grunted. "So what about the kid in Vermont?"

"I have to go pick her up," Xavier told him.

"Maybe that's not a good idea," Logan said. "I could go with Rogue and Psylocke. Considering the girl's powers that might be a better combination."

Xavier considered this. "You have a point. All right. Take the Velocity and go right away."

"You sure you'll be all right here?" Logan asked.

"I don't sense any hostile activity outside," Xavier told him. "And I have already set the security settings on Level Five. But we will keep an eye out for trouble. We should be all right until you get back."

Logan nodded and left the room. Rina turned to Xavier. "Do you wish me to keep patrolling the grounds?"

"No Rina. But I do need you here to help me calm down the other students," Xavier said.

"Professor, keeping people **calm** is not one of my talents," Rina raised an eyebrow.

"No, but making sure they are safe is," Xavier told her.

"Once they learned that I won't attack them unless they get on my bad side," Rina corrected.

"You can inform them that this is definitely not an attack on the mansion and…" Xavier stopped as Hank walked out. "How is our patient?"

"In a coma. It's a miracle he's made it this far," Hank sighed. "Whether he wakes up or not will be up to him."

"Do you think his father will be after him?" Rina asked. "He may want to make sure he finished the job."

"Or he might think his son is dead already," Hank theorized. "But you do have a point. We might need to get the lawyers just in case."

"Our lawyers may already have a situation," Xavier frowned. "If the information about the girl in Vermont is accurate."

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"I tell you I may have seen a lot of sick weird things before but this beats all," The Sheriff shrugged as he showed Logan, Rogue and Betsy to the cell. "I seen some kids shoot, stab and beat their own family members and brag about it but this is the first suspect I've seen that's been so damn calm about it. I mean really calm."

"Have you found any evidence?" Logan asked.

"Not even a trace," The Sheriff sighed. "Which probably means the girl was telling the truth about her powers."

"But if she destroyed her parents' bodies so completely why would she just admit to what she did?" Betsy asked.

"Shock, guilt," The Sheriff guessed. "There have been rumors that the girl's parents were starving her or some other kind of abuse. She probably snapped while they were hitting her or something."

"She may not even have known about her powers," Rogue said. "I mean a lot of times mutant powers manifest themselves during traumatic experiences. Believe me I know."

"So basically what you're saying is that the parents went nuts on the kid, kid's powers show up," The Sheriff put it together. "Parents most likely get killed. Girl freaks out and calls us. If that's true it's self defense."

"You're not exactly upset by all this," Betsy said. "And you don't need to be a telepath to see that."

"Truth is, this is a small town but we see a lot of stuff going on," The Sheriff told her. "I mean a lot of stuff. All that drug crime and kids shooting other kids don't just happen in the big cities anymore. Hell I wish **half** the criminals just gave themselves up like she did. Way I see it, a mutant's got as much right to defend himself as any man with a gun."

"Pretty interesting attitude," Rogue commented.

"Look we don't have the facilities to deal with mutants and quite frankly her parents weren't exactly the type of people anybody'd miss except for their creditors," The Sheriff said. "And since it's not an election year around here and the last thing we need are mutant riots…" He took a breath. "The county prosecutor is more than happy to sweep this under the rug. I mean we all saw what happened in Bayville during that Daniels' trial. We don't need that kind of thing in this town. There's no bodies, no case. If you want her, you can have her."

He showed them to the cell in the back. Autumn was sitting on the cot staring at the wall. "You got visitors," The Sheriff called out and opened the cell before he left.

"Hey there," Logan said. Autumn didn't respond. "I'm Logan, this is Rogue and Betsy Braddock. We're from the Xavier Institute."

No response. "Look I know you're in shock being a mutant and all," Logan began. "You took quite a risk calling the cops."

"Well I did kill my parents, why wouldn't I call the police?" Autumn said calmly.

"I'm sorry about that," Logan said.

"Don't be too sorry," Autumn shrugged. "I didn't like them very much and they really didn't like me."

"Well, we're mutants too," Rogue said. "In fact you and me got something in common. My powers don't let me touch people either."

"Do your powers kill people instantly?" Autumn asked casually.

"No, but if I hold onto them…" Rogue blinked.

"Oh," Autumn said casually, as if she was responding to an easy question a teacher gave her.

Logan was admittedly stunned as were the others. "Look uh, we're here to take you to the Xavier Institute. It's a place for kids like you so you can work on controlling your powers."

"So I'm not staying in jail?" Autumn asked in a neutral tone.

"No I don't think they're going to press charges," Betsy was perplexed by her attitude.

"All right," She stood up calmly. "Let's go then."

"That's it?" Rogue was shocked.

"Would you rather I stayed here?" Autumn asked. "To be honest it doesn't really matter one way or the other. Nothing matters much anymore."

"Cheerful little thing isn't she?" Betsy whispered to Rogue as they left.

Logan was shocked. He had seen a lot of kids' reactions to invitations to the Institute. But even in the most adamant of them there was at least some kind of will. This girl had none. It was if the spark of life was instantly extinguished. No refusal or disbelief to the circumstances. She merely accepted them as if they were fate. She was lifeless, resigned to being whatever anyone around her wanted. Like nothing mattered in the world.

It seemed that her powers had made her into death itself.

And that scared Logan more than anything. _I have a **bad** feeling about this one. I hope Charles can do something for her. Because if we can't and the wrong person gets to her…There's going to be big trouble. _

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Back in Texas.

"No Mrs. Vandermer, mutant powers are **not **contagious," Ororo explained with as much patience as she could to the near hysterical woman. Since this was a recruitment mission she and the others were dressed in their civilian clothes. Ororo was in her peach colored dress with matching headscarf.

"So my other daughter doesn't have this X-Gene?" Mrs. Vandermer sniffed.

"No the blood test proved that," Ororo said patiently.

"But then why does Taylor have it too?" The woman sniffed on the couch.

"Well it has to do with genetics," Jean said as diplomatically as possible. "It's possible for one sibling to have an active X gene and another not to have it. Or two siblings to have powers in different ways. I have a sister who's not a mutant and Scott's brother's powers are slightly different."

"You mean it's like hair color and whether it's curly or straight?" Mrs. Vandermer asked. "Luck of the draw?"

"Pretty much yes," Jean said.

"I **told** you it runs in families," Mr. Vandermer grumbled. His wife ignored him.

"Well Starla always had such perfect hair, gets it from me," Mrs. Vandermer sighed. "Pamela's takes after her father. That's why she's always needed help with it, you know highlights and straightening. Taylor's was always a mess. Guess it makes sense." She looked at Ororo. "Uh…Your hair has it always been…?"

"My hair is naturally white," Ororo explained. "I was born with it."

"Part of that mutant thing?" She asked. "I guess that's why it's so straight. I mean normally Black people have that curl in their hair. Well all the Black women I know have it. Well I don't really know them socially. Just the two who work at the Salon and do my nails. Vivian's the girl who does mine. She is very good. Has such nice hair too. You know it just came to me, you are the first black woman I have ever had over to the house. Well at least not to clean it."

"Really," Ororo kept her temper in check. "I never would have guessed."

Mrs. Vandermer looked at Jean. "Is that your natural color?"

"Yes," Jean said. "And yes it's naturally straight."

"My, my," Mrs. Vandermer blinked. "I guess that's one good thing about being a mutant. You have good hair that is."

"Oh brother," Taylor had overheard the conversation. He was talking to Scott who was wearing his red shirt and tan pants. "Only my mother would think about talking about **hair **at a time like this."

"I know this is a bit confusing for you," Scott said.

"Not really," Taylor shrugged. "One day I woke up and I could turn the television set on and off without touching it. And any other appliance I wanted. End of story."

To prove his point he used his powers to turn on the TV and the radio and turned them off. "See?"

"That's pretty good," Scott said.

"Thanks," Taylor shrugged. "It's not as cool as your power. I saw you on the news and online. Shooting rays out of your eyes is pretty cool."

"Not if you can't turn them off," Scott groaned. "That's why I have to wear these glasses."

"Still pretty cool," Taylor told him. "So you think you can help me with this?"

"There is one other student back at the Institute who has powers similar to yours," Scott said. "He doesn't have the same degree of control you have. His powers just make everything go haywire."

"Does he actually sleep?" Taylor asked. "I can't sleep at all. In fact I don't even miss it. It's like…All I need to do to recharge is to watch TV or play video games and I kind of feel the energy around me."

"Interesting," Ororo thought as she walked over to them. "We may have to do some tests but it sounds like your body is feeding off electrical impulses. What I find remarkable is that you are taking this so calmly."

"Actually I think it's kind of cool being a mutant," Taylor shrugged. "My sister on the other hand…"

"MY LIFE IS **OVER!** AAAHHHHHHHHHH!" They heard a scream from upstairs. "OVER! I WANNA DIE!"

"Oh dear," Ororo sighed.

"Don't be too concerned," Taylor told her. "She said the **exact **same thing when they stopped making one of her favorite hair products."

"Maybe I'd better go talk to her," Jean said. "Which way is her room?"

"I'll show you," Taylor said. "But you better prepare yourself."

"I'm sure it will be just fine," Ororo told him.

"Ha!" Taylor snorted. "You people have **no** idea what you're in for! Come on."

Taylor and Jean went upstairs as Ororo tried to placate the mother. "This is her room," Taylor pointed at a door with silver words on it that said STARLA. "Good luck, you're gonna need it." He went off to his own room to get his things.

Jean knocked on the door. "GO AWAY!" Starla screamed inside.

"Starla? My name's Jean Grey," Jean said. "I'm from the Xavier Institute…"

"OH GOD THE FREAK SCHOOL IS HERE!" Starla screamed. "I DON'T WANT TO WEAR A STRAIGHTJACKET! TOO MUCH WHITE MAKES ME LOOK FAT!"

"Starla please," Jean already sensed why Taylor had been so amused. "No one will make you wear a straightjacket."

"NOT THE ORANGE JUMPSUITS! ORANGE MAKES ME LOOK FAT TOO!"

"Starla please, can I come in?" Jean was already getting a headache.

"NO! I'M HIDEOUS! I'M A HIDEOUS GLOWING FREAK! I WANNA DIIEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"No you don't," Jean could sense that the girl was distressed but had no suicidal tendencies.

"YES I DO! I MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD! MY LIFE IS OVER! IT'S OVER! OVER! WAAAHHHHH!"

"Starla I am coming in," Jean told her. She found the door unlocked and opened it. The room was awash in so much pink even Kitty would have been in shock. She found a glowing figure hiding under a pink comforter on a white bed. "Starla please. Don't be afraid."

"I'm not afraid," Starla sniffed. "I'm **hideous!"**

"I'm sure it's not that bad," Jean said sympathetically. "Please."

"No, no, no and **no!"** Starla whined.

"Fine, have it your way," Jean sighed before she telekinetically threw off the comforter.

"Hey!" Starla yelled. She looked up at Jean. "Who are you?"

"I'm Jean Grey," Jean decided to try again. "A junior instructor at the Xavier Institute and one of the X-Men. And you don't look hideous at all."

"I look like a Disney Character **night light!"** Starla whined.

"It's not that bad," Jean said. "Being a mutant doesn't mean your life's over."

"You don't understand!" Starla wailed. "I was **popular!** I had **everything** and now it's gone!"

"Look I know what you're going through," Jean said.

"No you don't," Starla wailed.

"Yes I do," Jean said. "I used to be popular. I had lots of friends or at least people who I thought were my friends. I was the star of the soccer team and was even dating the quarterback of our high school football team."

"Really?" Starla blinked. "You're not just making this up are you?"

"No I'm not," Jean said. "I tried hard to keep my gifts under control so that no one would ever know."

"Gifts?" Starla asked.

"I'm a telepath and a telekinetic," Jean explained.

"You mean you can read minds and move things without even touching them?" Starla asked. Jean nodded. "God why couldn't I have gotten **those powers?** I would never need to study again and I could whack my rivals with a stray rock whenever I wanted!"

"Starla you're missing the point," Jean decided that an ethics lesson could wait until later. "I did everything I could in order to fit in. And that included being popular."

"Oh you mean like hiding out in plain sight?" Starla blinked.

"Exactly, only I got carried away with it," Jean admitted. "I was just so caught up with being normal and liked by everyone that I forgot sometimes who I really was. And when my secret became public…my entire world shattered. People who I thought were friends turned on me, the teachers whom I tried to impress with my good grades hated me…The entire illusion I made for myself was gone. I went from being the most popular girl in school to the most despised overnight. And it hurt."

"Then you **do** know?" Starla sniffed. "You **do** know what it's like! Good Lord in Heaven how did you **survive?"**

"Well, I had to take a good long look at what was important in my life," Jean told her. "I realized that I had family and friends who really cared about me. And that was a lot more important than being popular."

"No seriously," Starla gave her a look. "How **did **you get through? Did you have to take pills or something?"

"No I just had to change my priorities," Jean said. "At the Xavier Institute we can help you with your gifts just like I was helped. And there are other students who are going through the same thing you are."

"Wait back up, **other** students?" Starla just thought of something. "So basically this Institute is just another school right?"

"Technically…" Jean said.

"And if it's just another school," Starla's mind was turning. "It means I'm starting over…Which means…I can be popular again!"

"Starla the institute is about learning control over your powers," Jean said.

"Exactly, control right? Fitting in!" Starla said. "I can do that! I mean I can learn how **not **to glow right?"

"Well I suppose…" Jean thought.

"And these wings can retract," Starla experimented with them. "Yes, yes they can! Which mean's Mom's plan might actually **work!"**

"Plan? What plan?" Jean asked.

"The plan where after I learn to control this glowing thing I come back," Starla grinned. "See Mom's going to tell everyone that all I had was an allergic reaction to some paint. Nobody knows about the wings so all I have to do is hide them under my clothes and not wear anything backless!"

"Uh Starla that's not what I meant about control," Jean began. "See there are other students…"

"And while I'm away not only will Mother fix my reputation **here,** I can become popular at the mutant school," Starla blinked. "I'll be the most popular person at **two **schools instead of one!"

"Starla I think you're jumping the gun a little," Jean began.

"You're right!" Starla snapped her fingers. "First I've got to get my mom to make that call! Stay right there! I will be right back!" She ran out the door. "Mother! You have that doctor's number on speed dial?"

Scott walked in with Taylor "So…how did it go?" Scott asked.

"I'm not sure," Jean blinked. "But I think I helped…somewhat. Taylor how do you feel about coming to the Institute?"

"Are you kidding?" Taylor grinned. "I'm already packed."

"Okay, okay!" Starla ran in. "Now I have to pack! What's the best outfit to impress people at this school of yours?" She opened up her closet to reveal a huge wardrobe. "Now I want to go with the pink but I think that might be too last year. What color impresses people more in New York, purple or sky blue?"

Scott and Jean were speechless. Taylor looked at them. "Like I said, you people have **no** idea what you're in for."

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"I tell you just when I think that this place could not get any more interesting," Dead Girl shook her head as she munched on a donut for breakfast. She really didn't need to eat considering her mutation but she liked to taste things every now and then. "More people show up in unexpected ways."

"You're not even a little upset that a kid full of bullets just landed on our doorstep?" Paige asked her.

"Hello? I'm **dead**, remember?" Dead Girl said. "Once you get over your own murder nothing much affects you."

The remaining mutants at the Institute were having breakfast in the kitchen. "Does anybody know **anything** about the new kid in the infirmary?" Roberto asked.

"No they're pretty tight lipped," Jamie said. "I didn't even get a chance to send a dupe in to check on 'em."

"A what?" Tim asked.

"A dupe," Jamie said. "That's what I call my clones. You know, short for duplicate?"

"Hey Rogue, Betsy how was the recruitment mission?" Bobby asked as the two tired girls walked in.

"Draining, in all senses of the word," Betsy groaned. "Coffee. I need coffeeeeeeee." She slumped over and grabbed a cup.

"Long night huh?" Ray asked.

"Oh yeah," Rogue muttered. "That's an understatement. Scott and Jean back yet?"

"I thought I heard the Blackbird a couple of minutes ago. I can't believe we're getting all these new people," Ray said. "I mean this place is starting to get pretty crowded."

"Well duh Ray it is a school you know?" Roberto snorted. "I mean people come and go all the time in schools."

"What do you mean?" Rahne asked.

"Well like any school there are new kids and there are old kids," Roberto stirred his spoon in his cereal. "I mean there are new kids that come into a school every year, the freshmen. Then there are the ones that leave, like the Seniors or people who move or transfer. Or get kicked out."

"Like us from Bayville High," Tabitha grunted. "Good riddance."

"And then there's the ones in the middle," Roberto went on. "The ones that are stuck in the middle. Kind of in limbo ya know? Things just go on and change but we stay the same."

"What's with all the philosophy this morning?" Tabitha asked.

"I dunno, it just feels kind of weird you know?" Roberto asked. "With all the stuff we've been through it feels like we've been here forever. Always New Mutants with hardly ever a chance to shine. Always in the X-Men's shadow."

"You want to transfer to the X-Men?" Bobby asked.

"No I want my own team to shine," Roberto told him. "Not to be treated like Freshmen when we're really Juniors. I mean a lot of us have been here a lot longer than others, but they still lump us in with all the new guys! No offense…"

"None taken," Tim snorted. "I see what you mean though."

"Since when do **you **care about stuff like this?" Ray gave him a look.

"I dunno, since people started **shooting** at us," Roberto snapped. "Just because I haven't talked about it much doesn't mean I don't think about it! Look at this bird kid, he was **shot!** There should be more X-Men to prevent things like that but there aren't enough of them to go around!"

Roberto took a deep breath. "It's just so frustraiting you know? I mean we do a lot of good things and save a lot of people's lives but that doesn't get us anywhere. We're still the enemy no matter how hard we try to prove we're not! I just get tired of it sometimes. And I want to do something about it. But I feel so helpless since a lot of times I'm on the sidelines or just on the support team. You get what I'm saying?"

"Yeah," Ray let out a breath. "Yeah I get it. We all get that. And it sucks big time."

"You know he does have a point," Amara said. "Some of us have been training almost as long as the main team but we're still considered second stringers."

"Maybe there should be **three** teams?" Jamie suggested. "Take it up with the Professor? I mean it couldn't hurt."

"That's not a bad idea, Jamie," Sam scratched his head. "So Rogue, Betsy tell us about the new girl you brought in."

"Let me put it to you this way," Betsy said. "If you looked up the word 'depressing' in the dictionary you'd find this girl."

"So what are her powers?" Paige asked.

"Everything organic she touches withers on contact," Betsy said. "She literally drains life force through touch. But not like Rogue. When she touches you it's permanent, almost instant death and she can't take another mutant's powers. At least what we can figure."

"And I thought **my** powers were a pain," Rogue sighed. "At least people have a chance of waking up again."

"Uh everyone," Jean walked in with Taylor and Starla. "I'd like you to meet Starla and Taylor Vandermer from Texas. Starla and Taylor…This is everyone."

"Greetings Y'all," Starla waltzed in like she was the star of her own movie. She had gotten over her reluctant mutant status quickly enough once she realized that her glowing skin and sparking wings made her the center of attention. "Starla Vandermer here!"

"Uh huh," Taylor coughed.

"And this is my brother," Starla waved casually. "Say hello Taylor!" But before Taylor said a word she kept going. "So you're all mutants too huh?"

"Yup this is Mutant Manor all right," Kurt nodded. "Just look for us blue guys."

"Oh you are blue! How interesting," Starla grinned. She turned to Jean and whispered. "Which one's the popular table?"

"There is no popular table. We all eat together," Jean said.

"Oh…" Starla blinked. "How…communal…" She sat down at the table as if she was the newly elected queen bee. "So who wants to ask me questions about myself?"

"Why don't you get acquainted?" Jean blinked. "I just need to lie down for a bit. It was a long flight…" She walked away. "A little **too** long!"

"So," Starla said. "I have a **ton **of questions. But the first thing I really need to know is who is the captain of your cheerleading squad?"

"Cheerleading squad?" Betsy blinked.

"Yes, your cheerleading squad," Starla said enthusiastically. "When are tryouts?"

"Let me take a wild guess," Rogue gave her a look. "You really don't know how this whole mutant thing works do you?"

"Not really no," Starla shook her head.

"I hate to burst your bubble darling," Betsy said. "But we don't have a cheerleading squad."

The look on Starla's face was the same as if any normal person was just told that a three eyed fish named Blinky had just been elected President of the United States. "What do you mean **no **cheerleading squad?"

"Just what it sounds like. There is no cheerleading squad here," Kitty said.

"But how can you **not **have a cheerleading squad here?" Starla asked. "Who cheers at all your football games?"

"Well since we don't have a football team…" Ray said.

"Hold on, no **football team?"** Starla's jaw dropped. "This school does **not **have a football team?"

"No I'm afraid not," Betsy said.

**"No** football team?" Starla blinked again. "That means no **football players**. As in **none** at all?"

"Nope," Tabitha said.

"What about a track team?" Starla asked. "You have to at least have a track team!"

"No," Rogue said. "We don't. But we do a lot of running."

"Lacrosse team?"

"Uh uh," Rogue shook her head.

"Baseball team?"

"Not really," Rogue said.

"Soccer team?"

"Nope," Roberto said.

"Tennis team?"

"Sorry Love, no," Betsy replied.

"Hockey?"

"Nope," Bobby said. "But I can make an ice rink any time you want."

"Gymnastics?"

"Not really," Jubilee shrugged.

"Badminton?"

"Zippo," Tabitha confirmed.

**"Bowling?"** Starla asked in desperation.

"Not even candlepin," Tabitha shook her head.

"Are you telling me that this school has **no** sports program at **all?**" Starla was shocked.

"Oh we didn't say **that**," Betsy said.

"Oh good! You had me worried," Starla let out of a sigh of relief.

"It's just that we don't play against other schools," Betsy added. "We play against each other for fun."

"What kind of crazy school is this?" Starla asked. "Next you'll be telling me you don't have a yearbook staff or a Young Republican's club or something like that!"

"Now that you mention it…" Kitty began.

"Are you saying there are **no** clubs or extra curricular activities at **all?**" Starla yelled. "Not a single one?"

"Well there is the I Hate Misfits Club," Ray said cheerfully.

"The **what?**" Starla asked.

"Don't worry," Rogue said. "You'll find out **all** about it soon enough."

"I put out a newspaper every now and then," Jamie spoke up.

"Oh really?" Starla looked up. "Well I could always write a column about…"

"Uh sorry," Jamie said. "Staff's already full." He created a few dupes of himself.

"Well this is a sorry excuse for a student body if I ever saw one," Starla huffed. "I mean I've never seen a group of students as a whole to be so proud to be apathetic about their lack of extra curricular activities."

"There was a kid that came here on our doorstep last night full of bullet holes," Ray said harshly. "So forgive us for not being too concerned about what **you think!"**

"Ray," Amara gave him a look.

"Bullet holes?" Starla asked. "Was he in some kind of hunting accident?"

"You could say that. He was caught in the middle of Mutant Hunting Season," Ray snapped. "Which goes on about three hundred and sixty five days a year around here!"

"Wait are you saying that there are people who **shoot** at us?" Starla's jaw dropped. "Actually shoot us with guns and bullets and everything?"

"That's one of the reasons we kind of had to drop out of all those cheerleading competitions," Rogue said. "All that buckshot flying around kind of screwed up our routines."

"Let me see if I get this straight," Starla looked at them. "I'm a mutant in a mutant school where there are no sports teams or extracurricular activities to add to my resume and where there are people who **shoot **at me because I'm a mutant?"

"Yeah that's pretty much it," Betsy said.

"And this boy in the infirmary…He could actually **die?"** Starla was shocked.

"Yeah," Ray simmered down. "He could."

"Well this is rather distressing," Starla blinked. "I mean nobody told me **anything **about this."

"Yeah it is kind of hard to get used to," Rogue softened up.

"I'll say!" Starla was angry. "I didn't bring **anything** black to wear!"

"What?" Rogue's eye twitched.

"I mean if people are going to **die** here they should have at least told me about it so I would bring the appropriate clothing!" Starla huffed. "Everything I brought is either white or pastels or a few bright pink outfits! I can't show up at a funeral wearing pink! It's disgraceful! And it is so out of **fashion!** I hope this kid lives because I am **not** prepared to go to a funeral!"

"Are you kidding me?" Rogue's voice was getting angry. "Are you freaking **kidding me?"**

"I certainly am not! How can you **joke** about not being properly dressed for a funeral!" Starla blinked.

"What about that kid that just got shot and could die? Ever think about that?" Kitty snapped.

"Well it's not as if I **know** him! I just **got** here!" Starla huffed. "Excuse me for not personally knowing every mutant on the planet! Besides funerals are for the living anyway. Dead guy's not going to care what **he's** wearing let alone what **I'm** wearing! Now if you're through being rude I have to go unpack and coordinate my outfits!"

She then stormed out. "Where the hell are the stairs?" She called out. "I just realized I don't know where the hell I'm going!"

Everyone looked at each other. "All right I'll do it," Kitty got up from the table. "But I swear you people owe me one!" She went to show Starla around.

"I have never been so glad to get my own room," Tabitha blinked.

"I pity the poor sod that ends up as her room mate," Betsy agreed.

Jamie looked at Taylor. "Is she always like that?"

"You have **no** idea! Uh I'd like to take this moment to point out that I am **nothing** like my sister," Taylor spoke up. "She's just plain **nuts."**

"God I hate new people," Rogue groaned.

**Next: Getting to know the new people even more! Even though some of them we don't really want to know more about. Oh I am going to have such fun with Starla! He he...**


	50. Settling Into Insanity

**Settling Into Insanity**

"Charles I got a **bad** feeling about some of these new recruits," Logan shook his head. "That Vandermer girl is a pill. But compared to the Rolfson girl she's little Miss Congeniality!"

Xavier sat in his office. It was a day after the new arrivals had arrived. "Logan, the girl has been through severe emotional abuse as well as possible physical abuse. It's going to take time. I think it's best that Miss Rolfson not have any Danger Room training until both her physical and mental health improves."

"I agree on that," Logan nodded. "But Charles something in my gut tells me that what happened to her parents wasn't completely an accident. Not that I blame her but…"

"Professor?" Roberto knocked on the door as he opened it. Jamie and Sam were with him. "Can we talk to you for a minute? If you're not too busy."

"Of course I'm not too busy," Xavier said. "Come in and tell us what is on your mind."

"Well the guys and I have been talking and…" Roberto began.

"We think that some of us New Mutants ought to be promoted," Jamie spoke up. "To a different squad!"

"You see the main X-Men team can't be everywhere," Sam said. "And we've all been through a lot of battles. Some of us just as many as them."

"So we've been thinking maybe you should have two teams of X-Men or something?" Roberto suggested. "You gotta admit we got a whole lot of enemies to handle them."

"You do have a point," Xavier folded his hands. "Perhaps it is time to create a second team as support for the main team? Many of you have certainly proven your mettle in past battles."

"That's right! We can do a lot! Just as much as the main team," Sam nodded. "All we need is a chance! Come on Logan, back us up here."

"They have been doing some pretty impressive work," Logan shrugged. "Maybe having an extra team or two might not be such a bad idea after all?"

"Very well," Xavier nodded. "I have to discuss this with the rest of the faculty but in the future we will create a second squad of X-Men."

"All right!" Jamie whooped.

"Yes!" Both Roberto and Sam gave each other a high five.

"And I thought the main team gave us enough **headaches**," Logan rolled his eyes.

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Speaking of headaches, it was on the following day when the Misfits arrived. At breakfast. "Why do we even bother with locks?" Rogue groaned as most of the Misfits helped themselves to whatever food there was in the kitchen. Pietro, Trinity and Spyder were wandering around somewhere.

"Darned if I know," Fred shrugged as he chugged down an entire carton of milk. He threw it away when it was empty. "You're out of milk."

"Thank you for informing us of this Fred," Jean said sarcastically.

"No problem," Fred grinned.

"And this is the kitchen," Todd was telling the new baby which had been christened the nickname 'Tadpole' despite Roadblock's objections. He was strapped into a carrier in front of Todd's chest. "See all the food."

At this the baby started to wail. "Looks like he's picked up his cue," Cover Girl took him from Todd. "Give him to me Todd, looks like the kid's hungry."

"How's the Misfits' newest recruit?" Hank grinned.

"Hungry apparently," Cover Girl got a bottle from the bottle warmer for the wailing infant. "Here we go little guy…Come on. Yes you're hungry aren't you?"

The baby gulped his formula greedily. "I knew it was the right decision to give him to you guys," Scott nodded. "I hate to say it but when it comes to babies you have a lot more experience than we do."

"The kid has twenty four hour coverage thanks to us and the kids," Roadblock nodded. "Toad's really taken a shine to him. And the toddlers adore their new 'little brother'."

"Actually I was talking about Quicksilver," Scott smirked.

"Speaking of new recruits how are yours?" Cover Girl asked as she fed the baby.

"Ugh," Rogue grumbled.

"That bad?" Althea asked.

"Well one's still in a coma so we can't really complain," Hank sighed.

"Bird Boy still hasn't woken up?" Todd asked.

Hank knew that the Misfits knew everything that went on around the mansion so he didn't bother to ask how Todd knew this. "No, it could be a while before he regains consciousness due to the loss of blood and shock."

"At least here he's away from his creep of an old man," Tabitha agreed.

"What about the other ones?" Roadblock asked.

"The Vandermer boy is all right," Logan told him. "Already got himself a code name, calls himself Static."

"He, Jamie and Madelyne are getting along like a house on fire," Tabitha said.

"AAHHH! STOP KISSING ME!" They heard Taylor screaming. "JAMIE GET THESE CRAZY GIRLS TO STOP KISSING ME!"

"IF I COULD DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE **DONE** IT BY NOW?" Jamie shouted. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

"KISSY KISSY TIME!" Trinity squealed.

"I see he's already making friends with Trinity," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"Taylor's a pretty nice kid," Logan shrugged. "Too bad we can't say the same for his sister."

"Thank God the Professor was smart enough to build extra rooms in the new mansion so she could have her own," Kitty agreed. "Not to mention the other two new kids."

"Oh this I gotta **hear,"** Althea put down her orange juice and looked at them. "Okay give me the lowdown."

"She's rude, self centered, spoiled and obsessed with popularity," Jean grumbled. "And those are her **good** traits!"

"You mean she's worse than **you**?" Althea teased.

"Ten times worse than Jean **ever **was," Rogue agreed.

"Miss Perfect Snob is dead, long live Miss Perfect **Annoying** Snob," Tabitha added.

"Thank you oh so much," Jean groaned.

"You're welcome," Althea grinned.

"Are my ears burning?" Starla waltzed in wearing a pink and white jogging outfit, her body still glowing as well as her wings. "Well who do we have here?"

"These are the Misfits," Jean told her. "These are mutants that work for GI Joe. This is Wavedancer, their leader. Toad, Avalanche, Blob, Scarlet Witch, Firestar, Shooter, Arcade…"

"AAAHHHHH!" Taylor was heard screaming. "NOT THE ELECTRIC WEBBING!"

"Your brother is meeting with Spyder and the Triplets," Jean rolled her eyes. "Pyro, Dragonfly and…Where's Quicksilver?"

"Who knows? Who cares?" Wanda quipped. "He's probably running around somewhere."

"So you all are army mutants?" Starla asked.

"Well I'm human and so are most of the adults but you get the idea," Arcade told her.

"It is true that is what we do," Roadblock said. "Now tell us all something about you."

"Oh please don't," Rogue moaned.

"Well," Starla immediately took center stage. "My name is Starla Vandermer and my mutant name is Gossamyr, with a y. You know as in that famous line on how she flies in on gossamer wings? I've always like that line and it really suits me now that I have wings. But I just amped up the spelling a little bit, you know to make it more interesting. Because let's face it, presentation is always important. I am the head cheerleader of Silver Spring High School and I am from the great state of Texas. I have two wonderful parents that own three car dealerships and a younger brother and I also have a younger sister who really isn't that important or pretty. In fact she's a real dog in all senses of the word if you get my drift. Actually I am the most beautiful and talented of the bunch but you all knew that just by looking at me didn't you?"

"Oh we've just learned more than you can **imagine **about you in the last minute," Althea said sarcastically.

"And I thought **Kitty** talked too much," Todd muttered to Fred.

"What are you doing? I thought you were still asleep?" Jean asked Starla.

"Well I had to get up at five for my morning run, stretches, and aerobics," Starla grabbed a glass of water. "Not to mention my squats, toning and other exercises I need to stay limber. Just finished exercising."

"You were up by five AM and you spent all this time **exercising?"** Logan was shocked. "It's nearly eight now!"

"You don't get to be head cheerleader since grade school by staying in bed until noon," Starla gave them a look. "You must be a very lazy PE teacher if you think that!"

"Oh I am going to love teaching **you** a thing or two," Logan growled. Then he realized what he had done. "Thanks a lot Roadblock, now you got **me** doing it!"

Starla had a puzzled look on her face. "That wasn't a come on was it?" Starla asked Jean. "He didn't just hit on me just now did he? Not that I can blame him…"

"WHAT?" Logan roared.

"Well calm down it's an easy mistake to make," Starla huffed. "Not like you're the first teacher to make a pass at me or anything."

"First of all…I was **not **making a pass at you!" Logan snapped.

"Calm down. I know you can't help it, I mean I do have that certain something that makes most men turn to jelly," Starla shrugged. "I've always had that talent of turning men on even when I don't want them too. It's just the way it is, a burden I have had to bear since I was a child. You don't have to worry about controlling yourself. As long as I'm in control you will be just fine."

"Oh where is my brother when we **need** him?" Wanda looked around. "I can't **wait** to introduce him to **you!"**

"No offense, but I hope he **dresses** better than you," Starla said. "I mean I'm not really into the whole Goth thing. It's not good for my image."

"Your **image?**" Wanda gave her a look.

"Wait until you hear **this!**" Rogue gave her a look. "Tell them your big plan Starla."

"You see once I get my powers under control I'll be able to go back to Silver Springs and finish high school there," Starla said. "See I'm not sure what to tell people yet, that I had skin cancer or a rare form allergic reaction to some glitter. But anyway, once I go back home I can just return to my normal life and forget about being a mutant. Well maybe take some medication for it but still…"

"You can't just take a pill and **stop** being a mutant," Rogue snapped at her. "It doesn't work like that!"

"Well not **now** but one of these days I'm sure somebody will make a shot or something," Starla shrugged.

"Don't even **joke** about that Starla," Jean gave her a look.

"Who's joking? It's a fact," Starla said. "I'll bet there are people even **now** working on a cure for mutations."

"I hate to say it but Tinkerbell here has a point," Logan grumbled.

"It's **Gossamyr**, not Tinkerbell," Starla groaned. "And it's not like I'm gonna go out and cut my wings off or anything. As cumbersome as they can be when I'm trying on clothes I like them. I just need something to keep the light show under control. I admit I kind of panicked when I first got them but for crying out loud it's not like I was **stupid **enough to try and kill myself or anything."

No one said anything. Obviously Starla knew nothing about Lina. How could she? She never let anyone else get a word in edgewise. Still she was oblivious to how her words had hit home with Lina. Lina turned slightly pale and nearly dropped her tea cup.

Oblivious to the tension in the room Starla went on. "Well once I do get back I suppose I have to make up some story about hurting my back and needing a brace. Which means I may have to give up my spot on the cheerleading squad to that bitch sister of mine but hey, I'll still have my scholarships and my spot on student council and the internship on the local TV show. Maybe I could do a fake news story about my illness! People love hearing things like that about local celebrities! I'd better get dressed and changed!" She grabbed an apple and flounced away.

"**That's** your new recruit huh?" Lance asked.

"Loquacious isn't she?" Hank moaned.

"Just plain **nuts **is more like it," Fred shook his head.

"For once I agree with the Blob," Logan groaned. "And not just on his choice of words!"

"More like **her** choices of words," Angelica put an arm around Lina. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, really," Lina nodded. "That was a long time ago. I worked through it. I'm okay."

"She didn't know," Jean said. "Not that she listens to a thing we say anyway."

"Girl has as much tact as a bulldozer," Rogue grumbled. "And fewer brains than one!"

"Bulldozers don't have brains," Fred blinked.

"Exactly," Rogue nodded.

"I've heard of denial but this is ridiculous," Angelica groaned.

"Mark my words, that girl is gonna fall hard and fast," Tabitha shook her head. "We really gotta talk to the Professor about adding on some kind of personality indicator on Cerebro or something."

"That's not a **bad** idea," Jean admitted.

"What about that last one you got? Autumn something or other?" Cover Girl asked, deciding to change the subject.

"Autumn Rolfson? Ugh," Logan shuddered. "She gives me the creeps."

"Logan," Jean admonished.

"Well she does," Logan snapped. "Something about her just doesn't smell right!"

"Logan…" Jean began.

"Her power's dangerous enough in the wrong hands but…She smells like a threat plain and simple," Logan grumbled. "And she's standing downwind of me isn't she?"

"Yup," Todd nodded. Autumn was indeed standing in the doorway. She quickly turned around and left without saying a word. "And you think **I** talk too much!"

"Way to make her feel at home Logan," Rogue growled and punched him not to gently in the arm.

"OW! I couldn't smell her okay?" Logan snapped. "And she walks too quietly for me to hear over your loud mouths!"

"How could you, Mister Super Nose not smell her?" Fred asked.

"She has a very faint smell," Rina wrinkled her nose. "Like ashes that have been on the ground too long. It's too faint and unnatural."

"This from the genetically advanced, adamantium enhanced **clone**," Shane gave her a look.

"Are you really in the mood to be shish kabob today?" Rina pointed her claws at him.

Meanwhile Bobby and Lorna had moved away into another room. "This place is never boring," Lorna shook her head.

"Tell me about it," Bobby chuckled. "There's always something going on. So how are you settling in?"

"Fine, everyone is really nice around here," Lorna said. "So what is it you want to tell me?"

"Actually I was kind of wondering if you and I…If you'd like to…You and I could go…do something…somewhere….together," Bobby coughed. "Or not…Well preferably together."

"Bobby are you asking me out on a date?" Lorna asked.

"Well duh," Pietro quipped as he zipped in. "Calling Captain Obvious!"

"Pietro where were you and why don't you go back **there?"** Bobby snapped.

"Oh just taking in the scenery," Pietro grinned.

"All right who stole my designer scarf?" Starla stormed in. "I know for a fact that I left it on my bed with my combo outfit set so I could wear it today!"

"Is that what you two were playing with?" Pietro zoomed around so it looked like he was taking it from Bobby but he was really removing it from his own pocket. "Shame on you! Here you are my fair lady. What lovely wings you have."

"And what a nice smile you have," Starla raised an appreciative eyebrow. "I'm Starla Vandermer."

"Pietro Maximoff," Pietro kissed her hand. "Quicksilver at your service."

"Thank you very much Pietro," Starla giggled.

"Look could you two please…" Bobby began.

BAMPH!

"Hey there you are!" Kurt teleported in.

"Kurt!" Bobby growled.

"Good gravy that smell!" Starla coughed. "You could put cancer in my lungs with that smoke! Lung cancer! That's what I can say I had!"

"What?" Pietro asked.

"Nothing, never mind," Starla said.

"So did you ask her yet?" Kurt asked Bobby.

"I was about to but I keep getting **interrupted!"** Bobby glared at him.

"I'd be glad to go on a date with you Bobby," Lorna said.

"Well then let's make this a double! Hey Starla you wanna hang out with somebody hot?" Pietro grinned.

"Yes but since Roberto or the fire guy's not available I guess I'll have to settle for you," Starla smirked.

"Rrrarr! Fiesty!" Pietro grinned. "Me likey…"

"Well then it's a double date then," Starla grinned.

"Yeah you two **would** hit it off," Kurt remarked.

"Why don't you just invite Amanda too?" Bobby said sarcastically. "I'm sure Doctor Strange will let her have a night off."

Which Kurt was oblivious to. "That's a great idea! I'll go call her!"

"Yeah and while you're at it why doesn't **every couple** in the mansion go with us?" Bobby shouted angrily after him.

"Really? You think we should all go out?" Rahne asked as she walked in with Doug. "That's a great idea! I'd love a night out."

"Come on, let's go tell the others!" Doug said as they ran off.

"You know one of these days I am going to learn to keep my big mouth shut," Bobby groaned.

"Come on Bobby it will be fun," Lorna said. "This way I can also bond with my new friends more. I mean how bad could a group date be?"

"You really **are** new around here aren't you?" Bobby sighed.

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_A threat…That is what I am. Plain and simple…_Autumn sat in a chair by the door of Xavier's office later that day. _I don't know why it should bother me he said that. I mean it's true. I'm a threat. I could easily go off and kill any of them. Then again any of the other students could do the same to me._

_Not that I would actually care if they did so. They can't treat me much worse than my parents did. At least these people are reasonably polite to me even if they are liars._

_Take that Rogue girl. She may not be able to touch anyone either but at least her powers make her useful to do something other than kill and destroy everything. _

_I don't think any of them knows what it's like to be born only to kill. _

_Wait maybe one or two of them do…_

_That's right I remember overhearing something about that Wolverine and his clone. X twenty something. _

_Well then they should know. And If I am a threat to them…_

_I am a threat to everyone…_

"You couldn't have gotten into that much trouble already. You just got here."

She looked up and saw Jesse with a smile in front of her. "Hey, I'm Jesse. People call me Bedlam."

"Autumn," She said. "Forgive me for not shaking hands but…"

"Hey don't worry about it," Jesse shrugged. "It's no big deal. Okay maybe to you and Rogue it's a big deal but…Well we could just get you some gloves for now so you could shake hands or something."

"I've tried that," Autumn told him. "For some reason every time I put some on they disintegrate. Not the rest of my clothes, which is lucky for me I guess but still…"

"Oh," Jesse said. "So what did you do?"

"Besides being a killer?" Autumn raised an eyebrow.

"Come on that was an accident," Jesse said. "It's not like you lied about it and made us all look like idiots or anything."

"There was no point in hiding the truth," Autumn shrugged.

"Maybe he's just setting up a schedule for you or something?" Jesse said. "I mean we all have to go to these dumb therapy sessions. I guess it's better than us killing each other, uh no offense."

"None taken," Autumn shrugged. "They said they would help me. But so far I'm not so sure they can. I may be beyond help."

"Don't feel too bad," Jesse said. "It's not just you. Things have a bad habit of going crazy around here. Classes do tend to get cancelled whenever there's an alien invasion or some crazy bad guy on the loose. I've been here for over a year and I'm not much better with my powers than I started. Look at Rogue, she still can't really touch people either. So don't feel so bad. Just give it a little time. I mean where else are you going to go?"

"You do have a point," Autumn said. "Unless I embrace becoming a killing machine there **are** no other options. And only part of me is ready to do that now. Maybe one day I will be able to do that."

"I've learned to enjoy my alone time," Jesse said nervously. She was giving him some very strange vibes. "I mean look how **screwed up** all the people who get **regular attention **are. So I go off and do stuff by myself. I read. Try to play a video game without blowing it up. I'm into macramé now, it's kind of fun."

Autumn said nothing. "I think I'll shut up now," Jesse gulped. "Uh I gotta go do something…somewhere… See ya." He walked away.

_At least he tried…_Autumn shrugged. _Trying, I think that is the point of this place._

_Trying to be normal when you're not._

_Trying not to be dangerous when you are._

_Trying to stay in control when you cannot control yourself. _

_Trying to pretend everything is going to be fine when everything's going to Hell._

_I must be going to Hell. I did kill my parents after all. Did I merely change one kind of Hell for another? Is that my fate? Is that the fate of all mutants? _

_So what do I do? Do I fight against my fate? **Can** I fight against my fate?_

_Well if I lock myself up in a room for the rest of my life I can._

_If I kill myself I can._

_I don't want to kill myself. I don't want to go to Hell any sooner than if I can help it. I wanted my parents dead after all. I never was very religious but I sure do know what the rules are. If you kill people, particularly your parents you go to Hell. Pretty simple actually…No matter if they were jerks…Or how satisfying it was._

_It was satisfying…Seeing them being afraid of me for a change._

_Me, little worthless Autumn…_

_They were afraid of me._

_And it felt so good. I never felt that good before. _

_I liked that._

_Is that wrong? _

_If that's what I am, a killer…Nothing more than a dangerous weapon then why shouldn't I enjoy it? _

_But am I a weapon? _

_I don't know yet. _

"Autumn?" Xavier opened the door. Logan was with him. "I believe Mr. Logan has something he wants to say to you."

"Yeah," Logan uncomfortably ran his hand through his hair. "Look what I said before…Down in the kitchen…"

"Was the truth," Autumn interrupted him. "You don't have to apologize for the truth or how you feel. I am a threat and a danger to everyone around me. You **should** be concerned about me. It would make things too easy if you weren't watching me."

"Too easy for what?" Logan blinked.

"If I ever decide to just get it over with and kill everyone," Autumn shrugged casually. "You might want to kill me first. I just thought I'd let you know that. You can do what you need to do. It doesn't matter to me."

To say this shocked Logan and Xavier was an understatement. "Autumn obviously we have some concerns about your…health," Xavier said diplomatically.

_"Yeah her **mental** health!" _Logan was able to say to Xavier via a telepathic link. _"I told you there was something wrong with this girl Charles! Even **Sabertooth **has a healthier outlook on life than she does! And that's saying something!" _

_"Logan! This girl has obviously been through a lot of psychological as well as physical stress! Please!" _Xavier sent at him. He spoke to Autumn as she went inside the room. "Autumn we're here to help you. If you'd like we can start now. Logan if you will excuse us?"

"Yeah a regular little Miss Sunshine," Logan groaned under his breath as the door closed behind him. "Good luck Charles, you're gonna **need** it!"

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In the end there were quite a few couples going on the dinner date. Besides Bobby and Lorna there were: Pietro and Starla, Fred and Lina, Rogue and Remy, Kurt and Amanda (who had indeed gotten permission to go from Doctor Strange), Scott and Jean, Doug and Rahne, Roberto and Amara, Tabitha and Sam, Jubilee and Shane, Todd, Althea and Xi…They wanted a threesome for some reason. Also showing up were Tim and Dead Girl, Kitty and Peter who had finally gotten the nerve to date each other again. And finally…

"What the hell is **she** doing here?" Kitty snapped when Willow sauntered into the room wearing a low cut green dress that made J-Lo's look conservative.

"She's **my** date," Lance told her. "Not like **you **care any more do you?"

"No I **don't!**" Kitty snapped. She grabbed Peter's hand. "Come on Peter let's go!"

"Oh and to think I wondered if there was going to be any entertainment this evening," Pietro snickered.

And so the group date went underway. But since most of the restaurants in town had banned mutants there was only one place they could go. The Strega Rossa, the Italian Restaurant that Kurt and his family had once taken Amanda's family. You remember, the episode My Dinner With Nightcrawler? Yeah **that **one.

Now you're probably wondering **why** exactly would that restaurant that had not only a major mutant brawl as well as getting raided by SHIELD and having a few walls blown open would allow mutants back into the restaurant. That's because the Strega Rossa was co-owned by a Mister Anthony 'Big Tony' Rovezzi and his partner in many things…Jeffrey 'Brownie' Wider. The latter had been on the FBI's most wanted list for about ten years and every other week there was a rumored sighting.

Not to mention there was a lot of **other** business going on by Big Tony. A lot of buisness that wasn't exactly legal. Let's just say that the night of Kurt and Amanda's dinner turned out to be one of the **least** violent nights there.

So the gang found themselves once again at the Strega Rossa. Coincidentally the very same room many of them were in before **about** two years ago. "I told you this was the same room," Todd said. "I recognize the cracks in the ceiling."

"You've been here before?" Starla asked.

"Yeah this is the place that Amanda's mom came out of the Broom Closet," Pietro snickered.

"The what and the **where?**" Starla asked.

"Amanda's mom is a sorceress and it turns out Amanda's one too," Pietro gave her the short version.

"I always liked this restaurant, it's a nice place," Fred munched on a breadstick dipped in flavored olive oil.

"I thought they were suing us?" Amara asked.

"Nah they just threatened to do that for insurance reasons," Tabitha told her.

"Okay what the heck is going on with you three?" Sam blinked at Althea, Todd and Xi who were sitting together.

"Well Xi was feeling a little lonely and we decided to cheer him up," Todd said.

"But this is like a date thing," Sam told him.

"Yeah so?" Althea asked.

"So?" Scott nearly spat out his water. **"So?" **

"Relax Summers it's not **that** kind of date," Althea rolled his eyes.

"Yeah get your mind out of the gutter," Todd groaned.

"It's a huggy date," Xi said cheerfully.

"A huggy date?" Rogue turned to them. "Okay this I gotta hear. What the hell is a huggy date?"

"It's kind of like a real date only the only thing you want to score with is a hug," Todd said. "It's more of a bonding thing. I mean why should Xi feel left out if he doesn't have a gender?"

"I swear you people get weirder every day," Rogue muttered.

"Well you shouldn't do anything **too **weird," Starla remarked. "I don't know what the penalty is if you fornicate with a non gendered lizard."

"Penalty?" Althea gave him a look.

"Sins, penalties," Starla shrugged. "All the same thing. Okay so maybe my Mother didn't take me to church on **every** single Sunday growing up but she made sure we read the Bible. And I'm pretty sure fornicating outside your species is pretty much forbidden."

"Xi is a mutant just like us," Althea glared at her. "Just different, that's all!"

"Well that's my point," Starla said. "Just that sometimes things are just too different no matter what they are! Look at Kurt and Annie here…"

"Amanda," Amanda glared at her. "My name is Amanda!"

"Whatever, look at them," Starla began. Then she noticed that Kurt did look different. "Well look at you. You're not blue anymore…"

"Oh right," Kurt turned off his holowatch. "It's an image inducer. I use it when we go out to public places sometimes."

"Well that's a pretty handy gadget to have," Starla remarked. "Maybe I should get one of those things. Hell maybe I won't need to spend that much time around here as I thought after all!"

"You were about to make a point or something," Amanda said. "What about me and Kurt?"

"Well…You know…He's Christian right?" Starla asked. "And you're a witch right?"

"Catholic," Kurt corrected.

"Sorceress," Amanda said. "Go on."

"Well it's just why bother to get too serious when you're never going to meet each other in the afterlife," Starla shrugged.

"Who says?" Amanda asked.

"Well its pretty obvious," Starla was surprised. "She's a witch. Witches don't go to heaven."

"Says who?" Tabitha asked.

"The Bible dummy! You know about that part where it says thou shalt not suffer a witch to live? That's where it says so," Starla huffed.

"I'm also part demon," Kurt said to her.

"Oh well then I guess its okay for you two then," Starla waved.

"So you're saying if you're not a Christian you don't go to heaven?" Kitty was more than a little offended. "That apply to the Jews as well?"

"Don't you put words in my mouth! Of **course **Jewish people go to heaven," Starla glared at her. "They believe in the one God don't they? **That's** what counts! They go to the Jewish section of heaven. You know full of temples and bagels and nice stores and accounting firms and those little fried potato pancakes they have on their holidays. They still worship the same god as we Christians do. Even if they were wrong about Jesus. That's why they don't get the best section of heaven."

"And Catholics go to Catholic Heaven and so on?" Rahne asked getting a strong urge to bite the intolerant girl.

"That's right," Starla nodded.

"Really," Pietro gave her a look. "I'm half Jewish and half Romani. Where do **I** go?"

"I don't know but I'd love to tell him where he **should** go," Remy grumbled.

"How should I know? Maybe you get a pass or something? Look I didn't make the rules here!" Starla huffed. "It's just the way it is!"

"I'd like to raise my glass and say **congratulations **to the X-Men on their new recruits," Lance said sarcastically raising his glass. "Trading the screaming baby for **her.** **Smart** choice."

"I don't suppose you'd like to trade him **back?**" Scott asked.

"No, I think Lance knows a good **upgrade **when he sees one," Willow said.

"And just what is **that** supposed to mean?" Kitty snapped at her.

"It means she has a better body than you do," Starla said. "Come on **anyone** can see that!"

"How would you like your **clock cleaned?"** Kitty snapped at her. "I'll take you both on! I mean it!"

"Bring it on!" Willow snapped.

"Okay people place your bets!" Todd called out.

"STOP IT! STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!" Jean snapped.

"Will you people please not act like animals for once in your lives?" Scott snapped. "Please! I'd like to get through at least **one **night out without any major fights or anything else going wrong! Is that too much to ask? Is it? So please, let's not argue or get into anything major or start anything! Can we just agree on that and have **one** pleasant dinner out? Can we?"

Twenty minutes and the appetizer course later…

"We **can't,**" Scott groaned as nearly **everyone** was yelling at each other at the table. Actually most people were yelling at Starla.

"You are comparing gays to interracial marriages?" Roberto shouted. "My mother is white and my father is black and you say it's wrong! This is just like Christmas with my grandparents!"

"I wasn't talking about you! I just meant that people over reacted to little things like black and white people marrying when they should really be focused on same sex marriages and the damage they cause!" Starla huffed. "I mean your parents worship the same god right?"

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY YOU WITCH?" Kitty yelled. "You know my Dad is gay!"

"And he's dating **my** uncle," Doug defended.

"All I'm saying is that your Dad's way of life is completely **wrong!"** Starla yelled at Kitty. "I mean the two of you being related like **that?** I mean it's like they're inbred hicks from Kentucky or something!"

"**I'm** from Kentucky you bigoted…" Sam shouted.

"Sam you're a gentleman, you don't hit a lady outside of combat," Tabitha reminded him. "Me, I'm another story! Hey Mrs. Archie Bunker! CATCH!" She threw a small time bomb into her salad.

BOOM!

"AAAHH!" Starla gasped as she was covered in salad and balsamic vinaigrette dressing. (And believe me that stain does **not** come out well!) "My dress! My hair!"

"Good shot!" Kitty whooped. "Now if you can only get the bimbo over here!"

"Who are you calling a bimbo you two **timing tramp?"** Willow snarled.

"That's it! You're dead!" Kitty phased through Peter's grasp and tackled Willow.

"Okay I got five on Kitty!" Todd called out. "Place your bets people, place your bets!"

"You low class…" Starla leapt at Tabitha but Tabitha easily countered with a strong right hook. "Ahh!" Starla ran out.

"Yeah you'd better run!" Tabitha yelled after Starla. Sam held Tabitha back from chasing her.

"Kitty can it!" Scott and Peter dragged her off Willow. Lance and Pietro dragged Willow off.

"Yeah I think we're all going to take a break now," Jean took Kitty by the arm and dragged her to the ladies' room. Rogue and Althea followed them dragging Tabitha.

"Geeze Jean where did you dig **that** one up?" Althea asked as they got inside.

"I'd like to **dig** her a grave," Rogue muttered. "By the way nice hit Tabitha."

"You should have let me hit her some more," Tabitha snapped.

"Look as much as I can sympathize with your feelings about Willow and Starla…Especially Starla," Jean sighed. "You can't just beat people up when you feel like it!"

"Because you've already beaten the crap outta Willow," Rogue gave her a look. "And you don't want us doing a repeat of what **you did** at that conference in Washington?"

"Yeah people might think you're back together with Lance or something," Althea snickered.

"Okay you have a lot of good points there," Jean groaned.

"My god what a bitch!" Pietro zoomed in. "What a **bitch!" **

"Quicksilver! This is the ladies' room you moron!" Rogue snapped.

"Oh like you were doing anything private and personal!" Pietro grumbled as he looked in the mirror and styled his hair. "Back to me. I thought this Starla was a hot chick but she is a total dud! I am dumping that girl the **second** the check is paid! She is so not on my wavelength. I have standards you know? Do you think I have too much gel in my hair?"

"How stupid of us to worry about him," Kitty rolled her eyes. "Like Pietro would tear away from a reflection of **himself!"**

"She's completely self obsessed," Pietro went on. "Doesn't care about anyone else or their feelings. Just rattles on about herself, completely oblivious to the situation!"

"Gee and I thought you two had **so** much in common," Jean said sarcastically. She then tossed him out the door telekinetically.

"HEY! HEY! HEY! I HAVEN'T CHECKED MY TEETH YET!" Pietro yelled as he was tossed out. The sound of him crashing into a waiter and several dishes could be heard.

"Sounds like our food is here," Tabitha remarked. "Boy am I hungry! Beating up people sure fuels your appetitite!"

"Just behave yourselves for once please?" Jean groaned. "I know it's a little late for that but can we not add to the violence and insanity of the evening?"

"Yeah **nobody else** telekinetically throw Quicksilver into a waiter," Kitty rolled her eyes as they went back. Jean gave her a dirty look.

"Well we're back," Althea said as they came back. "What the heck…?"

_"Red, red, wine_…" Shane hiccupped as he danced on the table with Roberto. Both had wine glasses in their hands.

"_Goes to my he-ee-ad!" _Roberto danced around as well. Then they both fell down flat on the table laughing.

"I don't believe this," Jean closed her eyes as if she was going to explode. "I do not freaking **believe** this!"

"SHANE SHOOTER WE ARE SO GOING TO HAVE A FIGHT WHEN YOU SOBER UP!" Jubilee snapped.

"I **told** you not to drink that man," Lance groaned. "Okay Shooter's just dumb but Sunspot I would have thought you would have **known **better."

"Hey guys you just missed the show," Todd called out.

"I can't believe this!" Jean grumbled as she sat down. "Scott didn't you stop them?"

"No, and quite frankly I felt like having a sip **myself,"** Scott grumbled as he took a careful sip from his glass. "I've had a long week so don't lecture me. Actually I've had a long **year**…"

"Scott!" Jean said.

"What they're not going listen to me **anyway!**" Scott snapped. "Can't beat 'em, join 'em."

"I'll drink to that," Remy shrugged as he took a sip of wine.

"Swamp Rat!" Rogue fumed.

"What? Wine in moderation is good for you," Remy told her. "And it is widely accepted in Europe."

"We're not in Europe Stupid!" Fred rolled his eyes. "We're in one of the America continents. Top America! Shesh! And people call **me **dumb!"

"That's because you **are** dumb Blob," Remy gave him a look. Fred made a face back.

"It's official, we've **all** been hanging around Shipwreck too long," Lina groaned. "I knew it was a matter of time before we all became alchoholics!"

"What kind of restaurant serves wine to minors?" Jean snapped.

"Apparently the same kind that has men betting on chickens fighting each other in the back room," Todd shrugged.

"Your chicken cacciatore miss," The waiter placed Jean's order in front of her.

"Now we know what happens to the loser," Althea quipped.

"And knowing really takes the taste out of it," Jean groaned. "Where's Starla?"

"Who cares?" Fred remarked. "Pietro's not here either."

"Good, let's enjoy our hangovers in peace and quiet," Scott muttered.

"You haven't drunk that much yet," Remy remarked.

"No, but I plan on drinking **more,"** Scott remarked. "A **lot **more!"

"Scott how can you even **say** something like that?" Jean huffed.

"OH MY GOD! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!" Pietro was heard shrieking. "YOU ARE DEAD!"

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," Scott held his still full wine glass. "I give you Exhibit A!"

"STARLA HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME YOU LYING LITTLE TRAMP!" Pietro squealed.

"Okay let's see what trouble they've gotten into **now!"** Jean got up with the others to investigate. They ran into the back and saw a stunned sight. A half dressed Starla with a drink in one hand and a half dressed waiter in the other. In a bathroom stall in the men's room.

"It's nothin' personal," Starla slurred. "Alberto here is just a good kisser thazzalll…"

"HOW'S **THIS** FOR PERSONAL?" Pietro shrieked as he quickly gave a killer wedgie to the boxer short wearing waiter. Then he kicked him in the behind very hard.

"AAAHHHHH!" The waiter screamed in agony and crawled away with his life.

"How did she get drunk so fast?" Kitty blinked.

"How did she score with a guy so fast?" Willow blinked. "Even **I **can't do that!"

"It's official, Willow, Jean and Kitty have been dethroned from the Queen of Tramps title," Fred remarked.

"The Queens of Trampdom are dead," Xi said. "Long live the Queen!"

"I don't believe it! She **dumped** me!" Pietro wailed. "She just dumped me in the middle of a date! **Me! HOW COULD SHE?"**

"Oh I cannot **wait** to tell your sister about this date!" Todd laughed.

"Oh go practice your Roadblock imitation somewhere else!" Pietro snapped. "I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DID THIS TO ME!"

"You were gonna dump her anyway," Rogue told him.

"That's not the point! The point is my honor has been besmirched!" Pietro screeched dramatically.

"I think whatever honor you had was besmirched **years **ago," Scott remarked.

"No, he's still a virgin," Fred told him.

"I AM NOT! THAT IS A LIE!" Pietro screamed. "LIE!"

"It's the truth and you know it, you albino sissy," Kitty snapped.

"I believe he meant honor in the non sexual terms," Xi remarked.

"That he's a coward, a wimp, a cry baby," Todd listed.

"**That's** what I meant," Scott said.

"Don't forget he likes to hide in the closet," Remy said.

"I AM NOT THE ONE WHO'S GAY! BOBBY IS!" Pietro shouted.

"I AM **NOT!**" Bobby roared. "Next person who says that **gets it!"**

"ROGUE! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS?" Pietro whined.

"Why do I have to do it? Why do I even care about what that drunken tramp does?" Rogue snapped.

"Because you are my sister and since Wanda's not here you have to take care of it!" Pietro shrieked.

"No, I don't," Rogue said.

"Yes, you do!" Pietro shouted.

"No, I don't," Rogue snapped back.

"No I don't!"

"Yes you do!"

"NO I DON'T!"

"Yes, you do! Yes, you do!" Pietro snapped. "Now go and beat Starla up!"

"Beat her up?" Kurt asked.

"Yes!" Pietro snapped. "Rogue has to beat Starla up for cheating on me! It's in the code!"

"You know we would have saved a lot of time if you had just said **that** in the first place!" Rogue prepared to beat the stuffing out of Starla. "Sorry Starla it's in the code!"

"Rogue! No!" Jean snapped. "You can't beat her up!"

"Starla tell us all what you think about clones," Althea asked.

"What do you want to know what I think about those immoral things?" Starla hiccupped.

"As I was saying Rogue, you can't beat her up without **my help!"** Jean glared at Starla.

"Iceman is gay," Remy's voice was heard.

"WHAT?" Bobby snapped as he turned around and socked a stunned Remy one.

"Hey! Remy pretty sure he didn't say that!" Remy grumbled. Before anyone knew it, there was a minor mutant brawl in the men's room. Soon it spilled out into the dining room.

"Freddy you're getting good at throwing your voice," Todd snickered.

"It's a gift," Fred grinned at the pandemonium he helped create. "Now who's the **dumb **one? Heh heh heh."

"ALL RIGHT EVERYONE FREEZE!" Detective Abrams of the Bayville Police department showed up. He barley missed a frost blast.

"Oops, sorry Detective," Bobby stopped. "What are you doing here…?"

"SHRED THE BOOKS!" A mobster ran by with a live chicken clucking under his arm. He was being chased by some police officers. "SHRED THE BOOKS!"

"Oh a raid," Scott sighed. "I am so glad I am **not **going to be sober for this." He took another swig of wine.

"So what are you kids doing here?" Detective Abrams asked.

"Depends on which version the judge will buy," Althea said. "What do you think? Innocent night out or undercover mission?"

"I'd go with the undercover mission," Detective Abrams remarked. "I suppose you all know the drill. Do you want to just quietly go in the squad cars or do I have to handcuff anyone."

"How about you just handcuff her?" Kitty pointed to an unconscious Starla. "She's a very dangerous mutant."

"Yeah and lock her in a cell too!" Pietro huffed.

"Okay," Detective Abrams shrugged.

"Beat her up with rubber hoses!" Pietro added.

"We're not gonna do **that**," Detective Abrams sighed.

"Well then can you give **me **a rubber hose so **I **can beat her up with it?" Rogue asked.

"Me too!" Kitty added. "I'll take one of 'em!"

"Forget the hose," Tabitha said. "Just lend me your gun for a second."

"The Professor is going to be so thrilled about **this**," Jean groaned.

"Well this has been **some** date," Lorna groaned. "Now I know why you were against a group date!"

"And knowing is half the reason we have our lawyer's numbers on speed dial," Todd quipped.

"You know something though," Bobby sighed. "I think this was one of our **better **date nights."

"Yeah," Big Tony said as he was led away in handcuffs. "It was pretty quiet tonight wasn't it?"

**Starla's such a fun little rhymes with witch isn't she? Doesn't she just make you wanna bash her little brains out with a very heavy brick? And Autumn isn't exactly stable either. Oh boy things are going to get very strained in the future! **

**Next up, it's more fun and mayhem as chaos is caused, the mansion gets invaded again, Danger Room sessions start and more student fun and madness! Not to mention some fun character torture! **


	51. The Return of the M Squad

**Here is some more insanity that came out of my brain as I was looking over some of my old fics. He he he he he he. I love torturing people. I do! It's so much fun. And I just felt like doing it. I don't want to get to the hard stuff just yet. It's my fic gosh darn it and if I want to drive certain people nuts I will! **

"You usually do," Xavier sighed. "And I'm usually one of the unfortunate ones. And from the looks of this chapter it seems that this chapter is no exception to that rule."

**Quiet! And now dear friends witness the madness of...**

**The Return of the M Squad And Other Disasters**

To say that the night's events at the Stregga Rossa were upsetting to Xavier was an understatement.

Especially when he found out that not only was Scott and a few of his pupils drinking, Bobby had provoked a fight, Rogue and the other girls had beaten up Starla for her appalling behavior and that Jean had admitted later that she might have mentioned something to the police about Starla having some kind of drug problem as they were being transported to the station.

Starla quite vocally and drunkenly protested her situation in a loud manner not befitting the lady she **thought **she was. She also threw up on an unlucky police officer's shoes.

It didn't help matters that Xavier was **already** at the police station on another matter. Namely little Penny had performed one of her infamous breakouts and broke **into** a deli store downtown. Apparently the little pink mutant had gained a fondness for pepperoni and had devoured a pound of it as well as a few other meats before throwing up all over an unlucky robber who made the mistake of trying to score some quick cash at the same time Penny was trying to score a quick snack.

The only reason the police caught her was that she had attached herself to the robber's leg with her teeth and refused to let go. Even when they had arrived at the police station she would not release the robber up until Xavier arrived and told her to let go.

While Xavier was bailing Penny out and trying to persuade the court appointed attorneys for the robber and the deli owner to **not** sue him for damages, yet **another** unexpected meeting had happened. Apparently Shipwreck had convinced Logan, Spirit, Low Light, Cover Girl, Warren, Hank, Ororo and the Blind Master to go for a night on the town as well.

If their kids could go out and have some fun why not them? Right? What harm could it do?

Three guesses where they ended up.

When the police had arrived at the bar, the roof was already full of holes and there was snow all over the floor with quite a few bikers half frozen. Not to mention two motorcycles stuck in one of the walls. From what he could gather, the chaos was the result of a bar bet between some gentlemen (for lack of a better word) trying to hit on Cover Girl and Storm with the two women hitting back, the Blind Master insisting on a drag race with a biker, Shipwreck trying to tango on top of a few tables, Logan not taking other people cheating at poker well, and several people disagreeing very loudly to Warren and Hank's boisterous and rather drunken rendition of the Pussycat Dolls song 'Don't Cha'. (Also backed up by Shipwreck on vocals).

As you can imagine the three of them did not take too well to several suggestions from some Simon Cowell wannabes. Especially since one of them was Low Light. He was the first one Hank hit in the brawl.

To the officers' surprise they also managed to bring in sixteen men with outstanding warrants and one person who confessed to robbing a few convenience stores earlier that week. Between insane drunken brawling mutants and GI Joes and jail, the robber wisely realized that jail was much safer.

Not to mention healthier, as in the brawl he had lost a few teeth thanks to a few punches from Logan's adamantium fists.

So when Xavier saw his students being brought in by the police **right after** his instructors were brought in, he was not a happy camper. He was not in any state **resembling** happiness. He was especially unhappy since Penny had escaped the holding cell and was currently chasing a few drug dealers and 'playing' with them in another cell.

To top off the evening it seemed that the officer booking the adults had uncovered the fact that Xavier was owing the city several hundred dollars in unpaid parking tickets. This was due to several secret joyrides Jamie, Madelyne, Spyder and the Triplets were doing under the cover of darkness and sneaking around different areas of town having whatever demented kind of fun they pleased. That and of course every time Kitty insisted on having a driving lesson.

And guess who was brought in for joyriding in one of Xavier's limos **right** as he learned that fact? Jamie, Spyder, Madelyne, Trinity and Taylor. They claimed that they had done it to look for Penny. However the large quantities of root beer, potato chips, pixie sticks and other candies indicated otherwise.

They would never have been caught if they hadn't gotten into an accident with another suspect the police were looking for who was wanted for murdering his wife. Five minutes with the kids and he confessed to everything and begged to be locked away.

The Chief of Police told Xavier he didn't know whether he should lock them all up and throw away the key or just take them along on a few drug busts and patrols. Some hard negotiations, a promise to assist the police on any future manhunts and a hefty contribution to the police retirement fund finally sorted everything out.

Tim and Dead Girl's comments on how they were the most **normal** acting students of the entire evening didn't sit well with everyone. Especially since it was revealed shortly after they made those comments that the two of them had taken a few 'personal gifts' from the restaurant. Mainly some pieces of silverware and a bottle of wine hidden in Dead Girl's...

Well, you really don't want to know **where** Dead Girl hid it. Or **how** she hid it. Let's just say even the **police** didn't want it as evidence and let them keep it.

But Shipwreck had no problem wanting to drink it. Ororo had a problem keeping in her temper and soon the gang had **another **problem as another small fist fight broke out right there in the police station.

This was also solved after **another** contribution by Xavier to the police fund. That and the police decided they really didn't want to lock up the mutants and the Joes because they were afraid the other crimminals they already had in custody would sue them for deliberately putting their lives in danger.

Not to mention they wanted to keep the walls of their police station intact.

Xavier was so upset that he didn't even bother disciplining either his students or his staff. He **did **however spend a few minutes talking to himself. He kept muttering phrases such as: mind wiping, making something look like a host of murder slash suicides, insurance policies and taking off to Bermuda for the rest of his life and allowing the world to burn in a fiery pit of Hell which it most likely deserved.

Both students and teachers agreed to put **themselves** on probation and be extra careful around the Professor for the next week or so. At least long enough for him to cool down. And maybe get him a prescription for Prozac.

But of course the following afternoon, another disaster reared it's insane head. As disasters often do around the Xavier Institute.

The mansion would be under attack.

Sort of.

By a dangerous enemy from the past.

Well, dangerous if you had an IQ lower than an eggplant's that is.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"In the long shadows of the afternoon it sits…" One figure spoke as he gazed at the Xavier Institute from the woods through a pair of binoculars. "A cancerous sore on the pimply face of humanity. No wait…Make that a giant zit. Yeah a giant zit on the pimply face of humanity!"

"It is the time of darkness…" A female figure spoke.

"What are you talking about Doctor Phelps?" Another figure looked at his watch. "It's nearly one in the afternoon."

"I was speaking metaphorically Doctor Majors!" Doctor Phelps snapped. "Where was I? Oh right. A time of darkness as the world trembled in fear of the creatures that walked among them."

"Oooh that's good," Dr. Majors replied. "It's your turn Doctor Farr!"

"But amid the darkness a blazing light of justice still burned through the evil dark night!" Doctor Farr, the first speaker spoke. "A band of brave proud men of science…"

"Ah hem!" Dr. Phelps snorted.

"Oh right," Doctor Farr corrected. "Men and **women** of science. People of science. Human people of science. You get the idea. These individuals formed a band to rid the world of darkness and burn it with the pure bright light of truth and knowledge and safety and all that other good stuff. They would be the light that would burn brightly in the dark and bring forth a new age of peace and freedom. And science. Can't forget the science. This group, this band of freedom fighters was known throughout the world as…As…Doctor Majors turn on the CD player, that's your cue."

"Oh right, sorry!" Doctor Majors hit the button and heroic music played. The three figures stepped out into the sunshine.

"THEY ARE THE M SQUAD!" They shouted as one. They were wearing bright orange jumpsuits with black boots, bright green goggles over their eyes and a huge M blazed in green on the front of their jumpsuits. On their backs were some kind of backpacks that looked more like a silver vacuum cleaner and had long attachments at the end of them with a hose like end they held in their hands.

"Dr. Farr!" A forty year old man with long wild white hair and thick glasses spoke.

"Dr. Phelps!" A twenty year old Japanese woman with black hair in a bob spoke.

"And da, da, da, da! Dr. Majors!" A short plump balding man in his thirties wearing a gold cape with his uniform struck a dramatic pose. "DA! TA DA TA DA DA! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"What's with the cape?" Doctor Phelps asked.

"It makes me look more heroic," Doctor Majors told her. He made some more poses. "Like a hero!"

"I think it makes you look more idiotic," Doctor Phelps stuck her nose in the air. "It's not very practical."

"Not practical? It's a cape! Of course it's practical!" Doctor Majors twirled around in it. "And it's rather slimming if I do say so."

"Really?" Doctor Phelps blinked. "I'm not so sure. I think you've gained weight."

"Good I've been bulking up!" Doctor Majors made some more he man poses.

"Another difference between men and women rears it's ugly head," Doctor Phelps sighed.

"Doctor Majors! Practice your poses later!" Doctor Farr ordered. "We have work to do! Important serious scientific work! Or have you forgotten?"

"Oh right," Doctor Majors blinked. "What's the plan again?"

"Shut off the music first," Doctor Phelps sighed. "Doctor Farr explain the plan."

"The plan is simple," Doctor Farr explained. "This is the Xavier Institute. Home of the evil X-Men, the most dangerous mutants alive. We are going to capture them with this!"

He took off the cover of a large device. It looked like a giant vacuum with a giant clear bubble inside. Attached to it was a giant hose with an opening big enough for a person to be sucked in. "Behold the Mutant Container 3000! It will suck up those dangerous mutants and contain them safely in this mutant proof chamber."

"And if they try to break out not only will the built in mutant inhibitors stop them but they will get a nasty shock," Doctor Phelps nodded. "Thanks to the electric shocks we built in there."

"Yes with this device we can safely contain and study the mutants we capture. So all we have to do is wait for a mutant to come along and…" Doctor Farr leaned against the device. He hit a lever and it turned on. "Ooops."

"You turned it on!" Doctor Majors shouted. "You…MY CAPE!" To his horror his cape was being sucked into the hose. "MY CAPE IS STUCK!"

"I **told** you these things were impractical!" Dr. Phelps grabbed him by the shoulder trying to keep him from being sucked in.

"HELP ME! HELP ME!" Dr. Majors screamed like a little girl. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"Don't worry," Dr. Farr told him as he went to turn off the machine. "I'll just shut off the…"

Suddenly the hose jerked up and pulled Doctor Farr towards it as well. "AAAAH!"

Soon all three of the scientists were inside the machine. "Well this is a fine mess you've gotten us into Doctor Majors," Dr. Phelps grumbled.

"Me? Doctor Farr's the one who turned on…" Dr. Majors snapped.

"Calm down! Calm down! Not to worry," Dr. Farr held up a remote control. "I have this under control. Fortunately I carry a remote with a button for occasions such as this. All I have to do is push the correct button and we will be free. I just have to remember which one it is. Now I think it's the red one."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAPPPPPPP!

Everyone in the bubble was zapped with a mild discharge of electricity. "AAAHHH!"

"Okay maybe it's the **green **one…" Dr. Farr coughed. He pressed the button.

ZZZAAAAAPPPPP!

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" The men and woman of science were shocked again.

"All right…So It has to be the **yellow** one…" Dr. Farr coughed again.

ZZZZZZZAAAAPPPPPP!

"AAAAHHHHH!" Again the scientists were litteraly shocked that this was the wrong button.

"Sorry! Sorry about that!" Doctor Farr coughed. "I'm sorry! I got a little excited about our attack this morning and I forgot to read the manual. But I'm certain that the correct button is this pink one right here."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!

"AAAAHHHH!" And once again the scientists were scortched. "OWWWWW! OW! OW!"

"Did I do red?" Dr. Farr said in a wobbly voice. "Let's try it."

ZZZZZZAPPPPPPPPP!

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" And yet again...Well you get the picture.

"Give me **that!**" Dr. Phelps snatched the remote from his hand. "It's obviously this **purple** one right here!" She pushed the button.

ZZZZZZAAPPP!

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!" It seemed Dr. Phelps was no better at picking buttons than Dr. Farr.

"Okay, so it wasn't the purple one," Dr. Phelps coughed. "Anyone could make a mistake."

"Anyone named Phelps! My turn! Maybe it's this gold one?" Dr. Majors took the remote and pushed it.

ZZZAAPPPP!"

"AAAHHH!" It seemed that Doctor Major's taste in buttons coincided with his taste in capes.

"THAT'S NOT GOLD! THAT'S **YELLOW** YOU FREAKING IDIOT!" Dr. Farr shouted.

"WELL SORRY FOR BEING SLIGHTLY COLOR BLIND!" Dr. Majors screamed.

"Okay, hold it! Hold it! Hold it!" Dr. Farr held up his hand. "Let us think rationally about this. If it's not the red one, and it is not the green one, it is not the pink one, and it's not the purple one and it's **definitely not** the yellow one…That leaves only black, white, purple, turquoise, teal…"

"I thought teal was turquoise?" Dr. Majors asked. "I mean aren't they the same color?"

"No, no they're both completely **different** colors," Dr. Phelps told him.

"What do you mean?" Dr. Majors asked.

"What do you mean what do **I **mean?" Dr. Phelps asked in a huffed voice. "Look at it. Teal is a dark greenish **blue** color and turquoise is a dark bluish **green **color. Any idiot can see that!"

"I can't see it," Doctor Majors blinked.

"I rest my case," Doctor Phelps snorted.

"Turquoise isn't that dark," Dr. Farr told her.

"Well granted it's not as dark as teal but still," Dr. Phelps said. "The point is that there are five…six…seven...Eight...**Nine** more buttons to press and **one** of them has to be the release button. I say teal."

"Teal sounds good to me," Dr. Farr scratched his head. "In fact it sounds right. Okay I'll push the teal button."

ZZZZZZZZZAPPPPPPPPP!

"THAT WAS THE TURQUIOSE BUTTON YOU MORON!" Dr. Phelps screamed. "OW THIS REALLY HURTS!"

"I thought it was teal! It looked like teal!" Dr. Farr shouted. "I COULD SWEAR THAT WAS TEAL!"

"You can't tell what the colors of your **own remote** look like?" Dr. Majors yelled.

"AAAHHH!" Dr. Phelps shouted as she snatched the remote away from him. "What is it about men that they can't distinguish between simple colors? That was turquoise! **This** is teal!"

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!

"Okay…" She coughed. "Neither of them work…Did we try fuchsia already?"

"What's fuchsia?" Dr. Majors blinked.

"I think it's this purple like button right here…" Dr. Farr pressed the button.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAPPPP!

"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" It was the purple button, however it was not the **correct** one.

"This...could take a bit longer than I anticipated," Doctor Farr coughed.

Twenty minutes later…

"All right now let's try this again shall we?" A slightly singed Dr. Farr sighed. "Now we wait for a mutant to show up and then…"

"Then maybe I should find a better tailor to sew my cape back on," Doctor Majors looked at his torn cape in his hands.

"Will you forget your stupid cape and concentrate on the mission Doctor?" Doctor Farr snapped. "We are already behind schedule as it is!"

"Shouldn't we get closer?" Dr. Phelps remarked. "I mean the mutants are right behind that wall over there."

"Hmm," Dr. Farr thought. "I know! There's a hole in that wall over there. All we have to do is push the Mutant Container 3000 close to it. We can suck up the mutants as they walk by it." He held up the remote. "Now how does this remote work? I know one of these buttons pushes it forward."

"That hole is awfully small," Dr. Phelps looked at the hole in the nearby wall. Dr. Farr was trying to figure out the controller.

"I'll move it," Dr. Farr pushed a button.

SUCCCCCKKKKKK!

FLOOOOM! All three scientists were sucked back into the machine again.

"Doctor Farr…" Dr. Phelps held her head in her hand. "WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU TO PUT SOME LABELS ON THAT THING?"

"IF YOU DON'T NEXT TIME I WILL!" Dr. Majors shouted at him.

"Look all we have to do is push the right button again!" Dr. Farr told them. "Anyone remember what it was?"

"Uhhhhh…." Dr. Majors blinked. "Try yellow?"

ZZZAAAAAAAPPP!

"AAAHHHHHHHH!" And once again the scientists got a shock.

"Now I know what it is like to be shocked by a pikachu," Dr. Majors groaned.

Meanwhile in the X-Men's security room. "What are you doing?" Scott asked Logan as he walked in.

Logan was sitting at the security monitors with a bowl of popcorn. "Watching the best new reality show I've ever seen."

ZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The scientists screamed again as they were shocked.

"What is **that?**" Scott blinked at the strange machine.

"Some kind of moron catching device," Logan explained. "It already caught them before. At least we know it works."

"Try the blue one!" Doctor Phelps shouted.

ZZZZAPPPPPPPP!

"AAAHHHHHH!" And yet again the inept mutant catchers were shocked by their own mutant catching device.

"Who **are **these idiots?" Scott asked.

"They looked familiar so I did a little research," Logan pointed to his files on the computer. "Remember when we broke Jubilee out of that research facility with Firestar and the others? These are the same nuts that were working for Trask and created Doop."

ZZZZZZZZZZAAAPPPP!

"AAAHHHH! THAT HURTS!" Doctor Majors whined.

"**These **are the people who created Doop?" Scott blinked.

"Yup," Logan nodded.

"OW! OW! OW! THESE ELECTRIC CHARGES REALLY HURT!" Dr. Majors whined."OW! OW! OW! OW!!"

"They're only supposed to give a gentle zap to the mutants that are contained in here," Dr. Farr told them.

"WELL THEY **DON'T!"** Dr. Phelps shouted. "TRY ANOTHER BUTTON!"

"They **made **Doop?" Scott spoke again, still not believing what he was watching.

"Well it was by accident," Logan pointed out.

"AAAAA! THAT HURTS!" Dr. Farr yelled. "THAT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY **REALLY** HURTS!"

"NEXT TIME **DON'T** DESIGN SOMETHING THAT REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, **REALLY** HURTS!" Dr. Phelps yelled at him.

"Oh that's right," Scott nodded. "I thought they were arrested years ago. What are they doing here?"

"Apparently a few months back they escaped from a minimum security mental institution," Logan pointed out.

"How did they get out?" Scott asked. "What the guard left a door open or something?"

ZZZZZZAAAAPPPP!"

"YEOW!" Dr. Farr yelled. "It's not supposed to really, really, really, **really** hurt! It is only supposed to only **really **hurt! There **is **a difference you know?"

"That would be my guess," Logan remarked.

"So they're like some kind of mutant hunters now?" Scott asked.

"Apparently," Logan nodded as the so called protectors of humanity electrocuted themselves again.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! I **TOLD **YOU WE **ALREADY** HIT THE RED BUTTON DOCTOR FARR!" Dr. Phelps shouted. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"Uh shouldn't we **do** something?" Scott asked.

"I am," Logan said. "I've got popcorn and I'm eating it. Want some?"

"No, I meant **something else** about **them,**" Scott pointed to the idiot scientists being electrocuted outside their walls.

"Like what?" Logan asked.

"Like I don't know, call the **police?** Or the Joes or **anyone **with **some** authority to arrest these people?" Scott asked.

"Are you kidding? These jokers are funnier than the Three Stooges," Logan chuckled.

"Try the blue one! The blue one!" Dr. Phelps shouted.

ZZZAAAPPPPPP!

"AAAHHHHHH!"

"That's **turquoise!"** Doctor Phelps snapped as she grabbed the remote. "**This **is blue!"

ZZZZAPPPP!

"AAHHHHHH!"

"What about this button?" Doctor Farr tried again. "No wait...I think that one..."

ZZZZZZZZZAAPPPP!

"GIVES OFF ELECTRICITY TOO!" Doctor Farr screamed. "WHY DID I THINK THAT MAKING NEARLY ALL THE BUTTONS ACTIVATE THE ELECTRIC SHOCKS WAS A GOOD IDEA? WHAT WAS I THINKING? OWWW!"

"I think I should make my next cape resistant to electricity," Doctor Majors thought aloud. "Ooohhh on the plus side all this static cling is really clearing out my sinuses. What about you Doctor Phelps? Doctor Phelps?"

"Oohh look at the pretty lightning birdies..." Dr. Phelps said in a dazed voice. "Hello birdies...Tweet, tweet, tweet..."

"You're right Logan, these guys **are** funny," Scott grinned. "Pass the popcorn will you?"

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Half an hour later…

"All right," A very shocked and insane looking Dr. Farr panted. "This time, **this time **we are going to **get** this right! When I press **this** button…"

"Hold on!" Doctor Phelps stopped him. She looked rather worse for wear as well. "Are you sure that **this** is the correct button?"

"I'm sure," Doctor Farr nodded.

"Are you sure that you are sure?" Doctor Phelps asked.

"Yes I am **sure** that I am sure," Doctor Farr nodded again.

"Just want you to be sure, that you are sure, that you are sure that this is the right button," Dr. Phelps pointed out. "Because before you were sure but you weren't really sure that you had the right button..."

"Well now I am **sure,** that I am sure that this is **surely** the **right button**," Doctor Farr told her.

"You said that **before** and you weren't sure," Doctor Majors pointed out.

"Well this time I am," Doctor Farr told him. "Sure that is."

"I just want you to be absolutely sure that this is the **right button** you are pressing," Doctor Phelps told him.

"I **am **sure that this is the right button that I am pressing," Doctor Farr glared at her. "I'm not a complete moron you know?"

"I'm just saying considering the past thirty or so minutes..." Doctor Phelps told him. "Or more my sense of time is a little off...Now you are **sure **that this is the right button?"

"Yes! Yes! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! FOR THE **TWENTY FIFTH** TIME YES!" Doctor Farr yelled at her. "DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT I WOULD NOT KNOW MY OWN REMOTE CONTROL AFTER TWO MINOR INCIDENTS WITH ELECTRICTY SUCH AS WE HAD NOW?"

"I am just saying..." Doctor Phelps went on.

"And I am **telling you** that **this **is the correct button! Once and for all!" Doctor Farr pressed it

SUUCCCCKKK!

FOOOM!

"Wrong…button," Dr. Phelps grunted. "Not again...Not **again!"**

"To be fair Doctor Phelps it was the right button," Doctor Majors moaned. "It was just that we were standing in the wrong place! Again! My cape is **never **going to be the same!"

"Oh what a tragedy!" Doctor Phelps snapped at him.

"Okay…Maybe we'll just sit here for a moment and **think** about this…" Dr. Farr moaned as the three members of the M Squad once again found themselves inside the vacuum.

"At least we know **this** time it's the black one that deactivates the machine and allows us to escape," Dr. Majors sighed.

ZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPPPPP!

"Or not…" Dr. Majors moaned. "You know we should really invest in some kind of label thingy."

"I **knew** he wasn't sure..." Doctor Phelps groaned.

"Mommy I wanna go home..." Dr. Farr whined.

By now the main team of X-Men were watching the show in the security room. "Unbelievable…" Remy groaned. "This is freaking unbelievable!"

"Should we tell them what button it **really **is?" Peter asked.

"No, if we do they'll never learn," Kurt told him. "Not that I do not think that they will learn if we tell them **anyway** but still..."

"I must admit this is the most **entertaining** invasion we have ever had," Hank agreed while munching on some popcorn. "Someone is taping this right?"

"Yeah I've got the security cameras on record," Logan nodded.

"Mutant hunters my eye!" Rogue snorted. "The only thing these bozos could ever catch was a cold! And even **that **I've got my doubts!"

"You know we should send this to one of those home video shows," Bobby suggested. "I bet we'd win at **least** second prize!"

"The teal! Try the teal button!" Dr. Phelps shouted.

ZZAAAAPPPPP!

"AAAHHHHH!" Once again the scientists were eletrocuted.

"Maybe first prize," Bobby blinked.

"I SAID TEAL NOT TURQUOISE!" Doctor Phelps shouted.

"THEY BOTH LOOK ALIKE!" Doctor Farr screamed. "DON'T BLAME ME! BLAME THE IDIOT WHO MADE THIS REMOTE!"

"THAT WAS **YOU!**" Doctor Majors and Doctor Phelps shouted.

"Oh…Right," Dr. Farr blinked. "What does turquoise do again?" He pressed the button.

ZZZZZZZZZAAAPPPP!

"YOU PRESSED TEAL AGAIN!" Dr. Majors screamed like a little girl. "THAT'S IT! I AM PRESSING ALL THESE BUTTONS AT ONCE! ONE OF THEM HAS **GOT** TO DO IT!"

"NO!" Dr. Farr screamed. "DON'T DO IT!"

ZZZAAPPPPP!

"AAAHHHHHHH!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

The machine exploded and the three scientists were thrown out of the machine. They lay around the broken machine as it burned itself out. "Well…at least we got out this time…" Dr. Majors moaned. "Oh wait, I just remembered it was the **white **button!"

"Oooh pretty, pretty, pretty birdies..." Dr. Farr said in a faraway voice. "And I see stars and bunnies...Lots and lots of stars and bunnies..."

"My brain hurts..." Dr. Phelps moaned.

"Okay if **that **doesn't win first prize I dont' know what will," Bobby declaired.

"These are without a doubt the **dumbest **enemies we have **ever** had," Jean was stunned at their sheer stupidity. "The **Misfits **have more well planned attacks on the Institute!"

"I wish **all** our enemies would take themselves out like that," Scott shook his head.

"Yeah but now the show's over," Logan sighed. "I guess we gotta go out there and get 'em ready for the cops."

"No wait, one of them's still twitching," Remy pointed out. "Oh look they're up again."

"Not for long," Rogue grinned. "Those knuckleheads wanna go against a mutant? I sent 'em one."

"What do you mean?" Scott asked. "Rogue what did you **do?"**

"See for yourself," Rogue pointed at the screen with a grin.

"Rogue you **didn't?**" Kurt gasped in shock.

"She did," Remy grinned. "Good work."

"Oh this we gotta see," Bobby cackled. "Zoom in Wolverine!"

"Okay…This plan was not our best work…" Dr. Majors moaned as he leaned against a tall tree.

"You **think?**" Dr. Farr groaned. Suddenly he heard a rustling in the bushes. "What was that?"

Just then Penny bounded out of the trees with a big smile on her face. "Oh look at the cute little pink…" Dr. Phelps said in a dazed voice.

SHRED! SLASH! SHRED! SLASH! SLASH! SHRED! SLICE! SHRED! SHRED!

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" She screamed. "THE PAIN! THE PAIN! OH PAIN HURTS!"

"STOP BITING MY LEG!" Dr. Majors screamed like a little girl.

"I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP!" Dr. Farr screamed in agony. "SWEET DEATH TAKE ME NOW!"

"Just what I thought," Rogue shook her head. "Some mutant hunters."

"To be fair Rogue," Hank said to her. "Penance is a challenge for even the most **experienced **soldier."

"Oh come on Beast," Rogue scoffed. "Penny's still a little girl. How much of a challenge can she be to someone with **half **a brain?"

"OWWWWW! MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY!" Doctor Majors screamed. "MOMMY!"

"Okay maybe **that** was a little rough," Rogue admitted as she winced.

"You all know the drill," Logan got up. "Colossus you and I go get Pinky while someone calls the cops. And an ambulance."

"Why do I have to go?" Peter protested. "I went last time! Rogue sent her out. Let her go!"

"No way!" Rogue shook her head. "I ain't going out there."

"What are you worried about?" Peter snapped. "You are invulnerable!"

"So are **you** with your powers," Rogue told him.

"You would think so but in this case, **no!**" Peter remarked.

"OW! OW! OW!" Dr. Majors screamed. "THE PAIN! THE PAIN! THE PAIN REALLY HURTS! I MEAN REALLY HURTS! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT PAIN REALLY HURTS! OH BOY DOES IT HURT! OW!"

"I am **not** going out there," Peter said emphatically. "Not again!"

"Well I have a healing factor but I don't **whine **about it!" Logan barked.

"Yeah you just whine about **everything else**," Rogue grumbled.

"MOMMY! MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY! WHERE OH WHERE IS MY MOMMY?" Dr. Farr wailed. "I'VE GOT BOO BOOS ALL OVER ME AND I NEED HER TO MAKE THEM ALL BETTER!"

"I do **not**, repeat, do not **whine!"** Logan snapped.

"Logan who are you kidding?" Hank gave him a look. "You complain about everything!"

"I make observations on how **annoying** people can be and how crazy it can get around here," Logan pointed out. "That is **not **whining!"

"That kind of sounds like whining to me," Peter said.

"Who asked **you?**" Logan snapped. "I **don't** whine! Unlike some **other** people I could mention." He looked at Scott.

"Was that a shot at me?" Scott asked, his tone indicated that he did not appreciate the remark.

"In a word, yes," Logan remarked.

"What? That's crazy!" Scott snapped.

"OW! OH MY THAT HURTS! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Doctor Phelps screamed.

"To be fair Scott you do tend to whine a little," Jean shrugged. "Sometimes."

"I do **not **whine!" Scott snapped. "Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaannn!"

"AAAAHHH! THE AGONY! THE AGONY! NO! NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE! SOMEONE HELP US! AAAAAAAAA!" The scientists screamed for help.

"Uh guys," Kitty pointed at the monitor. "I think we'd better do something before Penny kills them."

"Yeah it looks like she's gonna gnaw that one guy's leg off," Bobby pointed.

"We'd better go out there," Ororo sighed.

"That might be a prudent idea!" Xavier said as he wheeled himself into the room. "I can't believe that all of you would simply sit around and let this happen!"

"What? You wanted us to take bets on this?" Remy asked.

"Just retrieve Penny…" Xavier groaned.

"YEOWWWW!"

"And call for an ambulance as well as the police…" Xavier sighed. "Considering last night's escapades with the authorities the **last **thing we need right now is a potential homicide charge!"

"AAAHHHHH!"

"Make that a **triple** homicide charge," Xavier put his hand on his head.

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A few hours, an ambulance and several more 'discussions' and 'contributions to the police fund' later…

"I can't believe you actually bribed the police again to keep that incident quiet," Jean grumbled. She and the other X-Men were in training uniforms in the control room overlooking the Danger Room. "Not that it was a major attack but I still can't believe your policy of bribing the authorities!"

"If I **didn't** how long do you think this school would have **lasted?**" Xavier gave her a look. "As repellent as the idea of bribery is, unfortunately it has become a **necessary evil** considering our circumstances."

"You really think a lot of senators and politicians vote against the Mutant Registration Act and things like that out of the goodness of their hearts?" Logan remarked. "Get real."

"Let's not dwell on that and start with the training," Scott said diplomatically. Down in the Danger Room Starla and Taylor were dressed in trainee uniforms with Rogue.

"I don't know about this uniform," Starla looked at herself. "It's slimming but the colors are so wrong. Can't I change mine to pink and white? And these boots? Yellow? Please! That is so **last **season!"

"Oh brother," Taylor rolled his eyes.

"My thoughts exactly," Rogue gave him a look that conveyed sympathy.

"And why are we the only ones who have to be here in these bad outfits?" Starla kept complaining. "What about that Autumn girl? Why isn't she here?"

"Autumn ain't exactly up for Danger Room practice," Rogue told her diplomatically.

"That's right she's anorexic," Starla realized. "Poor girl. Now that is a serious condition. I mean it's one thing to be thin but looking like a stick is so unhealthy. Not to mention women that look that thin only attract real perverts. I guess if she did try to exercise too much she's just break in half. Okay her I get but what about that other boy that arrived the other day? I haven't seen him. What's his story?"

"HE'S IN A **COMA** YOU SELF CENTERED DITZ!" Rogue shouted.

"Oh right, I forgot," Starla sniffed.

"You forget **anything** that isn't about you!" Taylor told her. "I swear the **moon **would explode and you'd complain about it not complementing your hair or something!"

"Well moonlight does bring out my highlights," Starla admitted.

"Professor can we please start this **now?**" Rogue shouted. "Before I make the Danger Room **really **dangerous!"

"Tell me I was not **that** bad when I did my first Danger Room training," Kitty rolled her eyes. No one said anything. "Well? Somebody say something!"

"It's still kind of too close to call," Scott quipped. Kitty gave him a look. "But Rogue is right we should start the training now."

"Okay it's quite simple," Logan called out. "Gossamyr all you gotta do is fly around and pass through those rings in the air."

Several large rings appeared through the walls. "That's **it?**" Starla asked. "Piece of cake."

"There's a condition," Logan told her. The rings started to glow at the push of a button. "You gotta fly through 'em perfectly otherwise you might get a bit of a shock."

"No problem," Starla huffed. She flew through the first set of rings without a problem. "Ta da! Easy as pie."

"Then let's make it harder," Rogue grinned. She pushed a button on a remote control she was holding onto. Several small plane like objects took off. "Okay Static, using your powers I want you to control these planes and try to knock your sister off course."

"With pleasure," Taylor rubbed his hands.

"What?" Starla blinked as the planes headed towards her. Then they started shooting off some tiny paintballs. "YEOW! WHAT THE…?"

"Oh I see you found the paintball darts without my help," Rogue said cheerfully.

"MY CLOTHES!" Starla shrieked. "MY HAIR! I HAVE PAINT ALL OVER ME!"

"Calm down Tinkerbell it washes off," Logan barked. "Now you gotta fly through that set of rings **fifty times**!"

"WHAT?" Starla screamed. "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?"

"This will burn off any extra energy you have," Jean told her. "So you won't have any left over for kissing strange waiters and getting drunk!"

"OH COME ON!" Starla shouted as the tiny planes chased her. She got a little too close to one ring and got a mild zap. "OW!"

Taylor took the opportunity to shoot more paintballs at her posterior. "OWWW!" Starla screamed in pain.

"Thanks for letting me be part of this," Taylor grinned.

"No problem," Rogue grinned.

"OW! OW! THAT HURT!" Starla screamed. "YEOW! TAYLOR YOU LITTLE JERK!"

"Have I mentioned how much I **love** it here?" Taylor grinned.

"YEOWW! HOT! HOT! TOO HOT! YOWZA!" Starla screamed as she flew around trying to avoid the attacks.

"And have I mentioned how much I love having **you** here?" Rogue grinned back.

"Don't you think this is a little excessive for a first training simulation?" Ororo asked.

"NO!" Jean, Logan, Kitty and Scott shouted at the same time.

"Compared to what we **wanted **to do, this is mild," Jean told her.

"I wanted to throw **grenades** at her," Kitty grumbled. "And use the flame throwers."

"Yeah she's getting off **easy**," Scott agreed.

"OW! OW! OW! THAT REALLY SMARTS!" Starla screamed. "MY HAIR IS GETTING ALL FRIZZY!"

"BZZZZZZZZZ!" Some giant buzz saws appeared.

"WHERE DID THOSE BUZZ SAWS COME FROM?" Starla barely avoided them. "AAAHHHHH!"

"**This** is easy?" Ororo blinked.

"Don't look at me," Jean blinked.

"Me neither," Scott said. "I didn't set this up. In fact the controls seem to be going on their own!"

"Oops," Taylor remarked. "I guess my powers must have triggered a few other things in the Danger Room."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN **OTHER **THINGS?" Starla yelled. "WHAT OTHER THINGS?"

FOOM! FLAME!

"AAHHH! FIRE! FIRE!" Starla barely flew out of the way of the flames of a flame thrower coming out of the wall. "THERE IS FIRE ALL AROUND ME! WHAT KIND OF TRAINING SIMULATION IS THIS?"

"Well what do you know Shadowcat?" Logan remarked. "You got your flame throwers after all."

"Wishes do come true," Kitty grinned.

"AAAHH! TENTACLES! BIG METAL TENTACLES WITH SHARP POINTY THINGS! AAAAHHH!" Starla screamed.

"Okay Kitty I admit even **you** didn't scream that much when you first went through the Danger Room," Scott remarked.

FOOOOOOOOOOM!

"OWW! OW! HOT! TOO HOT! YEOW! THAT'S IT! I AM NOT FLYING THROUGH ANY MORE RINGS! OWW!" Starla screamed.

"Of course we did't use that many **weapons **on you the first time but still..." Scott amended.

"Tinkerbell's pretty agile, I gotta give her that," Logan admitted.

"All right stop the session!" Xavier ordered. "I think this has gone on far enough."

"Not just yet," Logan held up his hand.

"Logan," Ororo folded her arms.

"One more second..." Logan told her.

"YEOWWWWW! TAYLOR!" Starla screamed in agony.

"**Now** it's gone on far enough," Logan grinned. "I gotta tell you Static impresses me."

"Is she all right?" Ororo asked.

Starla was lying on the floor, covered in pain, her hair was all stuck out and frizzed and twitching. "No, she's still alive," Rogue called back at her.

"My hair…My hair…" Starla twitched. "Bad room…hurt my hair…My beautiful, beautiful hair…All frizzy…Pain! I'm actually in pain! Everything hurts! WHAT KIND OF PSYCHO SCHOOL IS THIS?"

"A fun one," Taylor grinned.

"Okay I **know **I didn't complain about my hair **that **much!" Kitty blew out a breath of annoyance.

"Oh dear," Xavier sighed. The phone in the control room rang. "Beast could you please get that?"

Hank picked it up. "Hello? What? She did what? What happened? I see. Oh dear. Oh no. No, no…We'll be up right away. I'll bring the first aid kit. And I'll have the Professor call the lawyers." He hung up the phone. "We have a problem."

"Only **one?"** Logan asked sarcastically.

"Penny got out again," Hank coughed.

"Already?" Logan asked. "Are you **sure **that Pinky doesn't have any teleportation powers Charles? Because even Houdini had his limits compared to her!"

"Where did she end up now…?" Xavier sighed.

"Not far actually," Hank told him. "Right in front of the mansion. She was having some fun shredding a few squirrels when...There was a slight…altercation."

"She got hit by a truck?" Scott asked.

"No…She tackled the truck…" Hank sighed. "And the driver…"

"Oh no…" Xavier groaned. "She **didn't!"**

"She did," Hank told him. "Better get out the checkbook again."

"So much for keeping a low profile for the rest of the day," Logan grumbled.

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Not much later Xavier was making a phone call in his office. "I'm sorry. I understand there was a lot of damage involved to your truck. Penny didn't mean to cause the accident. She can't help…No, I don't know off the top of my head how much it costs to have claw marks removed from the side of a truck."

"Listen please…Do I know what **you** have to go through?" Xavier's voice grew higher. "Do you have any idea what **I **have go through? Do you? I have to take care of and teach control to over thirty teenagers with varying powers of amazing abilities? Do you have teenagers? **Do you?** Two? And it's not a picnic raising them is it? Yes they probably get into quite a few situations don't they? Oh yes. Uh huh. Right! Well imagine **thirty** of them being able to blow things up, teleport and ice over the bathroom and you might get some idea to what challenges **I** have to face every day."

"Do you give your children driving lessons? Well imagine one of them thinking that just because she can walk through walls it's okay to drive through them!" Xavier said into the phone. "Or another one accidentally melting the steering wheel? Not so easy is it?"

"Not to mention that there is this **one** student…" Xavier sighed. "I swear it is his life's mission to create these machines whose only purpose is to make my life miserable and more complicated than it actually is!"

"And don't forget there are people out there who want to hurt and exploit my students," Xavier went on. "I've lost count of the number of attacks and hate mail delivered here. Practically twice a month some mutant hating mad man shows up at our door trying to kill us or another mutant that hates the idea of peaceful coexistence and wants to ruin it tries to get us out of the way. And often at the expense of the mansion! I've had to rebuild this place at least **three times** in under five years! Do you have any idea how **difficult** that is?"

"And to **top** it all off," Xavier kept ranting. "I have to put up with the Misfits popping in and out of my home at all hours of the day like it's a hotel or their own personal clubhouse. It doesn't matter, day or night they are **there!** And I can't get rid of them! Have you ever had a neighbor child that you just can't stand or annoys you to no end just come over and drive you **insane?** That's right! That's what I have to deal with! A pack of Dennis the Menaces, Eddie Haskells and those darlings from the movie Children of the Corn pop over and eat my food, break my things, steal my things, burn my **furniture**, put holes in my walls…And worst of all encourage my students to act like them!"

"I tell them not to come over, but do they listen? No, they **don't **listen! They have little to no boundaries!" Xavier's voice went higher. "They do what they want **when **they want and **whatever** they want! And if it's not bad enough that they wreck the place and act like animals but they also get you involved in the most inane…bizarre conversations known to man! For example how would you like to spend hours listening to a debate on why there are no bathrooms in Clue! Bathrooms in **Clue?** Can you imagine…?"

Xavier stopped for a moment and listened. "No. I **don't** have any idea why there are no bathrooms in the game of Clue. It is an oversight isn't it? No I don't think the same man who designed the Brady Bunch set designed this game. Yes I'm aware of the similarities but still when you consider…WHAT AM I SAYING? Do you see what I mean? It's **contagious!** The Misfits' insanity infects everyone they come in contact with!"

"But you can't blame them when you see the kind of home life they have! It's like they went from bad to worse **overnight!** I'm going to give you a piece of advice, if **anyone **ever suggests to you to send your children to military school to give them some discipline…Ignore them! That is a bald faced **lie!** At least from my experience! Oh little Suzie has a problem with authority! Let's teach her how to kill people and give her a **gun!** Little Johnny likes to set fires! Let's send him off to **boot camp** and give him a flame thrower! Toad loves to blow things up! LET'S GIVE HIM SOME GRENADES!"

Xavier paused a minute. "Yes, yes I realize that some people do very well in military school. No…No I wasn't passing judgment on all of them…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...Yes I **said **I was sorry. I was in the army myself and...Really, your son passed with honors? Top of his class? Well that's...Yes, yes I agree they are fine institutions when they are not being run by **alcoholic maniacs** with all the discipline of a **two year old!"**

**"I am not exaggerating!" **Xavier shouted. Then he calmed down. "I am serious! These people are more out of control than their students. And believe me, that is no small achievement. I know they mean well but...but they're just plain insane! I believe in human mutant cooperation but these are not the type of humans I had in mind! You think **we're bad**? That the Xavier Institute is out of control? Oh no, these Misfit Handlers are **much worse!** I swear it's like they said 'Who can we put in charge that has the least amount of sanity and can cause the **most amount** of damage'? And that's what they did!"

"First there's their leader, a man who rhymes like Doctor Seuss, fights like Rambo and cooks like an Iron Chef! The reason he is in charge is that he is the most **sane** member of the group! His staff run around fighting and drinking and just basically act like maniacs! Do you know that do their dishes by using them for **target practice!**" Xavier continued. "I've seen it. They just take the dirty dishes and throw them out the window while a few others use guns to **blow them up! **No wonder the Misfits have no guidance! Their handlers just shove them out the door and shove a bottle down their throats every chance they get!"

"And let's not forget their pet, an insane drunken parrot," Xavier groaned. "I swear I never thought it possible for an animal to possess such evil intelligence until now. You don't even **want** to know the trouble that bird has caused me."

Xavier paused for a moment. "Well yes we do have a dragon here. But he is not **half **as dangerous...What do you mean there's no comparison? I don't care if he **does** breathe **fire **the parrot is much more...I am not being irrational! It **is **possible for a parrot to cause more trouble than a dragon! The dragon has never stolen my alcohol and thrown wild parties and...That is **not **crazy! It is the truth! I swear! No I am **not **making this up! But I...Look I'm getting off track here. The **point **that I am trying to make is that the parrot is **crazy **and it belongs to the **Misfits,** okay?"

"But as bad as they are…And as crazy as they can get," Xavier had a faraway look in his eyes. "The worst of the lot is that ill mannered, foul mouthed crass drunken **sailor!** Yes, Shipwreck **that's** the one! Yes he's probably mooned nearly all of America by now! Along with Mister McCoy but that's a whole other story…I mean no wonder his own children are so out of control! No I take that back, they **are **in control compared to their father! In fact he is **not** raising those children, those children are **raising him!"**

"And every day, every week, every month and every year they come over to my house and dump off a truckload of their lunacy in the middle of my home! You know what a **typical day** at the Xavier Institute **sounds like?** DO YOU! IT'S SOUNDS SOMETHING LIKE **THIS!**"

"BOOM! KABLAM! 'Hey Chucky you got a beer? Oh look there's some in your drawer I see! Let's have a party!' BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Tabitha blew up the bathroom! Bobby froze my dragon! Professor my powers are out of control! Professor, Blob ate the entire kitchen! Kitty crashed the car **into** the kitchen! Pyro set **fire** to the kitchen **and** the car that **crashed** into the kitchen! Professor, Penny left some dead squirrels in my shoes! Professor the parrot threw up all over the rug! Professor Toad threw up slime all over the rug! Professor Pyro **set fire** to the rug! Professor there's a giant robot attacking the mansion on the front lawn! AGAIN! Professor there's another threat to the world we need to take care of before it blows up and destroys all of **civilization** as we know it! Professor, Forge sent **half** the living room into another dimension and there's a giant squid in it's place! Professor we're out of bandages! Hey guys I stole some beer! Let's have a drink and party! Oh look there's another hole in the wall! THAT'S A **TYPICAL** DAY AROUND HERE!"

"So in conclusion let me tell you something," Xavier was shouting now. "Unless you have walked a mile in **my **shoes…Unless you have **any** clue what it is like to deal with these people day after day, week after week, year after **bloody year** you'd better not tell me about **your** hardships! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO JUDGE ME! DO YOU UNDERSTAND? I THINK I AM DOING A DAMN FINE JOB CONSIDERING THE CIRCUMSTANCES AND THE FACT THAT THE TOWN IS STILL STANDING SHOWS HOW MUCH CONTROL MY STUDENTS HAVE! IN FACT THEY HAVE BLOODY SAVED THE BLOODY WORLD TIME AND AGAIN SO IF ONE OF THEM ACCIDENTALLY SCRATCHES YOUR VEHICLE CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY THAT YOU HAVE A VEHICLE TO SCRATCH BECAUSE OF THEM!"

Xavier stopped ranting and listened on the phone. "All right. Thank you. Good bye." He put down the phone. "Well **that **went well..."

Ororo, Hank, Warren, Shipwreck, Cover Girl, Low Light, Roadblock and Logan walked in. "Professor, are you all right?" Ororo asked in a concerned voice.

"We could hear you down the hall," Warren said.

"We could hear you **outside**," Logan remarked. "Are you okay? You seem kind of upset."

"Oh yes. I'm quite fine. However there is a bit of bad news," Xavier sighed. "We are no longer going to have our groceries delivered. Oh and I think I may have left myself open to at least **one more** restraining order."

"You're kind of losing it aren't you?" Shipwreck asked him. "How about a drink?"

"I don't need a drink Shipwreck," Xavier sighed.

"I meant for me," Shipwreck corrected. "You got any of that old bourbon left in your drawer?"

"The party never **stops** for you does it Shipwreck?" Xavier asked in an acid tone. "Don't the words 'personal responsibility' mean **anything **to you?"

"Xavier you are asking a man who's vocabulary is rather limited to what can be read on a bottle of beer and a package of pork rinds," Hank gave him a look.

"Well somebody's cranky today," Shipwreck snorted. "What's gotten into you?"

"Other than a few more run ins with the law than I would have liked in the past few days as well as paying for my staff and students' irresponsibility which you and the rest of your pack of freeloading lunatics have encouraged?" Xavier gave him a look.

"Yeah **besides** that?" Shipwreck asked. "You haven't been eating enough bran in your diet have you?"

"**Again** Professor you really shouldn't have asked him a question like **that,**" Hank gave him a look.

"What was I **thinking?**" Xavier groaned.

"You should have learned this by now," Cover Girl remarked. "In Surviving Shipwreck 101. But the sailor does have a point. You do seem a bit more keyed up than usual. What's gotten on your nerves?"

"Nothing except for the fact that ever since Shipwreck and the Joes came into our lives it's been one insane episode after another!" Xavier snapped. "And I am not blaming your charges. I know they have had problems **long** before they met you but their behavior or lack of it has **tripled** since you became responsible for rehabilitating them. Rehabilitating them…What an idea **that **was! It's like sending Ma Barker and her gang to supervise Fagin's orphan pickpockets!"

"You mean before we came you **never** had problems like people attacking the mansion, traveling accidentally into different dimensions, getting kidnapped to strange bizarre locations, demons popping up out of nowhere and things blowing up?" Low Light asked sarcastically.

"No, but they happened a lot **less often** than they do now!" Xavier gave him a look.

"They **did?"** Logan asked him.

"I'm just saying that perhaps we could attempt to keep the insanity to a **minimum **around here?" Xavier told him. "Instead of going **full blast** like it's been going on for the past few years?"

"You know not everything around here is **our** fault," Shipwreck stood up to Xavier. "For example do you remember the other week when a certain pink haired living knife got out and made a little trip to the zoo? Remember **that?** You didn't mind calling us in to help you there now **did **you? And I didn't hear you complaining when we had to come up with the solution so that the authorities would never find out what **really **happened that night. Do you have any idea how **hard** it is to frame a polar bear for attacking an aligator pit?"

"Getting that aligator tail into it's mouth was not as easy as you would think it would be," Low Light agreed. "Apparently polar bears really don't like the taste of aligator meat. Bet you didn't know that **either** did you?"

"No, but I **do** know how much I had to **pay** for the dry cleaning of those people you threw up all over when you had all those beers in that bar," Xavier fumed. "And I **also** know how many people I had to change memories of so they would think it **was **you that threw up in that bar and not that giraffe Toad likes to play with! How he managed to ride that thing out of the zoo without anyone noticing I will never understand!"

"Oh relax," Shipwreck waved. "You know perfectly well those ladies calmed down once they got their genuine alligator handbags."

"Which your daughters **made** from the dead alligators!" Xavier snapped.

"The hides were already sliced off and half the meat was already eaten," Shipwreck told him. "I figured why waste anything?"

"See this is what I'm talking about!" Xavier snapped. "You just…You just exaggerate the problems to be **ten thousand times** worse than they already are!"

"Charles I think you might want to watch your blood pressure," Hank cautioned. "Before it **explodes?"**

"I'm sorry it's just that I feel so frustrated with everything lately…" Xavier sighed. "We've barely been back in Bayville a week and already we are on the bad side of the police and the city council."

"We weren't exactly the city darlings to begin with," Logan pointed out.

"Yeah like they were gonna give you the keys to the city or something! What is up with you Xavier? This stuff has been going on for years and you choose **now** to freak out about it? It's like the only reason you're tolerating us is that you think you're doing penance for some kind of horrible secret from your past," Low Light said sarcastically.

"Please this is Xavier," Shipwreck scoffed. "What could he have done?"

"Besides having an affair with his nurse, bribing public officials and the police, mind wiping a few dozen people, having a kid no one knew about, a secret student or two…" Logan counted off.

"Are you trying to **help **me Logan?" Xavier gave him a look.

"I'm just saying you're acting a little...stressed," Logan said diplomatically.

"I'm only human so to speak," Xavier gave him a look. "Can't I have a **bad day** every now and then? Actually it seems like I've been having a **lot **of bad days lately."

"Professor," Jamie entered the room. "Are you done yelling now? Because we have a problem. Kitty decided to practice driving the X-Van and she kind of crashed it."

"Please tell me it was **not **into the kitchen," Xavier groaned.

"No," Jamie shook his head. "It was into the pool."

"How did she get it in there?" Ororo was stunned.

"She kind of drove through the kitchen," Jamie said. "But she phased it the whole time so the mess isn't as bad."

"And she wonders why the Department of Motor Vehicles refuses to grant her a driving permit," Hank sighed.

"On the plus side it did help put out the fire," Jamie added.

"Pyro?" Xavier sighed.

"No, Tabitha," Jamie said. "She was trying something new with her powers and it didn't work out. Bobby helped put out the fire too but kind of iced up the whole kitchen when he did it."

"Of course…" Xavier closed his eyes in pain.

"You were **saying** Chuck?" Logan gave Xavier a look.

"Logan…" Xavier sighed. "Shut up and get me some aspirin."

"I will if you bribe me," Logan smirked.

"There are days when taking off to another country does sound appealing…" Xavier groaned. "Maybe the next time this school burns to the ground I'll simply leave it in rubble."

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Meanwhile thanks to Selene's magic both Selene and Apocalypse were witnessing this latest batch of insanity at the Xavier Institute. But right then they wished they weren't able to.

"There are times I find it difficult to believe that these…**idiots **have defeated me time and again," Apocalypse grit his teeth and clenched his fists. "Especially when I watch their antics. Their…buffoonery truly…**annoys** me!"

"They do tend to have that habit don't they?" Selene sighed. "It's not the fact that we've each lost **once** to these morons that bothers me. Anyone could have beginner's luck. It's the fact that we continually lose to these maniacs that is getting on my nerves! I often wonder why I bother sometimes. I mean, why in the great scope of the universe are great people such as ourselves plagued and encumbered by **fools?**"

"Perhaps it is an **inevitable **burden that we must bear," Apocalypse sighed. "And yet…"

With a wave of his hand several monitors clicked on. There were images of several mutants: Todd, Althea, Wanda, Warren, Rina, Roberto, Logan, Lorna, Alex Summers, Scott, Jean, Autumn, Jesse, Angelica, Amara, Low Light, Larry, Bobby, Betsy, Penny and Rogue.

"As inane as their antics are, some of their actions in battle manage to impress me," Apocalypse narrowed his eyes. "They are getting stronger. More powerful every day. And yet these fools have not even **begun** to scratch the surface of their true potential."

"Then perhaps all they need is a bit of guidance," Selene told him. "You never know, they may have their uses yet."

"Yes, some of them **do **interest me…" Apocalypse's lips formed a cruel smile. "There is potential among them. Potential that I may use. I must observe and study them. For some of them may be the keys to my success after all."

**Now before anyone says anything let me make it perfectly clear that I do not condone killing alligators for their skin to make handbags. I also don't condone framing innocent polar bears to cover up the crime.**

"SQUEEEEEEE!" Somewhere a squirrel met it's maker.

**Unfortunately Penny has not yet learned this lesson.**

"SQUEEEEEE!"

**And another squirrel bites the dust. **

"Well at least she eats what she kills," Logan shrugged. "Most of the time. You **don't** want to know what she does the **other **times."

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Starla ran by screaming. "THERE IS A DEAD ALLIGATOR HEAD IN MY ROOM! AAAAHHHH!"

"See what I mean?" Logan remarked. "Looks like someone got a little welcoming present from Penny."

**Next up, it's exam time at the Institute and things are going to get hotter than ever! If you think your tests are tough wait until you find out what these kids have to go through! Until next time keep on reading and reviewing! **


	52. Let The Exams Begin

**Let The Exams Begin**

A few more days passed. Then a week longer. Time just seemed to fly by as the mutants prepared. And then it came. The morning most of the X-Men's main team and one New Mutant had been dreading yet expecting for a long time. "Are you scared?" Rogue asked Kitty.

"A little," Kitty took a breath before she finished eating her cereal. "I can't believe it's finally happening."

"Yeah I thought we'd **never** get this far," Kurt nodded.

"We haven't gotten through it yet," Betsy pointed out.

"Final exams," Kitty took a deep breath. "We're finally taking our final exams. And if we pass...We graduate high school. We'll finally get to graduate high school. After all the insanity we've been through we'll be free! No more homework, no more written tests, no more assignments...No more anything! We'll be free! Free!"

"One little problem," Rogue reminded her. "We actually have to **pass **the exams before that can happen!"

"Oh right," Kitty felt more than a little nervous.

"This should not be a problem," Rina snorted as she finished eating an apple. "In Hydra I was taught ten times this information. We will pass."

"Speak for yourself," Remy grumbled looking at his Algebra book one final time. "Remy still not sure why he's doing this."

"It will be good for us to graduate officially from high school like Jean and Scott," Peter told him.

"I guess after all these years it's finally time to take our final exams," Rogue said. "Why am I more scared of this than I was when we were under attack by aliens?"

"Because you didn't have to memorize a bazillion different things in order to defeat them," Kitty told her. "Just blow 'em up and beat 'em senseless."

"No matter how many enemies we've fought, Apocalypse, Magneto, Cobra, Sentinels, Hellfire Club, demons, FOH…**Nothing** freaks me out more than a blank piece of paper," Kurt agreed.

"This should not be too much of a challenge," Rina snorted. "As I said before, in Hydra I was expected to learn ten times as much information before a mission. History, advanced mathematics, even other languages. This should be easy to finish."

"Yeah well not **all** of us are as confident as you are," Kitty gave her a look.

"Tell me about it," Remy grumbled. "I hate Algebra!"

"Let's look at the bright side," Betsy said. "After this all we have to worry about is X-Men training. Or in my case New Mutant training."

"But aren't your powers even stronger now?" Rogue asked.

"Yes and so is my control," Betsy told her. "But I still haven't been here as long as most of you. I'm still learning things about my telepathy. Not to mention my psychic sword. Well technically it's a dagger but I can make it as big as a sword now if I want to."

"What's to know? You make the sword, you cut down the enemy," Remy shrugged.

"Yes but it can be as weak or as strong as I'd want it to be," Betsy said. "There are a lot of different levels I've yet to explore with it. Besides most of the New Mutants aren't exactly novices now with their powers either."

"Oh yeah," Kurt remembered. "Today's that other thing for them too. How are you going to handle that?"

"The Professor gave me an exemption and automatically moved me up to the second squad," Betsy said. "Red Squad. Mostly because of my age but he also felt having at least one telepath on the team might be a good idea."

"It makes sense to me," Kitty nodded. "Our squad has Jean, why shouldn't your squad have a telepath too?"

"I can't believe our school is big enough to have three squads now," Kurt shook his head. "Remember when it was just the six of us?"

"The good old days," Kitty sighed. "And I thought it was croweded then."

"You think this is a lot of kids wait until we graduate and the Professor takes on even **more** students," Rogue reminded her. "It's gonna get even more wild. I heard the Professor's planning on adding up to a hundred students in five years."

"Yikes," Kitty blinked. "We can barely handle the things that go on with under **thirty **students! A hundred!"

"Makes Gambit's head hurt just thinking about it," Remy admitted. "Think about it. A dozen or so more Boom Booms, Skullfires, Sunspots, Berserkers, Pyros, Quicksilvers, Avalanches, Starlas..."

"I see your point," Rina cut him off. "Perhaps in our case more is **not **better."

"Okay what's our exam schedule?" Peter asked as he looked at his papers.

"Social Studies first, English Composition and Comprehension second," Rogue told him. "Algebra and Geometry then Science."

"That's a lot," Peter looked a little worried. "And we have to complete each test within **two hours?"**

"That's what we have to do to pass high school in this state," Kitty shrugged. "Hey look at the bright side, at least we've got the gym requirement covered."

"**More** than covered," Rogue groaned.

"Not to mention saving the world has given us more than enough community service credits," Kurt agreed.

"Even the Board of Educated Jerks can't argue with the signatures of **both** General Hawk of GI Joe and Fury of SHIELD," Rogue agreed.

"You know something though," Kitty said. "As much as I'm stressing about these tests, I'm kind of excited."

"Me too," Kurt said. "No more school after this! I can't wait!"

"I wasn't talking about **that**," Kitty said. "Although that is a juicy bonus."

"So what were you talking about?" Rogue asked.

"Think about it," Kitty said. "We'll be the very first graduating class the Xavier Institute has ever had. It's amazing."

"What about Scott and Jean?" Betsy asked.

"They don't count," Rogue said. "They graduated from Bayville High."

"That's right," Kitty nodded. "And you know something, as important as that was for them…I think this is more important for us. Think about it, this is history here. Okay school history but it's still a big deal."

"You're right," Peter nodded. "This is **our** school. We learned much more here than at Bayville High."

"You mean Bayville **Hell.** I wasn't crying when we got kicked out of that crummy school that's for sure," Rogue agreed. "I've had more than enough bad memories of that dump to last me a lifetime. I'd sooner camp out in one of **Apocalypse's pyramids** overnight than go back there for a day!"

"If I had gone there I would have sliced apart the **football squad** on my first day," Rina made a wry look.

"And I'd be encouraging you to take out the **cheerleaders** and the **principal!"** Rogue added.

"I'm glad I missed it as well," Betsy grumbled. "I certainly wouldn't have wanted to spend all my time answering questions about who I really was!"

"Thanks to my loving mother," Kurt rolled his eyes. "I'm with Rogue. I mean look at what we had to go through. Evil principals, Magneto, the Brotherhood, Cobra, hiding who we were…"

"Until we got exposed as mutants," Kitty sighed. "And then we had to endure harassment from all the jerks which was **everyone** at school! Including the teachers!"

"The only good thing about Bayville High was I got to see Amanda," Kurt admitted. "And the brief times before we got outed people thought I was normal."

"It was still hiding Kurt," Rogue told him as she put away her dishes in the sink. "Here we can be ourselves and not worry about every little thing."

"Well Remy is certainly worried," Remy grumbled. "About these exams. When do they start?"

"Ten minutes from now," Peter looked at the clock on the wall. "In Classroom A."

"Holy…" Rogue swore under her breath. "We'd better get a move on!"

"Here we go," Kurt said. "Come on, Rogue, Kitty I'll teleport you there!"

"But I haven't even finished breakfast yet!" Kitty protested before Kurt took her hand and grabbed Rogue by the arm. He teleported away with them.

"Leaving us to run for it," Betsy grumbled. "Oh well it's still better than what the New Mutants have to go through today."

"I dunno, Remy thinks he might prefer it to an Algebra test," Remy grumbled.

"I'd prefer getting shot out of a cannon into a wall than to an Algebra test," Betsy groaned. "Come on! Let's go! We'll be late!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile down in the Danger Room nearly all the New Mutants were in uniform and standing at attention. (Autumn was not there for she was still not ready for testing, let alone training.) Xavier was there along with Logan and Scott ready to address them. The entire room was filled with nervous tension and excitement for everyone knew what the purpose of this meeting was thanks to the gossip grapevine.

"It's come to my attention that several of you New Mutants may be ready to graduate to a more permanent standing," Xavier said. "Although the main team roster is already set, we feel that it is time for another permanent squad should be set up. This will be known as X-Men Team Red Squad. The Main X-Men team will be Gold Squad. The lower roster of mutants that still need to work on their powers and training will be the Blue Squad."

"So the New Mutants that have been here the longest will automatically graduate to Red Squad?" Roberto asked as he raised his hand.

"No," Xavier shook his head. "You will all be given a series of tests to see which placement you belong in. These tests will determine the extent of your control over your powers as well as your personal aptitude and maturity."

"Most of you anyway," Logan handed out a papers and the students read what was on them. "Some of you have already been placed. So you won't be taking the test. Read it and weep."

New Mutant Placement Exams:

Students Taking the Exam:

Cannonball, Wolfsbane, Jubilee, Magma, Mirage, Boom Boom, Husk, Bedlam, Sunspot, Berserker, Skullfire, Synch, Dead Girl, Cypher, Polaris

Exempt from Exam:

Psylocke (Red Squad)

Multiple (Blue Squad)

Goblyn (Blue Squad)

Static (Blue Squad)

Gossamyr (Blue Squad)

Penance (Blue Squad)

Autumn Rolfson

"Wait a minute! What is this?" Jamie shouted. "I'm on **Blue **Squad? What does that mean?"

"It means you and the others indicated are not taking the test," Xavier told him.

"Why can't I take the test?" Jamie challenged. "I'm just as good a fighter as the others! And I've been fighting with them just as long!"

"You're also younger than the others," Xavier pointed out.

"I'm fourteen!" Jamie said. "I'm not **that** much younger! And the extra team was **my idea! **Doesn't that count to at least give me a **chance?" **

"Yeah like you'd actually pass anyway," Ray scoffed. "Face it Kid, we're a lot older and more experienced than you!"

A lot of the other New Mutants scoffed at this. "Then I don't really need to be here do I? I'm out of here!" Jamie stormed away.

"Yeah go ahead you little baby and have a temper tantrum," Ray laughed.

"That's **enough** Berserker!" Xavier said sternly in a tone that instantly cut him down to size.

"I'll get him Charles," Logan said quickly and went after him. Leaving Xavier to lecture the remaining students. He found Jamie in the exercise room nearby where the young mutant was using a lot of his clones on several machines at once. One was on a treadmill. Another on an exercise bike. Two more were lifting weights. Small weights, but weights with two more as spotters. And the rest were tackling a punching bag.

"Well at least you're not trashing the room," Logan said before the punching bag was torn to shreds. "Okay I spoke too soon."

"Sorry Mister Logan but I am **ticked** off!" Jamie yelled as he reabsorbed some of his clones. Except for the ones on the weights. "I'm sick of being treated like a little kid and don't tell me it's because I act like a little kid! I mean come on? Two words: **Ice Man!** Think about it! And don't get me **started** on Ray and Roberto!"

"For what it's worth kid, I think you're just as good, even better than some of the others that are taking the test," Logan sighed.

"Yeah well…" Jamie felt slightly better for a moment. "Then why…?"

"Because as the Professor said you're too young," He shook his head. "And I agree with him. You're just a kid. You haven't even had a decent growth spurt yet."

"I am **not** just a kid!" Jamie felt the anger burn inside of him.

"I'm over a hundred years old," Logan looked him in the eye. "Trust me, you **are** just a kid. And I've seen far too many young kids get killed over that time and I'll be damned if I just let it happen to you."

"You're really **that** old?" Jamie was shocked. "I knew your healing factor was strong but…Wow! You're older than the Professor!"

"Yeah well I don't exactly let people know my age," Logan said. "The point is I've seen a lot and trust me, you don't need to rush yourself. Get what I'm saying?"

"Sort of," Jamie shrugged.

"I know it sucks to be stuck with the others but you're pretty young and as good as you are you still need to learn more," Logan patted him on the back. "You just need a little of that maturity and in a few years you'll be able to graduate to a higher team. Then at least we will have at least **one **person on the squad that can teach Iceman how to behave in public. Got it?"

"Maybe," Jamie wasn't completely convinced.

"There's another reason," Logan told him. "Call it a gut instinct but I have a feeling this team is going to need all the help it's going to get. You've got potential kid. You might be the boost this team needs."

"Well I don't feel **that **important right now," Jamie absorbed his remaining clones.

"Then here's **another** reason," Logan said. "Since the other two ain't getting through to your brain. Think about the other kids your age. Taylor, Madelyne…You could show them the ropes."

"I guess," Jamie sighed. "At least they don't treat me like a little kid. Course we're mostly the same age."

"It will do you good to hang out with kids your own age for once. And one more thing," Logan grinned. "Maybe you can help me with the exams after all…"

Back in the Danger Room the New Mutants were still asking questions. "Why is Betsy automatically sent to the Red Squad?" Roberto asked.

"Because she's taking her high school finals, Psylocke will also be exempt from these tests," Logan said as he walked in alone. "However she will be placed in Team Red because of her age and skills."

"Is that fair?" Ray asked. "I mean she just gets placed into the upper levels because of her age and stuff?"

"If you think about it, it is kind of," Sam said. "Don't forget, the Blue Team is automatically getting four people and a lot of them it's because of their ages. So I guess it all balances out."

"All right then we'll head up to the observation room," Logan nodded. "All those on Blue Squad come with me." Xavier and Scott and the other exempt students went upstairs while the others waited on the floor.

"Oh man oh man!" Tabitha nearly trembled with anticipation. "I can't wait! This is going to be so cool!"

Ten paintball drones filtered to the sides of the room out of openings in the wall. "Not the paintball simulation again!" Roberto moaned. "I **hate** that one!"

"Everybody hates that one," Sam told him. "That's probably why they picked it!"

"This first part of the exam is very simple," Logan grunted. "You've done this before. It's a little game of paintball. There's only one rule: Don't get hit by the paintballs. You can use your powers any way you like but once you're hit three times you're out of the exam."

"Three times? Not once like you usually do?" Sam asked.

"Let's just say we're cutting you a little slack this time," Logan grinned. "Of course the paintball drones were souped up a little before the test. And they've got a few surprises."

"Surprises?" Amara gulped as the Danger Room changed into a jungle environment.

"Why do I have the feeling things are going to get a lot worse?" Ray groaned.

"You have no idea Berserker," Logan grinned. **"Begin!"**

"I should have asked to go on the Blue Squad like the squirt!" Ray squealed as the drones started to attack. "Multiple gets away with everything around here!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile at Misfit Manor, Spirit and the Blind Master were addressing the older Misfit students. "You're mean we're all taking our high school equivalent tests **today?"** Pietro gasped. **"Why?"**

"You all need to work as a team, therefore it makes sense that you must all graduate as a team," Spirit explained.

"And then Al and Xi and I can start our ninja training," Todd grinned. "I can't wait!"

"I guess that's why Spyder and the Triplets aren't here," Arcade said.

"Actually the Triplets not only graduated high school, they're working on their second doctorate," Althea told him.

"**Second** doctorate?" Lance blinked. "What's their **first?"**

"Engineering," Althea told them.

"Yikes," Arcade blinked. "And I thought **I** was smart!"

"You think **you're** smart?" Shane looked at him. "That's **frightening."**

"No it's frightening that Toad **thinks** he's smart," Pietro snickered. He managed to dodge a hit from Todd. "Too slow!"

"So we're studying to become first level apprentices?" Xi asked.

"Yes," The Blind Master said. "Technically that's what most average ninja are at your level. Not that any ninja are average by a long shot but you get the idea."

"But we have to do our high school exams first right?" Althea groaned.

"You are correct, Wavedancer. After your high school exams the three of you will be studying and will be tested on the twenty five secret skills that have been passed down through the clan," The Blind Master spoke. "As described on this sheet Spirit is handing out to you."

"Twenty five!" Todd yelled.

"Well there used to be only fifteen and then twenty," The Blind Master explained. "But over the centuries things changed so…"

"Whoa," Lance blinked as he looked over Xi's shoulder. "Look at this list!"

**Unarmed Combat, Armed Combat (Sword fighting, staff fighting, throwing stars, spears, etc…), Hidden Weapons, Strategy , Espionage and Infiltration, Camouflage: The Art of Disguise, Swimming-Underwater techniques, Clan History, World History, Geography, Wall Crawling, Food Preparation (How to Poison Your Enemies), Chi Manipulation, Animal Training, Philosophy, Weapon Making (Swords, bo staffs…etc.), Acupuncture, Flower Arranging, Craftsmanship (Making non weapons into weapons), Lock Picking, Magic Arts/Mutant Abilities, Survival Skills, Computer/Technology Skills, Tea Ceremony, Breathing**

"We have to know all **this?"** Todd yelled.

"The good news is since you've helped save the world a few times recently we're counting those as some of your tests," The Blind Master said. "So you pass your Mutant Skills, your Unarmed Combat, and your Armed Combat classes."

"Only **three** of them?" Todd asked in surprised.

"Swimming and lock picking should be a snap," Althea remarked.

"Wall crawling I can do but **breathing?**" Todd blinked. "What kind of class is that? I can already hold my breath pretty well."

"Not just that," The Blind Master explained. "Controlled breathing can increase your power and strength as well as endurance. It's a very important skill to learn."

"Yeah but what's this tea ceremony one?" Todd asked. "Philosophy? What are we going to do? Bore our enemies to death? And **flower arranging?** What kind of ninja skills are those?"

"Originally only kunochi, the female ninjas were required to learn that," The Blind Master said. "But in these modern times both male and female ninjas must learn this skill."

"Acupuncture? As in needles and stuff?" Pietro winced. "I **hate **needles!"

"Weapon making? We have to learn to make our own weapons?" Althea groaned.

"If your sisters were taking that exam they'd pass in a heartbeat," Xi remarked.

"I am so glad I am **not **gonna be a ninja," Pietro snickered.

"Actually ninja training or not," The Blind Master coughed. "You're **all** taking these classes and have to pass **every** single test."

"WHAT?" All the Misfits yelled.

"Wonderful!" Shane groaned. "This is going to be hell!"

"I dunno I think I might do good at the tea ceremony one," Fred looked at the list. "Can we substitue root beers for tea and serve twinkies?"

"And in the flower arranging one can we set the flowers on fire?" Pyro asked.

"And do robot frogs count in animal training?" Todd asked.

"When you say craftsmanship does making little houses out of popsicle sticks count?" Lina asked.

"The category means to make weapons out of usless objects," Althea told Lina. "Popsicle stick houses don't count as weapons!"

"I guess they could count as weapons if you throw them at people," Wanda shrugged.

"Or set them on fire," Pyro added. "And then we throw them at people!"

"Why isn't there a **fashion** category?" Pietro called out. "Huh? Good fashion is important too!"

"As for the disquise category how about my brother **pretending** to be a normal person for once?" Wanda snapped.

"I got another question!" Fred called out. "In the animal category do we have to learn how to ride horses and stuff? Because if we do I might have a problem."

"Maybe they've got an elephant you can ride on?" Todd asked. "Hey can we learn to ride elephants?"

"I wouldn't mind learning how to ride elephants," Xi admitted. "And at our tea lesson may we have cookies? Chocolate chip cookies?"

"Ooh! And can we have milkshakes too?" Fred asked.

"Hey here's a philosophy queston," Pietro called out. "If my sister blows up a couple a trees but no one is around to hear it does it make a sound?"

"Can I throw those throwing stars at my brother?" Wanda asked. "I really want to do that weapons class first if you don't mind!"

"Hey for the magic class can we learn how to make certain people **disappear?"** Lance asked. "Because I've got a few people I want to try that out on."

"For computers does hacking into your parents' bank account and fixing it so that they would be auidited by the IRS count?" Arcade raised his hand. "Because I already did that. So if it does count do I get a pass on that or something?"

"Uh if I say I helped him with that do I get to pass too?" Shane asked.

"You did not!" Arcade snapped.

"Dude help a guy out here," Shane asked.

"Hey for the poison thing can we wait until it's Firestar's turn to cook?" Pietro called out.

"Give me those acupuncture needles!" Angelica shouted. "I'll show you my technique on Quicksilver **right now!" **

"I'll hold him down for you!" Lance agreed.

"We **both** will!" Wanda agreed.

"Dibs on those sharp three pronged pointy things!" Todd called out. "You know the ones that kind of look like forks?"

"Yeah, can we use those as utensils in the tea ceremony?" Fred asked.

"Can we have cookies or not?" Xi asked.

"Oh it's going to be a **long, long** training period isn't it?" The Blind Master groaned.

"Yes but first you have to pass your exams," Spirit grinned as he held up the test papers.

"Oh man…" Todd groaned. "We're doomed!"

"Have a positive outlook on this," Spirit told him.

"All right I'm **positive** we're doomed!" Todd moaned.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Back in the Danger Room…

"Run! Keep moving!" Danielle yelled to the others, barely dodging a paint ball splatter. The New Mutants ran as fast as they could through the simulated forest, dodging the paint. "AAH!" She fell flat on her chest narrowly missing the paint ball. "This is getting serious!"

"I hate this simulation!" Tabitha puffed and sweated. "I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!"

"You aren't the only one so shut up and **keep running!"** Doug screamed.

"I'm impressed," Forge looked at the time in the observation booth. "It's been five minutes an no one has gotten hit once. That's a new record."

"I wish the Professor could see this instead of assisting Storm with the rest of the team's final exams," Scott said. "At least he'll be able to see the video tape."

"Well then let's make this a little more challenging shall we?" Logan grinned. He grinned to Jamie. "Okay Kid, get 'em."

"Heh, heh, heh," Jamie cackled as he rubbed his hands. "Payback is so sweet!" He took the controls. "Say hello to my little friend."

"Oh boy," Scott gulped. "It's never a good sign when he starts quoting Al Pachino!"

"This is not going to be pretty," Forge gulped.

"RUN! RUN! RUN PATHETIC MORTALS! AH HAH HAH HAH HA!" Jamie howled in delight. "YOU SHALL SUFFER MY WRATH! DIE! DIE! HA HA HA HA HA!"

"AAAHHHHHHHHH!" The New Mutants screamed as they were mercilessly slaughtered almost instantly. Orange paint splattered everywhere.

"Putting Multiple behind the controls of a weapon. Good choice Logan," Forge said sarcastically.

"REVENGE! REVENGE! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Jamie cackled with evil glee. "REVENGE IS GREAT! GLORIOUS! GLORIOUS REVENGE! HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"WE GIVE UP!" Ray screamed. "WE GIVE UP! WE SURRENDER! OW! OW! OH MAN THAT HURTS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WE SURRENDER!"

"MEDIC!" Roberto screamed.

"Okay," Scott blinked. "That was…Interesting. Very informative."

"Yeah," Logan looked at the delighted Jamie. "We all learned never to be at the wrong end of a gun while Multiple is pulling the trigger."

"Go ahead, make my day," Jamie snickered. "He he he he he he he…"

The simulation ended. Ray was able to see the observation booth and saw who was at the controls. "MULTIPLE? I KNEW IT!"

"Oh how I hate that little runt," Roberto groaned.

"I don't think he's too thrilled with **us **either," Tabitha moaned in agony. "Ow..."

"You just **had** to tick him off didn't you guys?" Sam snapped.

"Good job kids," Logan walked down to meet them. "You did well...Considering."

"He he he..." Jamie was heard giggling.

"Yeah considering you put Multiple the Maniac in here," Forge called out. "And you keep telling me that my **inventions **are dumb ideas?"

"I think I could go for one of Forge's weapons right now!" Ray glared at the gleeful New Mutant in the control room.

"At least that's over," Tabitha groaned as she sat up.

"And now," Logan grinned. "You have to take the second part of the exam."

**Second part? There's a second part? Oh boy. Find out what happens next when the New Mutants continue to see if they've got what it takes! Hey you all wanted to see more New Mutant action and you are gonna get it! **

Ray walked out. "Translation, **we** are going to get it. Why do you people encourage her?"

"Beats me," Fred walked out carrying a dictionary. "But you know this does give me an idea."

"Call the media," Ray said in a deadpanned voice.

"No I'm serious," Fred told him. "There are a lot of kids out there studying for tests and I think that maybe this fic might do something educational for once. That's why I am going to start something new! Blob's Words of the Day!"

"Words of the Day?" Scott walked out. "Don't you mean Word of the Day?"

"It was gonna be that but then I couldn't choose between words," Fred explained. "But I got some real good ones here. Come on! Let me try it out!"

"Why not?" Ray shrugged. "Can't be **dumber** than anything Red writes!"

**I heard that! Go ahead Fred! **

"Okay!" Fred opened up the book and picked a random work. "Here's a good one to start us off. Psychopath."

"Oh boy..." Ray groaned.

Fred continued. "Psychopath: A mentally ill or unstable person. One who has lost contact with reality but who engages in abnormally agressive and seriously irresponsible behavior with little or no feeling of guilt."

"Hello folks!" Pyro walked out. "How's it going?"

"Visual aides help **so** much," Scott groaned.

"Ooh a word game!" Pyro grinned. "Can I play?"

"Yeah pick a word, any word," Fred showed him the dictionary. "And read the definition."

"Is it too late for me to go back in the Danger Room and get shot at by Multiple again?" Ray asked.

"Here's a good word," Pyro pointed at one. "Shuss! That's a funny word! Shuss! Shuss! Shuss!"

"I wish they'd shuss up," Scott groaned.

"Shuss," Pyro read. "To ski down a slope at high speed! Ooh! I gotta try that!" He ran off.

"I don't believe it," Scott was stunned. "Pyro got excited about a word that wasn't fire related. What are the odds?"

"Here's a good word," Fred read another one. "Whipsaw, it's a verb meaning to beset with two or more adverse conditions or situations at once. Hmmm. Now I wonder what 'beset' and 'adverse' mean?"

"If having a hyper Pyro run around loose and the Blob on brain bending spree at the **same time** are not examples of both whipsaw and adverse conditions I don't know **what is!"** Scott groaned.

"Now for a new word!" Fred was excited. "This is kind of fun!"

"Are you sure you can go on Blob?" Ray asked. "Don't you need a break or something? I mean normally doesn't your brain get overheated if you learn more than **one thing** at a time?"

"I've been doing crossword puzzles and taking vitamins," Fred told him. "Ooh! Ooh! I got one! Tamarind! That is ground meat seasoned with chili..."

"That's a **tamale** you idiot!" Scott snapped. "You're reading the **wrong definition!" **

"Whoops! So I am," Fred blushed. "Sorry about that. Okay, tamarind is a tropical tree of the legume family with hard yellowish wood and feathery leaves. It is also the name of the acid fruit it develops."

"I'M READY!" Pyro was heard shouting.

"Spreaking of fruits..." Ray groaned.

"WHAHOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pyro zoomed by on skis with some kind of jet boosters on them. "I'M SHUSSHING! I'M SHUSSING!"

"Where did he get...?" Scott blinked.

"COWABUNGA!" Forge jetted by on similar skis. "WHOO HOO!"

"Ask an extremely simple and stupid question..." Scott rolled his eyes.

CRASH!

"AAAHHH! OW! THAT HURT!" Forge shouted.

"WHO PUT THAT WALL THERE?" Pyro shouted.

"Here's a word for the day," Scott said in a deadpanned voice. "Disaster. A sudden or great misfortune. Or one of Forge's inventions."

"Here's another one," Ray added in an equally deadpanned voice. "Ineptitude. The quality or state of lacking in fitness or being out of place, generally incompetent...Also see **Forge's inventions and Pyro's brain!" **

"Wow we are really learning a lot of words today," Fred grinned.

"I know I have a few words I'd **love **to say," Scott groaned.


	53. New Mutant Rumble The Exams Continue

**New Mutant Rumble: The Exams Continue**

"**Another** part of the exam?" Amara gasped. "You're kidding?"

"Nope now things are **really **going to get interesting," Logan grinned. "You've got a thirty minute break then I wanna see you all back in the Danger Room."

"Wonderful," Tabitha groaned as they all left the Danger Room.

"Why do I have the feeling that that last session was the **easy **part of the test?" Sam moaned as they went upstairs to get a drink from the kitchen.

"I know they want to test all our skills but man," Ray complained as he grabbed a sports drink and chugged it down. "That was way too harsh."

"I'm just glad that paint stuff just fell right off our uniforms after it dried," Amara brushed the remaining bit of paint dust off her uniform. "I'd hate to wash it out on laundry day."

"You actually **do **laundry?" Tim blinked.

"Skullfire, we all have to do our own laundry," Roberto gave him a look. "You know, house rules? We all have to clean our own personal stuff as well as take turns washing the towels, table linens and sheets."

"Makes sense if you think about it," Paige said. "I'd hate to wash my brother's shorts."

"I'd never been happy washing any of my sister's panties and bras either," Sam pointed out.

"Or **anyone else** washing our bras and panties," Jubilee added.

"Yeah we've got enough pervs around here," Tabitha agreed.

"If you are looking for pervs take a look in the mirror!" Ray snapped. "You girls steal our underwear twenty times a month!"

"Actually **fifteen **times a month that's Trinity," Tabitha corrected. "Two times a month it's some kind of bizzare accident usually involving one of Forge's machines, a Misfit's prank or Pyro and Penny being bored. We only acount for about **three** times a month."

"And that's only in retaliation for when a certian **snow maker** decides it's funny to ice up our unmentionables," Paige added.

"So you actually **wash** your laundry?" Tim asked.

"Yes?! Duh! Don't you wash **your** underwear?" Tabitha challenged.

"I don't wear underwear," Tim shrugged. "Just feels unnatural."

"Okay that's way **too much information** for me," Jubilee wrinkled her nose.

"Well what about your other clothes?" Danielle asked. "Don't you wash them?"

"Something tells me we **don't **want to know the answer to this one," Doug groaned.

"I just squirt 'em with either linen spray or vodka," Tim shrugged. "If they're really bad I run 'em under the shower and throw 'em in the dryers. Or hang 'em outside. I can usually go a month on the vodka spray alone."

"I **knew** we didn't want to know the answer to that question," Doug groaned.

"Vodka spray?" Tabitha's ears perked up. "As in real vodka?"

"I water mine down with seltzer," Tim shrugged. "It's an old theater trick. They do it all the time on Broadway."

"I know I'm gonna **regret** asking this but where do you get the vodka?" Ray asked. "And how do you hide it from Wolverine?"

"I got a friend from back home that hooks me up," Tim shrugged. "He puts it in old juice boxes or bottles and sprays the inside and outside of the packages with cotton candy perfume. I take it out, mix it up with the Seltzer water and one part lemon juice and stash it in the closet."

"No wonder Logan hasn't found it," Ray blinked. "I've **seen** your closet. And **smelled** it. You could hide a submarine full of Limburger cheese in there and no one would find it!"

"I just hope this next part of the test is easier than the first part," Amara fidgeted with her drink.

"Relax Amara," Tabitha have her a shoulder hug. "You'll do fine! We'll team up! Together our powers can blow away anything they throw at us!"

"Thanks Tabitha," Amara sighed. "I do feel a little better now."

"Look we're all on edge," Danielle said. "But we all have to stick together in order to do our best."

"I thought this was a competition to see who goes into what team?" Roberto asked her.

"It is but we should be focused on doing our best and that means working together," Sam said. "We lasted pretty long in that last Danger Room session just by working together."

"He's right. It's worth a try," Ray sighed.

Soon they were back in the Danger Room control room. Standing with Logan and Forge were Scott and Bobby in uniform. "All right rookies, listen up," Logan ordered. "Part two of the exam is going to be a **lot **more fun than the first part. At least for me."

"I hate it when he says that," Jesse moaned.

"This part of the exam will test your individual fighting skills," Scott said.

"Something tells me that working together isn't gonna work this time," Ray gulped.

"You'll be paired together for a series of matches," Logan explained. "Basically this is to see how well you can fight on a one on one battle."

"What like a tournament of some kind?" Sam asked.

"Sort of but there's no real winner at the end," Scott said. "Even if you win your match it doesn't guarantee your placement into the Red Team."

"Of course it don't hurt either," Logan snorted. "I wanna see how well you've been paying attention to your combat courses and how well you know your team members and their powers. This is how it works. The computer here will randomly select two names. The student's names that are selected will immediately go into the Danger Room for their battle. Forge along with the Danger Room will then randomly create an environment that is designed to enable or enhance **both** fighter's powers."

"Hold on a second," Sam raised his hand and put it down. "There's fifteen of us. There needs to be **sixteen** of us in order for all of us to have a complete set of matches."

"That's why Iceman's here," Logan said. "The last person standing at the end of the other matches will fight him."

"Great," Tabitha rolled her eyes. "No pressure here."

"This isn't a contest but we want you to take it seriously," Scott said. "How you perform determines your placement and possibly your future on the team. You may be considered to be a future member of the Gold Team depending on your skill level. So I want all of you to do your best."

"Those who aren't fighting will be allowed to watch in the observation level with the kids over there," Logan pointed to where Jamie, Madelyne, Penny, Taylor and Starla were watching.

"Wow this is gonna be so cool!" Madelyne said. Penny barked in agreement.

"I'd be cooler if we were being tested as well," Jamie grumbled.

"Are you crazy?" Starla gave him a look. "If you ask me all this is all a waste of my time. There's a ton of other stuff I could be doing than watch a bunch of macho jerks fighting each other. What's the point of us being here?"

"The point is to study and learn their fighting techniques as well as see what their powers can do," Taylor told her. "Hey it may not be that long before we're in a competition like this too."

"Competition? Morons beating each other to a pulp is not **my** idea of competition," Starla said. "You'd never catch me doing that."

"You may not have a choice," Sam told her as he and the others made their way to the viewing platform.

"Look most of you may have these powers that destroy things or are a copy of a lame comic book character that might be good in battle," Starla huffed. "But my powers are a lot more simple. I glow. I fly. That's it. I'd rather fly away and retreat than risk harming my face or any other part of my body. Not everybody is eager to run out and get themselves killed you know?"

"Listen you…" Tabitha balled her fists.

"Easy Tabby," Sam held her back. "Starla's entitled to her own opinion."

"But she…" Tabitha fumed.

Sam leaned in and whispered. "Just focus on the match for now and do your best. That's all that matters. Besides, not everyone's a scrapper like we are. I mean look at Dragonfly."

"That's different," Tabitha glared. "At least she uses her powers to **help** people!"

"And how are those time bombs of yours helpful when you stuff them down some guy's shorts?" Sam gave her a look.

"They beautify the neighborhood with an interesting view," Tabitha smirked.

Meanwhile the adults were having second thoughts as well. "Logan are you sure this is a good idea?" Forge asked. "Having the kids fight each other?"

"Like they don't do that **already?**" Scott gave him a look. "At least this way we can save some money on repairs."

"These kids have to find out what they're made of and show what they know about their team mates weaknesses and strengths," Logan said. "Better here than out in the field."

"Besides it's not like these kids haven't sparred against each other already," Scott said.

"Yeah but those were all practice matches and stuff," Forge said.

"And so is this," Logan said. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing. Besides you should worry more about the injuries you make every time you make one of your cockamamie inventions!"

"Oh man when are they just going to get started?" Tim grumbled. "How long are they just gonna keep yapping? Let's just get on with it!"

"All right! It's time to start! Keep in mind I'm the referee, which means I decide who wins and or when the match ends," Logan said. "My decision is final. No complaining or back talking! Got it?"

"We got it! We got it already!" Tim said. "Let's just start the fight! Come on I want to show everyone what I'm made of!"

"Not me, I like my stomach and other body parts hidden right where they are," Doug moaned.

"All right! Let's get this party started!" Logan made a motion for Forge to begin the process. "Batter up Forge!"

"All right!" Tim yelled. "Here we go! I hope I go first!"

"So do I," Ray nodded.

"Can't wait to get in," Roberto said.

The computer screen flashed the first challengers and showed it on the monitor. "Look!" Rahne pointed. "It's the first match!"

MATCH ONE: SUNSPOT VS. BERSERKER

"All right!" Roberto pumped his fist in the air. "First up! That's the way I like it!"

"Yeah and you'll be the first to fall," Ray snorted. "I am **so** ready for this!"

"Wow a good fight right off the bat," Jamie whistled.

"Why? Are they that good?" Taylor asked.

"They will be because they totally hate each other," Jamie told him.

"I wouldn't say hate, Multiple," Sam said. "It's just those two have been rubbing each other the wrong way since day one. Like two bulls stuck in a one bull pasture."

"Yeah and one bull can shoot off electric bolts while the **other** fires solar beams, gets super strong and flies," Madelyne added.

"This whole test sounds like a load of bull if you ask me," Starla grunted.

"Nobody **asked **you," Tabitha glared at her. "So why don't you zip it?"

"I've been waiting for this a **long** time, DaCosta," Ray growled as they entered the Danger Room.

"That goes **double **for me, Crisp," Roberto narrowed his eyes. "It's time to shut your yap once and for all."

"Yeah you keep thinking that," Ray glared back. "You'll find out the **hard** way soon enough.

"Okay let's get the Danger Room all settled," Forge punched in the data. Soon the room turned into a strange alien world where the sun was bright but there were small dark clouds with lightning flashing in the sky.

"All right, fighters ready," Logan spoke into the microphone. "BEGIN!"

"This is gonna be so easy it's not gonna be funny," Roberto powered up and took to the sky. "I'm gonna take you down with **one** shot!" He sent off a powerful blast of energy from his hands.

Ray quickly dodged it. "One problem, you gotta **hit** me with that shot first!" Ray shouted. He charged his hands. "Come and get me Hot Head!"

"Oh you'll get it all right!" Roberto created an even larger blast. "Unlike your little zaps, my solar beams pack a punch!"

Ray created a powerful charge of energy and managed to make a barrier of electricity large enough and strong enough to deflect it. "You really think all I can do is **zap** people with my powers? Think again!"

The beam hit Roberto but it didn't hurt him, he just absorbed it back. "Not bad, but all you did was recharge my batteries!"

"You want a charge?" Ray stretched out his arms. "I'll show **you** a charge!"

Focusing his powers he sent out a small bit of electric static in the air. It connected with some of the lightning sent out by the clouds. The lighting hit Ray who absorbed it into his body with a roar. To everyone's shock his skin started to glow and crackle. All around his body was a bluish white swirl of electricity. Even his eyes started to glow. "Yeah this oughta do it!" Ray grinned, electricity sparking from his fingertips.

"When did Ray learn to do **that?"** Sam's jaw dropped.

"I dunno," Jamie gulped. "But all of the sudden I'm kind of **glad** I'm not fighting!"

"I'm just glad I'm not fighting **him!"** Everett agreed.

"Okay when did Berserker learn to do **that?"** Scott was shocked as Ray in his new form started blasting away at Roberto, trying to take him down.

"Actually I kind of helped with that," Forge explained. "Beast and I came up with a device to measure how much electricity Ray could store in his body as well as how much his body could take. Let's just say he's been practicing enough so he could store a lot. If he stores enough, he can even create an electric shield of sorts."

"In other words Berserker is now a human battery!" Bobby whistled. "This is gonna get ugly. Hey, wait a second. How is Sunspot able to use and recharge his powers inside the Danger Room?"

"Solar batteries are fed into the system," Forge explained. "Just like the Danger Room has it's own electric generator. It's complicated. Simple version both guys can use their powers just like if they were outside."

POW! BLAM! ZAP! POW! ZAP! The two boys ran around trying to blast each other. Or in Roberto's case flying around. They were able to use the battlefield to recharge their powers without fail.

"Look at 'em go!" Tabitha called out.

"Wow…" Starla blinked. "They're really powerful."

"Not bad for a couple of macho jerks huh?" Everett gave her a look.

After five minutes of the two trying to blast each other both were getting frustrated. "Haven't you had enough yet, Pikachu?" Roberto shouted sending some heat blasts Ray's way.

"Oh yeah, pretty tough talk coming from a Charmander!" Ray used his electric shield to deflect the blasts again. "AAAHHGGH! This is pointless! We're not getting anywhere running around like this!"

"You're right!" Roberto soaked up more power from the artificial sun. "So let's end this!" He flew straight towards Ray, gaining more speed and strength.

"Fine by me!" Ray charged up, preparing for the impact.

"Uh oh…" Amara gulped. "What are they doing?"

"Looks like the two bulls are gonna head butt," Sam gulped.

"Uh wait a second," Tabitha blinked. "I may not be good at science but uh, solar energy violently crashing with an electric charge at a **high speed?** Won't that make…?"

KRACKLE! Energy sparked around the two boys as Roberto collided with Ray.

**KABOOOOOOOOM!**

"An explosion..?" Tabitha finished closing her eyes against the brightness of the discharge of energy.

"Holy cow the energy level readings are off the **scales!**" Forge yelled.

"I can't see!" Logan roared.

The smoke and sparks started to clear. "Who do you think won?" Danielle asked blinked.

"Whoever's still standing," Jesse coughed.

"Look!" Amara pointed. Both Ray and Roberto had reverted to their normal forms and were lying flat on their backs.

"They knocked themselves out!" Everett yelled.

Logan and Scott made their way down. Forge shut off the simulation. There was still some evidence of the explosion that had occurred. "It's going to take forever to get those scorch marks off the wall," Forge grumbled.

"Are that okay?" Scott asked as Logan got to the boys first.

Logan checked them over quickly. "They're fine," Logan grunted. "A little bruised and a bit of the wind knocked out of them but they'll be okay."

"Ooh," Ray groaned. "Ow…"

"What happened? Did I win?" Roberto moaned. "Did I win? Did I win a marching band? I hear someone playing the drums."

"Ray, how many fingers am I holding up?" Scott held up two fingers.

Ray blinked. "Eleven?"

"Yikes!" Scott jumped as a little static electricity leapt off of Ray's body.

"Watch it, they're still a little charged," Logan said.

"Thank you for the warning," Scott said sarcastically. "Are you guys okay? Do you need a medic?"

"Nah I just need someone to stop the ringing in my ears," Ray groaned as he sat up. "I'll be fine."

"Yeah I'm good," Roberto agreed. "So who won the match?"

"Let me confer for a second," Logan made a motion to Scott and they spoke for a moment.

"I wonder what they're saying?" Lorna asked.

"I wonder what they'll decide," Danielle said. "Look they've made a decision."

"This first match is a double knockout," Logan called out. "Therefore it's a tie."

"A TIE?" Roberto sat up. "You gotta be kidding me!"

"My decision is **final** Sunspot," Logan gave him a look.

"You can't just leave it a tie!" Roberto snapped.

"I can and will! Hit the showers!" Logan pointed. Roberto sulked off. "You got a problem Sparky?"

"Yeah I hear a marching band now…" Ray groaned as he limped away.

"Maybe we'd better let Hank take a look at them?" Scott blinked. "Just in case."

"Wow what a battle!" Taylor shouted. "Even if it was a tie it was cool!"

"It was exciting. Maybe I was wrong?" Starla blinked. "Maybe this isn't a **total **waste of my time after all?"

"All right, next match!" Logan roared as he got back into the observation room.

MATCH TWO: SKULLFIRE VS. BEDLAM

"Oh goody," Jesse's face fell.

"All right!" Tim grinned. "This is gonna be easy!"

"Uh oh," Bobby gulped. "Now I'm getting worried. I don't think it's a good idea putting Jesse in with that maniac. You know how crazy he gets!"

"I dunno, Skullfire's not all bad," Logan shrugged. "For some reason I always like the way he smells."

"Don't worry Beldam," Tim grinned as they faced each other in on the Danger Room floor. "This won't hurt, much."

"The fact that it will hurt at all is freaking me out," Tim gulped.

The Danger Room then changed into some kind of manufacturing plant with several robots on an assembly line. Then more machines appeared. "We added a few real drones too," Forge called out.

"Well at least I have something to work with before I die," Jesse gulped.

"BEGIN!" Logan roared.

"How about we make this sporting?" Tim grinned. "Come on Bedlam I'll give you the first shot? Come on! Take me down!"

"Easier said than done," Bedlam concentrated. The machines started to go out of control and they headed straight towards Tim.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Tim whooped as he used his powers to blast the machines to pieces.

"What is Skullfire doing? Toying with him?" Bobby blinked as Jesse sent off another wave of out of control machines towards Tim. Tim merely blasted them off.

"Maybe a little," Logan thought. "But I've noticed Skullfire likes a challenge over an easy win."

"I'm afraid that's what this will be," Scott shook his head. "Bedlam's control is shaky at best and Skullfire knows it. This is going to be a quick match."

The New Mutants watched too. "Why doesn't Tim just blast Jesse and get it over with?" Everett was shocked. "With his powers he could have taken him down with one shot."

"Maybe **that's** why?" Sam thought.

"Come on Beldam is this the **best **you can do?" Tim shouted as he blasted another robot. "Come on! Send all you got!"

"That **was **all I had!" Jesse panted. "All the robot things are destroyed! You blew them up!"

"Aw man this is no fun," Tim grumbled. "I should have had Sunspot or Berserker!"

"What if we fight without powers?" Jesse gulped. Even he knew that would not make much of a difference. He knew that Tim was a head taller than he was, a lot more muscular and had a lot more fighting experience in his life. But it was better than nothing.

"Oh all right," Tim sighed. "**Anything** to make this fight at least somewhat interesting! I may be psychotic but even I don't like a fight where **I **can win so easily."

"Wonderful," Jesse swung and attacked. Tim just dodged it. He made more furious attempts to attack but Tim merely blocked them or got out of the way. "Aw come on at least **pretend **this is hard or something."

"Jesse I'm holding back as much as possible and you still can't…" Tim chuckled.

SMACK!

Everyone was shocked as Jesse finally landed a good solid punch to Tim's jaw. Of course Tim just stood there surprised. Jesse was now surprised and terrified. "Oh no…" Jesse knew what was coming.

"Sorry pal, but it's time for me to **end **this," Tim began to swing into a hit.

That's when Jesse panicked. Something inside his brain clicked and he screamed in terror. His eyes changed color and some kind of energy seeped from his head to Tim's.

"AAHHHHH!" Tim yelled in agony. He collapsed on the ground. He stayed there, knocked out cold. Leaving a confused Jesse still standing.

"I…won?" Jesse blinked.

"What the hell happened down there?" Scott roared.

"What happened?" Starla asked. "Was it some kind of delayed reaction to the punch?"

"I don't think so," Sam said. "I thought I saw some kind of weird energy coming out of Jesse's body. It must have affected Skullfire."

"But I thought his powers only affected machines?" Amara asked.

"So did Skullfire," Sam said.

"Get Beast down here now!" Logan roared as he and Scott rushed to Tim's side. "Something's wrong!"

"Oh my god! What happened? Is he hurt? What did Bedlam do to him?" Everyone shouted in shock. Well, almost everyone.

"I don't know why you people are so shocked," Starla shrugged. "I mean you would **expect **things like this to happen when you fight. It's no different than sports games. Players get hurt or unexpected injuries all the time."

"Okay we're having a time out here!" Scott said. "Everyone take it easy until we figure out what happened! Go back upstairs until we call for you!"

Twenty minutes later Logan was with Scott, Jesse, Hank and Xavier in the medical room. "So what happened?" Logan asked.

"It appears Bedlam's mutation has accelerated," Hank looked "Your powers create an bioelectric field that disrupts the normal functions of anything mechanical…That is whatever uses some type of electric system or any similar type of power."

"Yeah I know that," Jesse said.

"Somehow your this field you create has become so powerful that even biochemical electricity…such as those found in the brain and other parts of the human body are now affected," Hank said. "In other words, you shut it down for a second. Very much like quickly shutting off then turning on a computer."

"Is Skullfire going to be okay?" Scott asked.

"It appears he was fortunate," Hank said. Tim lay on the medical bed. "There was no serious or permanent damage to his brain. He should be awake by the end of the day. However the next time Bedlam if you try this aspect of your mutant powers the recipient may not be as lucky."

"You saying that I could **kill **someone?" Jesse's eyes widened.

"Yes," Hank saw no reason to beat around the bush. "I'm afraid so."

"My life just gets better and better," Jesse moaned.

"I don't think you should use your powers for a while until we run a complete diagnostic," Hank said. "After the testing of course."

"Scott, Mr. Logan do you mind if I sit the rest of the test out?" Jesse sighed. "I gotta think about some stuff."

"Sure kid, we'll talk after we've tested the others," Logan patted him on his shoulder. "It's not your fault you know?"

"Well it doesn't feel like it but thanks," Jesse sighed.

"Poor kid," Scott sighed as they left the med lab. "He's always had trouble with his powers and now this is worse."

"Yeah and I have a feeling things are not going to get any easier," Logan agreed.

Soon most of the other New Mutants had returned to the Danger Room, even Ray and Roberto. "Okay the last match's winner…by obvious knockout was Bedlam," Logan grumbled. "Let's go to the next match!"

MATCH THREE: CYPHER VS. SYNCH

"Phew…" Doug breathed a sigh of relief. "No offense Synch but out of all the mutants here you are the only one I have a **chance** of not getting completely killed! I feel like I just won the lottery!"

"Don't get too cocky," Everett snorted as they made their way to the Danger Room. "I may not be able to do much with your powers but I'm more than capable of taking you down!"

"Is that a fact?" Doug grinned.

"I'm a very accomplished karate fighter even without my powers," Everett grinned. "And I think it's more than enough to beat you. Besides, all you can do is translate stuff."

"You'd be surprised at what I can do," Doug grinned.

Everett charged to attack but at the last second Doug moved to the side, effectively dodging it. He then managed to block Everett's second attack with his arms. By the third attack he grabbed Everett as he lunged towards him and threw him to the ground.

"Whoa! Cypher's got some serious skills!" Roberto whistled.

"Okay I know I haven't trained much with the New Mutants since I became an X-Man but since when did Doug turn into the Karate Kid?" Bobby asked as Doug kept effectively battling Everett.

"Learns like Cypher's finally managed to pull his weight in a scrap," Logan grinned.

_I don't get it, I should be wiping the floor with this kid but he's countering everything I throw at him! _Everett thought. He made another attack but was again grabbed and thrown to the floor. _It's almost as if he knows what I am going to do before I do it! But he can't do that! Can he? _

"Since when did you become an expert at karate?" Everett asked as he got up.

"Since **you** stepped in the ring to fight me," Doug grinned. "Remember my powers make me an expert in **all **languages. Even **body language!"**

Doug took up the same stance as Everett. "By reading your body language I can tell not only which direction you're going to come at me, but which move you are going to make. And thanks to my ability to remember **all** languages I encounter, I remember your moves too!"

"That's impossible! You can't just copy my karate just by watching it **once!"** Everett was shocked. "How did you come up with a crazy idea like that?"

"By working with the Ninja Masters, remember?" Doug grinned. "They inspired me to be able to learn this technique. And that includes knowing one of **theirs!"**

Doug charged forward seeming to attack with his arms. _Going to sucker punch me huh? Well that's…WHAT?" _Everett reached forward to attack when suddenly Doug went down and knocked Everett's feet from under him using a leg sweep. But before Everett hit the ground Doug managed to move to the side and punch him on the shoulder, knocking him down.

"Ow…" Everett moaned, rubbing his shoulder. "But I can copy your powers! How come I couldn't **see** that?"

"It's one thing to be able to copy someone's powers," Doug told him. "It's another to **master** them!"

"Okay, okay I give! You win!" Everett held up his hands. "I know I'm beat!"

"Winner of this match! Cypher!" Logan shouted. The New Mutants cheered for joy.

"Whoa! I so did not expect Doug of all people to win this!" Ray slapped his head.

"Hey after a month with ninjas and all that craziness how could anyone **not **toughen up?" Sam remarked.

"All right Dougie!" Rahne whooped for joy. "Way to go!"

"Good match," Everett nodded as Doug helped him up.

"You too," Doug grinned.

"These fights aren't dull I have to admit," Starla said.

"I'm a little nervous when it gets to my turn," Lorna admitted.

"Something tells me you'll do fine," Ray rolled his eyes. "Look another match is about to start!"

MATCH FOUR: WOLFSBANE VS. DEAD GIRL

"Well there's an interesting match," Sam blinked.

"Oh great we're gonna hear a lot of zombie and werewolf jokes," Rahne rolled her eyes.

"Come on let's get this horror show over with," Dead Girl shrugged as they went to the Danger Room floor.

"Let's guess what environment this is gonna be in?" Rahne folded her arms. "Graveyard? Haunted House?"

Then the Danger Room kicked in it's program. "A bargain basement sale at Macy's?" Dead Girl blinked.

"What the hell?" Logan's jaw dropped as he saw the Danger Room transformed into a colorful upscale department store. "Okay who's been letting Kitty program the Danger Room again?"

"Well the Danger Room is programmed to create unusual environments," Forge said. "And you don't get much more unusual than this."

"Okay…" Logan blinked. "BEGIN!"

"All right!" Starla cheered as the girls began to fight. "Now this is a battle I can really get into!"

"Here Dead Girl, try this on for size!" Rahne shouted as she tossed several outfits at her.

Dead Girl dodged them and grabbed the clothes, yanking the hangers out of them. "To quote a great movie," Dead Girl threw the wire hangers like they were throwing stars. "NO WIRE HANGERS!"

Rahne dodged them and grabbed some of her own. "NO WIRE HANGERS!" She threw them with precision accuracy. Dead Girl barely got out of the way.

"What kind of fighting **is **this?" Scott blinked. "Shop Fu?"

"Looks like Kitty taught them well," Tabitha blinked.

"This is addictive to watch," Starla admitted. "Better than the catfights on Desperate Housewives."

Twenty minutes later the girls were still going at it, throwing whatever they could at each other as well as artfully dodging each other's attacks. Occasionally they would come to blows and hit each other but then back away and start the process all over again. Yet as hard as they were fighting, neither one seemed to be getting tired.

"This is unbelievable, they've been going at it for nearly half an hour," Scott looked at his watch.

"I gotta admit this one is lasting longer than I thought," Logan said. "They're both good."

"And they haven't even **started **to use their powers yet," Bobby blinked.

"They may not be as powerful as some of us but when it comes to going the distance those two could outlast more than **half** the team," Logan shook his head. "We may end up being here all day!"

"Man how long is this gonna take?" Ray asked as he watched. "How can those two go at it this long and still have energy to spare? I don't get it."

"It's because of their powers," Sam explained. "Even in human form Rahne has some wolf characteristics. She can see and smell a little better than the rest of us and she's got more strength and stamina than she looks."

"And Dead Girl well…" Danielle shrugged. "She's **dead**. Doesn't need to rest as much as a normal person."

"This could take a while," Lorna blinked. "No wonder the X-Men always seemed to have an edge in fights over Magneto."

Finally Rahne changed into wolf form. "Here doggy!" Dead Girl whistled. "Flea collars on sale!"

Rahne got angry and charged at Dead Girl, grabbing her arm. "Hey! Leggo! Let go!" Dead Girl pulled at it.

With a sickening sound Rahne pulled off her arm. "UNHAND MY HAND!" Dead Girl snapped as she chased Rahne around. Her severed arm tried to hit Rahne but it wasn't able to reach her. "GIVE IT BACK! I've heard of paying an arm and a leg but this is **ridiculous!"**

"Okay this match is officially getting weird," Scott blinked as Dead Girl chased Rahne all around.

"Dude it was officially weird when they were using hangers as throwing stars and jousting with mannequins," Forge gave him a look.

"ALL RIGHT BOTH OF YOU! TIME! THE MATCH IS OVER!" Logan shouted.

"Awww, just when it was getting good too," Dead Girl pouted.

"Winner, Wolfsbane!" Logan called out. "And no lip Dead Girl about her winning because she only had one of your arms! Anyone else that would seriously hurt!"

"Speaking of which can I have my arm back now?" Dead Girl asked.

"Sure," Rahne changed back to human form and gave it to her.

"Aw man you got slobber all over it," Dead Girl grumbled as she reattached her arm.

"Sorry," Rahne shrugged. "You taste better than you look."

"Yeah I get that a lot," Dead Girl nodded. "You'd be surprised how many spirits and dogs would love to get a taste of me. Actually back in the graveyard I used to take pity on some poor animals and feed 'em little parts of my…"

"Okay! No more of **that!"** Logan winced. "This conversation is enough to make even me sick!"

"It's not like I couldn't grow anything back," Dead Girl grumbled as they went back to the observation room. "But that was a good game Rahne."

"It was kind of fun wasn't it?" Rahne grinned.

"You people have a twisted and perverted idea of fun," Starla folded her arms.

"Look, it's the next match!" Danielle pointed to the screen. "And look who's up!"

MATCH FIVE: MAGMA VS. BOOM BOOM

"Oh no…" Amara's face went pale.

"Oh man…" Tabitha couldn't believe it.

**Next: What happens when best friends are forced to fight each other? And who else will fight next? Find out in the next wild chapter! **

Tabitha grumbled. "Somebody's been watching a lot of Naruto lately."

"Or Yu Yu Hakusho," Amara said. "Or Dragonball Z..."

"Or Pokemon," Ray remarked.

"Figures the Human Pikachu would say that one," Tabitha remarked.

"You wanna get zapped?" Ray gave her a look.

"But you have a point," Amara thought aloud. "I mean nearly every anime show that's out there has some kind of tournament or fighting theme."

"Pika, pika..." Tabitha teased.

"OKAY YOU WANNA SEE SPARKS!" Ray sparked up. Tabitha laughed and ran away. "I'LL DO IT! I SWEAR I WILL!" Ray chased after her off camera.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Ooohh..." Ray covered in soot staggered back into view. "Pika...Pika..." He fell down on the ground.

"Ray may be a Pikachu but Tabitha's an Electrode..." Amara blinked. "I think we've all been watching too many anime cartoons."

"Speaking of overcharged, over acting characters," Tabitha thought aloud. "I wonder how the Misfits are doing on their tests?"

Cut to scene where Pyro is at his desk, scribbling furiously.

"Let's see," Pyro nibbled on his pencil. "If A equals twelve and Y is forty five and B is forty two...Carry the one, divide by eight, multiply the circumfrence by seven...The answer is the Nile! No Taft? Oh I hate multiple choice answers! You can't write your own in! Oh well I'll do it anyway!"

Cut back to the New Mutants.

"On second thought..." Tabitha blinked. "Maybe we're better off **not **knowing?"

"Tune in next week folks maybe **some** of this will make sense?" Amara groaned. "Right Ray? Ray?"

"Pika, pika..." A dazed Ray was still on the ground.


	54. The Exams Conclude

**The Exams Conclude**

MAGMA VS. BOOM BOOM

Those were the words flashing on the screen above them. No one could believe it. Especially the two girls scheduled to fight.

"Whoa," Paige whistled. "Amara and Tabitha are best friends! And now they have to fight **each other?** That's not fair!"

"It's just the luck of the draw, Sis," Sam shrugged.

Both Tabitha and Amara gave each other nervous looks as they made their way to the Danger Room floor. The room changed to a volcanic environment. "Begin!" Logan shouted.

At first neither of them moved, just prepared themselves into a fighting stance. Then Tabitha frowned and with a battle cry attacked Amara. Amara was startled but she blocked Tabitha's kick easily and countered with a kick of her own, which Tabitha easily blocked. The two girls punched and kicked each other but neither one managed to land any substantial blows.

"What's the deal here?" Starla groaned. "I thought these two were supposed to be powerful mutants or something? I'm not impressed."

"Shut up!" Jubilee snapped. "They're just getting warmed up! You'll see what a real X-Man can do!"

"Since when are **you **a **real** X-Man?" Starla gave her a look.

"She's more of an X-Man than you'll ever be!" Paige snapped. "Besides Amara and Tabitha know what they're doing. Like Jubilee said they're just getting warmed up!"

"Yeah, but still…" Roberto frowned. "Don't you think they would have at least used their powers by now?"

"Yeah what's up with that?" Danielle blinked.

The students weren't the only one puzzled by this behavior. "Shouldn't they have used their powers by now?" Forge asked. "They're barely even fighting."

"I was afraid something like this would happen," Scott sighed as he watched the girls spar. "They're too close to really go at it."

"Give 'em a break Scott," Bobby said. "I mean what if it was you and Jean down there? Or you and Alex? You wouldn't be at the top of your game either. I don't understand why you have to have them fight each other in the first place. Can't they just fight a simulation instead?"

"Because fighting a simulation, no matter how real it looks is **still** a simulation," Logan told him. "You have to fight a real opponent to know how you can truly stack up as a fighter."

"I thought we were supposed to be a team here," Bobby gave him a look. "What kind of team constantly fights with each other?"

"Besides the Misfits?" Logan chuckled. "Relax you two, they're just getting warmed up. This battle will start heating up soon enough."

"How can you **say **that?" Scott asked.

"Because I know these two girls are some of the best scrappers the New Mutants have," Logan said casually. "Trust me, they're **too good** at this to go at it half hearted for long."

Within a few minutes Logan's prediction came true. Amara getting frustrated kicked a little harder than she intended too. What made it worse is that during the kick her foot partially changed to fire. With a yelp of pain Tabitha fell to the ground. Thanks to the training uniform which was partially resistant to fire Tabitha was not seriously hurt. But she was definitely shocked.

Amara was just as shocked at what she had done. "Tabitha…I…"

Tabitha's face hardened. She managed to do a flip onto her feet and another flip towards Amara. To Amara's shock as Tabitha moved she managed to create energy bombs almost instantaneously as she flipped, sending them straight towards Amara. The fire mutant barely had time to escape the brunt of the bombardment but was hit hard enough to be knocked down.

"Whoa! I never knew those two could fight like that," Bobby said.

"Those little training session Shima gave us all taught them a few new tricks," Scott nodded.

Amara got to her feet. She looked at Tabitha just standing there. At first there was disbelief on her face. Then it hardened into understanding.

"I'm not going to go easy on you," Amara said.

"That's just the way I like it," Tabitha challenged back getting in a fighting stance.

"Don't like it **too much**," Amara warned her. "You're going to lose."

"Keep thinking that girlfriend," Tabitha smirked. "Bring it on."

"**Now** it's going to get good," Logan grinned.

"All right!" Ray cheered. "Now we're getting somewhere!"

Both girls began to kick and punch and fight each other with more gusto. The fighting got faster and more furious until Amara finally transformed into her full fire phase. She created huge fire blasts and shot them at Tabitha. Tabitha easily dodged them and created huge energy blasts of her own in rapid succession.

Finally Amara created a huge fireball. Tabitha created a giant explosive and threw it. Both collided at the same time.

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!

"Whoa!" Scott shielded his face despite the protective barrier on the observation lounge. "It's getting way too hot out there!"

"I can't see!" Logan squinted. "What's going on?"

The light faded and both Tabitha and Amara were on the ground, their clothes all sooty. They both stirred and sat up. "Okay I've seen enough," Logan announced. "Double knockout! No winner."

"**Another** double knockout?" Starla asked. "What kind of fights are these?"

"I'd like to see **you** down there," Paige gave her a look.

"Hey we're not injured," Tabitha said.

"Yeah we were just getting warmed up," Amara said.

"Warm is right," Forge told them. "That last explosion nearly fried all the circuits in the Danger Room!"

"All right, you two off the floor! Lets get on to the next match," Logan ordered.

MATCH SIX: MIRAGE VS. JUBILEE

Jubilee gulped as she made her way to the floor. "Go for it Jubes," Tabitha told her as she passed. "You too Dani."

Jubilee took a breath as she faced Danielle. She was always afraid of messing up in front of Logan. She took a fighting stance. Danielle attacked with a roundhouse kick but Jubilee countered it. She tried a few punches but they missed.

_Come on Jubilee! Don't fall apart now! Concentrate! _Jubilee told herself as she fought. Her punches became faster and her kicks became more focused.

Danielle was a good fighter as well but seemed to have trouble countering Jubilee's kicks. _Good! I think I can do this! _Jubilee thought.

Suddenly the room went black. It was dark. She couldn't see anything. "What the…?"

Suddenly a huge Sentinel hand grabbed her. Jubilee tried to use her powers but couldn't. "What's going on?" She shouted. Then she realized Danielle was using her powers.

Suddenly she saw her old home burst into flames. Her parent's dying before her and she was helpless to stop it. "No…No…Not again!" Jubilee screamed as she struggled to escape the Sentinel's grasp. She tried to use her powers but found she was too terrified to do so.

Back in the real world everyone was watching Jubilee fight an invisible enemy. "What's wrong with her?" Starla asked.

"Mirage's powers make her opponent see their darkest fears and make them real," Sam explained.

"You mean she can make any one see whatever they're afraid of the most?" Starla gulped. "Say for example…Me losing a pageant?"

"She can show you gaining two hundred pounds and be crowned Miss Fattest Woman in the Galaxy," Tabitha gave her a look.

"Oh God no!" Starla went blank as she saw Jubilee fall to the ground on her back and struggle to get up. "Note to self, don't tick that girl off!"

Jubilee saw herself strapped to a lab table and several doctors with sharp and deadly looking equipment hover over her. "No…It's all in my mind…" Jubilee hissed to her self. "It's all in my mind! It's all in my mind…"

"It doesn't look good," Scott frowned. "Maybe you should stop this Logan?"

"Wait a second," Logan told him. "I don't think this battle is over yet."

"I will not be afraid…" Jubilee closed her eyes. "This is not happening. I will not be afraid!" She struggled against her bonds. "This is not real! I will **not** be afraid!"

The bonds began to break. "This is all in my mind. I will not be afraid! I won't let this happen to me!" Jubilee said to herself.

"I'M NOT GOING TO BE AFRAID ANY MORE!" Jubilee yelled rising to her feet. "AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGHHHH!"

A continuous stream of fireworks connected streamed from her hands. Jubilee spun them around like a ribbon of explosions around her, making them wider and faster. As they grew wider and faster, they forced Danielle to stumble backwards.

"Holy cow," Bobby's jaw dropped. "I had no idea she could make her fireworks do **that!**"

"Camp gave us a lot of training on using our powers in ways we never thought possible," Scott told him. "Looks like Jubilee was paying attention."

"AAAAHHHH!" Danielle fell backwards barely missing the streams. "Okay! Enough! Enough! I give already!"

Jubilee snapped out of it and stopped. She couldn't believe what she had just done.

"Winner, Jubilee," Logan grunted.

Jubilee couldn't believe her ears. "I won?" She whispered to herself. Then a grin came to her face. "I WON! WHOO HOO!"

"Yeah! That's the way to do it!" Tabitha cheered along with the rest of the New Mutants.

Jubilee went to Danielle. "Dani? Are you okay?"

"Jubilee…" Danielle stood up. "I'm…I'm sorry for what I did back there. I didn't mean to do it. I…I just panicked and…I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Jubilee shook her head. "Actually, I'm glad you did it. Kind of forced me to face my fears."

"These matches are a lot tougher than I thought they were going to be," Forge remarked. "Who knew these guys would get so good?"

"Just goes to show what a little training and a lot of skirmishes will do," Logan grunted.

"We ought to thank the Misfits," Scott make a smirk. "All the times we've sparred with them just made us better. And vice versa."

"Did I just hear our fearless leader give the Misfits a **compliment?**" Bobby gave Scott an amused look.

"Yeah but if you ever tell them I **said** it, I'll deny it on a stack of Bibles," Scott snorted. "Then I'll make you run a Level 12 Danger Room session, with both Wolverine **and** X23!"

"Uh yeah, I think I'll keep my mouth shut," Bobby gulped.

"Smart move," Scott grinned. "Okay let's see who's up next."

MATCH SEVEN: CANNONBALL VS. HUSK

"You gotta be kidding me?" Sam's jaw dropped.

"Here we go again," Ray groaned.

"Of all the mutants paired to fight each other," Scott shook his head. "Man what a lousy break!"

"Tell me about it!" Bobby groaned. "**I** wanted to fight him!"

"Instead you'll be fighting…" Scott looked over at Lorna.

"No way!" Bobby said.

"She's the last one left Iceman," Scott shrugged. "Those are the breaks."

"I knew these stupid tests sucked," Bobby grumbled.

Paige and Sam were on the floor. The environment changed to a wheat field. "Don't go easy on me big brother," Paige shed her outer skin to a metal one. "Because I'm not going to go easy on you."

"There's no way I can get out of this is there?" Sam sighed getting into a fighting stance.

"Nope," Paige shook her head and grinned. "I'm going to enjoy this."

"All right Sis, if that's the way you want it," Sam stood there. "I guess there's nothing else I can do."

"You could can it with the family reunion here and start fighting," Logan barked out.

"AAHHHH!" Paige charged forward. Sam just stood there, not doing anything.

"What? He's just going to **let **her attack him?" Taylor yelled. "I know she's his little sister but geeze…"

"This is gonna be over real fast," Jubilee said.

Paige charged towards Sam and swung a fist at him. Sam instantly grabbed her arm. Before she could even react Sam used his powers to fly straight up into the sky, holding on tight to his sister. "Sorry, Paige," Sam apologized. "But remember, you **asked **for this."

"What the hell?" Ray's jaw dropped as Sam spun in a corkscrew upwards. "Since when could Cannonball fly without getting a running start?"

"Since he trained with Shiva," Jamie explained. "He must have learned how to use his own body's momentum in perfect balance with his powers order to instantly fly."

"Okay what the hell did you just say?" Ray asked looking very confused.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Jamie groaned.

Suddenly without warning Sam changed direction and flew straight down towards the ground, increasing his velocity every second. "IS HE NUTS?" Scott yelled.

"Nope, he knows **exactly **what he's doing," Logan realized what Sam was up to.

WHAM! Sam and Paige slammed straight into the floor so hard it broke the environmental hologram. There was now a huge hole in the middle of the Danger Room. Sam crawled out of it dragging his unconscious sister.

"Holy crap," Ray's jaw dropped again.

Logan went down and checked on Paige. "Winner, Cannonball," Logan grunted. "Husk is fine, just knocked out."

"Well she ougtta be," Sam grunted as he sat down.

"Yeah her metal body protected her," Logan agreed. "Just like you figured Kid."

"I meant her thick **head,**" Sam shook his head. "She always did have to learn things the hard way. Stubborn as a mule."

"You were right Jubes, this **was** a short battle," Tabitha remarked.

"Okay could somebody please explain how the hell Cannonball **did** that?" Ray asked.

"Multiple," Tabitha indicated her younger team mate to explain.

"To put it in simple terms that even **you** can understand Ray," Jamie coughed. "Even at rest the body is always in motion. Heartbeats, breathing, blood rushing through veins that sort of stuff. It works on a subconscious level in order to stay alive. I mean you don't have to think every second that you have to breathe now do you?"

"I know **that,**" Ray said stiffly. "What I **don't** know is how that applies to Cannonball."

"If I may direct your attention to the monitor for a moment I will show you," Jamie turned a dial and a picture on the screen was shown. It was a drawn diagram of Sam. "Cannonball's primary mutation is that his body can create vast amounts of thermo chemical energy. Normally he can create huge amounts of this energy whenever he is stressed or is thinking about it. However, now Cannonball has trained his body so that he is always creating small amounts of this energy whether he is thinking about it or not. This energy is stored within his body like you store your electricity Ray."

"So basically what you're saying is that Sam's powers have been transferred to his subconscious thanks to all that training," Rahne said.

"Not entirely," Jamie shook his head. "Just like breathing, even though you don't have to think about breathing sometimes you can change your breathing consciously. Like holding your breath."

"Only in Sam's case he has learned to hold his thermo chemical energy," Amara realized.

"He can now turn on and turn off his propulsive power at will," Jamie nodded.

"But how was he able to lift Husk in her metal form like that?" Starla asked. "Wouldn't she be too heavy?"

"Not necessarily," Jamie shook his head. The diagram on the monitor moved with Jamie's explanation. "Cannonball's powers create a thrust propulsion beneath him. This force generated increases his strength to a degree so that he can carry ten times his weight for a very brief period of time."

"So he lifted her up and then he cut the power," Madelyne realized. "And his powers prevented him from getting knocked out."

"Exactly," Jamie nodded. "Well that and he let Paige hit the ground first. Look at the monitor."

There was a playback of the last few seconds of the match. "Here!" Jamie froze it. "If you'll look you'll see that in the last few seconds Cannonball deliberately loosened his grip on his sister so that he could slide his body back by a few inches. See how her head is closer to the ground than his?"

"So that's how he did it?" Jubilee blinked.

"Precisely," Jamie nodded, proud of himself.

"Hey Professor Frink can we have the monitor back?" Logan motioned his thumb at the monitor. "We have one more match to go."

"I'd think you'd be more worried about the big hole in the Danger Room," Tabitha blinked. "Wow Sammy, you really made a big one."

"Uh we also have a few problems with the environment controls," Forge called out.

"What kind of problems?" Logan asked.

"They don't work," Forge told him.

"Ooohhh," Paige started to wake up. The metal shell started to slide off of her face and body. "Did I win?"

"What do **you** think?" Logan asked her.

"So I won?" She blinked.

"Okay let's just get the next match over with," Logan swung Paige over his shoulder. "Everybody clear the floor except for the last fighters. We'll just leave the room as it is. Just try not to fall in the hole okay?"

MATCH EIGHT: ICEMAN VS. POLARIS

"Okay," Bobby iced up as he faced Lorna. "Don't worry I'll try not to hurt you too much. I mean I'm a trained X-Man."

"Oh really?" Lorna focused on her powers and pulled some metal from the walls, creating several circular spheres around her. They orbed around her like a satellite. "This will be interesting. Magneto **personally **trained me."

"Uh oh," Bobby gulped. Before he knew it the orbs were flying at him and he was knocked into the wall.

"Bobby? Are you okay?' Lorna asked.

"Easy squeazy lemon peasy…" Bobby spoke in a dazed voice. "Ooohh….Stars. Pretty, pretty stars...And cute fuzzy animals..."

"Winner Polaris," Logan sighed. "Well that was rather anticlimactic."

"I don't think we learned anything," Forge looked at the scene. "Well other than Iceman is a bit of a doofus."

"**That **we already knew," Scott groaned.

_"Look at the little bunnies…"_ Bobby sang happily before he passed out.

"I think I hit him a little too hard," Lorna blinked as she bent over him.

"Nah you just hit his head," Logan told her. "Nothing he can't recover from."

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Later that evening Xavier and the rest of the adults went over the test results. "Well I think we've made some fine choices for the Red Squad," Xavier nodded. "And Blue Squad as well."

"Are you sure these are the teams you want?" Logan asked.

"Do you have a problem where Polaris is placed?" Ororo asked.

"No, she's the **least **of my worries," Logan shook his head. "It's some of the others I'm not so sure about."

"We'll just have to trust in their judgments," Ororo said. "Now if that's done we have to get on with the other matter of great importance."

"Grading the final exams," Hank groaned. "What joy. Pass the Pepto Bismol. It's going to be a long night."

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The following afternoon several students were hanging out in the rec room but they weren't relaxing. "Oh I **hate** waiting!" Amara paced back and forth.

"I know, this bites," Ray said. "I wanna know how we did!"

"How you did? How about how **we** did?" Rogue pointed to Kurt, Kitty, Rina and Betsy.

"We're waiting the results for our tests too," Kurt fidgeted. "This is driving me crazy!"

"Come on Kurt what's the worst that can happen?" Rogue asked.

"I fail all my tests, I am stuck in the same grade doing the same homework until I am thirty and I have a heart attack at my graduation," Kurt gave her a look.

"What's the **second** worst thing?" Rogue blinked.

"Attention students," Xavier called out to them using the intercom system. "New Mutants report to your lockers to find out the results of your exams."

"Looks like we're about to find out," Sam said.

"Come on let's go see," Tabitha grabbed Amara's hand and they raced to the locker rooms.

The girls went into the girls' locker room. "Well here we are," Jubilee gulped. She faced her locker. "I got a bad feeling about this."

"But you won your match," Danielle said. "You totally deserve to get on the Red Squad."

"It's not always about winning," Jubilee said. "It's about what Logan thinks of your fighting abilities. I know he doesn't think I'm ready. I know it."

"You don't know anything," Amara said. "I mean Tabitha and I tied! What does that say?"

"I heard you guys all fought well," Kitty said. "Whatever happens you should be proud of yourselves."

"Come on let's just get this over with," Paige said. All the girls faced their lockers.

"We'll open 'em on the count of three," Tabitha said. "I guess red uniforms means Red Squad and blue means Blue Squad."

"Well duh," Betsy said. "I know I'm on the Red Squad. But I might as well do this with all of you. Don't want to be left out."

"All right," Paige said. "Let's do this."

"Yeah what's the big deal?" Jubilee said. "It's just a locker."

"A locker that holds our futures in it," Danielle gulped.

"Okay…"Amara closed her eyes. "One…"

"Two…" Tabitha said crossing her fingers.

"Three!" The girls opened their lockers.

Amara opened the locker and opened her eyes. Inside was her new uniform. It was black and red. "I MADE IT!" She screamed.

She looked at Tabitha proudly displaying her red and black uniform against her chest. "You're not the only one girlfriend!"

"WE DID IT! AAHHHH!" Both girls hugged each other jumping around. "WE DID IT! WE DID IT! WE DID IT! WE DID IT!"

"Blue," Paige sighed as she looked at her uniform. "I got blue."

"There's always next time," Danielle told her. Her uniform was black and blue too.

"Yeah," Paige grinned. "Sam better watch his back because I'm gonna be better than ever!"

"That's the spirit," Rogue grinned. "Besides blue's more your color anyway."

"Red yes!" Rahne whooped with joy.

"I knew it," Dead Girl grinned. "I got red too!"

"Even though you lost your match?" Paige was surprised.

"I guess it's the way I fought," Dead Girl shrugged.

Jubilee held her uniform in disbelief. It was red and black. "Told you," Danielle grinned. "Congratulations!"

"I don't believe it," Jubilee whispered. "He thinks I'm good enough. He thinks I'm good enough! YAHOOO!"

"Congratulations all of you!" Kitty whooped, temporarily forgetting her own nerves for the moment.

Meanwhile in the Boys' Locker room a similar scene was being shown.

"All right!" Ray yelled. "I got a red one!"

"Red? How the hell did I get Red?" Tim yelled. He looked at Bedlam's. His was blue. "Okay did they mix up our lockers or something? I mean you won the match!"

"With an uncontrolled power I knew nothing about," Jesse said. "I asked them to put me on the Blue Squad. You really deserved to win that match. You could have really blasted me away several times. But you had a lot more control than I did."

"Don't praise me **too** much," Tim blinked. "I was just going easy on you cause you're my friend and I didn't think you could take me on."

"I didn't think you liked anyone," Jesse blinked.

"Let me rephrase that," Tim didn't want his reputation to be ruined. "You tick me off a lot **less** than everyone else around here."

"Okay that makes sense," Jesse gulped.

"I got red too," Doug was surprised.

"Well you won, you deserved it," Everett told him showing the blue on his uniform. "Besides I really didn't want to be on the main team anyway."

Roberto stared at his uniform in shock. "Blue?" He couldn't believe it. "I got **blue?** This is a **joke!"**

"Pretty funny to me," Ray grinned.

"I can't believe they stuck me on the loser team!" Roberto yelled.

"Oh that does **wonders** for my self esteem," Jesse rolled his eyes. "Now I'm rhyming like Roadblock."

"It's not about winning or losing Sunspot," Sam frowned. "It's about how much control you have over your powers."

"Easy for you to say Mister Team Leader!" Roberto snapped at him. "I've got plenty of control!"

"Well maybe if you didn't mouth off to Wolverine after the match…" Ray fumed.

"I was wondering about something," Sam gave Ray a look. "How come **you **didn't mouth off like you usually do?"

"Simple, I was too tired to care," Ray shrugged.

"Well **I** care," Roberto grumbled. "This is got to be a joke!"

"What are you gonna do Roberto?" Tim grunted. "Complain about your grade to the teachers?"

"Hey guys!" Kurt called out. "They posted the teams on the message board! Come on!"

Between the lockers was a small message board. On it was written the rosters for the two teams.

RED TEAM: LEADER: CANNONBALL.

SQUAD MEMBERS: PSYLOCKE, JUBILEE, BOOM BOOM, MAGMA, BERSERKER, SKULLFIRE, WOLFSBANE, DEAD GIRL, CYPHER, POLARIS.

BLUE TEAM: LEADER: MIRAGE

SQUAD MEMBERS: SUNSPOT, MULTIPLE, PENNANCE, HUSK, BEDLAM, SYNCH, GOBLYN, GOSSAMYR, STATIC

**"MIRAGE?"** Roberto snapped. "They put **her** in charge? Are they crazy?"

"Could have been worse," Everett shrugged. "They could have put Forge in charge."

"I've been here **ten times** longer than her!" Roberto shouted. "And my powers are a lot stronger! And I didn't even lose my match!"

"You didn't exactly win either," Ray pointed out.

"What? You have a problem with a girl being in charge?" Danielle folded her arms.

"He has a problem with **anyone** being in charge besides himself," Tim snorted.

"She didn't only lose she gave up!" Roberto snapped.

"What did you want me to do? Get fried?" Danielle overheard him. "It was the only thing I **could **do without getting killed!"

"And what's worse is they put Polaris on the Red Squad!" Roberto snapped, not hearing her. "I mean she hasn't even been what? **A week?** And they chose **her** over **me?"**

"Well she is really strong with her powers," Sam reasoned.

"She's Magneto's daughter! For all we know her defection could have been an act!" Roberto fumed.

"IT WAS NOT AN ACT!" Lorna yelled at him.

"Man and people tell me **I **say the wrong things," Ray winced.

"You went way over the line 'Berto," Sam agreed.

"Is there a problem here?" Logan walked up to them.

"Yeah there's a problem," Roberto snapped. "Why did you promote Polaris to the Red Squad but stick me with the Blue Squad? And don't give me that bunk about her powers being more advanced than mine! I've been here just as long as most of the other New Mutants and my powers are just as strong as hers, maybe even more."

"It's not about being strong," Logan told him. "It's about being in control. And your whining proves exactly how much self control you **don't **have."

"Yeah well what about Berserker? You can't tell me he's more mature than I am?" Roberto asked.

"We thought it might be best if the two of you were placed on different squads," Logan said. "Kind of balance everything out so to speak."

"Well then why didn't you at least make me leader of the Blue Squad?" Roberto asked.

"You never asked to be leader before," Logan said.

"I was never given a chance to be leader before!" Roberto snapped.

"It was a judgment call," Logan folded his arms. "Take it up with Xavier."

"I will!" Roberto snapped. "I just can't believe I got passed over after working so hard all these years for some newbie and one of Magneto's experiments."

What Roberto did not realize was that Bobby was standing right behind him. As Roberto turned around, Bobby punched him right in the face so hard he fell to the floor. "Why you…" Roberto began to fire up.

"All right that's it!" Remy shouted. He and Peter had come down to see what was happening. Remy restrained Bobby and Peter restrained Roberto. "Easy now! This ain't the time nor the place for you two to duke it out!"

"Mind your own business Gambit!" Roberto broke free of Peter and stormed out muttering something about more Magneto creeps.

Bobby winced. "You can let me go now Gambit, the Professor knows all about it already and wants to talk to me," He went off.

"Man that guy's just as good as Multiple is when it comes to finding out information," Ray whistled.

"Uh, Hello? He's a telepath, remember?" Rahne gave him an amused look.

"What was that all about?" Peter asked.

"Aw it was just Sunspot being a sore loser!" Tabitha told him. She patted Danielle on the shoulder. "Don't worry about him, I'm sure you'll be a great leader."

"Thanks, I think," Danielle sighed.

"Mister Logan I think I'm starting to figure out the **real** reason you left me on the Blue Squad," Jamie groaned.

"Yeah we're gonna need all the help we can get to keep Sunspot in line," Jesse nodded.

"I can't believe he got so mad like that," Paige whistled. "That's not like the Roberto I know."

"You have obviously never seen the boy lose at sports or video games," Rahne told her. "I swear sometimes it's like he's got a split personality."

"The kid just likes to win a little too much," Logan shrugged. "Speaking of which we finished grading your final exams."

"Well how did we do?" Kurt asked, nervous with anticipation.

"Congratulations," Logan grinned. "You all pass."

**Next: It's what you've all been waiting for! It's what everyone has been waiting for since day one! Graduation Day for our favorite mutants! But will some gate crashers destroy the celebration? Or will the Misfits ruin it as usual? Find out next chapter! **

"Hooray!" Kurt did cartwheels across the room. "We're free! Free! FREEEEEEEE!"

"No more pencils, no more books!" Kitty danced around and chanted. "No more Jean's dirty looks!"

"Hey!" Jean snapped.

"Truth hurts Jean! Live with it!" Rogue snapped as she danced around.

"Mambo, mambo! Mambo!" Kurt danced around some more. "EVERYBODY MAMBO!"

"Free! Free!" Rogue danced around.

"Wheeeeee! We're graduates!" Todd did cartwheels too. "We're graduates!"

"We're all smart!" Fred did a happy jig. "As smart as the X-Men!"

"What?" Kurt stopped dancing.

"Oh no..." Rogue groaned. "I should have known this was too good to be true!"


	55. Graduation Day

**Graduation Day**

"I can't believe we finally made it!" Kitty squealed as she twirled around in her black graduation gown. "We're **graduating!"**

"Halleluiah!" Rogue agreed, in a black cap and gown of her own. "Free at last, free at last…Praise the lord we are free from **classes **and **homework** at last!"

"Yeah all we have to worry about for the rest of our lives is Danger Room practice and teaching the younger students," Kurt pointed out. He was also wearing a graduation cap and gown. In fact most of the graduating mutants were wearing caps and gowns and waiting in the foyer. "Not to mention the occasional villain trying to take over the world."

**"You** can go teach the younger students," Rogue told him. "I'm sticking strictly to missions and training."

"I don't think we're going to have that much of a choice Rogue," Kitty told her friend.

"No, it's all set," Rogue told her. "Rina and I talked to the Professor and Logan the other day. All we have to do is work with him when he runs the Danger Room sessions for the Blue Squad and we don't have to teach or tutor anyone."

"WHAT?" Kurt yelled. "How did you swing **that **deal?"

"Yeah Rina I understand why, she might shish kabob someone. But **you?**" Remy gasped. "How?"

"Logan said he needed some help in the Danger Room with some of the classes and we came up with the idea," Rogue shrugged. "Of course he's also teaching me some more auto shop stuff so we can work on the cars, motorcycles and jets too. But I'd rather be a grease monkey than teaching a **group of monkeys** any day."

"And the Professor just **agreed **to let you do that?" Remy was shocked. "How did you get away with it?"

"Well we had an honest discussion about what I wanted to do with my life and where my strengths and weaknesses were and figured out the best way to utilize my talents," Rogue shrugged.

"No seriously Rogue," Betsy gave her a look. "What do you **do?"**

"One I made sure that Beast caught me trying to use a copy of the Fountain Head for target practice," Rogue counted off. "Knowing he'd run off and complain about it to the Professor."

"Yeah," Kitty blinked. "And?"

"Two I bribed some of the Misfits to sit in on one of the Professor's English Literature classes he sometimes gives and drive him nuts," Rogue told them. "And three I made sure I spoke to the Professor right **after** that lesson."

"And that **worked?**" Kurt asked. "Wouldn't have the Professor have figured it out by reading their minds that you put them up to it?"

"I sent Toad, Pyro, Blob and Trinity," Rogue gave him a look.

"Oh I see," Kurt nodded. "**That** explains it."

"No wonder it worked so well," Remy agreed.

"After that lesson the Professor said that **no one** deserves to have a Misfit in their classroom and that anything he could do to make sure that as few people as possible suffer that fate would be a service to humanity," Rogue nodded. "Of course it didn't hurt that I snuck him a shot of bourbon too."

"And the mystery is solved," Peter chuckled. "Personally I do not mind teaching. I think I would like to teach art."

"That would be great," Kitty said.

"You think so?" Peter asked.

"Well yeah," Kitty smiled. "You are really good at art and drawing. It's only natural that you would do something with it. I mean there's a lot more to you than breaking stuff."

"Here we go," Rogue rolled her eyes. "It's about freaking time."

"What?" Kitty asked.

"That you two get back together," Betsy pointed out.

"We're not…I mean…" Peter hesitated.

"I'm not ready! I mean we're not ready," Kitty said at the same time.

"What do you mean you're not ready? You went on a date together!" Rogue asked.

"Yeah but…We just did that because we wanted to go out and have some fun," Kitty admitted sheepishly. "Sort of, okay maybe it was sort of a date-date…"

"Oh just go find a room and get it over with!" Rina stomped into the foyer. "I can smell your hormones from halfway across the mansion!"

"Boy somebody's grumpy today," Kitty gave her a look.

"I do not understand the importance of wearing **these,"** Rina grunted at her cap and gown. She blew the tassel out of her face. "I look like a fool."

"You look quite fetching mademoiselle," Remy told her.

"What? Not Cherie?" Rogue scoffed.

"Remy only calls **one** girl that," Remy grinned. Rogue couldn't stop blushing.

"**Another** one," Rina rolled her eyes. "I swear I could choke on the hormones in this room alone!"

"Please no more speculating on our love lives," Peter groaned. "Especially since my sister is coming."

"The teenage sorceress queen of Limbo?" Kurt asked.

"Da," Peter nodded. "And S'ym will accompany her."

"Oh boy," Betsy groaned.

"Not to mention she said that Benos, Stephan and Maxx are coming as well to see you graduate," Peter added.

"My insane half brothers?" Kurt's mouth fell open. "Wait how do you know this?"

"My sister sends me messages weekly through the mirror," Peter sighed. "You don't really want to know the details."

"One of those sorcerer deals huh?" Betsy asked.

"Uh huh," Peter nodded.

"My parents are coming too," Kitty admitted. "And they're bringing their significant others."

"Donald and Jesse D are going to be here?" Rogue asked. "Get out the first aid kit and the restraining orders."

"They promised they would get along," Kitty said.

"We've all heard **that** before," Rogue reminded her.

"My parents will be here as well," Betsy was a bit hesitant to say.

"What about your brother, Captain Britain?" Rogue asked.

"He's away on business I'm afraid," Betsy explained. "I'm also afraid I have to warn you about something…My parents are…How do I put this delicately? They're lushes. Worse, they're horny lushes if you get my drift."

"They'll fit in perfectly here," Kurt quipped. "My parents will be here too thanks to Trinity, my adopted ones that is."

"As long as our real folks don't show up that will be fine with me," Rogue said.

"We're going to have enough problems with the Misfits here!" Kitty agreed.

"I can't believe they're letting the Misfits graduate with us," Kurt shook his head.

"I can't believe the Misfits actually **passed **their High School Equivalency tests," Rogue said.

"Well the girls I can see," Betsy said.

"Them obviously. It's the male yahoos I'm shocked about," Rogue said. "Okay Lance and Shane I can understand. And Arcade's pretty smart, there's no denying that there. And even Pietro is believable. Even Xi when you think about it. But Pyro, Blob **and **Toad? How did **they **get through?"

"Two words: Pay off," Remy snorted.

"No, I heard they actually passed the exams **without **bribes," Kurt said. "Of course Toad is a ninja in training and I hear ninjas are **encouraged** to cheat."

"Some ceremony this is gonna be," Rogue sighed. "But you know something, for once I don't care."

"Greetings fellow graduates!" Fred bellowed out. He was wearing a huge green and gold graduation cap and gown. Lance, Todd, Pietro, Wanda, Althea, Lina, Angelica, Arcade, Pyro, Xi and Shane were wearing them as well.

"I think you might care a **little **Rogue," Kurt gave her a look.

"Isn't it great how we're all graduating together?" Todd chirped.

**"Wonderful,"** Lance said sarcastically, narrowing his eyes at Kitty and Peter.

"Lance don't you dare start anything," Kitty glared at him back.

"Like **you** did when we went on our group date?" Lance retorted.

"That was Willow's fault!" Kitty snapped. "You just **had** to parade that cheap floozy in front of my face didn't you?"

Before Lance could say a word Pietro zoomed around. "Is my hat on straight? Is my hat on straight? Oh god there's a hair out of place isn't there?" He admired himself in a hallway mirror. "No everything is perfect! Just like it always is! My head is perfectly fine!"

"Except for the fact that it's missing a brain," Remy grumbled.

"I heard that," Pietro turned. "And I wouldn't expect the guy who scored the **lowest** passing grade of the X-Geek classes to make smart remarks!"

"Lowest score?" Rogue asked.

"Remy is bad at math okay? How did you find **that** out?" Remy asked Pietro. He then heard Arcade cough proudly. "Of course…"

"Yeah you really should have thought of that," Lance said. "It is pretty obvious."

"Obvious to us geniuses," Pietro preened. "Even Toad and Blob got higher scores than you did!"

"Three guesses **how**," Remy glared at them.

"Just because **you **were unable to cheat your way to a higher score does not mean that we did," Xi bristled. "Cheat that is."

"We passed fair and square!" Fred nodded.

"Yeah and the President's new tax cut plan doesn't benefit the rich," Remy scoffed.

"Wow this will be a new experience," Pyro beamed. "I never burned anything as a graduate before."

Lance gave a hard look at Kitty. "You want to rephrase your earlier remarks Kitty?" Lance said. "Because something tells me that I'm the **least** of your problems today!"

"Now calm down," Lina said. "We're all nervous and excited."

"I'm real nervous," Fred admitted. "As the Misfit Class Valedictorian I gotta make a good speech."

"What?" Kurt blinked. He looked at Kitty. "He didn't say what I think he said did he?'

"He did," Kitty nodded.

"That's what I **thought**," Kurt groaned.

"We were just as surprised as you are," Lance told him.

"How the hell did **you **end up as class valedictorian?" Rogue shouted. "You can't even **spell** valedictorian?"

"Can **you?**" Fred challenged. "Go on. Try. I dare you."

"V-A-L-E-D-I-C-T-O-R-I-A-N," Rogue glared at him,

"Really?" Fred blinked. "**That's** how it's spelled? You're sure there isn't a y in it?"

"I'm sure," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"Boy I'd better make some corrections to my speech," Fred took out a piece of paper. "My title is It's a Big World But You Have To Get Off on the Right Bus Stop In Order To See It."

"How did **you** get to be valedictorian anyway?" Kitty asked.

"Same way everyone else does," Fred told her. "We drew straws."

"Yeah I'm surprised people who are supposed to be smart didn't know that," Todd gave them a look.

"You know what?" Kurt rolled his eyes. "We **should** have known."

"And you're just letting him do this?" Kitty asked.

"Why not?" Althea took out a piece of paper. "It's not like we don't have our own speeches planned."

The other Misfits all took out pieces of paper. "You're **all** making a speech?" Kitty yelled.

"Yeah," Pyro blinked. "Aren't you?"

"This is going to be a loooooonnngg day," Rogue groaned.

"My speech is called, Why is Billy on Fire? The Fun of Playing with Propane," Pyro said cheerfully.

"All right you yahoos," Rogue gave them a look. "Listen up! Today is supposed to be one of the **happiest** days of our lives. We are graduating high school and never going to take another stupid Algebra test again. Not even you maniacs can ruin this day but **why **take chances?"

"In other words don't ruin our big day!" Kitty snapped.

CRASH! SMASH! TINKLE! CRASH! SHATTER!

"What was **that?**" Betsy blinked.

SMASH! CRASH! SHATTER! CRASH! SHATTER!

"BENOS! IF I HAVE TOLD YOU **ONCE** I HAVE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES SILVERWARE IS **NOT** FOR THROWING!" They heard Ilyana scream loudly outside. "OR SCRATCHING YOURSELF IN CERTAIN PLACES S'YM!"

"I HAVE AN ITCH! DEAL WITH IT!" S'ym snapped.

"I WILL DEAL WITH IT ALL RIGHT!" Ilyana shouted. "HOW ABOUT I DEAL WITH IT BY HITTING YOU WITH A BLUNT OBJECT?!"

"OR BETTER YET A CERTAIN COFFEE CAKE THAT COULD BREAK YOUR JAW!" Donald yelled. "LIKE IT NEARLY DID MINE!"

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY COOKING!" Mrs. Pryde could be heard. "AT LEAST I DON'T PUT TOO MUCH SALT IN MY FOOD!"

"DON'T YOU INSULT MY COOKING OR I'LL SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT!" Donald screeched.

"GO AHEAD AND TRY IT YOU BIG SISSY!" Mrs. Pryde shouted. "I DARE YOU! COME ON! YOU AND ME! RIGHT NOW! LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT!"

"IF YOU TWO DO NOT CEASE YOUR SQUABBLING I WILL PERSONALLY CLOBBER THE **BOTH** OF YOU!" Mrs. Wagner could be heard. "I WILL NOT LET YOU DUMKOFFS RUIN MY BABY BOY'S BIG DAY!"

"WHO PUT YOU IN CHARGE?" Donald snapped. "YOU'RE NOT THE GESTAPO YOU KNOW?"

"THAT'S IT!" Mrs. Wagner shouted. Sounds of a scuffle could be heard. "YOU STILL THINK I AM JOKING?"

"OW! OW! OW! OW! NOT THE HAIR! NOT THE HAIR!" Donald screamed. "OW! OW! STOP KICKING ME IN THE SHIN!"

"TO BATTLE!" Ilyana screamed. Sounds of furniture being hacked and slashed could be heard.

"Kitty **we** don't have to do anything to ruin this day," Lance smirked. "Looks like your families are doing fine all on their own."

"Looks like Larry scored another perfect hit on the disaster forecast again," Pietro snickered.

"Foresight's convinced that today is the day that utter disaster will occur and it's a sign that we're all going to be put through some kind of great trial that will test us body and soul," Angelica went on to explain.

"So what else is new?" Kitty asked. "Didn't he take the test?"

"No he's still not feeling very well but at least he's in the audience," Angelica said. "Among other people."

"MR. AND MRS. BRADDOCK GET OUT OF THE FOUNTAIN AND PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!" Ororo could be heard screaming.

"Oh god it's my kindergarten graduation all over again," Betsy moaned as she ran outside.

SMASH!

"MISTRESS NO! NOT THE AXE!" S'ym could be heard shouting. "NOT THE AXE!"

"Ilyana…" Peter moaned as he ran out.

"Oh this I have got to see," Pietro cackled as he ran out.

"WEEEEE! HA HA HA HA!" A pair of familiar Cajun female voices could be heard. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Is that your sisters Gambit?" Kurt blinked.

"COME BACK WITH THE PUNCH BOWL YOU CRAZY CAJUN KLEPTOMANIACS!" Scott was heard shouting.

"HA HA HA HA HA! IT'S OURS! IT'S OURS! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"It is **them** all right! I think we **all **better go out and try to calm things down," Remy groaned. "Before our graduation gets wrecked before it even begins."

Most of the other X-Men and Misfits went out. Kurt and Rogue stayed behind. "Coming Rogue?" Kurt asked.

"In a minute, I just wanna use the bathroom," Rogue told him. Kurt nodded and teleported out. Rogue went to the first floor bathroom and took care of business. She finished drying her hands and opened the door.

Only to find herself face to face with the **last **person she expected to show up.

"What the hell are you doing here you bitch?" Rogue snarled.

"Rogue," Mystique shrugged. "Is that any way to greet your mother?"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Outside the garden in the back yard was decorated and everyone was getting ready for the ceremony. "I never thought this day would come so soon," Xavier sighed as looked out among the garden.

"Not soon enough for me," Logan grunted. Some of the senior X-Men and Misfit Handlers were together.

"It's a big day for our students," Hank was dressed in a dapper gray suit and tie, but had no shoes on. "I think they're excited about being the Institute's first official graduating class."

"I hate to say this but I'm kind of jealous of them," Jean admitted. "They're the first graduating class of the Xavier Institute."

"Yes, it's quite an honor and a responsibility," Xavier nodded.

"Speaking of responsibility there's something I gotta know," Logan gave Roadblock a look. "How did the Misfits **really** pass their exams?"

"Are you implying that our kids cheated?" Shipwreck took offense.

"No, I'm **saying **it straight and clear," Logan grunted.

"They did not cheat to pass their test, of that we can attest," Roadblock told him.

"Then how…?" Logan began.

"All the students passed their required subjects according to federal guidelines," Cover Girl said. "Of course we kind of took advantage of a little known loophole in the state the Pit is in."

"What kind of loophole?" Logan asked.

"It stated that we had to test their knowledge about certain subjects but it didn't exactly say how **complicated **the test questions had to be," Roadblock admitted.

"Let's just say we lobbed 'em a few softballs and leave it at that," Shipwreck groaned.

"Softballs?" Hank gave them a look.

"Just a few questions we knew Toad and some of the other boys could handle," Shipwreck shrugged. "For example, for History one of the questions we put down was name a president. **Any **president and say what he was best known for."

"They all picked Clinton didn't they?" Logan didn't bat an eye.

"Yeah," Roadblock nodded.

"I've said it before, I'll say it again," Logan groaned. "Thank God I'm Canadian!"

"I'd define **that** as a softball," Hank groaned. "What did you do for English Composition? I'm afraid to ask but I'm strangely fascinated."

"They had a choice of two out of three essays," Cover Girl said. "Discuss your favorite book and it's central themes. They all did that one."

"That one doesn't sound so bad," Hank said.

"Most of them picked either Lord of the Rings or an Excelsior Man graphic novel," Roadblock groaned. "Except for Pyro and the Blob."

"What did they pick?" Xavier was afraid of the answer.

"The Blob picked Animal Husbandry and Psychology for Dummies," Shipwreck said. "And Pyro picked The Odyssey…"

"That's a good book," Hank said.

"Of Erica the Horny Vampire Love Slave," Shipwreck finished. "It was one of his own books he wrote. That was a better essay than I thought it would be. I enjoyed reading that."

"We **all** enjoyed reading that essay that I must say," Roadblock nodded.

"Can I read it?" Hank asked.

"Let's move on to a science question shall we?" Xavier raised an eyebrow.

"Define Wood," Shipwreck groaned. "That one was my own fault."

"I am so glad I did not grade **that **test," Hank groaned. "And I thought Gambit's was bad enough."

"Okay I think we got the Braddocks sobered up a little," Scott walked up to them. "I got Ilyana to stop swinging her sword and the demons are keeping the Prydes apart. Other than that things are pretty calm."

"OW!" Benos could be heard. "MRS. PRYDE DON'T BITE ME! I'M TELLING!"

"**This **is your definition of calm?" Shipwreck gave him a look.

"For this group, yes," Scott told him.

"Charles we have a visitor," Ororo walked in with a tall weedy man with greasy brown hair and spectacles. "This is Mr. Jones from the state board of Education."

"Mr. Jones, I'm Charles Xavier. What can I do for you?" Xavier asked.

"Mr. Xavier my department has some questions about the validity of the grading of the final exams of some of your students," Mr. Jones coughed. "All of them actually."

"We have complied with state regulations," Xavier said. "As all our students."

"So it would seem," Mr. Jones said. "But there are indications that perhaps your students may have cheated."

"What kind of indications are we talking about here?" Logan growled.

"Well for starters isn't one of the graduating students a telepath?" Mr. Jones asked.

"Yes," Xavier replied.

"And Ms. Grey and yourself are telepaths am I right?" Mr. Jones coughed.

"Yes," Xavier did not like where this was going. "But that does not mean that any cheating occurred. On the contrary I can assure you…"

"With all due respect Xavier, we only have your **word** that the students did not cheat," Jones interrupted. "But there is no way to tell for sure that they didn't cheat or had help."

"Are you insinuating that we…?" Jean growled. Scott held her arm.

"I merely pointed out to my superiors that an investigation should be held," Mr. Jones said evenly. "Before a mistake was made."

"You mean before any mutants are given any diplomas!" Jean seethed. "Don't try to deny it! I can **feel** the hate radiating off of you!"

"Reading my mind?" Jones snarled. "That's more than enough reason to deny the students of the Xavier Institute their diplomas!"

"Why not blame the Misfits as well?" Scott asked. "I mean if anyone could cheat…"

Everyone glared at him. "What? I'm just saying..." Scott protested weakly.

"Scott will you get over your rivalry for **one minute** and focus on what's happening here?" Jean snapped.

"Besides the Misfits don't reside in this state," Roadblock folded his arms. "However the insinuation I do not appreciate!"

"I'm sorry Roadblock," Scott apologized. "I'm just ticked off at the situation here!"

"And rightly so," Roadblock admitted. He glared at Jones. "Mister Jones I think you should go!"

"Not until a thorough investigation has been done and this graduation sham you're trying to pull is shut down!" Jones told him.

"But these students have worked hard!" Ororo protested. "They have done everything they were supposed to do and more! You can't just take it away from them like this!"

"I can and I will," Jones told her.

"Excuse me please," Shipwreck put his arm around Jones. "Perhaps we can have a little talk about this?"

"Yes," Roadblock put his arm around Jones as well. "I think we can explain without any pain. Well not much anyway."

"Let's talk in private shall we?" Logan grinned as the three men led Jones away.

"They're going to kill him aren't they?" Scott blinked.

"That does seem to be a very distinct possibility," Hank admitted.

"Let 'em," Jean snarled.

"MOTHER PUT YOUR BLOUSE BACK ON RIGHT NOW!" Betsy could be heard screaming.

"We really should have brought some alcohol to this party," Hank groaned.

"We can always take some away from the guests," Xavier groaned.

Meanwhile the non graduating students of the Institute were waiting. "Oh I can't wait until I graduate!" Bobby said.

"At least you're on the main team of X-Men," Ray told him. "Not stuck in the lower levels like us."

"True," Bobby conceded. "But I can't believe we have to celebrate the Misfits graduating too! I mean **Toad** is graduating? And **Pyro?** That's just not right!"

"Oh get over it Iceman," Jubilee rolled her eyes. "That idiot Shooter is graduating too but you don't see me whining about it!"

"You guys broke up again huh?" Bobby asked.

"Yes! And permanently!" Jubilee snapped. "I can't believe that idiot drank right in front of me at the restaurant! I still don't see how he could pass his tests when he doesn't have an ounce of common sense!"

"Speaking of which," Bobby gave Roberto a look as he walked up to them. "What the hell do **you** want?"

"I want to talk to Dani, do you have a problem with that?" Roberto snapped.

Before Bobby could respond Danielle stopped him. "It's okay Bobby. Come on Roberto let's talk."

They moved to the side away from the others. "Look I really really **really **was out of line the other day," Roberto figited. "I didn't mean half of the stuff I said."

"Could have fooled Bobby," Danielle gave him a look.

"I know it's a lousy excuse but I was angry about being passed over and Ray getting a spot on the Red Squad," Roberto told her. "Not to mention some other people who weren't here half as long as I was."

"And the fact that you didn't get to be squad leader didn't help," Danielle added.

"Yeah well, my pride took a serious beating," Roberto groaned. "I'm not apologizing because someone ordered me. I really am sorry I lost my temper. Maybe that's why I got put on Blue Squad and took it out on everyone."

"Oddly enough, I get where you're coming from Roberto," Danielle told him. "I have a temper too, remember?"

"Yeah but you can control yours a bit better," Roberto groaned. "I can't."

"Apology accepted," Danielle told him.

"That's it? No ranting?" Roberto couldn't believe it.

"I know you're sorry Berto," Danielle shrugged. "Besides I know Bobby and Lorna will make you suffer much better than I can."

"Oh boy..." Roberto groaned. "That makes me feel better already."

"Okay now it's time for you to eat crow," Bobby walked over with Lorna and the other New Mutants.

"I already made him eat a lot of crow," Amara told him. "But now he is going to eat more if he ever wants to date me again!"

"I already apologized to the both of you over breakfast!" Roberto groaned. "How many more times am I going to say I'm sorry?"

"Lots," Lorna folded her arms. "But even I have to admit I might have thought about me being a spy planted by Magneto. Which I'm not!"

"Yeah like that's going to happen again," Bobby snickered. "I'll tell you what, Roberto. I'll let you off the hook if you do my laundry..."

"That sounds fair," Roberto said.

"For the next three months," Bobby grinned. "And I like my shorts without any starch in them."

"Fine, and you?" Roberto asked Lorna.

"Two words, Shoe and Shopping," Lorna grinned.

"Ooohhhhhh," Roberto winced in pain.

"I told you they'd punish you better than I could," Danielle grinned. "Now that that's over with we can get back to important things, like graduation parties!"

"It's so weird," Rahne agreed. "Next time we talk to Kitty and the others they are going to be graduated. And part of the staff. Not students. It's like they're not one of us any more."

"There was always some kind of separation between us and the first students," Roberto pointed out.

"Yeah but we were all still students," Sam pointed out. "This is completely new territory for us. It's gonna be mightly awkward knowing the same people you used to goof off with in study hall are now grading your papers."

"Well at least it's a party," Starla shrugged. "It's better than classes and training. Might as well make the most of it."

She moved away and started to mingle around the grounds. But didn't see anyone worth her time to talk to. "Well I might as well get a better view," Starla grinned as she flew upwards. "What's the good of having wings unless you use them?"

She flew around happily. Then she saw something. A familiar figure had somehow sneaked through the gates. "Starla!"

"T-Tad?" Starla's throat had a lump in it as she flew down to meet him. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"I had to come," Her former boyfriend glared at her. "I had to see if it was true, that my girlfriend was a **freak!" **

"Keep your voice down! I **know** people here!" Starla hissed. "And it's not what it looks like!"

"Really?" He glared at her. "Because it looks like to me that you have a pair of wings and you're a mutant just like your sister said so!"

"Now hold on," Starla blinked. "Pamela **told** you? Why would she…?"

"Because you hurt her Starla," Tad growled. "You and your brother hurt her when you lied to all of us!"

"Well I am going to hurt **her **if she thinks she can get away with spreading rumors about me!" Starla snapped.

"Rumors! Starla **look** at you! You're a mutant!" Tad was disgusted by her appearance. "And you're glowing like scoreboard at one of our night games!"

"Look I'm here getting it under control," Starla began to explain. "If you think about it, it's no different than any other disease!"

"It's more than a disease and you know it!" Tad snapped.

"Tad please!" Starla sniffed. "You have no idea how difficult this is for me."

"You lied to me Starla," Tad snapped. "You lied to me and the whole town!"

"I didn't exactly lie! I just couldn't tell the whole truth," Starla said. "Look you know how this would impact my future!"

"Exactly!" There was the sound of a flash of a camera.

"What the hell…?" Starla screamed. She turned and saw her sister Pamela take another picture with her camera phone. "Pamela! What are you doing here?"

"Exposing you for the freak you are!" Pamela's voice was full of triumph. She pressed a button on the phone. "Say bye, bye to popularity Sis!"

"What did you just **do?**" Starla asked.

"These phones are amazing," Pamela grinned. "Not only can you take pictures on them you can send them via e-mail to anyone in the world and as many times as you can. You can send them to friends, family…Fellow cheerleaders, coaches, teachers, scholarship applications…the home address of the FOH…"

Starla's heart froze in her chest as she realized what was happening. "No…"

"I got some great shots of you flying around the freak school," Pamela crowed. "Bet everyone back home **loved** those."

"You didn't…" Starla was shocked.

"I **did!"** Pamela stated. "It was **worth **the long drive from Texas just to do this!"

"Why?" Starla asked. "I knew you were jealous of me but to do **this**…I know you hate me and Taylor but what about Mom and Dad? What about their reputations?"

"Spare me! Like you really care about **that!** You're all getting what you **deserve!**" Pamela sneered. "Besides it's not like our parents were going to take you back anyway! I overheard Daddy talking with the lawyers about possibly disowning you and the brat if he had to. Well now he has to."

"No, Mom and Dad would never…" Starla's voice trembled.

"Of course they would and you **know** it!" Pamela sneered. "They'd do anything to save their own skins! But don't worry, I'll make them proud again. I'm the good daughter now. I'm taking over. Everything you had is now mine. **Everything!"**

With a flash of triumph she turned to Tad and gave him a long kiss. That did it. "YOU BITCH!" Starla screamed, her body glowing even brighter. "PREPARE TO DIE! AAAHHH!" With a roar she tackled her sister and started to fight.

"Get away from her you freak!" Tad began to defend his new girlfriend. Only to get socked very hard in the eye by Starla. "Ow…" He fell to the ground. "On the other hand maybe you two girls should work things out?"

"PREPARE TO DIE SISTER DEAREST!" Starla screamed as the girls fought.

While this was going on Larry had sought out Ilyana. "Mistress, this Misfit wishes to speak to you," S'ym said to her.

"I know of you," Ilyana said. "You are the Misfit that can see into the future. What is it you wish?"

"Listen to me," Larry frowned. "I have had visions…A terrible storm is coming for mutants. But in order to lessen it you must do something."

"What must I do soothsayer?" Ilyana asked.

"After today you must go back to Limbo and stay there for at least one year," Larry said. "Do not come back to Earth until the year has passed. If you do, my visions showed that you would contract a terrible disease and die. This will ultimately bring about the death of your own brother."

"I see," Ilyana thought on this. "I can sense you speak the truth and believe your vision will come to pass. Very well I shall do this."

"Another thing," Larry said. "Belasco may return during that year. He will come during the phase of the Red Moon from the south. I don't know why I know this, but I do. Beware, he will try a sneak attack with some kind of crystal."

"Things have been rather quiet lately," Ilyana frowned. "I should have known the fool would be planning on retaking his throne. Thank you. Anything else?"

"Only that after the year there will come a time where you will be needed," Larry said. "The Phoenix Fire shall ignite and the skies will be filled with death."

"You're quite the cheery little messenger aren't you?" S'ym grunted.

"Today is the day a catalyst will happen," Larry said. "It will be the beginning of the end of us all unless we take precautions."

"Yeah a regular Mister Sunshine," S'ym groaned. "Dude this is a graduation ceremony! It's a happy occasion!"

"What would you know about graduating **anything?"** Ilyana gave him a look.

"I'll have you know I graduated at the top of my class from Demon Henchman Academy with a major in Torture and a minor in Battle Tactics," S'ym snorted. "I'm not just another pretty face you know? Just relax, graduations are fun. Really."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

However one individual was clearly **not** amused.

"You're no mama to me Mystique and you never will be," Rogue hissed. "I asked you before, what the hell are you doing here?"

"Is it that hard for you to believe that I wanted to see you graduate?" Mystique asked.

"Yes," Rogue folded her arms. "Now tell me the truth before I drain it out of you."

"All right," Mystique held up her hands as if in surrender. "There is another reason. I wanted to warn you. Both you and Kurt are in danger as well as every mutant on this planet. Apocalypse is planning something as well as Magneto."

"Thanks for the newsflash," Rogue said sarcastically. "Now can you tell me something I **don't **know?"

"Just this," Mystique said. "I believe your dear brother Graydon is up to something."

"**Another** surprise," Rogue interrupted. "What's next? Duncan Matthews is a moron? Senator Kelly is a drunk?"

"I'm serious Rogue," Mystique snapped. "He's been visiting the not so good Reverend Stryker in prison lately."

"Okay **that **I didn't know," Rogue's eyes narrowed. "Last I heard they weren't exactly fond of each other."

"Well they are now and there's more," Mystique told her. "When I was captured by Apocalypse I got a good dose of his memories. I couldn't make them out before but I remember one thing very clearly, Apocalypse knows Mister Sinister. In fact I think he somehow influenced him into becoming the man he is today."

"Okay," Rogue thought. "Interesting trick seeing that he was supposedly locked up in a tomb centuries ago when Sinister supposedly first started crawling around the earth."

"My intuition tells me Mesmero wasn't the first and only mutant to be influenced by Apocalypse during that time," Mystique pointed out. "And I found out something else thanks to an acquaintance who happened to have had a spy inside FOH headquarters. Turns out the spy got a glimpse of Mister Sinister sneaking around there in their science labs but couldn't get close enough to figure out what they're working on."

"Who's this friend of yours?" Rogue asked.

Before Mystique could say anything Kurt teleported in. "Hey Rogue we need…" He turned around and saw Mystique. **"You!" **

"Kurt," Mystique's voice softened. "Please, I don't want any trouble."

"That will be a first," Kurt growled. "What are you planning now Mystique?"

"I just wanted to say…How proud I am of you," Mystique said. "Despite our differences you've both grown up to be strong warriors. And no matter what happens, no matter what the GRSO has planned…I won't let them harm you. I promise."

"Your promises don't mean that much lady," Rogue said coldly. "You've said what you've come to say. I suggest you leave before I sick Wolverine on you. Or worse, I'll get Psylocke to come in here and kick your butt. She's still mad at you for copying her face."

Mystique didn't put up a defense but turned around with a sad look in her eye. She changed into a raven and flew out an open window. "What did **she** want?" Kurt asked, his tone indicated that he didn't consider Mystique much of a mother anymore.

"She was telling me that Graydon has been visiting Reverend Stryker and that Sinister has been poking around in the FOH labs," Rogue told him. "And that Sinister's worked for Apocalypse."

"Do you think she is telling the truth?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know what to think," Rogue sighed. "You know she can spin a lie at the drop of a hat. But I have a feeling she wouldn't just show up and risk capture just to feed us a bunch of bull like that."

"Yah even Mystique couldn't make up a lie like that," Kurt nodded. "So Apocalypse knows Sinister, Sinister somehow knows Creed and Creed is making friends with Stryker. And she also mentioned the GRSO and who **knows **what they're up too! We've got to tell the others about this!"

"After Graduation," Rogue told him. "I've waited too damn long to get my diploma and I'll be dammed if Mystique ruins it."

Meanwhile back outside Logan, Roadblock and Shipwreck walked back to Xavier and the others grinning. "All set," Shipwreck brushed off his hands. "You can start the graduation, Charley. Everything's been cleared up and right as rain."

"What did you do to Mr. Jones?" Xavier raised an eyebrow. "Did you threaten him?"

"Not exactly," Roadblock shrugged. "We just introduced him to a few friends that all happened to be named Benjamin Franklin."

"You bribed him?" Scott asked. "And that actually worked?"

"Sort of," Logan told him. "We gave him some money and some suggestions on how to spend it."

"He could either take it to put a down payment on a new car," Shipwreck grinned. "Or a new **jaw**."

"Or any other new limb he needed," Logan grinned.

"That would work," Scott groaned.

"Needless to say I don't think the Board of Education will ruin this day," Roadblock grinned.

"Great that leaves just a few dozen other things that could go wrong," Scott groaned.

"Scott nothing is going to…" Jean began when she heard a commotion. "Who am I **kidding?"**

"**Now** what's going on?" Hank groaned.

"GET OFF ME YOU FREAK!" Pamela screamed in terror as Starla viciously beat her to a pulp.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A FREAK, FREAK?" Starla screamed as her nails tore into Pamela's face. "LET'S SEE HOW YOU'LL GET CROWNED MISS TEXAS WITH SCARS ON YOUR FACE!"

"MY FACE! YOU MONSTER!" Pamela tried to kick Starla off of her.

"I'M NOT THROUGH YET YOU WHORE!" Starla screamed. "NOBODY STEALS A MAN FROM ME! NOBODY!"

"What is **that **all about?" Jamie asked Taylor who was watching the fight.

"I think our little family secret isn't a secret anymore," Taylor told Madelyne. "Or it won't be by the time Pamela's through." He looked at Tad on the ground with a huge shiner on his face. "Looks like Starla's old boyfriend came for a visit."

"Holy cow!" Kurt and Rogue had managed to join the others. "What is she doing?"

"Fighting," Althea said appreciatively. "Very well I might add. And I thought a Misfit was good in a brawl."

"Never a dull moment around here that's for sure," Sam agreed.

"Okay it's official, the Misfits are the **least **disruptive thing in our lives!" Bobby groaned.

"Nice to hear **someone** finally admit that," Wanda remarked.

"You gotta admit the competition has increased dramatically over the years," Sam added.

"What the devil is going on here?" Scott broke through the ring of onlookers. "Starla! Knock it off! Jean help me here!"

Jean telekinetically removed Starla but not before she tore a hunk of hair from her sister's head. "AAAHHHH!" Pamela screamed and covered her bald spot with her hand. "TAD GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

Logan gave a low growl to a startled Tad. Then grinned. "Boo!"

"AAAAHHHHH!" Tad screamed and ran for his life to his car.

"WAIT FOR ME YOU JERK!" Pamela wailed as she ran after Tad and had to jump into the car as it roared away from the mansion grounds.

"YEAH YOU'D BETTER RUN BITCH! BECAUSE WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU…" Starla screamed as she was physically restrained by Scott and Logan.

"Get her inside!" Jean snapped. "Starla I will talk to you later! Go to your room and stay there until **after **the graduation ceremony!"

"WHO THE HELL **CARES** ABOUT YOUR STUPID CEREMONY? MY LIFE IS OVER! OVER AND SO IS PAMELA'S ONCE I TRACK HER DOWN AND MAKE HER COMPLETELY BALD!" Starla fought with Scott and Logan as they dragged her inside the Institute. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME! I'M NOT A FREAK! I'M GETTING OUT OF THIS NUTHOUSE AND THEN I AM GOING TO SUE EVERYONE I CAN! ESPECIALLY MY SISTER! YOU HEAR ME?"

"Whoa, talk about a major meltdown," Tabitha blinked.

"Couldn't have asked for a better graduation present," Rogue couldn't help but smirk. "Well maybe Mystique's head on a platter but I'll settle for this."

"I think we'd better start now before anything **else** happens," Hank groaned.

Thanks to the Joes' help the ceremony was quickly underway. Scott and Logan came out both with tears in their clothes. "Tinkerbell's a real hell cat," Logan grunted.

"We had to lock her in her room before she made mincemeat out of us," Scott groaned.

"Told you she was going to be trouble," Logan agreed. "Now why can't she fight like that during Danger Room Practice?"

"Quiet! Kitty's speaking!" Ororo shushed them as Kitty went to the podium and addressed the audience.

"Okay I'm gonna be honest with you, public speaking is not really my thing," Kitty said. "I'm a little scared right now, but to be honest that's nothing new. When I first came to the Institute I was scared. I was only fifteen years old and had just come into my powers and I was scared. I had never been away from home longer than a weekend and I was scared. And now I was in a new school with new enemies and strange people I didn't know who also had powers and I was scared."

"I was scared the first time I went into the Danger Room. I was scared the first time I faced off against Magneto. I was scared when mutants were exposed. I was scared the first time I faced a Sentinel. I was scared when we fought Cobra that invaded our school. I was scared when I returned to Bayville High and people I thought were my friends turned their backs on me. I was scared when we fought Apocalypse. I've been in too many battles to count and I still get scared. Scared about what the future may bring."

"But then I think about my friends and family. I think about how far we've come and all the good times we've had as well as the bad. I think about all our former enemies who became friends…"

_And some friends who became enemies_ Kitty thought to herself remembering the phrase Xavier used a long time ago.

"When I first came here to the Xavier Institute there were only three other students besides me," Kitty went on. "And now there are over thirty of us. Some of our families turned us away, but we've found a new one instead. The Institute has been blown apart and destroyed many times, but each time it has been rebuilt bigger and better than ever. We have fought some of the worst villains, some of the most intolerable hatred and cruelty but we have not only survived, we've thrived."

"And because of this, I'm not afraid of what the future holds. For whatever happens, I know the X-Men and their friends will face it."

Xavier felt a surge of pride as he listened to Kitty's words. It was hard to believe that the timid Valley Girl he once recruited was now the strong confident young woman speaking before them. He noticed that all his students had all grown taller and stronger. Scott had become slightly more muscular, filling out his body so it wasn't as slim as it used to be. Rogue no longer tried to hide within herself, sitting up straight and tall with pride.

Kurt too had changed. In the past the thought of himself in front of a crowd in his true form would have terrified him. He had been using his image inducer less and less. Soon there would come a time where he would never use it at all.

Peter and Remy had overcome Magneto's control and had become fine X-Men. Even though Betsy had not been with them as long she too had grown remarkably adept in her powers. Rina had overcome her Hydra programming. Once there was a soulless weapon, now was a strong young woman with friends and family.

And Jean…Jean was surpassing him in ways he could have never have imagined. For the first time in a long while he was confident that no matter how strong the Phoenix Force was inside her, she could control it.

The Misfits, once bitter enemies were now close allies, even though they were sometimes annoying. They had changed for the better as well and had even brought with them human allies, furthering the dream of peaceful coexistence between human and mutant.

He was proud of them all when they finally took their diplomas. They were no longer confused frightened children. They were now strong young adults, confident in their powers and themselves. Seasoned soldiers fighting for a dream. A dream of peace and a future filled with hope.

That hope was shattered in a second with a sharp blade of pain scorching into his head. "AAAHHHHHHH!"

"Professor?" Kitty turned to him. "Professor!"

"What's wrong?" Ororo asked, fear in her voice as Xavier collapsed.

"He's in pain! Agony…He…" Jean began then she looked up at the sky.

"Jean what's…?" Scott did so to and saw what she saw.

A small silver alien spacecraft was hurtling straight towards them. "You gotta be kidding me…" Scott groaned.

"I've got it!" Jean transformed into the Phoenix and used her telekinesis to slow the ship down, stop it and park it gently on the lawn. She then collapsed in a heap. "That thing was heavier than I thought."

"Is that a spaceship?" Mr. Jones, Angelica's father blinked.

"Yes I believe it is," Mr. Pryde sighed.

"Great we get invaded by aliens again," Kitty groaned.

"It's starting," Larry said silently to himself. "It's the beginning of the end…"

**Next: Who is the party crasher? What's up with Starla? Oh wait that's right she's a bitch. And will that kid in the infirmary ever wake up? And what the hell is Larry talking about? Find out next chapter!**


	56. How Do You Do And Shake Hands

**How Do You Do And Shake Hands**

"Okay this is weird even for **us,**" Bobby blinked as everyone stared at the spaceship that had crashed on the lawn. "And you gotta admit that is a pretty high record to beat."

"I should have known this day would be a total disaster," Kitty rolled her eyes. "Everything we do turns out to be a disaster. Although I gotta admit the alien spaceship is an interesting twist."

"What would make for an **interesting twist** for us is if this day had gone on **without **any disasters or drama!" Jean grumbled.

"Two for two," Scott groaned. "**Both** graduations ruined!"

"Okay this time I am **personally** calling SHIELD!" General Hawk took out his cell phone and pushed the speed dial button.

"Everybody evacuate the civilians," Scott ordered.

"Why? We can take them!" S'ym barked.

"Yeah!" Betsy's inebriated and barely clothed mother hiccupped. "Let's get 'em!"

"We will slice the meat off the alien scum's bones!" Ilyana raised her sword.

"All right! My first alien butt kicking!" Taylor whooped. "I love this place!"

"Uh, shouldn't we be running away or something?" Lina's brother Anwar asked.

"Why? I want to kick some butt too!" Mr. Wagner snapped.

"Nobody interrupts my baby's graduation and gets away with it!" Mrs. Wagner yelled angrily. "NOBODY!"

"I got some extra guns out in my truck if anyone wants to use them," A very heavy man, obviously Fred's relative and the Dukes family representative to the occasion called out.

"We brought our own weapons!" Remy's sisters called out. "But thank you anyway!"

"I'll SUE! SUE THE ALIEN!" Mrs. Pryde shouted. "SUE THE ALIEN FOR RUINING MY LITTLE GIRL'S BIG DAY!"

"Oh right, **that** will work!" Donald said sarcastically. He was sporting a black eye. "Just go up to space court and ask the judge to suspend the alien's license to fly a spaceship!"

"You want me to sock you in the **other** eye?" Mrs. Pryde snapped.

"How many guns did you say you had?" Donald asked Freddy's relative.

"Don't beat each other up!" Benos said. "Beat up the alien!"

"YEAH!" Stephan, S'ym, Maxx, Ilyana and several other family members wholeheartedly agreed.

"NO!" Scott shouted. "**This** is **why **you all need to evacuate! Get inside! General Hawk how soon will SHIELD get here?"

"An answering machine," Hawk blinked as he held the phone. "I'm on a freaking answering machine! I've been put on hold by a freaking **answering machine!"**

"Not soon **enough**, fine!" Scott groaned. "New Mutants escort the civilians inside. Misfits and X-Men surround the perimeter. Keep the alien from hurting anyone…Or vice versa… until…"

The door on the spaceship began to shake. "Look! Something's trying to get out!" Jean pointed.

"Don't open that door!" Scott ordered.

"OPEN THE DOOR!" Xavier shouted as he regained consciousness. "YOU HAVE TO OPEN THE DOOR!"

"YEAH OPEN THE DOOR SO WE CAN KICK SOME ALIEN ASS!" S'ym shouted.

"Didn't I tell you people to go **inside**?" Scott shouted.

"Technically demons are not people," Ilyana huffed.

"Says who?" S'ym snapped.

"You idiot! I'm trying to get us to stay outside for the fight!" Ilyana snapped.

"Oh…Well in that case, yeah we're not people so we can stay!" S'ym agreed.

"Yeah!" Benos and Stephan shouted.

"Uh, are you guys sure about this?" Maxx asked.

"What are you? A demon or a **chicken?"** Mrs. Wagner snapped at him.

"Wait a couple of minutes and I'll make you some eggs," Maxx remarked.

"Fury! Fury where the hell are you?" General Hawk snapped. "Look you always complain about how we keep you out of the loop when things happen. Well you're in the **loop **now! Where the hell are you?"

"Who needs **that **guy! We can take on that creep ourselves!" Jesse D shouted.

"YEAH!" A cheer rose up from the parents and family members.

"We will clobber them!" Mr. Wagner snapped.

"NO!" Scott shouted. "Great, the **one **time **nobody** panics and runs…"

"Uh Cyclops," Fred pointed. "The alien's out."

"What?" Scott turned around. There was a strange silver and white space suit covered alien with a big bug eyed like helmet stumbling out of the spaceship.

"Look at that freaky helmet! It must look like a creepy icky **bug!"** Kitty screamed.

"Yeah that makes **me** feel **so** much better," Lina gave her a look. "Thanks a lot Kitty!"

"Actually you look more like a fairy than a bug," S'ym told her. "At least from my experience."

"Yeah and fairies don't **taste** as good as bugs, Blech!" Benos gagged. Everyone looked at him. "What? I'm just saying…"

"Will you people please go **inside?"** Scott yelled, his voice getting higher. Especially since no one was paying attention to him.

"Fury will you please **pick up?"** General Hawk snapped on the phone. "Can you hear me? Can you hear me **now?**"

"Come on there's only one of them and it's a bug!" S'ym shouted. "Let's squash it!"

"No!" Todd shouted. "Squashing bugs is **my** job!"

"You just want to eat it!" Kitty snapped.

"And this is a **problem** for you?" Rogue asked her.

"Good point," Kitty said. "Eat the bug Toad!"

"NO! DON'T HURT HER!" Xavier shouted.

"Her?" Logan blinked. The alien then fell on the ground. "Stay back!" He ran up and removed the helmet. What he saw was not an insect but the face of a beautiful alien woman. Her black hair was actually more like feathers and in a triangle. There were black marks on her pale face and on her left cheek was a small star mark.

"It's a girl alien!" Fred was surprised.

"Wow Fred, you're really putting that high school education to good use," Pietro quipped.

"Bring her to me," Xavier ordered.

"But Professor…" Jean blinked.

"Do it now!" Xavier ordered sternly.

"Geeze fine, don't have a cow," Wanda snapped as Jean levitated the alien woman towards Xavier.

"FURY! FURY PICK UP YOU BASTARD!" Hawk shouted. "I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!"

"Let me connect my mind with hers," Xavier touched his hand to the alien woman's forehead. A strange look passed over his face.

"Professor? Yoo hoo? Professor?" Tabitha called out. "Planet Earth to Professor X! Come in Professor X!"

"He's trying to concentrate Tabitha," Jean said. "And why are you still here? You have to bring these people inside and out of the way!"

"Why? This show's gotten rather interesting," S'ym asked.

"Okay fine! Be that way! I'll call **someone else!"** General Hawk snapped. "But don't come crying to me when you're out of the loop!" He shut off the phone and dialed again. "Yes this is…WHAT THE HELL? **ANOTHER **ANSWERING MACHINE?"

"Definitely getting interesting," Shane remarked as he watched General Hawk.

"Yes…Yes…" Xavier concentrated. "I see…I see…"

The alien woman woke up. She spoke several words in an alien language. "What did she say?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know! I don't speak alien!" Pietro huffed.

"But we know someone who does!" Kurt looked at Doug. "Doug can you translate?"

"I'll try but I need to hear a bit more of the language," Doug said. The woman started to babble at Xavier. "Which may not be a problem."

"Okay I'll call **him,**" General Hawk called someone else. "This is General Hawk and…On **vacation?** You're kidding me? Leave a message? Can't you just patch me through? What do you mean no phone calls? What is this? Is **Everyone** in the military taking a holiday or something?"

"Yes…Yes…" Xavier whispered. "I understand my love."

"Okay did he just say something I know the Professor could **not** have possibly said?" Kurt blinked.

Suddenly both the alien and Xavier were speaking the same weird language. Both had a faraway look in their eyes. "What is he saying?" Lance asked Doug. "What are they saying?"

"Uh…General stuff…" Doug blinked.

"What kind of stuff?" Rogue asked.

"Well this is a rough translation…" Doug winced. "She's saying I love you, I've waited my whole life for you…You are a very handsome man…This tragedy has brought me to you…I give myself body and soul to you and I want you to…Well you all get the general idea."

"No, not really," Scott blinked. "What exactly does she want him to do?"

"Please don't make me **say** it," Doug moaned.

"You're **joking**," Lance blinked.

"I **wish** I was," Doug winced as Xavier said something in the alien tongue.

"What did he just say?" Kitty asked.

"Yes to what she wanted," Doug moaned.

"Yes to what? What?" Scott was shocked. Jean and Doug gave him a look. Scott finally realized what he was talking about. "You're **joking?"**

Then Xavier gave the alien woman a passionate kiss. "OKAY EVERYBODY INSIDE!" Scott turned around, turning a shade paler. "NOTHING TO SEE HERE!"

"Oh I think there's a **lot** to see here!" S'ym laughed.

"That's one way to deal with an alien chick," Benos nodded.

"If people don't start going inside I am going to start dousing **pool water** on them!" Althea barked. "I mean it!"

"Okay, okay…Don't be such a grouch. We just wanted to help," The guests grumbled as they reluctantly went inside the mansion. The New Mutants were shepherding them in. "Some people just don't know how to have a good time!"

"Uh Professor," Hank coughed. "Professor!"

Xavier broke off the kiss. "Oh uh…Hank?"

"Yes perhaps we can continue this in the infirmary?" Hank said diplomatically. "Away from **prying eyes!"**

"Yeah uh you take her in and check her out," Roadblock said. "The Misfits and the Joes will see what the spaceship is all about."

"Aw we're gonna miss the good stuff," Pyro pouted as the X-Men brought the alien woman inside.

"Is it just me or is the Professor acting like…" Pietro blinked. "What's the word?"

"Us?" Pyro suggested.

"Yeah **us**," Pietro nodded.

"Actually he looked a lot like Lance just a moment ago," Todd said. "That look in his eye. It was the exact **same **look Lance used to have whenever Kitty walked in the room."

"I did not look like **that!**" Lance snapped.

"Well obviously," Pyro said. "I mean for starters you're not bald! But the eye thing yeah I can totally see it!"

"Yes it's **important!"** General Hawk was trying to get through to another person. "We have an alien spacecraft that has landed at the Xavier Institute and…No this is **not** a **prank call!**" He walked inside the mansion.

"Okay you kids secure the craft and try not to blow it up," Roadblock ordered. "Lord I knew this was going to be a long day!"

Meanwhile the guests were milling about the foyer and the living room. Several X-Men and New Mutants were running all over the place trying to keep the guests happy with drinks and food. "Okay Roberto, Sam, Bobby, Jubilee keep bringing the catered food inside the house. Tabitha, Amara you two thaw out some extra cheese puffs in the microwave and give them to the guests!" Logan was ordering. "Madelyne! Rina! Make a salad!"

"I don't know how," Madelyne protested.

"Neither do I," Rina admitted.

"How hard can it be? You cut up some lettuce and vegetables, wash 'em, drizzle some oil and dressing on 'em, throw on some croutons and bacon bits and you're **done!** Logan barked, "Get chopping! Peter! Get your sister to put away her swords and help get the demons off the ceiling! Multiple! Static! You're on waiter duty! Make sure everyone has a drink! Betsy! Make sure your parents **don't** have a drink!"

"I can make some more food," Kitty volunteered.

"Half Pint we have enough problems without the **Health Department** butting in!" Logan barked. "Go talk to your parents or something! Keep them from killing each other or something. Where's Storm and Angel?"

"Out there trying to calm everyone down," Sam told him.

"Great they have the **hard** job," Logan grumbled.

"What do you mean he **can't** come to the phone right now?" General Hawk said as he walked in, still on the phone. "And there'd better be a good reason! Heart Attack…Okay that's a good reason. Wait a minute, the Vice President has heart attacks all the time! The last time he had one they gave him a laptop and several cell phones in the recovery room! Oh…This one is really bad. I see…No, no…I'm sorry for wasting your time. I'm sure **someone else** will be interested about the situation here!"

Hawk shut off the phone. "Lucky bastard. What I wouldn't **give **for a heart attack right now!"

"General Hawk, the Joes have been alerted and the Misfits are going to take the spacecraft inside the Xavier institute for study, sir," Lance reported as he walked in with Roadblock.

"The Triplets are using the Mass Device Technology on optimum to move it inside the hangar," Roadblock said. "If you don't mind."

"Why **not?"** Logan barked.

"Fine, good! Go ahead! You called the Pit. Good! At least **somebody **is taking calls today!" Hawk grumbled. "Avalanche go back and help the others!" Lance ran off.

"Well this has been another memorable graduation," Logan grumbled. "And now I am going to drink a beer in order to **forget** it!"

"Oh man hold on a second," Kurt grabbed Logan's arm. "I nearly forgot! Logan, Mystique was here!"

"What?" Logan roared. "When?"

"Right before graduation," Rogue said. "She found out some pretty important stuff."

"Big stuff," Kurt nodded.

"How big?" Logan asked.

"It involves Apocalypse, Mister Sinister, Reverend Stryker, Graydon Creed, the FOH and something the GRSO is cooking up," Rogue told him.

"**That's** big," Logan groaned.

"Roadblock you go with Logan and the kids and learn what Mystique said," General Hawk said. "I'm going to keep calling and find out where the hell is **everybody!"**

"Okay the four of us need to have a talk," Roadblock sighed. "Let's all go take a walk."

"Hey what's going on?" Scott asked as they went off to find a quiet place. "Where are the four of you going?"

"We had a Mystique sighting," Roadblock told him.

"Mystique was **here?** When?" Scott yelled.

"Before graduation," Kurt began. "It was so fast…"

"We'll explain later. Scott, you need to calm things down around here," Logan told him. "Just try to put out any fires…real or otherwise until we know what's going on."

"Okay fine," Scott sighed. "Great…Rina you don't have to cut up the salad that thin! Jamie don't run! You'll spill the drinks on the floor! Kitty! No! No cooking! Please! Just go out there and keep your parents from killing each other!"

"It's so noisy in here!" Starla shoved her way through and grabbed a drink from the refrigerator. "What is it about this place that everyone has to be in the same place at the **same time?"**

"Starla I thought I told you to stay in your room," Scott challenged.

"I had to use the bathroom and get a drink," Starla snapped back. "Got a problem with that?"

"As a matter of fact I have a problem with your whole **attitude!**" Scott glared at her.

"Excuse me but how the hell should I act when my whole life has come crashing down around me?" Starla shouted. "I just got off the phone with a few of my ex-friends! That bitch of a sister of mine has ruined my life! Now the whole town knows I'm a mutant! I can't go back there now that everybody knows my secret! I can never go home again!"

"Starla I'm sorry things didn't work out the way you planned them…" Scott began.

"Obviously I am now **off **the cheerleading squad!" Starla went on, ignoring him and everyone else in the room that was staring at the scene. "I've probably been kicked out of that lousy school! There goes my scholarships, my eligibility into the Miss Universe Pageant, my chance to be an intern at the local television station which would have been the first stepping stone to my career as an award winning journalist! It's gone! Vanished! Kaput! They even pulled off all my father's television commercials from the station!"

"Starla…" Scott began.

"And of course you know my father's business is going to suffer and my mother just told me that they've cancelled their membership to the country club!" Starla's voice rose. "They had the **best** tennis matches and the best lunches in the whole county and I am never going to have their Chicken a la Silver Springs again thanks to that bitch of a sister of mine!"

"Obviously you are very upset…" Scott began again.

"Upset? Upset is not the **word!"** Starla whirled on him. "Betrayed! Humiliated! Destroyed! Enraged! **Those** are the words! But fortunately I am **not** going down **alone!** Oh no! I called Mama and I told her **exactly** what little Pammy did and how she betrayed the family! Yeah she wasn't too happy about **that!** I told her! I told her about how I was doing well, taking my medicine. Working on my treatments like a good patient…Keeping quiet and out of the spotlight…They don't get New York TV in Texas."

"Wait, wait hold on a second. **What** did you just say?" Scott was distracted. Of course the sound of someone fighting in the living room would do that to a person.

"And I told them that I was making great progress in beating this thing when all of the sudden she pulls this stunt and made me have a **relapse!"** Starla went on. "And she was the one who blabbed it all to everyone in town! Well if she thinks she's gonna be the new Queen of the Palace she's got a surprise coming!"

"Hold on Starla what do you mean about **treatment?**" Scott asked.

"Don't worry Scott, I covered for you people even though you haven't done a **thing** for me!" Starla gave him a look. "Anyway Daddy was not happy to learn that Pamela was the one who cost him **half** of his clients! Now we'll see **who's** going to get **disowned!** By the time I'm through **she's** gonna be the one kicked out on the street I promise you that! I mean my parents can't blame me right? Because I'm the **sick **one now! Okay Taylor is too but he don't count."

"Starla you **are** sick, but not in the way you **think** you are," Scott was quickly running out of patience.

"I only wish I was there to see that little witch's face when Mother tells her that she is grounded for life and is gonna **yank **her out of cheerleading!" Starla crowed. "That will teach her that in Mother's eyes she's only **second best! **Actually **third best** now. Even Taylor is ahead of her! Maybe now she'll figure out what a total loser she is!"

"Maybe **you** should learn some **manners!**" Rogue walked up to her.

"Oh get over yourself," Starla rolled her eyes. "You don't have the right to boss me around!"

"As Senior X-Man and recent graduate I have **more **than enough right to boss over you," Rogue gave her a glare.

"You are joking right?" Starla gave her a look.

"You wish I was joking," Rogue growled. "In fact **here's** something funny, as of now you are on **double** laundry duty as well as waxing the X-Jet and all the other vehicles for the next **month!"**

"Are you **insane?"** Starla shouted. "There is no way in Hell you are making me do **anything **you skunk haired…"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Rogue's voice suddenly became very menacing. She made a dent in the wall with her fist for emphasis.

"What kind of wax do I use?" Starla gulped.

"Don't worry. You'll have enough for **two months** worth! Now listen you spoiled brat, get up to your room and stay there until you are **called for!** GO ON! GIT!" Rogue roared. Starla fled for her life. Rogue then glared at all the other mutants in the room. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" The kids fled for their lives.

"Well **that** made me feel like I'm in charge," Scott groaned. "Geeze Rogue you just made Wolverine look like a **pushover!"**

"I'm sorry I stepped on your toes back there Scott," Rogue told him. "But there's something about that girl that really rubs me the wrong way."

"I think Starla rubs **everyone** the wrong way," Scott sighed. "I know what you mean Rogue. And I know who she reminds you of."

Rogue hadn't guessed Scott could be so perceptive. "Spyke," She admitted. "Yeah she's got the exact **same** attitude he had," Scott nodded.

"For a minute I thought you were going to say she reminds you of **me**," Rogue gave him a look.

"No, she's **nothing** like you," Scott shook his head. "Deep down you were always a team player even if you don't like to admit it. You only distanced yourself to protect others more than yourself. But this girl…Definitely Spyke. Maybe even worse."

"I just hope we don't end up with **another **traitor on our hands," Rogue grunted. "That's the **last** thing we need."

"Speaking of which what was going on with Mystique?" Scott asked. "You saw her before graduation?"

"Yeah she was here to tell us some pretty warped stuff," Rogue groaned. "And the worst part is I believe her."

"Okay so what is it?" Scott asked.

"Short version," Rogue took a breath. "Apocalypse is working with Sinister, Sinister is secretly working for my idiot brother Creed only Creed don't know he's Sinister. And Creed is in cahoots with Stryker."

"That's warped all right," Scott blinked.

"And there's some kind of plan both the GRSO and the FOH is cooking up that Mystique is worried about," Rogue continued. "And you know somehow Sinister is in the middle of it as well as Apocalypse."

"Okay now this day officially sucks," Scott said in mock cheerfulness. "And I thought my graduation day was a nightmare."

"I dunno," Rogue smirked. "I kind of enjoyed telling Starla off and hearing about her little breakdown."

"MOTHER PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON RIGHT NOW!" Betsy could be heard screaming. "I DON'T CARE HOW HORNY YOU ARE!"

"And I am so grateful that is **not** my mother," Rogue added. "For **once** in my life."

"Oh well then this bit of news will **really **cheer you up," Scott told her. "A man from the Board of Education threatened to close down the graduation ceremony just before it started."

"And you didn't **let **him?" Rogue gave him a look.

"No, Shipwreck, Logan and Roadblock all bribed and threatened the man at the same time," Scott said.

"Ah yes, just the topping we needed on this **wonderful **day," Rogue rolled her eyes. "Threats and bribery make such magical memories."

"Not to mention an alien spaceship crashing in the middle of the ceremony, our enemies plotting to destroy us, a few drunken brawls and public nudity," Scott added. "Wanna help me confiscate all the video cameras from the guests?"

"I thought you'd **never** ask," Rogue said as they walked away. "Well at least this day can't get any crazier!"

"Don't say things like that!" Scott groaned. "Because we both know that it **usually does!" **

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Meanwhile General Hawk had finally managed to get in touch with someone important on the phone. But not the important person he was hoping for. "Mr. President! Uh hello…Where's General…Oh you're waiting in his office. I see. Surprise inspection. Well what a **surprise.** Why am I calling? Well uh, technically yes there is a **minor** situation here but it's nothing you should be **too** concerned with…Oh nothing much. Just an alien spacecraft has landed on the Xavier Institute. Yes the mutant place. During graduation. Right as they were handing out the diplomas. I'm afraid there **were **witnesses sir. It practically landed on the podium as the students were getting their diplomas. Oh no, sir no one panicked. They were all family members of the graduates. They're used to this sort of thing. In fact we kind of had to protect the alien from **them!**"

General Hawk was still talking. "No we didn't shoot him down sir, and actually it's a **her**. A female alien. Yeah we're pretty sure."

"I don't believe it!" Hank walked out with Lina and Doug. "He kicked us out!"

"Who kicked you out?" Hawk put his hand over the phone. "One minute sir, I'm getting some information here."

"Xavier! Just kicked us out before Beast finished his examination just like that," Lina said.

"Said he'd do it himself," Hank grunted. "I don't know if the Professor is qualified to…"

They heard Xavier exclaim something very loudly. "What was that? I should…" Hank began to go in.

"Don't!" Doug grabbed his arm. "Trust me don't!"

"Why? What did he just shout out?" Hank asked.

"Do I have to say it?" Doug winced.

"That is the general idea," General Hawk told him. "Spill it kid."

"Roughly translated he said…" Doug winced. "Professor horny."

Another loud moan could be heard. "And she just said…Take me stud muffin I'm yours," Doug moaned.

"I think I am going to go upstairs now and have a drink," Hank blinked and walked away.

"I think I will join you," Doug said.

"Me too," Lina agreed and the three of them left the closed door at a very fast pace.

"Uh, What's going on sir? Professor Xavier is…interrogating her now," Hawk gulped into the phone. "Metal telepathy you know…Goes into her mind. No sir, I don't think you have to worry too much about him doing **that** to you."

"AAAHHHH! L-Lilandra!" Xavier called out.

"No sir, the alien doesn't seem to be hostile. In fact she appears to be friendly," Hawk blinked. "**Very** friendly."

"Aajjjda! Da mako kanini!" The alien woman called out, obviously very happy about the situation.

"It appears sir that the alien is interesting in having relations," Hawk was flabbergasted. "I mean starting relations, a **relationship **between her people and ours."

"Aaiii aanainaiiii!" The woman called out happily.

"Where have you been all my life?" Xavier called out.

"Actually sir perhaps she **should** stay at the Institute," Hawk blinked. "I mean so that the Professor can do a more in depth investigation. And they have a lot of equipment here and with the Joes and Misfits coming over every day…Yes…Yes sir. I agree sir. We've already given the local authorities a cover story. Said that one of Forge's inventions went haywire. Yes sir, hook line and sinker."

"Well I'm glad you agree with me sir," Hawk gulped after a moment. "Oh don't worry I'm sure I'll hear from the Pentagon **soon enough**. What's that? The word is **analyzing **sir. What you just said had a completely different meaning."

"OOOOOOHHHHH! CHAAAARRRLLEESS!" A female voice moaned beyond the door.

"Of course it could apply to **this **situation," Hawk grimaced. He walked away quickly from the room down the hall. "But the ship itself, oh yes sir I have my most trusted and brilliant people on the job as we speak!"

"Hey look! I'm an alien!" Todd hopped around. He had the helmet on and was carrying some kind of alien ray gun. "Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! I am an alien! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! I have a death ray! Kapow! Blam!"

"Oh for crying out…" Hawk stopped himself. "Sir I have to go…One of my people just discovered something. Or is **about** to discover something. Good bye!" He hung up and went after Todd. "TOAD HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE WHAT THE INSIDE OF A POTATO PEELING SHED IN GREENLAND LOOKS LIKE?"

"Beep! Beep! Beep!" Todd kept running around happily. "Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!"

"I'll beep, beep **you** if you don't knock it off!" General Hawk chased after him.

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"I hate my parents…" Betsy shuddered as she sat in the living room with a few other X-Men and Misfits. "I bloody **hate** my bloody insane drunken **sex crazed** parents who couldn't keep their knickers on if their bloody lives depended on it!"

"At least we got them out of the fountain," Jean sighed. "And into a cab to take them back to their hotel."

"Now if we can only get them into the nearest **rehab** clinic everything will be all set! Unclean…Unclean…" Betsy moaned. "My brain is so unclean!"

"Well at least your parents **like** each other," Kitty grumbled. "And not **brawling** in the middle of the aisles. And taking out some of the other guests."

"Come on Dad," Angelica led her father into the room. He had a bandage on his head. "You're lucky you didn't get a concussion!"

"What happened?" Jean asked.

"I got hit in the head by a flying crumb cake," Mr. Jones said. "Kitty's mother made it and threw it at Donald. My head got in the way."

"Well that explains a lot," Pietro snickered. "Kitty's bad cooking and her temper is genetic!"

"Pietro remind me later when I have the strength to **kill you**," Kitty glared at him.

"I just want to ask something," Mr. Jones said. "Am I the **only** parent here who is a little creeped out that a spaceship just crashed on the lawn in the middle of the ceremony?"

"What do **you** think?" Angelica groaned. "Come on Dad, I'll get you a root beer."

"How about a **real** beer?" Mr. Jones asked as he followed her.

"No way! Just because all the **other** parents are drunk doesn't mean **you **have to be!" Angelica told him.

"That's not fair!" Mr. Jones pleaded. "Wavedancer lets her father have a beer."

"I don't care what Althea lets her father do! This is about you! And you are not having a beer!" Angelica snapped as they left.

"But Angelicaaaaaa!" Her father whined. "It's not fair!"

"So guys," Pietro said. "Any word on the alien chick and what's going on?"

"No but I'll contact the Professor and…" Jean began to concentrate. "AAAHHH!"

"Jean what's…" Betsy reached out with her telepathy. "AAAHHHHH!"

"What? What's wrong?" Rogue asked.

"You do **not** want to know what is going on right now with the Professor and the alien woman," Betsy shuddered.

"I feel **sick!**" Jean shuddered. "Unclean…Unclean…"

"Why is he hurt or something?" Kitty asked.

"He's having the time of his bloody life!" Betsy snapped.

"Maybe we **should **have let your parents stay Betsy," Jean groaned. "They seemed more restrained than the Professor right now!"

"Please tell me you are **not **telling me what I **think** you are telling me," Kitty blinked. "Because if you **are** telling me what I **think** you are telling me, I **don't** want you to tell me!"

"Tell you what?" Logan walked in. "What's going on with the Professor?"

"You **don't** want to know!" Both Jean and Betsy shouted at him.

"Why is he doing some kind of mind probe or something?" Logan asked.

"He's doing **some** kind of probing I'll tell you **that** much," Jean groaned.

"Hold on," Betsy held her head. "I'm sensing something else…Daniel…The boy in the coma…He's waking up!"

"Come on! Let's get Hank and go see him," Kitty said. "Anything is better than thinking about what the Professor is doing!"

"What is the Professor doing?" Logan asked.

"YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW!" Everyone said as they left the room.

"By the way Rogue, I heard about the dressing down you gave Tinkerbell," Logan said as he stopped her from leaving. "Great job! I couldn't have done better myself!"

"You're not mad about that?" Rogue asked.

"Are you kidding," Logan sighed wistfully. "I've been looking forward to this day for **years! **I knew the day you became a full fledged adult X-Man you'd make one great disciplinarian. And look at you, not even **two hours** after you graduate you've already put the fear of God into half the kids! I'm so proud I could bust!"

"No, I meant about the hole in the wall," Rogue was a little shocked.

"Oh forget about that," Logan waved. "Like you're the **only **one around here who's done that! I mean look at all the claw marks I've left! The point is you handled that just like I would have! I'm so proud of you!"

"Are those…Tears in your eyes?" Rogue was taken aback.

"I promised myself I wouldn't cry," Logan rubbed his eyes. "I'm just so happy the way you took charge and put that little brat in her place and laid down the law like a pro! I can't stop crying."

"Logan," Rogue blinked. "You're starting to **scare** me."

"Come here you!" Logan wrapped her in a big careful bear hug.

"Did everybody take their **crazy pills** or something this morning?" Rogue moaned. "Oh wait this is the Xavier Institute, of course they did!"

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The boy slowly stirred and opened his eyes. He saw a blue demon sitting before him. "AAAAHHH!"

"Whoa man you're awake," Kurt said. "Hey take it easy."

"Yeah why would I panic seeing a blue demon guy?" The bird boy gasped. "Ow…What…" He looked at his arms and the IV unit on him. "What…Where am I?"

"Xavier Institute," Tabitha said as she walked in with Jean.

"So I did make it," The boy sighed. "I remember now. I…"

"We know about your old man shooting you," Tabitha said.

"You do?" He blinked. "How long was I out?"

"Quite a while," Jean said. "Just rest for now. You're body's been through a lot Daniel."

"Call me Danny," He said. "Sorry about how I reacted."

"Hey if my father shot me for being a mutant and I woke up in a strange place I'd be a little jumpy too," Kurt said.

"Oh right…" Danny blinked. "So I've been out a few days?"

"Try nearly a month," Tabitha said. "I'm Tabitha and this is Kurt and that's Jean. The others wanted to meet you but we thought one or two people would be enough for now."

"A month," Danny was in shock. "Did I miss anything?"

"Oh you know a little spaceship crashing **here**, a few brawls there…" Tabitha drawled. "Danny! Danny don't pass out **again!"**

**Next up: Life at the Xavier Institute gets wackier as we learn more things about Danny, the alien lady and Xavier's private life. More than we probably wanted to know. And it all explodes in the end! Oh boy! **


	57. Love is Strange

**Love is Strange**

A week later life had returned to some normalcy. Well as normal as you can get when a coma patient wakes up and goes through the process of getting to know what kind of nut house he as woken up in. As normal as it can get in a mansion filled with hyperactive mutant teenagers, several of them that had graduated high school and were still joyful about never taking another history test ever again. Not to mention as normal as it could get when several more hyperactive mutants and their crazy human GI Joe handlers teleported over every day to have some fun and free food. And as normal as it can get when there is an alien woman from another planet in the house and she spends most of her time in the Professor's bedroom with the Professor.

This forced Scott, Jean and everyone else to try and pick up the slack, for once it was the Professor that was neglecting his duties. And Scott was not really that crazy about it.

"Are they still in bed at **this hour?"** Althea asked Scott as he stumbled downstairs to the kitchen. The Misfits came over every day on the pretext of providing some kind of security for the alien but…Well I think you've read **enough **of my stories to get the real picture here.

That's right. They were there for the gossip. And too mooch some food off of them.

"Don't ask..." Scott moaned as if he had been turned into a zombie. "Please don't ask..."

"Man even my old man on his worst bender never slept in **this late!"** Althea was stunned. "Then again even when he was married no woman would have him in the same bed for a long period of time. Or in my mom's case her aquarium. And they've been in there **how long?"**

"I don't want to talk about it…" Scott moaned. "I just **don't** want to talk about it."

"You caught them in that zero gravity shower Trinity installed in his personal bathroom didn't you?" Lance asked.

"Uhhhhh," Scott shuddered. "Unclean…Unclean…"

"Wow an adult is having wild freaky alien sex and it's not Shipwreck," Todd blinked. "What are the odds?"

"That **is** a frightening thought," Ororo admitted.

"Yeah well I'm starting to get frightened," Logan admitted. "And not just by the freaky sex thing. This isn't like Charles to blow off his duties and spend his day playing Alien Love Probe with some interplanetary princess."

"So she **is** a princess?" Althea asked.

"Yeah this is what we've been able to find out whenever the Professor is able to tear himself away from his…his…I can't even **say** it," Scott moaned.

"His fun time?" Fred suggested. "That's usually easier to say."

"Yes, his **fun** time," Scott groaned. "Her name is Lilandra and she's a princess of an empire called the Shi'ar. She's got an evil brother on the throne and an evil sister that wants to take control of the throne and they **both **want the power of the Phoenix for themselves. Fortunately neither of them know that the Phoenix has found a new host except for Lilandra. Oh yeah and her older sister is hiding out somewhere and no one knows where she is."

"How did she know?" Angelica asked.

"She has a friend on the Imperial Guard, that's some kind of personal army that warned her about Jean," Logan explained. "Anyway Lilandra came to find Jean at first and try to kill her herself. However…"

"She ran into Xavier and fell in love and now she's our friend?" Althea was shocked. "Just like **that?"**

"Apparently, although the Shi'ar are an avian descended race, they have had some telepathic abilities handed down through their bloodlines," Hank explained.

"You saying white people aren't capable of using telepathy?" Fred blinked. "But that can't be true! I mean…"

"NOT **ARYAN** BLOB! **AVIAN** YOU MORON!" Scott snapped. He started to flap his arms. "You know as in birds! **Birds!** Like cock o doodle doo and tweet tweet **tweet!"**

"Scott's gone cuckoo hasn't he?" Xi blinked.

"Your brain would fly the coop too if you caught the Professor and Lilandra in a few compromising positions this week," Rogue pointed out.

"Good point," Pietro shuddered. "Even I have trouble with the mental images!"

"Yeah for the first time in my life I actually feel **sorry **for you Summers," Lance nodded.

"I am **definitely** going to have a mental breakdown by the time I'm **thirty,**" Scott grumbled.

"Anyway," Hank rolled his eyes. "To put it in terms Fred and the others can understand, somehow Lilandra and Xavier share a telepathic bond that transcends time and space. It's very common in Lilandra's culture that two people who are meant for each other can dream about each other for years and not even meet."

"Oh," Fred nodded. "That I get. My cousin Naomi went though the same thing. For years since she was a little girl, she always had this strange dream that she'd marry Abe Lincoln. Well one day when she was a senior in High School she went running for the Miss Tyler's Landing Pageant which happened to be held on President's Day…And who should happen to be the judge but the town mayor."

"Let me guess," Lance held up his hand. "He was dressed up like Abe Lincoln?"

"No, he was dressed up like Millard Fillmore," Fred gave him a look. "Of course he was dressed up like **Abe Lincoln!** In fact, he was also an Abe Lincoln impersonator in his spare time. And seeing that he was a government official he had **lots** of it."

"Let's cut to the chase here," Jean held up her hand. "I'm assuming they caused a scandal when the mayor either cheated on his wife with Naomi or married her."

"No, that's **not** what happened," Fred nodded. "The mayor wasn't married at the time and to be honest it was kind of a relief to the town fathers when he married her. In fact the Mayor's own father was afraid his son was gay. Not that I am saying it's a bad thing but you know how small towns are. Anyway the day of her graduation she married the Mayor and the whole town celebrated."

"Are you serious?" Kitty asked. "Nobody complained about the mayor marrying a high school senior? What about the age difference?"

"What age difference?" Fred asked. "Naomi was twenty seven and the mayor was **thirty!** Three years isn't much of an age difference."

"Twenty seven?" Kitty blinked.

"Are you saying your cousin graduated high school when she was **twenty seven?"** Rogue yelped. "What am I saying? She's **your** cousin for crying out loud!"

"Let me guess," Scott looked at him. "You're also one of the **smart** members of your family am I right?"

"Yeah," Fred nodded. "She even finished an entire book of crossword puzzles once in under a year! That's a big achievement in my home town! In fact it's still on display in the town library. Along with an autographed picture of Captain Kangaroo the Librarian Mrs. Dinklemeyer got years ago. She claimed she was going out with Mr. Green Jeans at the time but she's always been known to stretch the truth."

"So to get back to the point of your story, if there **is** one," Jean interrupted. "Your cousin married the mayor and they lived happily ever after."

"No, not really," Fred scratched his head. "You see two days after the ceremony Naomi convinced the mayor to shave his beard. Well that was an instant end to his career as an Abe Lincoln impersonator. And an end to his freedom as well! Turns out he was an escaped convict from out of town and he had **killed **the original mayor two years ago and took his place."

"Blob your family stories sound like a trailer trash version of Desperate Housewives," Rogue's jaw dropped. "What happened then? I'm afraid to ask but I might as well know."

"Well long story short," Fred began.

"Too late," Logan said.

"Cousin Naomi ended up shooting her husband dead when he confronted her at the courthouse brandishing a cattle prod," Fred finished. "She took off with the reward money and half the town's treasury and went off into the seedy underbelly of the city of Mason's Landing. When we last heard of her she was telling fortunes under the name of Psychic Lola in the same masseuse parlor where the mayor of Mason's Landing died, under **mysterious** circumstances."

"Maybe **not** so mysterious Fred," Hank sighed. "Listen to me. That was not a **love** story you just told. That was a **dead mayor** story."

"That was an **insane** story!" Scott snapped.

"That was a **who cares why the hell did you tell us this story?"** Lance added.

"That was a **why did you destroy my brain cells story!"** Rahne added.

"I just thought you might like to know!" Fred snapped.

"Well we **didn't!"** Scott snapped. "Knowing is half the reason the people who live here become alcoholics!"

"I thought it was a pretty good story," Tabitha shrugged.

"Let's change the subject **please?**" Jubilee groaned. "To something else, **anything **else besides the Professor's love life and dead mayors?"

"Okay how's the little bimbo handling laundry duty?" Althea asked.

"Oh Starla's taken a shine to it," Rogue snickered. "She's waxing the X-Jet as we speak. You know what Logan I think you're right. I do get a kick out of this."

"What about Daniel? How's he doing?" Larry asked. He had come with the others and was still in his special wheelchair that Trinity made for him. It was like the Professor's traveling hover chair so he could move about more freely and little things like stairs would not bother him.

"Ask him yourself," Danny walked in. He was wearing jeans and a red T-Shirt. "And call me Danny. All my friends do. Well if I still had friends."

"Hey you're out of the chair and off the crutches! Mazeltov!" Pietro cheered.

"Yeah amazing what that healer Lifeline would do to you," Danny nodded. "Today I have my first Danger Room session."

"You poor, poor devil," Todd remarked. "You have my deepest sympathy."

"I'm going to work with him today on his flying," Warren explained. "Nothing too strenuous."

"That's because you are both **avian **types," Fred spoke up. "**Not** **Aryan** types like **some** people think."

"Maybe I can move that nervous breakdown **ahead **by a couple of years?" Scott grumbled.

"Hey Kurt uh, maybe later you can show me around the mansion some more?" Danny asked.

"Sure no problem," Kurt nodded. Jamie ran in breathless. "Jamie what is it?"

"We got a visitor," Jamie gasped. "It's the Haller lady!"

"Haller lady? **Gabrielle Haller?"** Hank blinked. "As in the Professor's **ex wife** Gabrielle Haller? **Legion's mother** Gabrielle Haller?"

"Yeah and she's at the front gates," Jamie nodded. "And she wants to see the Professor and won't take no for an answer! What do we do?"

"Well we can't leave her out there," Hank sighed.

"Why not?" Shipwreck asked.

"Shipwreck shut up," Ororo glared at him. "She's probably concerned about her missing son."

"Oh yeah that," Pietro blinked. "So what are you gonna tell her? That sonny boy has picked up a few more crazy people to live in his head?"

"Are you crazy? She already blames the Professor enough as it is!" Hank looked at him.

"Hey, the whole situation was her fault to begin with!" Pietro said.

"For once Quicksilver has a point," Jean agreed.

"What?" Danny asked.

"What do you mean?" Lorna asked. "How could Legion be Xavier's fault?"

"Oh that's right you don't know the whole story," Kurt remembered.

"**Another **one of those stories?" Lorna blinked.

"There's a ton of **those **stories around here," Bobby told her.

"Long story short, when Xavier got divorced his ex-wife never told him he had a kid named David," Rogue said. "Somehow over the years David developed a split personality Lucas and a kid named Ian. By the time the Professor arrived to help the other two personalities were pretty powerful."

"The Professor tried to lock away Lucas and Ian forever," Jean added. "But in the end only Lucas survived. Of course David's mother blamed Xavier for the whole thing."

"And then somehow Legion developed two **more** personalities," Scott groaned. "Both of them homicidal maniacs!"

"I know about **those** two," Lorna groaned. "Too well!"

"So what are you going to tell her? I know she has **no idea** about the other personalities," Kitty said. "What are you going to do?"

"My Toad Sense tells me that she's not going to take **that** news well," Todd said.

"Or the fact that Xavier's done diddly squat in locating him," Pietro said. "Let alone curing him of his little personality problem!"

"The only thing **he's** located lately is his libido," Pyro agreed.

"Good one," Lance remarked.

"Yeah I've been working on that quip for a while now," Pyro nodded. "So seriously, what are you gonna tell her, Storm?"

"I don't know but I'll think of **something,**" Ororo grumbled as she got up and left the room.

"This should be interesting," Kurt grinned. "Hey Danny, wanna see?"

"Uh yeah sure," Danny nodded. Kurt held his arm and they teleported out.

Pietro snickered. "What's so funny Quicksilver?" Scott asked.

"Oh nothing, nothing," Pietro shrugged.

"If you find it funny then it **is** nothing," Rogue told him.

"So tell us more about your new recruits," Pietro asked. "Like is that Autumn girl as big a bitch as Starla?"

"She don't talk much, or socialize really," Kitty said. "Just stays in her room a lot."

"Can't say I blame her," Rogue sighed. "I mean her power is even more dangerous than mine! I can **imagine **how she feels."

"And I can imagine that Danny Boy's having fun," Pietro snickered.

"Pietro not **now,**" Lance snapped.

"What did he mean by that?" Peter asked.

"Nothing, just **ignore** him," Wanda glared. "So how did Starla do in her first Danger Room session? Please tell me you have **that** on tape!"

"Oh yes," Rogue grinned. "It's **priceless."**

"Girl fell down on her butt more times than Tanya Harding," Betsy grinned.

"You should tape the first time Danny practices with Kurt, that should be worth watching," Pietro snickered.

"Pietro we talked about this," Shipwreck warned. "Not a word!"

"Not a word about **what?** What the hell is Quicksilver so snarky about today?" Logan snapped.

"Just something we've noticed with our keen ninja like instincts," Pietro preened.

"You're not the ninja! Todd, Althea and I are!" Xi snapped. "We told **you **about it!"

"About what?" Scott snapped.

"Oh," Tabitha said. "I **know **what they're talking about. It's none of our business."

"**What **is none of our business?" Scott asked. "Could one of you maniacs inform me what your diseased little minds have cooked up now?"

"Depends," Lance gave him a look. "How do you feel about having that nervous breakdown right now?"

"On second thought I don't want to know," Scott groaned.

Jean used a bit of her telepathy and blinked. "You're joking! Pietro you're kidding right?"

"No fair using telepathy!" Pietro snapped.

"It wasn't exactly a picnic going through **your** diseased mind!" Jean snapped.

"Oh like you didn't notice it before!" Pietro said to her.

"That's not the point!" Jean said.

"What is not the point? Do you know something we don't about Danny?" Scott asked.

"We know quite a lot of things you don't know about **everything,**" Lance quipped.

"Will you cut the bull and tell us already?" Scott snapped. "No more smart remarks! Just what's on your mind, plain and simple!"

"Danny's got a crush on Kurt," Todd rolled his eyes. "That **simple** enough for you?"

"WHAT?" They heard Kurt shout. Everyone turned around and saw Kurt and a very embarrassed Danny standing there by the kitchen door.

"How long have you been standing there?" Pietro blinked. "And why didn't you teleport directly into the kitchen?"

"I didn't feel like it. You keep complaining about how I keep popping in and out of places," Kurt told him.

"The **one** time he does listen," Wanda groaned. "It figures!"

"What you really didn't figure out that Bird Boy here is gay?" Pietro shrugged. "I had it figured out within two minutes of meeting him."

"That does not surprise **me** one bit!" Lance snapped.

"I may be a heterosexual but I am a very sensitive person," Pietro sniffed.

"Yeah and I'm the Dali Lama you fruit loop," Pyro said. "And I don't mean that in the gay way, I mean that you are a fruit loop in the **insane stupid way!"**

"Even Pyro has more tact than you people!" Tabitha groaned. "So Danny's gay and he likes Kurt. It's all out in the open so no problem right?"

Kurt stood there with an open jaw and no sound came out. Danny stood there with a shocked look on his face. "Uh……"

"Bayville, I believe we have a problem," Pietro quipped.

"Okay everybody out of the room! Out! Out! Out!" Shipwreck started to shove people out. "Kurt and Danny need to talk here!"

"Why? It's not like they're going to make out or anything?" Pietro said as he was shoved. "You aren't are you?"

"OUT!" Logan shoved him very hard out the door. Soon only Danny and Kurt were in the room.

"Kurt I'm sorry…" Danny was very embarrassed. "I didn't…I mean you were the first person I ever saw who was blue like me and…I never…"

"Ohhhh," Kurt moaned. "First of all Danny I do not blame **you** for this! As usual the Misfits are the ones to blame. Look Danny…I'm just going to say it. Not only do I have a girlfriend…I'm **Catholic** for crying out loud! Homosexually is a big no no! I was taught that it was a sin! An abomination against the lord!"

"Oh boy…" Danny shrunk back as if he was hit.

"On the **other** hand," Kurt sighed. "There are a lot of people who consider being a mutant a great evil. That we are abominations and how we live is a sin. And if that wasn't bad enough I learned that I actually have some demon blood in me."

"Demon blood?" Danny asked.

"My birth father is an actual demon lord," Kurt groaned. "It's a long story."

"So you're saying you're **half**…" Danny's eyes widened.

"Quarter actually," Kurt told him. "Due to the fact that my father was trapped in human form at the time. Like I said it's a long story. I mean until I came to the Institute I believed I was a demon. Then I came here and I learned I was just a mutant. Then I learned that I was a mutant with **demon blood**. Boy did I end up praying a lot over **that one!" **

"Ouch," Danny winced. "Real crisis of faith huh?"

"You better believe it. Then I end up having a girlfriend who is a sorceress. An apprentice sorceress. Well technically a sorceress can be a Christian because she's just a magic user unlike a full blooded witch who is a pagan…" Kurt groaned. "But it's still a little weird sometimes."

"Oh boy…" Danny blinked.

"The point is…I can't help **that** part of me. The falling in love with an apprentice sorceress and demon blood part. And I guess being gay is just like that. It is who you are. I don't have the right to judge that. I have to judge you for the person you are. And you seem like a good decent person," Kurt shrugged.

"Look Kurt I never meant to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable," Danny said. "I never even meant to **say** anything to you about it! Just keep it to myself. It's hard enough being a mutant much less…Well you get the picture."

"I have to admit I have some prejudice against this," Kurt sighed. "But here at the Xavier Institute we teach tolerance. To accept each other as we are." He looked at his hands. "**Everything **that we are. When I first got here and got my image inducer… I was thrilled that I could pass for normal. I believed that maybe somehow I could pretend to be normal. It took me a long time to accept the way I am. That for me, this is normal."

Kurt looked at Danny. "And maybe being what you are is normal for you. I just have to learn to accept it. I may not be exactly what you are looking for…But I would like to be your friend. If that's enough."

"It's enough," Danny smiled. "I know you're not totally cool with it but the fact that you're not running away from the room **screaming** is enough for me. I just can't believe everyone picked it up so fast."

"Secrets don't exactly stay secrets long in this place," Rogue said as she and Jamie walked in. "So did you make up or what?"

"Nothing happened," Kurt told them. "Everything is okay."

"We know. We were listening through the door," Jamie told him.

"You weren't supposed to tell them **that** Jamie!" Rogue hit him on the head. Two dupes popped out of Jamie.

"Oh like they wouldn't have figured that out on their own!" Jamie rubbed his sore head and reabsorbed his dupes.

"You were **spying** on us? How could you do that?" Kurt asked.

"Because we can't stick to the walls like **some** people," Rogue pointed to the ceiling. Kurt and Danny looked upwards and saw Todd, Spyder, Althea and Xi there. (Althea and Xi were both using some kind of ninja suction tools to help them stick to the ceiling.)

"Or fly like **other** people," Jamie pointed to the sky window. They saw Angelica, Lina, Jean, and Roberto slink back from the window.

"Technically I can but the window was too crowded," Rogue said. "And so was **that **one!" She pointed to the kitchen window where Hank, Shipwreck and a few other people slunk back. "OR HAVE SENSITIVE HEARING SO THEY CAN LISTEN IN FROM ANOTHER ROOM WOLVERINE!"

"THANKS A **LOT** STRIPES!" Logan shouted back.

"WELL WHY SHOULD YOU GET OFF SCOTT FREE IF WE HAVE TO BE CAUGHT?" Jamie yelled at him.

"YOU WANT TO HELP STARLA WAX THE BLACKBIRD?" Logan roared. "I CAN ARRANGE IT YOU KNOW?"

"SHUT UP LOGAN!" Jean shouted. "MULTIPLE'S RIGHT AND YOU KNOW IT!"

"YOU'RE TAKING **HIS** SIDE?" Logan shouted.

"YES!" Rogue shouted back.

"HA HA!" Jamie yelled with glee. "ROGUE LIKES ME BETTER THAN YOU!"

"SHE DOES **NOT!"** Logan shouted back.

"Is it **always** like this around here?" Danny asked.

"You have **no idea,"** Kurt groaned. "All right everyone come in!" Everyone did so. "Not like you didn't hear everything anyway!"

"I was kind of afraid to tell you," Danny said. "I mean I didn't know how you'd react to me being…You know…"

"They shouldn't," Pyro shrugged. "After all it's not like you're the only gay person here, right Bobby Boy?"

"I AM **NOT** GAY!" Bobby screamed. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THAT BEFORE IT REGISTERS IN THAT MUSH PIT YOU CALL A BRAIN?"

"He's in denial," Pyro told Danny.

"I AM NOT!" Bobby shouted.

"Yes, he is," Pyro shrugged.

"I am not in denial because there is nothing to deny!" Bobby shouted.

"He is so in denial," Pyro shook his head. "It's sad really."

"What's **sad** is that you can't understand that I am not gay!" Bobby shouted.

"Such denial," Pyro looked at Danny. "He is you know."

"I AM NOT!" Bobby yelled.

"You are too!" Pyro quipped back.

"Listen to me you **fire wielding weirdo!"** Bobby began to ice up in anger. "I am sick of this running gag! So I am going to end it once and for all! I am not now, nor have I ever been attracted to any guy! Got it? Understand?"

"Wow," Pyro blinked. "I never realized how devestated you felt when you found out I didn't feel the same way about you. I really ruined you for all other guys didn't I? No wonder you're having such a hard time with accepting yourself."

"AAAHHHHH!" Bobby had to be held back by Rogue and Peter. "LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM!"

"Bobby! Knock it off!" Rogue shouted. "Like **anyone** believes Pyro!"

"Of course that might explain..." Fred began.

"NO FRED!" Wanda shouted. "NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING!"

"Seriously dude," Scott said to Danny. "We all had a quick talk while we were outside and well…"

"It's a little weird for some of us but then again you can't be any worse than Trinity," Ray groaned.

"You do not want to **know** the things they have done to the males around here," Remy moaned.

"Seriously even **I'm** afraid to take a shower without wearing my bathing suit sometimes," Hank shuddered. "Just don't use a video camera all right? Or jumper cables, or live tarantulas…"

"Or ask questions about other people's anatomy," Lance gave Xi a look.

"Oh I…I don't look at people in the shower," Danny told them. "I don't even like looking at **myself** lately…"

"Then we'll get along just fine," Scott sighed.

"I guess I should tell you the **whole **truth," Danny sighed. "My father didn't shoot me because I was a mutant. He shot me because I told him I was gay."

**"What?"** Scott was shocked. "Let me get this straight, uh…no pun intended."

"I know it's confusing but it isn't if you know the facts," Danny interrupted him. "While mutants are accepted in the mob, being gay is still a big no no."

"THE MOB?" Several mutants shouted at the same time.

"What do you mean the Mob?" Todd yelped. "The Mob as in the Mafia? The Cosa Nostra? The Godfather, Goodfellas and Tony Soprano?"

"That's it. My dad's a small time mobster currently working for a big time mobster boss," Danny explained. "He used to work under the Shark but that was taken over by his nephew who's…"

"Also a mutant," Logan interrupted as he walked in. "Tony Denmansario. We know him and his little friend Brian Kennedy."

"Tony calls himself Capone now," Danny said. "After the famous mobster. And Kennedy calls himself Senator. My dad was trying to get me into the family business and when I sprouted wings he thought he won the lottery. He figured having a mutant son with a mutant crime boss in charge would increase his authority. But then I made the mistake of telling him **everything **different about me and…"

"And suddenly our lives get a **lot **more complicated," Logan groaned.

"It's not like we weren't going to run into those bastards again sooner or later," Shipwreck shrugged.

"That could be one of the reasons SHIELD just landed on the lawn," Todd looked out the window. "Of course maybe the Professor's new girlfriend may have something to do with it."

"Oh isn't this just great!" Logan groaned as three huge SHIELD helicarriers landed. "If it isn't one thing it's **another** in this joint!"

"Looks like you coming out isn't going to be the biggest thing to hit the mansion today," Tabitha told Danny.

"It's not even going to be the biggest thing this **hour,**" Pyro quipped. Little did he know how right he was.

"Well here I am again!" Fury walked into the mansion. "Logan! Do you realize how much trouble you people are in?"

"No, but we always like a good surprise," Rogue said sarcastically.

"Okay Fury what's got your panties in a twist **this time**?" Logan sighed. "Is it about the alien or Mob Boss's kid?"

"A little bit of both actually," Fury chomped on his cigar. "So you **did** know about Winger?" He glared at the bird boy.

"He just told us a minute ago," Scott said. "How did you know?"

"His old man is under FBI surveillance. They contacted us. That's going to have to wait **for now,"** Fury snapped. "It's the alien that concerns me! We need to interrogate her right away!"

"Right away? She's been here a **week,**" Logan gave him a look. "What took you so long?"

"Yeah usually when a spaceship crashes on our lawn you're here within an hour," Scott joked. "What happened? You get held up in traffic?"

"SHIELD and the Avengers were a little busy last week okay!" Fury snapped at him. "You mutants aren't the only problems we have! You're just the ones that give us the **biggest headaches!"**

"Speaking of headaches," Shipwreck muttered as Gabrielle Haller stormed up to them with Ororo in tow.

"Where is Charles?" Gabrielle snapped. "I need to talk to him! He promised me that he would search the world for our son!"

"He's kind of searching for something else a little closer to home lately," Logan told her.

"He's doing some research for SHIELD," Fury said. He ignored the snickers around him. "Oh forget it, you've probably heard about the alien by now."

"The what?" Gabrielle gave him a look.

"Oh you **don't** know," Fury groaned. "That's a **first."**

"Alien spaceship landed on our lawn during graduation last week," Logan explained. She gave him a look. "Seriously that's **what **happened."

"It's true lady," Fury sighed. "These things happen around here more often than even I would like to admit! So has the Professor made any progress so far?"

"Let's just say the Professor has been doing a lot of 'interrogation' of his own," Logan smirked.

"Well I need to talk to him **right now**," Fury snapped. "Where is he?"

"He's in his bedroom!" Todd called out.

"He's sleeping in?" Gabrielle snapped. Several Misfits snickered. "That does it! Where's his room!"

"Upstairs! Follow me!" Fury said.

"How do you know…?" Logan began as everyone followed him.

"I have the blueprints to this place in my office!" Fury snapped.

"Those are supposed to be top secret! Who gave them to you?" Logan snapped.

"Nobody **gave **me anything!" Fury snapped at him. "They cost me an arm and a leg!"

"They didn't cost that much! I thought the price was very reasonable considering…" Arcade began. The X-Men glared at him. "Uh…Trinity did it!"

"I should have known," Logan growled. "Why are you all following us?"

"And miss this? No way!" Todd remarked.

"Even I can't blame them for **this,**" Scott groaned.

"Do you think we should...?" Betsy began to ask Jean.

"No, this is something the Professor **deserves!"** Jean told her. "Scott's not the only one scarred for life!"

"Oh I definitely gotta see this!" Althea snorted.

"Looks like the whole mansion is going to see this," Kitty remarked at the throng of people following Fury to the Professor's private room.

"When I get my hands on Charles," Gabrielle grunted as they made his way to the door.

"Get in line!" Fury snapped.

"Uh I wouldn't go in there right now," Betsy gulped.

"Don't tell us what to do!" Fury snapped as he kicked the door in. He and Gabrielle burst in. "Xavier….HOLY COW WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?"

"CHARLES!" Gabrielle screamed.

"GABRIELLE? FURY?" Xavier shouted back, clearly surprised. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? WHAT THE HELL ARE **YOU** DOING?" Gabriele shouted. "NOT THAT WE CAN'T SEE FOR OURSELVES!"

"And they're off," Pyro snickered.

"And there goes a few more shreds of my sanity," Scott quipped.

"OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Fury was heard screaming. "XAVIER YOU'VE FINALLY CRACKED AND STARTED TO ACT LIKE YOUR KIDS!"

"WHAT THE DEVIL ARE YOU DOING?" Gabrielle shouted. "CHARLES WHO IS THIS WOMAN?"

Fury stumbled out of the room. "My good eye…" He moaned. "I nearly went completely **blind!**"

"Told you not to go in there," Betsy snickered.

"Just when I think you people could not get any more reckless or **insane**…" Fury trembled. "You **top** yourselves!"

"Hear that guys? We just broke a record!" Tabitha called out.

"Uh, maybe we should discuss Danny until Xavier's dressed?" Logan made a helpful suggestion.

"I don't think Mrs. Haller is gonna wait," Todd snickered as he listened in.

"I DON'T BELIEVE YOU CHARLES! YOU PROMISED ME YOU WERE GOING TO FIND OUR SON BUT INSTEAD I CATCH YOU FOOLING AROUND WITH THIS WHORE!" Gabrielle shouted.

"**WHAT **DID YOU CALL ME?" Lilandra shouted.

"She picked up English pretty fast," Lance remarked.

"I called you a whore you freak from a **circus!"** Gabrielle screamed.

"And you are a…" Lilandra let loose a string of alien words.

"I may not be able to speak whatever language you are speaking gutter trash," Gabrielle snarled. "But I know what **that** means!"

"Gutter trash! I am a Royal Princess of the Shi'ar Empire you low born peasant!" Lilandra screamed. The sounds of fighting were heard. Everyone poked their heads inside the room and saw Gabrielle fighting with Lilandra. Lilandra was wearing only a flimsy blue negligee as she punched and scratched at Xavier's ex wife who was giving as good as she got.

"Let go of my hair you feathered freak!" Gabrielle screeched as she clawed at Lilandra's face.

"How dare you ruffle my feathers she devil!" Lilandra gave in a few good punches to the stomach.

"Whoo hoo! Way to go Charley!" Shipwreck cheered. "You da man!"

Xavier was trying to cover himself with his blanket. "If **Shipwreck **is cheering me on I **know **I have sunk low…" He moaned.

"Don't expect any sympathy from **me!**" Jean snapped at him. "You only have yourself to blame!"

"Catfight! Catfight!" Pietro jumped up and down. "Go ladies go!"

"I'd ask people to place their bets but who in their right mind would bet on Haller?" Todd snickered.

"Yeah! Go alien lady go!" Fred cheered. Along with nearly all the other students in the hallway. Scott muttered something under his breath about aspirin and staggered away with Jean patting his back.

"A quiet normal day..." Scott moaned. "Is that so much to ask? Is it Jean?"

"No Scott," Jean sighed. "Now let's get you some aspirin."

"You'd better bring some for the battling beauties over here!" Pyro called out. "Oooh! And some disinfectant!"

"Bird lady has sharp talons," Xi grinned.

"Sharp enough to rip open Haller's dress!" Shipwreck could barely contain himself. "WHOO HOO! CHARLEY YOU RULE!"

"SHIPWRECK SHUT UP!" Both Ororo and Xavier shouted.

"Professor X you are my hero!" Ray shouted with glee.

"YOU TOO RAY!" Amara, Tabitha and Kitty shouted at the same time.

"All the good the Professor has done and **this** is what you're proud of?" Kitty wrinkled her nose in distaste.

Ray looked at them as if they had lost their minds. "Yeah. Duh!"

"MEN!" Kitty shouted. "YOU'RE ALL ALIKE!"

"Look who's talking," Lance gave her a look.

"Oh don't start with me Lance!" Kitty snapped at him.

"What? This does not look **familiar** to you?" Peter asked her.

"Well maybe if you two had taken your shirts off more when you fought..." Althea surmised.

"LIKE FATHER LIKE DAUGHTER!" Ororo shouted.

"DON'T YOU COMPARE ME TO **HIM!"** Althea snapped. "DAD WILL YOU STOP DROOLING?"

"Just because you are a **higher class** of pervert than your father does not make you any **less **of a pervert!" Wanda glared at her friend.

"And that's a **bad** thing?" Todd blinked.

"I've just been forgotten haven't I?" Danny asked Jesse.

"Welcome to my world," Jesse groaned. He pointed to the women fighting each other. "But in all fairness I think this does top a Mafia boss' gay mutant son."

"Charley! Charley! Charley!" Shipwreck hooted raising his fists in triumph.

"I hope you're **proud** of yourself Charles!" Ororo shouted. "This is all your fault!"

"You know fighting off that alien invasion last week was actually more **relaxing** compared to this," Fury rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Twenty five minutes, General Hawk teleporting in, a change of clothes for Xavier and Lilandra and some band aids later…

"So let me get this straight," Gabrielle, sporting a bandage on her forehead glared at Lilandra. "This…person is from outer space?"

"Yes I am Lilandra, Princess of the Shi'ar Empire," Lilandra said proudly. She was wearing a blue dress that exposed her arms. They had small ridges that indicated there used to be feathers there some time in her people's history.

"I've heard about your people," Fury nodded. "And not a lot of it good."

"Please, the Shi'ar never used to be like that," Lilandra protested. "Once my people built a great and powerful civilization but one based on tolerance and understanding. Then my older sister was overthrown for her madness and my wicked brother came into power."

"And that's when the Shi'ar started enslaving it's neighbors?" Fury grunted.

"We are not all like that," Lilandra told him. "Until my brother discovered me, I was working in secret with the rebels. I fled not only his wrath but to learn about the Phoenix which I had heard had found a new host."

"And what were you planning on doing with me?" Jean asked. "I heard you wanted to kill me!"

"That was one possibility, until Charles convinced me otherwise," Lilandra squeezed Xavier's hand. "You see centuries ago the Phoenix was an all powerful being that ravaged worlds. It nearly destroyed the entire Shi'ar race and was prophesized that the Phoenix and it's host would be the downfall of the Shi'ar Empire. Until a great warrior and his sorcerer friends imprisoned the cosmic being in a crystal and sent it out to the farthest reaches of the universe, so it could never threaten my people again."

"The M'Kyrann Crystal," Hank put it together. "Which somehow found it's way to Earth. And was used by the Pharaohs of ancient Egypt until Apocalypse put a stop to it."

"And it got blown to bits thanks to the Hellfire Club and Cobra," General Hawk grunted.

"Which resulted in me getting posessed by it," Jean finished.

"I do not believe my brother yet knows about the Phoenix being resurrected," Lilandra said. "But if he does…He will stop at nothing to obtain it's power."

"Like invade the Earth?" Fury nodded.

"Yes," Lilandra sighed. "And there are other races that would invade this planet if only to destroy the Phoenix in fear. They may even destroy the planet itself."

"Well **that **explains a lot!" Fury raised his hands. "No wonder all these alien races have been trying to either conquer or blow up the planet lately! Somehow they know about her!" He pointed to Jean. "And the only reason they don't attack her directly is because she's too damn powerful or they're just plain scared of her!"

"In other words…As long as I'm alive…The Earth is in danger," Jean realized.

"Don't talk like that!" Scott told her.

"He's right Jean," Althea said. "Something tells me that Earth's a target with or without you. So do us all a favor and don't beat yourself over it."

"If anyone should be beaten it should be that **hussy **over there!" Gabrielle glared at Lilandra.

"Watch it toots!" Shipwreck snapped. "You got what you **deserved!** Especially with all the crap you put him through! I say way to go Charles for putting this witch in her place! Especially with a hot number like Lilandra!"

"Who are **you** calling a witch?" Gabrielle snapped at Shipwreck.

"Well nobody else rode in here on a **broomstick!"** Shipwreck snapped at her.

"Shipwreck, I know you **think **you are helping me," Xavier winced. "But really…You **aren't!**"

"It's not his fault that your parenting skills, or should I say **lack** of them caused your son to develop four or five separate personalities!" Shipwreck snapped, ignoring Xavier.

"What do you mean four or five?" Gabrielle asked.

"Well there's Lucas, Ian, Blackjack, Cyndi…" Shipwreck counted off.

"Wait, wait are you telling me that my son's condition has gotten **worse?"** Gabrielle yelled.

"Oh yeah," Todd nodded. "You know how bad it is? Cyndi is a **girl!**"

"WHAT?" Gabrielle screamed.

"**Thank you** very much Toad!" Xavier winced.

"That's right! If **anyone's** to blame for your kid being a homicidal transvestite with more personalities than Dancing with the Stars it's **you** lady!" Pyro shouted out.

"Actually he's more like a transgender, Pyro," Fred corrected. "Because of his shape shifting abilities he can actually change his guy parts to lady parts."

**_"WHAT?"_** Gabrielle screamed at an incredibly high and annoying volume.

"Will you people please **stop** helping me?" Xavier shouted.

"Oh I miss that alien invasion so much," Fury sighed wistfully.

"I think I just figured out the **real reason** why it took you a **full week** to show up here," Shipwreck said to him.

"Do you seriously expect me to believe that the reason you haven't been looking for our son is that you've been dealing with alien menaces landing on your front lawn?" Gabrielle shouted. "That is the most ridiculous…**insane**…."

BOOOM! The ground shook violently. "It's not me! I swear it!" Lance shouted.

"I know! It's that!" General Hawk pointed out the window and saw a large strange spacecraft hovering in the sky.

"What is that?" Gabrielle shouted.

"It's another alien spaceship," Fury sighed. "God I **hate** coming here!"

BLAAAMMMM!

The ship shot out some kind of ray that hit the side of the Institute. "We're under attack!" Todd screamed.

Suddenly something teleported into the room. "Hello Princess," A giant in red armor snarled. "It's time to take you back home."

**This just keeps getting crazier doesn't it? I always thought that Evo/Misfitverse Kurt wouldn't be as homophobic as Ultimate Kurt. Not that I wasn't struck by the irony but come on…**

Kurt agreed. "Ya I mean come on, look at me! Who am I to judge?"

Todd said. "Yo you judge me all the time!"

"You are the deranged exception that proves the rule," Kurt gave him a look.

**Well here it comes, big trouble at the Mansion and everything is going to change. Again. Which means more of the same old stuff. Just wait and see.**

"And take your medication," Scott grumbled. "And people wonder why I'm so uptight all the time. If I really let loose I'd go absolutely **nuts!"**


	58. When Aliens Attack

**When Aliens Attack**

"It is time to take you back with me Princess," The giant in the red armor snarled as he wielded a hefty alien ax. "Did you really believe you could hide forever from your brother's wrath? Especially on a low ranking swamp of a planet like **this** one?"

"Oh those are fighting words all right," Rogue snarled.

"Who the hell is this jerk wad?" Logan shot out his claws and pointed them at the intruder.

"I am Erik'Dared, a member of the Imperial Guard you low ranked creature," The alien warrior snorted. "Move aside lowly being, for you have no chance against my power! You who are not even fit to clean my **boots** will be crushed like the pathetic weaklings you are if you…"

ZAP! RRRRRUMMMMMMBLLEEEE!

Lance and Scott looked at each other at the same time and nodded. They both used their powers to send Erik'Dared hurtling back through the wall and out onto the lawn.

"Resist…" Erik'Dared coughed as he got up from the ground.

"Really?" Lance cracked his knuckles.

"Let's put that theory to the test shall we?" Scott agreed.

"Be careful! Erik'Dared is a feared warrior!" Lilandra warned.

"We can take him," Logan snorted.

"You take him," Jesse stepped back with Doug and Danny. "We'll watch from the back."

"We will?" Danny blinked.

"Trust us on this dude," Doug told him.

"X-Men! Misfits! Protect Lilandra!" Xavier ordered.

"Is he ordering us?" Pietro asked Todd.

"Who cares! I just wanna kick some alien butt!" Fred grunted.

"Yeah nobody trashes the Xavier Institute but **us!"** Pietro agreed.

"It's a Misfit thing," Wanda agreed with her twin.

"Do you pathetic humans really think you can beat me?" Erik'Dared grunted as he got up and lumbered towards them.

"Newsflash, most of us **aren't** human pal!" Pietro zoomed around him. "Try and hit me! I dare ya!"

"Stand **still** you little…" The alien warrior tried to hit Pietro but failed, even though he was surprisingly agile. "Stand…Still! Stop moving so fast and fight!"

"Come on big guy! Let's see what you got!" Pietro taunted as he ran around the alien. Erik'Dared tried to chop at him with his ax but missed every time. "You got nothing! You got nothing! N O T H I N G!" Then he leapt on his back and hit his helmet a few times as if he was playing the bongos. "NOTHING!"

"Why you little..." Erik'Dared tried to grab him but Pietro was far too quick for him. "Stop it you little albino Zoom Rat!"

"Can't hit me! Can't hit me! Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!" Pietro blew a raspberry and then spun around so fast he created a twister. "Nyah! Nyah! Nyah!"

"AAAAHHHH!" Erik'Dared screamed as he spun around and around in the vortex. "STOP! STOP THE SPINNING! I'M GETTING SICK HERE!"

"Okay," Scott readied his optic blasts and blasted the alien intruder out of the whirlwind and into a tree.

"Oww…" Erik'Dared winced as he slid down out of the tree.

"This is going to be fun isn't it?" Althea grinned at Jean.

"Oh yes it is," Jean grinned back.

"Good! After the week I've had I could use a good stress reliever!" Scott told them.

"Hey how come we can understand what this alien is saying but when Lilandra first got here we couldn't understand a word?" Todd asked.

"My interdimensional communicator was destroyed," Lilandra told him.

"Oh that explains a lot," Todd nodded.

"Mutants, I've heard of you creatures," Erik'Dared snorted as he got to his feet. "The **only** thing interesting about this pathetic wasteland of a planet."

"This pathetic wasteland is our **home** chump," Rogue growled as she stormed towards him. "And we don't take kindly to people trying to invade it!"

"What are you planning on doing about it you barbaric female?" Erik'Dared laughed. "Hit me! Go ahead! Try and hurt me with your delicate…"

POW!

The alien warrior was hit so hard he crashed through and broke three trees before he landed flat on his back. "Fists of pure vibranium…" Erik'Dared said in a wobbly voice. "What a right hook…"

"Fury I think **now** would be a good time to call SHIELD," General Hawk gulped. "If you don't mind?"

"And you'd better call the Joes," Fury pointed to the sky as a spaceship hovered into view. "We need backup fast!"

"Uh I would but they're all on a mission fighting Cobra at some Mayan Temple right about now," General Hawk gulped.

"Fine! I'll call!" Fury grumbled as he dialed the number in the phone. "This is Fury calling! I need…IS THIS A RECORDING?"

"HA!" General Hawk scoffed.

"Shut up Hawk!" Fury snapped. "Hello? Hello? Somebody better answer this damn phone!"

"Lucky punch you little…" Erik'Dared sat up.

"Having trouble?"

Erik'Dared gave a hostile glance to the voice in the sky addressing him. _Oh no! Not him again! I **hate** this jerk! _He thought. _Of all the members of the Imperial Guard assigned to assist me, why did it have to be him? _

Hovering in the air was a man completely made of fire. Or at least he seemed to be one. He wore a one piece red uniform split in half as a tank top and short shorts, long red boots, had a flame on his head and his body glowed brightly with fire emanating all around him. He carried a staff which had powerful flames erupting from both sides.

"No I'm **fine!**" Erik'Dared snapped as he got to his feet. "Just playing with them! So back off Firelord!"

"Are you sure," Firelord raised an eyebrow. "Looks like they like to play a little **rough."**

"Well so do I, so stay out of my way!" Erik'Dared snapped. "Remember **I** was put in charge of this mission to retrieve the princess so that means you do what I say!"

"Whatever, fine," Firelord sighed.

"Oooh! A fire man! A fire man!" Pyro jumped up and down clapping his hands. "I wanna play with the fire man! I wanna play with the fire man!"

Althea held out her hand to stop him. "Not yet," She told him. "Wait for it!"

_Okay this time I'm not going to play around! _Erik'Dared thought. _If I don't bring these brats down his royal pain in the fire butt will never let me hear the **end** of it! He thinks he's soooooo great just because he was once a former herald of Galactacus and been with the Imperial Guard since the Emperor was still in the egg! But I'll show him! I'll show him who really has the power here! _

He swung his mighty glowing axe at them. "AAAAHHHHH!" He prepared to chop the mutants in half. "Prepare to die barbarians!"

Only to have the axe be hexed out of his hands and stuck into a nearby wall thanks to Wanda's hex bolts. "Oh for crying out loud!" Erik'Dared stormed over to the wall and tried to pull it out.

"Uh are you…?" Firelord asked.

"I'm **fine,** damn it! I'm handling this! Just let me get my axe out…" Erik'Dared strained to pull it out. "Come on! Come on!"

"Good luck," Wanda grinned. "Put a little extra spin in that hex. In other words it's going to take more than super strength to get it out!"

"Wait until I get my axe out you little…Come on!" Erik'Dared sweated and strained as he tried to pull his axe out of the wall.

"Can I…?" Pyro pointed at the Firelord.

"Not **yet** Pyro," Althea told him. She looked at the Firelord. "Okay so what's your deal? Are you going to attack us or what?"

"Eventually," Firelord shrugged. "But first I think my friend here needs a lesson in humility. He always was a little too stubborn for his own good."

"AAHHH! COME ON COME ON AND GET OUT YOU STUPID…IDIOTIC!" Erik'Dared snarled as he pulled and strained. "I AM YOUR OWNER SO GET OUT DAMN YOU! GET OUT OF THE WALL NOW!"

"And I must admit I am **enjoying **this," Firelord snickered.

"Okay, fine! Forget the stupid axe! I was going to get a new one anyway!" Erik'Dared gave up. "I don't need one to tear all of you apart with my bare hands!" He charged with a roar.

"Colossus, Blob you're up!" Logan called out.

"Gladly," Peter armored up as he and Fred stood together as the alien warrior charged towards them.

"AAAHHHHH!" Erik'Dared screamed as he charged.

"The old One Two?" Fred asked.

"Da, I believe that will do nicely," Peter nodded.

"PREPARE TO MEET YOUR GODS YOU LITTLE…." Erik'Dared charged.

"ONE!" Fred shouted as he punched the ticked off alien with all his strength.

"TWO!" Peter roared as he punched the alien at the exact same time.

"AAAHHHH!" Erik'Dared crashed backwards through a few more trees. He landed on his back. "I'm okay…"

"I can't believe it! I'm on hold!" Fury shouted. "My own agency has put me on **hold!** Where is everyone?"

"Ha, justice," General Hawk snickered.

"Just call the police or something!" Gabrielle shouted at them.

"Yeah, **that** will work," Fury grumbled. "Look lady just let me do my job and…" He turned his attention towards the phone. "No I **don't **want a pizza! Henderson? Is that you? Are you **drunk **again?"

"Are you **sure** you don't need any help?" Firelord asked the alien warrior as he tried to attack again.

"Yes, I'm sure!" Erik'Dared snapped. "I'm handling things just **fine!"**

ZZZAAAAPPPP! One of Scott's more powerful optic blasts knocked him backwards.

"Looks like you're having a little bit of trouble there," Firelord told him.

"I am just **fine!** I can handle myself against weaklings!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"Well that I knew, but can you do it against **these people?"** Firelord replied.

"AAAHHHHH!" Erik'Dared charged. "I'll kill you! I'll kill you **all!"**

Todd grinned and shot out some slime which hit him in the face. "AAAHHGGGH! WHAT IS THIS UNHOLY DISGUSTING…." The alien warrior screamed as he tried to remove it. He couldn't see the icy patch that Bobby made for him. He slipped and fell flat on his back. "AAHHHHH!"

"Oooh! That has **got** to hurt," Firelord winced. He discreetly turned on a hidden communicator. "Firelord to ship, you're **recording **this right?"

"Yes sir," A Shi'ar operative on the spaceship told him. "Permission to make several copies immediately after the operations. For…Tactical study sir."

"Granted," Firelord grinned as Erik'Dared was doing some kind of bizarre tap dance in order to escape the explosive powers of Remy, Jubilee and Shane. "Make sure I get a copy."

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Erik'Dared moved as fast as he could. "OW! OW! OW! OW! WHEN I GET MY…OW….ON YOUR…OW! YOU WILL PAY WITH YOUR…OWWWWW!"

"Dance baby! Dance!" Jubilee whooped.

"That's some fancy footwork mister alien," Remy grinned.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Erik'Dared danced around. "I can't believe this is happening! I am a frakking Imperial Guardian! This **can't** be happening! OW! OW! OW!"

"Better than watching Dancing with the Stars," Shane shot. "We should call this Dancing with the Aliens!"

"I'll dance on your **graves** you little…" Erik'Dared snapped. Bobby used his powers to create some ice for him to slip on. "NOT AGAIN! AAAHHHHH!"

"I can make him scream louder," Spyder snorted. She zapped him with her electric webbing.

"YEOWWWWWWWWWW!"

"I was right," Spyder grinned.

"Now? Now? Now?" Pyro pleaded, jumping up and down like an impatient child. "Now? Now? Nooooooooowwwwww?"

"Not **yet,"** Althea told him. "Wait for it."

"But I've **been **waiting for it!" Pyro whined.

"You'll have to wait some **more**," Althea told him. "Just a little longer. I promise."

BOOM!

"YEOW MY BUTT!" Erik'Dared screamed as he ran around trying to keep his armored pants on. Tabitha had slipped in a time bomb somehow as he was getting up from the ice. He was now running around and then slid on another patch of ice Bobby created.

"This is starting to become **embarrassing**," Firelord sighed as he shook his head.

"Speaking of embarrassing," General Hawk took a look at Fury who was still on the phone trying to get through to his own office.

"What do you mean Iron Man is throwing a barbecue rib party?" Fury shouted into the cell phone. "I seriously **doubt **that! Henderson! Henderson! Don't you dare put me on hold, soldier! If you even think of putting me on hold you are going to spend the rest of your life in…I don't believe it! He put me **on hold!"**

"Okay Kurt it's our turn," Kitty grinned as she and Kurt charged after the alien warrior.

"Hey Erik the Red! Can't catch us!" Kurt blew a raspberry.

"That's Erik'Dared you little…HOLD STILL!" He snarled as he tried to grab Kitty. Only she phased through him and he fell flat on his face. "OOHMP!"

"Can't touch this," Kitty grinned.

"You little..." Erik'Dared charged again. Again he missed and fell flat on his face.

"Told you," Kitty made a dance step. "Can't touch this."

"This guy is really pathetic," Daria shook her head.

"Yeah let's just watch the show," Quinn agreed.

"I should have got some popcorn," Brittany snapped her fingers.

"Neener, neener, neener!" Kurt taunted as the alien attacked, then teleported out of the way. "Can't touch this!"

"OH I WILL DO MORE THAN **TOUCH** YOU WHEN I..." Erik'Dared snapped as he slipped yet again on a patch of ice and fell flat on his face.

"Should we do anything?" Low Light asked Logan. "Help the kids out or something?"

"This guy is such a **joke** I don't think even **I** want a shot at him," Logan scoffed. "It's that fire guy I'm more worried about."

"Not me," Low Light grinned. "Think about it."

"Oh right," Logan grinned. "**Boy **are they in for a couple of surprises!"

"You know there's nothing wrong with asking for help when you really need it," Firelord said to his frustrated comrade. "And right now it looks like you **really need it!"**

"I do not need any help!" Erik'Dared snapped as he swung and Kitty and Kurt and kept missing. "Repeat! No, help! I…am doing…fine…on my own! Got it?"

"Yes I got it. Uh, by the way, your legs are stuck in the ground," Firelord pointed to his feet. "Just thought you might be interested to know that."

"WHAT?" Erik'Dared looked down and indeed Kitty had phased his legs into the ground. "Son of a…"

"POW! POW! POW!" Both Rogue and Peter punched Erik'Dared like a punching bag, finally hitting him so hard he got unstuck from the ground and flew backwards.

"I am **definitely** going to feel that one later…" Erik'Dared staggered as he stood up. "Ooohhh look at all the pretty stars…"

"Don't you think this has gone on long **enough**?" Firelord asked. "Face it Dared you're getting your butt kicked!"

"They day I ask **you **for help when I am fighting a group of barely evolved **monkeys**…" Erik'Dared snarled. "Is the day I….AAAHHHHGGGGGH!" He was inundated by a wave of pool water thanks to Althea's powers.

"You were saying?" Firelord raised an eyebrow.

"Well…Perhaps I might require **some **assistance…" Erik'Dared coughed as he lay on the ground.

"That's **all** I wanted to hear," Firelord sighed. He created a huge heat blast that knocked down several of the X-Men and Misfits. "Now why don't you watch how a **real** Imperial Guardsman handles this!"

"Why don't you cool off?" Althea used her powers to dump water on Firelord. But to her shock the water evaporated from his heated body almost immediately. "WHAT?"

"Sorry little water bender, but not even an **ocean **can quench my flames," Firelord heightened the flames around himself.

"Chill out!" Bobby shouted as he used his powers to ice Firelord.

He easily burst through the ice using his flames. "I prefer a warmer climate thank you," Firelord blasted at Bobby who barely got out of the way.

"Bobby!" Lorna focused on her powers and forced the ship to slam into Firelord.

"OW! Watch where you are flying helmsman!" Firelord snarled.

"It's not us sir! Something is moving the ship!" The helmsman reported via his communicator.

"What? Moving?" He saw Lorna. He sent a heat blast to knock her backwards. "They have metal benders on this world **as well as** water and ice wielders? This planet is definitely a **strange** one."

"Then maybe we ought to fight fire with fire!" Roberto shouted. He charged up along with Angelica and Amara and they fired on him.

"Try this on for size you big bully!" Angelica threw her heat blasts at him.

"My power is derived from the cosmos itself," Firelord easily deflected the attacks. "Your powers are like candles trying to compete against a forest fire."

"Now Wavedancer?" Pyro jumped up and down. "Please say **now!"**

**"NOW** PYRO!" Althea shouted. **"NOW!"**

"Now **what?** There is **nothing **anyone can do to…" He felt funny. Then he noticed that his fire hair had changed into very long fire rabbit ears. "Okay what happened to my hair?"

"It's an **improvement** I'll give you that," Pietro snickered.

"He, he, he, he…" Pyro snickered. "This is gonna be fun!"

"Stop it! Stop it!" Firelord's hair changed to several different hairstyles. First a bob, then a beehive, an Elvis hairdo, a Mohawk, pigtails, cornrows, a ponytail, a spiked up punk style hairdo, a Farah Fawcett type hairdo. "Will you **stop it?"**

"Look who's got a Farah do! Don't you wish you had one too?" Pyro cackled.

"I swear these kids watch way too many VH1 shows," Logan groaned.

"He's changing hairstyles more times than Sanjaya," Kurt giggled.

"This is **humiliating!**" Firelord roared as his hair turned into a familiar fo-hawk.

"Forget your stupid hair Firelord and use your Star Bolts to **incinerate **them!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"Fine I'll put it on low and…" Firelord raised his staff to shoot out a flame of fire. Which turned around and hit Erik'Dared right near his feet.

"Watch where you're **aiming **those things!" Erik'Dared shook his fist.

"I **was **watching!" Firelord tried again. And this time the flames were bigger and headed for the back of Erik'Dared.

"NOT **ME **YOU FOOL!" Erik'Dared leapt in pain as the flames singed is behind. "THEM! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOOT AT **THEM!** YEOWWWWW!"

"I **was **shooting at them!" Firelord increased his powers. Suddenly he noticed that his fire covered arms and legs were moving without his say so. "Okay what is going **on** here?!"

"What in the name of the moons are you doing now?" Erik'Dared tried to fan out his behind. "This is no time for fooling around!"

"Don't you think I **know** that?" Firelord snapped as he danced around. "Something is controlling my movements! I can't stop dancing!"

_"You make me feel like dancing! Gonna dance the night away!"_ Pyro sang. _"You make me feel like dancing! I wanna dance the night away! I feel like dancing! Whoo! Dancing! Wow! Dance the night away!" _

"What the…?" Firelord gasped as he found himself dancing around. "I can't control my powers! Who is **doing** this?"

"AAYYYY MACARENA!" Pyro yelled happily.

"Why am I dancing this way?" Firelord shouted as he danced around doing the Macarena. "And why do I **like** it?"

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say it's that kid with the fire suit over there grinning inanely and laughing like a Denari Joker Cat!" Erik'Dared snapped. He barely missed a few charged cards from Remy. "That's it! I'm calling in backup!"

"No! We are Imperial Guards!" Firelord danced like he was in a ballet. "We do not call for….AAAAHHH!" He screamed as he was forced to make a rather painful split with his legs. "Owie..."

"**Now** who's afraid to ask for help?" Erik'Dared said sarcastically. He activated his communicator. "Squads One, Two and Three! Attack! ATTACK!"

Several dozen Shi'ar soldiers teleported off the ship carrying huge laser rifles. They were muscular men and women with hair just like Lilandra's and wearing black and sky blue uniforms. They opened fire on the Xavier Institute.

"This could be a problem," Arcade blinked.

"Now things are starting to get interesting," Shipwreck grinned.

"I'm so glad **you're** happy!" Fury snapped. "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STILL ON HOLD!"

"X-Men! Misfits! Drive 'em back!" Logan roared. They did so with great enthusiasim.

"WILL SOMEONE PLEASE PICK UP?" Fury shouted. "THERE ARE GOING TO BE SO MANY DEMOTIONS WHEN I GET BACK IT'S NOT GOING TO BE FUNNY!"

"Charles what is the meaning of this?" Gabrielle screamed at him. "See what your insane work has done? I am so glad we are no longer married!"

"You are not the **only** one," Lilandra glared at her.

"Do you want to fight again?" Gabrielle snarled at her. "I am more than willing to go for a rematch!"

"Ladies please!" Roadblock shouted keeping them apart. "Can we deal with the aliens attacking us first?"

"Then you can have another catfight," Shipwreck grinned. He narrowly dodged a bolt of lightning. "Storm! Watch it! The aliens are over there!"

"And the pervert is right in **front** of me!" Ororo snapped. "But you have a point. I'll kill you later."

The mutants were easily fighting back the aliens using their powers. Firelord had to force himself to get out of Pyro's range and keep his flames to a minimum. "The tide of battle does not go well for us," He grumbled.

"No kidding! This is **not** happening!" Erik'Dared snapped. "Three Squads of Elite Shi'ar Soldiers as well as two Alpha Ranks of the Imperial Guard should be **more** than a match for these primitive children! Yet we're getting kicked around like balls in a playground!"

"I had no idea beings from Earth could fight like **this**," Firelord gasped.

"Take that alien jerks!" Tabitha created a huge energy bomb and it exploded right in front of Erik'Dared, knocking him backwards.

"Skrull Super Soldiers don't fight like **this!**" Erik'Dared snapped. Penny leapt out of nowhere and attacked him. "AAAAHHHH! NO GET IT OFF! GET THIS SHARP PAINFUL CHILD OFF OF ME!"

"Obviously our intelligence on this planet is a bit faulty," Firelord grumbled.

"What's faulty Monsieur Alien is you thinking you could invade our home so easily!" Remy sent more charged cards at him.

"I am really starting to **hate** this planet!" Erik'Dared screamed as he tried to shake Penny off of him. "SOMEBODY GET THIS **KID **OFF OF ME!"

"RRRRRRR!" Penny bit at him through his armor. She even tore through his pants armor.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! STOP IT! OH GREAT!" Erik'Dared screamed as Rahne charged towards him in her wolf form. Right towards his unprotected posterior. "This is going to hurt! YEOW! I WAS RIGHT!"

Meanwhile not that far away Officers Toody and Muldoon observed the fighting from their squad car. "Another alien invasion at the Xavier Institute, huh Toody?" Muldoon asked.

POW! BLAM! POW! ZAP! RRUMBBBLEE! ZAP! KABLOOOOEY!

"Yup," His partner nodded. "That's what it looks like Muldoon."

"So should we call it in? Help them?" Muldoon asked. "Make another break for Florida?"

"We would have made it last time if **somebody** hadn't stopped for gas!" Toody snapped at his partner.

"Well how was I supposed to know the Sarge was there too?" Muldoon snapped back at him.

"We're lucky we didn't get written up," Toody grumbled. "He almost joined us though."

BLAM! BAM! POW! KAPOW! BLAAAAAAMMM! RRRRRUMMMMLBE!

"So what do you want to do?" Toody asked.

"I dunno, what do **you** want to do?" Muldoon asked.

BLAM! POW! ZAP! ZAP! ZIPPPPPP! ZAM! TCHANG! POW! SHKAKK!

"I know what I **don't** wanna do," Toody gulped.

"I am **not** getting in the middle of **that,**" Muldoon gulped. "That's for sure!"

ZZAP! POW! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! POW!

"Yeah they've got it pretty much under control," Toody gulped. "Lotta aliens over there aren't they?"

POW! ZAAAP! RRRUMMBLE! SRAKKKK! FLOOOM!

"Yup, a whole lotta aliens," Muldoon blinked. "And a whole lot of lasers and fires and…"

BOOOOOM! RRRRRUMMMBLE!

"What's say we go down to Dunkin' Donuts and get ourselves some coffee?" Muldoon asked.

"Yeah and maybe a bagel would be nice," Toody nodded.

"Heck, why not some donut holes?" Muldoon turned the squad car around and fled for the hills. "Forget the diet! We've earned it!"

"AAAHHH!" Several Shi'ar soldiers seemed to flee from nothing. Of course it was Danielle using her powers on them.

"They have psychics with them!" Firelord shouted. "ENOUGH! THIS ENDS NOW!" He flew straight into the air and tapped into his full power.

"Guys! He's too strong! I can't control him!" Pyro shouted. "AAAHH!" He was thrown backwards.

"Never play with cosmic fire!" Firelord shouted as he used his powers to rain fire on the Institute and it's inhabitants.

"Great the place is on fire again!" Logan groaned as the roof of the Institute caught fire. "Storm!"

"Winds! Rain! Cool down the flames!" Ororo concentrated her efforts on the flames and put out the fire before any serious damage could occur.

"I'll try knocking down flame boy over here," Scott shot his optic blasts at Firelord.

Scott tried to blast him but was hit hard by Firelord. "Scott!" Jean ran to his side.

"Surrender Earth creatures!" Firelord ordered. "You fought well but you are no match for the Shi'ar! Surrender or perish!"

"Big mistake, Firelord," Jean's eyes turned to fire. "BIG MISTAKE!"

"RARRRRRRR!" Around Jean a huge image of a phoenix fire emerged. This stopped the soldiers fighting for a moment and many screamed in fear.

"I know that power," Firelord gasped. "It's the Phoenix Force! That girl has the **Phoenix Force** within her body!"

"That creature is the Phoenix?" Erik'Dared gasped. "It **can't** be! I thought it was just a myth!"

"No," Firelord gasped. "Not again! Not **again!"**

"KERARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" The Phoenix Raptor around Jean shrieked as she flew up towards Firelord.

"You want to see power, Firelord?" Jean growled. "Let me show you **power!"**

"AAAAHHH!" Firelord was knocked from the sky and landed on the ground.

"Firelord! Don't give up! We can take them!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"Don't be a fool! We don't stand a chance against that **creature!** We must warn the Emperor," Firelord said. "The Phoenix has emerged and found a new host body!"

"Great, just freaking great! Now what do we do?" One soldier shouted.

"So much for a typical retrieval mission," Firelord grumbled as he got up. "I've got it! Attack Maneuver 55!"

"Why didn't we do that plan in the **first place?"** Erik'Dared snapped. "DO IT! NOW WHILE THEY ARE DISTRACTED!"

Several Shi'ar soldiers teleported off the field and in the middle of Xavier, Lilandra, Fury, the Joes and Gabrielle. "AAAHH!" Gabrielle screamed as the Joes and Fury fought off some soldiers and were separated from Xavier, Larry and Lilandra by others. Gabrielle having no real fighting skills outside of cat fighting ran away.

"Back off!" Remy ran into the fight and managed to put himself in the way of Xavier and Lilandra, trying to protect them. "You gotta get through Remy first!"

"No problem," One Shi'ar soldier snapped as he shot out some kind of gas capsule at Remy's feet. Remy, Xavier and Lilandra were knocked out instantly. "Teleport them all to the ship!"

"No!" Larry struggled as two soldiers grabbed him as well. "Let us go!"

"Hey!" Althea looked behind them and saw that they some soldiers had captured Larry and an unconscious Remy as well. "We gotta stop them!"

"NO! **DON'T** FOLLOW US!" Larry shouted. "DON'T GO AFTER US! IF YOU DO…" He was cut off as he and the others were teleported away.

"Retreat! Retreat!" Erik'Dared shouted as he and Firelord teleported into the ship. The ship started to rise and fly away.

"NO!" Rogue shouted. She tried to fly after the ship but the ship was too fast. "Come back here! **Remy!"**

"They got Lilandra and the Professor!" Scott shouted.

"And Larry!" Althea said.

"And Remy!" Rogue shouted as she flew back down. "Those jerks are gonna pay!"

"CHARLES YOU JERK! YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE AGAIN!" Gabrielle screamed. "I'LL SUE YOU! I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL!"

"Personally I think the aliens did Xavier a **favor** by kidnapping him" Fury grumbled.

"We have gotta go after them!" Rogue said.

"Yeah nobody kidnaps a Misfit no matter how useless they are!" Pietro said. "It's in the bylaws."

"Look who's calling who **useless!**" Arcade snapped.

"How are we going to do that?" Jean said. "We don't have a spaceship!"

"But we do!" Trinity chirped. The girls fiddled with their watches. "And we're gonna bring it here and go kick some alien butt!"

"Now you're talking!" Rogue nodded.

"This is going to be one of those really weird missions isn't it?" Lance realized.

"What was your **first** clue bright boy?" Wanda snapped at him.

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"Of **all **the solar systems in this immense universe," Erik'Dared grumbled at the helm of his spaceship. "Of all the infinite planets and galaxies…Why did the Phoenix have to be found on **this** swamp of a planet?"

"Swamp? Usually you call them mud balls," Firelord raised an eyebrow as he made sure the captives were held in stasis pods.

"In case you haven't noticed this planet is mostly made of **water**," The Alien Captain grunted. "Trust me, it's more like a swamp. But that is neither here nor there. I thought the Phoenix Force was imprisoned forever!"

"So did I," Firelord sighed. "I was there when the creature was sealed inside a crystal. Somehow it must have broken and taken over that human as it's host. Probably in one of their primitive religious ceremonies."

"Well now we know why Lilandra ran to **this** planet," Erik'Dared grunted. "Somehow she must have heard about the Phoenix reawakening and either tried to stop it in some misguided attempt…"

"Or worse, try to control it for her own selfish needs," Firelord sighed. "In order to overthrow the Emperor."

"What do we do **now** that the Phoenix has awoken?" Erik'Dared asked.

"We run," Firelord frowned. "We have what we came for and some captives to interrogate about the Phoenix. Head for Shi'ar space. There we can plan our next move. And warn the council."

"Agreed, Helmsman prepare to jump to Lightspeed," Erik'Dared spoke to his officer.

"Yes sir," The Helmsman raised an eyebrow. "Sir, if I may ask…What happened to your armor?"

"No you may **not **ask!" Erik'Dared blushed as it was clear he was wearing boxers. "Just shut up and get ready to leave this goddess forsaken planet!"

However unknown to them a cloaked ship was nearby. "Well, well…" The Snark Commander sneered. "What have we here? A Shi'ar warship? Skratt! Prepare the troops! We've finally found our ticket out of this mud hole of a planet!"

"I always thought of it as a swamp of some kind," His dimwitted son Skratt scratched his lizard like head. "I mean it's mostly made of water…"

"JUST SHUT UP AND TELL THE OFFICERS TO OPEN FIRE!" The Snark Commander shouted.

"Ready paranulcear torpedoes in five, four, three two…" One Snark soldier counted down. "Fire!"

There was no sound in the silence of space but the shockwaves from the colored explosions could be felt throughout the Shi'ar ship. "Now what in the name of the three moons of Malevo is going on?" Firelord shouted.

"Sir, we are under attack!" A Shi'ar soldier reported. "It appears a Snark spacecraft is firing on us!"

"Snarks? **Here?**" Erik'Dared snapped. "On **this **planet?"

"Actually orbiting this planet," The soldier reported as the explosions could be felt throughout the ship. "Main thrusters have been hit."

"Return fire! Forward all power to shields!" Erik'Dared snapped. "What the hell are those lizards doing in **this** sector of space?"

"Perfect! Just perfect!" Firelord snapped. "We manage to avoid detection by the Kree and Skrull patrols as well as managing to avoid a conflict with the Gray Ones only to get blasted from behind by those **third rate** excuses for space luggage!"

"What is it with **this** planet?" Erik'Dared snapped. "Earth is classified as a D ranked planet in sentient life! They don't even have a decent warp drive yet and are losing ozone faster than a Denobian Stripper loses her outfit! And yet there are not only scouts from at least **seven **different empires here, they have the Phoenix!"

"Not to mention more beings capable of wielding power than we thought," Firelord told him. "Perhaps those rumors of Galacticus being turned away and defeated by this world are true after all!"

"Galacticus? This planet took on **Galacticus** and **won?"** Erik'Dared shouted. "And you never bothered to **inform** me about this?"

"They were only rumors and we have **bigger **concerns now!" Firelord snapped.

"Sir we're taking some heavy damage," A Shi'ar soldier reported. "Do you want us to run?"

"No! I'm through with running!" Erik'Dared snapped. "There is no way a Shi'ar warship is going to run from a **Snark!** Fire! Obliterate them!"

"Here we go again," Firelord sighed. "This job just keeps getting better..."

**Once again I'm fooling around with Marvel character's names! Such fun! But things are really going to get explosive now! What happens when the gang goes off into outer space? Big things! Explosive things! And it starts a series of whole new adventures for our favorite teams of mutants! Wait and see what happens next! **


	59. Misfits in Space

**Misfits In Space**

"That's right," Scott said. "You Misfits have a space ship!"

"A small space ship," Kurt pointed out. "It barely holds half of the Misfit team!"

"How are we all going to fit?" Ororo asked. "There are too many of us."

"That's why we made a bigger one," Daria grinned.

"A bigger one?" Scott blinked. "How big?"

Immediately there was a flash. A huge white and blue spaceship appeared. On its side was painted the American flag and the words MISFIT ONE. It was about half the size of the above ground part of the Mansion.

"That's pretty big," Scott blinked.

"It's big all right," Kurt admitted.

"Okay main X-Men team and Misfits, let's get going!" Althea ordered. "Spyder you stay here!"

"Why?" She asked.

"Because you're too young **that's why**!" Althea said.

"That's a lame excuse. Trinity's going right?" Spyder asked.

"Only because they know how to work the ship and fix it," Althea said.

"I'm not going either, Logan said.

"What do you mean?" Rina asked.

"We still need to leave some of us behind to hold down the fort," Logan said. "Angel and I will take care of the mansion with both teams of New Mutants."

"That's right," Angel nodded. "The mansion will be in good hands until you return."

"So we'll take a combined team of X-Men and Misfits and rescue the Professor and the others," Althea said. "There's no telling how long we'll be up there. A few days or maybe even a week or two, depending on how fast that ship is."

"We've already stocked it with plenty of food as well as a mini Mass device so we can teleport," Daria nodded.

"But what about our duties with GI Joe?" Wanda asked. "We do work for the military after all. They might get kind of nervous if we all disappear at the same time."

"Don't worry about us," Hawk raised his hand. He had just gotten off the phone. "I've already spoken with the Jugglers. I'm sure X-Factor can pick up the slack for a while."

"All right! This is gonna be great!" Todd whooped. "It's the beginning of a new adventure! An adventure out in space!"

"Outer space! I've always **dreamed **of going into outer space!" Arcade whooped.

"Me too!" Fred cried out.

"Me three!" Pyro cried out. "Or is it Me four?"

"_We're Misfits in outer space! We're gonna save the human race!" _They all sang. _"We're Misfits! Misfits! In outer space! We're gonna soar all over the place!" _

"Here we go…" Roadblock moaned.

"We are definitely **not** going are we?" Low Light asked. "We're just sending the kids right? Please say we're not going?"

_"We're Misfits in space! We're gonna zoom all around the place! We're Misfits in space! We're going to blow things up all over space! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!" _The boys danced around. "_Boom, boom, boom, boom!" _

"No chance in hell we are going as well," Roadblock agreed.

_"Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom..."_ The boys sang.

"Thank you..." Low Light sighed. "There is a kind and merciful God."

_"Misfits in outer space! Misfits in outer spaaaaaccee!" _Todd sang and danced around.

"Sometimes it's a little **embarrassing** being Toad's girlfriend," Althea sighed.

**"Sometimes?"** Wanda gave her a look.

"Then I remember how cuddly he is and what a good kisser he is," Althea sighed.

"Now **I'm** embarrassed…" Wanda groaned.

_"We're Misfits in outer space! We're gonna go up to evil and punch it in the face! Because we're Misfits in space! We move at our own pace but we're gonna save the mutant race! And the humans too," _The boys sang and danced around. _"And we'll save the birds and the bees and the flowers and the trees! And kittens and puppies and the turtles and the guppies, and the zebras and the cows, and that's no bull! And we'll save the elephants, the rhinos, the bunnies, the giraffes, the monkeys…" _

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Rogue shouted. "We get the picture!"

"How do they all know the words?" Scott asked.

"We wrote that song weeks ago," Lance shrugged. "What can I say? We were bored."

"And we all know that a bored Misfit is a very dangerous thing," Scott groaned.

"You guys take care now," Jubilee said, hugging Rina.

"Ugh don't get all sappy on me," Rina groaned.

"You can hug me," Shane held his arms out.

"Drop dead creep," Jubilee stormed past him.

"Still mad at you for getting drunk last week?" Todd asked.

"Yes…" Shane moaned.

"Just bring the Professor back in once piece," Tabitha said. The New Mutants and the Joes gathered around to say goodbye.

"Take care Kitty!" Doug shouted out.

"Don't worry!" Kitty called out to her friends. "Everything will be just fine!"

Little did she or anyone else realize it would be the very last time they would see some of their friends again.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Okay so who's on this mission before we get out of orbit?" Althea asked as the Triplets piloted the ship into space.

"From the X-Men there's me," Scott said.

"Unfortunately," Lance grumbled.

"Jean, Kitty," Scott went on.

"Very unfortunate," Lance muttered again.

"Rogue, Bobby, Beast, Storm, Kurt and Peter," Scott finished.

"And for the Misfits there's me, Todd, Trinity, Lance, Wanda, Shane, Xi, Angelica, Lina, Fred, Pietro and Arcade," Althea said.

"Why do you need to do a head count?" Kitty asked.

"Just so we know who's here and can plan accordingly," Althea said.

"She's right," Scott nodded. "We need to know what mutant powers we can use for the rescue."

"Look except for that Firelord guy we should have no problems," Bobby said. "And last I checked you can't use fire in outer space. No oxygen. I mean, he can't use his full powers without putting his entire crew in danger."

"We're ready for the worst and a long haul. We've stocked the ship with everything we need! Food, water, oxygen refreshers so we can breathe, medicine, music videos…" Quinn said.

"What's the disco ball for?" Scott asked as he looked up at the ceiling.

"For Disco Night," Brittany said.

"I think we have also something that we did not plan on packing," Xi blinked at a storage locker.

"I smell them too," Rina sniffed.

"Them?" Rogue blinked. "Who's them?"

Xi opened the locker and saw both Shipwreck and Spyder scrunched in with Polly. "Uh, hi guys!" Shipwreck waved.

"Hello!" Polly gulped.

"SHIPWRECK! SPYDER!" Ororo shouted. "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?"

"She made me come," Shipwreck gulped, pointing at Spyder.

"LIAR!" Spyder shouted. "This was your idea!"

"Liar, liar pants on fire! You're hanging from a telephone wire!" Polly shouted.

"That can be arranged!" Althea snapped.

"Why am I not surprised?" Ororo groaned.

"I don't see what the big deal is if I come," Shipwreck shrugged.

"Oh really?" Althea gave him a look. "I can think of **two reasons**."

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"SHIPWRECK YOU JERK!" Cover Girl screamed as she held both wailing toddler boys in her arms. "YOU LEFT US WITH THE KIDS AGAIN!"

"And five will get you ten he took off with Spyder," Roadblock groaned as he held baby Tadpole. "Meaning he's shirking his duties again!"

"At least he took the annoying parrot with him," Low Light shrugged.

"Daddy go bye bye?" Claudius stopped crying.

"Wheee!" Barney squealed with delight.

"Daddy go bye bye! Daddy go bye bye!" The boys squealed very loudly. "HAPPY HAPPY! CRAZY DADDY GO BYE BYE!"

"Great, they're old enough to **enjoy** it when Shipwreck takes off!" Low Light groaned.

"That's because they know we are going to spoil them every time they cry longer than a few minutes in order to **shut them up**," Spirit sighed.

"Candy! Cake! Ice Cream! Play! Play!" The boys squealed happily as they grabbed Cover Girl's hair. "Wheeee!"

"SHIPWRECK WHEN YOU GET BACK YOU ARE A **DEAD **MAN!" Cover Girl screamed.

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Of course Shipwreck was oblivious to his sentence of doom, being a million miles away. (Then again he would have probably been just as clueless standing five feet from her.)

"Stormy!" Shipwreck ran up and gave Ororo a massive bear hug. "Isn't it romantic? Together in space! We can turn off the gravity and recreate the last scene in Moonraker!"

POW!

"HOW ABOUT WE RECREATE THE SCENE WHERE THE DEATH STAR BLOWS UP IN STAR WARS?" Ororo shouted as she pounded Shipwreck with one punch.

"Looks like Storm has officially joined the Dark Side," Lance quipped as she beat the stuffing out of Shipwreck.

"That depends on your point of view," Kitty groaned.

"Storm please! Don't kill Shipwreck in here!" Jean groaned. "The last thing we need right now is a hull breach!"

"Well that and a dragon that needs to use a litter box," Rina opened up another storage unit to reveal Lockheed. "Or should have used one."

"RRRRR?" Lockheed tried to look innocent.

"Lockheed!" Kitty shouted. "You made a mess! Bad dragon! Bad dragon!"

"I am not cleaning **that **up," Todd pinched his nose.

"You barely clean **yourself **up, let alone anyone else!" Wanda snapped at him.

"Anyone **else** stowing away on this trip?" Hank groaned.

"No just us and lover boy, Awk!" Polly told him as he landed on his head. "To boldly go where no parrot has gone before! Awk!"

"All of the sudden space travel has lost it's whimsy," Hank moaned.

"Will you morons quit yakking already?" Rogue snapped. "Remy, the Professor and the rest need us!"

"She's right!" Daria nodded. "And we're coming up towards the enemy ship so we need to stop fighting each other and start fighting the bad guys!"

RRRRUMMBLE!

"Was that an earthquake?" Scott grabbed at a bolted down chair as the ship rumbled.

"It wasn't me!" Lance yelled. "Oooh! I don't feel so good!"

"It was the after affects of some kind of subatomic particle explosion that can travel through the vacuum in space!" Hank shouted.

"In English?" Shipwreck asked.

"The alien ship we are pursuing is fighting with **another **alien ship," Hank reported. He pointed out the window where they could see several explosions and lasers out of the two ships blasting each other, near Mars. "And even though you cannot hear sounds in space apparently these alien warships have technology that allow you to feel the explosions they cause in space."

"Oh is **that **all?" Kurt groaned.

"Hey I recognize that other ship," Arcade pointed. "That's the Snark's mother ship isn't it?"

"Oh yeah," Todd scratched his head. "So it is. I wonder what they're doing?"

"They're asking the Shi'ar if they'd like to join them for a night at the opera and maybe some dinner and dancing, Toad," Pietro said sarcastically. "What does it **look** like they are doing out there?"

"The Snarks are obviously not above a bit of space plundering for their own pursuits," Hank told them.

"So they're after the Shi'ar and we're after the Shi'ar," Kurt said.

"Yeah but something tells me they might not **appreciate **our help," Scott gave him a look.

"It's worth a try!" Shipwreck said. "If it will get the others back!"

"I don't know," Rogue said. "It might be a bad idea."

"Well if we don't do something I think the Snarks may end up blowing the ship up anyway!" Kitty said.

"Okay, open fire on the Shi'ar ship and hail the Snarks," Scott groaned. "I can't believe I am going to do this."

Meanwhile the Snark Commander was directing his battle. "Fire the lasers! Fire! Fire! PUT OUT THE FIRE ON LEVEL SEVEN!"

"Sir direct hit to the Shi'ar vessel's starboard side," The Snark helmsman reported.

"Excellent work soldier!" The Snark Commander said proudly. "We'll beat those bird brains in no time! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Uh, sir one problem," The Snark Helmsman told him. "We didn't fire that shot. That **other** ship did."

"WHAT? **OTHER** SHIP? **WHAT** OTHER SHIP?" The Snark Commander glared at the monitor. "IF SOME GOLD DIGGING SPACE PIRATE THINKS HE'S GOING TO STEAL MY BOOTY! HE HAS ANOTHER THINK COMING!"

"Yeah we attacked the Shi'ar first!" Skratt snapped. "Finders keepers!"

"Sir, we're being hailed by the other vessel," A Snark on communications told him. "Uh…It's an Earth vessel."

"What do you mean an Earth vessel? That's impossible!" The Snark Commander snapped his sharp teeth. "Earth doesn't **have** a warp drive! The only ones besides the Power Pack even capable of getting this far out into the solar system are…Oh no…By the Egg not **them! Don't tell me it's them!" **

"Sir, it's the Misfits and the X-Men," The Snark in charge of communications told him. "They are hailing us."

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ME!" The Snark Commander snapped. "By the Queen…What are those maniacs doing here?"

"Maybe we should ask them?" Skratt said. "I mean they're firing on the Shi'ar ship too?"

"Fine! Open channels," The Snark Commander sneered. He glared at the mutants on the monitor. "Well? What do **you** want? This better be worth my time! I'm in the middle of attacking a ship here you know? I have better things to do than to talk to primitive monkeys!"

"Yeah and the ship and all it's booty are ours so **shove off!"** Skratt yelled.

"Listen Snark Commander," Scott said. "If you want to blow the Shi'ar ship to pieces you can be my guest! But do it **after **we've rescued our friends! Some of them are on that ship!"

"What do the Snarks care if a group of troublemaking humans goes down with a Shi'ar ship?" The Snark Commander scoffed. "Good riddance I say!"

"Trouble is, not **all **of them are humans!" Scott told him. "Princess Lilandra of the Shi'ar Empire is on board too!"

"I don't care if…**What** did you say?" The Snark Commander blinked. "Run that by me again?"

"The Princess Lilandra of the Shi'ar empire is a prisoner on board that ship," Jean told him. "She was kidnapped along with our Professor and two of our friends. We just want them back."

"You can do whatever you want with the Shi'ar ship and it's crew," Althea said. "Just let us take our four friends and we'll get out of your way. We'll even help disable the ship."

"The Princess Lilandra is a **prisoner** on that ship?" The Snark Commander blinked. "Well in that case…We'd be glad to help!"

"We **will?"** Skratt blinked. His father elbowed him in the ribs. "Of course we will!"

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Kurt whispered to Scott and the others. "I mean leaving the Shi'ar to the mercy of the Snarks…"

"Kurt, the Snarks most dangerous enemy is the **Power Pack**," Scott gave him a look. "**Think** about it."

"Oh right," Kurt blinked. "They'll be toast."

"Yeah I wouldn't worry too much about the Shi'ar if I were you," Jean said. She turned to the monitor. "So do we have a deal?"

"Deal Earther," The Snark Commander nodded. "Fire on their left flank and we'll take care of the right one. It will disable their warp drive."

"Good idea," Althea nodded. "Misfit One out." She shut off the communications.

"Oh this is just too good to be true," The Snark Commander cackled.

"Why are we helping them, Father?" Skratt asked.

"To get the princess of course, eggs for brains," One Snark soldier snapped at him. "She will be worth a huge ransom!"

"But last I heard the Princess was condemned by her brother as a traitor!" Skratt said.

"Oh yeah that's right," The Snark soldier thought.

"That's even **better**," The Snark Commander laughed.

"It is?" Skratt blinked.

"Yes! Finally a chance to get back in the good graces of the Queen Mother herself!" The Snark Commander laughed. "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!"

"Okay I'm totally lost," Skratt scratched his lizard like head.

"Big surprise," The Snark Commander glared at him. "Imagine what a prize the princess will be when we present her to the Queen Mother! We can use her to learn valuable secrets of the Shi'ar Empire! Not to mention she will be a powerful bargaining tool if the Shi'ar Emperor wants her back!"

"Even though she's a criminal?" Skratt asked.

"Especially since she is a criminal! If she died at the hands of anyone but her brother it would undermine his authority! Ha ha!" The Snark Commander chortled. "This will be my crowning achievement!"

"Considering your career so far Father, that's not saying much," Skratt sighed.

"JUST SHUT UP AND KEEP FIRING!" The very annoyed Snark Commander screamed at his offspring. "And get the transporters ready!"

Back on the Misfit One…

"You really think this is a good plan?" Rogue asked.

"Not really but it's all we've got for now," Scott said.

"I've been around snakes like that my entire life," Althea said. "Trust me, they'll double cross us!"

"So we have to get them before they get to us," Scott said. "You know the plan. Trinity fire on their shields. When they break we'll send a team in to rescue the others using the Mass Devices. I'll go along with Wavedancer, Nightcrawler, Colossus, Xi, Iceman, Firestar, Rogue, Quicksilver, Shadowcat and Shooter. The rest of you stay here and assist Trinity any way possible."

"Which means Pop don't bother Storm!" Althea snapped.

"Here Kitty," Arcade gave her his portable PDA. "You can use this to download information about the ship and the Shi'ar. Just find an outlet and let my baby do it's magic!"

"Got it," Kitty nodded. She was getting to be quite the computer whiz as well so she knew what to do.

"Aww," Pyro pouted. "I don't get to play with the fire man this time?"

"No," Pietro rolled his eyes. "Maybe later Pyro."

The ships fired mercilessly on the Shi'ar ship. "We're taking a pounding and we're barely able to hit them!" Erik'Dared snapped. "The Earth ship is flying too fast and outmaneuvering us while the Snark's shields are too strong! Since when do Snarks have decent shields?"

"They don't but we do," The Shi'ar helmsman told him. "According to the signature it appears to be a pirated version of one of our older models. The Snarks must have found an abandoned ship in this sector and pirated it."

"Then modified it for their own uses!" Erik'Dared put it together. "Can you find the frequency code?"

"Working on it sir but it might take some time," The Shi'ar helmsman told him.

BOOM!

"Time is something we do not have!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"I guess it's up to me to even the odds," Firelord walked to the lift. "Prepare to open the air lock on my signal!"

"We're weakening the shields but they're still there," Quinn said. "They are at fifty percent but we dare not use the Mass Device until they are at least five percent!"

"Just keep firing!" Scott told them.

"Head's up! They're opening the main hatch!" Daria scanned the ship. "Looks like they're sending out a ship!"

"So what? We'll just blast it out of space too!" Pietro scoffed. "No problem!"

"Uh problem," Rogue pointed. "That's not a ship!"

Out flew Firelord in all his fire like glory. "This guy can fly in outer space?" Shipwreck gulped. "This is not good!"

ZZZZZZAAAPPPPP!

"It gets worse!" Arcade shouted as Trinity moved the ship out of the way of the star bolt from Firelord's staff. "This guy can **fire **on us using his staff in outer space as well!"

"How can he do that?" Shipwreck asked.

"Cosmic power! Duh!" Fred told him. "Like the Silver Surfer! I guess that means he can do practically **anything!**"

"Oh that is just **peachy,**" Lance moaned.

"I believe I will take care of the **greater threat** first," Firelord turned his attention to the Snark Ship.

"Uh sir," The Snark helmsman gulped. "He's spotted us. He's heading this way. He doesn't look happy. He's gonna **blast us!** What do we do?"

"Besides **pray?"** Another Snark soldier whimpered.

"Don't worry! I know **exactly** what I am doing," The Snark Commander sneered. "The Shi'ar shields are at exactly fifty percent! Perfect! Hit the Tractor beams onto the Shi'ar Ship! Full power and then hit the emergency download codes Beta Seven!"

"Beta Seven? But that will…" Skratt began.

"Precisely," The Snark Commander grinned. "Firelord does have **one** weakness and I intend to exploit it! FIRE!"

Just as Firelord blasted a bolt at the Snark Ship the ship emitted a powerful tractor beam as well as an odd blue ray that hit the Shi'ar ship. "What the hell?" Erik'Dared shouted.

"Sir! A tractor beam has hit us and…We've lost control of the ship!" The Shi'ar helmsman shouted.

"WHAT?" Erik'Dared shouted.

Just then Firelord's star bolt hit the side of the Snark ship causing both the Snark Ship and the Shi'ar ship to rock violently. "What the hell did the Snarks just do?" Scott asked.

"Attention Firelord," The Snark Commander spoke on Firelord's personal communicator that was stored inside his head so that he could hear. "This is the Snark Commander. Thank you for firing on our ship. It did quite a lot of damage as you can see! Thanks to our Beta Seven command!"

"Beta seven?" Firelord growled. (Look I don't know how a guy with cosmic powers can talk in the vacuum of space. Just go with the flow and pretend he can okay?)

"Yes your remember **that **command," The Snark Commander sneered. "It was a little trick my father came up with at the Battle of Kleesja. You remember, the one where he downloaded his entire ship's core command processor into the enemy vessel using the harmonic energy of the tractor beams? In other words, as long as we are locked in onto your ship, whatever happens to us will happen to **your **ship as well."

"Why you…" Firelord growled.

"Of course you could just blast us all," The Snark Commander shrugged. "Kill off us and the Princess in one fell swoop. Of course the downside is you'll have to fly all the way home. That and your crewmates will be turned into space dust."

"You despicable…" Firelord made a fist.

"Oh and I wouldn't try to blast through the tractor beam either, that would cause a very explosive reaction," The Snark Commander grinned.

"Just when I thought your species couldn't get any more cowardly…" Firelord hissed.

"But look at the bright side," The Snark Commander grinned. "At least you can blast the Earth vessel. And by the way, that wasn't a **suggestion!"**

"This is so not good," Kitty gulped. "He's looking at us now."

"Why did he stop attacking the Snarks?" Bobby asked.

"I dunno, but he's going after us now!" Lance yelled as Firelord charged.

"Star bolts!" Firelord shot out his star bolts from his staff.

"How can he speak in the vacuum of space?" Hank wondered as the ship attempted to dodge the blasts.

BLAMM!

"I don't really care how he speaks! It's how he's able to shoot fireballs at us that's got me worried!" Todd screamed.

BLAAM!

"We're hit on the starboard side!" Daria shouted.

"One more direct blast like that and we're **toast!**" Quinn shouted.

"Suddenly coming on this trip is **not **such a good idea!" Spyder gulped.

"Waak! Polly doesn't wanna be a fried parrot!" Polly flapped his wings. He grabbed Scott's head with his wings and feet. "Polly is too young and too beautiful to be fricassee!"

"OW! OW! Polly get off of my head!" Scott yelled.

"We're doomed! Doomed!" Polly cried out.

"No we're not! BACK OFF!" Jean roared, the Phoenix Raptor manifesting around her and then the entire ship.

"No…" Firelord gasped as the Phoenix Raptor enveloped the entire ship. It screeched and sent out a powerful energy wave that knocked Firelord violently backwards.

"AAAHHHHH!" Firelord fell out of control towards the Shi'ar ship.

"Firelord!" Erik'Dared shouted.

"By the Great Egg!" The Snark Commander yelled. "Is **that** what I think it is?"

"But it's only supposed to be a **myth!**" The Snark Helmsman shouted.

"What that big bird out there?" Skratt scratched his head, completely clueless.

"That's **not **a bird you moron!" The Snark Commander hit him on the head. "THAT'S THE FREAKING PHOENIX OUT THERE!"

"Oh, what's the Phoenix?" Skratt rubbed his sore head.

"WHAT'S THE PHOENIX?" Everyone in the starship screamed at the young Snark.

"It's only the most powerful dangerous being in the universe **that's all!"** The Snark Commander snapped. "This thing makes **Galacticus** look like a **Kree Fluff Puppy!** Don't you remember **any** of the stories I told you as a hatchling?"

"I don't remember you telling me any stories as a hatchling Father," Skratt blinked.

"NEVER MIND!" The Snark Commander groaned. "All right! New plan! We grab the Princess and whatever else we can get and get the Snark out of here! **Now!** Transporters! Now! Infiltrate the Shi'ar Ship!"

Back on Misfit One everyone was in shock. "Okay Jean, how the hell did you do **that**?" Lance yelled.

"To be honest Lance, I have **no** idea," Jean panted in exhaustion.

"Just be grateful she **did **it," Bobby said.

"Trinity! Are the shields low enough for us to transport through?" Scott asked.

"Not just yet," Brittany grumbled.

"Then keep firing!" Althea warned.

Back at the Shi'ar Ship, Firelord stumbled into the bridge. "By the Gods…That girl is strong!"

"Firelord! Are you all right sir?" A female Shi'ar solder asked, rushing to help him.

"Fine…Just got the wind knocked out of me…" Firelord gasped. "I dare not risk another frontal assault like that! Not with the Phoenix on board that ship!"

BOOM!

"The Phoenix is loose. The Snarks have hacked into our main computer and those stupid Earthers are still firing on us! Things can't get any worse!" Erik'Dared groaned.

"Sir! We've been boarded!" One Shi'ar soldier shouted. "The Snarks hacked into our system and were able to transport some of their soldiers into Section 3-A!"

"Three A? That's where the stasis pods are!" Erik'Dared's eyes widened. "Where the prisoners are! NO! GET SECURITY DOWN THERE ON THE DOUBLE!"

"So much for things not getting worse," Firelord grumbled.

Back on the Snark ship…

"Have we gotten all the prisoners yet?" The Snark Commander yelled.

"Only two of them! The Princess and …" The Snark soldier reported.

"That's good enough! Transport back to the ship and we'll get out of here!" The Snark Commander snapped.

Meanwhile on the Shi'ar Ship. "I don't know how much more we can take!" Erik'Dared groaned as the Misfits hit another direct hit.

"Sir, I've got some control back!" The Shi'ar Helmsman said. "We can go to warp to Shi'ar space, however there is a chance…!"

"Then do it!" Erik'Dared snapped. "Damn the cost just **do** it!"

The Snark ship…"

"Sir the Shi'ar Ship is going to warp!" The Snark Helmsman told him. "We can't stop them! Somehow they have gotten partial control of the ship! What do we do?"

BOOM!

"And the Earth ship is firing on us too!" The Snark Helmsman added.

"Go to warp as well!" The Snark Commander yelled. "Head for Snark Space!"

"I thought our warp drives were busted?' Skratt asked.

"They are but we can use the energy and programs from the Shi'ar ship to boost them for a short term," The Snark Helmsman told him. "Hold onto your tails. It's going to be a bumpy ride!"

"Like it's been a smooth ride since this trip **started?**" Skratt groaned.

"They're going to warp!" Brittany shouted. "They'll lose us!"

"Not on our watch!" Daria snapped as she readied the controls. "Hang on!"

"I am going to be so sick!" Lance moaned.

"The Earth ship is following us into warp as well as the Snarks," The Shi'ar Helmsman shouted. "The warp hole can't handle all three ships at once it's going to be…"

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!**

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The collective screaming of all members of all the ships could be heard as they traveled through time and space.

And then everything went dark.

"Oh my head…" Scott moaned as he sat up. The ship had come out of warp. "Is everyone all right?"

"No," Todd moaned as he was sprawled on the floor.

"I knew I was going to be sick," Lance groaned.

"I **knew **those lizards would double cross us!" Rogue snapped.

"It was a chance we had to take," Jean sighed.

"Yeah we just thought we could take the Snarks on before they took our friends!" Althea groaned. "So where did those two timing lizards go?"

"Forget where they went, what about the Shi'ar craft?" Daria asked. "I think it got separated from us during the warp flight."

"Forget the Shi'ar where are **we**?" Hank looked around. "I don't recognize any of these stars or their constellations.

"That's because according to this we're not even in our own **solar system** anymore," Wanda looked at the readout on the Misfit One's monitor.

"Oh boy," Angelica gulped, "So much for a quick rescue!"

"Okay so quick recap, we are in the middle of an unknown galaxy in a slightly injured ship and have no way to find home or the others, am I right?" Pietro gulped.

"Not exactly," Daria pointed to a device she held. "You're forgetting about our GPS tracking devices we Misfits have on our watches. We put one on Larry too."

"You mean you can still get a signal?" Althea asked.

"It's faint but we can make an educated guess to where they are going as long as they don't fly…." Daria began. Suddenly the screen on the device went blank. "Out of range…"

"Okay Pietro, now we have **officially** lost the others," Quinn said.

"It's gonna be a **long** trip isn't it?" Scott moaned.

"Yup," Lance sighed. "Very long."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Oh my head…" Erik'Dared got up from the floor. "Ugh, it feels like a Skrull was having a party in it! Come to think of it the entire bridge looks like a Skrull had a party in it!"

"Where are we?" Firelord groaned as he sat up from the floor.

"**You **don't know?" Erik'Dared snapped. "Mister all cosmic powered all knowing wise guy?"

"I never claimed to be **all knowing**," Firelord snapped at him. "Cosmic powered perhaps but **never** all knowing!"

"Oh shut up," Erik'Dared snapped. "Status report.

"We seem to be out of the Earth's solar system," the Shi'ar Helmsman reported. "And we appear to have landed within the middle of the Badlands."

"Great, we've traded one primitive hellhole of space for an even more **dangerous** primitive hellhole of space!" Erik'Dared rolled his eyes.

"The ship has sustained substantial damage," Another Shi'ar soldier said. "Fortunately life support is working properly with no problems as well as the stasis pods."

"That is some good news at least," Firelord nodded. "So what is damaged?"

"Everything else," The Shi'ar soldier shrugged. "We're dead in space and can't move."

"We're only five light parsecs from the Earth ship but since our warp engines are down it doesn't matter," The Shi'ar helmsman sighed. "However our cloaking device still works and we managed to turn it back on before we went out of warp. They don't know where we are but we know where **they** are. The Earth Ship anyway. The Snarks…Well they're already fifteen light parsecs away. Probably headed for Snark Space on the far side of the Badlands."

"Let me guess, we lost all our captives as well didn't we?" Erik'Dared moaned.

"No, just the Princess and one of the mutants," The Shi'ar soldier sighed as he pointed to two of the stasis pods on the monitor. "We still have the other two."

"Oh…Goody," Firelord groaned. "A lot of good that does us! The Emperor will **not **be happy with this!"

"Hold on," Erik'Dared held up his hands. "There's still a way to salvage this. Those mutants don't know that we only have **half **of their friends do they?"

"Probably but what does that have to do with anything?" Firelord asked.

"Look at the monitor," The alien warrior pointed. "We are still capable of tracking their ship. Our scanning and tracking technology is much more advanced than theirs."

"Obviously! Wait a minute they're going…Oh I see," Firelord said. "They must have some kind of tracking device on one of their friends."

"They follow the Snarks, we follow **them** and when they least suspect it! Bam!" Erik'Dared slapped his hands together. "They're all ours!"

"Good now there's only one more tiny problem we need to worry about," Firelord told him. "Our warp engines, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Erik'Dared grumbled. "Hold on, Outpost 236 is only thirteen light parsecs from here. We can get repairs and report to the others."

"And how do we get there! There's no power source!" Firelord snapped.

"Oh I can think of **one**," Erik'Dared glared at him. "A **cosmic powered** source!"

"You are not seriously suggesting that…" Firelord began.

"No, I'm **telling** you!" Erik'Dared snapped. "Get out there and start **pushing!**"

**And so begins the gang's adventures into outer space! What strange new worlds and aliens will they encounter? Will Firelord have to push his way to an outer space gas station or something? Find out in the next chapter!**

**And what will happen to the mutants left behind on Earth? That story will be continued in a separate fic called 'Holding Down the Fort' if you want to find out! **

Scott walked out. "In other words we're going to be subjected to all of Red's weird insane ideas while the rest of the guys move the plot along in another storyline."

"I'm not exactly looking forward to it," Jesse walked out. "Why can't this woman write sane stories?"

"It's the cappuchino," Todd hopped out. "It's gotta be it. That and that cinnamon tea she's now hooked on."

"It's more than that," Scott sighed. "I think she's just plain nuts."

"Yeah that's gotta be it," Todd nodded. "I'm off for a latte anyone want one?"

"And she's not the only one," Scott groaned.


	60. Lost in Space

**Lost In Space**

Space. Where nothing can be heard, except for...

"What do you mean we're **lost?"** Scott snapped.

"Just what **I said** genius, we're lost!" Lance snapped. "And it's all **your** fault!"

"My fault? What do you mean it's **my fault?"** Scott yelled.

"Because you were the one at the controls last time Goggle Head!" Lance yelled back. "In fact you wouldn't let anyone else pilot the stupid ship! You were driving, therefore it is **your** fault!"

"Weren't you supposed to be helping with the Navigation?" Scott gave him a look.

"Oh now you're blaming me for **your** mistake?" Lance asked.

"It wasn't **my** mistake!" Scott told him.

"Well it sure as hell wasn't **mine!"** Lance snapped back.

"We're going to be hearing this the **entire trip** aren't we?" Kurt sighed.

"This is clearly **your** fault!" Scott snapped at Lance.

"Oh yeah it's **my **fault we're lost in the middle of space seven billion miles from Earth and don't know where the hell we are when **you** were driving the ship!" Lance shouted.

"Well if you were paying attention to where we were going and looked at the maps…" Scott shouted back.

"MAPS? WHAT MAPS?" Lance shouted. "We're in the middle of unexplored space! There are no maps! What I should look for **a sign** or something? Shi'ar Empire turn left at Exit A?"

"Yes Kurt we are," Jean sighed. "Now I know the **real** reason Logan didn't want to come."

"And knowing is a reason to be extremely depressed," Kitty groaned.

"And to think we've only been lost in space about…" Hank looked at his watch. "Two hours, twenty nine minutes and fifteen seconds."

Both mutant boys were screaming as they fought. "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT! NO IT'S YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT! YOUR FAULT! SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP! NO **YOU** SHUT UP! THIS IS A DISASTER! AND YOU'RE AN EXPERT ON THAT! IF YOU'D ONLY LISTENED TO ME…I WOULDN'T LISTEN TO YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON ON EARTH! WE'RE NOT EVEN **ON** EARTH YOU STUPID…YOU CALLING ME STUPID? IF THE STUPID SHOE FITS….YOU'RE THE STUPID ONE! NO YOU ARE! YOU ARE! YOU'RE STUPID YOU IDIOT! WHY I OUGHT TO…"

**"SHAAAAAAADDDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP**!" Rogue screamed at the top of her lungs. Both Lance and Scott stopped. "Now hear this! The only people to blame for our situation are the Snarks and the Shi'ar! The Professor, Remy, Larry and Lilandra are counting on us to rescue them. So both of you check your egos at the door, shut up and do your jobs before I throw you out the air lock and you can **walk **all the way back to Earth! Got it?"

"Got it," Lance gulped.

"Loud and clear," Scott nodded.

"Boy Rogue you really are good at this discipline thing," Todd whistled.

"Well now that that's settled what the hell do we do now?" Wanda asked.

"I know!" Pyro said cheerfully. "Let's sing some space songs! That should perk up our spirits!"

"Who made **you** morale officer?" Lance groaned.

"I know what will perk up **my** spirits," Bobby gave Pyro a look. "All I need is a crowbar."

"Hey guys! I'm detecting a planet filled with life forms down there," Daria said as she flew the ship. "And it looks like it has an atmosphere similar to Earth. Well LA actually…But we can breathe the air."

"Actually it's more like a moon," Quinn said.

"You're both wrong, it's a dwarf planet like Pluto," Brittany said.

"Pluto is a real planet," Daria glared at Brittany. "I don't care what anybody says!"

"Oh please look at the scientific evidence!" Quinn groaned.

"How would you like to look at the inside of your skull?" Daria made a fist.

"Knock it off!" Shipwreck barked. "I don't wanna have to clean up after this argument **again!"**

"Let's focus on the planet below us," Jean said diplomatically. "It seems to be transmitting some kind of message." She pointed to a section of the control panel.

"I'll run it through that translating program Cypher made a while back," Quinn nodded as she fiddled with some knobs. "Here we go."

"Greetings Travelers! Welcome to Outpost Beta Five!" The message said, translated into English. "Come one, come all for all your intergalactic traveling needs. There is fuel, food, maps of the star systems, medical supplies, an alcohol establishment, hookers…"

"All right! We gotta stop here!" Shipwreck said excitedly.

Ororo responded to this by hitting him on the head. "Idiot…"

"So this is basically some kind of intergalactic truck stop?" Rogue asked looking at the red planet before them.

"That's what it looks like," Spyder said. "Cool!"

"Well what are we waiting for? Pietro asked. "Why not go down and check it out? What's the problem?"

"I can think of a **few **problems with that!" Scott said. "One we don't speak the language or languages. Two we don't have any currency so we can't buy anything. Three we don't know the locals or…"

"That's where our ninja skills come in," Todd interrupted.

"You mean spying and stealing?" Scott gave him a look.

"That's right," Todd nodded.

"I hate to admit this Cyclops," Hank coughed. "But we do seem to be in a bit of a quandary. We may have to resort to some less than honest means of obtaining essentials in order to survive."

"We are **not **stealing," Jean told him. "Spying yes, stealing **no!"**

"You're saying no to the stealing but not to the spying?" Scott asked, surprised.

"We kind of have to Scott," Kitty pointed out. "We know like absolutely **nothing** about this Shi'ar Empire and what kind of fighters the Imperial Guard have."

"I guess this is as good a place as any to figure out our next move and to get information," Shipwreck shrugged.

"You just want to drink and see the alien hookers," Althea glared at him.

"Like that's a bad thing?" Shipwreck snapped.

"Just what we need, a chance for Shipwreck to pick up some kind of alien **disease** we can study," Hank mocked.

"Oh like I'm the only one interested in the hookers!" Shipwreck snapped.

"Okay we'll land and check it out but **no hookers!"** Scott snapped. "We want to keep as low a profile as possible."

"So try not to destroy anything please?" Ororo sighed.

Soon they had landed at some kind of spaceport. The gang was in the lobby of a huge building. Actually it appeared to be the only building on the planet. "Man this place is bigger than the city of Cleveland," Shipwreck whistled.

"If Cleveland had a dome around it and a bunch of weird aliens yeah," Rogue blinked. There were dozens of different aliens of different shapes, colors and sizes all around them.

"Hold on? Where's Pyro?" Angelica looked around.

"Ahh I feel good," Pyro walked up to them. "They have a nice bathroom here. At least I hope that was a bathroom."

"According to this, these outposts are neutral territory so that trade both illegal and legal is encouraged among empires," Daria pointed to a map held in her hand.

"Where did you get the map?" Althea asked.

"They have them for free over at that kiosk," Daria pointed. "That's what the sign says."

"Since when do you read alien?" Jean asked.

"Since these things come with a language translator too," Daria said showing a small blinking light on her neck. "All you have to do is wear this and it transmits information through your brain so that you can understand the language."

"It's really cool," Brittany nodded. All the triplets had them on.

"Not only do travelers get free maps, they sometimes get free food, medicine as well as a place to sleep," Quinn explained. "Depending on what outpost and what part of the moon they're on."

"It's not a moon, it's a dwarf planet!" Brittany snapped.

"Brittany please not now!" Althea groaned. "Can we save this argument for later please?"

"Okay," Brittany said. "On this outpost they give you free drinks at the local bar."

"So we're getting free drinks huh?" Shipwreck grinned. "Fine with me!"

"Okay who's turn is it to watch Shipwreck and see he doesn't get plastered?" Althea looked around.

"Technically it was Low Light's but I'll take it," Lance raised his hand. "I probably won't succeed but I'll try."

"We don't expect you to succeed," Pietro shrugged. "Just try and keep the damage to minimal. Well I'm off to check out the alien babes!"

"I could hardly call myself a scientist if I did not study the alien flora and fauna," Hank thought. "But first where is the bathroom Pyro?"

"Oh follow me Big Blue and I will show you," Pyro grinned.

"Now hold on a minute," Ororo said. "I think we should all stay together and not split up! HEY!" Nearly everyone took off in different directions. Only she, Scott, Jean and the Triplets were left behind.

"They split up anyway," Scott moaned. "This does not surprise me."

"Come on Scott, let's do a little reconnaissance," Jean said. "Like Althea said let's keep our eyes and ears open for any information we can get."

"Actually I think we need some fuel for our ship," Daria said. "According to this guidebook it seems they have over a hundred different types of fuel and by sheer coincidence some of the same fuel the Misfit One runs on is here too."

"Really? It doesn't run on grape juice like the Mass Device does it?" Ororo asked.

"No actually we ran a lot of tests on the original space ship we found and discovered that it's fuel was some kind of plant based fuel," Quinn said holding up a scanner. "We made our own using V8 but this place seems to have the original fuel."

"You found that out using that scanner?" Jean asked.

"No, we found out because we saw the same symbol for fuel we found on the original spaceship," Brittany pointed to a list of symbols that represented different kinds of fuel. "See the smiley face on this vegetable that looks like a tomato crossed with an eggplant and an ear of corn?"

"Scott, take Trinity and get the fuel," Ororo sighed. "Jean and I will try and track down the others."

A loud happy roar could be heard from a nearby section of the station. "Since the odds are that's the bar over there meet us there," Jean rolled her eyes.

Ten minutes later…

"I can't believe that we all ended up at the bar," Scott groaned. True enough, nearly all of them were in a colorful alien bar, surrounded by all sorts of aliens with different colors, sizes and tentacles. They had various colored alien drinks (mostly non alcoholic) on the huge table they were sitting at.

"So much for ninja skills," Pietro snorted.

"Hey where better to do surveillance?" Todd sniffed.

"Is everyone here?" Xi asked.

"Everyone except for Beast, Pyro and Trinity," Wanda remarked.

"Trinity is fueling up the starship," Scott explained. "I left them when they started arguing about Pluto again. And I guess Beast and Pyro are still in the bathroom somewhere."

"WHAAOOOHHH!" Shipwreck was in a drinking contest with several aliens. "Come on this is practically water! Keep it coming!"

"Shipwreck found a drinking contest," Althea said.

"I found a bookstore of some kind," Kitty put a few strange disks on the table and a book. "It gave me some free navigation programs for getting around the star system here."

"Did you find anything about the Shi'ar? Like maybe where they've taken Xavier and the others?" Scott asked.

"Not really," Kitty sighed. "That stuff costs money we don't have."

"Oh is that all?" Pietro smirked.

"Don't even think about it!" Scott snapped. "No stealing!"

"HOO HAA!" Shipwreck laughed as two of the aliens in the contest passed out. "Who's next?"

"We might get some money after all if my Pop keeps it up," Althea remarked.

"Well at least we get free drinks and food and some maps," Rogue sighed. "And the band is really rocking!"

On a stage were four band members. One was an orange cat female in a gold outfit playing some kind of synthesizer. Another was a two headed four armed green alien male playing some kind of drums. The third was a fish like silver male alien on another weird instrument. But it was the fourth that was really surprising. It was a very human looking nineteen year old female with purple hair spiked in a wild style wearing and black and purple tank top mini skirt combo and had black high heels and several earrings in her ears. She was playing a guitar and singing her heart out.

"You know she almost looks like…Oh no! It's impossible! That can't be **her!"** Lance gasped.

"Her? Her who?" Todd blinked. "That human looking chick in the band?"

"Yeah that…" Lance began when he caught her eye. The woman blinked then waved to him. "Oh god no it **is **her! How can it be **her?** I thought I'd never see her again!"

"See **who** again?" Peter asked.

"What is she doing here?" Lance began to panic. "How the hell did **she** end up in a bar in **outer space?** Of all the dumb, stupid coincidences in the universe…"

He froze a second as the human looking woman happily waved to him. "Oh God she sees me…It's her…" He whimpered.

"You **know** her?" Jean asked.

"How could you know an alien chick?" Todd asked.

"Because she's not an alien," Lance told them. "She's human!"

"Human?" Rogue blinked. "And you **know **her?"

"How could you know her?" Wanda asked.

"We'll find out pretty soon," Althea said. "It seems like she's going to come over here when her band finishes up and that's any second now."

"All right all of you **listen up**," Lance snapped. "I'm only going to say this **once** so I'd appreciate it if you kept your comments to yourself until **after** I finish! About six months before I even met Kitty I met this girl named Lila Cheney. We both had a lot in common, crappy home life, liked to wreck stuff, steal things…You get the picture. So we hung around for a while, nothing serious. We dated off and on but it was mostly because we didn't have anyone else or so I **thought!** Unfortunately Lila had a real grudge against her parents who dumped her when she was a little kid and ran off to parts unknown. What really made the sparks fly was that her old man turned out to be the new principal at my school and she wanted me to help her get revenge. She never knew about my powers and I never told her. Long story short not only did I find out she wanted me to kill her old man and take the rap for it, she was **cheating** on me with the history teacher who also had a grudge. I lost my temper, the school got wrecked but nobody got hurt and I got out of the way just as the cops arrested Lila, her old man and the history teacher. It turns out the principal was stealing school funds as well. And the history teacher wasn't even a **real **teacher but just some guy who liked to date teenage girls! Lila got sent up for attempted murder and she got blamed for wrecking the school. They thought she used explosives or something. I never saw her again until **right now**. Got it?"

"Could you run that by me again?" Todd blinked. Lance glared at him. "Just kidding!"

"Whoa," Fred blinked. "Man Lance, your love life **sucks**."

"Tell me about it," Lance groaned.

"Wait a minute, you trashed a school before **mine?**" Kitty asked.

"This actually **surprises **you?" Scott asked her. "That makes how many total? Four or five?"

"Six if you count the Institute," Rogue told him.

"Hello! I did mention the fact that she was **cheating** on me and planning on me to take the fall for **her crimes** didn't I?" Lance snapped. "You'd be upset too!"

"Well if that's her what's she doing playing in a band in a **bar** in outer space?" Scott asked.

"How should I know? Maybe she won a ticket to a space cruise or something!" Lance threw up her hands. "The point is that she is a homicidal **maniac!"**

"And of course **you** would know her," Scott gave him a look.

"What is **that** supposed to mean?" Lance glared at him.

"Come on Avalanche, it's not like **anyone else** in this group is going to run into someone they know in outer space!" Scott challenged him.

"The fact that we know **anyone** in outer space is scary enough," Rogue admitted.

The band's set ended and Lila bounded over to them. "LANCE! IT IS YOU!" She leapt over and gave him a bear hug. "HOW ARE YA?"

"AKK!" Lance coughed. "Can't…breathe…"

"Sorry! But aren't you glad to see me?" Lila asked as she let him go.

"Well uh…" Lance coughed.

"Oh right, the whole 'I will hunt you down like a dog and kill you thing,'" Lila waved. "I can see how that might unnerve you a little. But it's okay now. I don't do that anymore."

"Really?" Lance blinked.

"I have found the light! The light of Shakari!" Lila tapped some small purple cymbals on her fingers. "Shakari!"

"Did she say Sean Connery?" Fred asked Todd.

**"Shakari**," Lila corrected him as she tapped the cymbals again. "It is the path of light in the universe!"

"It **is?"** Lance blinked.

"It is. Come on Lance let's let bygones be bygones," Lila said brightly. "I mean it's not like it was your fault that the school **just happened** to get wrecked in that freak earthquake."

"Hah," Lance gulped. "Yeah right. Lila…What are you doing here?"

"Oh that's right you don't know the whole story," Lila said. "Well not long after they dragged me away to jail I'm sitting in my cell wishing I could be anywhere, **anywhere**…Like in a spaceship or something and the next thing I know I'm actually **in **a space ship! It turned out I'm a mutant! That's…"

"We know," Althea interrupted her. "Almost all of us are mutants here."

"Oh okay," Lila said. "It turns out I'm some kind of teleporter!"

"So am I!" Kurt said. "But I could never teleport that far!"

"I can teleport across entire star systems!," Lila shrugged. "Well the next thing I know I'm running from these butt ugly aliens all over their ship and then they throw me in an alien brig and threaten to sell me as a slave! Long story short I get out of there fast as soon as they end up in this star system and run around trying to survive. That's when I met the Swami Mami Guru Ru!"

"The who and the what?" Rina blinked.

"Swami Mami Guru Ru!" Lila beamed. "The Lord High Maha Rama Rhisi and Prophet of Shakari! **Shakari!**" She clinked her cymbals. "I was trying to pick his pocket but instead he put me on the path of goodness and light! He showed me the errors of my ways! The power within my soul! And how to make some really good riffs with my guitar."

"So you found religion," Lance blinked.

"Oh Shakari is not just a religion, it's a way of life!" Lila told him. "Shakari! Shakari! So what are you doing out here?"

"We're tracking down some of our friends who were kidnapped by some Shi'ar aliens," Kitty explained. She whispered to Rogue. "What an **airhead!** What did Lance ever see in her?"

"He certainly has a type I gotta admit," Rogue gave her a look.

"So if you're a mutant, what's your power Lance?" Lila asked brightly.

"My power? Uh…" Lance gulped.

"This I have **got** to hear," Peter folded his arms.

"I see talking silver coyote that tells me stuff," Lance said quickly.

"It's true, you gotta give him that," Scott looked at Peter. "Hey Lila can you tell us about this part of the galaxy? Is this the Shi'ar Empire?"

"Technically this area you're in is only the outer boundaries of the Shi'ar Empire," Lila explained as she sat down. "Actually this entire part of the galaxy is a wide border between the Shi'ar and six other empires!"

"**Six** other empires?" Jean was stunned.

"Some bigger than others of course," Lila explained. "Loosely translated this area is called the Badlands. It's kind of like the wild west in space, barely even regulated by the Shi'ar. It's the perfect place for space pirates and slavers as well as other creeps."

"Slavers?" Kitty perked up her ears.

"Yeah, slavers," Lila said. "And unless you're part of the Shi'ar, Kree or Skrull empire you're pretty much considered fair game by a lot of them. And they're not even the **worst **things you can run into around here."

"Wonderful," Kurt groaned. "What about the Shi'ar? What can you tell us about them?"

"The Shi'ar home world is called the Aerie but the real heart of the empire is an artificial planet Chandilar the Imperial Throne World," Lila explained. "The empire literally spans at least three entire galaxies. It's one of the largest in the universe and it's ruled by a nutcase called D'Ken."

"Lilandra's brother no doubt," Rina nodded.

"What about the Imperial Guard?" Scott asked. "Can you tell us about them?"

"You don't wanna mess with them," Lila shook her head. "You see the Imperial Guard is made up of dozens of specially powered beings from all corners of the galaxy. They're in charge of law and order and they're considered the best of the best. They're the most feared people in the Shi'ar Empire, next to the Emperor. If I were you, I'd stay as far out of their way as possible."

"Can't be **that** good," Pyro sniffed. "That Erik'Dared is a joke! Firelord was a bit of a pain but…"

"You tangled with two Imperial Guardsmen at the same time and lived to tell about it?" Lila gasped.

"We beat Erik'Dared's butt **twice** and Firelord was taken down a peg too!" Bobby nodded.

"Are you **insane?**" Lila asked. "Erik'Dared has a reputation for holding a grudge and Firelord…Well…He's Firelord! One of the most powerful members of the Shi'ar Imperial Guard! Hell, he's one of the most powerful beings in this part of the **universe!"**

"How many members of the Imperial Guard are there?" Jean asked.

"At least thirty. And nearly all of them are as powerful as Firelord! Personally if I were you people, I'd turn around and go back home," Lila said. "You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of ever seeing your friends again!"

"Well you are **not **us," Scott snapped.

"Hey it's your funeral," Lila shrugged. "Just don't say I didn't warn you."

"Can you tell us anything about the Snarks?" Althea asked. "While you're giving out free advice anyway."

"Snarks are an interesting group," Lila said. "First off that's not their real name but since nobody can pronounce it well…We just all call them Snarks. It used to be a male dominated society. One emperor, several queens with royal families and the royal princes used to duke it out when the old emperor died."

"Used to be?" Rogue's ears perked up. "What happened?"

"About a decade ago there was this real ambitious queen," Lila said. "She was the jealous type who staged a sexual revolution. She not only wiped out the emperor, she bumped off all her competition and nearly all their offspring too. And those she couldn't kill of were banished. So the queen set up a system where she had a lot of princes and princesses establish houses into royal families under her. And they're all competing for the **ultimate** prize, to be the next Emperor or Empress."

"Let me guess, there's this Snark High Commander that was hanging around earth with a kid named Skratt," Lance remarked. "He's one of the princes too?"

"Skratt the Stupid? Yeah you betcha," Lila nodded her head.

"Well now we know why those Snarks were always hanging around Earth," Althea grumbled.

"Yeah," Todd nodded. "Why?"

"How **you **ever made it into ninja school I will never understand," Kurt groaned. "Hello? Taking over a planet? Stealing new technology? Does that ring a bell?"

"With robot Santas?" Todd asked.

"With **what?**" Lila asked.

"Don't ask," Lance groaned. "Please just **don't** ask!"

"It was still a better Christmas than the year we ended up with a **smoked** Santa," Bobby remarked. "Extra pickled and crispy."

"Let me guess, don't ask about that either?" Lila asked Lance.

"And how," Lance groaned again.

Just then Hank and Pyro ran in. They looked out of breath. "I think we lost 'em mate," Pyro panted.

"Lost who? Where have you been?" Rogue asked.

"At the wrong end of an angry mob," Pyro groaned.

"Apparently that room Pyro found **wasn't** a bathroom!" Hank moaned. "Don't ask!"

"There's a lot of things I can't ask about you people," Lila blinked. "Lance what kind of group have you hooked up with?"

"Oh our Avalanche is always getting into trouble," Pyro waved. Suddenly an alien flew by as if hit by an amazing force. "Whoa, I tell you the way Shipwreck hits it's like seeing someone get bowled over with one of your tremors Lance!"

"Hold on! Tremors? Did he just say **tremors?"** Lila's eye twitched. "And did he not just call you Avalanche? Why would he call you that?"

"Cause of his powers," Pyro said. "He can make earthquakes. Well that and seeing a silver talking coyote that sounds like Quicksilver over here."

"EARTHQUAKES?" Lila went from happy to homicidal in two seconds. "HE MAKES **EARTHQUAKES!** LIKE THE ONE THAT WRECKED MY SCHOOL?"

"He wrecked your school **too?"** Pyro asked. "How many does that make, mate? Five or six? Or is it seven?"

"Technically Bayville High counts as only **one,**" Fred remarked. "He did that twice. Well three times if you count the time Cobra La invaded."

"Thanks a **lot** guys!" Lance snapped.

"You…That was **you **who ruined my life? You? **You!**" Lila was literally turning red. "YOU SON OF A…" She screamed and rammed her guitar at the area where Lance's head was a half second ago. "YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME!"

"What's going on?" Pyro asked. "Did I say something wrong?"

"Depends if you want to see Alvers live or die," Scott said in a chipper voice. "Personally I think you did a **great** job!"

"Lila…Lila wait…" Lance backed away. "Remember you found religion! You know, forgive and forget? Shakari? With the cymbals and everything?"

"Shakari also teaches Karma, which means what **goes around comes around!"** Lila shouted. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't transport you to the lowliest…coldest…most monster ridden ice ball in the universe? ONE REASON?"

"Oh boy…" Pietro winced. "This is going to get ugly."

"It's already ugly," Xi pointed to Shipwreck brawling with some aliens in the corner. "Shouldn't we be doing something about that?"

"I can only videotape so many things at one time," Bobby told him as he took out the camera and focused it on Lance.

"Lila wait…Don't teleport me away!" Lance gulped.

"No…Wait I can't do that," Lila stopped. "I made a vow to Shakari that I would never do **that **again! And it is wrong to break a vow to Shakari! Shakari!" Lila tapped her finger cymbals. "Shakari! Shakari!

"Phew…" Lance sighed. "Yeah, good Shakari. Nice Shakari."

"Of course I never said anything about bringing **other** things to my enemies to attack them!" Lila snapped. She then teleported away.

"This does not sound good," Lance gulped.

"Yeah maybe we should…" Kurt began. Suddenly another alien flew across the room. "Oh boy…Shipwreck is really going at it."

"Yeah you think an alien seven feet tall with four arms, a tail and muscles the size of Newark would fight better?" Angelica remarked. "Instead of crying like a wuss."

"MAMMMAAAAA!" The described alien fled the bar in tears.

"Shipwreck does have that knack for doing that to people," Ororo sighed. "I know he's driven **me **to tears more than a few times!"

"THAT'S THEM!" A snail like alien in a red robe and several alien security guards behind him screamed. "THOSE ARE THE MANIACS THAT DESECRATED MY HOTEL ROOM!"

"They found us!" Pyro gulped.

"RRARRRRRR!" A huge green dragon like monster was teleported in with Lila on top of it.

"HAHAHHA!" Lila laughed as the creature breathed fire. "BURN BABY BURN!"

"And here is where it all goes to Hell," Jean groaned.

"You have the **worst** tastes in girlfriends," Pietro glared at Lance. "EVER!"

The next thing everyone knew the entire bar was filled with pandemonium, flying aliens and fire. "I don't believe this!" Arcade shouted as he dodged a flying chair. "I'm lost in the middle of outer space, in the middle of a bar fight in outer space with tons of aliens, a giant fire breathing monster trashing the place…"

ZZZAAAPPP!

Arcade barely dodged a laser blast. "And laser guns are firing at me! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! I'M IN A REAL LIFE STAR WARS SCENARIO! OH YEAH! I'M LIVING THE DREAM BABY!"

"I'm glad **somebody's** having a good time!" Shane said sarcastically as he fired on some security guards with his powers. "YOUR DREAM, MY NIGHTMARE!"

"Quit whining and **fight!"** Rina snarled knocking an alien out.

"Oh I love fire! Burny happy shiny fire!" Pyro was playing with the fire the monster blew and it screamed in fear when he made it into the shape of a huge three headed dragon.

Lance created a huge tremor, intending to scare the monster some more but ended up making the building shake and crumble more than he intended to. "Uh oh…" Lance looked around. "I think I did it again!"

"GAS LINE!" One alien screamed. "THE EARTHQUAKE EXPOSED THE MAIN GAS LINE!"

"Gas…?" Rogue blinked. "EVERYONE RUN!"

"GAS? GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!" Lila teleported away with her rock band and the monster.

"But I can just do this," Pyro waved his arms and sent the fire away to another section of the station.

BOOOM!

The place rocked. "I think that made it **worse **Pyro!" Kitty yelled. "Lance stop shaking the place!"

"I'm not! I think somehow I must have triggered some kind of fissure," Lance gulped.

"Everybody back to the ship!" Scott shouted.

"Run! Run! Run!" Pietro screamed. Which he did. As usual.

The gang ran for their lives back to their ship. By now all the aliens had forgotten them and were now running for their own ships. They met up with Trinity where their ship was docked. "What's going on?" Quinn asked.

"Lance ran into an old friend," Wanda quipped.

"Is the ship fueled?" Scott yelled as he went inside the ship.

"All set but the problem is…" Brittany began.

"Everyone get inside and let's go!" Scott shouted. "Go go go!"

"But we haven't…" Daria began.

"Like we were going to do it **anyway,**" Quinn gave her a look. "Come on!"

"Do **what** anyway?" Rogue asked. The ground shook. "Never mind! Get in the ship!"

The gang got into the ship and they flew away as fast as they could into space. They made it out of the atmosphere just in time.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Wow! I never saw a hole so big you could see it from space before," Todd whistled as he looked out the window.

"Not only is the whole building destroyed it looks we took out part of the moon as well," Arcade remarked. "That is a big hole!"

"Great we haven't been in outer space longer than a few hours and **already** we're responsible for blowing up **half** a moon!" Scott groaned. "So much for keeping a low profile!"

"We are kind of out in the middle of nowhere," Todd remarked. "Maybe nobody will notice?"

"How can anyone not notice **that?**" Scott snapped at the sight of the moon outpost in flames. "And do you see all those alien ships flying away? How much you want to bet that they are going to tell someone?"

"And that someone might tell the Shi'ar," Jean groaned.

"Well whoever they talk to I hope they don't file a police report," Pietro shrugged as he took some jewels out of a bag.

"Where did you get **that?"** Rina asked.

"We kind of saw this alien drop it during the fight so we…" Kurt gulped.

"WE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN **WE?**" Scott yelled.

"I was going to give it back," Kurt said weakly. Then he pointed to Pietro. "But **he** stole it!"

"I also got some stuff from that bookstore Kitty saw," Pietro pulled out more alien books and disks. "I think these are mostly romance novels."

"All right!" Pyro grinned. "Maybe this will give me some inspiration for my latest novel, 'Sex Babes From Outer Space'!"

"**When** did you…Never mind," Jean groaned.

"I guess now's not a good time to tell you that I got a couple of alien wallets," Todd pulled them out of his pockets. "I think one of them's a fake ID…"

"I pulled a few from some of the security guards," Althea took some out. "That might come in handy."

"Knocked a guy out and stole this," Shane shrugged and pulled out a gold necklace.

"I got some laser guns!" Arcade had a big grin on his face as he pulled two pistols out.

"For God's sake somebody take them from him before he shoots somebody!" Althea groaned.

"That's more than what I got," Wanda shrugged as she put some strange alien money out. "I got this from the tip jar. Service was lousy anyway."

"I managed to get some money and a wallet myself," Xi took some items out. "And these nice coasters."

"We got some coasters too," Angelica said as she and Lina took them out. "And a take out menu. Oh and this ring someone dropped on the floor."

"You stole stuff too?" Jean shouted.

"We meant to find the owner of the ring but things kind of got out of hand," Lina told them.

"Polly got booty! Booty!" Polly cackled as he showed off a jeweled necklace on his neck.

"Oh for crying out loud," Scott groaned. "Can't you Misfit Maniacs…"

"Uh Scott," Rogue coughed. She, Kitty and Rina pulled out some more security ID's and alien money. "We kind of had the same idea as well."

Lockheed coughed and spit out a security badge. "Please tell me that dragon didn't burn one of the security guards," Jean groaned.

"No, he just bit one of them," Kitty admitted.

"Polly got one on the ear!" Polly cackled.

"I saw this picture on the wall," Peter pulled out a small framed picture of an alien sunset. "It had just fallen on the floor and I liked the beauty of it and I figured it would be a shame to get destroyed."

"That is nice," Todd nodded.

"You can hang it up in the spaceship," Lina suggested.

"I just took the money that was owed me," Shipwreck pulled some money out as well as holding onto a bottle. "A bottle of alien booze! And a gold tooth! I think it's a gold tooth. Well it flew out of the guy's mouth. I figure since he had three rows of teeth he wouldn't miss **one.**"

"I uh kind of borrowed some money as well," Bobby coughed.

"Not to mention the alien version of Playdude," Lance took a magazine out. "Whoa look at all these tentacles!"

"Is that a guy or a girl?" Xi asked as he looked at the magazine.

"I can honestly say I have **no** idea," Lance blinked as he stared at the centerfold.

"Great! Anyone **else** steal anything?" Scott threw up his hands.

"I got these cool little umbrellas you put in drinks," Fred sheepishly took some out of his pockets.

"That's nice, Blob," Scott put his head in his hands. "Great job! Real helpful!"

"By the way Scott you know that fuel tank you were responsible for filling up?" Daria asked as she looked at her guidebook. "Turns out that wasn't free. You were supposed **to pay** for that."

"Oh…" Scott blinked. "Whoops."

"So much for **not** stealing, huh Scott?" Rogue gave him a look.

"In other words we've only been in outer space a **day** and already we've trashed an outpost," Wanda counted off the offenses. "Set a huge fire, started a riot, stole gas as well as a few dozen other things, animal attacks and scared a bunch of aliens out of their skins. Way to keep a low profile guys!"

"Not to mention a few charges of public urination," Fred said happily. "Which for **once** a Dukes is **not** responsible for!"

"Something tells me that these aliens are gonna end up hating mutants just as much as regular people do on Earth," Kitty groaned. "If not **more!"**

"This is definitely going to be a **long** trip," Kurt moaned. "A very long trip."

**Next: The trip gets weirder and crazier. So what else is new? **


	61. Drunk in Space

**Drunk in Space**

"Space, it's big," Pyro sighed as he stared out the window. "Really big. Really **really **big. Really, really, really big. Really, really, really, really…"

"Pyro, shut up," Angelica grumbled.

"But space is so big," Pyro said. "Really, really, really, really, really..."

"WE GET THE POINT PYRO!" Angelica snapped. She was playing cards with Rogue, Lina, Wanda, Rina and Kitty. Some of the X-Men and Misfits were lounging around the bridge. Under the bridge was a large living room like area where some of the gang was hanging around in.

"I don't know how much longer I can stand being cooped up in this stupid spaceship with all the nuts in here," Rogue groaned.

_"I wanna go to Mount Splashmore,"_ Pyro sang in a bored voice. _"Take me, take me, take me now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now! Now…" _

"Hang on Rogue because it's going to be a very **long** trip," Wanda rolled her eyes. "Pyro do you have to sing songs from the Simpsons?"

"It's either that or burn stuff," Pyro sighed.

"Keep singing Pyro," Lina said quickly. "You were at the nows."

"Oh yeah," Pyro nodded. _"Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now…Mount Splashmore take me there right now! I wanna go to Mount Splashmore! Take me, take me, take me now! Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now…" _

"On second thought **shut up** Pyro!" Rogue snapped. "You wanna burn something? Go set **yourself** on fire!"

"I can't," Pyro whined. "Al won't let me do it any more. Not after the last time."

"Do we really want to know **this **story?" Rina asked in a bored voice.

"No," Lina, Angelica and Wanda said at the same time.

"I thought not," Rina sighed. "Rogue you are not going to be the **only **one that will go insane on this trip."

"Stuck in the vastness of outer space in close quarters with the Misfits," Scott groaned as he co-piloted the ship. "What the hell were we **thinking?**"

"We weren't," Rogue remarked."That's why we're here with **them!"**

"You could have just taken your own starship you know?" Althea gave her a look. "Oh wait, you **couldn't!** You don't have one!"

"Yes, but we are seriously considering **getting one** for ourselves as soon as this trip is over," Scott told her.

"Sure Scott, we'll just go over to the spaceship dealership when we get back on Earth," Rogue said sarcastically.

"On the bright side I think we've finally picked up Larry's homing signal again," Daria said as she flew the ship along with Scott.

"Well that's **some** good news at least," Kurt said as he studied the star charts. "I can't make heads or tails out of these things! And for me that is saying something!"

"I hope we find them soon I am getting so **bored!**" Pyro whined.

"Dude, we just blew up a space station **yesterday**," Bobby gave him a look. "Literally 24 hours ago we just blew up and **robbed **a space station!"

"But I haven't played with fire in **so **long," Pyro whined.

"Again! The space station! The **fire breathing monster!"** Bobby snapped. "**That **ring a bell for you?"

"It was so long ago…" Pyro sighed. "So very, very long ago."

"My head hurts…" Bobby groaned. "I tell you we can't rescue the Professor and the others fast enough!"

"Pyro, why don't you work on writing your book?" Wanda suggested as she looked at her cards. "While I work on getting a better hand. What's wrong with these cards?"

"There's nothing wrong with the cards," Rogue looked at her. "**You're **the one that's not playing with a full deck!"

"That better not be a crack about my past," Wanda glared at her.

"No, it's a crack at you being a Misfit in general," Rogue snapped.

"Look Rogue, Remy's not the only one missing so don't take it out on us!" Wanda snapped. "We lost Larry too remember? And other people like Larry! So stop griping! We're going to get them back!"

"Oh," Rogue looked at Rina. "Sorry Rina…"

"It's all right," Rina nodded. "It's not exactly the same thing as what you and Gambit have. We're not really dating it's just…He and I kind of understand each other. You know what I mean?"

"All too well," Rogue groaned.

"And the fact that it scares the hell out of Logan when he thinks we are dating is also a nice bonus," Rina smirked.

"Yeah you can't really beat the freak out factor!" Kitty snickered.

"I can do that **without** a boyfriend," Lina grumbled.

"So can Kitty when she's driving," Pietro zoomed over her shoulder. He nodded his head and gave Wanda a look.

"Quicksilver! Stop cheating!" Kitty snapped.

"I'm not cheating! My head has a twitch," Pietro sniffed.

"Your **brain **has a twitch if you think anyone is gonna believe that load of garbage," Rogue growled.

"_Baby on board! How I've adored that sign on my car's windowpane!"_ Pyro sang again.

"At least he's singing a better song," Angelica sighed.

_"Boom, boom, boom, boom_," Fred sang the background.

_"Bounce in my step, loaded with pep cause I'm driving in the car pool laaaaannnne!" _Todd and Kurt sang along with Pyro.

"What are you two…?" Rogue's jaw dropped.

"Can't beat 'em, join 'em," Kurt told her.

"Good point," Scott nodded.

"Not you too Scott!" Rogue moaned as they sang.

Bobby, Kurt, Todd, Scott, Fred, Angelica, Wanda and Kitty joined in the singing. Even Polly and Lockheed sang in their own way. _"That little yellow sign can't be ignored. I'm telling you it's mighty nice. Each trip's a trip to paradise. With my Baby on Boooooooooard!" _

"No more singing…"Rogue groaned. "No more singing…"

"What is it with you people and the Simpsons?" Hank was shocked.

"Greatest cartoon show ever dude," Bobby shrugged. "Well maybe with **one** exception."

"**Two** exceptions," Shipwreck gave him a look.

"This is the rescue trip from Hell," Rogue moaned as she hung her head down. "You guys are acting more like it's a vacation!"

"Yeah a vacation with the Munsters," Kurt snickered.

"More like the Addams Family," Todd told him. "They've got more edge."

"They do **not** have more edge," Kurt gave Todd a look.

"They do too," Todd said.

"Do not," Kurt remarked.

"Do too," Todd snorted.

"Do not," Kurt defended.

"Do too," Todd persisted.

"Do not," Kurt said. "The Munsters were the first family on television to have a husband and wife share a single bed! That's edge! Well it was for their time anyway."

"Please!" Todd rolled his eyes. "The Addams Family was a lot more edgier!"

"The Addams Family was a rip off of the Munsters," Kurt said. "Everybody knows that!"

"How can they be a rip off of the Munsters when they debuted the same year on TV as the Munsters did?" Todd snapped. "Both Addams Family and Munsters were on from 1964 to 1966!"

"Yes but the Munsters had a 70 episode run while the Addams Family only had 64," Kurt informed him. "Plus a few television movies!"

"The Addams Family had a lot of movies on both TV and the big screen!" Todd told him. "Not to mention cartoon shows, video games…"

"They can remember all of **that** but they could not remember basic American history and math questions on their final exams?" Hank blinked.

"Well this is more useful to them," Shipwreck explained. Hank gave him a dirty look. "The truth hurts Beast. Deal with it."

"And everyone knows that the Addams Family were based on those cartoons in the New Yorker, that fancy upper crust magazine," Todd put his nose in the air. "They actually have a high class pedigree!"

"Oh please! High class my eye!" Kurt snorted. "The Munsters were much more visually sophisticated and had rich shadowy photography while all the Addams Family had were blown up trains and the same old sight gags!"

"Just because the humor of the Adams Family is a bit more grotesque and stylized does not mean that it's the same sight gags as the Munsters!" Todd defended his show.

"Yeah and what's wrong with blowing up trains anyway!" Pyro called out. "I like explosions!"

"We all know what **you** like Pyro," Hank snapped. "Please! They don't need any help to make their argument more **ridiculous **than it actually is!"

"What's ridiculous is that some people don't realize that all the Munsters are is just another regular sitcom dressed up in a Halloween costume!" Todd glared at Kurt.

"No what is **really** ridiculous is that the Adams Family is just a cheap knock off of the Munsters!" Kurt snapped back.

"You are the one that is ridiculous!" Todd snapped.

"No, you are!" Kurt shouted back.

"You are!"

"No, you are!"

"You are!"

"No you are!"

"We're going to be listening to this crap throughout the entire trip aren't we?" Wanda sighed.

"You're wrong!" Todd snapped.

"No, **you're** wrong!" Kurt snapped.

"I beg to differ Fuzz Face," Todd sniffed.

"No, I beg to differ Mosquito Breath!" Kurt snapped back.

"Looks like it," Kitty agreed.

"And don't get me **started** on how the genius of Grandpa Munster is dogged by the ineptitude of Uncle Fester!" Kurt yelled.

"At least Uncle Fester could create his own electricity!" Todd snapped. "In an emergency he could always be counted on as a lamp!"

"Oh what I wouldn't give for a nice peaceful **meteor shower** right about now," Rogue sighed.

"Heads up people! Another planet dead ahead," Scott called out.

"Finally," Angelica groaned. "Any more of that argument and I would have **welcomed** death!"

"Looks like we've found another outpost!" Daria said. "We can stop for supplies. Judging by this trip we're going to need all we can get!"

"Let's try not to blow it up this time shall we?" Ororo groaned. "And let's all stay together this time."

Ten minutes after docking…

"So much for staying together," Ororo groaned. Only she, Jean, Scott and Althea were together in a group. "Ever get the feeling that no one listens to you?"

"All the time," Jean nodded.

"Welcome to my world," Scott said sarcastically.

"Okay where's the spaceship?" Jean blinked. "Didn't we park it over there?"

"Yes and we left my sisters on it," Althea said. "Which probably means they're flying around getting into trouble somewhere."

"Come on Althea even your sisters can't get into any kind of trouble **that **fast!" Jean said.

Not that far away…

"Welcome to the Nabo Racer Stars Drag Racing!" A bald short alien with a long beard and a brown tunic waved a flag. "One of the greatest illegal spaceship races in the world! We've got a great race today. First off from the planet Skrull…Lord Skornak the Destroyer!"

A green skinned alien in purple armor raised his fist in triumph as he prepared his spacecraft. "The ultimate prize shall be mine!"

"Next up, from the Kree…Ebok the Merciless!" The alien announcer shouted.

"All shall fall before me!" Ebok, a blue skinned alien shouted.

"From Mephizoid, Melki the Mad Cat!" The alien announcer shouted.

"Blood! Revenge and Sausages!" A brown tabby cat alien shouted. "HA HA HA HA!"

"From the swamp planet of Ozarn, Bloog the Despicable!" The Alien Announcer shouted.

"HA HA HA!" A disgusting green glob with three eyes chortled. "I will eat the remains of the losers!"

"Next from the shadows…Tbor, the Really scary shadow alien from a race that has no name and even if it did, it would not tell you otherwise it would have to kill you," The announcer read from a card. "That's what it says folks!"

A scary looking black alien shadow wearing red armor nodded as it prepared to race.

"Not much for words apparently," The announcer read off the card. "Next up from the planet Vhamir, Vampira the Bloodsucker!"

"Ha, ha, ha!" A vampire looking alien laughed. "This will be easier than taking blood from a newborn!"

"Real sweet girl that one is," The alien announcer grumbled. "Next on the list, Rangor the Ruthless Space Pirate!"

"ARGH! HA HA HA!" A three eyed orange pirate alien with four arms, (one of them ending in a hook) cackled. "I'll make ye all walk the plank! HA HA HA!"

"Nice to see you fighting that stereotype of pirates everywhere, Rangor," The announcer quipped. "Speaking of stereotypes up next is the hotshot handsome pilot that all the girls go gaga for! Introducing Hunk from Handsomor!"

"Ladies," A very good looking blue alien with long black hair and sunglasses raised his thumb. "Call me, if you want a hot date!"

"Or if you want a venereal disease, take your pick," The announcer grumbled. "Oh did I say that out loud? Ah who cares? Last and certainly least…A late entry from some unknown planet that I've never **heard** of…Ear-thhh? Air-th? Oh forget it. Three little girls!"

"Some introduction **that **was," Quinn groaned as the girls prepared to race in the Misfit One.

"Remember girls, it's not whether you win or lose," Brittany said cheerfully.

"It's how many spaceships you can wreck!" Daria said happily.

I think we all know how this one is going to end up folks, don't we?

Let's get back to the rest of the gang.

"Well my Pop found the booze," Althea groaned as she noticed a commotion at a nearby bar. "Come on."

"What has our not so favorite sailor gotten himself into this time?" Ororo grumbled as they walked in. Then she noticed that most of the others in the group were in the bar as well. "One good thing about him, he's able to attract a crowd. Which means it's easier to keep track of our group."

"What's going on?" Scott asked Hank.

"Shipwreck has engaged this fellow here in some kind of weighty debate," Hank snipped as he pointed to a huge pink alien with bulging muscles, a gold set of horns on his head and green armor.

"I am Vorton the Mighty! The greatest drinker of ales in all the galaxy!" The alien proclaimed. "No mere creature from some unknown world can best me!"

"Bring it on, Pinky!" Shipwreck sneered.

"I can just hear the theme music from the Good, the Bad and the Ugly playing now," Hank groaned. "And I am seeing mostly ugly!"

"All right people place your bets!" Todd called out.

"What are you doing?" Wanda whispered in his ear. "We don't have any money!"

"That's why we're betting so we can make money," Todd told her.

"Toad! This is risky! Did it ever occur to you that Shipwreck might lose?" Hank gave him a look. Then Todd gave **him **a look. Hank realized something. "What am I **saying?** This is a **sure **thing! Place your bets people! Place your bets!"

"Should I even **try **to stop them?" Scott asked with a huge sigh.

"No, might as well let them get it out of their system," Ororo admitted. "Where are the Triplets?"

"I dunno, they gotta be around here someplace," Althea shrugged.

None of the team was watching the huge screen television like device in the back. Several more patrons were watching the race. "Hey! That Earth team plays dirty!" One red alien shouted.

"Yeah that's the third crash they've caused and the race has just started!" A three eyed green octopus like alien with seventeen tentacles cried out.

BOOOM!

"Whoa…Gotta give 'em credit for one thing…They do know how to blow things up," A burly purple alien blinked. Strangely enough he sounded a lot like Larry the Cable Guy.

"Okay that has got to be against the rules!" Another green alien shouted.

"This is an illegal no rules anything goes race," The burly purple alien said. "How can they break the rules if there **aren't** any?"

"Well there should be one **against **teleporting a flyer out of his vehicle, stripping him down to his underpants and dragging him along behind the starship," The green alien told him.

"MOMMMEEEEEEEE!" Hunk screamed as he was dragged from behind the ship.

"Now **that **has got to be the most humiliating thing I have ever seen," The burly purple alien remarked.

"OH MY GOD!" Lord Skornak the Skrull screamed like a little girl. "NO! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME WITH THAT TIRE IRON AND THAT PINK TUTU! HELP ME! FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"I take it back," The burly purple alien said. "**That **is the most humiliating thing I have ever seen!"

"Never thought I'd live to see a Skrull cry, that's for sure," A cat like alien waitress remarked.

BOOOM! BOOOOOM!

"Okay now they have **got **to lose points for blowing up part of the stadium," The burly purple alien remarked.

"I don't know where this planet Earth is," The three eyed green alien with tentacles said. "But something tells me to stay as **far away** from it as possible!"

Meanwhile the rest of the group was watching Shipwreck and Volton go drink to drink. Neither competitor giving the other quarter. Well most of the gang. "This is getting kind of dull," Pietro snorted. "I think I'll go get myself some souvenirs." He zoomed off to cause more mischief.

The others were too engrossed watching the contest. "I can't believe how easy this is even for Shipwreck!" Lance remarked. "He's already up by two glasses!"

"I'm getting thirsty just watching them," Jean said. She looked at an alien waitress. "You have anything bubbly but non alcoholic?"

"Yeah try this," The alien waitress gave her a pink bubbling drink.

"What is it?" Jean asked.

"It's called a Shi'ar Sunset," The alien waitress told her. "Pretty mild stuff."

"You know this stuff is pretty good," Jean took a sip of the strange looking liquid. "Tasty…I think I'll have another."

Three minutes later. "Boy that Vorton is looking kind of green," Bobby remarked.

"Come on you pasty faced, barnacle brained land lubber," Shipwreck hiccupped. "I've had twenty something of these and I'm barely buzzed! You've only had…Well I've lost count of how many you had. Finish your drink like a man!"

"Here you go!" The alien bartender put down two more drinks in front of them. Shipwreck grabbed one and downed it. "Beat that!"

"Uhhhhhh…" Vorton groaned and fell.

"Guess not," Shipwreck hiccupped and grabbed Vorton's glass and downed it in one gulp.

"The winner, and new champion…Shipwreck from planet Earth!" The alien referee called out to a chorus of resounding cheers.

"Was there **ever** any doubt?" Hank sighed.

"HEY! I LOST GOOD MONEY!" A huge green alien shouted.

"Not our fault you sore losers backed the wrong drunken horse," Althea snapped. "Pay up!"

"I thought these drinks were watered down," Shipwreck hiccupped.

"Something's funny here!" Another red alien shouted. "Those are Skrull Skull Slammers! That's guaranteed to flatten even a charging Bogrian Bull Dragon! It's gotta be fixed!"

"Skull Slammers? Tasted like somebody spiked grape juice with half a shot of ginger ale!" Shipwreck burped. "It's a kiddie drink!"

"AWWK! Aliens can't hold their liquor! Awwk!" Polly called out from Shipwreck's shoulder. He hopped down and drank some alcohol. "AWWK! Kool Aid gives me more of a buzz! Whhooo!"

"My **bird** can drink more than you lot put together!" Shipwreck snorted.

"You Earth creatures cheated and you know it!" Another green alien shouted. "No way any **inferior** species such as yours could best us in a drinking contest."

"Ahhh, shaddap!" Jean hiccupped. She telekinetically levitated several drinks and threw them in the irate alien's faces. "You lost! Get over it!"

"Jean…" Scott gasped.

"Oh lighten up Scotty…" Jean giggled and hiccupped. "These aliens are gonna hate us anyway! Might as well have a party! Whoo hooo!"

"What is going on with her?" Ororo asked. "Jean is acting like she's drunk!"

"That's because she **is** drunk," Rogue groaned. "I knew that Shi'ar Sunrise tasted funny when I took a sip!"

"What? How is that possible?" Lance asked.

"It looks like these so called non-alcoholic drinks are capable of making mutants even more tipsy than the alcohol here," Hank scanned the contents of the drink with a portable scanning device. "Fascinating."

"Looks like Drunk Jean is back," Rogue snickered. "This trip is looking up already!"

"Why you little…" A hulking green alien advanced on Jean.

"Oh this is gonna get **messy!**" Polly cackled. "Messy! Messy! Messy!"

"You got that right!" The orange alien made some fists and several advanced on Jean and Shipwreck.

"So it's a fight you want?" Shipwreck put up his fists. "Come and get it!"

"With pleasure!" The orange alien roared as he advanced.

"BACK OFF BOZO!" Jean growled, fire coming out of her eyes. Then suddenly she knocked the aliens back with her telekinesis as the phoenix raptor image surrounded her. "NOBODY MESSES WITH THE PHOENIX! NOBODY!"

"The…The **Phoenix?"** One alien's five eyes widened in fear.

"That's right! I'm the Phoenix!" Jean roared as her raptor image made the aliens cower in fear. "I am the destroyer and creator of worlds! I am fire incarnate! I am really **cheesed off** so you'd better show me some respect and get me another drink **or else!"**

Suddenly every glass in the place shattered instantaneously. Tables and chairs flew around attacking aliens. "Uh oh…" Kitty gulped.

"Jean's a little ticked off," Wanda gulped. "And I thought I did a lot of damage when I got mad!"

"Yeah! You'd **better** run!" Shipwreck laughed at the sight.

"Pop they're not afraid of **you!**" Althea shouted at him.

"Let a man have a moment will ya?" Shipwreck snapped at her.

"Jean is getting out of control!" Scott shouted.

"No really? You think?" Rogue asked sarcastically as Jean telekinetically threw one alien out of the window.

"What's all this then?" A burly Shi'ar officer ran in with a squad of soldiers.

"There are Shi'ar officers here too?" Todd yelled.

BOOOMMM!

Jean telekinetically threw most of them out the windows and doors. "Not anymore!" Todd quipped.

"What the…?" The leader of the Shi'ar officers gasped. "What are you?"

"She's the Phoenix pal! And this is Mr. Fist!" Shipwreck slammed the Shi'ar officer in the jaw and knocked him out cold.

"And I am Mr. Twister!" Pietro cackled as he zoomed in and created a small tornado around his hapless victim. "HA HA HA!"

"Quicksilver what did you do now?" Althea shouted.

"I just thought I'd have some fun," Pietro snickered at the sight of the unconscious officer wearing a strange green alien dress. Then he saw Jean telekinetically trashing the entire bar. "And it looks like Jean is too!"

"Jean! Jean I think they've learned their lesson now!" Althea shouted. Jean didn't seem to hear her. "Jean!"

"RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THESE EARTH CREATURES ARE CRAZY!" The aliens fled the scene. "THE PHOENIX! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! THE PHOENIX WILL KILL US ALL!"

"Uh what do we do now?" Lance gulped as Jean literally tore open the roof of the bar.

"Jean calm yourself!" Ororo tried to stop her with winds but Jean casually pushed her back. "She's out of control!"

"Well there's always **this**…"Althea groaned. "Jean look over there! Look at the naked guy!"

"What…?" Jean turned around. When she had her back turned Althea delivered a quick blow to the back of her neck that knocked Jean out.

The raptor image disappeared and Jean was unconscious. "Sorry about that Jean but you'll thank me for this later," Althea whistled. "Ow…My hand is slightly burned!"

"I'll fix it back on the ship!" Lina said. "Let's get out of here!"

"Here comes our ride," Kurt pointed as the Misfit One flew overhead.

"Come on board!" Daria lowered the ramp and called out over the PA system.

"Where were you?" Althea asked as they boarded.

"We won a race," Quinn said.

"Yeah but some people are sore losers!" Brittany said. "And over nothing!"

"And we don't just mean the thousands of dollars in damages," Quinn said. "We won the ultimate prize fair and square. Well maybe **not **so fair and square…"

"Some ultimate prize," Daria snorted. "A few thousand dollars in credits to some store we've never heard about. Planet Express Pants?"

"We also got this nifty trophy," Quinn took out a gold trophy. "And a few other things."

"**What **things?" Ororo yelled.

"Never mind!" Kitty shouted as she saw some Shi'ar warships come closer. "Let's just get out of here!"

"Hold on and here we go!" Daria shouted. The ship took off and narrowly knocked into one of the larger Shi'ar ships. "Going to warp!" Soon they were out in space.

"So what happened to your hand?" Pietro asked as she saw Lina use her spit spray on Althea's hand.

"I had to knock Jean out while she was in Phoenix mode," Althea grumbled.

"She like had no choice," Kitty said. "She was totally out of control."

"Shipwreck was in a drinking contest and while we were watching and betting…" Scott glared at them. "Jean picked up some drinking tips of her own."

"ZZZ…_If you like pina coladas_…" Jean giggled while she lay unconscious on one of the seats. _"And getting caught in the rain. If there's something…something…something…" _

"And if you think Jean's a pain," Fred snickered.

"How come she gets to set fires and wreck things and I **don't?"** Pyro pouted.

"Next time Pyro," Angelica rolled her eyes. "I promise."

"Let me see if I got this straight," Pietro snickered. "Jean was the one who got drunk at the drinking contest?"

"Yes and where were you, besides picking out new outfits for Shi'ar officers?" Wanda folded her arms.

"Oh picking up a souvenir or two," Pietro grinned. "Mostly from our friend the second worst drunk alien in space."

"Like what?" Lance asked.

"Oh his wallet, some jewelry he was wearing," Pietro shrugged. "A few cases of alien booze."

"ALL RIGHT!" Shipwreck whooped. "Pietro have I told you that I think of you as the son I wish I had. A son who would bring Daddy beer?"

"Who's turn?" Althea's eye twitched. "Wait a minute I'm taking **this one!"** She made a karate chop and knocked her father to the floor.

"You stole all of **that?**" Scott yelled as he saw the pile of pilfered plunder.

"Well yes," Pietro shrugged. "What? He was a bad guy! It's okay to steal from bad guys!"

"He was just a drunk!" Rogue shouted.

"Well this will teach him not to drink," Pietro shrugged. "Besides I'm not the one who got out of control."

"That is debatable," Rina gave him a look.

"Look the bottom line is we all stole stuff, wrecked stuff, and blew up stuff," Shane decided to try and be the sole voice of reason. "Plus I'm getting the feeling that the Phoenix isn't exactly going to be welcomed with open arms even if we **didn't** do all that stuff!"

"In other words we are now officially outlaws," Hank quipped.

"Story of my life," Pyro shrugged. "Nothing new there."

"So much for upholding law and order," Lance snickered.

"This trip is going to be one insane stop after another isn't it?" Scott groaned.

"Only if we are very lucky," Althea told him. "Which we're not."

"Which means we're due for some **real monsters** to run into very shortly," Todd nodded. "And fight for our lives against."

"And probably a few space cops as well," Fred added.

"Space cops?" Scott raised an eyebrow. "Blob you've been watching too many cartoons. Space Cops, yeah **right!"**

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

A few hours later…

"I hate these damn routine patrols," Flashfire, a tall white skinned humanoid male alien with electric hair grumbled at the damage around him. He wore a black and yellow uniform and a very bored expression on his face as he wrote a report on an electronic pad.

"We're the freaking Imperial Guard," He complained. "We should be fighting off Kree invaders or Skrull spies. Or putting down a rebellion or something. But what did we get? Outpost orbit patrol! It's barely a step up from a domestic dispute call!"

"Not **all **duties of the Imperial Guard are glamorous, Flashfire," A green alien in a black uniform and black eyes spoke dryly. "You knew this when you joined the Guard."

"Forget glamour, Mentor! I just want to handle assignments a little more interesting than a bunch of drunks trashing a planet," Flashfire grumbled. "I need a challenge worthy of my abilities!"

"The fact that this is the second outpost apparently damaged by the same group in two days should make it interesting enough for even you," Nightshade, a white skinned humanoid female with blond hair and a black uniform and cloak.

"Yeah Nightshade, real interesting," Flashfire groaned as he saw Vorton vomit off to the side. "It's real handy to learn that Vorton is no longer the biggest drunk in the universe!"

"Big bird…" Vorton shuddered. "Big fire bird…Real **big** fire bird!"

"Yeah yeah, big fire bird," Flashfire wrote down the report. "That's the **third **one in a row!"

"I'll go file a report with headquarters," Nightshade sighed as she went to the side to use her personal communicator with some privacy.

"Okay Vorton tell us again who robbed you?" Mentor sighed.

"It was the followers of the Phoenix! They took my title and my ale and my prize money to please their queen!" Vorton cried out.

"The Phoenix?" Flashfire raised an eyebrow. "You're saying you were robbed by a mythical creature?"

"Yes! The Phoenix is on the loose and she's gonna steal all our beer if we don't do something!" Vorton screamed.

"Oh we'll do **something **all right," Flashfire made a motion and two Shi'ar soldiers led the drunken alien away. "We'll let you **sleep it off!"**

"PHOENIX! PHOENIX!" Another alien screamed as he was led away by a Shi'ar soldier. "IT WAS THE PHOENIX I TELL YOU!"

"Yeah right, the Phoenix," Flashfire grumbled. "Go right ahead. Big freaking waste of time!"

"At the very least we discovered this year's location of an Nabo illegal races," Mentor pointed to a huge spaceship towing the remains of several crashed spaceships.

"Big deal that's only one of thousands," Flashfire grumbled. "And the fact that half of them were flying **drunk **is no mystery that they crashed!"

"I AM NOT DRUNK!" The Shi'ar officer in a green dress was led away by another soldier. "THE FOLLOWERS OF THE PHOENIX DID THIS TO ME! THEY PUT ME IN A DRESS BECAUSE THE PHOENIX WILLED IT! IT'S THE TRUTH I AM TELLING YOU!"

"What are they putting in the **ale **around here?" Flashfire grunted. "The Phoenix Force is nothing but a fairy tale made to scare young ones."

"It is **not** a fairy tale," Mentor informed him. "There really **was **a being like that in the past. But it was safely contained, never to trouble the Shi'ar Empire again."

"Not anymore," Nightshade walked back to them. "I've just received a report from Firelord himself. The Phoenix Force has returned and has a new host body."

"You're kidding?" Flashfire asked. "Wait, isn't there part of the story where if the Phoenix Force returns…"

"The Shi'ar Empire will fall, yes," Mentor nodded. "This is most distressing indeed."

"It gets better," Nightshade said. "We just got assigned to chase the Phoenix and her allies down."

"Uh hold on a second," Flashfire held up his hands. "You telling me that we're now responsible for bringing in a being of cosmic power destined to **destroy us all?"**

"As well as her friends who are apparently capable of destroying planets on their own," Mender added. "You did say you wanted a challenge worthy of your abilities, did you not?"

"Me and my big mouth…" Flashfire groaned.

**Looks like the gang's got some more people on their tail. They sure know how to make friends don't they? Wait and see what happens next time! And yes there will be insanity. Why? Because I feel like it! Yes I want the insanity! He he…**

Todd sighed. "Here we go again folks."


	62. More Fun in Space

**More Fun in Space**

"Okay! Colossus and X23! Fastball special!" Scott ordered.

Peter hurled Rina towards a huge alien with several tentacles. Rina let out a satisfying roar as she tore through the alien like a hot knife through butter. The alien screamed, then disintegrated.

"Training simulation 34 ended," The computer spoke as the alien environment evaporated and was replaced with a Danger Room type room. Nearly all the X-Men and the Misfits had been training inside for the past hour.

"All right I think we can take a break now," Scott panted.

"We'd better," Pietro grumbled. "I'm sweaty! I hate being sweaty!"

"You hate work **period**," Lance told him.

"Wow this training simulator Trinity installed in the ship is pretty good," Althea admitted.

"I agree," Peter nodded. "It is good that we keep in shape. This journey will be long and hard. And I fear that we will soon be running into more enemies that will be even stronger than what we have encountered before."

"What do you mean **keep in shape**?" Todd snapped. "We just blew up **two **outposts in **two days!"**

"Yes but those aliens were **pathetic**," Rina snorted.

"And I have a feeling not all of them are going to be pushovers," Wanda said. "Like Firelord? Remember **him?**"

"Oh yeah, right," Todd nodded. "But we got Jean on our side! I mean with that Phoenix power you've got we're sure to handle it!"

"Toad as much as I appreciate your faith in me…" Jean began.

"As long as you know, stay sober," Todd continued.

**"What?"** Jean's eye twitched. She grabbed his shirt. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"I was just saying you were pretty bombed," Todd gulped. "Almost as bad as Shipwreck. Well maybe worse…"

"WORSE? **WORSE?** WHY YOU LITTLE…" Fire started to come out of Jean's eyes. She started to shake him. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU…?"

"**Toad **has a point Jean," Rina said in an icy tone. Jean stopped and gave her a look. "Don't give me that look. You know I'm right!"

"Yeah, you didn't see **us** getting drunk now did you?" Rogue added folding her arms.

"You shouldn't blame other people for **your **mistakes," Angelica gave her a look. "You remember what Shima said? Not to let yourself get out of control? Does **that** ring a bell?"

"Oh…Yeah right," Jean gulped as she let Todd go.

"And **what **did you do yesterday?" Rogue went on. "You let your guard down in a strange place. What would Wolverine say if he saw you?"

"You are enjoying this way **too** much," Jean grumbled. "It's not like you've never been drunk before!"

"NOT ON A MISSION!" Rogue shouted.

"Yeah why do you think we're doing **out here?"** Kitty asked. "Sightseeing?"

"For someone with your training you acted just like rookie on her first mission," Althea admonished her. "**We** didn't eat or drink anything until we had Beast scan the food to make sure it was not harmful or intoxicating to us."

"Even **Toad** knows better than that," Kitty nodded.

"Face it Jean, you blew it yesterday," Wanda agreed.

"Why are you all picking on **me?"** Jean whined. "What about Shipwreck, Quicksilver and Trinity? They screwed up too you know?"

"Yes, but they're lunatics and morons," Wanda said. "We all know they are beyond help."

"Yeah us guys are idiots," Pyro nodded. "It's you girls that are the smart ones of the species! You know better!"

"Says **who?"** Pietro whacked him on the head.

"As hard as it sounds Jean, the truth is you don't have the luxury of letting your guard down like some **other **weaklings we know," Rina glared at Pietro and Pyro. "You are the host of the Phoenix Force. You can never forget that."

"You're all right," Jean sighed. "I lost control and there's no excuse for that. I'm sorry."

"Good!" Althea slapped Jean hard on the back. "Now that you've got **that** out of your system, you're ready to refocus and fight again!"

"Huh?" Jean blinked.

"Don't worry Jean," Rogue made a thumbs up sign. "We've got your back."

"You really think we're going to let you go nuts without a fight think again," Althea said.

"Well…Other than the normal crazy around here," Rogue said. "That's inescapable."

"We're just trying to contain the property damage to a minimum," Wanda said.

"Like you once told me, sometimes even good guys need a nudge in the right direction," Scott nodded.

"Even perfect people like us," Pietro preened. "Well like me anyway!"

"And as a reward you can beat up Quicksilver all you want," Wanda grinned.

"WHAT?" Pietro yelled. "NO SHE CAN'T!"

"Heads up! We found another planet," Quinn called out to the crew over the intercom.

"Goody, at this rate we'll blow up the entire solar system by the end of the week," Hank said sarcastically.

"So we've come up on another planet huh?" Bobby asked as they made their way to the main deck.

"Actually there are two anomalies that have attracted our attention," Daria pointed out on the screen. "First is this planet which the guidebooks call Alaria. It's a planet not associated with any empire because it's in the Badlands. The way it's set up empires pay a flat fee so that it's citizens can visit it."

"Non empire related citizens have to pay a small fee as well, but it's a lot cheaper than people who do live in the Shi'ar Empire," Quinn explained.

"Or we could just skip the fee altogether and transport down there," Kitty said.

"Kitty!" Ororo was shocked.

"Well we're like outlaws anyway," Kitty shrugged. "Why not take advantage of it?"

"She has a point," Hank said. "We should conserve what little money we have…"

"What we stole," Kurt pointed out.

"Right, what we stole for supplies and real emergencies," Hank coughed.

"Hey we won our prize money," Brittany challenged.

"By cheating?" Althea gave her a look.

"How did you know we cheated?" Daria asked.

"I know you three," Althea told her. "What's the second anomaly?"

"We're not sure," Brittany said. "But whatever it is it was following us and it's trying to hide beyond the third moon in this system."

"Should we check them both out?" Kitty asked.

"While we're out here we might as well do some space exploration," Scott said. "Besides we might find out more information."

"Did you just rhyme?" Fred asked.

"I must have this time," Scott came out. "I don't believe I just said that…"

"The spirit of Roadblock is with us," Hank quipped.

"I hope not literally," Lance remarked.

"We don't have time for this junk!" Rogue snapped. "Am I the only one who remembers our kidnapped friends here?"

"Do you also remember the little food fight this morning?" Althea remarked. "You know the one your idiot brother started?"

"I didn't start anything!" Both Kurt and Pietro shouted.

"Wait, was she talking about you or me?" Kurt asked.

"It does get confusing doesn't it?" Pietro blinked.

"Long story short if we don't do something soon, we're going to run out of food faster than the Blob can eat," Althea groaned.

"So what are we supposed to do?" Jean asked.

"You can get a food replicator right at this planet," Quinn showed her the brochure. "Apparently this planet is famous for manufacturing them."

"Look Jean, Toad, Wanda, Lina, Kitty, Kurt and I will go down there to get the replicator and do some recon," Althea said. "We'll meet up with the rest of you on the far side of the moon."

"Storm and I want to go too," Lance said. "We're kind of getting antsy in here because of our powers."

"We are both tied to the natural forces of the planet," Ororo said. She glared at Shipwreck. "And any excuse to be away from Shipwreck is a good one!"

"You're still mad about this morning?" Shipwreck asked. "Most ladies would appreciate breakfast in bed!"

"Not when the person serving the breakfast throws up on the food!" Ororo snapped.

"So I had a delayed reaction to all the beer I drank the other day?" Shipwreck grumbled. "It happens…"

"Notice it only happens to **you**?" Althea smirked. "Let's synchronize our watches."

"I've got three o clock," Todd said.

"I've got four thirty five," Lance noticed.

"Ten fifteen right here," Kurt said. "I think my battery is busted."

"Never mind!" Althea groaned. "Let's go!" Soon the away party had transported to the planet.

"All right now let's check out this strange anomaly," Hank rubbed his massive hands together.

The ship moved forward. "Whatever it is it's huge," Scott whistled at the sight. It was a giant brown object that looked like a pine cone that was the size of several football fields.

"And according to the sensors…It's alive," Daria told them.

"Alive?" Fred gasped.

"Something tells me this is not an asteroid," Pietro gulped. "Is that a **mouth?" **

"Yeah a big one," Angelica gulped. "With several sharp pointy teeth."

"AND WE'RE GETTING SUCKED IN!" Brittany screamed as she held onto the steering wheel of the ship.

"It appears the creature has some kind of gravitational pull that can…" Hank began.

"Beast…Shut up and help me fly this thing out of here!" Scott snapped.

"I can't do anything! It's too strong!" Hank tried to help pull the ship out. But the pull was too strong. Soon they found themselves inside the creature.

"Great this is what? The **third **time we were nearly eaten by some big ugly bug?" Angelica groaned.

"I thought it was the fourth?" Pyro asked.

"What about those crocodiles of Selene's that nearly ate us?" Shane asked. "And the three headed dragon?"

"How could anyone forget the three headed dragon?" Angelica groaned.

"Can we please focus on what's happening now?" Scott asked.

"Yeah for example what are those things?" Rogue pointed to the window.

Outside were thousands of huge gray and brown alien insects of some kind with really big teeth. "Yikes," Pietro gulped. "I hope those things aren't as hungry as they look! Whatever they are!"

"I hope whatever they are there's a really good dentist around here," Bobby gulped.

"I'm more concerned about a doctor for us!" Hank gulped. "And something tells me Lina's healing talents won't quite cut it if one of those things get at us."

"I've got it," Daria punched out the specifications of the creatures on the monitor. "These things are called the Brood. Their claim to fame is that they need living hosts to lay their eggs in. When the eggs hatch they completely take over the body, turn the body into a Brood and use the DNA to add to their colony's strength!"

"So these things are Alien and the Body Snatchers all in one?" Pyro asked.

"Pretty much," Daria said.

"We're in trouble," Quinn gulped.

"Yeah but they are out there, and we're in here…" Bobby began.

THUNK! THINK! HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS….

"Uh guys, did we mention these guys are really strong and have acid that can burn through vibranium?" Brittany gulped as there were dents and acid burns running through the walls of the spaceship.

"No you didn't," Hank gulped. "You neglected to mention those features."

"You guys **had** to do some sight seeing didn't ya?" Rogue groaned.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Down on the planet the away team walked through a colorful bazaar filled with people of all species and types shopping. They were blissfully ignorant of what their team mates were going through and what they were about to go through as well.

"Man it's hot here," Lance blew out a breath of air. "Guess the aliens here like it that way huh?"

"They're called Alerians," Wanda looked at the booklet the Triplets gave her. "A very peaceful insect like race."

"That explains why it's so humid," Althea wiped her brow. "I feel like I'm practically swimming here. Normally, that's not a problem for me. But even I feel like a fish out of water."

"Not really," Kitty said. "Nobody's giving us a second look. Then again we're not exactly the only aliens around here."

There were many different kinds of aliens shopping at the market. But the main ones running the stalls and shops were all Alerians. The Alerians had dark brown skin, antennae and wings that looked a lot like Lina's. Some of them had white hair while others had pink, blue or green. Their eyes also glowed slightly like Lina's only theirs glowed a blue and were more insect looking. And none of them batted an eye as the mutants passed by.

"I guess we're just another group of aliens to them," Lina shrugged.

"Except for you," Kurt said. "You look like you could fit in easily around here."

"Let's just find those replicators and get our business done as quickly as possible," Ororo said.

"Yeah but we can also do some sightseeing," Kitty looked at a huge alien flat platform adorned with alien writing. It was on top of a high hill and decorated with several columns on the side and it had an altar in it. "It's really beautiful here. I wonder what that's for."

"It looks like some kind of sacrificial platform," Kurt shuddered.

"Relax Kurt," Kitty waved. "It like probably hasn't been used in years. I'm going to check it out!"

"Kitty!" Ororo called out to her but Kitty was already off and running. "Stay with the group!"

"Yeah **that **will work!" Lance snorted.

"Ooh! This is pretty cool," Kitty was halfway up the hill and looking around the outdoor altar.

"Just be careful with it!" She heard a voice say nearby.

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing!" Another voice said.

"Are you sure this will work?" The first voice asked.

"Do you have a **better** idea?" The second voice asked.

Curious, Kitty walked around and saw two Alerian teenagers fiddling with some kind of device. One was a pink haired girl in a green dress and the other was a white haired boy in a blue outfit. "I hope you know what you're doing," The girl grumbled. "This explosive better work!"

"Explosive! Is that a bomb?" Kitty's eyes widened.

"What?" The teenagers turned around. "What are you doing here?" The girl shouted. Startled she fell backwards onto the large device.

CLICK!

"Uh oh…" The boy gulped.

"Kitty you can't just run off and…" Lance said as he and the others ran up to them. "What is that? It looks like a bomb!"

"It is a bomb!" Kitty shouted.

"A BOMB!" Todd screamed.

"Oh great! I can't get the timer to stop!" The boy shouted. "It's going to go off any second!"

"Hey this is a restricted area no outsiders…" An Alerian guard flew up to them. Then he blinked. "Is that **a bomb?"**

**"Yes! And it's been activated!" **Todd shouted.

"RUN!" The two teenagers shouted as they ran away. "It's going to blow!"

"Not if I do this!" Kitty phased her hand and arm through the machinery, causing it to short and stop. "There, problem solved."

"Are you sure?" Ororo asked.

"Pretty sure," Kitty said.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ALL THIS!" A regal looking Alerian with an uncanny resemblance to Lina (except that her eyes were blue and she was dressed in regal white clothes) stormed up with a retinue of guards behind her. "What are you outsiders doing here! Seize them!"

"But we didn't do anything wrong!" Althea said. "In fact we just stopped some kids from blowing this place up!"

"What? Someone tried to blow up the Altar of the Guardian of the Gate," The Lina like woman yelled.

"It's true High Priestess," A guard said. "I saw them chase out the ones that were trying to set off the bomb. These people stopped it from going off."

"The same ones from before?" The High Priestess asked.

"Yes, High Priestess," The guard nodded. "It was them all right."

"Oh," The High Priestess sniffed. "Then it seems I must thank you. This afternoon an extremely important ceremony is about to take place. No doubt those troublemakers wanted to disrupt it."

"What kind of ceremony and why would a couple of kids want to ruin it?" Jean asked.

"That is none of your concern Outworlder," The High Priestess waved. "It is a local affair. I know of their kind and I will deal with them after the ceremony. But I suppose I must thank you for your assistance. Is there anything you wish?"

"Well we were looking for that place that makes replicators," Wanda began.

"Is that all?" The High Priestess snapped her fingers. An attendant took out a parchment and gave it to Jean. "Give this to the head of the Parfinal Replicator Company. They will set you up with a good deal. Now if you will excuse me…" She walked away with her entourage.

"Well at least we're going to get a good deal on a replicator," Jean blinked as they left the altar.

"Hey is it me or did that alien lady look a lot like Lina?" Lance scratched his head. "Only without the attitude."

"What was all that about?" Althea wondered. "Why did those kids want to blow up the altar if it's so valuable? They didn't seem the type to do some random vandalizing."

"They're not," An Alerian woman wearing a green dress and an apron sighed as she walked up to them. "One of them is my daughter, Shala. The other is her friend Tarel. I'm afraid they have a very good reason to want to see the altar destroyed, as well as half the planet."

"What do you mean?" Wanda asked.

"Tarel's brother Taiel…is the next Offering," The woman sighed. "My name is Sai. My daughter is in love with Taiel and…I'm sorry, I should not trouble you outworlders with my problems."

"Wait, don't go," Kurt stopped her. "Solving problems is kind of our job."

"What's this about an offering?" Lina asked. "It sounds like a human sacrifice…Or alien sacrifice…"

"It is," Sai sighed. "Every ten years a young male is offered up to the Guardian of the Gate as a sacrifice."

"Why?" Jean asked. "What is the Guardian of the Gate?"

"A very dangerous and evil demon," Sai told them. "Only the High Priestess can control it and keep it from destroying our world. But in order to do that she must sacrifice a young male to the creature as part of the binding spell."

"And Taiel was just chosen at random to be the next offering?" Lance asked.

"Well…Taiel's family has always been a bit outspoken about the High Priestess," Sai sighed. "You see, she and her family have controlled this world for centuries due to their position."

"Oh I see a lot of things all right," Altheas' eyes narrowed. "Hmmmm…"

"I smell a rat too Al," Todd nodded.

"What do you mean?" Kitty asked.

"Oh wise up Kitty," Todd gave her a look. "This High Priestess and her family run an entire planet based on how well she controls a **monster?** Think about it!"

"It does sound rather suspicious," Jean folded her arms.

"No wonder they wanted to destroy the altar," Lina nodded. "Let us guess, no altar…No sacrifice."

"True," Sai nodded. "The ancestors of the High Priestess built it in order to control the gateway to the portal of the demon's home dimension."

"They built it to control more than that I'll bet," Wanda thought aloud. "Maybe we should do something about it?"

"Hold on a second," Ororo said. "This is not our world. We can't just barge in and interfere with the local customs."

"Screw the prime directive crap, Storm," Althea snapped. "These people need our help! A kid is gonna **die **if nobody does anything!"

"I **know** that, Althea," Ororo snapped back. "I just want to make sure we take all the probabilities into account. If we do destroy the monster I just want to make sure we don't accidentally blow up the planet as well!"

"Like we did last time," Lina pointed out.

"Technically we didn't blow up the **planet**," Kitty said. "But we did make a huge mess."

"I gotcha," Althea sighed. "But we can't let some innocent guy die!"

"I'm with Wavedancer on this one," Jean agreed. "There must be something we can do."

"Why do I have the feeling I have heard about a situation like this before?" Ororo blinked.

Just as she spoke a group of alien humanoids walked past. One was a boy with spiked brown hair in a red outfit carrying two swords. Another was a blond haired girl in a white outfit and some glittering wings out from her back. A white haired elf like boy in blue was talking to a taller white haired elf woman in an orange and white outfit. A little girl with bright pink pigtails and a black dress carrying an axe had a vacant expression on her face. A tall regal man with long braided blue hair walked by with both hands cuffed in front of him. And a long red haired man in a pink outfit was being pulled by his ear by a tall black haired woman in a purple ninja like outfit.

"Sheeeeennnaaaaaaaaa……" The man in pink wailed as he was dragged along.

"Must be my imagination," Ororo shrugged.

"I have an idea," Althea said. "Sai can you get us in touch with your daughter and her friend? Right now?"

"Yes I believe I can," Sai nodded.

"We're getting involved aren't we?" Wanda asked.

"Oh yes," Althea grinned at Todd and Kurt. "And you two boys are going to the be the bait."

"I have a **bad **feeling about this," Todd looked at Kurt.

"I have a feeling I might have been better off staying on the ship," Kurt groaned.

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Kurt's hunches were not always right.

"EAT LASERS BROOD SCUM!" Shipwreck shouted as he blasted at the Brood warrior in front of him.

The X-Men and Misfits were fighting the Brood within the Brood's own spaceship. "Get back to the ship!" Scott ordered as he blasted a couple of aliens. "Get X23 back to the ship!"

Angelica and Peter were helping Rina along but she suddenly convulsed. "NO! It's happening!" Rina roared and she fell to her knees. Her body started to change into the shape of a Brood. Her clothes were tearing and shredding with her new form.

"NO!" Rogue shouted.

"AAAHHHHH!" Rina roared. Suddenly her features changed back to her normal form. "Uhhhgggg…That was not pleasant."

"Are you all right?" Hank asked. He scanned her with his scanner.

"I'm fine," Rina grumbled. "Except for the taste of insect in my mouth. How does Toad **like **that? Ugghhh…"

"She scans clean," Hank said.

"I guess your healing factor took care of the egg inside," Peter said.

"But the rest of us won't be so lucky if we get it!" Fred bashed a Brood in the head. "Let's get back to the ship!"

"Come on!" Bobby froze several more Brood. "Let's ice these babies!"

"BURN BUGGIES BURN!" Pyro cackled as he set several Brood on fire. "YEAH! THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT BABY!"

The mutants and one sailor made their way back to the ship. "We're back!" Scott shouted as he blasted. "Let's get out of here!"

"Fire up the photon torpedoes!" Daria shouted.

"It's time to blow this puppy up!" Quinn shouted as she readied the weapons.

"SAY BYE BYE BROOD!" Brittany laughed with glee.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!

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"Are you sure this is going to work?" Todd moaned. The gang were in the catacombs of the temple with Shala and Tarel.

"It will work perfectly," Althea said. "All we gotta do is pull a little switcharoo."

"Boy we really have been around Roadblock too long," Wanda groaned.

"Look it's really simple," Kitty said. "We go in, break out Taiel. Switch places with him. Go to the altar and we all kill the demon. One two three. It'll be easy."

"It will?" Kurt gave her a look.

"Are you people sure about this?" Shala asked.

"Don't worry," Lance waved. "We fight monsters and demons all the time."

"Yeah it'll totally be a piece of cake," Kitty nodded. "Shhh! Here they come!"

The High Priestess was coming around the corner with her retinue. Her retinue was covered in white masks and long flowing white clothing and the High Priestess had a huge ceremonial hat on. "It's time to get the sacrifice," She stopped before a locked door.

"Actually it's time to get you," Althea said as she quickly snuck behind the High Priestess and knocked her out. Jean, Lance and Todd knocked out the other guards.

"Shala! Tarel!" A white robed Alterian boy with white hair wearing chains was surprised as the door opened. "You came to rescue me! But how…?"

"We brought friends!" Shala embraced him. "Come on, you really didn't think I'd let that witch sacrifice you now did I?"

"Hello," Kitty phased the chains off the prisoner. "I'm Shadowcat and I'll be your rescuer today."

"Okay Lina give Todd your image inducer," Althea told her. "Kurt you got the settings programmed in right?"

"Got it," Kurt hit the inducer. Soon both Todd and Kurt looked like Alerian males.

"What are they doing?" Taiel asked.

"We're gonna take care of the Guardian of the Gate," Althea said as she and Wanda stripped the unconscious bodies of their clothes. "Okay Lina, put these on!"

"Why do we have to be the sacrifices and Lance gets to be an assistant?" Todd snapped.

"Because Lance is the same size as the assistant," Althea told him. "Besides nearly all our faces will be covered and you two have those image inducers on. It will work."

"And Lina practically looks like one of us anyway," Tarel nodded. "She's perfect as the High Priestess. She looks so much like her it's uncanny."

"Kitty you get Shala and Taiel out of here and then come back," Ororo said as she dressed in the robes. "Tarel you come with us and guide us through until the demon comes out. We'll take care of the rest?"

"Are you sure this plan will work?" Taiel asked.

"No but that's never stopped us before," Kitty took his hand and Shala's hand. "Hold on tight. Things are going to get a little freaky." She phased them through a wall.

Soon the team was in the corridor. "I can't see anything in this stupid mask," Lance grumbled as he stumbled along.

"Shh! We're almost to the altar," Tarel said.

A white robed priest ran up to them. "Mistress what's going on? We were expecting the sacrifice ten minutes ago. Who are they?"

"Huh?" Lina blinked. "Are you talking to me?"

"You are the **High Priestess**," Althea hissed through her mask.

"Oh right. I am! Uh change of plans," Lina coughed. "The Offering was tainted. We found two more Offerings to sacrifice to the Guardian of the Gate."

"Two Offerings?" The priest blinked. "But the last time that happened it was during the Great Seessian War over a hundred years ago!"

"Well we're overdue!" Lina snapped. "What? Are you **questioning **me? Or would you rather risk the Guardian's Wrath?"

"No, no, no, no!" The priest gulped and waved his arms. "You're right! You're right! Better safe than sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He bowed down at her feet rapidly. "Forgive me! Please, don't punish me! I beg you!"

"Oh stop groveling," Lina's voice had an air of authority in it she never used before. "You're lucky you caught me in a good mood today. I have more than **enough** to do without listening to your jabbering!"

"Sorry High Priestess! Shutting up High Priestess!" The Priest whined.

"Just lead the way! We're late for the ceremony! **Move it!"** Lina gave him a light kick to his behind.

"Yes! High Priestess! Right away High Priestess!" The Priest practically ran ahead of them.

"And tell everyone to avert their eyes as we pass! I'm not so sure they are worthy to see this offering at all!" Lina shouted.

"Yes! Yes! Everyone! The High Priestess has come with the Offerings! Avert your eyes! Avert! Avert! Do not look at them!" The Priest screamed to anyone he passed. To their surprise everyone did so.

"Wow Lina, looks like all those self esteem exercises are really working on you," Wanda whispered.

"I really didn't want to kick him," Lina whispered back. "I just couldn't help myself. It just seemed something that High Priestess would do."

"Actually that's pretty **mild **compared to some of the things she's done in the past," Tarel grumbled.

Soon they were at the top of the altar outside. A huge crowd was below preparing to watch the entire thing. "Well we're here," Kurt gulped.

"Uh what am I supposed to say?" Lina asked Tarel.

"You asking me?" Tarel hissed back. "How should I know?"

"Just wing it!" Wanda hissed.

"Oh boy…" Lina gulped. "All right…Hear me Guardian of the Gate…I am the High Priestess! Hear me! Come! Come on out now. Here boy. Here Guardian…" She whistled. "Come on out. Nice tasty treats here."

Nothing happened. "Nothing's happening…" Lina said nervously.

"Try dancing around and chanting," Althea said.

"I'm not going to do **that **in front of all **these **people!" Lina shot back.

"Fine we'll all dance then!" Jean said. "It's no big deal!"

"Easy for you to say! You're wearing masks!" Lina shot back. "Nobody can tell it's you!"

"Well they can't tell it's **you **either!" Wanda said. "They think you're the High Priestess!"

"Oh right…" Lina said. "What do I do?"

"Just do the old Boom Shaka Laka!" Todd hissed.

"The **what?**" Ororo asked.

"The Misfit Initiation Dance?" Lance asked.

"Yeah we can do that," Todd nodded.

"The what of the what?" Jean asked.

"You people have your own initiation dance?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah don't you?" Todd asked. "Just follow my lead! Boom Shakalaka!" Todd started to jump around and dance.

"Okay…" Lina sighed. "I thought it was crazy enough the first time. Boom Shakalaka!" She took the lead in the dance.

"You have **got** to be kidding me," Jean blinked.

"Just do what we do," Wanda hissed. Soon they were all dancing around singing Boom Shaka Laka on the hill.

Well **almost** all of them.

"And to think I thought I would be spared any humiliation by being away from Shipwreck," Ororo groaned. "Will you knock it off! This is obviously not working!"

"Maybe not but it's **fun!"** Kurt said as he danced around. "Boom shaka laka laka, boom shaka laka laka..."

Suddenly Kitty phased out from under the altar with Shala and Taiel. They bumbled into Kurt and Todd and in the process shut off their image inducers. "Hey! How did you get here?"

"We took the stairs," Shala groaned.

"What are **you** doing here?" Jean shouted.

"We kind of took a wrong turn," Kitty said. "Or twelve. Guys you will **not **believe what's under this altar!"

"Let me guess, something like **that?"** Kurt pointed.

There was a strange light eminatiting from the altar. Suddenly a fifty story tall creature emerged. It was brown with several fangs, six claws and wings. "It looks like someone crossed a Rancor with a fly," Althea gulped.

"IMPOSTORS!" The High Priestess was in her underwear along with the guards jumping up and down. "THE GUARDIAN OF THE GATE WILL FEAST ON THEIR BONES!"

"I think they've figured it out, guys!" Todd gulped.

"Gee I wonder what their **first **clue was?" Ororo asked sarcastically. She whipped off her disguise and took to the air.

The other removed their disguises as well. "Okay time to fight!" Althea took out a small ninja sword. "Although how we fight a giant monster this big is beyond me!"

"Not me!" Ororo created a lightning blast that hit the monster. It screamed but shook off her attack.

"Try this!" Wanda used her hex bolts to make the creature fall. But it got back up again and started to chase the mutants around the altar.

"It's out of control! Run away!" Several guards screamed.

"Well this worked out well!" Jean snapped as she flew into the air. She telekinetically used a broken column to knock the monster down.

"Now all we gotta do is get it to stay down!" Todd yelled as the monster got up again and started to attack Todd. "AL SAVE ME!"

"GET AWAY FROM MY BOYFRIEND CREEP!" Althea concentrated. Suddenly a huge amount of water was formed into the air and went crashing into the monster, knocking it down hard.

"Whoa," Jean blinked. "Looks like I'm not the only one who's powers are evolving."

"I just…drew all the moisture I could from the air," Althea blinked. "I could never **do** that before."

"It was never humid enough for you to try it before," Ororo told her.

"Uh ladies as much as I appreciate the fact that my Baby Cakes is getting stronger," Todd jumped out of the way of a lightning blast. "WE STILL NEED TO DEAL WITH THIS MONSTER HERE!"

"Cold winds! Blow!" Ororo used her powers to make the wet monster freeze. It froze on the spot. "Well that takes care of the monster for now. But it won't stop it forever!"

"How about we just blow up the altar?" Lance suggested. "No altar! No monster!"

"Lance wait!" Ororo said. However Lance jumped the gun and used his powers. The ground shook violently and there was soon a huge crack in the altar that was shattered to it's foundation. Before anyone knew it the altar was destroyed and in it's place was a huge hole.

"There, piece of…." Lance blinked as another Guardian monster poked it's head out of the hole. "Cake?"

"Yeah a piece of cake all right!" Todd snapped. "A piece of cake **Kitty **made!"

"**Another **Guardian of the Gate?" Lina shouted as a third similar creature emerged from the hole.

"But there's only supposed to be **one**…" Tarel gasped.

"Tell **them** that!" Lance snapped. "Sorry there's too many of you! Two of you will have to leave now!"

"**That's** what we were trying to tell you," Kitty began.

"I've had enough of this!" Jean concentrated and the Phoenix Raptor surrounded her. "All right! You have had it!" She used her powers and attacked the monsters. To everyone's shock Jean flew around effortlessly. The fire around her grew bigger and brighter until she completely transformed into the Phoenix.

"Oh boy," Lina gulped. "This looks like it's going to get messy."

The Phoenix screamed and before anyone knew what was happening it sent out a huge fire blast that completely disintegrated all three monsters.

"Whoa…" Lance's jaw dropped. "Note to self do **not **tick Jean off!"

"Are you okay?" Kitty asked as Jean landed on the ground and returned to her normal self.

"I'm fine, I'm in control," Jean took a breath.

"Now **this** is what that Phoenix Force of yours should be used for," Althea nodded with satisfaction.

"You're right, that **did** feel good," Jean nodded. She glared at the High Priestess. "And so is **this!"**

"Uh oh," The High Priestess gulped. "Time to run!"

"Not so fast!" Jean telekinetically grabbed her. "I think it's time you told the truth to the people!"

"Truth? What truth! Wait…You're the Phoenix! The Phoenix! Destroyer of worlds!" The High Priestess screamed.

"And the destroyer of the Guardian of the Gate," Althea pointed out. "Well three of them anyway."

"Hey take a look at this!" Todd shouted as he looked down the hole where the altar was. "There's a whole bunch of pens down here! And eggs…"

"That's what we were trying to tell you," Shala said. She turned to her people. "There's no portal to another world! The monster was held underground by the High Priestess and her people all this time!"

"So you used the Guardian of the Gate to keep everybody in line," Todd sneered.

"So what if I did? You are outworlders!" The High Priestess struggled. "You have no authority over me! Even if you are the Phoenix!"

"You're right," Jean grinned as she dropped the High Priestess on her behind. "We can't do anything. But I'll bet **they **can!"

An angry crowd of Alerians were chanting for the High Priestess' blood. "Seize her!" An important looking male Alerian with blue hair and a blue beard pointed.

"Let go of me!" The High Priestess and her cohorts were dragged away.

"Who are you?" Kitty asked.

"I am Tarel and Taiel's father, the mayor of this city," The Alerian told them. "Thank you Phoenix. Because of you my people are free. If there is anything we can do for you…"

"Well there is one thing," Jean began.

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"Well we're back!" Todd said cheerfully as the away team boarded Misfit One. "Miss us?"

"Yeah we could have used the extra ammo," Bobby grumbled. Everyone on the ship was covered in goo, had torn clothes and the ship' s deck looked like a bomb hit it.

"I hope you people got a replicator because we definitely need one," Shipwreck moaned.

"Or two…" Shane grumbled.

"How about **five?**" Althea proudly pointed to the boxes they brought with them.

"**Five** replicators?" Rogue asked.

"Yeah and all we had to do was kill three giant monsters, save some guy from being a sacrifice and free an entire planet from a corrupt High Priestess' rule," Kurt quipped.

"Well somebody had fun," Scott grumbled.

"Apparently not as much as you did. What **happened** to you guys?" Wanda asked.

"**Don't **ask…" Rina grumbled wiping away some goop from her body.

"Here let me get that," Althea concentrated but only a small puddle could form in the air. "Damn it! I could do a lot more before."

"That's because the planet had a lot more moisture in the air," Jean said. "Don't worry, I'm sure you can get the hang of it."

The puddle hovered over Rina's head then splashed down on her. "Wonderful," Rina groaned, soaking wet.

"Well at least you're cleaner," Kitty shrugged. "But what's with all the duct tape on the ship?"

"Industrial strength duct tape," Shipwreck told them as he was patching up the side of the ship. "We had a pest control problem. The termites are pretty nasty in this part of the galaxy."

"Jean, we kind of need you to create a low level telekinetic shield on this wall," Daria pointed to a spot heavily covered with duct tape on the wall. "Just to keep the air in and the vacuum of space out."

"There's a planet that specializes in space ship repairs about a half day's flight from here," Quinn looked at her map. "We can go there and still follow the others without losing their signal."

"At least we got the replicators," Jean told him. "It's a long story. But what happened…"

"Jean, I **don't** want to talk about it right now," Scott sighed. "At least until I've taken a shower!"

"Let's just say we had an insect problem and leave it at that shall we?" Hank groaned. "And Scott don't use up all the conditioner!"

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A day after the Misfit One had left the area Flashfire and his team had appeared on the scene. Actually they were scanning the wreckage of the Brood's formerly living ship. "Are you sure they were here?" Nightshade asked a female Shi'ar officer piloting the ship.

"Yes Nightshade," The female Shi'ar officer told her. "Scanners indicate there is definitely physical evidence the mutants were here and encountered the Brood."

"Encountered? It looks like they did more than **encounter **it," Another Shi'ar solder gasped. "It looks like they used a particle warhead on it!"

"These creatures took on an entire Brood colony and **won?**" Flashfire gasped.

"They not only won, it looks like they **annihilated** them," Mentor scanned the wreckage. "No survivors."

"The Phoenix?" Nightshade asked.

"No, it seems the others with her handled these creatures mostly," Mentor explained as he finished the scan. "It seems the Phoenix is traveling with some very formidable guardians."

"Speaking of which I'm getting a report from one of our spies on Alaria," Mentor punched up some data. "It appears the Phoenix was spotted on the planet and …Oh my."

"Oh my?" Flashfire asked. "You never say Oh my! Oh my what?"

"You know the planet's history? How it is being controlled by the High Priestess and her Guardian of the Gate?" Mentor coughed.

"Yeah," Flashfire nodded. "Go on."

"The Phoenix and her companions…slew the Guardian of the Gate," Mentor coughed.

"You're kidding!" Nightshade gasped.

"And the High Priestess has been arrested and replaced," Mentor said. "Fortunately by someone that is more diplomatic which means it will be easier for the Empire to do business with them."

"Not to mention a lot cheaper! They took out the Brood as well as the corrupt High Priestess and her guardian in **one day**?" Flashfire grunted. "Maybe this Phoenix isn't so bad after all!"

"Technically the Alarians are **not **part of the Shi'ar Empire," Mentor pointed out. "Merely allies since their planet has practically nothing of real value to us. Well other than the quality of their replicators but really who needs another swamp planet? And they are smack in the middle of the Badlands. So it's more cost effective to simply buy them than conquer the planet."

"Since the Badlands are supposedly neutral territory for **all **the empires yeah that makes sense," Flashfire nodded. "It's important as a border between us. Yeah I know that. So technically it doesn't really affect us."

"And the Shi'ar Empire has made a treaty with the Brood High Collective allowing our ships to be left alone," Nightshade remembered.

"Yeah but doesn't the Brood break that treaty every chance it gets?" Flashfire asked.

"Yes but we've always kept our part of the bargain, to leave their colonies alone in the Badlands," Mentor sighed. "They will not be happy with this. And more than likely will blame us for the situation."

"Allowing them to start a war with us," Flashfire groaned. "I get it. Well this was an isolated colony. It could be **months** before another Brood collective finds out."

There was the brash sound of a warning alert on the ship. "Sir! Another Brood Ship!" The helmswoman shouted. "And they're firing on us!"

"Or not…" Flashfire groaned. "So much for the peace treaty! It just got shot down the drain!"

"Call for reinforcements!" Mentor ordered.

"Firelord and Erik'Dared's ship will be here in twenty five minutes," The helmsman told him.

"Great! Execute Maneuver 23! All hands on deck! Prepare for combat!" Nightshade ordered. "The Brood probably believe we killed this colony and they are not likely to listen to us if we tell them the Phoenix and a group of mutants from Earth did it."

"Not likely! To then it would sound like the equivalent of the New Green Fairy and a group of talented Kymeillan pixie monkeys did this," Mentor agreed. "A complete fairy tale."

"In other words we have to clean up **their mess!"** Flashfire grumbled. "These Earth creatures are really starting to **annoy **me!"

**Next: More space weirdness folks and more enemies! Oh boy this is going well…And twenty happy stars if you got the not so hidden game reference. **


	63. It Gets Weirder in Space

**It Gets Weirder In Space**

"It's gonna cost **how much** to fix this?" Rogue shouted.

The gang was at a run down space port in a large garage of some sort. "Forty thousand greknells and thirty eight shellacs," A burly four armed purple alien mechanic told them. "And no Shi'ar money or fancy jewels for payment."

"Well that takes care of what we have," Althea groaned. "Tell me again why my sisters **can't **fix this?"

"Because our ship needed some serious upgrades if we're going to fight more enemies," Daria told her.

"Yeah your ship needed the works all right," The alien mechanic said. "A vibranium hull patch job, extra photonic laser turrets, an extra fuel capacitator…"

"It's almost done?" Jean was surprised.

"They got some kind of nanites doing all the work," Quinn explained.

"Let me guess, no cash no ship?" Althea sighed.

"You got it kid," The alien said.

"We'll be back," Scott sighed.

"I'll be here," The alien mechanic grinned as they left the building.

"Of all the lousy **luck!**" Bobby kicked some dust.

"Luck nothing. You know this never would have happened if you yahoos didn't decide to do some sightseeing!" Rogue told them.

"Hey we needed those replicators!" Todd said. "And then we got involved with these monsters and…"

"Not you yahoos," Rogue said. "The **other **yahoos."

"Oh yeah us," Hank coughed.

"Oh come on, Roguey," Pyro said. "Cheer up! Things aren't as bad as they look!"

"They're not?" Kitty gave him a look.

"We are stranded on an alien planet with no ship, no money…" Rina counted off. "Our friends are prisoners of the Shi'ar Empire that is hunting us…And you say things are not so bad?"

"Yeah things could be a lot worse," Pyro nodded. "It could be raining. Ooh! It could be raining acid!"

"Thank you for that little glimpse of sunlight Pyro," Hank said sarcastically.

"Yeah acid! The kind that melts your face off!" Pyro went on. "And burns right through your skin and dissolves your bones and..."

"THANK YOU PYRO!" Hank snapped. "And by thank you I mean SHUT UP!"

"Oh come on guys! This is still pretty cool," Arcade said. "I mean we **are** on an alien planet after all! It's just like one of those episodes of Star Trek."

"If you also remember a lot of crew members also got themselves killed on those missions!" Rogue told them.

"Just the people wearing red shirts," Pyro said. He looked down at his red and orange uniform. "Uh oh…I think I might have a problem here."

"Now what have we gotten ourselves into?" Scott groaned.

"Okay so we need a lot of alien cash **fast,**" Shipwreck thought. "Let me think. Let me think…"

"We're going to be stuck here for **weeks,"** Althea rolled her eyes.

"Maybe there are some odd jobs we can do?" Kurt thought aloud. "Do some honest work and get paid for it."

"Oh what a brilliant plan," Pietro mocked. "Yeah that will work. And with any luck we'll save up enough money in about **thirty years!** Give me a break!"

"Well we could always…" Todd began.

"We're not going on a crime spree Toad," Lance cut him off. "In the first place it never really worked for us."

"I'm not saying we steal other stuff," Todd gave him a look. "Just steal the spaceship back!"

"Toad we can't do that," Ororo said. "It's wrong."

"Yeah and fighting off the Shi'ar space patrol and trashing two alien outposts is **perfectly legal,"** Fred gave her a look.

"Maybe there's some kind of drinking contest in town?" Shipwreck suggested.

"There's a plan Captain Kirk never conceived of," Hank groaned.

"Only you would think of booze at a time like this!" Althea snapped.

"Then again it might not be such a bad idea," Jean thought.

"What? Getting drunk?" Kurt asked.

"No you idiot, winning contests!" Rogue lightly punched him in the arm.

"Why don't we just steal our spaceship back yo?" Todd asked. "I mean you know that's probably what we're going to end up doing anyway."

"We are not going to steal it back," Scott told him. "But maybe we can do some odd jobs and win some contests or something?"

"It's as good a plan as any," Jean admitted.

"It would be easier just to steal the ship back," Todd told her. "And a lot less trouble!"

"We are **not **stealing the ship back," Scott gave him a look. "That's final!"

"Here's a contest," Quinn used her translation scanners on a sign nearby. "There's some kind of intergalactic pet show going on. First prize is ten million greknells and there's lots of other prizes for other categories."

"Kitty, you should enter Lockheed," Wanda said. "And I can enter Polly."

"Why you? He's my bird!" Shipwreck asked.

"Exactly," Wanda said. "We need someone who can control him."

"Good luck," Polly snickered. Wanda shot him a withering glare. "Polly will be good."

"Well as interesting as that plan is we can't just put all our eggs in one basket," Scott sighed.

"I snuck some jewels off the ship," Pietro took them out. "We could find a pawn shop."

"I'll take them," Althea said. "And I'll watch my father too."

"Talk about a lot of work," Scott sighed. "And speaking of work…I hate to say it but the only way we can raise the money is…"

"Don't **say** it!" Pietro cringed.

"We need to get jobs," Scott sighed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pietro screamed.

"There's no other way!" Scott said. "No other **legal** way!"

"NOOOO! NOOOO! NOOOOOOO!" Pietro whined. "This is too **cruel **for words! I'm not cut out for manual labor!"

"Come on, how bad could a job be?" Kitty asked.

"We might even discover something about ourselves we never knew," Ororo tried to keep an optimistic tone.

"More like some things we **already** know," Shane said. "The Three D's. Destruction, disaster, devastation…"

"I don't wanna go to work and stand on my feet all day!" Pietro pouted.

"A good honest day's work will be good for you!" Peter told him.

"Wanna bet?" Lance asked. "And how are we going to **get** these jobs?"

"We'll just have to look around and see where our particular talents apply," Jean shrugged.

"Oh god we're doomed," Bobby groaned.

"DOOMED! DOOMED I TELL YOU!" Pietro was sobbing now.

"He's right! It's all over for us!" Kurt agreed.

"It is not all over for us! We are **not **doomed!" Scott snapped at them.

"Let's all sing the Doom song!" Pyro said happily. _"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom…" _

"Will you cut that out?" Scott snapped. "Getting a job is **not** the end of the world!"

_"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom…"_ Pietro sniffed as he sang.

"Working for a paycheck can be a positive experience," Hank added.

"Yeah it's **positively** the best way to experience **doom,**" Rogue quipped.

_"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom_," Pyro went on.

"It's not the end of the world if we get jobs," Ororo gave them a harsh look.

"But with our luck it could be," Althea quipped. "Just curious Storm, other than teaching at the Institute and being a Weather Witch what jobs **have** you had?"

"She was a pickpocket," Todd remembered. "Hey you can do that!"

"I am **not** becoming a pickpocket again!" Ororo snapped at him.

"So what are you qualified to do?" Wanda folded her arms.

"Uh, lots of things…" Ororo blinked. She then realized that she wasn't exactly sure what. "I have many skills that I can use to get a job."

"Like what?" Althea pressed on.

"I'm educated…" Ororo began.

"Not in alien-ese," Quinn interrupted.

"Yeah lady since when can you read words in an alien language?" Daria piped up.

"I do have the translator with me," Ororo glared at her. "A translator that you provided."

"By stealing it," Todd pointed out.

"By stealing it," Ororo admitted with a groan. "Still I have a translator."

"Yeah but you don't have any fancy degrees from any alien school around here and I'm pretty sure that's important," Shipwreck pointed out. "And none of us have any kind of papers that say where we are from or what our legal residence is. To top it off we're technically wanted felons so we can't really get anything major without tipping off the authorities."

"Is it just me or did what Shipwreck just say make an awful lot of sense?" Rogue blinked.

"It did," Hank blinked. "That's frightening."

"It's also a valid point," Althea said.

"See I can think of stuff too when I have to," Shipwreck huffed. "Practical stuff you so called educated people would never even think of. Since we are illegal aliens on the run our options for employment aren't exactly in the six figure salary range. Course Storm you could always be the weather girl at a local news station. It wouldn't hurt if you wore a bikini, you know to bring in the viewers."

"Althea…" Ororo sighed. Althea nodded and hit her father on the head. "Thank you."

"No problem," Althea remarked. "But the idiot does have a point. Basically the only jobs we can get are low paying ones. Unless there's a sweatshop around here hiring on a high pay scale this could be a problem."

"You're right Bobby," Ororo said. "We're doomed."

_"Doomed, doom, doom, doom,"_ Pyro kept singing. _"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom…" _

_"Doom, doom, doom, doom," _Fred joined in the singing. _"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom…" _

"Will you **stop** singing that?" Scott snapped. "We'll split up into groups and we'll meet back here by sun down. I'm sure by then most of us will have some money and we can figure it out from there."

"Yep, we're doomed all right," Bobby groaned.

_"Doom, doom, doom, doom, dooooooo_---OWWW! Cyclops stop hitting me!" Pyro shouted.

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Meanwhile billions of light years away in the heart of the Shi'ar Empire.

"So heavy is the burden that supports the crown," Prime Minister Araki of the Shi'ar shuffled out of the Emperor's private room to his personal office. He was an elderly white haired…Well white feathered Shi'ar with a long feather beard and a long set of green robes on his body.

"How does it go Prime Minister?" His personal assistant Darrel'Kvan (Darrel for short), a young Shi'ar male with triangular feather hair and wearing blue robes asked.

"How do you think?" Araki gave him a look.

"That bad huh?" Darrel sighed.

"He threatened to have Minister Aku address the masses again," Araki groaned. "I managed to convince him that it's better to stick to the shadows. Gods if the people ever found out that **he's **controlling the empire…"

Click! The door began to open. Emperor D'ken strode into the room, hands behind his back. He was a tall Shi'ar male with a gold, silver and light blue uniform with a silver cape and the Shi'ar royal crown on his triangle feathered head. He had a thin mustache and the same star line tattoos on his face that Lilandra had.

"My emperor," Araki bowed respectfully. Darrel stood up and bowed as well. "Is there something else you needed?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing…" D'ken seemed a bit distracted. He saw a report in Darrel's hand. "What is that you have there?"

"S-Sir…I…It's the latest report concerning the Phoenix," Darrel gulped. "It has appeared once again in the Badlands."

"Very well," D'ken said. "Give it to Minister Aku!"

"Beg your pardon sir?" Darrel gulped. "You are the emperor sir…"

"Yes I **know** I am," D'ken growled.

"It's just…speaking to Minister Aku…" Darrel gulped.

"Do you have a problem with the Minister?" D'ken's eyes seemed to glow in a murderous rage.

"N-no, sir! No your majesty…I…I…" Darrel stuttered. "I only meant…I meant…"

"He means he doesn't know if he's **worthy** to speak to Minister Aku, your majesty," Araki jumped in quickly. "He is after all a lowly assistant. My lowly assistant. Usually people such as himself are rarely honored to be in the same room, much less speak to the Grand High Minister Aku. It is rather a great and powerful honor sir."

"Oh," D'ken's mood changed. "Of course that's it. Yes, I've forgotten how important and god like he is to the common people. Sorry, my mind has been a bit distracted lately…"

"That is to be expected sir," Araki said smoothly. "I mean running the Empire of a Million Worlds, your treasonous sisters roaming free…And now the Phoenix Force…These are troubling times, sir."

"Actually I had this song in my head and not only can't I get it out, I don't remember the name," D'ken told him. "You know the one it goes, do, do, da do do, do dahdo, dat dat doooooo. Do, da, do, do daa doooo…"

"I fear I do not have **your** ear for music, your majesty," Araki told him.

"OF COURSE HE DOESN'T! HE'S AN IDIOT!" A shrill voice shouted. A voice that sounded remarkably like Pee Wee Herman's. "JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN REPORT!"

Out from behind D'ken's back came a puppet of a Shi'ar figure on his left hand. "Well?" 'Minister Aku' snapped. "Where is it?"

"Here…Minister," Araki took it from Darrel and handed it to the 'Minister'.

"Oh great! Just great! Just what this empire needs! More nuts blowing things up!" Minister Aku muttered. He glared at D'ken (who apparently was a very good ventriloquist.). "You really ought to read these things you know? Instead of spending half your time watching the entertainment cubes and listening to pop music!"

"But I **like** pop music," D'ken pouted to his hand.

"That's because you have the taste of a Benuvian Beetle Slug!" Minister Aku snapped. "Oh great! Once again it's going to be up to me! As **usual **I do all the **work **around here! Tell Erik'Dared I want reports every twenty four hours and not to even **think** of returning to Shi'ar space until he's got the princess back! Got it?"

"Yes Minister," Araki coughed. "Right away Minister."

"Come on D'ken we got some strategy to cook up!" Minister Aku snapped as they went back inside the room.

"Can we get some take out while we're working?" D'Ken asked. "I could go for some Ramekian Noodles and Spicy Sauce!"

"Why the hell not?" Minister Aku said. "I'm hungry too. I feel like there's nothing inside of me!" The door slammed behind them.

"We **never **should have allowed him to watch Earth television," Araki moaned.

"He's getting worse isn't he?" Darrel sighed.

"Understatement of the century!" Araki groaned. "You know…His older sister Deathbird wasn't **all** bad. Sure she murdered her mother and one of her sisters and was prone to psychotic rages…But at least she wasn't into **hand puppets!"**

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Back on the alien planet…

"You guys have any experience in demolition?" A bury purple alien foreman asked. They were standing in front of a joined pair of dilapidated apartment buildings.

"We practically have a PHD in it," Lance quipped. Scott and Peter were with him.

"Da, we are very good at destroying things," Peter added.

"Okay let's try you out and see how you do on the machine," The alien foreman nodded.

"Who needs a machine?" Peter grinned. He changed into his armored form. "We prefer a hands on approach."

"Ready?" Lance readied his hands.

"Ready," Scott blasted the top of the building with his laser blasts. Then Peter knocked down a few walls. Then Lance used his powers to make the building fall apart and then fall into an open ravine he made. Then he closed up the ravine.

"Piece of cake," Lance brushed his hands.

"Not bad," The alien foreman grunted. "But we were supposed to demolish **that **building over there!" He pointed to the destroyed space nearby. "NOT THOSE TWO BUILDINGS!"

"Oops," Peter gulped.

"And I don't think the other guys are too happy that you tried to take their jobs," The foreman pointed to several angry very large, very strong aliens.

"Put our talents to good use huh?" Lance asked Scott sarcastically. "Not break the law huh? Yeah **that **plan worked well!"

"Oh boy…" Scott gulped. "Who knew trying to obey the law would get you into so much trouble?"

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Meanwhile in a nearby park some more mutants were trying their luck at free enterprise.

"Ices! Get your nice cool ices!" Angelica called out. She and Lina were dressed in cute pink and white skirts and selling ices to some happy aliens at a stand.

"One frinkleberry ice and a lemon apple ice!" An alien said.

"Coming right up sir!" Lina said cheerfully. "Bobby…"

"Yeah I heard you," Bobby used his powers to make the fine ice. Then gave them to Lina.

"That will be two greknells sir," Lina said as she put on the syrup toppings. She gave the ices to the alien and collected the money. "Thank you! Have a nice day!"

"Well this is a pretty easy job," Angelica said as the aliens walked away.

"Says you," Bobby sighed with relief as business died down. "I'm doing all the work."

"We're just lucky that Quicksilver was able to sneak back onto the ship and use the replicators to make all this syrup," Angelica said. "Not to mention sew us these nice cute outfits."

"I think we're doing rather well," Lina nodded as she counted the money. "We've only been in business for an hour and we've already made about fifty seven…whatever this money is."

"Yeah and it's a good space, right by the fountain," Bobby said.

"Unfortunately **someone else** thinks so too," Angelica looked over his shoulder and pointed.

"Step right up ladies, gentlemen and whatever else!" Pyro called out. He was making flame animals dancing around. "And witness the greatest fire show on …What planet am I on again?"

"Pyro **would** have to do his little performance art in the same area we are!" Angelica groaned.

"Gee I wonder **why?"** Bobby gave her a look.

"It's not her fault the guy can't take a hint," Lina defended.

"Hint? I've been telling him **outright **but he doesn't listen!" Angelica groaned. "I've even taken out a full page ad in the newspaper but just my luck he doesn't read it except for the funnies. And he **burns** the rest!"

"You should have seen that one coming," Lina pointed out.

"And now boys and girls let's meet my best friend! Mr. Flickers!" Pyro made a huge fire dragon which made a mighty roar. "Wow boys and girls! Mr. Flickers is hungry! Oh I know! How about a little snack?"

"Not Mr. Flickers…" Angelica groaned. "Why did it have to be **Mr. Flickers?"**

"I'll get this," Bobby sighed as the fire dragon 'ate' a few trees. "As **usual!"** He used his powers to freeze the fire dragon solid. It crashed to the ground.

"MR. FLICKERS!" Pyro wailed and sank to his knees next to the frozen fire dragon. "NOOOOOOOOOO! YOU KILLED MR. FLICKERS! WHY? WHY? **WHY?"**

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A **NUT** AND YOU WERE GOING TO BURN DOWN THE ENTIRE PARK! **THAT'S **WHY!" Bobby shouted at him.

"You're just mad because you can never **have me!"** Pyro shouted back. He turned to the crowd. "It's true! He's madly in love with me and won't take the hint!"

"THAT'S IT!" Bobby attacked Pyro and blasted him with an ice blast. "YOU WANT A HINT? HERE'S A HINT! YOU'RE **DEAD!**"

"DON'T TAKE YOUR SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONS OUT ON ME!" Pyro shot back at him with his fire blasts.

"I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU PYRO!" Bobby screamed as they fought.

"YOU ARE SO IN DENIAL YOU REALLY NEED TO SEE A THERAPIST!" Pyro shouted back. He created another giant five headed fire dragon that tore through the park.

"WILL YOU STOP SAYING I AM IN DENIAL WHEN THERE IS NOTHING TO DENY!" Bobby screamed as he froze the heads on more dragons and they came crashing down, destroying trees and benches. "AND YOU ARE GOING TO NEED A HOSPITAL IF YOU DON'T KEEP SAYING THAT I AM IN DENIAL!"

"DENIAL!" Pyro shouted as he made a giant fire wall around them.

"THAT IS IT!" Bobby increased his power and made giant ice spines on his body. "NOW I AM **REALLY** MAD!"

"This will not end well will it?" Lina blinked as she heard sirens in the distance.

"What do **you **think?" Angelica groaned as the two boys trashed the park and several aliens fled for their lives.

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A harried alien businessman jumped into a taxi. "I need to get to Floribo Plaza! Immediately!"

"It's okay Mac I know a shortcut!" Todd called out. He was wearing a taxi driver's hat. He floored it and the taxi careened down the street.

"AAAHHHHHH!" The alien businessman screamed.

"Hey why is everyone driving on the wrong side of the road?" Todd grumbled. "MOVE IT OR LOSE IT PAL!"

"THEY'RE NOT DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD! YOU ARE!" The alien businessman screamed.

"Oh, so **that's **why people are screaming," Todd said as he performed an illegal u-turn. "Now these road signs make sense!"

"Are you sure you know where to go?" The businessman asked.

"Don't worry Mac! With these newfangled GPS things in the taxi all I gotta do is drive!" Todd waved. "Okay now I gotta take a right!"

Todd did and the taxi drove through a small grocery store of some kind. "It's a shortcut!" Todd called out. "Trust me Mac! I'll get you there in no time!"

"MY MELONS!" An alien woman screamed. "YOU SQUASHED MY MELONS!"

"COME ON LADY! THEY LOOK JUST FINE! I WAS NOWHERE NEAR YOU!" Todd yelled back. "ALL I DID WAS HIT SOME FRUIT! Geeze! Nothing but nuts in this town!"

"Oh really?" The alien businessman was praying. "I never would have guessed."

"Don't worry, don't worry I know what I'm doing," Todd told him. "I wonder where this road goes?"

"AAAHHHHH!" Several aliens and kid aliens screamed for their little lives as Todd drove through a playground.

"MOMMY THE TAXI DROVE OVER MY DOLLY!" One three eyed alien kid wailed.

"Whoops," Todd gulped. "Sorry kid! You know I could have sworn this was the right road. Let's try this shortcut over here!"

"NO! PLEASE! JUST LET ME OUT HERE!" The Alien Businessman pleaded for his life.

"Nah don't worry we'll find this Floribo Plaza wherever it is," Todd told him. "Hang on!"

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The poor alien hung on for his very life. "I HATE CABS!"

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Meanwhile in another part of the planet, more mutants had found work suited to their particular talents.

"I never thought in all my days as an educator, all my schooling and my doctorate studies would prepare me for **this!"** Hank sighed. He was wearing a tan and brown striped uniform and a funny looking hat with a cow like creature with three horns on it.

"Welcome to Mondo's Meat Magnet Shack, home of the Mondo Burger," Hank said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. "May I take your order?"

A purple alien girl with gaudy makeup and fifteen piercings in her three ears placed an order. "Yeah uh, I'd like a Mega Meaty Mondo Burger hold the bun and a small sweet pickle-tunip fried strips and a diet soda. Oh and a salad with Mondo dressing."

"That will be seven ninety nine," Hank told her.

"Hey…" A thin pimply blue alien teenager wearing the same uniform hissed in a high voice. "You forgot to ask if she wanted to super size it."

"If I like wanted to super size it I would have like **said so**…" The alien girl rolled her eyes. "Trevy you know I'm like on a diet!"

"It's just business babe," Trevy whined. "I'm like the boss around here you know? And don't you forget it!" He pointed at Hank.

"Oh Trevy! I love it when you act so in charge," The alien girl batted her eyes.

"Take her order and step on it!" Trevy ordered Hank. "Her meal is on me." He went back to flirting with the girl.

"Right away Mon Commandant," Hank muttered. He called back. "Yo! One diet Mega Meaty, small fries, a salad and a diet soda!"

"Coming right up!" Arcade said as he pressed a button on a replicator. Was also wearing the same uniform Hank was. Instantly most of the order appeared. "Aw man, the fries are missing again."

Hank took the tray. "We got a problem with the fries again," Hank told his supervisor as he gave it to the girl.

"Not again! They just fixed that lousy thing!" Trevy grunted.

"Well I'm not exactly that hungry anyway Trevy-Poo," The alien girl batted her lashes. "Uh at least for food…"

"I'm taking my break now," Trevy snapped at attention. He went around the counter and put his arm around the girl. "Shooter! You're in charge until I get back! And fix that machine!" He went with his girlfriend.

"Shooter! He put you in charge and not **me?"** Hank was enraged. "This is age discrimination you know!"

"This ain't exactly my idea of climbing up the corporate ladder either," Shane snapped at him. He was wearing the exact same uniform Hank was. "Hey yo! Arcade! How are those fries coming?"

"I'm working on it," Arcade was fiddling with the replicator's control center.

"I can't believe this is what I have been reduced to," Hank grumbled. "I have two PhD's and a teaching certification! And I'm forced to make minimum wage reheating food and I'm at the mercy of the teenage geek manager from Hell. On top of it all I have the smell of hamburger in my fur that will take me a fortnight to get out."

"Actually you smell more like burnt buffalo," Shane took a whiff.

"You're the one who said that working for a paycheck would be a positive experience," Arcade pointed out to Hank.

"It turns out Rogue was right," Hank moaned. "It is **positively** the fastest way to experience doom!"

Shane gave him a look. "Don't whine to me about your lousy luck. If you had taken my advice like I said we wouldn't be in this situation."

"Having Arcade hack into a bank is **not** good advice," Hank glared at him.

"It is if you want to make some quick cash," Shane said. "But no you **had** to be honest and become a wage slave. You realize at this rate we're going to be stuck on this planet for at least thirty years?"

"I'm sure the others will have found employment and other **legal **ways to make money!" Hank gave him a look.

"Wanna bet?" Shane pointed to the figure coming up to the counter.

"Kurt? What are you doing here?" Hank blinked.

"Planning on drowning my sorrows in some fast food," Kurt sighed. "But then I realized I didn't have any money so…"

"It's a'ight, Nightcrawler…" Shane took out some food in the back. "We got ya covered. The only good thing about working in this dump is you get all the free food you want. I mean it's all made from replicators anyway so it's practically free. They just make extra and stick it under the heat lamps."

"Actually Shooter I think you have to pay for that," Hank blinked.

"No the manager and I had a little **talk **out back," Shane grinned. "You just have to know how to negotiate with people."

"You threatened him didn't you?" Hank asked.

"Threat is such an ugly word," Shane said. "I prefer to call it Aggressive Negotiations LA style."

"Which means?" Kurt asked.

"He lets us eat free food and I let him keep his kneecaps," Shane told him.

"No wonder he put you in charge," Hank groaned. "Now my life is complete. Speaking of which Kurt what happened to you?"

"Quicksilver and I got jobs as delivery boys," Kurt explained. "At least I had a job until I kind of made a mistake with my last delivery."

"Why? What happened?" Shane asked.

"Let's just say I took a chance with my teleporting and ended up in a very embarrassing situation," Kurt groaned.

"What you catch a guy with his girlfriend or something?" Shane asked. Kurt looked a bit red. "You **serious?"**

"That does sound like a bit of a sticky situation," Hank blinked.

"It got even sticker when his wife showed up," Kurt groaned. "Don't ask!"

"I take it Quicksilver is still employed?" Hank asked.

"He might be," Kurt shrugged.

"Then again he might **not,**" Shane noticed something. He went to a small monitor that was playing the news and turned up the sound.

"A series of bizarre attacks have baffled the business community," An alien reporter spoke. "Several businessmen have reported a small silver like tornado bursting into their offices, destroying them and the men having their underwear yanked hard. It is believed to be the work of a strange alien calling itself…The Wedgie King."

A drawing of a tornado with Pietro's eyes and hairstyle was shown. "If you see a creature like this please contact the police. This just in…The police station has just caught on fire…Okay so don't call the police on that **last **one."

"Does anyone want to know **why…**?" Hank began.

"No," Both Kurt and Shane said at the same time.

"This day just gets better and better…" Hank sighed. "Well at least we know that we had nothing to do with the police station catching on fire."

"We could if Pyro had something to do with it," Kurt gave him a look.

"No, he's setting fire to a park," Arcade pointed to the television. "And Iceman is wrecking the park with him!"

"We are live from Hamble Bamble Park where two aliens are having some kind of lovers spat," The alien reporter reported.

"WE ARE NOT HAVING A LOVERS SPAT!" Bobby screamed.

"I'LL SAY!" Pyro shouted back. He grabbed the microphone. "He can't deal with the fact that he can never have me!"

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE DEAD!" Bobby attacked with a full barrage of ice.

"Oh **that's **nice," Hank rolled his eyes as the alien reporter ran in fear and the two mutants caused major damage for the viewing audience. "So much for keeping a low profile!"

SCREEEEEEEEEE!

Suddenly a taxi burst through the mall, scattering patrons all over the food court.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHH!" The sound of a businessman screaming for his life could be heard as the taxi careened through the mall. It drove through the glass doors and went back on the street.

"Never a dull moment that's for sure," Hank blinked. "Should we have done something?"

"No," Shane said. "We didn't cause the problem and we have **enough **problems. Let the cops handle this one. Well once they put out the fire at their place."

"What kind of idiot drives through a **mall?"** Kurt blinked.

"It can't be Kitty, she's at the pet show," Shane said.

"Anyway you think you could get me a job here?" Kurt went back to the subject.

"Well…" Hank began.

SPLORT!

"What was that?" Kurt asked.

BLORRRRRPPPP!

"Arcade what's going on back there?" Hank shouted. "Is that **smoke?" **

"Yeah got a few wires crossed. We kind of have a slight fire going here!" Arcade shouted. "YEOW THAT'S HOT!"

Suddenly dozens of Mondo Burgers and other foodstuffs on fire were flinging out from the back. "The replicator's gone nuts!" Arcade ran out. "I can't shut it off!"

"Quick get the…" Hank began.

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!

"Fire extinguisher…" Hank coughed as he and half the counter was covered in some kind of foam.

"I guess putting the fire extinguisher next to the replicator was not such a good idea," Shane blinked wiping away the foam from his face.

"Doesn't work anyway," Arcade blinked. "Now the foam is on fire!"

"Getting a job here is kind of out of the question isn't it?" Kurt gulped.

"Our supervisor won't be happy with **this,**" Hank gulped.

"New plan, we grab whatever's in the cash register and **run!"** Shane snapped.

"Can we take some Mondo Nuggets with extra spicy sauce?" Arcade asked. "I'm kind of hungry."

"Yeah whatever," Shane groaned as the flames started to get out of control. "Knock yourself out."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile in a building across town…

"Office temps," Rogue sighed as she looked at a desk filled with papers. "How in the world did we end up as office temps?"

"I have to admit, I kind of had to pull some mental strings," Jean coughed. She was in a desk opposite of Rogue. "But it's only for a day or so. And we're just taking over some receptionist jobs."

"Well we are kind of desperate," Rogue admitted. "Geeze look at all this freaking paperwork!"

The phone on Rogue's desk was lit up. "Aren't you supposed to answer that?" Jean asked.

"I got sick of it," Rogue told her. "All a bunch of idiots wanting something. 'What time is my appointment'? 'Where is my paperwork'? 'Help, my taxi driver is trying to kill me.' All nut jobs."

"Taxi driver…?" Jean blinked.

"It was obviously a crank call," Rogue shrugged. "I heard someone laughing in the background. Come to think of it though the laughing sounded familiar…almost like…"

"AAAHHHH!" A harried office alien in a slightly shredded business suit ran by.

"YOU WANT IT **WHEN?"** Rina roared as she chased him with her claws out.

"I don't think X23 is gonna get that yearly bonus," Rogue blinked.

"We have to stop her," Jean said.

"You first," Rogue gave her a look.

"You have a point," Jean sighed.

"And X23 has quite a few of them," Rogue said. "Invulnerable skin or not I am not going anywhere **near** that girl until she cools down. Besides I met that jerk later at the water cooler. Trust me. He deserves this!"

"I wonder where Fred is," Jean looked around. "I told him to go apply for a janitor position. But he never showed up."

"He's probably scarfing down at an all you can eat buffet or something," Rogue grunted.

Just then a nearby door opened. "Oh thank you doctor! I have no idea how to thank you!" A large wealthy looking female purple alien with two heads walked out.

"Yes thanks to you our relationship is better than ever!" The other head spoke. "How can we repay you?"

"A check will do nicely," Fred walked out. He was wearing a very large brown suit and a tie. "Now remember, communication is the key."

"Oh yes Doctor Dukes! Thank you Doctor!" The two headed alien gave him a check and went out the door.

"**Doctor** Dukes?" Rogue blinked, in total shock. "DOCTOR? HOW? **WHY?"**

"Funny story really…" Fred began.

"Short version **please!**" Rogue groaned.

"Well I wanted to make a good impression so I managed to catch Quicksilver who made me this suit," Fred shrugged.

"Blob I said short version…" Rogue began.

"Sometimes all you need is a good suit, a good cover and being at the right place at the right time," Fred grinned. "So I am now Dr. Fredrick Dukes, psychiatrist."

"I am **not **listening…." Rogue groaned. "I can't be listening because what I am hearing is against all the laws **of nature!**"

"Those aren't the **only** laws he's breaking! Fred! You posing as a **psychiatrist?"** Jean hissed. "Do you have any idea how dangerous and immoral that is?"

"Why? It's not **that **hard," Fred shrugged. "All I do is sit there while people whine about their problems. Some of them hear voices. I just tell them one of them is mine."

"Blob…" Jean groaned.

"I ain't giving them any prescriptions for medication or nothin'," Fred told her. "All I do is listen and give them a sympathetic shoulder to cry on."

"That's not the **point **Fred!" Jean told him.

"Then they give me money," Fred showed her the check. "Hey is that a comma or a period?"

"That's a comma…" Rogue took a look at it, her eyes widening. "And so is that one…And **that **one."

"Boy I guess I got double because I had to shrink two heads huh?" Fred laughed.

"**This **much?" Jean's eyes bulged. "No…No we can't cash this! It's **wrong**! It's unethical…"

"AAAHHHH!" Another manager ran for his life as Rina chased him with her claws outside the office.

"It's probably the best **shot** we've got at making any money today!" Rogue said.

"You know I saw a bank open next door," Jean looked at her watch. "If I hurry I can cash this check before anyone realizes."

"Good idea," Rogue nodded. "I'll send in the next patient!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Later that day near the space port garage…

"I think we finally lost the mob," Lance panted. "Who knew some people would get so bent out of shape over a few old buildings no one lived in?"

"Because apparently those few old buildings were the birth homes of some famous aliens on this planet," Peter panted. "I was listening to the mob's chanting."

"Way to go Summers," Lance snapped.

"You cant blame this on me!" Scott snapped. "You did the most damage!"

"Yeah but you shot first," Lance told him.

"He's right Scott," Peter nodded. "You are the one who thought we should go into demolition and you fired first on those buildings. We just followed your lead."

"Thanks a lot!" Scott said sarcastically. "On top of it all we didn't make a dime! Or whatever kind of money is on this planet."

"I got these coins I grabbed when we ran by that fountain," Lance took out some change.

"I don't know what's worse," Scott groaned. "That you took that money or that I'm thinking you were the only one **smart enough** to take that money!"

"I hope the others had better luck than we did," Peter sighed.

"I don't think so," Lance pointed.

"This is all your fault Pyro!" Bobby yelled as the four park mutants ran up to the gang.

"You're the one who murdered Mr. Flickers!" Pyro said. "It's **your **fault!"

"HE'S NOT DEAD! HE WAS NEVER ALIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Bobby snapped at him.

"It's **both **your fault!" Angelica snapped. "Shut it!"

"Well at least we lost the angry mob," Bobby said.

"I take it you had the same success we had?" Scott asked sarcastically.

"Oh yeah…" Lina took out the money. "We made about fifty something dollars or whatever this money is. Before the fight broke out."

"Well that's fifty more than we got," Lance admitted. "Hey here comes some of the others."

"I can't believe you did that Quicksilver!" Jean snapped as her team and Pietro made their way to the group.

"You're lucky I did do that! If I hadn't been there at the time the cops would have gotten all of you for sure!" Pietro huffed. "Besides I needed to do my one thousandth wedgie! That cop was perfect for it!"

"I take it none of you made any money either?" Scott asked.

"We would have had a bundle if X23 hadn't gotten so hyper before Jean cashed the check!" Fred told him.

"He pinched my behind," Rina snorted. "He deserved what he got."

"I don't want to know do I?" Scott sighed.

"No, you **don't,**" Jean sighed. "But I do want to know about **that!**"

"Please someone tell me they made enough money so we can leave this godforsaken planet!" Hank ran up wearing his Mondo Burger uniform. Arcade, Shane and Kurt were with him.

"What do you think?" Pietro asked. "And what were you **thinking** when you put that on!"

"I do **not **want to talk about it!" Hank tore off his hat and shirt.

"I hate to say this but it looks like our only hope is what Althea got at the pawn shop," Rogue said.

"Then hope has just sank," Althea remarked as she and Ororo walked up to them, both of the dragging Shipwreck by the ear.

"OW OW OW OWWWW!" Shipwreck whined. "I was better off with the **mob!"**

"What did he do **now?"** Lance asked.

"Get this, I pawned those jewels and got some good money for them," Althea sighed. "Then I'm halfway down the street when I realize that my father had taken off. Then I realized he'd taken the money out of my **pocket!"**

"Wait a minute, let me see if I get this," Bobby interrupted. "You, little miss water ninja got your pocket picked by **Shipwreck?"**

"Who do you think **taught** her how to pick pockets? Spirit?" Shipwreck asked sarcastically. Althea gave his ear another twist. "OW! LET GO OF MY EAR!"

"**No!** Anyway I tracked Dad down to a bar…" Althea went on.

"What a shock," Scott smirked.

"He got one," Althea added. "Storm was working there as a waitress. That's kind of how the fire started."

"Look in my defense about half the customers there were acting like **him**," Ororo pointed to Shipwreck. "A room full of Shipwrecks? Any woman would have been driven to the breaking point!"

"And you certainly did break that one guy's arm!" Althea added as she and Ororo released Shipwreck from their hold.

"Oh he had five or six others," Shipwreck waved. "He'll be fine."

"He was also a cop," Althea said. "A Shi'ar police officer. This entire planet is part of the Shi'ar Empire!"

"Uh yeah we know," Bobby coughed. "We kind of had a run in with them at the park."

"And at a construction site," Peter admitted.

"And at the mall," Arcade admitted. "We also had a little trouble with the fire department."

"And the fraud squad," Jean sighed.

"**Fraud squad?"** Scott said.

"Scott I did some things today I'm not very proud of," Jean sighed. "I don't want to talk about it."

"So now our hope rests with Kitty, Wanda and the animals…" Rogue sighed. "We're sunk aren't we?"

"Come on Rogue, think positive!" Jean said. "They could have done it!"

"I think we lost the mob!" Kitty shouted as she, Wanda and the animals rounded the corner.

"Oh they **did **it all right," Rogue said. "What happened with you? Or should we just wait for the evening news?"

"Polly caused a minor disturbance at the pet show," Wanda coughed. "Let's just say he said some things he shouldn't have, drank some alcohol he shouldn't have**, bit **someone he shouldn't have, **hit **on several lady bird contestants he should **not **have, went to the **bathroom** on…"

"We get the message," Jean interrupted. "And I take it Lockheed set the place on fire?"

"Only after he got upset at the judge's ruling," Kitty sighed. "Got second place."

"Lockheed shouldn't be mad at that," Althea said. "I think for a dragon winning second place is pretty good."

"Uh Lockheed didn't win Second Place," Wanda grinned. "**Kitty** did!"

"Wanda!" Kitty turned red. "I put the wrong names on the wrong section of the entrance forms! Okay?"

"You mean they thought Lockheed was **your **owner?" Lance snickered. "How…"

"Two of the judges were giant lizards too, it was an honest mistake!" Kitty snapped. "It wasn't like I wasn't the only humanoid that did that!"

"I thought you did well in the obstacle course," Wanda grinned.

"What did she lose to? A space cat that could three instruments at the same time?" Angelica snickered.

"No I didn't!" Kitty snapped.

"She lost to a space poodle with two heads that played **five** instruments at the same time," Wanda told her.

"I have never been so humiliated in all of my life," Kitty grumbled.

"Sure you have Kitty," Pyro said. "Remember a short time ago you got into a fight with Wanda and lost your clothes? And the time that Nightcrawler transported you all over town in your pajamas? And then there was the time…"

"SHUT UP PYRO!" Kitty snapped.

"Where are my sisters?" Althea looked around. "And Spyder? Who was with them? Lance?"

"I thought they went with Kitty and Wanda," Lance pointed to them.

"No we thought they went with Bobby's group," Kitty pointed.

"I thought Jean and Rogue had them," Bobby pointed.

"Are you nuts?" Rogue asked. "Beast was supposed to be looking after them."

"No one informed me of **that** plan," Hank folded his arms. "You didn't see them Storm?"

"I kind of had my hands full with **two** Delgado maniacs!" Ororo snapped.

"Wait…Xi's not here either," Rina said. "You don't think…?"

"We're coming! We're coming!" Spyder shouted as she and the Triplets ran up to them. Xi ran too, as best he could wearing high heels that is. He was also wearing a long green glittery dress and had his hair up and was wearing lipstick.

"What happened to you little maniacs? And Xi why are you wearing a **dress?"** Scott yelled.

"What did you **do?**" Althea shouted at the girls.

"Nothing," Spyder gulped.

"Okay what did you **not **do?" Shipwreck asked in a menacing tone.

"Well we weren't trying to pass Xi off as a supermodel," Brittany gulped. "And get him into a big fancy fashion show for a lot of money."

"And we didn't try to take a lot of pictures of Xi with some government agent so we could sell them to the entertainment news people," Daria gulped.

"Go on…" Althea folded her arms.

"And we didn't strip one or two dozen male models," Quinn gulped. "Well not all of us."

"And we didn't steal anything!" Spyder said. "Honest!"

"We picked up that suitcase full of money by accident," Quinn said.

"And we definitely didn't get taken into custody by the police and then break out of jail," Xi continued. "And Spyder and Quinn did **not **set the police station on fire as we did so."

"Oh God…" Scott put his head into his hands. "Great! Just great!"

"You were saying something about getting honest jobs and following the law and stuff?" Pietro gave him a look. "Yeah! **That plan** worked like a charm!"

"At this rate we'll be on The Universe's Most Wanted by the end of the week!" Rogue said sarcastically. "What **else **can go wrong?"

"Do I hear police sirens?" Kitty blinked.

"I just realized who's missing from our group," Scott blinked.

"TOAD!" Everyone shouted at the same time.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEE!

A taxi spun around the corner and screeched to a halt. "Hi guys!" Todd hopped out. "Boy you would not believe the day I had!"

"You **stole** a taxi?" Scott yelled.

"**Borrowed** one," Todd corrected. "I was gonna give it back when I finished."

"Oh god I'm going to die…" The alien businessman whined as he crawled out of the back seat. "Please, please be nice kidnappers and don't kill me!"

"Kidnappers?" Scott shouted.

"He's my fare," Todd said. "I kind of got lost and made a few wrong turns."

"You didn't by any chance make a **wrong turn** inside a mall did you?" Kurt asked.

"You know I **thought** I saw you guys there!" Todd grinned. The sound of sirens getting closer alerted him. "Uh oh…"

"The cops!" Rogue shouted.

"What do we do now?" Kitty shouted.

"The only thing we **can **do!" Scott groaned.

Five minutes later…

"COME BACK HERE YOU DANG VARMITS AND PAY YOUR BILL!" The Alien mechanic raised his several fists at the Misfit One as it flew away. "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU DEADBEATS!"

"Well I've learned something about myself during this little pit stop," Rogue said sarcastically as they flew away. "I learned I'm not cut out for office work!"

"Neither am I," Rina agreed. "However for some reason management appeals to me."

"I told you we were gonna end up stealing our spaceship back, yo," Todd folded his arms. "I told you but did you **listen** to me?"

"Oh shut up Toad," Scott grumbled. He sniffed the air. "What smells like burnt buffalo?"

"I'll go take a shower," Hank trudged off.

**Next week: You guessed it, the gang causes even more damage! And Jean starts to tap into the Phoenix Force some more. Hence the damage. See you next week! **


	64. Slave Planet

**Slave Planet**

"We've been flying for **hours**…" Pyro whined. "I'm **bored!** It's been so long since I've set something on fire!"

"You just set a whole park on fire **yesterday!**" Angelica snapped at him.

"Twenty four hours is a very long time," Pyro pouted.

"Yes it is," Hank was contemplating banging his head on the wall. "Especially in close quarters."

"Yeah dude you **still** smell like burnt buffalo," Bobby waved his hand in front of his nose.

"I don't know how any of you can complain," Kurt told them. "Look at that view!" He pointed to all the stars and shooting stars in space. "The whole universe is out there! Think about it, we are seeing parts of outer space no other person has ever seen before! It's so beautiful and peaceful."

"You obviously don't have the room between Shipwreck and Storm," Scott grumbled. "Those two kept me up all night! Not that I've been sleeping well anyway."

"You worried about the Professor and Gambit?" Kitty asked.

"No Kitty, I've been concerned about how much of the new fall TV season I've been missing," Scott replied sarcastically. "Not to mention how much I miss watching The Golden Girls every day. **Of course** I'm worried about our lost team mates!"

"We're all worried Scott," Rogue told her. "We've been out here about a week and all we've done is get into fights, break stuff, get into even **more** fights and break even **more** stuff!"

"Don't forget **burning** stuff!" Pyro said enthusiastically.

"How could we ever forget that?" Angelica said sarcastically.

"Yeah that's right," Pyro sighed dreamily. "I can just think back to all the fires I made. Ah good times…"

"Somebody shoot me," Shane moaned.

"Oh yes all the fun fires I made," Pyro grinned. Then he frowned. "And the rotten thing Iceman did to Mr. Flickers!"

"Are we going over this **again?**" Lina groaned.

"Give it a rest Pyro!" Bobby snapped. "For all our sakes!"

"I can't! I can't get over the injustice of it all!" Pyro folded his arms. "Just because Iceman is sexually frustrated over me that's no reason to take it out on a poor innocent little flame dragon! Right Lockheed?"

Lockheed gave him a look that said: _Don't get me involved with this!_ And flew away.

"I'm gonna take it out on **you **if you don't get it through your thick Australian head…" Bobby made a fist.

"Bobby just ignore him," Lina sighed.

"How can I ignore him when he keeps making insane comments like **that?"** Bobby yelled.

"You can do what **we do** most of the time when you make insane comments like that," Fred remarked. "Play reruns of Mama's Family in your brain."

"Mama's Family?" Kurt remarked. "I kind of picture him saying stuff from Hogan's Heroes. You know the one where Shultz says 'I know nothing…'? I hear Bobby saying that sometimes."

"I can see that," Todd nodded. "It does fit."

"I'll take you **all** on!" Bobby snapped.

"Iceman shut up!" Rogue snapped. "The point is we're all a little frustrated so let's just focus on rescuing our friends!"

"Rogue's right," Scott sighed.

"And I always thought of Gilligan's Island when Bobby complains myself," Rogue shrugged.

"You know that **does** fit him," Kurt thought.

"Okay that's it!" Bobby made several snowballs and threw them. "You're all dead!"

"Bobby!" Kitty yelled as she phased just as a snowball was aimed at her. It hit Rina instead. "Oops."

"Suffer…" Rina shot out her claws. It soon became a free for all in the back of the ship.

Except for Scott and Jean. "Why do our planning sessions always end up like this?" Scott groaned.

"Why do you **think?**" Jean gave him a look.

"HERE COMES MR. FLICKERS BACK FOR A REMATCH!" Pyro opened his lighter and let out a flame dragon. "SIC 'EM BOY!"

"PYRO YOU **NUT!"** Scott screamed. "PUT THAT OUT BEFORE YOU BURN UP ALL THE OXYGEN IN HERE!"

"GET HIM! PUT THAT FLAME OUT! PYRO YOU FLAMING LUNATIC…" Everyone shouted and dog piled on top of Pyro. This startled his concentration and stopped the dragon. But it didn't stop the others from attacking him. "YOU MORON! ARE YOU **TRYING** TO KILL US?"

"OW! OW! OW! OW!" Pyro whined. "Come on guys! Can't you take a joke? You have no sense of humor! Ow! Iceman I know you have trouble with rejection but **really…" **

"YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TROUBLE EATING WITHOUT TEETH IF YOU…" Bobby shook Pyro violently.

"Hey guys I hate to interrupt your fun," Shipwreck called out. "But we got a clear lead! Trinity thinks they've found the others!"

"What?" Rogue said. "You serious?"

"Let's go!" Kurt said. They all ran to the bridge.

"Trinity! You found them?" Althea asked.

"We think so," Quinn said as the triplets piloted the ship.

"According to the signal, at least Larry is on **that **planet," Daria pointed out.

"Looks like something out of the old Transformers cartoons," Todd remarked. The planet seemed to be made completely out of machinery. It was the size of the Earth's moon.

"Heads up! We've been spotted!" Brittany called out the alarm. "Five enemy space ships off starboard!"

"There are no life forms on board," Quinn said. "They're drones."

"So it's okay to blast 'em!" Daria whooped. Which she did. However…

"Fifteen…twenty…thirty more drone ships," Quinn remarked.

"I think we're in trouble," Brittany gulped as the Misfit One barely dodged the laser fire from the incoming space ships.

"If anyone has a plan now is a really good time to say so!" Shipwreck shouted. "Come on! Someone! **Anyone?"**

"If we don't do something fast we're going to be space dust!" Pietro shouted.

"That's **it!"** Trinity shouted at the same time.

"**What's **it?" Scott yelled.

"Plan Nine," Daria told him.

"What's Plan Nine?" Kitty asked.

"You'll see," Quinn said.

"We just have to time this right," Brittany pushed several buttons. "All right now we just have to get in the sights of one ship…"

"Get in the sights?" Scott asked. "Uh girls you're headed straight for that spaceship there."

"We know that," Daria said. "We need to get close enough for it to fire on us."

"And hopefully hit us," Brittany nodded.

"Oh is that…HOPEFULLY HIT US?" Todd screamed in a high voice.

"We're all dead aren't we?" Shane groaned as the alien starship loomed before them.

"If this plan works, yes…" Quinn told them. "Hang on!"

**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! **

"Intruder destroyed…" The cold metallic voice spoke. "Return to base…" The drones flew back to the hangar and parked in it.

There was also one more ship with them. "That was an interesting trick," Scott said as they landed in the hanger.

"Yeah shooting out debris from secret storage compartments and cloaking the ship at the same time to make them think we blew up," Bobby said. "Pretty clever."

"And moving the ship just out of the way of the laser fire…" Pietro breathed a sigh of relief. "That was tricky!"

"Only problem is we can only do it **once,**" Quinn said. "At least until we fill up the compartments again."

"Now all we have to do is find the Professor and the others," Rogue said.

"That and get the access codes," Brittany nodded.

"Access codes? What access codes?" Hank asked.

"The access codes to the force field surrounding the planet," Daria told him.

"There's a force field around the planet?" Kitty shouted. "Wait if there is how did we get…"

"We flew directly behind one of the ships after we cloaked, remember?" Spyder gave her a look.

The ship naturally uncloaked but the droids ignored them and went on with their daily tasks. "They don't even notice us," Lance blinked.

"Because they're not programmed to," Brittany worked with her hand held scanner.

"We've hacking into the main computer to get information," Arcade said. He was working in tandem on his own computer equipment with the girls. "From what we're scanning this is an artificial planet populated mainly by artificial life forms."

"Artificial? You mean they're all **robots?**" Rogue asked.

"Androids actually but yes," Quinn worked on the computer with her sisters. "The only life forms on this planet are androids except for…." She stopped.

"Except for what?" Shipwreck asked.

"Oh god…" Brittany said as she read the screen on her scanner. "**That's** what this place is!"

"What is this place?" Scott asked. "Trinity what have you got on your scanners?"

"It's…It's a slave breeding facility," Daria said in a shocked voice.

"Slave…**breeding?**" Jean gasped.

"Does that sound as bad as I **think** it does?" Angelica winced.

"It also processes prisoners of the Shi'ar Empire…" Quinn continued. "Brainwashes them…Turns them into mindless slaves…"

Daria nodded. "It makes a lot of androids as well…Or turns people into androids."

"And the others are **here?**" Kitty yelled. "We gotta find them!"

"We'll split up into two teams," Ororo said. "One team will rescue the Professor and the others. Team two will find the control center so we can find the codes that can let us escape the force field."

"Ah one little problem," Shane raised his hand. "We may be fine in the ship but as soon as we get out there you know they've gotta have some kind of sensors to detect us."

"Then we must be stealthy!" Todd hopped around acting like a ninja. "We must become the shadows! Blend in with our surroundings!"

"Oh great…" Lance groaned. "He's in one of his little moods again."

"Actually I think we might have something else…" Daria hopped down from her seat and went to the replicator. "Hold on a second."

"We must become one with our environment…" Todd kept hopping around. "Become the wind…Whoooosshhhh!"

"Toad we are inside a robot planet," Fred groaned. "There's no wind in here."

"Then we will become the stillness of the night," Todd went on.

"Oh this is going to be **fun,"** Kurt groaned.

"Here," Daria handed out several watch bands to everyone. "Put these on. They'll hide your bio signatures. I hope."

"You hope?" Scott asked. "Yeah I feel reassured."

"I'll lead the rescue team with Phoenix, Nightcrawler, Trinity, Iceman, Firestar and Shadowcat," Althea said. "Shipwreck, Dragonfly, Spyder, Shooter…You four stay here and guard the ship. Dragonfly, I want you to prepare the infirmary. Something tells me we're gonna need it."

"And you guys can take Naru-**Toad **with you," Bobby groaned as Todd hopped around.

"Thanks a lot," Hank grumbled. "Trinity do you have a map of where the control center is?"

"Can do better than that," Brittany told him. "I'm programming the locations in those same bands. They also double as teleportation devices linked to the Mass Device on board."

"That reminds me, we're running low on grape juice," Quinn remarked.

"Hey can you use Larry's teleportation watch as some kind of homing beacon?" Kitty thought.

"Already ahead of you," Quinn told her. "Push the red button twice and then the blue button."

The rescue team did that. "With any luck this will take us straight to the others," Althea said.

"Okay now listen up," Ororo said. "The plan is to get in and out without making too much noise. We want to attract as little attention to ourselves as possible."

"Fat chance of that happening," Rogue folded her arms.

"Let's try anyway shall we?" Hank groaned.

"Let's go," Althea nodded. She and her team teleported to Larry's position.

They found themselves instead in the middle of a huge laboratory with dozens of robots examining machinery. Several of the robots appeared to have living brains inside. "Uh oh…" Daria gulped.

"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!" The androids shouted. Then several sharp and painful looking knives and buzz saws emerged from their robot bodies. "DESTROY! DESTROY!"

"So much for not attracting attention!" Jean grumbled. She smashed a few robots with her telekinesis.

The others made quick work of the androids. Bobby froze several. Angelica melted a few. Kitty's phasing caused their circuits to break. Kurt teleported around tricking the robots to use their weapons on each other. Althea used her throwing stars and short sword to make quick work of a few. Trinity used their powers to destroy the rest.

"Well that was fun," Kurt said. "I needed a good workout."

"Pretty pathetic workout actually," Bobby yawned. "Our Danger Room robots are ten times faster than that!"

"Are these…brains in some of them?" Kitty gulped as she pointed to one of the robots.

"You're right, let me see…" Jean scanned one with her mind. "Oh god no…No!" She started to shake. "NOOOOOO!" A blast of Phoenix power shorted out all the systems in the room.

"Jean! Jean! Snap out of it!" Angelica shook her. "What happened?"

"These androids…" Jean shook. "Their minds were removed by force from their original bodies. Then…reprogrammed. They used to be prisoners of war and now…"

"Lovely," Althea grumbled. "Just what we need, attack of the brain thieves."

"Ewww..." Kitty winced. "Really disgusting!"

"Hey guys! Over here!" Brittany came up to them. She was holding a partially dissected teleportation watch. "I found Larry's watch but…"

"They must have taken it off him and sent it here to study it," Kitty said. "With all the other junk on these tables."

"I knew it was too easy," Althea groaned. "Now what?"

Several more larger robots entered the room with lasers and other weapons. "Now we fight for our lives!" Bobby snapped as he iced several of them.

"Hold on! There's an easier way!" Quinn punched in some coordinates on her watch.

"We can take control of the watches for a moment and…" Brittany pushed a button. They all teleported to another location. "Ta da!"

"Just move to another location," Daria grinned.

"Great just one question," Kurt looked around. "Where are we?"

"How should we know?" Brittany shrugged.

"Oh **that's** helpful," Angelica rolled her eyes.

They looked around. They were in a giant room filled with thousands of clear glowing pods. "Looks like a scene from Invasion of the Pod People," Bobby walked around. He accidentally bumped into a pod. "AAHH! There's something in here!"

**"Someone** actually…" Althea looked at the gray half formed individual inside. "This looks a lot like those gestation chambers we found Madelyne in."

"They are," Daria did some scanning. "Only a lot more complicated. This is part of the slave breeding facility. They grow them from clone DNA and put them in these chambers to develop. Within a few weeks…They have a fully formed completely obedient slave ready to go."

"There must be **millions** of them…" Kurt gasped.

"Larry's obviously not here," Althea said. "Trinity can you try and track him down? Bio signatures? Information through the system? Anything?"

"I don't know," Daria said.

"It could take a while," Brittany said.

"Maybe I can do something," Jean concentrated.

"But what if they're unconscious or…" Kitty began.

"I know what I'm doing," Jean's eyes started to glow. "I'm looking for the others…Uh…such pain and suffering…Torment…This whole planet is filled with it…" She cringed in agony. "AAAHHHHH!"

"Jean! Break off contact!" Althea said.

"No….Just a little more…" Jean winced. Then she stopped. "There! I have it!"

Suddenly she used her powers and used her telekinesis to reprogram the watches. Soon they found themselves in another room. "Okay that's new," Kurt gulped.

"INTRUDERS!" Several more robots were working on something in the middle of the room.

"Oh shut up!" Kitty phased through a few which shorted out their circuits. "You always say the same thing!"

It didn't take them long to deal with the robots. "So what's this room do?" Kurt asked.

"It looks like one of the reprogramming rooms," Quinn checked her portable scanner. "Where they reprogram machines or people they've turned into machines."

"You know the more I see of this place the more I'm starting to **hate **the Shi'ar Empire," Jean grumbled. "I can feel the suffering they inflict all around me!"

"Guys! Look!" Angelica pointed. "I found Larry!"

Inside a huge tube Larry was hooked up to machines and floating in a tank. The left side of his head had a metal plate which ended just after his left eye. His left eye had been replaced by a blue metal artificial eye. His right arm had been replaced by a silver cybernetic one and there were strange metal strips all over his naked body.

"Foresight!" Kitty shouted.

"What did they **do **to him?" Kurt gasped.

"According to the data on this computer…" Brittany read the readout on the computer. "They're repairing him. Stage One of the slave molding process. Any injuries or defects are corrected, either genetically…or by artificial means."

"You mean they turned Foresight into a cyborg," Kitty asked.

"Exactly," Quinn began to work on the computer. "Okay technically he was **already **a cyborg with that machinery in his brain but…Not only were they repairing his brain, so he can now shield himself with his telepathy, they were giving him some cybernetics to enhance his strength and speed. Looks like they were preparing him for some kind of low level work in one of their science academies. Or a mine."

"That's horrible," Angelica gasped.

"Fortunately we interrupted the process just in time," Daria worked on the machine as well. "They hadn't installed a loyalty chip or any programming codes in just yet. That's in Stage Two."

"I am not going to **ask **what those things do," Bobby said. "Because I do not want to know!"

"I'll phase him out," Kitty began.

"Hold on, that may do more damage than good," Daria stopped her. "Let's see if we can bring him out of it." She worked on the computer. "Hey this file on him also has a bill of sale."

"Bill of sale?" Althea asked.

"Yeah according to this Larry was sold yesterday from a Snark warship," Daria said. "For about four thousand credits. Just him and no one else."

"The Snarks! They were the ones that sold Larry like an old toaster to this place?" Angelica snarled.

"That means the Snarks have the Professor and the others!" Jean realized. "No wonder I couldn't sense the Professor and the others. They're not here!"

"I was wondering why we were headed **away **from Shi'ar space," Daria looked at her map on her personal scanner pad. "Now the map makes sense!"

"Just hurry up and get Larry out of there," Angelica said.

"Hold your bladder, I'm almost done," Quinn raised her hand. The liquid in the tube drained out and the pod opened. The machine unhooked Larry and he fell out. Bobby and Angelica caught him.

"Man he's covered in this gross stuff…" Bobby winced.

"Larry? Is that you?" Angelica gasped.

"Uhhhh…" Larry's eye fluttered. His robotic eye lit up in a blue color. "Angelica?"

"It's okay Larry, you're safe now," She told him.

"What…What happened to me…" Larry looked at his body. "And why am I naked and covered in goo?"

"Long story man," Bobby tried to avert his eyes.

"Nightcrawler, take Larry back to the ship," Althea said. "Dragonfly can treat him in the infirmary. Inform the others what's going on."

"Got it," Kurt did so. He teleported away with Larry.

"Okay we've done our job," Althea said. "I think most of us should go back to the ship. Except for you Trinity. You might be able to help the others with your…"

"Uh where did Jean go?" Angelica looked around. Jean was gone.

"Oh you gotta be kidding me!" Althea groaned. "Out of all of us, Phoenix is the **last **one I thought we'd have to worry about wandering off."

"I got her," Brittany checked out her scanner. "We also installed tracers on our watches. She went that way." She pointed to a door.

"Fine we'll go get her," Althea grumbled. "Come on!"

"It's not like Jean to just take off like that," Kitty said as they went into a huge corridor.

"Yeah I wonder what's gotten into her?" Bobby said as they raced down the corridor.

Just then the whole planet seemed to shake violently. "I'd know those tremors anywhere!" Kitty said. "That's Avalanche all right!"

"Well at least he's doing his job," Angelica said. She noticed several destroyed robots in front of them. "And Jean is doing hers!"

They soon found Jean staring at a window. "Jean what are you…?" Althea began. Then she saw what Jean was seeing. "Oh god…"

There were several cages filled with alien prisoners. Most of them cat people. Strapped to several chairs were other prisoners. Many of them children. The robots around them were attaching headgear to them which sent electrical shocks to them.

"They're children…" Jean's eyes narrowed. "They're torturing... brainwashing…**Children!"**

"Nariel!" A cat woman screamed as she saw her child being tortured.

"And they're doing it in front of their parents…" Rage started to cloud Jean's mind.

Just then the glass shattered. The robots looked up and saw Jean fly out over them. **"You monsters!"** Jean roared. The Phoenix raptor emerged around her.

"Looks like this has just turned into a mass rescue," Althea shouted. "All right! Iceman, Firestar take out the robots! The rest of us release the prisoners! GO!"

Bobby made an ice slide so that Althea and Kitty could ride on it behind him down. "Chill out!" He blasted the robots nearest to him that were torturing the young cat girl. He froze the straps and broke them on the girl.

"Come on!" Althea released more prisoners from their cells. "Everyone out!"

"Thank you," One mother cat woman ran to her freed child and hugged her. "Thank you so much!"

"Don't thank us yet," Kitty said. "We still gotta get out of here."

"There are more prisoners in the Eastern block," One cat alien said. "I saw them take my brother and several others toward them."

"What about these people here? Are there any ships we can hijack?" Althea asked.

"There were a lot of ships in the hangar we parked in," Angelica suggested.

"We can direct them to it," Daria punched in her pad.

"Yeah and if those robots are as pathetic as these ones here…" Quinn chucked as the last robot fell.

"Trinity, take the prisoners to the hanger," Jean instructed. She was still in Phoenix mode. "The rest of us will free the others."

"Let me come to!" A male cat alien asked. "My brother…"

"Oh all right," Althea waved as she handed him a fallen robot's electric whip. "Use this."

"With pleasure," The cat man growled. Many of the other aliens grabbed weapons as well. Most of them went with Trinity but three others insisted on following them."

"Fine the more the merrier," Jean quipped as she flew down the corridors. "Come on!"

"Wait up Phoenix!" Angelica flew behind her. "Don't get too far ahead of us!"

"Phoenix?" A green alien asked. "That is the Phoenix?"

"Uh yeah," Bobby said. "Technically."

"If she is the Phoenix then the time of the prophecy must be near!" Another cat alien shouted.

"Prophecy? What prophecy?" Kitty asked.

"There is an old legend which says that if the Phoenix returns to the Shi'ar Empire it will be destroyed," The cat alien told her.

"Oh goody!" Angelica rolled her eyes. "This again!"

"Less talk, more running!" Althea told her. They made their way to the eastern prison complex only to find that Jean was already easily destroying the robots. "She really knows how to take the fun out of this."

"Marak! My brother! We are here to free you!" The cat alien called out as they started to release the other aliens from their cells.

"Freedom! We must fight for our freedom!" Marak shouted.

"Great idea! Okay now is that everyone?" Kitty asked.

"Not quite…" Jean's eyes were glowing. "You all go back to the ship. There's something more I need to do."

"Jean! Wait! Wait!" Althea called out. But Jean had already flown away. Then the room shook violently. "Oh great! Come on let's get to the hangar!"

They made their way through the corridors, occasionally destroying a robot or two. (there were far too many prisoners to use the mass device.) When they got to the hangar they found many of the already freed captives fighting the robots and grabbing any ship they could.

Then the other team appeared into the hanger. They had a half dozen of captives with them. "Let me guess? You decided to do some rescuing yourselves?" Scott asked.

"Some rescuing?" Hank looked around. "It looks like half the planet is here!"

The ground shook violently. "That time it was not me!" Lance shouted.

"We have to get off this planet now!" Ororo shouted. "Onto the ship!"

"Why?" Kitty asked.

"Uh we had a little incident," Todd gulped. "It was **not** my fault! Repeat! Not my fault!"

"You pushed the button!" Arcade snapped. "Of course it was your fault!"

"What did you do?" Angelica glared at Todd. "What did you **do?"**

"He shut down a few reactors," Hank gulped as the ground shook and debris fell. "I think they were controlling the entire power supply of the planet. And they are a tad unstable if they are not adjusted correctly…."

The ground shook again and more debris fell. "Oh really? I didn't notice!" Lance asked sarcastically.

"Get to the ships!" One cat alien male shouted, directing the prisoners as they fought their captors. "Get to the ships and head for the heart of the Badlands!"

"Wait, where's Jean?" Scott looked around.

"She went back for something," Althea said. "Or someone…"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Jean found herself in a huge room in the center of the planet. "So I did sense someone here…" Jean's eyes frowned.

In the middle of the room was a huge brain in a crystal like case, with millions of wires and tubes attached to it. _"Yes I am this planet's living brain…The central computer if you will. The Shi'ar granted me the power of a living planet." _

"So you could do their dirty work for them…" Jean growled as the Phoenix raptor glowed around her.

_"Before my old body decayed of old age I was one of the greatest extractors of information the Shi'ar Empire ever had…" _The living brain said telepathically. _"It was an honor for the Emperor to allow me to continue my work…" _

"You torture and enslave people's minds…" Jean snapped. "And you **enjoy **it! Don't even try to deny it! I can feel it"

_"Of course I enjoy it! Why should I deny it? Here I can feel every creature's mind bend to my will. Here I am the ultimate power…" _

"Don't be so sure," Jean began to power up.

_"You cannot destroy me…" _Thousands of electric filaments seeped from the walls and started to attack Jean.

"I can try!" Jean gritted her teeth as she dodged them. "But first…" She concentrated.

FLASH!

The next thing the X-Men and Misfits knew they were in the Misfit One and the Misfit One was orbiting the planet. "Okay how did we get out here?" Bobby gulped.

"Uh...I dunno," Todd scratched his head. "Beats me."

"Maybe we ran and took off and forgot about it?" Fred asked.

"Okay I'll buy that excuse," Shane remarked. "Sounds sane enough to me."

"Look! There must be hundreds of ships!" Daria ran to the controls. "And they're all filled with prisoners and are escaping!"

"But we can't leave without Jean!" Scott shouted. "JEAN!"

_"Sorry Scott…But I can't let you get hurt…" _He felt her mind in his. Suddenly the ship was violently thrown backwards.

"What's going on?" Shipwreck yelled.

"Some force has tossed us out of the planet's gravitational orbit," Hank gritted his teeth. "We've been thrown like a football!"

"Not some force…" Scott realized. "Jean! She did this! JEAN!"

In the middle of the planet the filaments had captured Jean and were slowly electrocuting her. _"I have not personally tortured some one in so long…" _The brain hissed. _"This brings me such pleasure…WHAT?" _

A giant Phoenix fire engulfed Jean. _"This power…It's too much! Overloading my circuits…What __**are **__you?" _The brain screamed in agony.

_**"No mortal has the right to inflict such suffering on another…"**_ Jean hissed. _**"THIS ENDS NOW!"**_

**BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!**

"Man it's just like the Death Star blowing up!" Arcade yelled as the entire planet exploded. "Only a lot **louder!"**

"JEAN!" Scott screamed.

Just then they saw a huge fire Phoenix emerge from the blast. It's screams could be heard through their very souls. The Phoenix flew towards the Misfit One and seemed to engulf the spaceship. Just then Jean materialized inside the ship, her clothing torn but she appeared to be all right.

"Jean! How did you…?" Scott's jaw dropped. "Did you just…?"

"Uhhggggg…" Jean moaned and fell into his arms.

"Get her to the infirmary!" Hank said. Scott and Ororo went with him.

"Trinity! Get us out of here pronto!" Althea shouted.

"You got it!" Daria said as the triplets piloted the ship away from the debris.

"Okay did Jean just blow up an entire **planet **or was that my imagination?" Pietro gulped.

"I think those weird alien nuclear reactors or whatever we fooled around with helped too," Kitty said. "But yeah she did a lot of the work."

"All the slaves escaped," Daria checked the computers. "And the planet was populated by robots. Nobody died."

"Well except the robots with a living brain," Quinn shrugged. "Technically they count. I think…"

"What about all those embryos we destroyed?" Kurt snapped.

"Can we save this right to life argument for another day?" Rogue snapped. "The Snarks are getting away and we have to save the Remy, the Professor and his girlfriend!"

"At least we got Foresight back," Shane said. "And we took down a slave running operation."

"Took down? That's putting it pretty mildly," Bobby said. "We **annihilated** it!"

"Don't think the Shi'ar are going to be too happy about this," Lance gulped.

"Good," Althea's eyes narrowed. "They're going to learn the hard way that they're messing with the **wrong people."**

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

A few hours later Scott was in the infirmary. "How are they Dragonfly?"

"Both will be fine," Lina told him. "In fact Larry's now able to shield his mind and he can walk on his own again. However I feel it's best to let him rest a little for now."

"That's good. And Jean's okay?" Scott asked.

"You can ask her yourself," Lina pointed to Jean resting in a bed. "I'll give you some privacy." She went off.

"Hey," Scott went over to her. He kissed her lips.

"Hey," Jean smiled weakly.

"I thought I'd lost you…" Scott held her hand.

"You won't get rid of me that easily," Jean shook her head.

"Jean I have to ask…" Scott said hesitantly.

"Yes, I blew up the planet. And you know something Scott?" Jean gave him a look. "I'm **glad** I did it!"

"Jean…" Scott was shocked.

"You didn't feel the pain…The agony of those people," Jean shuddered. "And at the center…There was an evil, sadistic monster controlling it all. They take out people's brains and force them to do…"

"I can only imagine what you've been through," Scott diplomatically said.

"Althea told me that my power should be used for destroying monsters," Jean told him. "And that is what I am going to do with it. If those slavers weren't monsters, I don't know what is."

"I know…" Scott sighed. "I just hope you don't end up becoming a monster as well."

"I'm in control Scott," Jean told him. "Honest, I know what I'm doing."

"Do you? Jean using the Phoenix Force…You destroyed a planet!" Scott was shocked.

"Don't worry I don't think I'll be able to do **that **again…" Jean groaned weakly. "Besides it was an extreme situation Scott."

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?" Scott asked.

"Scott, I am very tired and I don't feel like a lecture right now," Jean gave him a dark look.

"All right, I'm sorry," Scott recognized the look of anger in her eyes. "I'll drop it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine," Jean relaxed. "I just need a nap."

"Then you get some rest," He kissed her and left the room.

"Scott what's wrong?" Lina asked as he walked out. "You look like something terrible has happened."

"This trip is changing each and every one of us," Scott sighed. He looked at Jean. "And not all of it for the better."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"This trip is driving me **insane,**" Nightshade groaned.

In the briefing room she glared at Flashfire, Erik'Dared and Firelord. All of them were shouting at each other. Mentor was in the room as well and he looked extremely annoyed. "Why is it that every time the three of you are in the same room together all you do is give the rest of us a **headache?"**

"It's not our fault this little hot head is too arrogant to listen to his betters!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"And it's not my fault that you carry grudges longer than a Kree Warlord!" Flashfire snapped. "Face it, you two are just ticked off that neither of you were named leader of the Imperial Guard!"

"By rights it should have fallen to me," Firelord frowned. "After all I am the oldest and most experienced member."

"Yeah but **nobody **is as good as butt kissing as Gladiator is," Erik'Dared snorted. "But that's not the point! The point is that we need to get back to Shi'ar Space and drop off the prisoners we have left!"

"No, what we should do is continue on our present course and get the runaway princess back," Flashfire said. "We can always just dump off the ones we have in…"

"No," Firelord growled. "I am telling you the destruction of the Phoenix is our **top **priority! All others must wait! The situation is far too dangerous to do otherwise!"

"We wouldn't **be** in this situation if you two hadn't dropped the ball and let these Earthlings into our galaxy in the first place!" Flashfire snapped.

"We didn't exactly **let **them into anything!" Erik'Dared snapped. "The Phoenix was hard enough to contend with without the stupid Snarks…"

"Those idiots?" Flashfire shouted. "Aren't their worst enemies the Kymellians? You know, the horse space hippies?"

"Actually from what we have gathered their worst enemies are now a group of super powered Earth children," Firelord corrected.

"Oh well that **really** explains everything!" Flashfire threw up his hands. "I knew you were kind of pathetic Dared but really…"

"You are asking for a serious thrashing you little…" Erik'Dared made a fist.

"Go ahead old man," Flashfire snickered. "I'd like to see you try!"

"I'll do more than **try** you fire brained whelp!" Erik'Dared shot to his feet.

"ENOUGH!" Nightshade snapped. "Dared, as much as I hate to say it, Flashfire has a point. You did fail to capture the princess. You did allow the Snarks to take over your ship. And you **did **let this Phoenix and her associates into our empire. Okay **technically** the Badlands are not part of the empire but you see my point."

"Not to mention you had to have Firelord here become your personal towing service," Flashfire snickered.

"If it wasn't for us **you **would be Brood Bait!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"Yes we managed to repair our starship in time to rescue **you,**" Firelord agreed. "From the mess these X-Misfits or whatever they are called made! Now we have to work together to rescue the empire before it is **too late!"**

"I don't know why you're so worried about this," Flashfire grunted and folded his arms. "Yeah this Phoenix Force is really powerful I'll give you that but come on. We're the Shi'ar Imperial Guard. We should be **more** than a match for some Earth girl and her destructive companions."

"Perhaps we should interrogate the prisoners we do have?" Mentor asked.

"Not without the proper equipment," Firelord shook his head. "The scans indicate that both mutants are highly dangerous. The one called Xavier is an Alpha Plus class telepath."

"Alpha Plus?" Nightshade was impressed. "Even Oracle isn't that powerful!"

"If he was able to use his powers for even a **second**…" Firelord began. "Remember the insurrection on Delos 9?"

"Say no more," Flashfire groaned. "I get the picture. Maybe it is for the best that they stay in stasis."

"Even then I **still** don't trust them," Erik'Dared snarled. An alarm rang through the ship. "What now?"

They went to the bridge. "Report," Erik'Dared said. He looked out the window. "Where the hell did all this rubble come from?"

"It's not rubble sir…It is…It was…The slave breeding planet Terrak 4…Has been destroyed," The Shi'ar Helmsman gasped.

"Destroyed but **how…?"** Flashfire gasped.

"The Phoenix," Firelord frowned. "I can sense her energy. She did this."

"Gods…" Flashfire gasped. "Not that I ever cared about a place like that but…A whole **planet?"**

"Still think that Jean Grey is nothing more than a **mere** Earth girl?" Firelord asked.

"By the gods what have we let **loose **into our corner of the universe?" Erik'Dared groaned. "If I had known such creatures existed on that miserable swamp called Earth I would have simply just let Lilandra stay there and **rot** the rest of her days!"

"Now do you understand **why **we must hunt down and destroy the Phoenix?" Firelord asked his comrades. "If we do not…"

"She'll destroy us all…" Mentor finished the sentence.


	65. A Space Pirate's Life For Me

**A Space Pirate's Life For Me**

Two days after the incident and the Misfit One was still piloting its way through space. And Larry was still trying to absorb all the information in the spaceship's recreation room.

He was even more lost than the Misfit One.

"How could Kitty come in second place in a **pet show?"** He asked. Larry was wearing a black and silver uniform with black boots.

"I don't think she tried hard enough," Todd remarked.

"People are **never** going to let me live that down are they?" Kitty groaned.

"They shouldn't!" Polly squawked as he flew around. "Second place! Second place!"

"How would you like to find yourself as a first place winning **parrot pie?"** Kitty yelled at him.

"If you're baking it it's gonna be **last place!"** Polly laughed. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Stupid bird…" Kitty gritted her teeth. "One day…"

"Don't let Polly get to you," Althea told Kitty. "At least you placed which was more than he did!"

"AWK! Polly don't play that!" Polly ruffled his feathers. Lockheed made a growl at him. "I don't care if you have her better trained than my sailor! Can **yours **get you beer anytime you want?"

"You people have the weirdest conversations **ever**," Shane groaned.

"What did I miss this time?" Jean asked as she walked into the room.

"You don't want to know," Kitty gave Polly a glare. "How are you feeling Jean?"

"As well as can be expected after…You know," Jean sighed.

"Don't feel bad," Althea said. "We saved a lot of lives when we blew up that hell hole to kingdom come."

"I'm just worried the same fate is gonna happen to Remy and the Professor," Rogue said.

"No, they were obviously too valuable as hostages to sell," Larry said. "They must have just seen me as damaged goods."

"You're not so damaged now," Althea said. "And you'll get your chance to pay them back for what they did!"

"If we can catch up to them," Larry pointed out.

"We will, have a little faith," Kitty said.

"That is my problem, I have **very little faith**," Larry told her. "Your little misadventures you told me about don't exactly inspire a lot of confidence."

"We got **you **back didn't we?" Pietro zoomed in. "And you're better than ever! You're faster! Stronger! Harder head." He lightly rapped Larry's metal side of his skull. "And you have a great costume for Halloween! You can go as Cyborg!"

"Is there a reason you're bothering us Quicksilver or are you bored again?" Rogue gave him a look.

"Everybody come up to the bridge," Pietro said. "Trinity found something."

"Oh goody," Rogue said sarcastically as they went. "What did they find this time? A planet filled with **more** giant bugs that want to kill us? More robots that want to kill us? **Giant robot bugs** that want to kill us? Or somebody else that will soon want to kill us?"

"Cheer up Rogue, it could be something completely different that wants to kill us," Pietro snickered.

"I feel **so **much better," Rogue rolled her eyes as everyone entered the bridge.

"Now where are we?" Kitty asked.

"Looks like we're approaching some kind of asteroid field," Daria said as she piloted the ship. "A big one."

"A very big one," Hank's eyes widened as he saw literally millions of asteroids before them. "My goodness! Some of those asteroids are bigger than the planet Earth!"

"And there's more of 'em than mosquitoes at a nudist colony," Fred whistled.

"Can we go around it?" Ororo asked.

"We've been trying to for about half an hour," Brittany told them. "That's when we decided to call you."

"It just goes on and on forever," Quinn said. "Our sensors can't find a beginning or end!"

"Well do any of those guidebooks we swiped say anything about this?" Angelica asked.

"Searching," Daria punched in the information in the computer. "We got it. This part of space is called Asteroid Ocean. For obvious reasons."

"Not only is it extremely dangerous to fly through but the asteroids themselves have some kind of metal in them that interferes with navigation equipment," Quinn told them. "Most ships that go into it never come back out again."

"And on top of it all there's a huge red sun in the middle of it with a very strong gravitational pull," Brittany continued. "Any ship that's unlucky to get caught in it…"

"Is crispy critters. In other words we've just hit a dead end," Pietro folded his arms. "Lovely."

"There's got to be another way around," Lance said. "It's obvious we can't go this way."

"But you have to go **this** way," Pietro's voice was in Lance's ear.

"Pietro you just said…" Lance turned around. "Oh no…"

"Yes it's me!" Lance's silver Coyote that sounded exactly like Pietro grinned at him. "I'm ba-aaaaack!"

"Go awa-aaaay," Lance hissed quietly, not wanting to alert the others to his mental breakdown.

"But seriously here, you gotta go through that asteroid field. It's important," The Coyote said. "I mean you want to catch the Snarks right?"

"I want you to take off!" Lance snapped as everyone else debated their next move. "Scram!"

"You gotta follow the yellow brick road," The Coyote said. "Actually you gotta head for the gold in the asteroid. Go for the gold. Because it's the yellow brick road of outer space!"

"I don't care if it's the Bath and Body Works of outer space," Lance snapped. "Get lost!"

_"We're off to see the lizards! The Wonderful Lizards of OZ!"_ The Coyote had changed into a Dorothy costume from the wizard of Oz and was dancing around.

"Stop that," Lance hissed under his breath.

_"Because, because, because…"_ The Coyote danced around happily. _"Because because because because becauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuseeeee!" _

"SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF THAT DOROTHY COSTUME!" Lance shouted. Everyone looked at him. "Oh great! See what you've done? Now they all think I'm crazy!"

"Not exactly a news flash, Lance," Angelica remarked. "Let me guess, the Coyote's back?"

"Oh yeah," Lance rolled his eyes. "Keeps babbling on how we should go through the asteroid field. He's even trying to give me directions!"

"Directions on what? How to **kill **ourselves?" Bobby asked.

"No he's babbling something about following something gold in an asteroid," Lance said.

"I think Avalanche has one too many rocks in his head," Kurt whispered to Rogue.

"Lance tell us the exact words the Coyote is saying," Ororo told him.

"You don't want to **know **all of them," Lance rolled his eyes.

"You're actually taking this **seriously?**" Scott was in shock.

"Back in Africa my tribe had people who experienced visions very similar to what Avalanche is experiencing," Ororo told him.

"You had people who had a singing Coyote wearing a dress that sounded like Quicksilver?" Lance asked her.

"Well maybe not **exactly** like your visions…" Ororo amended. "But throughout history visitations from animal spirits have been recorded as beneficial."

"How the hell could a coyote that sounds like my brother and is **twice** as **nuts** as he is be **beneficial?"** Wanda snapped.

"Is that a shot at me?" Pietro huffed.

"No, **this **is a shot at you," Wanda said calmly. Then she hexed him into a wall.

"Speaking of shots, we're about to **get shot!"** Quinn shouted. "There are five Shi'ar Raiders coming up fast!"

"Shi'ar what?" Scott yelled.

"Like fighter pilot ships only in outer space," Brittany said.

"Think Star Wars…" Daria said. "And they're about to blast us into tinier pieces than the Death Star!"

"We could probably blast them," Arcade said.

"Or…" Scott thought. "We could go straight into the asteroid field."

"Excuse me but I think I must have zoned out for a second while trying to ignore the Coyote," Lance blinked. "Because I know Summers could **not **have just said what I thought he said!"

"He said he wants to go into the asteroid field instead of blowing up the alien starships that want to blow us up," Shane said calmly.

"That's what I thought he said," Lance blinked.

"It's the only way to escape without hurting anyone," Scott said. "I don't want any more deaths if we can prevent them!"

"Oh come on Cyclops it's only five little space ships!" Shipwreck groaned.

"With five pilots," Scott told him.

"Uh actually Cyclops it's more like fifteen pilots now," Daria blinked. "Twenty five…Thirty five…Fifty seven…Boy these things can move fast can't they?"

"How many?" Althea yelled.

"Do you really want to know?" Daria's eyes widened.

"No," Todd said weakly.

"One hundred and thirty," Quinn said happily.

"Oh is **that** all!" Shane groaned.

"There's no way we can blast them all!" Angelica said.

"Take us in Trinity!" Shipwreck shouted.

"Here we go!" Daria said as they flew into the asteroid belt.

"I don't know what's scarier," Kurt said. "Being trapped between the alien starships and the asteroids or the fact that we're actually **listening **to Lance's imaginary cross dressing coyote."

"I think I'm starting to understand what you mean about having very **little** faith Larry," Kitty groaned. "And the worst part is you may be right!"

"Okay Lance what is the coyote saying?" Ororo asked.

"He keeps saying look for an asteroid with gold in the middle," Lance told them.

"Which asteroid has gold in the middle?" Kurt asked. "AAAAHHH!" He blanched when they got very close to a big black asteroid.

"Well not that one that's for sure," Quinn said as the girls piloted the ship. "Navigations out!"

"So we'll just pilot this puppy on manual," Daria shrugged as she fixed the controls. "We've done it before."

"Yeah only this time we should do it without crashing," Spyder said.

"Crashing? Did she just say crashing?" Kurt asked.

"In the simulator," Brittany said.

"How many times have you crashed in the simulator?" Rogue asked. "Three…Four?"

"Four hundred and eighty seven," Brittany said cheerfully. "But there's always a first time!"

"Okay we're all gonna die…" Todd moaned.

"Are the enemy ships still following us?" Hank asked.

"Well according to what I can read **some **of them are," Spyder looked at the readout. "But twenty of the ships…"

BOOOM! One Shi'ar Raider smashed into an asteroid.

"Make that nineteen of the ships are still on our trail," Spyder told them. "Wait…Now more ships are following us!"

"All except three ships have now entered the asteroid field," Daria said calmly. "And Brittany could you pull up please? Asteroid."

"Got it," Brittany made a narrow escape.

BBBOOMMM! BOOOOM!

"Lost two back there," Spyder said.

BOOOM! BOOM!

"Two more," Quinn said. "Man they have really crappy pilots don't they?"

"I guess we just have superior flying skills," Brittany grinned.

"Oh no…" Lance's face went white. "YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!"

"What?" Ororo asked. "Avalanche?"

"No! Not that! Anything but **that!"** Lance yelled at the empty air.

"What's the coyote saying now?" Arcade asked.

"You don't want to know," Lance moaned.

"Lance tell us!" Ororo ordered.

"You **really **don't want to know," Lance told her.

"Avalanche spill it!" Scott snapped.

"He wants Daria to take a break…And have Kitty pilot the ship…" Lance moaned.

"HER?" Everyone but Kitty screamed.

"I told you that you didn't want to know!" Lance snapped. "Now you know!"

"And knowing is a great reason to start praying..." Kurt whined.

"All right!" Kitty shoved Daria out of the way and took the controls. "I'm ready to fly this thing! Uh…How do I fly it again?"

"Iceman was right!" Peter yelled. "Avalanche's stupid imaginary coyote **is **trying to kill us all!"

"OH MY GOD IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!" Pietro screamed. "WHEN THINGS ICEMAN SAYS STARTS MAKING **SENSE **IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!"

"HE'S RIGHT!" Bobby screamed in terror. "WHY COULDN'T I HAVE BEEN WRONG ABOUT THIS AS USUAL? WHY?"

"JUST SHUT UP YOU WIMPS AND HANG ON!" Rina roared. "The Coyote obviously wants Kitty to phase through some of the asteroids."

"She can do that?" Larry asked.

"I've done it with the X-Jet and a lot of cars so yeah this shouldn't be too difficult," Kitty gulped. "I hope."

"You **hope?**" Shane yelled. "We're **dead!"**

"Shut up and let me concentrate!" Kitty snapped. She focused and phased the spaceship through a very large asteroid. Several more pursuing spaceships couldn't escape in time and were smashed on it.

"So much for avoiding unnecessary deaths," Scott grumbled.

"Well if they didn't **chase **us in here they wouldn't have died now would they?" Shane asked. "I mean they **know** this area's a death trap! Why are they so hot to kill us?"

"It's not us they want dead specifically," Rina looked at Jean.

"Sometimes being the Phoenix just plain sucks," Jean groaned.

BOOM! BOOM!

"Two more bit the dust!" Quinn said cheerfully. "Make that three…Four…"

"See guys! This isn't so bad," Kitty waved.

"KITTY WATCH WHERE YOU ARE FLYING AND PHASE AGAIN!" Lance shouted. Kitty did so. They barely got through another asteroid. More space ships blew up behind them.

"Guys this is seriously tiring me out," Kitty groaned. "I don't know how much longer I can do this."

"The good news is I don't think you have to do it much longer," Spyder said. "According to the readouts there's only about thirty spaceships following us."

BOOOM!

"Twenty nine," Spyder remarked. "No…Now twenty eight."

"Oh is that all?" Kitty groaned. "AAAHHHH!" She phased through another asteroid. "Guys…I don't think I can do any more…" She slumped in her seat.

"The Coyote says you don't have to," Lance said. "Brittany shoot that asteroid up ahead and then take a hard right!"

"Okay!" Brittany did so. The debris from the exploding asteroid barely missed the Misfit One but it did take out several more spaceships behind them.

"I have to admit Avalanche," Peter grunted. "For **once** your coyote knows what he is doing."

"That's the **scary **part," Lance groaned.

BUMP! BUMP!

"Hold on! We're getting hit by the smaller asteroids and debris," Daria yelled.

"It's a miracle we're not dead yet!" Arcade groaned.

"But we will be if we don't do something fast!" Scott yelled.

"What?" Lance yelled. "Jean the Coyote says to go Phoenix and use your telekinesis. Create a force field around the ship, NOW!"

"Okay…." Jean focused and the Phoenix raptor manifested around her. A strange glow covered the ship and several large asteroids bumped off it. They hit the pursing spaceships behind them.

"There's only about five Shi'ar raiders left," Spyder reported. "I think some of them are turning back."

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"Well they tried to turn back," Spyder remarked.

"That's one problem solved," Rogue said.

"Hey look! There's an asteroid over there!" Angelica pointed over the window. "A big one and look…"

"There's a huge gold center," Scott said. "Now what Lance?"

"So now what?" Lance asked his imaginary advisor. "ARE YOU NUTS? WE'LL BE FLATTER THAN PANCAKES!"

"Please don't tell me what I **think **he told you…" Todd moaned.

"He wants us to fly straight into the gold center of the asteroid," Lance said. "No phasing, no Phoenix Shield…Nothing!"

"That's what I **thought** he said!" Todd wailed.

"We've come this far," Scott couldn't believe he was doing it. "Do it."

"It's been nice knowing you Freddy," Todd sniffed.

"If only I ate more food," Fred sniffed.

"Is that even possible?" Pietro asked.

They headed straight into the gold part. Suddenly everything around them sparkled and glowed. "This is no ordinary asteroid!" Hank realized. "It's some kind of warp gate!"

"How the hell…?" Scott was shocked. He looked at Lance.

"Don't look at me!" Lance told him. "I'm just as surprised as **you** are!"

"You really should have more faith in me," The Coyote told him. He was still wearing his Dorothy costume. "Enjoy the bright light!"

"Bright light? What bright…?" Lance turned around and looked. Before them at the end of the warp gate was a very bright red sun and they were heading straight towards it.

"It's a sun! And we're caught in it's gravitational pull!" Brittany said. "I can't pull out!"

"Lance! What do we do now?" Bobby screamed.

"Coyote?" Lance turned around. "Coyote! COME BACK HERE YOU FLEA BAG!"

"What do you mean **come back?"** Scott shouted.

"Just what I mean!" Lance snapped. "He's gone!"

"What do you mean gone?" Rogue yelled.

"Gone! As in **not here!** Disappeared! I don't see him anywhere!" Lance threw up his hands.

"How could you lose your own imaginary coyote?" Scott yelled. "Are you sure he's gone?"

"Why don't you take a look for **yourself?"** Lance yelled back. "YES I'M SURE HE'S GONE!"

"I KNEW IT!" Bobby wailed. "THE COYOTE WANTS US ALL DEAD!"

"He only saved us from the spaceships and the asteroids so we could all get burned to a crisp!" Peter wailed.

"Wow! What a twist!" Pyro said. "I should put that in one of my books!"

"How about your **epitaph **you moron!" Rina yelled.

"THANKS A LOT LANCE!" Kitty screamed.

"ME? I TOLD YOU **NOT** TO LISTEN TO THAT STUPID CROSS DRESSING COYOTE FROM HELL!" Lance retorted. "BLAME **STORM!** SHE'S THE ONE WHO WANTED US TO FOLLOW HIS INSTRUCTIONS!"

"You know you're right," Pyro nodded. "It is her fault."

"WHAT?" Ororo yelled.

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Todd screamed. "AND IT'S ALL STORM'S FAULT!"

"IT IS NOT!" Ororo shouted.

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Everyone shouted as soon as the spaceship hit the sun and went into it.

"Are we dead yet?" Todd said meekly. His hands were covering his eyes.

"No, I don't think so…" Arcade looked around. "Looks like there's a planet inside the sun."

"That's impossible," Hank said. "Planets cannot exist **inside** a sun."

"Well then what the heck is **that?**" Arcade pointed to the scene outside the window.

Right below them was a large planet covered in water and dotted with islands. Right above it was a large alien space station. "It's a planet all right…" Jean said. "But how…?"

"Alien spacecraft you have been identified as the rouge ship Misfit One," a voice on the intercom spoke. "You are wanted by the Shi'ar Empire. Therefore you have been classified as friendly. Welcome to Skull Planet."

"Skull Planet?" Scott asked.

"Hey look," Daria said. "We weren't pulled in by a gravitational force…But a tractor beam!"

"Tractor beam? Then that means…" Scott realized.

"A holographic projection," Hank nodded. "Of course. It all makes sense now."

"It **does?"** Shipwreck asked weakly.

"It's some kind of hideout," Althea explained. "Pretty clever actually."

"A hideout for who?" Lina asked.

"Whoever hates the Shi'ar Empire obviously," Angelica said. "Otherwise they'd have probably blown us up to kingdom come."

"So us being outlaws is a good thing," Todd's ears perked up.

"In this case anyway," Ororo told him. "Let's keep focused people until we know exactly what we are dealing with."

They soon landed on an island that looked very much like an old port one would see in pirate movies. "Man it's like Pirates of the Caribbean meets Star Trek," Arcade whistled.

"Now take care and try not to draw attention to ourselves," Ororo cautioned.

"Sure we'll just blend in with all the other weird aliens around here," Pietro mocked. There were dozens of different species of strange aliens in some kind of pirate gear everywhere.

"Just try to keep out of trouble and that means you Shipwreck," Ororo looked around. "Shipwreck?" She saw him go into a nearby bar. "For crying out loud!"

"Hey Barkeep!" Shipwreck called out. "I'll have a swig of ale, mead or whatever kind of booze you serve here! HEY!" He winced when Ororo grabbed his ear.

"We can't take our eyes off you for a **minute** can we?" Ororo growled.

"I gotta admit coming from **you **Stormy, that's pretty flattering," Shipwreck grinned. "OW! OW! OW! OW! NOT THE EAR! NOT THE EAR!"

"Hey guys! Look at this!" Kurt pointed to a wanted poster on the wall. "It's **us!" **

"You look pretty good with a sword in your teeth Nightcrawler," Pyro complimented.

"Yeah and your tongue is handling that sword pretty well, Toad," Kurt said.

"I look pretty studly myself," Shipwreck was impressed with his depiction.

"Look at Jean! She's got that evil look in her eyes and that Phoenix raptor all over her," Spyder pointed out.

"How flattering," Jean groaned.

"Geeze this poster makes us look like we're criminals!" Scott gasped.

"Well aren't you?"

They turned around and saw a human looking pirate standing behind them. He had medium length wavy brown hair and a brown mustache reminiscent of Errol Flynn. He had brown eyes, a red and blue armor like outfit on, red boots, two pistols and a sword by his side.

"The name's Corsair and you must be the X-Men and Misfits. You lot are the talk of the stars," The human looking pirate grunted. "A lot of these guys are jealous. Most of them don't have **half **the bounty on their heads you do."

"Really?" Todd gulped as a lot of the alien pirates glared at them. "That's…nice."

"Oh don't worry," Corsair waved. "This is Skull Planet. And there's laws against Pirates and outlaws turning in their own kind for bounty here. In fact it's probably the **only** law around here."

"I'm surprised no one's freaked out about me," Jean grumbled. "I mean I did blow up an entire planet."

"Are you kidding?" Corsair asked. "More than a few pirates used to be slaves. Actually there aren't that many options for escaped slaves in this part of the universe other than piracy. Quite a few people are **celebrating** the fact you blew that hell hole up!"

"See? I told you Jean did a good thing," Althea gave Scott a look.

"You know already what happened?" Ororo asked.

"News travels at the speed of light around here. Unfortunately that was only one of many slave making planets established under the Emperor's rule. And there are more made every year! Damn Shi'ar have become nothing but a bunch of slavers," Corsair grumbled. "They're starting to make the Kree and Skrulls look like girl scouts! And that's an accomplishment in itself!"

"You know Earth slang? That's surprising," Rogue picked up on it.

"Not really, since I'm **from** Earth," Corsair grunted.

"How is that possible?" Scott asked. "There's no way someone from Earth could end up in a place like this!"

"You tell me," Corsair gave him a look. "**You're** here aren't you?"

"Only by accident," Scott grumbled.

"Barkeep! Some ale for my friends here!" Corsair waved.

"Now you're talking my language!" Shipwreck laughed. "Name's Shipwreck Delgado. And this…"

"Is his very annoyed daughter Wavedancer," Althea rolled his eyes. "Those are my sisters known as Trinity. That's Cyclops…Nightcrawler…"

"I know your names from the wanted poster," Corsair held up his hand.

Several more aliens wandered in. Some of them looked very familiar. "It looks like some of those slaves we rescued found their way here," Kitty remarked.

"Despite it's reputation, Skull Planet is a haven for escaped slaves," Corsair said. "Because a lot of pirates were former slaves the one rule we do have among the space pirates is no slavery or selling of slaves. At least in this part of the galaxy. Of course there are always those who break that law. But they usually find themselves broken sooner or later."

"Well this calls for a drink!" Shipwreck grinned. "Let's see how many of these land lubbers I can drink under the table!"

"Sorry to disappoint you mate, but around here I'm the undisputed drinking champion around here," Corsair grinned.

"Is that a challenge?" Shipwreck had a gleam in his eye.

"AWK! Ten to one on Shipwreck!" Polly cackled. Lockheed agreed with a roar.

A strange creature flew beside them. It had the face of a calico cat but the body of a colorful red, green and blue parrot. "AWK! Corsair number one! Corsair number one!"

"What is that?" Kitty blinked.

"That's Solo," Corsair grinned. "My Talisian Catbird."

"Awk! Five to one Corsair wins! Awk!" Solo cackled.

"You're on!" Polly whistled.

"I'm game if you are," Shipwreck grinned.

"Let's go," Corsair grinned. "Barkeep! Pirates' Grog!"

"Pirates' Grog! It's a Pirates' Grog challenge!" Several pirates shouted as several drinks were set before the two men and they started drinking.

"This could take a while," Althea rolled her eyes.

"AARR ARR ARR ARR ARR!" The Pirates all around them chanted.

"Now we're stuck in a bad Saturday Night Live sketch!" Scott groaned.

"At least your father wasn't a drunken space pirate," Althea groaned.

"ARR ARR ARR ARR ARR!" The Pirates kept chanting with glee.

"I am starting to see how you all keep getting **sidetracked** in this rescue mission," Larry groaned. "I'm lucky you people rescued me at all!"

"Okay people place your bets! Place your bets!" Pietro called out.

"And of course he is betting on this," Ororo felt mortified. "I'm going to go take a walk and see if we can get some supplies. Anyone?"

"I'll go with you," Larry said.

"So will I," Rina rolled her eyes. "Just to get away from their insanity before it becomes contagious!"

"Hey, relax! This is Shipwreck we're talking about!" Pietro grinned. "How long can this take?"

Two hours later…

"_Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me!" _Both Corsair and Shipwreck were singing and matching each other drink for drink. There were over twenty mugs to the side of the table and the whole room was cheering.

"This guy is just a big a drunk as Shipwreck!" Scott's jaw dropped. "I didn't think that was **possible!"**

"It's like an episode of the Twilight Zone," Althea admitted. "A really stupid episode of the Twilight Zone."

"This day can not get any more bizarre," Jean groaned.

"_Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!" _Todd sang and directed a group of singing pirates.

"Toad just taught a group of space pirates the Spongebob Squarepants theme," Rogue said. "Something tells me we've just headed into really bizarre territory here."

"Ta da!" Pyro was making fire skull and crossbones to the amusement of more pirates.

"Bring out Mr. Flickers again!" Another alien pirate shouted.

"**Just **headed?" Jean asked Rogue. "It seems like we've been smack dab in bizarre territory ever since we got here. And by here I mean all of outer space!"

"Snow cones for everyone!" Bobby was definitely in the party mood as he made snow cones for all the happy pirates.

"Food fight!" Kurt shouted as he and Fred got in one with more pirates.

"It's official," Rogue groaned. "Our team is filled with **idiots!"**

_"If nautical nonsense is something you wiiiiiiiisshhh!" _Shipwreck and Corsair danced around singing and drinking, doing some strange pirate jig and do si do dance.

"They're still at it?" Ororo asked a her team walked back in.

"What do you think?" Rogue looked at her. "If anyone needs me I'm gonna join the limbo contest over there." She walked away to where several pirates were doing the limbo.

"I should have known," A bald cybernetic alien walked in. He was wearing silver and blue armor as well as Vulcan like ears. His right eye was cybernetic and he was bald except for a very long red strand of hair in a ponytail. "I told you he would get into trouble Hepzibah."

"Raza right. Here we go again," A completely white cat woman in red armor and long white hair rolled her feline yellow eyes. "Ch'od talk sense into Corsair!"

A huge green alien that looked like the Creature from the Black Lagoon's muscular cousin shook his head. "When the captain is in one of these moods nothing short of a phaser blast will stop him and even **then…**"

"There's my crew!" Corsair laughed. "Ch'od! Raza! Hepzibah! Come join the party!"

"Some party," Raza looked around at the madness. "Looks like that other planet we left yesterday after the Snarks left."

"Wait what was that about the Snarks?" Scott asked.

"The Snarks were at a space port filling up their ship a ways," Raza told them. "Headed for Snark Space. They were boasting about their valuable cargo!"

Everyone stopped partying. "Valuable cargo?" Shipwreck hiccupped.

"Princess Lilandra and our friends!" Jean shouted.

"That's what they've got?" Ch'od asked.

"Party's over people!" Rogue shouted. "We gotta get going!"

"Follow my ship," Corsair said. "I can lead you out of the Asteroid Ocean and send you to the nearest star gate!" They all ran out the door and to their ships.

"What are you up to Corsair?" Raza asked his captain as they ran. "I know that look in yer eye."

"Something tells me that the Phoenix and her friends will be very valuable to us in our cause. And valuable to the Emperor as well," Corsair smiled. "Very valuable indeed..."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Well I hope you're happy," Nightshade grumbled. "You idiots not only lost the Phoenix but you lost nearly an entire **squad** to the Asteroid Ocean. I told you it was a waste of time!"

"It was a necessary risk," Firelord told her. They were on the bridge of the Shi'ar ship. "We must sacrifice whatever it takes in order to bring down the Phoenix."

"They couldn't have survived sir," The Shi'ar Helmsman said. "The asteroids…"

"Don't bet on it," Erik'Dared snapped. "I know for a **fact** that a couple of pirate ships have some kind of hideout in there."

"Yes and these Earth mutants seem to have pirate's luck," Firelord nodded. "It would not surprise me if they survived as well. In fact I know the Phoenix is alive. I can feel it."

"Well if you're so worried about it Mister Cosmic All Knowing Super Guy why don't you just fly in there and find her **yourself?"** Flashfire grunted.

"Are you **insane?**" Firelord looked at him. "There are too many asteroids to navigate around blindly even for **me.** I tried that once years ago and nearly ended up with a concussion! I was lucky to get out of there alive! Only the most skilled and foolhardy pilots can navigate that asteroid belt. And even then…"

"So just blast every asteroid you see into little tiny pieces!" Flashfire snapped.

"How do you think the Asteroid Ocean was created in the **first place?"** Mentor sighed. "Well technically Galacticus and his first herald did that to several star systems but you get the picture."

"Yes these asteroids also have some cosmic energy which do somewhat affect me as well as starship navigation systems," Firelord sighed. "And if I use my cosmic powers to tamper with them…Well…Let's just say it could get rather messy."

"Messy? As in messy for this part of the galaxy or the entire universe here?" Flashfire blinked.

"The later," Firelord said.

"And can the Phoenix Force also make it messy as well?" Flashfire asked.

"She could if her powers got out of control," Mentor said.

"Okay this just got really bad didn't it?" Nightshade gulped.

"Very bad," Mentor sighed. Suddenly his private communicator went on. "Excuse me, I need to take a call." He left the bridge.

"The entire universe is on the brink of disaster and he goes off to make a personal call!" Flashfire groaned.

"This is Mentor we're talking about, not **you!"** Nightshade snapped. "It's probably very important."

"It's probably his investment broker," Erik'Dared grumbled.

"Hey maybe it's a secret girlfriend?" Flashfire snickered.

"Mentor? Are you insane! Never in a billion years," Erik'Dared gave him a look.

"Hey come on, its possible," Flashfire shrugged.

"Mentor is nothing like that," Nightshade remarked.

"How would you know?" Flashfire challenged. "We've all got some secrets. Maybe she's cute!"

"Maybe your brain has run on **empty,**" Erik'Dared grunted. "Mentor does not have a secret girlfriend!"

"What you think he has a secret **boyfriend?**" Flashfire asked.

"It's no secret that you have a **one track mind!"** Nightshade shouted at him. She then hit him on the head.

"Ow! What was that for?" Flashfire rubbed his head.

"I was merely testing your skull to see if there was anything inside of it!" Nightshade snapped.

"Good idea," Erik'Dared rolled up his sleeves. "Let **me **try."

"Our universe is on the brink of destruction and they're all fighting about **someone else's** love life!" Firelord groaned as his three companions soon got into a fighting match. "By the Cosmic Force there are days when I think Galacticus has the right idea devouring all life on planets. Since there seems such short supply of **intelligence** on most of them!"

Mentor walked in. "What are they doing **now?"** He groaned.

"Having an intelligent debate," Firelord sighed. "Without the intelligence."

"So Mentor how's your girlfriend?" Flashfire asked. Both Nightshade and Erik'Dared hit him on the head. "OW!"

"What?" Mentor raised an eyebrow.

"Don't ask," Firelord sighed. "Do you have anything to report?"

"Yes I just got a call from one of my spies that the Phoenix and her crew are leaving the Asteroid Ocean," Mentor said.

"Told you he didn't have a secret girlfriend," Nightshade said to Flashfire. "Idiot."

Mentor ignored this. "They've finally figured out that the Snarks have the Princess but they do not realize that we have their friends. They are under the impression that all three of them are on the Snark ship and are plotting an interception course to capture them."

"Finally a lead!" Flashfire grunted.

"We're going to have to go around the Asteroid Ocean," Nightshade said. "That will take time even with the right star gate piloting."

"They are after the Snarks which means we go after them!" Erik'Dared snapped. "Plot a course for the Dead Star Gate! Warp Factor Twelve!"

"Twelve? But sir Twelve is highly dangerous to warp at extended periods…" The Shi'ar Helmsman said.

"It will be even **more** dangerous for us if the Phoenix roams free and we still haven't caught the Princess!" Erik'Dared told him. "Move out!"

**Things are really getting hot for the gang aren't they? Next up, the crew of the Misfit One finally catch up with the Snarks. But will they be able to rescue their friends? Find out next time! **


	66. Another Day, Another Space Battle

**Another Day Another Space Battle**

"I have to admit Helmsman," The Snark Commander sighed contentedly as he leaned back in his chair on the bridge of his ship. "This has been the most peaceful voyage we've had in years!"

"We have had a relatively smooth journey home sir," The Snark Helmsman nodded.

"Exactly," The Snark Commander sighed. "I can't remember the last time we had such a peaceful voyage. We haven't had such a good journey since before…"

BRANNNK!

CLANG!

SPLAT!

KLANK!

"OWWWWW! THAT HURTS!"

"Since **before **your son joined our crew sir?" The Snark Helmsman asked.

"Yes…" The Snark Commander groaned. "Before my idiot son joined our crew. It's all coming back to me now. Do you know the first thing I am going to do when we get back home?"

CLANG!

SPLORT!

CRASH! CLUNK!

SPLORK! SPLORK! SPLORK!

"Put in a transfer for your son?" The Snark Helmsman asked.

"Okay the **second **thing," The Snark Commander sighed.

CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!

"OW! WATCH IT YOU LITTLE...!"

"SORRY!"

CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!

"Get your daughter to take your son's place as second in command?" The Snark Helmsman guessed.

CLANK!

"All right the **third** thing I am going to do when we get home…" The Snark Commander winced. "I am going to the Queen Mother…"

CLANK! SPLORT! WHRRRRRRR! KAPPLUNK!

"And put in a request for a long **vacation,"** The Snark Commander put his head in his scaly hands. "A very long, long, **long** vacation!"

CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! SPLUNK!

"Sir, shouldn't you find out what your son is **doing?"** The Snark Helmsman asked.

CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! SPLORRRT!

"I'm afraid to ask," The Snark Commander groaned. Just then the lights dimmed on the bridge. "Helmsman, please tell me that we are **not **losing power."

"I would sir but it would be a lie," The Snark Helmsman gulped. "I'm sorry sir."

"No, no," The Snark Commander sighed and waved his scaly hand. "It's obviously not **your **fault. Unfortunately I do know **who's** fault it is. **SKRATT!"**

"Yes Father," His teenage son appeared covered in smudges.

"I ask this, not just as your commanding officer, but as your father," The Snark Commander took a deep breath. "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU SCREWED UP NOW?"

"Well, uh, uh, uh…" Skratt gulped. "You know how our energy output was a little slow. I just thought I'd…fix it."

"And by fix it I assume that means you ended up somehow cutting off **all **our power?" The Snark Commander asked.

"Not all of it sir," Skratt said. "We still have life support. And that light in the food storage compartment is still working."

"Oh well then there's a **world **of difference," The Snark Commander said sarcastically. "Helmsman, tell me where exactly are we."

"We are right smack dab in the middle of the border between the Skrull and Kree Empires," The Snark Helmsman gulped. "And right on the border of the Badlands."

"I see…" The Snark Commander sighed. "Skratt…Do you remember how were did some studies on Earth Literature?"

"Yes sir, and how important it was to figure out the mindset of our enemies," Skratt nodded.

"And do you recall there was this one book…A religious book…The Bibble…" The Snark Commander tried to remember.

"The Bible, Father," Skratt corrected. "It was called the Bible."

"Oh of course," The Snark Commander nodded. "Well there was this one story from this Bible that caught my eye. It was the story of Ape-braham."

"Abraham," Skratt said. "His name was Abraham."

"That's right, Abraham," The Snark Commander went on. "If I remember the story correctly…He only had one son. A son he loved very much. A son that made him proud. I must confess I envy this Abraham. And then one day, God spoke to him and demanded a sacrifice. Do you know what kind of sacrifice this God wanted?"

"Uh," Skratt thought. "Don't tell me. Let me guess…Was it some kind of bird?"

"No," The Snark Commander shook his head.

"Okay uh…One of those sheep creatures?" Skratt thought some more.

"Not quite," The Snark Commander said. "Keep guessing."

"A sweater?" Skratt asked hopefully.

"Not really," The Snark Commander informed him. "He wanted something else."

"A horse? No wait…He wanted a pie!" Skratt kept going. "A rabbit? A…A motor vehicle of some kind?"

"No, no, no and definitely **no**…" The Snark Commander said. "What God wanted was the life of Abraham's only son."

"Oh," Skratt's face fell.

"And you know what Abraham said?" The Snark Commander asked Skratt in cheerful tone.

"Uh hopefully no…" Skratt gulped.

"No, he asked **when** did God want his son," The Snark Commander asked. "And God said 'Right Away' and Abraham said 'You got it Lord, one sacrificed male offspring coming up!'"

"Oh boy…" Skratt gulped.

"God is **speaking **to me now, Skratt," The Snark Commander advanced on his son. "**Guess** what he wants?"

"I guess it's too much to hope for that it's a pony, is it sir?" Skratt gulped.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK?" The Snark Commander started to strangle him. "YOU STUPID….LITTLE….HALF BRAINED…OF ALL THE IDIOTIC…WHY THE HELL DID I EVER HAVE YOU? **WHY? WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SUCH A SCREW UP? WHAT IS** **WRONG WITH YOU?** I SHOULD HAVE EATEN YOU WHILE YOU WERE AN EGG WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE! YOU WOULD HAVE SERVED ME BETTER AS AN **OMLET** THAN A SON! NOW YOU ARE GONNA END UP DEAD LIKE ABRAHAM'S SON!"

"Actually sir," The Snark Helmsman coughed. "That's not what happened. The boy survived when they found some earth animal to sacrifice instead."

"Really?" The Snark Commander let Skratt go. "So it doesn't have a happy ending?"

"Sorry sir, no…" The Snark Helmsman said.

"Figures," The Snark Commander then glared at Skratt. "You are a moron! Do you have any idea what you have done? Does your tiny, **tiny** brain have any perspective of the magnitude of the mistake you have just made?"

"Uh, it's bad right?" Skratt gulped.

"Stuck in the middle of the border of **three** empires without **any** power to defend ourselves. And at any moment a ship from one of them could come along and grab us like ripe berry fruit for the taking! Yes, Skratt it **is **a bad thing! It is a **very,** **very** **bad thing!** The last thing we need is for any of our enemies to find us!" The Snark Commander snapped.

"Sir!" A Snark warrior shouted. "The Earth ship Misfit One has just appeared!"

"Right on cue," The Snark Commander growled.

"At least we know things can not get any worse father," Skratt told him.

"Sir! A Shi'ar Warship has appeared right behind them!" Another Snark reported. "And both of them are firing on us!"

"You were **saying?" **The Snark Commander snapped.

"No, wait, the two ships are firing on each other," The Snark Helmsman told him.

"So they'll blow each other up," Skratt suggested helpfully. "That's not so bad."

"Sir, three Skrull warships have now appeared on our port bow," The Snark Helmsman said. "And three Kree battle cruisers have appeared on our starboard bow."

"That's bad isn't it?" Skratt asked.

"Yes, Skratt it is," The Snark Commander was getting one splitting headache. "Very, very, very bad…If the Earth Ship or the Shi'ar don't blow us away one of the other two ships will!"

"Maybe not?" Skratt asked hopefully. "Maybe they might just…"

"Just what Skratt? Invite us all over for tea and snack cakes?" The Snark Commander snapped at his son. "Is that what you were going to say?"

"Maybe they might just let us go?" Skratt suggested.

"Maybe they might just let us go," The Snark Commander mimicked in a mocking tone. "Of course! **Everybody **knows that it's Be Kind to Snarks Week and that nobody can blow us up!"

"Really?" Skratt had yet to master sarcasm.

"No," The Snark Commander hit him on the head.

"Sir both the Kree and the Skrull are hailing us," The Snark helmsman said.

"Patch them both through," The Snark Commander snapped.

A blue skinned war lord was on one screen. "In the name of the glorious Kree Empire, I command you to surrender your vessel."

"Forget it," The green skinned Skrull warlord snapped. "They will surrender the Princess Lilandra and hand over the Phoenix to the Skrulls!"

"How did you find out about the Princess and the Phoenix?" The Snark Commander snapped.

"Are you joking? The exploits of the Earth ship are all over the intergalactic news!" The Kree Admiral snapped. "They first came to the attention of the Kree when we watched the Nabo Races!"

"Only then?" The Skrull yawned. "We Skrull have been monitoring the situation on Earth for years before this incident."

"Yes and you keep getting your thick green heads beaten in by the Fantastic Four!" The Kree Admiral snapped.

"The Fantastic Four haven't exactly made the Kree look good either you know?" The Skrull Commander snapped. "But that is beside the point. Our spies have given us accurate information that you have the Princess Lilandra and the Phoenix in your possession. Such prizes will make the Skrull Empire invincible!"

"The only thing invincible about a Skrull is it's body odor," The Kree snarled.

"I would not talk if I were you," The Skrull sneered. "There is an interesting invention that the Kree might be interested! It is called **deodorant!"**

"I have no time to waste with you! Snark Ship! Surrender to the Kree or face death!" The Kree Admiral snapped.

"No, you will surrender to the **Skrulls!"** The Skrull Commander snapped.

"Well which is it?" Skratt asked. "We can't surrender to the **both** of you."

"Skratt, not helping!" The Snark Commander snapped. "In the first place I do **not **have the Phoenix. The Phoenix…"

SKRAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

A Phoenix Raptor was surrounding the Misfit One. "Is on that ship over **there**…" The Snark Commander gulped. "Heading this way."

"You might want to talk to them about it," Skratt suggested.

"This is Erik'Dared of the Shi'ar Empire!" The Imperial Guardsman. "Surrender the Snark Vessel and prepare to be boarded!"

"Take a hike feather face!" The Skrull Commander snapped. "The Skrulls were here first!"

"No, the Kree were!" The Kree Admiral snapped. "The Snark Vessel is in Kree territory!"

"No, it is in **Skrull **Territory!" The Skrull Commander contradicted.

"No, you are clearly in **Kree** Territory!" The Kree Commander snapped.

"Everyone knows that the Badlands are part of the Shi'ar Empire!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"Since when?" The Skrull Commander snapped. "This is Skrull Territory!"

"No you green skinned shape shifting freak!" The Kree Commander snarled. "This is Kree Territory!"

"Actually we're still kind of on the border here…" Skratt began.

"Shut it, Skratt!" The Snark Commander hit him on the head again.

"Shutting up sir," Skratt rubbed his head.

"Do not interfere with the Shi'ar Empire in matters that do **not** concern you!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"Do not tell a Kree Admiral what to do!" The Kree Admiral snapped.

"Or a Skrull Commander!" The Skrull Commander snapped. "Keep silent and allow us to deal with the situation here!"

"Don't tell me, an Imperial Guardsman of the Shi'ar Empire what to do!" Erik'Dared snapped. "I tell you what to do!"

"You and what **army**?" The Skrull Commander snapped.

"The Shi'ar Imperial Army so back off!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"Why don't **you** back off?" The Kree Commander snapped. "You are miles from home Impertinent Guardian…"

"That's Imperial Guardian!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"No, I mean **Impertinent** Guardian!" The Kree Commander snapped at him. "For you are impertinent if you believe we will simply hand over the prize of the Princess of the Shi'ar Empire to you!"

"We at least got **that** right," The Skrull Commander grumbled.

"The Princess Lilandra must be handed over to the Shi'ar Empire as well as the Snark ship so that they can be tried and executed according to Shi'ar law!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"No! The Snark Ship and their cargo belong to the Skrull Empire so that we can extract their secrets from them!" The Skrull Commander snapped.

"Forget it! The Kree would sooner see the Snark Ship destroyed than hand it over to any of you!" The Kree Commander snarled.

"As would I!" The Skrull Commander sneered.

"This day just keeps getting better and better…" The Snark Commander moaned.

"At least we'll die together Father," Skratt told him.

"Like I said," The Snark Commander felt like crying. "Better and better..."

"Sir! There's been some activity below decks!" A Snark soldier reported. "We've been boarded! The Earth Ship has transported some of it's troops and are trying to take the prisoner!"

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! POW! ZAP! POW! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! The sounds of laser fire and shockwaves permeated the ship.

"And now the Shi'ar have boarded and they're fighting both us and the humans to take the prisoner!" The Snark Solder shouted.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! POW! POW! WHIZZINNGGG!

RUMMMMMBLLEEEEE!

"They brought that earthquake making mutant didn't they?" The Snark Commander moaned as he held onto a railing for dear life. "I HATE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT!"

"Fire at will!" Erik'Dared snapped to his crew.

ZOZOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!

Two laser cannons zoomed right over the Snark Ship's hull and hit the shields of both Skrull and Kree ships.

"Shi'ar Pest!" The Kree snapped. "Fire at will!"

"The Shi'ar are ours!" The Skrull snapped. Soon all the ships were firing on each other. Well, maybe not **all** of them. The Snark Ship was trapped in the middle of the firefight.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! POW! POW! RRRRUMMMMBLE! CRASH!

"All right let's see how things are going here. My ship is without power. I have enemy fighters from **three **different empires trying to blow up my ship from the outside. I have two separate bands of alien attack parties tearing apart my ship from the **inside**…I hate my life…" The Snark Commander moaned. "I hate my freaking life!"

"I don't hate your life, Father," Skratt said.

"Let me rephrase my statement," The Snark Commander moaned. "I HATE MY **SON'S** LIFE SO FREAKING MUCH…."

BOOOOOOOOOMM! ZAPPP! POW! ZAP! BOOOOOOOMM!

The ship jostled violently. "Whoa!" Skratt gulped. "That's not good!"

"YOU THINK?" The Snark Commander snapped. "REPORT!"

"Sir we've just taken a direct hit to our starboard bow," The Snark Helmsman said.

ZAP! POW! ZAP! ZAP! ZWWEEINNNG! ZAP!

BOOOOM! RUMMMMMBLEEEEE!

The Snark Helmsman checked the status of the ship. "And the Shi'ar have gotten to the prisoner first and have teleported out with her stasis pod. Oh and so has the Earth team but there's a huge mess down below."

"But without the princess as a hostage…" Skratt began.

"There's no reason for the Kree or the Skrulls or anyone else **not **to blow us into space dust," The Snark Commander groaned.

"We're all going to die aren't we, Sir?" The Snark Helmsman asked.

"It appears so," The Snark Commander sighed.

"Sir," One Snark soldier gulped. "Permission to run around screaming like a frightened female hatchling."

"Oh what the Hell. Permission granted," The Snark Commander groaned putting his head in his hands. "Go for it."

"Thank you, Sir. AAHHHHHHHHH!" The Snark soldier ran around and screamed. Several others joined him.

"AAAAHHHH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" The Snarks ran around screaming. Skratt was among them. "I WANT MY MATERNAL UNIT! AHHHH! I DON'T WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO LIVE! I WANT TO LIVE! I SWEAR IF I LIVE THROUGH THIS I WILL DEVOTE MY LIFE TO THE GODS! WHY DIDN'T I BECOME A LAWYER LIKE MY FATHER WANTED ME TO BE? WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE! I NEVER TOLD MY WIFE OR MY MISTRESS HOW MUCH I LOVED THEM! Which reminds me I really should have written a will or something. Boy am I glad I'm going to be dead so that those two females won't **kill **me when they find out how much money I spent! I WANT TO LIVE! AAAAHHHHHH!"

"It's wonderful to know that the Snark Empire has such mature, battle hardened troops who aren't afraid of death!" The Snark Commander snarled sarcastically.

"MAMA! MAMA! CAN YOU HEAR ME MAMA! YOUR SWEET LITTLE SNOUT FACED BABY BOY IS COMING HOME TO YOU!" One Snark Soldier ran around screaming. "MAMA! MAMAAAAAAAA!"

"DADDY! I LOVE YOU DADDY!" Skratt grabbed onto a very perturbed Snark Commander. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE WITHOUT SAYING HOW MUCH I LOVED MY DADDY…"

"I hate my life…" The Snark Commander moaned. "I hate my stupid, cursed, pathetic life Which is just as well since I won't **have** it for much longer!"

"Sir! More ships headed our way!" The Snark Helmsman shouted.

"Oh yippee!" The Snark Commander said sarcastically. "That's what we need, more people to help blow us up!"

One of the incoming ships fired on one of the Kree ships. And another fired on the Skrull ships. "It's one of our ships!" The Snark Helmsman shouted. "Wait, it's a whole fleet of them! It's an armada from the Snark Empire! We're saved!"

"Thank the Egg **something** has gone right today!" The Snark Commander threw up his arms.

BOOOM!

"Sir! We've been hit!" The Snark Helmsman shouted. "The ship is going to explode!"

"I spoke too soon," The Snark Commander sighed.

"We're gonna die!" Several Snark soldiers ran around screaming. "We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're gonna die! We're gonna die!"

"We're gonna diieeeeeeeeee!" Skratt ran around.

"Oh shhhhhhhhhh…." The Snark Commander groaned.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Are we dead yet?" Skratt gulped. "I see our ship blow up into a little million pieces…"

"That's because you are looking at it through the window, you moron," A female Snark Commander told him. The entire Snark crew was on the bridge of the much larger ship. "I teleported all of you just before it exploded!"

"Skrell?" The Snark Commander blinked.

"Sis?" Skratt said.

"Skratt," Skrell gave her brother a look. "Daddy! I mean Father!"

"Skrell! My darling, **perfect **child!" The Snark Commander grinned. "Praise the Great Egg! You're a fleet commander now?"

"I got promoted," Skrell shrugged.

"That's my girl!" The Snark Commander cheered. "I knew a child of mine would rise to greatness. And which one **did **isn't exactly a shock!"

"My tummy hurts…"Skratt moaned.

Meanwhile on the Shi'ar ships. "We have the princess secured in stasis with the other prisoners sir!" A Shi'ar soldier informed Erik'Dared.

"Excellent!" Erik'Dared shouted. "At last! Something has gone right today!"

"Several more Skrull and Kree warships are appearing," The Shi'ar helmsman said.

"Then let's get out of here!" Erik'Dared snapped. "Maximum warp to the star gate! Now!"

"They're getting away!" Kitty shouted. The Misfits and X-Men were once again on the Misfit one. "And they've got our friends!"

"I can't believe we were chasing the wrong people all this time!" Pietro groaned.

"So wait, the Shi'ar had Remy and the Professor while the Snarks had Larry and the Princess?" Rogue asked. "And we just helped the Shi'ar take the Princess **back?**"

"Yup," Shipwreck groaned. "That's what it looks like."

"So instead of chasing the Snarks now we gotta go chase the Shi'ar," Lance threw up his hands. "This trip just gets better and better!"

"So how exactly are we going to do this?" Lina asked.

"There's some kind of star gate nearby," Daria looked at the map. "It will take us right into the heart of the Shi'ar empire."

"Or we could just follow the vapor trail," Quinn pointed at their scanners.

"Vapor trail?" Angelica asked.

"Yeah some kind of energy space dust or whatever it is," Brittany pointed. "It looks like the Shi'ar Ship got hit and it's leaking out. It's better than a trail of breadcrumbs actually."

"Right there! There's a star gate!" Daria pointed. "And the Shi'ar are headed for it!"

"Well don't just sit there! Follow it!" Scott ordered. "And get us away from these other ships!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

On the Shi'ar Ship that was now in the middle of the star gate.

"The energy vapor trail we are setting is working sir," The Shi'ar Helmsman spoke. "The Earth Ship is definitely following us."

"You are **purposely **letting the Earthlings follow us?" Nightshade was in shock.

"It's not **my** idea!" Erik'Dared snapped. "This comes straight from the top!"

"We may have recaptured the Princess but the Phoenix is our real concern," Firelord said. "That is why we are going to this star gate. It comes out right in the middle of the Shi'ar Empire."

"There are two fleets of Shi'ar warships waiting for us," Mentor said. "Right near the moon base of Delon Five. One of the most massive military bases in the Shi'ar Empire."

"Oh now I get it…" Erik'Dared grinned. "Ready to blow the Phoenix and her insane friends into space dust. Very clever."

"Once they jump out of the star gate we will have them!" Flashfire nodded. "There's no way the Earth Ship can escape!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Back in the edge of the Badlands…

"This is an outrage!" The Snark Commander snapped. "I had the Princess in my grasp only to lose her to those thieving Shi'ar bird brains!"

"Fortunately we know where they are headed! Do not fear father," Skrell hissed. "I shall avenge you and my brother! Warships! Follow the Earth vessel through the star gate! Do not let it out of your sight!"

"Avenge us?" Skratt asked. "But we're not dead."

"No, but you **will be,"** The Snark Commander snapped.

Meanwhile on the Skrull ship…

"Commander the Earth ship is leaving through the star gate," A Skrull soldier reported. "And the Snark fleet is right on their trail."

"Follow it you fool! Unimaginable power is on that ship!" The Skrull Commander snapped. "Do not let it get away!"

And on the Kree Ship…

"Follow them! Do not allow the Phoenix to escape!" The Kree Admiral yelled.

"But sir, the Snarks and the Skrull are after the Earth Ship as well," A subordinate reported.

"No one will escape the Kree's grasp! And no one will defy the Kree Empire! Not the Snarks nor the Shi'ar and **especially the Skrulls!** Follow them!" The Kree Admiral snapped.

"But sir if we do we will end up right in the middle of…" The subordinate began.

"I care not if we end up in **Hell** itself, do it!" The Kree Admiral shouted.

"Okay," The Kree subordinate obeyed. "You're the admiral."

By now the Misfit Ship was in the middle of the star gate. "Head's up we've got company!" Quinn called out. "Snarks right on our tail!"

"Oh this will be too easy," Skratt rubbed his hands. "Like shooting star fish in a barrel!"

"Don't fire the lasers you fool!" Skrell shouted. "Not while we are in the star gate!"

"Do you want to scatter all our atoms over the entire universe?" The Snark Commander snapped.

"Relax, I'm not going to **shoot **them!" Skratt took the controls. "I'm gonna run them over!"

"Skratt wait a minute…" The Snark Commander began. He was immediately thrown backwards by the acceleration of the star ship. "THAT WAS THE EMERGENCY HYPERDRIVE YOU FOOL!"

"AAHHHHH!" Skrell screamed. The Snark Ship went so fast it went over the Misfit One.

"Crazy driver!" Quinn skillfully managed to outmaneuver the Snark ship so it would not hit them.

"They just passed us," Daria blinked. "What are they doing?"

On the Snark Ship…

"Oops," Skratt gulped. "I think I overdid it."

"YOU THINK?" The Snark Commander snapped. He started to strangle Skratt. "WHY YOU LITTLE…"

"AAAAKKKKK!" Skratt gasped.

"I **never** should have had you!" The Snark Commander screamed. "I should have quit while I was ahead with your **sisters!"**

"Calm down Father," Skrell told him as they came out of warp. "We'll just turn around and…" She saw a huge fleet of Shi'ar Ships in front of a giant moon before them. "Oh boy…"

"Okay **that's **not the Earth Ship!" Erik'Dared blinked. The Shi'ar craft had joined the fleet."

"Are those…Snark battle cruisers?" Firelord blinked. "Where's the Earth ship?"

"Right behind them sir!" The Shi'ar Helmsman said.

"So? Blast 'em all!" Erik'Dared snapped. "They're in our space for crying out loud!"

"They're going to fire on us," The Snark Helmsman gulped.

"EVASIVE MANEUVERS NOW!" Skrell screamed.

"What the…?" Scott gulped as he saw the Snark Ships in front of him being fired upon by the Shi'ar.

"Girls we need to go straight down!" Daria shouted as she saw what was ahead of them and behind them on the scanners.

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?" Pietro screamed as he held on for dear life as the ship made a rapid decline.

The lasers that were trying to hit the Misfit One missed them completely. "Oh that's why?" Kurt moaned. "Can someone help me find my stomach?"

Unfortunately the Shi'ar laser fire did hit something else. The Skrull and Kree ships that were following the Misfit One. "WHAT THE HELL ARE SKRULL AND KREE BATTLE SHIPS DOING HERE?" Firelord shouted.

"They must have followed the Earth Ship," Flashfire blinked.

"Oh really?" Erik'Dared said sarcastically. "I **never** would have **guessed **that!"

"NO ONE FIRES ON THE SKRULL AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT!" The Skrull Commander shouted. "Fire at will!"

"Kree warriors! Battle stations! Get our ships out!" The Kree Admiral shouted.

Soon both Kree and Skrull were firing on the Shi'ar as well as the Snark ship which although damaged was still proving to be extremely resistant. "They want a battle? We will give them a battle!" Skrell shouted. "All pilots to your ships! Launch! Now! NOW! NOW!"

The several Shi'ar starship commanders in the armada were shocked to see not only several enemy warships, but many smaller fighter ships emerging as well. "We're being invaded by the Snarks, the Skrulls and the **Kree?**" Someone shouted.

"Sir! The Earth ship is barely within range…" One Shi'ar helmsman shouted.

"FORGET THE EARTH SHIP!" One Shi'ar starship commander snapped. "The Skrull ships are our top priority!"

"Are you insane?" Another starship commander snapped. "It's the Kree that are the more dangerous!"

"I'd get rid of the Snarks first! Those lizards are more dangerous than they look!" Another Starship commander said.

As you can imagine, the Misfits found themselves in a complete free for all space battle. "How do we **end up** in situations like this?" Scott yelled.

"Just lucky I guess," Arcade's eyes were glazed with happiness.

"Oh what the hell?" One Skrull spaceship pilot shrugged as he realized how close he was to the Shi'ar base. He managed to get past the main defenses and blow up a good section of the Shi'ar base before his ship was damaged. He managed to use his personal teleportation device to teleport back to the main ship before it exploded.

Not to be outdone, some Kree pilots saw this and managed to blow up a few parts of the base as well. And a Snark pilot or two got caught up in the action. Pretty soon the entire moon base was under fire.

Much to the shock of the Imperial Guard. "All this laser fire and not one of them is hitting the Earth Ship?" Erik'Dared screamed.

"Delon Five's defenses have already been breached!" Another Shi'ar soldier said. "And the Earth Ship is headed our way!"

"This is a total disaster!" Erik'Dared groaned. "Helmsman! Get us out of here!"

"What? But we can't just leave…" Flashfire protested.

"We can't stay here or we get blown up along with our cargo!" Erik'Dared snapped. "And no Phoenix!"

"He's right," Mentor sighed. "Bringing back the Princess is our top priority. We have no choice."

"Follow that ship!" Scott ordered. Although Misfit One managed to escape the battle, they could not capture the star ship their friends were on and soon both ships were long gone.

It would be known throughout history as the Battle of Delon Five. Although the Shi'ar managed to force the invaders back through the star gate, the moon base was completely destroyed and the armada was decimated.

Of course each participant in the battle had their own version of the story to tell their superiors.

"Great Empress…" The Snark Commander knelt before his Queen. Skratt and Skrell were behind him. "We had just come upon the Snark territory when all of the sudden we were hit from behind by a power draining ray from the Shi'ar ship. Leaving us helpless!"

"We were," Skratt blinked. Skrell hit him on the head. "Yeah! We were!"

"Then we were attacked by the combined forces of the Shi'ar, the Skrulls and the Kree! Working together!" The Snark Commander said. "It is only thanks to the bravery and courage of my daughter that we are alive to tell the tale! The Shi'ar boarded our ship and destroyed it! And fled with the Phoenix like the cowards they were! We managed to follow them where the Shi'ar lay in ambush! And the Kree and Skrull were behind us assisting them! We were driven off but not before we hit them a devastating blow!"

"Yes the destruction of Delon Five is indeed a great and noble victory!" The Snark Empress nodded. "You have done well my son. But we can not ignore the injustice to our people! This means war!"

And on the Kree home world…

"It is clear that the Skrull Empire has allied itself with the Snarks and the Shi'ar," The Kree Admiral spoke. "This fabled Phoenix on an Earth ship was merely a pretense. Fortunately we were able to teach them a lesson by blowing up Delon Five! But that is not enough!"

"Agreed," The Kree Emperor agreed. "This can not be tolerated. This means war."

And on the Skrull Home world.

"The treacherous Kree have allied themselves with the Shi'ar and the Snarks! This means war!" The Skrull Emperor shouted. "The destruction of Delon Five was only the beginning! We will destroy all our enemies!"

And of course back on the Shi'ar home world.

"NO! NO! NO! NO!" D'Ken threw a tantrum on the floor of his palace. "My base! My beautiful base! The Phoenix burned it all up I know it!"

"That's it!" Minister Aku screamed. "They want a fight! They'll get a fight! We'll take 'em all on!"

Thus began a new round of hostilities between the Kree, the Skrull, the Snarks and the Shi'ar Empire that would cause chaos and strife in that part of the universe for the next one hundred and fifty years.

**Oh boy, it's never easy for our gang is it? Next up, more madness as the rescue party gone wrong keeps causing even more trouble! **


	67. Into the Heart of the Empire

**Into the Heart of the Empire**

For the next three days the Misfit One raced through Shi'ar space. They flew past dozens upon dozens of planets trying to catch up to the ship that had their friends. They flew past billions of stars of multiple colors. They flew past a multitude of strange cosmic sights, black holes and oddities of space and time.

And not once would any of the men allow the ship to stop and ask for directions.

They soared past Menok, the desert planet and were nearly accosted by a Shi'ar galaxy patrol. Fortunately the Misfit One was much faster than they were so they escaped without problems, leaving the patrol far behind.

They saw comets whiz by their spacecraft. They saw an infinite number of stars in the sky. They saw more stars in one moment than all the astronomers on Earth ever did in a lifetime. They saw hundreds of planets filled with thousands of strange alien life unlike anything they had ever seen before. They saw living creatures made of gas and other unknown materials that thrived in the cold vacuum of outer space. They saw wonders never before seen by the human eye.

They saw Scott and Lance argue for over an **hour** who was responsible for getting them lost. Then they saw Jean and Althea hit them both repeatedly over the head and yell at them for fifteen minutes straight on what idiots they were.

Pyro, Bobby and Fred saw an old episode of Mama's Family on the portable DVD player and laughed like crazy when Eunice started the brawl at Vint and Naomi's wedding.

Then the three of them saw stars of a **different kind** when Jean and Althea started yelling and beating up on them for distracting everyone with their laughter.

They went past the rainbow colored rings of Orion 12 and marveled at this wonder of the universe few humans had ever seen. They soared past the ice planet of Iikk and the fire planet Lkrra, but still no signs of their friends.

They went to the crystal planet of Miramira but still nothing. Not a sign of their friends. However Pietro did pout when he wasn't allowed a closer look at the planet. He wanted to see his reflection in the universe's largest mirror.

They passed by the gas planets of Uri, Uro, and Ura, known throughout the Empire as the Trinity Planets, famous for their ever changing colors. Of course Trinity insisted on stopping at the nearby space station to get some souvenirs. And of course there were police there that tried to take them in. And of course Pietro, Todd, Shane, Bobby, Kitty and Wanda stole a few trinkets as they fled the fire Pyro created to keep the police occupied. And of course they escaped the police and fled into the depths of space.

And that was only the first day.

They then found themselves soaring past the planet of Clavius 9, a world where the inhabitants lived in the sky in order to escape the noxious gas below. Not far from that were the moons of Cerbius 11 and then they found themselves at Orion 12. So this time they decided to try a new direction.

They flew by the worlds of Nimrox, Aermon, and Kelvi. Nothing spectacular about these worlds other than the fact that they were close together. They were just where many of the empire's poorer residents lived. Kind of like a ghetto solar system. But they were treated to a rich display of fireworks when a small fleet five of droid patrol ships tried to shoot down the Misfit One and were blown up themselves.

They flew by the crystal moons of Klrarrk and marveled at the bright colors reflected off of them from the sun. They flew by the farm planet Threvva where Todd insisted on taking control of the ship and made a few crop circles with the lasers from the ship. They flew off before the authorities could catch them.

Then they flew past the rock planet of Xdara, the forest planet of Dreva, the ocean planet of Lile and once again marveled at the rings of Orion 12. So they took off yet **another **direction.

They soon found themselves low on fuel so they took a chance and landed at a remote planet called Palara where the seas were pink and the sky was bright red and the days were 36 hours long and the nights only 5 hours long. They couldn't find a fuel station but Trinity managed to siphon some fuel from a few space patrol ships parked nearby. Apparently the Shi'ar police on patrol in that area were goofing off by skinny dipping in the ocean and Trinity thought it would be fun to steal their clothes as well as their fuel.

Then they flew through the vast expanse of space, through the dust clouds of Aerith 17. Past the moons of Risor where once the mighty Durak was king of an early Shi'ar kingdom and all that was left were the ruins of a once mighty civilization. Through a small asteroid belt near Marinokos, the planet of the purple sea. Towards the planet Njmar, the planet where intelligent plants ruled. Past the small uninhabited Plethor 3, known for it's many volcanoes and earthquakes. Both Lance and Pyro enjoyed looking at that last one.

Past the space station known as Nemorion. It was a space station that was built exclusively for one man, his wife, his sixteen mistresses, his wife's eighteen lovers, his mother in law, his mother in law's thirty seven lovers and poker partners, seven children and their thirty five wives, husbands, lovers, freeloading best friends and pets. Not to mention a plethora of maids, butlers, personal assistants, personal shoppers, masseuses, aerobic instructors and a very harried cook who shouted obscenities at Fred when he teleported into the kitchen for a quick bite to eat. Fred then opted for take out as he took the entire contents of the refrigeration unit with him. Not to mention a very nice tea set.

They went past ten thousand stars, several moons, endless fiery comets. They were nearly **hit **by a comet when Pyro insisted on piloting the ship but managed to pull away at the last second. He could not however, escape a lighting bolt from Ororo and a few fists of some very annoyed passengers who all agreed to **never again** let him drive.

They flew backwards for about twenty minutes when Kitty took over and after much more yelling, screaming and fists waving about, a consensus was formed to never let Kitty drive either.

They went past the planet of Sorrek, the world of storms. Terrark, the world of plaid mountains. Frarrr, the world of ice cold oceans where glaciers ruled. Theremi, the prehistoric world where strange wild animals struggled to survive. Clithrel, the planet of the clouds. Horo, a planet completely made out of silver where crafters mined it to make low cost jewelry. Balanhi, the world of suburbs and good schools and nice shopping malls with plenty of parking.

Past the rings of Orion 12…Again.

"Somebody get out the stinking map!" Lance shouted.

"How the hell could we go by the same stupid planet **four times** in **three days?"** Rogue shouted.

"We must have went past at least ten dozen different planets and we still end up **back here!"** Scott shouted. "What's going on?"

"I think our navigation equipment might be busted," Xi lightly tapped at the monitor.

"YOU THINK?" Scott shouted sarcastically. "WE'RE LOST!"

"No need to yell," Daria sniffed in an annoyed tone.

"Three lousy stinking days of flying around this part of the universe and we have nothing to show for it," Wanda grumbled.

"Well nothing except some souvenirs we stole. Not to mention some lovely pictures for our scrapbook," Pyro was gleefully working on one with dozens of pictures around him. Arcade, Kurt, Todd and Kitty were working on some scrapbooks as well.

"Yeah it's a good thing the Misfit One is equipped with a camera," Kitty said as she posted one in. "Some of these pictures are unbelievable."

"I can not wait to take these back and show them to our friends," Kurt agreed. "I have never seen such wonders. Space is truly…wonderful."

"Very poetic Kurt," Scott quipped.

"I've got a lot of space battles in mine," Arcade showed his.

"I'm more into the natural beauty myself," Todd showed a picture of Althea on a pink beach by a pink ocean in a bikini.

"I like this one," Pyro showed them. "Here I am at the park setting a fire. Here's the fire I set. Here's another fire I set. Ooh! Look at **this** fire I set! Here's a whole planet **full** of fire…"

"Will you idiots knock it off?" Jean snapped. "This is a rescue mission, not a vacation!"

"Oh…," Peter had held up a drawing pad. "Then I do not suppose you would want to see this picture I drew of this one planet with all the snow?" Jean gave him an icy look. "It reminds me of home in Siberia."

"Hey that's a really good drawing," Bobby remarked. Jean glared at him as well. "Well it **is.**"

"Beast," Jean turned to Hank. "What have you got?"

"Well I have these fascinating mineral samples from that pink beach and some…" Hank began.

"I MEANT COORIDNATES FOR WHERE WE ARE!" Jean shouted.

"Oh **that,**" Hank coughed. "No idea…"

"Okay fine," Scott sighed. "It seems our so called science officer has lost all reason. Storm as the only sane adult **left** on this ship do you have anything to…?" Scott looked around. "Storm? Where is she?"

"I dunno," Fred looked around. "Not here."

"I can see that Blob!" Scott snapped. "Well where is she?"

"I don't see my dad either," Althea looked around. "I'll go look for him. Odds are if we find him, we'll find her."

"I will go with you," Hank told her. "Because odds are you might need a doctor to treat his injuries."

"And someone to pry Storm off of him," Rogue rolled her eyes as she joined them. They left the bridge.

"Okay let's focus," Jean sighed. "Our navigation equipment obviously doesn't work. Which means we are lost. Trinity what about those maps you have?"

"What do you think we've been working from?" Daria asked her.

"It's kind of hard to follow them when your navigation equipment is busted," Brittany said.

"Yeah all those planets look pretty much alike until you get close to 'em and by that time…" Quinn began.

"Not the one with the rings around it like this one," Daria pointed out the window. "But you get the picture. Hey I can get a great shot with the ship's camera from this angle."

"I am really starting to get a headache," Scott groaned.

"Is it the same one you had last night?" Xi said innocently. "You were awfully grouchy during our game of charades."

"You weren't exactly Mr. Personality during the Pictionary game either," Arcade remarked.

"Tonight's bingo night," Kurt suggested. "Maybe…"

"NO! NO BINGO! NO CHARADES! NO GAMES! NO MORE STUPID PICTURES OR DRAWINGS!" Scott shouted.

"What about dancing?" Pyro asked.

"ESPECIALLY DANCING!" Scott shouted. "This is supposed to be a rescue mission! Instead we're stuck on a cruise ship from hell with **crazy people."** He looked at the X-Men "And the worst part is that it's **contagious!** You guys are acting just like the Misfits!"

"Not **all **of us are," Rina took offense and folded her arms. "Some of us have been honing our fighting skills."

"Yes you, me, Jean, Storm and that's pretty much it," Scott groaned. "Technically Rogue too but that's only so she can destroy things."

"Same reason as me and Wanda," Shane nodded. "I tell you if I ever get a chance to **permanently **jump ship I will **take it!" **

"So to recap we are all lost in the middle of a hostile space empire and we have no clue where we are, let alone our friends are," Larry said. "This is not good."

"Finally grasping this concept are we?" Scott asked sarcastically. "Now what do we do?"

"Maybe there's someone we can ask?" Lina thought. "Someone who has an idea where we are and how we can…"

"We're right in the middle of the Shi'ar Empire!" Scott told them. "We can't just stop somewhere and ask for directions!"

"It was just a suggestion! No need to bite my head off!" Lina snapped back.

"It was a stupid suggestion and your head **deserves** to be bitten off for making it!" Scott snapped at him.

"How would you like **your head** to be bitten off?" Fred shouted.

"Fred! I can handle this!" Lina whirled on him. Then she whirled back on Scott. "How **would **you like your head to be bitten off?"

"AWK! AWK! FIGHT! FIGHT!" Polly cackled as he flew around.

"RARR! RARR!" Lockheed enthusiastically agreed.

"NOBODY IS FIGHTING ANYBODY!" Jean shouted. "Scott! Lina!"

"I'm sorry," Scott sighed.

"Yeah sorry," Lina grumbled.

"No fair! No fair! Polly wants some action!" Polly shouted.

"You want action bird?" Scott's hand went to his visor. "I can arrange it so you can be part of my next **target practice!"**

"Scott! Knock it off! We're **all** suffering a little bit of cabin fever," Jean said. "Being cooped up together so long in a confined space will put a strain on anyone."

"Didn't we just go to the beach the other day?" Bobby blinked. "You know that pink ocean where…"

"A few hours!" Jean snapped. "And we spent most of that time looking for fuel and trying to stop Trinity from committing any sexual assaults!"

"We did?" Bobby blinked. "Oh right you and Scott and Ororo and Beast did…I mean you had all that trouble when we split up. We had trouble too. Not that we didn't goof off and spend all our time at the beach. Which we didn't. I'm just saying…"

"Please **don't,**" Lance glared at him. "Your mouth is working for the prosecution."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO **DOING?"** They heard Hank, Rogue and Althea screaming at the same time from the top of their lungs. Curious everyone ran to the source.

"This I gotta see," Pietro zoomed off ahead of them. Then he zoomed back and grabbed a camera. "Guys! Come to the sleeping quarters! You won't **believe** this!" He zoomed off again.

"What's going…?" Scott asked as he stopped at Shipwreck's room. "WHAT?"

"Oh my…" Lina blinked.

On the floor were Shipwreck and Ororo hastily putting their clothes back on. "I can explain!" Ororo said quickly. "This is **not** what it looks like!"

"You were both half naked on the floor and kissing each other," Althea folded her arms. "If that wasn't what I think it is, I would love to hear what it **really **is!"

"This oughta be good," Todd snickered.

"Shut up Toad," Kitty glared at him. "He obviously got her drunk!"

"Guess again!" Hank said. "Rina if you'd like to smell the room and confirm my suspicions…"

"You're **sober!**" Rina gasped. "You are both stone cold **sober!** Don't deny it! I can smell the lack of alcohol on your breath!"

"Oh my god!" Rogue gasped. "Do you know what this means?"

"Yeah we've just lost **another** one," Scott groaned.

"Storm what is wrong with you?" Hank shouted. "It's one thing to have a drunken episode but to willingly put your mouth on Shipwreck's while you're **sober?"**

"I don't feel so good," Wanda groaned.

"Will you just let us explain?" Shipwreck snapped.

"Please don't!" Peter groaned.

"Look I was feeling a little claustrophobic and stressed so I needed someone to talk to and I ended up talking to Shipwreck," Ororo began.

"With your tongue down his throat?" Althea asked.

"Just let me finish will you?" Ororo glared at her. "We were talking and then Shipwreck started giving me a massage. And then I started giving him a massage and then the next thing I know everyone is screaming their heads off."

"Yeah you couldn't have waited an hour or something?" Shipwreck snapped.

"A massage?" Jean folded her arms. "You actually **fell **for that line?"

"Look I have been feeling very stressed and lonely lately…" Ororo snapped as she got up. "None of you have the right to judge me! Shipwreck and I are adults!"

"Since when is **Shipwreck** an adult?" Hank folded his arms.

"Hank!" Ororo snapped. Then softened. "Remember when I said that Shipwreck wasn't good for anything?"

"Vividly," Hank told her.

"We **all **heard it," Peter said.

"Several times," Larry agreed. "I think we have it on tape."

"Well I was wrong," Ororo said. "He is good for **one **thing…"

"Okay I don't wanna hear any more!" Scott threw up his arms.

"Neither do I!" Hank said.

"Not **that!**" Ororo snapped. "I meant…"

"Don't want to **hear it!"** Scott shouted. His voice getting higher and higher as he protested. "Not hearing it! You know the army's motto, here's mine: Don't ask! Don't tell! **Don't want** **to know!** And I **don't **want to know!"

"Scott!" Ororo stomped her foot.

_"I'm not listening to this! Do Dah! Do Dah!"_ Scott sang as he covered his ears. _"I'm not listening to any of this! Oh the do dah day!"_

"There goes Cyclops," Rina rolled her eyes.

"Yeah I thought he would crack a lot sooner than this," Lance remarked. "Who won the pool?"

"I did," Jean shrugged. "You all owe me ten dollars a piece."

"Scott! We both accidentally fell over and our lips just happened to connect when you burst into the room!" Ororo snapped. "SHIPWRECK TELL THEM!"

"You really shouldn't deny the truth, dear," Shipwreck grinned. "You like sailors!"

"I'M **NOT **LISTENING TO THIS!" Scott yelled. "DO DAH! DO DAH!"

"Oh Goddess..." Ororo put her head in her hands. "Why did I ever **think** that Shipwreck would be the one to talk to?"

"You **know **why," Shipwreck raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"NOT LISTENING! OH THE DO DAH DAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!" Scott screamed.

"Okay we have all been in space **way** too long," Kitty rolled her eyes. "We're **all **going crazy!"

"I take offense at that remark! Some of us were crazy long before we **got** here," Pyro huffed.

"If **this** does not completely destroy any remnant of a crush I had on Storm nothing will," Hank groaned. "Yup it's gone."

BRANG! BRANNG! BRANNNG! The ship's alarm went off.

"**Now** what the hell is going on around in this insane asylum masquerading as a space ship?" Scott threw up his hands as they ran to the bridge.

"Are you really complaining?" Lance asked him.

"Yeah **anything** to distract us from Shipwreck and Storm's little tryst," Hank said.

"IT WAS **NOT** A TRYST!" Ororo shouted at him.

"Sure Storm, whatever helps you sleep at night," Wanda quipped.

There was a lone small starship firing on them. "Misfit One! Surrender to the Imperial Guard!" A booming voice commanded. "Surrender and you will die with honor!"

"Uh let me think about it, **no!"** Daria said as she blasted the ship. However it hit the Misfit One as well. "Our engine's out!"

"Yeah but that guy's ship is gone!" Arcade said as it exploded.

Suddenly someone materialized right in the middle of the space ship. It was an eight foot tall muscular, purple skinned man in a blue and red uniform with a red cape and a tall purple Mohawk. "I am Guardian, Leader of the Imperial Guard! Look on me and tremble!"

"At what? Your bad fashion sense?" Pietro quipped.

"Your fate is sealed! For no force can stop me!" Guardian snapped. "Although many have tried they have all failed!"

"Oh really?" Wanda raised an eyebrow. "Rogue…"

"Yeah I'm on it," Rogue removed a glove.

"I have the strength of a thousand warriors, the mind of a hundred generals…" Guardian began. Rogue snuck up from behind and touched him. "UHHHHH!" Guardian fell down unconscious on the floor.

"The mouth of a really big jackass!" Rogue snapped. "Ugh…I hate getting the thoughts of others. And I always thought Cyclops was the ultimate boy scout and yes man. Mister Clean here makes Scott look like Lance!"

"I hate him already," Lance folded his arms. "So who is this jerk?"

"He's the leader of the Imperial Guard," Rogue said. "He's like a fanatic. Totally devoted to the Empire and the Emperor. No matter what the emperor orders or how crazy he acts he'll follow the command blindly."

"Sounds like a tool," Scott blinked. Everyone gave him a look. "What did I say?"

"You really have no clue of the irony of the statement you just made right now do you?" Fred remarked. He looked at the unconscious Guardian. "Although I must admit he does have nice hair."

"Well that nice haired jerk just wrecked our engines," Quinn told them.

"Oh and we got another ship coming," Brittany said. "And more people transporting."

"Oh goody he brought friends," Pietro quipped.

Just then Corsair, Raza, Hepzibah and Ch'od materialized onto the bridge. "Corsair? What are you doing here?" Scott asked.

"I thought you might need some help," Corsair blinked at the unconscious Guardian. "I was wrong."

"You just took out one of the strongest members of the Imperial Guard like **that?"** Ch'od blinked.

"All it takes is one touch," Rogue shrugged. "And an incredible urge to take a shower..."

"Hey! I got a great idea! Let's get some booze in Guardian and when he wakes up he'll be drunk!" Shipwreck shouted.

"That is an insane demented plan," Corsair looked at him. "I like it!"

"I have some ale that is perfect for the occasion," Ch'od laughed as he pulled out a flask and poured the contents into Guardian's mouth.

"Ooh! I got some stuff too!" Shipwreck pulled out a flask of his own.

"And **this** is the man you were just…" Hank gave Ororo a look.

"What?" Corsair asked.

"Nothing!" Ororo said quickly. "Look we hate to bother you but…we kind of need some help."

"Some help? We're lost, our navigation and our engines are busted," Arcade listed them off."

"Need a tow? No problem," Raza waved.

"We just gotta make one quick stop," Corsair grinned. "And drop off our little friend here."

"This will not bode well will it?" Hank groaned.

"Well not for Guardian," Raza grinned.

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"I can't believe after four days they **still **haven't found us!" Erik'Dared shouted. "We've been deliberately leaving clues and energy emissions to lead those mutant morons right to us! And they don't show up!"

He looked out of the spaceship to see a huge fleet of other Shi'ar spaceships surrounding them. "It's a simple plan. We bait them and when they come we hit them! How hard can **that **be?" Erik'Dared snapped. "Any idiot with a functioning navigation system can follow the trail we left!"

"Yeah it worked so **well** the last time," Flashfire drawled.

"That was a fluke and you know it!" Erik'Dared snapped. "Has anyone gotten any reports on them?"

"Well we keep getting reports of them being sighted around Orion 12," Nightshade told them.

"That's over seven parsecs away from here!" Firelord asked. "What were they doing there?"

"Well it is a nice view," Flashfire shrugged. Everyone looked at him. "Well it is. I have a scrapbook of planets I like to take pictures of and..."

"Fine! Let's go visit the last sighting," Erik'Dared groaned. "Bring the fleet!"

"Sir! We have another report coming in," The Shi'ar Helmsman reported. "Sir…It's about Guardian."

"Guardian? What does he want?" Firelord asked.

"It's not him that's calling sir," The Shi'ar Helmsman said. "It's about him. From the planet Kfed. There's some kind of disturbance involving him, the pirate ship Starjammer and the Misfit One."

"Oh great!" Firelord groaned. "Just what we need! Pirates and Guardian! What a combination!"

"That guy is a bigger pompous ass than **you** are," Erik'Dared grumbled. "Don't tell me he tried to bring them in all by himself?"

"Well…" The Shi'ar Helmsman coughed.

"I said **not **to tell me!" Erik'Dared told him.

"Isn't Kfed a vineyard planet?" Flashfire asked. "So what happened?"

"Sir, I think you'd better see this for yourself," The Shi'ar Helmsman put it on the view screen.

"Oh my…" Mentor blinked.

_"I am Guardian! I am Super Guardian!"_ Guardian was dancing around wildly accidentally knocking over large vehicles with his super strength. He was wearing a silver sparkling one piece chorus girl's outfit instead of a uniform and silver boots. His face was heavily made up.

_"I wanna sing and dance I wanna sing and dance! I wanna wear these shiny boots and bright shiny pants!" _Guardian drunkenly danced around.

"What the hell?" Firelord's jaw dropped. "What the hell happened to him?"

"I don't know," Flashfire blinked. "But I **do** know what picture is going on my Winter Shopping Festival Holiday cards this year."

"I believe that picture will be **very **popular this year," Mentor sighed. "Can anyone down there tell us what is going on?"

"Sir," A harried Shi'ar official appeared on the screen. "They came out of nowhere! Took large quantities of our best alcohol and wine and left him here in the middle of our city. Please! Someone collect him before he destroys the town with his drunken singing!"

"Let me see if I get this straight," Erik'Dared groaned. "These mutants…teamed up with the most wanted pirates in the Shi'ar Empire and not only stole large quantities of alcohol…They got Guardian **drunk?"**

"It appears so sir," The Shi'ar Helmsman coughed.

"The Emperor will not be happy with this," Mentor sighed. "Excuse me I need to contact someone." He left the room.

"Where is he going off to?" Nightshade asked.

"If he's half as smart as he's rumored to be, it's to brush up his resume," Erik'Dared groaned. "If this keeps up we're all going to lose our jobs!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"THIS IS INSANE!" Emperor D'ken shouted as he scattered dozens of papers from his desk. "All I wanted them to do was go on a simple retrieval mission to capture my sister and bring her to me so I can kill her and what happens? WHAT HAPPENS?"

"Chaos sir?" Prime Minister Araki asked.

"Bingo bozo!" 'Minister Aku' the hand puppet popped up. "Not only are these mutant maniacs tearing through our empire like a Zenobian Bull in a Threllian Glass Vase Shop but they got us involved in three wars overnight!"

"Four if you count the Brood sir," Araki coughed.

"AAAHHHH!" Emperor D'Ken snapped and started to throw furniture around. "I HATE THESE PEOPLE! I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM! I HATE THEM!"

There was a ding from a computer nearby. "Ooh! I've got mail!" D'ken stopped and clapped his hands. "Read it to me Araki! Read it!"

Araki did read the report. His face paled. "Uh sir…It seems that your Imperial Guard had another run in with the Earth ship and uh…Well it was only Guardian and well…His ship blew up but he is all right."

"And?" Minister Aku said. "Spit it out!"

"Well it seems that they were assisted by some space pirates in the battle against Guardian…" Araki coughed.

"Pirates?" D'ken twitched. "First these mutants, then the stupid Brood, the crummy Kree, the stupid Skrulls and the slimy Snarks and now…uh…"

"Pesky pirates?" Araki suggested.

"Yes, pesky pirates!" D'ken snapped. "As if the Empire didn't have **enough **troubles!"

"Well it seems that these pirates helped the mutants steal quite a lot of alcoholic beverages from the vineyard planet Kfed," Araki coughed. "And somehow left Guardian…in an inebriated state."

"What do you mean by inebriated?" D'Ken asked. Araki showed him the picture that came with the report.

"It means they got him drunk as a Mephizoid gutter tramp!" Minister Aku snapped. "Although I gotta admit that is a pretty funny picture."

"You never liked Guardian did you?" D'Ken asked.

"He's a suck up," Minister Aku snorted.

"He is isn't he?" D'Ken asked. "Araki do you know which pirates assisted these Earth creatures?"

"And don't say the name Starjammers!" Minister Aku snapped.

"Uh…" Araki coughed.

"Araki…" D'Ken warned.

"The Minister told me not to say…" Araki began.

"NOOOOOOOO!" D'Ken shouted and threw another tantrum, throwing even more things. "I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! EARTH BEINGS ARE NOTHING BUT TROUBLE!"

"That would seem so, your highness," Araki sighed.

"I got it! I got it!" Emperor D'ken shouted.

"Got what?' Minister Aku asked.

"I got some kind of stone in my boot," Emperor D'ken wiggled it. "That is really annoying! Minister Aku if you don't mind…?"

"Oh sure! It's not like I don't have a **million other things** to do today!" Minister Aku snapped as D'ken removed his boot. "You know like running a war or two, ruling an empire, making sure…PEEEEWWWWW! When was the last time you took a shower? AGGH! Your feet stink."

"You know for a fact that I have always had a glandular problem," Emperor D'ken bristled.

"You have a problem with soap and water!" Minister Aku snapped.

"You are the one who always complains about getting wet!" Emperor D'Ken shouted back at him.

"Well I'm not exactly drip dry now am I?" Minister Aku shouted at him. "I can't help the fact that I'm dry clean only you know?"

"Sirs can we turn back to the problem at hand?" Araki asked. "What do we do sir?"

There was another ding. "I will read the report this time!" D'ken snapped. Then he read it. "Hmmmmm…I don't like it. I can't allow it to happen!"

"We don't have much of a choice!" Minister Aku said. "I say go for it. Follow Mentor's plan."

"Are you sure? But…Oh you're right! If it's the only way to capture these Earth creatures and get my sister into my clutches we have no choice," D'ken grumbled. "Besides it's not like they're not going to get it in the end."

"You know you could use **someone else** to activate…" Minister Aku began to say.

"NO! It **has **to be her!" D'ken snapped at the puppet. "Only she with her royal bloodline will be the perfect sacrifice to bring in the new age!"

"This is about that stupid doll she broke when you were hatchlings isn't it?" Minister Aku groaned.

"It was my favorite doll!" D'ken snapped. "My favorite!"

"I always thought your other sister Deathbird did that," Minister Aku asked.

"No, she was the one who burned my toys and my dollhouse," D'ken corrected. "And beheaded a few of my dolls. And set a few on fire. Now that I think about it, it might have been her after all. Oh well. I never liked either of them anyway and since Deathbird isn't around I might as well use Lilandra!"

"Use Lilandra for what sir?" Araki asked.

"Never you mind!" D'ken snapped. "Call Mentor back and tell him I approve of the plan. Whatever it takes to get rid of the Phoenix and her friends once and for all!"

"And this time we're not fooling around!" Minister Aku snapped. "Call out the reserves! I want **all** the Imperial Guard on this one! Every last one of them! Including Guardian once he sobers up!"

"Ready my personal star ship," D'ken grinned. "It's time we usher in the new age of the Shi'ar Empire! The Age of D'Ken!"

"And Aku," Minister Aku piped up.

"Oh yes and Aku," D'ken added.

"Heavens give us strength," Araki rolled his eyes.

**What sinister plan is Emperor D'Ken up to? **

Sinister walked out. "Don't call his plans sinister! Only I can have that adjective!"

**All right fine! What evil plan is D'Ken up to? Wait and see for more madness! And a rematch of Guardian and Rogue round two! **

"La la la la la la la!" Guardian pranced by in his silver outfit. "La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la!"

**Once he sobers up that is...**


	68. The Tale of the Space Pirate

**The Tale of the Space Pirate**

"Thanks for giving us a tow," Scott said to Corsair as they lounged aboard the Starjammer's bridge.

"Hey it's the least we can do for all you've done," Corsair grinned.

"Why? What did we do?" Kitty asked.

"You're kidding?" Ch'od raised a reptilian eyebrow. "You do not know?"

"Know what?" Angelica asked.

"About the war," Hepzibah told her.

"War?" Wanda asked. "What war?"

"Because of you fools, the Shi'ar Empire is now at war with the Kree, the Skrull and the Snark Empires," Raza laughed. "Their troops are being spread thinner than watered down brizleberry jam on toast!"

"WHAT?" Scott was shocked. "Are you serious?"

"Didn't you think it was odd that you had been in Shi'ar space for over four days and had only run into minimal resistance?" Corsair asked. "More than half the Imperial Fleet has been sent out to fight. And believe me, with a military having enough soldiers, robots and other military personnel to fill a hundred planets the size of Jupiter that's saying something."

"Oh boy…" Jean winced. "This is not how we expected things to go."

"But they **did **go this way," Larry gave her a look. "Another reason I didn't want you to follow us."

"Who cares? Whatever is bad for the Shi'ar is good for us!" Ch'od snorted.

"Wow it's like we're taking down the Evil Empire in Star Wars," Arcade nodded.

"Or the Crown Empire from Galaxy Rangers," Kurt grinned.

"No guts, no glory," Todd agreed.

Everyone looked at them. "What are you talking about?" Bobby asked.

"He just quoted the Galaxy Rangers," Kurt looked at them. "One of the greatest cartoons ever made."

"Oh no we're not gonna debate **that** again?" Shipwreck grumbled.

"Galaxy Rangers?" Rogue blinked. "Never heard of it."

"What do you mean you **never** heard of it?" Kurt's jaw dropped. "The Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers? Captain Zachary Foxx, Niko, Walter 'Doc' Hartford? Shane Gooseman? You never heard of the **Goose?**"

"Uh no," Kitty blinked.

"You don't know who Goose is?" Todd was shocked.

"We said no," Rogue told him.

"Here we go…" Althea groaned.

"How could none of you people know about the greatest science fiction western cartoon ever made?" Todd asked. "It's cowboys and aliens!"

"Lasers on the range!" Kurt added.

"Rangers are forever!" Todd added.

"The quality of the animation, the voice acting…" Kurt yelled.

"Jerry Orbach was in it for crying out loud!" Todd yelled.

"Who?" Bobby asked.

"Jerry Orbach! The guy from Law and Order?" Kurt snapped. "He was a regular guest star on Murder She Wrote!"

"And he was the candelabra in Beauty and the Beast!" Todd snapped. "Sang the freaking best song from the first animated movie nominated for best freaking picture! The song won an Oscar! Be Our Guest? You never heard of that?"

"Well **that **yeah…" Kitty shrugged.

"How can you **not** know about how great the Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers are?" Todd yelled. He looked at Kurt. "Can you believe this?"

"I don't believe this," Kurt nodded.

"This is unbelievable," Todd added.

"Very unbelievable," Kurt agreed.

"Unbelievable!" Todd threw up his hands.

"I agree! I don't believe it!" Kurt agreed.

"I don't believe they don't know this!" Todd looked at Kurt.

"Well believe it because they don't," Kurt shook his head.

"I still don't believe they don't know this," Todd nodded.

"I don't believe it either but they don't," Kurt agreed. "They don't know it."

"Some people just don't have any sense of culture I guess," Todd shook his head.

"I guess not," Kurt sighed.

"Excuse us for not knowing about every stupid cartoon in the world," Bobby said.

"STUPID? STUPID!" Todd grabbed his lapels. "DID HE JUST SAY STUPID?"

"HE DID!" Kurt grabbed Bobby as well. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU CALLED IT STUPID! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW RELEVANT THIS CARTOON IS TO MUTANT KIND?"

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say he **doesn't,**" Hank said. "And neither do we."

"Hello? Supertroopers? Genetically advanced soldiers? Gooseman is like the first freaking positive mutant role model out there for us!" Todd threw up his hands.

"The first!" Kurt agreed passionately. "Well the first I'm aware of anyway. And that gas that mutated the other mutants and caused them to go insane. X-Factor? Could it **be** any more obvious?"

"Not really," Scott blinked. He looked at the others. "Does **anyone** have a **clue **of what these two are talking about?"

"Unfortunately yes," Lance sighed. "We Misfits know all about it."

"Toad has a huge collection of tapes and DVDS," Arcade explained. "That really is a good cartoon. Even the lame episodes have a few good lines in them."

"Oh don't **you **start too…" Wanda rolled her eyes.

"How can **you**, a so called educator for mutants not know about the Galaxy Rangers and the positive influence they have on mutant society?" Todd glared at Hank.

"It deals with everything! Genetic engineering, government exploitation, mutant experimentation!" Kurt listed off. "The role of mutants in society and how they are mistrusted yet still function anyway! It's all there in one episode! Supertroopers! It's all there! That and Galaxy Stranger."

"I still can not believe the **ignorance** of some people," Todd shook his head.

"Well now that we've graduated that is going to change!" Kurt told him. "As a junior teacher of the Xavier Institute I have a major responsibility to enlighten and educate people about this!"

"You're right," Todd nodded. "Hey I bet we can co teach a seminar together!"

"Ooh! Forget the seminar! We can do an entire **semester **on it!" Kurt nodded enthusiastically.

"I don't know what's more frightening," Jean gave them a look. "When you two argue about television shows or **agree** on them."

"For me it's the latter," Rogue told her. "When those two start to **think alike** nothing makes sense."

"Good point," Jean agreed. "Can we please leave the Land of Lunacy for a moment and take the subway back to reality here?"

"You mean the reality where we are lost in space trying to find our kidnapped friends taken by an evil empire and now we've started a giant war with a few other evil empires?" Bobby asked.

"Yes, Iceman," Hank sighed. "**That **reality."

"Kind of makes you want to go back to Cartoon Land doesn't it?" Shipwreck asked him.

Corsair took out a purloined bottle. "I say we raise a toast! To the X-Men and Misfits! And all the destruction you make!"

"I'll drink to that!" Shipwreck grinned.

"You'll drink to **anything**," Althea gave him a look.

"And that's a **bad** thing?" Corsair joked.

"Looks like you found a friend, Shipwreck," Ororo gave a disapproving look at Corsair drinking.

"I wasn't **always** a drunk you know?" Corsair took a swig. "In fact I hardly ever drank a drop until…Well until I ended up **here.**" He indicated all of outer space with his hands. "Alcohol…it dulls the pain and makes me forget about Earth."

"So how did you end up in outer space?" Scott asked. "And why didn't you ever just go back?"

"It's a long story," Corsair sighed.

"We have time," Scott said.

"I used to be a pilot in the Air Force," Corsair finally said. "I had a family. A wife and three beautiful sons. The whole picket fence deal. Then my youngest got very sick. He wasn't even two years old. He was diagnosed with a rare disease. We found a doctor in Massachusetts that contacted us for treatment, but even that wasn't enough. He died."

"Oh I'm so sorry," Kitty said.

"It gets worse," Corsair told her. "The very afternoon my son died…My parents were killed by a bizarre freak accident. A bolt of lightning hit their house…and…It burned to the ground."

"Holy…" Lance gulped.

"We were flying back home to the funeral…" Corsair had a far away look in his eyes. "My wife and my two surviving sons were flying back when we started to have trouble with the plane. Then we ran into bad weather. The plane was struck by lightning…It was going to crash. There were only two parachutes in the plane. We gave them to our sons. So they would live…But one of the parachutes caught on fire…"

_This story seems so familiar…I've heard it before…_Jean thought.

"I'll never forget that sight of my son plummeting towards the ground…Headed straight towards our other son…" Corsair said softly. "Then…Something happened. All went black. When we woke up…We weren't in the plane. At first we thought we were dead. But it was far worse."

"What happened?" Scott asked.

"There was this Shi'ar ship," Corsair sighed. "It was a scientific scout ship, taking samples from other planets. And lucky us, they used their transporter technology to save us. Unfortunately they only saved us to study us. And on that ship was D'ken."

"The Shi'ar Emperor?" Kitty asked.

"He wasn't the emperor back then," Corsair explained. "Just a punk prince accompanying the scientists because he needed some kind of credit for his studies. And he wanted to study my wife personally if you get my drift."

"Goddess," Ororo was shocked.

"We both fought back," Corsair said. "But my wife…She paid the price. D'ken killed her in a mad rage. But she was lucky compared to what happened to me. D'ken took great pleasure in tormenting me in the name of science. And when my mind was shattered, he sent me to work in the mines on a prison planet."

"That's horrible," Kitty was shocked.

"For years I toiled in that place, with the mud and grime…Never seeing the light of day," Corsair sighed. "Then one day I saw the guards beating up and trying to rape a female prisoner…" He looked at Hezipbah and held her hand. "Something inside me snapped. I guess it reminded me too much about how I lost my life. And I was determined another woman wouldn't share her fate if I could help it."

"Corsair saved Hezipbah's life," She purred. "Became bond mates that day."

"I managed to rally a few other slaves and we rebelled," Corsair said. "The next thing I knew we were escaping that planet in an old beat up cruiser. Not even enough room to stretch your legs in. Hit and raided the first vulnerable outpost we found. And we've been doing that ever since."

"Corsair only attack Shi'ar ships," Hezipbah told them. "Sometimes cargo. Sometimes prison ships. Liberate prisoners and make allies and crew of them."

"We all got our stories here," Corsair told them. "Take Raza over there. He used to be some kind of warrior priest on his planet. His race didn't believe in technology. It took only a few years for the Shi'ar to annihilate his planet and wipe out his entire race. As far as we know, he's the only survivor. And worst of all, they forced all those cybernetic components on him. All he wants now is to die an honorable death but with all those healing components in his system…"

"Oh my…" Ororo was shocked.

"I used to be a scientist," Ch'od said somberly. "A well known intellect working in the highest circles of my planet. I was assigned to do scientific research on a high place mission for the Shi'ar Empire but…"

"But?" Rina asked.

"They wanted him to use some innocent villagers in experiments and he told them to take a hike," Corsair snorted.

"And when the captain tried to annihilate the entire village I killed him," Ch'od sighed. "They branded me a traitor and threw me into the slave pits where I met Corsair and the others."

"My people, the Mephisoids traditional enemies to Shi'ar," Hepzibah growled.

"Let me guess the whole cat/bird thing right?" Arcade asked.

"Yes, Shi'ar conquer my people! Enslave them! Place home world under permanent martial law," She nodded her white furred head. "Kill my father and brothers for sport before my eyes. Took me as a slave for the pits."

"Now that I think about it I did notice that most of the prisoners we rescued were cat people," Wanda realized.

"The only reason they do not wipe out her race is that they make too good ale," Raza snorted.

"Down with the Shi'ar! Awk!" Solo cried out. "Emperor **eats** catbirds! Awk!"

"As you can see the Shi'ar have become hated and despised throughout half the universe thanks to their Emperor," Corsair growled. "One day there will be a reckoning. D'ken will pay for the suffering he has inflicted. Not just to me but to everyone else."

"I'm so sorry," Jean said.

"More than you know lass," Corsair got up.

_He seems so sad, so depressed_… Jean thought as Corsair left. _I can sense his pain a mile away. But there's something else. Something…familiar. _

"So where are we headed?" Lance asked.

"There's a small planet near the Shi'ar home world," Raza said. "We have a hideout there. We should be there in a few hours."

"Maybe we can finally find the Professor and Remy," Kitty sighed with relief.

Jean excused herself and got up, following Corsair. He was staring into outer space. "Ironic isn't it?" Corsair sighed. "As a boy I dreamed of going into outer space. And now…All I dream of is seeing my family again. That will never happen."

"I'm sorry," Jean said. "I wish there was something I could do."

"There is. I need you to read my mind for a moment," Corsair said.

"What?" Jean asked.

"Just do it, then you'll understand," Corsair told her.

"All right," Jean took a deep breath and delved into his mind. What she found shocked her. And then she found something else that would seriously shock Corsair. "Corsair…"

"Do you understand?" Corsair gave her a look.

"Y-yes…" Jean gasped. "Corsair…"

Just then the ship shook. "What was that?" Jean asked.

"Tractor beam! Damn it! It's started already!" Corsair snapped. "Look you know what's going on! Just play along!"

"We're caught in a tractor beam! Shi'ar warship! A big one!" Ch'od shouted.

"Damn it what the devil are they doing?" Corsair growled.

"They're trying to drag us into the really, really big ship!" Todd yelled. Before they knew it the Starjammer was inside the hangar of the starship.

"Mutants of the Planet Earth!" Guardian shouted. Behind him was Firelord, Flashfire, Mentor, Erik'Dared and the entire Imperial Guard. Beings of great power from all over the Shi'ar Empire. All one hundred of them. "Surrender!"

"Yeah right," Pietro scoffed. "Hey I see nearly a hundred of these guys! I thought there were only supposed to be thirty?"

"Lila was always bad at math. Looks like we got a fight on our hands," Lance readied to battle.

"This is gonna be rough," Scott readied his visor.

"Just the way I like it," Rina grinned.

"Imperial Guard! Prepare to attaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccckk!" Erik'Dared shouted when suddenly a very powerful earthquake rocked the hangar.

"Here we go!" Pietro ran out and used his super speed to knock down three aliens. The X-Men and Misfits ran out blazing. Well most of them.

"Yeah! Yeah! We're going! We're…" Polly began to follow them when suddenly he was grabbed from behind and stuffed in a bag. "AWWK!"

"Rarr?" Lockheed went to capture his friend only to be shot with a stun blast. He fell to the ground.

"Got ya," Raza grunted as he stuffed Lockheed into the bag as well. "Corsair better be right about this."

The fight was furious. One alien was made completely of water, so Althea was easily able to manipulate him to knock down a few aliens. Rogue used her super strength on a few and found herself going toe to toe with Guardian, matching him punch for punch. "You surprised me once female," Guardian knocked Rogue backwards. "I will not make that mistake again!"

"Fine! I'll just clobber you the **old fashioned way!"** Rogue recovered and gave Guardian a good right hook with her gloved hand, knocking him backwards into another Imperial Guardsman.

The other mutants and humans were fighting furiously. Arcade used his weapons systems along with Shooter's powers to take down a few guardsmen. Xi used his invisiblity and attacked a guardsman from behind. Wanda's hex bolts hit as many as she could while the others used their powers and whatever weapons they could find to fight. Trinity zapped several guardsman with their psychic lightning. Fred threw a huge Imperial Guardsman easily and was attacked by a blue gelatinous blob.

"A blob fighting the Blob! That's a good one!" Fred grinned. "Let's see how you taste!"

"AAAHHHH!" The creature screamed as Fred took a bite out of him. "HE'S TRYING TO EAT ME!" It fled in panic. "THIS SAVAGE IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO EAT ME!"

"Blech! Tastes like Jello without the whimsy," Fred spat the piece out.

"I wonder how well it burns," Pyro created a huge fire knight to chase down the creature.

"OW! HELP! HELP! I NEED SOME SERIOUS HELP HERE!" The blob creature screamed.

"You're not the only one!" A giant guardsman that was about ten feet tall ran for it's life from Trinity.

"ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!" Trinity laughed manically. "ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!"

"MATERNAL UNIT! SOMEBODY GET MY MATERNAL UNIT!" The giant guardsman screamed like a little girl as he fled for his life.

But the Imperial Guard was not going down without a good fight. "Say bye bye pipsqueak!" Pietro went to kick a very small alien only to get grabbed by the leg. "HEY!"

"Bye Bye!" The incredibly strong alien grinned as he threw Pietro against a wall.

Scott blasted his optic beam at an alien only to find that the alien had an equally powerful optic beam of his own. Both were blasted backwards. Another alien shape changed into a giant beast and knocked back Kurt and Todd. Flashfire zapped Angelica only to get zapped himself by Ororo. Then was cold blasted by her.

"Brrr! I've heard of cold women but this is too much!" Flashfire grumbled as snow spun all around him. Spyder then zapped him with her electric webbing. "YEOW THAT HURTS!"

"Freeze creep!" A female Imperial Guard member blasted ice shards at Bobby.

"Hey that's **my** line!" Bobby blasted ice shards right back. Both were fighting at a standstill. Not to mention clobbering anyone that got in their way with the ice and snow (Mostly other Imperial Guards).

"Watch where you're throwing those snowballs Iceman!" Kitty snapped as he barely phased through one snowball and it hit her opponent. "On second thought...keep them coming!"

"OW! OW! GET THIS CRAZY HUMAN OFF ME!" Another five armed Imperial Guardsman screamed as Shipwreck was on his back beating the snot out of him. "OW! STOP HITTING ME SO HARD! OW! OW!"

"This fight is taking longer than I thought!" Nightshade grumbled as she was pinned back by Pyro's flames. She used her powers over shadows to escape through a portal and transported herself behind him. She knocked him down only to get hexed by Wanda. "AAAHHHH!"

"Are you all right?" Firelord made his way to her side, blasting at Wanda with his staff.

"I've been better…" Nightshade shook her head. "Please tell me we are winning!"

"It is at a standstill for now," Firelord grumbled as he blasted back at Wanda who had gotten up. "They got Fang, Blackthorn, Neo, Monstra, Gelatinous, Flutterfire, Kickbo, Thunderslash, Caldorn and Smasher!"

The optic alien was hit backwards by a cold blast and fell down. "There goes Impulse…" Nightshade grumbled.

"RARRRR!" The giant alien shape shifting beast was blasted backwards and went through a wall.

"Hobgoblin bit the dust," Nightshade grunted. "What kind of creatures are these Earth mutants?"

"Ferocious warriors, that is what they are! They fight as if they were **born** to do it," Firelord grunted. "If we do not stop them soon they will tear the ship apart!"

"I have a better idea!" Lance sent a tremor their way. "Why don't **you guys** stop?"

Both Firelord and Nightshade got out of the way. Nightshade went into a portal and created another one behind Lance. "Take a break!" She grabbed Lance and threw him to the side.

"No way Babe," Lance grinned as he managed to get to his feet. "This party is just getting started!"

**"STOP!"**

Everyone stopped fighting. They saw Jean give off a Phoenix blast. "Uh oh…This is not gonna be pretty." Kurt gulped.

The Phoenix raptor disappeared. "I surrender," Jean held up her hands.

"Are you crazy?" Pietro shouted. "Dumb question. OF COURSE YOU ARE!"

"I know what I'm doing Quicksilver," Jean said. "Trust me."

"We're **not **going to surrender!" Scott shouted.

"Oh for crying out loud," Corsair groaned. He took out his laser pistol and pointed it at Jean's head. "Surrender now or the girl gets it."

"Why do we want to surrender?" A purple alien guardsman asked. "The Phoenix is our enemy."

"He means the Earthers idiot," Nightshade snapped.

"Corsair! Why?" Scott shouted.

"I'm really sorry Cyclops," Corsair sighed. "But this is the only way I know how to play it in order to get my revenge."

"I should have known not to trust a pirate!" Scott spat.

"You know Mentor if you waited at the rendezvous point like I said I would have had time to drug them and you wouldn't have gone through this!" Corsair snapped.

"My apologies Corsair, but you know how impatient Guardian and Erik'Dared can be," Mentor said.

"What? That pirate is your informant?" Flashfire snapped. "The Starjammers are the most wanted criminals in the Empire. Well second most wanted next to the Earthers."

"The Emperor **himself** approved of this plan so no action will be taken against the pirates," Mentor said. "Unless of course any of you wish to go against the Emperor's wishes?"

"So we're just gonna let the Starjammers go?" Flashfire snapped.

"The deal was we drop all charges against the Starjammers in exchange for the Earthers," Mentor said.

"Trust me we get off easy with this trade!" Erik'Dared snapped.

"You…" Scott growled. He surrendered along with the others. "Jean why?"

"Please Scott, I have my reasons," Jean told them as she was taken into custody.

"Come on Starjammers, let's go," Corsair indicated his crew.

"Thanks for nothing traitor," Kitty growled.

"Take them directly to the holding chamber and plot a course for the Home World," Erik'Dared said. "We're not taking any chances this time!"

Meanwhile back on the Starjammer as it flew away into space.

"Corsair are you sure this will work?" Raza folded his arms.

"Do you have a better plan?" Corsair said. "Do you have them?"

"Aye, in the bag," Raza held up the bag both Polly and Lockheed were in.

"Let them out," Corsair said.

"Okay," Raza let out Polly and Lockheed.

"RRRRR!" Lockheed prepared to let out a huge fire blast. Solo flew in front of him.

"Awk! Not what you think! Not what you think!" Solo whistled. "Part of the plan! Part of the plan!"

"Awk plan? What plan?" Polly whistled.

"You'll find out in a bit bird," Corsair said. "But first I need you to do something for me. If you want your friends to be free you'll do **exactly** what I say."

**What's going on? Why did Jean just surrender? Why did Corsair capture Lockheed and Polly? What is his plan? Find out next time! Which is going to be a while...Sorry folks I'm going on vacation for a few weeks. But I have plenty of other stories you can read or re read!**

"Wonderful," Scott grumbled. "I hate cliffhangers!"

"Hey look at the bright side Summers," Lance remarked. "Give everyone a chance to read that new Harry Potter book coming out."

"Like I said, **wonderful**," Scott groaned.

"Oh yeah I know how that is gonna turn out," Pyro grinned. "Lord Pinkerton and Fluffykins go off and battle Lord Whats His Name in a Scrabble contest!"

"There's nobody named..." Kitty began.

"**Don't** tell him," Wanda interrupted her. "I think I like the version Pyro makes up in his demented little mind even better."

"You have a point," Rogue admitted. "At least we get two full weeks free of Red's insanity."

"I'm going on a trip to Diagon Alley and buy myself a unicorn!" Pyro said happily. "One that flies and breathes fire!"

"Have fun Pyro," Lance rolled his eyes. "Knock yourself out."

"I wish someone would knock **him** out," Scott groaned.

"So what is everyone going to do on their holiday?" Pyro asked.

"I'm going to send out some resumes and see if I can get another job," Shane grumbled.

"Actually I've been thinking of organizing a family reunion or something," Scott remarked. "You know just me and Alex and his foster parents. And whoever else I can find."

"Uh I wouldn't if I were you," Todd remarked as he was reading a large folder marked PLOT SPOILERS FOR DOOML AND HDTF.

"Why not?" Scott asked.

"No reason," Todd threw the folder away. "Me, I'm gonna take a trip to the ocean with Al."

"Isn't there enough pollution in the water?" Rogue quipped.

"Har har, hardy har har," Todd said sarcastically. "You are such a **funny** lady. What are you going to do? Stay inside and **not **work on a tan?"

"Oh nothing much," Rogue held up a folder marked WAYS TO GET PARIS BACK INTO PRISON. "Just a little planning...Anyone else?"

"I'm just going to relax, chill out," Bobby said.

"Work on my nails," Rina quipped as she shot out her claws.

"Do some shopping," Angelica added. "I keep burning through my clothes. Litterally."

"Catch up on my reading," Xavier had a copy of the latest Harry Potter book in his lap. "What? I can't like fantasy books because I'm older?"

"Play video games," Arcade called out. "I really like Pokemon Diamond and Pearl. I don't care what anyone else says, it's fun making monsters fight, breed and do my bidding! Ha Ha ha!" He took out a DS and started to play. "Dance! Dance my beautiful Milotic! Win that Super Contest Ribbon! Ha ha ha!"

"We can make our own monsters!" Trinity chirped.

"Eat a lot of cookies," Xi said as he munched on some.

"Practice my cooking," Kitty said.

"Work on my medical skills," Lina added. "In the poison control unit...I know I will get a lot of practice."

"AAAHHH! STORMY NOT THE LIGHTNING!" Shipwreck was heard off screen.

ZAP!

"I TOLD YOU NO LIGHTNING!" Shipwreck moaned. "That is gonna **sting** in the morning..."

"Looks like Shipwreck's gonna spend a few weeks in the burn ward," Rogue remarked. "Anybody else gonna do anything crazy? Excuse me, **crazier**..."

"Nah just sun, beach and sand..." Fred told them. "And maybe watch the Godfather again, and **again**..."

"How many times has it been on this month?" Todd asked.

"Who knows? And the scary thing is Red's watched it nearly every single time," Lance grumbled. "Well numbers one and two anyway."

"Yeah number three really sucked," Todd said. "What the heck was George Hamilton doing in there anyway? I mean don't get me wrong I like the guy but come on..."

"Can we get back to the point if there **is **one?" Pietro asked. "Personally I want to go to Atlantic City. If they'll let us back in after that wild Christmas episode."

"I still have nightmares about that..." Hank groaned.

"So do I, " Xavier sighed.

"That sounds like fun," Remy grinned.

"Uh so what do we do?" Guardian walked out with the Imperial Guard.

"You guys go on vacation too," Scott told him.

"We do?" Guardian asked.

"Great! If anyone needs me I'll be in Vegas!" Erik'Dared grumbled as he took off.

"Hold on! Remy will join you!" Remy grinned. "Remy knows a few showgirls..."

"Oh really..." Rogue growled. "Do tell..."

"Joking! Joking! NO NOT THE EAR! AAAHHH!" Remy squealed as Rogue grabbed his ear and dragged him away. "AAAHHHH! THAT HURTS!"

"GOOD!" Rogue snapped.

"Looks like Remy's going to join Shipwreck in the hospital," Lance said cheerfully.

"Oh dear," Jean sighed. "So I guess we'll all see in other in two weeks?"

"Yup two weeks we come back to get killed," Kurt quipped as he checked his script. "Well I know I'm going to enjoy my vacation!"

"Hey I got some DVD's of Galaxy Rangers," Todd remarked. "We should watch 'em."

"That's a great idea!" Kurt said. "I can make some snacks and we can play cards..."

"Yeah that'd be great," Todd nodded.

"You know I wouldn't mind getting in on that," Bobby said. "At least to see what all the hype is about anyway."

"Welcome to the light my friend," Todd grinned.

"Oh no..." Hank groaned. "It's bad enough Red's got on a Galaxy Rangers kick. Does **everyone else** have to have it too?"

"Don't knock it! As long as she does the heat's off **us** for a while!" Lance snapped. "Because you know when she gets a mind to it she's gonna stick it back to us again!"

"You have a point," Hank winced. "I hear she's already plotting some kind of movie parody. And you know how **those** go!"

"Ugh I'm afraid to ask," Scott groaned. "Well so everyone out there in Fanfiction Land have a nice vacation! Enjoy your two weeks..."

"WHEEEEEEE!" Pietro zipped by riding a shopping cart throwing sparlkers around.

"Try not to get killed..." Scott sighed. "And just enjoy the 'reruns'. It's not like you don't have **enough** to choose from."

WHAM!

"AAAHH! OW! OW! OW! I HIT THE WALL!" Pietro shouted. "I THINK I BROKE MY NOSE! OH MY GOD I BROKE MY PERFECT NOSE!"

"I know I'll enjoy seeing **that** again," Wanda grinned.

"Boy that hospital ward is gonna be pretty full by the time vacation's over," Todd remarked.

"I may need a vacation to recover from **this** vacation..." Scott grumbled as he went off to recover.

**Happy Summer Everyone! Wheeeeeeee! **


	69. The Trial of the Phoenix

**Hello Everyone! I'm back! Miss me? Well I missed you! Here we go! On with the story! **

**Trial of the Phoenix**

"Welcome to D'Ken Imperial Coliseum!" A Shi'ar reporter spoke into a microphone in front of a video screen. "The trial of the millennium is about to take place! The Phoenix, Destroyer of Worlds along with Princess Lilandra and the dangerous criminals from the evil planet Earth known as the X-Misfit Men are about to be brought to justice! We'll have the entire court proceedings and executions live for the entire empire to see! Right after the break and this word from Imperial Cola!"

"I can't believe the nightmare is over and we **finally** got those freaks!" Erik'Dared snorted. He and what was left of the Imperial Guard were sitting in a section of a huge crowded stadium on the Shi'ar home world. "It took forever to get them. I never thought we'd subdue them in a fight. But we did."

"But at a price. They put **half** the Imperial Guard in the hospital doing so," Guardian grumbled. "Never have I fought such fearsome foes."

"They are without a doubt the most dangerous people I have ever fought against," Nightshade agreed. "Did you hear Fang needed seventeen stitches in his left leg alone? And Flutterfire's left wing will never be the same again."

"Gelatinous is still in the burn unit not to mention had a nervous breakdown," Erik'Dared nodded. "I guess nearly getting eaten would do that to a blob."

"A trial's too good for 'em," Flashfire grumbled. He had a bandage on his head. "Hey where's Mentor?"

"He said he had something important to do," Firelord said.

"He **always** has something important to do," Erik'Dared grumbled. He looked at the large crowd in the stadium. "What could be more important that the destruction of the Phoenix? Even the lowest peasant knows that! Look at the stadium filled to capacity to witness this moment in history! It looks like half the planet is here."

"Well they were practically giving away tickets to this thing," Nightshade told him. "They were selling them at half price so they could fill the seats so fast. However I think they're making the difference at the concession stands."

Several crowd members had shirts written in the Shi'ar language. To roughly translate they said: _Phoenix Execution! The Big Burn! Death to enemies of the Shi'ar Empire! Imperial Slaughter Fest Number Nine! Death to the Phoenix! Burn Birdie Burn! I went to the Phoenix Execution and all I got was this stupid covering of clothing with short sleeves! _

"Programs! Get your programs here!" A green seven armed hawker alien went through the crowd. "Get your programs and your toy phoenixes here!"

"Got a good crowd this time," Flashfire remarked. "I remember Slaughter Fest Number Eight when we wiped out those Skrull spies. That was a rowdy crowd. This time we might break some records."

"Considering that every viewing monitor in the empire is carrying this execution live that should not be difficult," Firelord told him.

"Not to mention we're patched right into the other three empires," Guardian pointed to the large screens which showed the leaders of the Kree, Skrull and Snark empires. "At least we were able to call a temporary cease fire so they could watch the executions."

"Maybe this might even stop the war?" Nightshade suggested. "Technically the Earthers are to blame. When we get rid of them, that might placate the other empires and stop the fighting."

"Fat chance!" Erik'Dared snorted. "The Kree and the Skrulls will pick **any** reason to go to war. Especially with each other."

"For once he's right," Firelord agreed. "We're just going to have to resign ourselves to the fact that today's execution will be minimal damage control at best."

In the middle of the stadium on a huge platform the gang were trapped in a transparent giant cube. "Okay we're trapped in some kind of power dampening cell," Pietro took stock of the situation. "In the middle of some weird alien stadium on another planet and we're about to get killed. This could be a problem."

"Ya think?" Wanda snapped at her twin.

"At least when we get killed we'll have an audience," Todd quipped.

On a high platform above them was Emperor D'Ken sitting on a chair with his advisors. To the side were Lilandra shackled on a platform of some kind next to another woman with white skin, purple hair and a torn pink uniform. "You picked interesting champions, Sister," D'ken snorted. "But you failed."

"Brother your reign has done nothing but cause pain and madness to our empire," Lilandra said. "Even though I have failed I regret nothing."

"You still think you can win don't you?" D'ken snorted. "Even when we were children you were always so arrogant. So convinced that you were better than I was! I'm going to **enjoy** watching you and your friends being executed."

"Sire if I may be so bold, why do you keep the Phoenix with her companions instead of holding her separately as with Lilandra?" Araki asked. "With her power she might break through the containment chamber."

"That is what I am **hoping **for," D'ken grinned manically. "Put in the other prisoners! Let's get this show on the road!"

There was a glow inside the prison chamber. Remy and Xavier were teleported in, both unconscious. "It's Gambit and the Professor!" Peter shouted.

"Professor!" Jean went to Xavier. "Are you okay?"

"He looks all right," Lina looked him over. "He and Gambit are just coming out of it."

Remy started to wake up. "Uhhhggghh…What happened?"

"Remy!" Rogue went to him. "Are you all right?"

"Rogue? Where are we?" Remy blinked. "Last thing Remy remembers is being shoved in some kind of tube."

"They must have put you in stasis," Rogue breathed a sigh of relief as Xavier woke up as well. "You're in the middle of the Shi'ar Empire. We've been tracking you guys and flying through half the universe to find you!"

"Remy flattered. It's good to see you're okay," Remy sighed.

"Well yes and no," Rogue quipped as she indicated the cell they were in.

"Oh..." Remy blinked. "This don't look good."

"It's not," Pietro said.

"What happened?" Xavier asked.

"You want the long version or the short version?" Todd asked.

"Short version," Xavier said.

"We lost," Todd told him.

"Yeah that clears everything up," Remy groaned.

"We're all prisoners on an alien planet and we're going to be executed for entertainment," Althea said sarcastically. "That clear enough for you?"

"Sorry Professor," Kitty apologized. "The rescue didn't quite turn out the way we planned."

"Thanks to Corsair," Scott growled. "When I get my hands on that dirty space pirate…"

"Don't be too hard on him Scott," Jean gave him a sad look. "Believe it or not, he's on our side."

"Funny way of showing it," Scott grumbled.

"Citizens of the Empire!" D'ken called out in a booming voice, pointing to Lilandra and the woman. "Your emperor commands all who can hear his voice to listen! Behold! My sister, traitor to the empire! And her follower Oracle! An Imperial Guardsman who also betrayed her oath to the empire!"

"Only to stop the darkness from coming! D'ken, do not follow down your dark path! It will destroy us all!" Oracle shouted.

"Silence wench!" D'ken snarled as he got up and viciously punched Oracle in the face. "This will shut your annoying mouth!" He then hit her again and again.

"Oracle!" Nightshade tensed.

"Do not feel any pity for that traitor," Guardian gave her a look.

"That doesn't mean he should treat her like that," Nightshade gave him a look.

"The Emperor can do has he pleases," Guardian snapped. "Be careful with that tongue of yours, otherwise you might find **yourself** in Oracle's situation."

"There is such a thing as being **too loyal**, Gladiator," Firelord narrowed his eyes. "Remember that."

"It's Guardian now," Guardian gave him a look. "I dropped the Gladiator part a long time ago."

"To bolster what's left of your image," Erik'Dared sneered. "I remember when you were just Gladiator and then you added the Guardian to make yourself sound cool. Like that would ever happen!"

D'Ken's cruel treatment of Oracle infuriated other people watching. "D'Ken stop it!" Lilandra screamed. "Stop it!"

"Pretty brave beating up a woman who's tied up!" Remy shouted in rage.

"Leave the lady alone!" Shipwreck shouted. "Fight me if you're man enough!"

"In due time Earther," D'Ken snarled. He hit Oracle again.

"Stop this Brother!" Lilandra screamed. "I'm the one you are really after! Leave her alone!"

"That you are Sister," D'ken stopped beating Oracle. "But before I deal with you there are others that must be dealt with. In a more civilized manner. Prosecutor Akeni, begin the trial." He went back to his seat. "Read the charges against the Earth scum."

"Civilized?" Shipwreck snapped. "If that freak is **civilized** I'm the freaking Dali Lama!"

"Shut up!" D'ken glared at him. "Prosecutor read the charges so that all may know the severity of their crimes!"

Prosecutor Akeni stood there in long green robes and had a majestic triangle of white feathers on his head. "The charges against the individuals are: several counts of theft, petty theft, arson, espionage, fraud, trespassing, manslaughter, defamation of the character of the Shi'ar Empire, defamation of the Emperor of the Shi'ar Empire, defamation of the Imperial Guard, defamation of the army of the Shi'ar Empire, defamation of the police force of the Shi'ar Empire, defamination of the **maternal units** of the police force of the Shi'ar Empire…"

"I told you not to write those nasty words on the walls of that police station before you burned it down," Xi gave the Triplets a look.

The Prosecutor went on. "Inciting a riot, assault, assault on a security officer, assaulting a security officer with a dangerous animal, destruction of private property, destruction of public property, destruction of a public playground, vandalism, littering, loitering, destroying an empire run outpost, destruction of government property, aiding and abetting the escape of government owned slaves, aiding and abetting the escape of prisoners of the Shi'ar Empire, resisting arrest, attempted murder, non payment of debts..."

"And to think," Peter sighed. "One of the reasons I **left **Magneto was that I was tired of committing crimes and wanted to live on the **right **side of the law..."

The Prosecutor continued. "Reckless piloting of a space ship, reckless driving of a land vehicle, speeding, grand theft auto, hit and run with a stolen vehicle, driving land vehicles without a license, driving a land vehicle with false registration, failure to stop for an officer of the law while driving, destroying a police station, having an unregistered spaceship, piloting an unregistered spaceship without a proper license, piloting a spaceship in an unauthorized area of space, double parking…"

"It doesn't sound good does it?" Pietro gulped.

"Public endangerment, child endangerment," The prosecutor went on. "Animal endangerment…"

"No, it does **not**," Hank sighed. "Clearly this has not been one of our better organized missions."

"Kidnapping, sexual harassment," Prosecutor Akeni continued. "Disrupting an intergalactic pet show, misrepresentation of an animal during an intergalactic pet show, failure to properly dispose of **animal waste,** illegal gambling, participating in an illegal spaceship race, making obscene crop circles on a farming planet, impersonating a cab driver, impersonating a demolition expert, impersonating a psychiatrist, impersonating a female supermodel, running a food stand in a public park without a permit, putting on illegal fire and ice displays in a public park **without** a permit, weather manipulation **without** a permit, public urination…"

"Scott," Xavier gave him a look. "What **exactly** were you people **doing **when you were supposed to be **rescuing us?"**

"Let's just say we had a few…mishaps," Scott coughed nervously.

"Public drunkenness," The prosecutor continued. "Stealing clothes from an officer of the law, forcing an officer of the law to **cross dress** against his will…"

"A **few** mishaps?" Xavier's voice rose.

"I guess when you lump all of them together like that it kind of sounds bad," Todd gulped.

"Copyright infringement…" The prosecutor added.

"Must mean those tapes and music we downloaded from a few computers we ran into," Arcade gulped.

"Piracy, consorting with pirates," The prosecutor went on. "Giving aid and abetting pirates! And these are not even the **worst **of the charges!"

"There are **more?"** Xavier looked at his students and their felonious friends.

"And they're **worse** than what we just heard?" Remy was shocked.

"Uh yeah," Jean coughed.

"I'm starting to think that Mayor Chandler was right," Ororo groaned. "We **are** violent maniacs that cause trouble everywhere we go!"

"I wish you'd stop saying that like it was a bad thing," Shipwreck told her.

"It **is **a bad thing Shipwreck!" Ororo snapped. "Look where we are!"

"What's this about consorting with pirates and being pirates?" Xavier challenged. "My X-Men aren't pirates!"

"Really? Roll the footage we confiscated!" Prosecutor Akeni shouted. They saw the X-Men and Misfits partying with the pirates back at the bar on Skull Planet.

"Oh yeah **that,**" Todd said.

"In hindsight using my video camera that day wasn't such a good idea huh?" Arcade asked.

"YOU THINK?" Scott snapped.

"You folks were having quite the party while Remy and the Professor were being held captive!" Remy snapped.

"We were **not **having a party!" Rogue snapped. "We were all worried sick about you!"

"First place in the limbo competition! Rogue! ARR!" A pirate on the tape announced. Rogue was doing the limbo and being carried around in celebration by the space pirates.

"My apologies Rogue. You really look broken up on the screen there!" Remy said sarcastically.

"Give her a break Gambit," Lance snapped. "At least she wasn't rolling around the floor playing tonsil hockey with Shipwreck! Unlike a certain weather witch we all know!"

"WHAT?" Xavier and Remy shouted at the same time.

"Oh Stormy," Remy blanched. "You didn't…"

"Let me explain…" Ororo began.

"Please **don't!**" Xavier winced in agony.

"Charles," Ororo began.

"I **don't **want to hear about this," Xavier told her.

"But Charles…" Ororo tried again.

"I'm not listening!" Xavier blocked his ears with his hands. "**Not listening!** La la la la la…"

"Will you pull yourself together and let me explain?" Ororo snapped. "Gambit could you…?"

"La, la, la, la…" Remy held his hands over his ears as well. "Don't want to know! Don't tell me! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!"

"It's official, space has made us **all** nuts!" Lance groaned. "Hey maybe we can use that for a defense?"

"If I may **continue?**" Prosecutor Akeni snapped. "As I stated these are not the **worst** of the charges! In addition I would like to add several more charges of consorting with traitors to the Shi'ar Empire, interfering with an Imperial Guardsman in his duty, assaulting an Imperial Guard, **cross dressing** an Imperial Guardsman against his will, intoxicating an Imperial Guardsman against his will, interfering with interplanetary treaties, breaking the interplanetary treaty with the Brood, starting intergalactic war with the Shi'ar and three other empires, invading the Shi'ar Empire, the destruction of the slave creating prison planet Terrak 4…And worst of all, assisting the Phoenix!"

"Wait, just hanging around with Jean is a **crime?**" Remy blinked.

"Apparently yes," Jean sighed. "I'm the outer space version of the Bogeyman and Apocalypse rolled into one."

"And did he say something about **destroying** a **planet?"** Xavier looked at Jean.

"Uh yeah…"Jean gulped. "I kind of blew one up."

"Kind of blew up a planet?" Xavier was shocked. "An **entire planet?"**

"I said yes," Jean said under her breath to him.

"You blew up…You **destroyed an entire planet?"** Xavier could not get over that. "An entire planet?"

"Hey it was an evil slave making planet okay?" Fred told him. "Cut her some slack."

Prosecutor Akeni pointed to Jean. "**That **creature there is the epitome of evil! The prophecy spoke of this creature. It **warned** us that the Phoenix would one day return and destroy the Shi'ar Empire as we know it! And lo and behold the prophecy has come to pass! She who will destroy us **all** has invaded our beloved empire and has nearly succeeded in destroying us all! I can't think of anything harsher than the ultimate penalty! She and her companion's lives must be forfeit for any peace in this universe to exist!"

There was a roar of approval from the crowd. "KILL HER!" They chanted. "KILL THE PHOENIX! KILL THE PHOENIX! DESTROY HER BEFORE SHE DESTROYS US! MONSTER! PLANET DESTROYER! DEMON! KILL HER!"

"The Skrull Empire agrees," The image of a royal looking male Skrull spoke from a monitor. "As long as the Phoenix exists there can be no peace in the universe."

"For once the Kree are in agreement," The Kree Emperor agreed. "A creature powerful enough to destroy a planet is a threat to us all."

"Yessss," The Snark Empress nodded. "The Phoenix mussst be destroyed. Destroy her!"

"The Phoenix is a plague! A menace!" D'Ken shouted. "Citizens of the Shi'ar Empire! Emperors from neighboring worlds! We all have our differences, but we can come to **one **agreement! There is a menace among us. A demon that pretends to be a mortal in order to fool us. But she does **not **fool me! I see her clearly for the danger that she is! A threat not only to our worlds but our very existence! The Phoenix is nothing more than beast that must be slain!"

A roar from the crowd confirmed that they agreed with D'ken. "Something tells me that the trial part of the legal proceedings are finished," Hank gulped. "And there won't be any appeals."

"And I D'ken will be the one to slay this foul beast!" D'Ken shouted as he raised his fist.

"The only thing foul is your **breath**! AWK!"

"What? Who dares?" D'ken looked around. Then he looked up.

"AWK! AWK! YO JOE!" Polly flew in with Lockheed and Solo straight towards D'ken. "YO JOE!"

"Polly!" Althea shouted.

"Lockheed!" Kitty shouted.

"Solo?" Scott blinked.

"BOMBS AWAY!" Polly shouted. He flew around the Shi'ar Emperor's head with Solo while Lockheed headed straight for his feet to give him a hot foot.

"RARRRR!" Lockheed gave D'Ken a very powerful blast at his feet.

"YEOW! THAT'S HOT! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! GET OFF OF ME!" D'ken screamed and hopped around as the animals attacked him. "Very hot! Get them off! Get them off! GET THESE FREAKS OFF OF ME!"

"Got it!" Polly grabbed something from D'Ken's pocket and tried to fly off.

"OH NO YOU DON'T! SOMEBODY HELP ME HERE!" D'Ken furiously tried to pull the object out of Polly's beak.

"What are they **doing?**" Jean asked.

"Increasing our sentence to about another hundred years by the looks of it," Pietro groaned.

Solo bit D'ken on the ear while Lockheed gave D'ken another blast to the behind. "YEOWWWW! GUARDIAN HELP ME!"

"Yeah Guardian go save our glorious emperor from some house pets," Flashfire said sarcastically.

"Remind me to hit you very hard some time in the future," Guardian grumbled as he flew down to help the emperor.

"This is pretty embarrassing," Erik'Dared groaned as D'Ken tried to fight off the animals unsuccessfully.

"Away stupid creatures!" Guardian tried to bat them away. Lockheed gave him a hot foot. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT ACTUALLY HURT! OW!"

Solo bit Guardian on the ear. And he did something else as well. "YEOWWWWWW!" Guardian yelled. "UGH! IT PEED ON ME! THIS FILTHY ANIMAL PEED ON ME!"

"This is something one does not witness every day," The Kree Emperor blinked as he watched the spectacle.

"I must admit I am enjoying this more than I would the actual execution," The Skrull Emperor nodded. He looked behind him and spoke to his underlings. "Someone is taping this right?"

"Oh yes my Emperor," One of his minions told him off camera.

"Good," The Skrull Emperor nodded. "Make sure you make a few copies afterwards."

"Get away! Get away! OW! Stop biting me! OW! OW! Get away!" Guardian tried to swat both Solo and Lockheed flying around his head. But he was not having any success.

"AAAH HAAA!" D'ken pulled the object out and put it on his hand. "Minister Aku! Speak to me!"

"AKKK! I'M COVERED IN BIRD SPIT!" Minister Aku screamed. "THERE IS BIRD SPIT ALL OVER ME! I FEEL DISGUSTING!"

"Minister Aku are you all right?" D'ken asked the puppet.

"DO I **LOOK **LIKE I AM ALL RIGHT? THAT STUPID ANIMAL NEARLY ATE ME ALIVE!" Minister Aku shouted at D'ken.

"What is going on here?" The Skrull Emperor blinked. "Is this part of Shi'ar law that I am not aware of?"

"I'm not sure," The Snark Empress remarked. She looked at a colorful piece of paper. "It's definitely not on the program."

"GET THOSE STUPID ANIMALS!" Minister Aku shouted. "HOW DARE THOSE CREATURES TOUCH THE REAL LEADER OF THE SHI'AR EMPIRE!"

"I am trying, Sir!" Guardian tried to catch the animals that kept dodging. Then he stopped. "**What** did you say?"

"Minister Aku please…" D'ken coughed.

"Shut it Dkenny!" Minister Aku whirled on him. "I'm **sick** of you hogging the spotlight! You can't even run a child's tea party! Much less an empire without me!"

"Without…**you?**" The Snark Empress blinked.

"Are you telling me that all these years the Empire has been run…" Ororo blinked. "By a puppet?"

"Hey, D'ken's not all bad!" Minister Aku snapped. "Oh you meant me. Yes! I am the true power behind the throne! HA HA HA! HA! TREMBLE MORTALS AND FEAR ME! FOR I AM THE LORD AND MASTER OF ALL I SURVEY! I AM THE SHI'AR EMPIRE! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Guardian blinked and looked at Lilandra. "I **told **you my brother was insane," She glared at him.

"This guy is skipping without a rope," Pyro blinked. "And that's **me** saying that!"

"I know," Bobby said. "That **is** frightening if you think about it!"

"Oh no…" Erik'Dared groaned. "Not the **puppet!"**

"Well this is humiliating beyond words," Firelord groaned.

"It's official," Araki sighed. "We're out of a job."

"Hey Lilandra," Rogue gave the Shi'ar Princess a look. "Just out of curiosity were your parents **first cousins** or something?"

"Actually they were half brother and sister," Lilandra said. "Why?"

"I think the mystery is now solved," Shipwreck groaned. "Boy Charley you sure can pick them! Maybe you shouldn't think about having kids so soon. I mean **one **crazy son is more than enough!"

"This from the man who has five insane offspring that carry his DNA," Xavier gave him a look.

"Hey! You can only speak that way about **four** of my kids," Shipwreck looked at him. "The jury is still out on the little boy."

"Uh Guys," Kitty coughed and pointed to the Shi'ar Emperor going insane. "Focus. On trial for our lives here. Crazy emperor and his hand puppet freaking out. Kind of more important now. Just thought I'd point it out for you."

"Oh right," Shipwreck blinked. "That could be a problem."

"**This **is the mastermind behind the great Shi'ar Empire?" The Kree Emperor shouted. "THIS IS A JOKE!"

"You are you calling a joke you big blue weirdo?" Minister Aku snapped.

"A man with a child's hand puppet is calling **me **a weirdo?" The Kree Emperor yelled.

"I **didn't** call you a weirdo! Minister Aku did!" D'ken snapped back.

"Is it me or do we seem to attract more than our fair share of **weirdoes?**" Rogue groaned.

"Who are **you** calling a weirdo you little freak?" Minister Aku snapped. "You're all my prisoners so you'd better shut up and do what you're told!"

"Or what you're not gonna kill us?" Pietro asked sarcastically.

"Watch it you!" Minster Aku snapped.

"Oh yeah!" Fred whipped out a sock puppet of his own. "Mr. Socky here challenges Minister Aku to a fight! Unless he's too chicken to do so!"

"What did you say?" Minister Aku snapped.

"He said you were chicken," Fred called out. "Buck, buck, bucawwww!"

"Oh you wanna fight? I'll give you a fight! Bring it on, Fatso!" Minister Aku shouted.

"You bring it on!" 'Mr. Socky' challenged. "I dare you to come in here and fight like a man!"

"Fine! Guardian! Release the prisoner!" Minister Aku shrieked.

"Excuse me?" Guardian blinked.

"You heard what he said!" D'ken snapped. "Release him!"

"But…But…" Guardian began.

"Are you **questioning **your emperor's orders?" Minister Aku shouted. "Do as I say!"

"Okay…" Guardian gulped as he released Blob from the containment cell. "As my Emperor commands…"

"What the hell are you **doing?**" Firelord shouted at Guardian.

"The Emperor told me to let him out," Guardian said. He was clearly puzzled.

Puzzled long enough for Shipwreck to take advantage of the situation and try to punch Guardian out so they could escape. Unfortunately, Guardian's chin was a lot stronger than he thought. "OW!" Shipwreck held his hand. "Uh oh…"

"Pathetic fool!" Guardian punched Shipwreck back and locked the cell again.

"Dad! Are you okay?" Althea ran to her father.

"Oooh! Look at all the pretty mermaids!" Shipwreck was dazed.

"Yeah he's fine," Quinn said.

"Where did Blob get a sock puppet?" Scott asked. "On second thought don't tell me. I don't want to know."

"He always keeps one in his back pocket for emergencies," Larry told him.

"I said I **didn't** want to know!" Scott told him.

"Well now you know," Jean said. "And knowing is…Great now they've got **me** doing it!"

Mr. Socky was easily winning the one handed fight over Minister Aku. "All right! I got this! I got this! Rope a dope!" Minister Aku snapped. "OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT HURTS! Okay! So you got in a lucky shot! OW! Make that **two** lucky shots! OW! Three lucky shots! OW! OW! Oooh there's a lot of stars out tonight."

"This is supposed to be an execution! Not a **puppet show!"** The Kree Emperor shouted. "Even the Skrulls can put on a better execution than this!"

"You have to admit, it's unique," The Skrull Emperor blinked.

"No help! Repeat! No help!" Minister Aku snapped. "I got this! OW! Okay this might take a while but I think I'm tiring him out!"

"In your dreams!" Fred shouted. "Get him Mr. Socky!"

"OW! THAT HURTS! OKAY NOW I AM MAD!" Minister Aku snapped.

"Please hurry up and finish this, Minister Aku," D'ken whined. "My arm is starting to hurt!"

"SHUT UP YOU WIMP AND LET ME FIGHT!" Minister Aku snapped. "IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR TRAP I'M GONNA SOCK YOU ONE! GOT IT?"

"Yes Minister," D'Ken gulped in fear.

"**This **is the Emperor half the universe **fears?"** The Snark Empress snapped. "The Shi'ar Empire is nothing but a house of **fools!"**

"I am so glad I am taping this," The Skrull Emperor gloated with glee. "Remind me to give this footage to our Minister of Propaganda. Tell him to make a new video on why the Skrull Empire is superior to the Shi'ar Empire."

"This is so **humiliating**…" Firelord groaned.

"Anyone know how to write a resume?" Flashfire asked. "I'm gonna need one."

"This is the most entertaining prison cell I have ever been in," Xi blinked.

"My Emperor! Please! Let me…" Guardian began to move to help him.

"Back off Guardian! Minister Aku has this under control!" D'ken snapped.

"That's right!" Minister Aku snapped. "OW! NO BITING!" Mr. Socky was biting him on the lower half of his body. "NO BITING!"

"But…" Guardian began.

"WHAT PART OF I **DON'T **NEED YOUR HELP DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" Minister Aku shouted. "BUTT OUT!"

"Are you just going to **stand there** while he beats the crap out of our emperor?" Flashfire shouted as Guardian. "Guardian do something!"

"But…He said not to interfere…" Guardian had a very confused look on his face. "And the emperor's word is law…But my duty is to protect the emperor…Unless he orders me **not** to help him…Which I must obey for his word is law…"

"He didn't order you! The stupid puppet did!" Flashfire shouted.

"**Who** called **who** stupid?" Minister Aku shouted. "Guardian! Arrest him!"

"A PUPPET CAN NOT GIVE ORDERS TO ARREST PEOPLE!" Firelord shouted.

"He can if the Emperor gives him the power to!" Minister Aku shouted. "Right Guardian?"

"My head is really starting to **hurt** now…" Guardian moaned.

"Okay this is now officially the **weirdest** day of my life," Scott groaned. "And over the years there's been some serious competition for **that **title!"

"Hold on!" Mentor shouted as Corsair ran next to him into the arena. "Imperial Guard stay your hand!"

"You don't have to follow this jerk any more!" Corsair shouted.

"What do you mean? Mentor what are you doing with this pirate?" Guardian spoke with distaste and shock. "Explain yourself!"

"Imperial Law Number 462 clearly states that if an emperor or empress is proven to show extreme mental instability he automatically is removed from power!" Mentor shouted. "By Law D'Ken you are no longer Emperor of the Shi'ar and have no authority over us!"

"Well that's good enough for me," Flashfire said throwing up his hands.

Corsair ran to unlock the containment cell. "Stop him!" Minister Aku snapped. "Stop the pirate!"

"Yes my emperor…" Guardian went to stop him when suddenly he was blocked by several members of the Imperial Guard who had come down to the stage.

"GUARDIAN! YOU ARE TAKING ORDERS FROM A **HAND PUPPET!"** Erik'Dared snapped. "**THINK** ABOUT IT!"

"If **that** is not a sign of mental instability I don't know **what** is!" Firelord groaned. "He's right! The duty of the Imperial Guard is to follow the law. And the law clearly states that D'ken is **no longer** fit to rule!"

"Hold on," Althea put it together as Corsair freed them. "Corsair…You and Mentor **planned** this didn't you?"

"Yes," Mentor nodded. "I've been secretly aiding the resistance for years."

"TRAITOR!" D'ken screamed. "THIS IS TREASON!"

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU COULDN'T TRUST THAT BEADY EYED GREEN WEIRDO!" Minister Aku shouted. "TREASON!"

"It is **not **treason to rescue the empire from a madman who is not **fit** to rule it!" Mentor snapped.

"And you knew about this too didn't you Jean?" Rina gave Jean a look. "That's why you gave up fighting so quickly!"

"Well I did glimpse the plan in Corsair's mind…" Jean said. "Among other things. Scott…Corsair there's something else you two should know…"

"AARGGHH!" D'ken was thrown backwards by Fred's mighty punch. "You will all pay for this!"

"Save it D'Ken!" Corsair pointed his weapon at him. "You are finally going to pay for your crimes!"

"Really? Is that a fact?" D'ken pulled out a black gem from his coat pocket. "Actually it is you who will pay! Silare Larane lrarieane! Arielema, keineore, kei, makain amlana Shi'ar!" He tossed the gem into the air after shouting some incantations.

"NO! THAT CAN'T BE!" Araki shouted. "That's **not **what I think it is !"

"It is! The Gem of Darkness!" D'ken shouted with glee as the gem grew larger and turned into a giant portal.

"That's a bad thing right?" Todd asked.

"Yes," Flashfire gulped. "The Gem of Darkness is a very bad thing."

"Why is it a very bad thing?" Fred asked.

A terrible roar could be heard from the giant portal. "I believe we are about to find out," Xi said.

Out of the portal emerged a giant black armored creature with a loud roar, sharp claws and many sharp teeth. Very sharp teeth. The portal shut off as soon as it's long scaly spiked black tail pulled through.

"Uh what is **that?**" Kurt pointed and gulped.

"I am guessing it is the **reason** that the Gem of Darkness is a very bad thing," Xi replied.

"It can't be!" Lilandra screamed in horror. "It's the Soul Drinker!"

"The what now?" Todd yelled.

"The Soul Drinker is a demon with one specific purpose," D'ken laughed. "When it drinks the very soul of a sacrifice it opens a gateway to ultimate power!"

"Soul? As in someone's actually soul?" Kurt yelled.

"It also eats the body too by the looks of it," Wanda's eyes widened.

"Oh dear," Hank looked at the enormous creature. "That is one big boy isn't it!"

"This was **not **part of the plan," Mentor coughed.

"Really?" Scott asked sarcastically. "I never would have **guessed."**

"RARRRRRRR!" The Soul Drinker let out a hideous screech. A screech that sent the entire stadium into a panic, with aliens fleeing as fast as they could.

"Let me see if I get this straight," Todd gulped as the huge beast roared. "If that thing **eats **somebody it'll give D'ken ultimate power?"

"So the legend goes," Mentor gulped. "And it looks like it's after Lilandra as it's main course!"

"Oh no…" A Shi'ar guard moaned. "I knew I should have listened to my mother and become a doctor!"

"Lilandra!" Xavier shouted as the Soul Drinker made it's way towards Lilandra.

"YES! YES!" D'ken hopped up and down. "Go get her Soul Drinker! There she is! One hundred percent grade A princess! Come and get her! Yum! Yum!"

"Nice and tasty!" Minister Aku shrieked. "Go get her boy!"

"AAIEEEEEE!" Lilandra screamed and cringed in terror.

Kurt teleported over to her and managed to teleport her out of her bonds. "Got you!" He teleported her over to Xavier.

However the Soul Drinker had found another target. "AAAHHHH!" Oracle screamed.

"Oracle! Someone save Oracle!" Lilandra said.

"No rest for the weary!" Kurt teleported again and attempted to pull her out. However the creature was faster and knocked Kurt backwards. "Yikes!"

"I've got it!" Kitty had made her way over to them and phased Oracle out of her shackles. They both ran for their lives.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" D'ken jumped up and down. "You can't **do** this to me! Not fair! Not fair! Not fair!"

"You unleashed the Soul Drinker on us all and you're complaining about being **fair?**" Firelord shouted as he blasted at the creature with his staff. The blast had no affect. "Do have any idea of the damage and destruction you have **unleashed?" **

"Yeah, **so?**" D'ken sneered.

"You truly **are **mad!" Guardian yelled as he lunged towards D'Ken. Only to be knocked down by the Soul Drinker's tail.

The three rulers of the other empires looked at each other through the monitors. "It is clear that the Shi'ar Empire is sailing without a captain or a sturdy rudder!" The Skrull Emperor gasped.

"Or by the looks of it, a **boat **as well," The Kree Emperor blinked. "This madman will destroy **the universe** in order to get his own way! Even the Phoenix is not as dangerous as he is!"

"For once we are in agreement," The Skrull Emperor agreed. "The Shi'ar are a threat to us all! Especially with a lunatic like that on the throne!"

"How about we do this?" The Snark Empress suggested. "We all join forces together and wipe out the Shi'ar Empire. The way things are going it should only last a few weeks anyway **at most!** Then we divide up what's **left** of it among ourselves? Agreed?"

"Agreed!" Both the Skrull and the Kree agreed. All the monitors went dead.

"So much for ending the war," Erik'Dared had overheard the plotting.

"I'm a little more concerned about the end of the **universe** myself if you don't mind!" Firelord snapped at him.

The X-Men, Misfits and Imperial Guard tried to stop the creature but it seemed that all their attacks did was make it angrier. Guardian tried to punch it but the Soul Drinker simply knocked him away as if he were a fly. Many of the X-Men and Misfits could do little but try to keep themselves any anyone else from being eaten.

Then the Soul Drinker saw Prosecutor Akeni. Before anyone could do anything it's mouth opened and huge tentacles streamed out wrapping the helpless prosecutor and sucked Akeni directly into the creature's mouth.

"Oh my Gods!" D'ken shouted. "You killed Akeni!"

"You bastards!" Minister Aku screamed.

"How the hell did this turn into an outer space version of South Park?" Lance shouted.

"So much for stopping it from feeding," Erik'Dared groaned as the Soul Drinker seemed to grow even bigger. "And all our attacks are doing is annoying it!"

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" D'ken pouted. "I wanted it to eat my sister first! It's not fair! Not fair!"

"Oh well so what if we lost a lousy lawyer?" Minister Aku snorted. "The Soul Drinker did it's job!"

"Yes and it looks like the Phoenix is about to do **her part**," D'ken brightened up when he saw Jean create a Phoenix raptor around her and take to the sky.

"This ends **now!**" Jean felt the power of the Phoenix flow through her as she used her power to attack the creature. She sent a blast that sent the creature reeling.

"NO! DON'T DO IT! PHOENIX DON'T DESTROY THE BEAST!" Firelord yelled.

"Uh, excuse me but why **don't **you want her to destroy the creature that wants to eat us all for **breakfast?**" Angelica asked. "What? You want us all to **die?**"

"Yeah I mean like, Jean killing that monster is a good thing right?" Kitty asked.

"Not necessarily," Mentor groaned.

"What do you mean?" Shane asked.

"There's **another** part of the legend," Firelord groaned. "Only the Phoenix can destroy the Soul Drinker but once it does…"

"What?" Todd yelled. "What happens if she…?"

Before he finished Jean let out a powerful blast that caused the Soul Drinker to shriek in agony. Then it disintegrated into a giant glowing portal. "YES! IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE!" D'ken laughed with glee. "THANK YOU SO MUCH MISS BIRD BRAIN IT'S ALL MINE!"

"**That** is what happens!" Firelord shouted. "A doorway to a power that can destroy the universe!"

"Not destroy it! Reshape it into my image!" D'ken laughed.

"Okay didn't we already go through this with **Apocalypse?**" Kurt yelled.

**"Who?"** Corsair asked him.

"Long story!" Scott told him.

"What are you waiting for D'ken? An engraved invitation?" Minister Aku snapped. "Get your Emperor's butt over there now!"

"Stop him!" Mentor shouted. "He must not be allowed to enter the portal!"

"I got it!" Pyro who was closest to D'ken and the portal shot out some flames from his flamethrower. They hit the Minister Aku puppet.

"YEOWW!" Emperor D'Ken yelled as he instinctively threw off the flaming puppet.

"AAAHHH! I'M BURNING! I'M BURNING! WHAT A WORLD! WHAT A WORLD!" Minister Aku screamed before he was turned to ashes. "AAHHHHHH!"

"NOOOOOOOOO! MINISTER AKU! SPEAK TO ME!" Emperor D'ken wailed at his burned puppet. "YOU WILL ALL PAY FOR THIS!" He screamed as he leapt through the portal.

"YOU LET HIM GET AWAY! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" Mentor shouted at Pyro.

"Sorry I thought you meant the puppet," Pyro told him.

"You really should have been more specific," Xi said to Mentor.

"How is this for specific?" Mentor glared at him. "D'ken now has access to ultimate power and will use it to destroy the universe!"

"Oh that's not good," Pyro blinked. "Something like that could cause a lot of trouble down the road."

There was a rumble. "Now what's going on?" Pietro looked behind him. "Hey there's a spaceship headed straight for us."

"WHAT?" Firelord turned around. "That is the Emperor's personal ship!"

"He must have programmed it to attack us," Lilandra said.

"No it's not firing, it's headed straight for the…" Jean's eyes narrowed. "There is a presence on that ship being controlled! We have to get on board!"

"We do," Todd blinked.

"Major Summers! Do you think you can pilot this ship?" Jean yelled at Corsair.

"How did you know my name?" Corsair shouted. "Wait stupid question, telepath."

"SUMMERS?" Scott shouted. "Major **Christopher** Summers?"

"He's got the same last name as you Scott," Todd remarked.

"SCOTT?" Corsair shouted. He and Scott looked at each other. "Scott?"

"Dad?" Scott's world was reeling. "You can't be…"

"He is," Jean sighed. "Sorry I should have told you two sooner but…"

"He's your dad?" Shane blinked, looking back and forward at the two. "He's your son?"

"Oh my…" Corsair blinked. "Scott?"

"Dad?" Scott was shocked.

"YOU'RE ALIVE?" Both men shouted at each other.

"Hate to break up the family reunion but in case you haven't noticed, THE END OF THE UNIVERSE IS UPON US!" Lance shouted.

"Get on board the space ship!" Firelord told them.

"How do we do **that?**" Lance snapped. Suddenly it felt like he was cloaked in fire. The next thing he knew he was inside the spaceship. All the Misfits, X-Men, Lilandra, Corsair and several members of the Imperial Guard were there. "Oh right, all powerful cosmic force. Forgot."

"Whoa Jean you are getting good with that," Kitty blinked.

"We need to take control of the ship," Jean told them. "I need to find the mind being controlled and set it free. According to my senses it…she's right here somewhere."

"It's a brain ship," Mentor told them. "Our scientists can put in a living brain of a dying warrior or scientist into a ship in order that he may continue to serve the empire."

"You saying there's an actual **brain** inside this ship?" Kitty gasped.

"Well there was no brain running the ship on the outside so…" Pietro quipped.

"Knock off the jokes and help me here!" Corsair snapped. "Any computer experts?"

"Oh yeah!" Trinity called out.

"Right here!" Arcade said.

"I'll give it a try," Kitty agreed and they all went to work on securing the ship. However they couldn't stop it from going through the portal.

"Here we go again," Kurt quipped. "Off to save the fabric of reality."

"We must hurry," Lilandra said. "If we fail…our whole world, our whole universe will be destroyed."

"Got it, save the universe again," Fred nodded. "No pressure."

"Forgive me Princess," Guardian gasped as he fell to his knee. "My loyalty to the Emperor blinded me. I should have known he was not fit to lead the empire. You are the true Majestrix. From this day on I am your humble servant and will lead the Imperial Guard to help you however I can in protecting it."

"Oh yeah **now** you help us," Pietro said sarcastically. "Right when the universe is about to be destroyed! Real **helpful!"**

"I made a mistake all right?" Guardian snapped. "I misjudged the Emperor!"

"There's an understatement! I mean you couldn't have figured out things were getting bad oh, **before** this all happened?" Pietro went on. "The big giant monster that tired to eat us all alive didn't tip you off that things were rotten in the state of Shi'ar?"

"The kid does have a point here," Flashfire said. "You really blew it Guardian."

"You think that the puppet would have been his first clue," Fred remarked.

"I DIDN'T EVEN **KNOW** ABOUT THE STUPID PUPPET UNTIL NOW!" Guardian shouted. "BUT YOU DID ERIK'DARED!"

"Well actually **most **of the Imperial Guard knew about the puppet instead of you," Mentor coughed.

"We didn't tell you because we didn't want to give you a headache," Flashfire shrugged. "Which it did!"

"WHAT?" Guardian snapped.

"Wait you all **knew** about the puppet and yet you went along with his whole enslave the universe thing?" Arcade asked.

"We didn't think he was going to change the entire fabric of space and time!" Flashfire snapped. "Just enslave a couple of planets and…"

"**Not helping** Flashfire," Nightshade snapped.

"To be fair only **I** knew about D'ken's plot," Mentor said. "I was spying for the Princess and the rest of the Resistance."

"But all the rest of you were perfectly willing to go along with enslaving other worlds as long as your jobs were safe?" Lina put her hands on her hips.

"Well uh…" Flashfire grunted. The Imperial Guard looked rather sheepish.

"You have to understand, our loyalty to the Empire…" Guardian began.

"Has caused nothing but misery and trouble!" Lina stood up to him. "You should be ashamed of yourselves, mindlessly going along with evil schemes and people getting hurt just because you were following orders! That's no excuse!"

"Hey! Look who's talking!" Erik'Dared snapped. "You're not exactly that innocent yourself lady!"

"Yeah! You and your crew have been blowing up and wrecking half the galaxy for weeks!" Flashfire snapped. "And you started a war! Well three or four wars…"

"I think it's become one war now that all our enemies have ganged up together against us," Nightshade grumbled.

"The Brood are still separate," Guardian remarked. "They never ally themselves with anyone."

"That's true but we're straying from the point here!" Erik'Dared snapped. "Which is that you Earth mutants are nothing but trouble so don't you judge us by your standards!"

"At least we don't enslave other worlds!" Lina snapped.

"Yeah we just blow them up," Pyro said.

"Not helping, Pyro," Hank groaned. **"Not helping!"**

"Can we please put the blame game on hold for now?" Corsair snapped at them. "At least until we save the entire freaking universe! Now shut up! I need to concentrate here!"

"Allow me," Jean concentrated and a reddish golden energy emanated from her. The spaceship glowed and the protocols were released. "That should help."

"Thanks a lot!" The spaceship gasped. It had a female voice. "My personality was stuck behind all those stupid protocols! Do you know how long I was stuck serving that jerk! Go to this planet and blow it up! Go to **that** planet and blow it up! Go to a casino planet and wait for hours while that jerk plays the nickel machines! I've lost all my money! Blow up the casino planet! It was just one stupid thing after another! Now that I'm free I can finally tell that bastard D'ken where to stick it! Better yet! I am going to stick it to him **personally!"**

"That voice…I **know** that voice. Katherine…" Corsair gasped. "Is that you?"

"Chris? Chris! Yes dear it's me," The starship replied. "D'ken had his scientists put my brain in a starship. It's a long story."

"I can't believe it!" Corsair was shocked. "You're alive?"

"If you call being a spaceship living," The starship told him. "But yes I am."

"You know this…person? Care to tell me who this is?" Scott asked.

"Scott, don't tell me you don't remember your mother?" Corsair asked.

"MOM?" Scott yelled.

**"Mom?"** Lance blinked.

"MOM?" Everyone else shouted.

"I can't take much more of this! Just one freaking **soap opera** drama after another," Shane groaned. "Okay how the hell did this **happen?** How the hell did Cyclops' mom end up as a **space ship?"**

"D'ken put my brain into this ship and had his programmers override my memories and personalities," The Spaceship said. "I'm called K-5 now. Chris…I knew all about you and where you were and everything thanks to all the files D'ken had on the ship but I couldn't do anything! I was trapped!"

"Mommy…" Scott blinked.

"Scott! I can tell it's you with my genetic scanners!" K-5 gasped. "Oh you've gotten so big! You're still my little man!"

"Katherine you're embarrassing the boy," Corsair snorted.

"I'm embarrassing him?" K-5 remarked. "I'm not the one running around like a space version of Long John Silver!"

"Well what **else **was I supposed to be after what D'Ken did to us?" Corsair defended his choice of profession. "A management consultant?"

"You have a point," K-5 agreed. "And it is not like I chose to open fire on you all those times I was chasing your ship. Which I am really sorry about by the way. Could you ever forgive me?"

"Oh dear it's not your fault," Corsair said. "Of course I forgive you. I just wish I knew about this sooner! I swear if I had known…"

"How could you know? I was stabbed before your eyes and killed," K-5 told him. "Look let's just forget the past. The present is all that matters. We're all reunited with our sweet little baby boy Scottie. Isn't that right Scottie? Scottie?"

"My father is a space **pirate** and my mother is a space **ship**…" Scott groaned. "My girlfriend is a powerful cosmic being that empires want to destroy. And its literally the end of the universe…This is a **lot **for one day!"

"And the day ain't over yet!" Rogue snapped.

"Which means there could be even more surprises for us," Todd said cheerfully.

"Wonderful," Scott groaned. "I am **definitely** going to have a mental breakdown by the time I am thirty. If I live **that** long."

"I got a question," Todd blinked. "What does D'ken need a spaceship for in the center of the universe?"

"Yeah I was wondering that too," Angelica said. "Obviously he doesn't need it to breathe, does he?"

"No, he wanted to use me to help destroy the Center of All that Is," K-5 told them. "Then he could take over and shape reality to his image. Boy is he going to get a surprise!"

"Speaking of surprises," Daria remarked. "Hang on! It looks like we're headed for some turbulence here!"

The ship started to shake and rumble. Multiple colors seemed to blast all around the ship and crash into them. Everyone not sitting in a seat started to fly into each other.

"AAAHHH!" Ororo crashed into a wall, but found the wall was very soft. She looked up and saw that she had fallen right into Shipwreck.

"Well hello there?" Shipwreck grinned widely.

"Oh get a room you two," Althea groaned as she and Todd were in a pile with Fred, Lina, Shane and Mentor.

"Can't help it if the two of us share some kind of magnetic attraction," Shipwreck smirked. "Right Stormy?"

"I didn't…AAAAHHH!" Ororo shouted in frustration. "Shipwreck remind me to freeze you in ice if we ever survive this!"

"So you can warm me up?" Shipwreck raised an eyebrow.

"So I can sell you to the polar bears as a **popsicle!**" Ororo snapped slapping him.

"What's going on?" Angelica cried out as she tried to hold onto the railing. She failed and flew straight backwards into Flashfire. "AAAHHH!"

"Hold on babe," Flashfire grinned as he held her. "It's going to be a bumpy ride."

"And it's going to get even bumpier," Nightshade grumbled as she whacked him on the head.

"OW! THAT HURTS!" Flashfire snapped. The ship jostled again and Angelica accidentally whacked him with her elbow. "OW! MY NOSE!"

"Sorry," Angelica apologized.

"Don't be too sorry," Nightshade grunted. "AAAHHH! She was thrown back with another jostle. She ended up landing on top of Lance. "Ow…"

"Uh are you okay?" Lance gulped.

"Yeah sorry about that…" Nightshade blushed.

"Uh yeah," Lance blinked.

"What is going on?" Jean asked.

"It appears that Lance and Nightshade are attracted to each other," Xi remarked.

"She meant what's going on **outside**," Rina gave him a look.

"Although you gotta admit what's going on the inside is interesting as well," Pietro snickered.

"I don't believe this," Kitty rolled her eyes. "This is not a time to find a date!"

"Look who's talking!" Lance snapped, pointing out that Kitty was in Peter's arms on the floor. "You don't see me complaining about you and the tin man do you?"

"Can we concentrate on something more important?" Rogue snapped. "Like what the hell is out there that is trying to **kill us?"**

"Interdimentional rifts," Firelord explained. "We're literally crashing into the fringes of other dimensions!"

"It wasn't this bumpy the last time…" Pietro began. He was thrown backwards by another jolt. "WHOA!"

And he hit Wanda. "Oh man why couldn't I get a hot alien chick like Lance?" Pietro groaned.

ZZZAPPP! Wanda hexed her brother into a wall. "You are such a twerp," She grumbled.

"Owie…" Pietro groaned.

"Be careful," Corsair warned. "One wrong move and the entire ship will be torn to pieces."

"I've got it, honey," K-5 told him. "Let me drive. Trust me I know what I'm doing."

"I'm the pilot," Corsair told her. "Flying is my specialty."

"And I'm the **ship!**" K-5 told him. "Don't you think I might know a thing or two about piloting by now?"

"I'm just saying that I am more qualified to fly…" Corsair began.

"Qualified? Qualified? It's my body you jerk! I can handle this!" K-5 snapped. "This is just like our old family vacations! You always had to be in control! Not once could you pull over for directions or listen to advice! Instead you had to be…"

"COULD YOU TWO PLEASE SHUT UP AND FLY BEFORE WE ALL GET KILLED HERE?" Shane shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Touchy, touchy," Corsair rolled his eyes. "Hold on I think we're at the end of it!"

Suddenly they were inside an immense and very familiar crystal cavern. "Yup we're back at the Nexus all right," Kurt groaned. "I even recognize some of the cracks in the walls."

"You **know **this place?" Erik'Dared stared at him.

"You have actually **been** here before?" Firelord was in shock.

"Well not all of us," Shipwreck told them. "I wasn't here and neither were Storm and Colossus."

"Most of us were here before," Wanda explained. "We kind of went on this interdimensional trip and had to save the universe from thirteen versions of an all powerful being."

"Technically it was eleven versions of an all powerful nutcase named Apocalypse," Pietro said. "Two of them were taken out for us by the other versions of Apocalypse but you get the gist."

"You have been here **before?**" Guardian gave them a look.

"Been here? We can practically give you a guided tour," Pietro scoffed.

"So if you know the layout where do we start looking for D'ken?" Lilandra asked.

"Is that the name of the jerk that's running around the Nexus?" A familiar bearded figure in green pants and shirt appeared. "You know I just tidied up after the last invasion!"

"It is the Caretaker!" Guardian gasped. He fell to his knees. "Oh great Master of Time and Space, forgive our intrusion! We beseech you! Do not smite us with your great and terrible wrath!"

"Hey Bender! How's it hanging!" Todd called out.

"Yeah nice to see you again!" Fred shook Bender's hand.

"Hey! Compadres! Buddies!" Bender leapt on Fred and kissed him on the cheeks. He ran around and kissed everyone that had gone to the Nexus the first time. "Goombas! It's been too long! My Amigos! Have you eaten? Yeah you have! You are one blue and fuzzy guy! And you are **another** wild blue and fuzzy guy! Hey! Good to see ya! Great to see ya!"

"What the Hell…" Erik'Dared blinked.

"You I've never seen before in my life but I love ya anyway!" Bender gave a sloppy kiss on the top of Xavier's forehead. "And all of ya!"

"Back off!" Ororo warned as Bender headed straight for her.

"Come on babe! Give us a kiss!" Bender puckered up.

"NO!" Ororo snapped and let out a warning bolt of electricity. However as Bender was jolted he instantly turned into a pile of ashes.

"NO!" Lilandra gasped.

"Oh my!" Bender popped up again beside the ashes. "I look terrible. Here let me get that!" He made a broom appear out of nowhere and started to brush it away.

"You **know **the Caretaker?" Firelord looked at the X-Men and Misfits.

"We **told **you we were here before," Kitty gave him a look.

"So Bender where's Bishop?" Pietro asked.

"Oh he's out blasting that guy who showed up," Bender waved as he shoved the ash pile under a newly formed rug.

"What?" Scott blinked.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

"You would think after all the times Bishop has shot at me his aim would improve," Bender remarked casually.

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

"Nope, still missing him," Bender shrugged.

"Who is Bishop?" Lilandra asked.

"He's a mutant from an alternate future where mutants are killed off by Sentinels that came to our time to change the future," Fred told her as if this was the most casual thing in the world. "We changed it he ended up stuck here."

"Oh and he likes guns," Xi said.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"**Big** guns," Xi added.

"Now I am starting to understand **why** we have never formally invaded Earth," Guardian moaned. "The beings that live on it are too weird!"

"Take a note Guardian," Firelord told him. "If any Empress or Emperor ever tells you to invade Earth, **ever…**"

"I know, for the good of the Empire **ignore it!"** Guardian groaned. "**That **I can do!"

"HA HA HA HA HA!" There was a loud savage laugh resounding through the caverns. "THE POWER IS MINE! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"

"Oh great now **what?**" Pietro groaned.

The spaceship landed and they all got out. They saw D'Ken holding a massive green crystal that was cracked over his head. "Thank you for blasting the Heart of the Nexus! Now I can access it's power!"

"Bender was right Bishop! You seriously need to work on your aim!" Pietro ran to the slightly dazed mutant lying on the ground.

"Oh great! It's **you** again!" Bishop groaned.

"What happened?" Scott asked.

"This nut pops out of nowhere and starts **shooting** at me," Bishop grumbled. "He was running in and out of secret passages before I could catch him."

"My brother was always a crack shot and a very fast runner," Lilandra remarked.

"Somehow the jerk managed to find the secret ultimate power of the Nexus!" Bishop grumbled.

"Let me get this straight," Pietro asked. "We stopped eleven Apocalypses but you couldn't stop one nutcase?"

"Those Apocalypses didn't have a **map **to where the **real power** was hidden!" D'Ken revealed his chest by opening up his shirt. There was some kind of detailed ink map drawn on his chest.

"I recognize that map!" Mentor shouted. "It is from the Forbidden Library! All the knowledge in the universe is in there! But no one is allowed to remove the contents from the library!"

"As you can see I found a way **around** that rule," D'ken grinned. "Minister Aku did it himself. I'm going to miss him. Wait a minute! I have ultimate power now! I'll just bring him back!"

He focused and the crystal glowed. Minister Aku appeared floating in the air. "I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaacck!" Minister Aku said joyfully.

"How…?" Wanda began.

"Hello? Heart of the Nexus can control all of time, space, creation and what channels you can turn on any TV," Bender told her.

"Yes and now that I have the power I will rule everything!" D'Ken laughed. "What is one paltry empire when I can control all of time and space and rule the universe? Actually I can rule any universe I want!"

**"You?"** Minister Aku floated into his face. "Excuse me? Who was it that came up with the plan in the **first place?** I will rule the universe!"

"No you won't! I will!" D'ken snapped.

"Forget it! You'll just blow it anyway!" Minister Aku snapped and grabbed onto the crystal. "The Heart of the Nexus is mine!"

"NO IT'S MINE!" D'ken pulled on it.

"MINE!" Minster Aku pulled on it in the opposite direction.

"MINE! MINE! MINE!" D'ken screamed.

"GET YOUR GRUBBY TALONS OFF YOU LUNATIC IT'S MINE!" Minister Aku screamed back at him.

"I've heard of puppet governments but this is ridiculous," Hank blinked.

"Okay this situation is officially insane," Kitty grumbled.

"**Officially **insane?" Flashfire asked her. "You mean it wasn't crazy enough to be insane **before?"**

"Not by our standards," Fred told him.

"Note to self, definitely never allow **any **type of invasion on the planet Earth," Guardian groaned. "No matter **who **orders it!"

"Shut up and grab the crystal away from both of them!" Bishop readied his weapon. He fired but it was deflected by a force field.

"Oh I don't think so!" Minster Aku snorted. "Come on freaks! Take your best shot!"

"Uh oh," Bender gulped. "This is not good."

"Let me guess, as long as he has the crystal we can't hurt him?" Althea groaned.

"Bingo!" Bender nodded.

"Well in that case…" Minister Aku grinned. Suddenly he yanked on the crystal hard, pulling it out of D'ken's hands. But being he had puppet hands it slipped from his grasp as well. "Oh right no fingers…"

SMASH!

The crystal shattered into a million pieces. A strange green energy emerged from it and covered both D'Ken and Minister Aku. "Oh this is bad! This is very bad!" Bender grabbed his hair. "They're absorbing the crystal's energy! Which means they're becoming the crystal!"

"And everything it represents!" D'ken laughed as his form changed into an emerald stone covered being.

"Yeah! Green's my color all right!" Minister Aku laughed. "Now nothing can stop us!"

"No!" Jean changed into her full Phoenix form and flew at them. _**"Not while I can help it!"**_

"Oh in that case…" D'Ken focused and telekinetically slammed Jean into the walls of the Nexus so hard her Phoenix Raptor was shaken. Minister Aku created a large emerald spear from his body and threw it right at Jean before she could recover. It caught Jean in the stomach and pinned her right to the wall.

"AKKK!" Jean gasped, choking on blood rushing from her mouth. Then she slumped.

"JEAN!" Scott screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

**The idea of Scott's mom being a spaceship was all mine. I just thought I'd have a little more fun with Scott's family. He he…**

**Is Jean really dead? Will the gang trash the Nexus again? Will D'ken take over all of space and time? And where's Timebroker during all this? Find out next time! If there is a next time…**


	70. The Fate of the Universe

**The Fate of The Universe: Phoenix Reborn**

"JEAN!" Scott ran to Jean's side, her body pinned to the wall by the giant spear. But it was too late.

"Scott…She's…gone…" Xavier was shocked by her sudden death.

"No! No! Jean! Jean!" Scott screamed taking her face into his hands. "JEAN!"

"She's dead, Scott," Rina said soberly. She unsheathed her claws and glared at the emerald forms of D'ken and his living puppet. "But she will not be the **only **one to die today!"

"Interesting choice of words," D'ken sneered. "I think I'm going to have a little fun before I remold the entire universe into my image!" He focused and the entire floor started to shake violently.

"Whoa and I thought I could shake things up!" Lance could barely stand. But soon he couldn't as he and the others were tossed around like rag dolls.

"STOP D'KEN!" Guardian shouted as he and Firelord charged at him.

"You can't stop a **god**, idiot!" D'ken laughed as he created a blast that sent both aliens flying backwards. "Go on! Attack me with all you have! This is going to be fun!"

"No choice but to do that then," Shipwreck managed to get a blaster from Corsair and started firing.

"DIE YOU CREEP!" K-5 blasted at D'ken but was thrown backwards. The spaceship was wrecked on the side of the walls of the cavern.

"KATHERINE!" Corsair shouted.

"Oh what a treat! I get to kill that witch **twice** in front of you!" D'ken laughed.

"You're going to pay for that D'ken if it's the last thing I ever do!" Corsair screamed as he fired.

"And it may be," Minister Aku laughed as he shot out fireballs at the mutants.

Many of the mutants and aliens started to fight too only to get their attacks repelled. "Hey you! Nightshade!" Lance called out. "Can't you like use those shadows of yours underneath them and suck them in a black hole or something?"

"I'm trying but it's not working!" Nightshade shouted.

"He seems to be blocking my hex powers as well," Wanda admitted. "Somehow he's using his reality warping powers to counter my own!"

"Oh isn't this special?" Pyro sneered. He created a giant fire dragon. "Well some of us are gonna go down fighting! Even if this jerk is a god!"

But not all of them were able to fight.

"Jean…" Scott sobbed as he stood by Jean's body, impaled against the wall.

"Cyclops! Snap out of it!" Rina snapped. "Jean's dead! There's nothing you can do but avenge her!"

"If he can try!" D'ken sent out another telekinetic blast at them.

"AAHHH!" They screamed as they were thrown backwards.

"BASTARD!" Scott screamed as he was knocked away from Jean's body from the blast. He ripped off his visor and tried to hit D'ken with a very powerful blast.

But it didn't work.

Nothing the mutants or aliens did worked. D'ken was winning easily. He was toying with them, allowing them to throw everything they had at him until they would be exhausted.

Then he would kill them.

No one noticed an observer in the battle. "No…" Jean whispered to herself. She felt nothing physical even though she could see the very obvious damage that was done to her body. "Scott! Get away! Get away! Professor! Can't you hear me? You can't beat him! He's too powerful! Someone! Anyone! Can't you hear me?"

No one did.

None of them could talk to ghosts.

And all Jean could do was watch her friends slowly get killed.

_I have to do something! Anything! _Jean thought as she saw her friends and family getting clobbered. _There has to be __**something**__ I can do! _

"Normally when one dies that's pretty much it but in your case I think we can make an exception."

Jean looked up into a bright light. "Who said that?" She saw a figure emerge from the light. "You?"

"Hello Jean," Timebroker smiled. "We've been waiting for you."

"We?" Jean asked.

"The others," Timebroker took her hand. "Come my dear, it's time."

"But…" Jean began to protest.

"They'll be all right. Everything will work out. You'll see," Timebroker guided her through the light. "All things happen for a reason. Even death."

Suddenly Jean found herself surrounded by stars in a vast cosmic void. "What's happening? Where are we?" She asked. She realized that she was transparent and seemed to be made of stars.

"A place even further beyond time and space," Timebroker told her. He had changed to a semi transparent star form as well. "Come, it's time you met the others."

"Others?" Jean asked. "What others?"

"The other possessors of the Phoenix Force," Timebroker said drawing her closer to a great golden fireball in the sky. "We call this the White Hot Room. This is where they all meet, the center of the cosmic force that is. Even those who have only possessed it or tasted it's power for a moment find their way here. And now it is your turn. Technically this is all happening at different times and at different stages of lives in different universes but you get the picture…"

They passed through the fire and entered a room of gold and white crystal. Inside were millions of people wearing white and gold uniforms with the Phoenix emblem on the front. Several thousand of them were women with red heads that looked very familiar. Some had long hair. Some had short hair. Some had no hair but fire on their heads. Some were male, some were female. Some had no obvious gender at all. Some were old, others young. And many were her age. But most of them had one thing in common.

They were all the Phoenix.

And Jean was now one of them.

"There's so many…" Jean gasped. "And all lot of them are…**Me!"**

"You do seem to get around a lot," Timebroker gave her a look. "Apparently you are a favorite. But there are others."

Jean took in the sight of several others as the Phoenix and was shocked. "Emma? Betsy? Rogue? Wanda? Kitty? Scott? Alex? Madelyne? Xavier? Lance? And…BLOB? How did **he **get to be part of the Phoenix Force?"

"I'm not exactly sure about **that **one's story either," Timebroker blinked at the Phoenix Blob. "But I hear the world he comes from is really weird."

"Weirder than **my **reality?" Jean gave him a look.

"Well yes. Believe it or not it's not **that** much of a stretch," Timebroker told her.

"So this is the source of the Phoenix?" Jean asked.

"Yes and no. This is part of it. There's another room that represents the dark side of the Phoenix Force. We call **that** the Black Cold Room. But it's not time for you to experience **that** yet. The room you are in now standing inside represents the essence of the Phoenix Force in it's purest form," Timebroker said. "And now it is time for you to embrace it."

"Embrace it?" Jean asked. "What do you mean? I don't understand."

"What you have endured, what you **will** endure has come to pass," Timebroker told her. "You must make the Nexus whole again. Remember Jean, the Phoenix Force must heal as well as destroy. It can not do one without doing the other."

"Heal?" Jean asked as the ground beneath them began to glow.

"The Phoenix must restore the balance and fix what is broken," Timebroker told her. "Remember you have the power of light **and** darkness within you. It's time to use it. Open your mind and you will see. Don't be afraid."

Everything grew bright. Jean saw dozens of experiences with all the other Phoenixes, cosmic power and understanding flowed within her.

"I understand now…" Jean realized as she immersed herself in the power of the Phoenix. "Oh Scott…If only you could see this…Scott…"

Scott…

Scott…

Scott…

Scott...

"SCOTT WAKE UP AND MOVE IT!" Corsair grabbed his son away from a barrage of fire.

"This is ridiculous!" Scott screamed. "We hit him with everything we have and we still can't win! It's hopeless!"

"Don't say that! As long as we're alive…" Corsair shook his shoulders.

"We're as good as dead now! Just like…" Scott choked. "I can't…I can't fight anymore!"

"You don't think I **don't **know what it's like to lose the love of your life to that scumbag D'ken?" Corsair's face grew hard. "Believe me son, I know more than anyone what that is like but you can't help her by getting yourself **killed!**"

"You're right," Scott pulled himself together. "Jean wouldn't want it this way."

"You're damn right she wouldn't," Corsair agreed. "Ready?"

"Yeah," Scott nodded. Both father and son returned to the battle, screaming their rage at D'Ken.

Unfortunately D'Ken had no problems taking them on.

"I haven't had this much fun since I was accidentally shoved in the washing machine with those dolls and Lilandra's underwear!" Minister Aku laughed as he shot out fire bolts, scattering his enemies.

"Yes…I…**WHAT?**" D'ken screamed. "THAT'S MY SISTER WHO I'M SUPPOSED TO KILL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

"So? You hate her!" Minister Aku snapped.

"That doesn't mean I don't have **some** feelings for her even if they are mostly homicidal," D'ken snapped.

"Oh don't be such a hypocrite!" Minister Aku grumbled.

"I am not being a hypocrite there are certain boundaries…" D'ken snapped.

"Boundaries shmounderies, can't a puppet have a little fun?" Minister Aku snapped back.

"Charles can't you do something with your telepathy?" Lilandra begged.

"I can't," Xavier said. "His mind…Their minds are too strong now!"

"Great just what we need!" Todd groaned as he dodged fire. "**Another** all powerful nutcase with a split personality!"

"You called?" Bender popped up next to him and then yanked Todd out of the way of fire. "Okay time for a break!" He created a huge wall separating the team from D'ken and Aku's blasts. "So what did I miss?"

"D'ken has absorbed the Nexus and recreated his separate personality into a separate all powerful being," Firelord told him.

"Jean's dead and we're all probably going to join her," Scott snapped. "Caught up now?"

"Oh dear…" Bender scratched his head. "That's not good."

"Let's regroup and assess our situation," Bishop grumbled. "None of our powers work against them."

"My cosmic powers aren't even making a dent," Firelord grumbled. "Don't they have any weaknesses?"

"I'm in charge! No, **I'm** in charge so **I **want to blast them!" They heard the two fighting behind the wall. "You are not going to blast them! I want to blast them! Forget it! **I **am blasting them and that is that!"

"Besides the one **obvious** one?" Firelord groaned.

"Nope, pretty much nothing can stop them now," Bender shrugged. "You're all dead. So I guess I should do something."

"You can stop him?" Lilandra asked.

"No but I can do something to slow D'kenny down a bit," Bender said. "How about throwing him a surprise birthday party?"

"So basically now that we're all going to die, **now** you choose to help us?" Pietro snapped. "Great timing!"

"Hey! Security isn't in my job description!" Bender told him. "I had to go get special permission from my union to do it!"

"Union?" Xavier asked.

"Yeah!" Bender popped a hat on. "I'm the President, Vice President, Secretary and only member of the Interdimensional Space Janitor's Association. And believe me I had to really work to convince myself to do something! I mean I am such a stickler for paperwork!"

"We're all dead aren't we?" Flashfire groaned.

"Oh yeah," Rogue groaned. Suddenly the ground beneath them began to glow and the wall collapsed and fell. "This isn't good."

"What the…?" Althea looked behind her. "**Now **what's that idiot emperor doing?"

"I don't think D'ken is doing this," Wanda looked around. "Look!" She pointed at Jean's body.

"What the…?" D'ken sputtered as he saw the glow. "Aku are you doing this?"

"Uh no..." Minister Aku told him. "I thought **you** were!"

The spear in the middle of Jean's body shattered. Her body seemed consumed with fire as it rose into the air. In a blinding flash it was over. Jean hovered in the air in a white and gold uniform with a gold Phoenix emblem on her chest, her hair flaming around her and her eyes glowing brightly. She was fully healed, very much alive and very powerful.

"Jean?" Scott gasped. "She's **alive!** But how…?"

"NO! I KILLED YOU!" Minister Aku screamed. "I **KILLED **YOU!"

_**"I got better,"**_ Jean glared at him. _**"Fool, the Phoenix is a creature of death and rebirth. You cannot destroy me so easily. In fact, you cannot destroy me at all." **_

"Really? Let's test that theory!" D'ken grew in size along with Minister Aku and they soon towered over her.

"All right! This time I'm gonna make sure this birdie is barbecue!" Minister Aku hissed as he threw a fireball.

Jean calmly absorbed the fire and reflected it back. "AAAAHH NOT AGAIN!" Minister Aku screamed as the fireball hit him back. "THAT ACTUALLY HURT! Oh wait no it didn't…I'm made of emerald crystal stuff now. HA! Try that again, Sweetheart!"

Jean then used her powers to blast a huge Phoenix Fire at the puppet. "Ow…" Minister Aku winced. Then he started to crack. "Uh oh…" Then he shattered on the spot, and turned into ashes.

"NOT AGAIN!" D'Ken screamed as he tried to swat Jean. "I'm going to pluck your wings you little harpy from Hell!

"_**You pathetic little man,"**_ Jean snarled as she flew around. _**"You think yourself a god? You are nothing! NOTHING!" **_

There was a huge Phoenix Raptor as it immersed Jean and then it spread it's wings over D'ken. "AAAHH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! NO!" The former emperor screamed in agony as the crystal on his body began to dissolve. "I am supposed to be immortal! I can't be hurt! I am invincible!"

"_**You are nothing but an evil, disgusting creature whose only pleasure is hurting**_ _**others,**_" Phoenix was now in charge. "_**For too long you have had power you do not deserve and you shall now suffer for your crimes!" **_

"**AAAHHHHH!" **D'ken shrunk as the power left him. The crystal on his body changed into a green mist then reformed into the Heart of the Nexus.

"_**The Heart of the Nexus is now restored**_," The Phoenix lifted the crystal into the air with her telekinesis. _**"There is once again balance in the universe."**_

"I don't know what Jean just did," Remy gulped, forgetting to use the third person for once. "But I'm glad she did it!"

"No…No I was a god…" D'ken writhed on the floor in agony. He was completely bald. His skin had been nearly burnt off and he looked like a charred figure, a pathetic shell of a man. "I was a god…"

"You were nothing more than an insane delusional power mad tyrant who finally bit off more than he could chew," Mentor said coldly. "And now it's over."

"And how!" Pyro snorted.

"I was a god..." D'Ken whimpered. "I was a god..."

"Your own evil has consumed you brother," Lilandra looked at him in distain. "A fitting end for a man such as you."

"Don't kill me…Please Phoenix don't kill me…" D'ken begged.

_**"You are not even worth my power, worm,"**_ Phoenix hissed. _**"Another shall see to your demise." **_

"No! Stop!" D'ken pleaded weakly. He turned and looked behind him. His eyes widened in terror. "NO!"

"This is for my family, my friends and everyone else you've hurt you son of a bitch," Corsair snarled just before he blasted him with his laser several times.

D'ken let out a shriek before he died. "Clean up on aisle one!" Bender shouted as a huge broom materialized. He swung it like a bat and hit the corpse, it disintegrated on the spot.

"Hold on!" Guardian snapped and pointed at Corsair. "No one other than royal blood has the right to destroy a member of the royal family!"

"Considering he tried to annihilate the entire **universe **I think we should let this one slide," Firelord gave Guardian a look.

"Oh, right," Guardian coughed.

"Idiot," Nightshade grumbled.

"Well now that's that," Timebroker appeared and the Heart of the Nexus lowered into his hand. "I think I'd better find a more secure spot for this before something else happens."

Instantly the gem disappeared. "Well that's settled," Timebroker brushed off his hands. "I say the Nexus hasn't seen this much excitement or received this many visitors in over a dozen millennia."

"Jean!" Scott gasped as Jean reverted to her true self and her uniform changed back to her regular X-Man uniform. Jean floated into his arms. "Jean! Are you all right?"

"I'm feeling a little weak," Jean was a bit unsteady. "And my power level is a bit down. But I'll be okay."

"It will be a while before you're able to go into Phoenix mode anyway," Timebroker shrugged. "Not that you will need it so soon after this."

"I hope not," Peter groaned.

"Jean! I thought you were dead!" Scott kissed her.

"Actually Scott…I was…" Jean told him. "But I brought myself back."

"Uh excuse me, I know I'm a little slow and all…" Todd blinked. "But how exactly did you do **that?**"

"I'm not really sure," Jean blinked.

"I do! You see your body is completely fused to the Phoenix Force now," Bender explained popping in with a chart.

"No! No more stupid charts!" Bishop screamed. He looked at the others. "Please take me with you this time! I can't take being with this nutcase another minute!"

"Yeah fine but can we back up a minute here?" Shipwreck waved. "You're saying Jean brought herself back to life?"

"Yes," Timebroker nodded.

"So she's like immortal now?" Fred asked.

"Well, yeah," Bender shrugged. "Pretty much."

"Immortal as in she can't die?" Todd's eyes widened.

"Bingo!" Bender nodded.

"Can't die as in we're stuck with her forever?" Pietro asked.

"And she's stuck with **us **forever?" Althea asked.

"Yes," Timebroker nodded.

"I'm not so sure how to take that," Jean frowned.

"Let's just say you have time," Timebroker snapped his fingers. "And now it's time for you to go back."

"Back? Back…" Hank began. Suddenly there was a flash. "Where?"

"We're back," Kitty blinked. They were right back where they had started in the stadium.

"And according to our watches we were only gone…fifteen seconds," Flashfire noticed his timepiece.

"That was the longest fifteen seconds of my life," Corsair groaned.

"I can't believe it, not even a dent," K-5 was hovering above them.

"So what just happened here?" Flashfire asked.

"I think we just saved the entire universe again," Pietro blinked.

"No, Jean did," Althea smirked. "Way to go Red!"

"Whoopee," Jean groaned. "So I guess that means I'm not a threat to the Shi'ar Empire anymore am I?"

"Uh not exactly," Mentor coughed.

"What do you mean **not exactly?"** Rogue snapped. "Why you ungrateful…"

"Rogue please! Even though you saved the universe…I still can't deny that the Phoenix is a threat to us," Lilandra said. "As empress I have to think about what I have to do next."

"I know **exactly** what we should do next," Shipwreck said. "Is there a bar around here anywhere?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Firelord groaned.

"For once Shipwreck you have the right idea," Hank groaned.

"I know I could use a drink after the day I've had," Scott moaned.

"You?" Jean gave him a look. "Hello? I **died** just a few seconds ago!"

"Yeah but you got better," Pietro said. "Summer's mom is a spaceship and his old man is alive and a space pirate."

"Now I know my family history," Scott groaned. "And knowing is a great reason to become an alcoholic."

"You're right, that is pretty screwy," Jean realized. "But...I DIED AND CAME BACK TO LIFE!"

"Let's just say it's a tie between the two of you on who needs a drink more," Wanda said. "Actually even I could go for a drink now."

"Oh what the hell?" Erik'Dared groaned. "Why not?"

"But what about the Phoenix?" Guardian asked.

"**You** arrest her!" Erik'Dared snapped. "I'm headed for the bar!"

"Uh..." Guardian looked at Jean and then and there made the smartest decision of his life. "On second thought I believe I will join you at the bar as well."

"I should have known," Ororo sighed. "I should have known we would all end up drunk at the end of this mission!"

"And knowing..." Pyro began.

"Oh **shut up Pyro!"** Everyone shouted.

**Next: The adventure in space finally wraps up. But what will happen to the gang? Other than getting drunk of course. Will there be one or two last minute surprises in store for them? Who goes home? Who stays behind? What's Lilandra's final verdict on the Phoenix? Will Scott get over the shock of having the weirdest family in the universe? Will Guardian ever stop being such a tool? **

Scott walked in. "What do **you** think? And that's me saying that!"

**Yeah that last one is pretty obvious isn't it?**

**Find out the answers to these questions next time! Same mutant time! Same mutant channel! **


	71. The Last Loose Ends in Space

**The Last Loose Ends in Space**

"This has been the oddest day of my life," Erik'Dared slumped at the royal bar in the Imperial Palace on the Shi'ar home world. Most of the X-Men and Misfits were drinking with what was left of the Imperial Guard. Only Guardian, Nightshade, Firelord, Flashfire, Mentor and Erik'Dared were there. The rest of them were either in the hospital or had run screaming home. Corsair had taken off to check on his crew and other matters.

"Really? Not even **close** in my book," Shipwreck downed a drink. "Pass the peanuts or whatever those nut things are will ya?"

"Ooh! Nuts! I love nuts!" Pyro quipped happily as he drank his non alcoholic drink.

"Well you are what you eat," Pietro mocked as he held his non alcoholic drink.

"This whole day hasn't fazed you at **all?**" Erik'Dared gave Shipwreck a look. His drink was clearly **not** non alcoholic!

"We nearly executed you people, then nearly got ourselves executed by the Soul Drinker," Firelord counted off. "Our emperor was proven to be insane and tried to take over the universe. Ended up in the Nexus, fought a battle to save the entire universe, your friend Phoenix died and resurrected herself and you're just **okay** with this?"

"That's nothing," Kurt waved. "You should hear about the time we all got turned into unicorns while fighting off our future students and an insane inept sorcerer. Or the day I learned that my father was a demon lord and I had dozens of insane horny half siblings that wanted to take over the Earth."

"Or the time we jumped into about a dozen insane universes where we ended up dancing on our own graves," Kitty remarked. "And running from mutant unicorns trying to kill us."

"We're all right now," Shipwreck said. "I mean Jean's alive and so are we. Except for D'ken."

"No great loss," Scott grunted. "No offense."

"None taken," Firelord shrugged.

"Actually now that I think about it we ended up in a lot less violent situation the **second** time we encountered the Nexus," Jean admitted. "After we got out of it of course. And I even feel a lot better than I did the first time. No aches or pains."

"Considering you literally jumped back from the dead that's quite a feat," Althea blinked.

"And that doesn't **shock** you?" Flashfire asked. "Her coming back from the dead and all?"

"We kind of know a couple people that have died and come back," Althea said. "We're getting used to it."

"No, just Dead Girl," Jean said. "She's the only one we know who's **actually** died and came back to life. Or in her case the afterlife. Magneto and Mystique were never really dead to begin with."

"Would have been better off if they were," Todd grumbled.

"So many times we thought Cobra Commander bought the farm," Shipwreck hiccuped. "But nooooo! He's worse than a cockroach hyped up on sugar cubes."

"Let's not forget Serpentor," Althea added. "No wait clones don't count do they? I mean in life or death situations. If the first one dies and a second clone is made..."

"Well not if the first one is a impatient power mad lunatic that wants to rule the world and the second clone turns out to a cross dressing nut job who wants to be the next Maryln Monroe..." Arcade thought aloud. "I don't think it counts."

"Even **I** have to agree with that one," Rina agreed.

"My parents were dead but are actually alive..." Scott groaned. "Or is being turned into a spaceship actually considered being alive?"

"That's another interesting question for the ages," Todd pondered.

"Remy knew a lot of people who faked their deaths," Remy spoke up. "Still not the same thing. Of course some of those people who faked their deaths ended up dead for real..."

"I did not know if my sister was alive or dead," Peter spoke. "I looked and I could not find her. I remember how much my heart ached at the thought that she could have been dead."

"Come on Colossus," Lance said. "How were you supposed to know your little sister took over and became a sorceress queen of a dimension full of demons? Not exactly the first place anyone would look."

"Yeah and one time we all thought Toad was dead," Kurt thought. "And one or two other people I can't remember right now."

"I **almost** was dead," Todd grunted.

"Yeah but you weren't," Pietro said. "So it doesn't really count."

"But I **could** have been," Todd told him.

"But you weren't really," Pietro said, giving him a patronizing look.

"Well I almost was," Todd gulped down some peanuts.

"Like I said, you **weren't,"** Pietro restated.

"I could have! I was almost dead!" Todd snapped.

"Almost doesn't count," Pietro said.

"It **should!** I was almost dead!" Todd protested. "As in very nearly dead! Approximately road kill! I was right at the threshold of life! Practically on death's doorstep! I could see the light! Could hear a choir of angels singing as I was nearly pushing up the daisies! I was almost an ex-Toad!"

"You weren't dead!" Pietro snapped. "You had a close call! You escaped by the skin of your teeth! You jumped out of the fire and into a soft oven mitt! It was a near miss! Saint Peter saw you and stamped a 'Return to Sender' on your forehead! You were **not** dead!"

"But I nearly **was!"** Todd shouted.

"But you **weren't **so stop **whining** about it," Pietro said.

"I am not whining," Todd gave him a look.

"Yes you are," Pietro said.

"No, I'm not," Todd retorted.

"Yes you are!" Pietro said.

"I am not!" Todd defended.

"You are," Pietro grunted as he ate some peanuts.

"Am not!" Todd snapped.

"Are too!" Pietro rebuffed.

"Am not!" Todd said.

"Are too!" Pietro rolled his eyes.

"Am not!" Todd shouted.

"Are too!" Pietro shouted back.

"And once again we get **another** night of **stimulating conversation**," Hank groaned. "Pass the peanuts!"

"Am **not!"** Todd slamed his fist down too close to a bowl and peanuts flew everywhere. Hank caught a few with a sigh and ate them.

"Are too," Pietro said. "Face it Toad, you're a born whiner!"

"Look who's **talking!"** Todd snapped. "You get a hangnail or a pimple and you're screaming for a surgeon!"

"I do **not** scream," Pietro gave him a look.

"You scream like a scantily clad bimbo in a slasher fic just before the knife comes down," Todd told him. "Only louder and higher pitched!"

"I do not!" Pietro snapped.

"Do too," Todd said.

"Do not!" Pietro shouted.

"Do too," Todd rolled his eyes.

"I beg your pardon but I do **not!"** Pietro said.

"Well excuse me but you **do!"** Todd told him.

"No, I clearly **don't!"** Pietro contradicted.

"Yes, you obviously **do!"** Todd snapped.

"I most emphatically state, do not!" Pietro shouted at him.

"And I tell you from the bottom of my little green heart, that you **do!"** Todd snapped.

"Once again Toad, you are mistaken!" Pietro said. "I do not!"

"And once again Quicksilver, I must inform you that you do!" Todd said. "Or should I say Quick **Screamer**?"

"I do not scream!" Pietro stated.

"You do too and everyone knows it!" Todd said.

"On the contrary everyone knows that I do not scream!" Pietro snapped.

"I hate to tell you Quickie, but everyone knows for a **fact** that you do scream!" Todd said. "And whine!"

"Do not!" Pietro shouted.

"Do too!" Todd snapped.

"Do not!" Pietro challenged.

"Do too," Todd told him.

"You hear this all the time don't you?" Firelord asked Hank.

"Unfortunately," Hank hung his head low. "I've said it before and I will say it **again,** teachers are not paid **nearly** enough!"

"Do not!" Pietro protested.

"Do too!" Todd shouted.

"Do not!" Pietro waved his arms.

"Do too!" Todd waved his arms back.

"I absolutely, positively **do not!"** Pietro shouted.

"Do too!" Todd said again. "You're practically the **King** of the Screaming Whiners! Remember the time you actually got a pimple? You practically cried all day! The school nurse thought you were having an emotional breakdown until you asked her for some emergency makeup! And then she had an emotional breakdown!"

"Oh yeah," Fred chuckled. "And then you convinced Quicksilver that your slime would work on it! That was hilarious, Toad!"

"It was **not!"** Pietro snapped.

"Was too," Fred laughed.

"It was **not!"** Pietro shouted.

"I beg to differ but it was," Fred grinned.

"I beg to differ but it was **not!"** Pietro shouted.

"Was too," Fred laughed.

"Was not!" Pietro shouted.

"It certainly was," Todd laughed. "We still have the pictures!"

"IT WAS NOT!" Pietro shouted.

"Quicksilver, I was there..." Lance interjected. "Trust me, it **was!"**

**"IT WAS NOT!" **Pietro shouted.

"There's that screaming whine again," Todd said. "Just like last time!"

"I did **not **do that the last time!" Pietro snapped.

"Yes you did," Lance said.

"No I didn't!" Pietro snapped.

"It was exactly like that the last time," Todd said. "And the time before that, and the time before that, and the time before **that..."**

"It was **not!"** Pietro shouted, pounding his fists on the bar, sending more peanuts flying.

"Was too!" Todd, Fred and Lance shouted back.

"It was not!" Pietro shouted. "You are such liars!"

"It was too!" Fred snapped. "You are in denial!"

"Was not!" Pietro shouted, his voice getting higher and his speech getting faster. "Was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, was not, WAS NOT, **WAS NOT!"**

"You **are **worse than Toad," Rogue remarked.

"Told you he was a whiner," Todd remarked with a shrug.

"AAHHHHH!" Pietro shouted loudly in frustration.

"Not to mention a screamer," Fred added.

"He **does** scream like a female," Rina noticed.

"Thank you!" Todd nodded.

"Yeah thanks a **lot** X!" Pietro pouted.

"Betsy," Kurt said, suddenly looking upwards as if he had a revelation.

"What?" Lance asked.

"Betsy is **another **person we thought was dead," Kurt said. "No wait, technically we thought she didn't **exist.** That Mystique just made her up. Okay technically at **first** we all thought she was **someone else** named Risty Wilde who Mystique copied Betsy off of and **then **we thought she didn't exist."

"I think that's even worse," Fred mused.

"I wish my coyote didn't exist sometimes," Lance groaned. "But apparently my imaginary invisible coyote **does** exist somehow. How else would he be able to give me the advice he does and it actually works?"

"Maybe he really doesn't exist?" Pyro played with a straw umbrella. "Maybe he is just your subconscious?"

"Then why would my subconscious sound like Pietro and wear a dress?" Lance asked.

"Because you're **nuts?"** Rogue gave him a look.

"Oh right," Lance slumped in his seat. "I forgot."

"Perhaps you are not really insane?" Hank thought. "Perhaps the coyote is a manifestaion of a mutant power that will one day fully emerge inside of you? That your mind is evolving to a higher plane."

"No, that's not it. Alvers is just plain nuts," Scott spoke up.

"Speaking of nuts, I'd like more please!" Shipwreck called out.

"Me too!" Fred agreed heartily.

"You really are what you eat," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"Then you must have a healthy dose of sour grapes in your diet," Pietro said.

"You want my fist in your **face** Whiner Boy?" Rogue made a fist.

"I do not whine!" Pietro shouted.

"Didn't we already establish that you **do?"** Rina gave him a look.

"Did not!" Pietro snapped.

"Not this again..." Hank groaned.

"Actually the coyote is less nuts than our brother," Wanda pointed at Pietro.

"He is **not!"** Pietro bristled. "Oh wait he is…"

"I think it's more like a tie," Rogue admitted.

"You know what else is a tie?" Kurt remarked. "The time those monkeys came over from another universe and the time we met the Alf Universe people. Those days were **equally **weird."

"No dude, the Alf thing was **weirder,"** Lance said. "Way weirder! We ran into those nuts **twice!** Besides that wasn't half as weird as seeing us as old people or toddlers...Or snails...Or Summers in a dress..."

"Dating Duncan Matthews," Bobby chuckled.

"My life just plain sucks no matter **what **universe I'm in!" Scott groaned.

"Finally, something we **all** agree on!" Lance said. "That and Pietro is the biggest whiner on the planet."

"I AM **NOT** A WHINER!" Pietro yelled.

"Whiener..." Todd thought aloud as he casually juggled some peanuts. "That's another character from Galaxy Rangers. You know he and our Senator Kelly have a lot in common!"

"Oh man you're right," Kurt thought. "Now that I think about it..."

"Oh God not **this **argument again," Jean put her head in her hands. "Now I almost wish I had **stayed dead!** NOT ONE WORD PIETRO YOU WHINER!"

"I wasn't going to say **anything!"** Pietro bristled. "Except for the fact that..."

"YOU ARE A WHINER PIETRO SO JUST SHUT UP!" Wanda snapped.

"Alex!" Todd added. "Alex was dead too. Well not really...Funny how he's not a big a stiff as Scottie here."

"Psyche-Major was a bit of a whiner too," Xi remembered.

"I should have been the one who died..." Scott groaned. "That's it! Somebody give me some nuts! I think I've finally **earned** them! I might as well eat what I've become!"

Erik'Dared took a look at the mutants. Then he looked at Firelord. "Did **anything **they said make **any **sense at all? Anyone?"

"No, not a bit," Firelord sighed.

"Then I'm obviously not drunk enough," Erik'Dared groaned.

"Hang around Shipwreck some more, **that'll** change," Ororo rolled her eyes. "By the way how is Oracle?"

"She's resting in the hospital, D'ken didn't hurt her as badly as we thought," Mentor said. "She will be fine physically by the end of the day."

"How the rest of us feel **mentally** is another story," Nightshade groaned.

"If anyone ever told me that I would become acquaintances with the Phoenix and sit at a bar with her and her allies after the near destruction of the universe, I would have called them **insane**," Firelord shook his head. "I mean you are supposed to be the one to destroy the empire."

"Technically she already **did,**" Mentor pointed out. "The Empire of D'Ken is over. His reign and all it stood for is as dead as he is."

"You have a point," Firelord agreed.

"I'll drink to that!" Erik'Dared hiccuped.

"So will I!" Shipwreck proclaimed.

"You'd drink to the opening of a letter," Xi gave him a look.

"I have a healthy outlook on life," Shipwreck told him.

"Mindy Mohan has a healthier outlook on life than you do," Ororo snapped.

"Hey! You know very well I don't do other drugs besides alcohol!" Shipwreck snapped. "Even the ones my doctor **wants** me to take!"

"It's true," Daria said. "He won't."

"No matter how much we plead, beg and threaten him with knives he won't," Quinn added.

"So we usually have to grind them up and hide them in his drinks," Brittany said cheerfully.

"The final piece of the puzzle," Hank groaned. "If it was anyone else but you Shipwreck I would be worried. But let's face it, you are not exactly **anyone's **definition of a normal human being!"

"Or a role model," Althea added.

"Or a model soldier," Lance added.

"Or a typical psychiatric patient," Wanda added. "NOT ONE WORD PIETRO!"

"Please! Even I'm not dumb enough to follow **that line**," Pietro gave her a look. "But they are right Shipwreck if anyone considers you a role model they have serious problems! Even worse than ours!"

"And boy do we have 'em," Scott groaned. "Some of us more than others..."

"Yeah Shipwreck you're a freak," Pyro said. "And that's **us** saying that."

"And this is a **bad **thing?" Shipwreck blinked.

"You keep asking that and we keep **telling** you, YES!" Althea snapped.

"Hey! My life hasn't exactly been a bed of roses either you know?" Shipwreck snapped. "Especially since my ex-wife cheated on me and ran out on me leaving me alone to raise a bunch of hyperactive mutant ninja kids! That would drive anyone to drink!"

"I have to admit, the man has a point," Hank downed an alcoholic beverage of his own. "I know **I've** been drinking more since I became an instructor at the Xavier Institute!"

"Gee I wonder **why?"** Erik'Dared hiccuped.

"That's not an excuse!" Ororo snapped.

"You didn't mind using that excuse the time you slept with Shipwreck," Hank gave her a look. "Or were you planning on using that excuse again when we caught you on the floor with him the **other day?"**

"Do you want me to freeze more than your drink?" Ororo gave him an icy look that would make a polar bear shiver. "Keep talking McCoy I'll do it!"

"That's tellin' him Stormy," Shipwreck grinned. "Besides we all know the only thing you were really drunk on those times were my incredible sexy charm and my studliness!"

"Okay first I freeze Shipwreck," Ororo glared at the sailor. "Then Beast! Anyone else want to be on the list?"

"I see none of you wasted any time finding the bar," Bishop grumbled as he walked up to them. "I suppose all you had to do was follow Shipwreck?"

"How very perceptive of you. I would think after spending all that time with Bender in the Nexus you of all people would **want** a drink," Hank gave him a look.

"You're right," Bishop sat down. "Give me a double!"

"So what are you going to do now Bishop?" Kitty asked.

"I've talked to Lilandra and I am staying here for a while as part of the Imperial Guard," Bishop said. "Since my timeline has been completely destroyed and I'm not really in much of a hurry to go back to Earth."

"You're not?" Firelord asked. "Why?"

"Catch!" Pyro was now throwing peanuts into the air and Todd was catching them with his tongue. Meanwhile Kurt was throwing some peanuts as well and Bobby was freezing them in mid air.

"Oops!" Bobby missed and a snowball hit Bishop in the face. "Sorry man!"

"**That's** why I am **not **in a hurry to go back to Earth," Bishop gave him a look.

"Oh right. Good call," Firelord nodded.

"I may **never **return to Earth..." Bishop glared at the younger X-Men and Misfits having fun with peanuts.

"Hey and here's the happy couple!" Shipwreck toasted as Xavier and Lilandra made their way to them. Xavier was in a hover chair and fancy gray outfit and Lilandra was in a blue gown.

"I **told** you they would be here," Xavier gave Lilandra a look.

"Where **else** would we be?" Shipwreck asked.

"The man has a point," Todd nodded. "More nuts!"

"So all's well that ends well!" Hank toasted. "Lovers are reunited, the universe is saved and all is right with the world."

"And most importantly all the charges against us have been dropped," Shipwreck grinned. "Us being heroes and all."

"Actually no they **haven't**," Lilandra said. "You've already been found guilty of your crimes according to Shi'ar law."

"WHAT?" Everyone stopped what they were doing for a moment and looked at her in shock.

"You mean you'd still throw us in jail even after all we've done?" Rogue blinked.

"**Especially **after all you've done," Lilandra said. "You remember, the fires, the riots, the stolen items, the destroyed spaceships…The destroyed **planet?** Actually you would be very lucky if all I **did **was throw you in jail."

"Lilandra…" Xavier began.

"Your students and their friends have caused a lot of trouble beloved," Lilandra gave him a look. "Technically they did break a lot of laws and cause a lot of chaos. And because of them we are still in the middle of three different wars."

"**Four** different wars if you count the Brood," Erik'Dared grumbled.

"However considering the circumstances…" Lilandra smirked. "Since you did save the empire and the universe…I believe I will put that down to community service and consider it time served. For **most **off the offenses anyway."

"Uh oh, I don't like the sound of that," Bobby said.

"You are referring to me I take it?" Jean sighed.

"I must admit it is a bit disturbing seeing a living legend of the end of the Empire sitting here," Lilandra said. "But also knowing that same legend just saved not only the Shi'ar Empire and the universe…Well I just need to think about it. That is all. Fortunately you are not going to be the only ones pardoned. Corsair and his Starjammers as well as several other Pirates will be pardoned as well."

"Those that worked with us to help overthrow the Emperor anyway," Mentor nodded. "And they will be quite useful in the future."

"Especially with all the wars going on," Erik'Dared agreed.

"Like Sir Francis Drake," Hank said. "He was a pirate scourge to the Spanish Fleet but the British considered him a hero for all his daring raids and battles against their hated enemy."

"Exactly," Lilandra said. "Since a lot of the war will take place near the Badlands having a few pirates serve the empire will become more than handy."

"Lilandra I want to ask you something," Jean said. "Are you still going to allow slavery under your rule?"

"No, but there are many others within the government who will try to oppose me," Lilandra sighed. "But I will work to dismantle it and remove that evil from my empire."

"And the pirates might be more than useful in that regard as well," Mentor agreed. "But you did not just come down here to tell us this did you, Empress?"

"Technically I am still a princess," Lilandra told him. "But true there is something else."

"Lilandra and I have been…Talking…" Xavier said holding her hand in his.

"Is **that** what you call it?" Rina raised an eyebrow. "I can smell your hormones from here!"

"We have an important announcement to make," Xavier disregarded her comments.

"This should be good," Shipwreck remarked as he downed another drink.

"I have asked Charles to be my official royal consort and he has agreed," Lilandra said.

"WHAT?" Everyone shouted.

"Are you serious?" Scott gasped.

"You are taking an Earther as your mate?" Guardian gasped at Lilandra. "Gods insanity is hereditary!"

"Xavier, you can't seriously think that you're just going to **stay** here?" Shipwreck asked. "You can't just run off and abandon your students. These kids need you and you're just gonna skip town?"

"You ran off and abandoned **your** kids," Hank gave him a look.

"Yeah but I'm going **back!**" Shipwreck snapped. "Besides, technically I didn't abandon **all **my kids! I just followed **most** of them so I can keep an eye on them! I mean I know the boys are too young to be **stealing **spaceships! At least I hope they are."

"Professor you can't seriously be thinking of leaving us," Jean was shocked.

"Yeah after all the trouble we went through to bring you **back…**" Arcade said.

"I am not staying," Xavier said. "Lilandra and I have talked. We will be joined in marriage but…Until there is peace for mutant kind on Earth and the Empire has been cleansed of evil we will not live together. I will be returning to Earth."

"However we will visit each other from time to time," Lilandra grinned.

"Well maybe it's for the best that you do live apart," Jean smirked. "Considering what happened the **last time **you two were stuck together…"

"I still have nightmares about that," Scott's hands shook at the memory.

"Yes it would…distract us from performing our official duties," Lilandra admitted.

"So Xavier's getting hitched! All right! Time for a bachelor party!" Shipwreck shouted.

"NO!" Xavier shouted. "Forget it Shipwreck! Don't you think we have had **enough **legal troubles for one lifetime?"

"It's going to be part of the coronation ceremony anyway," Lilandra said. "Which will take place within an hour. So we'd better go get ready."

"We gotta get dressed up don't we?" Lance groaned.

"Yes, the royal tailors are all at your disposal," Lilandra gave him a look. "I suggest you not be tardy."

"Ooh! New clothes! How cool is that?" Kitty squealed.

"Yes, it **was** worth us nearly getting killed several times in order for you to get new clothes," Rina said sarcastically.

Meanwhile the Peanut Olympics were going at full force, now with Xi, Arcade, Larry, Shane, Remy and Pietro trying to outdo each other along with the original participants on throwing and catching. Of course Pietro threw far too many peanuts which hit everyone so Remy 'accidentally' charged up a few peanuts himself. Pietro managed to use his super speed to deflect a few of them so they exploded in front of Lance and Peter who decided to put any old animosities aside to kill their team mates.

Added to this was Shipwreck drinking one too many drinks and dancing on the bar table while Althea and her sisters used their powers on him like some bizarre form of target practice. Polly and Lockheed were flying around trying to get into the drinks (And in some cases burning a few bottles.) Fred was gleefully eating a ton of food carried out by a very harried waiter. Unfortunately the spillover from the Peanut fight soon interfered with his eating and before anyone knew it food as well as peanuts were flying in the bar.

When the sound of Rina shooting out her claws at the idiots who spilled peanuts on her was heard, the Imperial Guard decided that they had **enough **of the insanity for one day and wisely left the room before their uniforms got even more food or drink on them. Not to mention other fluids. Even Guardian decided for once that discretion was the better part of valor and left, muttering something about setting up an appointment to see a psychiatrist.

"PEANUT POWER!" Pyro screamed as he tossed peanuts left and right.

"Stop throwing peanuts at me you fire brained goon!" Bobby snapped.

"I didn't throw anything at you!" Angelica snapped.

"Not you! The **other** fire brained goon!" Bobby snapped. For this he was hit with even more peanuts. "OW! MY NOSE! I GOT A PEANUT UP MY NOSE!"

"It barely even grazed you, ya sissy," Rogue snapped.

"I'm not the sissy!" Bobby snapped, clearly the 'damaged nose' was not even damaged in the slightest bit. "Quicksilver is the sissy!"

"Oh yeah right," Rogue remembered. "You're the ice brained moron."

"Yeah and...THAT'S IT!" Bobby started shooting out more snowballs everywhere. "THIS IS WAR!"

"Okay, **now** you are going to get a peanut up your nose!" Rogue snapped as she tackled Bobby.

"YEOWWWWWWW!" Bobby screamed. "NO! NO! NOT THE PEANUTS! NOT THE PEANUTS! AAAHHH!"

"Just crunch and blow man," Fred told him. "That's the only way to get it out!"

"Ow! Wanda stop hitting me!" Pietro screamed loudly as his sister caught him with her hex bolts and then proceeded to pummel him with her fists. "OWIE!"

"You really are a whining screamer aren't you?" Wanda snapped.

"I told you so!" Todd said.

"Are you sure you want to be part of **this** family?" Ororo raised an eyebrow as she spoke to Lilandra as the madness went on.

"That's the **other **reason Charles and I agreed to live separately," Lilandra told her.

"Wise decision," Ororo agreed. "Very wise."

A few hours later the gang got back together in different chambers since the bar was closed down due to repairs. They were dressed in fine clothes and were doing what they did best. Okay the **second** thing they did best. Hanging out and enjoying the buffet.

"This is great!" Fred looked quite dashing in a black and red diplomat's outfit. He'd have looked more dashing if he wasn't stuffing his face with alien food. "So many tasty treats! Ooh! Crab Legs!"

"Watch it Monkey Brain!" The 'Crab Legs' turned out to be some kind of multi legged alien with three eyes. "It never fails! I can't even hang around the food for one second until some…" It muttered as it scampered away.

"Oh dear," Fred blinked. "That does explain the screaming dip..."

"I tell you even I am impressed," Pietro was checking out his sleek silver and white outfit. "Oooh! Yes this does bring out my best features, which of course are **all** of them!"

"These clothes are slammin' I gotta admit," Shane remarked as he looked at his clothes. He was wearing a uniform similar to Corsair's only it was black and dark blue. He had a gold circlet on his bald head and a new gold earring on his ear. "I could get to like this."

"It is odd for a pirate to be invited to a royal coronation," Corsair chuckled. He was wearing his finest pirate uniform. Hepzibah was on his arm wearing a gold and red dress. "Then again nothing about this whole situation is exactly normal."

"Hepzibah not exactly thrilled to be here but Lilandra promised to bring changes to treatment of her people," She growled. "Which she better keep."

"If she doesn't we'll just bring my son and his friends back," Corsair gave her a look. "If that doesn't scare her I don't know what will!"

"It's so odd," Jean was wearing a green and gold dress and a gold necklace and earrings. "I was dead and now I'm alive and fine."

"I'm just glad you're alive," Scott told her. He was wearing a black and red outfit. "And I have my family back…sort of."

"I know it's not exactly an ideal situation, sweetie but that's life," K-5's voice could be heard. "Well in my case it's not exacly life but you get the picture."

"Mom?" Scott looked around. He saw the spaceship sitting outside the window.

"Hi dear! And hello Christopher," K-5 said cheerfully. "I'm talking through the comm system. Look I want to say something I've been wanting to say for a long time. Chris my death wasn't your fault. Don't blame yourself for losing me."

"Thank you Katharine," Corsair sighed. He looked at Hepzibah. "Uh Katherine…there's something you should know…"

"What he means to say is Hepzibah is Corsair's mate now," Hepzibah told the ship.

"Katherine I hope you don't take it personally…" Corsair gulped hoping that his former wife would not blast him into tiny bits.

"Actually Corsair I'm not **that **upset," K-5 told him. "I'm glad you found someone. Technically I am dead or was dead so we're no longer married. I think. Anyway I'm happy for you. I hope you two will be happy."

"That's **another** person we thought was dead," Todd called out as he listened in on the conversation. He was wearing a fancy green and black outfit.

"Quiet you," Jean gave him a look.

"Wow you're taking this well," Scott blinked at his mother the starship.

"Actually there's another reason for that. Honey I'd like you to meet someone," K-5 said cheerfully. Another starship pulled into view. "This is R-45. Another Brain Ship."

"Greetings," R-45 spoke cheerfully. "It is a pleasure to meet you."

"R-45 is my friend," K-5 said. "My…Close friend."

"Your **what?**" Scott blinked.

"Boyfriend," Althea said cheerfully. She was wearing a blue and gold dress with gold earrings. "She means boyfriend."

"How can a **spaceship **have a…?" Scott gasped. "I mean, can spaceships even **date?"**

"Apparently they can," Xi remarked. He was wearing a tan, black and gold outfit. "Pleased to meet you R-45."

"It is pleasurable to meet you," R-45 said.

"Well I can't stay long," K-5 said. "R-45 and I have some duties to perform. Lilandra has promised to free all the personalities of all the brain ships. We're going organize our own fleet! R-45 is in charge and I am going to be his second in command!"

"Well that's…Something," Scott was stunned.

"Now take care boys, come along sweetie I'm dying for a taste of that new rocket fuel," K-5 said cheerfully.

"I am really considering becoming an alcoholic now," Scott moaned as the two spaceships moved out of range.

"Well at least you'll be carrying on a family tradition," Corsair told him.

"You're the **last** person to be lecturing me on family you know?" Scott gave him a look.

"To be fair Scott he did think you and your brother were dead," Jean told him. Then she remembered something. "Hold on…You said you had **three** sons! But there's only Scott and Alex."

"And they had a younger brother named Gabriel," Corsair sighed. "He died remember?"

"I don't remember having a younger brother," Scott said. "Well besides Alex."

"Really? That's odd," Corsair was surprised. "I know you were young but I thought you would remember all the times you played with him. Even when we took him to Doctor Essex and…"

"Essex?" Scott asked. "Did you just say Doctor **Essex?"**

"Yes he was a specialist working on your brother's condition," Corsair. "Don't you remember Doctor Nathaniel Essex?"

"ESSEX?" Scott snapped. "NATHANIEL ESSEX?"

"Oh no..." Todd hit his head with his hand. "This doesn't mean what I **think **it means does it?"

"Only one way to find out. Scott let me take a look inside your mind for a moment…" Jean pieced it together. She went in and her eyes widened. "NO!"

"Jean what did you see?" Scott asked.

"Nothing good I'll bet," Althea growled.

"Your memories were altered Scott…" Jean told him. "By Essex or should I say Sinister!"

"Sinister!" Wanda yelled. She was wearing a long red dress with black earrings and a black necklace. "Are you saying that **maniac…**?"

"Took Gabriel for his own twisted experiments," Jean said. "And he did some experiments on you and Alex when you were boys but erased them from your memories."

"Are you saying this Sinister character faked my son's death?" Corsair was shocked.

"That's just that lunatic's style," Jean growled. "Who knows **what** he did to him!"

"This day just gets better and better," Scott groaned.

"Geeze Summers your life is one screwed up soap opera you know that?" Lance remarked. He was wearing a tan and black outfit. "I always thought Rogue had a raw deal but compared to you guys…"

"Yah, even **my family** is somewhat tame compared to this," Kurt agreed. He was wearing a dark navy blue and black outfit with some bracelets on his tail.

"Kurt your father is a demon lord that had been turned human and your mother is a shape shifting mutant terrorist," Scott gave him a look. "And you have dozens of half brothers and sisters in two dimensions. Maybe more!"

"Yah but at least my mother isn't a spaceship and I do not have a future kid from another timeline," Kurt said.

"Again, **nothing **any of you have just said made **any **sense!" Erik'Dared slurred as he walked by them. "I am **still** not drunk enough!"

"I am not looking forward to tomorrow's staff meeting," Nightshade grumbled. She was wearing a black dress that seemed to have glittering gems in it. "He's always extra cranky after he has a bender."

"Sounds like the guy is a lot of fun," Lance smirked at her. The two of them moved away to a more private location.

"A barrel full of it," Nightshade groaned as they walked to a secluded alcove. "Let me ask you something Avalanche, are there a lot of mutants where you come from?"

"Not nearly enough," Lance admitted. "That controlling shadows thing, can all the people of your planet do it?"

"No only a select few," Nightshade told him. "I guess you could call me a mutant as well. And on my world…We're not exactly treated as equals. It's a long and bloody history."

"Sounds your planet and mine have a lot in common," Lance admitted as he took a drink from a waiter. "Back on Earth mutants are treated like dirt in most places too."

"I joined the Imperial Guard to get away from that," Nightshade sighed. "Well that and I didn't want to end up in jail. I kind of accidentally wrecked my old school."

"You too?" Lance asked. "Boy do we have a lot in common!"

"Hey guys!" Althea waved over to her friends in order to get their attention. "The Coronation is about to begin! Come on! We have to all go into the Great Hall."

Soon they were all filling into a giant crystalline hallway. Lilandra was standing there with a glittering blue and silver gown. Next to her was Xavier in a blue and silver outfit in a golden hover chair. Minister Araki presided over the ceremony.

"Looks like he was able to weasel a way to keep his job," Erik'Dared grunted quietly to Firelord.

"He's the only one who knows where all the papers and reports are filed and what happened to everything under D'ken," Firelord shrugged. "If he was able to keep the empire going under that mad maniac…"

"I guess that makes sense," Erik'Dared grunted. "In a twisted sort of way."

"But it might not hurt to keep an eye on him," Firelord narrowed his eyes at the slippery minister.

"Took the words right out of my mouth," Erik'Dared agreed. "I'd sooner trust the Brood than him!"

"Do you Lilandra promise to uphold the traditions of the Shi'ar and protect the empire with your very being?" Minister Araki asked as the ceremony went on.

"I do," She nodded.

"Then as it has been written by law, you are the Majestrix," Araki placed a glistening silver crown on her head. "Empress of the Shi'ar Empire! Long live the Empress!"

"Long live the Empress!" The citizens of the Shi'ar Empire shouted. "Long live the Empress! Long live the Empress!"

"Yeah Lilandra! Way to go babe! Woo hooo!" Pyro called out.

"My people! As it is written during this time I have the right to choose a mate and make him Royal Consort," Lilandra spoke as she received a large silver staff with a blue crystal in it. "I choose Charles Xavier of Earth. Does anyone here challenge my decision?"

"They'd **better** not!" Fred shouted loudly. Rina nodded and shot out her claws and gave the crowd a murderous look. Even the Imperial Guard was getting a little nervous.

"Yeah anybody who says their peace on this is gonna end up in **pieces!"** Todd called out. "Go ahead! Make our day!"

"Oh dear…" Xavier winced and put his hand to his forehead.

"If there are no objections," Minister Araki gulped nervously. "We'll proceed. Now comes the time when the friends of the future consort must state their case and testify on behalf of their friend on why he should or should not be Royal Consort."

"Okay! I'll go first!" Shipwreck stood up. He was wearing a black and navy outfit and a fancy hat. "I remember the time…"

**"NO!"** Everyone in the room shouted.

"Shipwreck shut up before Xavier gets divorced before he even gets married!" Remy snapped.

"Someone else speak!" Kurt shouted.

"**Anybody** else!" Bobby added.

"Yeah! I'll say something!" Fred stood up.

"ARE YOU **CRAZY?"** The other Misfits and X-Men shouted.

"Depends on your definition of crazy," Fred blinked. "Okay I admit I have **some** psychological problems..."

"Minister as much as I respect our traditions I believe it would be wise if we **skipped** this part," Lilandra told Araki.

"Not a bad idea," Araki groaned. "The rings...please!"

An attendant held two rings on a pillow. She took one and Xavier took one. "With this ring I pledge my troth to thee," Lilandra spoke.

"With this ring I pledge my heart to thee," Xavier said. Lilandra had informed him telepathically of the proper dialog to say.

"Our hearts are one and our minds are one," They both said together.

"Sniff! I always cry at weddings!" Pyro sniffed as the two said their vows.

"I know I cried during **mine**," Shipwreck groaned. "So did my wife...Of course she was in labor at the time and the pain medication didn't kick in..."

"I'd love to kick you..." Hank gave him a dirty look. "Oh wait, why not?" He did so and Shipwreck responded with a yelp.

"By the power vested in me as Empress I pronounce Charles Xavier Royal Consort to the Shi'ar Empire," Lilandra placed a small crown on his head and kissed him. Everyone in the hall cheered. "And now! As is tradition! While the Royal Couple are celebrating their union, the guests shall feast and dance all night!"

"Whoo hoo! Way to go Charley!" Shipwreck waved as the two left the room. "Now this is the right way to have a wedding! Getting right to the good stuff!"

"Shut up you idiot," Ororo grabbed Xavier's ear and dragged him away. She was wearing a long white dress and silver jewelry.

"Stormy..." Shipwreck whined. "Ow! Ow! Ow! You're hurting me! OW! OW! You are **really** hurting me!"

"Good!" Storm snapped.

Soon the party was in full swing. There was drinking, dancing and a lot of other activities going on. "I saw Scott and Jean making out in one of the alcoves!" Pietro reported to most of the other Misfits at their table as they ate. "And it looked like they were about to do a little more if you get my drift! Where's the camera?"

"Aw leave 'em alone," Althea waved. "I mean the woman just died and came back to life for crying out loud. They deserve some alone time."

"Hey where's Lance?" Wanda asked.

"He's talking to that Nightshade chick," Todd pointed out across the hall. "They're really hitting it off. Man this is some party."

"I haven't seen your sisters or Spyder either Althea," Larry remarked. He was wearing a silver and black outfit.

"They're over there," Althea pointed. "Playing with the jugglers."

"OW! OW! KID NOT THE ELECTRIC WEBBING! OW THAT HURTS!" The Jugglers screamed. "YEOWWW! MOMMY!"

"Should we round them up?" Todd asked.

"Nah, let 'em have their fun," Althea waved.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! HELP! NO! STOP THAT! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE! HELP!" The Jugglers ran off with the girls running behind them. "AAAAHHHHH!"

"I've always said it's not a party unless you make a juggler scream," Pyro grinned. "Or is it a mime?"

"AAAAHHHHHHH!"

"Either way we're covered," Wanda remarked casually.

"I guess tomorrow we all finally go home," Fred sighed. "Man outer space was fun! Well not the nearly being killed parts but otherwise…"

"Yeah about that," Shane sighed. "I've been talking to Corsair and I'm signing up with his crew. I'm joining the Starjammers."

"You're kidding?" Pyro asked. "You're really **leaving **us? You'd just up and go? What about all the fun we've had together? All the monsters we fought that nearly killed us! All the evil mutants we fought that nearly killed us! All the humans that hate and fear us and want to blow us up into little tiny bits! Our jobs working for the army to blow stuff up for them! You really wanna give **all** that up?"

"Let me think about it," Shane gave him a look. **"YES!"**

"But if you stay here you may never go back to Earth again," Angelica said.

"That is a chance I will **gladly** take," Shane told her. "Besides, not like I got anyone there waiting for me. Jubilee made it loud and clear she doesn't want anything to do with me. And I don't want to get sliced and diced by Wolverine when we get back."

"Yeah outer space might be safer for you," Todd conceded.

"Won't you be declared AWOL if you stay in space?" Lina asked.

"Technically I think we're already AWOL," Althea shrugged. "Besides, it might not be such a bad idea to have one of us in space. You know, to keep an eye on things."

"We're considered walls?" Pyro scratched his head.

"AWOL!" Fred snapped. "Absent without leave! Even I know **that **one!"

"Yeah like the MP's are gonna come all the way out **here,**" Pietro rolled his eyes.

"Wow this party is great!" Kurt whooped as he danced around on a table.

"Just don't destroy anything will you?" Hank groaned. "The Misfits don't exactly have an exclusive contract on insanity you know?"

"WHOO HOO!" Shipwreck swung from the chandelier. "PARTY!"

"Although I must admit it seems to be Shipwreck's forte," Hank blinked.

Kitty had cornered Peter in an private alcove with several cushions. They could see they stars through the window. She was wearing a pale blue dress and he was wearing a black and silver suit. "Wow what week we had huh?" She hugged him.

"I know," Peter sighed as he held her. "Everything here is so beautiful. Not as beautiful as you are but…"

Kitty giggled and kissed him. She kissed him some more and lightly pushed him back starting to fumble with his outfit. "Kitty! Wait! What are you doing?" He stopped her.

"Just making ourselves a bit more comfortable," Kitty grinned.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Peter pushed her back.

"What? What's wrong?" Kitty asked. "Don't you want me?"

"Da, I do," Peter took her hand. "But Kitty I don't want to rush into this."

"Rush into this?" Kitty gave him a look. "Peter we've been dating on and off for over four years. We've lived together in the same house and we've been through more life threatening events than an ER unit. What do you mean rush into this?"

"I just think…We are not ready," Peter said. "You are very young and…"

"I'm only two years younger than you are and I just turned eighteen," Kitty gave him a look. "I'm not **that **much younger than you are."

"I know but I just don't think you are ready for this yet," Peter began.

"So all of the sudden you're deciding what's best for me?" Kitty snapped. "Like I'm some little kid."

"Well you are not always known for your maturity," Peter pointed out.

"If this is about Lance and the mistake I made with him…" Kitty gritted her teeth. "I will seriously **hurt **you."

"No, no Kitty you don't understand I just think that in this case I know what is best and right…" Peter began.

"You do?" Kitty folded her arms. "So you just decide just like that what happens in our relationship?"

"Yes. No! I mean…" Peter winced. "I just don't want to rush you."

"There's that rushing again," Kitty groaned. "Listen Peter, sometimes this overprotective act you pull is kind of cute. This is **not **one of those times!"

"Kitty.." Peter began. "You are not acting rationally."

"Oh so I'm **irrational** now?" Kitty stood up.

"Sometimes you don't know what it is you want," Peter began.

"And you always do?" Kitty snapped. "I do not believe you…You…BONEHEAD! Tell you what Peter, when you do decide exactly what it is you want in a relationship, call me!" She stormed off.

"That went well," Peter groaned as he banged his head on a nearby wall.

Evening came and went and there was relatively little damage. Nearly every adult there had a hangover, a few dozen rare statues were broken and only one fight had broken out. All in all it was one of the more peaceful nights both X-Men and Misfits had seen in years.

Soon it was late morning and everyone was preparing to board the Misfit One and get ready to go home.

"Have you told them yet?" Corsair asked as he and the rest of the Starjammers made their way to the Misfits.

"Yeah they know," Shane nodded.

"If that's what Shooter wants it's cool with us," Althea said. She hugged Shane. "See ya around Shooter. It's been real."

"You too," Shane made hand signals and slapped his friends. "I'm actually going to miss some of you a little."

"AWWW! GROUP HUG!" Fred sniffed as he grabbed Shane and embraced him in a huge bear hug.

"Some…not all…" Shane gasped. "Akkkkkkkk!"

"Blob let him go before you kill him," Xi rolled his eyes. "I want to hug him next!"

"UGGHHH!" Shane gasped for breath again as Xi gave him a bear hug. "Help!"

"Wow I've never seen that shade of blue on a person before," Fred remarked.

"Come on, let's go find Lance and get out of here!" Spyder rolled her eyes.

"Bye! See ya!" Everyone said their goodbyes and went to the ship. They left Shane alone with the Starjammers.

"You sure you can handle the life of a space pirate lad?" Raza asked. "You think ye are qualified to be a Starjammer? Do you know it is not a life for the weak or soft."

"Do **you** fight monsters **every day?"** Shane asked him. "Do you deal with dragons, demons, ninjas, sorcerers, terrorists, clones with knives in their hands, people who see invisible coyotes, drunken parrots and insane **pixies?** Do you have sharp objects and snake mummies shooting out of walls everywhere you go?"

"Snake mummies?" Corsair blinked. "You did just say snake mummies, right?"

"Have you ever lived with a guy whose favorite hobby is setting fire to your underwear or a witch who loves to zap people whenever she feels like it?" Shane asked. "A non gendered lunatic who likes to hug people when he's high on cookies? Or a guy who creates earthquakes that fall down on your head while arguing with an imaginary coyote?"

"No, I can't say I have," Raza admitted.

"Did you ever live with a group of super powered preeteen girls who try to take your pants and your life every other hour?" Shane asked.

"I am going to have to answer in the negative on this question as well," Raza blinked.

"Have you ever been stuck in another dimension?" Shane went on. "Or been turned into a unicorn?"

"A what?" Raza asked.

"A mythical horse with a horn on our planet," Corsair explained. "Like a Rapidar only white instead of blue and they don't breathe fire."

"I see..." Raza blinked, clearly stunned.

"Since I met these nuts I've been nearly blown up to bits by the Chinese Mafia, been under fire by the Mutant Mafia," Shane counted on his fingers. "I've nearly been turned into a human pancake by giant boulders! Had every nut take potshots at me from terrorists to mutant haters to giant robots to insane immortal sorceresses to walking talking animals to crackpot scientists and demon lords! I've had to endure training from ninja masters, body switching with other people, running around on astral planes, dealing with idiots from other dimensions, and listening to bizarre handicapped animal stories that make **no sense!** Not to mention trying to change a diaper at three in the morning while the kid is bonking you with a stupid whiffle bat!"

"Okay…" Ch'od blinked. "Perhaps you are qualified to be a Starjammer?"

"I think the boy may be **overqualified **to be a Starjammer," Raza blinked.

"Trust me, being a Starjammer will be a nice restful **vacation** compared to being a Misfit," Shane groaned.

"Welcome aboard," Corsair blinked.

Meanwhile everyone was finally boarding the Misfit One. "Looks like you had a good time last night Jean," Althea smirked as she gave her friend a playful elbow in the ribs. "I want details later."

"Ugh spare me!" Rogue rolled her eyes.

"Don't think we didn't see you making out with Gambit at the party," Spyder gave her a look.

"How?" Kurt was startled.

"We loaned her a spare power inhibitor suit we had on board," Daria explained.

"Not like Remy went very far," Remy grumbled. Lance was now running into the ship still wearing the outfit he had on last night. "And speaking of going far, where were you Avalanche?"

"Yeah dude we didn't see you all night," Fred said. "Or at breakfast."

"You nearly missed the boat," Todd said. "Where were you?"

"Uh, around," Lance whistled.

"Around with the one called Nightshade," Rina wrinkled her nose. "Her scent is all over you!"

"Uh…" Lance was shocked. "Well I uh, we uh…"

"You uh, **yeah!"** Pietro mocked.

"You didn't!" Scott blinked.

"Like you **didn't!"** Lance snapped back. Scott turned red at this. "I thought so!"

"Well at least **somebody **got lucky last night," Shipwreck shrugged.

"You **slept** with Nightshade?" Kitty shouted. "Lance I can't believe you!"

"Oh get over yourself, Kitty!" Wanda snapped. "Lance obviously has."

"What about Willow?" Jean asked. Then stopped. "Who am I kidding? Even **I **know the answer to **that **question!"

"Yeah knowing Willow she must have made out with at least **seven **guys during this whole trip," Kitty rolled her eyes. "I don't believe this!"

"You struck out with the Tin Man last night didn't you?" Todd snickered at her.

"Shut up Toad!" Kitty folded her arms.

"I knew it," Todd looked at Arcade and Kurt. "You guys owe me ten bucks each."

"Rats," Kurt said as he and Arcade paid up.

"Can we take off now?" Kitty glared at Todd. Peter turned bright red.

"We could but we'd be leaving Charley behind," Shipwreck pointed at the door. He called out of it. "Hey! Charley! Move it!"

"I was saying goodbye to Lilandra," Xavier finally wheeled up into the ship.

"And Lance said **goodbye** to Nightshade hours ago," Pietro mocked. "Not to mention **good morning** but at least he was on time."

"So did Scott and Jean," Rina added. "And Beast with two other aliens?"

Everyone looked at Hank. "I really don't want to talk about this," Hank gulped. "At least not in front of the minors."

"Ooh man I want details," Shipwreck cackled.

"Hank?" Ororo was stunned.

"It's not what you think," Hank stuttered. "I just happened to encounter these lovely ladies who liked fur and quantum physics."

"And you were doing quite a bit of experimenting am I right?" Shipwreck laughed.

"The hormones on this ship are choking the life out of me," Rina rolled her eyes. "Can we please leave for Earth before I suffocate?"

"Systems engage," Daria said. The triplets were getting ready to take off. Soon the ship was out in space. "Here's the nearest star gate."

"We're getting a transmission from Lilandra," Quinn said. "I'm putting it on the view screen."

A picture of Lilandra in formal Empress attire was shown with the Imperial Guard next to her. "X-Men and Misfits. This star gate will take you directly back to your planet. I speak now as an empress of the Shi'ar. I must now pass judgment on your actions."

"Judgment? I don't understand," Xavier asked.

"I'm sorry Charles but it is the only choice I can make," Lilandra sighed. "From this day forth the Phoenix is exiled from the borders of the Shi'ar Empire."

"But how can you say that after all…?" Kitty began.

"The Phoenix Force is too powerful to trust," Lilandra said. "It may never be used against us while Jean Grey possesses it but it might overwhelm her, or one of her descendants. As ruler of the Empire I have no choice but to take extreme measures."

"As soon as you pass through the star gate we're going to blow it up so you can't get back here so easily," Erik'Dared snorted.

"Of course there is no law stating that I cannot visit Earth every now and then," Lilandra made a small smile. "But be warned Phoenix if you do ever threaten the safety of the Shi'ar I will have no choice but to destroy you and your world. Now go."

"We're gone baby!" Brittany grunted as she piloted the ship. "Smell ya later!"

The Misfit One disappeared into the Star Gate. "All right now blow up that gate into a billion pieces!" Guardian ordered. It was done so with a flourish. "And that is the end of that."

"Good riddance," Erik'Dared grunted. "At least those nutcases won't bother us anymore. Wait a second…Has anyone seen my wallet? I could have sworn I had it a second ago."

"Mine's missing too," Flashfire realized. "I wonder where I put it?"

"My identification card and valuables are missing as well!" Guardian realized. "You don't think…?"

BOOOM!

"We may never know," Firelord sighed as the star gate was destroyed. "And personally I don't want to know!"

"And knowing is a **great reason** to never go near the planet Earth again as long as we all shall live!" Erik'Dared moaned. "I gotta hit the bar..."

Back on the Misfit One as it ended up back in Earth's Solar System…

"Pretty grateful aren't they?" Rogue grumbled.

"To be honest Rogue I don't care if I ever go back again," Jean sighed. "I've had more than enough insanity in outer space to last me a **lifetime!"**

"As opposed to the regular insanity we get on Earth..." Rina rolled her eyes.

"I'm just glad we're all together and are going home," Kitty said.

"And we got lots of souvenirs," Pietro held up several items as he stood in the middle of a huge treasure trove he dumped in the middle of the room. "I managed to swipe back the stuff we originally swiped plus a few other things."

"Is that the silverware from the wedding feast?" Jean asked. "And are those the **tablecloths?"**

"Wedding favors," Pietro corrected.

"Is that some of the jewelry Lilandra was wearing?" Wanda asked as she looked at the pile. "And where did you get these outfits? And those gold chairs?"

"Souvenirs," Pietro shrugged.

"Are these wallets from the Imperial Guard?" Kurt blinked as he saw several pieces of identification in the pile. "You stole wallets from the Imperial Guard?"

"More souvenirs," Remy grinned. Everyone looked at him. "What? Misfits were going to steal stuff anyway. Why not take a few things?"

"Is that a couch?" Scott blinked in the corner. "Who took a **couch?"**

"It was really comfy," Fred shifted. "You know it's hard to get furniture in my size."

"Anybody else take something they should **not** have?" Xavier snapped.

"I got some more booze," Shipwreck volunteered.

"We figured that," Ororo rolled her eyes. "Anything else?"

"Uh do yourself a favor," Spyder coughed. "Don't look in the cargo bay."

"Why?" Hank asked looking at her.

"You might see an extra small spaceship and some spaceship parts," Lance whistled. "Oh and maybe a laser cannon or two..."

"I think I am starting to see the **wisdom** in Lilandra's decision to close a direct star gate between our solar system and her empire," Hank groaned.

"I am starting to wonder if I should have stayed behind with Shooter after all," Xavier groaned.

"Strap yourselves in people!" Scott shouted. "We're going home."

**Next the gang finally heads back to Earth! But they are in for some sobering news and some pretty big shocks! What will happen when they learn of the events that transpired while they were away? Will they be able to fix what's broken? Or will it be too late? Find out next chapter!**

Tabitha stormed in. "Yeah it's about time you slackers got back!"

"I sense you're slightly miffed at us," Pietro gave her a look.

"You could say that," Logan glared at him.

"Why are you so ticked off at us?" Pietro asked.

"You haven't read Holding Down the Fort have you?" Tabitha shoved the script for the story in his hands. "Check out the last few pages!"

"What do you mean?" Pietro sped read them. "Oops. Oh boy..."

"Excuse me a moment if you please," Pyro walked out. "If I may be serious for a moment. Every year millions of people suffer from peanut related injuries. And I don't mean the ones where you accidentally eat peanuts. But throwing peanuts costs billions of dollars in medical costs and millions of people suffer peanut related injuries."

"Like what?" Pietro blinked.

"Peanuts thrown into the eyes, stuffed up one's noses," Pyro went on. "Or other body cavities..."

"Millions?" Pietro asked.

"Okay thousands," Pyro shrugged. "Maybe not thousands but I know there are a **lot **of them! But with your help and some elementary safety precautions we can cut down on this savage death toll."

"Death toll?" Tabitha asked. "By people **throwing** peanuts?"

"Yes," Pyro said. "It is a very serious problem. So remember these safety tips. Always be careful when throwing your peanuts. Make sure there is no one close to where you are throwing the peanuts. Beware of elephants sneaking around to steal your peanuts. They can run you over and squash you flatter than a pancake. Make sure there is not a tiny bomb hidden in the peanut shell. If there is a bomb, always call your local bomb squad to safely diffuse it. If there is no bomb squad in your town, call the fire department. If the fire department won't come, start a fire so that they **will **come. To start a fire simply take a match..."

"Okay that's enough!" Logan grabbed Pyro and hauled him off. "No more public service announcements from you!"

"Here's a warning," Tabitha sighed. "Reading Red Witch fanfictions are dangerous to your sanity."


	72. Not The Homecoming We Hoped For

**Not the Homecoming We Hoped For**

"There it is guys!" Kurt pointed out the window of the spaceship. "Third planet from the sun, home sweet home!"

Earth was just outside the window and to everyone on board the space ship there was never a sweeter sight. "Home sweet home!" Arcade sighed. "It was a fun trip but all good things must come to an end."

"Dude, you actually liked getting lost and nearly getting killed?" Bobby gave him a look.

"It's not like that doesn't happen to us all the time on Earth," Xi remarked.

"Well, we were all in outer space," Arcade told him. "That kind of flavored the adventure for me."

"I should have known," Bobby sighed. "Although I gotta admit it was kind of cool zipping along in outer space but it is good to be home."

"Wow, Earth has never looked so beautiful," Kitty marveled at the sight. "It feels like we've been away forever!"

"According to our instruments we were only gone a few weeks," Hank said.

"That's more than enough for me," Rogue said. "I'll be glad when we're back good old terra firma!"

"Now you're starting to sound like Beast, Chere," Remy grinned.

"Just shut up Swamp Rat," Rogue gave him a look. "You're ruining the moment."

"I'm just so glad we're finally home and things can go back to normal," Pietro sighed. "Well normal for us anyway."

"I know," Lance nodded. "Earth may be full of mutant hating bigots and crazy lunatics that want to blow us up into bits but it's our home."

"Look over there! It looks like some kind of satellite," Bobby pointed. There was a huge structure floating nearby in outer space.

"A really **big **satellite," Spyder remarked.

"A really big satellite with several **skyscrapers** on it," Todd blinked. "And some domes."

"Satellites aren't **that** big," Kitty frowned. "Or have domes and skyscrapers on it! In fact it looks like a really big version of…"

"Asteroid M!" Xavier realized. "What has Magneto done?"

"I have a feeling we're about to find out," Shipwreck groaned, "Whether we want to or not!"

"Great," Scott grumbled. "I should have known Magneto would pull something while we're gone!"

"I just hope he doesn't pull another stupid mutant on mutant fighting tournament like he did the last time," Fred grumbled. "Or was it the time before that? I keep forgetting."

"Hey look we're already over New York!" Todd pointed as the starship descended.

"Never thought I'd be happy to see Bayville again," Rogue admitted.

"I'm not so happy seeing it **now,"** Rina looked out the window. "I can see the town and it looks like there has been a huge fire."

"More like a couple of fires," Pyro blinked. "Believe me I know the difference."

"What?" Jean gasped. Indeed there were several homes that had been destroyed, streets and sections of the park scorched. Roads had been trashed. There was construction going on but at a lackluster pace.

"Why does Downtown Bayville look like a **bomb **hit it?" Kitty asked.

"This is what I was afraid of…" Larry said. "The X-Men and Misfits shouldn't have left."

"So what? We just let the whole universe get blown up and us stay kidnapped?" Remy gave him a look.

"Something tells me a lot has happened while we were away," Xavier frowned.

"Gee the uh, giant asteroid and big craters in the middle of what's left of Main Street weren't your **first clue** that some things happened while we were on our trip?" Shipwreck asked sarcastically.

Xavier ignored the remark. "I'm going to try and alert Warren and the others that we have arrived." He sent out a mental summons. "Odd…I can't seem to get to Warren but I have definitely connected to Betsy."

Soon they were landing on the Mansion's grounds. "Guys why are there tanks at our front gate?" Scott asked.

"They look like GI Joe tanks," Althea said. "That's not what worries me, look at the mansion!"

There were signs that a battle had been fought, with scarring on the lawn and several parts of the Mansion wall looking like it had been shot at. "What happened here? It looks like a battle went on here?" Kurt asked.

"Odds are that's what probably **did** happen," Scott said. "Hurry up and land this thing!"

WHUMP!

"We've landed. That soon enough for you?" Daria asked.

"Yeah thanks," Scott grumbled as he picked himself off the floor of the starship.

"Look! It's Multiple, Static and Goblyn!" Quinn pointed.

"Yeah! All right!" Spyder raced for the door.

"Oh god get me off this insane ship..." Wanda groaned as she headed for the door herself.

They all disembarked from the spaceship. "Hey guys!" Jamie ran out with Taylor and Madelyne behind him. "You're back! You're back!"

"Sis!" Madelyne screamed in delight and she and Jean embraced in a huge bear hug.

"I can't believe you guys are back! Professor! Spyder! Shipwreck! Trinity! Larry…?" Jamie did a double take at Larry. "Nice look."

"Yeah I got an upgrade," Larry told them.

"Scott! Scott!" Alex ran out of the house to meet them. "Whoo Hoo! You're back! You're finally back!"

"Alex? Alex what are you **doing** here?" Scott asked as he hugged his brother.

"Long story man, but it's good to see you! Come on inside where the others are!" Alex started pulling him inside.

The others followed and were soon in the living room. On the couch were the toddlers watching television. Baby Tadpole was in a booster seat slurping on a bottle. "BOYS!" Shipwreck called out. "DADDY'S HOME!"

"Not now," Claudius didn't bat an eye. "Cartoons."

"Later," Barney waved.

"They don't **remember **me?" Shipwreck was stunned.

"Oh they remember **you** all right," Roadblock gave him a look as he walked in. "They just prefer their cartoons."

"Roadblock!" Todd whooped and leapt on top of him. "Ya miss me?"

"You bet I did Kid," Roadblock laughed and hugged Todd. "Come here you!"

"Come on kids didn't you miss Daddy?" Shipwreck stood in front of them. Claudius took exception to this interference of his television watching and threw a bottle at his father's head. "Yeow! You nearly **missed **Daddy!"

"Claudius we gotta work on your aim," Roadblock said sarcastically.

Another bottle whizzed by and hit Shipwreck on the forehead. "OW!"

"Good shot, Tadpole," Todd grinned. "That's my little brother!"

"Gah!" Tadpole chirped happily.

Coming to meet the returning travellers were Ray, Tabitha, Sam, Paige, Jubilee, Tim, Danielle, Amara, Lorna and Betsy. "Rogue! Welcome home Girlfriend!" Betsy cried with relief as she gave her friend a hug.

"Boy are we glad to see you!" Ray whooped. "Where the hell have you been?"

"To the end of the universe and back," Kurt grumbled. "Literally."

"Yeah that's where we **thought** you guys would be," Tabitha smirked.

There was a plethora of hugs and welcomes. "You're back," Logan grunted when he saw them.

"Logan…" Rina blinked. With a rush of emotion she hugged him.

"I missed you too kid," Logan chuckled.

"Hey don't I get a hug?" Jubilee asked as she hugged Rina. "Rina...Not too hard! You're crushing my ribs!"

"It's good to be home," Xavier sighed.

"It's good to have you home," Tabitha said. "Professor you have no idea how much has been going on since you guys left!"

"Yeah it's been one disaster after another! Speaking of which...Where's Shooter?" Jubilee looked around.

"He…decided to stay behind and become a space pirate," Todd coughed.

"HE WHAT?" Jubilee shouted.

"It's a long story. But we'll tell it when everyone else shows up. Where is everyone else?" Scott asked.

"Scott…" Alex looked sad. "There is no one else. We're all that's left. Well unless you count…"

"I hear noises," Sharon walked in, wearing a purple sweater and jeans. She also had her arm in a sling.

"CATSEYE!" Bobby shouted. "What is **she** doing here?"

"Calm down Iceman!" Alex told them.

"How can I calm down when a Hellion is in our house?" Bobby snapped.

"Just relax, okay?" Sam said. "It's all right. She's staying here recovering for now."

"Recovering?" Rogue asked. "From what? Why isn't she with the rest of the Hellions?"

"They're not here are they?" Kitty asked.

"No, what was left of them went out to hunt down Sinister a few weeks ago," Logan sighed.

"What was **left** of them?" Ororo asked. "Evan…?"

"He's alive," Amara said. "And so are Celandine, Monet and Emma Frost…But other than them…"

"They're **dead?"** Lance gasped. Sharon nodded sadly. "How? What happened?"

"The Hellfire Club let Sinister hunt us down and kill us when they found out about Misfits blackmailing Spyke for information on his labs," Catseye hissed. Then she softened. "But then they hate Hellions too for not killing Leech. That **real** reason why they murdered team mates."

"Kill Leech?" Kitty was shocked.

"Blackmailing Evan?" Ororo looked at the Misfits. "What **exactly** were you blackmailing him with?"

"Uh…" Pietro gulped. "Hold on here! I don't see Angel! He should tell us what's going on!"

"Angel left the Institute," Logan told him. "And quite a few others too."

"One way or another," Amara grumbled.

"What do you mean?" Bobby looked around. "Who left?"

"For starters those traitors Sunspot and Gossamyr!" Amara snapped. "Good riddance!"

"Traitors?" Jean asked.

"Sunspot turned out to be a spy for the Hellfire Club!" Tabitha snapped. "And that bitch Starla helped him escape. Oh and they stole your car Scott."

"THEY WHAT?" Scott yelled. "WHY DID THEY STEAL **MY** CAR?"

"Forget your stupid car, Scott!" Rogue snapped. "Everybody knows you have a standing order at the dealership and get a new one every other month due to it getting wrecked all the time. I want to hear about Starla and Sunspot!"

"My car is not stupid!" Scott snapped.

"I guess Starla and Roberto didn't think so if they took it," Fred scratched his head."And it was kind of nice. I'd probably steal it too if I could fit behind the wheel."

"See? Thank you Blob!" Scott said. "What am I thanking **him **for? My car is **gone!"**

"We picked up your new one the other day," Logan growled. "It's in the freaking garage! We knew you would have a cow if something happened to it. Never mind all the **crap **we went through, as long as your precious car is **safe**, that's all that matters!"

"Oh like you wouldn't it something happened to your **motorcycle?"** Scott challenged. "Suppose they took that **instead?** How would you feel huh?"

"Don't even **joke** about something like that," Logan gave him a hard look.

"I thought so," Scott said smugly. "So don't complain about **me** being worried about my car!"

"Wait how could Roberto be a spy?" Xavier asked. "I never sensed anything."

"Just like the Hellfire Club never sensed anything when Sage was undercover?" Logan gave him a look.

"Still to learn two of my students betraying us…" Xavier was shocked.

"Actually I can **see** Starla deserting us," Rogue folded her arms. "Good riddance!"

"Yeah not exactly that much of a stretch if you think about it," Kitty shook her head. "But Sunspot…?"

"But that's not all!" Jamie shouted. "Scott you have another brother!"

"I know, Gabriel," Scott said. "Sinister faked his death and erased our memories of him!"

"You know? How do **you **know?" Alex said. "We only just found out!"

"Our dad told us," Scott said. "Our father is alive. How do **you **know?"

"He's been causing trouble all over the place," Alex said. "Wait Dad is **alive?**"

"Mom too technically…" Scott groaned.

"What do you mean by **technically?**" Alex snapped.

"Your folks were kidnapped by aliens and used in some whacked out experiments," Todd said. "Your dad's a space pirate and your mom is a space ship."

"WHAT?" Alex yelled. "MY MOM IS A WHAT?"

"I know," Scott groaned. "I don't belive it either. And I saw it and I'm still in shock. That's not even the worst part."

"There's a **worst **part?" Alex did a double take. "**Worse **than a father being a space pirate and a mother that's a spaceship?"

"They're both dating other people," Scott groaned. "Well one of them is a cat woman and the other is **another** spaceship..."

"WHAT?" Alex shouted even louder.

"Hold on," Rogue held up her hand. "What happened to Bayville? Why is it such a mess?"

"You can thank Legion and Lobo for that," Sam groaned. "What a mess that was!"

"Like I said one disaster after another," Tabitha groaned.

"They know he's your son Xavier," Danielle said. "And he's been going on killing sprees!"

"Legion?" Jean gasped.

"No Jean the Tooth Fairy," Ray said sarcastically. "Of course we're talking about Legion! He murdered an entire building full of FOH in Washington DC! We're talking thousands of people here!"

"Thousands?" Wanda's eyes widened.

"Thousands," Betsy nodded. "Things have gotten really ugly since then. Legion still hasn't stopped killing people. At least every few days there's some kind of sighting where he takes out a couple of FOH or other humans just for the fun of it!"

"Almost killed Creed and Duncan," Tabitha said. "Probably the **only **people he hasn't managed to kill."

"And the whole world has practically gone anti-mutant because of it," Danielle said. "Well that and what happened in Madripoor."

"And Asteroid M," Sam added.

"Wait, who knows about Legion being my son?" Xavier asked.

"Everybody! It was on TV!" Jamie said.

"Right before Sam died and came back to life," Madelyne said.

"Him too?" Fred asked.

**"Too?"** Amara asked. "You mean one of you guys is an External too?"

"A **what?"** Jean asked.

"Hang on…Let's back up a bit," Scott stopped it. "Where is everyone else?"

"Rahne? Where's Rahne?" Kitty asked.

"She left for Muir Island to recover about two weeks ago," Betsy sighed.

"Two weeks? But we've only been gone about two weeks!" Kitty asked.

"Kitty…" Danielle sighed. "You've all been gone for nearly seven months."

"We'd thought you'd never get back," Ray said.

"How can we be gone seven months?" Kurt asked. "The ships instruments…"

"Were never properly calibrated for space travel," Daria realized. "All that warping around…While we only experienced a few weeks…"

"Months passed…" Althea realized.

"Things have gotten bad Charles," Logan sighed. "You have no idea how close we've already come to the edge."

"How bad are we talking about?" Xavier asked. "Logan?"

"I think you all better let us tell our stories first," Logan said in an even tone. "Before you tell us yours."

"Wait, where's Doug?" Kitty looked around. "I don't see him. Did he go home or something?"

"Yeah and where's Jesse?" Rogue looked around. "I don't see him either."

"Or Everett for that matter," Hank said.

Paige started to sniffle and many of the New Mutants had pained looks on their faces. "Guys? What happened?" Kitty asked. "Guys…?"

"Kitty…" Alex said gently. "Prepare yourself for a shock."

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"Goddess no…" Ororo held back a choked sob when she saw the graves. Kitty was openly sobbing near Doug's grave.

"Jesse…Doug…Everett…Candy…All **dead?**" Jean was shocked. "How did this happen?"

"A lot has happened Charles," Logan told him.

"I think we should all hear what's been happening here before we tell you our story," Xavier sighed.

"No, I want to hear **yours** first," Ray said. "I wanna hear what took you so long to get the Professor back. I want to hear why you **abandoned **us when we needed you the most!"

"Ray," Betsy said. "It's not their fault. They didn't even know how long they were gone."

"It doesn't excuse the fact that they were gone so long!" Tim snapped.

"We didn't exactly have a picnic here you know?" Tabitha glared at them.

"I think it's time for **your** side of the story," Xavier said.

"Oh you want to hear a story?" Tim asked. "Not long after you left a group of mutants took over the island of Madripoor, sparking off a lot of international incidents and riots. Yeah and the FOH attacking the Institute with **tanks!"**

"We beat them back," Ray said. "But Autumn killed quite a few people and we thought Jesse killed one guy. But it turns out it was his psycho brother that did that. Long story short, Jesse took him out but at the cost of his own life."

"But how did **Doug** die?" Kitty shouted. "What happened?"

"What happened to **you?**" Sam asked. "You said one of you came back from the dead as well."

"Never mind that I want to know what happened to Doug and the others **now!"** Kitty shouted.

"Kitty…" Rogue put her hand on her shoulder. "Calm down."

"I think there's a faster way for all of us to convey information," Xavier held up his hand. "We can create a telepathic exchange. We can all see what happened to both groups at the same time."

"Uh hold on," Shipwreck held up his hand. "Arcade and I can't join in. Special brainwaves, remember?"

"I can create an illusion of what happened for you two," Danielle said. "It's one of the things Psylocke was working with me on while you were away."

"I can help her as well," Jean nodded.

It was a sharing of experiences unlike anything they had ever felt before. Seven months of pain and joy…of heartache and triumph…of betrayal and sacrifice all at the same time…And it nearly overwhelmed them all.

"Whoa…" Ray gasped when it was over. "You guys really **did** save the whole freaking universe. I can't believe it."

"I can't believe my mom is a starship and my dad is a space pirate…" Alex was stunned.

"I can't believe I have another brother who's working for Sinister," Scott growled. "And somehow I'm related to **Cable!" **

"I can't believe what Magneto has done," Xavier sighed. "Or the situation in Madripoor…"

"I can't believe Kitty got second place in a **pet show**," Sam blinked.

"I am never going to live that down," Kitty groaned. Then she remembered. "Doug…How could someone as good as that be killed like…?"

"And Everett sacrificing himself …" Scott stiffened. "He didn't want to be a hero but he became one anyway."

"Seeing that again brings it all back," Lorna sniffed.

"It's okay Lorna," Bobby hugged her. "We're back now…" Lorna stiffened and pulled away. "Lorna, what's wrong?"

"Oh this should be interesting," Amara folded her arms.

"There's something else we didn't exactly show in our sharing…" Betsy got a bit nervous. "Uh…"

"Lorna? What's going on?" Bobby asked.

"Bobby…You're nice but…" Lorna sighed as she held Alex's hand. "Alex and I have gotten really close. We're dating."

"Dating? As in a **couple?"** Bobby was shocked. "How the hell could **you** do this to me?"

"I didn't do anything," Alex told him.

"Didn't **do** anything? You stole my **girlfriend** you son of a…" Bobby leapt on Alex and soon the two boys were fighting.

"Hey break it up! Break it up!" Logan and several others stepped in to stop them. "Break it up!"

"Alex are you okay?" Lorna went up to Alex.

"HE'S GOING TO NEED A HOSPITAL WHEN I'M DONE WITH HIM!" Bobby shouted as he was being restrained by Hank and the others.

"Chill out Iceman!" Todd called out.

"Don't tell me to chill out!" Bobby shouted. "I'll chill **Havok** out!"

"Look Iceman I'm sorry for how you feel but…" Alex said.

"Sorry? You should be sorry for what you've done!" Scott shouted at him. "How could you betray Bobby like that?"

"Watch your mouth Cyclops!" Sam shouted fiercely. "Alex has done **everything **to keep this team together while you were all flying around in outer space!"

"I may be sore at Lorna but Alex isn't really to blame," Amara amended. "Alex didn't set out to seduce Lorna. She's the one who made the choice."

"You have **no idea** what we went through," Danielle snarled. "Do you have any idea how close we all came to being totally **annihilated?**"

"He's a lot better leader than you **ever** were," Ray hissed.

"Now hold on a minute…" Rogue began.

"No, **you **hold on a minute Rogue," Jubilee said. "Yeah you saved the universe and rescued the Professor and everyone but we're the ones who had to deal with the mess on Earth. We're not the same New Mutants you left behind. We're just as good as you are."

"You actually believe we're to blame for what's happened don't you?" Danielle asked. "I can practically sense it on some of you!"

"Well we're not!" Jamie shouted. "We saved the world!"

"No one is disputing that," Xavier began diplomatically. "But now that we have returned it's time that the main X-Man team…"

"Take over the slack?" Amara ended bitterly.

"Think we can't cut it Xavier?" Ray folded his arms.

"Obviously if you let things get so bad…" Bobby began.

"Watch it Iceman," Alex snapped. "You can say what you like about me but when you start talking trash about **my team** you'd better be prepared to be turned into a snow cone!"

"He's right," Logan nodded. "Nobody could have been prepared for what happened but these kids took it as best they could and did what they had to do. Maybe even better than the main team would have. Trust me, I was here."

"We're **nobody's** second stringers anymore," Tabitha said. "And that includes Havok."

"Come on guys. Iceman's not the only one who needs to cool off," Sam remarked. The rest of the New Mutants left the room.

"What happened to them?" Scott asked. "They've never challenged me or any of us like that before."

"You didn't exactly pay attention during that whole mind sharing thing did you, Summers?" Todd groaned. "They've been through a lot! Even I can figure that out!"

"They're angry Cyclops," Logan sighed. "And I can't say I blame them. They've been through so much the past seven months. They just feel like they've gotten the short end of the stick. They'll come around."

"They are the ones who watched their friends die," Roadblock pointed out. "And Sam…He died and came **back** from the dead."

"Well some of them **won't** come back from the dead!" Kitty bawled. She ran to her room.

"You were right Larry," Bobby grumbled. "We never should have left."

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"Kitty?" Danielle gently knocked on Kitty's door. She walked in and found Kitty sobbing on her bed. "Oh Kitty!" She gave her friend a strong hug.

"Dani… I'm so sorry," Kitty sniffed. "I never should have left! We never should have left! We were so stupid to leave…If we hadn't left our friends would still be alive! It's all our fault!"

"No, Kitty I don't blame you!" Danielle said defiantly. "Or the X-Men. What were you supposed to do? Let the Professor, Gambit and Foresight stay kidnapped? If you had the entire universe would have been destroyed. I understand that."

"But we still abandoned you…" Kitty said softly.

"Kitty I know you would **never **turn your back on us," Danielle comforted. "And Doug knew it too. What happened was not your fault. Doug wouldn't want you to blame yourself. And you know it."

"Still…" Kitty shook his head. "He and the others gave their lives protecting the Institute…Danielle what Bobby said was wrong. You guys did the best you could considering. Maybe even better…"

"I think it's just whole Lorna thing talking," Danielle sighed. "I'm not gonna lie to you Kitty. Things were really a mess down here. They're **still **a mess. Past few months nearly tore us apart. Actually it did tear us apart in some ways. That's why a lot of us are a bit sore at the main teams. Some of 'em feel like they got the short end of the stick if you get my drift."

"Do you feel that way?" Kitty asked.

"I confess I kind of did until I saw what really happened," Danielle told her. "Okay you had a few detours but at least you did some good. And the fact you brought the Professor and the others back while saving the universe helps. That and knowing you came in second place at a pet show…"

"You are going to torture me with that for a **long time** aren't you?" Kitty groaned.

"Oh yes," Danielle grinned. Then she sobered up. "Kitty…You know Doug cared about you right? You were friends as well as family."

"I know, I just wish I told him that while he was alive…" Kitty sighed.

"Doug knew," Danielle said. "He loved everyone here. Especially Rahne. They were…close. Not close like Roberto and Starla but you get the picture. She took his death really hard. Especially considering…"

"Yeah," Kitty let out a breath. "God…And I thought we lucked out when Jean died and came back from the dead. Only to find out…"

"I know how you feel," Danielle said. "Having Sam come back from the dead…How weird is it that we have not one but **two** immortals in this house?"

"Three or four if you count Logan and Rina," Kitty sighed. "But I guess our luck couldn't hold out forever…"

Kitty pulled her knees closer. "Is this what it really means to be an X-Man?" She asked herself. "To fight all the time mostly against people who hate us? To never stop fighting and to watch your friends and family suffer and die one by one? All I ever wanted to do was learn how to use my powers to help people. But what good is helping people if your help isn't wanted and you can't help your friends…?"

"I don't know," Danielle sighed. "Things really have changed haven't they? And I have a bad feeling not for the better."

"What are we going to do now?" Kitty asked. "How do we fix this? I don't even know if we **can** fix things."

"I don't know that either," Danielle sighed. "All I know is that now that you guys are back maybe things will get better."

"Maybe," Kitty sighed. "But why do I have this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that things are about to get **worse?**"

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Scott found his brother on the back porch. "Alex…I want to apologize for what I said," Scott sighed. "I jumped to conclusions. I'm sorry I was out of line."

"Scott I can't really blame you for thinking that," Alex said. "I mean I can kind of see things from Bobby's point of view but…Lorna's the one who made the choice. It's really no one's fault."

"No, we've been gone far too long," Scott said. "It's time we took some responsibility. Part of the reason the world is so screwed up is because we left."

"You kind of didn't have any choice," Alex pointed out. "You needed to save the Professor and your friends. And you also saved the entire universe which means you saved us all. That doesn't sound like ignoring your responsibilities in my book."

"I think I'm starting to see why the others trust you so much," Scott admitted.

"I'm not really a leader," Alex shrugged. "It's just…Things got so crazy around here. We've been attacked so many times. Not to mention the mess Lobo and Legion made."

"Don't forget Madripoor and this Factor One creep," Scott grumbled. "I don't think anyone could have predicted that!"

"Not to mention Magneto," Alex said.

"Should have known Magneto wouldn't have gone down so easy," Scott growled. "He let us think we destroyed his base on purpose!"

"Scott I know you think we messed up but…" Alex began. "Don't be too hard on the others. They've been through quite a lot."

"Yeah I guess we have been kind of selfish," Scott sighed. "Alex…If you and Lorna are really serious about each other, I'm happy for you."

"I know you are," Alex said. "But I also know you're Bobby's friend and you don't want to see him hurt."

"It's a bit late for that," Scott groaned. "Why do I have the feeling the days of the Kitty, Lance and Peter triangle are going to be looked back as **peaceful** compared to this?"

"Amara took it really hard," Alex said. "But that's because of Sunspot. She caught him cheating on her with Starla. I mean literally caught the two of them in bed. She nearly burned the whole mansion down."

"And you still don't think he's the enemy?" Scott asked.

"Do you think Gabriel is the enemy?" Alex said. "Let's face facts, they were both brainwashed."

"I know but we may have to take **both** of them out," Scott grumbled. "So much for things getting easier. Come on, let's go back inside."

Both brothers went in to find Shipwreck, Roadblock, Xavier and Logan conversing in the hall. "How's Kitty doing?" Alex asked.

"Storm went to check on her," Logan said. "Half pint took the news pretty hard."

"We gotta get going too," Shipwreck said. "Headquarters wants us back pronto. Probably wants us to debrief them on what we saw and to do next."

"We'd better figure out what we should do now as well," Scott agreed.

"Our enemies took advantage of our absence," Xavier said. "That ends now."

"We're going to start fixing things," Scott said. "Magneto, Sinister, Apocalypse, Legion…We have to take care of them all."

"I'm going to go call Warren and talk to him," Xavier nodded. "Try to convince him to come back. What happened…Wasn't his fault. It was ours."

"That's interesting for you to say," Valarie Cooper walked in with Karma and two soldiers. "Charles Xavier…You're under arrest."

**Oh boy, things really do not look good do they? Is Xavier off to the big house? Find out next time! **


	73. Time To Mend Some Fences

**Time To Mend Some Fences**

"Arrest **us?** You gotta be kidding!" Lance snapped. The Misfits were in the Misfit War room with General Eddington, General Hawk and General Whithalf. They had returned to the Pit immediately after Valarie Cooper had come to arrest Xavier. Fortunately after several minutes of negotiating Valarie had agreed to remain at the Mansion and temporarily postpone the arrest for a few hours while the Misfits tried to sort things out.

It wasn't going very well.

"You were AWOL for over seven months," General Eddington snarled. "I think that's enough grounds for being arrested don't you?"

"We were chasing aliens and rescuing our friends!" Althea told him. "Larry was kidnapped! Remember?"

"Technically we were only doing our duty," Pietro spoke up. "We were told to keep an eye on the X-Men. We were just following orders by following **them **into outer space."

"And what's this bunk about Xavier going to be arrested?" Shipwreck shouted. "Just because his kid is nuts?"

"Yeah that's not his fault," Todd agreed. "Well mostly..."

"The Department of Mutant Affairs wanted to know exactly what role Xavier had in creating Legion as well as why he didn't volunteer the information that he had a son that was capable of mass murder," General Eddington gave him a look.

"If you had a kid that was nuts and killed people for the fun of it would **you** go around telling people?" Pietro asked.

"He doesn't even tell people he has a son that's a ballet star," General Whithalf agreed.

"WHITHALF!" General Eddington bellowed.

"What? He's very good," General Whithalf shrugged. "I saw him perform in Paris once. And his life partner Sven is quite charming!"

"THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! THIS IS ABOUT **THEM!"** General Eddington pointed at the Misfits. "AND ALL THE TROUBLE THEY'VE CAUSED!"

"Ballet star?" Lance grinned.

"Life partner named Sven?" Todd grinned widely.

"What's wrong with ballet and the name Sven?" Fred gave them a look. "I have a cousin Sven who's into ballet. Actually he's into all sorts of dances. He works at this exotic dance place in Nevada...You know, where the clients prefer a dancer with real meat on his bones if you get my drift?"

"We didn't say anything was **wrong **with it," Todd told him. "We just find it shocking that Eddington has actually reproduced, let alone having a kid that's a ballet star."

"And a life partner named Sven," Xi added.

"That I can see," Fred nodded. "Sven's dad Big Sven and his sister Svenetta felt the same way when he told them he wanted to be a dancer. They wanted him to carry on the family tradition of log rolling championships and stump pulling. It took them a while to come around."

"Svenetta?" Lina blinked.

"Log rolling championships?" Angelica blinked.

"Stump pulling?" Pietro blinked. "Those are **family traditions?"**

"As much as I'd love to take another facinating look at the Dukes Family Tree and examine all the **nuts** that it has produced," General Hawk sighed. "Can we get back to the issue here? Basically the authorites feel that Xavier was intentionally harboring and aiding a fugitive from justice, especially since Legion is his son."

"But that's crazy! Xavier's been trying to track the kid down and stop him but he's harder to find an uneaten chicken leg at the Duke Family Reunion Fourth of July Picnic!" Pietro snapped.

"He's right," Fred nodded. "Even harder than **that."**

"It's a good thing we convinced Ms. Cooper to hold off arresting the Professor until we talked to you," Angelica frowned. "I mean he could still be arrested but..."

"I'd be more concerned with saving your **own** hides right now! And where the hell is Shooter?" General Eddington folded his arms.

"He stayed behind to do recon," Althea said matter of factly. "Think of it as being our spy in space. The Shi'ar have powerful weapons and it might not be a bad idea to have someone from our side keep an eye on them."

"Sounds pretty logical if you ask me," General Whithalf shrugged.

"No one did! Listen you little maniacs are not fooling me! Give me **one reason** why we should overlook this little incident?" General Eddington said sarcastically.

"How about the information and schematics of over twenty different kinds of space ships?" Daria pulled out some information chips.

"Detailed information and history of the Shi'ar Empire and over a hundred different alien races," Quinn pulled out more chips.

"Examples of sophisticated weaponry from alien cultures," Brittany pulled out two different laser pistols.

"Technically that's **three **reasons," General Whithalf said wryly. General Eddington gave him a dirty look.

"We got more than **that** during our little trip to outer space," Althea grinned. "Mineral samples, different kinds of bullet proof cloth that can be easily synthesized, healing and replicating technology, different kinds of fuel we can experiment with…"

"Not to mention a ton of alien romance books and porn," Pietro grinned.

"And some really good alien beer," Shipwreck put out a huge jug.

"On the other hand you were out there representing our country," General Eddington blinked. "And this wealth of information will greatly aid the military. Good job."

"Yeah we thought you'd see it that way," Althea grinned. "However we do have one or two minor conditions before we turn everything over."

"What makes you think…?" General Eddington snapped.

General Whithalf silenced him by raising his hand. "Let's hear them out first Eddington before we jump to any conclusions. They did help save the entire universe after all."

"Well one you don't arrest us or **any** of the X-Men," Althea said. "That includes Xavier."

"Xavier is the Department of Mutant Affairs' call," General Eddington folded his arms. "But I suppose I can strongly recommend that he **not **be arrested. What else?"

"You allow the Misfits and the X-Men to also have the technology we acquired," Daria said.

"As well as the booze we got," Shipwreck grinned.

"Since the Misfits are part of the military I don't mind," General Eddington said. "And it would give us a jump on SHIELD, but the X-Men…"

"Oh throw them a bone," General Whithalf shrugged. "Like they wouldn't have figured it out anyway. Besides we did take their inventor."

"Forge?" Wanda asked.

"Yes he joined up with X-Factor," General Whithalf said. "Anything else?"

"You let us deal with the X-Men when things come up," Althea said. "Not X-Factor, not the army, not the GRSO, not the Sentinels…Us!"

"It's not like we don't go over there anyway to keep an eye on 'em," Todd said.

"Another reasonable request," General Hawk shrugged. "I guess that's why you want them to share the technology, so if they do turn rogue you guys can disable it easily?"

"How very perceptive of you," Althea grinned.

"On the other hand couldn't they figure out how to disable your technology at the same time?" General Eddington asked.

"Not after my sisters do a little 'upgrading'," Althea made a point. "And let's face it, nobody can get into the minds of those sick little maniacs. Nobody would **want** to."

"Fine," General Eddington shrugged, knowing he was beat. "Is there anything **else** you want to add?"

"Yes," Pietro said. "You must listen to our three hour puppet show opera 'Misfits in Space: How We Saved the Universe.'"

"Ooh! I love a good puppet show opera!" General Whithalf clapped his hands. "I can't wait!"

"You don't have to!" Fred whipped out Mr. Socky. "Ta da!"

"Oh no, not Mr. Socky **again**..." Lance groaned. "And I thought that Minister Aku was a pain!"

"Who?" General Hawk blinked.

"Don't ask..." Wanda groaned. "Let's just say we found someone even more warped than the Blob and Legion put **together."**

"You might want to make that call now," Althea advised to General Eddington.

"I should have known," General Eddington groaned. "Maybe I will have a drink after all?"

"Trust me you are going to **need it,"** General Hawk groaned. "In fact I think I am going to need one myself!"

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It didn't take long for General Eddington to be 'convinced' to make that phone call on behalf of Xavier. Half an hour and a brief conference later…

"So the Professor is **not** going to be arrested?" Amara sighed. "That's a relief." The X-Men and Misfits were all hanging around the living room shortly after Valerie Cooper left.

"Yeah but in exchange we have to hunt down Legion," Scott sighed.

"We were gonna go after him anyway," Pietro shrugged.

"And help take care of things with Magneto," Jean added.

"Again it was on the list," Pietro added.

"And SHIELD wants our help with some kind of mutant virus that's going around," Scott said. "Two of their agents have come down with it. They're calling it the Legacy Virus."

"Legacy Virus?" Lance blinked. "I've heard that before."

"Yeah that sounds real familiar don't it?" Fred scratched his head. "I know I've heard that before."

"So have I," Todd agreed. "What kind of mutant virus?"

"The kind that's making a lot of mutants sick and unable to use their powers properly," Althea said. "I know I've heard of something like this before. I just know it!"

"Yes I remember now!" Hank said. "When we were jumping around other dimensions one of our counterparts warned us about this! A disease that targets mutants!"

"And remember what they said on how to counteract it?" Jean said. "Use Logan's DNA to…"

"To create the antibodies!" Hank finished. "Logan! I need you in my lab so we can take some blood samples!"

"Well that was fast," Logan grumbled as they went to the lab.

"That takes **one** crisis off the list," Fred pulled out a piece of paper. "Now all we gotta do is capture Legion, deal with Lobo and the Werewolves, deal with Magneto and Asteroid M, deal with Madripoor, capture the traitors Sunspot and Starla, deal with Mr. Sinister and his group of bad guys, unbrainwash Cyclop's baby brother Gabriel, take care of Emma Frost, Spyke and what's left of the Hellions, take on the Friends of Humanity, take down the Hellfire Club again, try to prevent General Kincaid and the GRSO from enslaving mutant kind, improve mutant slash human relationships, deal with an anti-mutant mayor in Bayville, stop a possible genetic war brewing, and fix the roof."

"Gee is **that** all?" Bobby asked sarcastically.

"No, the back wall needs repairing too," Sam said.

"Don't forget we're out of nachos and cheese flavored popcorn," Pyro added.

"Oh right," Fred hastily scribbled it down. "Can't forget that! Anything else we need to take care of?"

"Let's not forget Apocalypse," Lance added. "He's out there too. And that nutcase Selene."

"On the list," Fred wrote it down. "Ooh! I just remembered something really important!"

"What?" Wanda asked.

"We're low on soda and sparkling water too," Fred told them as he wrote. "I really like those lime flavored sparkling waters! So bubbly! And yet so healthy for you! Anything else that needs to go on the list?"

"Uh I think that's it for now Blob," Kurt rolled his eyes. "But I'm glad we're taking care of the Legacy Virus right off the bat."

"For a moment I was really scared," Tabitha whistled. "I mean just on the news they were saying how some parts of Mutant Town are quarantined because of the virus."

"That's where Fury said that his two agents were stationed undercover when they got the damned thing," Scott said. "It's only affected mutants so far but a lot of people are afraid it will revert to humans next."

"Talk about a fast moving virus," Amara said.

"A little too fast for my taste," Pietro frowned. "Something about this is fishy."

"You're right," A familiar voice at the doorway told them. "My buddies on the other side told me this virus was cooked up by some real nuts."

"Dead Girl!" Amara exclaimed. Everyone's favorite zombie was there dressed in a fashionable black and purple dress. She looked very good for a dead person.

"The one and only. Is this a bad time?" Dead Girl asked.

"No it isn't," Tabitha gave her a hug. "Boy did we miss you! Where did you go?"

"Oh I…Did some traveling," Dead Girl shrugged. "Hung out with a new friend. I'm kind of staying at his place for a while."

"Well you look good," Pietro said. "Like the new look."

"Thanks," Dead Girl nodded. "This is something I think Paris Hilton would wear if she died. Or would have died if Mindy Mohan hadn't...Never mind. Don't want to get your hopes up."

"So what's this about the virus being made by someone out to get us?" Scott asked. "Not that it's any shock that someone thought of that."

"My friends from the other side were warning me that things were going to get really messy from this and to find the people responsible look for the letters F, O, and H," Dead Girl said.

"Creed," Lance growled. "Well there's a no brainer!"

"From a man with no brain," Pietro said. "And for once I **don't** mean Lance."

"Or yourself," Lance gave him a dark look.

"Another person for the list," Fred wrote it down.

"Boy do we have a lot of chores to do," Pyro blinked. "That's the thing about going on vacation. You always come back to more work!"

"But that's not the real reason I'm here," Dead Girl said. "I need to deliver a message and I kind of need your help Betsy. And the Misfits too."

"Us? What for?" Betsy asked.

"Like I said, to deliver an important message," Dead Girl said. "I'll explain on the way."

"This is gonna be good," Pietro blinked.

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In a high rise apartment in New York City…

"Hello Warren," Xavier said as he entered Warren's study.

"Hey Charley," Warren slurred as he slumped in his seat. "Pardon me if I don't get up." He was disheveled, his shirt was off so his wings were spread out. He had obviously been drinking.

"Warren," Xavier sighed. "What happened with Jesse and the others…It wasn't your fault."

"Really? That's a load off **my **mind," Warren said sarcastically as he poured himself a drink. "Then again you kind of had a bit to do with the whole thing yourself so…"

"I know things have been hard for you," Xavier said patiently.

"Hard? HA! Understatement of the **freaking year!** Things have been completely insane! So I started drinking in order to stay sane! Better a sane drunk than a sober nutcase. And speaking of nutcases…By the way Xavier when the hell were you going to tell me and the rest of the staff that you had a child killer on the grounds?" Warren glared at him.

"You know about Logan," Xavier said. It wasn't a question.

"Yeah and so does the entire school, thanks to the Mysterious Mr. Cable," Warren growled. "And Emma Frost."

"What Logan did back then was an extreme situation," Xavier said diplomatically. "There were no other options then."

"Oh so you actually **approve** of what he did," Warren said snidely.

"Of course not but it is not my place to judge Logan," Xavier said sharply. "He's judged himself harshly enough."

"Oh please," Warren snorted as he stood up. "You know looking back on it now I shouldn't have been so shocked about it. Look at the pattern! You've got Sinister's son, a thief living with us, former Acolytes as well…Practically trained Evan in the art of fighting and killing…I know you didn't intend to do it. No, no one **intends **for one of their weapons to go off accidentally. It just happens!"

"Warren…" Xavier began.

"And of course you let the Misfits run over and drive us crazy every time they feel like it!" Warren threw up his hands and started to pace back and forth. "Of course compared to your buddy Magneto who you seem to forgive for **everything** they're practically angels! And then…Then there's your evil son and step brother…Although **that **apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Especially considering your father! Oh there was a piece of work!"

"What do you know about my father?" Xavier's eyes narrowed.

"I did a little investigating after I left," Warren told him. "I didn't spend all my time at the bottom of a bottle of wine you know? It cost me a pretty penny but what I found…What I found shocked me to the bone!"

"What do you know?" Xavier asked.

"EVERYTHING!" Warren shouted. "I know about what happened in Korea. What **really** happened in Korea. Project Darwin. How your brother managed to mutate himself. What you were willing to do for dear old dad. How you **really **lost the use of your legs and **why**. No wonder you and Magneto parted ways. After what I learned I can't blame him!"

"Warren listen to me…" Xavier said.

"And if I don't what are you going to do?" Warren asked. "Erase my memories like you did to those other people back then? God Xavier, Wolverine's a **saint** compared to you!"

"I am not saying what I did was..." Xavier began but was interrupted.

"And the worst part is Xavier is that you didn't learn your lesson from that did you?" Warren went on. "The X-Men, the Institute…It's all a carbon copy of what happened back then! Oh sure it's a happier sunnier kiddy friendly version but it's still the same…And I just walked in and dragged an innocent kid…"

He collapsed in his leather chair. "All I wanted to do was to make a difference. Do some good in this world. You know? Just…Act like a real angel even though I'm not one. And what have I done? God…You know it's true what they say about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions."

"Actually the road to Hell is paved with the paperwork of millions of dead souls," Dead Girl walked in with Betsy and Pietro. "Trust me on this. It's a bureaucratic nightmare beyond belief. You think fire and pitchforks are bad? Trust me, a thousand paper report for a deadline every day is murder."

"What are you doing here?" Warren gasped.

"Sorry we barged in like this but uh, it's kind of important," Betsy said.

"Yeah Dead Girl said she needed our help for some kind of message," Pietro nodded.

"What kind of message?" Xavier asked.

"Well one that Betsy needs to help me convey," Dead Girl said. "The spirit said if it came from you Professor Warren might not believe it."

"Believe what?" Warren slurred.

"Believe what I see and you need to see," Dead Girl told him. She blinked for a moment. "Okay she's here. Start projecting what I see Betsy."

"Who is here?" Xavier asked.

"Oh my…" Betsy blinked. "Warren prepare yourself for a shock."

_"Hey baby,"_ Candy Southern seemed to materialize into the room. _"It's good to see you again."_

"Candy?" Warren's jaw dropped. "No…It's a trick!"

_"It's not a joke Warren,"_ Candy shook her head. _"It's real. I'm here."_

"But uh, aren't you **dead?"** Pietro's eyes widened.

"For someone so fast you're a bit slow on the uptake," Dead Girl groaned. "Hello! One of my powers is that I can communicate with the dead. Remember?"

"That's what you needed me for," Betsy realized. "So I can project what you see…and hear."

_"Correctumundo!"_ Candy grinned. _"Give the girl a prize!"_

"Wait…Only Candy ever said that word," Warren was shaking. "Back in college…But….It's a trick! It has to be!"

_"Warren for crying out loud,"_ Candy groaned. _"Get your brain out of the booze and listen to me. It is me. Only dead." _

"So what's it like…You know, being dead?" Pietro asked.

_"Death itself is like going on your honeymoon with your mother,"_ Candy groaned. _"But it gets better as it goes on. Listen Warren I don't have much time so I really need you to stop freaking out and pay attention." _

"I am not freaking out," Warren blinked.

_"Yes you are,"_ Candy contradicted. _"Your wings are twitching and your fingers are clutching the armrest like your life depended on it. Believe me I __**know **__when you are freaking out."_

"It **is **you isn't it?" Warren was in shock.

_"Yes now listen to me,"_ Candy said. _"What happened to me, Doug and the others…It __**wasn't **__your fault. Got it? Sometimes these things happen. There was nothing you could have done." _

"Yes there was! I could have…I could have…" Warren began.

_"You could have __**what?**__"_ Candy asked. _"Warren you're not a precog and you certainly can't be everywhere at once like Multiple. No one blames you for what happened. To any of them. Well okay maybe your Uncle Burt but he was a jerk that got what he deserved. But those who count don't blame you."_

_"Not even me,"_ A radiant looking older woman appeared.

"Mother…?" Warren was in shock.

"_Warren, my beautiful boy,"_ Mrs. Worthington held out her ghostly hand. _"Do you know how proud I am of you." _

"But I failed…" Warren said. "I failed to protect you…"

_"No Honey, I failed to listen,"_ Mrs. Worthington shook her head. _"My death was not your fault. Don't take the blame for your uncle's actions." _

"But I…" Warren began.

_"Shhhh…"_ Mrs. Worthington said. _"Don't. What worries me now is what you let yourself become. I know you're in pain but you can't go on like this. You have to do what you were born to do." _

"What do you mean?" Warren asked.

_"You know exactly what she means,"_ Candy said. _"Warren you have to go back. Your friends need you." _

"Is…Is Dad with you?" Warren asked.

_"Your Dad's…Working out a few things on his own," Candy said selectively. "It's not like he's in Hell but…Let's just say the afterlife kind of lets you take a look at your life and repays in karma. Don't worry, when he finishes being sorry for himself he'll be all right. But you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself or you'll end up just like him."_

"Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Warren sobbed. "I'm so sorry…"

"Is it just me or does this sound like a rip off of a Christmas Carol?" Pietro whispered. Xavier shushed him. "I'm just saying..."

"Quicksilver shut up before I punch you in that bloody big mouth of yours!" Betsy glared at him.

_"Xavier we know you've made mistakes in the past but you are trying to put them right,"_ Candy said. _"Just don't let your ego get in your way." _

_"Why do you think Shipwreck has been allowed to play havoc with your life?"_ Mrs. Worthington pointed out.

"I **knew** someone out there was trying to get me," Xavier moaned. "If putting up with Shipwreck isn't a form of penance I don't know **what** is!"

_"Let's just say karma has a strange sense of humor,"_ Candy said. _"Warren listen I need you to do one more thing."_

"Anything…" Warren sniffed. "Anything…"

_"I need you to move on,"_ Candy said. _"You have to get over me. Fall in love with someone else." _

"But I can't…" Warren gasped.

_"You can and you will…"_ Candy said. _"The last thing I want is for you to be miserable all your life. Don't worry, play your cards right and we'll meet again. Soon…"_ The two women faded and disappeared.

"NO! NO! Come back!" Warren gasped. He looked at Dead Girl. "Can't you bring them back?"

"Back?" Dead Girl put her hands on her hips. "Do you have any idea how many favors I had to call in, how many rules we had to bend for **this** to happen? You just got something most people **never** get. A final chance to say goodbye and to get advice from your loved ones. So shut up and get off your butt and **do it**! Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it," Warren sighed. "Thanks Dead Girl."

"I just thought I'd visit you guys to pass on the message," Dead Girl said. "I'll show myself out. I've got a ride waiting for me."

"Where exactly do you live now?" Pietro asked.

"With a friend," Dead Girl said carefully. "Let's just say I'm not ready for the whole meet the parents kind of thing. And neither is he. See ya."

She walked out of the apartment. The others blinked. "Hey Dead Girl wait up!" Pietro zoomed after her. He zoomed back. "She's gone! How did she…?"

"Who knows?" Betsy shrugged. She put her hand on Warren's shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"No, but I will be. Let's go home," Warren said.

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Somewhere in the Catskills...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Scratch one more Hellfire Club safe house," Evan grinned at the burning building. "With a few dozen members of Hellfire Middle Management in 'em."

"I swear attacking and destroying these bases are getting easier and easier," Yvonne agreed. "And the more fools that we eliminate the better."

"I must admit such wanton destruction is quite satisfying in it's own way," Monet grinned. "No wonder the X-Men and the Misfits practice it so often."

"Yes but unlike them **our** destruction has a **purpose**," Emma Frost informed her charges. "How many Hellfire Club safe houses and operations have we destroyed so far?"

"Five," Yvonne informed her foster mother. "We have also raided seventeen member's bank accounts withdrawing an estimated seven billion dollars worth of assets. Destroyed one drug lab and killed an estimated fifty seven members."

"Unfortunately they are mostly low ranking slime," Emma growled. "It's still not enough. It's barely a dent. They haven't even **begun **to pay for what they did to us!"

"We'll make them pay, Ms. Frost," Evan said. "I promise."

"I know we will Spyke but we need to come up with a better strategy," Emma sighed. A buzz eminated from a communicator type watch on her wrist. "Interesting. I'm getting a message from a source."

"What source?" Monet asked.

"I may be out of the Hellfire Club and on the run from the law but I still have many vaulable friends and connections," Emma informed her. She read the message. "It seems the X-Men and Misfits have returned from outer space."

"About time those losers showed up," Evan growled as he folded his arms.

"Something else..." Emma's eyes widened. "We have to hurry. I'm afraid our friend Sinister is planning another attack against us. Or more specifically someone close to one of us..." She looked at Evan.

"What do you mean?" Evan asked. Then he realized. "No!"

"We'd better get going," Emma growled. "Before we're too late. That bastard Sinister has already taken too much from us...It's time we took something back!"

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Inside a secret lab closer than you would think some very familiar figures were plotting…

"Report Vulcan," Sinister spoke in a commanding tone.

"About half of Mutant Town is now in quarantine," Vulcan reported.

"And?" Sinister folded his fingers.

"The X-Men and Misfits have returned," Vulcan reported.

"I am aware of that," Sinister said. "I've been doing a little mental spying, just enough so that Xavier will be unaware of my presence. According to what I have found, the good Dr. McCoy is already working on a cure using the healing factor of Wolverine and X23."

"Now they're going to just use Wolverine and X23's DNA to make antibodies," Vulcan said. "They'll find a cure to the virus by the end of the week!"

"Just what I've been **expecting **them to do," Sinister grinned. "It took them long enough to figure it out. Now things are **finally** going to get interesting."

"Enough talk," Vulcan grunted. "Are we **finally** going to commence Operation Morlock Massacre? Or even better, take on the **real** X-Men?"

"Why do you think I have purposely held back on my revenge?" Sinister asked. "I want the X-Men and Misfits to witness this as well, since they had more than a hand in ruining my plans!"

Sinister stood up and looked out a nearby window. "Yes, it's time for those meddling mutants that there is a price one pays when one interferes with greatness. After this operation they and anyone else will think **twice** before crossing my path again."

"Do you want me to lead the Marauders?" Vulcan asked. "It will twist the knife in my so called brothers' hearts even more."

"Tempting but no," Sinister said. "I need you for a more important mission. I need you to look for this." He took out an old manuscript.

"You want me to find a rock?" Vulcan asked.

"The Destiny Stone is not just **any** rock," Sinister said. "It is the key to defeating both Apocalypse and the Phoenix. Start in Japan and let me know your progress every forty eight hours."

"All right, but do me one little favor," Vulcan said. "I want Cyclops and Havok alive so I can kill them myself."

"A very reasonable request," Sinister grinned. "Besides I need them alive a little longer for my own designs. Not to mention Miss Grey and a certain clone of hers."

**Uh oh, this is not good! Next things are about to heat up and fast! And knowing these guys, that's not a good thing! Things are going to get very dark and very dangerous very fast! So keep reading and reviewing because more and more madness and surprises are on the way! **


	74. It All Hits The Fan

**It All Hits The Fan**

"So Angel is coming back?" Kitty said. "That's some good news. For once."

Kitty, Todd, Pietro, and Danielle were in the X-Kitchen making some lunch for themselves. "We could certainly use some," Danielle agreed. "Especially after all we've been through. It's been a hard couple of months for all of us."

"But now that Angel is coming back maybe things will start getting back to normal around here," Kitty said. "Whatever normal is..."

"And the fact that Hank's coming up with an antidote to the Legacy Virus as we speak," Pietro said. "Hopefully it will get done before this does too much damage."

"I guess it was lucky we did all that dimension hopping after all," Todd nodded as he started to fix a sandwich.

"So what's taking the Professor and Angel so long?" Kitty asked. "Why didn't they just come back with you?"

"Something about Angel taking care of a few business details," Pietro waved. "I really didn't pay attention. The Professor will bring him back in his car."

"There is something else I'm curious about," Danielle paused as she looked at the Misfits. "Spyke said something about the Misfits blackmailing him a while back."

"Yeah..." Pietro said. "That's how we found out where the lab was and how we found Jean's kid sister clone."

"So what exactly were you blackmailing Spyke with?" Kitty asked.

"What? That?" Todd blinked. "Well…"

Pietro sharply elbowed him. "Nothing really. Just pictures of him in his ducky underwear."

"I was gonna say that!" Todd glared at him.

"Were you **really **Toad?" Pietro gave him a look.

"No, but I thought I could cover," Todd admitted.

"Oh never mind Kitty," Danielle got up. "Like those two would tell us anything. Come on." The two of them left the room.

Pietro smacked Todd on the arm. "Ow! Hey! What was **that **for?" Todd snapped.

"For nearly blabbing our secret you moron!" Pietro snapped.

"I wasn't gonna say anything! I know better than that!" Todd said.

"Yeah right," Pietro scoffed.

"Honest!" Todd huffed.

"**That** will be the day!" Pietro rolled his eyes.

"I wasn't!" Todd defended. "I'm not a **complete** idiot you know? And no smart cracks about what I just said!"

"Just watch what you say, Blabbermouth!" Pietro groaned.

"Don't you call **me** a blabbermouth," Todd grumbled as he went back to fixing a sandwich. He didn't notice Pietro zooming off and leaving the room. "You're just as big a blabbermouth as I am!"

He also didn't notice Ororo walking into the kitchen behind him. If he hadn't Todd probably would not have said **this.**

"I mean which one of us had to blab to all us Misfits that Daniels had a kid with that Morlock Tommy? You couldn't **wait **to gloat about how he just dumped Tommy for Feral as soon as he knocked her up and left her in the lurch with that whole trial mess! I mean that is just **messed up** yo! Okay so I like to talk? Big deal! But I don't try to do no major trash talk about nobody. Well okay… maybe the X-Geeks sometimes, but really. But Pietro you never **think **about what you're saying! I mean it never occurred to you that was probably **why **Evan was sticking with the Hellfire Club. I mean that Sinister creep must have threatened the kid somehow so it proves he might actually care a little right? Right? He must like his daughter somewhat if he…"

That was when Todd turned around and saw a very shocked and angry Ororo glaring at him. "I lie a lot," Todd gulped. "I like making up stories. Yeah that's it. It's all made up. Did I ever tell you about the time I became King of Sweden?"

Todd made a hopeful grin as Ororo just stood there. "Yeah and I used to ride an elephant to work every day and…and Summers used to be my Prime Minster…and I saw Wanda get married to an android but it didn't work out so she went off with a movie star and…and…And you're not buying this are you?"

"No," Ororo's eyes grew very dark and very angry.

"Ah," Todd gulped. "You really wanna talk to Quicksilver about this…**He's** the one you really should talk to." He moved cautiously away from her. "Yeah, Pietro. You want to talk to Pietro. He's the one telling these wild and crazy stories I mean where does he get them? But he… **He's **the one saying all this and knows the scoop. I will go **get **him and bring him back **here **and we'll get this whole thing straightened out and then we'll laugh all about this…"

A rumble of thunder interrupted him. "Or maybe not," Todd gulped. "Not laugh. Definitely **not** laugh. I mean making stuff up about Evan that is just wrong. **Wrong!** It's very wrong of Quicksilver to do that. Very wrong. It's just so wrong…I did say it was Pietro doing that didn't I? I just wanted to make sure you knew that. That it was Pietro. Not me. Pietro. Definitely Pietro. Not me. Pietro. Not me. Not little Toad. Little helpless innocent afraid of getting fried by lightning Toad…"

"TOAD!" Ororo roared. Lightning flashed outside.

"AAHHHHH!" Todd hopped for his very life.

"COME BACK HERE TOAD!" Ororo screamed as she chased after him.

Todd hopped for his life and ran down several corridors with Ororo screaming bloody murder at him. He hopped straight into Logan, nearly knocking him down. "Geeze Frog Breath watch where you're going!" Logan grunted. "It's bad enough Beast tried to turn me into a human pin cushion..."

"DON'T LET HER KILL ME!" Todd cried out as he clung to Logan for dear life. "DON'T LET HER KILL ME!"

"And why would Storm want to kill **you?**" Logan sighed as he pulled Todd from him. "I know it's a loaded question but humor me."

"I didn't mean to say it!" Todd said hysterically. "I didn't mean to let it slip out!"

"Let **what **slip out?" Logan said in a very bored tone as he dropped him.

"That Daniels has a kid with one of the Morlocks and he dumped her when she got pregnant to be with Feral and she's living in the sewers and maybe the Hellfire Club knows all about it and that's why Evan turned against us with the whole Phoenix thing and I thought I was talking to Pietro but the rat ran out on me and now Storm's mad and…" Todd blurted it out without thinking.

When he heard the familiar snikt of claws being unsheathed he realized that once again he said the **wrong** thing to the **wrong** person. "AAAAAHHHHHH!" He hopped away like a madman.

"COME BACK HERE TOAD!" Logan roared as he chased him.

"GET HIM!" Ororo shouted as she rejoined the chase.

"AAHHHHH!" Todd hopped as fast as he could.

Meanwhile most of the others were relaxing back in the living room going over plans to improve the image of mutant kind. However they weren't getting very far. "For the last time Kurt," Scott's head was beginning to hurt thanks to a migrane the size of Alaska. "Asking Cartoon Network to hold a Galaxy Rangers marathon is not going to work! So can someone else come up with a plan to help us out of this situation? **Anyone?"**

"Well we could..." Pyro began.

"Anyone **else!"** Scott quickly interrupted. "Please! Come on! Someone else has to have an idea!"

"I was gonna say we should be focusing on taking down this Legion guy," Pyro gave him a look. "Since he's the one killing everybody. It might not be a bad idea to keep him from killing more people."

"Wow Pyro you actually came up with a **sane **idea," Rogue blinked.

"I have my moments," Pyro said. "As I was saying we should take him out by hiring trained attack chipmunks to take him out!"

"You have your moments all right," Rogue sighed. "All right...I have to ask. Attack **chipmunks?** Why attack chipmunks?"

"Because people always suspect attack squirrels," Pyro told her matter of factly. "No one expects attack chipmunks."

"It does make sense if you think about it," Tabitha remarked.

"Or at least as much sense as **anything else** we've come up with," Kitty groaned as she absently kicked a table. "Which is none at all!"

"Somebody's a little sexually frustrated," Pietro chuckled. "Not that I blame you Kitty."

"Quicksilver," Kitty gave him a look. "Shut up."

"No seriously," Pietro went on. "I'm on your side. I mean first Lance wouldn't sleep with you because of his fears but then he hops into bed with a couple of one night stands that don't mean anything..."

"Pietro, Kitty told you to **shut up**," Lance growled. "I'd listen to her if I were you!"

"And then when you finally get together with Peter after Lance wises up and dumps you..." Pietro went on. "He turns you down flat because he's got performance anxiety or something! That is just so wrong! Like you were gonna know the difference if he did it wrong! Which odds are he probably would have."

"Pyro do you know exactly **where **one can hire these attack chimpmunks you spoke of?" Peter asked as his left eye twitched. "And how much it will **cost?"**

"Okay Lance I can understand because he has serious issues," Pietro went on. "I guess in some twisted logic he was afraid to have meaningful sex with you because of his past and he figured it would hurt less if the sex was meaningless. The whole flirting thing so one doesn't have to get emotionally attached or hurt. Or something like that. Right Gambit? You're an expert on this subject. You explain it."

"Forget the chimpmunks," Remy's eye twitched. "Gambit knows where he can get a pack of rabid **pit bulls!"**

"But as for Petey I have no clue why he turned you down like that," Pietro went on, totally oblivous to a room full of people getting ready to pummel him into a million pieces. "Maybe he's not really attracted to you Kitty? Maybe it was all the thrill of the chase or something? Or maybe all Kitty needs is a push up bra?"

"I was thinking more along the lines of duct tape," Kitty hissed. "OVER YOUR MOUTH!"

"Hey I am on your side," Pietro said to Kitty.

"If this is being on my side then maybe you should **switch **sides!" Kitty shouted.

"How about switching zip codes?" Lance snapped. "Somewhere in the Antarctic ought to do!"

"With our luck he'd talk the penguins and polar bears into extinction!" Peter told him. "And then the world would really hate us!"

"Forget Shooter!" Remy groaned. "We should have left **him** behind in outer space!"

"All I am saying is that it's little wonder Kitty's sexually frustrated," Pietro shrugged. "Dealing with the lunatics she's dated in her lifetime!"

"Why do we allow him to live?" Rina asked the group. "Seriously, can someone explain that to me?"

"Don't look at me," Scott groaned. "I haven't a clue why myself!"

"Oddly enough there's someone you should ask for sex advice Colossus," Pietro remarked pointing to Scott. "I mean I know he's a bit whipped but he must be doing something right if Jean keeps him. Then again he was always good at taking directions."

"X23 maybe you **should** kill him," Scott growled. "Or I could just do it myself!"

"Okay I have just thought of something we can do to improve the mutant image!" Peter fumed. "We shoot Quicksilver to the moon and make him stay there! Probably the one place where he will not cause trouble!"

"Now **that's** a good idea," Lance agreed. "Pyro, call out the attack chipmunks! We got a job for 'em!"

"Yeah this is the **right group** to be asking about ideas in order to improve the image of mutants," Bobby groaned. "We are all so doomed."

"With all the insane conversations we've had over the years it's a wonder that we have done **anything **at all," Jean groaned.

"Kind of makes you wonder if it was all worth coming back from the dead doesn't it?" Sam asked her.

"You took the words right out of my mouth," Jean agreed. "Remember the infamous Clue arguments?"

"Or the Ginger verses Mary Ann debate?" Angelica groaned.

"Who could forget those? Not to mention my personal favorite the big debate on which had a greater impact on society: Monkey Cartoons or Dog Cartoons?" Sam groaned. "I will tell you right now **dying **was a lot less painful than listening to **that **argument for five hours!"

"Not to mention shorter," Jean agreed. "A **lot **shorter!"

"Look who's talking!" Rogue snapped. "Will you two listen to yourselves? You are discussing the merits of your experiences with being immortal? No one else has conversations like these!"

"Unless you talk to Dr. Strange maybe...?" Fred scratched his head. "Or Thor..."

"Maybe all those people who protest against us are right?" Kitty groaned. "Maybe all mutants are weird! No wonder we have such a bad reputation!"

"If you would all just listen to me and sign my petition..." Kurt began.

"Here we go," Sam groaned along with the rest of the room, cutting him off. "Back to the cartoons again..."

"I am just saying..." Kurt began again.

"Kurt, the Galaxy Ranger thing has been shelved! Deal with it!" Scott snapped.

"But you should listen! I have a list I can read to you..." Kurt began.

"Don't!" Scott snapped.

"Why are you so threatened by an innocent cartoon?" Kurt asked.

"I am not threatened. You are nuts!" Scott said.

"You mean like me?" Pyro asked.

"You are a completely different **species** of nut," Scott told him. "But Kurt is after you. No wait, first he's after you, Quicksilver, Shipwreck, Blob and Toad then him!"

"Why is Shipwreck **less nuts** than I am?" Pietro protested.

"Because he has an excuse," Wanda said. "Three excuses named Daria, Brittany and Quinn."

"Four if you count Al," Lance smirked.

"Scott...You forgot to add Lance to the list," Althea glared at Lance.

"No, I didn't, he's on a **different** list," Scott said. "He's on the psycho list!"

"I'd better not be higher than Tabitha on that list," Lance gave him a look.

"What do you mean higher than me?" Tabitha shouted. "What makes you think I'm on that list?"

"Anybody want to field that question?" Lance looked around. "I'd do it but I'd like to keep my teeth where they are!"

"Let's just say you're both lower than Kitty on the list," Pietro said.

"It's official you are all going to **die**," Kitty rolled up her sleeves. "Prepare to..."

Then they heard the screams. "What the heck is **that** all about?" Rogue asked.

"I dunno, but something tells me Toad is at the bottom of it," Scott sighed. He got up to see what was wrong only to get knocked down by Todd.

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" Todd shouted as an angry Logan and Ororo ran into the room. "DON'T LET THEM KILL ME!"

"I was right!" Scott sighed. "Okay what did you do **this** time?"

"I think I can guess," Pietro's eye twitched. "Toad you **didn't!"**

"I didn't mean to! I thought I was talking to you!" Todd snapped. "I thought you were still behind me then Storm walked in and she got mad then I ran into Wolverine and sort of told him and **he **got mad…"

"Got mad at **what?"** Rogue asked.

"He said that my nephew had a daughter with one of the Morlocks!" Ororo shouted. "Is it true?"

"WHAT?" Everyone in the room shouted.

"Way to go Toad," Pietro groaned. "I tell you **not** to do something, and you do it **anyway!** Blabbermouth!"

"Spyke has a **kid?"** Scott shouted. He looked at Shipwreck. "And you people didn't tell us about it?"

"Don't look at me," Shipwreck said. "This is the first I've heard of it!"

"We didn't tell the adults," Spyder said.

"What were you saving it for Christmas or something?" Roadblock asked.

"Or something yeah," Althea coughed.

"This is why we don't tell you stuff, Toad," Fred glared at Todd.

"The three sure fire ways of spreading information," Lance groaned. "Telephone, television, **tell Toad!"**

"Can we back up here?" Scott interrupted. "Let me get this straight: Spyke has a **daughter?"**

"Yeah," Todd nodded.

"How did you find **this** out?" Jean yelled.

"Remember that Wedding from Sewer Hell?" Wanda asked. "Pietro was running around doing some scouting and found out the whole story."

"That was all the way…" Rogue did some mental calculation. "You've known this for about a **year **and you didn't **tell** us?"

"Well you would have found out too if you guys spent less time arguing among yourselves and more time scouting your surroundings," Xi shrugged. "In fact Storm since you are the supposed leader of the Morlocks you should have discovered this yourself."

"WHAT?" Ororo shouted.

"**Not **the right thing to say Xi," Lance gulped.

"Well if she had acted like a real leader and checked up on the Morlocks every now and then I'm sure she…" Xi began.

Ororo made a half growl and more lightning began to flash outside. "Okay shutting up now," Xi gulped.

"YOU SNEAKY...UNDERHANDED...CONNIVING LITTLE..." Ororo fumed at the Misfits, her eyes getting quite dangerous.

"We're all going to die aren't we?" Arcade gulped.

"Yes," Lance said. "And as I figured early in life...It's all going to be because of **Toad!"**

"Let's back up for a moment shall we?" Jean sighed. "You are telling us that Spyke has a daughter and he didn't want anyone to know about it?"

"Pretty much," Wanda sighed.

"And he dumped his girlfriend to be with Feral when she got pregnant?" Kitty's jaw dropped.

"Actually he cheated on her **first** with Feral and she found out and dumped **him**," Pietro corrected.

"And Sinister and the Hellfire Club was blackmailing him to work for them?" Jean asked.

"Yeah," Althea coughed.

"AND WHEN WERE YOU PLANNING ON TELLING **ME** ABOUT THIS?" Ororo shouted.

"Well definitely before the kid graduated college," Pietro quipped.

"How could you **keep** this from us?" Kitty shouted.

"Uh…" Fred pointed and gulped. "That's why."

KA-BOOOM!

Lightening flashed outside and inside small winds were whipping around Ororo. Several papers and books were already flying around. "HOW COULD EVAN DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS AND NOT TELL ME?" She roared. "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM…"

"Okay, I see your point," Kitty gulped.

"Storm, calm down! Do you want to end up in jail **again** for destroying something else with your temper?" Scott called out to her.

"Oh I will not destroy some**thing **with my temper," Ororo growled. She pointed at Todd. "I will deal with **you** later!" She flew out of the room and before anyone could stop her she went outside and was flying away.

"**Three** guesses where she's gone," Rogue groaned. "Way to go Toad!"

"Okay you're mad at me for telling her or for keeping the secret?" Todd asked.

"BOTH!" Rogue shouted at him.

"It wasn't our place to tell you guys," Althea said. "It was Spyke's!"

"I knew it! I knew there was something else that guy was hiding from us!" Alex groaned.

"You didn't mind blackmailing him though," Jean gave Althea a look.

"If we didn't you **wouldn't** have Madelyne," Althea pointed out. "And you would probably have a dozen other super powered mutant clones running around with Vulcan destroying things."

"We were trying to think of a way to tell all of you **without** Storm going postal," Wanda said. "But so much for **that** theory! Way to go Toad!"

"I hate to say this but the Misfits have a point," Scott grumbled. "Spyke should have come to us in the first place."

KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOM! Lightning flashed violently and it made the sound that it actually hit something.

"That and the fact that Storm might **kill** someone," Scott gulped.

"Xi had a point too," Logan admitted. "We **should **have been keeping tabs on the Morlocks. If we had we'd have learned about this long ago!"

"Try telling Storm that," Sam grumbled.

"I just did," Xi blinked.

"You know what I mean," Sam told him.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Another round of lightning flashed through the sky. "Oh boy it's really not looking good out there," Pietro gulped. "Storm is **ticked off!"**

"I think I just saw a few trees fly by," Lance blinked.

"Oh god we have to go stop her before she does something she'll forget!" Rogue said. "Like wage a one woman war on the Morlocks!"

"And how much you wanna bet the Morlocks are not just going to let her take the baby away from her mother?" Althea said. "It won't matter to them if she's leader or not."

"I didn't think of that," Jean realized.

"We did," Althea said. "Reason number three why we didn't tell you guys."

CRACK! CRACK! KABOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"And that would be reasons number two, four as well as **five** through **twenty seven**," Pietro gulped as the storm raged outside.

KABOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Oh man I think she hit something that time," Fred gulped. He looked outside. "Yup, she hit Summers' car."

"WHAT?" Scott looked outside. "I just got that thing! Why is it when anything goes wrong it's **my car** that has to suffer?"

"Maybe next time she'll hit a house or something," Rogue said sarcastically.

"Oh man if she hits something else in Bayville again…" Lance groaned. "Specifically something we can't just grow back…"

"I am getting the picture," Scott groaned. "Now that I think about it I think **I **would have kept it secret too!"

KA-RAACCCKKK!

"Now I think Wolverine's motorcycle got hit," Lance observed. "Yup it got hit with both a flying tree and a bolt of lightning!"

"WHAT?" Logan screamed. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT MY BIKE!"

"HA!" Scott snapped. "See? I'm not the only one here!"

"There's a huge difference between my motorcycle and your car!" Logan snapped.

"Yeah two extra wheels and a louder explosion when it blows up," Todd quipped.

"Hasn't your **mouth** caused **enough trouble** today?" Logan shouted.

"Scott what's going on?" Xavier asked as he wheeled up with Warren and Betsy. "Storm's emotions are violently out of control! I could feel them on my way over here!"

"Yeah **now** what's gone wrong around here?" Warren asked. "As if I had to ask!"

"You want to tell them Toad or would you rather they found out on the evening news?" Kurt looked at Todd.

"Toad?" Xavier raised an eyebrow. "What **happened?"**

"Oh boy…" Todd gulped. "He he funny thing…"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"CALLISTO!" Ororo screamed as cold winds whipped through the sewers, some of it so cold it iced the walls and started to freeze the water under her feet. "CALLISTO!"

"Well, well, well…" Callisto haughtily sauntered up to her and put her hands on her hips. Calliban and Lucid were behind her. "Look who **finally **blew into town."

"Do not test my patience Callisto!" Ororo snarled. "Where is my niece?"

"Oh the rest of the Morlocks are **fine** by the way," Callisto said sarcastically. "None of us have any rashes or **other** sicknesses that the topsiders have!"

"Yeah God forbid you actually **care **about what happens to **us!**" Lucid grumbled.

"I want to know why you did not tell me about Evan, Tommy and their child?" Ororo pointed a finger at her.

"So you **finally** found out," Callisto folded her arms. "Took you long enough. Did Spyke confess or did you overhear one of the Misfits say something?"

"Yeah tell us," Lucid said. "We've got a pool going on. You finding out from the Misfits is the top draw."

"You still haven't answered my question," Ororo glared at Callisto. "I am the leader of the Morlocks! You should have **told** me about this!"

"If you spent more than a **day** down here being the leader you were **supposed** to be," Callisto snarled. "You would have found out anyway! Instead you chose to run around with the topsiders getting into trouble on the **evening news!"**

"I want to see Tommy and my niece **right now,"** Ororo glared at her.

"Why?" Calliban asked. "So you can ignore them some more?"

"Tommy's daughter's name is Sarah," Callisto told her. "What are you planning to do?"

"That is not your concern," Ororo growled.

"I think you're wrong," Callisto glared back. "I think it is. Tell me. Better yet, let me guess…You want to take them back to your fancy mansion with you."

"You have to admit that it would be a better environment for the child, not to mention **safer,**" Ororo said. "As your leader I am ordering to bring them to me! **Now!"**

"Your ignorance about Morlock law is only exceeded by your **arrogance,"** Callisto snarled. "There are some things even the leader of the Morlocks does not have the right to challenge and the bond between a mother and child is one of them! I don't care if you are leader or not! I won't allow you to hurt Tommy any more than she's already been!"

"I am not leaving without my niece and you can't stop me," Ororo growled.

Several other Morlocks emerged from the shadows. "I may not be able to defeat you alone," Callisto glared at her. "But we Morlocks together are **more** than a **match** for you!"

"Maybe but are you a match for us?" Scott yelled. Jean, Kitty, Kurt, Rogue, Warren, Logan, Rina, Bobby, Hank and Remy followed him. Also Althea, Todd, Lance, Fred, Wanda, Pietro, Angelica, Pyro, Xi and Lina were there as well.

"What are you doing here?" Ororo asked.

"Did you really think we were going to let you run off and start a fight by yourself?" Logan snapped at her.

"Stay out of this! Especially you Misfits!" Ororo snapped. "Haven't you caused enough trouble already?"

"What did they do this time?" Callisto gave her a look. "This I have got to hear."

"They blackmailed Spyke into telling them information and they did not tell me about my niece!" Ororo snapped.

"Yeah that's pretty much par for the course," Lucid rolled his eyes. "I'm amazed they didn't blab sooner or later."

"You **knew** they knew?" Ororo gave them a look.

"Well **duh,"** Lucid gave her a look.

"Storm you can't blame the Misfits for this," Jean said.

"You're not angry at them for using Evan's daughter as a means to get information?" Ororo asked, rather surprised.

"Considering what Sinister was doing and what he was **planning **to do to Madelyne, no I'm **not,"** Jean snapped. "And quite frankly seeing you act like this isn't exactly damaging their case."

"You are taking the **Misfits** side?" Ororo shouted.

"You are taking **our** side?" Lance blinked. "Now I **know** things are bad!"

"Frightening isn't it?" Scott folded his arms. "But more frightening is how you're acting Storm! This is **not** like you! As an X-Man you're supposed to think before you act!"

"Since when?" Lance quipped. "Sorry, force of habit."

"Storm, you're not really thinking of taking the baby away from it's mother are you?" Kitty asked gently.

"Just try and take **my daughter** from me," Sunder snarled. The Morlocks prepared to fight.

"Stop this **now!"**

They turned and saw Evan there in his full Spyke mode with Emma, Yvonne and Monet. "Yes, as appealing as watching a mutant catfight in the sewers is, right now we have bigger concerns," Monet sneered.

"Great, more trouble," Lucid moaned.

"What are **you** doing here Spyke?" Callisto snapped. "As if I didn't know!"

"We came here to warn you," Evan said. "Sinister is on the move and he's going to attack the Morlocks!"

"Gee I wonder **why?**" Sunder glared at Evan.

"Evan how could you not tell me that you had a child?" Ororo asked. "Do you…"

"Not **now** Storm!" Evan cut in. "We have to warn the Morlocks!"

"We are quite safe in the tunnels," Callisto snorted. "This Sinister cannot find us."

"He might **already** know where you are…" Remy realized something. "You are in the Old Vault aren't you?"

"How did you…?" Callisto gave him a look. "Wait…I remember you…Years ago you were with that doctor."

"That doctor was Sinister…" Remy admitted.

"Wait your father?" Warren shouted. "Are you saying you and your **father** visited the Morlocks and you never told us about it?"

"Sinister is no father to Gambit," Remy snarled. "This was back when he was still in my life. He had me look for Morlocks. He posed as a doctor friendly to mutants. Got some blood samples before we got chased away. End of story."

"I knew I was right not to trust him or you!" Callisto snarled. "That's why we moved to Bayville! To get away from any more suspicious characters! And thanks to that trial nonsense we had to move back here…"

"Where Sinister can find us…" Calliban started to reel. "NO! NO…"

"Calliban?" Lucid asked. "What's wrong?"

"Mutants…Strangers in the tunnels…Many signatures disappearing…" Calliban shook his head. "Someone's coming…The signal…Very weak…"

"I smell blood…" Rina shot out her claws.

Tommy staggered in, her rainbow colored hair was matted in blood along with her stained clothes. She fell down and was barely caught by Evan. "Tommy!"

"Spyke…" Tommy said weakly. "I tried…They have her…"

"Who? Who has who?" Sunder bent down to her side.

"She's been shot!" Evan shouted. "Tommy who **did** this?"

"Marauders…Too many…Too strong…" Tommy coughed. "They took Sarah…Killing everyone… They…"

She coughed and shuddered. "Let me…" Lina tried to step forward.

Logan stopped her. "There's nothing you can do now. She's dead."

"No! NOOOOOOOOO!" Sunder roared with grief. Without thinking he rushed back to the tunnels.

"Callisto! The invaders are mutants and they are killing our people!" Calliban shouted.

"Sinister! He controls the Marauders!" Evan snarled. "Come on!" They all ran to save the mutants but it was too late.

The Morlock Massacre had begun.

**Next: Tragedy strikes the mutant community in the worst way possible! Keep reading to see what happenes next!**

**Oh and a big thanks to Obsidian 76 for giving me a little inspiration!**

Kitty stormed out. "Yeah thanks a **lot!** When are you people going to learn **not** to give this lunatic ideas?"

**Hopefully never! Thanks for reading! **


	75. Death in the Tunnels

**Death in the Tunnels**

It would be known throughout the mutant world as one of the darkest days in early mutant history. One of the bloodiest incidents of mutant on mutant violence ever recorded. A time when all sense and reason were completely destroyed and all that was left was blood and darkness. A time of senseless bloodshed and merciless violence that would rock the X-Men and Misfits to their core. And it would leave scars on both teams for years, even generations to come.

It would be come to known as Sinister's ultimate legacy.

It was the Morlock Massacre.

It was easy for the Marauders to not only find where the majority of the Morlocks in the Alley were, but to get in due to Sinisters' teleportation device. Sinister sent nearly the full force of his Marauders, adding sixteen other mutants he had kept in reserve or had on other missions at the time.

Two of them were Sinister's favorites because they were the most vicious. Scalphunter and Harpoon. Harpoon could create projectile bio-kinetic harpoons from his hands. Scalphunter could manipulate mechanical components and assemble them into any kind of machine he wished. His personal favorite was an electromagnetic crossbow. Both were extremely deadly. They were the first out of the portal and within seconds of their entrance five Morlocks were instantly dead.

One of the first ones killed was an elderly Morlock woman named Anna Lee who was in charge of watching the fifteen youngest members of the Morlock clan. The children screamed in terror for most of them had no powers and could not defend themselves. A few were barely toddlers and could hardly walk.

"Grab the kids and take 'em through the portal!" Riptide ordered as a group of Marauders cornered the children. "Sinister wants 'em alive for study! The rest are to be wiped out!"

"Which one is Spyke's?" Riptide barked out. "Boss specifically wants her!"

"I'm gonna take a guess and say it's the purple one with the little spikes on it's body," Hairbag grunted. "That's a sure sign."

"Scanner says she's the one all right," Blockbuster held it and looked at the readings. "DNA is a perfect match."

"Here you," Riptide grinned maniacally as he held the squalling child. "Mister Sinister has **special** plans for **you."**

"This is gonna be easy…" Hairbag grinned as he grabbed the first child he saw.

Unfortunately for him that first child happened to be Torpid, the only Morlock child that **did **have powers. "UKKKK!" Hairbag froze instantly.

"What the…?" Riptide startled as Torpid froze Blockbuster and some of the other children managed to flee. "You gotta be kidding me!"

He saw Torpid running towards him and the infant. "Oh no you don't Sweets!" He sped off and decided to get an easy favor from Sinister. "Once I drop off the girl here I'll be back for you!" He leapt through the portal back to Sinister's lab. "Hey boss! I got 'er! Daniel's kid!"

"Excellent work Riptide," Sinister spoke. "I was not anticipating her retrieval so soon. Give her to me."

"Sure thing Boss," Riptide grinned as he handed the screaming child to him. "I'd love to stay and chat but I got the other kids to round up."

"Get as many as you can **unharmed,"** Sinister told him. "You know how Harpoon and Scalphunter tend to get a little carried away with their work. Their parents however are another story."

"No problem Mister Sinister! I'll personally round up as many as possible for ya, since Hairbag and Blockbuster are kind of lying down on the job," Riptide grinned as he jumped back through the portal. He saw several Morlocks already killed, their blood staining the walls of the sewer.

"Are you actually going to do **any **work, Riptide?" Arclight snapped as she killed a lizard like Morlock.

"Hey Sinister's got me on baby wrangler duty," Riptide zoomed past her and grabbed two squalling Morlock toddlers. "Come here you brats!" He zipped back through the portal.

"Figures he'd take the **easy** job," Arclight grumbled as she was accosted by a large number of rats. She slammed her hands together creating a huge tremor knocking the rats back. "Then again **this part** has it's perks."

She turned and saw a Morlock in tattered clothes playing a flute in a corner. The rats tried to regroup. "So that's how it works? Let's see you try to play your siren song **without **a flute!" She focused her powers and directed the energy to shatter the flute. Then she ran up and broke Piper's neck with one fell swoop. "Or a windpipe for that matter!"

"AAAHHHHHH!" They heard a fierce battle cry. They saw the X-Men, Misfits and the remaining Hellions and Morlocks race in.

"Well look who's finally joined the party," Tar cracked his liquid knuckles. "Now it's gonna get good."

Sunder in a blind rage was the first to reach the main hub of the Alley. He was also the first one to bear the brunt of the Marauder's attack. Scalphunter easily shot him down with his laser weapon. "Time to lock and load!" The shaggy black haired mutant shouted.

"Oh god no…" Callisto screamed at the death and destruction around them. "NO!"

"RARRR!" Logan and Rina roared as they shot their claws out and went straight into battle. The Marauders fought just as fiercely as they did with not only their powers, but with advanced weaponry. They proved to be more than a match for them and some of the Marauders were intent on taking potshots at Morlocks. It soon became a bloody mess as the X-Men and the others were fighting battles, getting separated from one another which was also partially due to the panicking Morlocks trying to flee from the carnage.

"Hey! We got a dragon!" A Marauder made of mud and another bald Marauder with red armor had pinned down Scaleface in her dragon form. She was wounded and tied up with a ropes. She fought fiercely but her mouth was soon muzzled.

"That one will make a good trophy," Harpoon readied his weapon.

"Look better in my room," Scalphunter laughed as he readied his weapon.

"Misfits! Rescue plan Delta!" Althea shouted. "Use your watches to teleport as many Morlocks as you can to the Institute grounds! Let the X-Men do the brunt of the fighting!"

"Good plan! Come on!" Todd hung on to Lucid and teleported away.

"Just hang on!" Angelica made her way to Scaleface and used the watch to teleport her out of her bonds just before Harpoon and Scalphunter launched their weapons.

"NO! THAT PRIZE WAS MINE!" Harpoon yelled in fury.

"MORLOCKS ARE NOT PRIZES FOR SPORT!" Callisto ran to attack. Harpoon and Scalphunter readied their weapons.

Only to miss. "WHAT?" Scalphunter shouted as a blur grabbed Callisto out of harm's way.

"PUT ME DOWN YOU FREAKY HUMMINGBIRD!" Callisto screamed as she was slung over Pietro's shoulder. "I HAVE TO FIGHT!"

"Sorry Callisto! But you get to take a ride on the Quicksilver Express!" Pietro said as he sped off to safety.

Scalphunter took aim at Calliban only for him to be teleported out of harm's way by Wanda. "This is starting to get **annoying!**" Scalphunter snapped.

"Nightcrawler, assist the Misfits in rescuing the Morlocks!" Scott shouted. "Phoenix, call Colossus for back up!"

They had left Colossus at the opening of the sewers just in case something went wrong. "She has already called me Cyclops!" Peter tore throught the Marauders. "And I am more than ready to fight!"

The Misfits were grabbing as many Morlocks as they could. But Riptide was grabbing as many Morlock children as he could find and flung them through a portal. "We gotta shut down that portal!" Scott shouted.

"Try X-Man!" A Marauder named Ruckus opened his mouth and let loose a deafening scream. The X-Men, Misfits and the others were incapacitated enough to allow Riptide to take off with two children and three other Morlocks to get killed.

Suddenly Ruckus stopped screaming. Torpid had touched his leg and stopped him. "Why you little…" Scalphunter aimed his weapon at Torpid.

"Out of the way!" Kitty managed to shove Torpid out of the way just as Scalphunter's weapon fired. She phased at the moment hoping that it would harmlessly pass through her.

She was wrong.

"AAAAIIEEEEE!" Kitty screamed. Even though she had phased it felt like her entire body was on fire. Then she passed out on the ground.

"KITTY!" Peter shouted. He tried to break through but was forced back by a female Marauder with three energy whips. "AAAHHH!" The lashes hurt even through his thick metal armor.

"Stupid little…" Harpoon took aim and shot. Torpid screamed as a lance cut through her right leg.

Scalphunter also managed to shoot Torpid with some kind of electric dart right in the chest. "NO!" Emma screamed. She changed into her diamond form and before anyone knew it she was viciously fighting Scalphunter.

"MEDIC! WE NEED A MEDIC!" Warren got to Torpid who was convulsing in agony. Lina flew to her aid.

"You stupid twit!" Riptide shouted at Harpoon. "You're not supposed to kill the kids! Sinister's orders!"

"We got the only brat that **really** matters," Harpoon snapped. "One less ain't gonna make any difference."

"Dragonfly get her out of here!" Warren screamed. Lina wasted no time in teleporting the seriously injured young Morlock away. He whirled on Harpoon. "You're going to pay you psychopath!"

"Oh please! What are you going to do? Feather duster me to death?" Harpoon laughed as he shot his harpoons at Warren. Warren managed to dive out of the way but the small space in the tunnels was hampering his maneuverability. And Harpoon knew it. And used it to his advantage.

"AAAHHHHH!" Warren screamed as the harpoons sliced into his wings. He was pinned to the wall.

"ANGEL!" Bobby shouted.

"We're coming!" Remy shouted as he Bobby, and Scott tried to make their way towards their injured friend. Remy was able to get there first. He charged up his cards and tried to blast Harpoon. "DIE!"

The charged cards fizzled as they hit Harpoon's body. "Don't work on me…" Harpoon grinned. He shot something from his wrist and several bands bound and captured Remy. "I can use kinetic energy too boy."

"NO!" Bobby tried to freeze but was blasted back by a powerful Maruader that could create fire. He was locked in battle of heat and cold with him. Scott tried to help but he was pinned down by another Marauder blasting a laser at him.

"ANGEL!" Remy shouted.

"You're just lucky Daddy gave us orders not to kill you," Harpoon sneered at Remy. He grinned at Warren pinned helplessly against the wall. "Your friends however are another story."

"NO!" Remy screamed as Harpoon made his move.

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Warren's screams echoed through the cave.

"WARREN!" Scott shouted. He finally blasted the weapon out of the Marauder's hands and raced save his friend but it was too late.

"HAHAHAHHHHHHH!" Harpoon's evil laugh at his handiwork chilled Scott to the bone.

Blind rage took over Scott. Without hesitation he removed his visor and blasted Harpoon at full power with his optic blast. Harpoon screamed as the blast seemed to dissolve his skin and he was thrown through a wall where he was instantly killed.

"NO!" Bobby focused his powers to create a blinding cold to blast away the Marauder. He ran over. "ANGEL! GOD NO! ANGEL!"

Althea had teleported in after rescuing another Morlock. "Oh no!" She gasped.

"Wavedancer! Get him **out **of here!" Scott shouted as he released Remy from his bonds.

"Got it!" She grabbed what was left of Warren and did so, teleporting him away to safety.

"Damn Marauders!" Scott yelled.

"Bastards are stronger than we thought," Bobby spat.

Even with all their training and rage, it was clear that the Marauders were just as powerful, maybe even more than their enemies. Plus the fact that the Misfits and Nightcrawler were mostly focused on rescuing Morlocks and their injured comrades made the fighting force cut in half.

Still Emma and her surviving team were fighting fiercely just as well as the others. "DIE YOU BASTARD!" Emma screamed as she continually punched Scalphunter in her diamond form.

"GET OFF ME WENCH!" Scalphunter managed to overthrow her. He prepared to shoot her but was stabbed in the back by Evan. "AAHHH!"

"DIE YOU…" Evan began but was shocked when Scalphunter tossed out his spear from his back and whirled on Evan. Evan was hit with a powerful blow as Scalphunter grabbed his weapon and hit him with it.

"Say goodbye you filthy…" Scalphunter began.

Just then his weapon was yanked from his hand. "WHAT?"

"**You **are the one who is filthy," Magneto floated in with a huge swarm of Acolytes behind him. "Mutants suffer **enough** at the hands of the humans without scum like you!"

"I thought I smelled something rotten coming in!" Logan growled as he saw Sabertooth and Solitaire approach as they fought.

"Don't you recognize the cavalry when you see it Runt?" Sabertooth snapped. "As much as I'd love to spar with you, Magneto wants us to take care of the Marauders first."

"How the hell did you…?" Logan growled as he knocked back a Marauder.

"Simple, Sinister told me about the plan and invited me in on it," Sabertooth grunted.

"WHAT?" Evan shouted. "YOU'RE A MARAUDER TOO?"

"Actually I once did some work for Sinister a long time ago but he never paid me for it," Sabertooth grunted. "So when he contacted me I decided to get a little revenge."

"Contacted you? He wanted you to kill the Morlocks?" Jean shouted.

"And you'd have done it too you miserable…" Logan growled.

"Can we stop fighting among ourselves and take care of the damn Marauders first?" Rogue snapped.

"Looks like Magneto is handling it," Sabertooth snorted as he saw Magneto use the metal all over Scalphunter's body to create and imprison him in a strange metal cocoon with metal spikes inside.

"Suffer traitor," Magneto closed his fist. The metal closed all around Scalphunter, killing him instantly.

"Great that's **another **of our heavy hitters down!" Blockbuster grumbled. He had managed to get unfrozen in time. "There's just too many of 'em!"

"Retreat!" Riptide shouted. "Retreat! Back into the portal!"

"What's wrong? Can't fight mutants who can **fight back?"** Solitaire hissed as he leapt after Blockbuster, stabbing him in the back with his blade. Blockbuster screamed and managed to throw him off and get through the portal just in time. "COWARDS!"

"They got away!" Evan roared.

"Only for now," Magneto snarled. "We will hunt them down and deliver justice! I promise you!"

The Marauders had been chased off, but it was too little too late. It was clear that Sinister had accomplished his revenge.

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Back in Sinister's lab, Sinister had already placed the Morlock children within strange stasis chambers. "Back so soon?" Sinister asked his Marauders. "Did you kill them all?" He was shocked at the state of them. The Marauders looked a bit worse for wear.

"Well…Most of 'em," Riptide coughed. "Oh we also got an X-Man."

"Yeah that Angel freak is grounded for life," Blockbuster snorted as he held his shoulder, blood seeping though a makeshift bandage.

"What do you mean most of them?" Sinister raised an eyebrow. "What **happened **to all of you?"

"Uh well we kind of had the X-Men and Misfits on the ropes but uh," Riptide coughed. "You know those Misfits had those teleportation watches they got. They managed to get a few Morlocks away. Then Magneto just showed up out of the blue with a ton of troops."

"We still had a pretty good fight…" Arclight coughed.

"I see…" Sinister's eyes narrowed. "Was Sabertooth with them?"

"Yeah," Riptide said. "You know you really should have paid him."

"Well we got the brats anyway," Hairbag said.

"All but one and she's dead," Arclight shrugged. "Or at least soon will be."

"Too bad we lost Scalphunter and Harpoon," Blockbuster shrugged. "After Magneto and Cyclops tore 'em to bits we were kind of outnumbered so…"

"They are dead?" Sinister was shocked.

"Uh yeah," Riptide coughed. "Sorry about that Boss."

"Are you saying the X-Men and their allies killed **two** of my favorite Marauders?" Sinister snapped.

"Uh Wolverine and that X clone got Rose Red and Thunderbunch," Blockbuster coughed. "And I saw Spyke get Cinderwings and Blacksoul."

"I saw Goreclaw go down," Hairbag coughed. "I think it was one of those lizard guys that did it."

"Sabertooth and his goons got a few of us too," Tar grumbled. "I don't see Scytheblade, Devil Dog, Contraband and Vicious."

"I did," Riptide grunted. "On the floor. They're toast."

"They actually killed **my Marauders!"** Sinister roared.

"So what? We got 'em good and it's not like…" Riptide began.

"That is **not** the point Riptide," Sinister snarled, interrupting him. "The fact that **any **of those genetic throwbacks survived severely irks me."

"Oh, not to mention any survivors could let Factor One know about what happened and it could hurt your standing in the Game," Hairbag blinked.

"Yes Hairbag, very good. You actually had an **intelligent thought!"** Sinister snapped. "I told you eating fish was good for you. It's powering the **one **brain cell you have!"

"And people call **me** a perfectionist," Apocalypse's voice boomed in.

Sinister whirled in shock to see Apocalypse standing there with Amadeus. "A-Apocalypse?" Sinister was clearly shocked. "How…?"

"Good to see me yes I know," Apocalypse smirked, clearly enjoying Sinister's discomfort. "Relax Sinister. So you didn't get every single test subject you wanted and lost a few soldiers. There are always **some **sacrifices that have to be made in war."

"He should know," Amadeus grunted. "Half of them were my brothers and sisters."

"Calm down Sinister," Apocalypse waved. "You actually didn't believe you could kill **all** of the Morlocks with the X-Men and Misfits present did you? Besides it's not like you didn't kill **enough **of them and take most of the children for your…hobby."

"Besides sooner or later Factor One and the other members of Factor Three would have found out anyway about your unauthorized killing of mutants," Amadeus spoke to him. "True you might lose a few points but still you crippled one of the X-Men for life. That's got to be worth **something."**

"I suppose…" Sinister said carefully.

"And losing only a few members of your **entire force** is not the end of the world," Apocalypse made a deliberate show of inspecting the unconscious children in their tubes. "After all you do have some potential replacements handy."

"I suppose," Sinister seemed slightly relieved. "You are right, Lord Apocalypse."

_"__**Lord**__ Apocalypse? He only calls you that when he's trying to suck up to you. Do you think we should tell him that we know about Vulcan and that he's looking for the Destiny Stone?" _Amadeus asked telepathically.

_"No, let Sinister have his delusions of grandeur…for now," _Apocalypse told his son. Turning to Sinister he spoke. "Actually I believe Harpoon did not die in vain. He actually accomplished something very…advantageous for me."

"What?" Sinister asked. "What do you mean?"

"I need you to do something," Apocalypse told him. "Not right now but within the next few weeks I need you to pick up someone for me."

"Don't you mean something?" Riptide asked.

"No, **someone**…" Apocalypse grinned.

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It was Magneto's followers that had taken up the grim task of collecting the bodies. Even after it was safe for most of the evacuated Morlocks to return to the tunnels. Both Mender and Hank had taken care of whatever injuries they could but they were extensive. "How many casualties?" Logan asked.

"Fifty eight Morlocks were killed," Callisto said bitterly. "Seven are gravely injured and won't survive the night. That was over **half** of my clan. And among what's left of us six are badly wounded that might survive. Most of the children have been stolen from us except for Torpid and she…"

"She'll be fine," Althea said quickly. "We transported her to Lifeline immediately. Lucky for her that second dart barely missed her heart and any important arteries. She'll be weak for a long time but she will pull through."

"Most of us have cuts and bruises," Lance said. There was a bandage on his right arm. "We'll be all right except…"

"Except?" Logan asked anxiously.

"Warren…" Bobby choked. "One of those bastard Marauders harpooned his wings to the wall and then…"

"He's alive," Hank said. "But his wings were damaged beyond repair. What was left of them. He'll never fly again."

"Goddess no…" Ororo gasped.

"Three of my people were killed as well," Magneto spoke. "And two more were seriously injured. I hope this proves to you Callisto once and for all that you can't hide in the sewers and hope to live a peaceful life while there are enemies around."

"They wouldn't have come at all if it wasn't for Spyke!" Monet glared at him. "Or should I say the Misfits blackmailing him into telling them about Sinister's labs!"

"Army mutants blackmailing another mutant," Cortez sneered. "There's a shock!"

"Maybe but it's not **all **Spyke's fault," Callisto snapped glaring at Remy. "Sins of the father, right Gambit? Besides from what I have seen and heard this Sinister experiments on mutants and has no remorse for killing."

"What do you think Magneto does?" Logan pointed his claws at the magnetic mutant.

"I may have done some questionable things. But I have never done a mass murder of my own kind!" Magneto snarled.

"Not for lack of trying," Lance snapped.

"That is why I am offering sanctuary to the surviving Morlocks," Magneto said. "As well as a promise of revenge against your losses. Emma, you and your Hellions are invited as well."

"You can't be serious!" Monet snapped.

"What choice do you have Monet?" Magneto said. "The Hellfire Club has abandoned you. You cannot stay with the X-Men. The Misfits would throw you in jail. And you can't get anything accomplished on your own. What else **is **there?"

"I don't know," Monet snarled. "But I made a promise long ago to **never** join you, and I intend to **keep** it!"

"I can't follow Magneto either," Lucid agreed. "I'm sorry Callisto I just don't…"

"I understand Lucid," Callisto sighed. "Every Morlock is free to make a choice. As for myself…" She turned. "I will follow Magneto."

"You can't do that!" Ororo snapped. "I won't allow it! As leader of the Morlocks…"

"Leader! What kind of **leader **leaves her people and allows them to be killed?" One Morlock survivor shrieked. "You're no leader of mine and never have been! I'm with you Magneto!"

Several Morlocks were already moving to Magneto's side. "Callisto, don't do this…" Ororo asked. "You can't…"

"You no longer have any rights over me, or **any** Morlock," Callisto snarled. "The second you turned your back on us and allowed this to happen was the moment you lost your rights as leader. I just wish I was strong enough to keep my title and protect my people from you! But I **wasn't!** And that was my own fault!"

"Not all of it was your fault," Evan said softly. "It was mine. I should have protected you better."

"No Evan, your responsibilities to us ended when we turned you out of the Morlocks," Callisto said. "Even those to your daughter. Sunder was her father."

"But he used me…" Evan began.

"Wrong," Callisto glared at the Misfits and X-Men. "The X-Men **and** Misfits used you and us in their wars against Magneto, the Hellfire Club and Sinister! **They** are the ones to blame!"

"What?" Jean gasped.

"Our friends would be alive now if it wasn't for all of you," Calliban glared at them. "**Both** X-Men and Misfits have brought us nothing but pain."

"You can't be serious?" Bobby snapped. "Of all the ungrateful…"

"Grateful? You expect us to be **grateful **after everything you've done?" Callisto interrupted, her eyes filled with hate. "You had a chance to take out Spears once and for all but you allowed him to make his poison again. You **aren't **the ones who stopped him and avenged our fallen brothers. You helped the humans persecute your **own kind!** You **allowed **the humans to drive us out of Bayville! Instead of bringing back our lost clan mates like you were **supposed to**, you abandoned us! And your insane fights with the Hellfire Club have lead us to **this!"**

"Storm you were supposed to **lead** us but you abandoned us so that you could live your life topside!" Portal screamed. "You didn't care about us at all! Only how beneficial we could be to your precious Xavier and your human friends!"

"Since when does an X-Man or a Misfit care about any mutant?" A green skinned mutant shrieked. "They'd rather live with humans than their own kind! They'd sell us all out to them if they had the chance!"

"You even have Sinister's **son** among you!" Another Morlock screamed. Many Morlocks voiced their agreement loudly.

"I take responsibility for what happened," Evan said to the X-Men and Misfits. "But so should you. Your choice to take the humans' side has forced you to abandon and fight against your own kind. As far as I'm concerned, you're **all** traitors!"

Evan turned to Magneto. "I don't like you. I'll **never **trust you. But I will fight for you. At least with you a mutant knows where he stands."

"Evan…" Ororo began.

"Save it Storm," Evan turned his back on her. "I have **nothing** more to say to you."

Ororo stood there, hurt and shocked. Her eyes grew cold. "Then I have nothing more to say to **you. **Go with Magneto then, you can **rot **in Hell with him for all I care!"

"I will go with you as well," Yvonne said to Magneto.

"Yvonne…" Emma said softly.

"Mother don't misunderstand me," Yvonne said. "I am not going because of Spyke. Although I admit my feelings for him do factor in my decision. I am going because I believe that he is the lesser of two evils. And I can do more to get revenge on Sinister while working for him."

"I understand," Emma nodded. "I don't think any less of you for doing this. You have my blessing."

"Thank you Mother," Yvonne gave her a careful hug. "I will try to make you proud of me."

"You already have daughter," Emma whispered.

"Oh isn't this **touching?"** Logan grumbled. "I think I'm going to be sick!"

"So Emma which way will you turn?" Magneto asked. "Will you follow Monet or your adopted daughter and Spyke?"

"Like you said Magneto there really is no choice," Emma sighed. She looked Magneto straight in the eye. "Go to Hell."

"What?" Magneto growled.

"You heard me," Emma snarled. "I'm sick of serving madmen with their own world domination causes. You're not exactly innocent. You've experimented on your own children! And if I know you you're still doing it! I'm **sick **of just going along with policy in order for the greater good. I'm **sick **of seeing my students die in front of my eyes. I can't stop Celandine and Spyke from choosing their paths but I'm tired of following every nutcase that's out there! I want Sinister dead but I'm not going to trade one lunatic for another!"

"So you'd rather allow yourself to be locked away in prison for the rest of your life?" Magneto challenged.

"I've already been locked away in a prison of my own for a very long time Magneto," Emma gazed at him like a queen addressing a peasant. "A literal one means very little to me."

In the end nearly all the Morlocks chose to go with Magneto and his team. Except for Lucid and five other Morlocks. "But where will you go?" Evan asked.

"They can always move in with the Eloi," Lance said. "I'm sure they'll be safe there."

"That sits well with me," Callisto sighed. She looked at Lucid. "Make sure Torpid is safe." She looked at the X-Men and Misfits. "You must all leave now."

"But…" Ororo began.

"We will take care of our own dead," Callisto glared at her. "And you have injured of your own. Make no mistake, as of now you people are our mortal enemies. If our paths ever cross again…We will kill you."

"Come on," Scott put his hand on Ororo's shoulder. "There's nothing we can do now."

The band of Misfits, X-Men, surviving Morlocks and the two former members of the Hellions left dejectedly. "We really lost this one didn't we?" Angelica said softly.

"A lot of mutants dead, Angel permanently grounded, Magneto recruiting more mutants and we've got the Morlock Survivors out for our blood, what do **you** think?" Remy said sharply.

"Remy…This isn't your fault," Althea said softly.

"It's not the Misfits' either," Jean spoke. "I can sense your thoughts…Sinister did this to get back at Evan for defying him. You had no idea he would do something as awful as this for revenge."

"No one could have imagined anything as **horrible** as this," Kitty said softly. "Poor Warren. Wavedancer, can't Lifeline heal his wings or anything?"

"I don't know," Althea said. "It's worth a try but Lifeline used all his energy to save Torpid. Warren will have to wait until he gets stronger. Even then I'm not sure if he can even grow them back."

"You didn't see what that monster did to him…" Bobby said in a choked voice. "I don't think there's anything left to save."

"At least that bastard will **never **hurt another mutant again," Scott growled.

"You made **sure** of that?" Lance asked.

"Yeah," Scott looked at him.

"Good," Lance nodded.

Logan looked at Scott. "I know what you're thinking Logan," Scott said. "I know X-Men aren't supposed to kill but…"

"But nothing," Logan said. "Sometimes you have to break the rules for the right reasons. You shouldn't feel bad about getting rid of one psychopathic killer."

"Especially since Sinister has a whole **army **of them," Jean frowned. "Including…"

"Yeah…" Scott sighed. "I guess I should be grateful for some reason Gabriel **wasn't** here."

"Gabriel? Who's Gabriel?" Emma asked.

"My brother…" Scott sighed.

"I thought Havok was your brother?" Monet asked.

"He was or is," Scott sighed. "We have another brother. Sinister faked his death and stole him from us as a baby. It's a long story. Calls himself Vulcan now and…"

"Vulcan?" Emma interrupted. "Vulcan is your brother?"

"You know him?" Scott asked.

"I know **of **him," Emma said. "Of all of Sinister's elite soldiers he's the worst of the lot. I'm telling you now, he would not have missed a mass slaughter like this for any sentimental reason."

"What are you saying?" Scott asked.

"Sinister must have him on a more important errand," Emma frowned. "Something even more important than revenge. And whatever it is…I'm very worried. Worried for Spyke and both of my daughters."

"I guess this really is the end of the Hellions," Monet was stunned. "How could they follow that madman? How could they be so blind?"

"They are probably thinking the same thing about us and our decision to stay behind," Emma told her.

"What's going to happen to Emma and Monet?" Kitty asked Althea.

"Frost better get them a good lawyer," Althea growled. "Because they are gonna need one."

**Next: Just when you think things are going to go well…Everything begins to unravel some more! **


	76. The More Things Change

**The More Things Change…**

It was exactly a day after the Morlock Massacre and everyone in the Institute was still trying to recover from the horrors of the previous day. "Was **anyone** able to sleep last night?" Rogue asked as she sipped her coffee.

"I kind of did," Madelyne said. Several girls were in the kitchen. "And I know Jubilee did. I could practically hear her snoring down the hall."

"Yeah but you and I weren't there," Jubilee told her.

"Be glad you weren't. It reminded me too much of my days back in Hydra," Rina nodded.

"I never thought I would see anything as horrible as that," Kitty shuddered. "It was a nightmare."

"It was like seeing the Hellions slaughtered all over again," Monet looked at her tea. "That's the third time Catseye and I barely survived a massacre like that. Well only two for Catseye."

"I can't believe the depths Sinister sunk to…" Kitty shuddered.

"I can," Jean sighed. "But still seeing that it was so…brutal."

"What did you expect?" Monet gave her a look. "We are at war you know?"

"War?" Rogue asked. "Don't you think you're exaggerating a little?"

"Was **yesterday **an exaggeration?" Monet snapped. "Not only do we have humans and Magneto to deal with, now we have Sinister and the Hellfire Club."

"Don't forget Cobra," Althea said as she walked in. "And a couple dozen other people. Hey Catseye, ready to go?"

"Go? Go where?" Kitty asked.

"We made a deal of sorts," Monet said. "Emma will give up all the information she has on the Hellfire Club, including what she knows about Factor Three and the Bio Pulse. In exchange for us."

"Catseye will go to Misfits while Monet goes to X-Men," Catseye told them. "Mother made deal so we not go to jail."

"But she will be for a while," Monet sighed. "The GRSO just took her."

"That's rough," Rogue shook her head. "I wouldn't wish the GRSO on any mutant. Not even Frost."

"You gonna be okay?" Kitty asked, knowing Catseye's special connection with Emma.

"Catseye not sure," She sighed. "But you hate Frost…"

"Well she's not one of my favorite people that's for sure," Kitty admitted. "But she's still your foster mom. That's gotta be rough."

"It is," Catseye looked very sad.

"How are the Misfits holding up?" Jean asked.

"Eh, you know," Althea sighed. "Just another day of guilt and self recrimination."

"God Al even we can't blame you Misfits for this," Rogue grunted. "The X-Men are more to blame for this than anyone! If we'd pulled our heads out of our butts and bothered to take a look down there once or twice like we were **supposed to** we would have found out about Evan's daughter all on our own."

"Should have been more careful," Althea grunted.

"Al not even the Professor, your adults or **us **knew about it," Kitty gave her a look. "You couldn't have been **that** much more careful!"

"Wasn't it really **Storm **that was responsible for keeping an eye on the Morlocks?" Monet asked. "Being their leader and all. Did she really think that Callisto was just going to tell her every little thing? I mean even I know those sneaky sewer slime have a history and reputation for doing what they want."

"It was Bevatron that betrayed **us**," Catseye told her. "He's the one you should blame. He turned against Hellions for his own selfish wishes. And he got what he deserved!"

"Okay **listen up!"** Tabitha violently hit her hand on the table. "We can all sit around moping and blaming ourselves until the cows come home and have their own hit reality show but the truth of the matter is that there is only **one **person that's really to blame and his name is **SINISTER!** **Sinister** is the one that plays around with people's lives and DNA like they were his own personal toys! **Sinister **is the one threatening innocent people, including innocent kids! **Sinister **is the one who ordered his army to slaughter the Morlocks. Not us or the Misfits because he knew we would **fight back!** **Sinister **took out his frustration on others because he was too much of a **coward** to challenge us directly!"

"She's right," Rina grunted. "Blaming ourselves won't bring the dead back. The only course of action is to keep moving forward and to use all of our resources to take Sinister down and make sure he never hurts another mutant again."

"That at least is something we all agree on," Monet grunted.

"Sooner or later that jerk is gonna pay for what he's done," Rogue's eyes narrowed. "In spades, and that is a promise!"

"Come on Catseye, we gotta do some stuff to help you settle in," Althea said. "See you guys later." Althea used the watch to teleport away.

"How do you put up with those people popping up whenever they want?" Monet asked.

"You get used to it," Rogue shrugged.

"Ha!" Monet glared at Rina. "But then again you people will put up with **anything."**

"And what does that comment mean?" Rina glared at her.

"Meaning you wouldn't have half the trouble you do have if you just didn't take in any stray animal you find," Monet snapped. "Present company included."

"Two words: Pot and kettle," Rina gave her a look.

"I am just stating a fact, you clones are nothing but trouble," Monet said to Rina. "You're not even real mutants."

"I hardly think a power hungry witch who killed people for a secret society of maniacs bent on world domination is in **any** position to judge people," Jubilee glared at her.

"I only killed FOH and other mutant hating scum," Monet snorted. "In extreme situations. I wasn't created in a lab like a mold spore!"

"Okay X, you hold her down…I'll hit her!" Jubilee told Rina.

"I wanna hit her too!" Madelyne snapped.

"Nobody is hitting **anyone!**" Ororo said sternly as she walked in. "I expect you X-Men to treat our newest member with respect. And we expect the same from you Monet. Rina and Madelyne are people just like you no matter what the circumstances of their birth are."

"Please don't compare us to **her,"** Madelyne wrinkled her nose.

"The feeling is mutual you little…" Monet snarled.

"Maybe you'd prefer to join the Misfits?" Rogue told her. "I'd bet army life would suit you."

"Please," Monet sulked and folded her arms.

"Yeah I **thought** you'd say that," Rogue told her. "As far as you're concerned consider yourself on probation."

"You can not tell me what to do," Monet huffed.

"Technically she can," Ororo said. "She is a Senior X-Man and has the full rights and privileges of any other adult in the mansion. I suggest you think of your time here as a second chance. Do not waste it." Ororo left.

"Sucks to be you doesn't it?" Jubilee grinned at Monet.

"Geeze if I'm an adult I'd better start hoarding my own stash of alcohol," Rogue rolled her eyes.

"I'll lend you some of mine," Jean sighed.

"I can't believe the depths I've sunk to…" Monet grumbled. She then realized someone was staring at her. It was Penny with her hands behind her back. "And **what** is **this?"**

"This is Penny," Rogue said. "One of our younger students."

"Why are you staring at me you little…?" Monet growled. "And what do you have in your hand?"

Penny held out a severed squirrel head. "AAAHHH!" Monet screamed.

"Oh yeah she likes to do that from time to time," Jubilee grinned.

"Get it away from me! I don't want it!" Monet backed up as Penny followed her, holding out the squirrel head. "Get away from me you little **freak!**" She fled the room.

"Go Penny! Good Girl!" Rogue said cheerfully.

"What a weakling," Rina grunted. "Freaking out over a dead squirrel. We just saw a whole colony of mutants get killed and she panics about a squirrel."

"It does put things into perspective doesn't it?" Jubilee thought.

"We got rid of Starla only to get **her,**" Rogue grunted. Penny squealed and ran off. "Speaking of the little tramp I wonder what she's up to?"

"Who knows, who cares?" Rina grunted.

"My head hurts enough without worrying what kind of garbage Monet is thinking about," Kitty went to pick up her coffee only to have her hand phase through the cup. "Damn it! I'm so tired and riled up I don't know **what** I'm doing." She concentrated and then was able to go solid again. She picked up the cup and sipped her coffee.

"What I wanna know is where she gets off saying stuff like that about X and Madelyne?" Tabitha asked.

"Don't you remember what Doug told us…?" Kitty went to say something else before she grew very sad.

"Oh yeah," Rogue remembered. "Those Hellfire Club creeps got this real snotty attitude. Thinking only certain mutants are worthy enough to rule the planet."

"Mutants that don't have obvious mutations, or mutants that have strong powers…" Jean counted down.

"And certainly mutants that weren't created in a lab or a copy of someone else," Madelyne grumbled.

"That is such a load of bull…" Jubilee grunted.

"Catseye told me that Frost thought the same way," Jean said. "Well maybe not about the lab part but you get the idea."

"Why was she not okay with that?" Jubilee asked.

"Simple, mutants created in labs are designed to be weapons," Rina told her. "Unlike a mutant born the natural way…"

"So a powerful mutant that just happens to be born the old regular way is 'evolved' but a powerful mutant created in a lab **isn't?**" Tabitha asked. "That's sick."

"You know what's even **sicker?"** Jean said. "How much you want to bet the Hellfire Club had more than a hand in creating mutants in a lab to serve their own purposes…or sell as slaves?"

"Wouldn't surprise me at all," Rogue said.

"The more I hear about this Massachusetts Academy the more I am so glad I did **not** go there," Jubilee groaned.

"Problem is we got one of their transfer students living with us now," Tabitha groaned. "At least Starla was ignorant but Monet is…"

"Monet has obviously been impressed with a certain mindset," Jean said. "We have to find a way to break through all that Hellfire Ideology shoved upon her. The point of the Xavier Institute is teaching people tolerance."

"Tolerance?" Rogue gave Jean a look. "**Her?" **

"If you think about it's no different than what we are trying to do with humans," Jean said. "We have to be patient with her and try to show her another point of view."

"Well if she don't wise up she's gonna see a point or two," Tabitha said holding up her knife. "And I don't mean X's claws! A mutant is a mutant is a mutant! No matter if they came from a lab, downtown Burbank or from Mars!"

"I'd love to send her to Mars," Jubilee grumbled. "We should ask Trinity for pointers."

"Just try and work with her," Jean said as she got up to leave. "Maybe this won't be so bad after all?"

"Fat chance," Tabitha grumbled as Jean left.

"Don't worry," Rina said to Madelyne. "What people like Monet think matters very little. It is how you think of **yourself **that matters. I learned that lesson the hard way."

"I know," Madelyne picked at her food. "I just…Sometimes it's just hard enough dealing with these thoughts in my head. Hearing about them…"

That was when they all heard a very loud scream. **"AAHHHHHHHH!" **

"What the…?" Rogue startled.

"THERE IS A **DEAD SQUIRREL** ON MY BED!" Monet was heard screaming. "AND WHAT IS **THAT** ON MY SHOES! OH MY GOD!"

"I see Penny has given Monet her welcome gift," Tabitha grinned.

"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY MAKEUP? IS THAT **ANOTHER **DEAD SQUIRREL OR PARTS OF THE SAME ONE?" Monet howled like a banshee on a bad hair day.

"Jean was right, maybe this **won't **be so bad after all?" Jubilee chuckled.

"I wonder how Catseye is settling in?" Madelyne asked.

"HOW MUCH BLOOD IS **IN **A SQUIRREL?" Monet screamed. "AAAHHHH!"

"Better than Monet that's for sure," Jubilee grinned.

& & & & && & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"When you tell Catseye things about settling in, this **not** what Catseye picture," Catseye blinked. She was wearing a white kimono.

All the Misfit girls were wearing kimonos of different colors. The boys were wearing male traditional Japanese garb. Except for Pietro who insisted on wearing his priest outfit and robe. And Shipwreck who was wearing a pirate costume. They were in the dojo holding candles.

"How come Shipwreck gets to wear his pirate outfit but I can't wear my regular clothes?" Wanda asked.

"Because our daddy is a lunatic," Brittany said.

"Like your brother," Daria added.

"Oh yeah right," Wanda said. "But why are we having a funeral like this anyway?"

"Because it's the right thing to do," Althea said. "A funeral like this will help us heal and get past what happened yesterday."

"Not to mention I lined up a great buffet," Roadblock said.

"No, I meant why are we having a funeral like **this?**" Wanda indicated her outfit. "Why are we wearing Japanese clothes?"

"It was Toad's idea," Fred told her.

"Yeah it kind of sets the mood a little," Todd nodded.

"It kind of shows how **nuts** you are," Low Light grumbled. He was wearing his usual black uniform with red goggles.

Sitting on a mat Torpid was wearing a blue kimono with her usual thick gloves. She made a small sound. "Torpid stay here too?" Catseye asked.

"Yeah she's kind of weak and we didn't want to move her," Wanda gently patted Torpid's hair. Torpid smiled at her. "Besides I think she likes it here."

"I admit it's not that bad," Lucid shuffled in. He was wearing a blue and gray Japanese outfit as well.

"Hey Lucid," Lance nodded. "You're staying here too?"

"Well…I promised Callisto that I'd watch out for Torpid," Lucid admitted as he sat down. "Besides I'm not that big a fan of Eloi committee meetings."

"I know it must be weird for you being on an army base," Angelica said. "But…"

"Actually…I sort of grew up on one," Lucid sighed, interrupting her. "I really don't want to talk about it."

"It is all right," Spirit nodded. He was wearing black Japanese garb. "We all have things in our pasts we do not like to speak of. Come now it's time."

They got up and went outside carrying candles. Fred carried Torpid. There was a huge platform ready to become a bonfire. They observed a moment of silence and used their candles to light the bonfire.

"This fire represents the lives of those we lost," Spirit said somberly. "May this light guide their spirits to peace in the afterlife."

"It's a very nice fire Pyro," Althea said.

"Well I can't take all the credit," Pyro beamed. "Quicksilver helped me get the wood."

"We thought this would be the best way to honor the dead," Pietro said. "It's simple yet effective."

"I'm surprised you didn't go for the mariachi band," Shipwreck said.

"Those are only for bird or other animal funerals," Pietro sniffed.

"Mariachi band?" Catseye blinked.

"Bird and **other** animal **funerals?**" Lucid blinked.

"Don't ask," Lance rolled his eyes. "Please **don't** ask."

"Boy that fire is really turning up the heat," Shipwreck remarked.

"It should," Pyro said. "We must have doused every log on it twice with the beer in the cellar."

"Yeah and…**What **beer in **what **cellar?" Shipwreck did a double take.

"Your beer stash you've been hiding in the cellar," Daria told him.

"Not to mention the few whisky bottles you had down there," Brittany said.

"It gives the fire that extra kick!" Quinn grinned.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?" Shipwreck shouted. "YOU LITTLE…ROADBLOCK…"

"Who do you think **suggested** they do that?" Roadblock gave him a look.

"THAT'S MY BEER YOU'RE BURNING!" Shipwreck screamed. He had to be held back by Spirit and Low Light. "NO! NO!"

"AWWK! Bye bye booze!" Polly cackled.

"Oh stuff it Shipwreck," Low Light remarked. "You need to cut down on your drinking anyway."

"But it's not fair…" Shipwreck sniffed. "All my beer…"

"And some of your old Playboy collection," Althea remarked.

"OH GOD NOT **THAT** TOO!" Shipwreck shouted. "HOW CAN LIFE BE SO CRUEL?"

"Can we eat and sing karaoke now?" Arcade asked.

"Yeah why not?" Low Light shrugged.

"NOOOOO!" Shipwreck cried as they dragged him inside. "My beer! My beautiful beer! It's not fair! Why God? Why? Why? Whyyyyyyyyyy?"

"Is he…?" Lucid blinked.

"Actually he's normally a bit more hyper than this," Althea explained. "Come on." They went inside Misfit Manor which was tastefully decorated with balloons and a huge buffet.

"Balloons?" Catseye blinked.

"You decorated with balloon, a karaoke machine and…is that a pin the tail on the donkey over there?" Lucid blinked.

"Actually that's a pin the tail on Cobra Commander, but close enough," Todd said. "Ooh! Cake!"

"Well this is…Bizarre," Lucid blinked. "I've just committed myself to a lunatic asylum haven't I?"

"In a word, yes," Arcade nodded.

"In the Misfits you learn not to take things too seriously," Pietro told him. "I mean we could all bite the bullet at any moment."

"Like my beer!" Shipwreck was openly sobbing. "All that wonderful alcohol! Cut down in the prime of it's life!"

"Yes never mind about the Morlocks and the Hellions, the **beer **is the true victim here," Roadblock said sarcastically.

"WAAAHHHHH!" Shipwreck sobbed.

"You are hopeless," Cover Girl gave him a look.

"Well at least Torpid likes the cake," Spyder said as Torpid chowed down on a huge piece.

"How are you feeling Catseye?" Wanda asked.

"Catseye admits that Catseye feels a little better now," Catseye sighed. "But Catseye still worried about Mother in prison."

"I wouldn't worry too much if I were you," Althea said. "I've got this strange feeling that woman knows how to land on her feet no matter **what** situation she's in."

"Yeah but she's in jail," Todd said. "How much more trouble can she give us?"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

At GRSO Headquarters…

Emma Frost was escorted into General Kincaid's office by two GRSO soldiers. Despite being shackled and collared with an inhibitor collar and wearing an orange jumpsuit she held her head high, like a queen.

"Sit down Miss Frost," Kincaid ordered. "We have your future to discuss."

"I've already told SHIELD everything I know about the Hellfire Club," Emma sniffed. "I am not going to just roll over for a tin plated dictator like you."

"Oh now Emma darling," The Baroness walked in through another door. "Please, give us a chance. Once you get to know us you'll be more than happy to assist us."

"But first a little privacy," General Kincaid pressed a button. Suddenly the two GRSO soldiers shuddered violently and turned into goop.

"What the…?" Emma was shocked.

"Synthoids are a bit messy but very environmentally friendly," Mystique explained as she changed from her General Kincaid persona into her true form. "And they are much easier to control than human soldiers."

"Hold on," Emma blinked. "Mystique? The Baroness? Since when do **you** work together? And since when do you two run the GRSO?"

"Since we were sick of letting the men run our lives," The Baroness snorted.

"Well that and when I killed Kincaid last year," Mystique shrugged.

"Is Magneto in on this?" Emma began.

"Magneto may have started this little operation," Mystique said. "But the Baroness and I got to talking and well…Let's just say we decided to take things into our own hands."

"You see ironically we got this idea from television," The Baroness said. "Despite my upbringing in a prison camp I was always a fan of the show Hogan's Heroes. You know the one where there was a secret army right under the nose of the Germans?"

"So we thought why not do the same thing?" Mystique said. "Our soldiers arrest the mutants and 'detain' them. When actually they are being recruited and trained for our personal army."

"What about the GRSO soldiers?" Emma asked. "Are they all synthoids?"

"Obviously not all of them are," The Baroness said. "Just the ones in our headquarters. Many of the human troops had to be shall we say…replaced. With other mutants, or Cobra troops loyal to me."

"So you two have the GRSO under your control," Emma put it together. "As well as the Sentinels and a secret army of mutants?"

"Well not all the Sentinels but quite a few of them," Mystique said. "Reprogrammed of course."

"But we could still use a telepath," The Baroness. "One who is not allied to Magneto and has a grudge against the Hellfire Club."

"And one who is more than willing to take down Cobra, GI Joe…The X-Men and Misfits," Mystique grinned. "What do you say?"

"What can I say? I'm in," Emma grinned.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Karma felt as if the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Due to the heavy losses during the entire Leech Fiasco as the incident was now called, morale at X-Factor was at an all time low. Since the deaths of American Eagle and Healer, Cooper deliberately put what was left of the team on stand down while they healed. With the Misfits gone and the X-Men missing there was no mutant team available to represent mutant kind. Basically the GRSO was called in now to handle most mutant emergencies.

Not only was the idea of a mutant hating scumbag like Kincaid handling mutants repulsive to Karma (and every other mutant out there.), but additional pressures conspired to drive her into an early case of cardiac arrest. After their disastrous failure to handle Legion the public quickly lost interest in their positive PR campaign.

She was watching the recording that had been done when they had confronted Legion. He was terrorizing a park in San Diego. She replayed the part when her team confronted him. Before any of them had a chance to use their powers Legion sent out a telekinetic blast that knocked out **half** of the team. Karma tried to possess Legion but was knocked out with a telekinetic blast.

"Take out Legion with a possession attack," Karma put the DVD recorder on pause. "What the hell was I thinking? You can't possess a mind that's already possessed by a half dozen **other **personalities!"

"Are you going over that footage again?" Valarie Cooper walked into Karma's office. She was wearing a gray suit dress and high heels.

"Not much else to do since the team has been benched. It took him **five minutes** to take us down," Karma sighed. "Five lousy minutes."

"Don't feel too bad," Valarie sighed. "That's about the same amount of time it took him to take out Alpha Flight."

"Yes but they only had **half** of their force when they confronted him," Karma sighed. "Sasquatch, Puck and Vindicator were celebrity guests at some fundraising hockey game for cancer. By the time they got there Legion had gotten bored and taken off."

"Yeah and they had the dumb luck to be able to save those orphans from a fire Legion created," Valarie agreed.

"I just feel like we failed so badly," Karma sighed. "Not just mutant kind but…The whole country. Here we had a prime chance to show the public that they didn't need mutant vigilantes run by a rich telepath or a group of delinquents run by a group of insane gun toting maniacs to keep them safe and we blew it. And then that whole Sinister Dorian Leech fiasco…"

"That was **not** your fault," Valarie told her.

"But the Rolfson-Aaronson escape was," Karma replied. "What happened afterwards was just the final straw."

"We were expecting an attack from the X-Men, not some long lost older brother that was a renegade from SHIELD," Valarie kept trying to convince her.

"It doesn't matter if they were green skinned mind reading shape shifters from Mars!" Karma told her. "Those two were our responsibility and we blew it."

"Okay maybe **that** one you might have some responsibility but not the Leech fiasco," Valarie conceded. "There was no way you could have known that Sinister was making mutants that powerful and that there were so many of them. Even the higher ups said so."

"But the X-Men seemed to know something about it," Karma grunted.

"They didn't know everything," Valarie said.

"They knew **enough**," Karma gave her a look. "I don't like the idea of Xavier having so much information about mutants and where to find them and what their powers are and not letting us know about it. I can understand his point about registration but it seems to me he's just trying to keep all that knowledge for himself so he can create his army. You know what I mean?"

"Unfortunately I do," Valarie sighed. "I can understand if the Misfits had a list like this. At least they work for the government but even they don't have all the information Xavier does and they go over to the Institute every other day! But don't worry, with your new recruit things should be shaping up soon again."

"Don't be so sure," Karma sighed as she got up. "Turns out Forge didn't have complete access to those records. Only Xavier did."

"But he helped work on Cerebro right?" Valarie asked. "Has he been working on a modified one for our uses?"

"He's been a bit…distracted," Karma sighed. "I'll show you what I mean."

They went down the corridor towards the infirmary in X-Factor headquarters. "You know how most of the surviving members of the team were injured after the battle with Sinister?" Karma told her. "Well Forge told us that he invented something that could speed up the healing time so that the team would recover faster."

"Really? He did?" Valarie asked. "What happened?"

"You can see for yourself," Karma sighed as they entered the room.

Valarie was shocked at what she saw. Strong Guy dancing around wearing nothing but a pink frilly ballerina outfit, a tiara and ballet slippers. "And one and two and one and two and pas de deux!" Strong Guy twittered in a high voice.

"What in the world…?" Valarie blinked.

"ALL RIGHT! MONSTER TRUCK RACING TIME!" Another Strong Guy wearing a NASCAR T-shirt, a trucker's hat, jeans and boots stormed through.

"I am Super Strong Guy!" Yet another Strong Guy ran by wearing a cape. "I can fly through the air!" He jumped on a couch and jumped straight into a wall. Of course he put a huge hole into it as he fell through it. "Oops. No I can't."

"Hey how you doin'?" A Strong Guy dressed up like a mobster walked by.

"I'm doing pretty well except for this ringing in my ears," Super Strong Guy moaned.

"Clean!" A Strong Guy wearing an apron and carrying several cleaning tools including a mop ran by dusting and scrubbing everything in sight. "Clean, clean, clean!" He stopped when he saw the hole Super Strong Guy made. "Oh for crying out loud! I just patched that wall up **yesterday!**"

"As you can see for yourself, the ray has some…side effects," Karma sighed.

"**SOME **SIDE EFFECTS?" Valarie shouted. "It split Strong Guy into several separate personalities!"

"La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la…" Ballerina Strong Guy danced by. "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la…"

"Several **weird** personalities," Valarie blinked.

"La, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la!" Ballerina Strong Guy danced by again. "La la la la la la la la la!"

"Make that several very weird personalities," Valarie did a double take.

"You should see what it did to Dazzler," Karma sighed. She heard a loud rift on a guitar. "And I believe you are about to."

A black haired, tattooed punked out version of Alison walked in wearing black leather pants, black stiletto heels, a white sleeveless T-shirt and wrist bands strutted out with an electric guitar. "LET'S ROCK THIS MOTHER-&&&&& && OUT! YEAAHHH YOU &&&&&!"

"I didn't even know Dazzler was injured," Valarie blinked. "Much less knew **those** kind of words!"

"She had a sprained ankle," Karma explained. "And that's pretty mild compared to what she's been saying all week."

"La, la, la, la, la…_Do the hustle!"_ A long blond haired Dazzler skated by on roller skates wearing a white glittery leotard. _"Do the hustle! la la la la la la la la Do the hustle!"_

"Get out of my face you Seventies reject!" Punk Dazzler snapped. "I'm trying to rock here!"

"I object!" Dazzler wearing a serious lawyer outfit and glasses stormed into the room. "That is verbal assault! Verbal assault!"

"You shut up too Ally McSqueal!" Punk Dazzler snapped at Lawyer Dazzler.

_"Dance with me! La, la, la, la, la_…" Disco Dazzler danced with Ballerina Strong Guy. "Come on and dance with me! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!"

"Ooh! A partner! I love it!" Ballerina Strong Guy cooed as they danced together. "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la…."

"I love these cookies…" A large overweight Dazzler waddled in eating a box of chocolate chip cookies ravenously. "You know what these are good with? Whipped cream and pudding!"

"No pudding! No pudding!" A Dazzler wearing leotards jumped up and down. "You know what they say, a moment on the lips forever on your hips! We must burn those calories! Burn them!"

"Why don't we burn **you**, ya uptight pig?" Punk Dazzler snapped.

"You know I know a guy who knows a guy if you want her taken care of if you get my drift," Goodfella Strong Guy told her.

"You missed a spot," Lawyer Dazzler informed Cleaning Strong Guy.

"Thank you! Oh I love to clean!" Cleaning Strong Guy smiled.

"La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la..." Ballerina Strong Guy lifted Disco Dazzler over her head.

"As you can imagine it's been a **fun** couple of weeks," Karma groaned.

"Flowers! Springtime! Happy thoughts!" Willow danced around happily throwing flowers everywhere. "Peace and love and happiness WHEEEE!"

"He hit Willow with it too didn't he?" Valarie asked.

"No, he hit her with a **completely different** ray," Punk Dazzler snorted. "Turned her into a total prat."

"Not much of a change from her original personality but still…" Karma sighed.

"This is why you haven't been sending me those reports is it?" Valarie asked.

"Would you allow yourself to put this on paper in case anyone **reads** about it?" Karma asked.

"La, la, la, la, la…" Ballerina Strong Guy danced by again. "I'm the beautiful Swan Princess! La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la…"

"You have a point," Valarie admitted. "That one Strong Guy looks more like an **ostrich princess** than a swan princess. An Ostrich Princess on steroids. This is a disaster!"

"I am afraid that's not the **worst** of it," Karma sighed.

"There's **more**?" Valarie asked. "And it's **worse**? How much worse can it **get?**"

"Has Forge come back yet?" A tiny voice was heard beneath them.

"Telek?" Valarie looked around.

"Down here!" Telek, the Native American telekinetic flew up towards her face. He was now only three inches tall. "Hello."

"Let me guess…This is the worst part," Valarie sighed. "Am I right?"

"Oh yeah," Telek grumbled.

"So what happened?" Valarie asked.

"I was just crowned the new Miss America!" Telek snorted. "I'M ONLY THREE STUPID INCHES TALL! WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENED TO ME? THAT IDIOT FORGE SHRANK ME WITH A SHRINK RAY!"

"A shrink ray," Valarie blinked. "What was Forge doing with a **shrink ray?"**

"He was trying to make more room for the Double Mint Gang over here and I got in the way," Telek groaned. "It was one of his 'brilliant' ideas that caused more trouble than it solved. I've been stuck like this for a week."

"It's a good thing you can use your telekinesis to fly," Karma nodded.

"It hasn't been **all **bad," Telek smirked. "There have been one or two nice moments. By the way Cooper, nice underwear. I like pink on you."

Valarie fumed and used her backhand to knock Telek out and into a nearby wall. "Ohhhhh…Look at the pretty stars…" Telek moaned as he slid down the wall.

"Here's a **stupid question,"** Valarie asked. "Why hasn't Forge changed you all back yet?"

"Well he was but…" Karma sighed. "There was another accident."

"**Another** one?" Valarie gave her a look. "Dare I ask what happened **this time?"**

"Forge was trying out one of his other inventions and he kind of teleported himself into another dimension," Karma told her.

"I'm sorry could you run that by me again?" Valarie blinked. "I thought you said Forge teleported into another dimension."

"I did," Karma told him. "And he did."

ZZZZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!

A bright light then flashed in the middle of the room. There stood Forge dressed in a wild orange Seventies jumpsuit. "Hey I'm back!" Forge said. "You would not believe the far out groovy dimension I was just in. I mean Wolverine was in a yellow uniform! Doesn't that blow your mind?"

"Totally," Disco Dazzler agreed.

"I'm going to blow **your** mind into a **million pieces** unless you fixed the **mess **you made!" Karma shouted.

"I think I am beginning to see **why** Wolverine was so eager to get rid of him," Valarie Cooper groaned. "Now I know."

"And knowing is a great reason to wear thong underwear," Telek had woken up and was looking up Valarie's skirt again. "Which you should try sometime Val. You've got the body for iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttt!"

Telek screamed as Valarie kicked him across the room. "Assault! Assault!" Lawyer Dazzler shouted.

"It certainly is!" Valarie snapped. "Note to self, never trust an X-Man bearing gifts again!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

On Avalon…

"Everyone, in case you have not yet met our newest recruits, this is Spyke and Celandine," Magneto introduced him and Yvonne to his inner circle. "Starting on my right, this is Mender, Mastermind, Cortez, Solitaire…I believe you know Sabertooth and…"

"Empath?" Evan growled.

"I've been promoted thanks to Polaris' defection," Empath grinned, wearing a red and black Acolytes uniform. "Magneto rewards loyalty."

"Since when does someone like you know **anything** about loyalty?" Evan snarled.

"That's a funny way to put it coming from an Ex-X-Man!" Empath snapped.

"I hope you can put your pasts aside," Magneto spoke. "We have much larger concerns."

"Like Sinister?" Yvonne asked.

"Yes, he must not be allowed to escape his crimes against mutant kind," Magneto growled. "Not to mention a few **other **concerns…" He idly scratched his left arm. "As my new head of security on Avalon you'll need to…"

"Head of Security?" Cortez snapped. "This former X-Freak just shows up and you want to place him in one of your most secure positions?"

"Spyke has extensive experience Cortez," Magneto said. "Not only as a former X-Man and Hellion but his days of leading the Morlocks are invaluable. He can also help assimilate the Morlocks we recruited into a new fighting unit."

"That's yet **another** person that has more rank than you Cortez," Sabertooth sneered.

"We will have a staff meeting in two hours," Magneto said. "Mender I want you to give a physical to our new team mates. Then I need to see you in my office on that…Other matter. Dismissed." He left the room.

"Enjoy your moment while you can Daniels. Don't think I've forgotten what you did to me," Empath sneered in Evan's face.

"And don't think **I've forgotten** how to handle you," Yvonne stood between them.

"Hiding behind your **girlfriend **Spyke?" Empath asked.

"I can handle **you** any time," Evan glared at him. "Your little emotional manipulations don't work on someone who's aware of it. And I've been trained at blocking my mind and emotions by Frost herself since our last encounter. So go ahead and challenge me, we'll see who's powers are **strongest."**

"Let's see an emotional prissy or the armor plated, fire making guy with the **spikes?**" Sabertooth said sarcastically. "Yeah there's a tough call!"

"If I were you, I'd watch my back," Empath snarled as he left. Cortez went with him.

"I'd listen to him," Solitaire told Evan. "Cortez is ambitious and you don't need telepathy to see that Empath desires revenge."

"Also we're not exactly sure whose side you're really on," Sabertooth snarled. "So watch your back." The others left except for Mender.

"I would listen to them if I were you," Mender warned. "You would be surprised how many mutants here are a bit angry at a former X-Man and Hellion in their midst. By the way...Speaking of Hellions I noticed one was missing on the death list. What happened to Roulette?"

"She was transferred to another team a couple of weeks before the whole Dorian Leech incident," Evan told her. "She got in some kind of argument with Frost. I don't know all the details but she wanted out of the Hellions. Last I heard she was shipped off to do some work in Madripoor."

"Smart girl," Mender nodded. "It saved her life. Just like working for Magneto saved yours. Don't forget that." She left the room.

"Yeah just like home," Evan groaned. "Why do I have the feeling that Asteroid M will make the Hellfire Club look like a walk in the park?"

**Oh yes things are really heating up now. And things really heat up once Sinister's real plans for the Legacy Virus go into effect! Keep reading and reviewing! If you will excuse me for some reason I feel like doing the Hustle...do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do...**


	77. Legacy

**Legacy**

"They are calling it the Legacy Virus," Trish Tilby spoke on television. "It seems to have sprung up overnight. Although this disease appears to only target mutants nearly half the population of Mutant Town is under quarantine for fears it will spread to the human population. The symptoms are a severe fever followed by a persistent rash, then a weakening of the body and immune system. Already several mutants have lost control of their powers and officials are saying that it's only a matter of time until the first casualty…"

"Shut that garbage off!" Lance grunted. The Misfits were at Misfit Manor watching television. He grabbed the remote and turned off the television.

"Come on Lance we need to keep up with the news," Angelica said. "Especially since we've been away for so long."

"Well this is news we can do without," Lance grumbling.

"No, the latest escapades of Tiffany Weapons and how many paparazzi she ran over this week while driving drunk with her kids in the back is news we can do without," Fred told him. "This we kind of need to know."

"They're saying that there are reports of mutants getting Legacy all over the world," Althea frowned. "Which means that sooner or later it will affect us. And the X-Men."

"Oh no," Pyro blinked. "That means you could get it! Or I could get it! I could get Legacy! And it would make my skin all gross and make my powers go wonky and I'd be burning out of control with fire but not in a good way! Then I might go crazy and fight you guys and die a horrible mangled death and die in the arms of Senator Kelly in order to promote peace! And worst of all when they make movies about me and how great I am people would forget that I'm Australian and **not** give me an accent! And my hair! I'd be a blonde! A BLONDE! I'm not blonde I'm a one hundred percent red head true and true I am! What they couldn't spend five bucks for a halfway decent hair dye?! Just five lousy bucks! You can get them at Target or something and they could't do **that?** That's it! Next time I want creative control!"

"Pyro have you been sniffing lighter fluid again?" Lance asked.

"Just a little," Pyro shrugged.

"Thought so," Lance rolled his eyes. "You really shouldn't do that."

"But I like the smell," Pyro said.

"I know," Lance sighed. "But it is really not good for your little brain. Especially when it comes up with ideas that hurt **my brain!"**

"Hate to say it but Charcoal for Brains does have a point," Wanda remarked.

"About the creative control right?" Pyro asked. "Because if you are going to make a movie about my life that's the most important thing. I don't wanna be portrayed as a blond. Worse, as a non Australian!"

"Yeah right, Pyro, that's **exactly **what I was talking about," Wanda rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Any-way, if we don't do something soon we could get infected and die."

"I know neither Jean nor Sam are looking forward to doing that again," Arcade said.

"Don't worry about it," Pietro said. "Trinity and Beast are already working on the virus and Moira and those SHIELD doctors are assisting in their labs. And General Eddington has cleared unlimited funds if need be to solve this crisis."

"Why would he do that?" Lina asked. "Even I can't believe he would do something like that out of the goodness of his heart."

"Because he doesn't wanna lose some halfway decent weapons," Pietro gave her a look. "Duh!"

"But we all know how to cure Legacy," Wanda said. "Didn't that other Beast in that other dimension tell us how?"

"Yeah to use Wolverine's DNA to make a cure, which they are doing," Pietro nodded. "And if some of that money Eddington cleared for us gets us a Playstation 3 to ease our suffering well so much the better."

"You are unbelievable," Todd gave him a look. "Even I wouldn't sink that low! You don't take money from sick people to get gifts for yourself!"

"That's right," Lance nodded.

"You take money from rich people by making them sick," Todd said. "**That **money you use for yourself! Nothing serious, maybe a little food poisoning or something. Of course since most models don't eat that won't work but you could give them an accident with curing irons and…"

"You know there are days when dying from an incurable disease doesn't seem so bad?" Lance groaned putting his head in his hands.

"Too bad Misfit-itis isn't terminal," Angelica sighed.

"We just got an anonymous tip saying that the FOH is responsible for the Legacy Virus," Roadblock said as he walked into the room. "And the job getting the evidence is up to us!"

"Really?" Todd pricked up his ears. "Sweet!"

"Does that mean what I **think** it means?" Fred asked.

"It does," Roadblock grinned.

"Goody! Time to get the shaving cream and mousetraps!" Fred grinned.

"I admit I might enjoy this," Larry agreed.

"So will I, " Xi grinned and flashed his fangs.

"Let's go gang," Lance got up.

"Lance! Aren't you forgetting something?" Althea looked at him.

"His non flammable underwear?" Pyro blinked.

"No," Althea said.

"His new portable gaming system?" Arcade asked.

"No," Althea shook her head. "Try again."

"Lunch?" Fred asked.

"Not even close," Althea rolled her eyes. "It's the fact that **I'm **the leader of this group! I say when we go! Let's **go!" **

"Hold on a second," Daria and the other Triplets blocked their way.

"There's a chance that you could all be contaminated if you go there," Quinn said.

"That's why we designed some new uniforms for you," Brittany said.

"New uniforms?" Lance blinked. Before he knew it the Triplets had stripped him to his underwear. "HEY!"

"He he he," Trinity snickered.

"Boy given the right incentive those girls are faster than I am," Pietro blinked.

"GIVE ME MY CLOTHES YOU PINT SIZE PERVERTS!" Lance shouted at them.

"Try these on!" Quinn said. The girls quickly wrapped him in a green and black outfit complete with gloves and a see through helmet that covered his entire head.

"This is our decontamination suit," Daria said. "Keeps germs out but your cute bodies in."

"We made one for all of you," Quinn grinned.

"And we'll get dressed ourselves if you don't mind," Arcade gave her a look.

"Who wants to see **your **body anyway?" Brittany groaned.

"That was **not **necessary," Arcade groaned.

"Come on let's suit up and go," Althea rolled her eyes.

Twenty minutes later…

"You know what's better than trashing and FOH building?" Pietro zoomed around and stopped in front of the others. "Having **permission** to trash an FOH building!" He like the others was wearing a decontamination suit.

"For once a search warrant is a **good thing** for us," Fred nodded happily.

"Let's see, we've tied up a couple of FOH goons with duct tape and silly string," Lance counted off. "Poured cream corn into several lockers after we searched them, sent cherry bombs down the toilet, sent a live skunk into the air vents."

"AAAHH! OH MY GOD THE SMELL THE SMELL!" Screams could be heard.

"Isn't it great that these suits protect us from the smell?" Pyro asked in a cheerful voice. "Not to mention place used diapers and animal droppings in certain places. As well as some pickle brine and rancid mayonnaise into all the copiers and shredders."

"But did anyone find any evidence connecting the FOH to the virus?" Althea asked.

"No, but we did find a very nice Rolex that might be instrumental in the plot," Arcade whistled.

"Okay I'll buy that," Althea shrugged.

"We found something!" Xi remarked as he walked in with Wanda. "Right in a lab on the lowest level."

"It's here all right," Wanda got the papers. "Detailed notes by Creed himself on how to come up with a virus to kill mutants."

"Let's get these to Beast pronto," Althea said.

Three hours later…

"Those papers the Misfits found certainly helped," Hank told Lina as the X-Van made it's way to a quarantined area in Mutant Town. "It was practically a blueprint of how the virus was made. Combined with Wolverine's DNA it was as easy to put together a viable cure as…Well as easy as…"

"Putting together a three piece jigsaw puzzle?" Fred volunteered.

"That's right," Hank nodded. "Very astute of you Blob."

"Hey I haven't been watching all those episodes of Jeopardy for nothing," Fred said proudly.

Fred, Jean, Logan, Pietro, Hank, Lina and Kitty were on their way to a building holding sick mutants with the very first batch of antidote. They were all wearing decontamination suits just in case. "Remember not to pop your claws," Hank warned Logan.

"Yeah, yeah let's just get this over with," Logan waved.

They soon stopped and were allowed inside a building by several security guards. There were dozens of very sick mutants covered in red rashes and lesions lying on cots, shivering or sweating depending on the stages they were in.

"This is awful," Lina looked around.

"I'm amazed there haven't been any fatalities yet," Hank frowned at the misery around them. "If this works we will be very lucky."

"Doctor McCoy," A Japanese American human doctor walked up to him with a nurse. "I'm Doctor Sudaike. We spoke on the phone. I'm glad you got here. We need all the help we can get."

"You're human right?" Pietro asked. "And you volunteer to help mutants?"

"Not every doctor conveniently forgets his or her Hippocratic oath when a mutant is involved," Dr. Sudaike told him. "A lot of us believe every human life is precious, whether it's human or mutant."

"Doctor! It's Patient Number 34! She's going into some kind of cardiac arrest!" A nurse shouted.

"I think it's time we try that antidote Beast!" Jean said as they made their way to a very sick cat girl lying on a bed. She was convulsing.

"She's succumbing to the virus, it may be too late," Dr. Sudaike said as he tried to stabilize her.

"Maybe not!" Hank prepared the shot and injected it into the patient. She made a loud cry then collapsed. She lay there still. "I hope to God we're not too late."

"Look," Kitty pointed. "Her rash! It's starting to disappear already!"

"But how…?" Dr. Sudaike asked.

"Part of the antidote was based on my healing factor," Logan explained. "Which is pretty fast acting."

"We were able to extract it from Wolverine's blood," Lina explained.

"A lot of my blood," Logan groaned. "I still feel like a pin cushion."

"I don't care if it makes you feel like wearing a tutu and singing 'I'm a Little Teapot' if it will help save lives," Lina gave him a look.

"I'm with her on this one," Fred agreed.

"Yes Wolverine so suck it up," Jean said.

"Did she just tell me to 'suck it up'?" Logan blinked.

"Yes she did," Hank told him. "Now shut up and let us do our work here."

"She's breathing easier," The nurse said. "And her fever is going down."

"The rash is almost gone as well. You know what this means? We've got a cure!" Hank whooped as the rash rapily faded away on the cat girl.

"We'd better distribute the rest of this antidote to the rest of the patients," Dr. Sudaike nodded. "I think you just saved a lot of lives today."

"I dunno," Logan thought aloud. "Something about this is too easy. Too pat. You know what I mean?"

"Only because we went through all those dimensions and saw for ourselves what to do," Pietro said. "It's like we kind of had a cheat sheet on how to take on diseases that threaten mutant kind!"

"I still feel a little uneasy," Logan growled. "Like I said this just seems too easy but I can't put my finger on it."

"Less talking more work," Jean told him. "We have a lot of patients to work on."

"Oh goody, I get to play nursemaid," Pietro rolled his eyes.

"Just shut up and help Florence Mutantgale," Lina glared at him.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Come on! It's starting," Amara said. It was two days after Hank had found a cure for Legacy. The majority of the X-Men and Misfits were now at the Institute ready to watch a press conference on television.

Hank, Logan and Xavier were with Valarie Cooper and Dr. Sudaike on television. They were at a press conference at a hotel in downtown New York at a very prestigious hotel. "Yes, we now have come up with not only a cure for Legacy but a vaccine as well so there will be no further outbreak among the mutant population," Xavier spoke. "As we speak this cure is being shipped to and made available to hundreds of hospitals around the world."

"We also have proof that this virus was engineered by the FOH," Hank spoke on television. "These are copies of papers that clearly indicate Graydon Creed as one of the masterminds behind this plot. We are putting together a huge class action lawsuit as well as assisting the authorities in preparing criminal charges against Creed and the FOH. This heinous plan of genocide will not go unpunished."

"I gotta admit it's kind of nice being on the **other side** of a lawsuit for a change," Jean admitted as they watched.

"This is…" Xavier began when a sudden shout from Dr. Sudaike shocked them. The doctor shuddered violently and fell to the ground.

"Dr. Sudaike? Are you all right?" Hank asked, bending over him.

"N-no…Something is happening to me," Dr. Sudaike coughed. Suddenly his eyes turned completely black.

"AAAHHH!" Someone in the audience screamed. They saw that one of the reporters was getting a very nasty and very familiar rash. And she wasn't the only one.

"What's happening to me?" One reporter woman screamed as her arms grew longer and turned into wings. "Someone **do** something!"

Many of the other reporters and people in the room started to get red rashes on their bodies. Some were feverish and passed out. Others were panicking. And it was all on national television.

"What the hell is going on over there?" Althea yelled at the chaos on TV.

"I don't know," Rogue groaned as the television stations cut to commercial. "But something tells me we're gonna get the blame."

Back at the hotel the X-Men were rushed into another room while the chaos was going on outside. "I should be out there!" Hank said. "I can help…"

"Apparently the authorities believe we have helped **enough**. Okay what just happened?" Logan asked.

"Something we were obviously not prepared for," Xavier's eyes widened. "It appears the Legacy Virus has mutated. Now…Humans can catch it as well."

"And it seems to spread faster in them," Hank was shocked. "This is not good."

"No kidding!" Logan snapped. "Back to the drawing board Doc!"

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"It's only been **two hours** since the press conference and already we've got at least fifty cases of humans catching Legacy!" Valarie Cooper snapped at the men in Hank's lab. "And **three** of them have mutated into mutants! Dr. Sudiake now has weird eyes that have X-Ray vision! Which leads me to the question what the hell did you people **do?**"

Hank, Xavier, General Hawk, Fury, Roadblock and Logan looked at each other. "It appears we made a slight…miscalculation concerning the Legacy Virus," Hank coughed.

"And by **miscalculation** you mean…?" Valarie glared at him.

"There appears to have been a Trojan program within the virus," Hank told her. "It seems that the virus' true purpose was not to kill mutants after all but to accelerate the growth of the X-Gene in the human body."

"Simply speaking there is a virus within a virus," Xavier said. "It was specially coded to react to mutant antibodies. Virtually undetectable until it was activated."

"Whoever engineered this virus…" Hawk realized. "**Knew** this was going to happen! They **purposely** engineered it like this!"

"But I thought the FOH cooked this up!" Valerie shouted. "It doesn't make sense."

"I agree," Fury said. "Why would the FOH make a virus like this if it's real purpose is not to destroy mutant kind?"

"Unless they **didn't **know that the virus was supposed to…" Hank thought aloud.

"Sinister!" Hank, Logan, Xavier, Roadblock and Hawk said at the same time.

"**Now** it makes sense!" Hawk threw up his hands. "How could we have been so blind?"

"What?" Valerie's eye twitched. "What are you talking about now? What haven't you told me **this** time?"

"We got a tip a while back that both Creed and Stryker were working together on some project," Logan sighed. "And we also learned that Sinister was seen in the FOH building around the same time."

"Engineering a disease like this that works on a victim's genetics is just that low life's style," Roadblock growled. "We should have seen this coming by a mile!"

"Wait you knew about this and didn't tell me or act on it?" Valarie yelled.

"To be fair the source of our information wasn't exactly the most reliable," Hank admitted.

"And when **exactly **did you know about this?" Valarie asked.

"The day of the student's graduation," Hank coughed. "You remember, when the spaceship landed?"

"We were a bit…distracted then," Xavier admitted.

"You mean **you **were distracted," Hawk gave him a look.

"Look at these notes! It's right here in black and white!" Hank sifted through the notes. "There! It says that a man by the name of Dr. Baleful has been essential in creating the virus and has most of the research…Baleful! How could I have been so blind?"

"What do you mean?" Fury asked.

"Baleful is a synonym of the word **sinister,**" Hank told him. "He's the only man I know with the twisted genius to create something like this! Not to mention the same inflated ego to match!"

"He practically stamped his name all over this!" Xavier threw up his hands. "He must have been the one who called in the anonymous tip Roadblock!"

"But why would he do that?" Valarie asked.

"So we'd read the notes and make the so called antidote faster," Logan growled. "Which is what we did! I **knew** it! I knew something about the whole deal was too easy!"

"He must have purposely set those particular notes in a place where they would be found," Hawk put it together. "Only making sure we saw the basic part of the virus."

"While keeping the real virus, the Trojan Horse virus part secret," Hank groaned. "It was a very clever ruse."

"And we fell for it hook line and sinker," Roadblock groaned. "That Sinister is a stinker!"

"So in other words instead of killing mutants over a slow period of time this virus will now kill humans or evolve them into mutants in a **short** amount of time," Hawk groaned.

"How short?" Fury asked.

"If my calculations are correct, this virus will probably infect all of North America within two to three weeks," Hank said. "The entire planet in a two months. In six months…nearly the entire human population that does not have an X-Gene will be extinct."

"Extinct? As in **dead?**" Valarie's eye twitched.

"Uh yes…" Hank coughed.

"We just screwed up big time didn't we?" Logan groaned.

"I'm afraid so," Hank sighed.

"And you people wonder **why** the government and the public doesn't trust you?" Valarie gave them a look. "I take it the vaccine you made won't work on humans?"

"Without an accurate blue print of the original and complete virus design it would take weeks for us to even have a stable test vaccine," Hank said.

"We don't have weeks," Fury said. "You realize this means that we're all exposed to Legacy now? We could all end up dead within a matter of days. And something tells me the policy of quarantining mutants isn't going to work."

"The virus must obviously have mutated the minute we cured the first mutant patient," Hank said. "It must be some kind of airborne pathogen like the common cold."

"A short incubation period before symptoms spread," Xavier agreed.

"In other words this thing is going to make the bird flu look like a mild case of chicken pox," Fury grunted. "It's already out there."

"And we helped it," Xavier frowned. "Just like Sinister knew we would."

"The only chance we got is finding those original virus blue prints," Logan said. "But first…"

"We have to find Sinister," Hawk agreed.

"Yeah, this ought to be fun," Logan groaned.

**Next: Things go from bad to worse as the second phase of Legacy hits home. And the X-Men and Misfits are forced to seek out a few figures from their past in order to combat it. Will they be able to stop Legacy in time? How will it affect their lives and those they care about? Find out in the continuing saga! **


	78. Race Against Time

**Race Against Time**

"This is Trish Tilby with the Morning News. Our top story: Two more human lives were claimed by the Legacy Virus. This brings the death toll to twenty seven victims in two days. Although there has been a cure for mutants infected with the Legacy Virus, there is none for humans."

"Some humans are more resistant to the virus than others, while many succumb more quickly," Trish reported. "There are three stages. Stage One are painful cramps and dizziness with a high fever and the beginning of a rash. Stage Two the rash is widespread and the patient loses strength and gets chills. Stage three is another sharp increase in temperature so fast and sharp the patient's body cannot handle it. Nearly all control of organs is lost immediately and the subject dies. However if the patient has a dormant X-Gene it will mutate during either Stage One or Two and the patient will become a mutant and recover within a day."

"Because of the rapidness of the mutating disease mutants already in quarantine have been ordered to remain there until further ordered," Trish went on. "Also mutants all over the country are being rounded up and put into quarantine by the GRSO. But this has done nothing to stem the public's outcry and growing fears against mutants."

There was a shot of a huge bonfire and a small riot in a city. "There have been three separate riots in New York City, Denver and Los Angeles," Trish reported. "Anti-mutant protests and new calls for mutant segregation bills are popping up not only in America but all over the world. And for the first time, many officials in this country are seriously considering them."

"So we accidentally doomed the entire human race? Is that any reason for them to take it out on us?" Pyro shrugged. Many of the Misfits and X-Men were watching television.

"That's kind of their point," Jubilee said. "I hate to admit it but Shane was smart to leave when he did."

"I can't believe even we've been quarantined to the Institute," Althea grumbled. "We would have been just fine at the Pit."

"We all would have been fine if you were all still at the Pit," Peter told her.

"You're still mad at me for borrowing your scrub brush aren't you?" Todd blinked.

"In a word, YES!" Peter snapped. "No not really."

"Didn't think so," Todd grinned.

"I am mad at that, **and** that Avalanche is stuck here as well," Peter gave Lance a look.

"What you scared I'm going to go back to Kitty?" Lance rolled his eyes. "Yeah, **there's **a threat!"

"You have to admit he kind of has a point Colossus," Pietro said. "I mean he was with Willow and Nightshade. Why go back to ground round when you can have prime rib if you know what I mean?"

"Why don't you keep making comments like **that**, Quicksilver and we'll see **who** ends up being ground round if you know what **I **mean?" Kitty snapped.

"Come on guys this is getting so old," Bobby groaned. He glared at Alex who was sitting with his arm around Lorna. "Besides it's not like the Misfits have a monopoly on stealing hearts."

"And just what is that crack supposed to mean?" Alex gave him a look.

"Just what you **think** it means," Bobby snapped.

"You are such a loser," Alex said.

"And you're nothing like your brother," Bobby snapped.

"You might want to try another insult, Iceman," Todd quipped. "Most people consider not being like Cyclops a **good** thing!"

"And it's a good thing Cyclops is not here to hear that," Amara gave him a look.

"Shh! Amara! I wanna hear Alex and Bobby go at it," Tabitha shushed her.

"Oh right, those two are more interesting to watch," Amara realized.

"What the hell TV stinks anyway," Lance shut off the television. "Go for it Iceman. Remember, come up with an insult that actually **means **something."

"Wait, wait, wait a second…" Kitty interrupted, holding up her hand. She looked at Lance. "You're on **Bobby's** side?"

"Well yeah," Lance said. "I mean Alex did kind of steal his girl. No offense Havok."

"Considering your past history with Kitty, none taken," Alex rolled his eyes.

"Da, Havok was at fault here," Peter nodded. "Well only partially at fault."

"You **agree **with **him?"** Kitty snapped.

"Yes I do in part," Peter said. "Lorna is not exactly blameless either. It does take two to tango you know?"

"Or other activities," Amara grumbled.

"Amara we were off you a week ago," Lance told her. "Sunspot is a loser. Get over it. But back to the topic Peter is right. Lorna is the **real** culprit here. I mean she should have just waited but instead…"

"HOLD IT!" Kitty snapped. "The both of you think Lorna is to blame? How can you say that?"

"Maybe we just have a different perspective on the situation," Lance gave her a look.

"You have to admit we do have **some** experience when it comes to hearts being played like musical instruments," Peter looked at her as well.

"I don't care how much experience you idiots have!" Tabitha snapped. "What happened was no one's fault. The truth is Alex was there for her and Bobby wasn't."

"Not exactly by choice!" Kurt snapped.

"Thank you Kurt!" Bobby said. "At least one guy here understands!"

"Three, remember?" Lance pointed to him and Peter.

"Yeah I know," Bobby scratched his head. "You two agreeing on something…It's going to take a while for me to get used to that."

"Even I am shocked at the concept," Peter nodded.

"Look I hate to say this but it's not like you and Lorna were going steady," Jubilee said to Bobby.

"Says the girl who dumped me for a guy who ran off to be a space pirate!" Bobby snapped.

"After she dumped him," Todd pointed out. "There's a difference."

"Sorry but I am with Bobby too," Lina said. She looked at Lorna. "You knew how Bobby felt about you yet you jumped into Alex's arms the first chance you got! He was only gone for seven months!"

"It was a long time! We didn't know **what **happened to you!" Lorna protested. "For all we knew you were dead!"

"Way to have faith in me," Bobby grumbled.

"It's not about faith!" Kitty said. "It's about who was here for her and who wasn't."

"Kitty how can you say that?" Bobby yelled. "You were out there with the rest of us! And you contributed more than your share to the craziness if I recall!"

"Kitty's on Lorna's side, what a **shock**," Lance said sarcastically.

"Yeah **there's** a surprise," Fred groaned.

"Lorna is free to choose whoever she wants to date!" Wanda snapped at him.

"Yeah she's not anyone's property to fight over!" Angelica agreed.

"We're not talking about property! We're talking about a little common decency here!" Todd snapped at her.

"Yah you don't just dump someone behind their back as soon as things start getting a little rough," Kurt agreed.

"A **little** rough?" Tabitha shouted. "Do you have **any** idea what we went through here?"

"I **died** and came back from the dead for starters!" Sam snapped.

"So did Jean, get over it," Bobby said.

"Why don't **you** get over it?" Alex shouted at him.

"Why don't you **make me?"** Bobby stood up and threatened him.

"You think I **won't?"** Alex got up and made a threatening posture back.

"Just try Surfer Dude!" Bobby iced up. "Get ready for some cold hard butt whooping!"

"Bring it on!" Alex snapped powering up. "Let's see if **you** can take the **heat!**"

"Will you two break it up?" Remy snapped getting between them. "Don't we have **enough** problems around here?"

"And it sounds like we're about to get some more," Rogue heard a commotion down the hall. "That sounds like…No way!"

She ran down to see what was going on and to her horror her fears were confirmed. "What the hell is he doing **here?**"

"The feeling is mutual, **Sis,**" Graydon Creed snarled. He was covered in a rash and was in handcuffs. Logan, Scott and Low Light were escorting him none too gently.

"Isn't it obvious?" Low Light asked. "Your dear brother has got Legacy and since the Xavier Institute is technically a quarantine station…"

"Get your hands off me you filthy mutant!" Creed snarled.

"I'm not the one riddled with disease you slime ball," Low Light snarled. "Face it Creed, you are running out of friends. Even your buddy the Mayor was more than happy to allow us to take you into our custody."

"Well it looks like we found the one bright and shiny silver lining in the storm clouds," Logan said sarcastically. "Come on Creed we need to talk!"

"Oh this I gotta see," Rogue grumbled as she followed them.

Soon she was with them as well as Xavier in the detention cell area. Creed was behind the same bars Sunspot was once in. "You can't lock me up like this! I have rights!" Creed fumed. Then he started to cough.

"Yes, Mister Creed even **you** have rights," Xavier told him. "The irony is that you will get better treatment here than you would at a human hospital."

"And the bars are for my own **health **as well?" Creed sneered.

Logan popped his claws and Scott allowed a flash from his eyes to glow behind his visor. Rogue made a fist and punched it into her open palm. "What do **you** think?" Logan sneered back.

"Well I see that our latest patient has arrived," Hank walked in. "Now if you don't mind I believe I have some questions for him. Such as where are the notes for the original design of the Legacy Virus?'

"Go to hell Hairball!" Creed snapped. "I'd rather die than help you!"

"Maybe but would you also prefer if the entire **human race** died as well?" Rogue pointed out.

"No, but maybe we are better off dead than becoming your **slaves!**" Creed snapped at her. "I can't believe I am related to a disgusting creature like you!"

"Like you read my mind," Rogue snarled at him.

"Speaking of mind readers why don't you just yank the information you want out of my head if you want it so badly?" Creed snapped. "Not that you were going to do it anyway!"

"I don't invade other minds on whims, Mr. Creed," Xavier frowned. "I believe in allowing people their privacy. But in your case I am severely **tempted."**

"Listen Creed the only chance you have of surviving the Legacy Virus is if you give us those records," Hank told him. "Although I confess I would not be **too upset** if you succumbed to the very disease you intended to destroy us!"

"Let the cops deal with him," Logan grunted. "That weasel ain't worth our time."

"Like they'd care," Rogue told them. "He'd just rot in a cell which is fine with me."

"I bet Sabertooth might want to have a word with him," Low Light remarked. "You know find out if his boy is sick or not. Might want to put him out of his misery. You think Trinity can find a way to hack into Asteroid M's communications and leave a message?"

"I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" Creed screamed in terror. "Just don't call my father! That monster is **ten times** worse than any disease!"

"That's what we thought," Logan growled. "Now start by telling us where we can find a copy of the good doctor's notes!"

"What makes you think I know where they are?" Creed snapped.

"Because you're a lying two faced son of a bitch who'd backstab his own human grandmother to get what you want," Rogue got in his face. "And since you're Mystique's son odds are you think a **lot** alike. And I think that you'd sneak a copy of those notes for yourself even if you didn't even know exactly what they meant just in case you got double crossed or tried to take the credit for yourself. Am I getting close or would you like to see if I can get **Mommy** on the phone too?"

"They're in my office in a secret panel behind the portrait of Thomas Jefferson," Creed coughed. "The combination is 6, 22, 13, 8. But it won't do you any good. The doctor wrote them in some code. I couldn't decipher it."

"But maybe we can," Hank said. "We once had a linguistics genius here who before he passed on created a translating slash decoding program into our main computer in case something happened and he wasn't here. Looks like his foresight was very fortuitous indeed."

"Speaking of Foresight let's get him and the other Misfits as well as the X-Men on standby in the war room," Scott remarked. "I got a gut feeling we're going to need more than some notes to fight this thing."

&&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&&

A half hour later most of the X-Men and the Misfits were suited up and in the War Room waiting for news. They were passing the time complaining about their lives. A very common pastime.

"Just when my life couldn't suck any more I gotta live with my mutant hating half brother in my own home," Rogue grunted.

"Look at the bright side Chere," Remy remarked. "The way this virus is going you won't have to live with him for long."

"Don't talk like that," Angelica gave him a look. "Even if the creep does deserve it. A lot of humans don't!"

"Is that why Arcade isn't with you?" Kitty realized. "Does he…?"

"He's okay for now," Althea said. "But we all thought it would be best if he stayed here working on decoding the notes and other computer stuff. And also…you know. In case."

"Speaking of cases where's Nightcrawler?" Pyro looked around.

"I dunno he was here a while ago," Bobby remarked.

"I think he got a phone call or something," Todd added. "I heard him talking to someone on the phone earlier."

"Well he's late," Scott grumbled.

"Late for **what?** No one's here yet!" Lance snapped.

Xavier, Logan, Ororo and Hank walked in. "Thank you all for coming," Hank remarked.

"Well it's not like we had anything **better** to do," Pietro said sarcastically. "The Trumps cancelled the Yacht Party they invited us to."

"They **did?**" Pyro obviously did not catch the sarcasm. "Awww I was looking forward to that."

"Let's try to keep focused shall we?" Logan massaged his forehead indicating that he was getting a massive headache by being in the same room with Pyro. "As we were about to say we're decoding the notes as we speak. Trinity and Arcade…"

Just then Kurt walked into the room. "Where have **you** been Elf?" Logan snapped. "You're late!"

"It's Amanda," Kurt gasped. "She's contacted Legacy."

"Oh god no…" Kitty was shocked.

"What stage is she in?" Hank asked.

"Second," Kurt sat down, visibly shaken. "We have to **do** something!"

"How could she get Legacy?" Logan asked.

"It's my fault," They turned around and saw Dead Girl there. "I spent some time in Mutant Town before…"

"Before she moved in with me," Dr. Strange was with her. And so was Benny.

"You? You're the **friend?"** Pietro asked. "But why didn't you just tell us…?"

"Uh it's a bit awkward," Dr. Strange coughed.

"Awkward? Why would it be **awkward** that you were staying with Amanda and Dr. Strange unless…?" Rogue began. Then her eyes widened in realization. "Oh…"

"Oh?" Angelica asked. "Oh what? What's going on?"

"A better question would be what's going on in the good doctor's **bedroom**," Pietro smirked.

"Trust me, you **don't **want to know," Benny groaned.

"YOU ARE DATING DOCTOR STRANGE?" Scott yelled.

"Wait a minute that is like…" Kitty was stunned. "It's like…Ewww…"

"On so **many** levels," Wanda blinked.

"I am over nineteen you know," Dead Girl said. "I'm pretty sure I'm legal."

"PRETTY SURE?" Logan shouted. "I'M PRETTY SURE A CERTAIN SORCERER IS GONNA GET SOME OF HIS MAGIC CLIPPED!"

"Do you have any idea how **old **he is?" Scott shouted at Dead Girl. And then he turned to Dr. Strange. "And how **dead **she is?"

"Please I know people who date vampires all the time," Dr. Strange sighed. "Technically it's the same thing."

"No, no I don't think it is," Scott shook his head shouting in a high pitched voice. "It is **not **the same thing!"

"Sure it is," Pyro told him. "They're both dead and the both tend to nosh on people for a snack. It's **exactly** the same thing."

"But for some reason dating a vampire is a lot sexier than dating a zombie," Pietro remarked. "Right Storm?"

"Quicksilver how would you like to be **permanently **frozen from the **waist down?"** Ororo glared at him.

"Start on this one **first!**" Logan pointed to Dr. Strange.

"Yeah we all know Pietro never sees any **real **action," Todd remarked. Pietro glared at him.

"That's true," Wanda agreed.

"Yup he's been striking out a lot lately," Fred agreed.

"A lot? He never gets a hit period," Lance added.

"Hello? This is not Pick on Pietro Day!" Pietro snapped. "Today's topic is Horny Older Sorcerers and the Teenage Zombies Who Love Them!"

"I don't **eat** people," Dead Girl said defensively. "**Kill** them maybe but eat them…"

"CAN WE GET BACK ON TRACK HERE?" Kurt shouted. "MY GIRLFRIEND JUST CONTACTED A LIFE THREATENING DISEASE AND COULD DIE!"

"Well if she does I'm sure the Doc here can resurrect her as a zombie and you two could double date," Pietro quipped.

"How about he tries to resurrect **you!** You insensitive…" Kurt started to swear in German and tackled the unaware Pietro.

"Now I remember **why** we rarely invite outsiders into our meetings," Xavier rubbed his temple as everyone tried to either egg on or separate the two fighting boys. "ALL OF YOU STOP FIGHTING NOW!"

Everyone stopped. "To say that I am ashamed of your behavior is an understatement," Xavier glared at them. "**Surprised** no, ashamed yes!" He looked at Dr. Strange. "Well maybe **one** surprise."

"To be fair Professor, Strange did kind of drop a bomb on us," Lance pointed out.

"Look we can argue about this later! Amanda needs our help!" Kurt told them. "We're running out of time to save her and fighting each other is only going to make matters worse!"

"Wait if that's the case then why doesn't either Benny or Strange have Legacy as well?" Angelica asked. "They're human too."

"Would you believe we take special vitamins?" Benny coughed.

"No," Logan gave him a look.

"Some humans are simply more resistant than others," Dr. Strange shrugged. "I suspect that because we are Espers Benny and I have some immunity."

"But Amanda is an Esper too!" Kurt shouted. "That doesn't make sense."

"Unless…" Hank thought. "Xi I need you to confirm something. Kurt where's Amanda?"

"We brought her here," Benny said. "Didn't have the heart to drop her off at one of those hospitals and we figured with all the mutants being quarantined this place is as good as any. She's in the infirmary."

"Good, come on Xi," Hank said. "We don't have a minute to lose! Kurt take us there!"

"Why Xi?" Kurt began. Then his eyes widened. "You don't think…But that's impossible! Amanda can't be…"

"Better pray she is," Xi told him. "It might be her only chance of survival."

"What might be her only chance of survival?" Pyro asked as they teleported off.

"Doesn't your brain retain **any** information?" Rogue snapped at him.

"Not much," Pyro told her. "I have attention deficit disorder and I tend to lose track of things. Oooh! Look! I can see myself in the ceiling!" Pyro noticed that the surface of the ceiling was indeed reflective. He started making faces and giggled manically.

"Oh yeah," Todd noticed this too and started making faces as well. Fred and Bobby did so as well.

"Lord help us the future of the human race is **doomed!"** Rogue moaned. "That's it! Game over! Doomed!"

"Rogue the human race is **not**…" Ororo began. Then she noticed both Remy and Pietro admiring themselves in the mirror. "I see your point."

"Speaking of **points,**" Logan growled and unsheathed his claws. "I'd like to make a few to the good doctor here."

"Here we go again," Benny gulped. "I think I'll go find the little magician's room before I have an accident."

"For once we are not angry at you, Benny," Rina told him.

"Yes and I would like it to **stay **that way," Benny inched out of the room. "You're on your own for this one Doc!"

"Barumpbump you coward!" Doctor Strange snapped. He then noticed Logan was growling at him. "On the other hand there is something to be said for a strategic retreat."

FLASH!

Just then Amanda appeared with Xi in the middle of the war room table. She was wearing a hospital gown and had a slight red rash on her body. "Oh…" Xi blinked.

FLASH!

"Did Xi and Amanda…?" Angelica began.

"Yes," Everyone said at the same time.

"AAHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE BOY'S BATHROOM?" Benny's loud scream could be heard.

FLASH!

"That was awkward," Xi blinked. "Amanda perhaps you should…"

FLASH!

They were gone again. Then Kurt and Hank teleported in. "Have you guys seen…?" Kurt began.

"Amanda and Xi?" Scott finished. "They were here."

"Twice," Rina said.

"In case you haven't figured it out, Miss Sefton had a dormant X-Gene," Hank sighed. "Past tense."

FLASH!

"Okay I'm starting to get dizzy," Xi let go of Amanda and his eyes spun around. "Ooh! I can see myself in the floor…Or is that the ceiling?"

"Amanda!" Kurt grabbed onto his girlfriend. "Please control…"

FLASH!

"Here we go again," Rogue quipped. "Where'd they go **this** time?"

"Maybe back to the infirmary?" Larry asked. Xi was still spinning around. "That seems the most logical."

"Or we could just wait here for them to come back," Hank shrugged.

"Professor!" Jubilee ran in. "Amanda and Kurt are on the roof!"

"Oh dear," Hank sighed.

"Everyone set your teleportation watches to follow," Althea said. Soon the Misfits had transported the X-Men to the front lawn. Kurt was holding an unconscious Amanda on the roof and there was a strong breeze blowing.

"Kurt just teleport Amanda down here before…" Hank called out.

FLASH!

"She teleports away again," Hank sighed. Suddenly a hospital gown floated down on top of his head. "Oh my… This situation has become potentially embarrassing."

"I know what **that's** like," Kitty rolled her eyes.

"We'd better use Cerebro to track her down," Xavier sighed as they went inside the mansion.

"Track who down?" Jamie asked them as they went in.

"Amanda and Kurt," Kitty told him. "Amanda had an X-Gene! Now she can teleport like Kurt! Only with flashes instead of brimstone."

"So that's what they were doing in the Mayor's office," Jamie scratched his head.

"WHAT?" Everyone shouted.

"Mayor Hodge was on TV a minute ago giving some state of the city address when suddenly Kurt and Amanda teleported in on top of his desk," Jamie said. "And Amanda was unconscious and naked!"

"**Potentially **embarrassing?" Logan looked at Hank. "Oh for crying out loud! Rev up the teleportation watches! We gotta go after them!"

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"Well this day is just one **fun **surprise after another," Rogue quipped about an hour and a half later back in the war room with the reassembled Misfits and X-Men. "And look, it's not even noon yet."

"Actually it's twelve thirty five," Todd looked at his watch. He looked at Kurt who was staring off into space. "So uh, Elf. What happened after the Mayor's office?"

"Oh you know…" Kurt said in a dazed voice. "The cemetery. The park. The shoe store at the mall. A couple of backyards. You know I never knew how many children had birthdays on the same day. And how many parents would hire entertainers so they could entertain large crowds of children at these parties."

"Heh, heh, heh…" Kitty smirked.

"But the real highlight of the trip was when we teleported right into her parents' living room!" Kurt went on. "And guess what? Her parents were there. They wanted to surprise Amanda by coming back home early. They were the ones surprised."

"So that's why your tail is singed huh?" Todd looked at Kurt's tail which was smoking slightly.

"Ya, Mrs. Sefton can throw a mean fire bolt," Kurt nodded. Kitty's snickering made him glare. "You are really enjoying this aren't you?"

"You **bet** I am," Kitty told him. "Remember that little **flu ride** you took me on about two years ago? Oh yeah, Karma is so cool!"

"Cool? COOL? I WAS NEARLY NIGHTCRAWLER BARBECUE!" Kurt yelled at him.

"Oh calm down Kurt, Rogue groaned. "She barely winged you. And once we got there and explained the situation her parents forgot all about killing you."

"Yes thanks to **you **pointing out about Dr. Strange and his affair with Dead Girl," Kurt groaned. "And then she started throwing fireballs at him. And her father grabbing the pitchfork…"

"You're welcome by the way," Rogue said. "Besides Amanda's fine and resting in the infirmary. She'll pull through. And so will Dr. Strange once those burns heal."

"Now that we have all had our daily cup of drama," Hank sighed. "Can we all get back to the **real** reason we all assembled here in the **first **place?"

"Oh right," Pyro nodded. "What was that again?"

"The human race is so doomed," Rogue groaned.

"All right ladies and gentlemen! Fresh off the presses! Here's the notes you've all been waiting for," Shipwreck walked in and handed them to Hank. "We got 'em translated and everything."

"About time," Logan said. "Okay Beast what's the story? How do we beat this thing?"

"According to this, the virus was set into host bodies," Hank explained. "It would accelerate their mutations but they would not get the disease itself. Only carry the disease. In order to make a viable antidote I need blood and DNA samples from all of them."

"So we get the original infected hosts and then we make a cure?" Althea asked.

"That is the plan," Hank nodded.

"How are we going to find these hosts?" Logan asked. "We don't even know who they are."

"We do now," Shipwreck told them. "Trinity's just deciphered some of the codes. One is a little kid. A girl named Clarice Fergison. The second is Lisa Lizer."

"Wait, Lisa Lizer?" Remy held up his hand. "The crazy no telepathy Lisa Lizer from Neverland?"

"One and the same," Shipwreck said. "She's one of the three people infected."

"Three? Who's the third?" Todd asked.

"You're not gonna **believe** this," Shipwreck groaned as he handed him the paper.

"You gotta be kidding me!" Todd shouted as he read it. "Him?"

"Who?" Hank took the paper and looked at it. "HIM?"

"Him," Shipwreck nodded.

"Who is **him?**" Scott looked at it. "Oh it's **that **him! It figures!"

"What him?" Jean looked at the paper. "HIM! IT HAD TO BE HIM!"

"Of all the people in the world it just **had** to be him," Todd shook his head.

"Him who?" Logan asked. Todd showed it to him. "HIM?"

"Him," Althea nodded as she saw the paper.

"Him?" Ororo asked. Todd showed her the paper. **"Him!"**

"Him? Him who? Which him are we talking about here?" Kurt asked. Todd showed him the paper. "Oh **that,** him. Why am I not shocked at this?"

"What are you all blabbing about? Why don't you come out and say who...?" Rogue began until Todd gave her the paper. "Oh...Him! It figures!"

"Why did it have to be **him?"** Jean groaned. She glared as Todd snickered. "You are never going to let me live this down are you?"

"What do you think?" Todd gave her a look.

"Okay we need to split up into two teams," Scott said. "The Misfits will go to Mutant Town and locate Lisa Lizer. Foresight you'd better stay behind because her powers will interfere with your telepathy."

"Understandable," Larry nodded. "I'll stay with Xavier so we can find the girl the FOH had."

"That leaves us with target number three…" Scott growled. "Oh this is going to be fun."

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At the FOH building in downtown Bayville…

The halls were all but deserted. Only one room was occupied by ten people and nine of them were sick as dogs. Two of them were on cots. And one of them was running around like a mental case.

"I still say you guys should go to a hospital," Duncan Matthews grumbled as he finished emptying out the last bedpan.

"Damn doctors won't do anything you know that…" One FOH man grumbled and coughed.

"Well why don't you go anyway and leave me to do some work around here?" Duncan snapped.

"Oh so they'll miss your charming bedside manner?" Kurt appeared into the room. Scott, Jean, Rogue, Kitty, Peter and Remy entered by the doorway.

"MUTANTS! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK BY MUTANTS!" Duncan shouted. "Damn it! The one time I left the house without my gun! Shoot them! Shoot them! What are you waiting for? Shoot them!"

"I don't even have the strength to lift my gun, much less shoot it!" One bedridden FOH man glared at him.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll kill us," Another FOH man moaned. The others were too sick to do anything.

Duncan tried to flee but Jean caught him in her telekinesis. "Not so fast Duncan."

"Let me go you mutie witch!" Duncan snapped. "You're not going to give **me **your diseased germs!"

"That's because you already **have** the virus dumb ass," Scott growled. "You're a host!"

"What?" Duncan gasped. "That's a lie you…"

"Duncan take a look around!" Jean snapped. "Of all the FOH here you're the only one **not **sick!"

"Yeah I wondered about that…" An FOH man coughed on the floor.

"Look for yourselves," Remy took out some sheets of paper and handed them out to the FOH and Duncan. "Gambit made copies."

"What does this mean?" Duncan snapped as he read it.

"Oh sorry," Remy drawled. "Gambit forget. Let Shadowcat explain the big words to you."

"These are copies of Graydon Creed's notes on the Legacy Virus," Kitty said. "And how he spread it throughout the population. He did it by infecting two mutants and one human. Three guesses who the human was?"

"This is a lie! Creed would never do something like this!" Duncan shouted.

"I'm afraid he did," Jack, one of Creed's oldest friends shuffled in. He too was suffering from Legacy. "He told me about it himself. I'm sorry Duncan."

"Jack you got to **do** something!" Duncan shouted. "These mutants are supposed to be quarantined and…"

"And so is this building now," Jack sighed. "Everyone but you is sick from Legacy. The Health Department is already closing the building down."

"So you're coming with us so we can find a cure," Scott folded his arms. "Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way."

"Drop Dead Mutie!" Duncan, released from Jean's hold tried to throw a punch at him. Scott easily saw it coming and knocked him out with one punch to the jaw.

"Don't tell Wolverine I said this but I like it when they choose the hard way," Scott grinned.

&&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&&

An hour later. "Well Duncan was a piece of cake," Jean said as the X-Men and Misfits once again met in the war room. "What about Lizer?"

"It wasn't that hard," Xi remarked. "When we got to Mutant Town there were already some telepaths venting their frustrations at her powers. And the news about her unwitting role in the Legacy Virus didn't help."

"How did they figure out it was her?" Scott asked.

"Just like when everything else goes wrong. When Toad opened his big mouth," Lance gave Todd a look.

"Should have known that one," Scott realized.

"Let's just say I don't think she'll be welcomed back in Mutant Town for a long time," Lance groaned. "Even though the whole thing wasn't her fault."

"We put her in section H 3," Logan said. "It's the lowest level of the mansion and we made sure there was a power dampener put in the room so her powers shouldn't affect the telepaths too much. As long as you stay upstairs that is."

"That's two down, what about the third?" Lance asked.

"We found Clarice Fergison using Cerebro," Xavier said hesitantly.

"Why do I have a feeling it's not going to be easy from your tone of voice?" Remy groaned.

"That is an understatement," Xavier said. "She is on Asteroid M."

"I knew it!" Remy threw up his hands. "Of course she would be there! Where **else** would she be?"

"I knew things were going too smoothly for us," Rogue groaned. "I just knew it."

"Time for another **fun** field trip into outer space," Lance said sarcastically.

"Perhaps we can avoid unnecessary conflict," Xavier said. "If I could talk to Magneto and make him understand the gravity of the situation…"

"Oh **sure,**" Logan drawled. "We'll just give him a call on the phone and let him know we're coming. And when he asks **why** we'll tell him that he holds the key to saving the entire human race from extinction! Yeah he'll be **real** helpful!"

"I see your point, Logan," Xavier sighed.

**Next: The gang prepares for an invasion of Avalon. But will they be prepared for what they will face? And not all of it is from their enemies! Find out what happens next time! **


	79. The Clock Is Ticking

**The Clock is Ticking**

"So we're really gonna do it?" Lance asked Rogue asked as they walked down the hallway. "We're really gonna invade Avalon."

"That's the plan," Rogue nodded. "Too bad we can't just use the Mass Device to teleport in there and grab the kid."

"Trinity tried but Magneto's got some kind of shielding running interference," Lance told her. "He must have figured out some kind of frequency to block it or something."

"It figures. Nothing's **ever **easy for us," Rogue sighed. "Logan wanted me to help Hank pack the medical supplies for the trip. Looks like we're gonna need 'em. At least Kurt lucked out with Amanda. She moved out of the infirmary and into the guest bedroom since she was doing so well."

"Might as well see how Angel is doing too," Lance shrugged. "I've heard through the grapevine that for some reason when Lifeline went to see him again things didn't go well."

"What do you mean?" Rogue asked.

"He couldn't heal him," Lance said softly. "Didn't you know?"

It then occurred to Rogue that she hadn't been to see Warren since the Massacre. Since he had lost his wings. "No…I didn't…" She said softly.

She nearly kicked herself for being so insensitive and decided to do something about it. "Come on, let's go see him."

"Okay," Lance nodded. He was clearly thinking something but chose not to say it.

They both made their way to the infirmary wing of the Institute. "Hey Beast!" Rogue called out. "I'm here for the supplies."

"Ah good," Hank was in uniform taking a look at his notes. "I'm just scanning some papers for a last minute phone conference with Moira at Muir Island. Then we will be on our way."

"Good while you're doing that we can talk to Warren and keep him company," Rogue said.

"I see," Hank cautiously put down the papers.

"I'm the official Misfit representative," Lance grinned. "Seeing as I'm the least likely to drive him nuts."

"I feel so awful about not visiting him before," Rogue sighed. "I should have been here sooner."

"Don't be too hard on yourself Rogue," Hank sighed with a weariness she had never seen before in his eyes. "It's not like we **encouraged** visitors. You see…Warren…Hasn't been himself since…" He stopped and sighed again.

"What do you mean?" Lance asked.

"Beast?" Rogue raised an eyebrow. "What's going on?"

"Warren's state of mind has been…fragile at best," Hank told her. "A lot of times we had to sedate him, for his own good."

"I heard he wouldn't let Lifeline heal him," Lance said. "Is that possible?"

"I'm afraid what you have heard is true," Hank said. "It's not only possible it's…"

CRASH!

Shocked the three mutants burst into one of the new patient recovery rooms only to find a horrific sight. Warren's arms were bleeding, obviously from self inflicted wounds due to the scalpel in his hand. His chest was bare and even through the bandages they could see the stubs where his wings once were. He tried to stab himself again when Hank lunged at him.

"WARREN! NO!" Hank roared as he tried to restrain him.

"Just let me do it!" Warren shouted. "Just let me end this!"

"Help me restrain him!" Hank said. He saw out of the corner of his eye that Rogue was starting to remove a glove. "Rogue! Don't use your touch to knock him out! That might make things worse! Use your super strength to help me subdue…"

"NO! LET ME DIE!" Warren screamed like a wounded animal.

Somehow Warren managed to get loose enough to just knick Hank on his arm. "That's enough!" Rogue grabbed Warren and pried the weapon out of his hands. "Beast are you…?"

"I am fine, only a scratch," Hank grunted. "Avalanche! Help me restrain him to the bed!"

Even with Rogue and Hank's strength it was still a struggle to restrain Warren as he thrashed about. "I WANT OUT! HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE DONE ENOUGH TO ME! YOU'RE KILLING ME! JUST LET ME DIE! LET ME DIE!"

"Warren knock it off!" Rogue snapped, realizing that if she had touched him she would have probably have absorbed some of his madness as well.

"This isn't a school! It's a den of thieves and **murderers** and liars!" Warren screamed as he strained against his bonds. "Murderers! Murderers everywhere! And Xavier is the biggest most dangerous one of them all! I NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME BACK! THIS PLACE IS A DEATH TRAP! A DEATH TRAP! GET AWAY WHILE YOU CAN! OR YOU'LL END UP LIKE ME!"

"Beast to Xavier," Hank hit the nearest communication intercom. "We have a situation in the infirmary."

"I understand and I'm on my way," Xavier reported.

"I need you two to leave now," Hank said. "The Professor and I will take it from here."

"But what about your…" Rogue began.

"I'm fine," Hank grabbed a band aid set from a shelf and went to tend to Warren. "I've had paper cuts that were more bothersome."

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT MURDERER!" Warren shouted as Rogue and Lance backed out of the infirmary. "GET ME OUT OF HERE! I HAVE RIGHTS YOU KNOW! I'M STILL WARREN WORTHINGTON THE THIRD AND YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I AM WARREN WORTHINGTON THE THIRD! I'M WARREN WORTHINGTON THE THIRD!"

Both couldn't leave the infirmary fast enough. They stopped in the hallway where they couldn't hear the screaming. "Man that was rough," Lance was shocked.

"And I always thought **I'd** be the first one to end up needing a straightjacket around here," Rogue muttered, clearly shocked at what they had seen.

"Poor bastard," Lance sighed. "I know my powers suck sometimes but if I ever lost them I don't know what I'd do..."

"Yeah...I used to think if I ever lost my powers I'd celebrate," Rogue sighed. "But now with all the stuff they have now if I really wanted to turn my powers off for a bit. I do feel a little bit better about 'em."

"That suit Trinity made you to condition your powers helps," Lance nodded.

"I wish we could help Warren," Rogue sighed. "I feel pretty bad for the Professor too. I mean he convinces Angel to return only to have his wings clipped. If I were him I'd wanna crawl into a hole and die. I don't think I could live with myself even if it wasn't my fault."

"What did he mean by Xavier being a murderer?" Lance thought aloud. "Thief and liar maybe. It's a stretch but I guess I can see **that**, but murderer? I can't see it. What do you think that meant?"

"How should I know?" Rogue snapped at him. "Maybe he's just thinking about himself! It's obvious Warren's wheels aren't going at full tilt!"

"Geeze! I was just **asking!** Don't bite my head off!" Lance said defensively.

"Sorry," Rogue apologized. "It's just seeing him like that…"

"Yeah it got to me too," Lance sighed. "Reminds me of this one kid I met in Juvie. Couldn't take it. He went totally nuts."

"When were you in juvenile hall?" Rogue asked.

"I was picked up by the cops three days after…After," Lance hesitated. "After the fire. You know. The one I…"

"Oh," Rogue remembered the story of Lance's abuse.

"They didn't pin me with anything like that," Lance said. "Not the fire or the deaths. I got caught stealing food from a grocery store and they put me in there. That was the real irony of it. I admit I didn't put up much of a fight to go there. At least in Juvie I had a roof over my head and food. And I thought I deserved it. Well you get the picture."

Lance paused before going on. "So I'm sitting in my room…Wasn't even a cell or anything. Just a regular room they locked up at night. Place didn't even have any bars or barbed wire. And I'm thinking about well…What happened and I figure it's just my bad luck or something when they put this other kid in with me. He was five years older than I was and he stole his dad's car to impress some girl. And I guess his dad threw him in jail overnight just to teach him a lesson."

Lance kept going. "I think the guy's name was Jeff or something. You could tell he was a rich kid, pretty well off. Well the second they lock the door for light's out he starts ranting like crazy. Going off on why his old man was so harsh on him. How he was being treated like a criminal and his rights were being violated. He kept going on and on about how life was so unfair. I just wanted him to shut up so I could get some sleep but I didn't say anything because he was getting real agitated. You know? Like crazy people get?"

"I am **more** than familiar with how that works," Rogue gave him a look. "I used to live with you and the Brotherhood, remember?"

"Yeah but this guy made Pietro and Toad's rants sound like a freaking comedy," Lance told her. "Now that I think about it some of them were kind of funny. Anyway he finally starts screaming and literally starts banging his fists and head against the door. He just wigged out right there. I'm just sitting there watching him in shock. This guy was freaking out over a stupid **joyride** and here I was worried that I'd get pinned with a murder rap! It took three guards and two doctors to sedate him and drag him out of the room. Last I heard they had to take him to some mental hospital and he was there for at least a year or something."

"God..." Rogue was shocked.

"Now here's where it gets ironic," Lance told her. "The next morning I figure out the cops know everything about what I did and I might as well confess and get it over with when boom! A lady from Social Services shows up and tells me that my being in Juvenile Hall was some clerical mix up and what with the fire and all it never should have happened. She was one of those 'Save the World and all the Stray Children' types and was ranting for hours about how I was wronged by the system. The next thing I knew I was eating ice cream at a pretty nice foster home. I didn't stay there long but…"

"You mean they didn't even **know**…?" Rogue began.

"They knew those bastards I killed were dead but they thought they caused the fire themselves," Lance told her. "Place had a lot of candles and faulty wiring and it was written up by the fire inspector once. They didn't exactly call out the NCI department to find out what happened. Who cares about a couple of poor dumb drunks who burn themselves to death in a crappy house and only had a foster kid because they paid someone in a corrupt foster system?"

"Wow," Rogue blinked. "That's some story."

"Yeah and I learned something too," Lance said. "Two things actually. One it's always best to keep your mouth shut."

"And the other?" Rogue asked.

"Some people can take it, others can't," Lance shrugged. "Warren obviously can't."

"Don't say things like that!" Rogue had an urge to defend her friend. "He just lost his family, his girlfriend and on top of it all his wings! You wouldn't be acting so great if you lost an arm or a leg or something!"

"Warren would be **fine** right now and have his wings back if he'd just let Lifeline heal him," Lance told her. "But for some reason he's fighting it. But there's no reason to. Okay so his family and the love of his life is dead. But he got freaking closure and got to talk to them one last time thanks to Dead Girl which is more than **most **of us ever had! And I know the loss still hurts like hell but he's had **months **to work on that and he ought to know by now that we're…Okay **you** X-Men are his family and let them help him. You know what I mean."

"You're right about that," Rogue agreed. "Harsh as it is, you're right. Damn this is all messed up! What the hell is happening to us? Things were supposed to get **better **when we got back, not worse!"

Before Lance could respond suddenly Kitty phased through the ceiling. "Whoa!" She nearly landed on top of them.

"I've heard of raining cats and dogs but never Kittys," Lance remarked.

"Kitty!" Rogue said. "Take the stairs next time!"

"Sorry I guess I must have spaced out for a second," Kitty picked herself up off the floor. "Guys there's bad news…Xavier just found out…."

"About Angel flipping out. We know," Lance said. "We were there. He just tried to kill himself!"

"What?" Kitty was shocked. "He tried to…Not him too!"

"Too?" Rogue asked. "Someone else tried to commit suicide?"

"No, worse," Kitty sighed. "I mean something really bad just happened upstairs." She looked at Lance. "Lance I don't know how to tell you this but…A lot of the Joes…Arcade…They've got rashes on their arms. I think they've got Legacy."

"No…" Lance shook in shock. "Not Spirit…Or Cover Girl or the others…Not them."

"All the adults except for Low Light and Shipwreck have rashes," Kitty said. "And Arcade has a rash too. Low Light I don't think can get Legacy since he's a mutant now and Shipwreck seems okay. But…Oh Lance I'm so sorry…"

"Are you sure?" Rogue asked. Kitty nodded sadly. "Oh God no…"

"Spirit, Roadblock, The Blind Master, Cover Girl…Arcade…They've become family to me," Lance said as he leaned on the wall for support. "Spirit's the closest thing I've had to a father. I've never really had that before. If I lost them…I don't wanna think about it."

"**Don't** think about," Rogue gripped his shoulders. "We've already got one nutcase on our hands we don't need another."

"You're right," Lance nodded. "We **have **to save them. We **will **save them. We just saved mutants from dying, we can save the Joes from dying."

"Right," Rogue nodded. "Come on let's go see them. Then we're going to Asteroid M and get that blood sample for the cure."

"Got ya," Lance's face darkened. "I don't care how many of Magneto's goons I gotta fight. I'm **not **going to let my family die!"

"We'll get that cure Lance," Kitty said. "Even if we have to take on Magneto himself."

"With our luck we probably will," Rogue groaned.

"Fine with me," Lance snarled. "Like I said my family is not going to die without a fight. And if I have to take Magneto down, so much the better!"

&&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&&

About the same time as the action in the infirmary was going on, Jubilee was in the hangar. She saw Bobby in his X-Men uniform getting ready for action. "Hey, so you're going already?"

"You know me," Bobby gave her a grin. "Ready for action."

"Wish I could be going with you but once again I gotta stay behind," Jubilee gave him a grin.

"Jubes I'm sorry about…You know, us leaving like we did," Bobby said. "I guess I never…"

"Bobby you don't owe **me** an apology," Jubilee stopped him. "I admit I've been a little angry and jealous at you guys in the main team but…I understand. Besides it's not like my team didn't see enough action back here."

"Yeah and you saved mutant kind too," Bobby nodded. He got a bit moody. "Lost my girl, saved the universe."

"You think you have it bad?" Jubilee said. "My former boyfriend ran off to be a space pirate! A space pirate! How does anyone deal with **that?**"

"Well at least **you **got to dump your ex and will never see him again," Bobby grumbled. "He's not rubbing his new relationship in your face every day."

"Boy are we a couple of winners in love huh?" Jubilee groaned.

"No wonder we get along so well," Bobby agreed. "Even if we don't well you know? You **don't **do you?"

"No, not really," Jubilee admitted. "And I know you're still crazy for Lorna even if she did…"

"Yeah," Bobby sighed.

"Look Bobby I'm not saying what Lorna did to you was right," Jubilee said. "It's just I can see both sides of the situation ya know? I really hate taking sides to this. I mean it's not like the good old days with the whole Kitty, Lance and Peter thing."

"That's for sure," Bobby groaned. "I actually kind of miss those days. I got quite a bit of money in the betting pool. Not as much as Multiple but still."

"What I'm trying to say is…" Jubilee sighed. "Even though I'm not in love with you…I well sort of love you. As a friend."

"Not your **best friend?"** Bobby raised an eyebrow.

"**That **is my hairdryer," Jubilee gave him a look.

"Mine's the TV," Bobby grinned. "Well at least it's nice to know I'm on speaking terms with **one** of my ex's."

"Things will work out," Jubilee told him. "Just do me a favor and don't get yourself killed or disappear for **another **seven months okay? I don't think I could take it."

"I'll try not to," Bobby said. "I'm still way behind on my TV viewing from the last time!"

The members of the main team started to filter in. "Well here's my ride," Bobby gave Jubilee a hug. "Take care okay?"

"You too," Jubilee hugged back. "Hurry home." She walked away.

Kurt and Todd walked in and saw the scene. "Okay so does that mean…?" Todd began.

"We're just friends," Bobby told them. "Just commiserating on our own failed love lives. Speaking of which how's Amanda adjusting to being a mutant?"

"Pretty well, of course she has had plenty of experience adjusting to life as a sorceress so…" Kurt shrugged. "Six of one half dozen of the other. In a few days she is going back into training with Dr. Strange."

"Not gonna stay here and work on her powers?" Todd asked. "Cause considering what happened the other day it looks like she could use some help."

"It was an overload caused by the virus," Kurt gave him a look. "She's better now and more in control. Strange is familiar with mutant powers as well as magic powers and can help her."

"If she really needs help she can always come back," Bobby said. The other Misfits walked in. All of them looked grim. "What's wrong with the Misfits?"

"Didn't you know?" Todd asked. "Arcade and most of the Misfit Handlers just got the first signs of Legacy."

"Oh no," Kurt gasped. "Toad I am so sorry."

"Save your pity for Magneto and any other mutant that gets in our way," Todd told him. "The Joes have been closer to death than this. We're not going to let anything happen to them."

"All of them have it?" Scott asked. He and the rest of the team had overheard the conversation.

"No, Low Light is fine obviously and Shipwreck is still his same insane self," Althea told him. "Probably all the alcohol he drinks. Kills any virus within a mile of his breath."

"And time is off the essence," Xavier wheeled in wearing a black and gold uniform along with his hovering wheelchair. "We cannot delay any longer."

"The situation is getting worse," Hank sighed. "There have been twenty nine confirmed deaths due to Legacy and three confirmed new mutants. Of course Cerebro just reported ten new mutants so the official accounts are a bit inaccurate."

"And now the Misfit Handlers have Legacy along with Arcade," Xi reported. "We must do what we can to stop this!"

"And I want to help," Alex walked in with Lorna.

"I want to go too," Lorna said.

"No way! Senior X-Men only!" Bobby snapped.

"If you're going up against Magneto you'll need all the help you can get," Alex pointed out. "And having another metal manipulator could come in handy."

"They've got a point Charles," Logan said. "Those two are good together. And we do need the extra firepower."

"Logan this isn't a place for training…" Xavier began.

"They're **already** trained," Logan snapped, interrupting him. "Believe me, they're just as good as any member of the main team. Maybe even better. They got a crash course in survival when you guys were gone and they passed with flying colors. I say they come."

"It's your call Cyclops," Althea said. "Personally I think we could use the help. We called the Joes and they'll keep an eye on the place while we're gone. Well the ones that aren't sick anyway."

"You're not seriously considering it?" Bobby snapped at Scott.

"Yes I am," Scott said. "Like it or not, we could use Polaris' help and Havok's extra firepower. All right. But I want to make one thing perfectly clear. This is a mission. I don't want to see any infighting." He glared at Bobby. "From **anyone**. Got it?"

There were no objections. "Let's move out team," Scott said as they boarded the Misfit One.

"Here we go again," Remy grumbled. "Let the fun begin!"

&&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&&

An hour later…

"So far so good," Scott said. Using the cloaking technology of the Shi'ar that had been placed in the Misfit One they had managed to bypass the automated defenses of Asteroid M. Instead of docking inside the hangar they managed to find a loosely guarded part of the ventilation system using the scanning devices. Trinity were able to park the cloaked ship as close as possible underneath the asteroid complex and sent out a vacuum sealed tube to the side of the ship. Logan and Rina crossed into the tube first and were able to cut through the side of the asteroid using their claws, making a hole just big enough for the team to climb in. Xavier was left behind in the Misfit One with Trinity to monitor the situation. He was able to psychically cloak the team as best he could from the mutant telepaths on the Asteroid.

Trinity was also able to direct the team to a small computer room that only had a few mutants in it. None of them were psychics so it was easy for Jean to use her telepathy to knock them out. They got out of the vent where Kitty and Althea went to work on the computers to find a map of the ship. "I didn't know you were good with computers as well Wavedancer," Scott said.

"I may not be a genius like my sisters but I've picked up a thing or two," Althea remarked. "We're going to try and find the girl using the computer. This should tell us where she is. Strange, according to this nearly half the mutants here are in some kind of lockdown or quarantine. In fact this part of Avalon seems to be off limits to a good number of the mutant population here."

"I wonder why?" Alex mused.

"Who cares?" Logan grunted. "Less resistance for us. Where's Sabertooth and Solitaire? They could throw a cramp in our mission."

"Looks like Solitaire and Sabertooth are out on some mission of their own," Kitty used the computer to try and find the girl. "So at least we won't be running into them. Found her. Clarice Fergison is in Sector 34. It seems to be one of the sectors under quarantined and…That's odd."

"What?" Jean said.

"There's some kind of weird energy pattern that indicates some kind of power restraining field in this sector here," Kitty pointed. "But it's not in the floor plans. There's nothing there."

"Or it could be a secret room that Magneto is hiding for some reason," Scott frowned. "We should check it out."

"Agreed. Shadowcat, Xi, Toad, Gambit, Spyder, Nightcrawler come with me," Althea said. "I want to see what's so important in that room. For all we know it might be the Bio-Pulse or a new weapon."

"They may not need the Bio Pulse if the Legacy Virus succeeds," Angelica said.

"Obliviously the kid is our first priority," Logan grunted. "But if we can take down the Bio Pulse or some other weapon that would set a lot of people's minds at ease including mine."

"And the entire human population on the planet," Remy agreed.

"The rest of us will get the girl," Scott said. "Meet back here in one hour."

"Right," Althea nodded. "Let's use the vents again to see where it goes." Her team took to the vents while the others went through the corridors.

"Something's not right here," Logan grunted after a while. "We've been running down these hallways for ten minutes and there's not a sniff of an army. We should have run into **somebody** by now."

"That's fine with me. I'm not in the mood for a fight just yet. At least until I see my father," Wanda grumbled. Pietro who had run ahead to scout things out zipped back. "Find anything?"

"Guys I've been trying like fifteen doors here and they're all locked," Pietro said. "It's like Magneto has locked down half the mutants here. Something is really wrong."

"Maybe there was a revolt of some kind?" Pyro asked.

"Hey guys we just found something," Althea reported in. "You'll never believe it…We found…" Suddenly there was static on the communicator.

"Wavedancer! Wavedancer report!" Scott shouted. Suddenly he heard the faint hissing sound of gas. He looked up and saw it coming from the vents. "Gas! Storm!"

"I'll blow the gas away!" Ororo used her powers to blow the gas back. Suddenly a huge metal wall loomed up behind her. Then another one loomed up in front of the team trapping them. "We're trapped!"

"No problem!" Lorna used her powers to make a door in the metal wall. "I told you my powers would come in handy!"

"They know we're here!" Jean said. "We've got to…"

Then something loud and pulsating attacked her ears. "AAHHH!"

"Too loud…" Hank shouted trying to cover his ears. "Some kind of sonic incapacitator built into the walls…" He grunted before everything went black.

Everything was blissfully dark and quiet until Hank heard someone laugh. "Well, well, well…The Mighty X-Men and the Amazing Misfits at my feet. How delightful."

The X-Men and Misfits stirred. They found themselves bound and shackled with inhibitor collars. Fabian Cortez stood there with Emplate and a few dozen other mutants. Cortez had a gold crown on his forehead and a long black cape. "Did you really think you could just sneak in here and invade my home?" He sneered.

"Well **that **was the plan," Lance grumbled as he woke up. He looked around and saw that Xavier and the Triplets were bound as well but Althea's team was nowhere to be found.

"Sorry guys," Daria said.

"They had better sensors and telepaths than we thought," Quinn said.

"Not to mention a tricky telepath with a very loud machine," Brittany grumbled.

"If you are looking for your friends you won't find them," Emplate snorted. "They're dead. We made sure of that."

"Don't be so sure," Pyro snarled. "You thought I was dead but I'm back!"

"Look who we have here?" Cortez swaggered. "If it isn't the royal family coming for a visit with Daddy. It's been a while Polaris."

"Not long enough," Polaris snarled. "Aren't you a little old to be playing dress up? Where's my father?"

"Magneto is no more," Cortez swaggered. "I rule Avalon now."

"What? How the hell did **that** happen?" Lorna's jaw dropped.

"Like finding out the President of the United States of America has been replaced by a rabid chicken that likes to push buttons," Fred blinked. "And the big red one that launches all the bombs is right there in front of him covered in chicken feed."

"Okay this situation just went from really bad to really **worse,"** Bobby said.

"Just when things were going so well too," Lance said sarcastically.

**Okay so how did Cortez of all people end up in control of Avalon? And will the gang be able to deal with him? Find out next chapter!**

Pyro walked in. "When's the next chapter? Why can't we find out now?"

**Sorry, you have to wait.**

"I don't wanna wait," Pyro pouted.

**Tough. You gotta wait like everyone else.**

"I wanna know what happens!" Pyro shouted. "I am in this thing after all!"

**Just be patient. **

"Don't wanna!" Pyro folded his arm. "I wanna know what happens and until I do I'm gonna keep asking!"

**Do any other writers have this problem or is it just me? **

"Can you tell me now?" Pyro asked. "Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now?"

**Where is my mallet when I need it?**

"Can you tell me now?" Pyro asked making puppy dog eyes. "Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now?"

**You're just going to keep doing this aren't you?**

"You betcha!" Pyro grinned. "Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now? Can you tell me now?"

**Oh boy this is gonna take a while. Hopefully not too long. See you next time.**

"Please, please tell me now," Pyro batted his eyes. "Please, please tell me now. Please, please, please, please, please tell me now with marshmellows and a cherry on top? Oh and sprinkles. I love sprinkles. Or are they called jimmies? I've heard them both. So which is it? Sprinkles or jimmies? Is it a regional thing? Like milkshakes are sometimes called cabinets in Rhode Island. But why cabinets? Milkshakes aren't made of wood. Were they once made out of wood? And why is Rhode Island called Rhode Island when it's not really and island? Or is it? I don't have a map and..."

WHACK!

**Oh there's my mallet. Still works too. See you next time folks. **


	80. The Rise And Fall Of Cortez

**The Rise and Fall of Cortez**

If there was one thing Fabian Cortez knew the value of, it was information and how to use it.

That was why he secretly had a few paid contacts not only on Avalon but in Mutant Town as well. He learned about the Legacy Virus before it was even broadcast.

At first Cortez was a bit panicked. His first instincts of course were self preservation. Especially since he noticed a few mutants were already getting rashes. He didn't know what to do or how to tell Magneto.

Then he noticed Magneto had a rash too.

It was completely by accident. He had just happened to be near the medical section of Avalon. He wanted to 'borrow' a few small items and drugs for not only his personal use but to use some of the drugs in order to bribe or pay off a few mutants. He saw Mender was there giving Magneto a checkup. He made sure he was unseen by hiding behind a door.

"I don't know the cause of this rash," Mender sighed. "Several other people have come to me complaining about it. And now some of them have fever and chills. It completely baffles me."

"Could it be the flu?" Magneto asked.

"Not likely," I tried using my healing abilities on one patient but…" She sighed. "I felt like I was getting violently ill myself. It took all the strength I had to remove the virus from me. I don't dare try that again. I'm still a little under the weather."

As Magneto was giving Mender orders on how to combat this virus, Cortez snuck out the back and let the information sink in.

Magneto had contacted a mysterious disease. And only he knew exactly what it was.

Cortez smiled as the wheels of his imagination turned and formulated a plan. He had done it. His years of scheming, butt kissing and plotting had finally come to fruition. After all the pain and humiliation he had finally found a way to get the one thing he really wanted.

He finally figured out how to rule Avalon for himself.

The first thing he did was to get most of the transmissions of television shut down. At least from the recreation rooms. It wasn't that hard, Magneto himself had installed devices that could control the television monitors and signals so that only the communications room would still receive them. Magneto probably didn't want to take any chances that any of his followers would ever be swayed by a speech from human loving Xavier or any of his ilk.

It was easy to accomplish because two of the mutants responsible for the communications of the ship had become sick with the same disease Magneto had. The others left behind were on Cortez's pay roll. And since the majority of mutants only watched reality shows, soap operas and cartoons no one really complained.

Then he went to Magneto in his private quarters. He told Magneto of what he had just learned about the Legacy Virus. "I should have known the humans would think of something as vile as this," Magneto growled.

"And by now more than half of Avalon must be infected," Cortez told him. "In fact, you don't look that well yourself."

"No…" Magneto suddenly felt very weak. "I feel…drained…Tired…"

"Here my lord," Cortez grinned. "Let me **help** you."

Suddenly Magneto felt his energy draining even more. It didn't take him long to figure out what was happening. "Cortez!" He gasped as he fell to his knees, his energy being drained quickly as evidenced by a glowing light around him going straight into Cortez. "What are you doing?"

"I believe you would call it natural selection," Cortez told him. "The strong weeding out the **weak.**"

Magneto tried to use his powers to defend himself but found that he couldn't. To his horror the rash spread over his body even faster. "My powers! I can't use them! What…What are you **doing?"**

"You never should have overlooked my genius, Magneto," Cortez said. "Or underappreciated my powers. I can not only speed up your metabolism giving you strength and enhancing your powers but I can alter it slightly depending on how much energy I drain. Making you more susceptible to illnesses and the like. Oh and of course the occasional heavy blunt object."

"What…" Magneto gasped as Cortez grabbed a heavy candlestick and whacked him on the head, leaving him unconscious on the floor.

"Hmm, I suppose that Clue game wasn't so inaccurate after all," Cortez mused. "You **can** kill someone with a candlestick. But fortunately for you…I need you alive. For now anyway. Now how to handle you without catching your disease? That is a pickle. I suppose being with you has already contaminated me. But I can minimize the chances by using the energy I stole from you to temporarily boost my immune system. Yes Magneto, I can charge things other than mutant powers. Not that you have ever asked…"

"That's what really gets me you know?" Cortez went on as he grabbed Magneto to stash him away. "For years I was nothing but loyal to you. I stood up for you. Defended you. Told you exactly who was plotting behind your back and whatever else I could find out. And what did I get for it? How was I rewarded for my loyalty? I was laughed at! Shunned! Made a fool out of contstanty by you and your subordinates! And worse, I was snubbed for every single promotion or chance that came my way."

"Then again maybe I shouldn't take it so personally considering your track record," Cortez snarled. "Look how you treated your own children and your first group, the Brotherhood. Granted they weren't exactly the sharpest knives in the drawer but you didn't exactly value their loyalty either did you?"

"You just tossed them aside like the garbage they were," Cortez ranted on. "The ironic thing is that they might have been useful before you got your hands on them. But in true fashion you ruined whatever potential they had. So I wouldn't give me any grief about me being a so called traitor, Magneto. The truth is, you have betrayed more than a handful of mutants just to get what you want. You would have done this to me if our situations were reversed. The difference is I'm just going to get rid of you before you get rid of me. Unlike the others I have something that separates me from them, ambition. I'm not going to give my life for no reason for some lunatic's insane cause."

"The odd thing is that I understand you and emulate you even more than your own ungrateful children," Cortez added. "So you should be proud Magneto that at least **someone** has listened to you and is willing to make whatever sacrifices necessary to ensure the future of mutantkind."

Cortez dragged him into Magneto's personal laboratory. He strapped him to a table and injected him with drugs to make sure that he would not wake up and use his mutant abilities. "This should keep you out of trouble," Cortez grinned. "At least until I've fully taken control of Avalon."

With Magneto out of the way Cortez went to work. After making a few preparations he contacted Mender and Amelia Voight and told them that he had learned of something called the Legacy Virus. That it was a disease created by humans to destroy mutant kind. "And the worst part is that we were tricked into bringing this disease right to our doorstep!" He told her.

"How?" Mender asked.

"The humans somehow poured the virus in chemical form into the sewers and infected the Morlocks," Cortez told her.

"That does make sense," Mender thought. "This Legacy Virus does match the symptoms of Magneto and several mutants here. And the illness did start after the Morlocks were brought on Avalon."

"Are any Morlocks infected?" Amelia asked.

"No," Mender looked puzzled. "That's odd."

"Not really if you consider the fact that the Morlocks are used to wallowing in filth," Cortez said sharply. "They've simply developed a higher resistance to disease from living in the sewers and eating garbage."

"There were some…bacteria found on the Morlocks I examined the day they came aboard," Mender reluctantly agreed.

"Well that **proves** it!" Cortez said. "The Morlocks should be quarantined **immediately!** Not to mention Spyke and Celandine. They have had the most contact with them."

"We'll have to run this by Magneto," Amelia told him.

"Of course," Cortez nodded. "I've already informed him of…"

"Attention all mutants of Avalon," Magneto's voice boomed from the communications system. "This is Magneto. We are under a grave attack by the human race! But it is not an attack of conventional weapons. No, the cowardly humans have purposely inflicted a virus designed to wipe out the entire mutant race. Observe."

Mutants all over Avalon gasped at the images shown. Cortez appeared to gasp outwardly but inwardly he was smirking. He not only personally chose the most graphic images of the disease and the public's treatment of mutants that had it, but he had managed to use a voice synthesizer to make his voice sound like Magneto's and place the recording on a timer. Therefore 'Magneto's' next announcement did not surprise him at all.

"The humans' treachery knows no boundaries for I am also affected by this disease! But fear not! I have sequestered myself in my personal quarters and I am working on a cure. I can not be disturbed because I do not wish any more mutants to be infected with my disease. I am also ordering all Morlocks and other mutants affected with this Legacy Virus to be placed in Quarantine. Until this crisis is over I am placing Fabian Cortez as my second in command and to run Avalon under my orders. Obey him as if you would me. These orders are to be carried out **immediately.** That is all."

"I don't believe it…" Amelia gasped. "He put **you **in charge?"

"He obviously has faith in my abilities," Cortez bristled. "Besides I'm not one of his children who betrayed him or like Legion who was plotting against him from the beginning. Lord Magneto has given his orders. They are to be carried out immediately."

He left the room, now came the hard part. Convincing everyone that Magneto was still giving the orders. Fortunately for him Sabertooth and Solitaire were on Earth on some mission. He knew he didn't stand a chance against those two so he contacted them and said that Magneto wanted them to search and destroy any and all FOH bases and offices on the west coast. He knew both of them had enough bloodlust and hatred to happily comply with these orders no matter who gave them.

They would certainly be out of his hair for quite a while. Now what he needed were a few loyal followers. And he knew just who to contact first. Someone equally fed up with his current station in life.

"Congratulations on your promotion," Empath told Cortez briskly as Cortez summoned him into the briefing room. "I guess desperate times call for desperate measures."

"Indeed," Cortez decided to let the insult slide. "Which is why I am asking you to be my second in command."

"You're joking?" Empath blinked.

"I need someone I can trust to help lead the Acolytes," Cortez told him. "Obviously Spyke and his diseased girlfriend are ineligible. Mender must focus on curing this horrible disease and treating our people. Voight is too emotional. Sabertooth and Solitaire are tracking down leads on Earth…Where's Mastermind?"

"How should I know? The man hasn't been seen in weeks. Last I heard he was on Earth," Empath shrugged. "On some kind of personal business."

"Good," That fear was quickly laid rest in Cortez's mind. Of course he had taken the precaution of placing a telepathy blocking device in a headband he had placed on his head so that none of the telepaths on Avalon would read his mind. Still it didn't hurt to be safe. "Well that just leaves you as the only viable candidate left."

"I suppose it does," Empath realized quickly that maybe Cortez being in charge was not such a bad thing after all. At least for him.

"I need you to pick the most loyal, healthy Acolytes and prepare them for battle," Cortez said. "Sooner or later the X-Men might try to invade, thinking we are weak. Also to quarantine the others infected."

"We may have to shut down half of Avalon to keep it from spreading," Empath grinned. "But it will be worth it to see the look on Spyke's face when he finally realizes he's nothing more than worthless sewer slime."

Yes Cortez had chosen well.

Very well.

It didn't take long for quarantine to be in effect on Avalon. And shortly after that Cortez happened to watch a certain press conference. (Privately of course. After all as leader it was his duty to learn what was happening on Earth and to decide which news was best for his people.)

This made Cortez even bolder. Now he knew that all that had to happen was let one mutant die of the disease and the rest of the mutants on Avalon would recover.

And he knew who that one mutant would be.

Yes everything was falling into place perfectly.

He would speed up the disease in Magneto. Magneto would die of the disease and the secondary affects of Legacy would take their course on Avalon. Of course Magneto would be seen as a martyr, heroically giving his life for the cause.

Not to mention naming Cortez as his heir.

Cortez would rally Avalon setting anti-human sentiments into a fevered pitch as Earth suffered the effects of Legacy below them. If things went according to plan he wouldn't even need the Bio-Pulse to wipe out humanity. The virus would do his work for him within a year. During that time he would have his loyal troops attack and further weaken the human governments. Not to mention destroy any traitors to the mutant race such as those blasted X-Men and annoying Misfits.

His first reaction was to also kill off Spyke and the Morlocks that had been recruited as well. Then on thinking again he realized they would be more valuable as ground troops. He would send them to Earth to destroy and conquer in his name. Not only banishing them from Avalon but making them do his dirty work in one fell swoop.

Not to mention if they happened to die in battle or accidentally get in the way of a few nuclear missiles he was planning to bombard the planet with…Oh well, that was what pawns were for right? No great loss.

Within two years the war between the humans and the mutants would end, with the mutants the victors inheriting their rightful place as the dominant species on the planet and he inheriting his rightful place as the Dominant Mutant of all Mutants.

He would become the lord and master of the world as he knew it was his rightful destiny. Not to mention the destiny to have several attractive companions and breed a new dynasty of heirs.

All he had to do was get rid of the competition. Starting with the X-Men and Misfits. And he knew that sooner or later they would show up for some reason at his doorstep. And when they did, he would be ready for them.

Which he was.

Cortez's future as Ruler of the Earth seemed all but assured in his eyes. All that remained was writing the place cards at his coronation. And he couldn't wait for that to happen.

Little did he realize it wasn't going to come true.

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"So what do you think this is?" Spyder asked as they stood in front of the door. Althea's team had crawled out of the vents and were now looking at the closed entrance of the mysterious room.

"You think it's a secret lab of some kind?" Remy asked.

"Only one way to find out," Kitty told him. She tried to phase in but jumped backwards. "Ow! That hurts! There's some kind of energy through those walls."

"Nightcrawler what about you?" Todd asked. "Can't you just port in there and open the door?"

"I need to know where I'm going," Kurt told him. "I can't just teleport wherever I want unless I want to end up stuck in a wall or something."

"How about you end up as a fried fur ball?"

ZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP

Kurt barely dodged a vicious bolt of lightning. "Yikes!"

"Crap!" Althea snapped as she whirled around. "We've got company!"

"Hold it right there!" Amelia Voight stood there with a rifle and a familiar looking woman with white hair, a red and black uniform and an electric glow around her. "Unless you want to call attention to the entire base I suggest you stand down."

"Why not just let me zap them?" The woman asked.

"Like I said we don't want anyone to know we're here without a good reason," Amelia told her. "Cortez might get suspicious since this area is off limits!"

"I remember you," Xi looked at the strange woman. "You were at Neverland. One of the Morlocks we encountered in Chicago."

"Electric Eve," She nodded. "I remember you too. You are Solitaire's little brother. So what the hell are you doing here? Attacking us while Magneto is at his weakest? It figures. The **one thing** Cortez was right about!"

"What are you talking about?" Kitty asked. "Oh wait I guess it does look like we're attacking but what do you mean about Magneto?"

"Eve!" Amelia gave her friend a look. "Don't blurt out our situation to the enemy!" Then she thought. "If they are the enemy. All right tell us what you're doing here."

"Looking for a cure to Legacy," Althea said. "Do you want to fight or would you rather see what's behind Door Number One?"

"Huh?" Kurt blinked and looked at her. "What did you say?"

"They must want to know what is in this room too," Remy explained. "Otherwise they'd have called down everyone in Avalon by now."

"Very perceptive," Eve folded her arms. "That jerk Cortez has taken over Avalon and we're trying to find out what he did to Magneto."

"What?" Spyder cried out. "Cortez is in charge not Magneto? And who's Cortez?"

"Real wimpy guy who's ten times a suck up as Quicksilver," Kurt explained. "The Blind Master beat him once in a fight."

"He also got beat up by a bunch of other people, well pretty much whoever he came in contact with from what I've heard from Polaris," Althea said. "So how did that suck up end up in charge? And why is half of Avalon shut down? Did he have something to do with it?"

"Yeah and he locked up all the other Morlocks as well as Celandine and Spyke," Eve grunted. "He blamed us for the sickness! I was just lucky enough to run into Amelia here before I got caught."

"What? That's crazy!" Todd said. "Legacy was put in hosts but none of them were Morlocks!"

"Yeah one of 'em was human," Kurt added. "Granted not much of a human being but none the less..."

"You obviously know a lot more about the situation than we do," Amelia put her weapon down.

"And you obviously are going against Cortez's orders," Kitty pointed at Eve.

"I never did trust that bastard so I thought I'd do some investigation," Amelia told them. "And something tells me that what we want is right behind that door. It's Magneto's personal lab."

"Wait a minute…" Althea blinked. "I wonder. Do you know the code to get inside?"

"No one has the code except Magneto and Mender," Amelia said. "But I wouldn't put it past Cortez to figure it out."

"The little weasel was always good at getting into places and finding out thing he shouldn't," Eve grunted. "What about you Master Thief? Can't you figure the code out?"

"Yes if Gambit had a few hours and knowledge about some of the booby traps that might or might not be there if Gambit gets the code wrong," Remy told her. "But time is something none of us have."

"I can't phase in there's too much weird energy in the walls," Kitty said. "Nightcrawler you're just going to have to take a chance teleporting and let us in."

"All right," Kurt grumbled. He said a quick silent prayer and did so. A few seconds later the door opened. "Come in quick! You're not going to believe what I found!"

They rushed in and saw a very ill Magneto covered in a red rash strapped to the table. "Magneto has Legacy?" Remy gasped. "Why is Gambit not surprised?"

"Get him some water! By the looks of it he must have been here for days!" Voight checked him over. "His symptoms are worse than all the others infected with the disease!"

"Looks like he's in stage three all right," Althea said. "Now we know how Cortez was able to take over Avalon."

"And knowing is a real good reason to invest in bomb proof bunkers," Spyder said. "Especially with that maniac's itchy trigger finger."

"Wait you people are suffering from Legacy up here?" Todd asked. "How is that possible when…"

"Avalon's not connected to Earth," Althea said. "Remember? The mutant population here is separate from the planet so of course mutants here are still suffering from Legacy."

"But if that's true why didn't Cortez just **tell** him…?" Kitty began. "Or why didn't they just watch the news and…"

"News? All television programs were blacked out a week ago," Amelia told them. "Cortez said Magneto…No it must have been Cortez that somehow shut down the receivers on Avalon!"

"Why would he do that?" Spyder asked.

"Hello? The guy's a power hungry **maniac!"** Todd snapped. "Withholding information to get and retain control over people is one of the oldest tricks in the book! Magneto did it all the time! Kind of ironic actually."

"But what about all the other mutants that are sick?" Spyder asked.

"A few less mutants to challenge his power," Althea shrugged. "And those that survived…"

"What are you people **talking** about?" Amelia asked as she unstrapped Magneto from the table.

"A cure for mutant Legacy was found a few days ago," Althea said. "Unfortunately it backfired and now it only affects humans."

"You have a **cure?"** Amelia's eyes widened.

"Not on us," Kurt grumbled.

"Technically yes," Remy said. "Remember after they found the cure we all got inoculated with antibodies?"

"That's right," Althea said. "Look you let's make a deal, we'll help you cure Magneto and the others if you help us cure the humans."

"How can we help you?" Amelia asked.

"The original virus was divided up into three hosts," Remy explained. "One of them is in a little girl named Clarice. She's here on Avalon."

"I know her," Amelia said. "She's the one Sabertooth rescued from an FOH lab."

"Yeah and his son infected her with the Legacy Virus in order to kill mutants," Todd told her. "But now he's the one dying."

"Like Magneto," Amelia looked at her leader.

"As much as Gambit hates to admit it, we need to save Magneto," Remy grumbled.

"Hey guys we just found something," Althea reported in on her communicator. "You'll never believe it…We found…"

SWISH!

The doors suddenly slammed shut. "We must have triggered some kind of self defense system!" Eve shouted. "This room is booby trapped!"

"Everyone hang on to me!" Kitty shouted. "NOW!"

"But what about the electricity?" Kurt asked as he held onto her hand.

"I'll try to absorb as much as I can!" Eve told him.

"Hang on!" Kitty gritted her teeth.

BOOM!

Just in time Kitty phased everyone through the floor. Voight and Remy held onto Magneto as well. They landed in an abandoned storage facility. "That was a rocky ride," Kitty grumbled. "Oh my hair is full of static cling!"

"You should be grateful that's the only thing you got," Eve gave her a look. "If I wasn't here you would all be Kentucky Fried Mutants by now!"

"Probably a little surprise Cortez left if anyone got too suspicious," Voight grumbled.

"They'll think that was us," Xi said. "It will buy us some time." He gave Amelia a look. "Especially if someone confirms it."

"Good thinking," Amelia nodded. "I'll call it in." She turned on her communicator. "Cortez. Voight here. We've killed an enemy squad trying to infiltrate a room in section C-12. There were no survivors."

"Did they get **inside** the room?" Cortez's voice was worried.

"Apparently but they must have triggered some kind of defense system," Amelia lied. "The room was pretty much destroyed when we got here except for a few stragglers trying to escape. We took care of them."

"So there's nothing left?" Cortez's voice sounded hopeful.

"Nothing," Amelia told him. "Except a few charred corpses."

"Excellent! Contain the fire and have a clean up crew destroy the bodies immediately! Cortez out!" He shut off the intercom.

"I think I'm starting to get the picture here," Eve grunted.

"Yeah," Todd nodded. "What picture is that?"

"Oh brother," Spyder groaned. "How you ever got to be a ninja is beyond me."

"Hey is it me or is Magneto looking a little better?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah the rash is going down," Todd remarked. "And he's breathing a little easier."

"How could he get better so fast?" Eve asked. "We didn't give him anything!"

"You guys didn't have to. We were inoculated with the antidote," Althea said. "Think about it. Legacy is a viral infection. Highly contagious but it also works the other way. If one mutant is cured with this disease the secondary program kicks in."

"Secondary program?" Amelia asked.

"It was dreamed up by Sinister," Althea said. "Posing as an FOH scientist on orders from Apocalypse."

"I…Should have…known…" Magneto grunted quietly.

"Magneto!" Eve said.

"Are you all right?" Amelia propped up her leader.

"Cortez…betrayed me," He grunted. "Drained my energy…took my strength so I couldn't use my powers. And made me succumb to the virus faster…"

"That bastard!" Amelia grunted. "He'll pay for this!"

"I am…feeling better now," Magneto sighed. "But I'm still weak."

"He's probably got our friends by now too," Remy thought. "Fortunately Monsiuer Cortez believes we are dead. So we have the element of surprise."

"And boy will Cortez be surprised and **dead!"** Spyder agreed.

"I could not...have said it better myself," Magneto grunted.

"We're going to need some back up," Althea nodded.

"Yeah and I bet I know just where we can get some," Todd agreed. "Hey Eve, how good are you with locks?"

"Pretty good but I bet your friend here is even better," Eve grinned pointing at Remy.

"Gambit admits he may like this plan of Toad's for once," Remy grinned.

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Back in the throne room...

"Make sure those cameras are rolling," Cortez ordered some mutants nearby. "I want everyone on Avalon to witness my **triumph!** Not to mention I can send this to Earth as proof of my victory. Hmmm…Perhaps I could even make a few dollars marketing this on DVD?"

"The only thing you are gonna **make** is my top ten list for **butt kicking!"** Rogue snarled as she strained to free herself from her shackles. However the mutant inhibitor collar she wore made it impossible to do so.

"Tut tut, such language from a lady," Cortez sneered. "Oh wait you're **Mystique's **daughter. What do you know about being a lady?"

Pietro scoffed at this. "He's got a point Rogue."

"Oh yes laugh it up Nancy Boy!" Cortez snapped. "Here we have the entire lineage of Magneto. Hard to believe that our glorious former leader left **you** as his heirs. The Daddy's Boy Crybaby." He looked at Wanda. "The Psychopath Witch." He looked at Rogue and Lorna. "And Experiment Numbers One and Two! Yeah **that's **a legacy!"

"What do you mean **former **leader?" Scott asked.

"Magneto is dead!" Cortez told him. "He died of Legacy! He died of the virus your human masters infected us with!" A savage roar went up from Empath and several other mutants around him. "And you will all die as well!"

"Oh isn't **that** a cheery thought?" Alex rolled his eyes.

"Some help **you **were," Bobby glared at him.

"Look who's talking," Alex shot back.

"Great we're all about to die and all those two can think about is fighing over Polaris," Peter groaned.

"Please tell us that we were not **that** bad," Lance agreed. "Or worse."

"You were worse," Scott said.

"I told you **not** to tell me," Lance said to him.

"Don't worry mates," Pyro grinned. "Al and the others are probably working on a rescue as we speak."

"You are even more delusional than normal," Cortez grunted. "And considering the fact that even for a mutant you **aren't normal** that is saying something."

"Oh and you are?" Pyro quipped back. "You're nuttier than Nutsy McNutter, the Nuttiest nut job in Nutville! Who are you again?"

"I'm the guy who's **eyebrows** you set on fire," Cortez fumed.

"Oh yeah," Pyro remembered. "You're the one that screams like a chicken!"

"I DO **NOT **SCREAM LIKE A CHICKEN!" Cortez shouted. However his tone sounded vaguely fowl. "WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS **SAY** THAT?"

"Buck, buck, buckaw!" Pietro mocked. "Buck! Buck! Buc-kawwww!"

"I swear I don't know which one of you I want to **kill **first," Cortez twitched. "Yes I do, Xavier!"

"Uh why me?" Xavier gulped as Cortez pulled out a sharp knife.

"Because you are the one responsible for creating the X-Men and bringing together these nuts in the **first place!"** Cortez threatened him with the knife.

"He's got you there Charley," Pyro remarked.

"Pyro," Hank looked at him. "Please don't help."

"You people are **beyond** help!" Cortez snapped. "Race Traitors all of you! Say goodbye Xavier, for you shall be the first to perish!" He lifted his knife to cut Xavier.

Only to have it violently knocked out of his hand by a spike. "AAAHHH!" Cortez held his bleeding hand. "WHAT?"

"Sorry to cut it so close," Althea said. She and her team were accompanied by Evan, Yvonne, Eve and Amelia as well as a group of mutants. "But as you can see we made it in time."

"Told you they weren't dead," Pyro grinned.

"Treason!" Cortez shouted. "You dare attack your leader you filthy diseased freaks!"

"There's treason all right!" Amelia snapped. "But **you're** the traitor Cortez!"

"Yeah you didn't even tell us that Legacy was cured!" Eve shouted.

"WHAT?" Emplate roared as he turned on Cortez. "You didn't say anything about **that!**"

"Lies! These are all lies!" Cortez shouted. "Destroy them now!"

"The only one lying here is you Cortez!" A telepath shouted. "I read the Misfits' minds! There is a cure for Legacy for mutants! It's been in effect for nearly a week!"

This caused a stir among the mutants standing with Cortez. "Yes the truth is that Legacy was created by Sinister! And its true purpose was to wipe out humans!" Xi shouted. "After killing only one mutant! Or being cured! That would cause a chain reaction to change the virus to it's true purpose!"

"Don't listen to that traitor!" Cortez shouted. "Who are you going to believe? Them or me? A pack of flat scan loving savages or me, a man you know and trust? Ask yourselves! Who is the most trustworthy here?"

"Do you really have to **ask?**" Shiva, the six armed mutant drew her swords out and pointed them at Cortez. Several other mutants joined in brandishing weapons or turning their powers on him.

"That was kind of a dumb question wasn't it?" Pyro said cheerfully.

"Don't you ever shut up?" Cortez sneered at him.

"No, but then again I don't purposely hide information like certain deadly viruses having a cure so that I can get ultimate control and power and boss people around all the time," Pyro added. "I have much better things to do with my time like writing, playing video games and committing arson. Uh I mean setting up campfires for boy scouts! Yeah...That's the ticket..."

"You knew? You **knew** there was a cure and that now only humans were affected and you said **nothing?**" Joanna roared at Cortez. "You purposely let us live in fear and suffering?"

"He was willing to let most of us die so he could take over!" Spoor shouted in rage.

"No…That's not true!" Cortez shouted. "Only one mutant had to die before the virus' true power would be used! This virus will make us stronger! More powerful! So we could wipe out the remaining human race!"

"And which mutant did you **intend **to sacrifice for this plan?" Magneto floated in, already recovering from the virus.

"Uh oh," Cortez gulped. Visions of his coronation as ruler of the world began to dim rather quickly in his mind. They were rapidly being replaced by other, more violent visions.

"You are so **dead**, Cortez," Evan told him.

"It was bad enough you blamed the Legacy Virus on the Morlocks but to try and **murder** our leader?" Amelia gave him a look.

"Murder!" Empath was shocked.

"Yeah you're gonna **love** this," Todd had made his way to the others and was freeing them from their shackles. "Your buddy Cortez here purposely speeded up the virus in Magneto and made sure he'd bite the bullet making him the head honcho around here."

"Unfortunately for you Cortez, I proved to be more resilient than you planned. Not to mention these mutants here were already inoculated with the antidote," Magneto said.

"It's a weird virus," Spyder said. "Just us being here will cure every mutant affected with Legacy."

"How does that work?" Pyro asked as he was freed.

"Dunno," Todd shrugged. "Just does."

"Of course Cortez knew about all this days ago but decided to keep that information to himself," Remy told them.

"Bet you hadn't wished you televised your little speech **now,** huh Cortez?" Pyro mocked. "Told you he was nuts!"

"You should know," Evan gave him a look.

"That's right!" Pyro said proudly, the insult clearly lost on him.

"But…But the Morlocks! The Morlocks made you sick!" Cortez was now grasping at straws. "They are dangerous!"

"Only to you," Evan glared at him.

"There are other mutants who were willing to use their powers to give me the strength I needed to recover," Magneto growled. "Most of them former Morlocks."

"Not to mention myself," Mender walked in with Clarice holding her hand. "This is the mutant the FOH willingly infected! Are you telling me you would blame this **innocent** child for the evils humans have done to her?"

"You're just lucky Sabertooth isn't here to hear the answer to that," Evan growled.

"Lord Magneto! I swear we had no idea what Cortez had done!" Empath shouted. "That traitor deceived us all! He…AAAAKKKK!"

"Shut up you sniveling worm!" Cortez snapped as he drained Empath's energy, intending to drain it all in order to take on a weakened Magneto. "I still have my power and I will make you all fall to your knees you worthless…"

CLICK!

Cortez felt his powers shut off instantly. To his horror he found he was now wearing an inhibitor collar. "Power's off!" Pietro said in a very effeminate way. "Who's the Nancy Boy **now?"**

"Thank you, Pietro," Magneto hovered over Cortez in a menacing tone. "Now it is **my **turn."

"My lord, please I beg of you! Mercy! Mer…" Cortez was silenced by a piece of metal wrapping around his head over his mouth. Magneto also restrained him with more metal.

"I will show you the same mercy **you showed me!"** Magneto snarled. "But not in front of an audience. At least…With impressionable children watching." He floated out dragging Cortez with him.

"Somebody's gonna get it!" Pyro said in a sing song voice as they left. "You know I hate Magneto when he beats me up but when he does it to other people…Hey! Wait! Don't I want revenge on that jerk?"

"Yes but you are going to have to wait for it another day," Althea told him patiently. "Besides I want to watch this!"

"I think all of Avalon wants to watch this," Eve told her.

"I've got him on the monitor here!" Spoor said. "Airlock number seven!"

"Cameras rolling?" Amelia asked.

"Oh yes," Spoor grinned. "I'll make copies later. Throw in a few funny sound effects too."

"Okay kids under fourteen close your eyes," Logan grunted. They blocked the viewing from the youngest members. "And maybe those under sixteen to twenty as well."

"Oh that has **got **to hurt!" Todd winced. "And **that!"**

"So does that, that, that..." Lance winced. "And that. Oh definitely **that!"**

"I didn't know you could insert metal **there**," Pyro blinked.

"Normally it is against the laws of physics," Hank gulped. "And so is **that!"**

"Kind of fun to watch though," Logan grinned. "Like a ping pong game with only one person."

"Good thing the sound is off," Scott winced.

"Even though it is I can still hear him **screaming,"** Pietro shuddered. "Thank god he never did that to any of us!"

"I dunno that last one looked kind of familiar," Pyro winced. "Ooh! There he goes out the airlock! Bye bye Cortez! Bye Bye! I'm not gonna miss you!"

"Too bad Magneto shut him up in a silver ball before chucking him out," Empath grunted. "That creep deserves do die of asphyxiation!"

"I don't think that air in that metal ball will last very long anyway," Wanda pointed out.

"Well Cortez is gone and the mutants of Avalon are cured of Legacy," Pietro brushed his hands. "That problem is **solved!"**

"Yeah but it still doesn't solve **ours,"** Logan grumbled. He looked at Clarice.

"Logan we can't just grab the kid and run," Scott told him, realizing what he intended. "She might get hurt."

"Yeah you're right," Logan grumbled. He looked at Mender. "Look lady now that we've saved Magneto we kind of need to borrow that kid there. Seeing that she has the host virus part we need."

"No! No! Don't take me away!" Clarice hid behind Mender. "I don't want to leave! Kind Mister Sabertooth promised to have tea with me when he got back!"

"I must have been hit harder than I thought," Logan grumbled. "Because she couldn't have said what I **think** she said!"

Magneto floated in. "Charles I thank you for your assistance but I believe it is time for your team to depart."

"Wait, Magneto," Xavier said. "That girl has the last component we need to cure the Legacy Virus in humans! Without her blood millions of humans will die!"

"And your point being?" Empath grunted.

"I agree!" Callisto sneered. "Serves the flat scans right!" Many other mutants agreed with her quite vocally.

"We made a deal," Althea said to Magneto. "Our help in exchange for the girl."

"Not with me," Magneto reminded her.

"Sir, I am not crazy about this either but…We do owe them our lives," Amelia told him.

"Magneto…" Lance said. "Look we know what happened to your family. To your first daughter. How people just stood by and let her die for no reason. Well the Joes are **our **family! If you really are as evolved and as advanced as you say you are…You won't do what those humans did in that village all those years ago."

"Magneto," Wanda gave him a look. "Please…You took so much from Pietro and Me…Don't take them away from us too."

"Erik, you have always claimed the things you have done were for the best for mutant kind," Xavier spoke. "How can losing their families be good for not only the Misfits, but other mutants whose families **have** accepted them?"

Magneto seemed hardened for a moment. Then he let out a sigh. "Voight, take Dr. McCoy and our best scientists to Stopwatch."

"Stopwatch?" Wanda asked.

"He's a mutant that can stop time within a confined area," Evan explained. "The only problem is he's kind of stuck in one room here at Asteroid M and can't turn his powers off. Fortunately it's a very big room and we do a lot of medical research there."

"There we can do a year's worth of medical research in minutes," Magneto said. "And since time is off the essence…Spoor, tell the Control Room to let down the Anti-Mass Device Shield. Just long enough for you to bring your samples and research aboard. I will also allow you to teleport Dr. Moira MacTaggert and that Lifeline character but **no** other humans! Understand?"

"I'll contact them post haste," Hank nodded. "Thank you."

"Don't worry little one," Magneto told Clarice. "No one will harm you. All we will do is a little blood test and you can go play. It won't hurt."

"Do I get a lollypop?" Clarice asked.

"Of course," Mender said taking her arm. "Come with me." She led her away.

"But why are we…?" Empath asked.

"Two reasons," Magneto said. "One this is obviously Apocalypse's plan and I will be damned if I allow **any** of his plans to work even if they are in our favor!"

"And the other?" Wanda asked.

Magneto softened. "You are right Wanda. I do owe you and your brother something. I have not been the best parent for either of you. At least with the Joes you seem to be more in control. That's something I guess. They must be doing something right. I suppose except for Low Light they're all…?"

"Actually Shipwreck is the only one **not **affected by Legacy," Pietro said. "So far anyway."

"It **figures,**" Magneto grumbled.

"Probably all the alcohol he drinks," Evan shrugged.

"We were saying the exact same thing," Todd said.

"Besides," Magneto grunted. "I don't believe most humans deserve to be mutants anyway. And if there is one chance in a billion that Shipwreck will turn into a mutant it will be the most **horrible** day mutant kind will ever experience! It would set our species back a thousand years!"

"Well that we **all **agree on," Althea rolled her eyes.

"Then I suggest if we do not wish for this horrendous event to occur we must work quickly," Hank made a slight grin.

It wasn't long before Moira and Lifeline were aboard. Several X-Men, Misfits and Acolytes waited outside the door Stopwatch was in. "You really think they can do it?" Pietro asked.

"Of course they can," Todd said.

"Especially since time practically stops in that room for once we have time on our side," Evan agreed.

"How exactly does that work for us?" Todd asked. "I don't get it."

"Even though time has stopped there's some kind of temporal vortex in that room," Yvonne said. "I confess I am not sure of the details myself but we can get years worth of research done in a day and not worry about stepping in and out of time."

"Like that Middle verse Forge was stuck in," Kurt realized. "He didn't age but he created a lot of inventions inside it."

"I feel so bad for the poor guy," Kitty said. "Stuck in a room for eternity. It must be awful."

"Don't feel **too** bad for Stopwatch," Lorna told them. "I remember him. He has an ego like Quicksilver. In fact it wouldn't surprise me at all if his inability to turn his powers off isn't what he says it is."

"What? He's **purposely** keeping himself locked in that room?" Lance asked. "Why would he do that?"

"To stop aging of course," Lorna rolled his eyes.

"Wow, what a great idea," Pietro blinked. "Maybe I should check it out!"

"Maybe you should just stay put for once!" Evan glared at him.

"For once I'm in agreement with the Porcupine," Rogue agreed. "They've got enough to worry about in there without your ego…"

A haggard Hank, Lifeline and Moira walked out. "I think we've done it," Moira said. "But we need to go back to the Pit and test it first."

"It will work," Mender said. "I know it will."

"It seems Magneto that although you show yourself as a champion for mutant kind you have just become an unlikely savior for the human race," Xavier gave Magneto a look.

"Just don't forget to mention to those reporters exactly **who** helped assist in the cure of Legacy," Magneto told him.

"I'm sure the irony will not be lost on them," Hank smirked.

"Not that they'll be grateful anyway," Evan growled.

"You don't know that Spyke," Scott said.

"Don't tell me what I **don't** know Cyclops," Evan glared at him. "Don't forget they're the ones who created this virus in the first place to kill mutants. And then they turned around and blamed **us** when it backfired on them."

"I think perhaps we should be returning to Earth now," Hank said diplomatically. "We have the antidote and the knowledge needed to mass produce it."

"Yes I believe that is best," Magneto grunted. "Not that your visit here hasn't been…interesting."

"At the very least you got rid of that lying suck up Cortez," Evan growled. "We won't see him anymore."

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Pain. That was the first thing he was aware of. Incredible pain.

Incredible, soul searing pain.

It was like a thousand needles were jabbing into his body. Then he opened his eyes and saw himself strapped to a laboratory table. To his horror several needles were injected into his body.

"It's fortunate for us we found him when we did," He heard a woman's voice. "His powers will be useful to us. Not to mention any information on Avalon and Magneto he has."

"Indeed they shall," A huge blue skinned figure loomed into view. "Yes he shall be useful to me, once I have corrected a few…unfortunate personality traits."

"Who…Who are you?" Cortez sputtered.

"Your savior," Apocalypse stood before him. "And your new master."

Then Cortez succumbed to darkness.

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An hour later the X-Men and Misfits were waiting for news in the war room. Nick Fury was there as well waiting for the news. Althea and Hank walked in. "Well?" Lance asked.

"The Joes are gonna be okay!" Althea whooped. "The cure works!"

"Are you sure?" Fury asked.

"As soon as they injected them with the antidote their rashes started to disappear!" Althea said. "They're all going to be okay!"

"OH YEAH!" Fred whooped. Everyone hugged each other in celebration.

"About time," Fury sighed. "Things would have gotten really messy. We only lost about a hundred people to this disease. I know it sounds callous but it could have gotten a lot worse."

"Cerebro picked up at least fifteen new mutant signatures," Xavier nodded. "Things could have gotten very unstable."

"And now all we have to do is mass produce the antidote," Jean said. "And ship it all around the world in under a few days."

"Shipping it won't be a problem with the Mass Device both us and SHIELD have," Lance said. "It's making it that might hold things up."

"Don't worry about that," Fury waved. "I know a few people who will be more than happy to accommodate our needs. That's all I'm going to say."

"So you have contacts in the drug industry?" Logan raised an eyebrow.

"The **legal **drug industry," Fury gave him a look. "In this case anyway."

"Come on let's go see them!" Pietro said. "I wanna see how Cover Girl and the others are doing! Race ya!" He sped off with the rest of the Misfits in tow.

"I guess I can't blame them," Hank chuckled as they left. "A little levity after what we have just gone through is sorely needed."

"Yeah I…" Kitty went to sit down but found herself phasing though the chair. "Hey!"

"Half pint?" Logan asked. "You okay?"

"No! Guys…I…I can't stay solid…" Kitty screamed. "I…" Suddenly she started to sink through the floor. "Help! He…" Her eyes realized in horror as she sunk below the floor.

"Kitty! Focus! Grab my hand!" Rogue went to grab her with her gloved hands but to her horror they simply passed right through her. Kitty tried to scream but all that came out was a soundless shriek. She fell through the floor.

"She's going into the sub basement!" Jean gasped. "She can't stay solid anymore! Nightcrawler teleport me down now!"

"Got it!" Kurt grabbed her hand and did so.

"Come on!" Rogue shouted. "This way!" They all ran to the nearest stairs and made their way to the sub basement. They found Jean holding up Kitty's body telekinetically.

"Look at her! Her body is fading!" Rogue shouted. Indeed Kitty's body was nearly transparent.

"She looks like a ghost," Scott's face grew pale.

"What's happening to her?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know," Hank said. "For some reason her phasing abilities are working against her!"

"I've got her with my telekinetic power," Jean grunted. "But…She's so…Her body is so unstable…It's like trying to hold water in your hand."

"I think we may have something," Fury said. "We have a few antimatter stasis chambers designed to hold materials with unstable molecules in them."

"We could certainly rig one up for…" Hank said.

"Whatever it is **do **it!" Jean shouted. "And fast. If I let go, Kitty will literally keep falling through the center of the Earth and beyond!"

"If it isn't one crisis, it's another isn't it?" Fury grumbled as he contacted headquarters.

**Oh no! What will happen to Kitty? Will she ever be able to stay solid again? And what will happen to Creed now that the Legacy Virus has been cured? Find out next time and be prepared for a few jaw dropping moments! **


	81. Out Of Phase

**Out of Phase**

"So what happened?" Fury asked. Logan, Hank, Lifeline and Jean were in Hank's Lab. Kitty was floating unconscious in a giant silver cylinder. "What's wrong with the kid?"

"It seems that Kitty can no longer stay tangible," Hank sighed. "She is stuck permanently in a phased state."

"This chamber will keep her body stable," Lifeline said. "Or at the very least from falling through the floor to the center of the earth."

"We were lucky to get her into this contraption," Logan grunted. "But how did she get like this?"

"It was during the Morlock Massacre," Hank sighed. "Remember she was hit by Scalphunter's weapon?"

"Vividly," Logan growled.

"Somehow the electrical discharge must have destabilized Kitty's mutant DNA," Hank sighed. "But since she was phased at the time it was at a slower rate than all the other victims."

"She has been complaining about keeping focused," Jean realized. "But we all thought it was lack of sleep after everything we've been through."

"We thought wrong," Hank sighed. "I've stabilized her but…She won't be able to survive outside this chamber unless we figure out a way to fix this."

"You mean she's stuck in there?" Logan asked.

"Technically she could just phase out whenever she wants to but since she realizes that might mean certain death I don't think she will be leaving any time soon," Lifeline sighed.

"Where did you get this thing anyway?" Fury asked as he looked at the container.

"You'd be surprised at the stuff Trinity has lying around in their lab," Lifeline told him. "Luckily for us this worked. I just hope this doesn't become her permanent home."

"Talk about bad luck," Fury sighed. "Speaking of Marauder victims…How's Angel doing? Does he have his wings back yet?"

"I've tried," Lifeline sighed. "He wouldn't let me near him."

"Did you try sedating him and then…" Jean suggested.

"Yeah but when I did…It was like for some reason my healing power wasn't working on him…Like his subconscious was fighting me," Lifeline sighed. "I don't know what to do."

"We've been keeping him sedated," Jean sighed. "Until we can figure out how to help him cope with his lost powers. Even Xavier has tried to telepathically help him but he just rejects it."

"When it rains it pours," Fury shook his head as they left the lab and headed for the Infirmary. "Well at least you solved one giant problem."

"Yeah but we still got two more in the infirmary," Jean grunted.

They walked in and saw some SHIELD agents guarding the prisoners, Graydon Creed and Duncan Matthews. Creed was completely healed but was held down by two guards as Lina injected him with the final antidote. "Filthy mutant…" He hissed at her. "OW!"

"Did that hurt?" Lina asked sweetly.

"You know it did you…" Creed fumed as he rubbed his arm. "I demand to be treated by a human physician! Not an escapee from the bug exhibit!"

"Yeah? And I demanded an invitation to the Tom Cruise Wedding but we can't have **everything,**" Fury sneered. "So shut your face you weasel."

"Considering what you've done and what you **tried** to do, you're lucky we decided not to let your own disease do you in," Logan pointed at Creed. "Although I'd be the first to admit I would have **enjoyed** watching you croak!"

"Right after Mystique that is," Jean added. "And **your **father."

"Despite your intentions Mr. Creed we now have a viable cure for the Legacy Virus," Hank said. "It is being distributed as we speak."

"A cure that was partially made by the efforts of Magneto of all people," Logan said. "Talk about irony."

"A cure which has saved your pathetic life," Jean pointed out. "We made it from Duncan and the two mutants you infected with it."

"I still can't believe you infected me!" Duncan whirled on Creed. "ON PURPOSE?"

"You knew when you joined us that sacrifices had to be made…" Creed began. "You don't understand…"

"You infected me with a disease that nearly killed off the entire human race and you think I don't **understand?**" Duncan shouted. "I could have died from it too!"

"Okay people fill in your own jokes because this one is way **too easy** for me," Logan quipped.

"I know," Jean nodded. "I could think of **twelve** right off the top of my head."

"We should have a contest," Scott added.

"Sacrifices had to be made…" Creed shouted. "The Mutant Menace…"

"Nearly won because of **you!**" Duncan yelled at him. "Whose side are you on Creed?"

"How dare you question me you little punk?" Creed shouted. "You were nothing when I found you! And you still are nothing!"

"Human lives don't mean **anything** to you do they?" Duncan snapped. "Just as long as you get your revenge! This is just like what happened with Foley! You killed him for your own selfish uses!"

"Shut up you stupid…" Creed hissed.

"Wait hold on a second," Fury held up his hand. "Foley was killed by Creed and not Legion?"

"Probably the **only **one **not **killed by Legion! I saw the whole thing!" Duncan pointed. "Creed killed him so he could take back the FOH! Just stabbed him in the chest and left him to burn!"

"If I hadn't the mutant race would take over! Foley was weak! He had to be eliminated or the mutants would have eliminated us! They have to be stopped!" Creed was practically foaming at the mouth. "I will do whatever it takes…Sacrifice an infinite number of **expendable** troops in order to…"

"You son of a bitch!" Duncan shouted. Before anyone could react he grabbed a gun from a SHIELD agent and pointed it at Creed. "TRAITOR!"

BANG!

The bullet hit Creed right in the heart. He was dead before he hit the floor. Scott managed to wrestle the gun away from Duncan and punch him before the SHIELD agents grabbed Duncan.

"He's dead," Logan said simply. "Well, that ends that."

"What happened?" Rogue ran in with Kurt. "We heard a shot! And…" Then she saw the scene in front of her. "Never mind."

"Holy…" Kurt's jaw dropped. "Is he…?"

"Dead, yeah," Logan pointed at Duncan. "Matthews kind of took being purposely infected with a dangerous virus personally."

"Well this is a fine kettle of fish," Fury groaned. "Get him out of here!"

"You muties ought to be **thanking** me!" Duncan snapped as he was dragged out. "That jerk was a menace to everybody!"

"The funny thing is, I almost **do** feel like thanking him," Rogue said.

"How can you say that?" Kurt was shocked.

"How can you **not **remember what Creed did to you and nearly did to all of us?" Logan gave him a look. "Good riddance."

"Forgive me that I don't exactly go into morning over this," Rogue said to her brother. "But I know one person who will **really** be celebrating!"

"**That** is pretty much a given," Kurt agreed.

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"Once again our top news story," Trish Tilby read. "Graydon Creed, founder of the FOH and reported mastermind behind the Legacy Virus has been assassinated."

"What?" Mystique shot up from her seat in her office. "Someone killed my son?"

"And it wasn't **you?"** The Baroness was intrigued as well.

"Must have been his father," Mystique grunted.

"Creed was shot and killed by Duncan Matthews, one of his own followers," Trish reported. A picture of Duncan was shown. "Matthews apparently was deliberately infected as a host for the Legacy Virus without his consent. The Legacy Virus as you know was originally developed for use on mutants. However it mutated and now only affects humans. Fortunately a vaccine was found in time before more deaths occurred. A vaccine that was created ironically on Avalon thanks to the efforts of Magneto."

"And to think I thought that boy would never amount to anything," Mystique mused. "Shows what I know."

"Matthews was taken into custody shortly after," Trish continued. "The police are also investigating Matthew's claim that Creed killed his successor in leadership of the FOH and former rival Howard Foley. The Friends of Humanity is reeling from this turn of events and are sharply divided."

"That traitor Matthews should burn in hell for what he did!" One FOH man said on camera.

"If **anyone **was a traitor it was Creed," Another FOH man shouted. "We're supposed to be protecting humanity! Not infecting their own kind with dangerous diseases! If you ask me, Matthews did us a favor!"

"And it doesn't surprise me that Creed killed Foley," Another man agreed. "Creed was always ambitious. Too ambitious for his own good."

"How can you **say** something like that?" A woman yelled.

"Easy! Creed was a traitor!" The second FOH man snapped at her.

"Not to mention an incompetent idiot," Another FOH man agreed. "What idiot tries to kill mutants with a mutating virus? Of course it was going to bite us in the behind!"

"You wouldn't be saying that if his plan succeeded and…" The First FOH man snapped.

"But it didn't!" The second FOH man shouted. "That's the whole point!"

"The only point around here is the one on your head," The first FOH man growled, pointing a finger at the second man.

"Creed was greedy, manipulative and just as big an enemy to humanity as mutants are!" A woman yelled.

"He was doing what had to be done in order to save the human race!" Another woman screamed.

"Save it? He nearly wiped us all out!" The second FOH man shouted.

"So he made a little mistake? It happens to the best of us!" Another FOH man said.

"A LITTLE MISTAKE?" The second FOH man shouted. "You call nearly wiping out the entire human race and nearly driving the planet to doom a **little mistake?** Allowing **you** to be in this group is a little mistake!"

"No the mistake was that I didn't punch your face in the second..." Another man shouted before the second FOH man punched him.

Soon several FOH ended up in a shouting match which turned into a full blown fistfight. "I have to tell you ladies…I'm just **loving** this," Emma grinned. "As sorry as I am for your loss Mystique…"

"**What** loss?" Mystique snapped. "Matthews not only saved me the trouble of shooting the bastard myself, he caused a major rift in the FOH. Ladies…I feel like celebrating!"

"I got some stuff I've been saving for a special occasion," The Baroness pressed a panel and a huge bar popped out of the wall. "Not to mention some stuff I've been saving for a not so special occasion."

"That will do," Emma grinned.

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In a dark and dingy bar somewhere Sabertooth and Solitaire were watching television and having drinks after an assignment when they heard the news.

"What the…" Sabertooth roared. "Graydon got bumped off by some punk kid? That's an outrage!" He threw the empty glass against the wall.

"You are not really upset by the death of your son are you?" Solitaire raised an eyebrow.

"Are you kidding? I just wanted to kill that bastard myself," Sabertooth grunted. "Funny I always thought his mother would beat me to it. Shows what I know."

"Can't have everything," Solitaire told him.

"You're right," Sabertooth grunted. "Get me another bottle or two! I feel like celebrating!"

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"It's really good of you to see Kitty now," Jean told Rogue as they headed towards Hank's lab. "I kind of have to go with you so I can use my telepathy so you can hear what she's saying."

"She can't even talk?" Rogue was shocked.

"No, her vocal cords are intangible too so…" Jean began. "Not to mention she doesn't need to breathe or eat in the state she's in now which is lucky for her I guess."

"But she can hear us right?" Rogue asked.

"She can," Jean nodded. She opened the door. Kitty was floating inside the tube, she looked slightly faded but other than that seemed all right. "Kitty, you have a visitor."

"Hey Kitty. How are you doing?" Rogue asked.

_"As well as can be expected stuck in a tube. Rogue I'm like…I'm really sorry," _Kitty hugged herself. _"You know I never quite understood what you were going through with the whole no touching thing. I think I finally get it." _

"Kitty…" Rogue touched the chamber glass.

_"I don't know how you deal with it Rogue…To never touch anyone again…" _Kitty shuddered.

"Don't say that," Rogue said. "That's a bunch of hooey and you know it! You'll be fine! Either Beast or Trinity or someone else we know will figure out what the heck to do. I mean look at all the other crazy inventions that go on in this place."

"That's right," Jean said. "If Trinity can make teleportation devices that run on grape juice and we just cured Legacy in under a week I'm sure we can help you."

"You'll be back to your perky annoying self in no time. Did you hear what happened to Creed?" Rogue began trying to change the subject.

_"Yeah Jean told me all about it,"_ Kitty shook her intangible head. _"We save the jerk's life only to have Duncan Matthews of all people kill him." _

"Yeah go figure," Rogue shrugged. "I'm not exactly struck with grief. Neither is Kurt. I think he's in one of his 'if only' moods but still…I think he's secretly relieved but feels guilty about it. Lord knows he shouldn't. There are worse things to feel guilty about."

"Tell me about it," Jean rolled her eyes. "I will never live down dating Duncan Matthews. I think that's an even bigger stigma than be blowing up a planet!"

"The good news is the FOH is too busy fighting among themselves to picket our doorstep, for once," Rogue told her. "Half of 'em think Duncan is a traitor and the other half wanna give him a medal! And that's nothing, see the world went into major shock once they learned that Magneto of all people helped create the cure for Legacy. So we got senators and politicians backtracking all over themselves just to cover their butts. Oh and that Lisa Lizer gal, she just signed up with SHIELD. I guess she figured she was safer with them."

"I'm not exactly upset about that either," Jean admitted.

_"What about Angel? How's he doing?" _Kitty asked.

"Not well…In fact…" Jean sighed.

"One of Warren's uncles just came in with his private doctor and took him home," Rogue told her. "I was there…You see what happened was…"

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An hour earlier…

"I'm Maxwell Worthington, Warren's uncle," The tall dignified older man spoke in the foyer. "And I'm here to take my nephew home."

"Your nephew?" Xavier asked. Rogue and Logan were there as well.

"I thought Warren's family hated him?" Rogue asked.

"Technically I am his father's uncle but that's beside the point," Mr. Worthington said. "I've been away in Africa opening health clinics for the poor for the last few years so I was not aware of the tragedy until recently."

"I take it you are referring to what happened to Warren's parents?" Xavier sighed.

"Yes and on top of it all I heard he was injured recently," Mr. Worthington said. "Severely injured."

"He lost his wings due to an attack on some mutants…" Xavier admitted.

"That's monstrous," Mr. Worthington growled. "Then again the way the rest of his family has treated him hasn't exactly been charitable as well. But that is going to change.

A well built chauffer and a doctor was with him. "I'm here to take custody of my nephew," Mr. Worthington took out a piece of paper. "I think you'll find that this paper is perfectly legal and in order."

"You're **committing** him?" Rogue was shocked.

"I'm on the board of a hospital in Colorado," Mr. Worthington told him. "Specializing in the treatment of mental illness and depression and since the boy has tried to commit suicide…"

"How did you hear about **that?**" Logan asked.

"I have friends in SHIELD and other high places," Mr. Worthington told him. "May I see my nephew now?"

"Of course," Xavier told him. "This way."

Warren was lying flat on his back, he seemed almost catatonic when they entered the room. "Oh Warren," Mr. Worthington sighed. "What have they **done **to you?"

"Do I know you…?" Warren said weakly.

"Warren, it's me…Uncle Max," Mr. Worthington said. "I'm going to take you away from this place. Everything will be all right."

"But…" Rogue began.

"There's nothing we can do Rogue," Xavier sighed. "According to these papers Mr. Worthington has the legal right to take him."

"You people are just lucky that I am not **suing **you," Mr. Worthington growled as the doctor and his chauffer sedated Warren and prepared him for transport. "You people can barely take care of yourselves, let alone other mutants. In the future I would appreciate it if you stayed away from my nephew."

"But we're his friends!" Rogue said.

"With friends like you, who needs enemies?" Mr. Worthington snarled. "Because of you my nephew lost his wings, his family and nearly his life. And I'll be damned if he loses that too! Good day to you."

Soon Warren was transported into the back of a private ambulance. The ambulance drove away from the Institute. However once it was down the street…

"That was so freaking easy it's not even funny," Mr. Worthington's 'chauffer' snorted. He removed his face mask to reveal Riptide. "I can't believe they just gave him to us after looking at that phony piece of paper. Okay it was a very convincing looking phony piece of paper but **still…**"

"I told you those scent masking sprays would work," Mr. Worthington's 'personal doctor' removed his mask to reveal Vulcan.

"Ah but the Oscar goes to…" Mr. Worthington revealed his true form as Mr. Sinister.

"Hey Boss, what does Apocalypse want with this guy anyway?" Riptide asked as he glanced at Warren. "Boy Harpoon got him real good."

"Oh probably to make him a horseman or something inane like that," Sinister sighed. "How pedestrian."

"Too bad you can't tell that Factor One guy about this," Riptide snorted. "That would certainly put points in your column, swiping one of those X-Losers right out from under their noses."

"What makes you so certain that I **haven't?**" Sinister gave him a look. "All Factor One wants is some DNA samples from him and then I can turn him over to Apocalypse. Of course I'll take some for myself as well."

"Not to mention do something else as well," Vulcan gave him a look. "You're up to something."

"Very astute of you Vulcan," Sinister grinned. "Let's just say I'm getting a little insurance in case things go wrong. Our friend Angel's halo is about to become a little tarnished."

**Oh great! Now what's going to happen to Warren? What is Sinister's plan? Will Kitty ever regain the ability to be solid ever again? Will Duncan Matthews survive prison? Will anyone care if he doesn't? Probably not. **

Todd danced around. "Duncan's going to jail now! Everybody conga!"

"Conga time!" Kurt danced around.

"Why not?" Jean shrugged and danced around with them.

"I'm up for a party," Scott admitted.

"Let's not forget my big brother bit the dust," Rogue walked in with some punch. "Who's up for punch?"

"I am!" Kurt waved.

"I take it your family's period of mourning is over," Jean quipped.

"Oh like you really were worried about his safety," Rogue remarked. "And Duncan's."

"You have a point," Jean remarked. "Pass the punch."

"Right! It's party time!" Lance agreed as he came out with the rest of the Misfits and X-Men.

"Hello! I'm in a life threatening situation here!" Kitty stormed out.

"Oh get over it Kitty," Lance told her. "We both know that's just in the script! You are gonna be fine in a couple of chapters or so."

"If it was true we'd really have a reason to party," Pietro remarked.

"Okay I am going to kill Quicksilver, who's with me?" Kitty snapped.

"There's something I don't get..." Kurt remarked. "How was Duncan Matthews of all people able to take a gun away from a trained SHIELD agent."

"Uh probably because he **let **him," Todd gave him a look. "Probably figured out it would be easier for everyone if he let the jerk waste the other jerk so he kind of sticks his gun out with his hip or something and..."

"Hey this punch isn't going to drink itself you know?" Rogue called out.

"OW! OW! KITTY GET OFF OF ME!" Pietro screamed as Kitty wailed on him. "OW! OW! OW! OW! NOT MY FACE! NOT MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT FACE! OW!"

"Speaking of punches..." Fred chuckled. "All right how long does anyone think Kitty will beat the snot out of him?"

"Not long enough," Wanda said. "Speaking of which I wonder how long a jail sentence Matthews is gonna get?"

"Something tells me he might not live long enough to see the end of it," Lance grinned. "Be funny if we could watch."

"Yeah that would be just like watching this season's My Name Is Earl," Scott quipped. "Only you **want** karma to bite the guy in the butt!"

"YEOWWWWW!" Pietro screamed in agony.

"Speaking of bitting Kitty you really shouldn't bite my brother," Wanda remarked. "Who knows what kind of diseases you might pick up?"

"WHY IS EVERYONE TRYING TO BEAT ME UP?" Pietro shouted. "OW! YOU SHOULD BE BEATING UP ON DUNCAN!"

"We would but the prison guards are having too much fun doing it themselves," Rogue remarked.

"Yeah I got a camera hook up patched into their security monitor frequency," Arcade told the others. "See for yourselves."

"Ooh! Entertainment!" Pyro said cheerfully as most of the mutants crowded around the television. Kitty was still trying to kill Pietro but he managed to get away and ran for his life.

"OW! OW! OW! OH MOMMY THAT HURTS! OWWWW!" Duncan Matthews was heard screaming. "OW! OW! OW!"

"Now that's a little violent, especially for television," Lina winced.

"Not really. I've seen Prison Break and they did a lot worse than that," Pyro waved.

"WOWWOWIE WOW WOW OOOOOOOOOH!" Duncan Matthews howled in agony.

"All right I admit **that** was a little out of line," Pyro wince. "But on the bright side I can put that in my next book! Add a little realism to it."

"YEOW!" Duncan screamed again. "NO! NO! NO! OWWWWWW!"

"**That **one I am going to leave out," Pyro felt a bit queasy. "Hey isn't that against the Geneva Convention?"

"Probably," Bobby said. "You know it is nice to see both prison guards and prisoners working together for a change."

"Yeah it's kind of like that movie the Longest Yard but this time you want to root for both the convicts and the guards," Fred remarked. "Since Matthews is the ball."

"Which version?" Lance asked. "Original Burt Reynolds or Adam Sandler?"

"Original," Fred said. "Nobody can beat Burt."

"I dunno man I think Adam Sandler did a pretty good job," Todd shook his head.

"Can we please not have **this** argument again?" Wanda groaned. "Can't we enjoy Duncan's beating in peace?"

"Hey that one guy looks familiar," Todd pointed to one prison inmate that was participating in the beating. "Wasn't he on American's Most Wanted?"

"I believe he was," Fred said. "Lost some weight."

"Looks good with a beard and that skull tattoo on his head," Todd agreed. "Most people can't pull off a look like that but he does."

"OH MY GOD! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Duncan screamed his head off. "NO! NO! AAAAAHHHHH!"

"Wow Lindsey Lohan is in jail already?" Amara blinked. "I thought she wasn't supposed to report in for another month?"

"I guess this counts as part of her community service," Tabitha said. "Hey it could be worse, they could be forcing him to watch her last movie."

"I think if they did that would be grounds for Amnesty International to come in," Jean remarked.

"OH COME ON! AAAAAAAHHH!" Duncan screamed again.

"Looks like Kiefer Sunderland is doing his time early too," Kurt remarked.

"Again more community service," Todd told him. "He's actually going to be doing it in when 24 goes on hiatus. He doesn't want his personal problems to get in the way of the rest of the cast's filming and take time away from the film crew."

"That's a pretty refreshing attitude for Hollywood these days," Kurt thought. "He still should not have been drinking while driving though."

"No that was wrong! Very wrong!" Fred turned to the audience. "Kids listen up. Don't drink and drive!"

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Duncan screamed again.

"Or else you'll end up getting beaten up in jail," Fred added. He looked at the screen again. "Is that OJ?"

"Nah I think it's one of Michael Vic's accomplices," Wanda told him. "That's OJ on the left!"

"NO! NO! GET AWAY! GET AWAY! AAAAAAAHHH!" Duncan howled like a banshee as the next person attacked him.

"All right I have no idea what Joan Rivers is doing there," Todd remarked. "That is her right?"

"Yeah that's her under there," Rogue blinked. "My God there should be a limit to how many face lifts a person should be allowed to have!"

"Looks like she's already four or five lifts over the line," Althea remarked. "Silly putty is less elastic!"

**Sorry folks but this is what happens when you get too much caffeine coupled with an overload of E! News and entertainment. Guys get back to work!**

"Picky, picky, picky..." Todd grumbled as the cast dispersed.

**Next: Things are about to get weird. Really weird. How weird? Wait and see! **


	82. Nightmare on Stupid Street

**Okay this next chapter is going to be a little weird…**

Todd walked up. "Like all your other chapters are normal?"

**No seriously, there are going to be a few head scratching moments where you will wonder: Why did she write that? **

"Again, not much different than what you **normally write,**" Todd remarked.

**Will you knock it off? Seriously there is a reason for some of the madness and if things seem fractured and odder than usual. Not another word Toad!**

"I'm just saying…" Todd shrugged. "You kind of hit it right on the mark there. But I won't say any more."

**That will be a first. So here it is: I present to you….**

**A Nightmare on Stupid Street**

It all began when the clock struck eight at the bell tower of the Xavier Institute.

BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!

"Ugh what a night," Logan groaned as he sat slumped at the kitchen table. "What a night! Karaoke with the Misfits. Worst idea ever. I swear I never want to hear another Simpsons song as long as I live."

"Just thank your lucky stars that you didn't come with us on that rescue mission in outer space," Ororo told him. The two of them were drinking coffee with Xavier. "Between that and the Munsters verses the Adams Family arguments Toad and Nightcrawler had it was a very stressful trip."

"Hmm, suddenly being stuck here being attacked by the FOH and Sentinels doesn't sound so bad," Logan grunted. "I just can't believe it took them **that **long to leave. What time did they go last night?"

"Not soon enough for me. I think the Misfits sometimes take our hospitality for granted," Xavier explained. "Sometimes they have difficulties on judging the correct boundaries of what is and what is **not **appropriate."

"Such as?" Ororo asked. "I ask even though I **know** the answer will fill me full of dread."

"Morning everyone," Shipwreck walked in wearing only his boxer shorts and some fuzzy slippers. He made a loud yawn and stretched. "Got any coffee? Oh yeah," He poured himself a cup. "Needs some cream," He poked his head into the refrigerator and scratched his backside with one hand.

"Need I say more?" Xavier groaned.

"No, I'd say **that's** a pretty good example of blurred boundaries," Logan groaned. "Shipwreck what the hell are you doing?"

"Getting coffee what else would I be doing?" Shipwreck blinked.

"I mean what are you doing getting coffee **here?**" Logan tried again. "I mean don't you have a coffeepot at home? Or did Trinity blow it up again in one of their insane experiments?"

"Ahh I had to get out of the house," Shipwreck told him while rifling through the refrigerator. "Kids were driving me crazy. I swear I don't know what I am going to do with them." He took out an apple and bit into it.

"I know the feeling," Logan rolled his eyes.

"They act like animals," Shipwreck continued, talking with his mouth full. He scratched his behind as he ate. "No manners at all."

"Imagine **that,**" Xavier said in a deadpan voice. "Shipwreck don't you think you forgot to **do** something before you came here?"

"Oh yeah," Shipwreck looked a bit embarrassed. "You mind if I borrow your bathroom a moment? I gotta clean out the poop deck if you know what I mean?" He grabbed a newspaper and a cup of coffee and walked off.

"The boundaries are no longer blurred," Logan grunted. "They're flaming **erased!** Okay Professor what's your **latest plan** for trying to instill some manners into these meatballs? This should be good to hear."

"I think I'm getting a gun," Xavier said with a look in his eye. "I'm going to take up hunting."

"Professor…" Ororo sighed.

"I'm going on a safari," Xavier said in an eerily chipper voice. "I'm going to hunt down Shipwreck's brain. It's a small target but I think I can hit it."

"I was right," Logan smirked. "It is fun to hear!"

"Charles," Ororo began. "I don't think that **shooting people** is the best tactic in this case. **Right** Logan?"

"Try aiming for the anal region," Logan casually reached for a donut. "That's your best shot. I mean where else would his brain be? It's definitely not in his head!"

"Logan!" Ororo snapped.

"What are you yelling at **me** for?" Logan asked. "Shipwreck's the **nut!** Better yet why don't **you** talk to him?"

"Are you crazy?" Ororo gave him a look. "Talk to him while he's dressed like that? He'd probably think it was some kind of come on then I would lose my temper an electrocute him."

"**There's** an idea," Xavier smiled. "Who needs a gun after all? Thank you Storm. Oh be sure to bury the body beyond the south wall. That way the smell won't be so bad."

"You can't do that Charles," Logan said.

"Listen to Logan, he makes a lot of sense," Ororo said.

"Burying a body near the house is for amateurs," Logan told him. "That's how they catch more than half of the murderers."

"Really?" Xavier asked.

"If you do that you might as well just put up a sign saying 'I Killed A Guy Here's His Body'," Logan told him. "The **smart **thing to do is to move it across state lines. Ideally two or three."

"Well you are the expert in these matters," Xavier considered it. "And it has been a while since I had a good long ride in the country…"

"Or for crying out loud…**I **will go talk to Shipwreck…" Ororo decided as she got up. "Logan you just **don't **talk period!"

"Good morning everyone," Hank said as he walked in. He was wearing his red cardigan and gray pants but no shoes.

"No it's **not **a good morning," Xavier said acidly. "It is a **dreadful** morning. It is a morning to rue all other mornings. It is a morning that is an excellent argument for those people who prefer to sleep in until noon. Which is what I should have done today!"

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Hank looked at Xavier.

"Oh don't pay any attention to him. He's just a bit upset at Shipwreck," Ororo sighed.

"What did he do now?" Hank asked.

"It's what he **didn't** do that has us concerned," Ororo told him.

"What do you mean?" Hank asked. Shipwreck walked in with the coffee. "Oh I see."

"That's the problem," Ororo rolled her eyes. "**Everyone **can see!"

"Not everyone," Logan grunted. "Where are all the kids?"

"What do you mean?" Shipwreck took a sip of coffee again. "By the way did you know you have an octopus in your bathtub?"

"No, but I'm sure **someone** had **some reason** to put it there," Logan groaned. "I'm saying it's eight in the morning and usually the rug rats are all over the place. Not that I'm complaining about the quiet here."

"And the fact that Shipwreck's modesty is somewhat preserved," Hank said wryly, indicating Shipwreck's lack of dress.

"Beast you walk around in your uniform which is nothing more than some swim trunks all the time," Shipwreck scoffed as he opened the refrigerator door.

"I also have more hair on me than a herd of alpacas," Hank scoffed. "Which keeps out the cold you are letting out of the refrigerator. Don't just hold onto the door and let all the air out. Take something!"

"I would but uh…There's no food," Shipwreck blinked.

"What do you mean there's no…" Ororo looked into the refrigerator. There was no food in there but a murder of crows.

"There is no food in there," Hank saw the sight.

"Who put the flock of crows in there?" Shipwreck asked.

"Murder," Hank corrected.

"They're not dead they're still alive," Shipwreck pointed out.

"No, the correct terminology of a group of crows is murder," Hank explained. "It's a murder of crows."

"Murder?" Shipwreck asked. "Really? Why do they call them that?"

"CAWW! CAWWW!" They screeched as they flew out and attacked the adults. "CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW!"

"OW! OW!" Shipwreck tried to cover his head as the birds pecked at him. "OKAY! OKAY I GET IT NOW! OW! OW!"

"It is a good name for 'em," Logan tried to use his claws to chop them but the bird kept attacking. "Get off me you flaming…"

"AHHH!" Ororo tried to use her powers to stop them but couldn't.

"There are too many of them!" Hank shouted as he tried to defend himself. "TRINITY! IS THIS ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR STUPID EXPERIMENTS AGAIN?"

"Not me! Shipwreck!" Xavier shouted as he tried to protect himself. "KILL SHIPWRECK! PECK HIS EYES OUT!"

"Oh thanks a lot!" Shipwreck snapped. Suddenly the crows merged into one giant crow that sat above them. "Uh oh…"

"This could pose a problem," Hank gulped.

"CAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" The giant crow attacked and blackness swallowed them up.

BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG! BONG!

"I'm up! I'm up!" Jean shot up as she heard the bell of the bell tower outside her window. She shook her head to get her bearings.

"Wow," Jean sat up in her seat at her desk. It was early in the morning and she had been grading papers all night. "What a weird dream. I think I've been drinking too much coffee and hanging around with the Misfits too long."

_"Will all students and faculty please report to the auditorium?"_ Xavier called out a mental summons.

"Well at least I know now he wasn't eaten by a giant crow," Jean said to herself as she went out of her room to see what the news was about.

She failed to notice some black feathers lying around the hallway.

Soon Xavier was addressing the entire school in the auditorium.

"Tomorrow the Xavier Institute will have it's first official Open Day," Xavier told them. "We will invite the public to tour the school and the students will have displays and booths."

"Like a carnival?" Kurt asked. "Cool!"

"Putting on a dog and pony show for humans," Monet scoffed. "Unbelievable."

"Professor do you really think that's such a good idea?" Scott asked. "I mean the Mansion has a lot of secrets and…"

"I assure you Scott all of that has been taken into consideration and several precautions have been made," Xavier held up his hand. "This is a chance to try and mend fences with our neighbors."

"You mean the ones that want to kill us or just the ones who's yard has been invaded by Lockheed and Penny?" Rogue asked.

"Let's just say we're trying to cut down as much as we can on the lawsuits," Xavier told her.

"Charles please tell me that this is not going to be another one of your stupid 'Let's Show Humanity Mutants Are Normal People Too' ideas," Logan groaned. "Because we all know those **don't work!"**

"Are you saying that having an open day is a bad idea?" Xavier asked.

"The public relations firm we hired, **that **was a bad idea," Logan counted off. "The time we went to that society fund raiser at the zoo, **that** was a bad idea. The television interviews where Beast mooned Senator Kelly and you all ended up in a fistfight on television, **those** were **bad ideas. **The time you invited students from Bayville High to Rogue's birthday party…"

"That was a **very** bad idea!" Rogue shouted.

"The time we had the Human Torch and Glory here at the same time?" Logan continued. "The movie star and that film they made…**All **bad ideas! Having the kids attend Bayville High while Mystique was principal, a **really bad idea!** Having the kids go back to school after they were outed, an even **worse** idea! Going to that mutant peace conference with the Misfits and X-Factor…Actually I think that was the **worst **one of them all!"

"Really?" Kurt asked. "I thought the Tater Tot incident was the worst one?"

"Nah, I think my birthday party was the worst one," Rogue said. "On the other hand I got a motorcycle out of it so maybe I'm wrong."

"You bet you're wrong," Kitty grumbled. "At least you didn't end up practically naked! The worst one was **definitely** the conference!"

"Actually both of those were equally bad for me," Jean admitted. "I admit I wasn't exactly on my best behavior during either of those two times."

"Yeah, but at least you didn't threaten someone with a knife and wreck Capitol Hill," Bobby pointed out.

"You're right," Jean thought. "The Tater Tot incident it is then."

"That does **not **count! Alvers started it!" Scott snapped.

"Scott **you're** the one who overreacted!" Rogue snapped. "It was just tater tots Lance swiped, not the Hope Diamond!"

"Besides if we didn't count anything the Misfits were involved in we'd have a perfect record," Kurt joked.

"Not according to the police," Kitty moaned. "They think we have a long enough record on our own."

"You see what I mean Charles?" Logan said. "Face it, every time we try one of these public relations stunts it gets worse! But you **never** learn! Well this time I am putting my foot down! No Open Day period! Count me out! You hear me! I am not getting involved so forget it!"

&&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&&

"I can't believe I'm doin' this," Logan grunted as he worked on a food stand, hammering planks together. "I can't believe I got talked into doing this!"

"Oh come on Logan this is going to be fun," Kitty said as she painted another stand.

"Yeah right," Logan snorted. "This is going to be as much fun as a visit to the dentists and twice as painful. You're not cooking are you, Half Pint?"

"No, they're making me a tour guide," Kitty told him.

"Just as the Professor said, we are trying to cut down on the lawsuits," Scott reminded him as he painted a booth.

"This is ridiculous! Having humans come here! It doesn't make any sense," Monet grumbled as she worked on a booth.

"Well neither do the Misfits but we let them come over anyway," Bobby pointed to the roof of the Xavier Institute.

"Hey guys! How do you like our display?" Todd waved from the turret of a huge tank that was perched on top of the school building.

"Who invited the Misfits?" Jubilee asked.

"Nobody ever invites the Misfits, they just **show up!"** Scott groaned.

"HOW COULD YOU PUT A TANK ON THE ROOF?" Logan roared. "WHAT IS THIS? SOME WEIRD JAPANESE CARTOON?"

"It's our salute to the military!" Fred saluted.

_"Oh here's to the red white and blue…"_ Pyro began to sing. "Oh wait I'm Australian. I can't sing that. Now what's the Australian national anthem again?"

"Don't ask me," Arcade shrugged. "I have trouble remembering the words to the American National Anthem."

"America has it's own anthem?" Xi blinked. "And what is an anthem?"

"It's a fancy word for an official song," Lance told them.

"Do the Misfits have an official song?" Xi asked.

"Course we do!" Todd shouted. "Everybody sing! _We're a couple of Misfits! We're a couple of Misfits! What's the matter with Misfits? That's where we fit in!"_

"Oh I remember now!" Pyro hit his head. Then he began to sing. _"Australians all let us rejoice, for we are young and free. We've golden soil and wealth for toil. Our home is gift by seaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"_

"Oh why not! _Oh Beautiful for spacious skies for amber waves of_ _graaaaaaaaaaainnn!_" Arcade sang.

"That's America the Beautiful!" Althea snapped. "The National Anthem goes like this! _Oh say can you seeeeeeeeeee by the dawn's early light…."_

Pyro was still singing. _"Our land abounds in nature's gifts. of beauty rich and rare; In history's page, let every stage Advance Australia Faaaaaaaaairrrrrr."_

"_And the rocket's red glare! The bombs bursting in air! Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there!" _Althea kept singing.

"What is this a sing along?" Logan ranted as the Misfits sang several different songs at the same time. "WILL YOU STOP SINGING AND GET THAT TANK OFF THE ROOF?"

"It wouldn't be so bad if they sang the same song," Kurt blinked. He coughed and was about to begin singing the German National Anthem.

"Don't **you **start!" Logan whirled on him. "CHARLES WHERE ARE YOU? CHARLES?"

"_America! America! God Shed his grace on theeeeeeee!"_ Arcade, Lance and Pietro sang loudly.

_"We're a couple of Misfits that's where we fit in!"_ Todd, Angelica, Spyder, and Xi were singing.

"_For the land of the freeeeeeeeeeee! And the home of the braaaaaaaaaaaveeee!" _Althea was now yelling at the top of her lungs.

"Come on Larry, pick a song and sing!" Todd called out.

"I am not singing **anything,** you tone deaf maniacs," Larry held his hands over his ears. "No wonder Shane ran off to be a space pirate!"

"Charles? Ororo? Angel? Beast? Where **are **you?" Logan looked around. "Of all the flamin'…I'm dragging them out here!" He stormed away to look for them. "No way those jerks are leaving me alone out here!"

_**"That's where we fit in!"**_ Todd sang loudly raising his arms and flailing them wildly. Then he accidentally hit a button which activated the cannon.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

A huge mushroom cloud was seen in the distance. "Whoops," Todd blinked.

"Yeah that was pretty predictable," Kurt sighed. "He just blew up Bayville didn't he?"

"Looks like he blew up half of New York," Amara blinked. "And a part of New Jersey."

"TOAD!" Lance shouted.

"Sorry! I thought it wasn't loaded!" Todd shouted.

"The adults in charge must have **been loaded** to let them loose," Scott groaned. He heard strange clanking. "And here comes **the retaliation!"**

Several dozen Sentinels appeared dancing over the horizon. They appeared to be doing a musical number reminiscent of the movie Happy Feet. "WHO INVITED SENTINELS TO AN OPEN DAY?" Kitty shouted.

"And more importantly who taught them how to tap dance?" Pyro blinked.

"_We're coming to take you away, ha ha!"_ The Sentinels sang. _"We're coming to take you away, ha ha…To the Mutant Farm! Where life is beautiful all the time and we'll be happy to blow you up into tiny itty bitty bits and we're going to take you away! Ha Ha!" _

"Since when do Sentinels **sing?**" Scott shouted as he blasted them.

The Sentinels blew apart only to have crows emerge from their blasted bodies. With a frightening caw they headed straight for them.

"CAW! CAW!" They crowed as the huge black mass swarmed all over the mutants. "CAW! CAW! CAW!"

"AAHHHHHHHH!" Kitty screamed as she shot up from her bed. It took her a full moment to realize that she was safe in bed. "Oh what a weird dream…"

"Kitty what's going on?" Wanda opened the door. She was wearing her pajamas. "I could hear you in my room next door!"

"Nightmare…" Kitty grumbled. "A really weird one."

"Come on it's time for us to get up anyway," Wanda told her.

"Great," Kitty got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. There was already a huge line for it. "Like how come we only have one bathroom? This is a mansion for crying out loud."

"Because Iceman iced one of them," Lance told her as he stood in line in his shorts and sleeveless t-shirt. "Tabitha blew up another, Wanda zapped another…"

"To be fair Pietro was annoying me at the time," Wanda interrupted. "And since it was so early in the morning my aim was a little off."

"And then Gambit blew up another one…" Scott in his pajamas glared at Remy.

"Actually Scott that was me," Rogue coughed. She was in green pajamas. "The Swamp Rat got a little too close and well **my** aim was a little off."

"Well I hope whoever's in there hurries up!" Pietro snapped as he stood in line wearing only a pair of boxers. "I am seriously missing some prime grooming time!"

"And I hope he or she hurries up too," Larry groaned wearing grey pajamas with a blue sleeveless top. "The last thing we all need is to see your scrawny body in the morning!"

"My body is not scrawny it's streamlined," Pietro posed. "You are just jealous of it's beauty."

"I am jealous of the **blind** right now," Wanda grumbled. "Why can't you just wear a bathrobe like everyone else or at least a shirt?"

"We're lucky he's wearing **shorts!**" Angelica rolled her eyes, she was wearing pink pajamas.

"Hey who is in there anyway?" Paige asked, wearing red flannel pajamas.

"It's not me," Jubilee said.

"Nor I," Monet sniffed.

"Can't be me or Amara," Tabitha said. "Sammy?"

"Right here," Sam pointed out.

"It's not me," Jean called out.

"Or me," Fred agreed. "I'm pretty sure I'm not in there."

"Or me," Taylor said.

"Or me," Spyder said.

"Or me," Said Madelyne.

"It is **not **me," Rina folded her arms.

"Rarr?" Penny cocked her head.

"It's not me," Ray said.

"Not us either," Alex said. Lorna nodded.

"I'm right here," Lina said.

"Catseye here too," Sharon nodded.

"Not I," Betsy said. "I mean I am here."

"I'm not in there and neither is any other part of me," Jamie said. Two more of his dupes were standing next to him shrugging ignorance.

"Are you sure?" Lorna asked.

"Believe me if I was in there I would know," Jamie gave her a look. "Some other jerk is hogging the bathroom!"

"Don't look at me," Todd said, he was wearing only his green pajama bottoms.

"I am **trying **not to," Kurt said sarcastically.

"I am here as well," Xi raised his hand.

"Present!" Arcade did so as well.

"What are we in grade school?" Scott asked.

"Ooh! Is it recess yet?" Pyro asked.

"I had to ask," Scott moaned.

"Well who the heck **is** in there?" Lance grumbled as he pounded on the door. "Hey! You in there! Open up! We got a line out here!"

Just then the door opened and a penguin in a towel waddled out carrying a brush. "Toad have you been hanging out at the aquarium again?" Lance asked.

"Not that I can remember," Todd blinked. "Course that don't always mean anything."

"My turn for the bathroom!" Pietro ran towards the door.

"Oh no you don't!" Wanda hexed him. "You wait like the rest of us!"

"Yeah I need to brush my hair!" Jean tried to get in.

"Oh heaven forbid one lock is out of place!" Tabitha tried to shove her aside.

Soon all the students were fighting at the door trying to get in. "Stop shoving!" Kurt shouted.

"You stop shoving!" Angelica shouted back.

"I was here first!" Lance shouted at them. "ALL OF YOU QUIT SHOVING!"

"Coming through!" Fred used his strength to push them all through and take out the door.

"Way to go Blob!" Lance snapped sarcastically. "Huh?" Inside the bathroom was huge with a half dozen private changing stalls, showers, a row of sinks and a row of toilets with doors on them.

"Well that's convenient," Pyro blinked.

"Might as well get dressed!" Arcade headed for one stall.

"Hey we can't change in here!" Lorna said. "Not with the guys anyway!"

"Oh who wants to look at **you** anyway?" Pietro snapped. "Half the people here are related to you!"

"Yeah and there are stalls in here so no one can see anything!" Todd said. "Unless Kitty decides to phase her head in."

"HEY!" Kitty snapped. "You know Kurt teleports in too!"

"Not all the time," Kurt defended.

"What about the time I was sitting on the john in the bathroom?" Rogue snapped.

"Oh that," Kurt shuddered. "I think I must have repressed that memory. Along with a dozen others."

Soon they were all dressed and downstairs in the kitchen. "Hey where's the Professor?" Scott looked around.

"I don't see him or sense him anywhere," Jean looked around. "Wolverine and Storm aren't anywhere to be found."

"Beast is missing too," Bobby noticed.

"Yeah and where's my Pop?" Althea asked. "And the other Misfit handlers?"

"Here's a note," Jubilee picked up a note on the refrigerator. "Dear Students. The teachers and I are going to be at a meeting all day. You'll find the supplies you need to set up for the student fair outside by the bell tower. Please try not to blow up the town. Have a nice day, love Xavier."

"Student fair?" Scott blinked. They went outside to investigate. There were several booths already set up. "Since when do we have student fairs?"

"Figures they'd take off when we have to do work," Angelica folded her arms.

"Great a dog and pony show for the humans," Monet folded her arms. "What a waste."

"Why do I have a feeling something like this has happened before?" Tabitha thought.

"Reminds me of a dream I had last night," Kurt said. "We were putting on an open day…"

"And then the Misfits put a tank on the roof of the Xavier Institute…" Bobby remembered.

"Oh yeah and we all started singing our own anthems and songs," Pyro nodded. "I remember that. It was really a lot of fun."

"Yeah until Toad activated the cannon and blew up all of New York," Lance gave Todd a look.

"I thought the safety was on!" Todd snapped. "Geeze I said I was sorry!"

"And then the Sentinels started tap dancing and singing and then they turned into a crazy flock of crows…" Angelica finished. Everyone was stunned.

"Okay am I the only one who thinks it was completely weird that all of us had the same dream or is it just me?" Jubilee asked.

Everyone looked at Danielle. "Don't look at me," Danielle said. "I didn't do it. I think…"

"Wait a minute…Why are you here?" Jean asked the Misfits.

"We're always here," Pietro folded his arms.

"Yeah but why **now?**" Jean asked. "In fact…since when do you people have your own rooms here at the Institute?"

"I dunno?" Todd scratched his head. "But that would really be convenient if we did!" Rogue whacked him on the head. "OW!"

"Idiot," Rogue blew a strand of hair out of her face. "But you know Jean has a point. Something about this isn't right."

"Hold on…" Lance blinked as he looked around. "Since when did the Institute have a **bell tower?" **

"We **don't,**" Scott said. "That building is not supposed to be here!"

"Okay so we've got a mysterious building on campus, rooms for the Misfits and weird dreams…" Bobby said. "Something is definitely off here."

"There's **something else** that's off now that I think about it," Althea looked at Kitty.

"What do you mean?" Todd asked. Then he did a double take. "Wait a minute…"

"Oh my god…" Lina realized it. "You're **right!"**

"Right? Right about what?" Bobby asked. Then he saw what the others saw. "Ohhhh…"

"Oh what?" Kitty asked. "Guys? Come on. Tell me!"

Peter put his hand on Kitty's shoulder. "Kitty…" Peter realized. "I can touch you!"

"Yeah so why…?" Kitty began. Then she remembered. "No…No this…This is…"

"But it is," Althea said. "You're **not** supposed to be here Kitty. Your body is stuck in phase. You're supposed to be in that chamber in the infirmary. But here you are all healed and nothing is wrong with you. Well nothing more than usual anyway."

"Okay, what the hell is going **on **here?" Pietro shouted.

"And where's the Professor?" Jean looked around. "And the other adults?"

"I have a feeling we're missing someone else too," Althea looked around. "But I can't remember…My head feels so fuzzy!"

"Mine too," Jean shook her head. "It's like my telepathy has turned to static. I can't hear anything."

"My senses can't detect anything as well," Rina said. "It's all so…Unreal. Too unreal."

"So what does this all mean?" Bobby asked.

"I think…Somehow…We're all in a dream," Althea said.

"Are you sure?" Wanda asked.

"What is this some kind of ninja intuition?" Pietro asked.

"That and the flock of flying pigs," Althea pointed to the sky. There were several dozen flying pigs in the sky.

"LOOK OUT!" Todd yelled. "INCOMING!"

They scattered so they wouldn't be hit by the incoming…well…

"AAHHH!" Monet shouted. "I've been hit! I've been hit by pig crap!"

"You've never smelled better," Jubilee turned up her nose as she ran.

"I HATE THIS PLACE SO MUCH!" Monet screamed. "WHY DIDN'T I GO TO JAILWHEN I HAD THE CHANCE?"

"Into the bell tower!" Scott shouted. He blasted one pig and it turned into a package of bacon with wings. "Yeah, definitely a dream all right."

"Come on! Let's head for the bell tower!" Althea shouted. They managed to run inside. There was nothing but a long set of staircases. "Now what?"

"We go up," Jean said. They ran up and up the stair cases. They were seemingly endless as they ran up and around and in once case on the ceiling. "Okay now I **know** this is a dream!" She snapped.

"The penguin in the bathroom should have been our **first **clue," Amara pointed out.

"Hey guys! Look! There's a door!" Jamie found a door marked, Teacher Torture. "I wonder if they're in there?"

"AAAHHHH!" Logan, Shipwreck, Ororo, Hank and Cover Girl tumbled out of the door.

"LOCK THE DOOR! LOCK THE DOOR!" Cover Girl shouted.

"I'm locking it! I'm locking it!" Hank shouted as he and Logan put their backs to it and locked the door.

"You…do **not** want to go in there…" Logan grunted.

"Are you guys okay?" Althea asked.

"Do we **look **like we're okay?" Hank snapped.

"What happened?" Lina asked.

"Long story short we found ourselves at a tea party gone terribly wrong," Hank groaned.

"Tea party?" Scott asked.

"Hosted by Sinister in a yellow dress, pink Sentinels and vicious penguins with chain saws singing 'Wonderful World'," Shipwreck groaned.

"Is that why you're only in your underwear?" Althea asked. True enough Shipwreck was wearing only his boxer shorts.

"No I didn't have it before when those stupid group of crows attacked," Shipwreck explained. "Sorry, murder of crows!"

"We're in some kind of flamin' dream world," Logan grunted looking at Shipwreck. "More like a nightmare."

"Yeah we kind of figured **that** out," Pietro said. "But we have no idea who's behind it."

"Oh it's simple, **I** am!"

They turned around and saw a man dressed in black and gray materialize. His face was white and he had eye makeup that made him look like Alice Cooper. His long black cape flowed behind him and his eyes glowed purple.

"Hello kiddies…" The man grinned. "Nightmare's baaaaaaaaccck!"

**Give yourself a hundred brownie points if you can remember who and where this original villain I created first debuted. Go on, see if you can remember. **

**Next: The gang takes on Nightmare. But Nightmare is more formidable than he looks. Or is he? Find out next time! **


	83. Dream a Little Dream

**Yes I have gone mad. Crazy, bonkers, out of my little tiny skull bouncing around the room in a big old padded cell in a nice warm straightjacket. Fun isn't it? Come on and enjoy the madness with me! **

**Dream a Little Dream**

"Back? What do you mean by **back?**" Lance asked.

"Yeah we've never seen you before in our lives," Pietro said. "How can you be back if you've never been here before? Who is this nutcase?"

"You're asking me?" Fred asked. "Never seen this guy before."

"Kind of reminds me of a loser version of Freddy Kruger yo," Todd said.

"AAAAHH! That's what you idiots called me the **last** time!" Nightmare shouted. "Well not **this** time! This time I will use my powers over dreams to make your lives a true nightmare!"

"Yup, definitely a Freddy Kruger rip off," Bobby said. "That or another cartoon character that already exists."

"SHUT UP!" Nightmare snapped. "You're next you know?"

"So what? You're gonna make us face our worst fears and nightmares of the past?" Todd asked.

"Oh no you **don't!**" Nightmare snapped. "That's how you got me **last** time! Well forget it! I'm not stupid enough to fall for the same plan that got me trapped in the first place!"

"Last time?" Scott looked at Todd. "What did he mean by last time?"

"You know this creep?" Althea asked Todd.

"KNOW ME? HE'S THE ONE THAT CAUSED ME THE MOST PAIN AND SUFFERING OF ALL!" Nightmare screamed. "Except for the girl maybe. Oh wait and the fat one hurt me pretty bad too."

"I did?" Todd blinked.

"We did?" Fred blinked.

"Yeah you did!" Nightmare snapped. "You Brotherhood maniacs are really going to pay for what you did to me!"

"Who the hell **is** this guy?" Ray asked.

"You're asking us?" Pietro gave him a look.

"We've never seen him before in our lives," Lance said.

"Well he seems to know **you!**" Scott snapped.

"Of course I know these maniacs!" Nightmare snapped. "They have been the bane of my existence for years! I hate them all! Take Boom Boom for instance! Even I can't control my own nightmares sometimes after what she did to me!"

"He knows you too?" Wanda asked. "How does he know you?"

"I've never seen this guy before either!" Tabitha snapped.

"Don't you deny it!" Nightmare pointed at her. "You know what you did you sick demented psycho!"

"Maybe he **does** know you?" Althea quipped.

"But I don't know him!" Tabitha protested.

"Of course you know me!" Nightmare shouted. "How could you forget me? You little…" Then he stopped ranting.

"Oh that's right," Nightmare's face fell. "I erased your memories of me right before…Never mind…This is rather embarrassing…"

"Tell me about it," Amara rolled her eyes. "Worst bad guy ever."

"Even the Blob's fat cousin with the insects was more effective than this," Scott agreed.

"Well you will remember Nightmare now!" Nightmare snapped. "I'm returning your memories!" A purple glow emanated from his hands.

"AAHHH!" Lance, Todd, Fred, Pietro and Tabitha screamed as their heads glowed purple for a moment.

"What are you doing to them?" Althea shouted as she went to Todd's side.

"Making the Brotherhood remember the indignities they heaped on me!" Nightmare snapped. "So when I finally get my revenge they'll **remember** it!"

"Wait a second…" Lance blinked. "**Now** I remember!"

"Not this jerk again!" Tabitha groaned.

"I can't believe this bozo is back!" Pietro said. "I thought we got rid of him for good!"

"So who the hell is he?" Logan snapped.

"Nightmare," Lance said glaring at his foe. "His name is Nightmare."

"We know **that!"** Wanda said. "How does he know you and the Brotherhood? And Tabitha."

"She is part of the Brotherhood! Or was the last time I saw her," Nightmare groaned.

"This was back when I was hanging with the Brotherhood, remember?" Tabitha said. "Before you came."

"Those days are kind of a little fuzzy," Wanda gave her a look. "Go on."

"Long story short this guy was using us as guinea pigs before he was gonna take on the X-Men," Lance explained. "We stopped him. And now he wants revenge."

"Oh is **that** all?" Logan rolled his eyes.

"Is it **always **like this around here?" Monet asked.

"No, sometimes it gets a lot weirder," Jamie told her.

"Weirder than **this?"** Monet yelled. "How is that possible?"

"You'd be surprised," Pietro told her.

"How did we stop him again?" Fred scratched his head.

"That idiot Alvers caused a cave in on my body!" Nightmare pointed. "He trapped me within my own chamber! It was only recently with the invasion of the giant insects I was able to get out!"

"Chamber? What chamber?" Kitty asked.

"This guy's powers involve manipulating dreams but for some reason he can't sleep like we can," Lance explained.

"Yes I needed my chamber to help me sleep. Unfortunately I slept quite a long time!" Nightmare snapped. "Much longer than I intended too! As I stated before when those blasted bugs attacked they broke my chamber and I was able to crawl my way out of the rubble! Do you have any idea how long it took me to make a new one? And how much money I had to spend to make it?"

"What? You had to sell off your comic book collection or something to pay for it?" Kurt joked.

"THERE IS NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THAT!" Nightmare screamed. "I EVEN HAD TO SELL OFF SOME GREAT COLLECTABLE BUSTS! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET A ONE OF A KIND ORIGINAL PRINCESS LEIA AS THE SLAVE GIRL IN RETURN OF THE JEDI IN GOLD AND SIGNED BY CARRIE FISHER HERSELF? DO YOU?"

"O-kay," Jubilee gulped. "Real lame bad guy here."

"Enough talking let's just put this guy on...ice?" Bobby tried to freeze him but his powers didn't work. "Uh…Guys? I'm kind of out of cold power here."

"I'll get 'em," Scott readied his optic blasts but nothing came out. He cautiously took off his visor. "What? My powers are gone!"

"I can't get my claws out for some reason!" Rina shouted.

"Neither can I!" Logan shouted. He saw Nightmare power up. "This is not good."

Nightmare laughed and with a blast the mutants were flung backwards. Large stone slabs rose from the floor and the gang found themselves bound to them. "I…I can't move!" Rogue shouted. "All my strength is gone!"

"I can't teleport!" Kurt shouted.

"And I can't phase," Kitty grumbled. "Pretty ironic actually. What's going on?"

"Oh yeah I forgot," Fred remembered. "He can control whether we have powers or not in the dream world he makes up."

"YOU COULD'T HAVE MENTIONED THIS IN THE BEGINNING?" Kurt yelled.

"We just got our memories back two seconds ago! Give us a break!" Fred snapped.

"So how did you beat him?" Scott asked.

"Uh…" Fred blinked.

"Anybody **with** a brain cell remember?" Monet groaned.

"It's all kind of fuzzy," Tabitha said. "I remember a big flash but other than that…"

"Ha ha! Fools! Now I get my revenge! You see what I am going to do is take your most cherished dreams, your most pleasurable fantasies and turn them into your darkest nightmares!" Nightmare laughed.

"So to recap," Jean had the strongest urge to rub her temples. "We're trapped in a dream dimension without our powers by an old enemy of the former Brotherhood who can't remember exactly how they defeated him in the first place?"

"Right," Wanda nodded.

"And now he's going to torture us?" Jean asked.

"Looks like it," Angelica said.

"I came back from the dead for **this?**" Jean asked.

"Now…" A row of doors appeared before Nightmare. "Each of these rooms represents some of your most pleasant dreams. Who shall I start with first?"

He turned around and saw the first door marked TOAD. "Hmmm…How about…?" Then he whirled around. "Oh no! Not **this** time! You're not tricking me again! This is how it started the **last **time we did this! No way! No how!"

He made a motion and the TOAD door disappeared. "HA! How do you like those apples? You're not freaking me out like you did the last time!"

"What happened the last time?" Wanda looked at Todd.

"Let's just say he got a little squeamish after seeing bits of my past yo," Todd told her.

"Yes and I'd like **not t**o lose my lunch this time," Nightmare snapped. "I'm going to someone else's! Like your girlfriend here!" He opened the door saying WAVEDANCER. "Let's see what's in her deepest, darkest fantasies shall we?"

"Let's not and say we did," Wanda gulped.

Nightmare laughed and went inside the door. Two seconds later he ran out screaming. "THAT IS THE SICKEST! MOST DISGUSTING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN! WHAT KIND OF PERVERT ARE YOU?" He ran over to a corner and started vomiting.

"That's my girl!" Shipwreck grinned.

"Does that answer your question?" Wanda asked.

"Okay…Let's try something else shall we…?" Nightmare grumbled after he finished. "Let's just work on the dreams that don't have an NC 17 rating shall we?"

He waved his hand. Immediately, Althea's, Rogue's, Wanda's, Tabitha's, Amara's, Rina's, Jean's, Cover Girl's and Shipwreck's dream doors disappeared. "Notice it's mostly the **girls'** dreams that disappeared?" Bobby quipped.

"Hey mine was about violence, not sex," Wanda told him. "Don't lump me in with the rest of these maniacs."

"Yeah you're a maniac of a different kind," Tabitha quipped.

"All right, that's better…" Nightmare breathed a sigh of relief. "This time we are **all** going in! So at least I won't be freaked out alone!" He opened the door that said PENANCE. "This one looks safe."

"Uh oh…" Hank gulped as they found themselves in Penny's dream. It was a giant woodland forest filled with cute rabbits and squirrels.

"This is disgusting…" Nightmare recoiled at the sweetness all around him.

"It's gonna get more disgusting in a minute," Hank sighed.

"What do you mean?" Nightmare asked. Penny bounded by him. "Hey how did you get free you little…"

"SKWWEEEEEEEKK!"

"OH MY GOD!" Nightmare screamed. "Did she just bite that squirrel's **head off?"**

"Yup," Todd nodded.

"Maybe we should have called her Ozzy instead of Penny," Betsy remarked.

"SWEEEK!! SWEEEK! SWEEEK! SQEEEEK!"

"Gross there's blood everywhere!" Kitty screamed as Penny cheerfully mauled every cute fuzzy animal in sight.

"SWEEK! SWEEEEK! SQUEEEEEEEEEK!"

"You have one sick kid living here," Nightmare looked at Logan.

"Tell us something we **don't** know," Logan rolled his eyes.

"Hmm…Well let's not waste a good dream!" Nightmare snapped his fingers.

Before everyone knew it they had been turned into cute fuzzy squirrels and rabbits. "I do not like where this is going," Kurt gulped. He had turned into a blue squirrel.

"If anyone makes one stupid remark…" Logan had been turned into a big gray bunny rabbit.

"Hey it's better than being a unicorn," Remy said. He was a little red squirrel with black and red eyes.

"He does have a point," Ororo was a white rabbit.

"This place is so weird…" Lorna groaned. She was a green rabbit.

"Hey Storm you wanna…?" Shipwreck was a rabbit too. He hopped next to her to snuggle only to get a paw right in the kisser. "Ow…"

"Don't even think about it you dumb bunny!" Ororo snapped.

"HA! The mighty X-Men and Misfits, reduced to being cute little woodland creatures!" Nightmare laughed.

"This is so not funny," Kitty groaned as she looked at herself. "Why am I a **squirrel **and not a bunny?" She was a little brown squirrel.

"I'll trade," Rogue hopped over. She was a black bunny with a white stripe of fur on her forehead.

"You look more like a skunk than a rabbit," Pyro ran over as a red squirrel.

"Oh bite me!" Rogue snapped.

"I'd love to!" Monet was a squirrel as well. "I should have went to prison."

"Catseye starting to feel the same way," She was a bunny rabbit.

"This never happened to me back in England," Betsy was a purple squirrel. "Danielle this stuff is supposed to be your specialty. Can't you just use your powers or something?"

"I'd love to but I can't! He's blocking my powers somehow!" Danielle the black squirrel snapped. "And look who's talking! You're an even more powerful psychic than I am!

"Jean's pretty powerful but she's stuck too," Betsy remarked.

"Yeah but why am I a bird and the rest of you are furry animals?" Jean was a cute little red bird. "I can't even fly away? What good is being a bird if you can't fly?"

"Don't ask the penguins that," Rogue quipped.

"Yo it feels weird having fur," Todd the tan bunny hopped around.

"Meep!" Penny turned around and saw them.

"Oh boy…" Scott who had been turned into a brown rabbit gulped. "This is not good."

"MEEEEP!" Penny squealed as she ran towards them. "MEEP! MEEP! MEEP!"

"RUN!" Hank the blue bunny screamed. They tried to flee but found themselves held in place by long blades of grass. "YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME?"

"Ha ha! Yes! You'll be shredded to…" Nightmare looked down at himself. He had somehow turned into a black and gray squirrel. "WHAT? HOW DID **THIS **HAPPEN?"

"SQUEEEEE!" Penny squealed as she ignored the others and headed straight for Nightmare with her sharp claws.

"Stay back! Stay back!" Squirrel Nightmare screamed. He ran for his life. "AAAHHHH! SHRED THEM! NOT ME!"

"Well this is unexpected," Hank blinked.

"Oh yeah," Lance the rabbit blinked. "Now I'm starting to remember how we beat him."

"OW! OW! OW! THAT HURTS! OW!" Nightmare screamed in agony. "OW! OW! OH GOD NOT THERE! OWWWWWW! OW!"

"He's pathetic isn't he?" Scott blinked.

"OW! GET OFF OF ME! THOSE TEETH ARE SHARP! OW!" Nightmare howled as Penny happily mauled him. "OW! OW!"

"And how," Lance nodded.

"OH COME ON!" Nightmare screamed. "WHY ARE YOU GOING AFTER ME WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE YOU CAN SHRED? OW! OW! OW!"

"What was your **first **clue?" Logan asked him.

Suddenly the world around them changed. They found themselves out in the hallway in their human forms again. A slightly torn up Nightmare was nailing Penny's dream door shut. "AND **STAY** IN THERE YOU LITTLE PSYCHO!"

"Okay…" Nightmare panted when he finished. "Let's try this again!" He looked around and saw a door marked BLOB. "Let's try this one!"

"Goody! We're going to my dream!" Fred clapped his hands.

"This is **not **a field trip!" Logan roared at him. Suddenly the landscape changed again. They found themselves at a dude ranch. "Now where are we?"

"Yes! A dude ranch!" Nightmare took out a ten gallon black hat and put it on his head. "Now to have a cattle drive! Git along little…" He turned around and saw a bizarre sight. "Elephants?"

"If anyone makes one lousy **fat joke**…" Rogue grunted. Nearly all the X-Men and Misfits had been turned into giant elephants.

"ELEPHANTS ON A DUDE RANCH?" Nightmare shouted.

"Well yeah," Fred told him. He and Lina were riding on Scott and Jean elephants respectively. Both were dressed up like Roy Rodgers and Dale Evans, in sparkling cowboy gear. "I mean it's kind of impossible for me to ride a horse so…"

"I see…?" Nightmare gulped realizing he was about to be in the middle of an elephant stampede.

"You know maybe Remy might like Blob's dream after all?" Remy the elephant grinned.

"YEEEHAAA!" Fred waved his cowboy hat. Soon all the Elephants were trampling over Nightmare. _"Happy trails to you! Until we meet again! Happy trails to you…" _

"Blob will you stop singing and get off my **back?**" Scott snapped.

"OW! OW! OW! OW!" Nightmare screamed as he was trampled on by mutant elephants. "THAT'S IT!" Suddenly they were back in the corridor of doors and themselves again. "I have to board up this one too!"

"Hey shouldn't you be dead?" Sam asked.

"Don't you see the irony in **that** question?" Monet gave him a look.

"You can't kill me **that** easily!" Nightmare snapped. "Not in my dream world!"

"But we can hurt you, right?" Lance grinned.

"I'd prefer to hurt you! And I shall!" Nightmare opened the door that said AVALANCHE.

"Uh oh…" Hank said.

"Why did you say 'Uh Oh' again?" Nightmare whirled on him.

"No reason," Hank whistled.

"Go ahead and try to use my dreams against me," Lance grinned. "I dare you!"

"Oh please! I had you crying like a baby the **last**…" Nightmare entered the dream. "There nothing in here."

"Oh yes there is," Lance grinned.

"There is?" Todd blinked. Lance gave him a look. "Ohhhh! Now I get it!"

"Yeah and hopefully he's gonna **get it,"** Lance whispered to him.

"You don't think…?" Jean opened her mouth.

"I **know** he's in here," Lance said.

"You think it will work?" Peter asked. "He might not…"

"Please, he lives to annoy people," Lance said. "This is a golden opportunity here."

"Who are we talking about?" Monet huffed.

"That's right you don't know…" Lance began.

"Know what?" Nightmare snapped. Suddenly it got dark and there was a spotlight on him. "What's going on?"

"And now…He's lean, he's mean…And he's really good looking…" A familiar voice shouted. "Introducing…THE COYOTE!"

"The Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" Nightmare screamed as he was hit by a red car driven by the Coyote.

_"Little red corvette!" _The Coyote sang aloud. _"Perfect for running people over!" _

"Told you he'd show up," Lance rolled his eyes.

"What the hell is that?" Nightmare snapped.

"I'm your worst nightmare," The Coyote grinned. "Okay technically I'm Lance's worst nightmare but you get the picture."

Then the Coyote hopped out of the car. He took out a huge mallet and hit Nightmare on the head. "Ladies and gentlemen! Lady of Spain!"

"Didn't I see this on the Muppet Show?" Bobby asked.

"You're right, I'd better do something more contemporary," The Coyote thought. Then he started smacking Nightmare with the mallet on the head and feet. Nightmare started screaming in pain to the tune of Baby Hit Me One More Time.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow owwwwwww!" Nightmare screamed. "Ow! Ow! OW! OW! OW! OW! OWWWWWWWWW!"

_"Baby hit me one more time!"_ The Coyote was now dressed like Brittany Spears (pre shaved head) and dancing around. Suddenly a giant mallet came out of nowhere and hit the Coyote. "WHOA! WHO HIT ME THAT TIME?"

"OUT! EVERYBODY OUT!" Soon Nightmare was boarding up Lance's door.

"Here are some more nails," The Coyote handed Nightmare some.

"Thanks I…WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE BEHIND THE DOOR?" Nightmare shouted. He glared at Lance. "How are you **doing** this?"

"That's the funny thing," Lance shrugged. "I can't control him. Just pops up whenever he wants to and annoys the hell out of me."

"Lancey, I'm hurt…" The Coyote pouted.

"No but you will be!" Nightmare grabbed the Coyote and managed to shove him back into the room and locked it again. "And stay in there!"

BOOM!

The door shattered when a giant red train blasted through. "All aboard!" The Coyote wearing a conductor's hat and red bandana called out.

"AAAHHHH!" The train hit Nightmare and sent him reeling.

"Train going to Newark, Washington and Kook-amunga!" The Coyote rang the bell. "Right Conductor Penny?"

"Rarr! Rarr!" Penny wearing a conductor's hat agreed cheerfully.

"Get on board!" Scott called out. They jumped on the train to escape Nightmare.

_"Everybody's doing a brand new dance now…Come on baby do the loco-motion!" _The Coyote sang as he drove the train.

"COME BACK HERE!" Nightmare screamed as he tried to catch up with them but couldn't. "THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"

"I'll say, how is this thing moving without tracks?" Arcade asked.

"Hello, dream train!" Todd gave him a look.

"Oh right," Arcade said.

"Well isn't this **lovely?**" The Coyote said as the gang sat in their seats. "The beverage cart will be there in a moment. Tea and peppermint schnapps anyone?"

"Your coyote is so weird," Kitty said to Lance.

"Don't complain! He got us away from Nightmare," Lance pointed out.

"Yeah but for how long?" Althea wondered.

"Could somebody please explain to me what the **hell is going on?"** Monet shouted. "How did we all end up in a living cartoon?"

"Oh how rude of us," Tabitha said sweetly. "This is Lance's imaginary Coyote. Imaginary Coyote, Monet. Monet, Imaginary Coyote."

"Charmed I'm sure!" The Coyote zipped back and kissed Monet's hand. "And you too lovely lady! Rarrr!" He kissed Catseye's hand as well.

"Imaginary…Coyote?" Monet gave Lance a look. "Why does he sound like Quicksilver?"

"Because they're **both** annoying," Wanda said. "I'm surprised you didn't figure that out. You know what with you being so intellectually superior to the rest of us."

"I definitely should have gone to jail instead…" Monet groaned.

"You know Shooter used to say that all the time," Xi remarked. "I wonder how he is doing?"

"Odds are, better than us!" Sam said. "Cyclops what are we gonna do?"

"We find the Professor first," Scott told him.

"How? I can't smell a blasted thing and none of our other powers work!" Logan asked.

"You wanna find Xavier? Why didn't you say that in the first place?" The Coyote asked. "I'll take you to him!"

"You know where he is?" Ororo asked.

"Of course I do!" The Coyote puffed up. "I know everything!"

"Do you know who is driving this train?" Peter asked.

"Relax I put it on autopilot," The Coyote told him.

"Trains do not have an autopilot," Peter said.

"They **don't?**" The Coyote blinked.

CRASH!

"We crashed through one of the dream doors!" Rogue shouted.

"Oops, my bad," Coyote said.

"NEIGH!"

SPLAT!

"MY PONY!" Paige shouted. "YOU RAN OVER MY DREAM PONY!"

_"My little pony, my flat little pony…"_ The Coyote sang.

"YOU KILLED MY DREAM PONY YOU CRAZY…" Paige leapt up and started choking the Coyote.

"AAAKKKK!" The Coyote's eyes bulged out. "I'm outta here!" He disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Great now we gotta drive the train!" Scott ran to the controls. "Where are the controls?"

"How much you wanna bet there are none," Pietro shouted. "THANKS A LOT LANCE!"

"Don't blame **me!** Blame the stupid…" Lance shouted.

CRASH!

"Coyote..." Lance groaned as the train crashed to a halt.

"No blaming you is more fun," Wanda said.

"Oh goody we've crashed into **another **personal dream!" Kurt said sarcastically.

"Well at least the train's stopped," Shipwreck said. "That house stopped it."

"It's a nice little town," Kitty got off the train. "I wonder who's dream it is?"

"HELP ME!" They heard Xavier shouting. "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"Does that answer your question?" Logan groaned. They ran and saw Xavier running towards them.

"The Professor, walking?" Catseye blinked.

"Hello? Dream World here!" Monet snapped at her. "Of course he can walk you hairball!"

"Professor are you all right?" Ororo asked.

"No," Xavier shuddered. "In this dream my dream of peaceful coexistence between humans and mutants has been realized."

"If that's true then why are you screaming?" Ororo asked.

"Hi there everybody!" Shipwreck in a business suit walked by. "Beautiful day!"

"Nice day today!" Another Shipwreck called out as he drove a truck.

"Hey! Can I take your order?" A Shipwreck waiter called out.

"What a lovely day to walk in the park!" A Shipwreck in a dress, a frilly hat and lipstick walked by with a baby carriage.

"Ma Ma!" A Shipwreck baby holding a bottle waved. "Baby want more booze!"

"Oh **that's** why," Kitty said. "Now it all makes sense."

"A world full of Shipwrecks," Ororo shuddered. "Talk about your **nightmares!"**

_"It's a Shipwreck World after all!"_ All the Shipwrecks sang. _"It's a world of madness, a world of beer. It's a world of fun and even more beer! There's love in the air and lots of booze everywhere! It's a Shipwreck World after all!"_

"We should have stayed on the train," Althea groaned.

_"There's plenty of bars and strip clubs to have fun!"_ More Shipwrecks started to dance around. Many of them were dressed in costumes representing countries from all over the world like a deranged parody of 'It's a Small World'. "_And plenty of alcohol for every one! There's a card game over there! There's booze everywhere! It's a Shipwreck World after all!" _

"I certainly preferred the elephant dream," Ororo groaned. "Let's get out of here!" They ran until they found the door and were back in the corridor.

"Now what do we do?" Tabitha asked. "We still don't have our powers back."

"Let's hide out in this dream!" Jubilee opened the door and they all ran in.

"Where are we now?" Hank asked. "And I wonder what we will turn into **this **time?"

"Looks like a pageant of some kind," Jean remarked.

That's when the spotlight shone on Monet. "Here she is folks your pageant queen!" An announcer said. "Monet is your Miss Lard Butt!"

"WHAT?" Monet shouted. Her behind started to swell up tremendously.

"Catseye always thought Monet's head was swelled up but this…" Catseye laughed.

_"There she is…Miss Lard Butt! There she is! Too big to sit on a toilet seat!"_ The announcer sang. "_She's so fat she can't even see her feet!" _

"THIS IS **NOT **MY DREAM!" Monet shouted.

"No, it's **mine!**" Jubilee grinned.

"Yeah I thought it was funny too so I kind of borrowed it," Nightmare laughed as he appeared beside her. "You have very good taste in dreams by the way."

"Oh thanks," Jubilee said. She did a double take. "Uh oh…"

"RUN!" Fred shouted. Everyone did. They ran back into the corridor.

"Into another door!" Jean shouted and they ran into the next one. They found themselves in a forest. "Okay whose dream is this?"

"Who the hell knows?" Logan grunted. He saw Nightmare behind him. "Oh this is just great!"

"This is perfect!" Nightmare laughed. "Now you will all be tormented in this dream world forever! HA HA HA!"

"Yeah right! Like we'd let you do anything to us jerk!" Kitty shouted.

"You should be **thanking** me," Nightmare sneered. "This dream world is the only place where you'll ever touch anything again!"

That did it. The next thing anyone knew Kitty gave Nightmare a huge right hook that sent him flying. "Yeah that's why you don't tick Kitty off if you can help it," Lance said.

"You little **witch**! When I'm finished…" Nightmare rubbed his jaw. The sound of music distracted him. "What the hell is that?"

"Is that…?" Pyro's ears perked up. "It is! It is! I can't believe they're coming!" He jumped up and down clapping happily. "They're coming!"

"Who's coming?" Xavier asked. Then he saw. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I don't believe it," Scott blinked.

"Believe it," Lance groaned.

"Are those what I think they are?" Hank did a double take.

"Yup," Althea sighed. "They are…"

"What?" Nightmare looked behind him. Two giant silver lighters with faces, hands and feet danced towards them.

"It's Bic and Bac!" Pyro squealed.

"Who?" Nightmare asked.

"Hi Boys and Girls!" The lighters cheered. "We're Pyro's special friends! Do you know what time it is?"

"FIRE TIME!" Pyro shouted.

"Fire time?" Nightmare asked. He looked at the lighters. The lighters opened up and set out a very large stream of fire that hit Nightmare dead on. "AAHAHHHHHHH!"

"Okay this situation is officially out of control," Jubilee groaned.

"FIRE! FIRE! OH GOD THIS HURTS!" Nightmare screamed as he ran around with his cape on fire. Pyro and his two lighter friends chased him. "THIS HURTS!"

"**Offically** out of control?" Monet asked. "It was out of control before we entered this stupid bell tower of terror!"

"OH GOD! STOP THE BURNING! STOP THE BURNING!" Nightmare screamed.

"You know…This was really predictable if you think about it," Scott blinked.

"OW! OW! OH GOD I STOP DROP AND ROLL BUT IT STILL DOESN'T GO OUT! SOMEBODY GET IT OUT!" Nighmare screamed in agony.

"Yeah," Logan said. "I don't know **what** we were worried about."

"HELP ME! I AM ON FIRE AND I AM BURNING PRETTY BADLY HERE!" Nightmare screamed in agony. "I'M SERIOUS! THIS REALLY HURTS HERE!"

"We should have done this in the **first place**," Angelica said. "Would have saved us a lot of trouble."

"GET THESE LIGHTERS AWAY FROM ME! OWW! OH MOMMA THAT HURTS!"

"I know it **was** kind of dumb of us," Scott admitted. "Why **didn't **we think of it?"

"AAAHHHHH! NO! GO AWAY! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY GO AWAY! PLEASE! NO MORE FIRE! AAHHHHHHH!"

"Maybe there's a reason for that," Hank thought aloud.

"You mean we needed to confront our dreams and fantasies?" Fred asked. "To somehow go through this whole process to make us into better people?"

"AAHHHH! EVEN MY BONES FEEL HOT! SOMEBODY GET ME A BUCKET OF WATER!"

"No, that's not it," Hank shook his head.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! AAAHHHH! WHY WON'T THIS FLAME GO OUT? AAAAHHHHH! PLEASE SOMEONE GET THIS FLAME OUT!"

"Maybe we secretly wanted this to happen?" Pietro said. "We wanted to actualize our fantasies so badly somehow the line between fantasy and reality got blurred?"

"AHHHHHHHH!"

"No, that's not it either," Hank thought.

"OH GOD! I DIDN'T KNOW PAIN LIKE THIS EXISTED! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!"

"Maybe some all powerful cosmic force wanted us to experience this?" Kurt suggested.

"Why? To get a laugh and waste time?" Lance asked him.

"STOP KICKING ME! SINCE WHEN DO LIGHTERS HAVE FEET! STOP KICKING AND BURNING ME! AAAHHHHHH!"

"It's as good a reason as any," Todd admitted.

"PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! MAKE THE HURTING STOP!"

"Maybe it's because we're so damn tired and screwed up we didn't think about it?" Logan growled.

"Yeah I'll go with that one," Hank agreed.

"Okay so how do we get out of this mess?" Kurt asked.

"That's easy! We'll save you!" Trinity appeared. They were wearing little sailor scout uniforms.

"We are the enemies of evil," Brittany made a pose.

"The protectors of dreams!" Quinn said as she made a pose.

"We're on the side of love, justice and some good old fashioned butt kicking!" Daria made a pose as well.

"And yours is the butt we are going to kick!" They shouted as they pointed to the burnt Nightmare.

"Mommy…" Nightmare gulped before Trinity attacked.

"I knew we were forgetting someone!" Althea smacked her head. "This dream's so whacked it's making **me **crazy!"

"You're not the **only** one," Todd remarked. "Ooh! That's a good right hook."

"Yikes! That psychic lightning attack really looks like it hurts," Catseye winced.

"Trust me, it does," Shipwreck told her.

"Boy this is fun!" Pyro cheered. "Hey Bic and Bac let's help them and sing a song!"

"No..." Nightmare whined. "Please...Stop...Owie..."

_"People try to put us down! Talking about the lighter generation! Saying setting people on fire is getting old!"_ Pyro and the lighters danced around. _"Gonna set this guy on fire before he gets cold!"_

"NOT THE FIRE AGAIN! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Nightmare screamed as the fire hit him again. Then the psychic lightning. "NOT THAT EITHER! AAAAHHHHHHH! I GIVE UP! PLEASE! WHAT PART OF I GIVE UP DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"You guys can wake up now," Brittany skipped over. "We called the Joes and they've got Nightmare's body under control."

"And how do we do that?" Scott asked.

"Easy," She took out a huge bullhorn. **"WAKE UP YOU GUYS!" **

**"AAAAHHHH!" **Everyone screamed at the loud sound.

RRRRUMMMMBLE!

"AAAHHH!" Kurt screamed so loud he fell off the medical bed. "Ow! I hate it when that happens!"

"Ow that hurts…" Scott rubbed his head. Nearly all the X-Men and Misfits were in the infirmary.

"They're awake," Low Light reported. "Welcome back to the real world guys!"

"Yay and I have a real headache," Lance moaned.

&&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&&

_"So let me see if I get this straight," _Kitty thought. _"This Nightmare guy attacked us with some kind of sleeping gas and weird gadget he attached to his head so that he could control our dreams while we were asleep?" _

"Right. It was lucky for us that Trinity was over at the Baxter Building when Nightmare attacked," Jean explained to Kitty in Hank's lab later that day. "When they came back to borrow some tools they figured out what was going on and got one of their inventions to enter the dream world and get us out. Of course we already did most of the work."

_"At least I was able to help," _Kitty sighed. _"Probably the last time I'll ever be able to do that in this state." _

"Don't worry Kitty," Jean said. "We just got a message from Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four. He's nearly finished on a device that just might help you. Trinity's helping him out too of course. That's what they were doing over there."

Kitty rolled her eyes. _"That fills me with confidence. So what happened to Nightmare?" _

"When the GRSO showed up he was practically **begging **them to take him away," Jean snickered.

_"GRSO? I thought SHIELD…?" _

"No, somehow they got the call instead," Jean shrugged. "Either way it's going to be a **long** time before we hear from that guy again. If ever."

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In GRSO headquarters…

"Elephants everywhere…" Nightmare rocked back and forth. He was strapped in a straightjacket. "Watch out for the coyote…Run squirrels **run!" **

"What happened to **him?**" The Baroness asked as she stood outside the padded cell with Emma.

"Mutant with the power to enter dreams," Emma told her. "Tangled with the X-Men and Misfits."

"Sailors everywhere! **I'm Shipwreck the sailor man**…" Nightmare laughed wildly.

"Let me guess, it didn't go well?" The Baroness sighed.

"HA HA! Sick! Sick children! Pink girls who like to dismember people! HAAAHHHHHH! Purple lightning! Purple lightning!" Nightmare shouted. "Lighters don't have feet! Lighters don't have **feet!"**

"What do **you **think?" Emma gave her a look.

"You think you can fix him for our army?" The Baroness asked.

"Watch out for the train! The train! No not the mallets! Run little bunnies! Bunnies!" Nightmare screamed. "Coyote! Crazy coyote! NO! NO MORE FIRE! NO MORE FIRES! LIGHTERS ARE BAD! VERY BAD! HAAAAAAA HAAAAA!"

"This could take a while," Emma told her. "Poor devil."

"He was in the minds of the Misfits and **Shipwreck,"** The Baroness groaned. "It's a miracle the man is still alive!"

**If you thought that adventure was weird, wait until the next one! Nightmare may be the most pathetic bad guy to attack the gang but he is by no means the last! Get ready as the gang finds themselves the target of another maniac! All for your amusement! And mine. He he...**


	84. The Penance Files

**The Penance Files**

The day after Nightmare attacked started off as a quiet day.

"AAAHHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU LITTLE PINK PSYCOPATH!" Monet screamed at the top of her lungs. "GO AWAY!"

Well maybe quiet isn't the **exact **word.

"SHE DID IT AGAIN!" Monet flew into Xavier's study where he was conferring with Logan, Ororo and Hank. "THE LITTLE MANIAC DID IT AGAIN!"

"Who exactly did what to you?" Xavier sighed, even though he knew **exactly **what she was referring to.

"Penance the Pink Menace!" Monet told him. "Who **else?**"

"Okay what did Pinky do **this** time?" Logan asked. "Stuff dead squirrels in your drawer? Arrange animal heads on your bed? Try to wear your clothes and accidentally shred them? Drop a dead bird on your shoes? Or insist on giving you a squirrel head?"

"ALL OF THE ABOVE!" Monet told him. "It's bad enough that…that lunatic stalks me all day!"

"She doesn't stalk you…" Ororo began.

"She **stalks** me, Storm!" Monet told her. "Every time I turn around that little pink parasite is staring at me! I go to the bathroom, when I get out, there she is staring at me! I get out of Danger Room practice, there she is, staring at me! I wake up in the middle of the night, **there** she is! **Watching me** while I sleep! And nine times out of ten she's holding some disgusting dead animal in front of me!"

"That's because she likes you," Logan told her. Under his breath he muttered. "**Why **I will never understand."

"Ever since I arrived at this **insane asylum** posing as a school that **creature **has annoyed me to no end!" Monet snapped. "And when I say annoyed, I mean infuriated **beyond reason!"**

"Monet," Xavier said diplomatically. "I know this has been a large adjustment after what you have been through. But try to be a little understanding."

"Understanding? The little freak is making my life a living **hell!"** Monet snapped. "How am I supposed to understand a creature like that? She's more like an animal that belongs in a cage than a girl! In fact putting her in a cage is good idea!"

"Monet," Ororo said. "We know Penny has problems…"

"Problems? **Problems?** The **Misfits **have problems. That girl is a full blown **psychopath!**" Monet snapped. "Can't you get through to her?"

"Her shields are incredibly strong," Xavier began. "It is nearly impossible for me to enter her mind."

"I was referring to a good spanking or a baseball bat!" Monet snapped. "In fact I'd be glad to do it myself!"

"You ever try to spank a girl whose body is incredibly dense and any body part is a potential weapon?" Logan gave her a look. "I wouldn't recommend it."

"You actually hit Penny?" Ororo asked.

"When she first got here and went on my bedroom rug I admit I lost my temper," Logan groaned. "I grabbed her and said this will hurt me more than it hurt you…It turns out I was right. You heard of buns of steel? She's got buns of sharp adamantium! It took two hours for my hand to heal itself while she laughed at me."

"It serves you right," Ororo glared at him.

"WHAT? AT LEAST HE **TRIED** TO DO SOMETHING!" Monet snapped.

"We don't believe in using violence as a way to disciple students here at the Xavier Institute," Xavier told her.

"What about that three hour Danger Room session you had me run the other day?" Monet gave him a look.

"Oh quit whining. Those flame throwers and explosives barely **touched **you," Logan waved. "And you trashed those buzz saws easily."

"Believe it or not, Penance has made a lot of progress since she first arrived," Hank told Monet.

"You're right, I **don't** believe it," Monet folded her arms. "How exactly has she progressed?"

"Well…She's wearing clothes, sometimes walks upright and knows how to use the potty," Logan shrugged. "That's got to be worth something."

"Don't be so sure on that last one!" Monet said.

Penny then bounded in. She was carrying something and dropped it at Monet's feet. "What are you up to now?" Monet groaned. "What is that? Is that a **fireman's **boot?"

"Oh great," Logan groaned. "First mailmen, then cops and now firemen!"

"She's certainly expanding her repertoire of terror," Hank admitted. "Professor…"

"I'm calling the lawyer," Xavier was on the phone.

"You call **this** an improvement?" Monet shouted.

"At least there's not a leg in there," Logan admitted.

"Professor you have to do something!" Monet snapped. "I mean it! This little pink maniac is out of control!"

"I hate to admit this but Monet has a point," Ororo said. "Penny's behavior is quite…disturbing. Especially for the neighbors."

"Not to mention the civil servants," Hank sighed. "Something does have to be done."

"Finally you **get **it!" Monet raised her hands. "I swear if you hadn't done something after this I would have taken matters into my own hands!"

"Really?" Logan raised an eyebrow. "Interesting choice of words."

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"I **hate** you," Monet glared at Penny. "STOP STARING AT ME!"

"Come on Monet, being Penny's personal tutor can't be **that **bad," Jubilee said with a very big smile on her face. Many of the students were in the kitchen and quite enjoying Monet's predicament.

"Not that bad?" Monet snapped. "How would you like to spend all day with someone who throws **dead squirrels** on your bed?"

"She follows you around all day anyway," Sam pointed out. "Why I have no idea."

"Yeah what **do** you see in her Penny?" Jubilee asked. "She's an obnoxious witch. What is it about Monet that you actually like?"

"Maybe it's a side of her we never see," Tabitha said. "Like the dark side of the moon or something."

"Why do you like her?" Paige asked. "She's a horrible, horrible person!"

"I'M RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW?" Monet shouted. "What I don't get is why I have to be the one to tutor her?"

"I thought it was pretty obvious," Tabitha said calmly. "To torture you of course."

"BESIDES THAT!" Monet snapped at her.

"If you think about it, it's a logical choice," Tim said. "You're invulnerable."

"Since when is Rob Zombie over here a logical person?" Monet snapped. "Ever since I stepped into this aptly named **institute** my life has been turned into a nightmare!"

"Gee I wonder **why?"** Jubilee told her. "Ever since you stepped into our **home **you've been looking down at all of us from your high horse which you have **no right** to ride!"

"Even when you **don't** say anything you look like you're judging us," Tabitha added. "Especially when you're around Penny or Kurt. Or even Beast!"

"Well what do you expect from me?" Monet snapped. "I tolerate these lesser mutants…"

"**Lesser** mutants?" Paige snarled. "You're lucky **Rogue** didn't hear that!"

"Listen Monet we've been trying to be tolerant because you obviously don't know any better," Sam frowned. "But you have to start learning that no mutant is any better or worse than another because of his or her powers and what they look like."

"**I **don't know any better?" Monet snapped. "You sound like an ignorant hick!"

"No, **you're** the ignorant hick," Paige snapped. "You just don't realize it!"

"You know one of these days you might find yourself in Penny's shoes," Sam pointed.

"I highly doubt it," Monet snorted.

"Well one can always hope," Jubilee said.

"HELLO EVERYONE!" Todd shouted as he and most of the other Misfits teleported in.

_"Hello! Hello! Hello!"_ Fred, Arcade and Xi sang happily.

_"Good morning! Good morning! We slept the whole night through!"_ Pyro sang. _"Good morning! Good morning to you! And you, and you and you!"_

"This day just gets better and better!" Monet banged her head on the counter. "Just the nails on the coffin I needed!"

_"Good morning! Good morning we're happy to see you today!" _Pyro and Todd sang.

_"And now we'd like you all to go **away!"**_ Monet finished the song.

"Oooh, looks like somebody has the early morning grumpies," Pyro mocked.

"Not to mention the late morning grumpies, the noon grumpies, the early afternoon grumpies," Todd went on. "Tea time grumpies, late afternoon grumpies, dinner grumpies..."

"I GET THE MESSAGE!" Monet snapped.

"Where's Lucid and Torpid?" Paige asked.

"Watching the babies with Shipwreck," Althea told them.

"Ooh that looks good," Todd eyed Tabitha's donut.

"Take it," She gave it to him. "Hearing Monet rant about 'lesser evolved mutants' has made me lose my appetite."

"She talking that crap again?" Catseye snapped.

"And how," Tabitha nodded. "So you're back already?"

"Just took Jean, Peter, Scott Rogue, Danielle and a few of the other X-Men to the Baxter Building to work on Kitty's cure," Spyder said. "I hope they fix her up soon. I miss Kitty."

"That is so sweet," Amara said.

"It's not fun if I can't zap her," Spyder said. "If she can't be solid anymore I'll never be able to electrocute her again."

"What a **lovely **child," Monet rolled her eyes.

"You could always electrocute **her,**" Tabitha pointed to Monet.

"Ooh! I didn't think of that," Spyder grinned. "Thanks Tabby."

"Just what I need! Another maniac child trying to annoy me to death!" Monet snapped. "Thank you very much Tabitha!"

"You're welcome," Tabitha grinned. "I live to help people."

"You mean you live to help people go to an early grave," Monet grumbled.

"It's a calling," Tabitha smiled sweetly at her rival.

"Wish someone would call me with news that I don't have to live here any more," Monet groaned.

"So do we Monet," Jubilee sighed. "So do we? Althea I don't suppose...?"

"No thank you," Althea smiled. "We already have our quotient of Hellions. And we are happily filled."

"Catseye is just happy to be alive after yesterday," Catseye sighed.

"Oh please," Tabitha waved. "That loser wasn't even in the top one hundred and fifty of bad guys we have tangled with. Trust me, there are a lot worse characters out there."

"Oh I am so looking forward to **that**," Monet rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"Yeah even the cartoon Shipwreck clones and the mutated seagulls were more of a challenge than Nightmare," Wanda agreed.

"Cartoon Shipwreck clones?" Catseye blinked.

"Mutated seagulls?" Monet asked.

"Long story," Sam waved his hand.

"Aren't they all?" Monet groaned.

"Hey it's TV Time!" Pyro turned on the television in the kitchen.

"The body was discovered in back of the Sprawl Mart," A reporter on the news spoke in front of a store. "Authorities claim it appears that the man might have been a mutant due to his hard almost leather like skin. Sources say that it appears that all the marrow had been sucked out of his body but authorities aren't sure if his body didn't have any marrow to begin with. An autopsy is scheduled…"

"Aw crap! I hate the news! I wanna watch Cartoon Network!" Pyro changed the channel.

"Wait! Put that back on!" Monet snapped.

"You're not the boss of me!" Pyro stuck his tongue out. "YAAAYYY! It's My Home Ec Partner's a Man Eating Shark with a Laser on His Head! I **love** that one!"

"AAHHHHH!" The little cartoon characters ran in fear from the giant cartoon shark blasting everyone.

"How can you watch this drivel?" Monet snapped.

"Actually I think quite a few episodes are surprisingly well written," Sam remarked. "I particularly enjoyed the one where they found out the shark had dyslexia and that's why he was getting so frustrated he started to eat his tutors."

"Don't let Penny watch it, she might get ideas!" Althea said. "On second thought, Penny watch the cute little psychopathic shark."

"I am living in an insane asylum," Monet groaned.

"Ooh! Here comes the catchphrase!" Todd hopped up and down.

CHOMP! The cartoon shark swallowed the cartoon teacher.

"We're gonna need another sub!" The Misfits, some of the X-Men and the cartoon principal shouted.

"This is **ridiculous!** I gotta get out of here!" Monet left the room. Penny whined and followed her.

"You know Penny may be a dangerous little psychopath but even she's got a bigger heart than Monet," Pyro realized. "Such a loving little maniac."

"Keep in mind that Pyro has very **different **definitions for the words 'dangerous', 'psychopath' and 'maniac' than most **normal **people do," Wanda pointed out to the rest of the people in the room.

"What? They're not **good** terms?" Pyro blinked.

"I see what you mean," Paige blinked.

_"My Home Ec partner's a shark! Sharky! Sharky! Sharky!"_ Pyro sang the theme song of his favorite cartoon.

"Yeah note to self don't take anything Pyro says at face value," Tabitha sighed.

Meanwhile Monet was wandering around the grounds in a very nervous mood. "It couldn't have been him…" Monet said to herself. "He's dead. I'm sure of it." She looked at Penny. "I mean you can't fall into some kind of weird hellfire portal and **not **be dead, can you?"

Penny whimpered. "Then again weirder things have happened around here," Monet took a deep breath. "Like yesterday. What was **that **about? I have enough nightmares without some nutcase making new ones."

Monet took a deep breath. "But that body…it was **exactly** like he used to…But if he's back then that means…No, he can't be back! It's impossible! He just can't! Maybe it's just a conicidence. Yes. Yes that's got to be it. What else could it be? I mean, there is more than one telepath in the world right? And more than one teleporter or person with super strength. So the odds are that maybe there's another lunatic exactly like him out there. Why does that **not **make me feel any better?"

She looked at Penny who was whimpering. "This may sound crazy but I think not only do you understand me…You know **exactly **who I'm talking about don't you?" Monet's eyebrow's raised. "But how…?"

"That's because we've **met **before…" A familiar voice hissed.

**"No!"** Monet turned around and saw who was there. And she screamed.

Back in the kitchen. "Did anyone hear something?" Fred scratched his head.

"It's probably your stomach again," Pietro zoomed around eating food off of other people's plates. "It goes off every other minute or something!"

"No I mean I thought I heard someone screaming outside," Fred looked at the window. "Didn't Monet go out there?"

"Yeah and so did Penny," Angelica snorted. "I think we've figured out a connection here."

"Penny must have gotten another squirrel," Althea remarked.

"Uh I don't think so," Jamie looked out the window. "Guys! I think you'd better see this!"

On the lawn was Monet and Penny trying to fight off a huge gray mutant with wild long spiked gray and black hair, and ragged gray and black clothes with huge boots. But what was most shocking about this mutant was that around his face was strapped a strange mask with some kind of long suction hose attached to it, making him appear like he had a snout of an anteater.

"Oh goody another crazy unknown mutant attack," Lance quipped.

"Weren't we just attacked by a bad guy **yesterday?"** Jubilee groaned. "I'm telling you this is seriously screwing up my social calendar!"

"Since when do **you** have a social calendar?" Tabitha asked as they ran out to help Monet and Penny.

"Just because it's not **filled** doesn't mean I don't have one," Jubilee huffed.

Back outside Monet hovered in the air ready to attack. "Forget it Emplate! You won't win! Remember what happened the **last time** you tried to fight me? I thought you were trapped in that dimension without any marrow to sustain you!" Monet shouted.

"I wassss," Emplate hissed. "Then fortune smiled upon me…An unwitting demon tumbled into my pocket dimension and I wasss able to feed on it and escape. The more I feed the longer I can stay in this world."

"Well you're not staying long!" Monet flew towards him in order to hit him. "Not if **I **have something to say about it!"

"You can try…" Emplate hissed at her. Suddenly a huge blast of fire emitted from his hands. "The demon I absorbed had some wonderful powers…"

"AAHHHHH!" Monet barely got out of the way.

"Monet!" Jubilee shouted as the Misfits and X-Men ran out to help.

"You're not the only one who can play with fire creep!" Amara flamed up and blasted at Emplate.

The fire didn't even phase the monster. "I spent an eternity in a fiery hell," He hissed. "Do you really believe your little candle can injure **me?"**

Suddenly a wave of dark energy that looked red and menacing blasted from his body. "It's dark magic energy!" Wanda shouted. "Get out of the way!"

Everyone barely got out of the way as the energy blasted so hard it made giant cracks in the walls of the institute. "This is not good," Althea gulped.

"HA HA HA HA!" Emplate shot out several blasts of fire mixed with dark magic, causing everything it touched to wither and die and/or explode.

"I can't control the fire!" Pyro shouted.

"That's because it's mixed with dark magic!" Wanda told him. "Not even I dare to use my powers against it! It's too dangerous!"

BOOOM!

The mutants were knocked backwards. "Okay new plan! Retreat!" Althea shouted. "Into the mansion and set the defense controls on Defcon Three!"

The mutants barely got inside before Emplate sent out another very powerful blast. They managed to make their way to the control room. "I sent out an SOS to the others," Jubilee said. "I hope they get back in time!"

"Maybe not," Sam said. "According to the sensors this guy is cutting through our defenses like a hot knife through butter," Sam pointed to the monitor. Emplate was easily destroying the lasers surrounding the mansion and was now almost burned through the metal plating around the mansion that went in place when the mansion was on it's highest security setting. (Remember the episode Fun and Games?).

"Aren't those metal shields made of adamantium?" Angelica gulped.

"Yes they are," Ray gulped.

"This guy is **definitely **more powerful than the loser we fought with yesterday," Paige agreed.

"And it looks like Monet knows all about tall, dark and gruesome out there," Tabitha gave her a look.

"Okay Monet. Spill it. Who is this jerk?" Jubilee asked.

"It's a long story," Monet sighed.

"Give us the short version," Tabitha told her.

"Remember how I told all of you how Magneto ruined my life by outing me as a mutant in front of my family and they kicked me out because of my powers?" Monet asked.

"Yeah," Wanda nodded.

"Well I didn't tell you the **whole** story behind it," Monet sighed. "There's more."

"More than **that?**" Spyder asked.

"I had an older brother Marius and two younger twin sisters, Nichole and Claudette," Monet explained. "Six months before the whole Magneto thing…My family learned that my older brother was not only dabbling in black magic, he was a mutant. Marius was never exactly what you would call…stable."

"Compared to you?" Jubilee joked.

"He had this thing about vampires, in fact he was **obsessed **with them," Monet gave her a look. "He wanted to become one. And he got his wish when his mutant powers made him one. Only instead of sucking out blood to survive, he sucked out bone marrow from his victims."

"You mean, like what happened to the guy on the news?" Jamie was shocked.

"As you Americans say, Bingo!" Monet said. "And what's worse he can also suck out mutant powers and make them his own. And it turned out that both my sisters had mutant powers as well."

"That doesn't sound good," Pietro frowned.

Monet continued. "He attacked my sisters with his powers, but something went wrong. I don't exactly know what happened, maybe the dark magic he was using was too strong for him to control or something. But as it turned out he couldn't stay in this dimension for very long unless he sucked out the marrow of another living being. But when he tried to absorb my sisters something went wrong. The last thing I saw was him falling backwards into some kind of vortex and then…"

"What happened to your sisters?" Jubilee asked.

"They disappeared the same time, but since Marius or Emplate as he calls himself was sucking out their life force at the time…Well…" Monet shrugged. "There was no way they could have survived either."

"So your family lost both your sisters and your brother to his powers," Sam thought. "No wonder they freaked when they found out about you."

"Great story so what do we do now?" Tim asked.

"We have to think of a plan," Althea said. "This guy is way too powerful for us to just tackle him with brute strength. Our powers aren't going to be enough. He's trying to break through. Maybe we can lure him…"

"Uh guys…" Paige blinked. "Where's Penny?"

"Out there," Todd gulped as he pointed to the monitors. "Attacking Emplate."

"Why that crazy little…" Althea fumed. "Come on! So much for a plan! We gotta go save her!"

"Why? Let the stupid little freak get killed," Monet snapped.

"That stupid little freak is one of us Monet," Jubilee snapped. "You don't sacrifice your team mates for your own selfish reasons! Or didn't the Hellions' deaths mean **anything** to you?"

Monet reeled as if she had been slapped. "I…"

"Save your breath Jubilee," Catseye snarled. "Monet never cared for anyone other than herself. Come on. Catseye help save little pink stupid head."

"Oh all right wait for me…" Monet grumbled as she followed them. "This is a bad idea!"

Ten minutes later not only was the front lawn trashed but nearly an entire wall was missing. You could see the inside of the house. "I was **right!**" Monet groaned as she got up from the ground. Several Misfits and New Mutants were scattered on the ground and Emplate was standing there laughing triumphantly. "Bad idea!"

"Oooohhh!" Pyro looked even more dazed than usual. "Look at all the pretty dancing flames..."

"That worked up an appetite," Emplate laughed as he stalked an unconscious Catseye. "I think I need a snack."

"NO!" Monet charged straight at Emplate and tackled him with all her strength. "She may be an unevolved fur ball, but she's also a Hellion! And I won't allow any more of my team to die! Not while I can help it!"

"But you **can't,**" Emplate laughed as he gave off a strange electric shock that paralyzed Monet. "You are so predictable, sister. You ran right into my trap."

"So you're just going to take my life? That was your plan all along?" Monet grunted.

"In your case marrow is not enough. I need you inside the vessel in order for you to truly to sustain me," Emplate hissed.

"The **vessel?** What vessel?" Monet snapped. Then she turned her eyes to the unconscious Penny. "No…"

"She was supposed to sustain me but I suppose you can sustain me instead," Emplate said as he grabbed Penny. "We just need to recharge her batteries…"

"Uh what hit me?" Althea struggled to sit up. She saw Emplate. "Oh yeah him.."

"What's going on?" Paige groaned as the mutants regained consciousness.

Suddenly both Penny and Monet screamed. Both their eyes glowed a pink glow. A strange pink energy emitted from Penny and started to take the shape of two figures. The same pink energy encircled Monet. Before anyone knew what was happening, it seemed that Monet's entire body turned into pink smoke and seeped out of her clothes and into Penny's body. The two figures that changed from the smoke out of Penny's body solidified into two bodies. Two tanned dark haired fifteen year old girls solidified and their bodies fell to the ground.

"MINE AT LAST! HA HA HA!" Emplate laughed as he created a portal and teleported away.

"PENNY! MONET!" Jubilee shouted.

"They're gone!" Ray shouted. Then he saw the two nude girls on the ground. "What the…"

"Somebody get a blanket!" Althea snapped as she took off her jacket and covered one of the girls. Wanda took off hers and covered the other. "And a cold shower for Berserker!"

"Who are they?" Paige asked.

"Twin girls, dark hair and dark skin," Althea said. "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that they're probably Monet's sisters."

"Wait, they were **inside **Penny?" Jamie asked. "How is that possible?"

"Emplate called her the vessel," Wanda thought. "I've heard of instances where sorcerers are able to place souls into inanimate objects and they come to life. Maybe Penny was originally a statue or something?"

"Or he could have just made her up. You know created her," Amara shrugged. "This is so weird."

"What's even weirder is that Monet is now in Penny," Sam shook his head. "When I said that maybe someday Monet may end up walking a mile in Penny's shoes I didn't mean it **literally!"**

"I don't know what that sick freak is planning to do with them," Wanda said. "But whatever it is can't be good. The problem is that this guy is way too powerful for us to handle."

"So we gotta get backup right?" Todd asked.

"Right," Althea saw the Blackbird landing. "And here comes part of the Calvary now."

"Part of the Calvary?" Lance asked.

"We need to make a phone call," Althea sighed. "More specifically a certain sorcerer and hope he makes house calls."

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A half hour later when Xavier and the others returned…(Except for Kitty who was still at the Baxter Building undergoing tests.)

"Let me see if I get this straight," Rogue held up her hand. "Monet's brother Emplate is a marrow sucking, dark magic using mutant scumbag who accidentally created Penny while he was trying to kill his younger twin sisters. But he didn't kill them. Somehow he managed to merge their souls into one being that became Penny."

"Right," Wanda nodded.

"And he came here looking for a fight with Monet but during the fight somehow Monet's sisters got released but now Monet is stuck in Penny's body?" Rogue went on.

"Yes," Althea nodded.

"Our lives are way too freaking weird," Rogue groaned. "You're saying Penny was never Penny but she was really Monet's sisters and now Monet is Penny?"

"Got it," Althea told her.

"I think Monet would have been better off in jail," Jubilee smirked.

"I think she would agree with you," Wanda said.

"Hold on I'm confused," Pyro blinked.

"Wow there's a **shock,**" Lance rolled his eyes.

"Who's Penny now?" Pyro asked. "She's Monet?"

"No Monet is Penny now," Althea tried to explain to him. "At first Penny was Monet's sisters. Now she's Monet."

"Well if Monet is Penny then is Penny Monet?" Pyro asked.

"No, Monet is still Monet but..." Scott stopped. "Pyro forget it. We just have to get the little pink girl back from the psychopath that drains people. Got it?"

"That I can do," Pyro nodded happily.

"So where is Monet/Penny or **whoever** she is?" Rogue asked.

"Emplate has her," Nichole came out of the infirmary with Claudette. Both were wearing hospital pajamas.

"Our brother wants to use her for some purpose," Claudette frowned. "Like he tried to use us for our powers."

"You're mutants too?" Wanda asked.

"I'm an empath and Claudette is a bio-kinetic," Nichole explained.

"A bio-what?" Sam asked.

"Kind of like a healer only a little more complex," Claudette explained. "I can also control body functions as well as heal wounds when I touch someone. I also can speed up a person's metabolism."

"Meaning you can make more marrow in a person's body as it is being drained," Hank put it together.

"Exactly," Nichole sighed. "And our brother seems to get his kicks out of experiencing a person's pain."

"No wonder he went after the two of you first," Hank realized.

"But how did Penny get involved in all this?" Wanda asked. "I mean how did you become Penny?"

"We're not exactly sure," Claudette told her. "It was like something went wrong during the spell."

"That's **exactly **what happened," Dr. Strange floated in. "Dark magic is dangerous enough when the proper incantations are correctly used. But when a novice like your brother attempts such a complicated spell in conjunction with mutant powers…"

"It leades to big trouble," Rogue remarked. "Hey Doc Strange. I see you're taking a break from banging Dead Girl."

"Rogue!" Ororo snapped.

"What? She has a point," Logan snapped. Ororo gave him a look. "Fine. Rogue don't make moral judgements about horny older sorcerers who like to date underage zombies."

"And hello to all of you," Dr. Strange sighed. "Can we please get back to the problem of Emplate here? I could feel the psychic vibrations all the way from my house! His powers are vast and much stronger than I realized."

"Obviously he's had a lot of practice with them in that dimensional prison," Althea groaned. "You can tell all that?"

"Just by feeling the aura of the twins and the area of battle," Dr. Strange nodded. "And on top of it all it seems that Emplate has absorbed the magic and powers of a Dregorman, a powerful S Class Dark Fire demon. You were wise to call me."

"So what do we do?" Wanda asked.

"We have to track down Emplate and get him to exert as much energy as possible," Dr. Strange explained. "Then I can use a counter spell to free Monet from Penance's form. After we do that it should be easy to banish Marius back to that dimensional prison of his."

"That's right," Claudette nodded. "Thanks to his misuse of dark magic he can only remain in this dimension if he has enough energy."

"No more energy, no more Emplate to bug us," Tabitha agreed. "Makes sense."

"Wait a minute, what will happen to Penny?" Kurt asked.

"Kurt there never was a Penny! There was only the twins and now it's Monet!" Jubilee said. "Which means…" There was silence for a moment.

"Don't suppose we can just keep Monet in there huh?" Pietro asked.

"No," Dr. Strange gave him a look.

"It was worth a shot. So how do we find them?" Pietro asked.

"Something tells me that's **not **gonna be a problem," Lance gulped. "Guys…The TV…"

"Oh no…" Scott looked at the televisions that showed the news feeds.

"A wild out of control mutant is rampaging in downtown Bayville," A reporter shouted on the news. There was a scene of Emplate rampaging. He grabbed a man and sucked out his marrow with his artificial snout. The man withered slightly and seemed to age twenty years in a minute. Then he was dropped as Emplate went off to find another victim.

"Here we go again," Scott grumbled. "X-Men and Misfits! Move out!"

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"This is crazy," Logan growled. "All of us out here away from the mansion!" All of the X-Men, Misfits and New Mutants were in the streets. They were in groups searching for Emplate. Logan, Althea, Todd, Kurt, Xavier, Remy, Tabitha, Wanda and the twins were in one group.

"The Joes are watching over the place," Althea said. "And according to Dr. Strange we're gonna need all the power we can get."

"Too bad we can't use Benny or Amanda's help," Kurt said.

"They are too inexperienced for this sort of thing," Dr. Strange floated beside them. "Besides Amanda is still a little weakened from her transformation into a mutant and Barumpbump…"

"Say no more," Xavier sighed. "But I'm still not sure that the two of you should be here as well." He turned to the twins who were dressed in spare New Mutant trainee outfits, the old yellow and black ones.

"We have to help save our sister," Claudette told them. "Besides I can heal someone if they are injured."

"And we both know Emplate too well," Nichole agreed.

"Looks like you might have to heal someone," Remy pointed. There was a withered figure writhing in the street.

"I've got this," Claudette knelt beside the figure. She touched him. A warm golden glow settled over it. "I'm increasing his metabolism as well as sending endorphins to his brain to lessen the pain. And I'm creating marrow that he lost."

"Hey, he's getting plump again," Todd noticed as the person began to reform into a human man.

"We were lucky," Claudette told him. "Apparently my brother didn't feel the need to drain all his essence. With all these humans and mutants in this town I suppose he didn't want to fill up."

"Fill up?" Kurt gulped. "You mean like he's at a buffet or something?"

"Exactly," Nichole gave him a look. "The more marrow and essence he takes from different people, the stronger he gets."

"I figured you guys would be in on this," Detective Abrams ran up to them with two officers. "What the hell is going on here? This crazy mutant showed up out of the blue and started wrecking downtown. Five people are already dead and…" He saw Claudette healing the man. "Who is she and what is she **doing?**"

"Healing him," Dr. Strange said. "This mutant is very dangerous for he is skilled in dark magic. You must leave."

"Who the hell is this clown?" Detective Abrams snapped. "Another mutant?"

"No, sorcerer actually," Logan shrugged.

"Sorcerer?" Abrams asked. "As in magic and hocus pocus and all that crap?"

"I would hardly call the dark arts 'hocus pocus' by **any** stretch of the imagination, Detective," Dr. Strange raised an eyebrow. "Dr. Strange at your service."

"He's **serious?**" Abrams blinked. Xavier nodded. "Tell you one thing Xavier you know the **weirdest** people."

"Oh come on Abrams," One of the policemen began. "You don't seriously believe…"

"Sarge this town has seen everything from giant robots to aliens to dragons to werewolves and other monsters," Abrams cut him off. "You really think **magic** is that big a stretch? This is a town where strange things happen."

By now Claudette had healed the man. "He'll survive but he needs rest," Claudette sighed. "It's been a while since I've done that."

"Storm to Xavier," Ororo's voice could be heard on the communicator. "We have located Emplate. He's seems to have retreated to the park on the west side."

"Storm try to contain him as best you can until we arrive," Xavier told her. "We'll be there."

"Well hurry Professor because he ain't going quietly!" Rogue cut in on the communicator.

"We must hurry," Strange said. "I will use a teleportation spell." He spoke several words in a strange language and a purple mist covered them. They disappeared leaving the police and the healed man behind.

"Yeah real strange things happen in this town," Abrams whistled.

Soon all the mutants and their allies had arrived at the town park, but Emplate was strong and using his dark magic against the mutants. "I can't even get **near** this creep!" Rogue grumbled as she was batted from the air by Emplate's power.

"Where's Penny and Monet?" Jubilee snapped. "What have you done with them?"

"The Vessel is where she belongs," Emplate laughed. Out from his body Penny's body shot out and was flung against a tree. Emplate used his powers to make the leaves and branches into ropes to bind her there. "She shall sustain me for eternity and there is nothing you can do!"

He used his artificial snout to grab onto Penny's shoulder, she screamed in agony as some of her essence was drained. "That is enough!" Ororo flew into the air. "The cold Arctic Wind shall cease your hunger!" She blasted at Emplate with a huge cold blast in order to try and freeze him.

"You call **that** a cold spell?" Emplate laughed as he sent out a huge hot blast of dark energy all around him. It knocked Ororo and several others down. "It's nothing but a refreshing breeze to me!"

"He's absorbed more people's essence and he is far too strong for mutant powers!" Dr. Strange was sent to his knees.

"Maybe for **most **mutants," Jean's eyes glowed and her body was enveloped in a Phoenix Raptor. "But not mine! Emplate! You like it hot? Try **this!" **

Jean walked slowly towards Emplate as he threw his dark energy at him. She took his attacks slowly at first, but as she tapped into the Phoenix force they seemed as if they were nothing to her.

"Your power…Your essence is strong…" Emplate hissed. "Too strong!"

_"I haven't even __**begun**__ to show you my power!"_ Jean's strength grew as the Phoenix grew in power and size.

"Pour on the power Jean!" Tabitha yelled. "He's weakening!"

"AAAHHGGGHH!" Emplate was slowly feeling the heat from the Phoenix Fire. "You have great power, but so do I!" He prepared to attack her with his powers.

"YAAP! RRARRR!" Penny broke free from her restraints and leapt at Emplate from behind. She bit him on his shoulder.

"AAHH! Wretched creature!" Emplate viciously knocked Penny to the ground. "Your usefulness is at an end! I will just take your essence and be done with it!"

He made a move with his hand just as Jean attacked him with the Phoenix Force. "AHHHHH!" He screamed. A red and purplish haze surrounded the park as dark magic and cosmic energy exploded around them. Suddenly the Phoenix Fire appeared, a huge bird that could be seen for miles.

"My power! My power!" Emplate screamed as the Phoenix fire consumed him. Jean used her telekinesis to knock him back into a tree. "AAHHH!"

Penny's body convulsed and a pink hazy smoke emitted from it. The smoke changed to Monet as she fell naked to the ground. "That was a very odd experience…" Monet groaned as she tried to cover herself. "Not that I've had anything **but** odd experiences since I came here!"

"Here put this on," Jubilee gave her a robe she brought. "Nobody wants to see your naked butt!"

"Are you all right Monet?" Nichole asked.

"I've been better," Monet groaned. "But at least I'm better off than Emplate!"

"I've burned through most of his power!" Jean told Dr. Strange. "The rest is up to you!"

"Gladly!" Dr. Strange used his magic and a strange set of mystic circles with writing appeared beneath Emplate. "This binding spell will keep you in place!"

"AAAHHHH!" Emplate screamed as he was held in place by the binding spell. "No! I will not return!"

"You **will** return!" Dr. Strange used his powers to open the portal in order to banish Emplate back to his dimensional prison. "And you shall be imprisoned for all eternity for your crimes!"

"And this time **stay** in there!" Monet screamed at Emplate as he was sucked in.

"I will return and get my revenge!" Emplate screamed as he was dragged back into a hellish void. "AAHHHHHH!"

"Yeah right!" Tabitha shouted as she made a huge time bomb and threw it in after Emplate just before the portal closed. "THIS IS FOR PENNY CREEP!"

"AAHHHH!" Emplate screamed and an explosion could be heard just as the portal closed.

"Nice touch," Dr. Strange grinned at Tabitha.

"I thought so," Tabitha said. "Is it over?"

"Marius is banished to another dimension and my sisters and I are free," Monet said. "I think it's safe to say we won."

"Not everybody won," Kurt pointed to Penny's body lying on the ground.

"Poor thing," Jubilee sniffed.

"Let's take her back to the mansion," Peter picked up her limp form. "What…? She is still alive!"

"Rarrrrr?" Penny opened her eyes. She looked at them all. "Rrreowww!" She gave Peter a hug and leapt out of his arms. She ran around Monet and the twins and started yelping happily.

"She is alive!" Monet gasped.

"I thought she was just an empty shell or something!" Rogue was shocked.

"I'm not so sure she ever was," Dr. Strange said. "It seems Penance was a creation born of magic. Somehow she has her own personality as well."

"She has part of my soul as well as my sisters' inside of her," Monet said. She looked at Penny. "And I suspect Marius unintentionally put a little bit of himself as well."

"So Penny is…?" Kurt was confused.

"Alive and a mutant," Hank said. "But this Penance may be very different than the one we are accustomed to. As far as her personality is at any rate."

By now Penny had stood up and was looking around the grounds. Then something caught her eye and she ran after it.

"SQUEEEEEEKKKKK!" The shriek of a dying squirrel could be heard for miles.

"On the **other** hand…" Hank blinked.

"That must be Marius' part," Monet quipped. "Which explains quite a few things."

"Looks like everything is back to normal, relatively speaking," Hank groaned.

"**This **is **normal?"** Claudette asked.

"For us, yes," Hank sighed. "Come on, let's go collect Penny before she kills again."

"Penny! Penny come back here!" Rogue shouted as the kids went off to stop their pink friend. "Penny get out of that tree! Don't chase that cat!"

Xavier, Scott, Logan and Dr. Strange stayed behind. "So all's well that ends well," Logan chuckled. "Hey why the long face Strange?"

"Something about this bothers me," Dr. Strange said. "I checked the aura of that dimension Emplate is trapped in. It has strong natural barriers. Strong enough to keep even an S Class Demon out. And that breed of demon normally does not tend to wander into other dimensions."

"So what are you saying?" Logan folded his arms.

"Someone **deliberately** allowed that demon into Emplate's prison dimension," Dr. Strange said. "Making it a catalyst for all of this destruction and chaos."

"You saying someone let that nutcase out on purpose?" Scott asked. "But why? And who would do that?"

"As for the why I would guess it was for revenge and/or to cause you more grief," Dr. Strange told him. "Perhaps even to further sully the reputation of mutants."

"It worked," Scott groaned.

"As for the who…." Dr. Strange gave them a look. "Well, there is only **one **mind I know twisted enough to do such a thing **and **have a motive against you and the Misfits."

"Selene," Xavier guessed.

"Guess she found a clever way around those magic barriers you put around the Institute," Logan growled.

"Indeed," Dr. Strange nodded. "Dark times are coming Xavier. Forces are conspiring against you. Forces you may not be able to overcome."

"So what **else** is new?" Scott quipped.

**Next: Things get really hot for the gang as they find themselves in the position of helping one of their enemies! But who? And why? Find out next time! **

**Oh and please note that no animals were hurt during the making of this chapter. Really. It's just a fic people. I love cute and fuzzy things.**

"AAAAHHHHHH!" Monet screamed as she ran by with Penny on her heels. "GET AWAY FROM ME! OW! OW! NO NO! NO HUGGING! NO HUGGING! OW!"

**Humans on the other hand that's another story...He he...**


	85. Wolf Hunt

**Wolf Hunt**

Two nights had passed since Emplate's attack. Although Claudette had managed to heal a few people, over twenty victims had been claimed due to his rampage. The citizens of Bayville were furious, even thought the supposed murderer had been reportedly destroyed, they felt that the police department weren't doing their jobs. That they were more vulnerable than ever to mutant attacks. And as everyone knows, when people feel vulnerable they tend to find ways to make them feel less vulnerable.

The FOH may have suffered several serious setbacks but this latest attack by Emplate seemed to increase the membership in Bayville. And several members were having a secret meeting with Mayor Cameron Hodge. "What the hell do we do now Hodge?" One man asked. "These mutant attacks are getting even worse!"

"I say we invade the X-Mansion again!" Another burly man snapped.

"What do you mean 'we' Harold?" A thin man snapped. "Last I checked while the rest of us were on the front lines getting our asses kicked by those mutie brats, you were back home with your wife watching television!"

"I was on surveillance duty!" Harold retorted.

"You were surveying Monday Night Football!" The thin man snapped again.

"Look who's talking!" Harold snapped. "At least I didn't spend the past few months trying to jinx the Red Sox by doing some stupid dance ritual!"

"Dance ritual?" Hodge blinked.

"Don't ask," A woman moaned. "It backfired big time!"

"That's what you get for trying to take down the Red Sox!" Another man snapped. "HA HA!"

"Don't you dare ha ha me!" The thin man shouted.

"I will ha ha you all I want!" The Red Sox fan shouted. "In fact I will do it again. HA HA!"

"Why don't you go back to Boston creep?" The thin man snapped.

"Why don't you try and make me?" The Red Sox fan snapped.

"I swear if you start singing 'Dirty Water' or 'Tessie' again..." Another man groaned. "I will seriously lose it!"

"You lost it a long time ago!" Another man shouted.

"Don't make me get mad..." The thin man snarled. "I'm warning you!"

_"Tessie...Nuff said McGreevey shouted..."_ The Red Sox fan sang out loud.

"I am not listening! Hear me! Not listening!" The third man shouted, plugging his ears.

_"Don't blame us if we ever doubt you! You know we couldn't live without you..."_ The Red Sox fan was joined by a few other Red Sox Fans.

"I am not listening! La, la, la, la, la, la!" The third man shouted. "I am **not** listening! La, la, la, la, la, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la..."

"LET ME HIT THEM! LET ME HIT THEM!" The thin man was being held back by other people, which was a wise decision considering that the Red Sox fan was twice the thin man's size and a lot more muscular.

"Come and get it pal!" Another man raised a fist.

"La la la la la la la la..." The third man kept trying to block the noise out. "La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la..."

"Hey what time's the football game on tonight?" Harold asked. "Can we wrap this up so I don't miss it?"

"Stop it!" Hodge snapped. "Stop it! Just shut up and **stop it!** We're supposed to be fighting the mutants, not each other! What's more important, the survival of the human race or the feud between the Red Sox and the Yankees?"

Hodge was met by several cold stares. "If you even have to **ask **that question..." The Red Sox fan told him.

"What about football?" Harold raised his hand. "Is football important?"

"Depends what team you root for," A woman told him.

Hodge decided to press on. "Can we get back to the real problem here? Those mutants that make our lives miserable?"

"YEAH THEM!" Both Red Sox and Yankees fans pointed at each other. "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE CALLING MUTANTS?"

"La, la la la la la la la..." The third man plugged his ears again. "La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la..."

Hodge rolled his eyes. "I mean the Xavier Institute! A frontal attack will accomplish nothing. The entire team is back so there's a lot more of them. We had enough trouble when there was only a handful of them."

"What about your friend Pierce?" Another man asked. "We haven't heard from him in weeks!"

"He's…on assignment," Hodge said.

"What does **that** mean?" The man asked.

"It means he won't be back until he's **finished,"** Hodge snapped.

"Finished doing what?" Harold asked.

"What he has to do," Hodge told him.

"And what **exactly** is it he has to do?" Harold asked.

"His work on eradicating the mutants!" Hodge said.

"Which is?" Harold asked.

"I'm begining to see **why** it's been so hard to remove the mutants from our town," A woman said.

"I'm sure Pierce is working on something as we speak so don't worry about it!" Hodge snapped.

"You don't know do you?" Harold asked.

"Go watch your football game Harold," Another man said.

"Hey don't get snippy with me because Pierce is missing!" Harold snapped.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." The man apologized. "I haven't been sleeping lately. You know this whole series thing kept me up all night."

"Tell me about it," A woman groaned. "How could Cleveland lose? They were up three games to one! They had it in the bag!"

"Are you kidding?" The Red Sox fan snorted. "The Red Sox have pulled ourselves back from a three game lead more times than any other team in history! It's practically our signature move!"

"Are back on that **again?"** The third man moaned. He plugged his ears. "La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ..."

"If you just admitted you have no idea where Pierce is we wouldn't have gone through all this," Harold shook his head.

"Look he's **not** here! That's the point! All right?" Hodge yelled. "So we're just going to have to soldier on without him! Not that he was much good to us **before** but that is beside the point! All right, we can't attack the mansion directly. And most of the police I'm sorry to say aren't willing to cooperate with bending the law to protect human rights. I've been working on establishing a mutant curfew and more mutant bans but we all know **that** does little good around here."

"Picketing doesn't do any good either," A woman grumbled. "Half the time when we picket them something happens and more people get hurt!"

"I had to get a couple shots and broke my wrist the last time we picketed there," One man added. "Don't ask. I'm still not ready to talk about it. Not ready to talk about the pink evil sharp cute thing..."

"Then what **can** we do?" Harold asked.

"We practice," Hodge looked at them. "Maybe we can't get at the X-Men or the Misfits just yet. But there are **other **freaks out there. And they are equally dangerous to our way of life. But they are a lot easier target. I say, if we can't get one kind of freak, we get the other."

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Some time later...

"There goes the freak! Get him!"

Incredible pain surged through his body as he ran through the forest. Although he grieved the loss of his fallen comrades, he could not afford to fight back and avenge them. Those metal things were far too powerful and there were too many humans chasing him. Injured and alone the only thing he could do was a tactical retreat.

He forced his body to press onward, leaves and branches whipping at his body but he was so intent on escaping his pursuers he didn't feel a thing. He relied on his primal instincts to guide him through the forest and ignored the pain as much as he could.

After a while he couldn't hear or smell those hunting him but he did not want to take any chances. He kept pressing onward, faster and faster until he didn't know where he was or what he was doing. All that he could think about was the primal thoughts of survival racing through his brain, telling him to run, to forget the pain and warn the others.

The others...They didn't have a chance. He was lucky enough to get away. But deep down he knew somehow he would. He would escape and avenge his fallen brothers and sisters.

And he'd make those humans pay.

Exausted he staggered into a clearing somewhere...He couldn't run any more. Not only was the pain in his side too great but he had lost a lot of blood during the massacre. He nearly collapsed onto the ground, convinced he was safe and far away from danger.

But then another sound forced him to realize that was not the case.

SNIKT!

"You came into the wrong guy's back yard Bub," Another enemy, more familiar and equally powerful one growled. And that was when things went from bad to worse.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile at Mutant Manor…

"Kitty?" Jean walked into Hank's lab. "You have a visitor."

"Hello Kitty," Rahne walked in. "It's good to see you."

_"Rahne…" _Kitty used Jean's telepathy to speak to her as she peered through the tube she was imprisoned in. _"What are you doing here?"_

"I heard about what's been going on," Rahne told her. "The Misfits gave me a ride to see you. Boy you go away for a while and everything changes."

_"That's the truth. Rahne…I'm sorry. I'm sorry about Doug and the others. I'm sorry for what I did to him…His death…" _Kitty said.

"Kitty how could Doug's death be **your** fault?" Rahne asked. "How could you even **think** that?"

_"I've been thinking about a lot of things lately, not much else to do in here," _Kitty told her. _"Ever since I got to the Institute…life's been one crazy rollercoaster ride after another. I've tried to think of how many days I haven't trained or done anything besides fighting and you know what? I think I can barely count them on one hand. Maybe…Maybe when all this is over…If all of this ever gets over…Maybe I should do what you did and leave." _

"Whoa! Hold on here," Jean was shocked. "You'd really leave the Institute? Kitty are you sure about that?"

_"If I ever get a chance at a real life again outside of a glass tube I am going to live it. I really don't want to be some kind of superhero for the rest of my life," _Kitty told her. _"Part of me has always wanted to go to college. Go to parties, have friends, get a job like a normal person. Maybe this is a sign. A sign for me to change my life while I still can. If I can. For all I know I may end up being like this forever." _

"That won't happen," Jean said.

"Besides if anyone's to blame for Doug's death is my dear father," Rahne said bitterly. "And me."

"You?" Jean asked.

"I just stayed there…Frozen in fear as he…." Rahne started to cry. "Doug threw himself in front of the bullet to save me…I should have…Should have…"

_"Should have what? Killed your father?" _Kitty asked horrified. _"Rahne don't ever think like that! You're a better person than he ever was. Doug saved you because he cared about you. He loved you." _

"I know," Rahne sniffed.

_"I should have been here. The X-Men should have been here. Pierce and the FOH would never have dared to attack if we…"_ Kitty said bitterly.

"If you hadn't gone the Professor and the others would be dead by now and the universe would have been destroyed," Rahne interrupted. "The truth is we can blame ourselves all we like but it's not going to change the past. All we can do is try to make the future better."

_"You're right. So how are things with Thornn and the others in Generation X?" _Kitty asked.

"Not bad, granted we don't have as much excitement here but we have our moments," Rahne began. She heard a commotion outside. "Speaking of which…"

_"Do me a favor, Jean. You and Rahne go find out and tell me what's going on," _Kitty asked. _"I'm going stir crazy in here. I feel like I'm missing everything stuck in this chamber!" _

"All right," Jean nodded. "I'll report back to you telepathically."

"We'll be back," Rahne said as they left. In the hallway Rahne said. "How is she holding up?"

"As well as can be expected," Jean sighed. "Fortunately the Professor and Reed Richards are making progress but still…"

"Aye, it must be awful lonely in there," Rahne nodded.

"We make sure someone's with her at least twelve hours a day," Jean said. "Betsy and I take turns helping her communicate with people. We tried to get a television in there but…Well let's just say it was a mistake asking Trinity's help and leave it at that."

"I suppose Colossus goes and visits her often," Rahne thought aloud.

"Not after their last fight two days ago. Then again those two have been a little off since they had a big fight at the Professor's wedding," Jean admitted.

"Fight?" Rahne asked. "What happened?"

"Apparently at the wedding reception, Kitty was ready to take their relationship a step further but Peter wasn't," Jean said diplomatically. "He says she was too immature and she says he's too controlling in the relationship."

"Oh my," Rahne blinked.

"Not only did Lance having that fling with Nightshade that same night rub salt in her wound now there's this ordeal she's going through," Jean groaned. "When she was screaming at Peter for robbing her of one last precious memory and calling him some swear words I didn't even know existed I thought it was wise to escort him out before she phased through her containment chamber in anger."

"If you ask me they're **both** sods," Rahne groaned. "Then again I'm not one to judge, considering what I went through with Aiden." She then took a sniff. "Speaking of which…What the **hell?**"

In the infirmary was Beast, A very annoyed Logan, Xavier and Scott. Not to mention a very large, very injured wolf. "I know that bloody scent anywhere!" Rahne snarled as she changed to her half wolf form. "You're one of those werewolves that Aiden runs around with!"

"Too bad its not Aiden himself," Logan snorted. "Or Lobo."

"He got a name Rahne?" Scott said. Then he realized he made a rhyme. "I really have to stop hanging around Roadblock so much."

"Maxwell," Rahne growled. "He's one of Lobo's favorite pets."

"Look who is talking about being a **pet**…" The wolf hissed through his muzzle. "You're barely more than a puppy dog on a leash yourself."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't tear you to **shreds,**" Rahne snarled in his face.

"Considering he's **already** been torn to shreds Rahne I would save myself the trouble if I were you," Hank said as he tended Maxwell's wounds.

"What happened to him?" Jean asked. "Logan?"

"He was **already** beat up when we found him on our front lawn," Logan shrugged. "Believe me if I was the one who attacked him he'd be in a lot **worse **shape!"

"Who did this to you?" Jean asked.

"Who do you **think?**" Maxwell winced in pain. "The wolves in Bayville have only two sets of enemies. You and the humans. Do the math."

"And what did you do to set 'em off?" Scott snapped.

"Nothing," Maxwell snarled. "Some of my pack mates and I were hunting rabbits in the forests a few miles from here…The humans were hunting us."

"Yeah right," Logan scoffed.

"He's telling the truth Logan," Xavier frowned. "I can read his mind. It was the FOH."

"For once those bastards are living up to their name," Logan snarled.

"You **would **side with those murdering sacks of meat," Maxwell hissed. "I swear you humans are the **stupidest** creatures on the planet. Not only are you willing to kill each other for no reason, you tend to sympathize with those that **want** to kill you!"

"Maybe, but we ain't the ones bleeding on the carpet," Logan snarled in his face. "If you're so clever how come you're **here**? Where's your buddies?"

"Where do you **think?**" Maxwell snarled. "I'm the only one that escaped. But I made sure I made some of those bastards pay! The only reason I ended up **here** is that I got disoriented from losing so much blood!"

"You're going to lose a lot more than that if you don't…" Logan shot out his claws.

"That may frighten humans and other **sheep **but you're going to have to do better than that if you want to scare a wolf!" Maxwell tried to stand, baring his teeth. "I have fangs as well as claws and I'll use them even if it kills me!"

"And it very well may if you don't lie down and let me treat your wounds!" Hank pushed Maxwell down. He glared at Logan. "And stop threatening my patient!"

"Why bother?" Rahne changed into human form. "The cops will probably just blow him up when we hand him over to them!"

"Yes, protect those humans who kill and murder other species for the fun of it," Maxwell snarled. "And when someone tries to defend themselves or fight back side with your oppressors!"

Claudette entered the room. She was wearing a pink and green top and jeans with sneakers. "You wanted to see me Professor…Oh!"

"Claudette, I need your assistance here," Hank sighed.

"You seriously expect me to believe a little girl is going to help me?" Maxwell snarled.

"That **little girl** is the best chance you have of surviving the night," Scott glared at him. "You ungrateful overgrown sheep dog!"

"Sheep dog!" Maxwell attempted to stand up again. "I'll show **you** a sheep dog you one eyed monkey boy…"

But this time Hank simply took out a syringe and knocked Maxwell out. "I don't know **why** I didn't do this in the **first place**."

"I don't think Maxwell will cause us any problems for a while," Xavier said. "Cyclops, Wolverine I'd like to see you in the hall. Claudette see what you can do for him. I think it might be in our best interests if Maxwell is restrained when you finish your treatment."

"We can always call the nearest kennel to see if they can take him off our hands," Scott smirked.

"Scott," Jean gave him a look.

"If you were worried about **my** feelings don't be," Rahne snarled. "I was thinking the exact same thing!"

"Lets all go out into the hall shall we?" Xavier sighed. When they did so he addressed them again. "I know you all have strong feelings against our guest."

"Professor he and his kind nearly destroyed Sam!" Rahne snapped. "I was there! It was just fate that let Sam return to the land of the living! I can't believe you're helping scum like that!"

"I'm with the kid here," Logan said. "He's not even human and he'd eat us all for breakfast if he could. Why are you worried about **his **safety? Why should we care if he and his blasted wolf pack lives or dies!"

"For starters it's **how** Maxwell's pack mates were killed that worries me," Xavier told them. "It wasn't with conventional hunting weapons."

"What do you mean?" Scott asked.

"I saw what happened to him in his mind," Xavier said grimly. "Did you get a good look at his wounds? The laser burns and other cuts? They were inflicted by mechanical objects."

"Mechanical?" Logan said. "You don't mean…?"

"Yes," Xavier nodded. "Maxwell's pack was destroyed by Sentinels."

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"**Sentinels?**" Lance shouted. "In Bayville?"

"I am afraid so," Xavier sighed.

In the large war room at the mansion both Misfits and X-Men were meeting to discuss the latest situation. "How the hell could the FOH get their hands on Sentinels and hide them in Bayville without any of us knowing about it?" Remy asked.

"And why are they using them to hunt **wolves?**" Rogue asked.

"Because obviously they aren't as effective against **us,"** Wanda snorted. "And let's not forget what Lobo tried to pull. The town still hasn't forgiven him for trying to take over the whole place and pull the wool over their eyes."

"Not to mention buying up half the town for his pack and Magneto," Scott said. "Nice to see we're not the **only **ones people hate in this town."

"The FOH have now turned their attention to the wolves," Xavier said. "They have already killed at least ten of them and are hunting them actively."

"And this is a **bad thing?"** Logan grunted.

"For once I'm with Wolverine on this," Scott said. "Those fur balls have given us nothing but grief since day one. If they had their way we'd lose our home and probably our lives. They deserve whatever they get!"

"Even extinction?" Xavier raised an eyebrow. "I thought I taught you better than that."

"Is **that **what you were going for?" Pietro quipped. "Couldn't tell with all the explosions and the fighting simulations."

"Quicksilver has a point," Lance said. "You guys do act more like an army than an actual school a lot of times."

"No wonder Kitty wants to leave," Jean let out a breath.

**"Leave?"** Rogue was shocked.

"Yeah she…" Jean sighed. "Look let's deal with one crisis at a time. What are we going to do?"

"I say we let 'em get killed off," Logan grunted. "That'd be one less enemy we'd have to deal with."

"We can't do that Logan we have to help them!" Sam said.

"Are you mad?" Rahne stood up. She had joined the meeting. "Help those monsters! Those lying cheating backstabbing…"

"Rahne you think I **forgot** what Aiden did to me?" Sam gave her a look. "But if we don't help 'em we'll be no better than they are. Besides, you really want those FOH jerks to **win **a battle like this?"

"He's right," Tabitha groaned. "After they get rid of the wolves, we're next."

"I thought we were **first?**" Xi blinked.

"We were, but the FOH got tired of us kicking their backsides," Fred snorted. "Guess they wanted an easier target."

"You got that right," Tabitha snorted. "The FOH are a bunch of cowards. Plain and simple. They figured real mutants were too strong so they'd go after those damn dogs."

"Rahne, I know you're angry and resentful for what Aiden and the others put you through and you have every right to be," Sam said gently. "And you don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"But why do **you **want to? That's what I don't understand! They're not even human!" Rahne shouted.

"You know how many times people tell **us** that we're not human?" Sam asked. "To me the definition of humanity isn't what you are genetically. It's what you're made of inside. And doing the right thing is human to me. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see those fur balls get theirs but not like this. This is a chance for me to put down some old ghosts and face down the past once and for all. I just thought you might want to do the same."

"I hate it when you're right," Rahne growled as she sat down. "All right count me in this **one time**. So how are we going to save the little ingrates?"

"First by getting some information," Xavier nodded. "Beast, Colossus bring in our guest."

They went out of the room and came back with Maxwell in a cage in his wolf form. "What is this? Are you bored and want to torment me some more for your amusement?" He snarled.

"Listen **puppy,**" Rogue snapped. "Your pack is in a heap of trouble and are gonna be turned into **rugs** if you don't give us some information! And I don't mean from the Sentinels!"

"What do you want?" Maxwell asked angrily.

"Information," Xavier said. "I want to know how long this has been going on."

"Since the apes learned to walk upright and make fire," Maxwell said sarcastically. "But if you must know the attacks started not long after we were outed by you and Legion! We've been holding our own until…"

"Until?" Scott prodded.

"Three weeks ago four of our pack went out hunting and never returned," Maxwell admitted. "We searched for them and found their torn bodies two days later and the scent of metal. The day after that one of our other pack members was working late at our office in human form. He called in reporting a break in and what was left… The office was destroyed and our pack mate was dead. And more scents of metal. And blurred pictures of something wrecking the office."

"Did you call the police?" Jean asked.

"The **human **police?" Maxwell gave her a look. "What do you think? Besides one of our outside camera sensors saw a police car just drive away when it attacked."

"I thought your buddy Magneto was looking out for you?" Logan folded his arms. "Why don't you just go ask him for help?"

Maxwell was silent. "You did, didn't you?" Jean realized. "And he said no."

"Wait was it before or after the whole Legacy thing?" Arcade asked. "Because Cortez was running the show for a time and he…"

"After," Maxwell interrupted. "I told Lobo allying ourselves with him was a bad idea. That sooner or later he would abandon us to look after his own interests."

"And he did, didn't he?" Pietro snorted. "Let me take a wild guess. You were no longer useful to him once your cover was blown and he had a whole lot of **real** mutants to take care of with other projects. Am I right?"

"Yes," Maxwell growled.

"That's my father," Pietro quipped.

"Definitely his MO all right," Wanda agreed.

"I don't even know why I am **telling **all of you this," Maxwell snapped. "Or why you would bother to heal me!"

"The Sentinels are a threat to **all** of us, mutant and wolf alike," Xavier pointed out. "Wouldn't it make more sense logically to combine our forces to take them down?"

"Oh of course. It makes **sense** now. Why would any human care about what happens to wolves?" Maxwell snapped. "Unless for your own purposes. You don't want to save our clan, you want to save yourselves!"

"You really hate humans don't you?" Kurt asked.

"Can you blame us? All humankind has ever done to wolves throughout history is steal our land, take our food and hunt us down because we were in their way!" Maxwell snapped. "And then they make **us** the villains in their fairy tales and stories for the crime of existing!"

"I guess that's something we do have in common," Kurt admitted.

"True but unlike **you** mutants, wolves are **smarter** than to try and make nice with the people who want to exterminate us!" Maxwell snapped.

"Listen Wolfie," Rahne shifted into half wolf form and got into his face. "Like it or not the only hope you fleabags have of not getting wiped off the face of the Earth is us. I don't expect someone like you to understand morality so I won't waste my breath. Now we both know that sooner or later those Sentinels are gonna go after the rest of the pack. When and where is your pack planning to retaliate?"

"We don't know yet," Maxwell growled. "Lobo hasn't decided. He sent a few scouts out to case the FOH building but found nothing. He's…having a meeting tonight at the Lobo Office Building. All the clan will be there."

"Will Aiden be there?" Rahne snarled. "Answer me!"

"I did just say **all** the clan," Maxwell snarled back. "Except for the very young and their caregivers. Lobo safely moved them to another location weeks ago."

"I have a feeling we're not the only ones that are aware of this meeting," Xavier frowned. "X-Men, Misfits prepare to…"

"Hold on," Althea answered her communicator. "Damn it! We gotta get back to the Pit. Cobra's attacking again!"

"Aw man," Todd pouted. "We're gonna miss all the action."

"Cobra is attacking," Angelica gave him a look. "Something tells me there will be **plenty** of action for us."

"You Misfits do what you have to," Scott said. "We'll take care of this."

"Looks like we're going to have to call on the reserve team," Logan grinned. "That means all New Mutants better suit up."

"Yes! This is gonna be awesome!" Jubilee raised her hands in the air. "Come on Rahne, it'll be like old times."

"That's what I'm **afraid **of," Rahne rolled her eyes.

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The X-Men teams went towards the Lobo Industries office in both the X-Van and Jean's SUV. They left Betsy, Paige, Danielle, the Twins, Taylor, Madelyne, Jamie and Hank back at the mansion to look after Kitty and the home front. They allowed Maxwell out of the cage so he could fight with them. To their horror by the time they arrived there the office was already in ruins and there were dozens of large strange mechanical objects attacking a large pack of wolves. None of the mechanical objects were humanoid. They were black and red. Some were in the shape of a preying mantis with huge sharp claws. Others were in the shape of tanks with strange whirling maces on top. Some were small jets using lasers to blast at everything in sight. One huge one was in the shape of a snake trying to chomp and devour any wolves in it's path.

"We're late! The attack's started!" Jean gasped. "Are those things Sentinels?"

"Don't look like any Sentinels I've seen before," Sam whistled.

"Must be the new models," Remy said sarcastically.

"And they're not made of metal," Polaris gasped. "I can tell from here!"

"Looks like we've got our work cut out for us," Logan flashed his claws as they emerged from the vehicles. "Come on! Let's go save the wolves."

"I just hope those fleabags don't turn on us in the middle of it," Rogue grumbled as she flew off and punched a robot that was threatening two injured wolves. The other X-Men went and started fighting the Sentinels.

Logan saw one familiar huge wolf trapped in a net. Logan sliced him free with his claws. "YOU!" Maximus Lobo snarled in his huge form. "What are you doing?"

"Saving your hides!" Logan snarled as he sliced into one Sentinel.

"They here on the pretense of friendship but they merely want to save their own skins," Maxwell bounded up.

"Brother! We thought you were lost!" Lobo said.

"I very nearly was," Maxwell grumbled. "The mutants saved me to get information."

"It wasn't just that!" Rogue threw part of a Sentinel away. "It's called decency. Something you overgrown Chihuahuas don't know a thing about!"

"Spare me the false heroics!" Lobo snapped. "If it was anyone else but the FOH attacking us you would be back home watching the baseball game!"

"These Sentinels may not have metal in them but I can use the metal around me to destroy them!" Lorna said as she used her powers to create a blade out of a wrecked car to tear one Sentinel apart.

"Yeah it seems these things were mostly based on tracking wolves!" Alex said as he blasted another Sentinel apart.

_Great, me coming here was a __**smart **__move_, Rahne thought to herself as she dodged a Sentinel attack in wolf form. She knocked one wolf out of the way of fire and found to her horror it was Aiden.

"I didn't know you cared," Aiden sneered.

"Watch it creep!" Sam snapped before he smashed into a Sentinel with his powers.

"Wait didn't I **kill **him?" Aiden gasped.

"Yes," Rahne snarled as she changed back to human form. "And he just saved your bloody life."

There was a loud yelp. Rahne saw a female wolf pinned by wreckage as a Sentinel loomed in for the kill. "Come on! We have to save her!"

"It's every wolf for themselves love!" Aiden ran off.

"Figures!" Rahne ran over and tried to pull the wreckage off. To her surprise she saw another wolf come to help.

"Aiden you spineless flea tick!" The wolf snarled as he tried to help dig out the female wolf. "Even the humans have more courage than you!"

"I think I'll take that as a complement!" Jean put up a telekinetic barrier protecting them. She then used her telekinesis to destroy the Sentinel and lift the wreckage off of the wolf.

_"I'm sensing the thoughts of others nearby guiding these Sentinels by remote_ _control,_" Xavier told them using his telepathy. _"Nightcrawler, Gambit! The two of you take them out. I will give you the coordinates." _

"Brothers! Sisters! Into the woods! Help the injured!" Lobo shouted out to his pack as they fled into the nearby forest.

"So much for gratitude," Tabitha scoffed as her time bombs along with Amara's fire blasts.

It did not take long for the X-Men to completely destroy the Sentinels. "Is it me or was that easy?" Bobby asked as they stood among the wreckage.

"It was easier as soon as we were able to shut off the controls," Remy grinned as he indicated two FOH men tied up and unconscious.

"Like Havok said, these things were mostly made to hunt wolves," Logan grunted at the wreckage. "Didn't count on mutant powers stronger than shape shifting. Pretty high tech stuff though. It looks like something the government would cook up. Or a secret spy agency."

"Boy when you guys screw things up you really screw things up."

"Fury!" Logan whirled around and glared at the SHIELD agent and a team of soldiers behind him. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I could say the same for you," Fury grunted. "Do you realize what you've done here?"

"You knew about all of this didn't you?" Scott realized.

"Knew about it? They probably **accidentally** allowed some of these plans for Sentinels to fall into the FOH's lap!" Logan snarled. "Isn't that right?"

"What?" Kurt shouted. "You were secretly helping the FOH?"

"We never intended to let these Sentinels be used on mutants," Fury growled.

"Just the wolves," Jean was shocked. "You were using the FOH to wipe out the wolves. Why?"

"Why? Because they're a **menace** that's why!" Fury snapped. "In case you've forgotten they're in league with Magneto and they own a lot of land in Bayville!"

"Not anymore, well being with Magneto anyway," Sam shrugged.

"They're still a threat to humanity," Fury said. "We couldn't take them down legally so we figured why not use two enemies to wipe each other out. But as usual you X-Men stuck your noses in it where it doesn't belong and messed everything up. You know it's lucky for the Misfits that General Hawk had a feeling something like this would happen."

"There was no Cobra attack was there?" Scott growled.

"Well actually there **was**," Fury shrugged. "Right after he called them to come back Cobra decided to try out their latest battle robots and actually **did **attack the base. That was just a fluke."

"So you were just going to let the wolves get wiped out and then what?" Jean asked.

"Then we were planning on raiding the FOH and shutting them down for good when the Sentinels were recalled back to their base. We could have gotten whoever was in charge on charges of illegal weapons trafficking and destruction of property," Fury snapped. "This whole building was wired for video and has been under surveillance for weeks. But thanks to your interference there's not enough proof we needed to shut them down. Only enough to grab a few small fish."

"Why didn't you inform us about this?" Xavier asked.

"I don't see the need to tell a group of super powered kids every little operation SHIELD is involved in," Fury snapped at him. "Now we're back to square one! Lobo still owns half of Bayville and the wolves are free. The FOH is still operating. Not to mention…"

"Sir!" One of the soldiers readied his rifle. Lobo led a small pack of large wolves towards them. "We have company."

"Looks like this night won't be a total loss after all," Fury raised his weapon.

"No!" Xavier raised his hand. "I don't think they're here to fight."

"You're right," Lobo snarled. "We're not. Unless you really want to start something."

"What is it you want Lobo?" Xavier asked.

"Make no mistake, Xavier," Maximus Lobo growled. "We have no love for humans, mutant or otherwise. But we wolves do have **some **honor."

"Really? News to me," Logan grunted.

"Magneto broke his covenant with us," Lobo continued, glaring at Logan. "We no longer have any ties with any human. But considering the circumstances…" He turned his head. "Bring him!"

Two large wolves carried a familiar silver wolf tied up with ropes on his back. They unceremoniously dumped Aiden at Logan's feet. Aiden's muzzle was tied but in his eyes one could see he was clearly frightened.

"This is the one you want. Do what you will with him," Maximus Lobo snarled. "Blood for blood."

Rahne snarled at Aiden as she walked up to the body. She shifted into a half wolf form. "You have no idea how much I want to rip your throat out!" She hissed at him. "But you're not worth it!" She changed back into human form and walked away.

"The Wolf Clan will leave Bayville, for now," Lobo growled. "But we will still hold onto our territory here. We will not sell or give any of our land away but it shall not be inhabited. Most of the buildings we made have been destroyed by the FOH and what is left shall remain empty until we return. And we will return when we are strong again."

"There are other ways to make a town full of humans suffer than by killing them," Maxwell added. "More than half the town will lie useless. No housing, no commerce, no trade…When we leave your town's economy will suffer."

"I'm sure they'll survive without you," Fury said sarcastically.

"Barely," Lobo made a grin. "You have no idea how much money we put into this town and how much we can take away. I'll bet even you didn't know we own the Bayville Mall."

"Good thing Kitty didn't hear that," Kurt whispered to Peter. "She'd kill him on the spot."

"We've acquired quite a bit of property in this town," Maxwell grinned.

"Through dummy corporations no doubt," Fury growled.

"All perfectly legal," Lobo said. "Take care X-Men. When next we meet, we are enemies." He and the other wolves left.

"Sir should we follow?" One SHIELD agent asked.

"Let 'em go," Fury ordered his team. He looked at Aiden. "At least we got a souvenir."

"What will happen to him?" Jean asked.

"We'll send him to SHIELD'S version of the pound," Fury snorted as his men dragged Aiden away. "Besides we might be able to get some use out of him."

"Not like you haven't used werewolves before," Logan folded his arms.

"True. By the way, great job Xavier," Fury said. "Now you'll have a whole bunch of angry unemployed people camping on your doorstep again. Enjoy!" He went off with his team.

"It can't be that bad…Can it?" Rogue asked.

"Knowing that creep it probably is," Rahne growled. "I'm glad I'm going back to Muir Island."

"Well I'm glad you did help us," Sam told her. "You did the right thing."

"I'm not so sure about that," Logan growled. "We just removed the only buffer we had between us and the FOH, gave the town **another** reason to hate us, ticked off Fury and SHIELD and now we're going to have a lot more protests on the way. Way to go Charles!"

"I wish the Misfits did come with us," Scott grumbled.

"So they could get the blame too huh?" Remy asked him. "Don't worry they will anyway."

"No, I wish they were with us so that Trinity could do something painful to Fury," Scott told him. "Actually I think I can still get them to if I ask nicely."

"Cyclops we had to help the wolves," Xavier told him. "It was the right thing to do."

"Ever notice how many times when we do the right thing it always comes back to bite us in the ass?" Tabitha remarked.

&&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& && & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Damn you Xavier!" Mayor Hodge kicked the side of his desk. "Damn you X-Men! Damn you stupid Misfits all to hell!"

"I take it things did not turn out satisfactory," Mr. Deeds, the former attorney for Mayor Chandler and now Deputy Mayor for Mayor Hodge coughed.

"Understatement of the year!" Hodge snapped. "Not only didn't we get rid of the wolves they seem to have made allies of the X-Men! And they are still here in Bayville! Well…Their company anyway! We still don't have the land back even if most of them are gone!"

"Well that shouldn't be so…" Mr. Deeds began.

"They've just shut down the **mall!**" Hodge shouted. "Somehow they managed to get hold of the deed on the Bayville Mall! And two banks! A dry cleaner. A construction company, three coffee places, six office buildings, a computer repair store, a restaurant, a car dealership, a gas station and the only flower shop in town! They just shut those places down without any warning!"

"They can **do **that?" Deeds asked.

"Oh yes they can as their lawyer just explained to me on the phone!" Hodge snapped. "Not to mention they fired or evicted everyone who was working on those properties."

"All of them?" Deeds asked. "Including the mall?"

"Yes all of them **especially** the mall!" Hodge said. "They were the first to get their pink slips!"

"That's over five thousand people! Unemployment has just jumped fifty percent overnight! A quarter of our tax revenues are now gone!" Deeds realized. "Lobo Tech was the only new business we were able to attract into town since the Xavier Institute was revealed!"

"And since at least two or three buisnesses leave Bayville a month that leaves the town up the proveribial creek without a paddle!" Hodge groaned. "At this rate we won't have a town left within a year!"

"What are we going to do?" Deeds asked.

"I'm thinking of writing a sympathy card to former Mayor Chandler," Hodge grumbled. "Now I know what he had to endure! No wonder the man cracked under pressure! Anything else I should know about before I lock the office and **unlock **my liquor cabinet for the evening?"

"Uh sir, there seems to have been a slight…incident in one of our affiliated FOH testing facilities here in Bayville," Mr. Deeds coughed.

"Incident? What **sort** of incident?" Hodge asked. "Are we talking forgetting to pay the electric bill incident or one of the employees getting drunk after finding out his wife is having an affair with his boss and then decides to go try some target practice incident? Come on Deeds spit it out!"

"Well sir and keep in mind I am in no way responsible for what happened," Deeds coughed. "I am only a messenger of this news. In fact my responsibilities as Deputy Mayor…"

"Yeah don't blame **you** I got it," Hodge groaned. "So what happened and who **do** I blame?"

"First of all the scientists in Sector Five," Deeds said. "You know the ones who did some of the research into the Legacy Virus under Dr. Baleful who we know now as Mr. Sinister. Technically he's **really** to blame…"

"All right, fine what happened?" Hodge snapped.

"Well sir you know they couldn't get any human type mutants as test subjects here in Bayville," Deeds told him. "What with the authorities and the X-Men running around. Too risky."

"Yes, I am aware of that," Hodge nodded.

"And you are also aware that these scientists had to artificially activate or induce an X-Gene in certain lab animals," Deeds explained. "Mice mostly."

"Yes so they could study the effects of anti-mutant technology and how viruses and poisons affect the X-Gene," Hodge nodded. "Go on."

"Well sir apparently a few weeks ago…There was…a breakout of some kind," Deeds coughed.

"What do you mean?" Hodge asked.

"Some of the mice…got out," Deeds said.

"What do you mean, **got out?"** Hodge asked. "Got out as in **escaped?** How did that happen?"

"Well you know how these things happen," Deeds coughed. "A janitor not knowing the details of a project accidentally leaves a cage door open. A rodent chews through a few wires…"

"I see…" Hodge grumbled.

"Or somehow develops heat ray vision and blasts its way out…" Deeds added.

"WHAT?" Hodge yelled. "How many escaped?"

"We're not exactly sure," Deeds told him. "Apparently there have been a few small breakouts over the past year. Remember when the alien insects invaded and the town was pretty much trashed? The lab had to be evacuated and by the time the scientists returned and recounted everything…about ten mice and five rats were missing. We assumed they perished due to the damage and a small fire but…"

"But?" Hodge asked.

"There have been a few more…escapes," Deeds coughed. "The most recent one was last week. This one they actually caught on camera. Apparently some of the mice developed heat ray vision and blasted their way out of the cages. They certainly made mincemeat out of the mazes they were in."

"This all started several months ago and you're just telling me about this **now?**" Hodge shouted. "How many do they think escaped?"

"About two dozen mice and rats overall," Hodge said.

"Well put some poison out!" Hodge snapped.

"They did sir but apparently they seem to be immune," Deeds coughed. "And multiplying."

**"What?"** Hodge growled.

"Most of the escaped animals were female," Deeds said nervously. "And there were at least two confirmed cases of pregnancy before…"

"Before they broke out?" Hodge shouted. "In other words not only is Bayville infested with mutants and mutant wolves, we are now infested with mutant mice and rats as well?"

Just then a squirrel scampered by the window, chattering loudly. To Hodge's horror it shot out some laser rays from it's eyes to knock down a large acorn and scamper away with it. "And a few squirrels sir," Deeds coughed.

"This is a nightmare…" Hodge groaned.

"I'm afraid it gets worse sir," Deeds sighed.

"Worse?" Hodge asked sarcastically. "How could it get **worse?"**

"Well you see sir, one of the scientists…He foresaw this problem and decided to take some steps in order to counteract it," Deeds said. "Unfortunately he wasn't very good about locking the cage doors at night."

"What did he…?" Hodge began.

"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"Don't tell me…" Hodge groaned as he saw the scene outside. "He mutated a few falcons."

"Seven sir," Deeds remarked. "Also with some heat ray vision. At least the mutant squirrels can fight back…"

BOOOM!

"And no one ever really liked that statue anyway sir," Deeds added.

"I **hate **this town so freaking much…" Hodge buried his head in his hands.

"Another thing sir," Deeds sighed. "The Department of Animal Control is threatening to go on strike unless they get more money."

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"SCREEEEEE! SCREEE!"

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

"A **lot **more money..." Deeds sighed. "Mayor Hodge?"

"I'm not listening," Mayor Hodge plugged up his ears. "I am **not **listening! La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la..."

**Oh I love torturing Bayville's Mayors! Don't you? **

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Hodge ran for his life from a squirrel shooting laser beams from its eyes. "WHERE IS THAT PINK MUTANT WHEN YOU NEED HER?"

"I'd like to see that as well," Fred walked out.

"Yeah you gotta admit **that** fight would be interesting," Todd agreed as he came out. "Will Penny reign undefeated or will the Cyclops Squirrel avenge his fallen buddies?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Hodge ran by them, still being chased by the laser beam squirrel.

"**After** the little fuzz ball is finished with Mayor Hodge that is," Todd added.

"Scraaahhhhh!" A large falcon flew by.

ZAP! ZAP!

"Looks like the entire animal kingdom is getting into the act here," Todd said.

"Well you know what they say about animals being in tune with human feelings," Fred told his friend. "And we all know Mayor Hodge doesn't have any."

"AAAHH! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Mayor Hodge screamed off camera. "OH MY GOD THAT BIRD JUST POOPED ON ME AND...AAAHHH! ACID BIRD DOODIE! ACID BIRD DOODIE!"

"He's certainly feeling something **now**! I don't wanna know what that thing has been eating to have his droppings do that," Todd winced.

"If it's anything like the time my Uncle Herb fed his special Chili Con Carne Ala Dukes recipie to his prize winning geese I'm sure it is not going to be pretty," Fred agreed.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY IT BURNS! IT **BURNS!"** Hodge yelled in a very high voice.

"I was right," Fred shrugged. "You know that's exactly the same thing the county fair judge said at the time?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Mayor Hodge ran away for his life from the mutant animals.

"Is it me or are things a little crazier than usual?" Todd scratched his head.

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Mayor Hodge ran by again.

"SQUEEE! SQUEEEE! SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" The mutant squirrel and falcon flew by.

ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!

"Only a little," Fred explained. "That's because Red's all hyped up about the World Series."

"Oh boy..." Todd groaned. "She is going to be nothing but hyper for the next week isn't she?"

"AAAAHH! GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF!" Mayor Hodge jumped around as he was covered with mutant squirrels wearing little Red Sox jerseys and hats. "AAAHH! MY EAR!"

"Oh yeah," Fred sighed. He addressed the audience. "So folks be a little patient with Red for a while. Since her brain has taken a vacation to Red Sox Nation."

"Apparently she's not the only one," Todd blinked. "Look at **that!" **

**"WHAHOOOOOOOOO!" **Emma Frost ran by wearing of all things a red Red Sox T-Shirt, jeans, sneakers, a Red Sox hat and waving a banner saying GO RED SOX ran by.

"That is something you don't see every day," Todd admitted.

"Well she is from Boston after all," Fred blinked.

"Tell me about it," Mystique staggered in. "I've been hearing nothing but 'Tessie' and 'Dirty Water' all week and it's driving me crazy!"

"GO RED SOX! BIG PAPI WE LOVE YOU! WHOOO HOOOOOO!" Emma danced around and did a cartwheel by them.

"You might as well join the club," Todd blinked.

"You realize no matter who wins this series we are going to lose?" Fred remarked.

"I was afraid you'd say that," Mystique sighed.

**Next: The X-Men and Misfits find themselves in a brand new adventure! More surprises! More battles! More fun! Just wait and see what happens next! Right after the World Series! YAHOOOO! **

"Oh goody..." Mystique groaned.

"WHOO HOO!" Emma did more cartwheels.

"OH GET A GRIP FROST!" Mystique shouted. "IT'S JUST A GAME!"

To which several dozen mutant squirrels wearing Red Sox jerseys tackled her. "AAAAAGGHHH!"

"Can't say nobody warned her yo," Todd shook his head.


	86. Big Trouble in Nova Roma

**Big Trouble in Nova Roma**

Times were not good in Bayville. With the mall closed along with several other stores and so many people on unemployment the economy was teetering on the brink. Even the construction industry was hurting. And of course people blamed the mutants, especially the ones at the Xavier Institute.

Just as Fury had predicted, more and more people joined the FOH and spent much of their time picketing and protesting the Institute. In some cases the FOH paid some loyal out of work members to picket, which naturally attracted more followers.

Bayville was now held as an example of how dangerous it was to live with mutants by the anti-mutant mobs. Many prominent politicians spoke about it to further their own careers. A hard rock band rose from obscurity to worldwide fame overnight for their original song: Bad Night in Bayville.

Some of the lyrics went like this:

_Things are rotten Baby, darkness is on the prowl_

_Things aren't safe Baby, the wolves are out to howl_

_Nothing's safe anymore Baby, it's all gone rotten here_

_Fire comes from the sky and the ground shakes in fear_

_Even your mind ain't safe Baby, we gotta get out of here!_

_Those freaks will twist your mind Baby, they'll take your heart and soul_

_Things are bad in Bayville, Baby our lives our out of control! _

_It's a bad night in Bayville, those freaks are tearing up the town_

_It's a bad night in Bayville, they're gonna hunt us down. _

_Nothing's safe anymore with those mutants going wild_

_It's a bad night in Bayville Baby, not for any man, woman or child._

It became a very popular song.

Except of course at the Xavier Institute.

Some of the group's other songs on the album were called Mind Warper, Lightning From the Sky, Alien Attack, Pink Knife Girl, Freaks, I Hate Freaks, I Really Hate Freaks and Hunting Down the Wolves. They never became as world famous as the group's title track, but they were considered classics in their own right by many die hard fans. These songs played almost non stop on several radio stations and video music channels.

Life inside the Institute wasn't much better. Morale was not exactly high. Between Kitty's condition, being confined to the Institute for safety from the protestors outside, the constant bickering between Bobby and Alex over Lorna and the appalling lack of decent television programs on TV, life was pretty much miserable. Even Logan felt it was necessary to cut down on the training sessions because they were getting a bit too violent.

"I'm telling you Charles," Logan said at the faculty meeting. "Those kids have got so much pent up aggression inside of 'em when they let it out in the Danger Room the whole place gets wrecked. I don't think our budget can afford it."

"Things have certainly gone down hill with our relations with the town," Hank reported. "As if that were possible. And apparently it is."

"I've even tried offering some money as restitution but…" Xavier sighed. "The mayor refused it."

"Not to mention we're on Fury's naughty list," Logan said sarcastically. "Ever hear the phrase 'No Good Deed Goes Unpunished'?"

"It certainly applies in this case," Ororo sighed. "How is Kitty's treatment going?"

"It's looking promising," Hank nodded. "It might actually work."

"So what exactly are you doing?" Logan asked. "I didn't really get it."

"To put it simply, the molecules in Kitty's body are stuck in permanent phase due to an electrochemical imbalance within her X-Gene that was activated by the psychic electric current from the Marauder's weapon," Hank began.

"Yeah **that's** simple," Logan groaned.

"If I may finish?" Hank gave him a look. "Reed Richards, Trinity and myself have come up with a device that will restore her X-Gene to it's proper condition."

"And what does it do in English?" Scott asked. "Very simple English. For Wolverine's sake."

"It's something like electric shock therapy," Jean explained, ignoring the dirty look Logan gave her boyfriend. "It sends out small shocks of a special type of electricity through the container she is in and into her body. The theory is that the treatment will restore the imbalance within herself and in a few weeks she will be back to normal."

"Does it hurt?" Scott asked.

"It gives a mild tingle but Kitty hasn't shown any sign of discomfort," Jean shook her head. "Actually she said it was the best and only thing she's felt in weeks."

"The device has to run on a continuous loop for twelve hours and shut down for another twelve," Hank explained. "The fact that she actually feels the current is a hopeful sign."

"We could certainly use all of those we can get," Scott agreed. "Have you told her parents about this therapy?"

"Not exactly…" Xavier sighed.

"Why not? It's not raising their hopes if it's actually working," Scott asked. "Come to think of it, it's kind of odd that they haven't visited by now."

The guilty looks of Jean, Hank and the Professor told them everything. "You mean they **don't know** about her condition?" Ororo was shocked. "How could you not tell them?"

"It wasn't the Professor's idea," Jean said. "Kitty asked him not to tell them unless…She didn't want them to worry. Apparently her father is having a hard time finding a job and you know how her parents and significant others fight every time they are in a room together."

"Not to mention avoid a lawsuit," Logan growled.

"That's not why we haven't said anything," Xavier began.

"But it's a very good side reason isn't it?" Logan asked. "Is another reason you did this because you want Kitty to stay when she recovers?"

"I know we've lost people but…" Scott was shocked.

"Kitty is obviously going through a very difficult time," Xavier began. An explosion from somewhere in the mansion interrupted him.

"She's obviously not the **only **one," Logan groaned as they went to investigate. "Now what the hell is going on here?"

"It's an explosion so it could be **anything**," Scott grumbled. "I swear we're at each other's throats more times than a group of reality show dating contestants."

They went upstairs and saw that several X-Men and Misfits restraining both Bobby and Alex. Several pieces of furniture were either broken or iced. "All right what happened **this** time?" Logan barked. "As if I didn't know."

"Iceman went totally ballistic!" Tabitha shouted.

"Tabitha's right! That guy is insane!" Alex shouted.

"Well how do you expect Bobby to react when you keep rubbing his nose in it?" Jubilee snapped.

"All we were doing was sitting on the couch and talking!" Lorna shouted.

"Yeah talking with your tongue down Alex's throat!" Amara snapped.

"That's a **lie** you little…" Lorna made a fist.

"Look who's talking about lies you..." Amara made a fist as well and prepared to take a swing.

"That's it!" Scott got between them. "The last thing we need is another fight around here! Havok! Iceman! You want to beat each other up, go to the Danger Room."

"You mean like last time when I kicked Iceman's frozen butt all over the place," Alex gave Bobby a look.

"You mean when I frosted your…" Bobby gave him a look.

"They're right Scott," Jean sighed. "We've tried having them fight it out but all that does is encourage them and drive up repair costs."

"Fine then go to your rooms and we'll talk to both of you later," Logan groaned. Both boys did so after giving each other dark looks. "And we'll have a talk with you as well Polaris."

"I didn't do **anything!**" Lorna protested.

"Just go!" Logan barked.

"HA!" Amara snapped.

"Thanks a lot you little witch!" Lorna snapped at Amara as she left.

"And you go to your room as well Amara for spreading lies," Jean whirled on Amara. Amara made a face and stormed out. They soon heard the sound of girls shouting at each other in the hallway.

"I'll get it," Ororo rolled her eyes and went to stop another fight.

"It's not like Amara to spread gossip like that," Jean wondered.

"Yeah that's **my** job," Jubilee nodded. "Well mine and Kitty's." Logan gave her a look. "What? I don't do it to be mean. Just keeping the people informed about current events."

"Is **that **what you call it when you grab the intercom at three in the morning and blabbing about Tiffany Weapons and her latest police arrest?" Logan asked. "And describe in **great detail** what she was wearing and **not** wearing?"

"Yes, people need to know the importance of what is going on with others in the outside world," Jubilee sniffed. "Well that and why it's important to wear underwear."

"I gotta admit it's kind of reassuring to see that someone else has an even **worse** relationship with the media than we do," Scott shrugged. "Not to mention just as many legal problems. We should send her a sympathy card. Well if we would if we actually felt any sympathy for her."

"Can we get back to the problem with our resident princess here and **forget** about the pop princess that is on the fast track to becoming a prison princess?" Hank sighed. "What has come over Amara? This is not the sweet girl we once knew. She has never been this spiteful or vindictive."

"Yeah you'd think she was taking lessons from Quicksilver," Althea remarked. She looked at her team mate. "She hasn't has she?"

"As much as I'd love to take credit for this I can't," Pietro waved. "I think Starla was a much **better** teacher than I could be in this case."

"I ain't making excuses but Sunspot really hurt her bad," Sam sighed. "What he did with Starla was rotten enough but them turning out to be traitors…"

"Yeah Sammy we're all mad at those two slime balls," Tabitha said. "And we're all going stir crazy here!"

"It's been a while since Amara's seen her family hasn't it?" Althea said aloud.

"Yeah I think it's been nearly two years since she was last in Nova Roma," Ray remarked. "Why?"

"I think it's time that we all went on a vacation," Althea grinned.

"I think that's not a bad idea Althea," Xavier didn't need his telepathy to figure out what she was thinking.

"Oh boy," Scott winced. "I know that look. It's the one that always precedes our vacation disasters."

"This is not going to be a disaster," Xavier told him.

"Again **something else** that always preceedes our vacation disasters," Scott said in an oddly chipper voice. "Nice to see that we're keeping up with tradition."

"Scott I know in the past that we have had a few...mishaps," Xavier began.

"Is **that** what you call it when angry mobs try to kill us and we get lawsuits?" Scott asked sarcastically.

"Scott..." Xavier let out a breath.

"Professor, losing your luggage, **that** is a mishap," Scott told him. "Being late for a tour of some fancy house where some actor or actress overdosed on donuts and died on the toilet is a mishap. Getting a bad table at dinner and your food being cold. That is a mishap. In fact the definition of a mishap is an unfortunate accident. We are the X-Men. We don't have unfortunate accidents. We only get those if we are **lucky.** What we have, are full blown disasters."

"I wouldn't say **all **of them have been disasters," Xavier said defensively.

"And which ones were those?" Scott asked. "Refresh my memory. Come on Professor tell me which vacations or happy travels we have had that did not include combat, enemies attacking us, giant lawsuits or something being set on **fire?"**

"You are being ridiculous!" Xavier snapped.

"No, I think for once the kid has a point," Logan agreed.

"Who asked you?" Xavier snapped.

"You gotta admit Chuck our batting average in this area isn't exactly perfect..." Logan went on.

"See?" Scott waved his arms. "Come Professor, name one time where things didn't turn out wrong and we ended up even more exausted and frazzled than we left! Just once!"

"Well there was the..." Xavier thought hard. "Okay there was the cruise...No wait...That wasn't it."

"I would say not with the whole angry mob on the ship and the exploding volcano," Scott said. "Come on Professor think of it as a challenge."

"How about the time we...?" Xavier began. "No, that wasn't it. And it certainly wasn't it when we...This is harder than I thought."

"You see?" Scott said. "This is just going to be another disaster like all the other disasters! Everywhere we go we end up causing trouble! We can't even go camping without setting the woods on fire! It's impossible!"

"So what do you suggest Scott?" Jean folded her arms. "We just stay here hiding in our rooms for the rest of our lives?"

BOOM!

"Yeah **that'll** work," Logan rolled his eyes at the sound of an explosion and another fight breaking out. "Look Cyclops so we get into a few scrapes every now and then..."

"A **few** scrapes?" Scott interrupted.

"The point is you can't get a few bad experiences get you down," Logan said. "We need a break badly. Because if we don't get a break the kids here will **break** us."

CRASH!

"And every piece of furniture we have in the building," Hank sighed.

"Sorry guys but I can't help feeling that this whole trip is just going to be another one of those bizzare instances that turns into one big battle and a huge disaster that will make our lives even more miserable than it already is," Scott said. "And quite frankly those kind of trips are getting on my nerves."

"Don't forget you'll be with us," Althea added. "Hey you can't have **mis**haps without **Mis**fits, am I right?"

"Took the words out of my mouth," Scott groaned. Then he realized something. "Wait a minute, if you agree with me then why do you want to go on a trip?"

"Scott I've learned long ago that disasters and violent confrontations are pretty much inevitable no matter where we go or what we do," Althea patted him on the shoulder. "The trick is not to let it bother you. Once you do that then you can relax. Expect the worse and nothing will rattle you."

"Sorry Althea but I'm afraid I haven't exactly reached that stage yet," Scott told her.

"Really?" Logan looked confused. "I would have thought after that whole outer space fiasco you would have pretty much gotten used to it by now."

"You would think that but no, I'm not completely numbed and shell shocked yet to the point where that pit inside my stomach has been filled in," Scott said. "There is however a large amount of coal in there and every time we go on a trip the pressure just builds inside of me turning it into one giant diamond mine of heartache and jaded cynicism."

"All right Scott I know things have not worked out in the past travel wise..." Xavier began.

"A mine filled to the brim with lost youth and hope," Scott went on, appearing to be lost in his own little world. "A mine stuffed with all those dreams you once had and the belief that you have a future."

"Okay uh Scott..." Jean blinked.

"A future where things don't explode in your face and that you can have a nice quiet life with a normal family," Scott kept going. "What a stupid dream **that** was. Talk about a pipe dream! Which is what it was. There is no future for me. My future has been flushed down the toilet, sent through the sewer and is currently in the belly of some shark in the ocean somewhere! That's what happened to my dreams. My dreams were all flushed away! Down a pipe which completes the metaphor."

"Scott we understand you are going through a hard time right now. We are all going through a hard time right now so could you tone it down for a second here?" Jean coughed. "Scott?"

Scott just went on raving. "Some kids my age think they have it rough because they might have knocked up a girl friend or their parents are on drugs or something. HA! What do they know? At least they have a support group for those kind of things! My mom guzzles some high powered futuristic rocket fuel! Where's the after school special for **that?"**

"Uh Scott maybe you might want to, I don't know..." Althea suggested. "Lie down for a while?"

"Yes the knowledge that your life is bleak and filled with pain, heartache and torture is only made worse by the realization that your future is filled with even **more **heartache, pain and torture!" Scott went on, his voice getting more insane. "And Just...Just when you think that it can not get any **worse**, that all the insanity of your life is past you, that nothing can phase you. That you have seen it all, done it all, survived it all. Then life decides to hire some new script writers to throw you a curve!"

"Scott..." Xavier blinked. "Scott can you hear me?"

"I mean come on some of the crap we've been through is just plain **nuts!"** Scott shouted. "There is no word in the English language that can accurately convey and express the level of insanity that is our lives! And I don't just mean you Misfits. This goes way beyond that! This goes on a level that rivals the curses of the Red Sox and Montezuma all rolled into one, only **worse!** For example having my parents being alive as a space pirate and a space ship? A space ship! A space ship dating another space ship! And a girlfriend that comes back from the dead? Not that I don't appreciate that Jean...But considering what's been going on with the rest of my family I'm starting to see a pattern!"

"Does anyone have any tranquilzers on them?" Hank asked in a stunned voice. "Anyone?"

"Vampires, sorceresses, clones, giant bugs, dragons, mutated emus and seagulls..." Scott went on. "Aliens, gods, other dimensions where I'm old and bald and wearing a dress and dating Duncan Matthews? If that hasn't scarred me for life I don't know what will! Oh wait, I don't have to worry about answering that question because that question will be answered **for me. **Because just around the corner something new and bizzare is waiting to happen. Just waiting to rip apart my life again and throw me further down a pit of despair!"

"Okay note to ourselves, let's not have Scott talk to Kitty for a while," Hank remarked to the other X-Men. "She's depressed enough as it is."

"And what was up with the Monkey version of the X-Men?" Scott yelled. "Can anyone explain **that?** What do you call an X-Team made up of monkeys? X-Monkeys? Banana Factor? The Chimp-Tastics? Primate Power Rangers? What?"

"He is really losing it isn't he?" Pietro blinked.

"No crack that he lost it a long time ago?" Sam asked.

"No...Not this time..." Pietro said. "Not even I can say that. Of course that's mostly because I'm starting to agree with him. What he's saying makes a lot of sense."

"Now I **know **we have been cooped up in here way too long," Althea groaned. "And knowing is a great way to understand why so many adults here become alcoholics."

"I think Cyclops is on the way to becoming one," Pietro said.

"And why, why does every villian in the universe have to come to our doorstop to have a fight with us?" Scott asked. "What? Are we some kind of proving ground for maniacs and psychopaths or what? Is there some sort of club for bad guys where in order to get in you have to pick a fight with us? Are we some kind of bizzare initiation ritual for the ethically challenged? There are other heroes out there you know? What? Captain America's schedule is full or something so we're on the list? Give me a break! Which is what we sorely need! A break! A break which we are never going to get!"

"It's like watching a car crash and cat fight with Lindsey Lohan, Brittany Spears and Orlando Bloom happen at the same time..." Althea said. "You wanna look away but you can't. You feel sick and dirty but you just can't bring yourself to stop it."

"It's no wonder that Kitty wants to leave and Amara has turned into a bitter, vengeful man hating shrew," Scott started to get some kind of nervous tick. "Who can blame them? What amazes me...This really amazes me is that the rest of us haven't run **screaming** out the door years ago! Why are we still here? Why are we **here?** In this place. In this building where there is nothing but madness, and explosions and fights and more explosions and the occasional mutated bird flying around? Can anyone tell me that? Why do we do this? What is the point of all this suffering...All this insane pointless suffering if nothing happens? What is this God's way of getting his kicks? Is someone up there bored and tormenting us because there's nothing good on television."

"That would explain a lot of things," Pietro said. "Well you gotta admit God does screw with us a lot."

"I don't think it's God that's screwing with us," Althea said bitterly. "Some maniac that likes to **play god** maybe but not God."

"Just when you think you have conquered the mountain and seen the light at the end of the tunnel," Scott went on and on. "The mountain sinks into a giant pit and the tunnel suddenly grows dark! And then the light comes back but it's attached to a giant steamroller and it has this high powered engine. And it's barreling down on you just about to flatten your very last ounce of strength and will..."

"EARTH TO SCOTT!" Jean shouted. "COME BACK SCOTT!"

"Huh?" Scott came back. "I'm...I'm sorry. I went away for a while. What were we talking about again?"

"A vacation," Althea said. "It was about us going on vacation. Which **some **of us need a lot more than others."

"Oh yeah right," Scott scratched his head. "Personally I think it's a bad idea but what the hell? It can't get any worse. Anybody got any aspirin or something?"

"Come on Scott honey," Jean led him out. "I'll get you some. And maybe you might want a nice quiet nap for the afternoon."

"Ooh a nap..." Scott said in a dazed voice. "Yeah that would be nice. How about some tea? With honey and vanilla in it? And can we listen to the radio for a while? You know I like that easy listening station..."

"Sure why not?" Jean said. She gave a very worried look to the rest of them.

"Wow," Ray blinked. "It's been quite a while since Scott's had a meltdown like that."

"I think you might want to book a hotel or something right now, Charles," Logan gave an uncomfortable cough.

"Or something yes," Xavier looked worried.

That was when they heard the radio playing in the hallway. "_It's a bad night in Bayville! Oh yeah! A bad, bad night in Bayville! It's a really bad night in Bayville with all those mutant freaks in town!" _

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

ZZZAPPP!

The sound of optic blasts hitting a radio coincided with Scott screaming his lungs out. "You might want to consider a place that doesn't have a radio as well as TV," Ray added. "Just a little heads up."

"You know...There might be such a place," Logan thought aloud.

"Yeah there is," Althea gave him a look. "Nova Roma, Amara's home town. We're going there. Remember?"

"Sorry," Logan sighed. "I kind of got distracted by Cyke's ranting there."

"I think we all did," Sam groaned. "A sure sign we need a vacation."

"We'd better rest up first," Pietro said. "You know how stressful **those** are."

&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& && & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Why did we teleport a mile out of town?" Pietro grumbled, obviously hating being forced to walk at a normal pace. The X-Men, Misfits and a few Joes were walking on a jungle beach on an island carrying backpacks.

"Nova Roma isn't exactly the most technologically advanced civilization on the planet," Logan told him. "We don't want to scare the locals by showing up too fast."

"I just hope we don't freak them out showing up unannounced like this," Scott said.

"Don't worry I told my parents about the Misfits in my letters," Amara told him. "It'll be good to see them again!"

"I hate walking!" Pietro rolled his eyes. "It's so boring!"

"Oh just shut up and enjoy the view!" Wanda snapped at her twin. "You are such a wuss!"

"I am not!" Pietro protested.

"Are too!" Wanda said back.

"Are not!" Pietro shot back like the mature individual he was.

"Are too!" Wanda added to the debate like the mature individual **she** was.

"Are not!" Pietro of course decided to continue the debate as did his sister.

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Oh I am so glad I came here for **this,**" Alpine, the GI Joe mountain climbing expert and good friend to the Joes groaned. He and his friend Bazooka along with General Hawk were with the Misfit Handlers.

"So much for doctor's orders on cutting down my stress," General Hawk agreed.

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not, are not, are not, are not, are not!" Pietro shouted.

"YOU ARE TOO!" Everyone shouted at him. "SHUT UP!"

"No need to get cranky," Pietro pouted.

"Take a chill pill Quicksilver and look around. This place is beautiful," Tabitha whistled. "Crystal blue ocean, warm tropical air, green trees all around. How can you hate **this?"**

"You are asking the wrong person," Bobby grumbled. He hated the heat due to his mutation.

"I think Amara's home is beautiful," Cover Girl said.

"Da," Peter nodded. "I just wish Kitty was here to see this."

"Lifeline and Bree are watching her back at the mansion with Lucid and the babies," Althea told them. "Is she still ticked off at you Colossus?"

"Yes," Peter admitted. "Perhaps I was a bit overprotective before."

"Don't read too much into it," Wanda shrugged. "Kitty's just angry and frustrated and she needs a target for it. I know how she feels being trapped and confined. It's not a pleasant situation. You get so angry and frustrated you tend to scream at anyone near you. Not to mention break a few dozen light bulbs. And maybe scar a few orderlies for life."

"I can imagine," Rina said. She was sympathetic to Wanda's past considering how close it was to her own. "They used to punish disobedient Hydra soldiers or those that failed in their missions by forcing them to either take care of me or try and home school me. As you can imagine the suicide rate for those who failed at anything was pretty high."

"My personal record is about twenty three or twenty four nurses or orderlies that quit the profession," Wanda remarked. "I think. My memory is a little fuzzy. You?"

"Sixty three," Rina said. "Take into account that many times Hydra purposely allowed me to use knives or other weapons on them."

"Oh I am **so** looking forward to spending the next few days here without any TV to distract me," Tim rolled his eyes.

"I dunno," Ray said. "Considering all the mutant hating crap on TV nowadays maybe no TV is a **good thing!"**

"Uh I wouldn't be so sure about that," Pietro pointed. There was a huge luxurious hotel looming before them. It looked like it was in the shape of an ancient Roman palace but it had a satellite dish poking out of it.

"What is **that?**" Amara's jaw dropped.

"Whatever it is I hope it has HD TV," Todd whistled.

"Princess?" A dark skinned girl Amara's age wearing a yellow female toga and flowers in her long hair walked up to them. "Princess! You're back!"

"Namari!" Amara embraced her childhood friend. "I can't believe it's you! What's going on? What happened? What's that building doing here?"

"Oh **that**," Namari grinned. "About a year ago your father built this hotel exclusively for the rich and famous to get away."

"You're kidding me?" Amara blinked. "What gave him the idea?"

"Let's just say Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get around a lot," Namari told her.

"Look! It's the princess!" Several natives called out. They were all wearing Roman style clothing and raced to meet her. "Princess Amara! Princess Amara!"

"Demetrius! Tala! Selrea! It's so good to see you all!" Amara laughed as she embraced several of them. "These are my friends! The X-Men, Misfits and some of the GI Joes!"

"It's the king! The King and Queen have arrived!" Someone called out. A very regal looking couple walked to meet them. The man had a beard and fine purple robes and a gold wreath like crown on his head. Beside him was a very regal dark skinned woman in purple and gold robes and a tall golden crown. "All hail King Augustus and Queen Alana!"

"Your majesty," Amara knelt before them. "I've returned home."

"It is good to see you daughter," Queen Alana smiled. "Come here!"

"I have missed you little Fire Blossom!" King Augustus laughed as he embraced his daughter. "And who do we have here? Professor Xavier! It has been a long time since you have visited our fair land!"

"Too long, your majesty," Xavier nodded. "We all came with Amara for a brief visit. I hope we are not intruding."

"Not at all," King Augustus shook his head. "I know of your companions. They have saved the world countless times and have just helped cure the world of a vile plague that would have wiped out all of humanity!"

"How did you know that?" Amara was shocked.

"Your father has become addicted to satellite television," Queen Alana groaned. "I never should have allowed Bill Gates to talk him into installing it."

"Nonsense! How else am I to learn of the outside world?" King Augustus huffed. "Not to mention find out the latest happenings on Desperate Housewives!"

"Oh dear," Hank sighed. "And another intellect falls victim to television."

"Wait I thought you guys didn't have electricity?" Ray blinked.

"We didn't until about a year ago," Namari said. "We learned how to harness wind power to create it. That Al Gore is quite a nice man."

"I take it Nova Roma is no longer as isolated from the outside world as it was when we first arrived?" Ororo made a slight grin.

"Our people are thousands of years behind the world when it comes to technology," King Augustus shrugged. "It's time we learned more about it. Not to mention make some money off of it. We even put a casino in the hotel."

"I like this place already," Shipwreck grinned.

&&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Amara longingly looked around her old room at the palace. It hadn't changed since she left it. It was painted pink and white with seashell decorations and had many mementos of her younger days. It made her feel warm and safe just by being in that familiar room. She had changed into a pink bathing suit and sarong and was ready to go join her friends when her mother walked in.

"May I come in?" Queen Alana asked.

"You are the Queen of Nova Roma," Amara gave her a look.

"Ah but even a queen knows better than to enter her teenage daughter's room without asking permission," Queen Alana smiled. "Can we talk?"

"Sure," Amara sat down on her bed. "What about?"

"Your friend Tabitha told me that you had your heart broken by some boy," Queen Alana sat down next to her. "And you've been having trouble dealing with it."

"Oh no…That bigmouthed…" Amara groaned. "I swear Tabitha is going to get seriously scalded one of these days!"

"She was right to tell me," Queen Alana said. "Oh little one. I know it hurts."

"How could you possibly know how I feel?" Amara sniffed. "I'm sorry I…"

"It's all right, believe it or not I was young once myself. And I was in love before your father," Queen Alana said.

"You were?" Amara blinked.

"I never did tell you the story of how I met your father and how we fell in love did I?" Queen Alana asked.

"No," Amara shook her head. "I thought you fell in love with Father after you were betrothed to each other."

"Oh I was engaged to someone, but it wasn't your father," Queen Alana sighed.

"What?" Amara sat up.

"It was not long after your Grandmother celebrated her tenth year on the throne, after she defeated the wicked Selene," Queen Alana said. "My parents had arranged for me to be engaged to this nobleman whose name was…Well his name was not important. I was sixteen and he was twenty and he was oh so very handsome and I was smitten with him. But little did I know how cruel he was. He plotted to take over the throne for himself and tried to kill your father and grandmother. It took me a long time to see what a treasonous dog he was but finally…" She hung her head. "Part of me still cares about him I suppose. Sometimes you never really fall out of love, especially when it's your first."

"Oh Mother…" Amara gasped. "I didn't know…"

"The worst part was that he was a sorcerer in his own right and forced me to do terrible wicked things," Queen Alana's voice turned bitter. "He forced me to steal and hurt my own family. And he almost made me kill your father. Fortunately your Grandmother was a wise and powerful sorceress in her own right. She broke his hold over me. She knew I was innocent. Anyway he was banished and I was hurt for a long time but your father was there for me. We fell in love and the rest well…"

"Oh Mother I'm so sorry…" Amara felt ashamed.

"Don't be," Queen Alana shook her head. "That happened a long time ago. I like to think I've learned from that experience. And like it or not you have to learn the same lessons I did. We all experience heartbreak at one point or another. At least you found out about this Sunspot before you got too seriously involved."

"I guess but it still hurts," Amara sighed.

"Why didn't you want to tell me about this?" Queen Alana asked. "Or about some of the other things we have been hearing about what is going on in Bayville?"

"What do you know?" Amara winced.

"Everything that has gone on CNN," Queen Alana said. "Daughter I am not blaming you. I'm guessing that several events were overblown just to satisfy the dulled minds of people who have nothing better to do with their own lives than to exaggerate and criticize the events of others."

"Not **all** of it is exaggerated," Amara sighed. "Okay we did save the world from aliens and dragons and a lot of other monsters but still…I guess I was afraid if you found out about it you would bring me back home."

"Despite all you have endured you still prefer to stay away from Nova Roma?" Queen Alana raised an eyebrow.

"Mother don't misunderstand me, I love Nova Roma," Amara said. "But there is so much of the world I've seen and want to see. And my powers…They're growing every day. I'm learning so much and making so many friends. And they don't see me as royalty. I'm just a normal girl over there. A normal mutant girl but you understand?"

"I do. That is why your father and I thought it was best to send you away," Queen Alana said. "I can see already that you are much more self confident and reliant than you were before you attended the Xavier Institute. Your time at the Xavier Institute has made you strong and is giving you wisdom. And I believe it will continue to do so until you are ready to return to us."

"I can also do a lot of cool things with volcanoes and kick serious butt," Amara smirked.

"You know you sound more like your Grandmother every day," Queen Alana sighed. "Volcanoes?"

"Let's just say by the time it's my turn to ascend the throne our people will never have to worry about lava again," Amara made a slight grin. "Unless I get really ticked off."

"You are **definitely** your Grandmother's heir," Queen Alana rolled her eyes. "Come let's join your friends by the poolside."

"CANNONBALL!" Fred was heard shouting.

SPLASH!

"Sorry!" Fred shouted, apologizing for something. "We need some more water here!"

"We'd better go while there's a pool still **left,"** Amara rolled her eyes.

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It wasn't long before everyone was relaxing around the royal pool. It was huge and there were two waterfalls flowing into it. "Amara your family sure knows how to live large," Tabitha said as she got a drink from a servant.

"I gotta admit, I haven't felt this good or this relaxed in a long, long time..." Scott sighed as he relaxed in the pool.

"The best part about it is that no one minds the fact that we're mutants," Jean remarked.

"Nova Romans are used to magic and other powerful forces," Queen Alana grinned as she and her husband relaxed by the poolside. "Such trival things don't concern us."

"I admit we were startled when we learned of our daughter's powers but that did not change our love for her," King Augustus agreed. "Perhaps our land may not be as technologically advanced as other nations but we are far more civilized than most."

"I'll drink to that," Alpine grinned as he drank by the pool.

"This is great," Bobby was laughing. He noticed several Nova Roman girls giggling as they saw him. "Maybe I might learn to like warm climates after all."

"I can't believe it," Kurt said to Todd and the others in the pool. "Iceman has forgotten about his rivalry with Havok. It's a miracle."

"Gee I wonder what made him **forget?"** Todd asked sarcastically as he watched Bobby flirt with the beautiful Nova Roman girls.

"Gotta admit," Lance grinned at a few other Nova Roman girls who smiled back. "Being single does have it's advantages."

"We all needed this," Jean agreed. "I feel so much better being away from Bayville and all the insanity and hate."

"Yeah even Low Light's lightening up," Althea pointed. The Joe Sniper was wearing a very short pair of swim trunks that showed off his sculpted body. He wasn't wearing his usual hat and goggles so his face looked surprisingly boyish and handsome. He was casually relaxing on a beach chair talking to Alpine and Bazooka who also were only wearing swim trunks and looked amazingly sculpted.

"Whoa, I never realized how hot some of the Joes are," Tabitha was practically drooling. "Al even your Dad looks pretty good."

"Look at General Hawk!" Jubilee gasped as the general did laps in the pool. "For an older man he's got a good set of abs."

"Oh this really does wonders for my confidence," Sam groaned as he pulled a towel self consciously around his shoulders.

"I feel so ignored…" Arcade agreed.

"Look at the buns on General Hawk! Whoo hoo!" Tabitha whistled.

"Say what you want about the Joes but those guys do look good in bathing suits," Lorna agreed.

"That is just cold," Bobby moaned.

"You said it," Alex moaned.

"How come when we look at hot babes they can **hit **us but when they do it it's okay?" Ray asked. "Somebody explain that to me?"

"Yeah! Cover Girl is hot but we can't say anything!" Tim remarked. "Right guys?" He looked at Lance, Fred and the other Misfit boys.

"Dude she's practically like our mother," Fred made a face.

"She's kind of off limits if you get our drift," Lance gave him a dark look. "I mean how would you like it if we made comments about Storm?"

"What do you mean?" Ray asked. "Storm's pretty hot too."

POW!

Rogue hit Ray so hard he practically skipped like a stone across the pool. "Idiot," She grumbled.

"Ow…" Ray moaned as he sank in the shallow end of the water. Then sputtered up.

Everyone laughed then Jean stopped. "Jean, what's wrong?" Scott noticed the worried look on her face.

"I sense something," Jean frowned. "Something's wrong." She hovered out of the pool.

"Jean! Jean where are you going?" Amara called out after Jean as she flew towards the palace.

"Come on we'd better follow her," Wanda grumbled as she wrapped a towel around her waist. The others followed suit and went into the palace.

"I knew it," Scott groaned. "Now on track five, the Disaster Express coming in..."

They managed to catch up to Jean in the lower levels of the palace. "Jean what's going on?" Pyro asked. "I know Amara's mom told you to make yourself at home but this…"

"There's an intruder here," Jean said. "I can feel it."

"Look!" Rina pointed. Two Nova Roman guards were on the floor.

"I can't believe it! My guards are asleep on the job!" King Augustus snapped. "I'll have their spears for this!"

"They're not asleep," Xavier focused his powers. "They're **unconscious**. Someone put them in this state."

"So there is an intruder here," Scott frowned. "What's down here your majesty?"

"This is the Royal Library," Queen Alana said. "Some of our most precious and valuable documents are here."

"Most of what is down here are merely favorite books or history catalogs," King Augustus said. "Nothing any thief would want."

"Information is always a valuable commodity," Hank informed him.

"Besides I think I just figured out the who," Logan sniffed. "I recognize that stench anywhere!" He took off down one corridor.

"Logan wait!" Jean and the others went after him.

Pietro naturally was faster and zoomed ahead. He saw a cloaked figure remove some parchment from a stone slab. "All right pal the jig is up!"

"I doubt it," The figure removed his hood just as the rest of the party showed up into the chamber.

"Mesmero!" Jean shouted when she saw his face.

"Malik!" Queen Alana shouted at the same time.

"You **know** him?" Jean shouted.

"Yes," Queen Alana said bitterly. "He attempted to take over the kingdom with his dark powers years ago. And was banished from Nova Roma for doing so."

"Those 'dark powers' are mutant abilities," Jean explained. "He's known for taking over people's minds and forcing them to do what he wants."

"Wait Mesmero is…" Amara put it together. "**He** was the nobleman you were engaged to!"

"Engaged to?" Tabitha blinked as she looked at Queen Alana and Mesmero. "**Him? Her?"**

"Life here is just a freaking soap opera," Tim whistled.

"Indeed. The twists and turns of fate are truly amusing are they not Alana?" Mesmero laughed.

"That is **Queen** Alana to you deceiver!" She hissed at him. "You were banished from Nova Roma upon pain of death!"

"And I have no qualms about carrying out your sentence!" King Augustus snarled.

"I'd like to see you try," Mesmero laughed as he sent out a psychic wave against them. However to his shock Jean easily countered them.

"You managed to enslave our minds **once**," Jean growled as her eyes glowed brightly. "Not **this time!"**

"AAAHHHH!" Mesmero fell to his knees at her mental assault.

"**This **should teach you to keep your diseased mind **out **of people's heads!" Rogue ran up and slugged him hard. Mesmero flew into a wall, knocking him out cold. "**That's** for using me for Apocalypse you dirt bag!"

"Don't worry Rogue," Jean told her. "I put some psychic dampeners on his mind. He won't be using his powers against anyone soon."

"He won't be using his powers against anyone ever again, if I have something to say about it," General Hawk grunted. "I'm sure Fury has a nice secure holding cell ready for him."

"What was he after?" Pietro grabbed the map and showed it to King Augustus.

"It's a map to a very old secret Nova Roma has guarded for centuries," King Augustus told him. "I'd better hold onto it for safekeeping." He put it inside his robe.

"What an idiot," Tabitha grunted. "Did he really think he could take us all on alone?"

"Trouble is girl, he didn't come **alone**," Juggernaut emerged from the shadows.

"Juggernaut!" Kurt shouted.

"I knew that glorified hypnotist couldn't pull it off," Juggernaut strode towards Mesmero. "Good thing I followed him."

"Pull what off?" Logan shot out his claws. "Just what are you up to Juggernaut."

"If I were you, I wouldn't be worried about what **I'm** doing down **here,**" Juggernaut grinned. A loud explosion could be heard in the distance. "It's what some friends of mine are doing **out there** you should be worried about."

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! CRACK! THUNDER!

"That don't sound good," Todd gulped.

"Nightcrawler, Quicksilver…Check it out!" Althea ordered. "We'll keep an eye on Juggernaut.

"Oooh! I'm sooooo **scared**," Juggernaut snorted as they left. "What are you going to do now Charles? Order them to attack me? Go ahead. This should be interesting. I could use the exercise, plus an excuse to wreck the palace."

"Just what are you doing here Cain?" Xavier frowned.

"He's gonna be leaving in **pieces!"** Logan snapped. "That's what he's…"

"GUYS! WE'RE IN TROUBLE! BIG TROUBLE!" Pietro zoomed in. "I MEAN BIG BIG BIG TROUBLE. BIG BIG BIG HUGE GIGANTINC TROUBLE WITH A CAPITAL T!"

"More like a Capital A!" Kurt had teleported in at the end of Pietro's ranting. "It's Apocalypse! He's attacking the city!"

"What? NO!" Amara gasped.

"What the hell is Apocalypse doing **here?"** Lance shouted.

"It's been a while since he went out and smashed a city or two," Juggernaut drawled. "He felt like he needed the practice."

"Our people!" King Augustus gasped.

"Black Tom and that other guy that was in the helicopter from Cobra La are out there too!" Kurt yelled.

"Like I said Charley," Juggernaut grinned. "You have bigger problems than me. So you can either go out and fight Apocalypse and save the city or you can fight me here and trash the palace along with you. Normally I wouldn't mind a scrap but I actually would enjoy seeing your butts kicked by Big Blue."

"X-Men! Joes! Go fight Apocalypse!" Althea shouted. "The Misfits will take care of Juggernaut."

"What?" Scott said. "But…"

"GO!" Althea whirled on him. "Take care of the Royal Family and save the city. Besides Phoenix, Rogue and Xavier are your heaviest hitters and you're going to need them to handle Apocalypse. Dragonfly, Trinity, teleport them all outside and assist them. We'll join you as soon as we can!"

"She's right," Logan growled. "Do it!"

Trinity obeyed and set their watches so that they would do what Althea ordered. Soon only Althea, Xi, Todd, Lance, Pietro, Fred, Angelica, Pyro, Wanda, Arcade and Larry were left in the room.

"You know all you did was delay the inevitable," Juggernaut growled. "Now I gotta go hunt down his royal pain in the butt and get the map back!"

"That is not going to happen," Wanda glared at him. "We know how to take you down!"

"Yeah just get his helmet off and have Foresight knock him out with his telepathy," Todd said.

"The trick is kiddies, you have to get it off first," Juggernaut cracked his knuckles. "Oh this is gonna be fun."

"Yippee…" Todd gulped as Juggernaut prepared to attack.

&&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& &&& && & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Outside the scene was absolute chaos. Buildings were being burned, roads destroyed, all with a mere flick from Apocalypse's hand. He was merely floating in the air, raining down destruction on Nova Roma with his powers with the attitude that he was performing a dull chore.

"This is so not how I wanted to spend my vacation!" Tabitha said as she blew apart some debris to help rescue some trapped people.

"Just once couldn't these bad guys chill out?" Bobby agreed as he iced up another fire.

"And if Apocalypse wasn't bad enough he brought some friends!" Roadblock groaned as he helped escort a few civilians from another dangerous area.

Black Tom was in his giant mode stomping buildings with glee like a demented toddler and Amadeus was casually causing several fires as well with his powers. "This ends **now!**" Jean turned on her Phoenix Raptor and flew towards Apocalypse. "APOCALYPSE!"

"I was wondering when you would show yourself," Apocalypse created a large energy ball and threw it at her. "Now you will learn who is truly a god!"

"I couldn't have said it better myself!" Jean shouted as she deflected the energy blast right back at him.

However Apocalypse did not flinch as it exploded on him. "I have grown in strength as well since we last met," He told her. "Thanks to my new ally."

A strange energy beam hit Jean from behind. "AAAHHH!" She felt her strength draining. As she fell to the ground.

"You shall pay X-Female!" Cortez hissed as he drained her strength. His eyes were glowing and he was covered in a silver metal uniform.

"Cortez is here **too?"** Rogue shouted. "I thought Magneto got rid of that jackass for good!"

"More like a cockroach!" Remy snapped as he shot out several cards at Cortez, forcing him to lose his concentration on Jean for a moment. However Cortez recovered quickly and started to attack Remy with strange energy.

"YEOW!" Remy leapt out of the way. "Looks like Apocalypse gave Cortez an upgrade!"

"Now to destroy the Phoenix…" Apocalypse went to attack the slightly dazed Jean. Only to feel someone hit him in the back with a stone. "Who dares?"

"Oh boy," Bazooka gulped. He felt rather silly attacking Apocalypse in his bathing suit. "Should have brought my gun."

"I will tear you to pieces you insignificant…" Apocalypse telekinetically grabbed Bazooka and was prepared to do so when he stopped and stared at Bazooka. It appeared he even sniffed at him.

"Uh you like my cologne?" Bazooka gulped.

"Impossible!" Apocalypse roared. "You have the Water of Life within you! I can practically smell it in your essence!"

"But I just took a bath," Bazooka gulped.

"Put him down!" Jean recovered her strength to go after Apocalypse again, only to be cut off by Amadeus.

"How about fighting fire with fire?" He laughed as he used his powers to block her from his father.

"Put him down you big blueberry…" Alpine shouted running up to Apocalypse. He obliged by throwing Bazooka on top of Alpine knocking them both out.

The other X-Men were having their hands full trying to rescue the people from the destruction around them. "Amara! Stay close!" Queen Alana called to her daughter.

"I can't just sit by while these monsters destroy our city and hurt our people!" Amara told them as she charged to do battle. Black Tom then appeared over her. "Oh oh…"

"Prepare to get stomped like a bug you little insect!" Black Tom laughed as he loomed over Amara.

"Why don't **you **prepare for a major **hotfoot!"** Amara went into full Magma form and used her powers to blast at Black Tom's feet.

"YEOWWW! HOT! HOT! REAL HOT!" Black Tom hopped around in pain and shrunk back to normal size. "This is really **hot **here!"

Amara physically cooled off enough to slug Black Tom hard and knock him down. "No one messes with **my **kingdom and gets away with it!"

Jean batted aside Amadeus' flames. "Your fires can't harm the Phoenix!"

"No but it can harm others," Amadeus quickly turned and used his powers to destroy a nearby tree. It started to fall on an injured woman and her baby.

Jean used her telekinesis to stop the tree and place it where it would not hard anyone but Apocalypse hit her with a powerful blast from behind. "Foolish creature," He said. "Never let your guard down!"

"Take some of your own advice!" Alex shouted as he and Scott blasted at Apocalypse from behind with their powers. Apocalypse grunted and staggered but managed to counter with an equally powerful blast, knocking them backwards. The blast also knocked down several mutants at the same time not far away.

"There's more of us than there are of them and we're still getting our butts kicked!" Logan groaned as he got up.

"Again, we're doing a lot of rescuing and **putting out fires!"** Bobby snapped at him.

"My telepathy has no affect on him," Xavier groaned. "He's just too powerful."

"I'd like to punch him out but…" Rogue began. A scream interrupted her. She saw a person trapped by fire in a burning building. "Not **again!**" She went to go rescue him.

"I don't get it, Jean was practically a god back in outer space!" Kurt gasped.

"It takes time for the Phoenix Force to get back to full power," Xavier said as Jean and Apocalypse flew around attacking each other. "A fact that Apocalypse is taking full advantage of."

"I just hope the Misfits are having better luck than we are," Scott grumbled.

POW!

Fred was hurled across the field. "Ow…That hurt."

"Does that answer your question?" Tabitha groaned.

The Misfits appeared using their teleportation watches in the middle of the battle. "Okay for future reference…Juggernaut really doesn't like it when Spyder zaps him."

"Okey dokey…" Spyder looked a little dazed. "I go night night now…" She fell down and fell unconscious.

"Well that was fun," Juggernaut stormed out of the palace with Mesmero on one arm. He threw him on the ground. "Hey Apocalypse! Mesmero botched the operation again!"

"Great Apocalypse and Juggernaut," Kurt groaned. "What a combination!"

"Sorry guys," Fred panted. "We didn't exactly slow Juggernaut down."

RRRUMMMBLE!

The palace behind them began to crumble. "Oh man," Fred groaned. "That's not good."

"Yeah well we haven't exactly made much headway either," Scott groaned as he indicated the burning city.

"Black Tom!" Juggernaut shouted as Black Tom slowly woke up. "The King has the map! Grab him!"

"Stay away from my father!" Amara flared up again.

"Uh perhaps someone else should do it?" Black Tom gulped.

"For crying out loud…" Juggernaut went to grab the King. "Do I have to do **everything **around here?"

"Oh no you…Yeow!" Todd was nearly fried by Amadeus who blasted at them.

"By the way, Selene sends her regards!" Amadeus laughed as he blasted at them with his fire blasts. "She asked me to deliver a message to you. Your **destiny** will be uncovered soon, very soon!"

"Not if **I **have something to say about it!" Lance shouted as he sent a wave of earth at Amadeus. Amadeus was knocked backwards.

"Yo Joe! Protect the king!" Hawk shouted to the Joes around him.

"With what?" Shipwreck snapped. "We're still in our freaking bathing suits here and…" The shadow of Apocalypse loomed over him. "Uh oh…"

"I don't like that guy's look in his eye," Roadblock gulped.

"You GI Joes **all** have the Water of Life inside of you!" Apocalypse roared. "How is this **possible?"**

"What is he talking about?" Logan looked at General Hawk.

"Never mind," Hawk waved his hand. "Just protect the king and defend the villagers!"

"Good idea!" Jean flew behind Apocalypse to try a mental attack but found herself knocked backwards. However she managed to catch herself and willed her Phoenix Fire to get stronger.

However Apocalypse was able to knock her backwards. Just as the Juggernaut was able to break through the line of defense of the Misfits and X-Men. "That tickles!" He laughed as Trinity's psychic lightning hit him. He swatted them out of the way and backhanded Amara even though she was in fire form.

"NO!" Amara shouted as Juggernaut grabbed the King.

"Don't worry! You can have your old man back after I'm done playing with him," Juggernaut tore the map out of the King's robes and threw him down.

"Father!" Amara went to his side. "Are you all right?"

"Barely," The King grumbled.

"I got the map!" Juggernaut laughed as he held it in his hand. Suddenly a fire hand grabbed the map. "WHAT! NO!"

"Burn baby burn!" Pyro cackled as he used his powers to destroy the map.

"You fool! With the map destroyed we can't find the Source!" Amadeus snapped.

"Fortunately for us there seems to be a contingency plan," Apocalypse made a sinister grin. He looked at the two Joes nearest to him, Bazooka and Alpine. "Take them!"

"Hey! Put us down you big…" Alpine shouted as he and Bazooka were telekinetically lifted upwards.

"Oooh! My tummy hurts!" Bazooka moaned.

Suddenly there was a bright flash. Apocalypse and his minions were gone. "They're gone!" Danielle said.

"Apocalypse must have some kind of power to teleport yo," Todd scratched his head.

"Gee Toad ya think?" Pietro said sarcastically.

"Are you okay Jean?" Scott asked.

"I've been better but I've also been worse," Jean grumbled.

"Our city is practically destroyed!" King Augustus snapped. "That Apocalypse destroyed our city!"

"He's also got Alpine and Bazooka!" Cover Girl said. "He's probably gonna use them to uh…" She then looked at the X-Men and Misfits.

"Use them for **what?**" Scott asked.

"Nothing," She coughed.

"Yeah, right," Logan barked. "Okay what the hell is this Water of Life Apocalypse is babbling about?"

"The Water of Life is a powerful natural elixir," King Augustus said. "A single drop can extend life and longevity of youth for a few years. That map that was destroyed showed exactly where the Source of the Water of Life is and how to get to it."

"Wait this Water of Life can extend a person's natural life span and youth?" Xavier asked. He looked at the Joes. "And you people were **exposed **to it?"

"Kind of," Shipwreck coughed. "It's a long story."

"So much for a peaceful vacation at home," Amara rolled her eyes.

"This is going to be another one of those weird adventures isn't it?" Kurt groaned.

"Do we ever have any **other** kind?" Hank asked.

"Of course we don't," Scott groaned. "Why did I think **this** would be any different?"

**Next: What is the Water of Life and how are the Joes involved? Find out the shocking story next time! **


	87. The Water of Life

**The Water of Life**

"I knew it! I **knew** there was something you people wouldn't tell me!" Althea fumed at the GI Joes.

"How could you know something was up?" Kurt asked.

"Didn't you people ever think it was kind of weird that a group of people who were in their twenties in the Eighties **still **look like they are in their twenties in the year 2007?" Althea gave the Joes a look. "Good genes and clean living my foot!"

"So what?" Todd asked. "You saying the Joes got doused with this Water of Life stuff and they're immortal and they never told you about it?"

"No, we're **not **immortal," Cover Girl said. "We just got our lifespan accidentally extended. By about fifty or so years."

"FIFTY OR SO YEARS?" Everyone shouted.

"Accidentally extended?" Logan blinked. "Fifty or so years?"

"It's a rough guess," General Hawk sighed.

"A rough guess?" Logan blinked.

"Have you been taking parroting lessons from Polly?" General Hawk snapped. "Yes a rough guess. It's not like there was any accurate measuring thing for all this!"

"Wait how old are you General Hawk?" Pietro asked.

"Old enough **not **to answer questions like that," General Hawk gave him a look.

"That old huh?" Pietro asked.

"Just shut up Quicksilver," General Hawk snapped.

"Let's see if you were about fifty something during the Eighties…" Todd began to calculated. "Add twenty years to that…"

"Shut up Toad!" General Hawk snapped. "And how did you know I was over fifty back then?"

"I didn't," Todd shrugged. "I took a guess."

"This is embarrassing," General Hawk groaned.

"Well it can't be more embarrassing than the time you got mutated into a super soldier and slept with the…" Todd began.

"YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD ABOUT THAT AND YOU WILL BE LOCKED IN A STOCKADE FOR LIFE!" General Hawk whirled on him. "I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR FOR YOU TO NEVER MENTION THAT AGAIN! NEVER!"

"What? About when you slept with the Baroness?" Jamie blinked innocently. "Everybody knows about that."

"I DIDN'T!" Logan shouted. "YOU **SLEPT **WITH THE BARONESS!"

"Apparently not everyone," Jean sighed.

"The Baroness?" Logan was stunned. **"Her?"**

"When did **you** sleep with the Baroness?" Xavier was shocked.

"**Why** did you sleep with the Baroness?" Ororo asked, just as shocked as everyone else.

"I wasn't exactly myself! Okay!" General Hawk snapped at them.

"How could you sleep with the Baroness?" Ororo gasped.

"**Why **did you sleep with the Baroness?" Hank asked.

"I already asked that question," Ororo said.

"It bears repeating," Hank told her.

"Good point," Ororo agred. "**Why** did you sleep with the Baroness?"

"I said I wasn't exactly **myself!"** General Hawk told her. "I was kind of influenced by that mutated DNA that got pumped into my system."

"Mutated DNA?" Xavier raised an eyebrow.

"It's a very long and humiliating story," General Hawk moaned.

"It's about Valor Venom and Other Stuff," Todd nodded.

"Can we get off the subject of General Hawk's love life or lack of it and get back to the matter at hand?" Shipwreck interrupted. "Namely to find our missing buddies!"

"Yes and…" General Hawk blinked. "What do you mean **lack** of a love life?"

"Well begging your pardon General but after that Baroness thing you haven't exactly seen a lot of action down below," Roadblock shrugged. "And that was a long time ago."

"Yeah you really should date more," Low Light said.

"THE **VIRGIN** IS GIVING **ME **ADVICE?" General Hawk shouted.

"Uh actually," Cover Girl blushed and coughed. Low Light blushed as well.

"You **didn't**…" Lance's jaw dropped.

"You **did?"** General Hawk was shocked.

"HUH? WHEN?" All the Misfits shouted in shock.

"When you guys were in outer space," Roadblock said. "Now get off the man's case."

"You two finally got together and you didn't tell us?" Todd asked.

"BECAUSE IT WAS NONE OF YOUR DAMNED BUISNESS!" Low Light shouted at him.

"But we told you that Shipwreck almost slept with Storm while she was sober!" Pietro said.

"General Hawk may not need to send you to Greenland!" Ororo snapped. "I'll personally take you there **myself!"**

"You nearly slept with Shipwreck and you were **sober?"** General Hawk gave Ororo a look.

"No! Not exactly…" Ororo groaned. "There's nothing going on between us!"

"But what about...?" Scott began.

"Nothing!" Ororo interrupted. "Is that **clear?"**

"But you said you loved my back massages!" Shipwreck protested.

"SHUT UP!" Ororo snapped.

"And I thought finding out my mother was once engaged to Mesmero was the shocking point of the day," Amara groaned.

"It's like freaking Desperate Freaking Mutant Housewives around here," Tim grumbled. "Every time I turn around somebody's either sleeping around or related to somebody else!"

"I must admit ever since I got here it hasn't been dull," Monet blinked. "And I thought the Hellions had some interesting scandals."

"Not even close," Catseye whistled.

"Wait this Water of Life," Wanda thought. "I've heard of this before. Remember when we went to that island for training and ended up fighting the Orochi?"

"Oh yeah," Fred nodded. "That's where we met Kima and Granny and learned that Quicksilver was a virgin."

"SHUT UP!" Pietro shouted.

"Yeah Quicksilver, you're a virgin!" General Hawk snapped. "How does **that **feel?"

"What is this? Pick on Pietro Day?" Pietro whined.

"Didn't they have a spring of the Water of Life there?" Wanda added, ignoring her brother.

"Yes but it's only a spring, it is not the Source of the Water of Life," Spirit told them. "That's where we were touched with it."

"Touched? We were doused with the stuff!" Low Light snapped. "Nearly drowned."

"Well at least we now know what Apocalypse was after," Xavier said. "And what he wants with Alpine and Bazooka."

"The location of the Source of the Water of Life," Ororo nodded.

"Yeah but the real question is why?" Logan asked. "Ain't Apocalypse already immortal?"

"Perhaps he needs the water as a supplement?" Xavier thought. "At the very least we know where they are going and have the advantage."

"Uh only temporary," Shipwreck coughed. "You see there are a few folks who know **exactly** where the Water of Life used to be. And I got a feeling they might know all about this too."

"Used to be?" Logan looked at him. "What do you mean 'used to be' and what other folks are you talking about?"

"Well…" Shipwreck coughed. "That's a long story."

"Aren't they **all?"** Bobby groaned.

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"And people say there's no longer any quality programming on television any more," Cobra Commander snorted. He had watched the entire battle using remote secret cameras along with Destro, Mindbender, Zartan and his Dreadnoks as well as the Crimson Guard in the war room of in one of their many remote headquarters.

"Remind me to congratulate Scrap Iron, our resident technical genius on his surveillance birds," Destro nodded.

"And the best part about 'em is that they won't get eaten by that bloody Toad," Zartan agreed. "Like our surveillance bugs were."

"We told you…" Xamot began.

"That it was a good idea…" Tomax added.

"To keep an eye on the X-Men and Misfits," They both finished.

"Too bad we didn't have one of these for watching the Baroness," Destro grumbled.

"You're not still mooning over her are you?" Dr. Mindbender asked.

"No, I'm worried about how she is going to **retaliate** against me," Destro snapped at him.

"Why? What did you do?" Torch asked. "Oh wait that whole running out on her wedding thing right?"

"You really humiliated her didn't you?" Monkeywrench asked.

"I know I mean can you imagine that is probably one of the **worst** things that can ever happen to a woman on her wedding day?" Buzzer asked.

"Well there was this one time that my cousin got set on **fire **by her fiancé's mistress at the altar and stole the wedding gifts but yeah that's almost the same thing," Ripper agreed. "I tell you once her burns healed she was on a rampage! Whoo! And she's not **half **as psychotic as the Baroness!"

"Yes, you really are screwed aren't you Destro?" Cobra Commander chuckled.

"Aren't you concerned about the Baroness' activities?" Xamot asked.

"We haven't heard hide nor hair of her in several months," Tomax added.

"It has been kind of peaceful around here hasn't it?" Torch remarked.

"Gotta admit I ain't missing her," Zarana agreed.

"You know I've noticed since she left morale has kind of gone up a bit," Cobra Commander mused.

"Suicides in her department have gone down fourteen percent," Dr. Mindbender nodded.

"Would have been fifteen to twenty percent but a couple idiots got drunk while they were partying," Xamot remarked.

"And you know how guns, alcohol and roller coasters tend to be a messy mix," Tomax agreed.

"Still her long absence from Cobra does not concern any of you?" Destro asked.

"Why? We're not the idiots who left her at the altar," Cobra Commander remarked.

"Sorry Destro but when it comes to that hormonally crazed woman you are on your own!" Mindbender agreed.

"Now that's no way to talk," Zarana remarked.

"Yeah we got to stick by our mate Destro through thick and thin!" Monkeywrench agreed.

"Destro must be paying you Dreadnoks a fortune isn't he?" Mindbender remarked.

"Yes! Donald and I got one of them Nintendo DS thingys!" Road Pig piped up. "In pink!"

"Can we please get off the subject of Destro's dilemma and focus on the latest development here?" Cobra Commander sighed. "Okay how do we turn this situation to our advantage? Ideas."

"Let the X-Men and Misfits deal with this and we watch the show while having a couple of brewskis?" Monkeywrench called out.

"Ideas from someone with **more** than **one brain cell?"** Cobra Commander called out.

"I uh..." Torch held up his hand. "Oh wait I got nothing..."

"Big surprise," Cobra Commander said snarkily.

"Obviously Apocalypse wants to find the Water of Life," Destro sighed. "Which everyone in this room knows is a fruitless endeavor."

"Yeah not only that it's a waste of time," Buzzer agreed. "We already trashed that place years ago!"

"I don't think Apocalypse is **aware **of that, Buzzer," Zartan said. "Hence his attack on Nova Roma and kidnapping the Joes."

"Exactly, the only way he can get any of the original Water of Life from the Source now is if he drains it's essence from someone who was doused in it," Cobra Commander waved.

"Like the Joes," Monkeywrench said. "Hey that would solve a lot of our problems!"

"Yeah let Apocalypse drain their water and leave us high and dry," Torch said.

"Wait a minute," Cobra Commander stopped. "I'm not so sure about that. I'm just remembering something. If the Water of Life is drained from the Joe's bodies…"

"It affects **our** bodies as well," Destro reminded him.

"Really? Why is that?" Torch scratched his head.

"Some kind of mystic mumbo jumbo," Cobra Commander waved his arm. "Basically since both Cobra High Command andthe Dreadnoks and the Joes got doused at the same time we all have some kind of link. What happens to one will happen to us all!"

"What do you mean?" Torch asked.

"The more essence of the Water of Life drained from the Joes or us means that the remaining people blessed with the Water of Life at the same time get weaker and older!" Destro explained.

"Oh and that's bad isn't it?" Monkeywrench thought.

"Yes, Monkeywrench, it is a very, **very bad thing!"** Cobra Commander shouted.

"Wait if they die, we **die** right? Then why are we always trying to kill the Joes?" Torch yelled. "It's like we've been trying to commit suicide!"

"God your memory is really toast isn't it?" Ripper groaned.

"It's okay to kill 'em the **normal** way," Buzzer said. "You know, stabbing, shooting, blowing 'em up into tiny bits. It's just the water thing we can't do."

"You mean we can't drown 'em?" Torch asked.

"Ohhhhhh!" Destro moaned. "I am getting a severe headache! **Someone else** take over explaining our situation to this dullard!"

"Zartan he's your lackey," Mindbender huffed. "Do something!"

"Fine! I'll break out the puppet show," Zartan sighed.

"Puppet show?" Destro blinked. "Did you just say 'puppet show'?"

"Yeah it sometimes helps the Dreadnoks with their memory retention," Zarana told him.

"Please tell me you are joking!" Destro asked in an annoyed voice.

"All right here we go," Zartan took out some puppets shaped like GI Joe and Cobra with very big heads. "Zarana you take the girl parts. Zandar you be the Joes!"

"You are **not** joking," Destro groaned.

"Yay a puppet show!" Monkeywrench clapped his hands. "I love a good puppet show!"

"I'm **always** the Joes! Why do I have to be them?" Zandar grumbled.

"Because you do a very good imitation of some of them," Zartan said.

"So do **you!**" Zandar snapped. "We're a whole family of masters of disguise! You'd think just **once** you'd let me play the Cobra parts! But you always hog the good parts for yourself! It's not fair!"

"Okay Zartan let Zandar play the Cobra parts," Cobra Commander said. "He does a better Mindbender than you anyway."

"He does not!" Zartan snapped.

"I'm afraid he does," Mindbender agreed. "He's even gotten the nuances of my accent right."

"Thank you!" Zandar took the Cobra puppets. "At least **someone** around here appreciates my talents!"

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't **whine **all the time," Zartan grumbled. "Specifically when things don't go your way."

"Why do I stay with these people?" Destro asked himself. "Seriously, why? I could make more money and have some kind of life if I left these idiots. So why on earth do I stay **here?"**

"Once upon a time back in the Eighties," Zandar narrated. "GI Joe and Cobra the Enemy fought each other endlessly." Several Joe and Cobra Puppets were fighting. "It was the time of Serpentor the First, six months exactly after the Cobra La fiasco."

"I'm bored! I want to rule the world!" The Serpentor Puppet said. "This I command! This I command!"

"Serpentor ruled Cobra and all was definitely **not well**," Zandar said. "Quite frankly he was starting to get on everyone's nerves."

"I want this! I want **that!**" The Serpentor Puppet started whacking all the Cobra Puppets. "I want a new weapon! I want a new country to rule! I want a sundae! This I command! This I command!"

"It didn't help matters that Cobra was running into some slight financial trouble," Zandar narrated.

"What do you mean we can't afford gold plated fighter planes?" 'Serpentor' roared at the Cobra Puppets. "And I want more caviar for breakfast! This I command! You fools are nothing but worthless incompetents! Perhaps it's time I got some more competent help! And someone bring me a crystal glass filled with pomegranate juice and champagne. This I command!"

"Finally some of us had **enough**!" Zandar remarked. "The Crimson Twin Guards…"

"Xamot! And Tomax!" The two Crimson puppets appeared. They were being played by the Crimson Guards.

"Decided to do something about it," Zandar gave them a look. "What are you doing?"

"We're playing ourselves," Xamot said.

"Why should you have all the fun?" Tomax asked.

"This takes us back…" Xamot said.

"To our childhood," Tomax added.

"We did puppet shows to amuse ourselves all the time," The Crimson Twins said at the same time.

"That explains a few things," Zartan grumbled under his breath.

"Wow! What a show!" Torch said happily.

"That's one way to describe **this,**" Destro groaned. "No wonder the Baroness hasn't come back."

"The Crimson Guards along with the Dreadnoks and Storm Shadow the Ninja…" Zandar began.

"BOOOOOOOOO!" Monkeywrench called out.

"He was still with Cobra then," Zartan snapped.

"I know that, I just don't like him," Monkeywrench snorted.

"Well neither do I considering the many times he's tried to **kill me**," Zartan snapped. "But he's important in the story so knock it off!"

"Oh, sorry!" Monkeywrench apologized.

"Oh I am definitely sorry," Destro moaned. "Sorry doesn't even **begin** to describe how I feel!"

"Anyway Storm Shadow the Ninja broke into GI Joe headquarters and rescued Cobra Commander the Snake," Zandar said as he made his Storm Shadow puppet sneak around and bop several Joes on the head. The Dreadnoks laughed themselves silly over the ninja puppet antics.

"OW! Not so hard!" Zartan snapped.

"I am not hitting you that hard!" Zandar snapped. "Don't be such a wimp."

"I am not being a wimp!" Zartan snapped. His Snake Eyes puppet was facing Zandar's Storm Shadow puppet. "You are deliberately hitting me too hard!"

"I was not!" Zandar snapped. His Storm Shadow puppet thwacked the Snake Eyes puppet. "THAT WAS A HARD HIT!"

"So is **this!"** Zartan hit his puppet at Zandar's puppet.

"Oh yeah! Take that!" Zandar hit his puppet against Zartan's. "And that and **that!**"

"So take this! And this and this!" Zartan hit his puppet against his brother's.

"Why don't you take this and **this?"** Zandar hit his puppet even harder. "AND THIS!"

"You want a piece of me?" Zartan snapped.

"It's go time!" Zandar snapped and the two puppets went at each other to the cheers of the Dreadnoks. "You always had to complain about everything I do! Even when we were kids!"

"That's because you were always a **screw up!"** Zartan fought back with his puppet. "You were the one who was a wuss when you were a child! I can't believe I had a brother who had an easy bake oven!"

"You know perfectly well I was using it too cook food for the whole family at the time!" Zandar shouted. "I can't believe you blew it up with some dynamite!"

"I can't believe I am **stuck** in this Romper Room rip off!" Destro groaned. He got up and rapped both puppets violently. "WILL YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF AND GET IT OVER WITH!"

"Oh right," Zandar coughed. "Anyway, Storm Shadow stole Cobra Commander the snake from the Joes. Then he took him to the Crimson Guard, the Dreadnoks and the highly talented Scrap Iron who made a machine to turn Cobra Commander back into a human."

"At the same time Serpentor the First was searching for the Water of Life for himself so he would become immortal," Zandar went on. "Unknown to him three GI Joes had secretly infiltrated Cobra. Shipwreck, Low Light and Bazooka. Now the last thing Cobra Commander wanted was Serpentor to become immortal. So he and his somewhat loyal subjects confronted Serpentor the First. At first it looked like Serpentor was in charge, however…"

"Oh! I remember this part!" Torch bounced up and down. "This is when that Low Light guy beat up Serpentor! I won fifty bucks on that fight."

"Thank you Torch," Zandar sighed as the Cobras acted out the part with the puppets. "Low Light defeated Serpentor and Cobra Commander took advantage of the situation to turn Serpentor into a snake with the same device that made him human!"

"AAHHH! I'm melting! I hate you people! This I command!" 'Serpentor' had a familiar whiny snakelike voice coming out of him.

"Commander!" Zarana snapped.

"What? I **like** this part!" Cobra Commander told her as he held the puppet. "It's my favorite."

"I have **got **to start meeting **new people,**" Destro moaned as he put his head in his hands. "Can we speed this up please?"

"Oh all right," Cobra Commander sighed. "I got my revenge on Serpentor by turning him into a casserole and feeding him to my staff. We ended up at the Source of the Water of Life. There was a big fight and a lot of explosions which resulted in the Source being destroyed. However in the process all of Cobra High Command and the Joes got doused with the Water of Life giving them extra long life and youth the end!"

"Oh yeah," Torch nodded. "I ended up getting a bath **twice **that day! Blech."

"**That **he remembers!" Zarana groaned as she threw away her puppets.

"To be fair bathing isn't exactly a normal routine for Torch," Zartan told her.

"Now that story time is over," Destro snapped. "We need to find out why Apocalypse wants the Water of Life before we can formulate a plan to defeat him."

"Well he wants to be immortal, duh," Buzzer said.

"He's **already** immortal you twit!" Zarana snapped. "There's got to be some other reason!"

"Yes, some kind of devious, twisted plan," Destro thought. "Over to you Cobra Commander. If you were already immortal and you wanted the location of the Water of Life, **why **would you want it? For what purpose?"

"I suppose if I was immortal I'd take the Water of Life just so that no one else would become immortal," Cobra Commander thought. "I mean, imagine spending eternity with you idiots."

"The feeling is **mutual**," Destro muttered under his breath.

"What did you say?" Cobra Commander snapped.

"I said that won't work **at all,"** Destro told him. "There has to be some other reason. Something a bit more, I don't know…Twisted than that. Think Commander. Use that devious mind to find out what that equally devious Apocalypse is thinking of!"

"Devious! That overgrown Smurf could never scratch the surface of **my **genius!" Cobra Commander snapped. "If I was going to use that water on other people besides myself, I'd use it to create an unstoppable army! An immortal army that would take over the world! I'd even use it on some of my fellow Cobra La citizens if they vowed unending loyalty to me and recreate a Cobra La paradise on Earth! Of course I wouldn't give it all to them! Just enough over the decades to ensure their loyalty and…And I just hit the nail on the head didn't I?"

"Precisely," Destro folded his arms.

"But there's no water left," Buzzer said. "We used it all."

"Yeah he can't get it so what's the big deal?" Torch asked.

"Were you **not **paying attention bug brain?" Zarana hit him on the head. "He can get it from us and the Joes!"

"And if **they** go, **we're** not that far behind!" Zandar said.

"Oh, that's bad isn't it?" Torch scratched his head.

"Yeah it kind of is!" Zartan said sarcastically. "Since being **dead **could kind of put a crimp in our plans to rule the world, it is kind of a **bad thing!"**

"So what do we do?" Mindbender asked.

"We don't have a choice," Cobra Commander moaned. "The only way to save our skins is to…Ugh…I can't even **say** it…"

"Help save GI Joe?" Torch asked. "Rescue Alpine and Bazooka from Apocalypse?"

"Exactly, **that,**" Cobra Commander shuddered. "Ugh my stomach hurts just **thinking** about it!"

"So how do we do that?" Mindbender asked.

"Simple, we know where the source is," Destro said. "We go there and lay a trap for Apocalypse. Sooner or later he'll show up with the Joes because they're not stupid enough to tell him that the Source has run dry. And he'll need them to find the Source. When he comes we'll spring our trap, defeat him and then we take the Joes as prisoners for ourselves."

"Sure we'll just take on Apocalypse," Zartan said sarcastically. "No problem, he's only one of the most powerful mutants on the planet. It'll be a **piece of cake!"**

"I'm sure Dr. Mindbender could come up with **something** to handle him!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Mindbender?"

"Hmm…It is a challenge I must admit," Mindbender thought. "I wonder if that spare plutonium I have might come in handy?"

"I wonder if Hydra could use a new arms dealer slash second in command?" Destro thought aloud. "I know they need new people."

**Here we go folks. It's gonna get crazier from here on in! He he! Tune in next time to find out what happens next!**

"So wait..." Torch walked by. "The water of life thing never really happened in the cartoons?"

"Not really no," Destro explained. "Well the part about Low Light beating Serpentor did happen, sort of in one of the lamer 'newer' versions after the Suncoast deal fell through but other than that it's all in Red Witch's deranged imagination."

**One of these days I will do the whole Water of Life story. I promise. Right after I finish playing with my puppet shows.**

Zartan and Zandar ran by hitting each other with puppets. "YOUR FAULT! NO IT'S YOUR FAULT! WHINY BABY! PRETENTIOUS BLOWHARD! JERK! BIGGER JERK! OW! YOU'RE THE JERK! OW! JERK! OW! JERK! STOP HITTING ME! I'M NOT HITTING YOU THE PUPPET IS! OH YEAH WELL TAKE THAT! AND THAT! OW!"

"I did say that the Red Witch had a **deranged **imagination didn't I?" Destro sighed. "Speaking of which go ahead and do it."

**Do what?**

"What you have been **dying** to do ever since October started," Destro sighed. "You know."

**No I don't. What are you talking about? **

"Don't look at me," Torch shrugged. "I don't have a clue."

"Will wonders never cease?" Destro said sarcastically. "Red Witch we all know you have had a stupid obession with a certain baseball team so why don't you just get it over with and put us all out of our misery once and for all!"

**Oh well if you insist...**

"TESSIE!" Xi bounded by dressed up in full Red Sox regalia. "TESSIE! TESSIE! RED SOX ARE THE WORLD CHAMPIONS! YAAAYYYYYYYY!"

"Since when is he a Red Sox fan?" Destro blinked at the bouncing Xi.

"Since he watched his first World Series Game in 2004," Todd sighed as he and all the other characters appeared. "He's become a fanatic."

"TESSIE! NUFF SAID MCGREEVY SHOUTED!" Xi sang as he bounced around.

"NO SINGING!" Destro yelled. "NO SINGING!"

"Okay then I'll just hum!" Xi grinned. "Hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm, hm hm hm hm hm hm hm! hm-mm, hm hum hm hm hm hum hmmmmmmmmmmmmm!"

"La la la la la la la la la!" Emma danced by also dressed in Red Sox attire. "La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Okay there is a sight I **never** thought I would see," Hank blinked as he watched Emma dance like a character out of Riverdance. "Xi I guessed is probably hyped up on cookies but this..."

"This is nuts," Logan blinked. "I'm glad I'm a hockey fan."

"Yeah we all know how reserved and dignified those people are," Rogue said sarcastically.

"La la la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaa!" Xi danced as well singing, well sort of singing 'Tessie' the official Red Sox Anthem without the words. "La la la la la la la la la la la laaaaaaaaaaa!"

"You won't catch an X-Man acting like that," Scott shook his head.

"LA LA LA LA LA LA!" Bobby danced by doing the Papelbon dance as well. "LOVE THAT DIRTY WATER! OWWWWW! BOSTON! DA DA DA DA DAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Unless of course it's **Iceman**," Scott groaned. "Who is also from Boston..."

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Jamie danced by singing. "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAA!"

"And Multiple who made a killing in the betting pool," Scott sighed.

"LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAA!" Kurt danced by doing the same dance and singing the same song (Dirty Water) as Bobby.

"KURT! YOU DON'T EVEN WATCH BASEBALL!" Kitty screamed, an adamant Cubs fan shouted.

"No but I like a good party," Kurt grinned. "And when in Red Sox Nation..."

"It's gonna be a long...long cold winter around the rest of the country..." Hank groaned.

"Hey come on let's not forget what a great team the Rockies were," Lance said. "You have to admit they were a hard team to beat! They played really well!"

"Yeah but the Red Sox just played better!" Bobby laughed.

"You want your socks to get rocked? Keep talking!" Lance snapped.

"Avalanche was for the Rockies, big shock..." Rogue groaned, rolling her eyes. "I never would have seen **that **coming!"

"Personally I don't really care," Fred shrugged. "I'm more of a football fan myself so this stuff don't bother me."

That was when Todd casually handed him a paper. "Patriots **undefeated?** Fifty two to **seven?** Oh man!" Fred groaned. "It is gonna be a long winter!"

"Actually I **do** like the Patriots so..." Both Lance and Scott said. They looked at each other and spoke at the same time. "Stop that! Stop talking at the same time! **You **stop talking at the same time! Shut up! You shut up!"

"A very very long winter..." Hank sighed.

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAA!" Xi, Emma, Bobby, Jamie and Kurt all joined hands and danced around singing Tessie without the words. "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAA!"

"Save your singing and dancing for the Black Pearl," Jean snapped. "Oh that's the nickname for the Red Sox dugout."

"WE KNOW!" Everyone shouted.

"And knowing is a good reason to smack your head against the wall several times," Logan grunted.

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" Xi and his little happy band sang on. "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"

"OH YEAH! WELL WAIT UNTIL **NEXT YEAR!"** Everyone else shouted.

"Oh man..." Todd slapped his head. "We shouldn't be worried about the Red Sox fans turning into Yankee Fans...It's the Yankee Fans that are turning into **Red Sox fans!"**

"That is scary," Hank blinked.

**It was a great season guys! Sorry everyone but I gotta say this! Way to go Red Sox! YAHOOOO! **

"Well..." Destro sighed as he looked at the madness surrounding him. "It could have been a lot worse."

"How could it have been...?" Torch began.

"DON'T SAY ANYTHING!" Everyone shouted. "YOU **WANT** TO ENCOURAGE HER? SHUT UP!"

"Why what could she do?" Torch asked.

At this Apocalypse and Sinister danced in the Riverdance holding a long banner between them saying WE WANT LOWELL TO STAY! A ROD GO AWAY!

"YOU JUST HAD TO **ASK** DIDN'T YOU!" Sinister shouted. "I don't even **like **baseball!"

"I am not even sure how the game is **played **let alone liking it!" Apocalypse snapped. "But I am starting to **loathe** it now."

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" The Red Sox mutants danced around. "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"

"Boy I didn't even know Emma Frost could do a cartwheel," Rogue blinked. "You know with that stick shoved up her butt."

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" Emma jumped around and didn't even hear her. She was too busy dancing. "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!"

"I am so glad baseball season is over," Kitty groaned.

"You and every sane person who reads these fics of hers," Destro sighed. "If there are any left..."

"Someone please assist us?" Apocalypse snapped. "I can't stop dancing! Her deranged imagination won't let me stop!"

**Okay that's enough celebration for now. We'll get back to the story next time! Until then I'm going out to sing 'Tessie' one more time! **

All the other characters screamed. "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY PLEASE **DON'T!"**


	88. Return to the Source

**Return to the Source**

"Now I have been in a few embarrassing positions before in my life," Alpine mused as he lay on the metal slab. "Lying on a slab in a pyramid somewhere wearing only my bathing shorts being held hostage by a mutant that wants to rule the world comes in at…Oh number five."

"We wore a lot less the time Shipwreck talked us into going to Vegas with those weird stripper ladies," Bazooka agreed. He was on a slab next to him. "And they weren't ladies."

"Neither is this guy," Alpine gulped as he saw Apocalypse loom over him. "Yes I'd like the number two combo with fries and can I super size my jumbo slushie drink?"

"So you are a jester?" Apocalypse sighed. "Why am I **not **surprised?"

"Why? Don't you like jokes?" Alpine said blithely. "I know lots of jokes. Knock Knock jokes, bar jokes, chicken jokes…Did you hear the one about the chicken in the bar that told knock knock jokes?"

Apocalypse responded by snarling in his face. "Oh you've heard that one?" Alpine asked nervously. "I don't suppose you watch My Name is Earl or anything like that huh?"

"I like Everybody Loves Raymond!" Bazooka said in a friendly tone. "What TV shows do you like?"

Apocalypse responded to this by simply taking a small metal statue in his hand and crushing it like a ball. "I don't think he watches a lot of television, Bazooka," Alpine gulped.

"Oh," Bazooka blinked. "Do you like movies?"

"ENOUGH!" Apocalypse roared. "Tell me what you know about the Water of Life."

"The Water of Life?" Bazooka blinked. "Well for starters…it's wet. Very wet."

An annoyed roar came from Apocalypse. "You have to excuse my friend here," Alpine laughed nervously. "Got hit on the head one too many times with large heavy objects. You know how it is."

"Hasn't Mesmero removed those mental blocks **yet?**" Apocalypse growled to another person in the back.

"Still working on it Father," Amadeus sighed in a bored tone as he emerged into the light.

"Father? So this is one of those father son outings?" Alpine said. "You know I think that's commendable. Not to many of your world domination types bother to spend real quality time with their families. Take Magneto and what he did with his kids! The stories I could tell you! And Cobra Commander? Don't get me **started** on that loser!"

Apocalypse roared and looked like he was going to tear Alpine in half when Amadeus stopped him. "Father, let **me** handle this."

Amadeus gave Alpine a hard look. "You think you're quite amusing don't you?"

"Well I'm not good enough to be on Comedy Central but it does help pass the time," Alpine said. "It's always healthy to have a positive outlook on things."

"It will not be healthy for you if you continue to annoy my father," Amadeus glared at him. "Consider yourself fortunate that my father has not used his telepathy on you, **yet**. Your primitive minds are quite…distasteful. But he will not be adverse to sucking whatever limited information you have out of them. Of course the process would probably liquefy your brains and turn what was left of them into an ooze that would drip out your ears."

"Ewww…" Bazooka gulped. "That's not good."

"No, it is **not,**" Amadeus said. "The experience is definitely…unpleasant. And that is the **least **painful of things he could do to you. If you choose **not** to cooperate and tell us the location of the Source of the Water of Life."

"Oh is **that** all?" Alpine said in a friendly tone. "Why didn't you just mention that in the **first** place! We'd be **happy **to tell you where it is!"

"We are?" Bazooka blinked. "Why?"

"Because we **don't** want him to read our minds," Alpine gave Bazooka a look. "Okay you might be immune seeing you don't **have** one but still…"

"But that source thingy was…" Bazooka began.

"Very important, I know!" Alpine said quickly. "But I think our **lives** are a bit more important right now! So **shut up** and let **me** do the talking!"

Alpine looked at Amadeus. "So you wanted to know all about the Source and where it is? How about we all take a trip together to Sunny Egypt and we can find it? And uh…Can we have some pants and shoes?"

Apocalypse narrowed his eyes and growled. "Oh boy that means no does it?" Alpine gulped.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Here we are in sunny Egypt yet again," Remy quipped as most of the X-Men, Misfits and Joes that had gone to Nova Roma traveled in a large cave. "Not that you can see the sun twenty miles below the surface of the earth in a cave under a pyramid in the middle of the desert! Should have known we'd end up back here sooner or later with Apocalypse involved."

"I wonder if we'll run into some of the gods again like last time?" Shipwreck mused.

"Gods?" Xavier asked. "I take it you are referring to Anubis and the other Egyptian Gods?"

"Yeah they're the ones who showed us how to get to the Source in the first place," Low Light told them.

"Why do I get the feeling that there is a lot more to this story that you are not telling us?" Scott asked. "And worse, that I **don't **want to know about?"

"Now you **don't **know," Cover Girl quipped. "And **not knowing** will help you sleep at night."

"Egyptian Gods?" Catseye asked.

"You said Egypitan Gods, right?" Monet asked. "For a moment I thought I heard you wrong. But you are saying that you have met actual **Egyptian Gods?"**

"Yup one or two of 'em paid a visit to Bayville a while back," Rogue explained. "Along with the Greek god of wine, Hercules and Thor, the Norse God of Lightning."

"And his wife," Hank added. "And we all witnessed their marriage melting down. It's kind of a long story."

"Let's just say they still haven't rebuilt the bar and our lawyers are still desputing the electric bill from that day," Sam added. "However it is also one of the reasons why the FOH has become an enemy of PETA and vice versa."

"You X-Men and Misfits know the strangest people," Monet grumbled.

"Well we know **you**," Jubilee remarked.

"I'm glad we left Goblyn, Multiple, Static, Spyder, the Twins and the Triplets back at Nova Roma," Scott said.

"What so they'd be safe?" Lance asked.

"No, so they wouldn't make more of a mess than **this** place is!" Scott pointed at the devastation around him in the cave. "There's broken traps everywhere."

"Man what crashed though **this** place?" Bobby whistled as he saw the destroyed remains of several giant broken boulders and statues. And a skeleton of a very large monster.

"We did," General Hawk told them. "Come on keep moving!"

"Look at the bright side," Shipwreck said. "At least it's a lot easier to get through to the main chamber this time around."

"Jean are you okay?" Scott noticed she was rather silent.

"Not really," Jean sighed. "I'm really nervous about fighting Apocalypse again."

"We all are but you can take him," Rogue said.

"Don't be so sure. I don't think I'm strong enough to take him on again," Jean said to her.

"Why? I mean in outer space you just leveled up like crazy," Arcade said. "Power wise I mean."

"I don't know. I think I used up a lot of cosmic energy during that whole dying/coming back to life episode and now my body is taking it's time getting used to the whole ultimate power deal," Jean told him. "I'm not even back up to the strength I had in the Nexus!"

"Don't worry," Scott said. "The good news is you're not taking him on alone. We'll all work together to defeat him. We've done it before and we'll do it again."

"I hope so," Jean didn't sound convinced however.

Meanwhile Pietro, Lance, Fred, Roadblock and Spirit had moved to the side away from the others. "Guys if Selene is working with Apocalypse we've got really big problems," Lance said.

"Really? You think?" Roadblock gave him a look.

"I'm talking about…You know what!" Lance hissed.

"What?" Pietro blinked.

"Do I have to spell it **out **for you?" Lance groaned. "It begins with a D? Ends with a Stone! And the middle has an 'estiny' in it! Or is that too **complicated** for you to figure out?"

"Oh yeah, **that.** You don't think she told Apocalypse about…?" Pietro asked. "You know."

"It's highly likely," Spirit sighed.

"Told Apocalypse about **what?"** Rina asked. They turned around and saw her staring at them.

"Uh nothing," Pietro held up his hands in friendly way. "Just a little silly thing. Dumb joke…"

"It didn't sound like you were joking," Rina folded her arms.

"What's going on?" Scott asked as he and the others went over to them.

"The Misfits and the Joes were plotting about something," Rina said.

"No we weren't!" Lance said.

"Then what are you so worried about what Selene told Apocalypse?" Rina asked.

"Well she is a bad guy right?" Pietro said. "I mean she probably knows all kinds of secrets due to magic and stuff."

"That's right!" Lance spoke up. "She's got this crystal ball she uses to spy on people. Probably spying on us right now."

"That's what we were talking about," Roadblock added. "That Selene is a snake without a doubt!"

"That's not what it sounded like to me," Rina said. "Now that I think about it, this is not the first time you have been so secretive."

"You know us Misfits," Pietro said in a light tone. "Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky! Wait I thought I heard something!"

"Nice try Quicksilver but…" Scott began when Rina and Logan shot out their claws. "Oh crap, he really **did** hear something didn't he?"

"Yeah he did," Logan growled. "We got company."

"Your powers of observation are truly phenomenal Wolverine," Cobra Commander said sarcastically as he emerged from the shadows with Destro, Mindbender, Zartan, his family, the Dreadnoks, the Crimson Guard Twins and a troop of Cobra Troopers and BATS.

"Here we go," Scott readied his visor.

"I should have known we'd run into you again," Low Light agreed.

"You creeps wanna fight go ahead," Amara flared up. "I am **so** in the mood."

"For once we are **not **here to attack you," Destro told them. "I believe we all have an enemy in common and are facing a similar threat."

"Apocalypse," Hawk sighed. "I'm not going to even **ask **how you people knew about this. But I suppose for **once** your sneaky snake hides will be useful."

"Hold on!" Logan said. "You're actually **accepting** their help? I don't buy it!"

"Yeah why does Snake Face and his Fang Friends want to help us all of the sudden?" Tabitha asked.

"Because they got dosed with the Water of Life too, remember?" Low Light told her.

"So?" Sam asked. "You told us that."

"There's one little thing we **didn't **tell you about," Hawk grumbled. "You see thanks to a mystic spell if one of us gets the Water of Life's essence drained from our bodies, it will affect everyone else that touched the Water of Life as well."

"Affect it? How?" Scott asked.

"It'll make us all older and fatter than a reunion of a sixties rock band," Torch said. "And none of us wants that!"

"Yeah! I just got me hair the way I likes it!" Monkeywrench agreed. "I don't wanna be bald like me old man, and me grandpa and my Uncle Floyd. Not to mention me Auntie Ethel."

"You have a bald aunt too?" Fred asked. "Small world."

"And getting smaller every day," Destro groaned.

"We get the picture," Bobby said. "Basically you just want to save your own skins."

"That is what Cobra does best."

"Oh no…" Destro felt a chill go down his spine as he realized who spoke. "Not her…Not **now!"**

"Now what?" Scott grumbled. Out of the shadows Mystique and the Baroness appeared. "Oh great **just** what we need!"

"Okay I get why the Baroness is here," Rogue growled. "She's obviously been affected by the Water of Life too. So what's **your **excuse Mystique?"

"This should be interesting," Kurt folded his arms.

"Let's just say that the Baroness and I have come to an interesting arrangement," Mystique smiled sweetly as she gave Destro a venomous glare. "We both know what it's like to deal with men who disappoint us. And you know what they say about girls sticking together."

Destro gulped. And so did Zartan. Cobra Commander was not impressed. "So what? You two working together now? You can't just up and leave Cobra whenever you feel like it!"

"Do you really want to **challenge me** Cobra Commander?" The Baroness gave him a glare as she pointed her weapon at him. The other Cobras pointing their weapons at her didn't deter her. "Do you really want to stand in **my way?** Especially when I have **other **targets?"

"Oh…" Cobra Commander looked at Destro. Then at Mindbender. "On the other hand she does have vacation time coming up."

"WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?" Destro shouted at him. "Wait, stupid question."

"You are so pathetic!" Zartan snapped at Cobra Commander.

"Me? Look who's scared of a couple of **girls?"** Cobra Commander sneered.

"WHAT?" Mystique and the Baroness snarled.

"Wait! Wait! I didn't mean it like **that!"** Cobra Commander whined.

"You'd better **not**, mate!" Zarana pointed her gun at him. She then shot a bullet at his feet.

"Want to see what a bunch of **girls **can do, Cobra Commander?" The Baroness sneered as she shot at her so called leader's feet.

"OW! WATCH IT! WATCH IT!" Cobra Commander dodged bullets doing a funny dance. Then he screamed to his troops. "YIKES! OW! HEY! CUT IT OUT! HEY FOOLS! DON'T JUST... WATCH IT! HELP ME HERE!"

"Uh…Perhaps we should let them sort things out for themselves?" Mindbender gulped. The rest of Cobra Commander's troops had the same idea. They turned their heads and whistled as the women shouted and screamed at the men and waved their guns around.

"That seems to be…" Xamot began.

"A reasonable idea," Tomax ended.

"Yeah even **we're** not stupid enough to get in that line of fire," Monkeywrench admitted.

"This is so **pathetic** it's not even funny," Logan groaned.

"No, but you must admit it is amusing to watch," Spirit told him as Destro and the Baroness screamed at each other.

"I can't believe you just ran off and teamed up with the first blue mutant tramp that comes along!" Destro shouted at the Baroness.

"Look who is talking! You ran off on our wedding day and spent our wedding night with a hooker!" The Baroness snapped. "And do not ask how I knew about that! I have my sources!"

"All right which one of you let her bribe you about **that?"** Destro snapped at the Dreadnoks. The Dreadnoks looked at each other in desperation.

"This is not about them! This is about you and your hypocritical..." The Baroness pointed her finger on his chest.

"You are calling me a hypocrite? It is **you **who is the hypocrite! You **hate** Mystique!" Destro interupted.

"So what? You hate the Dreadnoks but you didn't mind trying to hook up with Zarana a few years ago!" The Baroness snapped.

"For the record I did not sleep with him," Zarana stopped shooting at Cobra Commander long enough to contribute to the argument. "I have **some** standards. And I only did that back then to tick you off. Well that and to find out the combination to his personal safe and his bank account."

"THAT WAS YOU?" Destro snapped. "YOU STOLE MY FAMILY JEWELS?"

"Make your own jokes people that one is way too easy for me," Cobra Commander grumbled.

"Yes I did and I'm the one who told the Baroness about the hooker!" Zarana snapped.

"Why the hell did you do that?" Zartan yelled.

"For the cash," Zarana gave him a look. "Oh wait and the fact that would make the Baroness even madder."

"Of course you would! You just wanted to rub her nose in it!" Destro snapped. "Baroness I can not believe you fell for such and obvious ploy?"

"You mean like she fell for your stringing her along for about a decade or so?" Mystique quipped.

"I don't think a woman who sleeps with anything that **moves** is in position to critique anyone's love life!" Destro snapped. "Show of hands here, all those who are psychotic or desperate enough to sleep with Sabertooth raise your hands!"

"This isn't about me, this is about your inability to commit to a relationship!" Mystique snapped.

"Anyone that is willing to commit to a relationship with you should be comitted to an insane asylum!" Cobra Commander grumbled.

"Is that a crack at me?" Zartan snapped.

"I will give the two of you a crack you will never **forget!"** Mystique made a fist. "A **crack **across your thick skulls!"

"Now listen sister..." Cobra Commander snapped. To this Mysique started hitting him. "OW! OW! STOP HITTING ME!"

"FINE **I'LL** HIT YOU!" The Baroness snapped and started to hit Cobra Commander.

"The one thing we **do **agree on!" Destro nodded. To this Cobra Commander tried to hit him only to be hit by Destro. Then both Destro and Cobra Commander were getting hit by Mystique and the Baroness.

"Go ahead and hit 'em girls!" Zarana got into the hitting. "Cobra Commander's the one who gave Destro that hooker's number!"

"WHAT? THAT IS IT!" The Baroness started to hit Destro even harder. And then she started to hit Cobra Commander really hard.

"OW! OW! STOP IT! THIS IS INSANITY! OW!" Cobra Commander screamed in agony. "HELLO! THIS IS YOUR LEADER HERE! I AM IN SERIOUS TROUBLE! HELLO! **ANYONE** GOING TO HELP ME?"

"Look at those formations in the cave ceiling," Mindbender looked upwards. "Aren't they facinating?"

"Yep, pretty interesting all right," A Cobra Soldier agreed.

"Nice cave," Buzzer said. "Good sturdy rock walls."

"Very nice rock walls," Another Cobra Soldier agreed.

"Are the pointy things on top stalactites or stalagemites?" Ripper asked. "I always get those confused."

"Stalactites are the ones on top," Mindbender told him. "T for top. That's how I remember."

"Oh," Ripper nodded. "Now I know."

"And knowing is...something something," Torch remarked. "I can't remember the rest."

"I will take that as a **no..."** Cobra Commander groaned. "OW! STOP HITTING ME! OW! OW! OW!"

"**This** is a terrorist organization?" Rina raised an eyebrow at the display.

"Yeah but you gotta realize these guys have been around since the Eighties," Shipwreck explained. "They used up a lot of their good material a long time ago."

"I dunno," Cover Girl remarked. "I think they still have a few good zingers in them left."

"Your mind has obviously rotted from lack of use if you believe that Mystique can be trusted!" Destro shouted at the Baroness.

"Trusted? Trusted! Look who is giving **me** a lecture about **trust! **A man who can't decide to stay in a committed relationship that has been going on for over **ten years!"**

"Actually it's been about twenty years," Torch piped up.

"WHO ASKED YOU?" The Baroness shouted at him. "AND YOU'RE RIGHT! OVER TWENTY YEARS! TWENTY YEARS!"

"And he **still** strung you along," Torch added.

"**That **he remembers," Destro groaned.

"Since when do **you** give a damn about what I do?" The Baroness snapped at him. "Your concern ended when you ran out on me on our wedding day you rat!"

"She does have a point Destro," Torch said. "That was rather insensitive of you."

"Didn't someone tell you to **shut up** and mind your own business?" Destro yelled at him.

"Uh no…?" Torch blinked.

"I've got it," Zarana sighed. She hit him on the head. "Bleedin' idiot! Actually you **will** be bleeding if you don't shut your face!"

"Can we get back to the subject here?" Cobra Commander snapped. "Baroness you can't just run off and join Mystique! She's a lying manipulative viper who can't be trusted!"

"Yes, she and the Baroness," Tomax began.

"Have **nothing** in common," Both Crimson Guard Twins finished at the same time in a sarcastic tone.

"You'd be surprised at what we have in common," Mystique gave them a look.

"What can that witch offer you that we can't?" Destro snapped at the Baroness.

"More orgasms apparently," Mystique said slyly.

"You don't mean…" Destro was stunned.

"I am a shape shifter Destro dear," Mystique grinned. "Unlike you, I'm able to give her the complete package, **extra large!"**

"You don't mean...?" Destro blinked.

"I do," Mystique said.

"She didn't do what I **think** she did, did she?" Shipwreck asked.

"Baroness?" Destro looked at his former fiancee. She didn't look him in the eye.

"She did," Shipwreck said.

"You?" Destro pointed to Mystique. "HER?"

"Oh…My…God…" Jean gasped.

"Holy crap," Todd's eyes widened.

"Oh dear," Xavier put his hand on his head.

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Rogue covered her ears. "**WAY** TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"

"EWWWWWWW!" Kurt winced. "MOTHER!"

"Get over it Kurt," Mystique said. "I'm a woman with needs. Deal with it."

"Deal with what? Your **need** to sleep with every sicko in the world?" Rogue shouted at her.

"Well Cobra Commander..." Tomax blinked.

"You certainly called **that** one pretty accurately," Xamot added.

The Crimson Guard Twins blinked. "A little **too** accurately."

"You know you think you get to a point in your life when nothing shocks you," Cobra Commader said. "I must admit even this makes me a bit queasy. And this is from a guy with several eyes and a deformed head."

"I knew Mystique wasn't **picky** but **this**…" Even Pietro was stunned.

"I can't wait until Sabertooth hears about this one!" Logan groaned. "He'd probably be laughing is butt off for weeks!"

Destro was speechless. He looked at the Baroness who looked a little embarrassed. "Look I was very lonely and depressed and I was drinking and I needed someone to…WHAT THE HELL AM I TELLING YOU THIS FOR?"

"I have no idea," Zartan was stunned.

"You can keep going if you want to!" Torch called out excitedly.

"Yeah talk it all out!" Buzzer said. "Tell us everything that happened!"

"In great detail!" Monkeywrench agreed.

"SHUT UP!" Both The Baroness and Mystique snapped at them.

"Would you like some **extra** holes in your heads?" Mystique snapped as she waved her gun at them. "That can be arranged!"

"Can you arrange to get me a paper bag? I think I'm going to be **sick,**" Kurt rolled his eyes.

"I feel a little nauseous myself," Zartan admitted. "And yet at the same time strangely intrigued."

"So do I," Destro admitted. "Mostly nauseous."

"Can't be any worse than the time she slept with General Hawk when he was mutated into that Venomous Maximus guy," Buzzer shrugged.

"WHAT?" Logan, Xavier and all the Joes yelled at the same time. "YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT TOO?"

"Him?" Mystique blinked. She looked at the Baroness. "Him?"

"Her?" Torch looked at General Hawk.

"I wasn't myself," Hawk gave him a look.

"You sure **weren't,**" The Baroness made a sly chuckle. "You were rather better than I expected actually. That's another one who gave me more pleasure in **ten minutes** than you did in **ten years** Destro!"

"WHAT?" Destro yelled.

"When was **this?"** Torch asked.

"Torch you really should be taking your medication more regularly," Road Pig, the Dreadnok with a split personality told him. "Th-That's right! Without it you can get really weird!"

"But when did...?" Torch looked at Zartan.

"I'll break out the puppet show later..." Zartan told him.

"Puppet show?" Roadblock blinked. "Forget it! If it's anything like what we have at the Misfits I don't want to know!"

"Can we postpone the drama on Desperate Cobras and Other Evil Wives for now?" Logan snapped. "We're kind of in the middle of something!"

"Too late," Kurt moaned. "I'm already shell shocked!"

"Nightcrawler pull yourself together and focus here. As for the rest of you, you know Apocalypse is probably already here right?" Scott asked them. "And unless he's gone deaf recently he must have **heard **all this!"

"No he's not there," Buzzer said. "We already checked."

"Wait how did you get here so fast?" Hawk realized. "You don't have a Mass Device that works anymore."

"Cobra has technology beyond your wildest dreams!" Cobra Commander sneered. "Our military secrets far surpass your pathetic…"

"We already have a base nearby," Monkeywrench interrupted.

"Yeah old Chrome Dome built one about ten years ago not even a mile from here," Buzzer added.

"He even had an extra tunnel built so he could go right into the main chamber in case the Source ever filled up again," Ripper added.

"And get this, he put mirrors all on the walls so that he could look at himself," Torch went on. "What an ego!"

"DON'T TELL THEM **THAT!**" Cobra Commander screamed at them. "DOES THE PHRASE 'SECRET BASE' MEAN ANYTHING TO ANYONE THESE DAYS?"

"We was just saying…" Buzzer began.

"DON'T!" Cobra Commander screamed at him. "Great! Now we're going to have to move again! Because we all know as soon as we're done here the Joes will call in a strike force! And knowing is half the reason Cobra is constantly in debt! Thanks a lot Zartan!"

"Don't blame me!" Zartan snapped. "I can't help it if their collective IQ's are lower than a **cartoon sponge!"**

"You're the one who **hired **these idiots in the first place!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Of course it's all your fault."

"**You **are the idiot who **hired** the idiot who hired **those idiots!"** The Baroness snapped. "IDIOT!"

"I AM NOT AN IDIOT!" Cobra Commander screamed.

"YES YOU ARE!" The Baroness, Zartan and Destro yelled at him.

"I'm the one who feels like an idiot. I'm **embarrassed **that I actually tried to take over Cobra and run it myself," Mystique groaned.

"This is the most embarrassing display of villainy I have ever seen," Sam sighed.

"Villainy?" Ray raised an eyebrow. "Do you have any idea how corny that sounds?"

"Do you have any idea how **stupid** these people look?" Sam countered.

"You have a point," Ray conceded.

"Work with them," Logan looked at General Hawk. "Great choice, Hawk!"

"Come on let's pry them apart and get this over with," Hawk sighed as the Baroness proceeded to choke Destro and Cobra Commander alternately while Mystique choked Zartan and Zarana was screaming at the Dreadnoks. Mindbender, the Crimson Twins and Zandar were casually playing with a deck of cards obviously used to instances such as these.

"Boy is Kitty going to be sorry she missed this," Kurt shook his head.

"I'm taping it for her," Arcade had a small camera on his person. "I'm sending the feed directly to my computer at home. I can't wait to put it on my website."

"Or you can send it in to the World's Dumbest Criminals Show," Todd remarked. "I bet we'd win first prize easy!"

Ten minutes and several threats later the gang finally made their way to the central chamber. "Okay so what the hell is the plan here?" Lance asked. "Or is this just going to be one of those things that we make up as we go along?"

"Don't get your pebbles all shaken up," Cobra Commander sniffed. "We took care of it. All we have to do is wait."

"Wait for what? For the horse poopie to hit the fan?" Fred asked.

"Blob's right," Shipwreck said. "You Cobras aren't exactly known for making your plans foolproof."

"Well that's because you Joes keep breaking them and if you aren't the biggest **fools** in the world I don't know who is!" Cobra Commander snapped. He then saw Torch picking his nose. "Oh wait, there **is **another."

"Who?" Torch asked as he finished.

"Paris Hilton, Torch," Zartan rolled his eyes. "Pick your brain and not your nose and try and keep up will you?"

"Speaking of keeping up you **do** have a plan right?" Hank asked.

"Of course we have a plan," Cobra Commander huffed as they just stopped from entering the chamber. "Now assuming that Apocalypse has the ability of teleportation, and I believe he does he should teleport right into the center of the Chamber of the Source."

"This place is a mess!" Rogue exclaimed as she looked at the destruction. "That fountain looks dryer than a desert."

"Of course it does, we wrecked it **remember?**" Cobra Commander said in an exasperated tone. "As I was saying before we were so rudely interrupted…The second he or any of his flunkies teleport into this room the traps will go off. First we have an energy dampener and a mutant power inhibitors placed at all important locations on the floor and the ceiling. So if he hovers he will not be hovering for long."

He pulled a remote out and turned it on. The room was bathed in a golden glow. "Next I will direct your attention to the center of the floor. Hidden underneath several tiles are special traps when activated, will shoot out nets, specially coated with both tranquilizer drugs **and** a particularly sticky gel that is designed to immobilize a dinosaur!"

"And trust us, it works," Buzzer said. "We actually tried it on a bleeding dinosaur!"

"Yeah a big old Tyrannosaurus Rex," Monkeywrench nodded. "We just had one running around in case of emergency so we tried it out on him."

"Where would you get a Tyrannosaurus Rex?" Hank asked.

"From the Crimson Guard," Mindbender told them.

"We just had a few fossils left over from a few operations," Xamot shrugged.

"And we knew how to grow our own based on injecting DNA into lizard eggs," Tomax shrugged.

"It is a rather complicated process," Xamot said.

"But it is worth it," Tomax added. "Our Crimson Guard loves their…"

"Annual dinosaur rodeos," Both twins said. "We've been champions ourselves for four years running."

"Annual **dinosaur **rodeos?" Xavier blinked.

"Our men have an unusual idea," Xamot shrugged.

"Of how to have a good time," Tomax grinned.

"What's so unusual about that?" Buzzer asked. "Those rodeos are real fun."

"I must admit they do provide some sources of amusement," Destro admitted. "Not to mention they are excellent motivators for some of our more…disgruntled and disorganized employees."

"Yeah and when they eat 'em we get to cash in on their accidental death policies," Road Pig grinned.

"And to think some people think that clause in the policies they sign is still a joke," Cobra Commander chuckled. "It usually works well for us. Except that one time when I made the mistake of producing a Jurassic Park musical."

"That was rather messy wasn't it?" Destro sighed.

"We told you..." Xamot began.

"You shouldn't have backed that play," Tomax finished.

"You know there are days I wonder what we **did **before we encountered GI Joe and Cobra," Hank sighed. "I do know that life made a lot more **sense** without them!"

"Moving on," Destro continued. "In case those traps fail we have one **more** trick up our sleeve. The Sonic Incapaciataor."

Destro pushed a button on his remote and a large silver ray gun looking object was shown. "This device uses high frequency sound waves to incapacitate a person," He explained. Then pushed the button again to have it disappear into hiding. "A weapon this size could knock an army to it's knees."

"Very impressive," The Baroness nodded. "If there was one thing you were good at Destro it was your technical expertise."

"Thank you Baroness," Destro nodded.

"Too bad that was the **only** thing you were an expert on," The Baroness gave him a look.

"Ha ha!" Pietro snickered. Destro glared at him.

"And last but not least," Cobra Commander pointed to the roof. "We also installed four high powered lasers that can aim at any part of the main chamber and blow an ant into tiny bits!"

"I must admit that does seem to be a quite formidable trap," Hank thought. "But will it work?"

"Of course it will work," Cobra Commander snorted. "The most brilliant minds at Cobra designed this foolproof system!"

"**That's **what we are worried about," Mystique told him. "Your plans do have a tendency to backfire on you."

"Look Madame Blueberry," Cobra Commander snapped. "If you are so worried about my system why don't you **test it** yourself? Even if by some miracle Apocalypse and his minions escape the mutant power dampeners **and** the poison gel laced nets **and **the Sonic Incapacitator **and** the high powered lasers we do have a backup! A platoon of Cobra's finest trained troops and most advanced Battle Android Troopers with all the latest weapons systems and mutant fighting technology! Not to mention you GI Jokers and other X-Misfits! There is **no way no how** Apocalypse can escape this trap!"

"Well what if he doesn't teleport directly into the chamber?" Angelica said. "What if he comes down the way we came or some other passage?"

"Then we lure him into the main chamber using this hologram," Destro pressed a button. Suddenly the ruin of the chamber was changed into a scene of pristine beauty where a bubbling fountain glistened in all it's glory.

"If this image does not entice Apocalypse I do not know what will," Destro grinned.

"You really did think of everything didn't you?" Hawk hated to admit it but he was impressed.

"Of course we did," Cobra Commander preened. "You don't spend **decades **fighting GI Joe and mutants and **not** learn a **few** tricks!"

"Commander!" Mindbender said holding on a strange device. "I am picking up signals of chronotrons being bent and the signal is getting closer!"

"Huh? What does that mean?" Fred asked.

"It means Apocalypse is teleporting here as we speak! Everybody hide!" Cobra Commander waved his hands wildly. "Everybody hide!"

They all took up positions outside the chamber. Suddenly something silver and glowing emerged. It grew bigger and seemed to spin faster and faster until it shot out several streaks of light. Those streaks hit their targets, all the lasers, mutant power dampeners and energy dampeners in the room. The room lit up as if a giant fireworks display was inside. It even hit the hologram projector shattering the illusion.

"Holy crap what the hell is that?" Shipwreck shouted.

The sliver sphere stopped and broke apart. Out of it emerged Selene in a skin tight black uniform with a wand. "Hello boys," She purred as she hovered above them. "Remember me?"

"Unfortunately," Lance groaned.

"Your little dampeners and toy pistols may be effective against mutant powers and any electronic devices," Selene grinned. "But they're useless against magic."

"Excellent Selene," Apocalypse appeared with Juggernaut, Cortez, Black Tom and Amadeus, teleporting in with golden glows of their own. "But I believe we are missing a few more guests. If you don't mind…"

"Not at all Apocalypse…" Selene laughed as she disappeared. "Not at all."

"Fine those traps may have failed but our others will succeed!" Cobra Commander pushed his remote. "You as well Destro! Let's give our friends a welcoming they will never forget!"

The glue nets shot out. The Sonic Incapacitator revealed itself and turned on. With a gesture from his hand Apocalypse stopped most of the nets. One hit Black Tom but he grew quickly to giant size and threw it off.

"Ugh this stuff on them reminds me of the time I got drunk at my cousin's wedding," Black Tom grunted as he held his hands over his ears. "And that bloody weapon sounds worse than the band!"

"I got it!" Juggernaut stormed forward, ignoring the pain in his body. It merely made him angrier. He rushed towards the device with all his strength and yanked it out of the ground, crushing it. Then he threw it towards the Battle Android Troopers positioned nearby and crushed every single one of them.

"MY BATS!" Mindbender gasped.

"MY SONIC INCAPACITAOR!" Destro shouted.

"MY TRAPS!" Cobra Commander wailed.

"They just shattered those traps like a bull shatters china in a china shop in downtown Chinatown!" Torch gulped.

"**Foolproof** plan huh?" Mystique glared at Cobra Commander. "**No way** Apocalypse could escape huh?"

"I should have known you would screw **this** up!" The Baroness snapped. "Just like every **other** plan you think of!"

"Well I didn't see you coming in with any ideas of your own!" Cobra Commander snapped. "Oh wait you never think of **anything **on your own except new ways of falling on your **back!"**

"As opposed to falling on your face! Now what fearless leader?" Baroness snapped at Cobra Commander.

"New plan," Cobra Commander gulped. "RETREAT! RETREAT!"

"Yeah, he's some **help **General Hawk," Logan rolled his eyes while Cobra Commander ran around like a chicken knowing his head was just about to be cut off. "Any other **bright **ideas?"

"That was the best you could do?" Amadeus grunted. "This was a waste of time. We won't even need our newest weapon."

"Patience Amadeus," Apocalypse told him. "Besides this might prove more interesting after all."

"I say we hit them hard and hit them…" Roadblock began when suddenly he grunted and fell to his knees. "AAAHH!"

The Joes and Cobras did the same thing. "What's going on?" Tabitha asked.

"Why don't I show you. I believe you know my newest Horseman Plague," Apocalypse made a gesture. Another portal opened up and four figures emerged. Selene and a monstrous figure carrying two bodies emerged.

"Nemesis Enforcer!" Destro gasped.

It was Nemesis Enforcer. However he was a head taller, his skin was completely white and he had completely black eyes. He still wore the same type of uniform as before only this time he had larger gloves on with odd looking fringes at the side. His wings were blood red and much larger than before.

"What'd he **do **to him?" Ripper whistled.

"Bazooka!" Cover Girl shouted as Nemesis Enforcer threw the two bodies to the ground. "Alpine!"

"Collect your friends and see their fate," Selene laughed as she held something in her hands. One was a large vial and the other was a crystal. The vial held water in it.

"NO!" Jean gasped as she telekinetically grabbed them and brought them back over to their side. Both men had aged considerably and looked like they were in their seventies. Bazooka was balding and had a paunch belly while Alpine's grey hair made him look even more frail.

"It's already starting!" Destro grunted. "I can feel it!"

"Remember try not to kill the Joes and Cobras," Apocalypse told them. "At least not until Selene drains the Water of Life from them."

"You sick twisted!" Jean went into full Phoenix Raptor mode and flew straight at them. However Nemesis Enforcer created some strange purple gas from his hands and focused it on Jean. The gas swirled around her. Jean felt woozy and suddenly her powers started to dim. "What…?"

"I had my new horseman create a little germ especially for you Phoenix," Apocalypse grinned. "Oh it will not kill you. Just weaken you temporarily. It is based on your DNA. I must thank Sinister for providing me with some to study it."

With a flick of his wrist he telekinetically threw Jean against the wall and knocked her out cold. "JEAN!" Scott yelled.

"COBRA RETREAT! RETREAT! RE…" Cobra Commander screamed when suddenly the passages to the exits were blocked by large stones falling. "Treat?"

"Oh boy…" Rogue gulped. "So much for **that** plan."

"Yes and things are about to get much worse," Apocalypse grinned. He ordered his henchmen. "ATTACK!"

**Oh boy things are really not looking good now! The battle hasn't even started yet and already one of the X-Men's most powerful players is out cold! Not to mention Cobra wasn't any help but then again they're never any help. No surprise there.**

**So what will happen? Will the Cobras and Joes succumb to Selene's spell? Will the X-Men and Misfits save their friends (and enemies)? Will Destro and the Baroness ever get back together? Find out what happens next time as the battle ends in a way no one expected! And I mean no one! **


	89. Arise Tetsukaeru! Defeat Apocalypse!

**Here it comes. The moment some of you have dreaded and the rest of you have waited for. Hoo boy...**

**Arise Tetsukaeru! Defeat Apocalypse!**

Back at Nova Roma the younger students were helping rebuild the city. Jamie and his clones were running around hammering, painting, carrying materials. The Twins were healing and tending to the wounded. Madelyne was using her telekinesis to lift heavy objects. Spyder was crawling on walls nailing boards into position. She also occasionally used her electric webbing to power an old generator the kids had found and Taylor used his powers to keep it running. Taylor was also doing some painting as well. Trinity were working with the Nova Romans in the planning stage and occasionally flying around helping out with the work.

Most of the time however the three of them were giving out orders using large bullhorns.

This was an action everyone around them regretted.

"All right, all right! Keep it moving people! Keep it moving!" Brittany called out. "You call that a brush stroke? And I wanted that building painted white not off white! Learn your colors people!"

"More to the left, more to the left, more to the left…" Quinn ordered through her bullhorn. "More to the left…Just a little more to the left. Just a little more…Now more to the right."

"Okay people let's keep working here this isn't a tea party," Daria ordered. "Actually if we finish before four we can have a tea party. Somebody run down to the nearest bakery and order some scones, some pastry, maybe some of those chocolate filled stuff…And where's my coffee?"

"Move it! Move it! Move it!" Brittany shouted. "Hey you! You with the ladder! No the **other** one with the ladder! Yeah you! Go that way! No not **that** way! The **other** way!"

"What do you mean the bakery got burned?" Daria yelled out on her bullhorn. "Can't we just order take out or something? Oh you know where you can get decent pastry and coffee? Good. Get about a hundred of everything. And hurry up with the coffee!"

"No, no, no!" Brittany shouted. "White! Not eggshell white or cloud white! Just plain white! White! White! White!"

"A little more, little more..." Quinn remarked. "More to the right. To the right. A little more. More. More. A little more. More to the right. More. Just a tad more to the right. Now more to the left..."

"No, no a thousand times no!" Brittany yelled. "I said just white! Not off white or cream white or cloud white or eggshell white or marshmallow white or crayon white or any **other** kind of white! Just plain ordinary white! Got it? White! Or maybe an nice sunshine yellow..."

"Coffee! I need my coffee here!" Daria yelled. "Where is my coffee?"

"Where's the **idiot** who gave those three megaphones?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah I am so glad we stayed behind while the others left to go fight," Madelyne said sarcastically. "Figures they'd take the **easy** job."

"Now that I think about it a nice yellow would be perfect," Brittany said. "Doesn't show as much dirt and is easier to clean. Now I want yellow. Not sunflower yellow, or dandellion yellow or...On second thought someone get me the color coded charts here. Yeah you, the hunk with the biceps! Come here baby!"

"Ever notice how we get the shaft a lot because of our age?" Taylor asked.

"Story of my life," Jamie groaned. "I'm serious people I'm thinking of complaining to the union about this."

"Yeah baby, shake that thing!" Brittany wolf whistled through her megaphone at some shirtless handsome islanders. "Nice set of pecs! Whoo hoo! Nice hunk of meat right there!"

"Is it always like this?" Claudette asked.

"OH YEAH! WHEN YOU GOT IT FLAUNT IT BABY!" Brittany howled. "WORK THAT LOINCLOTH!"

"What do you think?" Jamie rolled his eyes.

"More to the right," Quinn ordered. "More to the right. A little more to the right. A little more to the right. Just a little more to the right. A little more...A little more to the right...Now more to the left…"

"Okay keep it going people, great work!" Daria said. "Except for the idiot who was supposed to get me my coffee! Where the hell are you? Where'd you go? Colombia? Come on people how am I supposed to work under these conditions!"

"Blind Master can you please take those bullhorns away from those maniacs so we can do some work here?" Jamie groaned. "Blind Master?"

"Uhhh…" The Blind Master fell to his knees in pain. "AAHHH!"

"Blind Master!" Trinity dropped their bullhorns and flew to their Sensei.

"Sensei! What's wrong!" Brittany shouted. To her horror the Blind Master seemed to age before her eyes. "Sensei!"

"What's happening to him?" Spyder asked.

"The Water of Life must be being drained from the others," The Blind Master coughed. "The fate of one blessed with the water is shared by all."

"You mean if one of the Joes gets drained everybody else ages?" Jamie gasped.

"That's exactly what's going on!" Brittany nodded.

"Come on we gotta help!" Daria worked on her teleportation watch.

"Obviously the big kids can't cut it," Quinn said. "So it's up to us to pull their butts out of the fire. **Again!"**

"But they told us to stay here!" Madelyne said to her.

"So stay here," Spyder said. "You guys can look after the Blind Master while we go help!"

"But that's…" Madelyne protested as Trinity and Spyder teleported away using their teleportation watches. "Great we got the shaft again."

Quinn returned for a second. "Almost forgot!" She grinned as she grabbed Jamie around the neck. "Come on Sweet Cheeks!"

"Urk…" Jamie gasped as he was teleported away. "HELP!"

"On the other hand…" Taylor blinked. "Maybe staying behind isn't so bad after all?"

"At least they left the bullhorns," Madelyne picked one up and used it. "All right people back to work! Nothing to see here! And where's that coffee! I need some coffee!"

"And I need strength to deal with these kids," The Blind Master groaned in agony.

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Back at the Source things were pretty much a mess. Especially for the Joes and Cobras as one by one Selene hit them with a spell that drained them of their essence and the water was transported into a large vial she held.

"Niard Ecnesse!" Selene shouted as she hit Monkeywrench with her spell. Monkeywrench stiffened and a glittering watery substance started to seep out of his body.

"My hair!" Monkeywrench screamed as it fell away as he aged. "No! No! Not my hair! Anything but **that!**"

"We're dying out here and all you care about is your stupid hair you bloody twit?" A much older Zarana with gray hair shouted. "If you don't get off your duff and do something your empty head is gonna be the least of your problems!"

"AT LEAST YOU **HAVE** HAIR! MY HAIR! MY HAIR!" The bald Dreadnok screamed like a bald little girl. "I WANT MY HAIR BACK!"

"Yeah well I want all the years I wasted with you morons back but that's not going to happen!" An older Zartan yelled.

"Wavedancer! Can't you use your powers to **stop** this?" Cobra Commander screamed as Monkeywrench aged before his eyes.

"I've tried but that damn spell Selene is casting is interfering with my powers!" Althea shot back. "Can you **try** to come up with a plan to keep us from getting **killed?"**

"AAHHHH!" An older, much balder Monkeywrench screamed. "My hair! My hair is **gone!"**

"Who cares about your bleeding hair when we're all gonna get killed?" An older Buzzer snapped. He was balding and older but had a long grey ponytail in the back.

"At least you still **have** hair! Not fair!" Monkeywrench shouted. "Not fair! Why does everyone else get to keep their hair but **me**? WHY?"

"Just cease your incessant whining and **fight!**" Destro snapped at him as he fired his laser pistol.

"I'd like to help more but my arthritis is acting up and it's **killing** me," A much older Mindbender moaned, holding his hand. "Ooh! I think rain's coming."

"So much for us helping the Joes," Zarana moaned.

"Yeah all you are getting is more wrinkles than usual," Althea quipped.

"Come back here you young whippersnapper and say that to my face!" Zarana shook her fist at the water manipulating ninja mutant.

"Apparently like the superior general he has been rumored to be Apocaylpse is living up to his name," An older Road Pig groaned in his Donald persona. "He is employing a rather ingenious divide and conquer strategy weakening our reserves before going in for the kill."

"In in other w-words he's gonna make us all old then wipe out the mutants so they don't have no back up?" Road Pig spoke again using his other personality.

"Precisely," Road Pig Donald told his other self.

"Dang," Road Pig said again. "This ain't good."

"No it is no!" Destro yelled. "Less talking! More fighting!"

Amadeus, Black Tom, Nemesis Enforcer and Juggernaut proved to be an effective match against the large scale force. Especially with Selene draining the energy of the Joes and Cobras and Cortez fueling the strength and energy of his team. Apocalypse did very little but occasionally deflect a stray blast of laser fire and give orders to his soldiers.

"Remember Plague," He called Nemesis Enforcer by his new name. "Do **not **infect the mutants or the Joes and Cobras that have the Water of Life. That is, not **yet."**

It turned out he didn't need to. To everyone's shock he used his massive wings to create small tornadoes that attacked the Cobra Troopers and knocked back several of the others. Ororo managed to counter the winds but was barely able to dissipate them before Nemesis Enforcer knocked her down.

"That ain't no way to treat a lady Bub!" Logan roared as he leapt on top of Nemesis Enforcer with his claws out. He never got near him for Nemesis Enforcer sent out a compressed blast of air using his wings knocking Logan backwards. Then he threw out several acid spewing insects at him.

"Ahhggh!" Logan snarled as one of the bug's acid hit his skin as he sliced one up. "Great! As if the upgrade wasn't bad enough he's still got the stupid bugs!"

"Oh isn't that **special,**" Lance quipped as he dodged a blast of fire Amadeus shot at him.

Nemesis Enforcer's insects and Amedeus' blasts weren't the only things occupying the mutants. Several of them were trying to deal with Juggernaut and a giant Black Tom swatting at them. Plus Lina and several others were trying to protect the Joes and Cobras that were drained from the onslaught.

"Apocalypse is just standing there!" Scott shouted. "And we can't break through to him or Cortez!"

"He's having his goons tire us out while he waits to finish us off!" Hawk snapped. He looked much older even though his essence had not been drained. "We're falling fast!"

"Yeah the Baroness looks worse than usual," Fred quipped as she was struck down by one of Selene's blasts.

"AAAHHHHH!" The Baroness screamed and her hair turned gray as her portion of the Water of Life was drained by Selene.

"Baroness!" Destro roared. "You will pay for that witch!" He tried to blast her away.

"Your aim needs improving!" Selene snapped as she attacked him with a draining spell. However Destro moved out of the way but Shipwreck wasn't fast enough.

"Shipwreck's down!" Pietro zoomed in with Shipwreck to a corner where almost all the Joes and Cobras were.

A gray haired Shipwreck grunted. "So what? My beard may be grey but I can still give those goons a **black eye**! Ooohhhh!" He fell down.

"Dad!" Althea ran to his side. "The more the Water of Life is drained from the others the weaker they all get. If this keeps up…."

"They won't survive…" Ororo realized. Her eyes narrowed and glowed in white rage. She took to the air again and created a huge hailstorm complete with lightning.

"Oh great! The weather witch is pissed off!" Black Tom yelled as ice covered his hair.

"Well then knock her down you idiot!" Juggernaut snapped as he pushed against Rogue and Monet who were holding him down. He used his strength to break free. "Swat her like a fly!"

"That's easy for **you** to say!" Black Tom snapped as he hopped around. Angelica used her powers to give him a hot foot. "YEOWWCH!"

"Well I got a whole bunch of monkeys on my back but you don't see me whining!" Juggernaut snapped as he threw off Todd and Xi. "Cortez! Kick up the power here!"

"As you wish!" Cortez glowed and gave extra strength to the other members of his team. Then he saw a stray Cobra Trooper and managed to drain all his strength and life force. The trooper fell down in a shriveled heap.

"And I thought that was **my** signature move," Selene quipped as she flew around dodging laser blasts and energy blasts. She saw another Cobra Trooper and flew close enough to grab him. She drained all his energy and life force. "I must admit I prefer a more hands on approach."

"My troops! My troops are getting decimated!" Cobra Commander screamed.

"Oh shut up!" Selene snapped as she used her powers to drain Cobra Commander's Water of Life.

"AAHHH!" Cobra Commander staggered. Then he glared at her. "That hurt you witch!" He grabbed his own pistol and started firing at her. "NOBODY STEALS FROM COBRA COMMANDER AND LIVES TO TELL ABOUT IT!"

"YIKES!" Selene flew out of the way. "Okay how could his aim improve because he's older?"

"I guess some people age differently," Black Tom snapped as he stomped his foot down in front of Cobra Commander forcing him to retreat. He nearly stepped on Sam and Tabitha.

"Hey watch those big feet of yours!" Tabitha blew a few time bombs giving Black Tom another hotfoot, forcing him to hop around.

"If we can just get this helmet off…" Kurt teleported on top of Juggernaut and undid a latch on the Juggernaut's helmet.

But the Juggernaut wasn't having any of that. He grabbed Kurt and tossed him off. "Oh no, you're not getting me **that** way again!" Juggernaut took the time to secure the loose strap on his helmet. "Think you can just take off my helmet and get my brother to knock me out? Think again!"

He punched into a nearby column knocking down huge chunks of stone. Everyone scattered to keep from being flattened by the blocks raining down. "Oh yeah! That's the way to do it baby!" Black Tom cheered his friend as he swatted down Storm.

Pietro took this opportunity to tie Black Tom's feet together with some stray ropes he found. "What the…?" Black Tom yelled. "I will not be humiliated by a group of weak little fools!"

"How's this for **weak?**" Jubilee shouted creating her fireworks to their maximum level. So powerful they blinded Black Tom.

"AAHHH! TOO BRIGHT! TOO BRIGHT!" He screamed. He tried to move but the tied boots limited his momentum. He fell forward and flat on his face.

WHUMMMMMMMP!

"TIMBER!" Jubilee whooped with glee.

"NOW I REMEMBER WHY I HATE CHILDREN!" Black Tom shouted.

Black Tom wasn't the only one affected by the blast. "AAHH! I CAN'T SEE!" Selene shouted. She was nearly knocked down by Black Tom as he crashed. "Watch where you're going you idiot!"

"Why don't **you **watch where you are **flying**?" Black Tom yelled back at her.

"Amadeus," Juggernaut ordered. "Time to turn up the heat!"

"With pleasure," Amadeus grinned. He turned into a being of pure fire, soon only his skull was visible amid a giant body of flame. He created a very large, very wide blaze of fire that nearly covered the entire room. All the mutants, Joes and Cobras were forced to take refuge behind a small section of the room where broken columns and large boulders gave them some cover. But not enough. Fortunately Pyro was there to help.

"I'm trying to hold back the flames with my powers as much as I can mates!" Pyro called out. "But it's not easy! It's really strong! A good telekinetic shield here can come in handy!"

"Well Jean's out cold," Lina called out to him. "And it looks like most of the humans are down too!"

"Wonderful we're all going to fry!" Mystique grumbled.

"Silence woman and help the Baroness!" Destro snapped.

"You help her **yourself!"** Mystique snapped. "Since you are so concerned about her all of the sudden!"

"How about we just let those three fry and put us all out of our misery?" Cobra Commander moaned.

"Are there any of us left?" Roadblock called out. "I'm still functional!" He was although he looked much older and a little thinner.

"I haven't been hit yet," Destro admitted. "General Hawk is still able to fight. He scanned the others. He saw Low Light holding a much older Cover Girl. "Low Light? You have escaped as well?"

"No I got hit along with Cover Girl. I think my mutant powers must be counteracting it somehow," The still youthful Low Light said. Then he noticed that even though Cobra Commander had been hit he still had some fight in him. "What about you?"

"I was already a few thousand years old before the whole Water of Life thing," Cobra Commander grunted. "People from Cobra La live quite a long time."

"Oh yeah this makes me feel better," Low Light grumbled. "We're doomed aren't we?"

"No we are not!" Amara snapped. "I'm not letting that witch get away with sending these creeps to trash Nova Roma! No one harms my people and doesn't pay for it!" She turned into her full Magma mode. "NO ONE!"

"Amara…What are you going to do?" Tabitha gulped.

"What I **have** to do!" She shouted as she leapt into the firestorm. She yelled a battle cry as she let the fire surround her and tried to draw it within herself.

"What's she **doing?**" Mystique asked.

"She's trying to absorb all the fire on her own!" Scott was shocked.

"Maybe she could use some help!" Angelica concentrated on her own powers and flew into the thick of it. To everyone's shock both girls drew a great concentration of fire within themselves then managed to expand it out of their bodies, creating a firewall of their own equal to Amadeus' fire making skills.

"Cortez more power!" Amadeus shouted.

"You need power girls? I can help!" Pyro concentrated on the fire to help push it back. "This is gonna be **tough!"**

After a few agonizing seconds it seemed that Amadeus had the upper hand but at the last second the three mutants sent back the blaze with all their strength. It would have consumed all of Apocalypse's troops if Apocalypse hadn't created a barrier around his men at the last second.

"Damn it! They're still standing!" Pyro swore.

"Niard Ecnesse!" Selene shouted the second the wall of fire dissipated and using her powers captured the essence of the last possessors of the Water of Life. They became older and thinner.

"Roadblock!" Todd hopped over to his mentor and caught him as he fell. "NO!"

"Impressive," Apocalypse noted. "Your powers have increased since we last fought."

"We're not the pushovers you **think **we are Apocalypse," Scott snapped. "X-Men! Misfits! Attack Plan Delta!"

That was when every mutant with offensive energy powers charged and attacked. Scott, Alex, Jubilee, Tabitha, Tim, Ray, Amara, Angelica, Wanda and Remy concentrated on their powers and blasted at the enemy. Even Arcade used a laser to try and help blast them. However Apocalypse merely created another barrier to deflect it. The second time however he looked at little winded.

This was remedied by Cortez recharging him. "Dang it! Every time we get some headway that Cortez creep recharges them like some kind of human battery!" Sam spat out. Amadeus shot out a second wave of fire. "Not again!"

"We gotta take Cortez out," Rogue said. "Any ideas?"

"Rogue can you use your powers to absorb Jean?" Wanda asked. "She's unconscious already."

"I don't know," Rogue was hesitant. "I had enough trouble when I absorbed a bit of Juggernaut earlier. Her powers might be too much for me to handle even if I just tapped her. What about you Wanda? Can't your powers do something?"

"Don't you think I've been trying that? Don't you…?" Wanda began when something caught her eye. "Hold on…"

That was when Wanda saw it.

It was on top of one of the columns behind Cortez several feet away. It was a statue of an Egyptian god of some kind. It had the body of a human woman but the head of a cow.

That made Wanda think for a moment and remember what Cortez had done. Then she thought of something else. What were the odds of that statue falling from that column and landing right where she wanted them to?

With her powers, a hundred percent.

"CORTEZ!" Wanda shouted as she shot out her hex bolts. "TAKE A LOOK ABOVE YOU!"

Cortez didn't. He never saw it coming.

THUD!

A sickening crack accompanied the sound of the statue crushing Cortez's spine and body. It was obvious that Cortez would not be able to rejoin this or any other battle ever again. "That was for Bova, you bastard," Wanda snarled. "Burn in Hell."

"Hey…" Black Tom suddenly felt a little tired. He looked behind him. "Great…We just lost some power." He shrank back down to his original size.

"So what? Who needs that loser?" Juggernaut snapped as he knocked Monet aside.

"So here comes the cavalry!" Trinity appeared with Spyder and Jamie.

"YEOW!" Juggernaut jumped up in shock when Spyder shocked him. "Why you little…" A dozen or so Jamie clones tackled him. "GET OFF OF ME YOU BRATS!"

"OW! OW! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!" Black Tom tried to fend off Trinity. "DON'T TOUCH ME **THERE** YOU BRATS!"

"ENOUGH!" Apocalypse made a motion that telekinetically threw the younger children backwards off their targets.

"OW!" Daria said as she hit the nearest wall. "That really hurt."

"What are you doing here?" Scott shouted at her.

"We were supposed to save your butts," Brittany groaned. "But I think I just broke mine."

"You're not the only one," Althea grumbled.

"Daddy!" Quinn made her way over to her father. "You look old."

"Thanks a lot," Shipwreck coughed.

"I thought I'd get more use out of Cortez than this," Apocalypse sighed as if he had merely spilt some milk as he looked at Cortez's body. "I suppose it's best that he's weeded out now than later on. He wasn't strong enough for my army."

"Big shock," Selene grunted.

Apocalypse made a sinister grin. "Plague…Now that we have harvested the Water of Life…Send out the spores!"

"I don't like the sound of **that**," Alex gulped.

Nemesis Enforcer took to the air and took out a strange pouch. It emitted some kind of purple dust on them. Ororo tried to blow back the dust but it completely covered the room.

"What is this stuff?" Tabitha winced as it fell on her.

"It is the end of the human race," Apocalypse pointed. "Look upon the fate of those who oppose me!"

All the humans began to twitch. "Guys, I'm itching like crazy!" Arcade scratched himself. Purple spots appeared on his body. "I don't feel so good…" He fell to his knees.

The other humans writhed in agony as the virus hit them. "It's some kind of virus," Hank gasped. "It must only affect humans!"

"No, ya think?" Cobra Commander snapped. Not being human himself he wasn't affected.

"It will be child's play now to take the rest of the Water of Life from the remaining Joes," Selene laughed. "And then we'll infect them with the virus!"

"No!" Althea gasped in horror.

"No, no…no…" Todd said to himself as he held Roadblock. "You can't die Roadblock!"

"He will and so will the others," Apocalypse held out a vial. "Unless you can take the antidote from me within the next two minutes."

"But first you gotta get past us," Juggernaut taunted.

"Yes this should be amusing," Black Tom held his staff and prepared to send out a lot of energy. Amadeus and Selene prepared to attack as well.

"We don't have a choice," Rogue slipped off her glove and went to touch Jean. However she was shocked when Apocalypse sent out a strong telekinetic force field around her. "What?"

"Oh and no help from the Phoenix," Apocalypse laughed.

"I don't need **nobody's** help to tan your blue behind to kingdom come!" Rogue shouted as she flew straight forward to attack.

It was an all out desperate attack. Althea could hear nothing but the roar of the battle as she leapt to charge straight at Nemesis Enforcer. His tornado attack knocked her backwards before she had a chance. She sat up and shook her head.

That was when she saw Todd, still cradling Roadblock in his arms. He was crying. "Todd!" She went over to him.

"I'm sorry," Todd said softly to Roadblock. "I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to face it."

"Face what kid?" Roadblock coughed. "There's nothing wrong you did."

"Yes there was," Todd sniffed. "I was such a freaking coward. I still am."

"Don't say that Todd," Althea put her arm on her boyfriend's shoulder. "I know you're upset but now isn't the time to fall apart! Our friends…Our families need us!"

"They're going to die and there's nothing I can do about it," Todd sniffed. "I'm not strong enough and it's all **my fault!"**

"Todd…" Althea looked at him with a sadness and a wisdom in her eyes. He met her with a look as well. Something inside both of them clicked.

"I'm sorry Roadblock," Todd said. "Al…I can't hide anymore. But I don't want to do it…I want everything to stay as it was. To just forget again…"

Apocalypse seemed to notice this. "Plague," Apocalypse pointed to Roadblock. "Kill that Joe."

Nemesis Enforcer moved so fast that no one could see him attack until the last second. "TOAD!" Althea screamed as the Horseman readied to kill Roadblock with his large bone sabers in his arms.

**"NO!"** Todd managed to block Nemesis Enforcer's attack with his bo staff at the last second. However Nemesis Enforcer pushed down, causing the staff to crack.

"It's over…" Apocalypse grinned as he telekinetically threw the other mutants back. "You have failed. How does it feel to realize that you are as worthless as everyone says you are?"

"Shut…up…" Todd hissed. The bo staff started to crack some more.

"Prepare for oblivion," Apocalypse spoke.

"No…" A bead of sweat dropped from Todd's brow. "No….**NO!" **

CRACK! The bo staff broke and the blade was inches away from piercing Todd's skin.

"ROADBLOCK!" Xavier shouted.

"NO!" Lance turned his head, helpless to do anything but see what would happen.

"TODD!" Althea screamed.

**FLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHH! **

Suddenly it seemed that a bright light filled the room. Nemesis Enforcer was thrown violently backward. Todd stood there glowing. His bo staff was broken and he was holding it in both hands. He was shaking with rage.

"I'm not going to hide any more…" Todd growled. His eyes started to glow. "I'm not going to let you hurt my family…I have to be strong now…"

_At last_…Apocalypse smirked to himself. _The one who sleeps is finally awakening…_

**"YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE MY FAMILY AWAY FROM ME!"** Todd's eyes glowed brightly.

"What the…?" Scott gasped as Todd began to glow.

"Oh man…" Lance gulped. "Here we go again…"

"That's not who I think it is, is it?" Pietro gulped.

"I'm afraid it is," Wanda told her brother.

"Now things are gonna get interesting," Juggernaut grunted with a smile.

"AARRRRARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" With a mighty roar Todd's body changed. His hair grew longer and darker to a reddish brown. His body grew larger. His clothes changed to a black armor. His eyes glowed golden and his skin faded to a pale shade. A pair of huge dragon like wings emerged from his back and he took to the sky above Apocalypse.

"APOCALYPSE!" Tetsukaeru screamed before his body glowed with a golden hue. Without a second thought he telekinetically knocked Apocalypse down and yanked the antidote from his hands. He shattered the vial and the antidote filled the chamber, glittering down on everyone.

To say this shocked everyone was the understatement of the year.

"Toad…?" Mystique coughed.

"Not Toad," Lance gulped. "Tetsukaeru."

"Tetsu-**who?**" Buzzer coughed.

"Holy crap!" Bobby's jaw dropped. "SINCE WHEN COULD TOAD DO THAT?"

"Uhhh since like…a while," Pietro coughed.

"Define 'a while'," Rogue gave him a look.

"Weeeeeeellll," Pietro drawled out his words and looked away. "Do you remember when we you and Gambit were captured by Magneto and we were still in the Brotherhood but we turned on him cause we were sick of how he was treating us and there was this big battle at the old Asteroid M with the Sentinels and stuff?"

"Back **then?**" Rogue's jaw dropped.

"Uh no, actually it was **before** then," Pietro admitted. "That was when Blob, Avalanche and I learned about it. But that's as close as we could figure out so…"

"Apparently when Toad was first found by the Joes he kind of accidentally got this mystic gemstone melded to his body and soul," Fred whistled. "See he was cleaning up the ninja dojo and…"

"**Stop** right there!" Rogue held up her hand. "I do **not** want to know any more!"

"So all this time…" Scott blinked as Tetsukaeru fought Apocalypse. "He…could turn into him…And do **that?"**

"Yeah…" Wanda winced. "He could."

"How could you not tell us about this?" Jamie yelled at Spyder and Trinity.

"**I **didn't even know about this!" Spyder yelled back. She looked at the triplets. "They never told me!"

"Don't look at us!" Daria yelled.

"Yeah we didn't know about this either!" Brittany yelled.

"Which is really weird for us," Quinn mused. "Usually we're on top of everything."

"Didn't tell us either!" Angelica pointed at Lina and Arcade.

"Way cool upgrade though," Arcade whistled, clearly he had gotten his strength back.

Tetsukaeru used his wings to create a tornado blast of his own, whacking Nemesis Enforcer and Black Tom into a wall. He breathed fire from his mouth to frighten Selene and used a telekinetic shove against Amadeus and Juggernaut.

"Did you **see**…?" Kurt's jaw dropped.

"Yeah he can do that," Pietro nodded. "And other stuff too…"

"OTHER STUFF?" Kurt did a double take.

Apocalypse sent out a blast of energy from his body. It hit Tetsukaeru but he merely absorbed it and then reflected it back at him, knocking Apocalypse back, temporarily stunning him.

"Wow that's a new one," Pietro blinked. "Never saw him do **that** before."

"He's throwing Apocalypse around like a rag doll!" Rogue was shocked.

"Time to cut our losses and…" Selene tried to get away only to be restrained. "I…Can't move!"

"Going somewhere Selene?" Tetsukaeru held her in a telekinetic grasp. "I don't think so. Not with that which does **not** belong to you!"

SHATTER!

The vial she held broke into a million pieces. "NO!" Selene shouted. "THE WATER OF LIFE!"

"Will return to it's **rightful** owners," Althea caught the water in mid air with her powers. "Got it!"

"Allow me," Tetsukaeru looked at her. With a swift motion the water suddenly split into pieces and dove right back into the bodies of the Joes and Cobras. They absorbed the water restoring their strength and youth.

"Oh wow," Bazooka blinked as he was restored to his former self. "What a ride."

"Ahhh…" Destro sat up and shook his head. "That feels **much **better. Baroness! Are you all right?"

"Fine…" She sat up and groaned as her youth returned.

"No, you're still old," Cover Girl quipped as she sat up and recovered.

"Remind me to kill you later when I do **not** have a headache," The Baroness growled at her.

"Ah speaking of headaches," Sam blinked. "Should we help or something?" He pointed at the battle between the two powerful mutants.

"Nah I think he's got this under control," Lance remarked as Tetsukaeru and Apocalypse went at it.

"Let me get this straight," Rogue said. "All this time Toad could turn into…into Super Toad?"

"No, he could turn into Tetsukaeru…" Lance corrected. "Sort of. Only when things were really bad."

"Tetsu…What?" Sam asked.

"Roughly translated it means Dragon Toad," Logan groaned.

"Is that what it means?" Fred blinked. "I never knew that. Now I know."

"And knowing…" Pietro began. All the X-Men gave him a dark look. "Okay shutting up now."

"And just when were you people going to tell us about this little thing Toad could do?" Ororo asked.

"Uh…" Shipwreck gulped. "Well uh…After we told Toad about it that's for sure."

"What do you mean **tell** Toad?" Scott asked. "He didn't **know** he could…?"

"No, uh you see usually Tetsukaeru only comes out under two conditions," Lance explained. "One if something really bad happens and two…If Toad isn't awake. It's kind of a subconscious thing."

"He knew though," Althea said softly. "Somehow we always knew."

"We?" Shipwreck did a double take. "You mean Lifeline **didn't**…Oh boy…"

"Didn't **what?**" Logan asked.

"Didn't erase our memories of the Destiny Stone?" Althea looked at him. "Yes and no."

"What does **that **mean?" Cover Girl asked.

"Used to be yes, now it's no," Althea said. "The simplest way to explain it was that we let ourselves forget until now."

"You let yourselves forget what?" Scott yelled. "And what the hell is a Destiny Stone?"

"Isn't that that mystic stone Storm Shadow's clan had a long time ago?" Torch scratched his head. "I remember Zartan ranting about it a ways back when he couldn't find it."

"Yes it was," Zartan frowned. "And **he** found it?"

"Accidentally," Roadblock groaned.

"Do you have any idea how much **power** is contained inside that stone?" Zartan shouted.

CRASH!

Apocalypse landed with a hard thud on the ground. Tetsukaeru dive bombed him and tackled him again. "We're getting a crash course on it," Mystique blinked.

"Mystique if I were you I would **not** tick off Toad any more," The Baroness gulped as Apocalypse and Tetsukaeru gripped hands and faced each other. The power radiated off them and created shockwaves around them.

**"Is **_**this **_**what you wanted Apocalypse?"** Tetsukaeru snarled in his face. **"****This**** is why you drew me out here? I hope I haven't disappointed you." **

_"No you haven't…." _

"Oh no…" Lance went pale when he turned around and looked behind him. There was Jean in full Phoenix mode. Her eyes were pure fire and she was floating in midair. "No, no, no…"

"This is bad," Fred gulped. "Really, really bad…"

"Okay I know why **I'm** scared out of my mind," Cobra Commander's knees were knocking. "But why are the rest of you?"

"You don't want to know," Wanda glared at him.

"That's good enough for me," Cobra Commander said quickly and nervously.

"YOU?" Apocalypse was shocked. He was even more shocked when the Phoenix telekinetically threw him out of Tetsukaeru's grasp and into the wall.

_"Why are you so shocked Apocalypse?"_ Phoenix asked. _"Isn't this what you wanted? Both of us together at the same time? That was your plan all along wasn't it?"_

**"You wanted to interfere with destiny and start the final conflict didn't you?"** Tetsukaeru sneered. **"The time of our final battle is not known but it is certainly not now." **

"What, what did they just **say?**" Scott asked. "What did they mean not their time for the final battle? Final battle for **what?"**

"Oh boy…" Fred winced. "You really don't want to know the answer to that."

"This is so bad you have **no idea**…" Lance was shaking.

"What do you mean by 'bad'?" Monet asked.

"Bad as in catastrophic," Pietro snapped. "Awful. Horrible. Unbelievably unfortunate! How many adjectives do you need to get the point?"

"What is this final conflict?" Xavier asked. "What is he talking about?"

"Your buddies have been keeping secrets from you Charles," Juggernaut sneered. "You see that guy over there is supposed to be their secret weapon and kill your favorite little fire bird if she ever steps out of line. Guess your great mutant brain doesn't always work so well after all."

_**"Silence**__ little man,"_ Phoenix gave him a disdainful look before she telekinetically threw Juggernaut hard against the wall. Very hard. Not only hard enough to leave an impression but to knock him unconscious as well.

"Uh oh…" Selene gulped. "This is not good."

"Wait a minute…Kill Jean?" Logan gave the Misfits a hard look. He looked at General Hawk. "That guy's purpose is to **kill** Jean?"

"I told you ya didn't want to know," Fred gave him a look.

Phoenix looked at Tetsukaeru. _"So you are the one." _

**"Yes I am,"** Tetsukaeru spoke. **"This is not how I envisioned our first meeting would go."**

_"Nor I,"_ Phoenix smirked. _"Perhaps it is just as well. Now I know what I am up against."_

**"I will not allow you to destroy our world,"** Tetsukaeru told her.

_"I have no intention of destroying it,"_ Phoenix told him. _"For now anyway. This world…interests me. My host's bonds are strong." _

**"As are mine,"** Tetsukaeru spoke. He looked at Apocalypse. **"Shall we show this upstart what true power is?"**

_"Go ahead, I know you want to do this yourself," _Phoenix nodded. _"And I do not wish to deprive you. Besides, there are others I will amuse myself with." _

"Uh oh…" Amadeus gulped as she looked at them. "Father if you have a plan **now** is the time to **use it!"**

"Yeah they're supposed to fight **each other!"** Black Tom shouted. "Not together!"

"What do you mean fight **each other?"** Amara shouted.

"Haven't you been paying attention at all?" Mystique snapped.

"Not really," Monkeywrench was stroking his new hair. "I got kind of distracted when my hair grew back."

"Yeah I don't really get it either," Torch said holding up his hand. "Now are those two supposed to fight or what?"

"And you thought **we** were dumb?" Fred looked at Mystique. "The Brotherhood were freaking Einsteins compared to them!"

"I know Blob," Mystique groaned as she pointed to the Dreadnoks. "Do not think that I have not realized that **every single time** I come within **thirty feet** of these cretins!"

"We're not cretins!" Buzzer snapped. "We're Dreadnoks!"

"You're going to be **dead** if you don't shut up!" Mystique snapped.

"Uh people," Low Light pointed. "Big epic battle over here. You might want to watch this."

Phoenix was easily using her telekinesis to knock down Nemesis Enforcer and the barely conscious Black Tom. Selene was also getting hit with several stones telekinetically thrown at her. Meanwhile as hard as Apocalypse was fighting, it was clear that Tetsukaeru was the stronger.

_"Pathetic,"_ Phoenix snorted as Tetsukaeru punched Apocalypse hard. _"If you can't even take on Tetsukaeru what chance do you have with me?" _

"Sorry Apocalypse but she has a point! I believe a strategic retreat is called for," Selene backed away. She used her magic to create a portal. She disappeared with Nemesis Enforcer, Juggernaut and Black Tom.

Apocalypse glared at the two ultra powered mutants. "This is not over," He growled at them before he teleported away.

Both Phoenix and Tetsukaeru looked at each other, as if acknowledging their power. **"You know this is not the end. We will both have to face each other in battle one day," **Tetsukaeru spoke.

_"That is our density isn't it? And yet…Sometimes destiny can be changed," _Phoenix spoke.

**"We will see," **Tetsukaeru nodded.

Then both began to fade. Tetsukaeru faded with a glow and turned back into Todd. Fred caught his unconscious body. Phoenix disappeared and Jean's persona returned and she fell into Scott's arms.

"Scott…" Jean began before she passed out.

"Are they okay?" Tabitha asked.

"I think so," Lina quickly checked them over. "It doesn't look serious. They probably just need some rest."

"Wow…" Ray blinked. "What just happened…Wow…"

"Did what just happened actually happen or did I somehow **dream** it happened?" Bobby asked.

"No, it was real all right," Pietro sighed.

"Apocalypse was just beaten by Toad…" Kurt blinked. "The world as we know it has come to an end."

"Uh technically Apocalypse was beaten by Tetsukaeru," Fred made the distinction. "He's kind of like a separate personality of Toad. Not really Toad even though he is a part of Toad. Kind of like a manifestation of Toad's inner self coupled with the power of the Destiny Stone. Actually it was Toad and Tetsukaeru against Apocalypse, two against one. Three if you count the Destiny Stone itself which is rumored to have an actual soul inside of it."

"Toad just beat Apocalypse," Kurt went on. "And the Blob has become intelligent. It's official! **Nothing** in the world makes sense anymore! Black is white! Up is down! Purple is gray! Gray is pink! And monkeys are flying out of my **butt!** My brain can't **handle **this!"

"It does make your head hurt doesn't it?" Lance asked.

"Kind of why we never told anyone," Fred agreed.

"That and the whole Phoenix going out of control so it's going to be Tetsukaeru's job to destroy her thing," Pietro coughed. The X-Men glared at him. "Okay, shutting up now."

"Wanda?" Althea got up and put her hand on her friend's shoulder. "You okay?"

"I am now," She nodded. Both looked at the spot where Cortez was squashed.

"Irony, gotta love it," Althea made a grin.

"Yeah," Wanda said. She looked at the X-Men. "I don't think the X-Men appreciate it though."

"Speaking of appreciation," Althea remarked as the Baroness raced towards Destro. "Looks like some things never change."

"Destro I heard you call out my name when you thought we were dying," The Baroness embraced him. "I can't believe you still care for me!"

"Of course I do my dear Baroness!" Destro said as he hugged her.

Then he realized he couldn't breathe. "THEN WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YOU MARRY ME?" The Baroness screamed as her hands throttled Destro. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"Akkkkk…" Destro's tongue started to protrude from his mouth.

"ANSWER ME! WHY DIDN'T YOU WANT TO **MARRY** ME?" The Baroness continued to strangle him. "WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU THAT WON'T COMMIT TO A RELATIONSHIP? OR DO YOU FIND SOMETHING REPULSIVE ABOUT ME? WHY DON'T YOU **ANSWER **ME?"

"AAHHHHH!" Destro tried to pull himself away.

"WHY DID I WASTE THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE ON YOU?" The Baroness kept screaming. "WHY? WHY? **WHY?"**

"Why did I ever sleep with **her?**" Mystique moaned. "I am beginning to think that was a mistake."

"NO? YA THINK?" Rogue snapped at her. "I thought you couldn't get any lower than Zartan and Sabertooth but surprise! I was **wrong!"**

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU INSANE HARPY!" Destro shouted as he ran away from the Baroness.

"COME BACK AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN YOU WIMP!" The Baroness screamed as she pulled out a laser pistol and started firing.

"BARONESS! STOP IT WOMAN! OWW!" Destro screamed as he ran for his life. "OWWWW!"

"REVENGE! REVENGE!" The Baroness laughed. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! OH STOP CRYING YOU TWIT I BARELY WINGED YOU!"

"It's going to be a **long** ride back…" Mystique rolled her eyes and went after them. "Baroness! Come back here!"

"You're right Al," Wanda sighed. "Some things **never** change."

"Yeah including the X-Men getting mad at us for what we do," Lance sighed. "Okay guys let it out. Yes we knew all about Toad being able to turn into an ultra powered mutant and that whole Phoenix showdown thing. So…get on with it."

None of the X-Men said a word. "Uh guys this is the part where you scream at us and yell and complain how sneaky we are," Pietro gulped. "So go on. Rant and rave like you always do."

"Quicksilver," Rogue said in a dark voice. "I can honestly say that none of us has any idea **what** to say."

"I think we should pick up the kids at Nova Roma and **go home,"** Logan said in a neutral tone.

"I know that voice," Torch said. "That's the one where somebody's in real big **trouble!"**

"Shut up Torch!" Shipwreck snapped. "And shouldn't we be arresting them or something?"

"Thank you Shipwreck, that reminds me," Hawk pulled out his communicator. "This is General Hawk. I need a strike force to blow up a Cobra Base nearby."

"Oh man," Torch groaned. "Can you at least give us a minute to get our stuff out?"

"No," General Hawk gave them a look. "I suggest you all run. Now!"

"Yes well it's been fun…" Cobra Commander gulped as he walked backwards. "You know we really should get together more often. Have some drinks. Have some laughs. Maybe watch a game or something? So we've had our differences in the past? That's no reason why we can't all just get along? Right? Right?"

Then he turned around and saw that all his people had fled for their lives. "WAIT FOR ME!" He screamed as he ran after him.

"Should we really go after them?" Cover Girl asked.

"Nah let 'em go," General Hawk sighed. He looked at the frosty glares of the X-Men. "Besides I think we have **enough** to deal with."

"You think?" Logan raised an eyebrow.

"Awkward…" Pietro gulped.

**Well the Tetsukaeru is out of the bag now? How will everyone react to this new development? Find out next time! **


	90. Strategies in the Shadows

**Strategies in the Shadows**

"Well **that **was a debacle of gigantic proportions!" Destro grumbled as the Cobras shuffled back to their war room in another secret base.

"Not only that it was a right cock up," Torch moaned.

"I never want to go through that again…" Mindbender groaned. "Oh my aching back!"

"Neither do we," The Crimson Twins agreed.

"All I cares about it me hair," Monkeywrench was stroking it. "Me beautiful, beautiful hair! Oh my lovely I never want you to leave me again!"

"Yes Monkeywrench that was the most important thing," Zartan said sarcastically. "That your precious hair was saved!"

"Oh my lovely, lovely, lovely hair!" Monkeywrench still kept stroking his hair. "I will lather rinse and repeat you all night! And then I'll put some of that lovely detangler in you! That's right! That's right!"

"And he wonders why he never gets a date," Zarana grumbled.

"My hair is back! Oh and just as lovely and full as before," Monkeywrench just could not control himself. "Lather, rinse, repeat! Lather, rinse, repeat! Lather, rinse, repeat!"

"Oh shut up you bleeding sod!" Buzzer snapped."Keep going on like that and I'll take a razor to ya!"

"Yeah we all got old but we're all back to normal now so get over it!" Ripper snapped.

"Since when are you Dreadnoks **normal?**" Mindbender asked.

"A guy who has to make his own dates out of a Petri dish is saying we ain't normal?" Torch snapped.

"Yes I am!" Mindbender snapped. "Which just goes to show how **abnormal** you are!"

"Just shut up the lot of you!" Cobra Commander slumped into his seat. "I have an enormous headache!"

"That is not going to be the worst of our injuries if the Baroness and her newest playmate have their way," Destro reminded him. "What exactly are they up to?"

"Probably what we're up to," Torch said. "You know the whole take over the world deal."

"I must say that I believe Torch has hit the nail on the proverbial head," Road Pig said. Then he switched to his other personality. "Th-That's right! He's got a point! What do you think those dames are up to?"

"Well it's not a sewing circle that's for damn sure," Cobra Commander grumbled. "We are going to have to keep a close eye on them."

"So when they do put their plan in motion we'll either be able to get in on the whole deal or take over their operation right?" Buzzer asked.

"How very perceptive of you Buzzer," Destro said. "Congratulations Zartan, whatever vitamins you slipping into their trough when you feed them are clearly working. However I fear such a strategy may not be prudent against the likes of Apocalypse."

"Yeah if he's able to control a bloke like Nemesis Enforcer he's pretty powerful," Zarana agreed.

"Don't forget he's got both Juggernaut and that witch Selene on his side too," Zandar piped up. "And that Black Tom character."

"Quite a dangerous combination if there ever was one," Mindbender agreed. "And Mesmero's powers are nothing to sneeze at either."

"Old Pocky seems to have quiet an arsenal doesn't he?" Monkeywrench thought. "Stones, I don't want to tangle with those blokes again too soon!"

"Let us not forget about Magneto," Xamot reminded them.

"Or the reports about Factor Three and the Hellfire Club," Tomax added.

"They're not just going to…" Xamot began.

"Stand idly by.. ." Tomax went on.

"And let someone else beat them to the punch," Both twins finished.

"Oh and let's also take into consideration the whole Phoenix and Tetsu…Teskae…Oh I can't pronounce that name!" Mindbender grumbled. "The whole Ultimate power thing between Jean Grey and the Toad. I would not want to get in the middle of **that** fight!"

"Yeah did you see how that alternate Super Toad guy wiped the floor with Apocalypse?" Buzzer asked. "And he ain't exactly no pushover!"

"Uh uh and that Phoenix girl is supposed to be more powerful than he is," Torch nodded. "So that means we gotta be doubly careful around those two!"

"Great! Just great!" Cobra Commander threw up his hands. "You know that's the one bad thing about this business? The **competition!" **

"I know," Road Pig said. "It's like everybody and his brother wanna take over the planet."

"You took the words..." Xamot began.

"Right out of our mouths," Tomax finished, folding his arms.

"We certainly have our work cut out for us that's for damn sure," Destro agreed. "So I suggest that we redouble our efforts and come up with a few contingency plans of our own."

"Just what I was thinking Noble Destro," Cobra Commander nodded.

"Were you really?" Destro raised an eyebrow.

"Honestly, no," Cobra Commander sighed. "I just want a stiff drink right now. Then we can go think up some new plans to conquer the world!"

"One drink's not gonna be enough. How about a dozen?" Torch asked.

"For once Torch you have the right idea," Mindbender agreed. "Those vitamins truly are working."

"Oh what the hell!" Cobra Commander threw up his hands. "The day is shot anyway! We can work through our hangovers tomorrow! Last one to the bar pays for the drinks."

"Isn't the nearest bar in your private office and only you have the keys to it?" Destro raised an eyebrow.

"Exactly," Cobra Commander got up. "That's how I know at least I'm not paying!"

"And knowing is another reason that it might be better to stay sober," Destro groaned.

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Flying in the skies in a stealth jet...

"I still say you should have let me kill the bastard," The Baroness grumbled.

"We didn't have time," Mystique told her as she flew the jet. "No one has **that much** time. Besides we need to get back to headquarters and inform Frost of these new developments. These very **disturbing** developments."

"Agreed," The Baroness sighed. "The Toad having the Power of the Destiny Stone is dangerous enough but the future battle between the Phoenix and Tetsu...Whatever his name is is quite troubling."

"Not as half as troubling as the fact that if the Phoenix does go rogue...And it seems quite likely, our only salvation may be Toad," Mystique groaned.

"Is it really that bad?" The Baroness asked. "I remember that he was a bit of an annoying slacker but..."

"Trust me, you have **no** idea," Mystique groaned in annoyance. "Let me put it to you this way. Imagine the fate of the world in the hands of one of the stupidest, smelliest, most incompetent Dreadnok with a slightly higher IQ than normal."

"That **is** frightening," The Baroness agreed.

"I have a very bad feeling," Mystique said. "I have a feeling that the Water of Life was not Apocalypse's true purpose."

"It was **not?"** The Baroness blinked. Then she rubbed a sore spot on her shoulder. "Could have fooled me."

"Apocalypse was making some other kind of gambit," Mystique thought hard. "The problem is that he did not factor in Toad's alter ego to be so powerful. Not that I blame him."

"So what was he planning?" The Baroness asked. "My brain is a bit too tired to put it together now. At least not without a good shot of whisky to jump start it."

"Forget a shot," Mystique snorted. "I need an entire **bottle** to process what happened today! Can you imagine the power that Destiny Stone must have if it could do that to **Toad?** Of all the mutants in the world it had to land into Toad's slimy webbed hands! What if a more **powerful** mutant got their hands on it? She would be unstoppable!"

"She?" The Baroness gave her a look. "Getting a bit full of yourself aren't you?"

"Oh like you were not thinking the same thing?" Mystique looked back.

"Guilty as charged," The Baroness nodded. "Well **whatever** is going on it has become quite clear to me that we are going to need some very powerful mutants in our corner if we are to succeed not only against Magneto and Apocalypse but now this...Super Toad or whatever he calls himself."

"Agreed," Mystique nodded back. "Stolen Sentinels, recycled synthoids and whatever rejects we get that got the worst of battles with the X-Men and Misfits are just not going to cut it. We need more powerful mutants in our army before we can even think of going against our enemies."

"Then we must step up our recruitment efforts," The Baroness agreed. "And formuate a plan to take the powers of the Phoenix Force and the Destiny Stone for ourselves!"

"Yes we need to find more powerful mutants," Mystique sighed. "That is our first priority."

"Let me ask you again..." The Baroness thought. "How bad could Toad really...?"

"I just explained it to you!" Mystique snapped.

"I know you did but still..." The Baroness interrupted. "Unlike the Dreadnoks he's actually become more competent. Perhaps we could just have Emma take over his mind."

"The Toad doesn't even have a mind to take over!" Mystique snapped. "Trust me! The world will be much better off if we remove that Destiny Stone from Toad as soon as possible! You can't even trust that deranged little frog with the **phone book**, much less a powerful mystical object! God I will never forget the years I had to put up with living with that lunatic. Just being under the same roof was bad enough but..."

"Can't be any worse than the Dreadnoks," The Baroness snorted.

"Wanna bet?" Mystique gave her a look. She repressed a shudder. "To this day I still have nightmares about gnomes, funerals for frogs and that stupid giraffe!"

"**Giraffe?"** The Baroness did a double take.

"Giraffe," Mystique nodded.

"You said, **giraffe** right?" The Baroness asked again. "I did not mishear you. You actually said **giraffe?"**

"I did," Mystique shuddered.

"A giraffe? You are talking about an **actual** giraffe?" The Baroness asked.

"Actually it was a mutant pygmy giraffe but yes it was for all purposes a real live giraffe," Mystique explained.

"A **mutant pygmy giraffe?** What in the world is a mutant pygmy giraffe?" The Baroness started to ask.

"Don't ask!" Mystique told her. "Trust me, unless you want to wake up **screaming** at night you do not want to know!"

"I already have enough problems sleeping at night thank you very much," The Baroness grunted. "When I think of all that I endured, all that I went through...All that I put up with, with that no good metal headed moron..."

"Are we back on that **again?"** Mystique sighed. She realized that memories of Toad and her time with the Brotherhood were not the **only **things that made her wake up at night screaming. They were just the least frightening.

"I was with the man for nearly two decades!" The Baroness said in her defense. "Forgive me if I have the need to talk through my unresolved feelings about him from time to time!"

"Time to time? You do nothing but **rant** about that Scottish Sausage day and night!" Mystique snapped.

"The man used me! He broke my heart! You of all people should understand what I am going through!" The Baroness snapped. "I know you've been used by a lot of men but there has to be one of them you still have a special place in your heart for!"

"No, they were all scumbags," Mystique shook her head. "Ironically the only one I regret letting get away was Irene. That should have told me something right there."

"I loved him," The Baroness grunted. "I loved him and trusted him and what did it get me? What? Nothing! That's what! I gave him the best years of my life and what did I get back? Heartache! Nothing but heartache! And a very expensive tab at Victoria's Secret."

"Yes..." Mystique sighed. By now she was getting used to the Baroness' rantings. And that really frightened her.

"I don't know what I was to him! Something to keep on the side to amuse him?" The Baroness went on.

"I know he's not amused now," Mystique said. "And I know **why."**

"I am not just a piece of fluff like that Cadet Demming the Crimson Guard Twins keep around to play with! I was one of the world's most ruthless assasins and thieves before I met him! I am my own person! I have my own identity!" The Baroness snapped. "No one double crosses me and lives to tell about it! I am the Baroness!"

"Believe me, everyone knows who **you** are..." Mystique sighed.

"If anything I enhanced his reputation!" The Baroness continued to rant. "That's right! He was just some nobody arms dealer in a metal mask before he met me! I **made** him! Do you hear me! I made that Doctor Doom wanna be and I can break him! I will break him! He's nothing without me! Do you hear me? Nothing!"

"I think they can hear you all the way in Siberia," Mystique gave her a look.

"And another thing! Why the devil could he not spend Christmas with me? Family obligations my foot!" The Baroness snapped. "He barely even speaks to his family three hundred and sixty four days out of the year and that one day he all of the sudden decides to spend time with them? If that is what he's doing. Now that I think about it he was probably doing someone else! I hate him!"

"I know," Mystique sighed. "I know...God do I know..."

"How could I have ever been with that man as long as I was?" The Baroness asked. "Do you know what it is like when you are with a person and then suddenly when you are not with him any more you wonder what is it that I saw in him? How could I have made a mistake like **that?"**

"I'm **familiar** with that experience," Mystique gave her a look. "Believe me I know **exactly **what you are talking about."

"I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!" The Baroness began to cackle hysterically. "HEAR THAT DESTRO! YOU ARE GOING DOWN! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"How do I always manage to end up with a lover even **more psychotic** than the one **before?"** Mystique muttered under her breath."I thought Sabertooth was hard to top but this..."

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" The Baroness was lost in her own little world. "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

_We really need to get new mutants into our group, _Mystique thought to herself. _Someone with great powers and only half the hangups the Baroness has! Now I remember why I prefer not to work with humans! The problem is what is Apocalypse doing? And what plans has he put in motion? _

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Somewhere in Egypt...

"Uggh! Even my bruises have bruises…" Black Tom muttered as Apocalypse and his men returned to the lair. "Who'd have thought a bunch a preschoolers had such hard feet."

"I still say we could have taken 'em," Juggernaut groaned. "If I'd just…"

"Just what? Stayed **conscious?**" Amadeus snapped. "Yes that would have been nice!"

"Oh shut up the lot of you," Selene gave them a look. "You are all giving me a headache! Why the hell did we only bring one horseman? We have three!"

"Because Death and Famine are not ready yet," Apocalypse told them. Then a cruel smile formed on his lips. "It doesn't matter. It was not a complete wasted effort. Yes things went very well indeed."

"Okay," Juggernaut was confused. "Let me see if I get this straight. We lost the battle. No immortal water for us. Cortez is now a pancake. No big loss but still… We all got beat up by the Phoenix and that weird Ultimate Dragon Toad. And you're **happy** about this? Am I **missing **something?"

"Yeah last I heard failure wasn't a good thing!" Black Tom blinked.

"We may have lost the battle but we have just begun to win the war," Apocalypse explained. "Sometimes sacrifices must be made. You must retreat and even lose several times before conquering. And sometimes a loss can be a precursor to a win."

"Totally lost here," Juggernaut blinked. "Are you sure you didn't get you know? Hit on the head too hard?"

"Let me put this in terms even **you** can understand," Selene gave him a look. "Now that the X-Men know about the Destiny Stone and it's part in the Phoenix Legend a rift will form between the two groups."

"So the Water of Life was never really our true goal to begin with," Black Tom realized. "Our real target was Toad's alter ego…Whatever his name was. I forgot how to pronounce it."

"It's Tet Sa something or other," Juggernaut grunted as his back complained about the recent battle.

"I thought it was Tet U Kan Ku?" Black Tom scratched his battered head.

"Tetsukaeru," Amadeus corrected. "And yes Black Tom, it was. Our goal was to not only reveal Tetsukaeru to the X-Men but to judge his power and strength. And I fear judging from today's little skirmish is that Tetsukaeru is much stronger than we thought."

"For once you are correct Amadeus," Apocalypse grew somber. "It is clear that much work needs to be done before we can take on either the Phoenix or Tetsukaeru again. Preferably not at the same time!"

"Yes, for starters you need to choose your final horseman," Selene nodded. "Let's see you have Death, Plague, Famine…All you need is War to be complete."

"I have already chosen who shall lead as War," Apocalypse said. He looked at Juggernaut. "Your actions today have impressed me, Juggernaut. So I will give you an unusual honor. I wish to make you my lead Horseman but I will not give you any…enhancements like the others."

"You mean you don't want to control my mind?" Juggernaut was suspicious.

"Can't control what isn't there," Selene snorted.

"Keep laughing Witchy-Poo," Juggernaut growled. "Go on, you'll see where that gets you. But seriously why don't you want to control me Apocalypse?"

"Because I do not **need** to," Apocalypse explained to him. "You already have only one goal in your life. To fight and be victorious. You do not have the desire to rule."

"No," Juggernaut told him. "I told you before. All I want to do is fight and win. And clobber my half brother and his snotty brats. And maybe right now some pain killers. Ouch. That bitch Grey is stronger than she looks."

"Which is why we must be extremely careful in the future," Apocalypse nodded. "Our attempt to weaken the Joes and Cobras may have failed, but the bonds between the Misfits and X-Men have definitely been all but broken."

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"I knew it," Logan grunted. "I **knew** there was something behind this whole ninja thing! I knew there was **no way** any ninja with half a brain would train the Toad to be one unless there wasn't any choice!"

To say the mood at the Xavier Institute was not pleasant was an understatement. There were no angry arguments after the battle. Merely a frosty request that the Misfits drop off the X-Men at the Institute and to please leave and not return without calling first was an indicator how bad things were. The X-Men were too stunned and angry about the whole secret to even fight with the Misfits at that moment.

At **this** particular moment they were collecting plenty of ammunition for their next encounter.

"How could I have not seen it? How could I have overlooked **this?**" Xavier was in shock as well. Most of the X-Men were sitting around stunned in the living room.

"This is Toad we're talking about! How could you **not **overlook it?" Scott snapped. "I tell you one thing those Joes couldn't have picked a better hiding place than to put that Destiny Stone inside that slimy little lunatic!"

"They didn't **put **it in there, Toad accidentally got it stuck in him," Rogue corrected. "Which is more than enough to shake my confidence in their security system."

"Just shaken? Mine is broken!" Logan looked at her. "I can't believe General Hawk would keep this from us!"

"I can!" Scott snapped. "Just when I think those Misfits couldn't get any sneakier…Look what they do behind our backs!"

"Scott they didn't even tell **Toad** about this," Kurt reasoned. "Or Althea. You can't exactly take it personally."

"Can you imagine if they **did **tell him about this and tried to use it?" Rogue asked. "It gives me chills just **thinking** about it."

"Great I'm having visions of Toad flying around in little dragon wings accidentally zapping people and buildings," Bobby groaned.

"Like one of those cute little anime cartoons?" Tabitha asked. "You know the ones with the cute girls with big guns and giant explosions going off everywhere?"

"That's the one," Bobby nodded.

"Yeah I totally see that," Kurt agreed. "Completely frightening."

"I dunno," Alex groaned. "It's not exactly that different from our lives now."

"You have never seen Toad in a science class," Amara groaned. "Oh remember those projects we had to do?"

"Ya once we had to make a volcano…" Kurt winced. "It was weeks before I could get the smell out of my fur. And that wall was never the same."

"Neither was the substitute science teacher," Bobby said. "I heard he's devoted his life to painting pictures on seashells in Florida for a living."

"You're right! It was definitely a smart move **not **to tell Toad about this without some kind of ninja training!" Rogue groaned. "Boy couldn't even handle a box of baking soda without causing trouble. Can you imagine the damage he can do with a mystical crystal?"

"I am trying **not **to," Xavier groaned.

"Man I thought when I died and returned and became an External things got weird," Sam groaned. "Or when Jean died and returned from the dead things got weird. This...This is way beyond weird!"

"Yeah out of all of us Toad having super cosmic powers is the worst thing that could have happened!" Amara said.

"No, the worst thing that could have happened if **Pyro** got the super cosmic powers," Paige pointed out.

"I stand corrected," Amara blinked.

"I remember something now," Rogue blinked. "Way back when Remy, Toad and I were captured by Magneto and held on Asteroid M…Scott remember that enhancement machine you and Alex were put in?"

"The one that fried our brains and made us almost fry our friends?" Alex asked. "Yeah we remember that."

"Well Magneto put Toad in it and the dang thing exploded!" Rogue told him. "It was powered by one of those Cytorakk Gems. Now if this Destiny Stone thing is stronger than that…"

"Say no more…" Alex blinked. "I can see it now."

"Kaboom," Remy whistled.

"I have seen the future and I am afraid," Bobby said. "Very, **very **afraid!"

"We are all going to die aren't we?" Peter asked.

"Afraid so Pete," Tabitha hung her head. "We are so doomed."

"Doomed, doomed, doomed," Remy agreed. "Man we are doomed."

"That's **not **why I'm angry about this!" Scott snapped. "Okay that's **part** of it. We all agree that putting ultimate power in the hands of Toad is a huge disaster! I mean it's like…It's like…"

"Putting Kitty in a kitchen with Martha Stewart?" Ray remarked.

"Allowing Pyro to put on a luau by an active volcano?" Amara thought of one.

"Setting Shipwreck loose in the Playboy Mansion with an open bar?" Ororo added.

"Letting Penny loose in a petting zoo?" Sam suggested.

"Bigger than those and a lot **messier,**" Scott told them. "But has anyone remembered that apparently the purpose of this Tetsukaeru character is to destroy the Phoenix? In other words to **kill** Jean? And none of you are **worried **about this?"

"You want our honest answer?" Tim joked.

"Seriously Scott, isn't Jean **immortal** now?" Amara decided to interrupt before Scott blasted Tim into the next county. "I mean she did kind of die and bring herself back to life. That is what you told us, right?"

"Yes but…" Xavier sighed. "There is a chance that if Jean's body is completely destroyed…"

"In other words she's a lot like me and Tetsukaeru could do it," Sam completed. "Completely destroy Jean's body."

"That is the theory," Xavier nodded. "Of course she could also destroy him as well as a great portion of land mass should their battle get out of hand."

"Uh not just a portion of land," Hank corrected. "The entire planet **Earth **if what we heard was correct."

"Yeah and it's not like Jean hasn't **already** blown up an entire planet before," Rogue remembered.

"Oh this just gets better and better," Logan groaned.

"In other words it's a fail safe system."

Everyone turned around and saw Jean standing there. "I mean if I do go nuts and try to destroy another planet it's nice to know that the Misfits have a backup plan just in case."

"You're not being sarcastic are you?" Tabitha blinked.

"No, I'm not," Jean sighed. "If anything part of me is a little relieved."

"Relieved? You're actually **relieved **that the Misfits have been keeping secret the fact that they've got a potential weapon **against** us?" Scott could not believe what he was hearing.

"God Scott, if **I **can understand this I don't see how **you can't!"** Jean snapped. "They **had** to keep it a secret. It was necessary as an advantage in case…"

"In case of what?" Scott asked when she paused.

"In case you **failed** in your promise to kill me if the Phoenix ever got out of control," Jean gave him a cold look. "Which it seems most likely it would have."

"Jean…" Scott was shocked.

"I know **exactly** what Todd is going through," Jean said. "He was lucky. He could control it just enough so he wouldn't remember. He just wasn't ready and he knew it. Just like I wasn't ready but I thought I…"

She took a deep breath. "I had no idea the power I have inside of me. If I'm not careful…even for a moment it could consume me and everyone I care about. It could kill you, my family, the X-Men…Everyone without a thought in an instant. Do you understand that? Can you even **comprehend** what that's **like?**"

"Uh Jean," Scott pointed at his glasses. "Got a little eye problem here. Remember?"

"Scott I don't even need to open my eyes to use **my **power, **remember?**" Jean gave him a look. "I destroyed a **planet!** I literally brought myself back from the **dead!** Forgive me but there is a difference between **your **powers and **mine!"**

"So what are you saying, Toad's like **you** now?" Kurt asked.

"I guess," Jean shrugged. "I don't know if he's **that** powerful but…He might be the closest thing to it in case…"

"In case?" Scott asked. "In case of..."

"Kaboom," Remy got it. "You saying our only hope for the world if you go insane and things get out of control is **Toad?"**

"Well," Jean shrugged. "Yes."

"Oh god just what I need," Kurt moaned. "**More** reasons to have nightmares at night!"

"We are so doomed..." Rogue groaned.

"You people are so **dense** sometimes with your petty bickering it's driving me crazy!" Jean shouted. "**This** is what Apocalypse **wants!** This was the real reason he attacked us in the first place! It was all to test and weaken our defenses and to draw Tetsukaeru out! Am I the only person here who **gets **this?"

"So what do we do now? Just forget about all this and pretend it never happened?" Tabitha asked.

"That's **exactly **what we should do Tabitha!" Jean told her. "If we don't just all **grow up** and **get over it** Apocalypse wins!"

Jean gave them all a look. "We are not in **high school** anymore people! This is real life. Yes they have secrets and we have secrets. Sometimes you have to have some secrets in order to keep the element of surprise. Ironically I think I finally get that now."

"So you're saying you're **okay** with this?" Remy was stunned.

"YES!" Jean shouted at him. "AAHHH! I'll be out in the garden!" She stormed out.

Half a second later she turned back. "You know this isn't exactly easy on the Misfits either. If you really believe they enjoy the fact that they may have to kill me if I get out of control you are not the people I thought you were. I never thought I'd say this but right now, I'm ashamed to be an X-Man." She left the room for good this time.

"Wow," Peter blinked. "That I did not expect."

"Yeah I mean…" Amara blinked. "She's not even mad at the Misfits."

"The more I think about it the less mad **I **am at the Misfits," Kurt said. "I mean come on, **Toad?**"

"Who in their right mind would admit they accidentally allowed some kind of ultimate power to be absorbed into Toad's body?" Peter added. "I know I wouldn't."

"That's just what I was saying before," Rogue said.

"Why didn't they just you know? Take it out of him?" Bobby asked. "Wouldn't that be a lot safer?"

"It would but it would also kill Toad," Logan said, folding his arms. "From what I remember of my ninja legends once one of those things gets a hold of you there's no way it will ever let go. Like it or not we are stuck with the fact that Toad is stuck with the Destiny Stone until the day he dies."

"And the problem with **that** is...?" Ray asked sarcastically.

"Who is the more dangerous and would rather kill? Jean or Toad?" Monet snorted. "There's a loaded question that will keep you up at night."

"Tell me about it," Tim agreed.

"No one is going to kill Toad!" Xavier snapped. "Or Jean. At least not any of us."

"Yeah why bother when we have more than enough enemies who will try to do it for us?" Monet replied.

"Still I must admit I too am a bit...Unnerved by this information," Xavier sighed.

"Todd Tolensky is usually not at the **top **of the list when you want something dangerous and valuable to be handled with care," Hank nodded. "Or anything moderately valuable for that matter."

"I wouln't trust him with the cheap stuff," Ray added. "Man we are so doomed."

"We are not doomed yet," Hank said. "You must be positive."

"Okay I'm **positive **we're all doomed!" Ray told him.

"Doomed, doomed, doomed," Kurt sighed. "So very, very doomed."

"I am starting to understand the wisdom of the Misfits in not informing us of this development," Hank sighed.

"Back in the Brotherhood days we didn't even want to admit to people when we gave him too much **sugar**," Tabitha admitted. "This is ten times worse. Oh man I'm having flashbacks to a few incidents with garden gnomes."

"Garden gnomes?" Tim asked her.

"You **don't **want to know," Rogue shuddered.

"The gnomes…the gnomes," Peter shuddered too. "Not the gnomes."

"What? What did he do with the gnomes?" Tim asked.

"He made them his little friends and also his army…" Tabitha said.

"Toad had an army of garden gnomes?" Ray asked.

"Roaming garden gnomes," Tabitha said. "And they used to **roam** all over the place."

"He'd paint evil little faces on them and sometimes hang them out on windows…" Peter began.

"That sounds a little…" Scott began.

"Windows on skyscrapers," Peter gave him a look. "Sometimes forty stories high."

"Okay that's a **lot** weird..." Scott blinked.

"Gnomes everywhere..." Peter shuddered again. "Gnomes...Gnomes...Gnomes..."

"What did he do to **you** with them?" Kurt asked.

"Don't ask," Peter gave him a look. "Never ever ask me about that!"

"We don't talk about the gnomes," Remy explained to Kurt. "We **never **talk about the gnomes. Got it?"

"But what did he...?" Kurt began.

"Never!" Remy snapped. "NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! NO GNOME TALK! NEVER! NEVER TALK ABOUT THE GNOMES! UNDERSTAND!"

"But..." Kurt began.

"No! Never!" Remy interrupted.

"But..." Kurt tried again.

"No! No gnome talk! Never talk about the gnomes!" Remy snapped.

"Gambit..." Kurt tried a third time with little success.

"NEVER!" Remy shouted. "NEVER! NEVER! NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER NEVER EVER EVER TALK ABOUT THE GNOMES! NEVER! NEVER! NO MORE GNOME TALK! GNOME MORE!"

"So what you're saying is that you **don't **want to talk about the gnomes?" Bobby blinked.

"YES! I MEAN NO! NO MORE GNOMES!" Remy yelled.

"The gnomes...The gnomes..." Peter shuddered. "I can still hear them at night when the moon is full..."

"Hear them?" Scott blinked. "How can you...?"

"NEVER CYCLOPS! NEVER!" Remy's voice got higher. "What part of **never **do you not understand?"

"Still gnomes can't..." Scott began.

"Don't say it!" Remy snapped, his voice reaching heights unknown.

"Gambit gnomes are incapable of..." Scott tried again.

"Bap!" Remy held up his hand to silence him. "Bap bap bap bap bap bap bap! We do not talk about it! We never talk about it! And we shall not talk about it! We are **done** talking about it! We will never talk about it! We never talked about it and we never **will **talk about it! Got it?"

"Wow it must have been something if it got **you **freaked Swamp Rat," Rogue blinked.

"You don't know what we went through..." Remy shook. "No more gnomes...No more freaking gnomes."

"Okay..." Scott sighed. "Topics to avoid in future convestations with the Misfits Number Three Hundred and Sixty Five."

"Wait a minute…" Bobby held up his hand. "I'm remembering something. Wasn't there some kind of weird gnome stunt going on in New York City a few years back? Somebody put those things everywhere from Yankee Stadium to Trump Tower…"

"Outside of Stark Tower and that rich society family," Ray added. "The one with all those sluts for kids and one of them was dating a transvestite?"

"Yeah that one running for senator or something," Bobby added. "Claimed he kept seeing gnomes everywhere and that got him so unglued he blabbed about his whole affair on national TV."

"That was Toad?" Scott asked.

"That was Toad," Tabitha sighed.

"Hold on, didn't something else happen around that time?" Sam asked. "Like someone filled a baseball stadium with gnomes and they all thought it was that travel website with some kind of marketing stunt but they denied it?"

"That was also Toad," Tabitha added. "He had a lot of sugar and butterflies that night."

"Where did he get all those garden gnomes?" Jubilee asked.

"We don't know and we never asked," Tabitha groaned. "And something tells me we don't **want **to know."

"A little power in Toad is a dangerous thing," Rogue agreed. "And a lot of power is downright catastrophic!"

"But he knows about his powers **now,"** Sam said. "That's what I'm worried about."

"Well according to the Misfits Tetsukaeru only manifests himself in dire emergencies," Hank said. "Perhaps we truly have nothing to worry about?"

"And maybe Apocalypse will put on fake bunny ears and become the new Easter Bunny," Logan gave him a look. "Not gonna happen."

"I was afraid you would say that," Hank sighed.

"I am more afraid of what will happen if the Phoenix and Tetsukaeru really go at it," Ororo admitted.

"Not to mention what the circumstances would be if those two were forced to fight each other," Xavier sighed.

"You mean if Jean really does get out of control?" Remy asked.

"That is **exactly** what I mean Gambit," Xavier sighed.

"Then we will have **two **planet destroying maniacs to worry about," Amara groaned.

"I hate it when life gets more complicated around here," Bobby groaned. "Is it me or does anyone else miss the good old days when all we worried about was Apocalypse taking over the world?"

"Technically Apocalypse is **still **trying to take over the world, Bobby," Hank gave him a look.

"Yeah but at least he wanted to keep it in one piece," Bobby said. "This just makes my head hurt."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"I hate it when life gets so much more complicated around here," Pietro groaned. "Everything was just fine in the beginning. Just us against the X-Geeks in our own private little war that no one knew about! Then Magneto and Mystique leave, come back again, mutants get revealed. We get revealed. Apocalypse shows up. Magneto turns into our enemy, humans and the X-Men become our friends. More weird bad guys show up. Everybody ends up either related to each other or dating each other and then Jean becomes the Phoenix and now **this!** It's enough to make my head hurt!"

"**Any** thinking at all makes your head hurt," Althea gave him a look. The Misfits were in their living room going over the latest drama in their lives.

"Yeah Pietro take a chill pill," Todd agreed. "If anyone should be freaked out it's me. But I ain't. Course technically this ain't new to me but it's not exactly new to you either so calm down."

"So let me get this straight…" Pietro held up his hand. "All this time you knew. And **you** knew? You both **knew** about the Destiny Stone but **chose** to **forget **about it so you **wouldn't** know? But even if you **didn't** know you really deep down **did** know? So you **always** knew even if you **didn't** know?"

"Yeah that's pretty much the case here," Todd nodded.

"So all these years of us trying to keep it a secret from you two were pretty much for **nothing?"** Pietro asked.

"You got it," Todd nodded.

"That's **it!** I now have a migraine the size of the Grand Canyon!" Pietro shouted. "Thanks a lot Toad and Al! Thank you oh so very much! I can't take much more of this! Where's the Midol?" He zoomed away.

"Uh doesn't he know…?" Angelica began.

"He knows," Wanda sighed. "And so does Lance but that doesn't stop them from taking it anyway!"

"It really helps with the headaches," Lance admitted. "I think I might take some myself."

"How are the two of you feeling?" Xi asked gently.

"We're okay. I mean considering," Althea nodded.

"The hard part is coming up," Todd sighed. "I gotta ya know? Get some air."

"Right," Althea nodded. Todd hopped into his room. Then when he was sure no one was watching, he turned on his teleportation watch and teleported to the Xavier Institute. He had teleported to the roof where it was least likely anyone would spot him. Carefully he crawled around until he saw Jean sitting alone in the garden.

Deciding not to be too subtle in case she would think it was an attack he hopped to the nearest tree, deliberately letting her hear him and hopped down a few other trees until he was on the ground near her.

"Hey," Todd said. "Look uh, we really have to talk."

"I know," Jean moved over to make room for him on the bench. Todd hopped to the other side and sat down. For a moment neither of them spoke. Then Todd broke the ice.

"Look Red, about this whole…thing. Despite this whole you know, Chosen One Destiny Stone Phoenix Fire mumbo jumbo…I don't want to hate you. I mean, not like this. Not to the death thing. We're more like…You know? You're the preppy know it all and I'm the goofy laid back slob? That kind of thing."

"I don't want to hate you either Toad," Jean admitted. "Okay you're annoying as hell sometimes but still…"

"**I'm** annoying?" Todd gave her a look. "You Miss Pretty Perfect Let's Remind The Teachers About Homework And Date Dumb Jocks Who Like to Bash Freshmen's Skulls In? You don't think **that's** annoying to someone like me?"

"Okay so we're both annoying in our own way," Jean admitted.

"This is so freaking weird," Todd shook his head. "You remember long ago…Back before when we all first hooked up into our teams? That whole fighting each other to get a place in the first Asteroid M thing?"

"I remember," Jean said. "I also remember dropping you down a well."

"Well I really was mad at you for that," Todd said. "I mean I just wanted to prove that I was somebody back then. That I could hold my own and take anybody on. That I was actually worth something. I don't know if you noticed but I didn't exactly have a lot of self esteem in those days. That's why I let Magneto and his goons kick me around. I just wanted to be somebody. To belong."

"Unfortunately you wanted to belong to the wrong crowd," Jean told him. Then she sighed. "Strange as it may seem I do know how **that** feels. I just wanted to be normal so bad. When I first got my powers my self esteem kind of took a dive too. When I got to Bayville High I just wanted to be Jean. Just Jean. No, not just Jean. Jean the popular student. To be the best Jean I could be so everyone would like me. At first I told myself I had to do it so that if I ever came out as a mutant, it might be easier for people to accept me."

"Boy did **that** theory get shot out of the water," Todd rolled his eyes.

"Did it ever," Jean agreed. "Anyway I just threw myself into being popular and doing well at school. I even convinced myself that that was the real me. Not the whole mutant with a crazy secret life thing. **That **theory got blasted to pieces too! Even when we got outed the more I tried to fit in, the more I tried to be normal…The worse I felt. It wasn't until I got into college I finally realized that person wasn't really me. It was more like an exaggeration of me. And I was tired of it. Tired of being someone I wasn't."

"That never works," Todd said. "I learned that lesson the hard way. And I got the bumps on my skull to prove it."

"You know Toad maybe you weren't always perfect but at least you weren't afraid to be yourself," Jean added.

"Except during my whole crush on Wanda phase," Todd admitted. "Kind of went a bit overboard there."

"You **think?"** Jean gave him a look. Todd just shrugged. "Anyway we both went to extremes trying to please other people other than ourselves. I guess we do have that in common between us."

"That and we both hate Duncan Matthews," Todd said. "Did you hear? The dummy had the bad luck to pull a judge that was a huge FOH supporter and still liked Creed. Shortest trial ever."

"That does make me feel better," Jean made a grin. "I wonder how he'll get along with his cellmate."

"Yeah I'm thinking of registering them at Lord and Taylor," Todd laughed.

Meanwhile Scott was walking inside the mansion when he happened to look out the window and saw Jean and Todd talking. Unable to contain himself he burst outside. "What's going on out here?"

"Scott I am dumping you and I am having and affair with Toad," Jean gave him an exasperated groan. "What the hell do you **think **we are doing out here? We're talking! That's all!"

"Oh…Just talking?" Scott suddenly felt very foolish.

"Actually Summers we're fighting a war to the death using the ants to do our bidding," Todd said sarcastically. He held out his hands. "Yes! Yes! Go my pretties! Move! Conquer your enemy! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"You just **live** to mock me don't you?" Scott gave him a look.

"Yes I do," Todd grinned.

"Scott I know you mean well but just think with your **brain **for one moment?" Jean gave him a look. "If Toad and I really wanted to fight you would know about it. In fact the **entire planet** would know about it."

"We kind of made a truce," Todd said. "I won't go Tetsukaeru on her if she doesn't try to blow up the planet."

"You have to admit Scott that does sound fair," Jean told him.

"I'm sorry," Scott apologized. "It's just…"

"I know Summers you just worried about your girl," Todd interrupted him. "Believe it or not I know where you are coming from. I worry about Al every time we go on a mission. I just don't go you know, all overprotective on her. If I did…She'd kill me."

"Not a bad idea," Jean gave Scott yet another look.

"Okay, okay I get it! I get it!" Scott knew he was beat. "So what happens now?"

"Summers it's like I said, she don't blow the planet up, I don't fight her," Todd said. "I can't just turn Tetsukaeru on and off like a switch. At least not until I become a full fledged ninja and stuff and that's gonna take a lot of training. And even then I don't think I could just become him without something major going down. What happened in Egypt was just a fluke."

"So you both decided to act like adults after all?" Ororo walked outside.

"Well somebody on our two teams ought to," Jean told her.

"Tell me about it," Todd nodded. "Pietro's popping down the Midol like it's candy!"

"Midol?" Ororo gave him a look.

"Doesn't he know…?" Jean began.

"Yeah he knows," Todd nodded. "Lance kind of introduced him to the stuff. Say what you want, it really helps the guys with their headaches."

"Maybe I should try the stuff?" Scott groaned putting a hand to his head.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile on Avalon life was about to take another unexpected turn.

"Hey Yvonne," Evan walked into his quarters to find his girlfriend there. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, we need to talk," Yvonne told him. "Sit down."

"Is it bad news?" Evan didn't sit down.

"Sort of. I went to see the doctor today," Yvonne said. "About why I was getting sick in the morning. It's not the flu."

"What is it? Some kind of disease?" Evan asked.

"I'm pregnant Evan," Yvonne folded her arms.

"What?" Evan's brain temporarily shut down. "What did you say?"

"Pregnant. **Preg**-**nant.** As in I am going to have a baby and you are going to be a father. Again," Yvonne informed him.

"Oh….Maaannnnnnn…." Evan sank down onto the nearest chair. "Are you **sure?**"

"Besides the vomiting, the nausea, the missed period and the water retention?" Yvonne gave him a look. "Took a few pregnancy tests just to be on the safe side."

"How many?" Evan had a desperate look of hope in his eyes.

"Fifteen!" Yvonne snapped at him. "All **positive** Jackass!"

"Ohhh…" Evan felt dizzy.

"Yes, I know your reaction to **this** type of news," Yvonne told him. "But unlike Tommy I am **not** going to make the mistake of allowing you to go out for a breath of **fresh air** to recover!"

She grabbed him by the shoulders, using his spikes as a grip. "Now listen to me Evan Daniels, I admit I am not the most moral person in the world. I normally **reject** the stifling conformity of human society and its customs. However…I do have **one** tiny little hang up. I never thought of it until now but I just discovered that I do have something. One **last** tiny shred of human social consciousness. I am **not**, repeat…**Not** going to bring a baby into this world without a husband **and **a father **in that order!" **

"Yvonne…" Evan gulped.

"Now I **know** that it is not necessary these days to be married to have a family," Yvonne went on, a very dangerous glint in her eyes. "But I have this old fashioned streak inside me. You see I still have some happy memories of my parents before my sister ruined our lives. And I remember reading stories about happy weddings and how the happy couple finds each other and all that crap. So you see Evan, **darling**…Getting married would be very important to me. **Very important.** I will not allow my children to come into this world without a father that is running around unattached. Not a **living **one anyway. Do you get my **meaning** Evan? Am I making myself **clear?"**

"Very clear," Evan gulped, clearly afraid for his life. "You know I was just thinking earlier…kind of a funny coincidence actually. I…I was thinking that the two of us…Since we're a great couple anyway should bite the bullet and get married. What do you say?"

"I say you just made the smartest move of your life," Yvonne grinned.

"I concur," Magneto walked in. "Congratulations Spyke."

"He knew?" Evan asked her.

"Yes, I warned him if your answer was in the negative that I may have to do something **very violent** to your person," Yvonne folded her arms.

"And if she didn't **I** would have said a few words to you as well," Magneto pointed out.

"I get the picture," Evan groaned. "Well at least this time I'll be able to be in the kid's life."

"You'd better," Yvonne gave him a look. "What bothers me is that I wish my mother could be there as well instead of rotting in jail."

"Don't worry Celandine," Magneto grinned. "I have a feeling I can **arrange** for your mother to attend the ceremony."

"I think my mom would kill me if she missed my wedding," Evan groaned. "And I know my aunt would kill me **period!"**

"I think I can arrange something on that note as well," Magneto nodded. "Just leave it to me."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

In the castle of Madripoor Factor One gazed into a one of many monitors. They were all hooked up to a mutant male with a very large head wearing a white uniform. He seemed to be in a trance. The images on the monitors displayed images of mutants all over the world. Including the scene between Evan, Magneto and Yvonne.

"So there is another little twist in our game," Factor One spoke behind his mask. "Another new player will take the stage. Interesting but not what I really want to see."

He waved his hand and the screen changed to show Apocalypse. He watched his preparations. "Even Apocalypse cannot hide from my eyes. Or rather the mind of my Gamesmaster."

"He can telepathically see anything you know?" Factor One continued speaking. "Read anyone's thoughts at anytime on the planet. Monitor what is going on to anyone at any time. Sometimes for a laugh I have him check on how Tom and Katie are doing. Or another celebrity couple. I must admit that can be addictive sometimes. But he is most valuable in keeping an eye on all the players in the game. The only drawback is that his mental powers force him to be unconscious at all times. Too much of a mental overload. Fortunately I am able to ease his pain with the necessary drugs. That and they keep him under my control."

"I must admit, that was quite a good effort by Apocalypse," Factor One spoke. "But not good enough. The bonds between the X-Men and Misfits are far too strong, despite their petty bickering. Once again Apocalypse has underestimated them. But that is all right. He has set the stage for my player to act."

Factor One turned to a figure in the shadows. He was wearing all black except for a red and white Japanese demon mask with horns. "Are you ready my friend?" Factor One asked. The figure merely nodded his head.

"It's time for us to play our hand," Factor One said. "We will both strike a blow against Wolverine and the X-Men and you my friend will get the vengeance you desire. Not to mention, immortality."

"But first we're going to need a little distraction," Unicorn walked in. "And I know just the right man for the job."

"I agree Unicorn," Factor One smiled beneath his mask. "Proceed at once."

**Uh oh, this is not good! What is Factor One planning? Who is the guy in the mask and what does he have against Wolverine? What kind of distraction is Unicorn planning? What will Mystique do now that she knows about Testukaeru? How will Spyke deal with married life? Will he survive to see it once Storm and Emma Frost find out about Yvonne? Has Apocalypse succeeded in his plan to drive the X-Men and Misfits apart or has this actually brought them closer together? And why do I need to ask obvious questions all the time? Really, I mean what am I doing asking you people this? **

Althea walked out. "Darned if I know. You like to listen to yourself talk don't you?"

"That's her," Todd nodded as he walked in. "All yappity, yap, yap yap."

**I like to ask a lot of questions. Like will the Baroness ever stop ranting about Destro and do something about it? **

"And another thing..." The Baroness walked in following a haggard Mystique. "Do you have any idea how much of a neat freak Destro was? As God is my witness I will never clip his toenails and separate them for the trash again!"

"I'm going to say no on that last one," Althea remarked.

"When am I ever going to learn to stay away from multi millionaire bad boys with metal heads?" The Baroness went on talking.

"When will **I** learn to stop having realationships with self centered psychotic loons?" Mystique moaned as she walked away. "When? When? When?"

**Another question, whatever happened to Duncan Matthews? What will be his fate?**

"Oh look here's a copy of the prison social papers," Todd took something out of his back pocket. "Seems Duncan's wife divorced him and he's now getting hitched to Big Bubba Breakneck."

"He was married?" Althea blinked.

"Remember way back over the holidays we kind of ruined his wedding in Atlantic City?" Todd explained.

"Oh now I remember," Althea nodded. "Those were Happy Mutant Holidays."

"Not so happy for Duncan," Todd read the paper. "It seems that Big Bubba is a big fan of Creed. Something tells me the honeymoon is gonna be real short."

"Yeah we are not gonna see anything much more of Duncan Matthews in the future," Althea told the audience. "Except maybe his obituary..."

**Well then what about Senator Kelly?**

"What **about** Kelly?" Althea asked. "I don't think he is gonna show up in this fic either. The next fic I know he's gonna play a big part in but not in this one."

**How about Roberto and Starla? **

"I don't wanna know about 'em either," Rogue stomped out. "Again you'll see more of them in the next big fic. We got enough people causing problems in **this** one."

**What about Roulette? **

"Again, wait until the next fic," Althea remarked. "A lot of loose ends are gonna get tied up by the end of that one. I hope."

"Hey here's something I want to know," Rogue began. "What exactly happened with those garden gnomes?"

"Well..." Todd began. "You see...I was kind of bored and..."

"NO!" Remy ran out and got in Todd's face. "NEVER MENTION THE GNOMES AGAIN! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! NEVER!"

"But..." Todd began. He never got a chance to finish.

"Never! Never!" Remy shouted. "Never, ever ever talk about that again! That topic is forbidden! Meaning you can not talk about it! Never talk about it!"

"But..." Todd tried again without much success.

"NO! No means no!" Remy snapped.

"But..." A third time Todd tried.

"NO!" Remy snapped. "No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no **and** NO!"

"So you're saying you don't want me to talk about it?" Todd scratched his head.

"Yes! For all our sanity's sake!" Remy groaned. He stormed off the screen.

"Boy you really messed him up," Rogue blinked. "Nice work."

"I wasn't even trying," Todd told her.

"That is what is so scary about it," Rogue shuddered. "Any other questions?"

"Probably but I can't think of any right now," Althea told her. "Until next time folks keep reading!"


	91. Night of the Ninja

**Night of the Ninja**

_"Okay let me get this straight," _Kitty said from inside her chamber. _"The Joes and Cobras have some kind of magic water inside them that gives them decades of extra youth. Mystique slept with the Baroness. General Hawk once slept with the Baroness. Nemesis Enforcer is Apocalypse's new horseman and has even more strength and creepy powers. Apocalypse has a son and they all trashed Nova Roma along with the Juggernaut, Mesmero, Black Tom and Cortez who was alive and a slave of Apocalypse. Until Wanda killed him. Selene is working with Apocalypse. And Toad has some weird stone inside him that gives him some kind of magic powers and lets him morph into a creature called Tetsukaeru who's power rivals Jean's and whose sole purpose is to destroy Jean if the Phoenix gets out of control?" _

"That's pretty much it in a nutshell," Danielle told her friend through her telepathic powers. "Oh yeah and Mesmero used to be Amara's Mom's finance."

_"Mesmero, Apocalypse's mind warping tattooed freaky henchman was Amara's mom's __**fiancé?**_ _I can't believe all the things I'm __**missing!" **_Kitty was shocked. _"So what happened after Toad and Jean talked?" _

"Well then we all had a little meeting between our two groups," Danielle went on. "Since we all realized Toad couldn't access his powers unless there were extreme circumstances…We all decided just to go with the status quo around here."

"Whatever **that **is," Tabitha quipped as she sauntered in with Jean. "You tell Kitty about everything that's gone on yet?"

"Just about," Danielle nodded. "I can't blame her for being confused. Heck **I'm** still confused about the whole thing!"

"It does seem like one whole big mess doesn't it?" Jean sighed. "Just when I think I've finally gotten a handle on this whole Phoenix Force **something else** comes along to completely shake my faith in it and myself."

"Yeah and for that thing being Toad having powers like that," Tabitha shook her head. "I remember rooming with him at the Brotherhood Boarding house. He could barely handle something as simple as the remote control to the TV. I mean if someone like him could get an ultimate power up then no one is safe."

"Having an ultimate power is not as easy as you would think it would be," Jean sighed. "Trust me on this. It's confusing enough without wondering who else has powers like yours. No matter what dimension you are in."

_"Dimension?"_ Kitty asked.

"You don't want to know," Jean waved her hand. "Something I saw when I was dead. Let's just say Toad becoming an all powerful being is the **least** scary out of all the possible realms of possibilities!"

"Toad…Is the **least** scary?" Danielle asked.

"Like I said before, you **don't** want to know," Jean groaned.

_"I just can't believe how well you are taking it Jean,"_ Kitty remarked. _"Are you sure that you're not like, jealous or anything?" _

"Honestly? No," Jean shook her head. "You might think that you would like to be the only person in the world with phenomenal powers that could literally change the earth but it gets a bit lonely."

"Like we all felt before we realized we were mutants and there were others like us," Danielle realized.

"Exactly," Jean nodded. "At the very least Toad knows what I'm going through to some extent. That and the fact that he can also blow up planets too if he really wanted. Takes a lot of pressure off me for some reason."

"Oh that makes me feel **so** much better," Tabitha rolled her eyes. "It's just one thing after another isn't it? I mean I just barely started to get a hold of the idea that my boyfriend died and is now immortal!"

"Makes you wonder who else is next," Danielle nodded. "Multiple's got a pool going to see who the next person is to get some kind of great power. So far Althea's ahead for the Misfit section and for the X-Men it's a tie between Cyclops and Havok."

_"There's a betting pool and I don't know about it? Not to mention a lot of gossip! Aggh! I can't __**wait**__ until I get __**out**__ of this thing,"_ Kitty groaned. _"How much longer do I have to stay in here?" _

"Well according to the data from Reed Richards this device whatever it's called will fix your molecules within another week," Tabitha pointed to a device attached to the chamber. Every few minutes a small green beam lit up the chamber.

_"A week?"_ Kitty was shocked. _"I'm stuck in here another **week?"** _

"It won't be much longer," Jean said. "At least you'll be back to normal soon."

"Whatever that is," Tabitha said. "Oh uh Kitty there's a reason we kind of came in here. You got a visitor."

_"A visitor?"_ Kitty asked. Her eyes widened when her mother entered the room. "_Mom! What are you doing here?"_

"You're asking me **that?**" Mrs. Pryde pointed at her daughter's containment chamber. "Kitty I can't believe you tried to keep this from me!"

_"I didn't want to worry you,"_ Kitty told her mother.

"Worry me? You can't even **talk **and you don't think I shouldn't be worried?" Mrs. Pryde shouted. "I am your mother! Worrying about you is my job! It's part of the job description! It's also my right!"

_"So how did you find out? Did the Professor call you and…?"_ Kitty began.

"No, it's about your father getting arrested," Mrs. Pryde groaned. "I thought I'd tell you the whole thing myself so you wouldn't get surprised when you saw it on television. Turns out **I **got the surprise!"

_"WHAT?"_ Kitty yelled.

"Uh this is private so I think Tabitha and I should be going," Danielle took Tabitha's arm. Knowing she wouldn't take the hint.

"Why? We're getting to the good part?" Tabitha asked.

"You might as well stay it's all over the news anyway!" Mrs. Pryde threw up her hands.

_"Wait what's this about Dad getting __**arrested?"**_Kitty yelled. _"When did this happen?" _

"Two days ago," Mrs. Pryde sighed.

"For what?" Jean asked.

"Embezzlement from his old company," Mrs. Pryde sighed. "But it's not true! Your father may be a lot of things Kitty, but a thief isn't **one** of them!"

_"Embezzlement?"_ Kitty asked. _"What do you mean old company? Dad still isn't employed?"_

"Oh that's right you don't know about that," Mrs. Pryde sighed. "While you were off in outer space your father got fired by his firm. The official reason was accounting discrepancies but the truth is…"

"The truth is that Jefferson Crawford, that so called president of the firm is a homophobic, mutant hating racist bastard!" Donald stormed in. "Who constantly brags about his close friendship with the Reverend Stryker."

"Stryker?" Tabitha yelled. "That lamebrain?"

"The one and the same," Mrs. Pryde sighed. "Somehow he was able to concoct false charges of embezzlement against your father and got him thrown in jail."

"Wouldn't surprise me if Crawford stole the money himself and moved some accounts to pin the blame on my darling," Donald sniffed. "All on the urging of his friend Stryker."

"But there's no proof…" Jean began.

"Proof? Proof! I have a friend of a friend who's in the same prison for insurance fraud and he practically witnessed the whole thing," Donald snapped. "Okay technically it was arson but he was trying to burn down his own building for the insurance money but something went wrong and…"

"Wait, back up," Danielle butted in. "A witness?"

"He was being visited by another friend of his and they were at a table next to Stryker," Donald said. "He said that he heard Stryker tell Crawford that maybe it was a good idea to punish those who trespassed against the lord with their sinful ways. And then Crawford agreed and said that Pryde was going to be punished by his hand one way or another!"

_"I don't believe it!"_ Kitty shook with rage.

"Believe it!" Donald paced back and forth. "It was bad enough they got Jesse D kicked off the air but this…"

"Wait? What? When did **this** happen?" Jean asked.

"Again while you were away," Tabitha sighed. "There was a real big anti-mutant movement going on in the media for a while. Even more than usual. Right around the time Legion killed all those FOH people. I heard this big conglomerate bought the station Jesse D worked at and the first thing they did was fire him."

"Yes and Crawford owns stock in it!" Donald said. "You want to tell me **that's **not a coincidence?"

_"How could you not tell me about all this?"_ Kitty screamed with her mind.

"How could I not tell **you?**" Mrs. Pryde shouted. "What about **this?** How could you not tell me?"

_"It's not like I could just pick up a phone or anything,"_ Kitty told her.

"But you could have your friends do it!" Mrs. Pryde snapped.

_"That's not important right now!"_ Kitty snapped. _"What's important is getting Dad out of jail!" _

"Kitty we'll think of something, I promise," Jean told her.

_"And in the meantime I'm just stuck in this thing!"_ Kitty fumed. She nearly phased her hand through the chamber in rage.

"Kitty be careful!" Jean warned. "If you fall through the chamber you may never be able to get back inside!"

"Way to calm her down Jean," Tabitha rolled her eyes. "Kitty chill! These jerks may hit below the belt but we can hit back!"

"Yes! Hitting! Hitting is good!" Donald said. "Maybe a strike bomb of some kind or an ambush?"

"I prefer a nice heavy bat myself," Mrs. Pryde grumbled.

"No!" Jean told them. "We're not going to do anything violent!"

"Nothing at least they can prove in a court of law," Danielle smirked.

_"That's a good plan,"_ Kitty said. _"I'm in!"_

"Kitty," Jean warned.

_"I'm sorry Jean but every time I think I've finally gotten that bastard Stryker out of my life he slithers back in like the snake he is and wrecks it!" _Kitty told her. _"It's like he's got some kind of vendetta against me!" _

"He **does** have some kind of vendetta against you," Danielle reminded her.

_"The feeling is mutual!"_ Kitty snarled. _"I swear the first thing I am going to do when I get out of here…__**If**__ I get out of here is to make that man pay for what he's done to me and my family! And don't give me any crap about tolerance Jean! He's hurt me and my family once too often for me to just turn the other cheek! Right now the idea for revenge is the only thing keeping me sane!" _

"Oh well **that's** a healthy attitude to have…"Jean groaned. Just then an alarm sounded.

"What's **that?"** Mrs. Pryde asked.

"The alarm. Something's going down," Jean said. "Danielle you stay with Kitty and her family. We'll take care of this. Come on Tabitha." Both girls ran out into the hallway.

"Now what the hell is going on around here?" Tabitha groaned.

"It's Legion," Rogue told her as she ran by them to get ready to fight. "He's attacking downtown Bayville!"

"Oh is **that **all?" Tabitha rolled her eyes. "Here we go again! Another day, another bad guy to beat up!"

"Fine by me," Rogue growled. "After all the crap he's pulled I can't **wait **to take a shot at Legion!"

"Take a number," Jean told her. "Besides if I know Legion you won't have to wait long."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

"Man this looks like a war zone," Bobby whistled as the X-Men arrived in downtown Bayville.

Cars and buildings were on fire. Smoke was thick in the air. There were giant holes in the streets and the walls. Pieces of pavement and sidewalk were torn to pieces. Some houses were litterally gutted and their contents strewn into the street like trash. Broken glass and trash literally covered what was left of the streets. Trees and telephone poles were broken like twigs and electricity fizzed from snapped wires and cables strewn all over the ground. A nearby fire hydrant was broken and a huge flood of water poured out all over the ruin that was once a thriving busy street.

The destroyed streets were nearly deserted of life, except for the occasional passerby running for his or her life. They were so frightened they didn't even stop to notice the team of mutants assembling in the streets, much less throw rocks at them. Those that did not run were already dead. There were about five or six torn or burned bodies scattered on the street.

"Yeah just like it did the **last **time Legion attacked," Alex grumbled. The team assigned to subdue him were Scott, Alex, Bobby, Jean, Kurt, Rogue, Remy, Tabitha, Logan, Rina, Amara, Jubilee, Betsy, Monet, Xavier and Ororo. The rest were delegated to watching over the mansion.

"It's like reliving that same nightmare all over again," Amara flinched as she saw a dead body lying under an overturned vehicle.

"But this time we got Firebird here and Professor X," Tabitha pointed out. "Their brains alone oughta send that creep into overdrive!"

"Hey what do you think **I** am? Chopped broccoli?" Monet huffed.

"You really don't want to know the answer to that," Tabitha gave her a look.

"We'd better find him fast Charles," Logan sniffed the air. "From what I can smell the body count is already rising. If we don't stop him now, there will be even more people dead than the last time he attacked. And you know what will happen once folks get over the shock of that."

"They'll take it out on us. **Again,**" Betsy grumbled. "It's not bloody fair! The bastard causes all this damage and leaves us to take the blame!"

"Then I suggest we find him post hast and put an end to his rampage," Xavier narrowed his eyes.

"I can't believe it was this bad before…" Rogue was shocked as they went to hunt down Legion.

"Believe it, Stripes," Logan said in a dark voice. "But this is the **last** time it's gonna get like this in Bayville. Not while I'm alive!"

They found Legion in his Lucas persona. Happily using his telekinesis to fly and causing whatever destruction he could wish for. He overturned trash cans and dumped garbage on the street and on fleeing people. He threw stray objects into windows, breaking as many as possible. He opened up fire hydrants causing water to spray everywhere. He overturned cars and yanked out newspaper boxes, throwing them with reckless abandon. He broke open store windows and tossed out several items into the streets. Books, jewelry, clothes, televisions, all attracted looters many of which found themselves attacked by the very things they wanted to steal.

Lucas also uses an occasional fireball he conjured up to set a building or a vehicle on fire. "Nothing like a little night on the town to spice up a dull day!" He laughed. Then he sensed other presences. "Humph! I was wondering when you lot would show up!"

He turned around and saw himself face to face with the X-Men. "Looks like the gang's all here! And so is my old man! Hey-o Father dear! What brings you out on a night like this? Taking your kiddie squad out for an evening stroll?"

"What are you doing here Lucas?" Jean shouted.

"You're **not** my father, Red," Lucas snapped. "I wasn't talking to you! I want to talk to my old man. Is that so much to ask? Of course considering I practically had to burn down this pathetic dump **twice** to get him to notice me…"

"Stop this Legion!" Xavier shouted. "This wanton destruction won't solve anything!"

"Actually it does," Lucas sneered. "For starters it helps me vent out my frustration at you. Quite cleansing actually. Not to mention it effectively ruins what's left of your precious reputation. The great Charles Xavier, a mutant dedicated for helping little mutant strays achieve peace with humans. What a **joke**. Maybe if you paid more attention to your **own family** than a bunch of mutant misfits that aren't even blood relations, you wouldn't **have **this problem!"

"Perhaps you are right," Xavier frowned. "I have neglected you in the past. But that is a mistake I will now **correct!** X-Men! Take him down!"

"Ooh! Here come the big bad X-Men! I am **so** scared," Lucas mocked as Scott blasted at him with his optic blasts. He created a telekinetic shield to keep it and the other attacks at bay. "NOT!"

"I'm gonna pound this creep," Rogue flew after Legion.

"You gotta touch me **first** Skunk Hair," Legion flew out of her range and kept her at bay with a telekinetic shield. "And I'm not stupid enough to just stand here like a dork and **let** you!"

"I summon the coldest Arctic winds!" Ororo shouted as snow and cold air started to swirl around her. "To match your frozen heart!" She blasted them at him.

"So cold!" Lucas made an exaggerated shiver behind his telekinetic shield. "So cold! Guess I got to **warm **things up!"

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Several trees and two buildings spontaneously caught fire. Many of them were behind the X-Men. People inside screamed for help. "What the…?" Amara gasped. "Oh Gods no!"

"He set those fires at that distance with his mind?" Kurt gasped.

"Didn't know I could do **that** did ya?" Lucas grinned. "Looks like you might want to do something before all those humans get roasted and toasted!"

"He's right," Xavier frowned. "Nightcrawler, Rogue, Phoenix, Iceman, Storm, Wolverine and X23! Rescue the people and put those fires out. The rest of us will take care of Legion!"

"Figures this guy would fight dirty," Logan growled before he and the others went to rescue the people. Ororo created a miniature rainstorm to put fires out while Bobby used his powers to ice up the fires and get people out of windows.

"Oh don't feel so sad," Lucas grinned. "There's plenty of me to go around!"

"Why are you picking on Xavier, you low down snake in the grass?" Remy shouted as he charged up his cards and sent them towards Lucas. "You're momma's the one who lied to you all these years!"

"Don't worry mate, she'll get **hers** all right," Lucas scoffed as he protected himself with his telekinesis. "It's just I have bigger father issues than mother ones! She may have been a liar, but at least she was **there **for David!"

"Xavier can't you just give him a good hit with your telepathy and…?" Scott began.

"I'm **trying** Cyclops," Xavier grunted. "But his shields are much stronger than I anticipated."

"Of course having three our four minds in one body isn't exactly an easy thing for any telepath to confront," Betsy agreed as she tried a mental assault of her own.

"I've got enough juice to keep back **ten telepaths** my dear X-Lady," Legion laughed as he threw some cars at them telekinetically. Scott and Alex used their powers to blow the machines out of harm's way of their team mates.

"Why don't you come down here and fight fair!" Alex shouted as he tried to blast Lucas with his blasts. Lucas merely kept flying out of the way.

"Who said I want to **fight** all of you?" Lucas cackled as he casually tossed a fireball aside and let it hit the nearest building. "I just want to create as much **damage** as I possibly can!"

"You are one sick little puppy, Legion," Tabitha snarled. "And it's past time someone **neutered** you!"

"I couldn't have said it better **myself!"** Lorna shouted as she grabbed some metal from some poles and chucked them at Lucas. Lucas however dodged them and used his powers to deflect them back at Lorna. She barely stopped them an inch from her body.

"This is the best you can do? Ha! This game is getting downright boring! I've got a new one! Come and catch me X-Men! If you **can!**" Lucas cackled as he flew away shooting out bolts of electricity as he flew. The bolts hit several buildings and broke dozens of windows as he flew around. Some small houses that were made of wood and trees caught on fire as he passed by.

"This is getting expensive," Alex grumbled. "The mayor is not gonna be happy about this."

"No mayor of Bayville has been happy about **anything** since I can remember," Rogue grumbled. And she knew tonight would not be an exception.

And she was right for at City Hall at that very moment…

"Trask! Trask where **are** you?" Hodge screamed into the phone. "I need those Sentinels **now!** The city is under attack by a deranged mutant and those insane X-Men are out there tearing up the town to get at him! I need those Sentinels of yours!"

A moment passed. An enraged look flashed on his face. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE NOT READY? HOW COULD THEY NOT BE READY?"

Hodge snapped after a moment. "Trask, I allowed you to build your Sentinels in my lab, on **my property** for the very reason to **protect** this city from mutant menaces! And now when we actually **need **them you say that you **can't **do it? What the hell have you been doing all this time? Choosing what **color** to paint them? Is that what you've been doing? Changing them from red to **purple** or something like that?"

"Have **you** forgotten the fiasco with the wolves?" Trask snapped on the other end of the line. "All my working prototypes were destroyed!"

"Then send some of your older models!" Hodge shouted.

"I can't! They've either too far away in other labs or they've been disassembled for study in preparation for the newer models!" Trask shouted.

BOOOOOM! BLAST! BLAM!

"WELL SEND **SOMETHING **OUT HERE!" Hodge screamed. "THAT LEGION FREAK JUST BLEW UP ANOTHER POLICE CAR! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THOSE THINGS **COST?** WE'RE GETTING KILLED OUT HERE!"

"Even if I **did** have something I can't risk sending anything out at this time," Trask shouted. "SHIELD probably has a fix on this entire area right now with it's sensors from their floating headquarters! If I let anything leave the safety of this complex they'd track me down and the entire operation would be compromised!"

"Let me see if I understand the situation here," Hodge was developing a splitting headache. "I gave you my lab because you needed it to be ready to protect us humans from the mutant menace and now when we need you to protect us from that very menace you can't help us because you're afraid to get in SHIELD'S line of fire? So basically you're screwing me and the entire city just so you'd be safe? Is **that **what you're saying to me? Is **that** the bottom line?"

"How can I send you Sentinels that I **don't **even have?" Trask shouted.

"How can you **not **have Sentinels?" Hodge shouted. "That is what you do! That's your thing! You build Sentinels! It's what you are famous for! When people want mutant killing robots they don't go down to Wal Mart they go to **you!** You just have **one** job, one purpose in life and you are telling me that you **haven't** done it? That's like saying that a cop hasn't arrested anyone or eaten any donuts in the same amount of time I gave you! What is the **matter** with you? What? You have **inventor's block** or something?"

"I need more time!" Trask shouted.

"Time? Oh is **that** all? Well maybe I can go out and postpone the attack?" Hodge asked sarcastically. "Would you like me to do that Trask? Would you like me to ask the mutants to come back another time? You want me to go out and tell them that they can't blow up the city today because you're **not prepared?** Would you like an extension of some kind? A deadline? How does next March sound for you? Is that a good date?"

"Well what about Pierce?" Trask shouted. "Why don't you call him?"

"That **slacker?** I've been trying to get in contact with him for months!" Hodge snapped. "Ever since that last attack on the Institute! He's completely disappeared on me! Moved on! Taken off! He could be in the Bahamas getting a tan for all I know!"

"What about the FOH?" Trask asked.

"Those **morons?"** Hodge shouted. "They were out there for **two seconds** and at the first flaming fireball they ran away like school girls at recess! No wait, school girls don't run as **fast **as they did! Maybe that's what I should do? Hire some school girls to fight the mutant menace. Would you like me to do that Trask? Hire some school girls? Because they can't do a **worse** job than you are doing right now!"

"Have you mobilized the police?" Trask asked.

"Oooh! The police! Now **that's** an idea! I **never **would have thought of that! OF COURSE I CALLED FOR THE POLICE! The cops are trying but you know they're no help! Of course if you'd given me more of that anti-mutant technology you've been **hoarding** for your precious Sentinels, maybe we'd stand a chance!" Hodge snapped.

"Have you called the National Guard?" Trask asked. "The Army?"

"Yeah **that's** an idea! Send the Army so they can **recruit** the mutant that's trying to kill us!" Hodge snapped. "What do you think? Those army mutants are always causing trouble in Bayville! That's all we need! Get more of them out here to make an even bigger mess!"

BOOOOM!

"MY CAR!" Hodge screamed as he looked out the window. "THOSE BASTARDS BLEW UP MY CAR! TRASK! YOU BETTER GET **SOMETHING **OUT HERE OR ELSE YOU'RE GOING TO NEED THOSE PRECIOUS OVERGROWN GOBOTS TO PROTECT YOU FROM **ME!"**

"I suppose I could send some men," Trask took out a handkerchief and dabbed his forehead. "We do have a few new weapons we need to field test."

"You **do** that!" Hodge snapped. "Listen to me Dr. Frankenstein, I have more than held up my end of the bargain. So unless you want to find yourself and your toys out on the **street** you'd better start pulling your weight around here! Do I make myself clear? Now move it!" He slammed the phone down hard.

BOOOM! KA BOOM!

"And there goes yet **another** police car and a fire hydrant!" Hodge shouted to no one in particular as he looked out the window. He pulled out a flask from a drawer. "There goes the **budget!** No wonder every mayor this town has ever had became an **alcoholic!" **

Meanwhile Lucas had taken to flying out of sight of the X-Men in a demented game of hide and seek. Of course with all the destruction he tended to create it wasn't that hard to track him down. The hard part was saving the people he put in danger and then trying to get to him before he escaped and put even more people in danger.

For twenty minutes they had been trying to stop him but it wasn't working. "Dang it! That slime ball!" Rogue snapped as she pulled one woman from a blazing building. "Every time we get close to him he puts **someone else** in danger and forces us to rescue them and he takes off!"

"That's what he wants," Bobby grumbled as he put out a fire with his ice powers. "He just wants to trash our reputations as much as possible, And worse, he's **succeeding!"**

Monet managed to get close enough chasing him as the others went to rescue people. However in her recklessness she didn't realize that she was now separated from the others. "You're mine Legion!" She roared.

"Now where have I heard **that **before?" Legion sighed as he saw two men in FOH jackets nearby. One tried to shoot him. Legion responded by knocking the gun out of his hand and setting some nearby trash on fire. Then he enclosed the fire around the men, trapping them. He snorted and flew away.

"If you think I'm gonna stop chasing you just because you put a few flatscans in danger then you don't know me at all!" Monet ignored the people in peril and chased after him. "Especially some FOH scum that deserve it!"

"But I know all about **you**, dearie," Lucas grinned as he telepathically assaulted her. "My, my such a big mess in your pretty little head!" He then used his powers to increase the flames on the FOH men. The men screamed for a moment before Lucas decided to get it over with and electrocuted them instantly.

"A man who sometimes turns into a woman thinks **my** head is a mess?" Monet snapped at him. "Like I'm going to take advice from a **transsexual** with very little fashion sense!"

"Oooh! How you **wound **me! Keep up the insults, sweetheart," Lucas told her. "We both know that they mask that inferiority complex you have."

"I am a prime example of Homo Superior you disgusting…" Monet snarled. Then she jerked in pain as Lucas none too gently went through her mind. "AAHHH!"

"Oh you go on and on about how obvious mutants aren't as good as you are," Legion sneered. "But you're the one who's **second best** and you **know** it!"

"Shut up!" Monet snapped at him, her head pounding. "Just shut up you freak!"

"You couldn't cut it as leader of the Hellions. You could barely pull yourself together as just a lackey for the Hellfire Club," Lucas taunted her. "When your teammates were getting slaughtered all you could do was cringe and try to save yourself. You only survived this long by getting help from others. You really think you have what it takes to be an X-Man? No, wait. Let me rephrase that. You don't even have the **guts **to make it as a New Mutant!"

"Stop it…Stop it…" Monet shook violently and nearly fell to the ground as Lucas forced her to relive the massacres. She barley landed safely when he gave her another psychic blast. She screamed in agony. "STOP IT!"

"For a mutant with telepathic abilities and super strength you're pretty pathetic. Remember how you could do **nothing** as you watched your school chums die all around you?" Lucas sneered as he landed next to her. "Nothing except throw up all over the pavement."

"Stop…please! Please stop!" Monet held her head sobbing as she curled into a fetal position on the ground.

"Stop! Please! Please stop!" Lucas mocked as he viciously kicked her in the side. "God even that freak Catseye has more guts than you! Maybe I should just put you out of your misery and kill you now?"

"MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST DROP DEAD!" Jean roared. The Phoenix raptor was around her and before Lucas knew it he was tossed violently away from her. The other X-Men were right behind.

"You know Love, a bloke could get to thinking you might not be interested in him," Lucas coughed as he got to his feet.

"You sick monster!" Jean roared in rage. "You raped her mind like it was a game! Well it's **not **a game! Let's see how **you **like it?"

Jean sent a savage telepathic blast at Lucas. He screamed in agony. "And that was just a **glancing** blast!" She shouted. "The only reason I'm **not **going into your memories and sewer pit of a mind is because I **don't** want to know how what kind of depraved thoughts are in there!"

"You're good…" Lucas gritted his teeth in agony.

"**You have no idea **_**how**_** good,"** Jean snarled, the Phoenix Raptor blazed even more. **"Give me one reason why I shouldn't squash you like the insect you are!" **

"Here's one," Rogue flew next to her. "The Professor's **kid** is inside that mess somewhere."

"Jean as much as we all want to see Legion get his we need to remember that there's an innocent victim in there," Scott told her.

Jean growled as if she didn't want to hear it. "Uh oh…" Kurt gulped. "I've seen **that** look before."

"Jean don't!" Xavier called out. "Don't do it!"

It seemed for a second that Jean would blast Lucas. Then she powered down. The Phoenix Raptor vanished, but Jean remained floating above them with a fiery glow around her. "You should be grateful to your father you piece of slime." She hissed. "That's the **only **reason you…"

ZZZAAPPP!

A bolt of taser fire hit Jean squarely in the back. "AAHHHH!" Jean fell to the ground. Everyone looked behind them and saw several soldiers in unidentifiable gray uniforms, gray hats and sunglasses over their eyes take aim at them.

"Now **what's** going on?" Logan growled as he saw the strange soldiers attacking them. "Oh great! Just what we need!"

"Blast the mutants!" One of the soldiers shouted. The other soldiers prepared to continue firing.

Jean wasn't knocked out. Thanks to her retaining some of the Phoenix Force around her body the taser blast merely stunned her. But only for a moment. "YOU DARE?" She roared. She telekinetically yanked several weapons out of the soldier's hands. Rina and Logan cut other weapons and knocked them down.

"Who are these guys and how'd they sneak up behind us?" Rogue asked as she grabbed one weapon and crumpled it in her hand. She then knocked out the soldier.

"They've got some kind of scent erasing lotion on them," Rina wrinkled her nose.

"And telepathic blockers," Jean nodded. She knocked the remaining soldiers down. It didn't take long for the intruders to get knocked out by the X-Men. "Not that they will do them any good."

That was all Lucas needed to recover and take to the air. "Hmph. Maybe humans are good for something after all! They're good for a distraction!"

"Enough of this Legion!" Xavier shouted. "You've done enough damage for one night!"

"A word of advice, Dad," Lucas said. "You might be a bit more picky when recruiting mutants to do your dirty work for you. Monet here didn't even **try **to rescue those two humans I turned into crispy critters back there."

"I'd be more worried about **your** hide right now," Jean snarled, her Phoenix Raptor returning. Her eyes blazed with pure rage.

"Oh don't worry about me, Love," Lucas panted. "At the very least this little fiasco must have gained us some points for the Game!"

"Points? What are you talking about?" Jean snapped.

"Game? You mean all the damage you've done is for some kind of sick twisted game?" Scott shouted.

"Oooh did I let that **slip?"** Lucas grinned. "I hope Unicorn isn't too mad about that. Then again Unicorn does seem to have my sense of humor."

"Don't tell me that's **another** one of your personalities?" Jean groaned.

"Nope, Unicorn's a real person all right," Lucas told her. "She's a member of Factor Three. Maybe you've heard of…?"

Just then Lucas froze up and changed into Blackjack. "Shut your mouth you fool!" He snapped. "Do you want to give **everything** away?"

"**You** shut up!" Lucas changed back. "I know what I'm doing!"

"Since **when?**" Cyndi shifted into sight.

_X-Men! Now! While he's distracted!_ Xavier telepathically sent a message. Scott got it and sent out an optic blast. Amara, Tabitha, Alex, Bobby and Storm also used their offensive powers to attack while Lorna tried to pin Lucas from behind with some stray metal lying around.

"Watch it you clods!" Lucas snapped as his other personalities. He barely sent up a full telekinetic barrier in time to protect him. "You nearly got us killed!"

"Don't blame **us** for your mistakes," Cyndi snapped as she focused into view. "I think we've bought him enough time! Let's get out of here!"

"Bought **who** enough time?" Jean snapped.

"Oh I forgot to mention, there was **another **purpose for me coming here," Lucas grinned as he returned. "It got most of you out of that fancy mansion of yours."

"What?" Xavier was shocked.

"That's right Daddy-X!" Lucas laughed as he took to the air. "This whole thing was a **diversion!** While a friend of a friend of mine does some **real** damage! Toodle loo! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

Lucas flew away before anyone could catch him. "Let me after him Professor!" Rogue said. "I got a score to settle with that maniac for messing with my head!"

"Take a number," Jean told her. "I'm going too!"

"No, Rogue! Jean! Let him go…" Xavier looked around at the ruined streets and buildings. "We're not at full strength and if we pursue he'll take it out on even more innocent people."

"Besides if you get separated from us you might end up like M here," Tabitha pointed to Monet on the ground.

"Monet?" Jubilee asked as she went up to her. "Are you okay?"

"OF COURSE I'M **NOT** OKAY YOU STUPID…" Monet sobbed violently holding onto her head. "JUST SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"

"We have to get back now Charles," Logan said. "Not just cause of M here. Something's going down back home."

"You're right," Xavier nodded as Jean helped up Monet. "Time is of the essence. X-Men we must return to the Institute."

"What about these guys?" Kurt pointed to the unconscious soldiers. "Who are they?"

"Probably just a bunch of mutant hating goons deciding to form their own militia," Bobby used his powers to freeze them in place. "This should keep them on ice until the cops come"

"He's right," Scott said. "There's no time to waste waiting for the police. Come on!"

The X-Men went off to try and save their home. They didn't realize that someone else had been watching them from the shadows. A familiar female figure waited behind investigating the scene.

"He's not here…" Shima whispered. "But if that's the case then this was a distraction. Whatever he wants is back at the Mansion. But what? What is it that's he's **really** after?"

She lifted her head. "Or maybe I should ask **who** is he really after?"

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One of the worst things about being stuck in stasis was the hours when no one was there in the lab. There were some lights on but there was nothing keeping Kitty company except for the low hum of equipment. She hated feeling totally isolated, not knowing what was going on. But in her condition all she could do was float in her chamber and wait for someone to come along and talk to her.

_I hate being left alone like this_, Kitty thought. _It's way too creepy. Not even a television to watch to take my mind off of things. What I wouldn't give to watch TV right now. Heck I'd even settle for an hour of nothing but commercials. _

_I want to watch commercials. Now I know I've truly hit rock bottom. _

_And knowing is a great reason to start drinking. No wonder a lot of people in this business become alcoholics. _

_I guess I finally understand why Wolverine and X23 sometimes freak out at night. If I was stuck in a lab with things done to me I'd have trouble sleeping too. Oh wait I __**am**__ stuck in a lab and things are being done to me. I may not have Storm's claustrophobia but I still feel trapped in here to the point where I want to scream. Not that I could if I wanted to. _

_After this is all over I have a feeling that I'm going to be having nightmares about this for __**years.**_

_I hope I can get out of here. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Maybe I should leave the team when and if I get out? It was fun at times being an X-Man. But there was a lot of pain and things that were hard too. Like being taunted, shot at, hunted down…rejected by nearly everyone. _

_Not to mention all the crap I went through with Bayville High and Lance…Right now I can't really tell which situation was worse._

_Wait, Lance was nice to me most of the time. When he wasn't being a jerk._

_Of course I treated him pretty badly a lot of times too. Looking back now I can't blame him for breaking up with me and losing his temper. I treated him like a hood so he acted like a hood. _

_Peter…I love the guy but I don't know. I just can't stand to be overprotected. I never felt so independent before I joined the X-Men. One thing about learning to fight big bad evil mutants and giant robots, once you learn how to take them out nearly everything else seems so simple even when it isn't. I like being able to take care of myself. I just wish Peter would understand that I'm just as strong as he is in my own way. _

_On the other hand I've been playing with him so long…He probably tries to hold onto me because he's afraid of losing me. That's why he's so insecure about our relationship and so overprotective._

_And Lance was so lonely and desperate for affection that's why he acted the way he did. _

_Okay he went a little overboard and totally nuts but still…I can see where he's coming from. _

_Boy, I really wrecked those two up big time. Maybe they're better off without me. _

_It's funny about near death experiences. Things just start to become really clear. _

_It's so weird. I've helped save the world a lot of times. I've helped save the universe at least twice. I've been flying around in outer space. I've seen other planets, weird dimensions, other universes. I've been in exotic locations all over the world. Egypt, South America, Africa, Europe, Hawaii, Antarctica…Asteroid M. _

_And what do I have to show for it? A dragon, two screwed up relationships, my family life's a mess, the memories of dead friends and a few mortal enemies that want to see me dead._

_And I'm not even twenty one yet! _

_I've worked hard in school, gotten top honors in class. I've saved so many lives. But am I thanked for it? No, I'm still hated. It's like no matter what I do or how hard I've tried to make a difference it feels like nothing matters. _

_My life and the lives of my family and friends are constantly put in danger. All because of me and my work with the X-Men. I can't deny that I love the thrill and the feeling that I'm doing some good with my life. But should it be at the expense of my family's safety? _

_I wonder if it's possible to retire before the age of twenty five? Sometimes it feels like I'm a hundred years old after some of the battles I've been in. _

Suddenly all the lights went out in the lab. Only the glow from the machines around her illuminated the room. _"What's going on?" _

Suddenly the machine that was supposed to help her control her phased state began to spark. It was clearly breaking down. She couldn't understand why. _"What's going on? Somebody? Anybody? Professor? Jean?" _

"They're gone Kitty," She saw the Professor enter the room. "I've sent them out on an errand. We need to talk."

_"About what?" _

"About you staying here," Xavier suddenly looked very menacing. "Forever."

_"Professor? If this is a joke, it's not funny…"_ Kitty felt very nervous.

"Jean tells me you're thinking of leaving. I can't allow that," Xavier told her. "I've discovered that while I can read your mind in your condition I cannot change it. That makes things much more difficult."

_"What do you mean?"_ Kitty asked. _"Professor you're starting to scare me."_

"I can't allow you to leave Kitty," Xavier said. "You are too valuable a member of the team to lose. I have to make you stay here. No matter what the cost."

Suddenly he made a swift motion. To Kitty's horror the device attached to the machine was destroyed. _"NO!"_ Kitty screamed silently. _"Without that I'm stuck in this chamber forever!"_

"Better that than allow you fall into the wrong hands," Xavier told her as he wheeled away. "Keeping you here is for your own good Kitty. For the good of the team."

_"YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!" _Kitty screamed.

"I already have," Xavier disappeared.

_"No, no this is just a bad dream! It's not real! The Professor wouldn't do that! He_ _would never do this to me!"_ Kitty shook her head, trying to wake up from her nightmare.

**But he has. He's done things to you Kitty…**

_"Who…Who's there?"_ Kitty looked around. She couldn't see the voice. _"Please! Can you help me?" _

**I can help you see the truth. Your friends have lied to you Kitty. They've been using you.**

_"No, they wouldn't do that…"_ Kitty was shaking. _"They couldn't…." _

**I want you to see something Kitty…It's a memory….**

Suddenly she felt dizzy. Then she saw herself in a familiar office. It was the very same office at her old high school. The one Lance had tricked her into breaking into for the test answers. She saw herself enter the room and open the door for Lance. "I did it! I did it Lance!"

"You did it Kitty! You made your powers yours!" Lance hugged her. "Once you own it, nothing can own you!"

"I never felt like this!" Kitty said happily. "Thank you Lance."

"Hey it's nothing," Lance grinned. "Come on, we'd better get out of here before someone sees us."

"You're not going anywhere," Jean blocked his way with Xavier.

"I told you to leave me alone!" Kitty shouted.

"I'm sorry Kitty but you're much too valuable for us to leave behind," Xavier pressed his fingers to his temple and sent out a mental blast.

"AHH!" Lance reacted to the psychic attack by activating his powers. The building began to shake violently.

"The school is going to collapse!" Jean shouted as she telekinetically grabbed the two mutants.

"Quick Jean, let's leave," Xavier told her. "We'll have to leave the boy behind at a safe distance. He's too dangerous to take with us."

"_Wait, that's not how it happened!_" Kitty shouted. _"That's not how I joined the team! Lance was trying to use me to steal test answers and when he didn't get his way…" _

**It did happen that way. Xavier altered your memories of the entire event so you would go with him willingly. **

**That's why he destroyed the machine. He doesn't want to risk losing another soldier in his war. **

**You will be trapped in there forever unless you let me help you. **

**I will be your savior if you pledge eternal allegiance to me…**

_"No, no this is wrong…This is a dream! It has to be a bad dream!"_ Kitty shouted to herself.

**Remember…. **

There were images of her training and fighting. But they seemed harsher. Xavier seemed sterner. More in control. She saw herself constantly being brainwashed by Xavier. Again the alternate scene of how she joined the team played out in her mind. This time she was more inclined to believe it.

_"My God…"_ Kitty was shaking. _"I remember now. It was all a lie…From day one it was all a lie…How could it be such a lie?" _

**Think for a moment Kitty. Why would a man with such power…A power that can control the Phoenix…For some reason could not help your friend Rogue touch anyone ever again? Or why was Cyclops always so loyal without question? Or even someone as ruthless as the Wolverine, a man who is a natural born killer become so tame? It's Xavier. Xavier has done this to you.**

**And he is not the only one who lied to you. Look again into the past. See what else Xavier has erased from your memory….**

Again she saw herself in another place she knew. This time it was the old Weapon X facility. She remembered following Logan and fighting Sabertooth but instead of the creepy professor there…

It was Xavier. Xavier was at the controls of the whole thing. "This was an excellent test Logan. Shadowcat and Nightcrawler are progressing quite nicely…"

She remembered falling into a haze after that. _"So it was Xavier in charge of the Weapon X thing all along? And Wolverine was a part of it? He lied to me!" _

**Are you going to let them get away with how they've been treating you? Are you going to just stay in that chamber the rest of your life?**

**Join me. Together we will be part of something greater. Join me and you will be free. **

She looked and saw a black figure in a red and white Japanese demon mask standing before her on the other side of the chamber. **Let me help you Kitty. Join me and you shall be free. **

_"Yes…"_ Kitty fell under his spell. _"Yes…I'll do anything to get out of this. Please, help me. Help me save my family…"_

**And to get your revenge…**

_"Yes…"_ Kitty's eyes became clouded with hate. _"I want revenge…"_

She saw a strange energy emanating from the man's body. It filtered through the chamber and into her body. For the first time in a long while she felt stronger. More in control.

"I am Ogun, your new master," The figure spoke softly. "And you shall be my newest weapon. Together we will get revenge on Wolverine."

Just then Sam, Danielle and a growling Lockheed burst into the room. "I **knew **there was a reason Lockheed was getting so worked up," Sam growled. "Hold it right there!"

"I must have grown careless," Ogun spoke as he turned around and tossed some kind of gas bombs at them. The young mutants and the dragon were stunned and fell to the ground unconscious. "There…They won't bother us any more. Now…Kitty…Come to me."

Kitty hesitated. Could she really be strong enough to keep herself together once she left the chamber? "Come to me…" Ogun ordered as more energy flowed from his body."

Suddenly Kitty felt stronger. She took a step out and soon she was outside. She focused and soon found herself able to be solid and stand outside the chamber.

Then darkness enveloped her.

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One of the first things Logan noticed when they got to the mansion was how completely silent it was. "This is bad…" Logan growled. "It doesn't sound like anyone's stirring."

"Look!" Betsy pointed. Peter was unconscious on the floor. "He's all right but unconscious. I sense nearly everyone inside is unconscious."

"So do I," Jean frowned. "There's a presence in here but I'm not sure what it is."

"Jean take Monet to the infirmary," Scott ordered. "Rogue, Gambit go with her. The rest of us will split up and search the building. Professor we'll need to keep in contact with each other using telepathy."

"Agreed," Xavier nodded as Peter stirred. "I'll also help awaken everyone else."

"Ugh, what hit me?" Peter shook his head.

"We were hoping you would tell us," Betsy said.

"I don't know," Peter said. "One minute I was walking. Then everything went dark."

"That smell…" Logan sniffed. "Flowers…No…Cherry blossoms."

"What that scent from Bath and Body?" Bobby asked.

"Actual cherry blossoms you idiot," Rina snarled. "I smell them too. Very faint but it's there…"

"Why is there a lingering scent of cherry blossoms in here unless…?" Logan's eyes widened. "NO!" He ran down the hallway.

"Wolverine! Wait up!" Scott called out. "Storm follow me. The rest of you try to help the others." They went after Logan.

Ororo had to resort to flight to keep up with Logan. "Wolverine what is the matter with you?"

"I **know** that scent," Logan's eyes narrowed. "What the hell is he doing **here?"**

"Who? **Who's **here?" Scott panted as he ran behind him.

He got his answer as he saw a figure leap out a nearby window. Logan roared as he went after him. The figure turned around quickly. So they could see he had an unconscious Kitty in his arms.

"I thought I got rid of you for good **years** ago!" Logan roared. "Put her down!"

"Another time Logan," The black clad figure said before pressing a button on his belt. Instantly a black portal opened up behind him and he stepped back inside.

"KITTY!" Logan roared. He leapt after him but the portal quickly disappeared along with Kitty and the intruder.

"Damn it! Does everyone now have some kind of teleportation device?" Scott snapped. "Logan, who was that guy?"

"A dead man," Logan growled. "Especially when I get my hands on him."

Back inside most of the X-Men had now congregated into Hank's lab. Except for Monet who was being tended to by Jean in another room as well as Kitty's family who were still unconscious. Lockheed was gone as well. He had woken up earlier and run off somewhere and tried to hunt down Kitty in a futile attempt.

"Are you okay?" Betsy asked Sam and Danielle as they woke up.

"My head hurts," Danielle said. "Someone was in here and he took Kitty!"

"This weird guy dressed all in black except for a Japanese mask was in here," Sam groaned as he held his head. "Then he released some kind of gas and the next thing we knew we passed out."

"That explains the cherry blossom scent," Rina frowned. "I remember from my Hydra training. Sometimes ninjas or other assassins use that scent or the scent of another flower to mask their own. They also use that same scent to cover a powerful gas that temporary knocks out their opponents."

"The device was definitely broken," Xavier looked at the wrecked apparatus attached to the chamber Kitty was in. "Which means Kitty could be in serious trouble."

"She is," Logan growled as the others entered the room. "She's been kidnapped."

"Kidnapped? How?" Rogue asked.

"You should be asking why. Not how."

"Now who's crashing the party?" Jubilee readied her fireworks. To her surprise it was someone she knew. "Shima!"

"Damn it! I'm too late," Shima grunted as she observed the sight around her. "Who did he take?"

"Kitty," Kurt said immediately. "Wait, **who** took Kitty?"

"Shima! What are you doing here?" Ororo asked.

"Hunting down Ogun," Shima told her.

"Ogun?" Jean asked. "Who's he?"

"He's a rogue ninja," Shima told them. "A very dangerous one. And I believe Logan knows him as well. Do you want to tell them or should I?"

"How do you…?" Logan began.

"Please, the Ninja Council has files on you and Ogun a mile long," Shima said.

"Logan?" Xavier raised an eyebrow.

Logan took a deep breath. "The short version is I was in Japan and I met this martial arts master named Ogun. I became his student for a while. Until I found out the guy was completely **nuts** then we had a falling out. So I took care of Ogun. Or at least I **thought** I did."

"By that do you mean you handled the situation with claws blazing?" Tabitha asked.

"I didn't have my claws **then** kid," Logan said. "But I had a sword."

"Metal is Ogun's one weakness. Other than his ego. That's the chamber that held Kitty's body?" Shima indicated with her head.

"Yeah and I'm not even gonna **ask** you how you know about that," Logan grunted.

"Like I said, we ninjas like to keep track of things," Shima said. "Unfortunately Ogun is the exception that proves the rule. We too thought he didn't survive your battle with him. Obviously he did. And he used that assumption to work within the shadows for a long time before we were able to catch on."

"But why would this Ogun character kidnap Kitty?" Danielle asked.

"He took her to get back at me," Logan growled. "I was his student, so he wants to hurt me by taking one of **my** students."

"I'm afraid it's a bit more complicated than that Logan. And it has nothing to do with you. He also wants her to be his heir," Shima explained.

"His heir?" Tabitha asked.

"His body can only last so long," Shima told her. "He can psychically imprint his consciousness, his chi, his very soul into someone…permanently. She will be his next vessel."

"That's how he survived last time wasn't it?" Logan realized.

"Yes," Shima sighed. "Remember his faithful servant Ryu Kamizuki? He willingly sacrificed himself so that his master would live."

"I should have known…" Logan shot out his claws.

"But why Kitty?" Peter asked.

"Yeah if he really wanted to hurt you why not Rina or me?" Jubilee asked.

"X's metal skeleton is too much like mine, it's deadly to him," Logan said. "Your powers are too showy. A ninja's greatest weapon is his stealth, not lighting up the sky for miles."

"And a person who can literally walk through walls…" Scott frowned. "Or on air…That would be the perfect ninja."

"But she can't walk anywhere now!" Bobby said. "Her powers…"

"Can be fixed," Shima said. "Using ancient ninja techniques."

"What kind of techniques?" Danielle asked.

"Another person's chi or life force can be infused into her and help her regain her ability to become solid again," Shima explained. "And three guesses who is going to willingly give her a large amount of life force?"

"If he hasn't already," Ororo said. "That must be how he made her solid enough for him to hold."

"Hold on, I don't understand something," Danielle held up her hand. "You said that this Ogun character can impress his soul into someone else's body right? Well what happens to Kitty?"

No one said anything. But the silence implied everything. "No…" Danielle was horrified.

"It is one of the most dangerous and forbidden ninja techniques," Shima said. "To deliberately twist and destroy one's soul and will…It is beyond everything that a true ninja believes in."

"What's he going to do to her?" Kurt asked.

"First he will condition her," Shima said. "Train her body to it's ultimate potential. All the while deluding her mind, making her believe whatever twisted fantasy he wants her to believe."

"He's telepathic?" Xavier asked.

"Not exactly," Shima sighed. "It's another ninja technique. He also has mystic abilities as well."

"He's a damn Esper isn't he?" Logan groaned. "I knew it!"

"I knew he wanted a new stronger body but I assumed this time he would go for raw power," Shima sighed. "I should have known he would stick to the shadows. He always did prefer stealth and winning through less than honorable means. And picking on someone when they are at their weakest both mentally and physically so he can use her for his own sick desires…"

"It's just Ogun's style," Logan growled.

"Poor Kitty…" Danielle shook her head.

"Poor Mrs. Pryde and Donald. I am not looking forward to telling them this when they wake up," Hank groaned. "Which reminds me does anyone have a football helmet I can borrow? You know, just in case."

"I feel like a fool," Shima told him. "I'm supposed to be one of the best Ninja Masters on the council and Ogun gets away from me again time after time. I should have come here **first **but I didn't think…I should have anticipated that he was after someone else **other** than the Phoenix."

"Nice to see even you ain't perfect," Logan grunted. "What really worries me right now is what Ogun is doing working with Legion and Factor Three."

"Yes if they have joined forces things are going to get even more dangerous than they are now," Shima sighed. "I've heard rumors about this so called Game but I need to verify my sources and information."

"Wait a minute? Game what game?" Kurt asked. "And what's Factor Three?"

"Factor Three is some kind of criminal organization," Logan said. "And I'll give you a hint, their leader is called Factor One."

"Factor One? As in the same guy who took over the entire island of Madripoor?" Sam asked.

"Bingo," Logan nodded.

"Oh this is not good," Hank sighed. "What is it about us that attracts high level sociopaths and criminals?"

Just then Penny ran in with a dead squirrel in her mouth. "And I don't mean the student body…" Hank sighed.

**Next: The X-Men call in the Misfits to help them find Kitty and take on Legion. Things are going to get pretty tricky from here on in! Find out what happens next time! **


	92. The Hunt is On

**The Hunt is On**

"Those bastards," Cover Girl snarled between her teeth when Xavier finished telling them what had happened that night. "Those cowardly slime sucking **bastards!"**

"Took the words right out of my mouth," Logan nodded. Most of the X-Men and Misfits were together in the enlarged war room. Shima was there as well. Mrs. Pryde and Donald were in another room trying to recover from all the drama. Monet was also not there. Betsy was in the infirmary with her trying to calm her down. She should have been in with the others to try and calm **them** down.

"It's bad enough that jerk Legion caused so much destruction on our home turf and put a lot of innocent people in danger," Sam grunted. "But now Kitty's been kidnapped! That's the **last** straw!"

"We've already gotten some pretty angry calls from the mayor and the police on us 'endangering' the citizens of Bayville," Hank sighed. "Of course no one mentions the fact that we saved quite a few lives from Legion's rampage."

"They're all blaming you for the mess and when you tried to report Kitty missing they laughed in your face didn't they?" Pietro frowned.

"Among other things yes," Hank sighed. "It appears that both Legion and Ogun have accomplished their agendas quite successfully. And as a result our safety and status is more precarious than ever."

"Once again they're rallying around the old 'Burn all the Mutants and Get Em Registered and Away from Us' Flag," Rogue said sarcastically. "It's all over the news."

"We tried to put out a statement in order to tell our side of the story but…" Ororo sighed. "No station would take our calls. I swear if it wasn't for General Hawk and Nick Fury of SHIELD standing up for us, the police would probably be at our door rounding us up for questioning."

"Or worse," Rina growled.

"It's the FOH Massacre all over again," Alex shook his head. "Only **this** time most folks are too busy packing up and moving to another town instead of picketing our doorstep."

"I must admit Legion's diversionary tactic was quite effective as well as Ogun's planning," Hank sighed.

"We got our butts kicked but good on this one," Tabitha sighed.

"Then it's time we started kicking butt **back!**" Rogue slammed her fist into an open palm. "I've had it! It's time we took some action!"

"I'm with you Rogue! There's no way in Hell we're going to let them get **away **with this," Lance agreed. Even though he was no longer in love with Kitty there were still some small feelings left inside him.

"We won't Shake Down," Logan nodded. "Not if we have anything to say about it! And believe me, we are gonna say **plenty!**"

"We need to form two teams," Xavier said. "One to find Kitty and the other to track down Legion."

"We are going to need a larger one for Legion," Scott said. "He's way too dangerous to tackle with a small force. We're gonna need all the firepower we can get. Especially since he has a habit of using people as a shield or a distraction."

"Especially since he seems to have picked up a few extra powers as well," Jean nodded. "And he does not think **twice** about using them on innocent bystanders."

"Yeah that bastard has tormented and destroyed everything he touches long enough," Lorna agreed. "It'll be a pleasure to bring him down."

"Don't forget Ogun is not going to be a pushover as well," Rina pointed out. "From what I understand he is **equally **dangerous. If not more because he is more cunning."

"Since it's a ninja thing I suggest that Wavedancer, Xi and Toad be part of my team that goes after Ogun," Logan said. "And I could also use X23 and Jubilee."

"Yes! A mission together! All right!" Jubilee beamed.

"I also think Mirage might be a good choice," Xavier indicated Danielle. "These two girls have a special bond. When they first met there was a strong telepathic link established between them."

"We could use that to our advantage. I approve of those choices," Shima nodded. "For now that will be all we need."

"We? You're coming with us?" Althea asked.

"I've been assigned a mission by the council to personally take care of Ogun once and for all before he further threatens the stability of the ninja clans," She explained.

"How is he going to do that?" Lance asked. "Or do I not want to know?"

"Pretty much the traditional way," Shima shrugged. "Build up a large army of ninjas for himself then send them out to infiltrate other clans or governments to bring about chaos."

"Yeah that sounds pretty typical," Tabitha snorted.

"I wonder what an atypical way would be?" Remy remarked.

"Believe me, you do **not** want to know," Shima gave him a look. "Missions like that usually revolve around raising the dead, giant dragons turning people into stone or ice, ancient gods that want to raise the oceans so that they would cover all the land on the planet, other ancient gods that want to evaporate all the oceans in the world so that nothing but land would cover the planet, demons who want to devour the world and serve all living things as the main dish in a buffett…"

"Okay, okay we get the picture," Ray stopped her. "I guess we should be glad that Ogun doesn't have much of an imagination huh?"

"I dunno," Althea said. "Those sound like typical missions for us!"

Betsy then walked in. "How's Monet doing?" Xavier asked.

"She's still shaken up badly," Betsy sighed. "I had to give her a telepathic sedative. Legion really did a number on her."

"And Mrs. Pryde?" Jean asked.

"Better, a bit calmer," Betsy sighed. "Donald on the other hand was having a fit. I **also** had to give him a telepathic sedative."

"Too bad you couldn't have done **that** during our graduation," Rogue scoffed. "There's **still** a dent in the wall where he threw Mrs. Pryde's coffee cake."

"Rarrr!" Lockheed flew up to Shima and made some pleading noises. "Rarr, rarr, rarr, rarr? Grrr?"

"You want to find your mistress don't you?" Shima said softly. "Oh all right you can come too."

"Rar!" Lockheed said happily.

"Little lizard might be able to track Kitty's scent like X and I can," Logan agreed."And having an extra nose is not a bad thing."

"Not to mention the ablity to fly around and breathe fire," Jubilee pointed out.

"Shima please allow me to join your group as well," Peter asked.

"I'm afraid not," Shima shook her head. "We already have more than enough to track her and Ogun down for now."

"But…" Peter began.

"Colossus, we all know how you feel about Kitty," Jean told him. "But until we find her we're going to need all the help we can get hunting down Legion."

"Your strength will be better put to use against Legion," Rina pointed out. "Besides he is partially responsible for Kitty's capture. And if we happen to capture him and think he might need some information..."

"Oh yes," Peter smiled an evil smile. "I believe I would enjoy 'talking' with him. All right. I see your point."

"We'll bring her back Petey," Jubilee lightly touched her friend's arm. "Don't worry about it. If anyone can track her town it's Wolverine and X."

"Let's not forget about Kitty's Dad being in jail yo," Todd pointed out. "We all know it's a set up by Purity."

"And since they've got a grudge with us we are kind of responsible for him being in there," Wanda added. "Even if only by association."

"We've already sent a few good lawyers to spring him out," Roadblock told them. "He will be found innocent without a doubt."

"I have a feeling that won't be **enough** to clear his name," Xavier said.

"Look we all know the guy's being set up like poor slob on a blind date from Hell but how do we **prove it?"** Pietro asked. "That's the six hundred and fifty four dollar question!"

"I think I have the answer!" Todd fished in his black trench coat pocket. He took out something small, silver and very familiar. "Ta da! Look who I brought!"

"Not this again…" Lance moaned. "Not **again!**"

"What is **that?"** Shima asked.

"An integral part of our long national **nightmare**," Hank groaned.

"It looks like a tiny robot hamster," Shima blinked.

"It **is **a tiny robot hamster," Angelica told her rolling her eyes.

"Oh look everyone it's **Skippy the Sentinel Hamster**," Scott said in a deadpan voice. "He's come to save the day."

"Yeah Summers," Todd gave him a look. "Just like he did the **last **time."

"He does kind of have a point Scott," Rogue reminded him.

"Point? What point? That he's **nuts?**" Scott asked. "Yeah that's a good point!"

"Skippy the Sentinel Hamster?" Shima blinked. "What in the world is a Sentinel Hamster?"

"You're looking at it," Logan groaned. "One of Forge's cockamamie inventions that Toad perfected!"

"I see," Shima raised an eyebrow.

"No you don't," Jean sighed.

"You're right. I **don't**," Shima agreed. "Toad why do we need a robot hamster?"

"Lord I am afraid to hear the answer to **this one**," Kurt groaned.

"Skippy is gonna be our secret weapon into clearing Mr. Pryde's name," Todd nodded happily. "Not to mention he can help us fight the bad guys!"

"Hooray," Scott said in an unimpressed voice. "Our problems are over."

"I wouldn't talk like that to him if I were you Cyclops," Todd said. "Skippy can get rather sensitive."

"Oh for crying out loud," Scott groaned. "Toad that stupid piece of crap robot…"

"BADA! BADA! BADA! SQUEEEEEEEE!"

"AAAHHH!" Scott screamed as the robotic rodent attacked him. "GET IT OFF ME! GET IT OFF ME!"

"SQUEEEE! SQUEEEE!" The mechanical mouse went about tormenting Scott, climbing all over him with his tiny sharp claws and biting him with his sharp metal teeth. "SQUEE! SQUEEEE! BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA SWWEEEEEEKKKK!!"

"I **told** you he was sensitive Summers," Todd shook his head. "Calling him names really hurt his feelings."

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! AAAAAHHH! THIS STUPID THING HAS FEELINGS? OW!" Scott shouted as he tried to get the mechanical creature off with very little success. "GET IT OFF! OW! GET IT OFF! OWWWWWW!"

"Yes and when you hurt him emotionally, he hurts you **physically,"** Todd nodded. "Pretty much like a real person if you think about it."

"A real demented person," Jubilee groaned.

"Is there any other kind?" Pyro asked.

"Not around here," Sam sighed.

"TOAD I AM GOING TO HURT **YOU** IF YOU DON'T…OWWWWW!" Scott screamed. "GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!"

"Just apologize Summers and he'll get off," Todd told him.

"FORGET IT! OW! THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM APOLOGIZING TO THIS DEFECTIVE PIECE OF SCRAP...OWWWWWW! OKAY! I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY!" Scott screamed. "I'M SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! SORRY! SO SORRY!"

"He's not the only one..." Xavier sighed. "Now where are my headache pills?"

"BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! SQUEEE! SQUEE!" The Sentinel Hamster was clearly on a rampage.

"I don't think an apology is gonna cut it now Summers," Todd shook his head.

"YOU **THINK?"** Scott shouted. "YEOW! I SWEAR IF I EVER GET A CLEAR SHOT I AM GONNA BLOW THIS THING INTO A MILLION DIFFERENT...YEOOOOOOOOWWWW!"

"So **that's **a Sentinel Hamster?" Shima blinked.

"Aren't you glad you asked him **that** question?" Kurt gave Shima a look.

"That is by far the most bizzare machine I have ever seen in my life," Shima said.

"BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! SQUEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAK!"

"This is nothing," Ray said in a bored voice. "You should see the killer robot unicorns we have in the Danger Room."

"GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFF! I SAID GET OFF ME YOU LITTLE! OW!" Scott shouted. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! WHY ISN'T ANYONE HELPING ME?"

"You really have to ask **that question**?" Bobby spoke up. "Especially after that level nine Danger Room session you made us run the other day? **Twice?"**

"OW! OW! OW! WE NEEDED THE TRAINING!" Scott shouted. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"We needed a trip to the infirmary," Rogue gave him a look. "I **told** you that you were going overboard wtih the electric boomerangs and the giant crocodiles. But as usual you didn't **listen."**

"OKAY! OKAY! MAYBE I SHOULD TONE THINGS DOWN A LITTLE!" Scott screamed. "OWWW! OW! OW! STUPID ROBOT HAMSTER! I HATE THIS THING!"

"SQUEEEEEEEE!"

"Yeah and it **loves** you Summers," Fred chuckled as he recorded the image with his camera phone. "This is so going on my web page!"

"So besides tormenting Cyclops is there any **other **reason you brought out the little hunk of scrap metal to this meeting?" Betsy asked Todd in a bored tone.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Scott was trying to get it off. "Sharp claws! Very **sharp **claws! OW! OWIE OW OW!"

"Yes, Skippy is also wired for sound," Todd told her. "Follow me?"

"Not really," Pyro blinked.

"I'll explain it to him later Toad," Fred said. "Uh what exactly is it you want me to go over with him?"

Roadblock made a very heavy sigh. "Professor I think it's also time that we call in your contacts in crime."

"You mean the Thieves and Assassins Guilds," Remy nodded.

"I sure ain't talking about the Girl Scouts," Roadblock told him.

"OW! GET OFF! GET OFF! OW! WHY DO THESE THINGS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?" Scott yelled as he tried to get the hamster off of him.

"I don't know but I'm **glad** it does," Lance chuckled.

"I know I should do something but quite frankly I just **don't** have the energy," Jean put her head into her hands.

"I'm too busy taking notes," Lorna said. "You must admit Skippy has some interesting moves."

"We could definitely use him on Legion," Peter grinned. "I am imagining it already."

"CAN ANYONE IMAGINE HELPING ME FOR A MOMENT HERE?!" Scott snapped. "HEY! GET OUT OF MY PANTS YOU LITTLE...YIKES!"

"And I even brought this," Todd dug something else out of his pocket. It was a small green metallic frog. "His name's Hopper! He's part of my robot frog army I've been working on!"

"Skippy and Hopper…" Rogue winced. "It sounds like some kind of lame kid's movie!"

"RRRRRIIIIIBBITTTTTTT!"

Hopper suddenly leapt into the air. Soon he joined his buddy in attacking Scott. "WHAT DID I SAY NOW?" Scott shouted. "OW! GET OFF! GET OFF! OW! WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING ME? ROGUE IS THE ONE WHO SAID IT! OWW!"

"You know Toad those little hunks of scrap metal are starting to grow on me," Lance smirked.

"RIBBIT!"

"HEY GET SUMMERS! NOT **ME!"** Lance shouted as the robotic frog leapt all over him. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! AND I MEAN **OW!"**

"HA SERVES YOU RIGHT YOU…OWW!" Scott screamed. "GET OFF! GO ATTACK AVLANANCHE! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"I'VE GOT MY OWN PROBLEMS PAL!" Lance shouted sarcastically. "OW! OW! OW! WHAT DID **I** DO? COME ON! OW!"

"RIBBIT! RIBBIT! RIBBIT!"

"BADA! BADA! SQUEEE! SQUEEE!"

"Welcome to the Xavier Institute," Hank said in a deadpan voice. "Where mutants are tortured in stupid ways for your amusement."

"And they don't get any more stupid than **this**," Rogue agreed.

"I must admit Ogun is pretty **unimaginative** compared to you people," Shima blinked.

"SQUEEEEEEE!"

"OW! GET OFF! GO AWAY!" Scott shouted. "OW! OW! OW! OW!"

"RIBBIT! RIBBIT! RIBBBITTTT!"

"YEOW! THAT HURTS YOU LITTLE…TOAD REMIND ME TO **KILL** YOU!" Lance shrieked. "OWW! OW!"

"BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA BADA!"

"The Marquis De Sade is **unimaginative** compared to **these people**," Hank quipped.

"BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! RIBBIT! RIBBIT! RIBBIT! RIBBITBADA!"

"YEOW! HOW CAN WEBBED FEET HURT SO MUCH?" Lance screamed. "AAAAAAHHH!"

"Toad as much as we'd **love** to sit around and watch Avalanche and Cyclops get the stuffing beat out of them…" Rogue groaned.

"THAT **IS **WHAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING THE PAST FEW MINUTES!" Scott shouted. "OWIEEEEE!"

"Toad..." Althea sighed.

"Yeah I got it," Todd nodded. He whistled and his robotic minions stopped tormenting the mutant boys and went to him. "Who's my good little robots? Who's my good little robots?"

"It's not **those **things that's for sure!" Scott snapped.

"Okay let's focus for a moment here," Spirit held up his hand. "Xavier you should contact both Guilds and let them know about the situation."

"Agreed," Xavier nodded. "I will also set Cerebro to locate both Kitty's and Legion's mutant signatures."

"I'll take my team and start checking out some areas where Ogun was last spotted," Shima nodded. "I have to admit however seeing the damage first hand that Legion is the bigger threat for now. He is far too unstable and unpredictable."

"The only predictable thing about him is that he lives to make life miserable for us," Bobby agreed.

"Fine, I say we return the favor!" Lorna snapped.

"Wherever Legion is I hope that bastard realizes how much trouble he is in," Rogue growled.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Little did any of them realize that Legion was much closer than they knew. New York City for that matter. In the lobby of the Carlton Ritz Hotel.

Of course it wasn't really Lucas or any of the other familiar personalities that had taken hold. This time it was Michael that was in charge. And he was waiting for someone in the shadows.

"Well, well there's good old mumsy," Michael smirked as he saw Gabrielle Haller check in. "My info was right. She's still in the states trying to find her long lost baby boy. Why not **help** her?"

"You know there's a lot to be said for being a young stud," Michael grinned to himself. When he was sure no one was looking he aged his appearance by about twenty years. He was still extremely good looking but in a more mature way with touches of gray in his hair.

"But maturity has some benefits too," Michael grinned. "Not to mention some shape shifting skills."

It was easy enough to 'accidentally' bump into her. "Oh I'm so sorry," He spoke with a more cultured version of a New York accent.

"No, it was my fault," Gabrielle sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bump into you. I'm just so distracted."

"I hope he's worth it," Michael said. "I mean what **else** can distract such a beautiful woman as yourself?"

"He is," Gabrielle blushed, not realizing that the sudden infatuation she was feeling now was artificially induced. Legion had become a master at charming women into falling for him thanks to his powers. "No it's not what you think. It's my son. I'm…looking for him."

"Oh I'm sorry," Michael feigned sympathy worthy of an Oscar performance. "I know how that feels. Ten years ago my daughter disappeared and…I'm sorry I'm sure your son isn't in **that** type of situation."

"Actually he kind of is…" Gabrielle sighed. She felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. "I feel so helpless and…And I'm sorry to trouble you Mr…?"

"It's Michael, Michael…" He was tempted to use the Godfather movie alias but it occurred to him that she might see through that ploy. "Corovezzi."

"Gabrielle Haller," She shook his hand. "You see I feel partially responsible for his disappearance. I never really told him much about his father who left before he was born and…"

"Let me guess, he cheated on you?" Michael asked.

"Depends on your definition of cheating," Gabrielle sighed. "With a woman, no. His work on the other hand…"

"Say no more," Michael made a growl. "I loathe guys who work all the time and ignore their wives. Especially such beautiful ones."

"Long story short he left me for his work and I just couldn't bring myself to tell him about his son," Gabrielle sighed. "Maybe if I had things wouldn't have turned out the way they did. But I was so sure that our lives would be better if he wasn't in them. And when he did meet our son things did turn out for the worse and…I am so sorry to burden you with this."

"Please believe me, Gabrielle," Michael took her hand. "I know from experience how messy these things get. You see…My ex-wife had an affair and took our daughter with her even though I had custody."

"Oh I am so sorry," Gabrielle gasped.

"She left the country and it took me a year to track her down and find her," Michael sighed, putting on the performance of a lifetime. "And when I finally found them…I learned that her bastard boyfriend killed her by giving her drugs."

"That's horrible," Gabrielle gasped.

"You see my dear I understand your pain better than anyone," Michael said sadly.

"Well my ex-husband ruined my son's life that's for sure," Gabrielle said bitterly.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Michael asked. "Look I had a date tonight but she stood me up. There's a nice restaurant nearby and we can commiserate on our failed relationships with our children and our lousy spouses."

"You know…" Gabrielle said, completely under Legion's spell. "I'd like that. If it's not too much trouble…"

"Not at all," Michael grinned. "Come on, let's go get ourselves a table and you can tell me all about it."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Meanwhile Mayor Hodge was paying Trask a visit in his secret lab not far from Bayville. "Well that was **some help** you sent me last night!" Hodge ranted. "A handful of men with rifles! Why didn't you just send them out with **water guns?** It would have been the same result but at least the cost would have been less!"

"It was better than nothing!" Trask shouted.

"I'm not so sure!" Hodge shouted at him. "Do you know what kind of strings I had to pull to get those fools of yours out of jail and keep them from talking! Why the hell didn't you send Sentinels? What's the point of having a secret Sentinel lab if you never **use it!" **

"I told you before my Sentinels weren't ready," Trask told him.

"How can they **not** be ready?" Hodge snapped. "That is something I do not understand so I want you to explain it to me! And explain it slowly so I don't miss anything! Don't you already have a line of Sentinels under Gyrich's control in Washington? Can't you just **borrow** some of theirs."

"I would but Kincaid is being difficult," Trask told him. "Somehow he's convinced Gyrich to let him have complete control over them. And Gyrich doesn't want to give up any of the Sentinels he has under Wide-awake. I can't ask for more funding because that will make Eddington suspicious. As far as he is concerned I'm back with Gyrich making more Sentinels. Neither of us want him to know about the advancements we are making because we don't want him to sell us out! In case you haven't noticed the General doesn't completely share with our agenda."

"I know Trask! I watch the news!" Hodge snapped. "Hard is it to believe but there are **other** disasters in the world besides Bayville! Since the whole Legacy Virus debacle the government is actually considering foreign **relations **with Magneto! Can you believe it? They actually want to have diplomatic ties with that freak!"

"Peace talks with mutants!" Trask spat out. "It's enough to make your stomach turn!"

"I agree! And we both know that sooner or later those muties will turn on us!" Hodge snapped. "And they've already started! So the question is Trask, what's the hold up?"

"It takes time to develop new technology and improve…" Trask began.

"Time is a luxury we are running **out** of!" Hodge interrupted. "Not to mention my **patience!**"

"Just give me eight months," Trask told him. "By then I'll have enough materials and new designs…"

"And a lot of room to try them out in because by then there won't be a Bayville left!" Hodge snapped. "Do you have any **idea** what the death toll from last night was? Seventeen! Seventeen people killed by that mutant! Some of them were burned to death! And there are about a hundred and twenty more in the hospital! I lost some of my best policemen last night! While you were sitting here playing with your overgrown tinker toys, people were dying! What do you have to say about **that **Mister Great Mutant Hunting Robot Maker? Huh?"

"I'm sorry," Trask sighed.

"You're **sorry**," Hodge said sarcastically. "Oh that just makes everything all right doesn't it? That's what I can tell the families of all those people killed and injured last night. You're sorry you weren't ready to protect us so it makes all those fatalities all right? They were what? Acceptable losses? Sorry we couldn't get those crazy mutant freaks from killing everyone and destroying your homes and lives but we'll be sure to get them next time! Is **that** what you want me to say to them?"

"Hodge I know how you feel," Trask sighed.

"No, I don't think you do! And what about that alien sample you told me you were working on?" Hodge folded his arms. "You know the one that's supposedly the key to creating the ultimate Sentinel?"

"I've had to put aside that research for now," Trask sighed. "The conditions for experimentation with that particular substance are not yet stable enough!"

"Stable? You want **stable** Trask? You want me to tell you about how stable things are?" Hodge shouted. "I've got mutants crawling all over my city, making it into their personal battlefield! I've got mutant mice burrowing in the walls of the houses not to mention city hall! There are also a bunch of other mutated squirrels and birds and god knows what else slinking around thanks to those **geniuses **at the FOH!"

"Mutated squirrels? And **birds?"** Trask gave him a look. "Did you just say mutant birds and…?"

"Squirrels, yes! You **don't** want to know," Hodge moaned. "I've got mutant wolves holding this town's economy hostage! And don't get me **started** on the occasional alien invasion that happens every now and then! So don't talk to me about stable Trask! There is **nothing **stable about this situation!"

"Squirrels?" Trask asked again.

"YES SQUIRRELS!" Hodge snapped. "Fuzzy little rodents with lasers coming out of their beady little eyes! Those little radioactive rats have been turning the park into a war zone and terrorizing bird feeders everywhere! And I swear there is a nest of those little bastards in my attic but the pest control department has taken off on an extended vacation to who the hell knows where! So please forgive me Trask if I am not my usual charming self lately!"

"I am sorry about how difficult things are for you," Trask told him. "But I can't risk my men's lives or the lives of anyone if I rush things with the sample! You saw what that alien menace did when they invaded! It absorbed everything in sight and grew bigger! One wrong move, one tiny miscalculation and we'd be overrun with an alien menace we can't **control!**"

"So instead we'll just have to settle for being overrun with a mutant menace we can't control," Hodge said sarcastically.

"I know you are upset about the situation," Trask said in a controlled voice. "As am I but whining like a spoiled child will do nothing to help. I am the scientist here. You are just a glorified paper pusher. Let me worry about the Sentinels…"

"While I worry about **everything else?"** Hodge snapped. "Do you have any clue what I have to deal with day to day? Do you? I have a town that's falling to pieces…No wait, it's being **blown** to pieces! Literally being blown up into tiny little bits! I promised my constituents change and freedom from the mutant menace! I promised that I would help the people of this town take it back from the mutants! And that **hasn't** happened! In fact the **opposite **has happened! It's getting worse and the people are blaming **me** for it! It takes all the clout and maneuvering I can muster to shift the blame onto the mutants where it **belongs!** Every day this town sinks further and further into madness and destruction! The plagues of Egypt were less intrusive to the Egyptians!"

"Hodge I'm doing **everything **I can," Trask sighed.

"Again I have to say, I don't think **you are!"** Hodge told him. "By the way has anyone even **heard** from Donald Pierce lately?"

"No, I thought he would contact you," Trask asked. "Now if you're finished ranting I have a lot of work to do. You can see yourself out."

"Fine, you have six months," Hodge snapped at him. "**Six!** No more, no less! And by then I want to see **results!** That is if the town is still **standing** by then!"

Hodge made is way out of the lab and was soon in the back seat of his limo. "Failures! **All **of them!" He fumed as his driver drove. The partition separating them was there so that his driver could not hear him. "First Creed, then Pierce and now Trask! Some allies they are!"

Hodge blew out an angry breath. "I swear I **never** would have run for office if I had known how much of a headache being Mayor of Bayville was! And to think I actually thought that I could take on the mutants better if I had power in the government! HA! What the hell did I know? I spend more time fighting with the Sanitation Department over paychecks and who's responsibility it is to clean up the messes those freaks make rather than taking on Xavier!"

"It's always about the budget. And those fools on the town charter are no better! One idiot complains taxes are too high but they don't want to pay for the upkeep of the schools and the roads which always get trashed! Another idiot says that the taxes are too low but when I suggest higher taxes that same idiot has a conniption fit!" Hodge was getting worked up. "And when I do make the sensible suggestion of forcing Xavier to pay extra taxes do you think they'd listen to me? No! Half of them don't want to take the money on principle and the other would have no clue how to use it! Idiots! I'm surrounded by idiots who take **crazy pills!"**

"And Trask and Pierce are the worst of the lot! They think it's okay just to sit by and plan and play around with technology taking their own sweet time like Bayville rots away into Hell!" Hodge was furious now. "They just do what they want when they want and take, take, take what they want from me! Well I have **had** it! I gave them more than enough chances and now it's time for me to take some action!"

He took out a small vial from a hidden compartment. It was the Technarch sample he stole from Trask. "Glorified paper pusher am I? This glorified paper pusher has a few scientific credentials of his own Trask! And he's **sick** and tired of waiting for you to come up with something! If you want something done right, you have to do it **yourself!" **

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Back at the Xavier Institute Jean was checking up on Monet in the Infirmary. "How are you feeling?" She asked the younger mutant.

"Still shaken," Monet told her. She sat up and put her arms around herself. "He was right you know?"

"Who?" Jean was puzzled.

"Legion," Monet said. "Not just about the humans…But about me…God I **am** second best. It doesn't matter what I look like, I'm still not as strong as the least evolved mutant."

"What do you mean second best?" Jean pressed on. "I don't understand."

"I have telepathy, super strength, flight and I'm invulnerable," Monet sniffed. "By all rights I'm an Alpha level mutant. But I might as well be a Gamma level mutant the way I keep failing."

"Monet being a mutant isn't about how powerful you are," Jean told her.

"Of course it is Jean!" Monet snapped. "There's a saying in the Hellfire Club. 'Without Power one is Nothing.' Well that's how I feel. Like **nothing!"**

"Monet did it ever **occur** to you that the Hellfire Club and their ideas of power and mutants might be, I don't know…**Wrong?**" Jean asked sharply.

"It's easy for you to say things like that Jean because you're practically the strongest mutant I know," Monet told her. "It is not that simple for the rest of us. In this world there's only one thing you can count on. Power, whether it is mutant related, financial, political, social…It's invaluable. Second only to air and food in order to survive. But if you can't control it, or worse **don't know** how to use it…"

"That is the Hellfire Club talking!" Jean told her.

"Oh really? And how long would this Institute last if Saint Xavier wasn't as rich as he was?" Monet snapped. "Without his money you lot would have been run out of town **years ago!** How do you think you were able to go back to Bayville High after you were all exposed as mutants? Xavier may have been too moral to change their minds with his powers but he knew how to change them with money."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Jean said to her in a harsh tone.

"Oh really? You didn't really think that they'd let you lunatics back in school out of the goodness of their hearts did you?" Monet snapped. "That your moving little speech magically opened the doors of tolerance and friendship at Bayville High? Give me a break!"

"The school board voted to let us back in after we demonstrated control," Jean told her.

"No, they voted to increase the size of their **wallets** after Xavier demonstrated how willing he was to clean up after mutant **messes!"** Monet snapped. "The Hellfire Club had a source on the inside who told them everything. But I guess after Avalanche brought down the house and Apocalypse ruined your graduation even Xavier's money couldn't buy you out of **that** mess!"

"That's not true! The Professor wouldn't…" Jean began.

"What? Wouldn't stoop to **bribery?**" Monet told her. "You know damn well he does. You know about the police and how his 'donations' helped keep the school open. And what about those lawsuits you keep getting every other week? What did you really think they just **magically disappeared** after a few months? Or they were just dropped because no one was interested anymore? Get real. Of course Xavier was able to get Worthington to help pay for some of those too while he was here."

Monet looked behind Jean. "Isn't that right Xavier?"

Jean turned around and saw Xavier and Hank in the room. Xavier said nothing but the look on his face told her that what Monet was saying was the truth. "It is true…You did…Why?" Jean asked.

"I couldn't tell you," Xavier admitted. "I didn't want you to give up so quickly on the human race. I thought it was for the best that…"

"That's enough," Jean held up her hand. "The **last thing** I want is one of your 'This was for the greater good' speeches."

"At least he didn't use his powers on them," Monet sniffed. "For you people bribery is pretty restrained. But you're not here to talk about the past are you?"

"Let's just say your actions on the field have caused some…concern," Hank said diplomatically.

"Concerned about the humans you mean. I didn't try to save them. I didn't want to," Monet said defiantly. "They were FOH. And you know damn well they would have shot me if they could if I had gotten anywhere **near** them."

"We were going to start off with you breaking rank and flying off on your own when you should have stayed close to the team but I suppose if you want to get right to the heart of the matter…" Hank began.

"To be honest I don't understand any of you people at all," Monet interrupted him. "I can't understand why you do it. Why do you want to help humans when most of them want nothing more than to kill us?"

"I admit it can be a bit frustrating at times," Xavier told her. "But our goal is peace between humans and mutants for the betterment of the world."

"The Hellfire Club also thought that what they were doing was for the greater good for the world. From what I've seen the only difference between you and the Hellfire Club Xavier is a lack of ambition and a willingness to handicap yourself," Monet told him.

"And yet you chose us over Magneto," Xavier pointed out. "And you also left the Hellfire Club to follow Frost."

"I was loyal to Emma despite her demoting me," Monet told him. "And now I realize she was right to. I couldn't cut it as leader. She didn't have a choice. It was for the good of the team. As much as I hate to admit it, Spyke was a better choice for leader. He could handle the pressure and then some. And as for Magneto…Well I never said it was a **smart **decision not to join him but I couldn't. Too much bad blood. I suppose you could say I chose a petty vendetta over common sense. But there you have it. I'm here."

"Yes and while you **are **here I expect you to follow the rules and standards just like **everyone else**," Xavier said a bit harshly. "Needless to say it will be quite a while before you will be sent out on a mission."

"Like I didn't expect that **anyway,"** Monet shrugged. "I'd rather be scrubbing the X-Jet than saving worthless human hides."

"Monet how can you **say** things like that?" Claudette walked in. She had heard the tail end of the conversation. "Our parents are human!"

"Exactly," Monet told her. "What are **you** doing here?"

"I heard you were injured," Claudette told her. "I can heal people you know?"

"Too bad you can't heal their personalities," Jean gave Monet a look. "Excuse me I have to go…"

_"Jean…" _Xavier attempted to send a private telepathic message but found himself blocked.

_"Professor I don't want to talk about this right now in front of Monet," _Jean immediately sent back. _"I'm just so disappointed in you. Honestly, I wish I had never gone back to Bayville at all rather than what you did to have us go back. Looking back on it now, it wasn't worth it." _

Before Xavier could say anything Jean left. "What's wrong? Did I burst her little bubble?" Monet snapped.

"Monet I know you're upset and hurt by what happened to you," Xavier said. "But that is **no** reason to take it out on other people!"

"Save your breath Professor," Claudette sighed. "She's done **that **ever since I've known her. It seems to be a family trait she inherited from our mother. So a lecture isn't going to do any good."

"But perhaps working on her powers and skills **might** be," Xavier raised an eyebrow. "I think it might be better to continue this discussion later with Wolverine."

"Fine, whatever," Monet said. "Can I at least leave the infirmary now? I'm not sick. And the shock's worn off."

"Yes but you are on probation and we'll discuss this tomorrow morning," Xavier said calmly.

"We'll discuss it **now,"** Claudette growled at her sister as they left. They could hear the two of them arguing outside.

"I can't believe you're being such a stuck up jerk about this!" Claudette was heard.

"And I can't believe how foolish you are being sucked into Xavier's little propaganda machine so fast!" Monet snapped back. "You don't believe that crap about coexistence do you?"

"Well it's better than that defeatist self important attitude **you** picked up with the Hellfire Club!" Claudette snarled. "Honestly Sister, you were always a bit stuck up but you were never this bad before! What happened to you?"

"**Life** happened to me, Sister dear!" Monet snapped. "While you were trapped here in Happy Penance Land I was fighting to keep our people from being exterminated!"

"By exterminating others? Yeah that's **real** evolved!" Claudette shouted back.

"We only killed those who were killing us! This is war, Sister! If you were ever in a real battle you would understand it!" Monet shouted.

"Oh we understand," Low Light's voice was heard. "You're a whining self centered ignorant **brat,** Monet. Now hit the road! I don't wanna hear your mouth any more!"

"Fine with me you…"Monet grumbled something under her breath before she and Claudette walked way to continue their fight.

Both Low Light and Roadblock walked into the infirmary to greet the Professor and Hank. "I take it Little Miss Sunshine is back to her old self," Low Light said sarcastically.

"I'm afraid so," Hank shook his head. "I have no idea what we are going to do with that girl."

"She's another Starla or Spyke just waiting to happen," Roadblock agreed. "Glad we didn't take her."

"Yeah for once we got the better deal taking Catseye," Low Light remarked. "Even Pyro's got a better disposition than Monet does."

"Pyro is cheerful you have to admit," Hank agreed with a sigh.

"I also saw Jean looking a little upset," Roadblock said. "Do you want to talk about that as well?"

Xavier paused for a moment then decided to unburden himself. "Monet informed Jean about certain financial transactions that I made and the Hellfire Club also knew about."

"So she found out about you bribing the school board huh?" Low Light asked casually.

"I take it you already knew," Hank gave him a look.

"Yeah most of the Misfits knew too," Low Light shrugged. "But we made 'em promise not to tell anyone. No offense Professor but they felt if your students weren't smart enough to figure it out on their own…"

"I think some of them did know deep down," Xavier admitted with a sigh. "But they didn't want to say anything. I know Jean will tell Scott. This will hit them both hard."

"Why? To find out the world isn't as altruistic as they are?" Low Light snapped. "Xavier sometimes you coddle those kids too much with your idealism. That doesn't do 'em any good."

"Jean was right I shouldn't have bribed the school board," Xavier said. "But I just wanted my students to have the same rights as everyone else."

"You mean you wanted to make a point," Roadblock pointed out. "About humans and mutants getting along? You concocted your scheme to help support your dream."

"And it backfired," Hank told him. "I must confess that I was a bit disappointed too Charles. In a way it was no different than those drugs I used to take to suppress my mutation. It was only a short term solution."

"I know that **now**," Xavier said tersely. "And I'm just as disappointed with myself as you are."

"Your heart was in the right place even though you went about it the wrong way," Roadblock admitted. "And maybe the kids being in school for that amount of time did do some good, who's to say?"

"Please Roadblock, it was a **disaster**," Xavier admitted. "They were taunted by teachers and peers alike, harassed, **shot at**…And in the end Magneto's appearance at Scott and Jean's graduation set back public education for mutants for at least a **decade!"**

"Don't forget Avalanche bringing down the house a few times," Low Light groaned. "But let's face it, humans as a whole whether they are mutated or otherwise tend to fight with themselves over every little thing. As a species sometimes I think it's the one thing we're best at. There's bound to be a few bumps in the road. I mean look at everything else. How women, Blacks, Hispanics, people from different religions are treated…"

"And we've had thousands of years of that," Roadblock added. "Face it Xavier, prejudice ain't gonna go away overnight. Especially now with mutants involved. There's enough hate on both sides of the fence to keep that fuel going for a long time."

"Especially after last night with Legion," Low Light admitted. "No one who survived that attack is going to forget it. And worse it gives them a legitimate excuse to hate mutants."

"And then they attack the mutants who grow to hate humans which continues the vicious circle," Xavier shook his head. "A few more attacks like that on the public and whatever trust we have with humankind will be completely destroyed."

"All the more reason to keep working on building a permanent relationship between humans and mutants," Roadblock told him. "It takes time but it's not impossible. Look at the Brotherhood and how they changed into the Misfits. If we can install some respect for humanity in them, there's hope for both sides in the mutant/ human conflict. And maybe one day there won't **be** any."

"If only Roadblock," Xavier sighed. "There are days when even **I **am skeptical that will ever happen."

"How did you do it with the Misfits?" Hank asked. "I mean teach them that not all humans wanted to destroy them."

"Well Blob was easy," Low Light shrugged. "All we had to do was feed him and give him some toys. That did the trick for him."

"The fact that we also saved his life also had something to do with it," Roadblock told him. "Actually I think that saving all the kids' lives helped change their minds about humans."

"And feeding them," Low Light added.

"Yeah that kind of worked too," Roadblock nodded. "That is true."

"It's still not one hundred percent perfect," Low Light said. "But we are making some progress. Having the kids work in a team with **both **mutants and humans helps."

"Hmmm…" Xavier thought. "As much as I hate to admit it sometimes having the Joes come here does help too with the X-Men and New Mutants. In a very strange way the more we interact with each other, no matter how insane the situations get…The more we learn to tolerate each other and learn to work together to overcome any situation. And that's what you came to talk to us about isn't it?"

"Yeah helping you with the Legion situation is what we had in mind," Roadblock paused.

"Look Xavier I know you don't want to hear this," Low Light said. "But we have to make some contingency plans just in case."

"In case of what?" Xavier asked, even though he had a feeling he knew where this was going.

"In case we can't take Legion alive," Low Light told him.

"The X-Men are **not** killers," Xavier told him in a controlled voice.

"What about what happened in outer space? Or during the Morlock Massacre?" Low Light asked. "Or even those kids left behind while you were in outer space? There was quite a bit of killing then."

"Those were **extreme** situations," Xavier told him.

"Well this **is** an extreme situation," Roadblock said. "It's sure not going to be a vacation."

"Don't you think I know **that?"** Xavier said sharply. Then he softened. "Yes Legion is a monster. He's a monster that I'm responsible for unleashing on the world. But deep down he's still my son. I can't bear to **think** of…"

"Yeah I had a feeling you'd say that," Low Light interrupted him. "That's why we Joes are going to stick with you while you're hunting down Legion. If you can't do your job. We will do ours."

"And we kind of have a plan," Roadblock said. "We've come up with something that might get rid of Legion once and for all."

"What is it?" Xavier asked. He frowned and said nothing as he listened to it.

"You people can't be serious!" Hank gasped when he heard it. It shocked him to his very core.

"Deadly serious," Low Light said.

"But you can't just…" Hank began.

"You have a **better idea?"** Low Light asked, interrupting him.

"Low Light is correct," Xavier sighed. "It's extremely risky and dangerous. But it may be the only choice we have."

"No maybe's about it," Roadblock told him. "General Hawk approved this plan. Legion is a very dangerous man. If there is no other way, this plan goes into play."

"Are you sure…?" Hank began. "I mean that's a lot of pressure to put on…"

"The kid understands what he has to do," Roadblock referred to one of the Misfits. "He'll do what he has to."

"But…" Hank was appalled.

"We don't have a choice Hank," Xavier interrupted. "One way or another, Legion must be destroyed."

"How can you say that Charles?" Hank gasped. "He's your son!"

"And how many sons and daughters has he killed?" Xavier asked bitterly. "How many innocent lives were taken because I failed in my duty as a parent? I will let them do what must be done. I don't have the right to oppose it. Legion is too dangerous. For my dream to survive...He must die."

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Jefferson Crawford was a man who believed in his place in the world. People like him who were born into wealth and power knew the right way to run the world. It was their job to guide the uninformed, uneducated masses to the correct path of salvation. Even if the world was currently going to hell in a hand basket. He just had to work hard to make things right.

Right now though he was going to work on this cute little number in his penthouse suite in Las Vegas. "I'm pleased to meet you Miss Scarlet." He preened his balding head to the young woman in front of him.

"I know it's a silly name," The teenage girl with blond hair and a red dress giggled. "But I love that movie Gone With the Wind! I've seen it every time it comes on that movie channel. About twenty seven times and I just love every single scene!"

"Really? That's my favorite movie too!" Crawford grinned happily. This was going to be easier than shooting fish in a barrel.

"I knew it! I knew it from your online profile you were a man of class and sophistication!" Miss Scarlett giggled.

"Would you like something to drink?" He poured her some champagne from his bar.

"Oh yes! I must warn you…Alcohol totally lowers all my inhibitions!" Miss Scarlet batted her eyes. "Once I had too many sips of punch and I ended up in the most embarrassing position with…Well it's kind of embarrassing really."

"Really?" Crawford felt very interested indeed.

"You know I have always preferred older men," Miss Scarlet confided. "They're more mature in a lot of ways. And I admit I'm not that smart about a lot of stuff."

"Oh no don't say that," Crawford sat down on the bed beside her. "I'm sure you're much smarter than you give yourself credit for."

"No, I'm not. I mean I couldn't do…What is it that you do again?" Miss Scarlett blinked.

"I'm an investment banker but I am so much more than my title," Crawford smiled. God he loved internet dating.

"Really? How interesting," Miss Scarlett blinked. "Are you also a religious man?"

"Well in a way," Crawford dallied a little.

"You know who I think is real hot? I mean in a religious way hot? Reverend Stryker? I heard him speak on television once and I was amazed! He preaches better than Reverend Felcher down at the church back home," Miss Scarlett blinked. "Have you ever heard of him?"

"Heard of him? My dear the good Reverend and I are close friends!" Crawford said proudly.

"Really? Say, Mr. Creston…" The girl used the fake alias Crawford had supplied.

"Call me…James," Crawford felt no harm to further the illusion.

"James," Miss Scarlett batted an eye. "Since we are talking about religious stuff. I have a confession. I'm not really twenty one."

"I didn't think you were," Crawford blurted out. "I mean you look much **older."**

"Oh thank you," Miss Scarlett giggled. "But I'm really under nineteen. That's not going to be a problem is it?"

"Oh no dear! Of course not! There's nothing wrong with a young lady seeking company with an older more experienced man," Crawford grinned.

"Oh that's so good," Miss Scarlett grinned. "I wanna ask you something else. You ever see a mutant? I mean a real live mutie? Are they as dangerous as they say they are?"

"I admit I have only seen one on television," Crawford told her. "But I am ashamed to say that I had an employee that fathered one of those unholy creatures!"

"Oh no! Was he some kind of degenerate? I heard that's where mutants come from," Miss Scarlett asked. "You know…bad families, bad genes that sort of thing."

"As a matter of fact," Crawford felt bold. "He was! He was get this…a gay Jew!"

"OOH!" The girl squealed in horror. "No! How horrible! Wait.. this gay Jew doesn't still work for you does he? Because I don't think I can be with a man that tolerates such unnatural…"

"No, no my dear! Don't worry!" Crawford explained. "He's gone! Not only did I fire the bastard…pardon my language…I made sure he was put behind bars where he belongs."

"Really? How did you do that?" Miss Scarlett asked.

"Let's just say some money went missing and I made sure the police knew about it," Crawford felt very bold.

"Oooh! That's so clever!" Miss Scarlett squealed. "You sly dog! I knew you were the right kind of man the moment I laid eyes on you!"

"Well don't think this too presumptuous of me my dear but I was kind of hoping you would lay something else on me if you get my drift?" Crawford chuckled.

"You naughty boy," Miss Scarlett giggled. "Oh you say you've never even met a mutant? I mean a live mutant right in front of you. Not on TV."

"No," Crawford said. "I can honestly say I haven't."

"Well you have **now!"** Suddenly Miss Scarlett's hands glowed and Crawford found himself flat against the wall.

"Smile, you're on Misfit Camera," Wanda made an evil grin as she removed her blond wig.

That was when the door burst in and several Misfits and Joes burst in. "Hello Mr. Crawford," Shipwreck grabbed the man and slapped some handcuffs on him. "Have a seat!" He shoved him into a chair. "Name's Shipwreck Delgado. I believe you know my nephew over here?"

"Nephew?" Crawford was shocked when Jesse D appeared and waved his hand.

"Yeah I'm one of those guys who has a degenerate family of mutants," Shipwreck said sarcastically. "And the girl you tried to get here is also a member of my family. Not to mention we got close ties with a certain Mr. Pryde. Remember him, the guy you framed?"

"You god damned Freak Lovers!" Crawford swore. "This is entrapment!"

"And you fell right into it," Roadblock said.

"This will never stand up in court!" Crawford snapped.

"Maybe not but I think these tapes we found will," Pietro held up some disks.

"Where did you get those?" Crawford snapped.

"They were in your safe along with some other personal items," Shipwreck took out some pictures. "Including you with a couple of other young ladies doing things you **shouldn't **be doing with them."

"The vice squad was very interested in them," Pietro said. "By the way this is technically their sting but we traded some favors so they'd let us make the bust."

"Same kind of favor my uncle's doing for me," Jesse D remarked. "Letting me be here to watch you get knocked down off of your high horse."

"Which we are taping for the cops, a friend of ours and our own personal amusement," Lance grinned as he held the camera. "By the way you should lose some weight since the camera adds about ten pounds…"

"The authorities are also very interested about your secret bank accounts in the Bahamas. Not to mention a few other secret accounts and other shady doings you have with Purity," Arcade remarked. "And your stash of underage porn. By the way next time get a more secure system for your computer. With the codes you were using you might as well have used a stick of gum!"

"What do you want with me?" Crawford asked.

"What you are going to do is give a nice detailed confession to the police and tell them **everything,**" Shipwreck growled. "Including your frame up of Mr. Pryde!"

"**Especially **your framing Mr. Pryde," Lance added. "And if you don't we get to play our favorite game…Wheel of Torture!"

"If you play you **might** get lucky and land on a mutant," Shipwreck said. "That's nothing compared if you land on some of us Joes. I'll give you an example, see that woman over there?" He pointed to Cover Girl. "She used to spend a lot of summers on a farm **castrating sheep!" **

To his horror he heard Cover Girl crack her knuckles and give him a sinister grin. "I WANT MY LAWYER!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

"We thought you might say that," Shipwreck made a motion. Fred went out then went back in carrying a man wearing only boxer shorts and a black lace teddy. "He already confessed to a lot of stuff. You **don't** want to know what we caught him doing on camera!"

"That poor pig will never be the same again," Fred shook his head.

"You roughed up my lawyer and framed him and me! You'll be sued you stinking mutants!" Crawford made a last attempt at dignity.

"Save it for your Sunday service Crawford," Roadblock growled. "Like we said, you're career is as good as dead!"

Cover Girl made a motion, where Lance shut off the camera. "And if you don't cooperate you will be dead! **Accidents** happen!"

"You don't expect me to cower to that threat! Do you know how important I am? You know what will happen if any mutant so much as touches me?" Crawford snarled.

"Who said a **mutant **was going to do anything to you?" Roadblock looked very menacing as he got in his face.

"You haven't been paying attention have you?" Cover Girl smacked her fist into an open palm. "All mutants and squeamish males in the room please leave. Oh…Here's my penknife." She took it out. "My skills are a bit rusty. It's been a while since I was on the farm…"

"I'LL TALK! I'LL TALK!" Crawford screamed. "I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING YOU WANT! I'LL TALK!"

"Smart choice," Lance snickered. "Trust me, she's scarier than **any** mutant!"

"Jesse, get the lawyers on the phone," Shipwreck grinned. "Looks like Mr. Pryde just made early parole!"

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A week passed after the sting that brought down Crawford. And still no sign of either Kitty nor Legion. "No word from any of the Guilds?" Rogue asked Remy as they sat in the kitchen. Peter, Scott, Jean, Kurt and Ororo were there as well.

"Not about Ogun, course all that ninja stuff is kind of out the Guild's territories," Remy said. "They know **of **him but nothing more."

"The Blind Master is checking out his contacts in Japan," Ororo told them. "They believe Ogun may have a safe house in Tokyo somewhere. That's where Logan's team is searching right now."

"What about Legion?" Scott asked. "Anything about him?"

"Only that he may be in the company of this woman," Remy took out a picture. "Already showed it to the Professor."

"You sure this woman **isn't **Legion?" Peter asked.

"Nope, take a look," Remy pointed. "This was from a security camera recovered from the FOH Massacre. She was part of it."

"Never seen a mutant like that before," Scott remarked. "You know who she is?"

"The Guilds know of her," Remy said. "She is known as Unicorn. For obvious reasons. A master assassin who specializes in hidden weapons."

"Has the Professor tried using Cerebro to locate either her or Legion?" Ororo asked.

"Legion is difficult on his own," Jean explained. "Every time he changes personalities he emits a different mutant signature. But lately it seems he's disappeared. So either he's not using his powers or…"

"Or?" Kurt asked.

"He has another personality with different powers that we're not familiar with," Jean groaned. "And he's using **that** as his cover."

"Oh this just keeps getting better," Scott groaned. "What about this Unicorn woman?"

"Again there's nothing on her on Cerebro," Jean told them. "Either she hasn't used her powers or somehow her bio-signature is being shielded. And since Cerebro's latest upgrade can now detect a mutant even when they **aren't **using their powers we have to assume the latter."

"And the same can be assumed with Legion if he figured out how to keep Magneto's cloaking technology on him, am I right?" Scott asked.

"Bingo," Jean nodded. "That's exactly the case."

"So in other words there's **nothing** we can do but sit on our butts until one of those maniacs does something!" Rogue snapped. In her anger she wrecked the mug she was holding. It also happened to have some coffee in it at the time. "Dang it!"

"We are all frustrated Rogue," Ororo raised an eyebrow. "But I don't think destroying dishes will help."

"I know," Rogue sighed. "I'm just so damn frustrated."

"Tell me about it," Scott sighed. "The mayor was just on television with one of his anti-mutant rants again. He's getting all of Bayville into an even bigger anti-mutant frenzy than before."

"In other words not much has changed since I left," Rahne walked into the room.

"Rahne!" Rogue got up and hugged her. "It's good to see you."

"I heard about Kitty and I finally convinced Moira to let me visit you for a while again," Rahne told her. "I just couldn't stay away at a time like this."

"Did you come in using the Misfits?" Scott asked.

BOOM!

"TRINITY!" Amara was heard yelling.

"Does **that **answer your question?" Rahne rolled her eyes. "The ones that aren't in Japan are here. Low Light, Spirit, Cover Girl and Roadblock are here too."

"Hey we can't be too angry at them," Remy pointed out. "They did get the jerk who framed Kitty's father and gave a good kick in the teeth to Purity."

"Yeah you know all the stuff I hate when they do to us I **love** it when they do it to someone else," Scott agreed.

"More bad news," Bobby groaned as he walked in. "The Professor's ex-wife is here. And she ain't happy."

"When is she **ever **happy?" Rogue asked.

"This will not end well," Ororo sighed, not realizing at the time the irony of her statement. They went to the foyer where Xavier and Roadblock were standing with Gabrielle and a man they had never seen before.

"I can't believe you just went and brought a stranger here without telling me…" Xavier began.

"He's a gentleman Charles," Gabrielle glared at her. "He's been helping me through this difficult time. Which is more than what I can say for **you**. By the way where's your alien whore?"

"That alien whore is his wife now," Roadblock pointed out.

"WIFE!" Gabrielle yelled. "I don't believe it."

"You don't waste time do you?" The strange man asked Xavier.

"Who's this?" Jean asked.

"This is a friend of mine Michael Corovezzi," Gabrielle told them. "He's agreed to help me find my son. I should be grateful that **someone** has considering…"

"YOU!" Rahne growled and instantly tackled Michael before anyone could stop her. "YOU DARE SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND HERE?"

"Rahne are you insane?" Roadblock shouted as he, Scott and Peter yanked her off the man.

"No I'm not! My nose may not be as strong as Wolverine's but it still does a pretty damn good job even when I'm not in my wolf form," Rahne snarled. "And I'd know that stench anywhere! You've been getting sloppy Legion. You can change your appearance and even your personality, but you forgot **one **thing. You forgot to change your scent."

"Legion?" Gabrielle gasped and looked at Michael.

"Legion!" Both Jean and Scott shouted.

"Oh shoot you found us out," Michael grunted. "So much for a surprise attack!" He changed into Lucas. "Oh well can't have **everything!" **

"Here we go…" Roadblock groaned.

**Here it is folks! The final showdown with Legion! Who will live and who will die? Will anyone die? How should I know? Why are you people always asking me questions like this? I don't know anything! What makes you think I know anything?**

"Because you're the author?" Althea told her.

**Oh right…I forgot.**

"You'd forget your own hair if you didn't have your cappuccino," Althea rolled her eyes.

**Well I guess we'll all find out next time! Until then keep reading! **

"Hey there is something some people have been wondering about," Rogue walked out. "Whatever happened to Zanya?"

"Who cares?" Althea grumbled. "And why do you care?"

"Technically she is or was my stepsister," Rogue explained. "I like to know where all my relatives are so they can't stab me in the back."

"Yeah like I would waste my time on **you** when your evil witch of a mother is running free," Zanya stormed out.

"She's got a point Rogue," Althea pointed out. "So where have you been?"

"What? A girl can't go on vacation without people getting on her back?" Zanya snapped. "Besides I've been doing a lot of solo missions. Somebody's gotta keep the Dreadnoks in chocolate donuts and grape sodas!"

"Your father's a total loser when it comes to finance too huh?" Althea quipped.

"Tell me about it," Zanya groaned. "Cobra Commander hasn't paid our bill in over a year. You would think that a bank would not try to repossess a swamp but you'd be surprised. But not as surprised those bankers were when I sicked those aligators on 'em."

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Scott and Lance ran by as fast as they could. "RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! BADA! RIBBIT! BADA! RIBBIT! RIBBIT!" A small army of metal hamsters and frogs chased them.

"And quite honestly I'm not in that much of a hurry to return to this fic," Zanya winced.

"BADA! BADA! BADA! RIBBIT RIBBIT BADA RIBBIT BADA BADA BADA RIBBIT BADA RIBBIT BADA RIBBIT BADA!"

"I'm not in much of a hurry to get to the next chapter," Rogue admitted. "How much coffee did Red have to drink?"

"BADA BADA BADA RIBBIT RIBBIT RIBBIT BADA BADA RIBBIT BADA BADA BADA RIBBIT!"

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! GET AWAY FROM US! GET AWAY! AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Scott and Lance screamed in pain.

"Too much," Althea said. "Well I hope everyone out there has a Happy Thanksgiving!"

"OW! OW! OW! BADA! BADA! OW! RIBBIT! OW! RIBBIT! OW OW OW OW OW OW OW RIBBIT BADA OOWWWWWW!"

"I know both Cyclops and Avalanche are chowing down on a serving of humble pie," Rogue snickered.

**Happy Turkey Day folks! **


	93. A Legion of One

**A Legion of One**

"I don't believe it!" Jean shouted. "Legion is **here!" **

"And he was dating his **mother?"** Scott blinked. "Oh boy…"

"We've just sunk to a whole **new level** of disturbed weirdness here," Rogue shuddered.

"David?" Gabrielle gasped in shock. "Is that you?"

"No, it's **Lucas,**" Lucas corrected her. "Technically it's me, Michael, Ian, Cyndi and Blackjack but you get the idea."

"Oh god…" Gabrielle shook violently.

"I knew you were sick Legion but I had no idea how **sick** you were!" Jean fumed.

"Oh calm down," Lucas snorted. "It's not like I **slept** with her. Just led her on a little."

"A LITTLE!" Gabrielle screamed. "LAST NIGHT YOU KISSED ME IN CENTRAL PARK AND TOLD ME I WAS THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!"

"So I lied, sue me," Michael morphed back for a moment. Lucas returned with an evil smirk.

"You know Rogue I never thought I would feel that **any** family would be more sick and twisted than ours," Kurt blinked. "Except for Scott's…And now this…"

"Yeah I…" Scott stopped and looked at him. "What do you mean except for **mine?**"

"Scott focus," Jean hissed. "We kind of have a **higher priority** standing right in front of us! In the **foyer**…"

"Kind of funny isn't it?" Lucas sneered. "Here you high and mighty X-Men are searching for me high and low and I was right under your noses the whole time!"

"How could you do this to me?" Gabrielle was becoming hysterical. She turned to Xavier. "CHARLES WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SON?"

"Oh don't give Dad **all** the credit, Mum," Lucas snorted. "I mean let's face it, you did more than your **fair share** of making me the man I am today. Well men actually. And one woman…"

"Legion **stop this!"** Xavier said with an edge in his voice. "Your mother doesn't deserve this treatment!"

"Actually she does," Lucas snorted. "I mean now I finally realize that by deliberately keeping us apart she's responsible for me being **half **as screwed up as I am now. I only hold you responsible for the **other half** which for me is a real breakthrough…"

ZZAAPPPPP!

Scott, not being to take any more used his optic beams to blast an unprepared Lucas through the door out onto the lawn. "NOOOOOOO!" Gabrielle screamed in horror.

"Well…You don't waste any time do you?" Lucas grunted as everyone ran out the door to confront him.

"No point in drawing this out! Your reign of terror ends tonight," Scott snarled.

"That is so freaking melodramatic it's not even funny," Lucas snorted. "Reign of terror? Sounds like it came out of a bad comic book!"

"Get away from my son you monsters!" Gabrielle ran in front of Lucas.

"Oh this is **too **much!" Lucas laughed as he recovered quickly. To everyone's shock he got up rapidly and smacked her hard across the face. "Like I really needed **your **help!"

"AAAH!" Gabrielle gasped as she was hit hard.

"The only thing you were useful for is getting me close to my father," Lucas snorted. "And now…Well your usefulness is over! Good bye!" He telekinetically slammed her hard into the side of the fountain in the front. The blow knocked her unconscious.

"NO!" Xavier was horrified. "How could you do that to your own mother?"

"It was surprisingly easy," Lucas snorted. "She's lighter than she looks. I think she lost weight."

The Misfits had arrived downstairs just as Scott had thrown Legion out the door. So Lina was there and raced to Gabrielle's aid. "Can we take this guy down **now?**" Lance snapped.

"I thought you'd **never **ask!" Scott nodded. The two of them made an assault at the same time.

However Lucas was able to dodge Lance's attack by floating off the ground and repel Scott's attack by using a telekinetic shield. Bobby, Ray, Tim, Ororo, Angelica, and Alex used their powers to attack but they were reflected back as well.

"Ho hum," Lucas made a show of a yawn. "I say I expected a lot more from all of you."

"You weren't expecting **this!**" Jean made a Phoenix Raptor around her and made a vicious telepathic assault against Lucas.

"AAAHHHH!" Lucas winced. Even with his strong shields Jean's powers began to overwhelm him. "YOU WITCH! STAY OUT OF MY MIND!"

"Problem is, it's not really **yours **is it?" Jean shouted as she poured on the power. "You stole it and that body from it's rightful owner!"

"Get out! Get out!" Lucas shouted. "GET OUT OF MY HEAD YOU WITCH!"

"How does it feel Lucas? How does it feel to be used and have your mind broken open like a child's toy box?" Jean roared. "How many times have you done this to my friends, my team mates, every other innocent mutant you've come across? HOW DOES IT FEEL?"

"AAAAHHHH! WITCH!" Lucas screamed like a demon as Jean invaded his mind with all the sublety of a Viking on a raid.

An incredible searing pain shot through Lucas. He found himself falling further and further into a black void. Suddenly he landed on some hard red ground. "UHH! That went well!"

"Well if you don't watch it we're going to be wiped out!" Michael shouted at him. He was with Blackjack, Ian and Cyndi standing next to him.

"I **told** you this was a bad idea," Blackjack grumbled. "But did you listen to me? Noooooooooooo! You just had to flaunt yourself in front of Daddy didn't you?"

"Are you kidding?" Cyndi snorted. "He **lives** for this! He's always been obsessed with proving his father wrong!"

"Hang on!" Lucas got to his feet, "Blackjack? How the hell are we all together in the same place!"

"We're on some kind of psychic plane, Stupid!" Cyndi snapped. "That Jean witch knocked us all back with one shot!"

"Cor! She's become a hell of a lot more powerful than we thought," Blackjack grumbled. "And I thought Xavier was going to be a problem!"

"Wait, you saying she's more powerful than Xavier?" Lucas remarked.

"That's **exactly **what I'm saying," Blackjack told him. "We are in it deep now! And if we don't pull it together she's gonna wipe us **all** out!"

"Oh no I am not going back to nothing!" Cyndi snapped. "We have to do something! Lucas can't you just pull another power out and create another personality or something?"

"I'm not exactly sure how you lot were created!" Lucas snapped.

"You didn't make us," Ian spoke in a quiet voice. "David did."

"What?" Lucas snarled. "What did you say?"

"Shut up and let the kid talk!" Michael snapped. "Go on kid."

"We all came from David, what he wanted to be, what he feared, hopes and desires he doesn't even know he had," Ian spoke. "All from him."

"So what? You're like his inner child and I'm his feminine side?" Cyndi asked. Ian nodded. "And according to that Lucas is the rebel, Blackjack is Mr. Smooth and Michael is the Enforcer? Am I right?"

"His powers were too great for him when they first manifested," Ian said. "All his ideas of what man his father was and what he wanted to be created us. His fears and insecurities enabled us to be let loose. But we are not of his body. We are spirits he created. His powers are so great that he can make other souls from his own. And they come into life when his body or mind is threatened.

"So you're saying even though David was shut away, he was still part of this body therefore we were really never free of him?" Lucas realized. Ian nodded an affirmative.

"That explains how Mikey was able to show up," Cyndi reasoned.

"And the two of you!" Lucas pointed at Cyndi and Blackjack. "There must have been some other weird desires or feelings rolling around and you were able to come out!"

"Yes you are correct. They were created partially because of David's resentment of you," Ian said.

"You saying that wimp made **them** to get back at **me?"** Lucas pointed at Blackjack and Cyndi. "I don't believe it!"

"Huh! Kid's got more balls than I thought," Michael added. "And when you guys started having a free for all his subconscious couldn't take it so he made me to keep youse guys in line!"

"Why the hell didn't you say anything about this before?" Lucas shouted. "In fact why the hell didn't you say anything **period?"**

"I was being repressed," Ian spoke. "I **couldn't** talk. Remember David's childhood?"

"Oh yeah, how he always had to be the perfect little gentleman," Cyndi thought. "So now you're not so repressed. Makes sense to me."

"Okay so now we know how we came into the world. How does this information help us **now?**" Blackjack asked Ian.

"Why are you asking **him?**" Lucas shouted.

"Because your plan **sucks!"** Cyndi snapped. "Go on Ian. Tell us what to do!"

"Boy have I hit rock bottom," Lucas grumbled.

"Shut up and let the kid talk!" Michael snapped.

"Now the Phoenix is doing something…Burning away at our connection to David," Ian told them. "Without that connection, alone we will perish. But together we might be able to survive."

"I don't like where this is going," Blackjack frowned. "You're not suggesting what I **think **you're suggesting are you?"

"What? What is the little gnat suggesting?" Lucas shouted. A look from Ian told him everything. "ARE YOU INSANE?"

"A relevant question from one split personality to another," Blackjack mocked. "However…As desperate as that measure sounds. It may be our only choice."

"But what happens to us?" Cyndi asked. "I mean we will come back right?"

"There won't be an 'us' anymore Toots," Michael told her. "There will just be an I."

"An Eye?" Cyndi misheard. "You mean a big eyeball?"

"No you flaming bimbo!" Lucas snapped. "Not an eyeball! An **I!** As in me, myself and I think that's the stupidest idea ever!"

"You mean…" Cyndi blinked.

"The only way for us to survive is for each of us to voluntarily give up our individuality and meld together into one brand new personality," Blackjack spelled it out for her.

"Oh no! Not **that!**" Lucas snapped. "Anything but **that!** There is no way in hell I am giving up this body! I didn't go through all this just to give up my freedom and return to being a small part of someone else again!"

"If we don't do it we'll end up being **nothing **again!" Michael snapped. "I don't like it either but we got no choice! Either we all join together…"

"Or we become **disjointed **separately," Blackjack grunted. "As unpleasant as the first choice is, it is definitely preferable than the **latter!" **

"She's here," Ian said calmly.

"Oh crap," Lucas groaned as Jean in her Phoenix form appeared before them. "Don't you have a cookout that you should be going to or something?"

_**"Interesting choice of words,"**_ Phoenix spoke as she created several fireballs.

"Crap," Lucas felt that if he had a body right now he would wet his pants. He barely dodged them. "Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!"

"You still want to fight her **alone, **Lucas?" Cyndi shouted as she dodged. "I like things hot but not **this** hot!"

"I'm open to suggestions people!" Blackjack dodged the fire.

_**"Perish!"**_ Phoenix threw more fireballs at him.

"Not from **you!**" Blackjack dodged out of the way.

"I got one," Michael thought of something. "It's risky but it might buy us enough time! Lucas! I need you to help me break open something!"

"What?" Lucas yelled.

"Follow me!" Michael took to the 'sky' and flew away. "Everyone come on!"

"Where are we going?" Lucas yelled as he tried to keep up with Michael just as Phoenix was keeping up with them.

"Trust me!" Michael told them. They reached a yellow glowing orb. "Does **that **look familiar?"

"Wait isn't **that**…?" Cyndi yelled.

"Yup," Michael nodded. "Where sonny boy is locked up! The Phoenix broad said that she wants to give this body back to him. She wants him so bad, she can **have **him!"

"A capital idea!" Blackjack readied his powers. "On three! One! Two! THREE!"

Focusing their energies all five personalities attacked the glowing orb. It started to crack and fizzle and it looked like it would be destroyed. **"NO!"** Phoenix shouted.

"Can't whack us and save the kid at the same time!" Michael laughed as they flew away.

Phoenix frowned and then flew into the fire that was the orb. _**"I'm coming David! Hang on!" **_

"Hold on," Lucas realized as they flew away. "If we'd come together earlier like this we could have wiped out David before, right?"

"Yes," Ian nodded.

"THEN WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL US TO DO THIS BEFORE?" Lucas snapped.

"You wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise," Ian gave him a look.

"Kid's got a point there," Cyndi said.

"Shut up!" Lucas snarled at her.

"See what I mean?" Cyndi said.

"Okay we got less than two minutes before she comes back and kicks our asses," Michael told the others as they landed a short distance away.

"This is it," Blackjack gulped as the five of them held hands. "I'd say it was a pleasure knowing you, but it really wasn't."

"I'm gonna miss being my own person," Cyndi sighed.

"Like you're the **only one!"** Michael snapped.

"Just focus on your energy and merge ourselves together," Ian told them.

"This plan **better **work Ian," Lucas grabbed his hand. "Or else I'll find a way to kick your AAAAAAA!"

They all screamed as they started to glow and merge together. **"What?"** Phoenix asked.

Suddenly there was a powerful psychic backlash and a bright light. Then the light grew a pair of bright eyes and streaked towards her. Jean felt something very powerful slam into her mind. Then another sensation, like a door hitting her in the face and another door shutting something down. The next thing she knew she was back in the real world.

"Jean! Jean what happened in there?" Scott shook her shoulders.

"I…I don't know…" Jean looked at Lucas as he changed his shape for the last time.

"WHAT THE HELL…?" Lucas screamed as he morphed into a personality that hadn't been there for a long time. David.

"DAVID!" Xavier shouted.

"Dad…DAD! Help me! I can't take it anymore! The things he's done…" David gasped. "The things **they've** done! Please! You have to destroy them! Now! Before…"

Suddenly David shuddered violently. His body began to change and lengthen. "What's happening?" Kurt shouted.

"I don't know," Jean said. "While I was in his mind, those five were planning something."

"Another personality?" Rogue asked.

"Maybe…But there's something **different** about this one," Jean narrowed her eyes.

"Yeah like all his other ones were so ordinary," Bobby groaned.

The figure stood up. It was a tall muscular male wearing a white and black outfit with a long black and white coat. He had one black and one white boot on. He was pale with the left half of his hair black and the right half of his hair blond. He had a black and blond goatee. His left eye was blue and his right eye was brown. On his back were two pairs of wings, one black, the other white. He had heavy silver bracelets on his arms. In one hand was a flaming sword. In the other a sword made of lightning.

"Holy crap…" Lance's jaw dropped. "Who is **that **guy?"

"We…No wait…**I** am **Legion!**" The being laughed.

"Big deal," Bobby scoffed. "You and the other guys in there!"

"There are no 'other guys' in here anymore," Legion laughed. "Well David actually but he doesn't count. I just pushed him aside. He's not strong enough to fight me. I can't believe those that came before me thought of him as a threat!"

"Before you…" Jean felt a little woozy.

"Lucas, Cyndi, Ian, Blackjack and Michael," Legion told her. "They are me! I am them! The culmination of all their powers and their personalities! From many I am one! I am the ultimate creation!"

"Oh no…" Xavier realized what had happened. "All of Legion's personalities have combined into one being!"

"So you're saying instead of **five **separate personalities with five **different** sets of powers we're now fighting **one** personality with a ton of powers?" Tabitha yelled.

"An Omega level personality to be precise," Xavier frowned. "Which means Legion is more powerful than ever!"

"This day just keeps getting better and better…" Remy groaned.

"This was **not** the visit I had in mind," Rahne groaned.

"No problem! I'll just…" Jean tried to rise. Suddenly she felt very weak and fell to the ground. "Uhh…"

"Jean!" Scott caught her.

"What…What have you done to me?" Jean gasped. "I can't connect with the Phoenix Force!"

"I know. I couldn't destroy the Phoenix Force inside of you but I could put some extra psychic barriers in your mind to keep the birdie in a cage for a while!" Legion grinned. "Oh it'll burn through them and you'll be back to your flaming self in a few hours. Fortunately that'll be **more** than enough time to take you down!"

"Not if we take you down **first!"** Alex shouted as he blasted at Legion. To his horror Legion absorbed his blasts. He reflected them back shooting at the mutants.

One blast hit Rahne in the leg. "YEOWCH!" Rahne yelled. Another blast would have finished her if Hank hadn't grabbed her and yanked her out of the way.

"Chill out Dude!" Bobby sent out a stream of ice.

"Burn into ashes, Dude," Legion sneered as he sent out a stream of fire that not only overpowered Bobby's ice beam, it sent him reeling backwards.

Several other mutants attempted to use their powers against him but he reflected them back. "With his personalities merged, Legion is five times as powerful as he was before!" Hank yelled.

"EXACTLY!" Legion created a telekinetic blast all around him, a blast so powerful it knocked all of his enemies back.

"Aahh! This maniac is strong!" Peter grunted as he changed to his armored form and tried to hold onto the ground but was blasted back.

"This…is going to be a challenge," Low Light grumbled.

"If you thought I caused a lot of destruction and death a week ago that's **nothing** compared to what I am going to do after I **kill** all of you and burn your mansion to ashes!" Legion screeched. "I'll slaughter every last **human **in Bayville! Then I will use what's left of the city as my headquarters where I will wage a glorious unending war with the rest of the world!"

"You haven't won **yet** Legion," Scott snarled as he got up.

"No but I will," Legion sneered. "This is inevitable. Your fate is sealed."

Roadblock and Cover Girl looked at the Misfits. They nodded. "Hey Legion! Over here loser!" Cover Girl shouted. "You think you're so tough with your powers! That's because you can't do anything else!"

"What?" Legion snarled.

"Yeah let's see you fight us without your powers!" Roadblock shouted. "Or are you too weak to even try?"

"I bet those muscles are just for show!" Low Light shouted. "He probably doesn't even know how to **use** them!"

"Uh excuse me?" Alex blinked. "What are you guys **doing?"**

"Calling this loser out!" Roadblock told them. "He doesn't know how to fight for real without a doubt!"

"ARE YOU PEOPLE NUTS?" Remy screamed. "He'll tear you to ribbons!"

"Gambit no!" Xavier called out. "Don't interfere!"

"Huh?" Remy startled. "Gambit did **not** hear you say what he thinks you said!"

"Professor…" Rogue gasped.

"Do as he says Rogue," Lance got in her way. "The Joes have this under control."

"It's official," Bobby blinked. "That last blast broke everyone's brain!"

"Oh this is the limit!" Legion laughed. "I can practically take on any X-Man and wipe the floor with 'em and you flatscans are gonna **challenge **me? Oh this is going to be fun!"

Roadblock, Cover Girl and Spirit got into fighting stances. "Scared?" Roadblock sneered.

"You wish!" Legion sneered.

He absorbed his weapons into his body and made some fists. "Come and fight me then! I'll even let you fools have the first hits! And I won't even use my powers!"

"This is not going to end well…" Peter gulped. "I can tell…And now they've got **me** doing it!"

"You know I'm looking forward to this," Legion prepared to fight. "I consider this a test drive to see what my new body can do."

Soon the four of them were hitting, kicking and jabbing. The Joes were ducking and bobbing and getting in the odd hit now and then. Legion mostly blocked but was not as good a fist fighter as the others.

"The Joes are good, but he's not gonna hold back forever," Scott gulped.

"You're right! I'm not!" Legion used a psychic blast at them. He knocked the Joes to the ground. "Okay so I need to work on my basic fighting skills. No problem. Fortunately I can use my powers to make up for my physical shortcomings."

"Hey! You said that you wouldn't use your powers!" Tabitha yelled.

"I lied," Legion sneered.

"So did we," Spirit grinned back at him.

"What do you mean?" Legion snarled.

"We said that we'd take you on," Cover Girl panted. "Thing is…We never said that there'd be **four** of us instead of **three!"**

"Four?" Legion blinked. "You used a mutant?" He looked at Low Light. "Him?" He went to point but found that there was something on his arm. "What the…?"

"Not quite," Low Light grinned. "Someone else. Someone **fast **enough to stab you with those darts on your arm and back while you were punching us and not be able to see it."

"Darts?" Legion looked at his arm and back. Several tiny darts were in his arm and back. He looked behind him. Out of nowhere he saw Pietro zoom behind him and hit him with his fist.

"Why you little…" Legion began to use his powers but felt woozy. "Something's wrong…"

"No this is oh so right," Pietro grinned and he hit Legion again, knocking him down.

"He was the secret edge we had to take you down!" Cover Girl grinned.

"Yeah, bang! You're dead sucker," Roadblock made a dark grin.

"You were right by the way," Pietro told him. "The Joes couldn't take you down. But I could. Can you say, **distraction?**"

"WHAT?" Legion felt something "I…Can't…breathe…Arm…numb…" He started panting.

"Yeah that's one of the side effects of the poison inside the darts," Pietro told him.

"Poison?" Legion gasped.

"That's right," Roadblock grinned. "Got it from a few ninja friends of ours. It can take out a herd of elephants in under five minutes. I figure you've got…Oh what? A minute and **thirty seconds?"**

"Less actually," Spirit told him.

"The X-Geeks may have a problem offing a jerk like you but you know something?" Lance growled. "We **don't."**

"You mean that's **real**…" Rogue's jaw dropped. She looked at Xavier.

"I'm afraid it is," Xavier pressed his temples with his hands. "Legion I meant what I said that I would do whatever it takes to destroy you! And this is **it!"**

"You…You would kill…me? You own **son**…?" Legion sunk to his knees as Xavier gave him a savage telepathic assault. He was getting weaker due to the strong poison in his body.

"You are **not** my son," Xavier snarled. "You are a monster that has been unleashed on the world like a plague for far too long! I monster that I **created!** But **that** is a mistake that I intend to correct!"

"AAAHHHGGHH!" Legion screamed in agony from both the poison and the mental assault.

"For too long all you have done is terrorize people and obsess about destroying my dream of peace and replacing it with your mad one of war," Xavier said. "But now it is your dreams that will shatter and fall as you finally pay the price for your evil deeds and arrogance!"

"NO!" Legion thrashed about. "My...My powers! I can't use my powers!"

"Another fun little side effect of the poison," Low Light remarked. "How does it feel to be so helpless Legion? Like all of your victims?"

"They're just gonna kill him aren't they?" Paige whispered.

"Good," Lorna snarled.

"But...But..." Sam looked at Scott.

"This isn't some kid that lost control of his powers," Scott growled. "Or even your average run of the mill psychopath. No, Legion is far too dangerous and powerful to be contained. I don't like it but...I'm not going to pretend that I won't be relieved when this guy is gone for good."

"Cyclops is right," Xavier said. "He has killed thousands of people and would kill millions more on a whim. We can't allow this...monster to run free any more."

"This is how it ends Legion," Roadblock took out a syringe. "Your glorious dreams of destruction are going the way of every other petty tyrant before you. To **oblivion!**"

"Pretty pathetic isn't it?" Low Light mocked as Legion could do nothing as he and Roadblock approached him. "You can't even move. You can't use your powers! You can do nothing while a **human **finishes you off!"

"No…" Legion lay on the ground trying to fight. "It can't…It **can't** end this way!" He started to foam at the mouth.

"But it **is**," Roadblock pinned him to the ground. He held the syringe over him. Despite his weakened condition, Legion was still flopping around desperate to escape.

"They're going to…" Rahne was shocked.

"Couldn't happen to a nicer guy," Lance growled.

"Go ahead, Roadblock!" Lorna moved and held Legion's hands down so he couldn't escape. "I'll be more than glad to watch **this!" **

"It's pretty sad in a way," Roadblock gave Legion a menacing look. "All those personalities giving up their freedom in order to survive. But none of you are getting out alive. As soon as this needle hits, that's it! Your existence is **over!"**

"No, no…" Legion's eyes were wide in terror. "NO!"

"So long, Sucker!" Roadblock plunged the needle right into his chest.

"NAAAHAHHHAAHAAHAAAA!" Legion screamed in agony as his death throws became more violent.

However Legion wasn't going to go just yet. And a little thing like not having a body wasn't going to stop him.

With his last ounce of strength he gave himself a psychic boost, one that sent his spirit out of his body before it died. They saw a ghostly figure emerge with a shriek from the body.

"What's going on?" Bobby yelled. "Is that thing Legion?"

"This is **exactly** what happened with the Shadow King!" Xavier realized what was happening. "Somehow he managed to sever his connection with his body before it died! If that happens to a telepath, he'll become a spirit! His body will die, but his mind will **live** on!"

_**"That is right Xavier…"**_ The entity screamed. "_**WE WILL LIVE!"**_

Before anyone could do anything the spirit creature that was Legion fled right into Lorna's body. "AAHHHH!" Lorna screamed.

"LORNA!" Both Alex and Bobby shouted.

"He, he he…" A possessed Lorna stared at them. Her eyes were glowing green. "We do not need that body anymore…**This** body will serve us well…HA HA HA! HA!"

WHACK!

Pietro had zoomed up from behind Lorna and hit her hard, knocking the entity that now possessed her body out cold. "You **still **haven't learned your lesson! Always watch your back!"

"Good job Quicksilver," Roadblock told him.

"No problem," Pietro said. "Normally I don't like to hit ladies but since she's my sister…"

"Ha ha," Wanda folded her arms. "Very amusing Pietro."

"What? It wasn't **you** I hit," Pietro asked.

"Lorna!" Bobby shouted as he and Alex went to her side. They were stopped by Jean.

"Don't!" Jean warned them. "Even unconscious I don't trust that thing inside her!"

"But you can get it out of her right?" Alex asked.

"Not the way I am now," Jean sighed. "In a few hours maybe. Professor?"

"It's tricky but we **might** be able to do it," Xavier told her. "The problem is what to do with the entity once we've severed it from Polaris' body. We might just…"

There was a slight groan from Legion's former body. "What?" Xavier was stunned as it shifted back to David's true self. "How is that possible? Roadblock I thought you said you poisoned Legion?"

"We did," Pietro told him. "That was poison all right."

"Then what did you stab Legion with?" Bobby asked Roadblock.

"The antidote to the poison, duh!" Pietro rolled his eyes.

"He'll still be out for a while but when he wakes up he'll be right as rain and not insane," Roadblock grinned.

"Wait I know we agreed to kill Legion if there was no other way to separate his personalities from David's body," Xavier was shocked.

"We did," Low Light said. "We just didn't mention the rest of the plan to you."

"And what was **that?**" Jean asked.

"Well we thought we'd poison the guy just like we said we would," Cover Girl explained. "That would only destroy the body, not the extra personalities. So we concocted a way to get rid of them."

"By thinking this shot contained more poison in here," Roadblock showed them. "Legion would be convinced that the end was near. And that final shock should have destroyed those extra personalities for good."

"Leaving David alone with his body," Rogue realized it.

"That was the idea. Unfortunately we just didn't figure out that he was capable of pulling a stunt like **this,"** Low Light grumbled.

"But why didn't you tell me…?" Xavier gasped.

"No offense Xavier but you're not the greatest actor in the world," Low Light shrugged. "It was essential to the plan that Legion thought for certain you'd kill him or let him get killed without hesitation."

"You we had to deceive in order for Legion to believe," Roadblock agreed. He pressed a button and relayed a message. "Roadblock to Base. Legion is down. Repeat. Legion is down!"

"HE MAY BE DOWN! BUT I'M NOT!"

They looked behind them and saw Unicorn standing on top of the broken statue. "YOU! YOU! OH YOU! I AM REALLY UPSET!"

"Who's **this** nut job?" Pietro asked.

"Mademoiselle Unicorn I presume?" Remy growled.

"Unicorn?" Pyro asked. "Why they call her that?"

"Here's a wild guess," Kurt gave him a look. "The **horn** on her **head?"**

"Oh right," Pyro nodded.

"You fools are going to **pay **for breaking my favorite new plaything," Unicorn hissed. "He was my entry in The Game! Now I have to back someone else!"

"Game? You're the second person who's spoken about this so called game," Xavier said harshly. "What is this game of yours that you believe allows you the right to play with peoples' lives?"

"That makes it the **ultimate** game, Xavier dear," Unicorn laughed. "But I'm going to have to explain the rules **another** day."

"Oh no ya don't!" Rogue took to the air after her. "I've had enough of nutcases attacking my home for **one** night!"

"Another time," Unicorn sighed. Suddenly there was a blast of smoke. Rogue flew straight towards her but ended up getting nothing but a mouthful of smoke. Unicorn was nowhere to be seen.

"Uh what just happened here?" Kurt gulped. "Is she a teleporter? Where did she go?"

"I dunno but she's gone now," Rogue grumbled.

"Smoke caplet," Spirit looked at the ground. "She must have used this to cover her escape.

"But then how did she get away?" Tabitha asked.

"Must be some kind of ninja trick," Cover Girl sighed. "It happens all the time." She then heard a noise. "Huh?" Several SHIELD helicarriers flew in the air.

"Here comes SHIELD after we've done all the **work,"** Pietro mocked as the helicarriers landed. "As usual."

SHIELD landed. Fury and his men exited and started to scour the area. General Hawk was with him as well. They were both quickly informed of the battle and the situation. Before anyone knew it David was placed inside a stasis chamber.

"Where are you taking him?" Xavier asked. "He's my son! Please let me help him."

"Xavier you really didn't think we'd just let him go?" Fury looked at him. "Possession or not your kid is still responsible for a lot of death and destruction. Even if it wasn't completely his fault we can't take that chance."

"I know that but we can monitor him until we can decide on a course of treatment…" Xavier began.

"It's already been decided," Fury interrupted. "David Haller is to remain in suspended animation."

"For how long?" Scott asked.

"Permanently," Fury said.

"But it was all those other personalities controlling him!" Jean protested. "They're gone…"

"And in Lorna now," Scott grumbled.

"Wonderful, now we have **two** insane metal manipulators flying around," Fury grumbled. "You can see why my superiors are reluctant to allow you to have custody of the boy."

"But David didn't kill those people," Jean protested. "Legion did. You can't punish David for crimes he didn't commit!"

"He still has those powers used by Legion within him even if he doesn't know how to use them," Fury said giving her a pointed look. "A mutant that powerful can't be let loose."

"You can't just lock him up without a trial!" Xavier said.

"Oh you want to put him on trial? Go ahead bring him to court," Fury gave him a look. "Like **any** jury wouldn't give him the death sentence in a heartbeat!"

"This is practically the same thing!" Xavier protested.

"I have my orders," Fury told him. "The public will be told Legion was killed in a battle with the X-Men, Misfits and SHIELD. That's technically the truth. Maybe a decade from now the rage will die down enough for us to release him from stasis and put him in another facility. But until then…I'm sorry Xavier but for the good of everyone David Haller must disappear from the world."

"As much as I hate it, Fury's right," Hawk sighed. "Think of the big picture Charles. Enough people want your blood for what your son did. If they even **suspect** that he's alive…At least this way maybe, just **maybe** it might put the cap on mutant/human violence for a while."

"You're right," Xavier sighed. "There is no choice."

"Hold on," Fury made a motion to his people. He pointed to Polaris. "Take the girl! And get some inhibitor cuffs on her!"

"You can't take her away too!" Bobby protested. "The Professor…"

"Has screwed up **enough** times," Fury cut him off. "I'm sorry Xavier but if she is possessed as you say she is our telepaths will help her. We just can't trust you."

"You can't trust **us?**" Jean's voice grew higher. "After all we've done for you. How many times have we helped you? We must have saved the freaking planet at least five times and you're saying you can't trust **us?"**

"That's exactly what I'm saying **Phoenix,"** Fury snarled. "And if I were you I'd keep my temper in check or you might find yourself in holding cell as well."

"No you can't take her!" Alex shouted.

"You can't do this!" Bobby agreed. Several SHIELD agents stood in their way.

"Stand down!" General Hawk told them. "Fury…Why…?"

"It won't be permanent," Fury sighed. "Considering what's inside of her you can understand my concerns."

"You'll return her once the entity formerly known as Legion is removed from her body?" Jean asked.

"I'll…do what I can," Fury said.

"What does **that** supposed to mean?" Bobby yelled.

"It means keep your trap shut and don't push my buttons!" Fury snapped. He motioned to his men. "Let's go."

"No, Professor you can't let them…" Bobby begged.

"I'm sorry Bobby," Xavier sighed. "There's nothing we can do."

"But..." Alex began to protest.

"Dude we can't fight off all of SHIELD right now," Pietro said. "Believe me I'm not crazy about watching another sister of mine get taken away and locked up but you know how dangerous Legion is! We'll get Lorna back, I promise."

"The important thing is that Legion is contained and we won," Tim agreed.

"Some victory this is," Scott sighed as SHIELD took David and Lorna away. They also took the unconscious Gabrielle Haller away so they could bring her to a hospital.

"And some battle," Tabitha sighed. "Are you okay Rahne?"

"If you don't mind…" Rahne said. "I'll think I'll go home now. My leg kind of hurts." She passed out.

"Moira is gonna **love** this," Hank groaned as he picked up the unconscious wolf girl.

"Professor…I'm sorry," Roadblock said. "We tried but…"

"I know you did Roadblock," Xavier sighed. "At least my son is alive. And I thank you for it. That's some small comfort."

But wasn't enough to compensate for the damage done that day.

And Xavier could do nothing but weep for his loss.

And he did.

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Several hours later at GRSO Headquarters…

"I must admit Fury you certainly came through for us," Kincaid looked at the unconscious restrained Lorna lying in a stasis chamber in a huge laboratory. "For once SHIELD did something right."

"Watch your mouth Kincaid. How you are still **alive **after the Chicago fiasco I will never understand," Fury growled. "Let alone in charge of the GRSO!"

"You know it's very lucky this incident happened isn't it Fury?" Kincaid grinned. "Especially for you. Don't get me wrong, I would have **loved **to hear how you figured out a way to tell Xavier that the higher ups decided that it was too dangerous for Magneto's metal manipulating child to be let loose with the X-Men. And that they ordered you to take the girl into custody just in case Magneto decided to pull something."

"And it was all **your** idea wasn't it Kincaid?" Fury snarled. "Why her? Why not go after any of his other children?"

"Because quite frankly they're damaged goods," Kincaid said. "Look at the facts: The Scarlet Witch is nuts and she's more than happy to fight **against **her old man than fight with him. Hell she'd probably kill him one of these days if she gets half a chance. And that Quicksilver isn't exactly playing with a full deck himself. His father didn't even trust him when they worked together. Let the Misfits have 'em and clean up after their mess."

"And Rogue?" Fury asked.

"Like I said, damaged goods," Kincaid shrugged. "Besides Magneto spent how much time with her during her life? An hour or two? And during all that time he was either running experiments on her or trying to **kill her!** No, it had to be the Dane girl. Not only does she share the same powers he has, she's the only one he actually **cares** about. That makes her valuable."

"I want to make one thing perfectly clear Kincaid," Fury glared at him. "My superiors may have ordered me to take the girl to you, but I'm not going to just let you turn her into a science experiment. This girl is to remain unharmed and rehabilitated until those extra personalities are purged from her mind. If anything…and I do mean **anything **happens to her…Any kind of mistreatment and I will personally shove your head so far down a hole you'll feel the devil's breath on your slimy neck!"

"Don't worry Fury I'll make sure Magneto's precious **little girl** isn't harmed," Kincaid sneered. "Time to make Frost earn her keep."

"I mean it Kincaid," Fury fumed.

"Relax Fury," Kincaid glared at him. "Even I'm not that stupid as to experiment on Magneto's daughter. She'll make a great hostage. Besides you're not exactly Mister Clean now are you? You have done quite a few things in **your **past in order for the greater good. Speaking of which, what happened to Haller boy?"

"Oh no, you're not getting your claws on his body," Fury snapped. "That's all you need to know."

"So he is dead is he?" Kincaid tilted his head. "Not just frozen on ice?"

"That's **classified**," Fury said with authority. "I'm glad to say there are some mutant related situations that even **you** don't get to know about."

"It doesn't matter," Kincaid shrugged. "The Legion thing is in her now. That was responsible for all the chaos. Haller was just a used up hotel room. And Xavier got a little of what he deserved."

"Someday Kincaid you'll get what **you'll **deserve," Fury fumed. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get back to headquarters." He turned on his heel and left the room.

"Oh this was even **easier** than I thought," Mystique morphed back into her normal form when she was sure Fury would not be coming back. She looked down at Lorna's unconscious form in the tube. "Now comes the hard part. Convincing her to join us."

"May not be **that **hard," Emma entered the room from a hidden side door. "Something tells me that this psychic entity might harbor a grudge against Magneto as well as Xavier."

"Fury does have good instincts," The Baroness entered the room. "Kincaid **didn't **survive the whole Chicago/Neverland fiasco. By the way who did kill him? Magneto?"

"No, it was Solitaire," Mystique told him. "He managed to jump through the portal at the same time Deadpool made it. By the time Deadpool landed, Kincaid's head landed at Magneto's feet as well as a few other body parts. Sabertooth was actually impressed."

"Ah yes I remember that series of genetic assassins now," The Baroness nodded. "Remind me never to be alone in the same room with **that **creature. No offense."

"Considering it's a genetically engineered living weapon without a gender I don't take any," Emma told her. "Creatures like that are dangerous and uncontrollable."

"Isn't that a bit like the pot calling the kettle a shade of dark ebony my Dear Ms. Frost?" The Baroness purred.

"No Baroness. There **is** a difference," Emma said. "Mutants born naturally are part of evolution. Nature's choice of who is a superior species. Mutants created in a lab, by **humans **however are nothing more than dangerous tools not to be handled lightly."

"Speaking of not handling tools lightly," Mystique made a motion towards the chamber. "Can we get this show on the road?"

"But of course," Emma nodded. She pressed a few buttons and the fluid in the chamber drained out. The girl opened her eyes and started to growl, trying to escape from her bonds.

"Don't bother trying to use your powers on those restraints," The Baroness said. "We took the precaution of putting an inhibitor collar on you. Although technically those aren't your powers now are they?"

"But they **could** be. Do you want to stay in that body, dear?" Emma asked. The girl snarled at her. "I'll take that as a yes. I could arrange that you know? You see we have some things in common. We both hate Magneto, Xavier…"

"Xavier…" She hissed. "We hate Xavier…"

"Not to mention a certain Jean Grey," Mystique purred.

"Grey…Phoenix…" The girl snarled. "Hate her…Hate the fire bird! Hate her!"

"And Magneto…" Emma said. "You really hate Magneto don't you?"

"Yes, yes we do…" The girl had a wild look in her eyes. "We hate them **all!"**

"How would you like to help us get revenge on **all** of them?" Mystique asked.

"We would like that very much," The girl grinned. "Very much. And the GI Joes?"

"Why not?" The Baroness shrugged. "The more the merrier."

"Yes…Yes we want vengeance on them all," The girl said. "We will work with you."

"Good," Emma said. "First I will train your mind so that you will be strong. And when the time is right…We will destroy our enemies. But first…You need a name. You see most people are known by only **one** identity. You are not Lorna Dane. Who **are** you?"

"We're…We are…" The girl formerly known as Lorna blinked. "We don't know…Will you name us?"

"Very well let's see…" Emma thought. "Any ideas Mystique?"

"She needs a name to reflect who she is now," Mystique said. "She's angry. She is full of rage and hate. I have the perfect name for her. You are Malice."

"Malice," The girl grinned. "Yes that is our name. We are Malice."

**Well there goes Legion and here comes Malice! Oh boy there's a bumpy road coming up ahead for our gang! And it's going to get really rocky in the future! **

**But next: The search for Shadowcat continues! Will Logan's team find her in time? Or is the Kitty we know gone forever? Read next time to see what happens! **


	94. The Fist of Ogun Tightens

**The Fist of Ogun Tightens**

"God I hate guard duty! Harrison, remind me to hit you on the head with a very heavy brick in the near future!"

A tall young British man in his twenties grumbled into his communicator. He had short black shaggy hair, brown eyes and black clothes and boots with a long gray coat. He was standing alone in a lighted hallway in an underground building. "I mean come on Harrison why stick me with this lame assignment!" He snapped.

"Because Mister Pete Wisdom," A British voice spoke over the communicator. "Maybe this will be the **one** assignment where you won't destroy everything in sight!"

"I told you it wasn't my fault that bridge blew up," Wisdom groaned. "I'm not the one who planted those explosives!"

"No but you are the one who **activated** them," Harrison reminded him.

"It was an accident," Wisdom groaned. "Besides no one was killed. Well no one that wasn't **supposed **to die didn't die."

"You were supposed to get those terrorists alive! And keep the bridge from being blown up!" Harrison yelled at him over the communicator. "Just consider yourself lucky that you're only getting probation! Especially with your record!"

"What do you mean my record?" Wisdom asked. "I'm one of WHO's most skilled agents with a ninety nine point nine success record."

"You are skilled all right," Harrison told him. "You have a **one hundred percent** record of creating chaos and disaster wherever you go! That's why we're keeping you close to home for a while! Where you can't do any **damage!**"

"Damage? We're a freaking secret British agency hidden under the sewers of London!" Wisdom snapped. "Nobody knows where we are and since we've got a ton of steel and concrete between us nobody can get in! What's the point of putting me on guard duty when **nothing** is going to happen?"

Just then the lights went out. "Uh, Harrison? Did we have some kind of power outage?" Wisdom blinked as he took out his personal flashlight. "Harrison? Harrison? Great! The one time I actually want to hear his loud mouth!"

He made his way down the corridor and happened to notice there were a few bodies knocked out on the ground. "Not dead that's a good thing…" He muttered to himself.

He heard a noise in a nearby room. He realized that it was the computer lab where WHO's files were held. Cautiously he opened the door and barely managed to avoid getting hit by a fist.

"Damn it!" Wisdom swore as he dropped the flashlight. It illuminated the room slightly revealing that his opponent was a young woman with long brown hair hanging straight down and cold blue eyes. She was wearing a black ninja uniform and had a sword by her side.

"All right what's a cute little bird like you doing…?" Wisdom asked before narrowly escaping her fists. "WHOA!"

"Look Love, how about we call it a day and then…OOMPH!" Wisdom gasped as Kitty hit him squarely in the stomach. "Okay…You have a good right hook…"

BAM!

"And the left one isn't so bad as well," Wisdom groaned as he staggered backwards. "Good thing you're a girl. Otherwise I'd be missing more than two or three teeth…"

He saw her foot headed towards his face. Reacting instinctively he spun around and sent out several shards of energy from his fingers. Many of them were headed straight towards the girl. But for some reason none of them hit her. They seemed to pass right through her.

They did however imbed themselves in the wall and in a few computers which exploded violently. "You're not the **only freak** in this room, Love," Wisdom threw more of the energy knives at her. "Take that!"

Again the knives passed right through her, hitting other objects and exploding with violent results. She continued to attack him with her fists and as much as he dodged he kept getting hit.

He tried to hit her back but his fist and then his whole body went through her. "Oh Hell no!" He yelled as he lost his balance and fell down. The girl didn't even seem phased by this and pounced upon him.

Wisdom barley managed to get out of the way. "Okay I can't hit her but she can hit me. Not good! **Not good!"** His eyes widened as she went for the attack again. "Really not good!"

"Say cheese!" Wisdom brought out his camera phone and flashed a picture at her. Then he hit the send button the split second she was distracted. Of course right after that she kicked the phone out of his hand and kicked him against the wall. Then she phased through the wall and disappeared.

"Well that could have gone better…" Wisdom grumbled. The lights went on again. "Oh my aching head."

A few minutes later several men in black ran in holding weapons. "Sorry boys you missed the party," Wisdom told them as he sat on the floor.

"It figures," An older British gentleman in a smart navy blue suit and slightly graying black hair grumbled as he walked in. "You've even managed to do damage on a simple guard duty assignment."

"I'm **fine**, thanks for asking Harrison," Wisdom snapped as he got up on his feet. "Let me guess, several files are missing or copied?"

"Got it in one," Harrison grumbled. "Our infiltrator got in, knocked out the lights and our men and got out quickly. I don't know how he managed to get by our security."

"**She** can walk through bloody walls," Wisdom corrected him. "That's how she did it. Not to mention some ninja skills and a good one two combination."

"Can you describe her?" Harrison asked.

"Can do one better," Wisdom grunted. "I got a picture of her and sent it to my e-mail account."

"Wonderful, too bad nearly all our computers got fried in that attack!" Harrison grumbled.

"Oh come on Harrison," Wisdom said. "You know it'd take more than that to stop Specs. Now can someone help me find part of my jaw? I think it's on the floor somewhere."

A few hours later Harrison and Wisdom were in a computer lab with a very small man with very big eyes hidden behind a pair of very thick glasses. The fact that this man was operating the computer network wasn't so odd. The odd part that he was doing it without touching anything, merely wiggling his fingers.

"So your mutant Mojo on computers get anything Specs?" Wisdom asked.

"Got an ID on our perp," Specs told him in an Irish accent.

"Already?" Wisdom asked. "That was fast."

"Well there was already an alert on her on SHIELD," Specs told him. "But as a victim not as a threat." An image of Kitty was on screen. "Kitty 'Shadowcat' Pryde. Age eighteen. A member of the X-Men, a group of mutant superheroes over in the States."

"I **know **who the X-Men are," Wisdom told him.

"Did you also know this girl was kidnapped by a ninja named Ogun about two weeks ago?" Specs asked. "And we all know who's company he's been keeping lately."

"Crap! Factor Three's involved again isn't it?" Wisdom grumbled. "So obviously this girl's powers are being used for their interests. Wonderful."

"If this girl is being controlled by Ogun we're going to need backup," Harrison said. "More specifically Wisdom, **you're** going to need backup. I'm calling in the X-Men."

"Great! Just what I wanted to do this week!" Wisdom rolled his eyes. "Baby-sit a bunch of preening self important American Mutant prats while trying to rescue a psychotic girl from an evil ninja and an international criminal organization."

"Could be worse," Specs shrugged. "You could still be on guard duty."

"Shut up Four Eyes," Wisdom gave him a look.

"That's **Five Eyes** to you," Specs gave him a look before unbuttoning his shirt. A red eye was in the center of his chest. "Remember?"

"Oh yeah. I always forget about that thing," Wisdom grumbled.

"In any **other** job that would be considered odd that you forget things like that," Harrison remarked to Wisdom. "But in our line of work it isn't."

"Not my fault every other bloke we run into has an extra pair of limbs or noses or whatever…" Wisdom grumbled.

"Yeah remember the guy with the **six ears?"** Specs remarked. "What a weirdo."

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

It had been over a week since Legion was taken down. And still things were not settled at the Xavier Institute. "And no word yet from Fury on Lorna's progress?" Logan asked Jean. He and his team were talking to her using a two way videophone in one of Shima's safe houses in Japan.

"Nothing," Jean sighed. "Every other day we have to talk Rogue out of flying over there and busting some heads. But she's not the only one who feels this way. Rahne's leg wasn't seriously injured but that didn't stop Moira from giving the Professor a serious chewing out. Even though Legion is gone the people of Bayville still blame us for his attacks and are working on a class action suit against us. There are anti-mutant protests on TV every night. Both Bobby and Alex are taking it so hard they barely even talk to each other, let alone fight. But it's not a hateful silence…It's…Well they and everyone else here are pretty depressed considering the circumstances."

"I can't believe Fury hasn't even called you **once** to report on her progress," Jubilee said.

"Or lack of it," Rina growled. "I don't trust him."

"In this case neither do I," Logan agreed. "Where's Charles?"

"He'll be home from the funeral soon," Jean told them.

"Funeral? What a fake one for his son?" Logan asked.

"No, it was for Gabrielle Haller," Jean sighed. "She committed suicide."

"Oh god…" Jubilee was shocked. "What happened?"

"Well from what we could piece together from her diaries the whole Lucas thing had been bothering her for years," Jean explained. "After the FOH massacre it got worse. She felt so much guilt for her part in creating Legion, you know not telling her son about his father and vice versa? And she was afraid to go to a doctor for help. She felt that she couldn't confide in anyone."

"Who could she tell?" Althea said. "How do you tell someone that your son is a mutant mass murderer with a multiple personality? Not exactly a lot of support groups for that."

"A couple days after SHIELD sent out a press conference that Legion was dead the geniuses in charge realized that no one told her that her son was really alive," Jean told them in a bitter tone. "The Professor was outraged and insisted on telling her in person. He went to her hospital room to try and break the news to her. But by the time he got there…She'd already taken an overdose of tranquilizers."

"Man that's rough," Todd whistled. "How's the Professor holding up?"

"Not so good," Jean said. "Let's just say we're all making sure he's not alone too long if you get my meaning."

"Jean I may be extremely depressed and devastated due to the turn of events but I am hardly suicidal," Xavier told her as he entered the room. "Even though it feels like part of me is already dead."

"It was a pretty rough day," Ororo said as she walked in after Xavier. "Especially with all the media coverage."

"Media coverage?" Logan asked. "What this was about Legion?"

"Got it in one," Jean said. "The press has been hounding Xavier ever since the news that his son was dead."

"And Gabrielle's family and society friends have been hounding the Professor," Ororo admitted. "They're trying to bring a lawsuit claiming that he was responsible for both David and Gabrielle's deaths."

"Not to mention the other lawsuits of the families of the thousands of people that Legion was responsible for killing. With a huge press following combined with the rancor of Gabrielle's friends and older sister it wasn't exactly one of the better funerals I've been to," Xavier said.

"Is that a tomato stain on your jacket?" Todd blinked.

"Yes," Xavier said bitterly. "But that's **not** why I wanted to talk to you."

"We've been looking all over Japan and still no sign of Kitty," Danielle told them.

"We know," Ororo told them. "That's because she was somewhere else."

"Kitty was seen in London last night," Xavier told them.

"By that you mean...?" Logan picked up something.

"Cerebro didn't pick up her signature," Xavier finished. "She was seen breaking into a government facility. Not just any government facility, WHO."

"You don't know?" Todd blinked.

"No WHO is short for the Weird Happenings Organization," Logan told him. "Think of a British super secret spy organization that deals with demons, witches, other dimensions. **Anything **supernatural or superhuman. And that also includes mutants. It's kind of a side branch of STRIKE only it's been around a lot longer than it has. It's even older than SHIELD and nearly every other secret spy organization in Europe."

"How old are we talking about here?" Jubilee asked.

"Let's just say Queen Elizabeth the First signed a few paychecks to 'em in her day," Logan told her.

"That's old," Todd blinked.

"Not by Japanese standards," Shima snorted. "We've had organizations like that before Westerners learned how to eat with utensils other than their hands."

"One of their operatives witnessed Shadowcat stealing some valuable files," Xavier continued. "We're not sure what but we do know that Ogun is behind it."

"Obviously," Xi folded his arms. "The Kitty we know would not steal anything beyond someone's lipstick."

"Who's lipstick?" Danielle blinked.

"Mine," Xi told her.

"You really don't want to know **that **story," Todd told her. "**Trust **me!"

"They know about the Ogun situation and they've contacted us," Xavier said. "You are to go to London at the following coordinates and meet up with the operative who witnessed her attack, a Mister Pete Wisdom. Who also happens to be a mutant."

"I've heard of the guy," Logan growled. "A lot like Gambit without the charm."

"Yes and from what I have heard he is also a little **less **restrained than **you,**" Shima gave him a look.

"This is going to be a **fun **meeting," Jubilee rolled her eyes.

"Aren't they all?" Althea asked.

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"Gotta love the Mass Device," Althea remarked as they made their way on a dark London street. "Daytime in Japan one minute, night time in Great Britain the next."

"Too bad we don't have time for sightseeing," Todd looked around. "Ooh! I wonder how the flies taste over here?"

With a flick of his tongue he found out. "Hmmm, yummy! A slightly smoky flavor that's not too bad on the palete."

"Eww," Jubilee winced. "Disgusting!"

"Logan, a word if you don't mind," Shima indicated that the two adults should hang back while the teenagers went ahead.

"Let me guess," Logan sighed. "You want to talk about the possibility that Kitty's long gone from Britain right now?"

"We must also face the possibility that it might be too late to save her," Shima sighed. "A few weeks are more than enough time for someone like Ogun to transfer all or most of his essence to her body."

"That's the real reason why you didn't want Colossus to be part of our team," Logan stated.

"Correct," Shima nodded. "It will be difficult enough if the only way to save her soul…If she still **has** her soul left…"

"I know," Logan took a deep breath.

"Wolverine, I know I am a harsh taskmaster but I do understand what it is like to care for one's students," Shima gave him a look. "And for things to go terribly wrong. Believe me. I have been in your situation more times than I care to remember."

"And how many times have you been able to get your students back?" Logan asked.

"From a forbidden ninja technique such as the Dark Soul Possession?" Shima asked. Logan nodded. "Not many."

"That's what I was **afraid** of," Logan growled. "But don't count us out yet. We X-Men beat the odds every day."

"You may be right," Shima agreed. "However one of these days your luck is going to run out. I just want you to be prepared for it."

"Don't lecture **me **about worst case scenarios lady," Logan growled. "I've been through them all. I'll do what I have to do."

"And if you **can't?"** Shima gave him a look with a raised eyebrow.

"Let's not cross that bridge until we come to it okay?" Logan told her.

"I am just saying if you can not do your duty..." Shima began.

"You'll do **yours**, I got it," Logan snarled. "But it ain't gonna come to that. I know the Half Pint. She can be a ditz sometimes but deep down she's a real scrapper."

"The problem is that it's not really **her** we are up against," Shima told him. "You know by now there is a very real possiblity there may be more of Ogun than her."

"If there is **anything** left of Kitty in there I will save her," Logan growled. "Count on it."

"Hey are you guys going to gossip all day or can we get a move on?" Jubilee called out to the adults behind her.

"Coming," Logan told them. They caught up with the impatient teenagers.

"So who exactly are we supposed to meet?" Rina asked.

"A guy named Pete Wisdom," Logan told her. "The same man who saw Kitty."

"If you don't mind me asking what exactly are this Wisdom guy's powers?" Jubilee asked.

"Why don't you ask him **yourself,**" Logan turned his head. "Come on out! I can smell you a mile away. You should quit smoking. It'll kill you."

"So will everything else in this business," Wisdom walked out. "So you're the crew Xavier sent out eh?"

"X-Men and Misfits," Althea said. "Wisdom huh? So what are your powers?"

"I can make darts of thermal energy from my fingers," Wisdom wiggled them. "Call 'em Hot Knives. Very handy."

"What's your code name?" Danielle asked.

"Don't have one kid," Wisdom told her. "It's just Wisdom."

"How come you don't have a code name?" Danielle asked.

"I don't buy into that whole 'mutant name' crap," Wisdom told her. "Those who do have a serious comic book fixation."

"What's wrong with comic books?" Todd blinked.

"Not **now** Toad," Rina rolled her eyes. "We're…"

"I **know** who all you are," Wisdom remarked. "Very few people in our line of work **don't** know anything about the Misfits and X-Men due to all your television coverage. You lot are known as the Brittany Spears of the crime fighting world. And I **don't** mean that in a **good way**. I mean that in an insane, drunken, run off with strippers and leave the kids at home while you go party, forget your underwear, shave your head bald and get tattooed kind of way."

"Yeah and I've heard a **few things** about you too Wisdom," Logan growled. "You make the Misfits look like well behaved neat freaks so you'd better watch your step!"

"Look mate, you may be a big shot over there in the States but this is **my** turf," Wisdom grunted. "Don't need no Yank telling me how to do **my** job."

"First of all I'm **Canadian,**" Logan corrected him. "Second of all I'd be more than glad to get out of your hair once we get Shadowcat back. She's my student and I'm not going to let **anyone** get in my way!"

"This is also **my **case!" Wisdom snapped. "So get over it! Now I have the files on Shadowcat, is there anything else you want to tell me?"

"Do you know about the whole possessed thing?" Jubilee asked.

"It fits in with what we know about Ogun's MO," Wisdom shrugged. "He usually likes to brainwash people into doing his dirty work for him."

"Unfortunately he's not just going to brainwash Shadowcat," Shima sighed. "He wants to use her as a host for his next body."

"Dark Soul Possession huh?" Wisdom asked. "Cor those are nasty. I **hate** those. Demonic ones are hard enough but those ninja ones are damn near impossible to break!"

"You've dealt with Ogun before?" Logan asked.

"Not me personally but the higher ups know of more than one occasion where he's done a job for the Factor Three Organization."

"The X-Men in Bayville believe they saw one of the members of Factor Three in Bayville recently," Shima told him. "She was somehow encouraging Legion's attacks for some kind of sick game."

"She huh? Then you must mean Unicorn," Wisdom told her. "Why am I **not** surprised? If she's not killing for kicks she's getting other people to kill each other to amuse her. And she's been rumored to be linked with Ogun."

"I suppose as one assassin to another they probably get along pretty well," Todd said sarcastically. "Probably swap different killing techniques and assassin stories."

"Factor Three and their little friends have been giving us headaches for **years,**" Wisdom told them. "The leader of the group, Factor One may not be that big a deal in the States but believe me, he's trouble."

"Yeah we kind of figured that when he took over Madripoor," Althea folded her arms.

"Don't blame us for **that,**" Wisdom bristled. "The Hidden Fist and those blokes in China dropped the ball in their corner of the world. Our job is to keep nutcases like that out of **our** corner!"

"Hidden Fist?" Jubilee asked.

"That's Asia's version of WHO and SHIELD combined," Wisdom grunted. He saw Shima was about to open her mouth. "And I know that ain't it's **real name**, love but that's what we call it over here."

"Hidden Fist is fine right now," Shima shrugged. "And you are right. Factor One did pull the wool over our eyes."

"Pulled the whole bloody flock of sheep from what I've seen," Wisdom remarked. "Look we figured out from the files she stole that Ogun wants some information on some kind of mutant project that was carried out a few decades ago. We don't know exactly what that project was or who ran it but we do know that one of the main players behind it is a Mr. Roland Senton, an American scientist that dropped off the map for a while then remerged after changing his name to Ronald Smith. He's been living in Wales for the past five years doing some kind of research for a genetics company which is an outreach of Extensive Enterprises."

"That's Cobra's company," Althea frowned.

"Got it in one," Wisdom grumbled. "Of course they've changed their name over here to Widespread Visions so the general public wouldn't catch on."

"So we're off to Wales," Todd nodded.

"Nope Widespread Visions has an office right here in London," Wisdom told him. "We've been keeping an eye on them for some time. Rumor is that there's going to be some big breakthrough in genetics research announced tomorrow."

"Do you have any idea what it is?" Shima asked.

"Rumors have been going around that it could be anything from growing a new kind of potato to making a winged version of Dolly the lamb," Wisdom shrugged. "We've had our team check the place out but so far the only mutants we've been able to find are the ones at the reception desk and the cleaning crew if you get my drift. Oh and one guy who likes to photocopy his butt a little too much."

"So you believe that Ogun will have Kitty strike at this conference tomorrow?" Shima asked.

"It's as good a bet as any," Wisdom nodded. "I say we stake the place out and when and if she does strike we'll be ready."

"Kitty would never do anything like this," Danielle shook her head.

"Kid that's not Kitty," Logan told her. "That's Ogun messing with her mind."

"We have to break Ogun's spell on Kitty!" Jubilee said. "We have to!"

"We will kid," Logan told her. "We will."

What he told himself was something completely different.

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Kitty was running through the forest, charging ahead at her pursuers. There were several ninjas who thought they could take her by surprise.

They thought wrong.

Her enemies fell before her like blades of grass against a sharp blade.

And it felt good.

She relived the battle again and again and she felt strong.

Strong and powerful as she took out those who opposed her.

In reality she was merely slicing apart straw dummies in a large training room. An eleven year old Japanese girl with short black hair wearing a red ninja outfit was at the controls. She sent out fake dummy after fake dummy but Kitty cut them down.

"That is enough!" Ogun spoke sharply. He was observing Kitty's progress in the training room. He left the room and went down to the training room, where Kitty was standing silently. "Kneel."

Kitty did so without hesitation. Ogun put his hand on her head. A strange purple mist emitted from his arm into Kitty's body. She seemed to fall deeper under his spell. "That is enough for now," Ogun spoke.

As if they came out of nowhere seven more ninjas appeared out of the shadows, all clad in black. They knelt at his feet. The young girl soon joined them. "The training is progressing at a rapid pace," Ogun informed them. "Soon the Vessel will be ready. Sabato, report on your progress."

"We have the information you requested master," One ninja handed him some papers.

Ogun looked at them. "Very good. Tomorrow we will strike."

"Which squad to you wish to lead the attack, Master?" Sabato asked.

"Only two ninja will be needed," Ogun spoke. "I will see to this matter personally."

"But Master, surely our enemies will know by now…" One ninja spoke.

"That is my decision," Ogun spoke sharply. "Leave now. And take the Vessel to her quarters."

"By your will," The ninjas spoke as one and prepared to leave.

"Nao," Ogun spoke. "Stay here."

The young girl did not move or speak as Kitty was taken away. Soon the two of them were left alone. "Have I…displeased you Master?" The young girl asked.

"Not really. I thought we should have a chat about the doubts you have in your heart," Ogun told her.

"But Master…I…" The girl fell silent.

"Do not bother. I can see it in your eyes. You are wondering why I did not choose **you** to be my next vessel, are you not?" Ogun spoke to his young follower. "You are wondering why? What have you done to not deserve this honor? What was it you failed in your duties that led you to be replaced by a mere gajin girl?"

"It is not my place to complain Sensei," Nao spoke to her. "Nor to question your decisions. Only your will matters."

"Hmph, well said but that is **not **what is in your heart," Ogun spoke. "Nao, do not think that I thought you were unworthy of being my next incarnation. On the contrary, it is because I value your skills so highly that I wanted you to be by my side."

Nao said nothing. "I know you would sacrifice your life for me in a heartbeat," Ogun spoke. "It is that loyalty I need in creating our future. One day we will control a great and powerful ninja clan, perhaps the most powerful in all history. It will become even more feared than the Arashikage Clan in it's height of power. But to do that I need ninja such as yourself to carry on my traditions."

"But Sensei," Nao asked. "You will be here. How can anyone else carry on your traditions besides you?"

"Ah little Nao," Ogun sighed. "I wish I had your optimism sometimes. Yes I intend to live a long, long time. However…"

He removed a band around his wrist and rolled up his sleeve. The skin of his arm was turning black, like it was decaying. "Yes, I can be reborn again and again inside a new body but at a price. Like a flame that burns in a bonfire and must consume the wood in order to survive, I must consume the energy and life force of each body I take so I can survive. Doing so only allows me to remain in one body for no more than twenty years. And I can not just use **any** body. No, this body must be specially prepared to host my essence."

Ogun rolled down his sleeve and turned to her. "Do you understand now Nao, why I must use the mutant? Not only because her mutant abilities will give me unprecedented power but they will make her body last even longer than most other hosts."

"Longer? How so?" Nao asked.

"This mutant who can walk through walls does so by manipulating her molecules on an instinctual level," Ogun explained. "With my wisdom she can learn to manipulate them so that they decay at a much slower level than most bodies. Think of it Nao, with her body I can survive for over thirty years without needing a replacement. Perhaps even more."

"Oh," Nao nodded. "Forgive me Sensei. I did not understand. I thought in my foolishness that you would consider me too young or not skilled enough. I see now that the one called Shadowcat is truly more suited for you. I will amend myself to this and dedicate myself to preparing her for your next reincarnation."

"There is **another** reason that I did not choose you," Ogun said. "It is a slim possibility but one that must be considered nonetheless."

"Yes, Sensei?" Nao asked.

"This animal, this Wolverine…" Ogun growled. "His students and that interfering armless witch from the Ninja Council. And now one of WHO's trained monkeys have joined them. Do not underestimate them Nao. They are dangerous. Even capable of destroying me if I am careless."

"Don't say such things!" Nao gasped in shock. "You are Ogun! Without you we are lost!"

"That is why I need a successor," Ogun told her. "In the extremely rare event that I do somehow die…And cannot be revived, it will be up to you to carry on my legacy. And my revenge."

"That will **never** happen!" Nao said vehemently. "The Dark Soul Possession will proceed as planned. You will live forever and lead us to glory! It is your destiny! None other must even think otherwise! For to do so will be **treason! **It is we who must die so that you can live! That is the way of things!"

"And that is why I can only trust **you** to carry out my wishes," Ogun put his hand on Nao's head. "It will be up to you to restore the balance and avenge my death."

"But as you said, that is not the way of things," Ogun pulled away. "Of course this is only a last resort if the unthinkable happens. But do not fear little Nao. You and your children will serve me. Just as your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather did all those years ago. Little Nao Kamizuki."

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"Well this has been a bloody waste of time," Wisdom grumbled. He and the other mutants were congregating in the back of the room where the presentation was, keeping a lookout for any signs of trouble. "Tomatoes! That's the big bloody secret this scientist was working on? To make a tomato plant that can grow in the winter? What would Ogun want with him? Unless he's a salad fan."

"Calm down Wisdom," Harrison spoke over the communicator on Wisdom's wrist. "I didn't send WHO backup over a wild goose chase. Emerson got one of his premonitions that something big was going to go down. And you know his premonitions are pretty accurate."

"Emerson…Is he the one with the extra ear or the extra nose?" Wisdom asked.

"Neither," Harrison spoke over the communicator. "He's got three legs and a horn."

"Oh yeah right," Wisdom nodded. "Now I remember. We'll let you know what's going down in ten. Wisdom out." He turned off the communicator.

"How can you forget someone with an **extra leg** and a **horn?**" Jubilee gave him a look.

"Kid we got a secretary pool where everyone has about three to twelve arms," Wisdom gave her a look. "It's kind of hard to remember every little extra limb the people in our organization have."

"How many mutants does WHO employ?" Althea asked. "Or is that classified?"

"Let me put it to you this way," Wisdom grunted. "About eighty percent of the mutant population in Great Britain gets their paychecks from WHO."

"Whoo," Todd whistled. "That's a lot."

"You really think Kitty's around here somewhere?" Althea asked.

"If she isn't we've wasted a whole morning over **nothing,**" Wisdom grunted.

"I have to ask you something," Xi blinked. "Have you or any members of your organization been contacted or have contacted Xavier?"

"Nope but we've purposely been hiding from the general public for quite a while now," Wisdom told them. "Haven't you ever wondered why there weren't that many recruits or mutant signatures in Great Britain even though about fifteen to twenty percent of the mutant population **lives **here?"

"That many?" Todd asked.

"WHO's had this program since the sixties that searches for mutants, recruits them or finds safe places for them to live," Wisdom explained.

"Well that's still…" Danielle began.

"The **Eighteen Sixties**," Wisdom added. "Trust me, we've been doing this a long time. The British Government has been amazingly progressive about mutants. Of course most of the mutants they recruit only have an extra limb or something. Very few of us have some firepower."

"That wouldn't be because of a guy named Sinister wouldn't it?" Althea asked. "Or should I say Nathaniel Essex?"

"Got it in one," Wisdom nodded. "Back then we discovered that Sinister had a nasty habit of giving his patients at the old mental hospital and poor folk's homes more than band aids. A lot of our mutants are direct descendants from his original victims. In fact your good Professor's great great grandpa was one of WHO's most valuable agents."

"Really? Charles never told me any of this," Logan was stunned.

"That's cause he didn't know," Wisdom said. "One of the stipulations in his ancestor's will was that his kids and descendants never know the exact details of his involvement in WHO. Guess he didn't want them involved with mutant freaks. That plan obviously failed."

"Then how do you know this?" Rina asked.

"Required reading at WHO's academy," Wisdom shrugged. "What can I say? I like reading about history."

"Speaking of which," Shima nodded her head. "They're finishing up."

The portly scientist now known as Smith spoke. "And this research has created a tomato plant that can adapt to any climate! Any environment! It can grow and produce tomatoes three hundred and sixty five days a year even in the most hostile environments!"

"Oh brother…" Wisdom groaned. "Yeah this is a real threat to mutant kind!"

"Hold on," Logan took a sniff. "Oh no…"

"What? Hey?" Wisdom shouted as Logan tore off. He dashed right towards the stage. "Has he lost his mind?"

"Apparently," Althea groaned as Logan tackled the scientist and threw him to the ground. "Wolverine what gives?"

"Get down!" Logan shouted to the startled scientist. "X! The stage!"

"I smell it too," Rina's nose wrinkled. "Lotus Blossom." She charged the stage and shredded it with her claws.

Out popped a figure in black wearing a Japanese mask carrying a sword. "An assassin!" Wisdom shouted.

"Not quite!" Shima used her telekinesis to yank the mask from the intruder's face, revealing her identity.

"Kitty!" Danielle gasped in horror.

**This is not going to be pretty people! Up next the battle for Shadowcat's soul begins! And you know Bad Kitty isn't going to be put to sleep without a fight. The claws are coming out next chapter. So don't miss it! **


	95. Shadowcat Falls

**Shadowcat Falls**

"Oh my god!" Danielle gasped at the figure before her. "Kitty!"

"Kitty it's us!" Jubilee shouted as Kitty charged at her.

"DIE!" Kitty lunged at them with hate in her eyes. There was also a strange redness mixed in with her normal blue color in them.

"She doesn't know you now!" Althea said yanking her out of the way. "Except as an opponent."

"AAAAAHHHH!" Kitty charged at them, her long brown hair flowing freely, not in it's usual ponytail.

"That's **enough!"** Rina blocked Kitty's sword with her claws.

"Hisss!" Kitty snarled as she went on the offensive with her sword at Rina.

"Looks like Kitty's got control of her powers again," Althea remarked. "And then some!"

Both girls fought furiously. Rina found herself more and more on the defensive as Kitty lunged, kicked and twisted around. More than once Kitty was able to slice at Rina's skin with her sword while Rina was unable to scratch Kitty, but not because of her powers. Kitty didn't even need to phase for her skill with the sword was uncommon. And worst of all, Kitty even managed to throw several small knives and shuriken all over, scattering people and destroying furniture everywhere.

"Perish fools!" Kitty snarled as she tossed more shuriken expertly everywhere. Then she blocked another attack by Rina.

"Holy crap!" Todd yelled as he barely escaped a falling chandelier. "Where the hell did Shadowcat learn to fight this good with a **sword?"**

"Not just a sword," Jubilee gasped. "She's got a whole bunch of weapons on her and she ain't afraid to use 'em!"

"She's good enough to take on X23!" Althea gasped as the two went at it. "How did she learn so much so fast?"

"I can't get through to her mind!" Danielle gasped. "Somehow our link is blocked!"

"Link?" Todd asked. "Oh right you two have that telepathic bond."

"But not anymore!" Danielle cried out. "I can't reach her!"

"That's what happens in a Dark Soul Possession," Shima growled. "The upside is that you can gain a lifetime of skills and knowledge in a very short amount of time. However it is at the cost of your soul and free will. It's not exactly a recommended technique."

"I guess that's why it's forbidden huh?" Todd gulped.

"That is a good reason yes," Shima rolled her eyes. She looked at the others. "Is he always this clueless?"

"You have **no** idea," Logan groaned. "Kitty! Stop it! We're not your enemy!"

"Wrong! You are the enemy!" Kitty shouted. "You've all been lying to me since the first day we met! You and Xavier brainwashed me! But I'm free! And you can't make me go back!" She lunged through Rina and at the others.

"I don't know what load of bull Ogun's been feeding you," Althea snapped. "But we're not going to let you go without a fight!"

"I would not have it any other way gaijin," Kitty said in a cold tone before she attacked again.

However she was stopped in mid air by Shima's telekinesis. "You do realize that the term gajin applies to **Westerners**, which is what you **are?**" Shima snapped. "Take a look in the mirror if you don't believe me!"

"The only truth there is," Kitty hissed. "Is that which can be found by the sword and one who holds it. Power is everything. And my power is absolute!"

Suddenly to everyone's shock Kitty moved out on her own. She literally broke free of Shima's telekinetic grasp without breaking a sweat and attacked only to be blocked by Rina.

"Okay what the hell just happened there?" Todd blinked at Shima. "I thought you had her!"

"I did," Shima growled. "She got free."

"What do you mean got free?" Wisdom shouted as Rina and Kitty fought.

"Just what I said moron, she **got free!"** Shima snapped. "As in I can't hold her with telekinesis anymore!"

"How did she break your telekinetic hold?" Wisdom asked.

"By phasing through it," Shima said.

"She can **do **that?" Jubilee was shocked. "She never did that before!"

"She can do it **now,**" Logan growled. "Telekinesis is merely a physical manifestation of mental power. It's literally thoughts made **solid.** And since Shadowcat's powers allow her to pass through solid objects…"

"She can escape a telekinetic grasp easier than the Blob can break through a wet bag to get to a football buffet," Todd got the concept.

"Bingo," Logan told him. "It's an extremely advanced technique. I don't think even the Professor could have taught her that."

"It's a full Dark Soul Possession all right," Shima growled. "By my guess Ogun's got at least **half** of his memories and essence inside of her."

"ARARRRRR!" Kitty screamed as she managed to kick Rina hard into a wall. She then turned her attention on the others and ran straight towards Wisdom who was guarding the scientist.

"And at least most of his fighting techniques by the look of it," Logan groaned. "Great! Just great!"

"So let me see if I get this straight," Jubilee thought aloud. "We can't get at her through her mind, we can't touch her but she can kick our butts from here to Bayville?"

"That's pretty much the situation all right," Althea remarked. "Still glad you came on this trip?"

"I'm not!" Wisdom screamed as Kitty attacked him. He was barely able to get away from her sword blade. "Need some help here!"

"Well if you are going to whine about it," Shima focused on her powers to knock the sword out of Kitty's hands and into the wall furthest from her. "I may not be able to trap you with my powers but I can surely take your toy away from you."

"Thanks Shima. Now that she doesn't have that stupid sword she shouldn't be so hard to…" Wisdom began. Right before Kitty gave him a very hard kick in the chest. "OOOF!"

"Oooh," Jubilee winced. "That has **got** to hurt."

POW! POW! BAM!

"And so does that," Todd winced. "And **that."**

POW! SLUG! THUD! POW!

"That was **not **necessary," Logan gulped at Kitty's last attack. "Even Wisdom don't deserve **that.** Apocalypse maybe, but not Wisdom."

"I admit it," Althea shrugged. "I'm impressed."

THUD! SLUG! POW! POW!

"AW COME ON!" Wisdom screamed. "YOU ONLY JUST MET ME AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN GONE ON A LOUSY DATE! THERE WAS NO NEED FOR **THAT!**"

SLAM!

"Owie…" Wisdom moaned.

"For some reason she seems really intent on him," Shima blinked.

"That's probably because he might remind her of Avalanche," Rina shrugged. "There are similarities in their face structure and their hairstyle. Only Wisdom's is darker and it's not a mullet."

"Oh yeah," Todd nodded. "I see it now."

POW! POW! POW! POW!

"OW THIS REALLY HURTS YOU KNOW?" Wisdome screamed.

"Should uh, we **do** something?" Jubilee asked as Wisdom kept getting beaten up.

"Yes we should get that scientist **out** of here before he's killed," Shima told her.

"I'll help Wisdom, you guys cover the scientist," Logan groaned as he leapt in and attacked Kitty from behind.

Kitty jumped out of the way. "Hello Wolverine," She gave him a hard look and a cruel smile. "I've been looking forward to this."

"I'll bet you have," Logan growled. "Listen Half Pint. I know you're in there so why don't you…OOOF!" Logan was kicked back viciously by the girl. "You've been lifting weights or something? You've gotten stronger!"

"AAAAHHH!" Kitty charged only to get tackled by Rina. She phased out of her grasp and whirled on her. She made a painful growl and then attacked Rina.

"I thought I told you to help Wisdom!" Logan groaned as he sat up.

"You need my help **more,**" Rina gave her a look as Kitty managed to retrieve her sword. "When it comes to sparring against your female students you are **pathetic!"**

"I am not…" Logan began.

"**Who** is on the floor because he let his **guard down?"** Rina snapped, not giving him a chance to finish.

"Point taken," Logan grumbled as Kitty began her attack on them again.

Meanwhile the others were helping Wisdom and the scientist. "You okay?" Jubilee helped him up.

"Fine," Wisdom said in a funny voice. "Why is the room spinning?"

A WHO security officer ran up to them. "Sir, I've been ordered to take care of Smith."

"Yeah you do that," Wisdom groaned.

Both Logan and Rina sniffed as they sparred with Kitty, who was doing quite well taking them both on. "NO!" Logan shouted.

It was too late. Before anyone could react the WHO security officer quickly sliced Smith's throat with a knife. Xi roared and tried to knock the assassin down but was repelled. Xi was however able to tear off his disguise with his claws only to reveal a masked figure.

"Ogun," Danielle fumed.

"Very perceptive," Ogun spoke. "Shadowcat! Stop! To me."

Kitty stopped fighting and then dropped through the floor just as Logan and Rina rushed her. She appeared through the floor right next to Ogun. "As usual Wolverine you failed to estimate my genius," Ogun sneered.

"Kitty was only a decoy," Shima realized. "Keeping us busy while you went after the scientist."

"Ogun," Logan growled. "I should have known. Why were you after the scientist? What did he ever do to you?"

"It is what he **has** done to mutant kind that interests my employers," Ogun told him. "Too bad he never got around to telling anyone where he **stole **his research from." He grabbed a disk out of the dead man's jacket.

"You killed that guy over a bunch of tomatoes?" Todd asked.

"No, fool," Ogun hissed. "This fool merely adapted the information he stole to suit his purpose. Wouldn't you like to know where this research **really **came from?"

"Maybe I can **persuade** you to tell us?" Logan shot out his claws.

"I would like to see you try," Ogun told him.

"Wouldn't want to **disappoint** you!" Logan roared.

He tried to attack but Kitty and Ogun easily dodged it. Kitty used her sword and her phasing through the floor and walls to keep the other students busy while Ogun used throwing stars and small explosives to keep both Logan and Shima off balance.

"If he's got only **half **of his essence how come he's so damned fast?" Logan growled.

"Well maybe not **that** much of his essence," Shima shrugged. Logan gave her a look. "Give me a break! Even ninjas don't have gadgets to measure the accuracy of these things! The point is that there is too much of Ogun inside Kitty to remove! It's part of her now!"

Shima finally managed to get hold of Ogun using her powers. "I may not be able to grab Shadowcat but I can certainly hold onto **you!**"

"As much fun as this has been," Ogun remarked. "I think it is time that I made my retreat. Farewell Wolverine. It's a pity things did not work out. You might have been a remarkable Vessel instead of sharing a dismal fate."

"I don't like the sound of that," Logan growled.

"Shadowcat," Ogun ordered. "Kill them all."

Before anyone could react Kitty sprang towards Shima. Shima barley escaped out of Kitty's grasp. "My little Shadowcat will tear your hearts out of your chests with her power!" Ogun laughed. He somehow pressed a button on his belt and a small vortex appeared.

The vortex was too strong for Shima to hold onto, not to mention she was battling Shadowcat at the same time. Ogun escaped into it. "Great! Another stupid teleportation device!" Wisdom grumbled.

"We gotta stop Kitty before she kills us!" Rina snapped.

"If she kills any of us her soul may be lost forever," Shima remarked as she sent some furniture from the side towards Kitty. Kitty of course simply phased through it. "That is Ogun's plan to sever her ties with her past."

"Wonderful," Wisdom threw several hot knives at Kitty who walked through them like they were nothing. "So how do we stop her?"

"Hold it," Danielle said. "I just had a thought. Remember those ninja lessons we had at camp? Like how to contain the Phoenix? Maybe we can to that for whatever's gotten inside Kitty? If we can't get Ogun out of her…"

"We can contain him inside of her," Rina's eyes narrowed. "That might work."

"That would if we meet three conditions," Althea told them. "If we remember the right hand signs and pressure points. If we had some of that visible chi paint to draw on her and three if she sits still long enough for us to draw them on her! I think we can do the first one but something tells me we're out of luck on the **other two!" **

"Maybe if we could find a substitute for the paint…" Xi frowned. "I think I have an idea." He looked at the scattered papers on the floor. "X23 do you remember the symbols you used when you helped contain the Phoenix Force inside Jean?"

"Yeah why?" Rina asked.

"Wolverine! Shima! Wisdom! Keep Shadowcat busy!" Xi told them. He grabbed several papers and took off with the students into a corner.

"Oh sure! Just let us take care of this!" Logan said sarcastically as he fought with Kitty.

Logan barely missed Kitty. However she didn't miss him as she reached out and grabbed one of his vital organs. "AAAHHH!" Logan fell to his knees. However just as Kitty pulled it out she shrieked in pain. She dropped the organ and held her hand in pain.

Shima managed to telekinetically grab Logan out of the way just as Wisdom shot out more hot knives to temporarily distract her. "Wolverine! What happened?"

"She got my liver…" Logan moaned as he held his abdomen. "That's okay I needed a new one anyway."

"What's wrong with her?" Wisdom noticed her shaking off the pain.

"Adamantium," Logan said. "Shadowcat has a slight reaction whenever she phases through it. And my body is full of it."

Kitty managed to shake off the pain and attacked again. Logan was still stunned for it does take time to grow back an entire vital organ. "Back off Kitty Cat!" Wisdom shot out as many hot knives from his fingers as he could.

Kitty simply walked through the explosions. "Okay we can't hit her but she can kill us?" Wisdom gulped. "Whatever this plan is I hope those kids do something fast!"

"Uh oh…" Logan gulped as Kitty headed for him. "So much for a little pain stopping her."

"RARRRRRR!" A purple streak shot out from seemingly nowhere. It fired a hot blast of flame right at Kitty. Kitty was startled and even more so when a familiar dragon started flying around her head.

"How did Lockheed find us?" Shima asked. "I thought we left him back at the WHO base."

"Who knows? Maybe Polly told us where we were?" Logan suggested. "That little lizard is more cunning than he looks." Logan got to his feet. "At least the little guy bought me enough time. I think my new liver just kicked in."

"Okay we're ready!" Xi ran out with the others. They were holding pieces of paper that had blood on them. "Now here comes the second part of the plan!"

"Sure all we gotta do is get her to stand still long enough," Todd mocked. "How are we gonna do that?"

"Need her to hold still? Easier said than done!" Shima snapped as Lockheed flew around distracting Kitty. Lockheed was able to somehow knock the sword out of Kitty's hands by heating it up with his fire and knocking it out with his tail when it was too hot for her to hold it properly. Then Lockheed breathed out his strongest blaze that partially melted the sword.

"Whoa that little lizard can be pretty tough when he wants to," Todd blinked.

"You will pay for that you disgusting creature!" Kitty screamed trying to grab Lockheed.

"She's distracted but now what?" Shima asked.

"Wait a minute," Wisdom had an idea. "Remember what Wolverine said? About Ogun's weaknesses?"

"Yeah he don't like metal," Todd nodded. Then he realized what the WHO agent was getting at. "Oh… You think it will work?"

"Only one way to find out," Althea said. "Wolverine! You get what I'm saying?"

"Way ahead of you kid," Logan grunted. "So I lose another vital organ? It's for a good cause." He charged towards Kitty. "Hey Shadowcat! You want another piece of me? Come and get it!"

Kitty turned only to see Logan race towards her. She instinctively phased so that she would pass right through him as he charged. If she intended to grab his heart or any other organ she did not get a chance to. As soon as she did she screamed in pain.

"I know you get affected when you phase through adamantium Shadowcat," Logan growled. "But it's even **worse** with Ogun inside of you!"

Kitty fell to the ground in agony. "Whatever you kids are up to now is the time to do it!"

"Ever hear of a rub on transfer?" Todd called out. "NOW!"

He leapt towards Kitty with Jubilee, Xi and Althea. In their hands they still had small bloody pieces of paper. They smacked the papers on her. As soon as they did the girls of the group began hitting Kitty with pressure points.

"AAAHHHHHHH!" Kitty screamed.

"What are you doing to her?" Logan blinked. "Blood?"

"We used my blood to write the characters needed for a containment technique," Rina said. "Like the one we did for Phoenix. Since I heal the fastest the blood loss was minimal."

"Then we took the papers and him 'em on Shadowcat," Althea panted. "Hopefully we hit the right pressure points."

"She ain't getting up," Todd noticed Kitty twitching. "You think we did it?"

"Doubtful," Xi sighed. "But it was all we could think of at the time."

"Actually your instincts were quite good on this," Shima told them. "Sometimes blood **can **be substituted for chi. But in this case all you did was slow her down. The possession within her is merely stunned."

"Then maybe that's all we need!" Logan shouted. "Kitty! Kitty I know you're still in there! Ogun's been feeding you a bunch of bull and lies! Fight it! We're your friends! You know us!"

"Come on Kitty! You're not gonna let this jerk Ogun push you around are you?" Althea shouted.

"Kitty look into my mind!" Danielle shouted. "Let me help you!"

"Mirage what are you…?" Althea shouted.

Danielle didn't hear her. She focused on her powers. The next thing she knew she was trapped in a dark void. "Kitty where **are** you?" Danielle shouted as she hit the ground.

She looked around her. It seemed that she was inside a dark forest that was growing inside a school building. "Creepy," Danielle shivered as she put her arms around herself. She took a closer look at the trees. They were black and red. Suddenly several demon faces like Ogun's protruded out of them.

"This place is ours! Ours!" The demon faces shouted at her. "Get out! Get out! Get out!"

"Okay this has gone from Creepy to **nuts!**" Danielle backed away. The trees seemed to come alive as their branches reached for her. More trees seemed to be growing even as Danielle ran from them.

Danielle ran through the hallways, she nearly ran into a wall filled with them. To her surprise the one wall was uncovered and a row of bright pink lockers was in front of her.

"Pink lockers?" Danielle blinked. "Definitely Kitty. Okay the trees represent Ogun and the school must be Kitty's mind. More trees, the more influence Ogun has over Kitty. Simple enough."

She looked behind her. The trees' roots and branches were creeping closer, taking over more and more of the walls and covering the lockers. "So if the untouched lockers are the parts of Kitty's mind that are still hers…" Danielle thought aloud. "That means…Kitty must be back there in the middle of that mess. Trapped. Which means I have to go get her."

More trees started to form around her. "Great! Where's a lumberjack around when you need one?" Danielle ran from the demon trees, barely keeping herself from tripping over them.

"Kitty! Kitty!" Danielle shouted as she ran. "How am I going to find her in all this? Come on Kitty! You know I'm here! I can feel it! Give me a sign!"

Suddenly a pink wooden sign with an arrow rose from the ground. "That works," Danielle ran in the direction of the arrow. There were more trees here and they were closer together.

"Go away! You aren't wanted here! Foolish child! You can not win!" The trees chanted with their Ogun faces. "You can not win! You can not win! You can not win!"

"Oh shut up before I stuff some acorns into your mouth!" Danielle shouted back at them. "Kitty! Kitty!"

"Go away! Foolish child! Worthless mutant!" The trees kept chanting.

"Of all the times not to have Pyro around," Danielle grunted. "The **one **time you want him to burn a forest to the ground he's not here! Figures!"

She fell and tripped over a huge branch. She looked up and saw Kitty. She was in her X-Man uniform with her hair up and she looked unconscious. Branches and strange looking roots were all over her and inside of her and she was attached to a giant tree that had Ogun's face.

"KITTY!" Danielle shouted. She felt roots wrapping around her legs. "Kitty it's me! Danielle! Kitty wake up! Kitty!"

"She belongs to me," Ogun Tree Face intoned. "You will succumb to the darkness as she has.

"No! I won't let you **do **this!" Danielle struggled to free herself as more roots clung to her, threatening to squeeze the life out of her. "Kitty! Kitty!"

"There is nothing you can do," Ogun Tree Face spoke in a menacing tone. "It is pointless to resist!"

"Shut up!" Danielle struggled. "Kitty! Listen to me! I know you're still here! I'm here to help! Just like you helped me years ago! Remember? I was lost and trapped and nearly died! But you reached out to me. You risked your life to save me! I can't…I won't let anything happen to you! Kitty! **Kitty!"**

Suddenly there was a bright glow in front of Danielle. She saw a golden bow and arrow floating in front of her. She struggled to reach it. "Kitty! I'm coming Kitty! I just need a little…"

"Uhhhh…" Kitty's eyes began to open.

"KITTY!" Danielle grabbed the bow and was able to move her hands. She shot the arrow straight at the face of the tree.

"AAAARRRRRRRRAARRRRR!" The demon tree screamed in agony as the arrow hit it in a shower of gold.

"What…?" Kitty blinked. "Where…?"

"Kitty! It's me Danielle!" Danielle called out trying to extricate herself from the roots. "Wake up! You have to wake up!"

"I…I can't get loose!" Kitty was awake now and struggling to free herself. "I'm trapped!"

"You gotta keep fighting Kitty!" Danielle shouted at her. "If you don't Ogun will control you **forever!**" Another arrow appeared and Danielle shot it at Ogun.

The demon tree screamed another agonizing scream. This time it reacted by sending more vines and roots to trap Danielle. She couldn't move. "I can't move! I'm trapped!" She struggled to get free.

"You shall perish!" Ogun Tree Face roared as several of it's branches turned into sharp spears and headed towards Danielle. "When you die here your body will die as well!"

"NO!" Kitty struggled to free herself. "NO! LET HER GO!"

"KITTY!" Danielle screamed as the branches grew closer. "KITTY!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kitty screamed as she tried to pull herself out of her bonds.

Slowly she moved out of the tree.

The spears grew closer and closer.

Kitty managed to move another inch.

Closer and closer came the spears…

"DANIELLE!" Kitty screamed as she pulled herself out of the tree.

THUNK!

The spears hit the ground behind Danielle. Danielle opened her eyes in shock. Kitty was holding onto her in a hug. The spears went through them but thanks to Kitty she wasn't even touched.

"Nobody…" Kitty rose above the branches, holding Danielle. "NOBODY MAKES ME HURT MY FRIENDS!"

Danielle was deposited on the ground. A glowing sword appeared in Kitty's hands. "This is **my **body!" Kitty shouted as she held the sword. "**My **life! **My** mind! And you have no right being here! AAAAHHHH!"

Kitty charged hacking and slashing at the trees. Whenever she cut a branch or root black smoke began to leak out. The trees began to scream and agony as she chopped them to pieces.

"Kitty! Give me another bow and arrow! I can…" Danielle shouted.

"No," Kitty glared at Ogun Tree Face. "I have to do this **alone!** DIE MONSTER! DIE!"

"I can never die!" Ogun Tree Face taunted her. "My seeds are sown too deeply for you to be truly rid of me!"

"Maybe not, but I can cut you down to size!" Kitty held the sword high. It grew bigger and she hit the tree with a mighty whack!

"AAAHAHHHHHH!" The Ogun Tree howled in agony.

"That was for feeding me lies and taking over my mind…" Kitty struck the tree again. "This is for forcing me to fight against my friends! And this last one is for me just being **ticked off** at you!"

"You will never be rid of me!" Ogun Tree snarled as it burned. "It is useless! I am the master here! I have trapped you here forever!"

"You got it wrong you son of a bitch," Kitty snarled as she readied her sword for the final blow on the withering tree. "**You're** the one **trapped **here forever inside of **me!**"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ogun screamed as Kitty hit him with her sword.

FLASH!

Danielle felt a strong psychic recoil. The next thing she knew she was flat on her back in the hallway. Jubilee was holding her. "Danielle?"

"Kitty...?"Danielle sat up. Logan was holding Kitty in his arms. "Kitty…is she…?"

Kitty opened her eyes. The red faded away until there was nothing left but the usual bright blue. "Kitty? Say something!" Logan pleaded.

"I…really…hate…gardening," Kitty grumbled as she got back on her feet, but she was still unsteady.

"What?" Logan blinked.

"Private joke," Danielle told him as she stood up and went to her friend. "Kitty? Are you…well, **you **again?"

"Think so…" Kitty sighed. "Thanks."

"What are friends for?" Danielle told her.

"Uh what just happened here?" Wisdom asked.

"I used my psychic connection with Kitty to get through to her," Danielle said. "I think it worked."

"That was pretty risky," Logan remarked. "But you did the right thing. Look at her eyes. They're the normal color again."

"Logan? How long was I…?" Kitty ran her hand through her hair.

"You've been under Ogun's control for about two weeks," Logan told her.

"Two weeks…?" Kitty blinked. "I really don't feel so good…" She passed out in Logan's arms.

"Well that solves that," Wisdom brushed off his hands.

"It doesn't solve anything!" Harrison walked in with more WHO agents. "We have a dead scientist, a wrecked hotel, an assassin running around loose with some kind of scientific information that we have no idea what he is going to use it for…"

"Oh sure, look at the dark side of things," Wisdom shrugged.

"Just shut up and help me restrain her and get her in a holding cell before she comes to again," Harrison pointed at Kitty.

"But she's herself now!" Danielle protested. "She didn't do anything!"

"Technically she **is** an accessory to murder," Harrison spoke.

"Cut it out Harrison!" Wisdom snapped. "The girl was possessed and you bloody know it! I may not be a stickler for rules and regulations but even I know that WHO doesn't prosecute people who were possessed by paranormal or mutant means for crimes they allegedly committed!"

"Yes but this Ogun creep needs to be taken down once and for all," Harrison said.

"And he will be," Shima told him. "But you have to let **us** handle it."

"This isn't the wild, wild west and we don't need any vigilante…" Harrison began.

"Don't worry mate," Wisdom backed away. He put his hand on Jubilee's shoulder after giving her a quick look. "It'll be fine." He put another one on Shima's shoulder.

Before Harrison could do anything Jubilee and the others had taken the hint and teleported away using the Mass Device. "I **hate** it when he does this to me," Harrison groaned. "I hope that idiot knows what he's doing! What am I saying? He **never** knows what he's doing!"

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"Master Ogun!" Nao ran towards her master back at his lair. "Where is the Vessel? She can't be found!"

"There was a complication," Ogun told her. "The mission was completed but Wolverine and those interfering friends of hers were able to break my control over her."

"WHAT?" Nao shouted louder than she should have. "We have to get her back! We have to…"

"Calm yourself Nao. It does not matter," Ogun told her. "This sort of thing happened once before with a Vessel. It was after your ancestor of course. The Vessel after him tried to allude my grasp and escaped for a time. But I was able to bring him back under my control."

"Do you wish me to track her down and…?" Nao asked.

"That will not be necessary," Ogun cut her off. "No, I will handle this myself. It's time that Shadowcat receive her final test before she can truly become my vessel."

Ogun looked at the monitor of the computer that had the information. "And I believe that this information will help me do so. If I am careful, I can accomplish both goals in one fell swoop."

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The following day Logan's team was recovering back at Shima's home in the Japanese countryside near Tokyo. Kitty was sleeping in another room. "Kitty should be waking up soon," Shima said to them.

"Why aren't we taking her back to the mansion?" Danielle asked.

"Because she's safer here," Shima told her. "Odds are Ogun will not let her go without a fight. And he might take the fight here."

"Again why not take her back to the **mansion** where there are guns and defenses and stuff?" Todd asked. "Including the other X-Men?"

"Because Ogun has also been known to destroy **entire **villages and towns just to get at one person," Logan explained. "And I think Bayville has had **enough **problems for one year!"

"Speaking of problems," Althea looked around. "Where did that Wisdom guy go?"

Wisdom was sitting in a chair in Kitty's room where she was asleep. Lockheed was there as well on the bed, alternately watching Kitty and giving Wisdom dirty looks.

She stirred. "Oh my aching head…

"Sleeping Beauty's finally awake huh?" Wisdom smirked.

"Ugh what time is it?" Kitty sat up and stretched.

"Nine AM," Wisdom told her as he handed her a cup of coffee. "Japan time. Which by the way is the country we're in. That Mass Device of the Misfits is a pretty handy thing to have around."

"How long was I out?" Kitty yawned. "Asleep that is."

"Since you went nuts on your friends and had to be snapped out of it yesterday morning," Wisdom told her. "That coffee might help."

"Thanks," Kitty took a sip and looked at him. "By the way, who the hell are **you?"**

"You don't remember?" Wisdom was shocked. "I'm hurt. Actually I nearly was killed."

"Oh wait…" Kitty winced. "You're Wisdom right? I'm starting to remember the things I did while…God it's like remembering a bad dream."

"Pete Wisdom and yeah," Wisdom softened. "So you do remember?"

"Yeah it's all coming back to me now," Kitty groaned. "God what did that bastard Ogun **do** to me?"

"Could have been worse," Wisdom shrugged. "Could have given you a bad haircut or something like that."

"Ha ha. By the way, sorry for beating you up when we first met," Kitty apologized. "And yesterday too."

"You did **not **beat…I mean I wasn't exactly fighting **that **hard," Wisdom bristled.

"Yeah, **right**," Kitty gave him a look.

"I **wasn't,**" Wisdom felt very foolish. "Really. I mean you were possessed and everything. It wouldn't have been fair to fight someone that was possessed."

"Uh huh," Kitty nodded.

"I'm serious," Wisdom snapped.

"I believe you," Kitty shrugged.

"No, you don't," Wisdom countered.

"You're right," Kitty admitted. "I **don't.**"

"I'm not some wuss you know?" Wisdom felt furious for some reason.

"Did I say that?" Kitty asked.

"Your tone implied otherwise," Wisdom pointed out.

"I didn't mean it," Kitty shrugged.

"I think you did," Wisdom remarked.

"Well I didn't," Kitty said.

"You did!" Wisdom protested.

"I didn't," Kitty told him.

"You did too!" Wisdom snapped, getting very annoyed.

"Didn't."

"Did!"

"Didn't."

"Did too!"

"Did not."

"Did too!"

"Did not."

"Did too! You did **so** imply it!" Wisdom was really getting frustrated now. "And don't say you didn't because you did, did, did, **did!"**

So was Lockheed who wasn't happy that his alone time with Kitty was being infringed upon. "PAH!" He sent out a smoke ring at Wisdom.

"GAHHH!" Wisdom tried to wave the smoke from his face. "It's like smelling a chimney from a meat packing plant!"

"Oooh, Lockheed," Kitty cooed as she hugged her dragon. "Don't tease the poor man."

"You're doing it again!" Wisdom snapped.

"I am not doing anything," Kitty gave him a look.

"Don't play dumb with me! You're not good at it," Wisdom snapped.

"I guess it's pretty impossible to fool an **expert** like you huh?" Kitty quipped.

Meanwhile Danielle, Jubilee and Rina were walking towards the room Kitty was in. "She should be up by **now,**" Jubilee remarked.

"Did not! Did not! Did not!" Kitty was heard screaming.

"Did too! Did too! Did too!" Wisdom was yelling as well.

"She's up," Danielle remarked.

"What the hell is going **on **in there?" Rina wrinkled her nose. "Oh for crying out loud!"

"What? What do you smell?" Althea asked.

"Hormones," Rina growled. "Lots of 'em."

"DID NOT!"

"DID TOO!"

"DID NOT!"

"DID TOO!"

"Oh boy…" Jubilee groaned. "Come on let's go in there!" She dragged Rina and Danielle into the room. "Hey girlfriend! You're up and about!"

"Hey!" Kitty laughed as the girls shoved Wisdom aside and they hugged her. "Oh I missed you!"

"We missed you too," Jubilee laughed. She gave Wisdom a look. "Do you mind? Girl talk here. No boys allowed."

"Except for **you** of course, Lockheed," Danielle gave the dragon a look.

"BLLLPPPPTTTT!" Lockheed made a raspberry at Wisdom.

"Fine! I'll get out of here," Wisdom slunk off. "I know when I'm not wanted."

"Guys I'm really sorry I tried to kill you and everything…" Kitty apologized.

"Don't worry about it," Danielle said, shaking her head. "You weren't exactly yourself."

"I still don't feel that much like myself," Kitty sighed. "Now I know how Legion feels."

"Or **felt**," Danielle told her. "There's no more Legion."

"Legion's **gone?**" Kitty was shocked. "What happened?"

"Not long after Ogun kidnapped you there was a huge showdown," Jubilee told her. "Legion fought pretty hard, even melded most of his personalities into one big one until we beat him."

"Long story short we drove him out of David's body however in doing so he possessed Polaris," Rina grunted. "SHIELD took away both of them to contain them."

"Both?" Kitty asked.

"We got David back but as soon as we did SHIELD showed up and slammed him into stasis," Jubilee explained. "Took Lorna away too. It got really ugly. SHIELD put out this cover story on how Legion was completely destroyed but really they just shoved David in cold storage and they've got Lorna under lock and key."

"Alex and Bobby are so torn up they barely even look at each other, let alone fight," Danielle sighed. "And the poor Professor…"

"Oh no…" Kitty gasped. "I feel so awful."

"It gets worse," Jubilee said. "Do you know how Legion managed to keep under our radar? He grew himself **another** personality. And this personality **dated **Gabrielle Haller, his own **mother!"**

"Gross!" Kitty winced.

"Yeah she didn't take the news too well either," Danielle sighed. "Legion hurt her badly and when she heard her son had died…She overdosed on pills."

"Oh my God…" Kitty gasped.

"Needless to say the Institute has even **more** lawsuits now," Rina folded her arms.

"But it's not **all** bad news," Danielle said quickly. "Kitty your Dad's out of jail."

"Yeah and that jerk who framed him is **in** jail thanks to the Misfits," Jubilee grinned.

"What? What happened?" Kitty asked.

"Let's just say there was a special edition of Dateline's To Catch A Predator thanks to the Misfits," Jubilee grinned. "It gets better, not only did he end up confessing framing your dad, he's being investigated for fraud and turns out he was trying to steal money from Purity as well. Needless to say some of the good Reverend's friends did not take the double cross to well."

"As was seen on Court TV," Danielle grinned.

"We'll show you the tapes when you return home," Rina told her.

"I just feel so relieved," Kitty breathed out a happy sigh. "I have to call them after I take a shower."

"And guess what?" Danielle said. "Your Dad, your Mom and Donald have just opened up their own consulting firm. I guess all the stress over the past month finally got them to start fighting each other and work together."

"And Jesse D?" Kitty asked.

"Free agent last I heard," Danielle said.

"But he has been making the rounds on some mutant rights protests in New York," Jubilee told her. "The GRSO has been starting some kind of crackdown but there's a whole bunch of lawyers fighting 'em tooth and nail."

"Hmph," Kitty grunted. "Get possessed for a couple of weeks and you miss a lot. Anything else I should know about?"

"Yeah your friend Ogun is in league with a nutcase assassin lady named Unicorn who is part of this evil secret organization called Factor Three," Wisdom walked in with the others. "You know those folks who took over Madripoor?"

"Isn't their leader called Factor One?" Kitty raised an eyebrow.

"Bingo," Logan nodded. "And that's not all. Unicorn was backing Legion in some kind of twisted game that's going on. Basically the goal is to make mutants pawns for their plans."

"How charming," Kitty said sarcastically. "Guys in case I haven't said it enough, thanks for rescuing me. I mean that Ogun creep really got me good. He had me thinking that the Professor was controlling my mind and everything."

"Twisting minds is his specialty," Shima nodded. "But I'm afraid your thanks for rescue are premature."

"What do you mean?" Kitty asked.

"I think you know **very well** what I mean," Shima told her. "You can still feel him inside you can't you? Although we've been able to seal what essence there is inside of you, you are still in a vulnerable state and could be taken over permanently if the real Ogun gets close to you again."

"I should have known," Kitty groaned. "Nothing is **ever **easy for us is it?"

"Afraid not Half Pint," Logan shook his head.

"So what do I do to **stop** this?" Kitty asked.

"Well normally we'd have this whole training regiment to help you work through the after affects of a soul possession, but we don't really have enough time right now," Shima sighed. "You know training in snow for hours, holding a sword over your head for days, endless fighting sessions, you know the drill. Let's face it, Ogun is still out there and he's not going to wait around and let you do that."

"You're going to have to do it the hard way," Logan told her. "Beat him **then **go through the training in order to keep it down."

"Wait the other way around is the **easy way?"** Kitty asked. "How is **that **the easy way? Explain it to me."

Suddenly there was an alarm sounding. "That's the perimeter alarm!" Shima growled. She leapt to action and raced down the hallway. The others followed.

Even Kitty wasn't going to let a little thing like an exorcism slow her down. "Wait up!" She jumped out of the bed in her long blue pajamas.

"Rarrr!" Lockheed her protector flew after her.

They made their way outside in the garden, where Shima picked up a scroll with her telekinesis. "It's a message from Ogun," Shima grumbled. "I had a feeling he would find us. However I expected an attack." She looked at Kitty. "Shouldn't you have a robe on or something?"

"Yeah like this is the **first **time people have seen her in her night clothes," Todd scoffed. "They're not even the sexy kind!"

"Look pretty good to me," Wisdom raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up!" Kitty hit him in the stomach with her open hand. He flinched. "What does it say?"

"It's a set of coorindinates for somewhere here in Japan," Shima read. "And a time. Eight O Clock tonight."

"That's it?" Danielle asked.

"That's all he needs," Xi narrowed his golden eyes.

"I told you he wasn't going to wait," Shima sighed.

"It's a damn challenge," Logan growled. "He **wants **to fight us."

"We don't have a choice, do we?" Kitty sighed.

"Afraid not," Logan shook his head.

"That's what I figured," Kitty grumbled. "Why can't we ever do things the **easy** way for once?"

**Next up: As Kitty prepares for the fight of her life, the other X-Men and Misfits prepare to help. Unfortunately something kind of comes up and gets in their way. Find out what it is, next time! **


	96. The Coming of Darkness and Wedding Cake

**The Coming of Darkness and Wedding Cake**

"I don't like this," Althea grumbled as they stood atop an old Japanese house in the country. "I don't like this at all. No ninja in his right mind would announce the **exact **time and place he was planning on hitting a target unless he had something really big in mind."

"I agree," Shima said. "Ogun always was arrogant."

"This goes **beyond** arrogant," Xi snarled.

"Well it sucks!" Todd grumbled. "This is Shadowcat's life we're talking about here! It ain't right to put her back in the thick of it so soon ya know?"

Shima nodded. "I agree. But we must play the by Ogun's rules. For now." Logan made his way back with Rina. "Report."

"We could smell at least thirty ninjas over by the south wall," Rina said. "And fifty more by the north wall. They knew we were there but they chose not to respond. Apparently they are all waiting for the appointed time."

"RRRRRRRR!" Lockheed growled.

"You smell 'em too don't ya boy? They're not even bothering with stealth," Logan growled. Lockheed responded with a snort.

"They **want** us to know how many of them there are," Shima agreed. "Arrogant little toads!" She then looked at Todd. "Sorry. No offense meant."

"Eh, it's cool," Todd shrugged.

"What is Ogun up to?" Logan grumbled. "Besides wanting revenge."

"I don't know," Althea shrugged. "But whatever it is he obviously wants something here besides Kitty. I wonder why he didn't take this place out first while we were helping Kitty? Or vice versa."

"Probably likes to kill two birds with one stone, so to speak," Todd shrugged.

"You're right," Logan grunted. "That does sound like Ogun's style."

"But Kitty's free of his influence," Xi blinked. "She is not under his control any more. Isn't she?"

"Not quite…"

They turned to see Kitty in her black uniform hugging her arms close to her sides. Her hair was up in it's usual ponytail but that was all that was left of the old Kitty they knew. Even as nervous as she was they could tell that she stood a bit straighter and her body was even more conditioned than usual. Not that she hadn't been in good shape before but she seemed more muscular, more toned.

Then there was that dark look in her eyes.

"You okay?" Logan asked even though he knew the answer.

"I can still feel him Logan," Kitty told him. "I can still feel him inside of me. His memories, his thoughts, even some of his tricks are still locked up inside. I can't get rid of them. I feel infected. Like a sickness has permanently attached itself to my soul. I can't explain it any other way. That's how it feels."

"I hate to tell you young Shadowcat but that's **exactly** what happened to you," Shima sighed. "A part of him will be inside you for the rest of your life. There's no easy way to say it. But you can either let him control you or you control **him.** It's your choice."

"He's coming back to force me to confront him isn't he?" Kitty asked her. "He let me stay with you on purpose you know? I can understand his strategy. It's like catching a fish. Letting me run for a bit before reeling me in."

"You know there's still time for you to leave," Althea suggested. "We could use our teleportation watches…"

"I have to face him Al," Kitty shook her head. "It's the only way I'm ever going to be free of him. I have to fight him. I only hope I'm strong enough."

"She's right. In this business we all gotta confront our dark side sooner or later," Wisdom shrugged. "And those of us that make it through learn that sometimes you gotta use it in order to survive and get the job done."

"I'd feel better when this job is done I'll tell you that much," Jubilee said.

"We could really use some backup right about now," Todd grumbled.

"At least we managed to evacuate the residents of the building," Xi shrugged.

"What residents?" Wisdom grunted. "This place hasn't been inhabited in weeks. Those two people we found were businessmen who were assessing the place just to tear it down."

"I would not be surprised if they were more than what they seemed," Shima said. "I checked the records. This building was once owned by a man with ties to the Yazuka who died less than a month ago due to, shall we say…unusual circumstances?"

"How unusual?" Xi asked.

"You know how blowfish is mostly poisonous?" Shima asked. "And if you eat the wrong part of it you could die?"

"Yeah," Wisdom nodded.

"They found him with five **whole **blowfish stuffed in his mouth," Shima told him.

"That's unusual all right," Todd blinked. He looked at his watch. "Oh man we only got a few minutes left before Ogun attacks! What are we gonna do? We can't fend them all off by ourselves!"

"We may have to," Xi said.

"Oh great! Didn't you call the Joes or something?" Todd whined.

"Most of the Joes are on a mission except for a skeleton crew," Althea told him. "We've got the Blind Master and Catseye on loan helping the Joes on that mission and Lucid and Foresight are watching the kids."

"What about the other Misfits and X-Men?" Todd asked.

"I called them already! Twice! No answer!" Logan grumbled. "I just hope they got the message."

"Here's the message," Shima tensed. "Time's up. Shadowcat you know your part in this mission. Don't get distracted. You have to find out what Ogun is looking for. Odds are he'll lead you right to it."

"Right," Kitty nodded and phased through the building. Everyone else waited for the fight to begin.

"I'm going to warn all of you right now," Shima said. "There's going to be killing here today. These ninjas are all bloodthirsty and dangerous. You may not want to kill them but you may not have a choice."

"Try to merely incapacitate them if you can," Logan said. "But if you can't…"

"I don't think most of us are gonna lose much sleep over a few dead ninja scumbags," Wisdom told him. "We'll do what we have to do. And those that can't leave 'me to me! I'm more than happy to take out the trash if you get my drift."

"Xi and I won't have a problem," Althea told them. "We've killed before."

"So have I," Rina admitted.

"Don't worry about the rest of us," Todd told them. "We'll do what we have to do. By the way Mirage don't be too surprised if your nightmare powers don't work on 'em! Real ninjas aren't afraid of anything."

"Wonderful," Danielle rolled her eyes. "That just makes me feel so much better!"

"You have had **some **combat training so I doubt that you will be **completely** useless," Shima said in an amused tone. "Just because you have mutant abilities does not mean that you must rely so heavily on them."

"This from the lady who uses her powers **all the time?"** Danielle asked. "Even when she eats?"

"Would you prefer that I eat with my **feet?**" Shima asked.

"I think the no arm thing is kind of an exemption to that rule," Jubilee gave Danielle a look.

"Just stick close to me and you and Jubilee will be fine," Rina told Danielle. She looked at her foster sister. "Your combat training and hand to hand fighting skills are adequate enough for this."

"Thank you so very much," Jubilee said sarcastically.

"Lockheed you watch after them too, okay?" Logan told the dragon. Lockheed agreed with a grunt.

"Don't worry guys," Althea said. " We will be just fine. I think."

"Don't think too long," Wisdom saw the ninja army heading straight for them. "Here they come! What a time for the X-Men to take a powder."

"Where the hell **is** everybody?" Logan grumbled.

"Wherever they are they're going to miss a hell of a fight," Wisdom said as they prepared to clash with the ninjas.

Obviously he had no idea how wrong **that **statement was.

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The remaining X-Men and Misfits and Joes truly did intend to come to Logan and Kitty's assistance. Really. They would have. If they knew about it.

However just before Logan had called them something happened. As usual the gang were off on another detour.

Well most of them.

"Hey guys I thought I heard something and…" Pyro walked into the living room with Penny but could not find any of the others. None of the X-Men or Misfits could be found.

"Where did everybody go?" Pyro looked around. Penny made a whine. "Maybe they went back to the Pit to see the Blind Master, Catseye, Larry Boy, Lucid and the kiddies? Or maybe they went off to see the Joes? Or they could have gotten out for some ice cream? Which is really a shame because I so do love ice cream. It's hard to barbecue but I love it anyway."

"I once did it though," Pyro went on, oblivious to the possibility that his friends might be in danger. "I had to use vanilla because you can't tell when chocolate's done. I mean you know those scorch marks are hard to see. But I figured out if you cover it with graham crackers and watch your timing barbecued ice cream is quite tasty. Messy but tasty!"

Penny made a sad noise. "You like ice cream too don't you little Sheila?" Pyro asked. "Maybe they'll bring us back some ice cream? I hope so! Oh well while we're waiting Penny how about we go play with our old friend Mr. Flickers?"

Penny made a squeal of glee at this. "All right then!" Pyro grinned. "I'm sure Professor X won't mind if we borrowed a bit of his furniture to feed our old pal Mr. Flickers!" And the two of them bounded off to get some furniture to burn.

It never crossed either of their minds that their friends had been unexpectedly teleported away by several unknown mutants while they were outside. On the other hand that is a scenario that most people do not consider in most situations.

The X-Men and remaining Misfits were caught completely by surprise and soon found themselves in the middle of a large chamber. "Okay where the hell are we?" Lance turned around. The mutants that had grabbed them had wisely disappeared.

"What hit us?" Pietro groaned.

"It appears that we have been teleported against our will by several unknown mutant teleporters," Hank remarked.

"Tell us something we **don't **know Beast!" Lance groaned. "Like who kidnapped us and **why?**"

"I recognize this place," Peter said. "This is Avalon. The same room Cortez held us captive in."

"Oh nice to see that Magneto is saving money on decorating," Kurt quipped. "But how did we get here so fast? I mean how did we get kidnapped so quickly?"

"Did you really think Avalon would **not** have a few teleporters capable of transporting large numbers of people by now?" Magneto floated towards them. "Even if they are the mutant kind and not the Misfits' technology."

"I should have known," Scott grumbled.

"Explain yourself Magneto," Xavier said. "Why have you kidnapped us?"

"Please say it's going to be a fight," Shipwreck growled. He, Roadblock and Low Light were there as well. They were the only Joes not assigned to a mission or watching the kids back at the Pit.

"Because if you want one we will be more than happy to oblige!" Low Light agreed.

"No, it's nothing like **that,**" Evan walked up to them. "Sorry about the way you got here but we didn't want to take any chances. I kind of wanted all of you to be here."

"Evan? You are behind this? Why?" Ororo asked him in a frosty tone.

"Your nephew is getting married to Celandine," Magneto said. "He wished for his family to attend the occasion. And I also thought this would be a good opportunity to try and mend fences with my fellow mutants."

"Oh you gotta be kidding me?" Lance scoffed. "Is anyone actually **buying** this load of horse manure?"

"I'm not," Scott folded his arms. "I'm surprised Daniels, why are you getting married anyway?"

"I have my reasons," Evan told him.

"You knocked her up didn't you?" Shipwreck gave him a look.

"How did you…" Evan was startled.

"I'd know **that** look anywhere," Shipwreck grunted. "I have experience in these sort of things."

"It's true, he does," Roadblock admitted. "So you did it **again** didn't you?"

"I can not **believe **this!" Ororo shouted. Evan winced at her tone. "You **irresponsible**…"

"I doubt that a lecture at this point his hardly productive," Emma Frost spoke as she appeared with Nick Fury. "Or necessary."

"Holy…" Fred did a double take. "Did you guys get kidnapped too?"

"No, we actually flew here in a jet," Fury said. "Emma's here to play Mother of the Bride and I'm her escort."

"Uh I know I miss out on a lot of stuff but isn't Frosty the Ice Woman here supposed to be in jail?" Pietro asked.

"It's a temporary pass," Fury told them. "I approved it myself."

"I will voluntarily return myself to GRSO custody to serve out the rest of my sentence," Emma told them.

"And you all just **agreed **to this?" Rogue shouted. "Okay Fury I get because he must want something pretty big. But why the hell did that mutant hating scumbag Kincaid agree?"

"Because he was ordered to by his superiors," Fury said. "At least that's what he told me on the phone."

"I would have loved to have heard **that** conversation," Angelica remarked.

"And what do **you** get out of this?" Scott folded his arms.

"As much as everyone hates to admit it we all owe Magneto something for his help with the whole Legacy Virus," Fury grunted. "And Magneto has agreed to peaceful negotiations with countries that want their mutant population to emigrate to Avalon."

"You mean get rid of them," Lance growled. "What else?"

"I have agreed to not use the Bio Pulse on the Earth," Magneto told them. "As well as more conventional weapons."

"You mean the nukes?" Shipwreck scoffed. "Yeah that's a good bargaining chip."

"That explains a lot," Rogue agreed.

"I realize that this is a shock to all of you," Magneto held up his hands. "But recent events have forced me to explore more peaceful options with the human population of Earth. I have also expressed this sentiment with the current mutant ruling party in Madripoor as well and they do not object to more diplomatic means."

"In other words as anti-mutant as a lot of governments are getting none of them are stupid enough to start World War Three with Magneto," Fury said.

"We've also agreed to share any major advances in medicine," Magneto said. "As well as assist the Earth should any other major threats appear, such as Apocalypse."

"Oh **there's** the final piece of the puzzle," Scott realized. "I should have known. You'd do anything to get back at him for what he did to you."

"He also brainwashed Storm and Professor Xavier," Magneto pointed out. "And used you and your teammates against you in order to attempt to take over the world. Or have you **forgotten** that?"

"As much as I hate to admit it, the man has a point Cyclops," Lance sighed.

"So what do you say Auntie O?" Evan asked. "Can we put aside the past for one day?"

"I suppose so," Ororo sounded like she wasn't exactly convinced.

"Very well, we accept your invitation," Xavier nodded.

"Excellent," Magneto motioned as Amelia and a few other Acolytes appeared. "Voight and the others will show you to some temporary guest quarters where you can change into something more…appropriate for the occasion."

"Okay but this better not be a trick," Scott emphasized.

"No offense but the last time you shoved Scott and me into another room it ended up frying our brains," Alex explained. "And then we went all super powered nuts and nearly killed our friends."

"That won't happen this time," Amelia said.

"It better not," Scott grumbled.

"Yeah you don't have that much **left** to fry," Lance quipped. Scott gave him a glare.

"Charles if you don't mind I would like to speak with you, in **private,"** Magneto emphasized to the others in the room.

Scott made a motion to challenge him. "It's all right Scott," Xavier held up his hand to stop him. "I will be just fine."

"Professor?" Scott blinked.

"Magneto will not harm me, it's all right," Xavier told him. "Go with the others and prepare for the wedding."

"All right," Jean said putting her hand on Scott's arm. "If you say so."

Xavier followed Magneto to a private room. "So did you want to tell me Erik?"

"First of all I am sincere in my wish to have more peaceful relations with humans," Magneto told him. "I don't blame either you nor the others considering our past history for thinking I have a hidden agenda."

"You **don't?"** Xavier raised an eyebrow.

"Let's just say I'm taking precautions in case the humans decide to double cross me," Magneto said. "But I will not be the one to instigate any conflict."

"You always **claim** that," Xavier told him. "But then things tend to escalate into a conflict. And you always seem more than happy to contribute to it."

"This time it's going to be different," Magneto told him. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Especially with my own children. It's very likely that we will never be able to repair our relationship. But maybe…maybe I might be able to do something for the other mutant children of the world. Give them a home. A place safe from the cruelty of the human world."

"You were not exactly gentle with your own children," Xavier told him. "Or other mutants. Especially the Brotherhood."

"Don't you think I **know** that?" Magneto said. "I'm not going to make excuses. I just did what I thought was best at the time, to make them into soldiers. You of **all **people should understand that."

"I never did the things you did. Never went to the extremes…" Xavier began.

"There are some that might claim otherwise," Magneto interrupted. "Remember Korea?"

Xavier went silent. "I am just saying that you can hardly blame me for trying to be prepared for any future conflict with humanity," Magneto went on. "Especially since you have witnessed it yourself first hand. Or should I say unwittingly **contributed **to it?"

"We have all made mistakes in our past," Xavier sighed. "I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. But don't think me a fool."

"And **I **am not a fool as well," Magneto said. "Do you really think that I believe that Fury and his superiors would really acquiesce to my requests without an ulterior motive. They are merely pacifying me for their own desires as are the governments of the world. They do not fool me for a moment. They wish to remove their own undesirables and relocate as many of them as possible to Avalon. Before they complete their plans to destroy us all in one single swoop."

"Magneto you can't just…" Xavier began. Magneto took out some papers from a desk and gave them to him. "What's this?"

"Some intelligence reports from my agents in the field," Magneto told him. "They make interesting reading. Quite fascinating actually. But it confirms my worst fears. The next time you have some delusions of harmony living on Earth with humans, read them."

Xavier gave a quick look through the papers. "Are you **sure** about this?" He was shocked.

"Very sure," Magneto told him. "And that's not all. Take a very good look at report number seven. It's about **your **little mistake from the past."

"Oh my god…" Xavier winced. "I can't believe it."

"I know, I thought we buried that whole nightmare decades ago," Magneto sighed. "But someone is very interested in **that** piece of the past. How they found out I have no idea. But I suggest that you be very careful of what missions you send your X-Men on in the future. And I wouldn't let your friends in the army see those papers either. It might give them ideas."

"Thank you for the warning," Xavier pocketed the papers. "I will take this into serious consideration."

"There is another reason I called you here Charles," Magneto said softly. "Something has come up. Something…rather important. I admit my first instinct was not to tell you this. But after learning what happened to your son…He did not deserve that fate SHIELD sentenced him too. Especially since he wasn't truly to blame for all the suffering Legion caused. I want you to meet someone."

He nodded to someone in back. Xavier remembered from his files Scatty, the one eyed Morlock telepath turned Acolyte. She was wearing a green dress with long sleeves and was not hiding her one eye. Her wild red hair had grown longer but had remained just as bushy. What surprised him was the small baby in her arms with an extra eye on it's forehead.

"Magneto what is this?" Xavier asked, perplexed.

"During his time here at Avalon, Legion had a few…liaisons I was not aware of," Magneto coughed. "I'm sorry to say he was not above using some telepathic influence to get what he wanted. Shortly after he left my service, Scatty confided in me on well…I think you can **guess** what her problem was."

"This is Sonya," Scatty looked a bit nervous. "My daughter."

"She is genetically your granddaughter," Magneto told him. "And in addition to the third eye she will become quite a powerful telepath in her own right."

"My God…" To say Xavier was shocked was an understatement.

"Would…Would you like to hold her?" Scatty asked.

"Yes, very much so," Xavier said in a breathless tone. Scatty gently handed her to him. "She's beautiful."

"She has her father's eyes, well most of them anyway," Scatty admitted.

"Thank you Erik," Xavier's eyes were watering. "You have no idea how much this means to me."

"I make a promise to you Charles," Magneto told him. "I will protect her with my life. And when she is old enough and her powers emerge…I will send her to you for training. I just thought for now…considering the circumstances of her father that perhaps it might not be the best policy that the human authorities know of her existence. Not yet anyway."

"Perhaps you are right," Xavier admitted. "For now…It's best that no one else know about her father. Legion has hurt too many people and the wounds are still fresh. But in time…"

"Until then she will be safe with me," Magneto said.

"And you can see her whenever you like," Scatty said. "I mean if you want to."

"I would like that," Xavier nodded. "Very much."

"Perhaps there is some hope for the future after all," Magneto made a small grin. "Come now, we have a wedding to attend."

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"Well gang, here we are again," Arcade quipped as the gang congregated in a large hallway. They were dressed in tuxedoes and fancy dresses. "Another day, another wedding from Hell."

"And lucky me this time it's **Spyke** that's under the knife," Pietro was cackling with glee in his silver tuxedo. "I love it! I swear it's like someone up there is thinking, 'I've been bad to Quicksilver, maybe I should give him a little present to make everything all right?' Oh and I am loving **this **gift!"

"I don't know what's worse," Scott gave him a look while wearing a black tuxedo. "You **enjoying** Daniels' misfortune or **me** enjoying it **with** you."

"Oh don't be such a stick in the mud," Pietro rolled his eyes. "As much as I hate to admit it you have a **lot **more reasons to hate Evan than I do! Where do I **begin?** Oh right, that whole lying about Spears' murder deal. The trial he put you through. That's a good place to start. Not to mention the riots he was indirectly responsible for starting in Bayville that destroyed a lot of lives and property. The grief he gave Storm. The time he made shish kabob out of Boom Boom because she had to watch **your **back…"

**"Thank you**, Quicksilver," Scott gritted his teeth. "I don't know what I would do if you weren't here to **remind me!** I'd love to find out though…"

"His desertion of the X-Men, his slacking off during training when he was with you," Pietro continued to count the ways off. "All the times he and the Hellions attacked and made your lives miserable, the lying, the time he scratched your car, the fact that he often cut class which God **forbid** any X-Man worth his goggles would do…"

"All right Quicksilver **I get it!"** Scott snapped. Then realized something. "When did he scratch my car?"

"Scott, get away from him before you catch whatever **insanity virus** he has," Jean led Scott away to Ororo. Ororo was wearing an elegant black dress "How are you holding up, Storm?"

"I just found out my outlaw nephew got **another** girl pregnant and she's the adopted daughter of Emma Frost," Ororo gave her a look. "How do you **think** I am holding up?"

"I'm not exactly looking forward to being **your **in law either," Emma glared at Ororo as she walked up to them. Emma was wearing an off white gown that looked quite elegant.

"It's more than clear that **this time** Evan isn't completely to blame," Ororo glared at her. "Considering where Yvonne gets it from. A woman who has the morals of an **alley cat." **

"I wouldn't make **any** catty remarks if I were you," Emma sneered. "Considering you allowed your **Kitty** to stray out after dark."

"How do you know…?" Ororo's jaw dropped.

"You'd be surprised how much a telepath can learn in a short amount of time dear," Emma grinned.

"Perhaps it's time you learned some **manners **and how not to invade other's minds!" Ororo snapped.

"Emma, Aunt Ororo please **stop** this!" Evan walked over to them with Vi. Vi was wearing a blue gown. "I know this isn't exactly the best situation but can't you two put your differences aside for an hour or so!"

"You tend to end up in a **lot **of situations that aren't exactly the best, Evan," Scott pointed out.

"And whose fault is **that **Scott?" Vi asked. "You have to admit that your X-Men did contribute quite a bit with how things turned out for Evan."

"Vi you don't know…" Ororo began.

"I don't know what? How I sent my son to you to train him to use his powers responsibly only for you to turn him into a soldier in some kind of **private war**?" Vi glared at her. "Maybe if you spent more time mentoring him on his schoolwork and less time allowing him to run around in spandex getting into fights life might have been very **different** for us!"

"Vi I wasn't going to tell you this," Ororo's eyes got hard. "But I think you and I should have a talk." She glared at Emma. **"Alone."**

"Since I am practically going to be family, as distasteful as that is I might as well stay for this conversation," Emma refused to budge.

"Listen Emma, we should go somewhere to **talk,"** Jean's eyes narrowed. "Or maybe have a drink or something?"

"We can always call someone over for a drink Jean dear," Emma smirked. "Or maybe you would like to get me one like a good girl?"

"Maybe you would like to go **back** to that coma I put you in?" Jean was fast getting tired of Emma's attitude. "I would have thought that prison would have taught you something about your attitude."

"You have **no idea** the things I have learned, Phoenix," Emma gave her a hard look. "And if you believe you can just **push** me around like some…"

"Oh let her stay," Vi interrupted. "She knows just as well as I do about Evan. About how he killed Spears."

"Oh boy…" Evan winced. "Here we go…"

"What? You **knew** that he…" Ororo's jaw dropped. "How…?"

"You really think I can't look at my own son and **not **know when he's lying?" Vi gave her sister a look. "Please, the second I first laid eyes on him in prison I **knew** he did it." She looked at Evan. "Believe me we had a talk about that later."

"And you just…?" Ororo was shocked. **"How?"**

"He's my son, Ororo," Vi gave her a look. "And he was right to do what he did."

"You telling us you're on **his** side on this?" Scott was shocked.

"Yes," Vi had a look of hate in her eyes. "I learned the hard way that those type of people don't care about anyone but themselves. They don't care who they hurt as long as they make a profit! And those people are better off dead."

"I can't believe you're saying that!" Ororo shouted. "You of all people! What about Carl? What does he have to say about this? Where is Carl anyway? I haven't seen him."

"And you won't," Evan sighed.

"He's dead," Vi closed her eyes for a moment. "He's been dead for months."

"Goddess…" Ororo was shocked. "How…?"

"A group of maniacs calling themselves Reavers killed him," Emma explained. "A group of human mercenary purists with ties to Donald Pierce. It was shortly after he was expelled from the Hellfire Club but before I was. He wanted revenge so he went after every family member of the Hellfire Club he could get his hands on."

"I was lucky," Vi said. "I was at the grocery store when they showed up at our house and burned it to the ground. But not before killing…" She choked up. "So forgive me dear sister if I have very little sympathy for those who hate mutants and want to kill them!"

"We kind of had to hide my mother around for a bit," Evan told the others. "When I joined up with Magneto I explained the situation to him and he allowed her to come live here in order to keep her away from Sinister and Pierce."

"I was on Avalon when Legacy hit," Vi turned to her sister. "It turns out I had a dormant X-Gene after all. I can manipulate wind."

"What?" Ororo was shocked. She felt a small breeze turn her hair and saw a small sphere of wind emerge from her sister's hand.

"I admit my powers aren't as strong as yours Big Sister," Vi said. "But they are quite versatile. They call me Breeze."

"I can't believe this!" Ororo gasped.

"Why? Does the fact that you're not the only **special** one anymore upset you?" Vi asked bitterly. "That you are no longer the **only** goddess in the family?"

"Vi I didn't know you felt that way…" Ororo was shocked.

"I did long ago," Vi sighed as she let the sphere dissolve into nothing. "I got over it when I grew up. But now…Now I understand the joy of mutant powers as well as the burden. And I like it."

"Wonderful," Scott had had enough. Something inside him broke. "Do you also like being a grandmother for a second time?

"What do you mean a **second time**?" Vi asked, her eyes narrowing.

"Spyke didn't tell you?" Scott asked, not being able to resist twisting the knife. "Or didn't dear Emma over there say a **word?"**

"A word about **what?**" Vi turned around and glared at Emma.

"Perhaps I shall take a drink after all," Emma mused and turned to go.

"Hold on, lady," Vi said in an icy tone. "What exactly did he mean by **that?"**

"You mean you didn't tell your mother she was already a **grandmother?**" Scott said to Evan in a very pleasant tone. "You know with Tommy? The Morlock Girl you cheated on and left while she was pregnant?"

"WHAT?" Vi screamed loudly. She glared at her son. "YOU DID **WHAT?**"

"Okay Scott let's go mingle," Jean took Scott's arm and started to steer him away from the rapidly deteriorating conversation.

"Well I can understand why Emma wouldn't tell you Mrs. Daniels," Scott couldn't help but throw in one last bit. "Of course he also cheated on another girl with Celandine. You seemed to approve of **that** didn't you?"

"Okay let's go!" Jean started to drag him away. "**Now** Scott!"

"I mean it's not surprising considering Emma practically set them up in the first place," Scott kept talking, clearly enjoying himself. "Catseye, the former Hellion who's with the Misfits now told us everything. She **deliberately** allowed Celandine to break up the relationship between Evan and Tarot. So she could cement her position with the Hellfire Club. Boy that plan **backfired** didn't it Emma?"

**"WHAT?"** Vi screamed even louder than before. She glared at Emma. "IS THIS TRUE?"

"Scott," Jean hissed. "I need a word with you. **NOW!"**

"Don't worry Mrs. Daniels I'm sure Evan will get around to finding his daughter after he's finished with the honeymoon," Scott called out as Jean pulled him away. They could no longer hear exactly what Vi replied to Evan but it was clear from her tone that she was not exactly happy about this information.

"I think you just caught a touch of Quicksilver-itis," Jean gave Scott a look.

"Sorry, but you gotta admit that guy has it coming," Scott told her. "And that felt kind of good. Hmph. No wonder he and Toad spill the beans all the time."

"I still can't believe you **did** that!" Jean chastised him.

"Look we all knew this train wreck was going to happen," Scott said. "All I did was push ahead the schedule a bit."

"So you could watch it?" Jean asked. "Honestly! You are getting as bad as the Misfits!"

"Normally I would consider that an insult but in this case…" Scott grinned. Jean gave him another dark look. "He tried to kill me Jean. I think I'm allowed to gloat a little if someone **tries** to kill me!"

"Who tried to kill you **this time?"** Wanda asked as she and Rogue went up to them. Wanda was wearing an elegant red dress and Rogue was wearing an elegant green dress with long green gloves.

"Nobody," Scott said.

"The night is still young Scott," Jean gave him yet another annoyed look.

"So how is everyone else doing?" Scott asked in an attempt to avoid Jean's judgment.

"As well as can be expected when I'm stuck on an asteroid in outer space with some of the people I hate **most** in the world," Wanda grumbled.

"And for once your brother Pietro is at the **bottom** of that list," Scott quipped.

"Scott please," Jean groaned. "This wedding is supposed to be a **peaceful** occasion!"

"HA! Yeah right! I am the only one here who isn't **buying **any of this?" Wanda asked. "I know my father, he rarely does anything out of the goodness of his heart. Mostly because he doesn't **have** a heart."

"I agree with you," Rogue told her. "Magneto's obviously stalling for time."

"And I bet all the other nations of the world are doing the same thing," Mender spoke as she and Amelia made their way towards them in fancy evening gowns. "So don't get on your high horse about this!"

"Sorry to offend you but considering our past history I just find it a little hard to believe that Magneto and Spyke invited us here to play nice," Rogue gave her a look.

"Never thought the first one of us out of the original six to get married would be Evan," Scott shook his head. "Or have kids for that matter. It just doesn't seem real."

"Since when does **anything** about our lives seem real?" Rogue asked. "Except for the giant migraines."

"You should know," Mender said in a bitter tone. "Since you X-Men and Misfits **cause** more migraines than anyone I have **ever** met!"

"Who exactly is going to be officiating this _wedding?_" Jean asked tactfully. Although her tone indicated that she was inserting 'wedding' for 'complete farce'.

"Not my father?" Wanda asked.

"No, we actually have a real minister here," Amelia told them. "He was preaching in France until his congregation found out he could fly and ran him out of town. Well, flew him out of town."

"And into a damned detention center," Mender nodded. "Fortunately Magneto rescued him along with the other mutants there. It was when your group went on that little space adventure."

"He certainly took advantage of our absence," Jean frowned.

"No more than the FOH or anyone else," Mender pointed out. "And speaking of taking advantage what the hell have you done with my niece?"

"Oh boy," Scott winced. "Here we go."

"Since when do **you** actually **care** about her?" Jean asked in a hostile tone.

"I care enough **not** to send her to the GRSO!" Mender snapped. "How could you just abandon her there?! How could you just let SHIELD take her and dump her in Kincaid's hands!"

"Wait, wait what's this about the GRSO?" Scott asked. "Are you saying Lorna is **there?"**

"You didn't know?" Amelia asked. "Fury took her there right after he grabbed her."

"This is the first I've heard of **this!"** Rogue was shocked. She saw that Jean wasn't that shocked. "Jean…You **knew?"**

"Xavier told me," Jean said. "Fury claimed that Frost would help her. He had higher orders. There was nothing he could do about it. She'll be released…eventually."

"How about **never,"** Mender grumbled. "If the humans have their way."

"No wonder Magneto is concerned about playing nice," Rogue realized. "Polaris is a valuable hostage."

"And you didn't tell **me?**" Scott shouted.

"Alex is your brother! I didn't think you'd be able to keep this a secret from him! It wasn't our fault!" Jean protested. "It just happened!"

"**Nothing** is your fault, these things **always **seem to happen!" Mender got in her face.

"Technically it was Legion's fault she got psychically possessed," Scott pointed out.

"It never would have happened if you…" Mender began.

"Don't you **dare** say that!" Jean interrupted fighting back at Mender. "You **knew **that Legion was fooling around with other women and using Lorna. It could have happened just as easily here and you **know** it! Then again since you were **already** using her for raw materials for that clone you made you can't really complain now can you?"

"Look **who** is complaining about **clones!**" Mender snapped. "You second class…"

"Okay let's stop this **right now** before a full scale war breaks out," Amelia stepped between the two women. She glared at Mender. "And before one of you says something she **shouldn't!" **

After a moment of glaring Amelia decided to take further precautions. "Excuse us please! We need to powder our noses." She took Mender away by the arm rather roughly.

"I just love mingling with people at parties don't you?" Scott asked in a sarcastic tone of voice.

"I love it so much I wish I had a **huge mallet** to knock my brains out," Rogue grumbled. "Or better yet the brains of a few **other **people! Jean how on earth could you of all people just agree with the Professor about Lorna?"

"I didn't say I **agreed** with it," Jean told her. "I just said I understood why he didn't want the **entire mansion** to find out!"

"Not to mention Bobby and Alex," Wanda agreed. "Knowing those two they would have tried something stupid like a rescue mission, if they didn't first kill each other."

"Ugh, I hate it when you have a point," Rogue looked at Jean.

Wanda groaned. "And to think we used to complain about all those times Lance and Peter went at it over **Kitty!** Those were a joke compared to this!"

"More like a running gag," Scott quipped.

"Scott," Jean groaned. She caught a glimpse of Fred eating heartily at a nearby buffet table, getting food all over his suit. "For once the Blob is the **smartest** one here. At least while he's stuffing his face he's not blabbing **secrets **to everyone else!"

Meanwhile Amelia had dragged Mender away to a secluded spot. When she was sure no one was listening she let her have it. "What the hell was **that **all about? You nearly gave away some of our most valuable secrets!"

"I didn't say **anything,**" Mender glared at her. "Calm down."

"Oh really? You just let them know that we know about what happened to Legion and Lorna," Amelia counted on her fingers. "Which means we somehow have information about what goes on in SHIELD and the GRSO! They might just figure out we have a spy in there!"

"They probably think that anyway," Mender gave her a look.

"Maybe but I bet it's probably never crossed their minds that Mystique was in charge of the GRSO," Amelia told her. "Which you were **that** close to telling them that! Or worse, getting into a fist fight with Rogue who would have gotten every ounce of information the **second** she smacked you! So calm down, once Mystique gets Frost to fix Lorna everything will be fine! She'll be back on our side where she belongs!"

"**Now **who's being stupid?" Mender put her hands on her hips. "I wouldn't trust Mystique to flush a dead goldfish down the toilet properly much less run the GRSO for us! You and Magneto seem to forget that woman holds onto grudges and she has a **big **one against Magneto. And now that she's got Frost in her hands do you really think that she's just going to let an opportunity to get back at him slip by? Those two probably have some kind of secret alliance going on."

"You may be right," Amelia sighed.

"I **know** I'm right!" Mender snapped at her. "How much you want to bet that there are going to be 'complications' with Lorna's condition? Face it! Xavier practically gift wrapped her as a weapon to be used against us!"

"And those two would do it too," Amelia groaned. "I'm sure Magneto has considered the possibility however and has taken precautions."

"You think so but he's taken precautions against Mystique before," Mender pointed out. "And you know how men are. They think they're always on top even when they aren't. We'd better keep an eye out ourselves. Maybe we should have a talk of our own with Frost."

"With Fury, the Joes and the X-Men here? No, too risky," Amelia sighed. "We're going to have to find another way of keeping tabs on Mystique."

"How do we do that?" Mender asked.

"I don't know," Amelia sighed. "But I'll think of **something**."

They noticed people were congregating towards rows of seats. "The wedding must be starting soon," Amelia said. "Come on. Just don't start anything!"

"I'll try," Mender grumbled. "But I am warning you I am not going to just stand around while those human loving **traitors** prance around with their noses in the air thinking that they're so damned superior to us!"

It wasn't long before most of the guests were seated at the hall filled with flowers and watching the bride walk down the aisle in a beautiful white wedding dress. Evan was there at the end wearing a modified dark blue and red Acolyte uniform that showed his spikes.

"Can you believe the nerve of **both** Celandine and Emma Frost wearing white?" Pietro whispered to Wanda who giggled at the notion.

"This is such a load of…" Scott muttered under his breath.

"Scott!" Jean shushed. "Where's Storm? And where's Vi and Emma? They're missing the wedding?"

"Then they're the **lucky ones**," Scott told her.

There was a minister there with a pair of dark brown eagle wings protruding from his jacket. "Dearly beloved," The Minister spoke with a French accent. "We are gathered today on this happy occasion…"

"DON'T YOU DARE MAKE THIS ABOUT **ME** YOU LYING TRAMP!" Ororo was heard shouting in the back. Everyone turned around and saw Ororo, Vi and Emma shouting at each other.

"It **is **all about you!" Vi shouted at her. "Emma's not the one who lied about where Evan was when he was really with the Morlocks!"

"No, she just lied about **what **he was doing down there with them!" Ororo snapped. "Or should I say **who** he was doing?"

"ZING!" Pietro said gleefully. "And we're **off!"**

"MOM!" Evan shouted, exasperated. "AUNTIE O! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP IT? AT LEAST FOR A MINUTE!"

"Why not?" Scott said. "That's how long your relationships **usually** last!" Jean glared at him. "Sorry! It just came out!"

"Can't you control your Aunt?" Yvonne hissed at Evan. "She and her **friends** are ruining everything!"

"Why don't you control that **whore **of an adopted mother of yours?" Tabitha called out.

"Who are you calling a whore you **tramp?**" Yvonne spat at Tabitha.

"Oh how **original**," Tabitha mocked. "The Mattress Queen about to deliver an **heir** to her padded throne is calling **me** a tramp!"

"That's kind of like Colonel Sanders calling Frank Perdue out on being inhumane to chickens," Scott sighed. This time both Tabitha and Yvonne glared as well as Jean. "Sorry! Again it slipped out!"

"Scott if you don't watch it someone's **fist **is going to slip into your **face**," Jean told him. "And it probably will be mine!"

"Oh like **no one else** was thinking that!" Tim called out.

"Yeah but for once Summers is saying the right thing," Pietro cackled. "Keep going Cyclops! This is better than a comedy show."

"Pretty appropriate with all the **jokers** around here," Scott said. "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"Look can you people please knock it off for once?" Evan snapped. "This is my wedding here! Can you not act like lunatics for **one day?"**

"I dunno, what's your definition of a **day**?" Fred asked. "Is it a twenty four hour deal or a couple of hours cause I don't think we can make it for very long."

Amelia gave Magneto a look. "You just **had **to invite them didn't you? You couldn't have just sent them a **video** or something? I **told** you this was going to be a disaster and **look** at what's happening!"

"What a surprise," Emma said sarcastically. "The X-Men and Misfits not being able to control themselves. Who would have ever guessed **that?"**

"You are not exactly known for being a model of **restraint **either you know?" Ororo snapped.

"This from someone who **zaps** a certain stupid sailor every day of her life?" Emma challenged. "Someone should **restrain** you!"

"Keep talking like that and you will **need **someone to restrain me," Ororo glared at her.

"I can take you on any **where** at any **time!**" Emma challenged.

"Well not **this** time!" Evan shouted. "This is supposed to be the happiest day of our lives and you're **ruining **it!"

"Who are you **kidding,** Porcupine?" Rogue sneered. "The only reason you're getting hitched is because you're scared to death of Frosty the Ice Queen and her daughter the Wicked Witch of the East!"

"At least I'm able to **have** a family which is more than what I can say for you!" Yvonne snapped. "Don't act so high and mighty! We all know if it weren't for your powers you'd be on your back faster than a pro wrestler with that Cajun Creep! Like mother like daughter!"

"Oh that is **it!**" Rogue shot out of her seat. "If those aren't fighting words I don't know **what** is!"

"Rogue calm down," Jean blocked her way. "Don't listen to her."

"Yes Rogue, take advice from the woman who once **dated** Duncan Matthews," Yvonne glared at her. There was a gasp from the crowd.

"Duncan Matthews? The idiot who shot Graydon Creed?" Someone shouted.

"You dated that mutant hating trash?" One mutant called out.

"What kind of self hating freak are you?" Another mutant called out.

"When are people ever going to forget that **one** mistake I made?" Jean's voice rose. "ONE LOUSY **MISTAKE!"**

"A very **big** mistake!" Evan snapped. "Now shut up!"

"Why don't **you** shut up?" Remy shouted.

"Why don't **both** of you shut up?" Yvonne screamed.

"Why don't you shut up shutting **them** up or else someone will shut **you** up? So **shut up!"** Pietro called out. Then he blinked. "That made sense right?"

"About as much sense as everything else we do," Arcade shrugged.

"Xavier control your people and the same goes for whoever's in charge of the Misfits," Magneto spoke with as much authority as he could muster. He glared at Shipwreck. "If **any** of them are in charge that is."

"Oh and you would know all about **control **wouldn't you father?" Wanda snapped.

"Not **now **Wanda," Magneto glared at her.

"Why **not** now?" Pietro challenged. "You haven't exactly spent a lot of time with us since we got here. You care more about Xavier than your own flesh and blood. Not that I'm complaining mind you. The **less **we see of you the better!"

"I'm glad you mentioned family relations," Magneto glared at him. "You have no right to lecture me Quicksilver since you allowed the humans to incarcerate your sister, Polaris!"

"You're just mad because you didn't get to do it **yourself** like you did with the Scarlet Witch," Scott said before he could think any more. Everyone in the room glared at him.

"Scott are you **channeling** Quicksilver or something?" Jean asked.

"Don't be mad Jean I couldn't have taught him better myself!" Pietro grinned. "I am so enjoying this!"

"Really? I would have thought the fact that your father spending more time and attention on your **arch rival** rather than you would have made you jealous?" Scott remarked. "But you're handling this rejection rather well. Then again I guess you must be used to it by now."

Pietro made a face. "Well that was just plain **mean! AND HURTFUL!" **

"It's also true," Scott zinged back.

"WAAAAHHHHHHH!" Pietro bawled loudly. He grabbed his hair. "I CAN'T STAND IT!"

"Scott what the hell are you **on?**" Jean groaned.

"I **HATE** YOU DANIELS!" Pietro shouted. "HATE YOU! HATE YOU! HATE YOU! AND YOU TOO FATHER!"

"I HATE YOU TOO FATHER!" Wanda shouted as well. "I just wanted to bring that up."

"I'm willing to bring **that** up too!" Rogue shouted.

"So do I!" Arcade shouted. "And I don't even know him that well!"

"Who **doesn't** hate Magneto?" Lance called out.

"**Everybody** hates Magneto!" Remy shouted. "And Emma Frost."

"Well that's a given," Jean said. "Oh great now they've got **me** doing it!"

"And you wonder **why** Charles that I was hesitant to bring you to Avalon and **inform **you of certain matters?" Magneto looked at Xavier. "I've come to expect such behavior from the Misfits but your X-Men are acting just as bad as they are!"

"Oh really?" Ororo's voice rose to anger. "Magneto…Listen to me. The X-Men, Misfits and Joes could rob a bank and set fire to an orphanage on **Christmas Eve** and still our behavior would be considered better than yours!"

"Yeah and Shipwreck actually **did** set fire to an orphanage once," Low Light remarked. "Okay technically he just shot down a Cobra plane which happened to crash into an orphanage but still…"

"It was an accident! How many times do I have to **apologize** for that incident?" Shipwreck groaned.

"Lots," Cover Girl gave him a look. "But for **once** we're not talking about you so button your lip."

"Shipwreck may not be perfect but he's a damn better father than **you **ever were!" Wanda said harshly to Magneto.

"Granted the bar wasn't exactly set high in the **first place**…" Scott said. "Sorry! I don't know why these things just keep slipping out!"

"Oh Wolverine is gonna be sorry he missed this!" Sabertooth chuckled. He was sitting with Solitaire in the back row. "I tell you, I'm actually starting to **like** weddings now!"

"Ororo you have no right to act this way during my son's wedding," Vi snapped at her sister. "As angry as I am at Emma for withholding this information, you also didn't tell me as well."

"How was I supposed to contact you Vi?" Ororo snapped. "I only found out a few months ago myself!"

"You would have found a way," Vi snapped. "And that's a few more months than I knew about it!" She glared at her son.

"Look we can all talk about this later," Emma said. "After the ceremony. Quite frankly I'm not surprised at your behavior Storm. Then again like attracts like, considering your infatuation with that low class sailor…" She turned her nose in the air and began to walk away.

"You are the last person to make fun of **anyone's** social station!" Ororo snapped as she grabbed Emma by the arm. "Considering you and Yvonne's are equal to that of a **prostitute!"**

"Hands off you bitch!" Emma shouted at Ororo and transformed into her diamond form before attempting to punch her in the face. Ororo countered this immediately by using her powers to create a very powerful wind gust that threw Emma backwards.

"Don't you **ever** touch me you dreadful woman!" Ororo snarled.

"That's it!" Emma recovered quickly. "It's **on** now!"

"So much for peace!" Fury threw up his hands as several of the Misfits and X-Men began to argue and in some cases brawl with the Acolytes. "I should have known!"

"Well since we're all gonna go at it anyway…HEY SPYKE!" Tabitha shoved a large cake on a cart towards him. "I got ya a wedding present!"

"What?" Evan turned around as the cake rolled up to him.

BOOOM!

SPLAT!

Cake rained down all over Evan and Yvonne. "MY DRESS!" Yvonne screamed.

"I owed you that for what you did to me a year ago," Tabitha snarled.

"YOU RUINED MY WEDDING DRESS!" Yvonne screamed at Tabitha.

"So? You're too **fat **to wear it again anyway!" Tabitha shot back. "Besides it was ruined the minute you put it on your skanky body!"

"THAT'S IT!" Yvonne shrieked. "I don't need my powers to kill you!"

"Go ahead and try it!" Rogue shouted.

"Yvonne! No!" Evan grabbed his fiancé and tried to hold her back. "Stop it! Stop it! Storm! Stop trying to zap Emma with lightning!"

Of course you can imagine how that went.

ZAP!

"RRRRR! EVEN IN MY DIAMOND FORM THAT STINGS!" Emma shouted in rage. "NOW I AM **MAD!"**

"I should do something about this but God help me I don't have the **strength,"** Fury sighed at the insanity around him. "Except maybe to stagger to the nearest bar."

"AAAHHHHHH AAAAHA AHAAAHHH!" Shipwreck did his best Tarzan yell as he grabbed a stray curtain and used it to swing onto Magneto's back. He then clung onto Magneto and played the bongos on his head with his helmet. "BABA LOOO!"

"GET OFF ME YOU OVERGROWN APE!" Magneto tried to get Shipwreck off of him with very little success. Especially since everyone around him was to busy either bickering or fighting in order to assist him.

Or in Sabertooth's case...

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Sabertooth was laughing so hard he could not stop. "THIS IS SO FREAKING FUNNY I LOVE IT!"

"Good thing I am getting this on tape," Solitare nodded as he filmed the entire spectacle. "But should we not assist Magneto?"

"BABALOOO!" Shipwreck called out.

"I'LL BABA LOO **YOU,** YOU POPEYE REJECT..." Magneto shouted.

"Eventually," Sabertooth grinned. "Right now I'm just gonna enjoy the ride!"

Too bad he was the only one.

Evan screamed at everyone in desperation. "SHIPWRECK GET OFF MAGNETO'S BACK! WANDA DON'T YOU DARE BITE MENDER! I TOLD YOU NOT TO BITE HER! MOM PLEASE DON'T USE YOUR POWERS TO THROW CHAIRS AT STORM! STORM NO! NO LIGHTNING! NO LIGHTNING! ROGUE CUT IT OUT! GAMBIT STOP THROWING YOR CARDS AT THE FLOWERS! YOU'RE SETTING THEM ON FIRE! CYCLOPS DID YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR OPTIC BLASTS ON HIM? SABERTOOTH WILL YOU STOP LAUGHING YOUR HEAD OFF AND HELP ME OUT HERE? MENDER DON'T BITE JEAN! JEAN! NO! NO! DON'T DO **THAT! **YEEEEEEEEEOWWWWWW! **QUICKSILVER!"**

"I love giving atomic wedgies!" Pietro cackled with glee as he zoomed around.

"I knew we should have **eloped,**" Evan grumbled under his breath.

& & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & & &

Half an hour later the mutants returned from Avalon. "I think it's safe to say that we won't be invited back to Avalon again any time soon," Scott remarked. He was covered in wedding cake and his clothes were torn.

"It was worth it though to hit Spyke with your optic blasts wasn't it?" Rogue asked. Her dress was torn but she looked pretty happy.

"Yes it was," Scott grinned. "It was also worth it to see you and Wanda give Magneto a few good punches."

"He wasn't killed but I still found it very therapeutic," Wanda grinned.

"Wow Daniels' wedding was a complete disaster and I didn't need to do anything to ruin it but show up and watch all the action!" Pietro cackled. "I love it! I love it!"

"You don't have to love it **that much!"** Jean snapped. Her hair was messed up and her dress was torn.

"No, actually I think he does," Scott told her. Despite his torn clothes he seemed rather happy. "And seeing Boom Boom blast Spyke with the wedding cake made me feel better too!"

"Thank you," Tabitha grinned brightly. "It made me feel better a lot! Got rid of a lot of repressed feelings I had."

"Repressed?" Ray blinked. "One of us guys leaves the toilet seat up you scream like a banshee. How can you be repressed?"

"You'd be surprised how much we **do** hold in," Amara said to him.

"I'd like to say how disappointed I am in how all of you acted today," Xavier glared at them. "Unfortunately I'm starting to **expect **behavior like this all too often! So for the most part nothing that happened this afternoon was much of a surprise. Except from you Storm! I thought out of all of us you would be the **least **likely to incite a riot!"

"Do **not **lecture me, Charles," Ororo gave him a scornful look despite her disheveled appearance. "Emma Frost is a spiteful viper who has needed to get her **fangs** pulled for far too long!"

"And baby did I enjoy you seeing you pulling 'em and giving her a good old fashioned **asp** whooping!" Shipwreck whooped.

"Thank you Shipwreck," Ororo casually brushed off some dust from her torn clothing. "And might I add that I particularly enjoyed seeing you giving off a few good hits to Magneto as well."

"Great! Magneto was right!" Hank groaned. "We have become as bad as the Misfits! It's just as well Wolverine wasn't there. That's all we needed at the ceremony was another bloodthirsty maniac."

"Other than the bride of course," Both Scott and Pietro said at the same time. They looked at each other with startled expressions.

"Okay this is getting **weird**," Scott blinked.

"A little too weird," Pietro admitted.

"Maybe we are spending a little too much time together?" Scott asked.

"You think?" Jean and Wanda snapped at the same time. They looked at each other. "Oh no…"

"Oh crap I nearly **forgot!"** Lance slapped his head. "Al, Wolverine and Kitty!"

"He's right!" Wanda said. "Toad and Xi need us too!"

"Not to mention Jubilee and X!" Tabitha realized. "I wonder if they called?"

"Better check the answering machine!" Hank went to do so.

"There are probably quite a few messages from Nick Fury and Valarie Cooper on them by now," Xavier sighed. "Ororo how could you lose your temper like that?"

"How could she **not** lose her temper with her nephew knocking up Frost Jr.?" Jean asked. "Even I can see that!"

"I know I shouldn't have lost my temper like that but quite frankly Charles I had quite a few shocks before that," Ororo said. "First finding out about Evan and Yvonne, then my sister and what happened to her husband."

"Not to mention Emma making that crack about you liking Shipwreck," Scott said.

"Yeah if that doesn't set **any** woman off I don't know what will," Pietro nodded.

"Kind of a low blow there," Scott added.

"Wow you read my mind," Pietro said. "I was just going to say that!"

"Man this really is getting weird," Scott grumbled. "Maybe we have been hanging around you guys too long?"

"You know what I could go for now?" Fred piped up. "A roast beef, tuna fish, bacon, lettuce and pickle sandwich."

"With horseradish sauce," Kurt's ears perked up. "And chipotle style mayonnaise!"

"And a couple of hot peppers on top!" Both boys said at the same time. "Yum!"

"There is a distinct possibility that you may have a point Cyclops," Spirit groaned.

"Charles! We have a situation," Hank ran into the room. "Logan called right after we left. He and the others were stationed at a private home in Japan where Ogun was after some kind of information. Not to mention he made it very clear he wanted to capture Kitty again."

"What?" Rogue startled. "Why didn't she just take off and let the others…?"

"She wanted to face him herself," Hank explained. "Anyway Logan reported that Ogun was on his way with at least a very large squadron of ninjas which were part of his own personal army."

"Holy cow," Lance whistled. "Just those guys against a ton of ninjas? This is not good."

"No it ain't. And something tells me they didn't wait for us!" Rogue grumbled. "Come on!"

"Uh I'm afraid two other people didn't wait for us," Bobby pointed out the window.

"What do you mean?" Scott asked. Then he looked out the window. "That's a pretty big fire."

"It's not **just **a fire," Rogue groaned and put her head in her hands.

RARRRRR!

"Oh goody," Angelica said sarcastically. "Mr. Flickers is back."

"I **knew** there was someone else we **forgot,"** Arcade remarked. "Wow that is one **big** fire dragon."

"And look at that pile Penny's made," Lina blinked. "That's a lot of squirrels."

"And rabbits," Fred remarked. "And possums, and that's gotta be a skunk there…Is that a **poodle?"**

"Where did they get that shredded wedding dress?" Jean yelled. "Or that mail truck? Is that a police car?"

"IS THAT MY DESK ON FIRE?" Xavier shouted. "PYRO!"

"Okay first we put out the fire and corral Penny and Pyro," Scott groaned. "Then we'll go on to the **easy **job of fighting the ninjas!"

**So what happened with Kitty, Logan and the gang? Will they succeed against Ogun? Find out next time! **


	97. Confrontation

**When we last left our heroes Ogun's forces were preparing to steal some important information at a secret ninja safe house as well as take back Kitty so she could be Ogun's new vessel. Of course Kitty and the others are not exactly thrilled with this plan and are preparing to stop Ogun. Will they be able to stop Ogun or will he succeed in converting Shadowcat into something completely evil? Find out in this exciting chapter! **

**Confrontation**

"Here they come," Logan readied his claws as the ninjas attacked.

"Bring it on," Jubilee readied her fireworks.

"Just stick together and watch your backs," Wisdom told the girls. "Stick close to me."

"Yes that way kids you can protect **him,**" Shima quipped. She sent a powerful telekinetic blast that knocked down at least half the ninjas.

SWISH! SWISH! SWISH! SLASH! SLASH!

SNIKT! SLASH! SLASH! SWISH! SNIKT!

The other half were being taken down very effectively by Logan and Rina. To be fair the others weren't exactly cringing in terror either. In fact they were dispatching the ninjas both by lethal and non lethal means quite well using kicks and punches. And in Todd's case some very well aimed slime and acid.

Kitty knew she didn't have to worry about her friends. She knew that with all they had been through it would take more than an army of ninjas to get the better of them.

That meant she only had to worry about one ninja.

Deep in her mind she knew that the attack was merely a distraction. Ogun would enter the building through some other means. If not from the outside, then…

"From the inside…" Kitty said to herself. She phased her body through the floors of the building. Sure enough in the basement there was a large grate with a line to the sewers. The grate was already open.

"I knew it," Kitty hissed to herself. "Now where would he go?"

Suddenly she had a flash of memory. A memory of Ogun looking at the plans for the building she was in. "Great…I'm never going to get used to having him in my head," Kitty grumbled.

But now she knew where he was. She phased her body upwards to the floor she knew he was going to be on. She barely pulled herself backward into the wall before he passed. He merely walked silently.

_I could take him down now_…Kitty thought to herself. _Grab him and phase him through the wall then leave him in there to…_

Kitty had to mentally shake herself to stop thinking. _NO! That's what Ogun_ _would do! I'll just follow him_. She phased herself back into the corridor and stealthily rounded the corridor.

Only to find herself face to face with Ogun. "So much for **that **plan," Kitty grumbled.

"I thought you would follow me here Shadowcat," Ogun spoke. "You did not disappoint. If I had not known what you were going to do beforehand I never would have realized you were behind me."

"I'm not letting you get away with what you did to me!" Kitty told him. "Or get whatever it is that you're after here!"

"I do not expect you to," Ogun told her. "I can feel your anger and hate and I am pleased."

"Spare me the whole 'dark side' crap," Kitty snapped. "You are going **down!"**

"Perhaps," Ogun snapped his fingers. Dozens of ninja appeared around her. "But first you have to get past my final test."

"Damn it…" Kitty growled, kicking herself for letting her be caught by surprise.

"Do not feel so inadequate child," Ogun laughed. "There is a reason you could not sense them following you. You see I can teleport people including myself using dark magic."

"One problem," Something inside Kitty was screaming. "These aren't people are they?"

"Not regular ninjas I must admit," Ogun told her. "Let us just say that even in death I can find use for my most loyal or disloyal soldiers."

"They're zombies?" Kitty shouted. "You can make **zombies!** You're **sick!"**

"They are very useful as cannon fodder. All I had to do was to summon them when I felt like it. You will learn this technique yourself when you join me," Ogun told her.

"I'm never going to join you!" Kitty snapped. "Fine I'll just phase right out of this hallway and…" Before Kitty could move there was a strange energy barrier glowing above her on the ceiling. And another one in front of her, trapping her inside with the undead ninjas.

"Oh there's one more little obstacle," Ogun told her. "This dark energy barrier prevents anyone from escaping this floor, which means you can't phase through. You are trapped here until each and every one of them are taken out. Oh it's easy to take them out, all you have to do is hit them hard in the heart or separate their heads from their bodies. But there are a lot of them…"

More ninjas seemed to appear behind her. "This should be an adequate test of your skills," Ogun walked away. "I will wait for you in the garden on the west side of the building. Twenty minutes should be more than enough time for you to defeat them and catch up to me."

"Come back here you…" Kitty tried to follow him but was shocked back by the energy barrier. "AAAAHHH!"

The ninjas surrounded her. "All right," Kitty got to her feet and readied herself in a fighting stance. "You wanna play rough, let's dance!"

"Fine by me! PHASE KID!"

Kitty did so instinctively. Several hot knives of energy went through her and hit several of the ninjas square in the chest. The creatures of darkness exploded. As they were destroyed a black mist escaped their bodies and dissipated in the air. Kitty turned around and saw Wisdom blasting through the ninjas behind her in order to get close to her.

"What are you doing here?" Kitty shouted at him. "I thought you were on the roof?"

"I got bored," Wisdom grunted. "That bloody armless chick is taking all the fun out of it. So I thought I'd follow you to see if you had anything for me to do."

"Well…now that you mention it…" Kitty motioned to the ninjas about to attack them. "You can start by taking out these ninja zombies!"

"Ninja zombies? Those are pesky little devils. Haven't fought those in over two years. And to think I didn't want to come on this trip," Wisdom grunted as he tossed more 'hot knives' at the ninjas. Some of them hit their targets, 'killing' a few and scattering the rest.

"You're not as inept as I thought you'd be," Kitty admitted. "Even if you're not an X-Man ninja."

"I've been fighting since I could walk," Wisdom told her. "And I've been running around with superhuman crazies since I was fifteen and shot out my first hot knife."

"Really? I was fifteen too when I joined the X-Men," Kitty kicked a ninja. "Is that when you joined WHO?"

"Nope," Wisdom told her as he dispatched a ninja. "Actually I started off with the bad guys but realized that the pay and benefits were lousy."

"You sound like all my other boyfriends," Kitty told him. "Technically I've only had two but they both started off the same."

"Sounds interesting," Wisdom smirked as a ninja zombie prepared to face them.

"Interesting is not the **word** for it," Kitty rolled her eyes.

Both did several kicks at the ninja and ended up in a back to back stance. "My first boyfriend I met at school when my powers first appeared," Kitty told him. "As soon as he taught me to control my powers he tricked me into getting into the principal's office to steal test answers. It ended up with him literally bringing the house down."

"So that was the end of that huh?" Wisdom kicked one ninja away.

"Uh, not quite," Kitty admitted as she dispatched another ninja. "He ended up on a rival team working for the bad guys. We kind of had an off and on Romeo/Juliet thing for years. My second boyfriend I met on the battlefield. Magneto recruited him for his second team by blackmailing him."

"So you're into bad boys huh?" Wisdom raised an eyebrow. "I like those odds."

"They're a lot better than what we've got now!" Kitty hit another ninja and whirled around to face Wisdom.

"I could really go for a bird like you," Wisdom grinned as he tossed a few hot knives at a ninja behind her.

"I'd appreciate it if you go for the ninjas **around** us," Kitty grunted as she threw some knives at some ninjas behind him.

"Not even our first date and you're **already** trying to change me," Wisdom snickered as both their targets were taken down at the same time.

"Afraid of a little change?" Kitty smirked at him.

"I'm not afraid of anything," Wisdom grunted. "Well **almost **anything."

"Oh please!" Kitty rolled her eyes as she dispatched a ninja. "Spare me the macho act! If I wanted immature posturing in a man I'd still be with either of my last two boyfriends! Well actually the first one more or less."

"Thing is love," Wisdom ducked and knocked down a ninja with a leg sweep. "With me it's not an act. I'm the real deal."

"I've heard **that **before too," Kitty said as she let a ninja phase through her.

"Seriously, whatever you throw at me I can take it!" Wisdom grabbed the startled phased ninja and threw him against a wall. "Hell you can even describe your worst period symptoms and tell me in great detail about all the gunk that you spill out of your privates and I wouldn't blink."

The ninja rebounded and nearly sliced Wisdom with his sword. "Well not **now** actually but some other time," Wisdom leapt out of reach. "You get the picture."

"I'm impressed. You **do **like a challenge don't you?" Kitty snickered as she leapt under her latest attacker and grabbed the ankles of the ninja, trapping him in the floor.

"I live for 'em," Wisdom told her. "Besides I can't stand weak birds. All that dainty girly stuff makes me puke!" He kicked the sword out of the ninja and punched him hard.

"Hey! I can be pretty girly too if I want to!" Kitty snapped at him, also punching the ninja hard.

"I didn't say you couldn't," Wisdom grinned at her. He hit the ninja again.

"You implied it!" Kitty hit the ninja hard.

"I can't help it if my words have a ring of truth to your ears," Wisdom grinned again as he hit the ninja.

"You are **so** annoying," Kitty finally had it with the ninja and knocked him unconscious.

"You like it like that and you know it," Wisdom grinned as he threw more hot knives at another ninja.

"Why is it that the cute ones are always frustrating idiots?" Kitty rolled her eyes.

"What can I say? It's part of the charm," Wisdom shrugged as more ninjas attacked. "Ladies first."

"How about we do this **together?**" Kitty gave him a look.

"Okay we'll split it down the middle," Wisdom nodded. "I'll take the right and you take the left."

"I'm more comfortable being right," Kitty flipped over him and attacked the ninjas on the right side.

"You and every other woman I've ever met," Wisdom groaned as he attacked the ninjas on the left.

"So what about **you?"** Kitty asked as they fought. "What's your story?"

"When my powers manifested I got recruited, but by the bad guys," Wisdom told her. "Called themselves Black Air. A real rotten bunch. Basically a British version of Cobra only with better leaders and no stupid uniforms. I was young and stupid and had no idea how in over my head I was until this one guy from WHO knocked some sense into me. That and my bosses tried to kill me. Long story short I ended up with the good guys."

"Looking back on it now I wonder how smart I was to get involved with the X-Men," Kitty groaned as she fought. "I mean one day I'm just a kid trying to pass PE and not get shoved into lockers and the next thing I know I'm on some weird asteroid fighting super powered mutants."

"Funny how the recruiters never **mention** those things when they're trying to sell you something," Wisdom snorted. "That and the little tidbit that from then on everyone in a weird costume will want to either fight you or kill you."

"I am definitely going to have a **talk **with Xavier about **that** one of these days," Kitty agreed. She ducked a blade and punched the ninja in the stomach. "If we **survive **this!"

"What do you mean **if?**" Wisdom kicked a ninja. "Pretty optimistic aren't you?"

"We're fighting an army of ninjas and their leader is a supernatural ninja that wants to take over my body," Kitty replied as she fought. "Forgive me if I exercise **some** caution here. Logically there is a chance we might lose."

"If I believed in logic I'd be **dead** by now," Wisdom growled as the ninjas surrounded them. "Grab my hands!"

She did so and he spun her around in a circle. Kitty's kicks hit the ninjas in the chest knocking them down. Then Wisdom threw her high into the air, he spun around blasting the remaining ninjas with his hot knives and then caught her in his arms.

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?" Wisdom grinned at her.

"I've had better," Kitty remarked with a smirk.

"I doubt it," Wisdom grinned.

BLAST!

The two of them saw the last few ninjas fall behind them. Shiriken were in their backs. And the people who threw them weren't happy.

"Do you two do anything besides **talk** your enemies to death?" Althea snapped.

"Will you two idiots stop making goo goo eyes at each other and get a room already?" Todd shouted.

"Rarrr!" Lockheed snorted smoke as he flew in the air.

"Well it's official," Althea told her boyfriend. "Ogun hasn't completely taken over Shadowcat. She's still the same **dating whiz** she's **always** been."

"Doesn't say much for Ogun's taste either," Todd folded his arms. "If the **best** he can do is Shadowcat!"

"What are you doing here?" Kitty let go of Wisdom.

"We followed this idiot who followed you and got stuck on this floor," Althea remarked. "Been fighting undead ninjas all this time."

"And good thing too," Wisdom saw the barrier around them fade. "The barrier's gone."

"With time to spare," Kitty took off. "I've got to get to the west garden!"

"Hey wait for us!" Wisdom shouted as the others followed her. She phased through a wall and he nearly ran into it. "No fair!"

"Yeah it's annoying when she does that," Althea smirked.

Kitty managed to make it to the garden. She didn't see Ogun. What she did see was a Japanese sword settled on a stone. Kitty walked up to it and picked it up. She unsheathed it and studied it. She also saw Ogun's reflection in the sword. He was preparing to strike her with his own sword.

She whirled around and blocked it expertly. "Excellent Shadowcat," Ogun spoke. "Now let us see if you are truly worthy to be my successor."

"I'm not **anything **to you!" Kitty snapped as she started to fight Ogun. She could hardly believe how easy it was for her to fight with the sword. "Except the person who is going to kick your ass!"

"Do you really think that without my teachings you would handle a sword as expertly as you do now?" Ogun told her as they sparred. "My power and essence flow through your body. It is yours for the taking. I have given you a great gift."

"Gift? You **brainwashed** me!" Kitty shouted in anger. She fought harder. "You kidnapped me from my home and fed me **lies **so I could be your weapon!"

"I gave you power…" Ogun fought back. "I gave you strength. I showed you your true potential as a warrior."

She swung the sword harder and pressed her attack. "You manipulated me into hurting my friends and fighting them! You tried to make me a killer! You poisoned me with your sick twisted self! All so you could live an extra twenty to thirty years!"

Kitty fought harder and harder. Ogun seemed to be on the defensive. "How many people have you done this to Ogun?" She shouted. "How many innocent lives have you twisted and destroyed all in the name of your sick desire to be immortal? WELL I'M NOT GOING TO LET YOU DO IT ANYMORE! YOU HEAR ME? I'M NOT GOING TO ALLOW YOU TO DO THIS TO ANYONE ELSE EVER AGAIN!"

She knocked the sword out of his hands. She pointed the sword at his throat. "It's over Ogun," She hissed, her eyes full of hate. "You lose."

"So I have," Ogun did not fight. He merely knelt down. "You have defeated me in combat. My life is yours."

"Your life…" Kitty snarled. "That's all you value. You're not a true ninja. You don't value honor. That's why you don't **have** any! And you **never** will!"

"Do it Shadowcat," Ogun spoke evenly. "Take my life. You have earned it."

Kitty stood there for a moment, hate filled with her eyes. It would be so easy. So quick. All she had to do was bring the sword down…

Then she remembered what Ogun once said to her.

"You are truly my best pupil," Ogun told her. "That is because we are so much alike."

That brought Kitty back to reality. She screamed and brought the sword down.

The sword broke open the mask and cracked it. The mask was destroyed. But nothing about Ogun's body was harmed. Kitty's eyes widened in horror as she saw his blackened, decaying face and red soulless eyes staring at her.

"You are me…" Ogun hissed. "Kill me…"

"I am not **you** Ogun," Kitty shouted. "I will **never** be you!" She threw the sword to the ground. "You're not worth it."

She turned her back on him and walked away. She heard Logan shout. "KITTY! PHASE!"

Instinctively she did so to see Logan shoot his claws straight through her stomach. She turned around and saw Ogun behind her with a dagger raised. But Logan's claws stopped him.

Kitty felt both nauseous and in pain at being phased while Logan had his adamantium in her space. She moved out of range and fell to her knees in pain and shock as Ogun fell the other way dead.

"Kitty!" Jubilee and the others ran up to her. "Are you okay?"

"I am now…" Kitty sighed. She shuddered as she got to her feet and looked at Ogun's body. "Is he…?"

Not taking any chances Logan used his claws one final time. "He is now," He growled as the head of Ogun was severed from his body.

"Well that's a lovely image that will keep me up at nights," Wisdom grumbled. "No wait, I've seen worse."

Kitty turned to Logan. "You let me fight him alone on purpose didn't you?"

"Yup," Logan grunted. "I had to see how far you had gone. I had to make sure you were really you. And you'd never kill unless you absolutely had to. You're not Ogun. You may have his skills but you sure as hell ain't him."

"Plus he wanted you to kill him," Shima said. "That way he could transfer his soul into your body. It had to be you to do it in order for the Dark Possession to work."

"He lost the duel on purpose…" Kitty realized. "He **wanted **me to…"

"Yes," Shima nodded.

"What would you have done if I had…?" Kitty began.

"You really don't want to know the answer to **that** question," Shima told her.

"I think I can guess," Kitty eyed Logan's claws as he sheathed them. "I can still feel him inside of me though."

"And you probably always will," Logan told her. "But you beat him Kitty. You're you no matter what and you can control it."

"And you are also now a kick butt ninja," Althea pointed out. "Welcome to the club."

"Some initiation," Kitty groaned. "Now what happens?"

"Now you go home, get some rest then do whatever it is you X-Men do," Shima told her. "Which is getting into trouble. I'll file my report with the Council. Most likely they'll consider this case closed."

"What about Ogun's flunkies?" Rina asked.

"Yes there are many of them still out there," Xi nodded. "Those that are still alive anyway."

"Most of them were rogues in the first place," Shima said. "They will be dealt with in due time."

"Isn't Kitty technically a rogue now?" Todd asked. "I mean since she's not part of any clan."

"There are rogues and then there are **rogues,"** Shima explained. "A lot of so called rogue ninjas are more like freelancers. They have their uses as long as they don't interfere with ninja clans and the ninja council. And try not to take over the planet. They don't really concern us."

"Not to mention use armies of the undead, and I have no desire to do **that,"** Kitty shuddered.

Shima gave Kitty a look. "Don't misunderstand me dear, we'll keep an eye on you from time to time. But for the most part I suppose it couldn't hurt for the X-Men to have one little ninja in their ranks."

"Aw no fair!" Todd threw up his hands. "Kitty gets to be a full fledged ninja after only a couple months and I gotta train forever!"

"Hello! She was **possessed** Toad!" Jubilee glared at him. "You really want to be a ninja like **that**?"

"Oh right that whole ninety percent becoming unstable and being killed thing," Todd blinked. "You have a point."

"You think?" Jubilee groaned.

"Besides you're **already** kind of in the middle of some heavy mystic stuff," Kitty told him. "Trust me, if you went through what I did, things would be a lot worse!"

"You should be proud of yourself Shadowcat," Shima said. "Only one other has survived a full Dark Possession technique like you did in the entire history of the Ninja Council. And considering that it's been around for several thousand years that is no small achievement."

"Only one other?" Kitty asked. "Was it you?"

"Actually no," Shima made a small sad smile. "But it was someone very close to me. A long, long time ago."

"As touching as this in I guess I'd better call in to my bosses and let 'em know that Ogun ain't a threat no more," Wisdom said as he searched the body. "Hello, hello what's this then?" He pulled out a document from a hidden pocket. "Looks like Ogun has one last little secret."

He made a quick glance at it. "Looks like it's coordinates for some kind of hidden…"

"I'll take **that** thank you very much!" A quick blur knocked him down and swiped the paper from his hand. They saw Unicorn standing on top of a rooftop nearby. "Factor One will be most pleased with this information. We may have lost a ninja but won the war."

"Listen Bub, you got ten seconds to give that back before I do to you what I did to Ogun!" Logan shot out his claws.

**"Bub?"** Althea blinked. "You mean that's…"

"A guy? Yes!" Rina growled.

"Unicorn's a **cross dresser?"** Wisdom was shocked. "Now I have seen everything!"

"I'd love to stay and chat but I need to make a delivery," Unicorn grinned. "Toodles!"

With a flourish Unicorn pulled something out of his kimono and a huge flash illuminated the area. By the time their sight recovered he was gone. "He's gone," Todd grumbled. "And so's the information!"

"Not necessarily," Wisdom took out a pen and paper and wrote it down. "I happen to have a near photographic memory. I got just enough of a look at what was on the paper to know exactly what was on it. Coordinates and a password or two to some hidden lab."

"I have no time for this," Shima grumbled. "I have a report to the council to make."

"Something tells me **I **do," Wisdom grunted. "If Factor Three is interested in wherever this place is, so are my bosses. So I might as well go ahead and tag along anyway."

"What makes you think we'll let you?" Logan growled.

"Uh Logan he has the coordinates," Kitty pointed out. "Kind of hard not to include him in this. Right Shima?" She looked around but the ninja master was gone. "She's gone already."

"Those ninja masters don't fool around," Wisdom grunted. He looked at Kitty. "You sure you're okay, Pryde?"

"I'm fine," Kitty told him.

"You were pretty good out there," Wisdom said.

**"Pretty** good?" Kitty raised an eyebrow. "I must have saved your behind at least three times."

"Two and a half at most," Wisdom shrugged. "But seriously, I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah, me too," Kitty gave him a look. Both seemed slightly uncomfortable at first. Then they smiled.

"Oh brother…" Logan's nose told him that both were highly attracted to each other. "Here we go again."

"What are you talking about?" Kitty asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"If you can't figure it out then there's no point explaining it to you," Rina told her.

"Hey there they are!" Kitty turned around when she heard the familiar shouting of Kurt. Several of the X-Men and Misfits still in their torn and slightly charred wedding outfits ran up to them.

"Kitty!" Rogue got to her first and gave her a fierce hug. "Are you okay?"

"I will be if I ever get to **breathe **again," Kitty coughed.

"Kitty are you…?" Peter ran up and then noticed Wisdom. "All right?"

"Yeah I'm fine," Kitty nodded.

"Who is **this?**" Peter's voice had an edge to it.

"Pete Wisdom," Wisdom raised an eyebrow. "Who are you?"

"I am Peter Rasputin," Peter growled. "Kitty's…"

"Friend," Kitty said quickly. "Just a friend." Peter was shocked. Wisdom smirked.

"Awkward," Todd whistled.

"Look who **finally** showed up to the party," Althea grumbled as the others ran up to them. There was a confusing but brief moment as the others were reunited with their friend.

"Are you okay? Did you beat Ogun?" Kurt asked.

"Check the dead body over there and you tell me," Wisdom said sarcastically.

"We missed the action didn't we?" Bobby's face fell.

"Yeah, you did. Where the hell **were** all of you guys?" Logan snapped. "We could have used your help!"

"And why are all of you **dressed up?"** Todd blinked. "What? You mistook this for Prom Season or something?"

"A prom that was on fire," Logan blinked as he noticed the state of their clothes. "What **happened** to you people?"

"Trust us Wolverine," Scott groaned. "You **don't** want to know."

"Oh **please** let me tell them!" Pietro jumped up and down excitedly, like a little boy experiencing the best Christmas of his life. "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaase!"

"Do you want to tell us something Quicksilver?" Logan asked in a bored voice.

"Please! Please? Please let me tell them?" Pietro pleaded. He got down on his knees and wrung his hands pleading at them. "I wanna tell them! I wanna tell them! I **so** want to tell them! If anyone deserves to tell them this news it should be me! It **has** to be me! Please! I have got to tell them this! Please! It's just **got **to be me! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please with a cherry on top with a side of double hot fudge and sprinkles and pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaesseeee! Let me tell them! Please! For the love of God let me **tell **them this!"

"Should we?" Wanda sighed.

"Oh why **not?"** Rogue groaned. "Let's just bottom this whole day out! Go ahead Quicksilver!"

"Before you do, I need some aspirin," Kitty groaned.

"Your head hurt or something?" Logan asked. He knew Kitty wasn't seriously physically injured from the battle.

"No, I'm going to need it to put up with Quicksilver's ego," Kitty gave him a look.

"Oh right," Logan sighed. "Better get me one too."

As they disappeared they left behind the body of Ogun. All was still as snow started to fall. Moments passed. Then a cloaked figure emerged from the mists.

It was Nao. She knelt by the body of her master. "Master…" She fought to keep tears from her eyes. "The unthinkable has happened. How can we carry on without you?"

She saw that there was a dagger on his body that was unused. Nao took it and cut her hand. "I swear on my life's blood and the blood of my ancestors that those who destroyed you shall be destroyed. I will devote my life and the lives of my followers to achieve this goal. The death of Wolverine and Shadowcat!"

Thus began the dark journey of Nao, for she would devote her life to that one day where she would confront Kitty and the other X-Men and wreak terrible vengeance on them.

But that day would not come for many, many years.

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Not long after at the Xavier Institute thanks to a quick teleportation jump via the Mass Device, everyone was catching up with everyone else on what had happened during the past several hours.

"So the Porcupine gets **another** girl pregnant?" Logan groaned. "And it **had** to be Frost's adopted daughter no less!"

"And Mrs. Daniels is now a mutant who can control wind?" Jubilee gasped. "And Evan's father is **dead?"**

"So is Evan once his mom gets through with him," Pietro grinned. "What I can't believe is that Unicorn is a **guy!"**

"And Kitty is a **ninja **now?" Kurt was shocked.

"That's right and I can kick your ass three different ways from Sunday," Kitty grinned at him.

"Geeze Kitty you're hard core now," Rogue blinked. "It's a whole change in your attitude. I like it."

"So do I. At least some good came out of this nightmare. Well that and my Dad doesn't have a jail sentence looming over his head," Kitty remarked. "Thanks guys."

"Thank the Joes and the Misfits," Scott pointed at them. "They're the ones who nailed that Crawford guy."

"Even got it on tape," Pietro grinned. "And I must admit it was Wanda's finest acting performance."

"I'm expecting my Oscar nomination any day now," Wanda grinned. "But it's good to have you back Kitty. We've all missed you."

"After all we've been through the past month some good news such as this is sorely needed," Hank told them.

"But not all of us are here. Where is Xavier anyway?" Althea asked.

"Oh he went over to SHIELD headquarters to try to smooth things out with Fury," Shipwreck shrugged. "Roadblock went with him."

"If **anyone **can smooth over that's one eyed vulture's feathers," Wisdom grunted as he put a cigarette in his mouth.

"Excuse me but we do not smoke in this house," Peter growled at Wisdom.

"Oh yeah? And who's gonna make me?" Wisdom grunted at him.

"I am," Kitty took the cigarette from his mouth.

"God we haven't even had our first date and already she's giving me orders," Wisdom groaned.

"DATE?" Peter's voice raised. "WHO SAID YOU COULD DATE HER?"

"**I** did!" Kitty snapped at him. "Or I was…or will."

You could hear a pin drop as everyone soaked up the news. "Kitty…" Peter was shocked.

"It's not like we're **dating** anymore Colossus," Kitty gave him a look. "We broke up after we got back from outer space. Remember?"

"Outer space?" Wisdom asked.

"Long story Dude," Alex sighed.

"A long insane story," Lance added.

"But you can't!" Peter sputtered. "You don't know…You have no idea what type of man he is!"

"Listen pal, she just took down a ton of ninjas and one real bad guy," Wisdom gave him a look. "Looks like the **lady** can handle **anything**."

"Wisdom you mind coming with me to the kitchen for a moment…In private?" Kitty asked. Wisdom shrugged and followed her. Before he left the room he made an evil smirk at Peter.

This stunned everyone in the room. "Did she just…?" Paige asked.

"She did," Xi nodded.

"And he just…?" Rogue blinked.

"Yup," Althea nodded.

"So they are…?" Peter was shocked.

"Apparently," Rina groaned.

"Okay when did **that** happen?" Tabitha's jaw dropped.

"I'm not exactly sure and I was **there,**" Rina folded her arms.

"I don't believe it," Lance blinked. "And she called **me** a fast worker!"

"They were bantering through the whole fight," Althea told them.

"Bantering?" Scott asked. "What kind of bantering?"

"The kind of bantering Avalanche used to do with Kitty only without the stupid rock puns," Todd told him.

"**That **kind of bantering?" Lance was shocked.

"That's the one," Althea said. "They were having fight sex."

"What the hell is fight sex?" Peter yelled. He glared at Logan. "YOU LET THEM HAVE SEX IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT?"

"It's not **real** sex Tin Man," Logan groaned. "Technically."

"Let me explain this," Tabitha said. "Petey you know what cheer sex is right? When a cheerleader flirts with you and does her little handstands and kicks to get your attention? Fight sex is pretty much the same thing. Only instead of handstands there are punches. And a lot more kicks."

"I know that type," Remy grinned at Rogue "How into it were they?"

"They were telling each other their life stories," Althea groaned. "Todd and I could hear them down the hall!"

"Ooh!" Remy winced. "They both got it bad."

"Oh yeah I remember fight sex," Lance nodded and grinned. "Kitty and I would face off whenever the Brotherhood would go against the X-Men. I'd make a rock pun, she'd beat the crap out of me. I'd do something stupid, she'd insult me. I'd try to impress her with my skills, she'd call me a loser and break up with me. And I'd follow her like a puppy to try and win her back. Then she forgave me after I pleaded and begged. Then we'd end up fighting again and she'd beat me up again."

Lance came to a realization. "I have real self image problems when it comes to relationships don't I?" He asked Pietro.

"You're just figuring this out **now?**" Pietro yelled at him. "I've been telling you this for **years!** I've been giving you charts, graphs, written reports on how much a loser you are when it comes to women! I've even put on puppet shows to show you this flaw in your personality and **now** you are figuring this out?"

"Uh yeah?" Lance blinked.

"Why do I even **bother?**" Pietro sighed.

"We've been asking ourselves that question for years," Fred gave him a look.

"Puppet shows?" Scott blinked.

"Very entertaining puppet shows," Todd snickered.

"They were not **that** entertaining!" Lance snapped.

"Oh I beg to differ," Fred grinned. "They were."

"Hey at least Lance eventually figured it out," Wanda defended Lance. "Kitty's **still **a moron when it comes to dating."

"She's got a type you gotta admit," Rogue groaned. "Rebel without a **clue! **You would think with all that ninja training some kind of dating **sense** would have been drilled into her!**"**

"No such luck," Pietro said. "Except that now we have new material for our puppet shows."

"Oh this just gets better and better!" Peter grumbled. "I do not **believe** this! First Avalanche and now **this **guy! No wait! Wisdom is far worse than Alvers!"

"Yeah for one thing Lance doesn't smoke," Bobby agreed. He gave Alex a dark look. "Believe me Colossus I **know** where you are coming from!"

"Not this **again,**" Alex groaned. "When are you gonna get over this?"

"When you stop **stealing** other people's girlfriends!" Bobby snapped.

"Not **again,**" Sam groaned putting his hand on his head, indicating he was getting a huge headache.

"I think this is even **worse** than the old love triangle," Scott groaned.

"Yeah at least all the X-Men hated Lance and all the Misfits hated Kitty," Todd quipped. "It was split even right down the middle."

"And we got a break from it every once in a while when the Misfits were at home!" Rogue agreed.

"And he's like older than Kitty," Amara put her two cents in.

"So was I," Lance gave her a look.

"Only by two years," Amara said. "He's almost **thirty!** Ewww!"

"As fascinating as Kitty's love life is I believe we have more important topics of discussion we should be focusing on," Hank raised an eyebrow. "Such as what was so important that the Hellfire Club wanted they were willing to accommodate a ninja like Ogun."

"I say we go after this place and find out what's so important," Lance said. "And not just wait around for him to make a move."

"What's going on?" Kitty walked back in with Wisdom.

"We're going to find out exactly what Unicorn and Factor Three are interested in," Scott told them. "Kitty if you're tired you can sit this one out."

"I should be but I'm not," Kitty told them. "I guess my new ninja skills have increased my stamina."

"Well then what are we waiting for?" Wisdom grunted. "All we have to do is program the coordinates into those teleportation watches of yours and we can get there before Unicorn gets his manicured nails on whatever he's hunting."

"But the Professor isn't back yet," Ororo said. "We can't go without telling him…"

"Leave him a note," Wisdom grunted. "We can't wait for him."

"He's right," Scott agreed. "This could be extremely an extremely dangerous weapon that could be used against us. We can't take any chances. We have to go now."

"Actually you do need to wait," Kitty narrowed her eyes. "There's **one **little thing I need to do before anything else."

"What fix your hair?" Wisdom quipped.

"No, just a loose end that needs to be tied up," Kitty told him. "Jean, I'm gonna need a favor."

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Stryker never minded solitary confinement. He felt it was the perfect way to become closer to God by meditating and reading the Bible. Because of his stature among prisoners and due to some of the inflammatory rhetoric he preached the warden had decided to keep him segregated from the other prisoners.

Not to mention a few of the guards who seemed to forget every now and then that Stryker was a prisoner.

At the moment Stryker was casually reading the Bible to himself. The lights of his cell began to flicker and dim. Then they went out. He found himself in complete darkness.

Something was obviously wrong. Was it a breakout staged by one of his followers? Stryker frowned. He had made it perfectly clear to his people after the last botched attempt that there would be no further jailbreaks.

No, it wasn't his people that were behind this. He was certain of it.

But if it wasn't them, who was it?

Maybe it wasn't anyone? Perhaps it was merely a short or a power outage?

No, no…Something about this was wrong. It was too quiet.

Almost unnatural.

Suddenly a single light illuminated the room and then it all became clear to him what was going on.

"Hello Stryker," Kitty stood there in the middle of the cell. "Remember me?"

"YOU!" Stryker was shocked. "As if I could ever **forget!** GUARD! GUARD!"

"Go ahead. Yell all you like, no one will hear you," Kitty told him. "I've taken some precautions to see that we're not disturbed. It's just you…and me."

"DEMON WITCH!" Stryker lunged at him. The next thing he knew he was flat on the floor.

"Come on Stryker, we both know that **won't **work on me," Kitty simply shook her head. "You've been stuck in this cell too long. Your mind isn't as sharp as it used to be. Not it was ever that bright to begin with…"

"What are you doing here mutant?" Stryker got to his feet.

"As if you didn't know. Don't play dumb with me Stryker," Kitty hissed. "I know about your involvement in the Legacy Virus. I **know** you sent men over to help the FOH attack the Institute several times! I **know** you tried to set my father up for a crime he didn't commit! I **know **about your harassing my family! And I am telling you to **knock it off!"**

Before Stryker could say anything Kitty grabbed him, threw him on his back and partially phased him through the floor so that his lower half was trapped. "I am **sick** of you using God as an excuse for your hatred!" She snarled at him. "I've **sick** of you using mutants as scapegoats for your own problems. But mostly I am sick of you **period!"**

"Let go of me you she devil…" Stryker tried to free himself.

"I wouldn't twitch too much if I were you," Kitty advised him. "One wrong move and your heart will **literally** be replaced with stone." She let him sink into the concrete so that his head was under the floor. Then she pulled him up.

"You know it's funny," Kitty hissed in his face. "I could drop you straight down. Take you through the prison down to the center of the Earth. I could bury you alive right under the prison and no one would ever find your body. **No one**. You would literally disappear. They would look for you and look for you, but nothing. Which is what you are. Nothing."

She phased him down through the floor again and held him down for a moment and brought him back up. "I **could** do it Stryker, but I won't. Not **this** time anyway," Kitty explained. "Because I have had a life altering experience. And it taught me that it takes more **strength**, more **faith **in God **not** to kill. And for all your preaching Stryker, that is something you will **never** understand."

"Let me leave you with some advice Reverend," Kitty's words were cold. "Never mess with my family again. Because if you do, I **will** find out about it. And you'd better pray to God for mercy…"

Suddenly Kitty shoved Stryker through the floor. Stryker couldn't even scream as he fell through the prison, through ceilings and floors, then through the ground until they ended up inside a cavern of some sort. There was very little light and Kitty looked like a demon from Hell, her eyes turning bright red.

_"Because you won't get any from __**me**__,"_ Kitty hissed in a steel voice that made him tremble.

Suddenly he fell through the ground. He fell through the dirt and stone. He was suffocating. Then he felt extremely hot. To his horror he saw molten lava beneath him. He couldn't even scream. Then everything exploded in a huge burst of agonizing pain.

Stryker shot out of his bed screaming. He looked around. He was still in his cell. "A dream...?" Stryker gasped at first. But then he realized the truth.

It wasn't a dream.

And for the first time in his life, he was truly afraid of a mutant.

And that fear quickly turned to hatred.

He knew that one day there would be a final confrontation with Pryde.

And only one of them would survive.

But right then, right at that moment…

He wasn't sure it would be him.

**Whoa that's something isn't it? Next the gang goes to find out what Factor Three is searching for. Little do they know that what they are looking for is tied to someone else they know. And this mission will change everything for both the Misfits and the X-Men. Again. **

**Yeah I know this happens a lot. But this time the team may not fully recover. Find out what will happen next time! **


	98. Return to Project Darwin

**When we last left our band of intrepid heroes Kitty had just beaten Ogun. After the battle it was revealed that a mysterious organization named Factor Three was playing a strange game and had an interest in some information Ogun had hidden in a safe house. With their new friend Pete Wisdom (Who to Colossus' chagrin has now become his new romantic rival for Kitty's affections) they use the Mass Device to travel to the coordinates of something mysterious in order to beat Factor Three to the information. But what they find there might change their lives forever. Again. **

**Yes I know it happens a lot here but this time I really mean it! **

**Honestly. I'm not kidding. Things are gonna change big time. **

**Caught up now? Good! Here we go with...**

**Return to Project Darwin**

"Well another day, another trek through a jungle in God knows where," Bobby grumbled as the team made their way through the jungle.

"We're in South Korea Iceman," Wisdom told him. "More specifically an island off the coast of South Korea."

"Should have stayed home with Paige, Monet and the kids," Bobby grumbled. "I hate the heat!"

"We left Catseye, Lucid, Foresight, Spyder and the Triplets back as well," Xi told him. "Just in case there was trouble."

"Speaking of which," Pietro snickered at Scott's communicator went off. "Looks like Xavier's calling."

"Quiet Quicksilver," Scott told him. He turned on the communicator. "Cyclops here. Come in Professor."

"Cyclops where are you and the team?" Xavier asked.

"We're with the Misfits and Pete Wisdom checking out a lead," Scott told them. "There's an old abandoned lab here in South Korea and we think it holds some information that…"

"I want you all to return **immediately**," Xavier's voice was cold.

"Why? This Factor One character and his buddies want something pretty bad and maybe we should find out…" Scott began.

"I said **return **to the Institute immediately, Cyclops," Xavier said harshly. "No arguments. And I want the Misfits to return as well as Mr. Wisdom."

"Last I checked Baldy, I ain't one of your X-Men," Wisdom bristled.

"And neither are the Misfits," Althea said.

"Fine, you can drop off the X-Men," Xavier said.

"But Professor…Why…?" Rogue began.

"The subject is **closed!** If you don't return I will put you all on probation for five months! Xavier out!" The Professor closed his communication.

"What is wrong with him?" Pietro huffed. "I know Xavier's a bit of a tight ass but this is too much even for him!"

"You think Mystique is impersonating him again?" Rogue asked.

"No, he was upset about something…" Jean frowned. "Scott you remember when I told you once that I sensed the Professor feeling guilt about something?"

"Yeah?" Scott asked.

"I just got that exact same **feeling** just now," Jean gave him a look.

"I agree," Logan nodded. "Something's got Charles spooked and I want to know what it is."

"Yeah me too," Bobby agreed.

"I admit my curiosity is a bit peaked," Sam nodded.

"But you heard what he said," Amara told him. "I don't want to be on probation for five months."

"Well neither do I but I also don't want to be left in the dark here," Rogue said. "And technically most of us X-Men are now adults so we can't be on probation. Can we?"

"To be honest I really don't want to test that theory," Kurt gulped.

"Well we're going to have to," Jean said. She turned to the New Mutants. "Don't worry, if worse comes to worse I'll take the blame."

"Not just you," Hank pointed out. "We will tell the Professor that the senior members of the team decided to override his commands."

"Now we're talking," Logan grinned.

"We're going against the Professor's orders," Ororo told them.

"And your point is?" Logan said.

"If you guys want to go back fine," Althea said. "We Misfits…"

"Are **not **going to steal the glory on this one!" Bobby snapped. "Come on Cyclops you're not gonna let them do that are you?"

"If you do want to go back, you're going to have to wait," Althea shrugged. "I mean we Misfits have better things to do than to play glorified cab drivers."

"What do you mean?" Kitty asked.

"Well the Mass Device is Misfit Property," Althea shrugged. "Our orders are to investigate any potential threats as soon as possible. Of course technically General Hawk didn't tell us to investigate but I'm sure once we tell him about the connection to Factor Three he will understand. However since we will be so busy investigating this dire threat we won't have time to schlep you X-Men around. Looks like you're stranded here in Korea."

"Well maybe not," Pyro scratched his head. "I mean if one or two of us takes a few X-Men at a time and then catches up with the rest of the group…"

Fred gave him a look and hit him on the head. "OW! WHAT WAS **THAT** FOR?" Pyro shouted.

"For **not** having a brain!" Fred snapped. "Boy I never thought I'd say something like that."

"It is a shock I gotta admit," Lance agreed. Lance looked at Pyro. "Pyro try to think real hard about what Al just said and what the X-Men want to do and what Xavier is **trying** to do. I know it's a **stretch** but please **try**."

"Uh…" Pyro blinked and scratched his head. "Uh…"

"You can talk it out," Lance sighed. "Go ahead Pyro."

"Okay…Uh, we are here in Korea near an abandoned lab somewhere on this secret island," Pyro thought. "Those Factor Three people want something here but we don't know what it is. And we all want to find out what it is."

"That's right Pyro," Wanda said in a condescending tone. "Keep going."

"But for some reason Xavier **doesn't** want us to find what's here," Pyro kept thinking. "Which means he probably knows something is hidden here and he wants to keep it a secret from us."

"Good, very good," Pietro grinned. "Go on."

"And that secret is…" Pyro's eyes widened. "HE'S MADE A SECRET PACT WITH THE PINEAPPLES FROM OUTER SPACE!"

**"What?"** Rogue's eye twitched.

"It all makes sense now!" Pyro jumped up and down. "The evil pineapples want to take over and destroy all other fruits so no one else can eat any fruit other than pineapple! Then the pineapples with eat our brains when we eat them and destroy us from the inside!"

"Fumbled at the five yard line…" Bobby groaned. "Blob would you mind?"

"No problem," Fred hit Pyro on the head again. "No! Pyro! No! Bad Pyro! Bad Pyro! Bad thinking!"

"You had it up to the pineapples Pyro," Lance sighed. "Try **again."**

"Okay, okay! I got it! I got it!" Pyro held up his hand.

"Good because if you don't you are gonna **get **it," Fred warned him.

"Okay, okay I think I've got it this time!" Pyro said. "Xavier doesn't want us to find out what's on this island right?"

"Right," Logan was losing patience fast.

"And it has nothing to do with pineapples from outer space right?" Pyro asked.

"That is the general consensus," Hank gave him a look. "Yes."

"So…" Pyro blinked. "It must have something to do with the pineapples already growing here on Earth!"

"WILL YOU FORGET ABOUT THE STUPID PINEAPPLES FOR ONE MINUTE AND FOCUS HERE?" Pietro rapidly hit him repeatedly on the head.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! That hurts my little brain!" Pyro whined.

"Emphasis on the **little** part," Bobby said.

"Pyro listen **carefully,**" Lance said. "Xavier wants the X-Men to return right away back to the Institute. The only way they can go back is by using our teleportation watches. But we Misfits **can't **take them back because we're too busy investigating the mysterious island. Can you draw **any **conclusion here? Other than the fact that you have had one sniff of lighter fluid too many?"

"Hmmm…" Pyro thought carefully. "Hey! I bet we can use that as an excuse so the X-Men can come with us as we search the island! Yeah we could totally fool Xavier by telling him that we couldn't bring the X-Men back because we didn't have time to do it! Even thought technically we could but there's no need to tell him that. Ooh! And we can even turn off the communications so that Xavier couldn't contact us again! What do you think?"

"You're a criminal mastermind Pyro," Hank said sarcastically.

"I know," Pyro did not get the sarcasm. "I've always been pretty good at this stuff."

"You know I think I felt better when Pyro was on the **other **side," Logan said to Hank. "So where the hell is this lab?"

"According to the coordinates it's right over…" Wisdom stopped and blinked. There was a huge formation of lava in front of them. "Here…"

"There's an active volcano," Angelica pointed.

"Really? It looked like a Wal-Mart to me," Amara said sarcastically.

"Just because you have a lousy love life don't take it out on me!" Angelica snapped.

"Girls!" Jean got between the two fire type mutants. "Please! Save your energy for fighting whoever shows up to attack us...And odds are that will probably happen...Instead of fighting each other."

"It looks like they must have tapped into it to provide themselves a source of natural power," Logan observed. "And somehow that source backfired on them. I've seen this a lot."

"Yeah but it's usually Cobra that it backfires on," Althea remarked. "How much you wanna bet that whatever's left of that lab is buried under all that lava?"

"This…could be a problem," Hank blinked.

"Not necessarily," Scott said. "Shadowcat would you mind?"

"Sure why not do a little diving?" Kitty shrugged. She then dove into the hardened lava, phasing through it. After two minutes she popped up. "Found something! I think it's a door right here or something! But it's at least a mile down."

"You can hold your breath that long?" Kurt was impressed.

"Somehow It's more comfortable for me to stay in phase," Kitty told him as she emerged. "I think I can go without breathing as long as I'm in that state for at least five minutes. Must be all that ninja training."

"Or your powers must have progressed to the point where your natural state is intangible," Hank nodded. "Fascinating. If you do not mind Shadowcat perhaps later you would allow me to study this new development of your…"

"You can play mad scientist later," Logan cut him off. "Right now we need to get down there and see what's inside."

"No problem," Lance said as he and Scott exchanged looks. Both started to use their powers to move the hardened lava.

"I think Magma and I can help too," Angelica said as they used their powers to assist them.

"We should have this done in ten minutes," Magma told them.

"Oh Goody!" Pyro clapped. "Now we can talk about the Professor's problem with pineapples!"

"Oh brother," Bobby groaned. "Now we have to talk about **Pyro's** problem with pineapples! Pyro, whatever the Professor is hiding from us, I guarantee that pineapples are **not **it!"

"Maybe he did have a brother Iceman?" Pyro thought. "An evil twin brother that had a thing for pineapples?"

"The professor having an evil twin? Yeah right!" Kitty scoffed.

"Well I do know one thing," Ororo said. "For some reason the Professor will have a problem with us being here."

"Yeah, I wonder why?" Logan growled. "**That's** what we need to find out."

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"They should have been back a half hour ago!" Xavier was clearly agitated. "What is taking them so long?"

Although his wheelchair prevented Xavier from pacing in his study, he certainly displayed his impatience in other ways, nervously drumming his fingers on the side of the chair and having more irritation in his voice than usual. "Roadblock haven't you made contact with them yet?"

"No I haven't," Roadblock said calmly, taking Xavier's irritation into account. "Maybe something is blocking their signals?"

"More likely that they are refusing to pick them up!" Xavier snapped. "I told them to come back! They deliberately **disobeyed** me! They have never done that before! Never so blatantly and with such disregard for their safety! Of course they never were like this until you and your Misfits showed up!"

"Well aren't you a happy camper," Shipwreck said in a sarcastic voice. He was with Roadblock in the room.

"I am serious Shipwreck," Xavier glared at him. "The very day you GI Joes showed up in our lives and took in the Brotherhood to create your team of **aptly named** Misfits, discipline has seriously declined until it's practically nonexistent! I should have seen this coming a long time ago but I foolish enough to overlook it! Well there are going to be some serious changes in the future so that this breach of conduct never happens again!"

"Yeah, yeah what **else** is new?" Shipwreck waved.

"I am **serious **Shipwreck!" Xavier said with an edge to his voice.

"You also know something don't you?" Roadblock asked. "Xavier what are you hiding?"

"What are you talking about?" Xavier looked at him.

"You are freaking out like a teenage kid about to be caught in an elaborate lie," Roadblock said decisively. "This so called concern for their safety I **don't **buy."

"That's for sure," Shipwreck said. "Charles you've sent this kids out to much worse situations than this! So either you know something we don't or you have finally cracked and it's time for you to go to Sunny Dale Happy Valley Rest Home for the Permanently Peppy. And I'm guessing it's the former."

"Wouldn't have something to do with those two years in Korea you spent in the service would it?" Roadblock asked. "With most of those years so classified even SHIELD doesn't have access to those files?"

"How did you…?" Xavier gasped.

"Come on Xavier," Shipwreck rolled his eyes. "Did you really think we wouldn't have investigated you at one point or another? We've known about that since before the Joes were sent undercover at Bayville High. But we decided not to pry into it. **Should** we have?"

Xavier's eyes widened. For a split second the two Joes saw panic in his eyes. He seemed to tense for a moment as if he was making a decision. "I…" Xavier stopped himself. "No…"

"No what?" Roadblock was very good at reading body language.

"It's nothing," Xavier said. "I was just thinking."

"Thinking about what?" Roadblock gave him a hard look. "About how easy it would be to make me **forget **this conversation? And then make your **students** forget about it? Or how unlucky it was for you to have Shipwreck here? A man whose mind you can't alter. Not that there's that much to alter in the first place but still…"

Xavier looked away ashamed. "I admit that was my first impulse…But I couldn't do it."

"Couldn't as in you chose **not** to do it or couldn't as if you knew you wouldn't be able to **get away** with it? You really **would **have done it if I wasn't here would you?" Shipwreck was shocked. "Or at least tried to do it. Geeze…Xavier! Maybe there **is **something to what people say about you being a hypocrite."

"I know there's a lot of things I would like people to forget if I had that power," Roadblock gave him a look. "The thing is what did **you** do?"

"I have to go to Cerebro," Xavier decided to try and ignore the question for now. "To confirm something."

"Confirm what? What?' Shipwreck snapped as Xavier left the study and they followed him to Cerebro. "Roadblock are we just gonna let him…?"

"We'll let him check it out so he has no doubt **then** we will see what this is all about," Roadblock told him. "Just a warning here, don't try to pull a fast one on us Xavier. Do I make myself **clear?"**

"I'm not," Xavier said tersely. Then he recanted. "I can't say I blame you for thinking that. I'm just going to see if my students are in any **real **danger. Perhaps I'm just worried over nothing."

"I dunno," Shipwreck remarked as they entered Cerebro. "You kind of have a bad track record when it comes to hunches like these."

"That's what I am afraid of," Xavier readied Cerebro. "Now please both of you be quiet, I need to concentrate."

Xavier focused his powers as Cerebro hummed. "Cerebro is picking up several mutant signatures familiar to us," He spoke.

"Oh goody," Shipwreck groaned when he saw the information on screen. "Just when we thought we could take a break from these guys!"

"Wait a minute…I'm picking up something else…" Xavier focused. Then his eyes opened wide. "Oh my God…"

"What? What is it?" Roadblock asked.

"It's not possible…" Xavier was shocked. "He **can't** be alive! Not after all these years!"

"Who? Who's alive?" Roadblock asked.

"We've got to get to Korea right now!" Xavier shouted as he disengaged from Cerebro. "We must leave before…"

"Uh uh, you ain't going **anywhere **until we get the four, one, one on what is going on!" Shipwreck stopped him by grabbing the handles of his wheelchair in front of him. "It's not just your students that are potentially in danger! Our kids are down there too and if anything happens to them because of something you did so **help** me…"

"Shipwreck let me go!" Xavier pleaded. "I have to stop them before my students find out..."

"What? What is it you **don't** want them finding out?" Shipwreck snapped.

"If I were you Xavier I would stop squawking and start **talking**," Roadblock gave him a hard look. "What **happened** in Korea all those years ago is what we want to know!"

"I made a mistake," Xavier closed his eyes. "A terrible…terrible mistake."

"**That** we pretty much figured out," Shipwreck told him. "What **kind **of terrible mistake did you make? That is the sixty four dollar and thirty cent question."

So Xavier told them.

"Oh boy..." Shipwreck blinked. "And I thought I made some doozies in my lifetime."

"You have no idea Shipwreck," Xavier sighed. "You have no idea."

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"This place is creepy with a capital Creep," Tabitha whistled as the team walked through the darkened hallways of the abandoned base.

"Why can't any of these abandoned bases be somewhere nice and cheery?" Angelica agreed. "Like Hawaii or Disneyland or something." She created a glow with her powers around her hand. She saw something in the corner. She went to get a closer look and saw a skeleton under some rubble. "AAAAHHH!"

"Gross," Jubilee wrinkled her nose.

"That's not the only one," Althea used her flashlight to illuminate another corner. More skeletons were shown. "Poor bastards."

"Let's stay together," Scott advised. "There might be traps still active."

"I don't think so," Logan sniffed. "I smell musty papers and more bones. This way."

"This is easy, most of the doors are all open," Jubilee looked around as they went through the corridors. "Of course the rubble from the ceiling and the lava probably did a lot of damage."

Pietro zoomed ahead and then zoomed back. "Hey guys I found the computer lab! Or I think its some kind of computer lab! Dead ahead! And I mean dead!"

"Wonderful," Scott remarked. "Phoenix? Do you and the other telepaths sense anything?"

"I'm not sure," Jean looked around. "I feel…I don't know…A sense of something being trapped in here. Darkness…A lot of darkness."

"Wish we still had Dead Girl with us," Ray remarked. "She'd sort this out in five minutes."

"Well she's **not **here so we gotta figure this out by ourselves," Danielle told him. "But I feel something too."

They entered a very large room with several large computers and large file cabinets. "This must be the security office," Logan said. "I recognize the layout from the old days. It fits."

"What are these machines?" Rina pointed.

"They're computers," Logan told her.

"But they're huge!" Amara gasped.

"Back in the old days when computers were first invented most of them could take up entire rooms," Logan explained. "And only store **half** of the information that most modern computers can do today."

"And this wasn't the main control room?" Tabitha's eyes widened.

"Nope I recognize these series of computers," Logan said. "Their main function was security. We have to dig deeper if we want to find out who was running this joint and what they were up to."

"Whoever was here, they sure left in a hurry," Lance whistled. He saw a few more skeletons. "Those that made it out that is."

"They left so fast that they didn't even have time to properly shred or destroy all the evidence," Rogue looked at all the scattered papers around them. "On the other hand since we're buried under a ton of molten lava I guess they didn't think it was necessary."

"Arcade, Shadowcat you two are the computer experts," Althea said. "You think you two can find something?"

"These computers are old but they've still got some juice in them," Arcade remarked as he scanned them.

"We should have these up and running in no time," Kitty agreed. "Beast will you assist us?"

"Of course," Hank nodded. The three of them went to work. It didn't take them long to get the computers running. The mutants even managed to get some of the power on to light the room a little.

Arcade told them, "Got it. We should have the information in a heartbeat."

"Or we could just read the files and papers lying all over the place. This was some kind of genetic research project," Pietro told them as he held some papers. "Did a little speed reading. See for yourself."

"Looks like some kind of Black Ops deal," Logan grunted as he inspected the area. "And judging by the uniforms of those skeletons over there and the types of weapons they were holding…These were American and British troops."

"What were they doing in South Korea?" Scott wondered aloud. "Wasn't the war nearly over by then?"

"The Vietnam War was closing but the Cold War was very much alive," Hank explained. "According to some of these records…That's exactly what this research was about. Finding a weapon to give the so called 'good guys' against the communists."

"So America wasn't alone on this?" Althea asked.

"I'm not so sure any government knew about this project," Logan told her. "This smells exactly like a renegade SHIELD operation. And during the Cold War they were as common as crab grass. Until Fury was finally put in charge and put a stop to most of 'em."

"You mean Fury didn't create SHIELD?" Pietro asked.

"Of course not," Logan gave him a look. "He just reorganized it and cleaned up it's act. Trust me, as shady as SHIELD is now, it's practically like the Girl Scouts compared to the way it **used **to be."

"Here we go," Arcade called out as the computers powered up.

"Already?" Scott asked.

"These babies may be antiques but they were built to last," Arcade whistled at the computers in appreciation.

"Think you can decode the access codes and get the information we need?" Scott asked.

"Think?" Arcade gave him a look and pointed to his personal hacking device. It was plugged into the computer. "I'm already halfway done!"

Several screens lit up with an eerie green glow. Each printing out some information. "We've got something. Project Darwin…" Kitty read the screen. "What's that?"

"My guess is whatever they were working on in here," Althea said. She pointed to another screen. "What do you have there Arcade?"

"It's a list of every scientist involved in the project," Arcade showed them. "And look who was in charge of it!"

"Brian Xavier?" Scott was shocked.

"Hey this guy has the same last name as the Professor," Fred remarked.

"That's because the guy in question is Charles Xavier's **father,**" Hank read the list. "And Charles was also here working under him!"

"Wait a minute," Todd did a double take. "You saying that not only was the Professor's Dad in charge but the Professor himself worked here? What the hell is going on?"

"He's not the **only **one on this list," Logan growled. "Look who **else** is on it! Cain Marko…"

"Otherwise known as the Juggernaut…" A huge familiar shadow blocked out the light in the room.

"Uh oh," Pietro gulped when he saw the Juggernaut standing there.

"I never thought I'd ever set foot in this dump again," Juggernaut grunted. "Much less see you losers here. But then again you freaks have a habit of showing up where you're **not **wanted!"

"Look who is calling **who** a freak?" Scott snapped. "Just what are you doing here Juggernaut?"

"The same thing my brother is sending you here," Juggernaut told him. "Getting Project Darwin. Only unlike my sniveling brother I'm man enough to do my own dirty work." He made several fists and began to advance on them.

"So you know what Project Darwin is?" Bobby shouted before he could think. "Where is it! And how did you know about it?"

"How do I know about it? I…Wait a second," Juggernaut narrowed his eyes. "My brother **didn't **send you here did he? Which means you **don't **know what went on down here! And you have no clue what Project Darwin **is** do you? Oh this is too much!"

Juggernaut stopped charging and laughed. "Why do I suddenly feel very nervous right now?" Kurt gulped.

"You know I was going to pound you all," Juggernaut snorted. "But all of the sudden I'm not in the mood anymore. I just don't **feel** like it."

"You feel like talking and telling us exactly what went on here?" Scott asked.

"Why not? Maybe I **should **tell you what my dear brother and my old man did down here and who they did it to?" Juggernaut sneered. "Maybe I should tell you about what a suck up Charles was to our father! And how big a fool he was to not realize from the start that dear old Dad was just using him like he used me! Only difference was that I knew **exactly **what kind of man our father was while Charles lived in a dream world. Until it literally came crashing down around him here!"

"Sounds like I'm not the only one who a lot of issues when it comes to family," Pietro frowned and folded his arms.

"Issues?" Juggernaut snarled. "That's the understatement of the freaking **century!** First the bastard dumps my mom when she's pregnant with me to run off and marry Charlie's mom because she was loaded. Leaving my mom pregnant and alone and struggling to take care of a kid she never really wanted. And then when she kicks the bucket, my father resented having to take me in and beat the crap out of me until I got shipped off to a half dozen boarding schools. But did Charles get that treatment? Nooo! He was too valuable to hit. Trust fund you know? And while I was getting the tar beaten out of me he just stood back and did **nothing!** Then when I was drafted into the army did Dear Old Dad pull strings for me to get me a cushy assignment like he did Charles? No! He let me rot in probably the worst cesspool one could get in a war…At least until he needed me to do his dirty work here."

"So you **were** part of Project Darwin?" Logan asked.

"How do you think I was able to activate my dormant X-Gene, Claws for Brains?" Juggernaut pointed to himself. "Tae Bo?"

"But Xavier said that you activated your powers through mysticism," Logan was confused.

"Yeah, I did," Juggernaut snorted. "You see Dad had a Cytorak Gem to study but I was smart enough to go track down an owner's manual."

"Owner's manual?" Jean asked.

"Yeah," Juggernaut snorted. "You know I may not be a freaking Rhodes scholar like Charley but I ain't stupid. I got brains. I knew that those ancient Indians had studied these gems and uncovered all the secrets. It was just a matter of tracking down the right hidden temple and finding the right shamans in the right secret societies. The point is, **I **was able to use the gem and uncover it's true power. Not Xavier. **Not **my father. Not Magneto. And certainly not that dumb ass general running Project Darwin."

"Wait, Magneto? Magneto was part of this **too**?" Scott asked. "This doesn't make any sense!"

"It makes perfect sense if you knew the history of this place," Magneto floated in. "I must admit that I was not prepared to see any of you this soon."

"Oh great!" Lance groaned. "If it wasn't going to be hard enough fighting Juggernaut alone now we got Magneto to deal with!"

"I am **not **here to fight **you,"** Magneto told them. He looked at Juggernaut. "Well this is turning into a reunion."

"You're telling me," Juggernaut folded his arms. "If I had known it was going to be so **crowded **down here I would have waited a day or so before coming here."

"What the hell is left in this place that everyone wants it so bad?" Lance asked.

"And people call me dumb," Juggernaut snorted. "It's a secret genetics research lab kid! They wanted to find the ultimate weapon for the Cold War. **Think **about it for a minute and it will come to you!"

"Darwin is the name of the ultimate mutant super soldier," Jean realized. "And Xavier…Was part of the project."

"And so were Juggernaut and myself," Magneto spoke.

"You saying the three of you worked together?" Pietro was startled.

"No, **Charles and I** worked together," Magneto corrected. "Mr. Marko here was merely a grunt underling."

"Yeah until I decided to go on strike and not **take **it anymore," Juggernaut snapped. "So what are you doing down here Magneto? Looking for salvage like I am or did you just decide to take a stroll down memory lane?"

"Actually this is a rescue mission," Magneto told them. "It seems Darwin has somehow survived the destruction of the base. I've recently detected his mutant signature and have come to investigate."

"Are you saying this guy could still be **alive** after all these years?" Lance asked.

"If he wasn't there is very little point in me being here is there?" Magneto asked.

"Not if I get 'em first," Juggernaut pounded the walls hard. The walls began to shake.

"You imbecile! Do you want to bring the whole place crashing down on our heads?" Magneto snapped.

"That's the idea Metal Man," Juggernaut grinned.

"Thank you for reminding me about what I can do," Magneto focused. Suddenly all the metal in the walls nearby restrained him and wrapped around Juggernaut. "This should keep you in place long enough. In fact…"

Before anyone could do anything Magneto jerked himself backwards rapidly. He used his powers to seal up the room completely. "What? Why that jerk!" Logan raced towards where a door had been but now there was only a wall. He scratched at the metal. "It's not adamantium but it's pretty close to it."

"Yeah like that's going to be a problem for me!" Juggernaut broke free of his metal prison. "Out of my way kiddies! I got a science project to recover."

"We're not going to just let you steal that mutant because Apocalypse ordered you like a dog on a leash," Rogue made a fist. The mutants prepared for battle.

"For your information this was all **my** idea!" Juggernaut snarled. "I requested this assignment for myself! So don't get on your high horse. The only difference between Magneto, Xavier and Apocalypse is that Apocalypse is stronger and the pay is better!"

"You want to see stronger?" Scott flexed. "We'll show **you** stronger!"

"It's just one annoying tick after another," Rogue growled.

"Great we get to take on both Juggernaut and Magneto," Alex groaned.

"You gotta get by me first," Juggernaut snarled. "And get out of this room."

"That won't be a problem," Jean flared up with her powers. "I took you down once I can do it again."

"Just like my brother to let a girl fight for him," Juggernaut sneered. "God is there **anything** that wuss won't hide behind?"

"And you are a petty little man who can't get over the past," Jean snarled as she telekinetically knocked him against the wall. She held him there.

"If you knew the **whole story** about my past girlie you wouldn't think I was so petty," Juggernaut growled. "In fact you might even help me tear him to pieces when you learn about what he did to me and my family!"

"I doubt it," Jean glared at him.

"Really? You know why I **really **hate Xavier?" Juggernaut sneered. "It's because he killed our father before I had a chance to."

**What? Xavier a murderer? Is this true? Find out in the shocking and explosive penultimate chapter of Days of Our Mutant Lives.**

"Penny what?" Pyro asked as he walked in.

"Penultimate Pyro," Wanda rolled her eyes as she walked in. "It means the next to last. As in the next chapter will be the next to last chapter and soon this nightmare will be over with."

"I don't get it," Pyro blinked.

"It's simple Pyro," Lance walked in. "The next chapter will be chapter ninety nine. That will be the penultimate chapter because the final chapter will be chapter one hundred."

"Oh I get it now," Pyro nodded. "Boy this fic is educational!"

"It shows what happened when you don't use your brain cells," Lance grumbled.

"It's almost over," Wanda groaned. "Then we can get out of this stupid fic."

"And then Red Witch will stick us in a bunch of **other stupid fics**," Lance groaned. "If she ever stops fooling around with that other series she's working on!"

"Hey!" Kurt teleport in. "Can't the woman have **other** interests from time to time?"

"Yeah Lance listen to the man!" Wanda said. "The more time she's on other characters the less time she's driving us crazy!"

"You have a point," Lance admitted.

**Just hang tight until next time folks! The end is coming soon! I promise!**

_"The end is near! The end is near! Hi ho the dairy oh the end is near!"_ Pyro danced around singing.

"And none too soon!" Wanda snapped.


	99. Xavier's Secret: A Dark Past Revealed

**Xavier's Secret: A Dark Past Revealed**

**"What?"** Scott was shocked. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me," Juggernaut snapped. "Charles Xavier killed our father. What? Am I speaking **Swedish** or something?"

"You're lying," Jean growled. "Charles Xavier would **never** do something as reprehensible as that!"

"Really?" Juggernaut gave her a look. "Too bad for you I got my helmet on. Can't read my mind to find out the truth. But it is."

"Jean you think you can knock him out again?" Rogue asked. "Or at least hold him!"

"Try all you like! Nobody can hold me!" Juggernaut snapped as he pounded with all his might at the wall behind him. Then he did something no one expected. He purposely thrashed backwards, denting the wall severely and making cracks in it.

"You kids keep forgetting that nothing can stop me no matter which direction I go in!" Juggernaut thrashed again, this time effectively demolishing the wall behind him. He fell through the hole and out of Jean's grasp, since she was only using her telekinesis to push him against the wall. He fell out into the corridor. "See ya later chumps!"

"Wanna bet?" Scott shouted and used his optic blasts at full force. Alex took up the cue and did the same with his powers. Both knocked him backwards into another room. However they sent him a bit farther than they intended and knocked Juggernaut back several rooms.

"Oops," Alex blinked.

"Okay note to self," Scott grumbled. "Mine and Havok's powers concentrated on the same area are five times as powerful than separately."

"Well at least you guys made a hole for us to get out of the room," Kurt quipped.

"Yeah like making holes is their **specialty** or something," Lance remarked as they left the room.

"Praise from the master from what I hear," Alex gave him a look.

"We need to split up," Scott said. "Wolverine, take X23, Xi, Colossus, Shadowcat, Firestar, Havok, Toad and Rogue to take down Juggernaut. The rest of us will go after Magneto."

"Why do **we** have to go after Juggernaut?" Logan barked.

"I'm guessing our metal claws and bones might be a good reason?" Rina gave him a look. "You can see that if we went against Magneto he might have an edge."

"Rogue's been giving you sarcasm lessons hasn't she?" Logan glared at her.

"She's getting an A plus in stating the obvious," Rogue gave him an amused look.

"And we get the **fun** job of going after Magneto," Wisdom said sarcastically.

"There is no way Quicksilver and I were not going to be on **that** team," Wanda remarked.

"Point taken," Rina grunted. "Stop waiting time and let's go!" She and her team took off after Juggernaut while the others went after Magneto.

"Boy there are a lot of rooms in this secret lab," Angelica remarked as they followed the outlines of Juggernaut that opened room to room.

"When we run out of Juggernaut shaped doors that's when we know we've got him," Alex quipped.

"I just hope he doesn't get **us** first," Logan grumbled.

"Way to keep up the positive morale," Kitty remarked.

"Just pretend we're in that movie 'Hunting the Headless Disco Maniac'," Todd quipped. "Only the story took place on Coney Island and they were chasing this zombie through an abandoned disco tech."

"One of those dumb old Seventies horror films huh?" Rogue asked.

"Actually it was a romantic comedy sci fi picture," Todd said. "You see these was this disco loving stud named Steve who had this girl named Tammy. However there was this other girl named Bernice who was some kind of girl geek who was madly in love with him. Ten minutes into the movie there's this roller coaster fiasco that whacks Steve's head off. Wham! Right into a huge vat of cotton candy. So Bernice being a science whiz gets this great idea how to get Steve to be hers forever. She takes his head and a couple of electric eels she stole from a traveling carnival and…"

"Morale plummeting to an all time low here," Kitty groaned.

"The more I hear Toad speak, the more I understand the **wisdom** of the Joes not telling anyone about the Destiny Stone and Tetsukaeru," Rina said to Logan.

"Yeah now I can't **wait** to tangle with Juggernaut," Logan agreed. "If only to get away from Toad's chattering!"

"Well then allow me to accommodate you," Juggernaut snarled as they ran into the same room he was in. "You guys talk so much you couldn't sneak up on a deaf mule if you tried!"

Before Logan realized it Juggernaut punched him clear across the room. "Still less painful than listening to Toad talk…" He muttered as his chest wound healed.

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"You don't really believe what Juggernaut said do you?" Jean asked Scott as the second team went searching for Magneto. "I mean the Professor has kept a lot of secrets before…But he **couldn't **have done such a horrible thing as kill his own father. Could he?"

"Right now I don't know **what** I believe," Scott looked around the formerly deserted building. "The fact the Professor killed a person, much less his own father is pretty unlikely. Then again I thought it was pretty unlikely that the Professor would get involved in a place like this but…"

"Maybe Juggernaut got it wrong?" Lina asked. "Maybe he only believes Xavier killed his father because of some kind of misunderstanding?"

"More likely he's lying through his teeth," Remy suggested. "Juggernaut ain't exactly the most reliable source of information in the world. Especially if he's working for Apocalypse."

"I dunno," Jean said. "Even with my powers blocked by his helmet he really did seem pretty sure that Xavier did it. I could sense it. It could be a misunderstanding."

"Or maybe Juggernaut accidentally killed his old man himself," Pietro remarked. "Wanted a scapegoat. Mind does play tricks you know? Anything's possible."

"Well whatever happened the answers are down here somewhere," Kurt shone his flashlight onto another room. "Hey guys! Over here! This room still has some power running!"

"Guess they forgot to turn the power off when this place went all to hell," Pietro looked around. He nearly tripped over a skeleton. "YEESH!"

"Great a giant lab with some skeletons," Wisdom quipped. "As if this place wasn't **charming **enough."

"All it needs are a few more cobwebs and refrigerator full of blood and this place would be homey enough for Dracula," Tabitha wrinkled her nose. She noticed a large cold storage container and opened it. "Oh look I think I found an ear…or two dozen."

"Looks like a **variety** of small body parts in there," Xi noticed. "And some blood samples."

"Great we'll get Storm to call Drac on the phone and he and Suzie can move right in," Tabitha quipped.

"That is not funny Tabitha," Ororo frowned.

"What? This place or the fact that we personally **know** Dracula?" Rogue asked. "Because either way you have got to admit it is **more **than a little creepy."

"A little creepy?" Kurt gulped. "This place would make the Munsters nervous."

"Or the Adams family," Bobby piped up.

"We are **not** going to have this argument **again,**" Lance warned.

"We're just saying…" Bobby began.

"No!" Lance said emphatically.

"But…" Kurt began.

"**NO!"** Everyone else shouted around them.

"Geez, try to make some interesting conversation and you get your head bitten off," Bobby grumbled to Kurt.

"Tell me about it," Kurt agreed. "People are so touchy."

"Fascinating," Hank looked at the computers. "Nearly all these computers are in working condition and from what I can see the data is nearly intact!" He went to work.

"Maybe we might be able to figure out what else was going on in here," Scott mused.

"I think I can **figure out** what else they were doing down here Cyke," Bobby shuddered as he looked at the lab tables and the dozens of knives and other surgical instruments strewn around the room. "Considering all the **clues **lying around."

"Looks like it came out of one of my memories," Rina agreed.

"What kind of medical experiments do you think they did with this thing?" Fred held up an instrument and showed it to Pyro.

"Looks like a giant pizza cutter with a laser on it," Pyro remarked.

"They didn't use those things to cut **pizza**, Pyro," Logan grunted. "Trust me, you don't want to **know **what that's for."

"Brrr!" Both Fred and Pyro shuddered at the thought. Fred dropped the object.

"I don't think you should touch anything else Blob," Pyro gulped.

"I don't think I will," Fred agreed.

"Hey I found something," Wanda called out. There was a large metallic computer station in the middle of the room. On top of the computer station was a standing oblong shape. "What do you think it is?"

"It's some kind of research station," Hank went over and started working on the computer.

"We have these things in the medical department back at the Pit," Lina told them. "We use them to study particular samples of DNA or blood samples. But I've never seen one this big. It's usually no bigger than a toaster and it's connected to a smaller computer. There's a container under the metal covering. It's usually used to protect samples from bright lights or for security reasons. Look there are seams on the side that show they open up."

"Well it was the sixties," Jean surmised. "Computers were bigger back then and machinery was a bit clunkier."

"I wonder what is inside?" Remy thought. "Maybe Gambit can crack it open?"

"That is not necessary, my felonious friend," Hank made a wry grin. "I believe this lever here can shed some light on this mystery."

He moved the lever and with a hiss the container opened up. To their horror what they saw floating inside an orange fluid was a pale figure. It was an eight month fetus of a human female infant. The umbilical cord was still attached.

"What the hell is **that?**" Lance recoiled.

"An embryonic mutant in stasis," Hank told them. "It was the basis of some of the research here according to this computer."

"Is it alive?" Wanda was shocked.

"No…stillborn," Hank told her.

**"That's** Darwin?" Kurt asked.

"Not even **close **fur ball," Juggernaut crashed into the room, enlarging the doorway with his own frame. "That's **another** little family secret you're standing in front of there."

"What exactly do you mean?" Scott asked.

"Why don't you ask my **brother** that?" Juggernaut snorted. "I'm sure he'd **love** to tell you. Besides it's not like you'd believe me anyway."

"Sorry guys," Kitty grumbled as her team ran into the room. "He kind of got away from us."

"Whoa look at this place," Todd whistled. "Looks like that lab in that movie "Frankenstein Three Thousand And the Groovy Ghoulslayer."

"Let me guess," Rogue gave him a look. "Also a sci fi comedy?"

"Yup," Todd nodded. "A pretty good one too!"

"Ewww!" Kitty saw the fetus. "What is **that?"**

"Part of the research they were doing here," Jean told her.

"You wanna know where that mutant baby came from?" Juggernaut sneered. "Ask Charlie. He produced that sample all by himself."

"I am getting sick of your lies, Juggernaut!" Jean snapped.

"Actually in this case, the large oaf is telling the truth…" They heard a familiar voice. "Difficult as it is to believe."

"Sinister," Alex gasped as Sinister and Vulcan entered the room.

"I should have known a maniac like you would have shown up sooner or later," Scott growled. "Deranged scientific experiments on mutants are what you live for!"

"Yes but for once I had nothing to do with **this** one," Sinister sighed. "I admit I was a bit sloppy and preoccupied with other matters. Then again I had lost interest in my old adversaries' descendants. Using hindsight I admit that was **also** a grave mistake on my part."

"So was showing up here!" Jean snarled, her Phoenix raptor shining around her.

"I would be careful with that if I were you, dear Phoenix," Magneto floated in. "The last time mutant powers were used carelessly here people died. You would not wish the same fate to befall your friends now would you?"

"I would think you'd be more concerned about your **own** survival," Vulcan snarled as he powered up, fists glowing.

"Gabriel…" Scott began. This was the first time he had seen in brother in a long time.

"I'm not Gabriel Summers, I'm **Vulcan!"** Vulcan sneered. "Remember that Cyclops! As far as I'm concerned you, Bucket Brain and the walking wrecking ball are **competition!** And I don't like competition!"

"I'm not that crazy about competition either small fry," Juggernaut made a fist. "In fact I tend to **squash** it!"

"I'd lie to see you **try**," Vulcan snarled. "We'll see **who** gets squashed."

"I must admit that would be an interesting challenge to watch," Sinister smirked. "I'm almost tempted to order you to attack Vulcan."

"You can't order him around like he's some kind of attack dog!" Scott snapped.

"Shut up Big Brother," Vulcan snarled. "You're just jealous because you got passed over!"

"You really did a number on his brain didn't you Sinister?" Lance snapped. "Then again being a Summers there probably wasn't much of a brain to begin with."

"You just couldn't **resist **that dig could you?" Scott snapped at Lance.

"Not really, no," Lance grinned.

"I am not a fool you pathetic weakling," Vulcan sneered. Then he shot a distainful look at Scott and Alex. "Then again I can understand where you would get that idea!"

"What is this? Take a Shot at Cyclops Day?" Scott snapped. "Because if you people keep up the wise cracks I might take a few shots of my own!"

"As much as I'd love to get **involved **in this little debate," Magneto said sarcastically. "I have a mutant to rescue."

"That mutant belongs to the Hellfire Club," Shinobi Shaw entered the room with several dozen heavily armed soldiers. "More specifically to me."

"Who is **this** guy?" Juggernaut snapped.

"Shinobi Shaw, son of Sebastian Shaw," He bowed slightly. "Leader of the Hellfire Club."

"It's just one annoyance after another…" Sinister gritted his teeth. "What are **you **doing here?"

"You mean you guys aren't working together?" Fred blinked.

"Please!" Shinobi snorted. "Sinister and I are opponents in the Game. And since Legion has been disposed of it's become an open playing field. I suppose I should thank you X-Men and Misfits for eliminating the competition like Legion. So here it is: **Thank you.** There now. I can defeat all of you and take the prize for myself without feeling any guilt."

"This Game is seriously starting to get on my nerves," Scott grumbled. "Whatever it is."

"What is this a freaking reunion or something?" Logan grumbled. "All we need is Cobra to show up!"

"Maybe they're taking the **day off** for once?" Althea remarked.

"I wish **these guys** would take the day off," Ray groaned as their foes started posturing and getting ready for a fight.

"This is gonna get messy," Logan grunted under his breath. He didn't need his heightened senses to know that every one of their enemies were itching to fight each other. Sooner or later one of them was going to get impatient and attack.

They didn't have to wait long. "Okay I guess it's up to me to get the party started!" Juggernaut snapped as he tore into the closest obstacle near him, which happened to be Magneto.

Magneto barely made an electromagnetic force field in time. He sent out several metal objects straight at Juggernaut who merely batted them away. Magneto used this an opportunity to fly out of the way. The metal objects however hit several of Shinobi Shaw's men as well as nearly clobbering Sinister.

"Watch it!" Sinister snapped.

"Watch **this!"** Vulcan took off and decided to blast everyone in sight. It soon became chaos in the lab.

It didn't help matters that Shinobi ordered his men to fire some kind of smoke bombs as soon as possible, cloaking the entire room in smoke. "Oh great! Now we can't see who we're blasting!" Tabitha snapped.

"This is ridiculous!" Sinister snapped. "I am going to **personally**…" That was when he found himself hit very hard with a right cross. "Who..?"

"You just don't **learn **do you Sinister?" Shinobi sneered as he came out of the smoke. He had a pair of green tinted glasses on. "You can **not **win against me!"

He then noticed something coming towards him and willed his body to phase just at the right time so that Vulcan through right through him. And right into Sinister. "AAAAH!" Sinister shouted. "Vulcan you fool! Don't tackle me!"

"It's not my fault! I was sure he couldn't see me!" Vulcan extracted himself from Sinister. "How **did** you see me?"

"Simple," Shinobi pointed at his glasses. "This is a specially created smoke bomb my company developed. Using these special glasses I and my men can see through it and identify who is friend or foe."

"Then you'd better start identifying real fast!" Juggernaut shouted. Before Shinobi could turn around one of his own men hurtled towards him and knocked him down.

"UHHHFFF!" Shinobi groaned.

"I love this job!" Juggernaut laughed as he threw around Hellfire Club soldiers left and right, oblivious to their attacks with their weapons. "Always a good time to pound some skulls no matter where you are! In fact this is just like old times!"

"SOMEBODY GET RID OF ALL THIS SMOKE!" Wanda coughed. She nearly hexed the nearest person next to her. Which was Pietro.

"HEY! YOU NEARLY GOT ME!" Pietro snapped.

"Well if I could have seen you I wouldn't have missed!" Wanda snapped. "Can't you get rid of this smoke by creating a tornado or something?"

"Hmm, good idea!" Pietro thought aloud. Then zoomed around to do so. "Hey Storm! Give this a good gust of wind to blow it away will ya!"

"I'd be happy to assist," Ororo blasted the smoke down other hallways out of the room. When the smoke did clear everyone could see that the room was already completely trashed and it was getting even more wrecked by the minute.

Magneto was tossing around metal all over the place, attacking X-Men and Misfits. When he saw Sinister he was enraged. "SINISTER! YOU SHALL PAY FOR WHAT YOU DID TO YOUR FELLOW MUTANTS!" He formed several metal objects into spears and shot them at him.

"UHGGH!" Sinister snapped as he was speared then reformed his body so that the spears went through him. "Don't be such a hypocrite! Just because I am more **successful** at my work than you are…"

"ERRREEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" A loud and hideous screech could be heard down the hallways.

Everyone stopped fighting and looked in the direction of the noise. "What the hell was that?" Lance shouted. "Is that Darwin?"

"Uh no…" Magneto blinked. "I don't believe so."

Logan took a sniff. "Something's coming…Something **big**…and angry. That smoke you blew at it Storm didn't make it happy."

"Didn't make **what **happy?" Shinobi snapped. He glared at Sinister. "Sinister what demented plaything did you bring this time?"

"Besides Vulcan?" Sinister shrugged. "Nothing. So if it's not one of yours and not one of mine and it certainly can't be **Juggernaut's…"**

"All I brought was a desire to kick some mutant ass," Juggernaut snorted.

"Then that means…" Vulcan blinked. "Uh oh..."

"What? What does that mean?" Bobby asked.

"Guys…I think **something else** survived down here…" Ray gulped.

"Something else?" Todd yelped. "As in another mutant?"

"More than **one**…" Logan growled as they heard the scratches of some very large claws headed towards them.

"More than one **what?**" Alex yelled.

Suddenly several giant grey and white rats appeared. Rats the size of horses with large claws, huge teeth, scaly whip like tails, and green glowing eyes. Their pelts were ratted and in some cases looked like they were about to fall off. "Holy crap those things look deader than Dead Girl!" Tim shouted.

"There were several rats we used in our experiments down here," Magneto remembered. "They must have mutated and bred over the decades down here."

"Giant mutant rats?" Pietro shouted. "How did they survive? What did they feed on down here?" Then he saw a clean skeleton behind him. "Oh…right."

"They probably also eat each other," Hank blinked. "But I have a sinking feeling that human flesh is their preferred food of choice."

"Wonderful," Logan snarled as the rats attacked. He cut into one giant rat. "This trip just gets better and better!"

"Vulcan, new plan…" Sinister backed away. "Exterminate the **four** legged rats before moving on to the **two** legged ones!"

"Will do," Vulcan fried one rat. Then he noticed another rat killing one of Shinobi's men. "Of course if some of these rats exterminate the two legged ones then that saves me some work."

"Bad rats!" Pyro burned several of them. "Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad rats!"

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAK!"

"Really bad rats!" Ray fried another one. "I hate rats! The one thing I didn't miss living in the sewers with the Morlocks! Well that and the smell..."

"Get out of my face you furry freaks!" Juggernaut knocked back rats left and right.

"Is it always this much **fun** when you guys go on these little adventures of yours?" Wisdom asked Kitty as he threw hot knives at the giant mutated rats.

"Yeah pretty much," Kitty remarked. "Of course sometimes we get to fight other versions of ourselves in other dimensions. Those battles are **really weird."**

"This isn't **weird enough** for you?" Wisdom asked. "Typical. I always go for the ones with **high standards**."

"Oh goody…" Todd grumbled. "You know this is **one** of those times when I'd love to know how to turn into **you know who** on and off."

"Well you **can't** because you **don't,**" Rogue snapped. "Deal with it."

"I can deal with it," Todd snapped as he dodged laser fire. "Right now it's being able to **live **with it that I've got a problem with!"

"Phoenix," Scott said to her as they took cover behind some rubble. "Try to get inside Vulcan's mind. Now is our chance while he's distracted. Maybe you can free him from the brainwashing Sinister has done to him."

"I don't know Cyclops," Jean sighed. "He's been under his control for a long time."

"You have to try!" Scott begged her. "Jean…Please…He's my brother."

"I'll see what I can do," Jean told him before she flew back into the battle. Vulcan was frying several rats and Sinister was distracted, fighting a few rats on his own.

That was when Jean reached inside Vulcan's mind.

She looked and saw what kind of man her beloved's brother was.

What he really was.

And it shocked her.

Considering her recent past in outer space Jean certainly didn't consider herself pure and untainted. But the things she saw in Vulcan's mind transported her back to a time when she truly was innocent.

He had killed innocent people all for Sinister without hesitation.

A lot of innocent people.

Men, women…children…

When he was only seven he performed his first killing. There was some kind of competition Sinister had with twenty four other children. There were twenty four other children, mutant children with powers that he had personally developed.

When he was seven Vulcan killed every single one of them.

And Sinister did not even order him to do it. It was merely a sparring match to test their powers.

Vulcan had figured out on his own the best way to win was to kill them.

It had taken him less than a minute to decide that.

He had been with these other children since the day Sinister had taken him. He had been raised with them. They were like his brothers and sisters.

And he ruthlessly killed them all because they were obstacles in his path.

Even Sinister was shocked at this. But he didn't discipline the boy when he had done this.

He had rewarded him.

He had even given him cake and candy.

And that was the beginning of Vulcan's career of mass destruction and devastation.

Jean watched it in horror until she could not take any more.

She knew what kind of person he was.

She had never seen two brothers so completely different.

She had had enough.

"YOU ANIMAL!" Jean screamed at the top of her lungs. She sent out a very powerful psychic and telekinetic blast at Vulcan.

"UHHGGGGGHHH!" Vulcan was blasted backwards into a wall.

"Phoenix!" Scott was shocked. "What did you see?"

"Nothing good Scott…" Jean's eyes glowed brightly. She pointed a finger at Vulcan. "He may be your brother, but believe me blood is the **only **thing you share!"

"We're all going to share **extinction **if we don't do something!" Scott blasted at a rat and then dodged the laser fire from a Hellfire Club soldier who decided to take down a few extra mutants while he was at it.

"I have a new plan," Althea suggested as the chaos was going on. "Let **them** fight it out while **we** look for Darwin!"

"Good idea," Fred winced at the fighting going on. "Good plan!"

"Yeah I'm all for that," Todd nodded in agreement. Most of the X-Men and Misfits were at the furthest side of the room while their enemies were closer to the rats and fighting them.

"So which way do we go?" Arcade asked.

SNIKT! SLICE! SLASH!

"This way!" Logan roared as he pointed at the large hole in the wall he made with his claws. The Misfits and X-Men followed him and found themselves in another corridor. They wasted no time in escaping. "As much as I love to keep fighting we gotta find this Darwin before anyone else does."

"I think I have a plan," Jean manifested her Phoenix raptor as soon as all the X-Men and Misfits escaped the room. "Avalanche! Focus on the door with me!"

"Got it!" Lance nodded. He and Jean used their powers to close up the entrance to the lab with the others trapped inside.

"HEY!" Juggernaut snapped as he saw rocks and metal cover over the hole. "Oh no you don't!"

"What do you think?" Lance asked.

"It's a start," Scott sighed. "But that won't hold them long!"

Already the rocks and metal began to crack. "Then I say let's move it!" Lance shouted. For once no one wasted time arguing with him.

Not even a few minutes after they ran out of sight down the corridor both Juggernaut crashed through the rubble and Magneto used his powers to tear the metal out of the way. "Amateurs," Magneto growled.

BOOM!

Magneto barely kept his personal magnetic shield intact but Juggernaut was hit by Vulcan's powerful fire. However Juggernaut was not phased by the attack either. "Oh if that's the way you want it…" Juggernaut sneered. He turned around and charged at Vulcan.

The X-Men and Misfits could hear the fighting as they ran. "Oh man they're gonna tear this place apart!" Todd gulped as rubble started to fall from the ceiling.

"Just keep going!" Scott ordered.

They went into another large room that seemed partially lit. "Now where are we?" Lance grumbled. "Looks like some kind of control room."

"Yeah and that looks like some kind of lower lab below," Pietro pointed to the room that was next to it. It was a very large room separated by some kind of thick glass. In the room were several large and familiar machine objects. But also in the room were evidence of lava that had broken into the room from the metal wall side of the area.

"I know where we are," Scott looked around in shock. "This is the Danger Room! Or at least a very good copy of it."

"You're right," Rogue looked around. "It looks almost exactly like the one at home."

"Right down to the big buzz saws imbedded in the floor and the holes in the walls," Todd quipped. "The hardened lava is a twist. But what is it doing **here?**"

"I dunno," Lance narrowed his eyes. "But I bet Xavier would. I think I just figured out where he got the inspiration for the X-Men's Danger Room!"

"Inspiration?" Pietro remarked. "He probably **designed** the whole thing! And…And what is **that **down there?"

"Maybe we should check it out," Logan remarked.

"I wouldn't be so quick to go down there if I were you," Arcade remarked. He held up his scanner. "There's radioactive material down there. And according to my scanner…It seems to be coming from all that lava down there."

"What you saying that there's radioactive **lava** down there?" Fred gasped. "Is that even **possible?"**

"It was possible in the movie 'Hot Time Harriet and the Lava Men on Luna Island'," Todd remarked.

"What kind of movies do you **watch** Toad?" Rogue asked.

"Oh you can see them every Saturday Night on the Late Show on Channel…" Kurt began. Everyone gave him a look. "What? I like those whacked out science fiction movies from the Sixties and Seventies. Forge got me hooked on them."

"Reason number **forty nine** why I'm **glad** we don't have Forge with us anymore," Logan grumbled.

"Uh are we okay?" Angelica gulped.

"This glass seems to be intact and is made of some kind of special material that protects us from radiation," Hank explained.

"Oh yeah wouldn't want our mutant genes to be screwed up any more than they **already** are," Tim grunted.

"Look down there," Wisdom pointed. "There's something else."

Encased in a glowing sphere that was partially covered by lava was the figure of a bald humanoid. "What is that?" Amara asked.

"This must be Darwin…" Hank said, his voice full of awe. "Let me see what data I can get from the computer."

"This is so weird," Kitty remarked. "It looks just like the Danger Room."

"Yeah right down to the controls only yours is a lot more sophisticated," Arcade agreed. "Find out what happened Beast?"

"There was some kind of nuclear reactor powering this room," Hank told them. "And according to these records something went wrong. Watch."

He ran the video. They showed a hairless humanoid figure running into the Danger Room replica to disarm some kind of nuclear device. There was a huge breach in one of the walls where lava poured in. Suddenly there was a bright flash and the figure was instantly incinerated.

"Oh my God…" Kurt gasped. "That poor man! He was killed so horribly."

"I'm not so sure he was Kurt," Hank said. "Take a look at what else I found on the security cameras and what they have recorded over the past forty years."

"You mean those cameras were still running and it recorded what happened down there all this time?" Arcade asked. "That must have taken a lot of film and memory! How could a machine like that do it with Sixties technology."

"Actually SHIELD had some similar data imaging storage devices since then," Logan explained. "It secretly pioneered the technology."

"And it doesn't show **everything,**" Hank said. "There are huge gaps of a few decades or so but from what I can put together using the magic of fast forward and stop motion technology…" He pressed a few buttons.

The screen then showed something tiny growing and then getting bigger. There were stops and gaps but it showed the tiny shape evolving into a humanoid form. "Wait is that what I think it is?" Scott was shocked.

"It is," Fred whistled. "He grew himself back!"

"He literally rebuilt himself from atoms," Hank gasped. "It took himself quite a few decades but he did it. Amazing!"

"No wonder everyone wants this guy," Logan growled. "His healing factor makes mine look obsolete!"

"It's more than a healing factor Wolverine," Jean told him. "He literally has the power to evolve into any form he needs to in order to survive."

"A mutant that can adapt to any environment and survive in it," Xi remarked. "A very useful mutation."

"And it's the same research that Smith guy must have copied from to make his super tomatoes," Wisdom realized. "Now I know what they were doing down here!"

"They were going to make the perfect mutant super soldier," Hank realized.

"And Xavier was part of it…" Scott realized.

"I can't believe it," Jean gasped. "The Professor would **never** be involved with something like this!"

"But he **was** Jean," Magneto emerged from the shadows. "Pity he never told you the whole story about how he lost the use of his legs."

"What **you **didn't do it?" Pietro folded his arms. "Because I heard you say you did."

"When did you hear me say that?" Magneto was shocked.

"A few years ago before you formed the Acolytes you practically **bragging** to Mystique how you dealt with Xavier by crippling him," Pietro huffed.

"The truth is I was…exaggerating when I said that," Magneto let out a huff of air.

"Oh so you're saying lying is an **inherited **trait," Kurt gave Pietro a look. "So what **did** happen?"

"Why don't we let the good Professor answer that question himself?" Magneto glanced at the corner. "I know you managed to get down here and used your powers and those teleportation watches to avoid the others. Come out."

Xavier appeared in his hover chair with Roadblock and Shipwreck. "I should have known you would be here sooner or later," Xavier sighed.

"So is Juggernaut," Magneto told him. "It's practically a reunion. This place holds a lot of memories doesn't it Xavier?"

"Too many," Xavier told him.

"So you **did **know about it!" Scott was shocked. "Is **that** why you didn't want us to investigate this?"

"I think you'd better tell them everything you told us Xavier," Shipwreck folded his arms. "The **whole** story."

"Yes do tell Charles," Magneto was enjoying this. "Tell them the whole sordid story about what went on here and how you contributed to it."

"You have to understand," Xavier said after a long pause. "There were…circumstances that lead me to this place."

"What kind of circumstances?" Jean asked.

"My relationship with my father was always different than that of my brother's," Xavier admitted. "I suppose it started when my mutant abilities first manifested when I turned twelve. That was also the year that my older brother Cain came to live with us. Neither my mother nor myself knew anything about him or his mother until she passed away. But my mother was a good person and insisted that Cain would come and live with us. I was excited for having an older brother. But it soon became clear that neither my half brother nor my father were happy about this arrangement."

"I could feel my father abusing Cain…" Xavier closed his eyes. "I felt his pain, his terror. My father's disgust at his illegitimate son. It was very traumatic. It turned out to be the second time my powers manifested."

"Second time?" Scott asked.

"You saw the results of the first time before," Magneto told him. "In the lab we just escaped from."

"So what exactly is that baby in the bath water over there in that lab?" Fred asked.

"That is…or was..my twin sister," Xavier sighed.

"Twin sister?" Jean was shocked.

"You had a twin sister?" Ororo gasped.

"Technically…" Xavier sighed. "When my mother was eight months pregnant…Somehow my sister and I manifested our abilities and we clashed…I killed her. She died still born while I was premature."

"You killed your twin while you were still in the womb?" Wanda was stunned. Then she looked at Pietro. "Now why didn't **I **think of something like that?"

"But it was an accident," Althea realized. "You weren't even **born** yet. There was no way you could have any control at **that** stage in your life! Was there?"

"I'd like to think there wasn't but to tell the truth even I'm not completely sure," Xavier sighed. "I barely even remembered her until…"

"Until?" Remy asked.

"When my mother finally succumbed to her illness…I felt her die," Xavier sighed. "I literally saw her life flash before her eyes and I saw the psychic imprint of my dead twin sister. It was unnerving to say the least. And that was not the worst thing to happen that night. It was also the night my father learned of my abilities. And he learned what I had witnessed him do to Cain with my powers."

"He didn't take it well did he?" Lance frowned.

"He was shocked and horrified," Xavier said. "The very next day he shipped Cain off to another boarding school. And he moved out of the house. Leaving me alone with only a handful of servants to look after my needs. He would send cards or letters and made sure I had a good education…But I never saw nor spoke to him for nearly ten years after that."

"Geeze…" Bobby whistled.

"I was mostly isolated, my father insisting that I no longer attend any other school in case I would have another…incident," Xavier continued. "Fortunately there were people who cared about me. My butler and the cook and the head of household staff all had kind hearts. And the butler's son Edmund was my only friend. They did not mind my power. It was with their understanding I learned how to be patient and taught myself how to control it. It made the long, lonely years more bearable. Eventually I was able to go to a regular academy during my Senior year and later to Oxford. And after that I enlisted in the army."

"I never understood why you did that," Shipwreck interrupted. "You never seemed the type."

"That is…another long story. But it has nothing to do with this one. It was my background in genetics and chemistry and my scholastic abilities that the army wanted and they promoted me to a genetics lab overseas. Or so I thought."

"It turned out that my father that was behind the project convinced his superiors to assign me to assist him with his research. To my surprise the first thing he did when he saw me was apologize for how he treated me," Xavier went on. "He admitted that he was wrong and he had been working on his own genetics research as well. He wanted my help on understanding mutants. He said he believed that mutation was the key to humankind's survival."

"And you said yes," Althea said.

"How could I not?" Xavier asked. "My father was reaching out to me on a cause I believed in. I truly thought that this would be the perfect opportunity. I should have known better. The signs were all there but I didn't want to see them. He'd even kept my twin's body to study it. He had kept it all these years and studied it."

"Let me see if I get this straight," Lance held up his hand. "Xavier and his dad were doing research on mutants including working on his dead sister's body which he happened to accidentally kill?"

"There was another," Magneto looked at the glowing figure. "Darwin. He had such promise when we found him."

"**Found** him?" Jean asked. "He wasn't created in a lab?"

"Of course **not,"** Magneto snorted. "Armando Munoz was born to human parents. However his life was not easy. His father walked out on his mother before he was born, his mother resented him especially since the boy was born with an obvious outward mutation."

"Outward mutation?" Kitty asked.

"Is there an echo in here?" Magneto sighed. "He was born completely hairless and thin. He almost resembled an alien in appearance. Yet he was an extremely intelligent child. It didn't take long for his teachers to notice this and eventually some scholars at a well known boarding school for young geniuses. They were so impressed they even paid for his tuition. Alas although he was welcomed by the teachers, his classmates rejected him. When he was twelve, during a particularly violent encounter with some bullies it was revealed that the boy had great gifts. Powers beyond anyone's belief at the time."

"What sort of powers?" Scott asked.

"He could breathe underwater," Magneto began. "He could see in the dark, sharpen or harden his body instantly to avoid injury. He was resistant to heat, poison, anything. He could generate enormous strength for brief periods of time. He even had a healing factor that rivals yours Wolverine. He could run outside in a blizzard for hours and not feel the cold. He could withstand temperatures over one hundred and twenty degrees without flinching. He could literally evolve his body to whatever environment he was placed in and not only survive, but thrive."

"Sounds like he would be the perfect soldier," Althea frowned.

"Which is exactly what Charles and his father had in mind!" Magneto barked. "Isn't that right Charles?"

"So how did the two of you get involved in this?" Althea asked.

"During one of my vacations from Wundergore I had gotten involved in Moira McTaggert's research facility," Magneto explained. "While she was on maternity leave. I often helped out when she needed to be with Kevin. I learned about Armando through her contacts and brought him to the Muir Island research center. Charles and his father showed up a few days later. They wanted to take the boy and train him to be a super soldier of some kind. I was against it."

"That's pretty ironic coming from you," Pietro folded his arms.

"I admit it does sound strange but at the time I was against mutants fighting for any cause other than their own survival," Magneto explained. "But Charles persuaded me to come with them and help with the boy's development. And Armando surprisingly enough not only agreed but seemed willing to help. He had some kind of misguided patriotic streak inside of him. Either that or he saw one too many spy movies."

Xavier looked down. "He was supposed to be a force for good. A mutant that could help people."

"He was a kid!" Scott shouted. "Like us…"

"So what happened after that?" Kitty was in shock.

"We brought him here and trained him as well as went to work on research on the mutant X-gene," Magneto went on. "Xavier Senior seemed cordial but there was something about that man I didn't trust. It turned out I was right. I discovered that he had no intention of making Armando, who we now called Darwin the next Captain America. Basically I learned he wanted to dissect the boy and implant his powers into other soldiers. Soldiers that would not only fight in future wars…but would be charged with hunting down other mutants and enslaving them!"

"At first I didn't believe it," Xavier sighed. "I wouldn't believe it…"

"Until Charles' dear brother Cain decided to do a science project of his own," Magneto interrupted. "Unknown to us he had done some research on the Jewels of Cytorakk. One of which we had in our possession and were studying the effects of it on the human body and the X-gene."

"Which accounts for the rampaging rodents back there," Wisdom put it together. "Their great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents must have been your test subjects."

"That many greats?" Pyro blinked.

"Rodents breed pretty fast," Althea explained.

"Oh," Pyro nodded.

"Yes well long story short Cain became Juggernaut and there was a very nasty confrontation," Magneto folded his arms. "Xavier Senior finally admitted the only reason he wanted Charles around was to use his powers as well as his scientific knowledge to help keep the mutants in line. And he made it very clear that Charles, Darwin and I would stay there and be his test subjects whether we wanted to or **not!"**

"And that is when things got out of hand," Xavier sighed. "The fight between Juggernaut and Magneto nearly tore the entire base apart. We almost didn't escape with our lives."

"Almost?" Wanda asked.

"It turned out that there was **another** mutant at the project," Magneto pressed a button. "One no one knew anything about. But I discovered him that day."

"Who…?" Scott began to ask. Suddenly a portal appeared and there were two mutants there. Portal, the purple former Morlock and Winters, Magneto's white skinned, white haired butler.

"Do you remember **me**, Charles?" Winters asked in a bitter tone.

"Edmund…?" Xavier gasped.

"Winters!" Pietro shouted.

"You know him?" Both Xavier and Pietro asked each other at the same time.

"He was my childhood friend!" Xavier said.

"He's my father's butler!" Pietro said.

"Butler?" Xavier exclaimed.

"Friend?" Pietro exclaimed at the same time.

"It's just one big soap opera drama after another around here," Tim grumbled. "This beats The Wicked and the Wild any day!"

"Edmund, you're alive? But I thought you were killed! How…?" Xavier asked.

"I am alive by no thanks to **you!** I asked Magneto never to tell you," Winters said coldly. "I preferred to work behind the scenes. Working for the day to pay you back for your betrayal of your species."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Hold on a second!" Pietro interrupted. **"Back up!** Your childhood friend was there too? And he's now my dad's butler? How did **that** happen?"

"I joined the British army the same time Charles joined the American army," Winters explained.

"By sheer coincidence we met up together here," Xavier said. "It was a joint project of both the United States and British governments."

"Coincidence my eye!" Juggernaut stormed in. "Dear old Dad **requested **him just like he requested me! Who do you think helped develop this helmet that resists telepathy?"

"He thought he could buy **my **loyalty," Winters scoffed. "Like he bought my father's. I was the one who told Magneto about his plans."

"But wait, what happened to you?" Xavier asked. "You are a mutant?"

"You mean you didn't know?" Shipwreck asked. He looked at Winter's albino form. "How could you **not?"**

"I did not **always** look like this," Winters told him. "And I did not even know myself. You see I am a low level technopath. I can gather and store data from machines. Obviously since computers were very new at the time, this mutation was **unheard** of. The fact that I **was** one was a coincidence."

"His mutant abilities appeared that very day this base fell," Magneto spoke. "As Juggernaut and I battled, Xavier was trying to **reason** with his intolerant father."

"The two of them were setting off a chain reaction between the nuclear reactor and the volcano nearby," Winters said. "I, Xavier and his father ran to the main control room in order to shut it down. But we got distracted when we saw a breach in the Danger Room."

"That's where you put the reactor," Lance realized. "But why?"

"Several of our tests had to do with radiation and the Danger Room was the only place we could study the effects of it on Darwin without any harm to the rest of us," Magneto explained.

"Darwin went down to shut it off but he was not entirely successful," Winters explained. "As you have obliviously seen on the monitor. There was a tremendous feedback…I remember working on the controls where there was a terrible volt. I remember being inundated with energy and information…And then blackness."

"Before I left this island permanently I decided to try and find Darwin and Winters," Magneto said. "I assumed Darwin was dead and I found Winters on the floor completely white. He'd been abandoned and left for dead! I realized that I owed him something so I rescued him."

"I was in a coma for **five years** after that incident," Winters remarked. "I spent that time recovering in Wundergore. But my mind was able to connect to the machines there. Eventually I awakened and learned about my new powers. I helped Magneto discover about the High Evolutionary's plot and I have been in his employ ever since."

"Edmund I thought you were dead," Xavier said. "I couldn't sense any brainwaves and things were so chaotic…"

"You were so busy trying to make up with your evil father you couldn't bother to check for five seconds that your best friend was alive or not!" Winters snapped, emotion could be heard for the **first time** in his voice.

"There wasn't any time!" Xavier pleaded. "As soon as you were electrocuted the controls to the door started to short out. We would have been trapped if we'd stayed in that room longer than a minute."

"Maybe but you still abandoned him," Magneto said. "And you were too busy cleaning up and trying to hide your mistakes so no one would ever find out!"

"Hold on! We're missing part of the story here!" Pietro interrupted. "You know how Xavier lost his legs and supposedly killed his dad?"

"We're getting to that," Juggernaut snapped. "Anyway I'm going toe to toe with Magneto and throwing everything I got at him while he's throwing everything he had at me. The next thing I know my old man's screaming on how the whole place is gonna blow. Charlie was doing some kind of mind thing to stop him."

"Mind thing?" Lance asked.

"I was trying to establish a telepathic connection," Xavier sighed. "To get my father to understand. Unfortunately I succeeded. I learned that my father truly was a cold cruel man who only married my mother for her money. And he slowly poisoned her to death."

"That's not all you did, did ya?" Juggernaut snapped. "I'm not the only one with a temper around here! Well just as you were giving your old man a mental whammy, Mags here takes out a support beam and accidentally brings down the house! Right on top of Charley!"

"It was an accident!" Magneto snapped. "As angry as I was I never intended for Charles to get pinned under a huge metal slab."

"Unfortunately the second I was hit by the metal I felt excruciating pain as my spine was severed," Xavier hung his head down. "My metal abilities went out of control and…"

"And you turned Dad's brain into jelly!" Juggernaut snapped. "I swear I saw parts of his brain dribbling out of his ears! The next thing I knew I was encased in over a ton of rubble and molten lava. It took me two days to dig my way out. And by the time I got back to the States the courts had given all of Dad's stuff to Charlie! Can you believe this? He knocks off our old man and I got diddly squat! I didn't even get revenge on the old bastard! Now do you get why my brother **ticks** me off?"

"I hate to admit it but he **does** have a point Professor," Rogue looked at Xavier. "Not the best point in the world but a point."

"So how did you guys get out?" Kitty asked.

"I used my powers to free Charles and transport him to the surface," Magneto explained. "I set him down where I thought he would be safe then I went back to find Darwin. I only found Winters and rescued him. By the time I got back Charles had managed to wrangle one of the few surviving soldiers and get him to take him off the island in the only jet that was available to fly. I of course used whatever metal I could find to transport myself and Winters off the island. Not before of course I sealed up the lab trapping our enemies inside and letting the lava melt over it. Of course Charles was taking care of the ones that did escape."

"I had no choice," Xavier sighed. "To protect our identities I had to erase all knowledge of Magneto, Darwin, Cain and myself. I only allowed the survivors to believe that there was a terrible nuclear reactor experiment gone wrong. That their genetics research was low level."

"Yeah it was a real shock to some of my buddies when they found out that I wasn't dead," Juggernaut snapped. "You were one step ahead the whole time weren't you? And you call **me** psychotic!"

"So that's what happened here," Logan frowned.

"It was a terrible mistake I made and I vowed to never again let it happen," Xavier sighed.

"But look at what happened," Magneto couldn't resist twisting the knife. "You did end up creating the perfect mutant army anyway Xavier!"

"No! No I never **intended** that!" Xavier shouted. "The Xavier Institute was supposed to be a school! Only a school! It was supposed to be…"

"As a counterpoint to my ideology," Magneto interrupted. "Ironic isn't it? You never wanted to create an army of mutants but you did anyway."

Magneto pointed to the X-Men. "Look at them Charles. They are magnificent. You have trained them well. They have even defeated me time and again. You must be very proud of them. They are the perfect soldiers."

"No…That's not…" Xavier began.

"But that's what happened to us," Jean interrupted, an angry look on her face. "You promised each of us that you would teach us how to use our powers. How to control them for the good of mankind."

"And you **believed **him?" Juggernaut snorted. "HA! What a bunch of dopes!"

"SHUT UP JUGGERNAUT!" Jean screamed, manifesting a full Phoenix raptor all around her.

"Oh boy…" Juggernaut blinked. "This is **not **going to be good."

WHAM!

Juggernaut was hit with a telekinetic blast so powerful he was thrown clear through the ceiling, through the ground and eventually through the surface of the earth and sailed hundreds of miles into the sky. "I was right!" He yelled before he ended up splashing into the ocean miles away from the island.

"Whoa," Todd whistled. "That was a good shot."

Two other figures witnessed the attack from the shadows. "Oh dear…" Sinister gulped mentally. _"No wonder Apocalypse tends to be a bit nervous about the Phoenix. As much as I'd love to get in the middle of this __**again **__I believe it is time for us to depart."_

_"But what about Darwin?"_ Vulcan asked using their telepathic link.

_"I'm afraid we are going to have to abandon him,"_ Sinister informed him. _"Unless you really want to be on the receiving end of the Phoenix's wrath. We're just going to have to settle for wrecking Shinobi's plan and his men." _

_**"You do that Sinister…"**_ Jean's thoughts shot through them like a hot knife through bread. _**"Fortunately for you I have more important matters to attend to, but I assure you **__**next time…"**_

"To quote Monty Python…**Run away!"** Sinister hissed in agony as he used his personal teleporter on his belt to get him and Vulcan away from Jean's wrath.

_**"Right now we have a mutant to rescue,"**_ Jean spoke in Phoenix Force Mode. She focused her power. _**"Everyone hang on…Especially you Xavier because part of me wants to leave you here!" **_

There was a fiery flash and blast. Before anyone realized it they were on top of the island again. "And I thought I was good," Portal staggered.

"That was a fun trip," Pyro whistled. "Can we do it again?"

"No!" Lance said. He saw the nude form of Darwin lying on the ground. "Hey! We gotta…"

"Be careful Avalanche!" Roadblock warned. "Radioactive, remember?"

_**"No, I burned it away,"**_ Phoenix spoke. Then the fire started to dim a little. Jean took over. She looked at Magneto. "Now it's time for you to leave."

"Jean," Magneto looked at Darwin who was being covered by Lina (She had taken Todd's jacket.) "What do you think would happen if you allow Xavier to get his hands on him again? Or for that matter the Misfits? You're only rescuing Darwin from one government program to put him in **another**."

"The Joes and the Misfits may be uninhibited lunatics," Jean hissed. "But I trust **them** a hell of a lot more than I trust you! So **back off!"**

Jean again went into full Phoenix mode. _**"Unless you want another display of my**_ _**power!"**_

"No, I believe that I have seen **enough **for one day," Magneto conceded backing off. "Very well, Darwin is yours."

"Until he chooses to join us," Winters spoke. "Which one day he may."

"Edmund…" Xavier began. But Winters cut him off with a look. Portal teleported Magneto and Winters away. By the looks of the people around Xavier, he partially wished he went with him.

"I can't believe this…" Ororo was stunned. "I can't believe everything that has happened."

"I can. I always said Xavier was a hypocrite," Pietro grumbled. "Magneto was a world class jerk but at least the Brotherhood knew that our purpose was to be his own private army. He didn't lie about what he thought of us and what he wanted us to do. He just wanted more from us than he let on and treated us like crap. Come to think of it, you and Magneto **do** have a lot in common Xavier!"

"Quicksilver," Ororo began.

"No, no he's right," Scott told her. "He **is** a hypocrite. And a liar."

"I never intended…" Xavier began.

"Then why did you give us codenames and uniforms?" Jean asked as she powered down. "School my eye! You planned on us becoming soldiers from the beginning didn't you? It didn't just happen…"

"Some of us **already** figured that out Jean," Rogue said, her eyes cold. "But we stayed anyway because we really thought that compared to what few other options out there this was the best way. What we didn't figure out was where this idea **really** started from."

"It's the Professor being part of some whacked out super soldier program that's really ticking most of us off," Kurt said.

"No wonder you were so accepting of Dr. Riesman," Rina gave Xavier a look. "Did she remind you of yourself in some way?"

"A little bit…" Xavier admitted. "Yes. But I never went to the extremes she did."

"**That **is debatable," Scott folded his arms.

"How could you do that Professor?" Kitty asked. "You intended for us to become your soldiers from the beginning. How could you do that?"

"How could I **not **do that?" Xavier asked. "I had no choice! Especially after what happened here! Kitty you've seen the world. You all have! You know how dangerous it is for our kind! There had to be **some** measures, some **alternatives** made to threats like Magneto, the FOH, the Sentinels…"

"And what about an alternative to **you?**" Jean asked bitterly.

"It ain't the fact that you trained us to be what we are that's bugging us Professor," Rogue told him. "It's the fact that you **lied **to us about your intentions is what's setting us off."

"Not to mention the fact that you were part of a government mutant super soldier project is a bit unsettling," Kitty folded her arms. "But looking back on it now the signs were all there. The Danger Room, the training simulations, the Blackbird, putting the team together like you did…even the layout of the underground training rooms…They all came from your military background."

"The fact that you are all figuring this out now makes you X-Geeks more clueless than I thought," Pietro scoffed. "Yeah we Misfits are army mutants but at least we know we were part of an army! Not a private vigilante force."

"We're not part of a private vigilante force are we?" Fred asked Roadblock. "Because I am starting to get confused now."

"No, you're army, Blob," Roadblock told him.

"Oh good," Fred nodded. "Just got a little confused for a minute."

"It's okay Blob it happens," Arcade patted his arm.

"Charles don't get me wrong, believe me I've done a ton of things in the past that aren't exactly kosher," Logan grunted. "I've made mistakes but I like to think I've learned from 'em. From what I've seen…it seems like you keep repeating history. I just thought you were better than that."

"Jean I know it's hard for you to trust me…" Xavier tried again.

"Trust you? I don't even **know** you!" Jean shouted at him. She turned away.

"Jean…" Xavier was shocked. Many of the X-Men turned away from him.

"I know you think you were trying to help us Professor but that doesn't change the fact that you lied to us and hid your past," Ororo said delicately. "And what that past of yours was."

"And then you tried it again with Sage and when that failed you went on with us..." Scott realized. "It's pretty convenient how you keep neglecting to tell us about all these other mutants that you worked with and what happened to them isn't it?"

"Just out of curiosity were there any **other **mutants you worked with?" Jean asked. "You know, any other mutant teams or individuals we should know about?"

Xavier hesitated. "I wouldn't exactly call them teams...But there have been a few...individuals that I have hired in the past to investigate a few things. And there were some others before you Scott that...Did not work out."

"How many others?" Scott was stunned.

"Define 'did not work out'?" Rogue asked harshly. "On second thought maybe we don't want to know!"

"Yeah did you leave a few of them locked up in an institution too?" Wanda asked bitterly. Xavier's face told her all. "Great! It's nice to see I wasn't the **only one** getting the shaft!"

"Please let me explain..." Xavier began.

"I think you've explained **enough** Xavier," Jean said bitterly. "How could you do this to us?"

"We thought we could trust you," Kurt said. "We were wrong."

"We're not your students any more, Xavier," Kitty gave him a look. "Today was our real graduation day."

"Let's go home," Scott said in a dark voice. "If we can call it that."

"What about uh…?" Althea tilted her head towards Darwin.

"You take care of Darwin," Jean said to her. "At least with you Misfits we'll **know **he'll be safe! Safer than with the Professor anyway. Let's go."

Not even a minute after that scene Shinobi Shaw phased out of the rubble, carrying something in a sack. His clothes were torn and shredded. "Well that was expensive," He grumbled as he saw the X-Men and Misfits leave via teleportation.

Not long after that a helicopter landed nearby. It was Harry Leland coming to pick him up. "Shinobi! Are you all right?" Leland asked.

"No, my suit is completely **ruined**," Shinobi grumbled. "Well that will teach me to wear expensive outfits on a mission. My tailor is going to have a **fit** when he sees this."

"Factor One will have an even **bigger **fit. Darwin's gone," Leland grumbled. "You failed in your mission. Xavier and those others took him didn't they?"

"Who said I was after **Darwin?**" Shinobi shrugged. He took out a container holding the mutant fetus. "This is much more **valuable**."

"What is **that?**" Leland asked slightly repulsed.

"This is a sample of the same DNA that is in Charles Xavier," Shinobi grinned. "His stillborn twin sister to be precise. I'm actually a bit **disappointed** in Sinister. I would have thought he would have jumped at this chance considering the history between the two."

"Lovely," Leland flinched.

"Leland have some **imagination**," Shinobi gave him a look. "Hydra created a very powerful, very dangerous **clone **of Wolverine that was able to destroy them. Of course we all know that Hydra could never control anything more complicated than a third rate science fair so that isn't saying much."

"And with this we can create a clone of Xavier that might eventually turn on us?" Leland asked with a wry tone in his voice.

"Not if we make her a **partner,**" Shinobi smirked.

"A **what?**" Leland did a double take. "Shaw have you been taking any leftover **crazy pills** Pierce had lying around?"

"I know **exactly** what I am doing," Shinobi told him as he handed the case to an attendant to put away. "Besides, Factor One has already approved of this plan. I can't wait to see that toad Sinister's face when I get even more points for this."

"Okay…" Leland sighed. "And to think, I always believed that your **father **was the one with a few screws loose."

"Trust me Leland. Today could not have gone any better if I planned it myself. Charles Xavier may have won this battle, but I believe he has just lost the war," Shinobi grinned. "Especially since his little army has now deserted him."

"You're kidding me?" Leland gave him a look.

"I kid you not," Shinobi told him. "Trust me, after today the X-Men are **finished!"**

**Is it true? Are the X-Men really finished? How will they get over the Professor's past? Will they be able to get over it? Who stays? Who goes? Find out in the final chapter folks! You don't want to miss the ending! It's a big one! **


	100. Where Do We Go From Here?

**Where Do We Go From Here?**

It was the day after the mission. The sun had risen and it seemed to be another typical day after a typical mission.

But things were never going to be the same again at the Institute.

"Scott I know you and Jean are upset but please reconsider," Xavier softly pleaded. He and Scott were alone in his study. "I know this has all been a shock to you and I don't expect you to forgive me."

"But you **do **expect me to forgive you don't you?" Scott asked. "Just forgive you and forget that **everything** that happened and go back to life as usual. The training, the fighting…I don't think I can do that anymore."

"Scott you don't mean that," Xavier told him. "You are the heart and soul of the team. Without you and Jean the X-Men might never recover."

"Then let the Misfits take over for a change!" Scott snapped. "Everyone knows that they're **more** than willing to do so! Let them have the glory if they want it. I don't **care **anymore!"

"Scott this isn't like you," Xavier was shocked.

"Yeah and being part of a secret government program to make mutants weapons of mass destruction isn't like **you **either," Scott retorted. "Or accidentally killing your own twin sister and then years later using her body as part of your research! Not to mention accidentally killing your own father, not that I don't sympathize with **that** but using the same methods he did in order to create your own mutant army? And then trying to pass off that army as a school? Didn't think you had that in you either. But I was wrong. Oh and lets not forget all the **other** little secrets you kept from me over the years. The bribery, the lies. The fact that there were **other** mutants in your secret army that you never bothered to inform me about!"

Xavier closed his eyes. "I deserved that."

"You have no idea what you **deserve**, Professor," Scott told him. "I feel like my whole life is based on a **lie!** Your ideas of peace and coexistence with mutants…With what I saw in that lab. With everything I learned about your past…It makes me **sick** to think…" There was silence for a moment.

"You know the **worst** part about this?" Scott went on. "I've endured a lot for you. The harassment, the training, the battles, the hate…And some of it from my own team mates at times…I did everything you asked me to do. Everything! And more! But I didn't do it just for the cause. I did it for my friends and my family. And I thought of you as my family and I really believed you thought of me as family."

"I do Scott," Xavier said. "You're like a son to me."

"Maybe I am but…" Scott sighed. "But first and foremost I'm always going to be an X-Man to you. One of your soldiers. That's the real reason you got me out of the hospital all those years ago. Oh I know deep down you wanted to help me and you have, but you also wanted to help yourself. I was just too eager and desperate to see it."

"Scott I made some horrible decisions when I was young," Xavier told him. "That's part of the reason why I feel so strongly about the Dream. Having mutants and humans live together in peace will stop events such as those in Korea. Can't you understand that?"

"I do understand that. And it's a good dream. The problem is that dream of yours is always going to be **first **in your mind," Scott said. "Everything and everyone else is **second.** I can't live like that. I don't want to live like that. I need Jean and a family just as much as the belief that humans and mutants can live together. But that's never going to happen if we isolate ourselves here."

"Scott I admit I have made many mistakes in trying to preserve the idea of mutant and human coexistence," Xavier said. "But I still believe I did what I had to in order to…"

"In order to **what?** Push tolerance and acceptance down people's throats when they weren't ready for it? You're **obsessed** with this dream, Xavier," Scott told him. "Obsessed with creating the perfect mutant strike force to enforce **your **vision! And so was I. But not now. Now my eyes are **wide open**. You really think you are not that man you were back in Korea but you're wrong. There are parts of him still alive and kicking **inside** of you. You have too many secrets Xavier. Too many twisted plans and good intentions that went wrong."

"I know you don't want to be that man you were," Scott went on. "I **know** you are trying to be better than that and you've worked hard to overcome it. There is good in you, but that obsession of yours could destroy it completely. I don't want to end up like that. You forget that I've seen a lot of futures. And a lot of them weren't pretty. I don't want to wake up one morning twenty or so years down the road and realize that I had done nothing but fight for someone else's ideas and have **nothing **for myself!"

Scott sighed. "I know it may sound selfish to you, but I have to go. I have to leave while I have some hope left inside of me. I'll never forget the good you've done and what you've done for me and Jean. But I also can't forget the truth. Goodbye Professor."

Scott left the room and went down the hall. He picked up his last suitcase waiting for him. "So you're really leaving aren't you?" Alex walked up to him. "It seems like we're always saying goodbye."

"It doesn't have to be," Scott said. "Alex you know you can come with us if you want to."

"I can't go Scott," Alex said. "If was just Xavier yeah but…The team needs me. And Lorna. I gotta wait for her."

"I can understand that," Scott agreed. "Somebody's got to watch out for whoever's left. Might as well be you."

"But what about the X-Men?" Alex asked. "They need a leader."

"I guess that's you now, Alex," Scott sighed.

"And what about Gabriel? I can't track him down alone!" Alex pleaded.

"I don't know if Gabriel even really wants to be found," Scott sighed. "Sinister has him so brainwashed…He's insane Alex. Completely insane."

"Scott…" Alex said. "He's our brother."

"No," Scott shook his head. "No he's not. Not anymore."

"But Scott…" Alex began.

"Alex you **saw** what he did in that lab!" Scott told him. "Lord only knows what else he's done while working with Sinister. Actually I have a pretty good clue of what he's done. Jean showed me what she saw in his twisted mind. He's a sociopath plain and simple. Whatever good was in him is gone. We can't change that. We can't change him."

"I don't believe that," Alex said. "I have to at least try."

"And if you can't? What are you going to do then?" Scott asked. "I don't want you put in a position where you have to kill a family member in order…"

"Like the Professor had to?" Alex asked softly. "That's what you're really afraid of. That you'll end up like him isn't it?"

"I just can't do this any more," Scott told him. "I have to leave while I have **some** sanity left!"

BOOOM!

"Was that Tabitha's time bomb or someone else losing their temper?" Alex asked.

"I don't know and I don't care," Scott groaned. "Looks like I'm leaving just in time."

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"Okay Jean this whole Darwin thing threw us **all** for a loop," Rogue told Jean as Jean packed her last suitcase. "I mean I'm thinking of taking a break myself. A break is healthy and good. But what you're doing is just plain nuts!"

"No Rogue, what is **nuts** is our lifestyle for the past seven years," Jean gave her a look. "Running around like a private army, non stop training, dealing with maniacs who want to take over a world that hates our guts, jumping around through alternate dimensions and outer space…"

Jean stopped for a moment and thought out loud. "Dealing with sorcerers, demons, dragons, aliens, ninjas, assassins, terrorist groups, hyperactive parrots…ancient gods, mutant wolves…Misfits arguing about Clue and cartoons until two in the morning…Sentinel hamsters…If **that** **last one** wasn't a sign things were wrong I don't know **what **is!"

"Jean reassessing your life is one thing," Rogue said. "Making a drastic change like this…You know how dangerous the world is. You know how many enemies we have out there! Have you really thought this thing through? Do you know what you're doing?"

"I know **exactly** what I am doing," Jean said. "We've already found a small apartment where the rent is very reasonable."

"In Mutant Town?" Rogue asked.

"No, it's not in Mutant Town," Jean told her. "It's not far from it but it is a very nice building in a nice area."

"And it probably has some of the nicest rat holes in town," Rogue said cheerfully.

"It does **not **have rat holes!" Jean snapped as she snapped her suitcase shut.

"It's got a cockroach problem, am I right?" Rogue asked. "Big ol' roaches as large as a cat."

"There is no cockroach problem!" Jean told her friend. "We checked! It's pest free! Which is more than what we can say from living here at the Institute."

"So what is wrong with it?" Rogue asked.

"There's **nothing **wrong with it," Jean said defensively.

"The plumbing's bad right?" Rogue guessed. "Or the elevator's busted. It's gotta be borderline health code or something like that."

"It is **nothing** like that!" Jean snapped. "And if you don't mind I'd rather **not** have this conversation right now!"

"All right," Rogue raised her hands. "Boy this place must be some dump."

"It is **not**…" Jean began. "Besides it's only for a few months until we find something a little more permanent!"

"And where are you going to live permanently Jean?" Rogue asked. "Fantasy Land? Or Crazy Town? Or maybe you will get a house on 106 Denial Lane?"

"No living **here** was Denial Lane!" Jean snapped. "Separating ourselves from humanity and acting like some supercharged vigilante unit from fantasy land…That's **not **real life Rogue!"

"No, but it's our life," Rogue told her. "Like it or not."

"Well I **don't** like it!" Jean told her. "And it's time I **did** something about it!"

CRASH! BOOM! SMASH! SMASH!

"What the hell was that?" Rogue blinked at the commotion.

"Knowing this place it could be **anything**," Jean rolled her eyes. "And I do mean **anything!"**

"AAAAHHHH!" Jamie and Taylor ran by.

"COME BACK BOYS!" Spyder ran after them.

Trinity was chasing them with some kind of net guns. "KISSY! KISSY! KISS YOUR MISSY!"

"NOT ON YOUR LIFE!" Taylor screamed.

"DROP DEAD!" Jamie shouted.

"YOU KNOW YOU WANT US!" Trinity squealed.

"WHAT WE WANT IS A RESTRAINING ORDER!" Taylor shouted.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"MISSED US!" Jamie shouted.

BOOM!

"Oops, there goes another wall," Daria quipped. "COME TO MAMA HOT STUFF!"

"Oh I should have **known**," Rogue shook her head. "Seems like some things **never **change. There goes the budget for repairs again."

"You know I have just realized something," Jean said. "I'm not an X-Man anymore, which means I don't **have** to put up with all this craziness. Or see any of those people ever again. No more Misfits. No more Joes. No Joes means no Cobras. This deal just gets better every minute."

"What about that Phoenix Force inside you?" Rogue folded her arms. "Remember that all powerful cosmic force that has a tendency to destroy worlds? What are you going to do about **that?**"

"It's pretty simple," Jean said. "If I don't use it unless for extreme situations I won't have to worry about it taking over."

"Jean…" Rogue was shocked.

"It's so simple I can't believe I never thought about it before," Jean shrugged.

"For crying out loud Jean you know that's **not** how it works!" Rogue followed her. "What are you going to do if…"

"What I am going to do Rogue, is get my genetics doctorate, raise Madelyne as best I can, marry Scott after a brief engagement…" Jean counted off. "And then in time we will open up our own school for mutants. A place where they can learn to use their powers for good and not for some vigilante unit. My students are **not** going to run around in spandex going on missions and spending time in a big metal room that shoots out giant buzz saws and flamethrowers at them. In hindsight that should have been my **first** clue."

"Jean," Rogue sighed.

"Flamethrowers and buzz saws!" Jean shouted. "My god I was so clueless I can't even blame Xavier for trying to confuse me with his powers or anything. How can anyone be so clueless to **not **notice the buzz saws and flame throwers?"

"Have you made any progress with her?" Hank walked up to Rogue.

"What do **you **think?" Rogue rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I'm **definitely** going to outlaw spandex at my school," Jean said. "Not even for aerobic classes. No spandex! Not now! Not ever!"

"Jean do you **hear **yourself?" Hank was shocked. "How are you going to even **pay** for all of that? Or your schooling for that matter?"

"The same way most people do, Hank. I will get a job," Jean said.

"A job? **You?**" Rogue gave her a look.

"Yes I will," Jean was defiant.

"And what exactly are you **qualified **for?" Hank folded his arms. "Keep in mind that you do only have a high school education. You been to two colleges and you haven't finished either of them."

"So did a lot of other successful people," Jean said. "If they can do it, I can do it!"

"Do what? Be a waitress?" Rogue asked.

"If that's what it takes," Jean said. "Yes!"

"You? A waitress!" Rogue snorted. "That I have got to see!"

"Well maybe I might get another job in a bookstore or something like that?" Jean said. "I don't know, I'm keeping my options open."

"Options? **What **options are there for people like us?" Rogue snapped as she followed her.

"I don't know but I'm going to find them," Jean told her as she picked up her suitcase and started to leave.

"What about Apocalypse Jean?" Rogue's question stopped her. "You know he's out there and he'll do whatever it takes to destroy you."

"He can try," Jean said. "I'm not an idiot Rogue. I'll work on my powers every day. But I'm not going to do it by going around **looking** for fights! Besides, the Misfits have Tetsukaeru if things get really bad."

"Oh yeah **there's** a plan!" Rogue threw up her hands. "Rely on **Toad** when things go wrong! You can honestly tell me you don't see the major **flaw** in **that?"**

"Not really no," Jean shrugged.

"Oh lord she's further gone than we thought," Hank moaned. "Jean no one blames you for being upset with the Professor. We all are. But what you are planning is not productive! It is the equivalent of an ostrich hiding her head in the sand!"

"Even an ostrich knows when to get out while the getting is good," Jean told him.

They met up with Scott, Madelyne and Alex in the foyer. "Are you ready?" Scott asked.

"Yeah I'm ready," Jean nodded. "You packed everything Madelyne?"

"Do we really have to go?" Madelyne asked. "I don't want to go. I'm going to miss Jamie and Taylor and Spyder and Trinity…"

"You can always e-mail the boys and we can visit them sometime," Jean told her.

BOOM!

"COME TO MAMA HOT STUFF!" Spyder squealed.

"And as for Trinity and Spyder…" Jean sighed. "Maybe spending some time **away** from them isn't such a bad thing."

"Scott, Jean think about what you're doing," Hank begged as Xavier wheeled over to them.

"We **have** thought about it," Jean told him. "Hank even without all this…You had to know we would have left sooner or later. It's just…It's for the best that we go on our own now."

"Jean think of the team," Xavier tried one last ploy. "What will happen to them?"

"I dunno Xavier," Jean replied sarcastically. "Why don't you do what you did the last couple of times things didn't work out? Just go on Cerebro, check on some files and grab a couple **more** unwitting saps to do your dirty work? I'm sure it won't be that hard for you to replace us like you did Sage and Darwin and Lord only knows **who else!"**

"Only this time I recommend telling them the truth up front for a change," Scott added. "Maybe even paying them might work. I hear Deadpool does some outsourcing. Why don't you try him? He doesn't seem to mind a little backstabbing!"

"That's not funny Scott," Xavier frowned.

"No what's funny is us defending you all these years and everyone else in the world **laughing** at how stupid we were to trust you!" Jean snapped. "Remember all those times the Misfits and Karma complained about you having all those files on Cerebro? You know, they said something about you keeping all the **good** mutants for yourself? They might have had a point."

"Ya think?" Rogue folded her arms and glared at Xavier. "Don't get me wrong Professor. Remy and I may be taking a break for a while. But we'll be **back.** If only to make sure you don't pull the same crap on anyone else that you did with us! And believe me Professor, when we do get back things are gonna **change** around here. Big time."

"Good," Scott grunted. "Now I can leave knowing that things will be taken care of when I go. Rogue is not the gullible idiot I was so there's no way you can control her like you did **me.** I'd love to stay around and see how she makes your life a living hell, but I have my own life to live."

_Jean..._Xavier tried to talk to Jean telepathically but was violently rebuffed. "AAAAH!"

"Don't **ever** go into my mind again Professor!" Jean snapped. "You are **not **welcome there any more."

"The two of you don't know what you're doing!" Xavier protested. "It's not safe out there."

"It's not exactly safe **here **either," Jean said. "It's over Xavier. You kept one secret too many from us. That's not a life we want to live."

"Jean's right. I'm tired of living another man's dream," Scott said. "Maybe it's time I lived my own. Come on Jean, Madelyne."

"But where will you go?" Hank asked.

"We don't know," Jean looked at him. "As far away from here as possible."

They left the house. Rogue and Alex looked at each other sadly and walked away towards the kitchen. They didn't say a word to Xavier as they passed him.

"I can't believe they just left like that," Xavier shook his head as he watched his beloved students leave for the last time.

"Can you blame them Charles?" Hank looked at him. "Quite frankly right now the only reason Logan and I are staying is for the students that are left. As small as that number will end up being."

"What do you mean?" Xavier asked.

"Did you really think that many of us would **not **be affected by what happened yesterday?" Ororo walked up to him. "A lot of us are leaving today or tomorrow."

"You're leaving too?" Xavier was shocked.

"Charles I need some time to think about where my life is going," Ororo sighed. "I'm going to Africa for a few months. I've been away too long."

"I guess I can't fault you for that," Xavier sighed. "Ororo I…"

"Charles…" Ororo held up her hand. "I can't be angry at you now. Even though part of me **is** angry. You have to admit there were a lot of similarities between that horrible lab and here. Too many to be a coincidence. I have to think about a lot of things."

"Evan's one of them isn't it?" Hank asked gently.

"Let's just say it I had known **exactly** what had happened in that lab in Korea," Ororo gave him a sad look. "I'd have thought **twice** about bringing Evan here in the first place. And maybe, just maybe his life would not have ended up the mess that it is." She walked away.

"So what have they decided on Darwin?" Hank asked Xavier in an attempt to change the subject.

"The army has custody of him but General Hawk convinced his superiors that his rehabilitation would be faster if he were in the Misfits' custody and has allowed me to participate in his rehabilitation," Xavier sighed. "That's something I guess."

There was a moment of quiet. "Hank…" Xavier said softly. "I have to know what you think about…"

"About what happened?" Hank said quietly. "As a man of science I can understand your motives. I can even concede there were special circumstances for what you did. But…"

"But…?" Xavier asked.

"I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't sorely **disappointed** in you," Hank told him before he left the room. Xavier sat alone hanging his head in shame.

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"Well I'm back," Juggernaut trudged into the pyramid where Apocalypse was standing. There were several monitors and other modern equipment inside the room as well. "I take it you were able to watch everything thanks to Selene!"

"Indeed," Apocalypse spoke.

"Okay I blew it but you gotta admit it wasn't all my fault!" Juggernaut spoke up. "The X-Brats and the Misfits I could handle. Even Magneto and Sinister together but his pet Vulcan and the Hellfire Club **and **the Phoenix Force at the same place at the same time? I'm amazed Cobra didn't show up as well! You know how they like to crash a party!"

"To be quite honest Juggernaut I would have been surprised if you **had** been able to obtain Darwin on your own," Apocalypse told him. "But that is not what worries me. Darwin is important however he is not necessary for the moment."

"In other words let the X-Geeks and Humans take care of him until we do need him," Juggernaut grumbled. "So what's really bugging you?"

"That situation in Korea," Apocalypse thought hard. "Something about it was **not **right. The confrontation between Sinister, Shaw and Magneto…It seems staged to me. Like some kind of performance for my benefit."

"You saying those three are in cahoots with each other?" Juggernaut asked.

"Perhaps," Apocalypse thought hard. "But not the way one would imagine. They seem to be like chess pieces…Strategically placed on the board to misdirect me."

"So who's setting up the board?" Juggernaut asked. "Which one of them is it?"

"I'm not so sure if it's any of them," Apocalypse frowned. "There is another hand at work here. Another with a mind and an intellect that rivals my own. I can feel it. And I have a very strong feeling to who it is."

"That's why you sent me out there," Juggernaut looked at him. "You never intended for me to get Darwin at all. You were setting up a strategy of your own. But what good was it?"

"Misdirection," Apocalypse said. "I wanted whoever it is on the other side to fall into a false sense of security. And for you to be my eyes and ears to witness the competition."

"So you wanted me to fail on purpose to trick your opponent but couldn't tell me in case I'd give everything away," Juggernaut realized. "That's pretty clever. But I'm still not sure I did that much."

"Not through any fault of your own," Apocalypse frowned. "A have a disquieting feeling that whoever we are up against has seen clearly through my little ruse. But how…? **That **is the question."

"Could be a telepath," Juggernaut shrugged. "Or a spy."

"Or this person could even use magic as Selene does. It could be anything," Apocalypse nodded. He looked at a map on screen of a large computer. It was a split map of two different places, Avalon and Madripoor. "We will have to tread very carefully in the future Juggernaut. Very carefully indeed."

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On Avalon Magneto was with Mender studying several containers in a giant laboratory. Inside the containers were several embryonic mutants growing at an accelerated rate. "We are running at a hundred percent efficiency," Mender told him. "At this rate these new mutants will be fully functional within nine months. But instead of being babies they will be halfway grown."

"Excellent," Magneto nodded. "Even though my retrieval of Project Darwin was a failure I'm glad to see that Project Doppelgangers will be a complete success."

"It will be a complete success once we field test them," Mender reminded him. "If it does we will no longer have to worry about recruiting the mutants we need. All we have to do is grow them ourselves."

"Indeed. No longer will I have to tolerate stubborn fools who wish to stand in my way. Or try to convince haughty children what is best for them. I now have some of the best DNA collected from a premium amount of mutants," Magneto told her. "And I believe I have made the best combinations with them."

Solitaire walked in with Vanisher and a ninja covered in red. "Magneto the representative from Factor Three is here," He spoke.

"Thank you Solitaire, you may stay if you wish," Magneto bowed his head. "I take it that your companion here is a representative from the Hand."

"Ninja Clans are quite useful allies," Vanisher grinned. "We have much to discuss you and I on the terms of our agreement."

"I take it that your companion also has some terms for our future endeavors," Magneto looked at the ninja.

"Our terms are simple," The Ninja spoke. "Our leader wishes for you to give us one mutant from your new army."

"Just one?" Magneto raised an eyebrow.

"One is all that is necessary," The Ninja handed him a piece of paper. "However the DNA of that mutant must be **this** combination."

"I see," Magneto nodded as he read the paper. "That can be arranged. Very well. I agree to your terms. Mender I want you to get started immediately with this one," He handed her the paper. "Do you have enough material?"

"I believe so," Mender agreed. "If not I can always send out someone to obtain more."

"Good there is something I wish to speak to you about," Magneto looked at Vanisher.

"Let me guess, it has to do with Sinister doesn't it?" Vanisher held up his hand. "I assure you that Factor One also has a grudge against him and is merely using him in the Game to get his revenge."

"And are you using **me** as well?" Magneto gave him a look. "Think carefully before you answer, for I do not enjoy playing the fool."

"Only as much as you are using **us** to ensure the survival of the mutant race and to destroy Apocalypse," Vanisher told him.

"Well said," Magneto acknowledged. "If all goes well, within a year not only will Apocalypse be destroyed…"

"But mutants will claim their rightful place on Earth," Vanisher finished. "And the human race will be crushed under our feet."

"And our final victory will be the perfect revenge against Charles Xavier, the X-Men and those meddlesome Misfits," Magneto grinned as he stared at the stasis pods. "Eventually they will all join our cause. One way or another."

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Bolivar Trask oversaw the latest designs on his newest sentinels. Hundreds of mechanics and other workers were working hard constructing them. "I see you are actually making progress for once," Henry Gyrich walked in. Both men stood on a huge catwalk overseeing the construction of the mechanical monstrosities of mahyem to mutantkind.

"It was touch and go for a while but we are coming along," Trask told him. "Still it will take time. At least half a year before we will be ready. I just wish we had come along further."

There were rows upon rows of sentinels. "There they are. The next generation of Sentinels. Made from an indestructable plastic alloy. Installed with the latest computer technology, tracking and targeting programs. The most powerful lasers and most sophisticated adaptive processing system that will adapt and learn to anticipate any mutant's attack and nullify it. I'm still trying to figure out a way to mass produce them faster. But I'll figure it out," Trask sighed.

"Yes it's such a shame you could not help poor Mayor Hodge in his time of need," Gyrich drawled. "Well perhaps it was not such a loss after all. Now that Bayville has suffered so many devestating attacks by mutant kind...There are more people sympathetic to our cause. What I really enjoy is that we are building the instruments of the containment and destruction of mutant kind right beneath their noses. When Operation Zero Tolerance goes into effect, the X-Men will not know what hit them."

"Is **that **what we're calling it now?" Trask raised an eyebrow.

"Don't worry about Hodge's squabblings," Gyrich told him. "I know the value of patience and careful planning. We must be absolutely sure that our attack on the Xavier Institute will be foolproof. And I believe we may have a few new allies to assist us."

"New allies?" Trask asked. "Who?"

"Over the next few months you will hear about a very charismatic and unusual man from Europe," Gyrich smiled. "He's going to be laying the ground work for an international assault on the entire mutant race while we focus on the problems at home. You have heard about the debacle of Madripoor and the failure to contain Asteroid M? Well those are only going to be considered speed bumps on the road to final victory."

"Sounds interesting," Trask smiled. "But what about Hodge? He's been bugging me lately for more support. I can't just give him sentinels or more advanced weaponry without raising suspicion. We barely were able to dodge a more detailed probe from both the mutants and SHIELD as it was the last time."

"Stall him, make up some excuses," Gyrich waved. "The sad truth is, Hodge is merely a pawn in our game. And sometimes you have to sacrifice pawns to destroy your enemy. And make no mistake Trask. If all goes well, within a few years our enemy...all of mutant kind will be nothing but a bad memory."

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Somewhere in Bayville there was yet another hidden lab. One away from the prying eyes of a certain Bolivar Trask. The great irony was that while Trask was relishing working on his sentinel project underneath the noses of the X-Men, **someone else** was working on a secret project under his very own nose.

"Trask isn't the **only **one who knows a bit about science," Mayor Cameron Hodge grinned as he prepared for his experiments. He looked at the black piece of alien technology under a glass holder. "And Pierce doesn't know **everything** about robotics!"

"You're going to be the key to our survival aren't you?" Hodge grinned as he opened the glass and took out a metal prong. "Now, let's see just what makes you tick."

However what Hodge didn't count on was the metal prong being immediately absorbed by the black piece of technology. "Amazing…" He whistled. He quickly covered the piece with the glass container again. Even though it had grown bigger it still fit.

"Oh yes," Hodge made an insane grin. "This is going to be **very** useful."

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"It's not fair! It's not fair! It's not fair!" Unicorn whined as he paced back and forth across the room. "NOT FAIR!"

At the final outburst a large mace attached to a chain burst from his left sleeve and smashed a large vase. "Not fair!" He sniffed as it returned. "My player was doing so well in the game! And then those lousy X-Men and interfering Misfits ruined it! Ruined I tell you! It's not like I expected to win but I just wanted to last longer! You know Vanisher's should have been first to go! You **know** it!"

Factor One said nothing, having gotten used to Unicorn's mood swings a long time ago. "It's all right Unicorn, you can still play the game."

"But I don't have a player," Unicorn pouted. "And I liked Legion! He was so much fun! Didn't have as many hang ups as **some** people I know!"

"I'll get you a new one," Factor One spoke. "In fact, I've already picked him for you. I think you'll like him."

"Really who?" Unicorn was curious. "Its not Sinister is it? Because if it is, I don't want him! I don't want to play **that** badly!"

"No Unicorn, even better…" Factor One spoke as he pressed a button against the wall. Two mysterious figures emerged from the shadows. One male one female.

But Unicorn could see who it was. "Is that who I think it is?" Unicorn gasped. "Oh Factor One! I don't know what to say!"

"That will be a first," Factor One made a rare quip.

"But I thought he was yours! And her too? You're letting me use **both** of them? In fact I could have sworn you were going to use them for yourself," Unicorn was puzzled.

"No, I knew sooner or later someone would leave the game early," Factor One said. "So I purposely kept these two aside for this occasion."

"Oh **thank you** Factor One!" Unicorn giggled like a school girl. "You won't regret this! I promise!"

"I know you will **all** make me proud," Factor One nodded as the mysterious figures unsheathed a pair of glistening metal claws from their hands. "Just remember I will need them back when we finally confront Wolverine."

That was when Factor One unsheathed a pair of his own metal claws from his hand. "After all, this is a **family** matter…"

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Back at the Xavier Institute in the kitchen...

"Scott, Jean, Madelyne and Ororo are **leaving?**" Tabitha was in shock.

"Scott and the girls already left this morning," Rogue said. "Ororo's going to Africa in tomorrow morning."

"Whoa…" Todd was in shock. The Misfits were there as well with the remaining X-Men and New Mutants. "Who would have thought that Summers of all people would just up and leave?"

"Yeah it's like the founding father of Dorkness just abdicating his throne," Lance blinked.

"Lance..." Wanda gave him a look.

"I'm just saying..." Lance shrugged. "Out of all the mutants that have come and gone through this nuthouse I was sure that Summers would be the one guy to stick it out until the end. Or at the very least until he had a nervous break down."

"Well as long as we're all saying goodbyes…I'm going back home to England," Betsy said. "My brother is starting up a new mutant superhero team there. More like a detective agency but…I've said yes."

"Kitty and I are going too," Kurt said. At this Peter visibly tightened and left the room alone.

"Yeah we both wanted a change," Kitty sighed. "No point in staying here anymore. I'm going to visit my parent's briefly first but still."

"What?" Wanda gasped.

"You're **both** leaving?" Todd was shocked. "What about you Rogue? Are you going with them too?"

"Actually…" Rogue sighed. "Remy and I have been talking. We just want to take a break too."

"Not forever," Remy said. "Just a little vacation for just the two of us. We'll be back. Eventually."

"But where are you going to go?" Kurt asked.

"Travel the country, see a few sights," Rogue said. "Always wanted to do that without fighting the bad guys."

"I am going home to be with my grandfather," Danielle said. "I talked to him and he has decided to home school me and I can live on our new farm. I can control my powers now so there should not be any more problems. I've kind of had enough of the whole super hero thing to last me a long time."

"I think it's time I split too," Tim shrugged. "Ray, and I decided to head out across the country."

"But isn't that some kind of violation of probation or something for you?" Pyro asked.

"I only blew up a couple of cop cars," Tim pointed out. "What Xavier did was a lot worse. You really think he's gonna stop me?"

"No, I don't think he would," Kurt admitted. "Part of me feels awful about running out on him like this but…"

"**Don't **Kurt," Ray interrupted. "The guy has been lying to us and using us since day one. I just can't believe it took us this long to figure it out."

"And you people thought that Ms. Frost was bad," Monet snorted. "At least she was honest about her ambitions. I've talked it over with Nick Fury of SHIELD. He's agreed to allow my sisters and I to go to Muir Island to help Moira MacTaggert with her students and patients."

"I guess a bio-kinetic and an empath would be handy in a hospital," Sam reasoned.

"And I can help guard and protect Muir Island with the rest of Generation X," Monet nodded. "The mutants in Europe need help."

"What is this?" Pietro yelled. "Are all of you X-Men just calling it quits? This is terrible! Who am I going to torment? Who am I going to outshine in beauty? I mean let's face it, it's too easy to be the handsomest one in the Misfits! Then again it's not that hard to be more handsome than an X-Man either."

"And you wonder **why **some of us are leaving?" Rogue gave him a look.

"I'm amazed more of us haven't **left **a long time ago," Lance groaned.

"It's still so weird," Kurt sighed. "We have all been through so much together. For so long and now…"

"We all have to move on Kurt," Kitty said. "We all have to find our place in the world. That's what growing up is. Leaving home to find a new one."

"Speaking of leaving…" Althea coughed. "Todd, Xi and I are off to Japan."

"WHAT?" Everyone in the room shouted.

"You're leaving the Misfits?" Kitty gasped.

"No!" Todd said. "We have to go. Ninja stuff."

"They have to take some kind of test so they can be regular ninjas instead of apprentices," Lance explained.

"Normally we wouldn't be allowed to take this test until we're a bit older but with us saving the world and the universe so many freaking times the Blind Master and Storm Shadow thought we were ready," Todd explained.

"After some training we will be formally inducted into the clan," Xi said. "Then we'll come back."

"So what about the rest of us?" Bobby asked. "We've already lost enough people. I know I'm not going anywhere. I don't exactly have anywhere to go."

"You could always join the Misfits," Pyro offered. "Then we'd be together all the time."

"Like I said I am staying **here**," Bobby said with emphasis.

"Sam and I are staying here too," Paige shrugged. "Neither of us really wants to go back to farm life."

"And it ain't exactly safe for us to go back home neither," Sam agreed. "Folks are already hostile enough to my family without us being there."

"Is anyone else going?" Bobby asked. "Jubilee…?"

"**Of course** I'm staying with you guys," Jubilee grunted. "As if you could get rid of me!"

"Wolverine and I are staying as well," Rina admitted. "We both have done things in our past we regret and the Professor gave us another chance. We figure we owe him enough to give him a second chance as well."

"I dunno X," Tabitha sighed. "It's one thing to be part of a mutant assassin experiment and another to be **running** it if you get my drift. Only reason I'm not out the door is because of Sammy. And Amara."

"There's still a lot about my powers I need to work on before I return to Nova Roma," Amara admitted. "Despite what Xavier's done…I still think deep down he's a good man."

"Well at least **somebody's** staying," Bobby grumbled.

"We're not all leaving are we?" Fred asked the other Misfits in a worried voice.

"Of course not," Althea said. "We'll always be Misfits. Right?"

"Yeah we gotta stay together," Lance said. "Face it, the Joes need us."

"And who's gonna bug what's left of the X-Geeks if we leave for good?" Todd agreed.

"You can not mess with tradition," Pietro nodded.

"Oh goody," Bobby groaned. "The next few months are just going to **fly** by."

"And we'll be back right after our training," Althea told them. "It's only for two months."

"We're still going to miss the three of you," Wanda sighed. She smirked at Todd. "Well maybe not **that** much."

"Better enjoy it while it lasts," Sam rolled his eyes.

"We can all do some training ourselves," Spirit told him as he and Hank walked in. "Especially you Lance."

"Oh goody," Lance groaned.

"In fact all the Misfits will be taken to a secret training base for a while," Spirit explained.

"Wonderful," Althea rolled her eyes. Larry walked into the room. "Hey Larry what's wrong?"

"You'd better turn on the television," Larry informed her. Rogue was the nearest to the set and did so.

"It has now been revealed that Worthington Enterprises as well as several other companies have secret lists of mutants and their powers," Reporter Hector Ramirez spoke. "Some not even known to the government. Many lawmakers are saying that these secret lists could be used for terrorist attacks and claim that these companies are purposely sheltering the identities of mutants for their own personal gain. This has already sparked fuel for the growing support for the latest incarnation of the Mutant Registration Act."

"Oh no…" Lance groaned. "Not **this **again!"

"If the media know about the secret lists in the companies it will be a matter of time before they figure out that SHIELD and other agencies have lists as well," Spirit frowned. "And that will make a lot of people very nervous."

"Nervous enough to make the Mutant Registration Act pass?" Todd asked.

"It is a possibility," Xi's eyes narrowed. "Wait there's more…"

It was a shot of Senator Kelly in the Senate. "This news of companies and private individuals having information on dangerous mutants the government doesn't have is very unsettling. That is why I propose the new Mutant Information Act. If passed this law will make it illegal for any private companies or individuals to withhold knowledge of mutants and their powers from the government. It is a well known fact that many criminal organizations employ or exploit mutants as well as certain vigilante units. This law will severely hinder their attempts to use mutant powers as weapons against the federal government."

"Oh god no…" Althea realized where this was going. "This is not good."

"What?" Ray asked. "What do you mean? I mean I know it's like a mutant registration act…"

"This is **worse** than a regular mutant registration act," Lance told him. "Especially for the X-Men."

"What do you mean?" Bobby asked.

"Think about it Bobby," Hank told him. "Under this law **any** private information on mutants will have to be remanded to the government."

"Like the readings and files on Cerebro…" Sam's eyes widened.

"Got it in one," Hank nodded.

"If this law passes, **three guesses** where the first place the government is gonna look to find information about mutants is gonna be," Sam groaned.

"Oh I am so glad I am **leaving**," Kitty gulped.

"Ditto," Ray agreed.

"I can't believe this is happening," Paige said. "Things were supposed to get better when you guys got back from outer space, not **worse.**"

"Life is constant change Paige," Hank told her. "But no matter what happens. No matter where life takes us or where we go. There will always be X-Men."

BOOM!

"COME BACK LOVER BOY!" Trinity squealed as plaster fell from the ceiling.

"And Misfits," Hank groaned. "Lord help us all!"

**Well that's the end of another giant roller coaster of a fic! WHOO HOOO! **

**So to recap: Scott, Jean and Madelyne have gone off to live their lives. Rogue and Remy are off touring the country. Kitty, Kurt and Betsy are off to Excalibur. Ororo's gone to Africa. Danielle is going to live with her grandfather. Tim and Ray are off to see the world. Monet and her sisters are off to Muir Isle. Althea, Todd and Xi are off to Japan for training. But those three will be back so…**

**So who's staying? Xavier, Hank, Logan, Rina, Jubilee, Bobby, Alex, Jamie, Taylor, Sam, Paige, Peter, Penny, Tabitha and Amara of the X-Men. Almost everyone else in the Misfits. **

**Of course we all know things aren't going to go according to plan or stay peaceful for long. What happens next? What kind of experiments is Hodge doing? What's the deal with Factor One and those other mysterious people having claws? What is Magneto planning to do with all that DNA? What does the Hand want with a certain mutant? Find out in the next and possibly final (No! Say it isn't so!) installment of the Misfitverse: Fire of the Phoenix, Flame of the Dragon. **

Althea walked in. "I'm not that crazy about that title."

Todd hopped in. "Yeah that does sound kind of lame."

**Well do you have any better ideas? **

"How about the Final Countdown? Or wait…Toad…Master of the Universe!" Todd held up his hands.

**How about not?**

"How about the Amazing Pyro and His Trustworthy Friends Take on the Evil Pinapple Army From Outer Space and the Vampire Vixens of the Underworld?" Pyro suggested as he walked out.

"How about Everybody Beats Pyro To a Pulp and Shuts Him Up With Duct Tape?" Althea suggested.

"As long as I get to be in the title," Pyro shrugged. Althea simply groaned and hit her head with her own hand in frustration.

"Well whatever Red's gonna call it we all know it's gonna be nuts," Rogue grumbled as she walked in. "It figures. Every other writer in the world is on strike. But is she on strike? Noooooooooo!"

"And we all know she's gonna fool around with some even dumber fics in the meantime," Wanda agreed as she walked in. "Have you seen the movie parody she's going to do?"

"Seen it? I'm starring in it!" Jean told her as she walked out. "I don't know what posessed me to say yes! Why didn't you do it Althea?"

"Are you nuts?" Althea gave her a look. "I'm still recovering from that **last **movie parody she put me in!"

"Yeah the next few months are gonna be a long painful nightmare," Scott agreed as he walked in. "Wait until you see what she does to Jean and me!"

"I can't take any more insanity!" Jean snapped. "I need a vacation!"

"Who doesn't?" Althea asked.

**Folks it might be a while before you read the final chapter. So until then, thanks for reading! See you soon! **


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